I was really lucky when I turned 16, because I coerced my mum into getting me what I reckoned was the best moped of the lot, a Fantic Caballero. She wasn't best pleased when my O level results came through a while later, though.

There you are, riding around the Moroccan desert, feeling elated by how well you're coping with your first time in the dunes. You have all the gear, and a soupçon of idea and a KTM 450 on the right tyres. You're feeling quite the Peterhansel.
Then you hear a distant noise. Like a house fly stuck in a Coke bottle. You look around and see a teenage fossil seller, carving the dunes on a Motobecane, with a great sack of polished rocks balanced on the frame, kept in place with his sandal-shod feet. And he's wearing a sun hat.
Oh yes, you're quite the Dakar hero. G
Photo: MotoAventures

Thanks to Dai Jobu for the tip

Dimitri Hetinga of the Super Motor Company - maker of the Salt Shaker (above), was just over in England to start work on a new bike. A locally sourced miniature mechanic was brought in to deal with some very small very rusty nuts (and he only charges 4 Cadbury's Creme Eggs per hour).
Strange to think that the copper plumbing pipe and brass fittings that was used by the former owner as a bodge exhaust on this Welsh fieldbike may soon be replaced by slightly more scientific titanium. Crated in finest chipboard, ready to be shipped to the SMC Research and Development facility. In the meantime the SMC dirt bike is nearing completion, and will be baptized at Dirt Quake II. Watch this space... BP

Odd-ball Honda CT70 tracker found on the Vital MX website. BP

Another mystery bike to track down. There's a Mayday Customs on Facebook but I don't think it's related. Any other leads? BP

Get your retro fill at Motorparade. BP

I rarely do the 'stand awkwardly next to famous person' but it was Noriyuki Haga! I was present at his first ever test in the UK. A colleague found out about it and at the time I worked about 20 miles away, so I went up and got straight in. It was me, Nori and Scott Russell and their team at Castle Combe, back in the Yamaha YZF750 days, early 1996, I think. Scott Russell's girlfriend didn't like Nori because 'he's always making weird sex noises'. I like Nori, but I wish Scott Russell had been at this party. That would've got it swinging.
 This is what some Italian motorcycle builders look like. Fantastico!

The next day I went to see Rolling Stone magazine, that I work for, then over to Riders magazine's new office. Riders is a monthly motorcycle magazine that is way, way, way out there. It's like a fuel-injected Vogue. Above is editor Roberto Ungaro, a ball of suave energy who can ride anything with two wheels like a demon. On his shelf is the Davida Dirt Quake helmet he won for triumphing in the Inappropriate Road Bike class.
This is Paolo Sormani, who seems to write at least half of every issue of Riders. He's an anglophile, Northern Soul aficionado and a gentleman.

The whole idea of going out was for me and Dave to play some records in Mermaid's cafe (that I can't remember the name of, but it's opposite their bike shop. You can't miss it) on the Friday night .

Euro dirt track legend, Jacapo Monti turned up Dave Aldana's official Transatlantic Trophy jacket that he bought in the auction at Sideburn's David Aldana night, back in 2011. So did Raffaele P of the Streetracker blog, regular Sideburn contributor who shot the cover of Sideburn 11.

 Dimitri of Super Company brought his tuned up Salt Shaker Cub and was razzing around on it.

Just down the street from where Dave and I were having record player problems, Deus Ex Machina had a launch at a site that will be called Blocco 3. Deus are moving into Milan from January, with all the ingredients that have worked in Aus, Bali and, more recently, California. The difference is, I think, that this store will be run like a franchise, not organised by the Deus brain trust themselves. It will be interesting to see what the Italians add to the Deus mix, if anything.

It was great to see a chop parked up with these lids strapped to the sissy bar.

