Fannying about in the back of your car trying to assemble a new set of forks is not where you want to be on race day. The fitting of my freshly re-hardchromed 6" over XS650 chopper forks should have been a doddle. (the XS wouldn't fit in the Berlingo whole + Mrs + 2 kids, so I used the previous short set to manoeuvre the bike to the car and had not yet had the refurbished stanchions on the bike).
When my normally calm, lateral thinking engineer's brain went into melt-down, I cried out for the help of See See Thor, and then XS650 race veteran Travis (photo above). But they were as foxed as me, why the fork caps would not screw down - it's normal to to have to exert considerable pressure to engage the thread, to stop the caps becoming dangerous projectiles, but these bastids were being ridiculously stubborn.
I had replaced the rusty pipe sections that had previously been used to fill out the space above the springs, with new PVC pipe of the same length (151mm). Apart from a set of new Hagon progressive fork springs (same length as the old shot ones), nothing else had changed.... Thor and Travis were both busy preparing their own bikes - The Sideburn Enfield, and Skooter Farm Dave's GS chop, so had to dash.
Then, a guardian angle in the shape of a hairy biker, Rod, racing his even more hairy, rusty springer Triumph also in the chopper class, came to my salvation. He noticed that the spring top was slightly mushroomed where it had been cut and flattened in its manufacture. The new springs were getting caught inside the stanchions at the top, so not dropping down as low as they should. Thank fud I had my Dremel in my tool kit, second thank fud, there was just enough beef on the minuscule disc to grind down both tops. Fast forward a year and I haven't done anything to the bike. I knew the fork travel still wasn't good and wanted to investigate Before the big day next Saturday. So I've just rebuilt them twice more over with a few tweaks.
The old fork tops - the 3-position pre-load adjusters, were properly shagged. But not all parts for the XS are readily available. After a bit of cross-referencing I figured YZ250 caps which also have a 28mm fine-pitch thread might just marry. These repro beauties are from the very friendly and efficient Yambits in North Yorkshire. The lower oil seal retaining rib needs to be filed down a little (it still does its job). And an Nth has to come off the top section. But it fits! Bangtidy. BP

So my 6" over XS stanchions are, fingers crossed, back from the hard chromers on Tuesday otherwise I'm going to be dragging more than my gnads on the floor at Dirt Quake II. Luckily the corners were slightly banked at Coventry for DQ I, but the frame rails still scraped.
I now have all the parts needed for a full fork refurb including modern progressive Hagon springs (via Heiden Tuning in Holland). While I was de-griming I noticed that the teflon coated steel bushes that sit below the rubber oil seals looked a bit scragly. It was advised that they be changed. Scouring workshop schematics from various years and models (pre and post 1979 SE that mine is), it didn't seem that they were even shown separate of the aluminium legs, let alone have a Yamaha spares part number. Hmm. Several hours of interknitting revealed other XS'ers ending up in the same cul-de-sac. Fianally I found mention of '1H3-23125-00'. But further Googling was only showing it as 'metal slide' for late model SR500, but no photographic or written evidence that this was what I was after.Apart from Japanese language websites, the only place I could find them for sale - still with no photo, no dimensions or other certifiable proof this was the correct item, was CMS just north of Amsterdam. They have a humongous stock of parts for 70s Jap bikes - the majority of which is clearly illustrated. I orderd two blind and on first inspection and measurement (39mm diameter, 11.9mm high), it seems like the mystery is solved.I guess ideally they should pressed in with a hydraulic press, baby Jesus knows how I'm going to get the old bastards out. BP

Even more simple, demanding less brute force, and lighter weight, than scaffold tube this 'tool' should not be underestimated. I don't believe there is anything in a magic Snap-on van that could do this job any better... In preparation for last year's Dirt Quake I swopped my chop's original 1979 XS650SE fork legs with its 6" over 35mm stanchions, for Honda CB750F legs (also 1979) with standard(ish) length Marzocchi stanchions (also 35mm) concocted for me by Co-Built's mate, Lee . I was very happy with the new lower look and "If it looks right, it will work right" - right? sadly not this time. On the banked corners of the Coventry track I got away with it, but out on the road the frame rails and silencer grind out and dangerously threaten to have me off like a violent binge drinker.photo Lee Vincent Grubb

