Ultimately, fear is born out of anxiety over some sort of distrust –whether it's grounded in logic, emotion, perception, past experiences, etc.

Fear arises from an unknown – any new experience, opportunity, failure, relationship, changes in habits/routines, etc. So, ultimately, this fear is your way of coping with not distrusting others to do what you expect or desire and/or not trusting yourself to be able to cope with a certain environment, habit, responsibilities, changes, interpersonal conflict, etc.

To depersonalize fear, recognize that it's an anxious/emotional response to either a reasonable or illogical unknown/uncertainty. Then, I see what my realistic options are on how to handle the situation and proceed with my following actions by answering these questions:

Looking back at this moment in a year's time, what do I wish I would've done?

What red or green flags are my anxieties discounting or telling me to overlook?

How many of my concerns are grounded in reality, and how many are based on assumptions or negative self-talk?

If a friend was handling this situation, how would I proceed?

Once you answer these questions, you're forcing yourself to take the emotions out of the situation and see all of the key players + moving parts more objectively to make a rational decision.

This is a blog meant to help younglings (and elders) who struggle with proper selfcare. A well maintained body, mind and environment are crucial to a good life, and I'll be happy to help!

This is not a fandom blog! But I will occasionally share positive Dunmeshi things too :)

Senshi ✧ he/him ✧ 21+ ✧ diagnosed w. AuDHD and PTSD

One of the greatest things in life is that you can start over whenever you want. Right now, you can choose to make the change you need. To be the change. In this very moment, you can choose recovery. Today could be the first day of the rest of your life. Even if nobody came to save you in the past, or nobody taught you what you need to know, you can learn to be there for yourself now - and you're stronger and more capable than you may feel.

Your experiences weren't for nothing. They shaped you into who you are. And once you can learn to get along with the person you are, you've won at life.

I steer away from discourse, fandom drama and the like. I don't engage in callout or cancel culture. I don't have a DNI, but I block people when I notice they support any hateful ideology (for example homophobia, transphobia, racism, bullying, callout culture, anti-recovery, etc...) Please keep in mind that I'm not a professional, but I'm some guy out there who cares and wants to see you succeed.

Look after yourself! 🍞

divider by @/saradika-graphics. last updated - 28th of July 2024.

Do you have a problem, a request, or are you looking for something? Please read below! 🙌

Please feel free to save them, share, print and submit requests if there’s any skills you’d like sooner than others (as I make more, I’ll add them to this post for easy access).

Mindfulness: FLAME

Emotion Regulation: ABC PLEASE

Interpersonal Effectiveness: GIVE, FAST, DEAR MAN

Distress Tolerance: STOP, TIPP, ACCEPTS, ACCEPTS Worksheet

Today's skill is Opposite Action!

Type: Emotion Regulation

Description: If your emotion does not fit the facts of the situation, Act Opposite of what you are feeling!

Acknowledge your feelings. Describe your emotion in words.

Identify your Opposite Action. Do the complete opposite of what your emotion wants you to do.

For example, if you feel sadness or depression, you can want to shut down and withdraw from people and situations. Instead, do the Opposite Action. Engage, get involved, be active and reach out to people.

Useful when: Emotion-driven behaviour can lead to destructive outcomes and acting on those impulses can often intensify the emotion. Doing the opposite of what your emotional impulse is can help regulate and change your emotion instead of intensifying it.

Reflect on a recent experience where shame surfaced. What triggered it, and how did you react?

Write about a recurring pattern of shame in your life. What situations tend to ignite this emotion?

Explore the connection between shame and your sense of identity. How does it shape the way you see yourself?

Reflect on messages about shame you received in your childhood. How do they influence your self-perception now?

Write about the stories you tell yourself when shame arises. What beliefs underlie these stories?

Identify societal or cultural influences that contribute to your understanding of shame. How can you challenge these influences?

Explore the impact of shame on your self-worth. How can you separate your value from momentary feelings of shame?

Reflect on the role of perfectionism in relation to shame. How can you embrace imperfections without feeling ashamed?

Write about a time when shame led to self-destructive behavior. What can you learn from that experience?

Explore the concept of vulnerability in the face of shame. How can you be more open about your struggles?

Reflect on the role of comparison in relation to shame. How does comparing yourself to others impact your experience of shame?

Write about the impact of social media on your feelings of shame. How can you cultivate a healthier relationship with these platforms?

Identify situations where shame becomes a way to avoid your own needs or desires. How can you prioritize your authentic self?

Explore the fear of rejection or abandonment in relation to shame. How does it influence your behavior?

Reflect on the concept of self-forgiveness when faced with shame. How can you release guilt and embrace self-compassion?

Write about the impact of shame on your mental and emotional well-being. How can you prioritize self-care in these situations?

Explore the concept of accepting responsibility without internalizing shame. How can you learn from mistakes without feeling unworthy?

Reflect on moments when you've projected your insecurities onto others, leading to shame. How can you take responsibility for your emotions?

Write about the stories or assumptions you create about yourself when shame arises. How can you challenge these narratives?

Explore the connection between shame and the desire for external validation. How can you validate yourself internally?

Reflect on moments when you've downplayed or dismissed your achievements due to shame. How can you celebrate your successes authentically?

Identify situations where shame becomes a barrier to setting and maintaining boundaries. How can you assert your needs confidently?

Write about the impact of competition within your relationships. How can you shift from competition to collaboration?

Explore the concept of mindful awareness in the midst of shame. How can you observe and understand your emotions without judgment?

Reflect on the role of self-compassion in managing shame. How can you speak to yourself with kindness and understanding?

Write about the impact of shame on your sense of inner peace. How can you find calmness amidst the storm of self-judgment?

Identify moments when shame has led to the erosion of relationships. How can you repair and nurture those connections?

Explore the concept of joy in celebrating your authentic self without feeling ashamed. How can you genuinely appreciate who you are?

Reflect on the possibility of reframing shame as an opportunity for growth. What lessons can you extract from these experiences?

Listen to the person! Yes, when people are angry they don't always communicate clearly and sometimes say things that they don't mean. But they are still intelligent human beings capable of knowing how they feel.

Leave the situation! If it's safe, leave the situation! It takes two to tango and it's harder to fight when you don't have an enemy anymore. If the person is telling you to leave you probably should.

Also you should almost never trap or prevent the other person from leaving! Letting someone who is upset leave allows them to get some space alone, get space from the conflict, feel safer, and get some adrenaline out by moving. You may feel it's not safe to leave the person or let the person leave. But try to balance those concerns with the fact that it's not fair to hold them hostage in a situation they don't feel safe in, at that point you're antagonizing them. Also you should respect that person's autonomy and judgement, they know themselves better than you do and often they want to avoid the conflict escalating as well.

Validate the other persons emotions! This helps show concern and make someone feel heard, which helps stem the conflict and stress. You don't have to apologize or deny what they did is wrong but express understanding and compassion for the distress they are feeling.

Express concern not judgement! If you think they "need help" ask if they "are okay?" ask if they need help. But don't tell them to "calm down."

Communicate your concerns! If you're concerned that safety of the the other person or other people if you leave the situation let them know. You might be able to work out a deal so that they walk a certain way so that you can see them get away safe. You can give them resources. This also communicates concern.