Arrivederci Italian people, see you in Verona in January. G

From Dimitri Hettinga in Amsterdam, the man behind Goodspeed 500 car park racing, and now distributing the Super step-through in Europe.
Sometimes you start on a bike that along the way gets bigger and bigger ending up as a totally overambitious project. We did start such a project over a year ago, a small capacity racing bike, that we just could not finish due to lack of funds. Carbon fibre this, Chromoly that, 3000 euro here, 2000 euro there, we wanted the lot. Stoner once said to Rossi: “Your ambition outweighs your talent”. In our case the ambition outweighed the wallet.
Back to square one. What to do when you have a Super Cub frame laying around, a tuned and flowed 22 bhp 150cc engine, racing tires, rims and other bits and bobs? Turn it into a ‘non’ run of the mill city sled! The inspiration ranged from pre war JAP speedway bikes to post Nazi NSU’s. Ad a touch of Bonneville salt and a sip of Bergringrennen beer..and there you go…
We started off with chopping up the frame, the fabrication of the ducktail and welding a tube between the headstock and the fuel tank. This tube now functions a 250 ml reserve fuel tank. Most time was spent on the prep of the frame. Three full days of grinding, sanding and priming. The frame was sent off to the painter, and swinging arm and rims to the powder coater.

But still we had lots to do. Brackets, cables, all the little parts that had to be made to measure. Lots of work for things people will really not notice. Next up was a military spec wiring loom. In some lost hours we made a custom seat pan out of glass fibre, got some race foam which we shaped with an angle grinder and with some gaffer tape we made a pattern for the leather upholstery. And then off to my 88 year old grandma to stitch the leather pieces together.
The last and most vital part was still missing. The exhaust. And we definitely wanted a JAP style pipe on it. Shipping Tools in Zaandam, quoted 50 Euros for one and 70 for 2 exhausts. After many hours of fitting, adjusting and tinkering the exhaust was ready. We paid 50 for it but the offer for a second one was withdrawn. Quite understandably so, because the guy did spend some serious hours on it. A second would now cost us 150 euro’s. Which I think is still a bargain for a hand made stainless steel exhaust. I strongly recommend them.
In November the bike will be sent off to Milan and will be shown during the Eicma show at Officina Mermaid, the Italian distributor of our Super 120s.
If you want to see it in the flesh you might bump into us next year at the Bonneville Speedweek. We are planning to do a few runs on the salt flats. We might even challenge the class record. You never know…
Spec: Engine: YX 150cc SOHC Manual 4 speed Head: OO racing Bore & Stroke: 56mm X 60mm Max power: 22 BHP Max torque: 13 Nm Carburettor: Mikuni Round slight 26mm, Uma racing flat slight 28mm Exhaust: Shipping Tools/SMC Frame: Custom SMC Fuel cap: Acqua di Parma Throttle: Domino Headlight: Puch, custom SMC fitting Taillight: Beta, custom SMC fitting Seat: SMC Rims: 17 inch spoked steel, front 1.60, rear 1.85 SMC Tires. Dunlop TT901 front 80/90-17, rear 90/80-17 Rear suspension: Racing boy Front suspension: Stock SMC Rear sets: Racing boy/SMC Dry weight: 64kg
Many thanks goes to Jaap Volkers, the best Honda 4 stroke & derivatives mechanic in The Netherlands and the fabricator/welder of the frame. Without him this bike would not have seen the light of day.

And at the other end of the stunt spectrum to Guy Guy...BP

Ross Herrod C90 contortionist. GIF by Richard Baybutt. BP

From our friend Adriaan in the Netherlands. If you can work out how to vote for him you can send him on a moped odyssey...

Riding our lightweight two-stroke steads in the dunes of the North sea coast in the setting sun.. 

Steve, Malcolm and Mert we are not, but like desert racers we still aspire to be good people. Suggest to play the music loud. 