As the old XS forks were shagged I tried to find replacement long CB stanchions. Calling upon the usual internet gods drew a blank. It seemed like the only option would be to have them custom made in the States by Forking by Frank. Alternatively, MikesXS also in the States does sell very reasonably priced 2", 4" and 6" over-standard XS tubes, but shipping would be a bit of a stinger and this is a shoe-string bike. Then Pete Eat The Rich gave me the (untested by him) name of Philpots in Dunstable who specialize in hard chrome. Visiting the facility I was more than convinced their refurb technique - 20 hours in the electrolysis tank versus the 20 minute dunk the original factory items received. We shall see...
Stripping my old forks down, the horrors were worse than predicted. The former owner had used galvanized metal tubes as a long spacers instead of the usual known chopper fork bodge of PVC pipe. Although the innards were sloshing in oil the spacers were totally rusty and had contaminated everything. The seals required a blow-torch, a tyre-lever and a foul mouth to eject. The main fork springs were rusted to the inside walls of the stanchions. But luckily I had an old witches broomstick to hand. After some hefty WALLOPS with a rubberized lump hammer and a little swearing, the bastids came out. BP

Ben practicing for another Dirt Quake? Perhaps, if the frame rails last that long.
This shot was taken at Anthony Co-Built's Rye House birthday bash by Doug Cain. Thanks Doug. G

Off to Rye House for a jolly, to celebrate Anthony Co-Builts birthday.So the Tardis capacity of my seemingly small french car has already been tested by munching a CCM and a Vertemati whole. But I hadn't yet had my chop in assembled, and just to make the challenge a little more entertaining I thought to try just taking out one of the rear passenger seats (+ the front), instead of both as usual (logical). The monkey bike bars are designed to fold down conveniently for Tokyo shoe box apartments. Well bloody handy.Snug as a bug in a rug. BP

Take two saucepans (cheap spun aluminium ones from Brick Lane market are fine)....God created Heaven and Earth, but I've no idea who came up with the smart idea for electrics. I actually enjoy the challenge of a large Bolognese. But with the resurrection of my chop I wanted to go haute cuisine with no battery. Even the boffins at Boyer Bransen were'nt 100% sure about my amassed eBay parts and fuzzy logic (also mostly found on the internet). I sent them a minimal wiring diagram for appraisal and they responded not very reassuringly "It should work. In Theory".
The blue baby is a Vishay 6800 MicroFarad 25 Volt capacitor. The red box is the Boyer Bransden Micro Digital unit. These are two of the magic ingredients.The Beaming video I posted is actually a bit of a scam. I was beaten and I cheated. I couldn't get the mofo to spark, so I jerry rigged in a battery. And then it did work. Well that meant all the new BB bits of the ignition were fine.
But with some more F'ing and B'linding and some divine electrical knowledge from Ferret (via Rupert Paul), it now Does work battery-less and I am truely a proud Daddy. BP (this diagram could be a simpler schematic, but as-is, relates to the actual positions of components on my bike)

This bike hasn't run for over 9 years, and not been ridden for 12. I'm a proud daddy. BP

Want to see a rusty pre-unit chop ridden by Rod of Monkey Bike UK
slay this day tripper XS650 ridden by yours truly?
None of the bikes have seen the light of day in a loooong time, all have been resurrected especially for DIRT QUAKE.
My engine is finally back in, finishing the electrics today. Hope to fire it up tonight. There will be a lot of cobwebs in those barrels. I'm quaking in my boots. BP

'Made in Czech Republic - British League - Not For Highway Use - Mitas Speedway Rear SW-07 3.75-19'
These tyres you can find discarded at the perimeter of any UK speedway track. At the hands of a methanol burning pro they will only last one race before they're shredded, two if you flip them. Anything with more stubble on it than a 2.5 x 19 ribbed Avon Speedmaster has got to be good to stop the front end of my XS washing out at Dirt Quake. For the rear I'll stick with the 3.5 x 16 Avon Speedmaster with its Fruit And Nut chocolatebar tread pattern. If I was feeling a decadent cheat I'd go for full bobbly spec MX knobbly on the back. BP

So yeah the engine, only 15 more days to go and this thing's meant to racing. Better pull my finger out. Gunk it up, hose it down, and hoof it in. Pray that the other replacement parts and tools from Heiden Tuning in Holland turn up quickly - I couldn't find anywhere in the UK that had what I need.
The Boyer Bransden electronic ignition is now fitted.
Wish I'd never seen this video of Hugh Owings 720∘rephased XS.
Raucous. Those hot rod dreams will have to wait. BP

Just down the boulevard from The Bent Bar, is The Monkey Bar. Recommended in the Gok Wan look-book 'for the larger boy - or girl, whose proud of their curves...[and] welcomes swingers'.
My first love bar was modeled on Billy's Easy Rider bike. Then for the next 20 years my XS had a low drag pull-back - which would be on par with wheelbarrow Flanders for sensible flat track leverage. But nah, chopper racing is silly, so I need a silly bar. I've been hankering for some 'Z's for ages, but every other mofo has those. So I ended up at Honda Z50. Funny name for a bar.
Tech info: because I'm a cheapskate (or at least was trying to rebuild this bike to a tight budget) I went for Chinese rip-off metal bar. Initial comparison with OEM bar, was that there wasn't much difference in the bending. The welding was obviously worse. Truly cheap as chips. When I got home and mated the bars to the clamp I noticed a hairline crack in one of the locating teeth indents, and it ran around where the casting is heat-treated (or is that just some very hot CNCing!?) On closer inspection this bottle top sculpture (not a thing of function) was evidently as sturdy as a vinegar drowned chip. So I've now splashed out on a gen-u-ine Honda item from Monkey Bike UK (just down the road from the Dirt Quake track). It is truly a thing of beauty - and strength.Apologies to Chalopy Ralph, I should have respected your wise Monkey words. BP

Ancillaries that were once rocking horse shit oddities, are now mass-produced catalogue parts. At the click of a mouse you too can buy a previously unobtanium mudguard / tank / seat / light. Faux vintage spray-on rust - what next? The previous genuine antique NSU Max rear light my XS used to sport got shaken to death, so I need a replacement (not obligatory for Dirt Quake chopper racing, but I plan to put this bike back on the road after the event). Current contenders are a Brat Style pussycat light ( eBay is over-run with repros) or this B&Q semi-detached Munsters special. BP

I've made some progress on Sideburn's entry for the Chopper Speedway class. Co-Built Lee has been busy with some mods to my XS. The Tarozzi rear-sets are now mounted on the front down-tubes. The Honda CB250RS forks I had intended to fit (to match my yokes), turned out to be early type, so only 33mm diameter not 35mm as assumed. Fortunatly Lee had some Honda CB900 (Bol d'Or?) legs, and with some deft machining now mate with the XS axle and wheels.
With a Brembo 4-pot caliper from a '90s Ducati 900SS (and others), the same as CFM Carl fitted to the SB project Enfield, up front, and a small Cagivo Mito-type Brembo on the rear, and skimming of the original thick chromey (apparently stainless steel but it's magnetic) frying pan discs, it will stop faster than it goes.
It's daisy skimming low ride so I've now ground off the sidestand and flange all together. BP