I was fed up reading about people doing fun stuff on bikes, but with a limited budget racing is not on at the moment, so the next best thing was to "race" a moped over three swiss mountains sponsored by some caffeinated sugar water company. 
Greetings, Adriaan

UPDATE from Adriaan

To vote: Click on on of these links (or all three, it's a team effort)
Dirk: http://redbullalpenbrevet.ch/helden/#2956 
Ralph: http://redbullalpenbrevet.ch/helden/#3040 
Aad: http://redbullalpenbrevet.ch/helden/#2923 

Click on [VOTE!] if you see it. 
If not, register under: "zum voten musst du dich anmelden" If you are registered, you can vote every 24 hours. :-)  Adriaan

Can't beat the perverse pleasure of an XS650, a Fireblade, and a Vespa (plus some other nutters) doing battle in the mud. This is Dirt Quake, read all about it in SB#11. BP

Given Sideburn's imminent arrival in the Catalan capital for the Kiddo/Sideburn #11 launch party, here are a couple of tasty nippers from lesser-known Barcelona bike builders Ducson. These 49cc four-speed strokers are the S-20 and S-21 from, I think, the late 1960s/early '70s. Guapissim! MP

Ross and Liam (pictured) of Rusty Nail Racing have signed up to race at Dirt Quake. They'll be up against a Fireblade and a BMW, among others.

KTM? Wots that? Here's two Rusty Nail step-throughs flying over the Peak District. BP

- the scrawniest track on the UK calendar. The parched conditions for the Saturday practice had me writing it off as the worst too, likening it to ricocheting around inside a dented biscuit tin, with prehistoric limestone crumbs acting as lubricating marbles. Choice polished rocks embedded at the apexes didn't inspire confidence either. Turning up late and then waiting for individual speedway riders to practice before a group of flat trackers could take their turn, meant I didn't get as many sessions in as I would have liked.
I bought some Buxton mineral water in a petrol station in Bristol on the way, and got a free re-fill in the pits from a dodgy looking ground pipe.- is filled with fresh sod (inc grass) when ruts appear.
- set in the magnificent Peak District. Drogo suggested we go for a ramble after practice. Skooterfarm Dave thought we were over-excited soft southern townies, and stayed in his van. We decided to head out to an enchanting castle on a hill in the distance, only to arrive at our destination 15 minutes later at a small folly; Solomon's Temple built in 1890, the panorama was spectacular from the miniature battlements.
- has a closed down radio and television shop called Douglas Rider, what a great name for a band! Loved the old Clarendon font block-letters above the door (same as used for the STUK number boards), now a bit wonky. Had a hot Indian at the Taj on the High Street.
Slept in the car - this time minus the seats, and with the luxury of an airbed. Even hung up some some curtains.Modified my on-board toilet to rectify the piss-fart issue of the Silverstone Mk1 model. Basically it's a 'Lightly Salted' crisp packet lined ankle boot. No trapped gas, and a stable unit which avoids low-light kneeling spillage. And warms boot on otherwise chilly morning.
After just a couple of heat races, Drogo finally admitted defeat in the face of the bitch Vertemati. Dave kindly loaned his Wood Rotax, which involved some deft swopping in-between races, with both riders now running the same number but in different classes.
- attracts all-sorts. An original Craig Vetter Triumph Hurricane. A step-through gang whose C50, C70, and C90s all had the same tuned 150 pit bike engine up-grade, and a straight-through silencer they picked up holidaying in Greece, that they noticed all the locals were screaming around with.- is Not somewhere to buy Bakewell tarts. I took the precaution of importing some of Mr Kiplings.
With overnight rain track conditions made quantum improvement, and with damping-down throughout the day, the going was excellent. Racing in all classes was fast and hairy. Jamie intent on tanning me in the Novices, ended up cooking the barrier several times. Stuart 'Popeye' Lovell steamed ahead in his own league as usual, leaving 'Brutus and Bluto' to bang their heads together. I held 2nd for most of the final (including all 7 novices), until relentless Jamie barged ahead and cleared off. But come trophy time, unbeknown to me, the points from the heat races were also included for the over-all ranking, so I did clinch 2nd after all.- home to a lively stock-car circuit just above the speedway oval. Great British entertainment.
On the way home I tried not to drive into a rock while gawking at the scenery like on the way back from Amman (denting my steel wheel and causing an instant blow-out), and nearly drove into a large deer that sprang out into the road from behind a heather bush instead.
The cherry on the Bakewell was picking up (the heaviest thing I have ever lifted) a Derbyshire Tobishi, to serve as a step into my shed.
- Brilliant. BP