This is part 2 to my post on the xs650 Boyer Bransden up-grade ignition, I have just been waiting for the last piece of the electric jigsaw puzzle from Germany (good name for a magic mushroom fueled psychedelic band). Been on a proper world tour of the interweb researching up-grades to the XS650 Alternator (the original of which, isn't great).
Short version of the travel diary is: I absorbed everything written by pioneer Mr Riggs of Go Fast For Less, including any forum post written by him, but eventually all roads lead to Hugh Owings of Hughes Handbuilt. If you want to save yourself a LOT of time faffing about on eBay, just to save a few pennies (like I did) - and still not know if all the bits you amassed are correct and in working order, then just buy one of his ready-made kits. Unbeatable value.
The Sparx version made in England by Tri-Cor, looks like it takes a technological step further, and if you are in the UK (or Europe) it would be a saving on the killer shipping from the States of the HH one.
So fingers crossed my DIY parts (from top left) Yamaha RD250LC stator, RD350YPVS rotor (instead of the Banshee quadbike one everybody in the States uses), 350VYPS Regulator-Rectifier, and Karlheinz Droste adaptor plate, all sing in harmony to create a powerful and reliable 3-phase constant magnet alternator...BP

These electronic gubbins from Boyer Bransden are hopefully going to bring my XS back to life. The kit includes a Zener diode capacitor (the blue thingy) so I can junk my dead battery - that saves 5kg. Another pace forward in it's health and diet regime. BP

I'd Love a welder in my shed. I Love metalwork. But when needs must, wood will do. Now for the strip down - with wooden tools of course. BP

Desperate Dan's chromed (now rusty) steel forward-controls = 1.75kg.
Tarozzi cast aluminium rear-sets = 0.91kg.
Thats nearly half the calories!
Pre-internet as I only had early '90s copies of Back Street Heroes, and Iron Horse to go by, it was inevitable that my chop had forward controls. But now having immersed my brain in Yokohama ether (thanks to the internet), I've gone off the stretched Swedish look, and lean more toward the stubby Brat Style, which favors racey 'mids' over, wind up your bell-bottoms, forward-controls.
But alas because of the 2-into-1 slash-cut exhaust already fitted (and I want to keep), there is basically no longer room for a peg mount in the more traditional position. The width of the forward-control mounts was very wide, so I've cut-them down, and with the Tarozzis I had kicking around as spares for my Guzzi it will be a little less heavy metal. BP

Finally repatriated my XS from my Mum's pigeon coop so as to get it ready to 'race' in the DIRT QUAKE chopper class. It hasn't run for, what 9, maybe 12 years. I'm praying it won't demand a total rebuild to revive it. We've stipulated regs' that chops do not have to have a road legal MOT, but otherwise be in a safe, decent working order, and not excessively covered in pigeon shit.
Once again the Multi-Spaz devoured all - this time including Mrs and 2 kids.It's not like there's a tree growing out of it or anything. BP

Rubbish as an enduro bike, but this thing has outlasted all my relationships - threatening one of them to be cut short on several occasions (including a punch on the nose from the prospective French father-in-law). 20 rocky years. Once upon a time its chrome was shiny. In 1997 it was my daily commuter in Amsterdam for a year, after several vertebra got hammered together I junked the banana seat and made this sprung saddle by cut'n'shutting a Shovelhead seat, Dutch bicycle saddle springs, and then re-covered in a reversed leather jacket with the suede side out. Never realizing that the rainbow had been appropriated by the gay community, one day I went into a youth hostel that was hanging a rainbow flag outside. I innocently thought 'oh if they are rainbow fans, maybe I can get some rainbow stickers to go with the rainbow pinstripe I already have painted on the tank'. Inside there were a few more clues. La dee dar. I actually enjoy the prehistoric handling (not from other men). And the bumble bees up my trouser legs and sleeves riding position. Don't really know why I signed the 'till death us do part' section of the log book.
Gary and I have been discussing starting up an run what you brung 'Outlaw Class' for chops and bobbers, as part of the UK Short Track series - Any takers? BP

(here you go TC) UPDATE
- but it was good for demolition jobs