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Unknown Immortals
in
the Northern City of Success
UNKNOWN
IMMORTALS
In the Northern City of Success
By Herbert Moore
Author of
"
The Pessimist"
S-c.
Dublin
The Talbot
Press Ltd.
London
Fisher
Unwin
191?
Ltd,
Pirn
Co
tfje
EL ermine of
affeftton anti
atinuration
fl^arr
Contents
The Willick Woman
The Rent Man
The Rag, Bone, and Balloon Man
The Fish Man
The Soul of Smithfield
That which
is
called
Johnston
Page
10
13
17
22
32
Monsieur among the Mushrooms
38
The Boiler of Bones

The Madman
68
Julius
83
The
74
McCullough Leckey Craig
Little Child, the
Wisest of All
89
PREFACE,
FROM childhood
had a special
have
affection for certain queer people.

when I came to an age at which
write about them,
because
would be
And
I
could
found myself puzzled,
knew
instinctively that realism
quite
useless
So
own.
describing them.
manner
as
a method of
them in a
treated
It is not idealism; it
of my
as the reader will see, something more
than idealism. Yet I claim that they are
is,
and that just the impression

which they made upon my mind has been
truly reproduced, at least for myself, upon
paper in the form of words.
truly described,
as a very small child,

a
lunatic
asylum with my mother.
visiting
I
remember,
attracted me strangely and to gain

the experience which I required in order to
"
"
sketch a lunatic in words, I
signed on
Lunacy
for the final lectures in a city asylum.
lunacy, The
handed it to a
medical authority; and he pronounced it
After
my
first
sketch
Madman, was complete,
of
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
He
exactly correct from his standpoint.
mental
said I had caught the exact
processes
of a lunatic.
The amount
the
making
imagined.
of
work which has gone to

book could hardly be
of this
It
suffices
to
say
that
was at work upon Monsieur Among the

Mushrooms at intervals for over four years.
The original of Monsieur Among the
Mushrooms is alive and prosperous. He
is a perfectly amazing person, a man of
considerable fortune, who has, I believe,
been detained in an asylum on several
He has the most powerful
occasions.
intellect
whose action I have ever
experienced. He conducts a large business
during the day-time; but he may be

discovered at four or five o'clock in the
morning, pouring forth a stream of
brilliance, and holding men in the cold
street against their will.
His brain works
with such rapidity that he has constructed
a language of his own, by means of which

only the absolutely essential thought is
presented to the hearer. I have seen calm
men whipped into fury when they found

themselves simply swept intellectually off
their feet in argument with my model.
I
PREFACE.
remember standing for three hours watching

and listening while he poured forth his
wisdom, and spun intellectual circles round
several prosperous and typical Ulstermen.
This man has made a study of certain more
or less mundane subjects, such as the
average man should understand. He does
not base his intellectual structure upon any
dignified branch of learning or of the arts.
And thus he beats the average man on his
own ground, as it were, which makes the
He
astonishing.
gives his listener the impression that what
he has made his life study is the one
performance
essential to
cultured.
all
the
more
a man who would claim to be

once asked him for his address,
desired to call upon him. His
and said I
amazing eyes lighted up.
Using
this
simple
request as a text, he played intellectually

with me, as a cat plays with a mouse; and
then,
suddenly taking pity upon me, he

of a card, his account
handed me, instead

from
the
Gas
Corporation
beamed upon me when
Office;
and
proved myself
worthy, by immediately opening it and
reading out the address which I desired to
obtain.
In
Monsieur
have drawn him
exactly as he exists, save in the matter of
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
the physical description.

Apart from that
fact, there is nothing exaggerated; and the
debate between Monsieur and the members
is
almost as true as a
such
a debate could be.
description
There you see my model and his method.
I am indebted to the Editor of the Irish
of
committee
of
Record for permission to

Monsieur
Among the Mushrooms.
reprint
The first five studies in this volume have
appeared in Nationality; the sixth and
Ecclesiastical
eighth in
already
The Irishman;
stated,
in
the seventh, as
the Irish Ecclesiastical
Record; and the ninth in a now defunct

London monthly, The Imp.
Though we live, as George Moore complains, in an age when the vocabulary of
English has become a starved and slipshod
there is no earthly reason why we
should be hampered by the defects of our
affair,
time.
This book represents a species of

"
cessional progression
a return
:
ample, classical age.

compel the English to
gical manners.
retro-
to
the
is
for artists to
mend
their philolo-
It
HERBERT MOORE
Dunmurry.
"
PIM.
THE WILLICK WOMAN.

|N
this city of success there is
company
who
Of
secret
is
shadow
women
of venerable
are older than Smithfield.
our mysteries these are

Their
the most mysterious.
with themselves. They sit in the
of the
all
Custom House
or near the
pleasure steamer's pier, upon small stools;

and before them there is a box upon which
reposes a metal tray; and on the tray is a

To those who
pyramid of periwinkles.
purchase, they offer a pin with which the
may be led to abandon his shell.

what the world sees. But the world
and its blindness is
very blind;
periwinkle
That
is
is
superlative because
power
of sight.
half so blind
if
it
believes
has the
it
The world would

it
not be
could be taught that it
cannot see.
About
the feet of these ancient
there are strewn
when
many empty
the v/orld's feet crunch
women
And
shells.
upon
these,
it
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
sure they are
feels
purchase.
a fact?
that
it is
But
the
who can
refuse
of
some
believe so plain
Its plainness should prove to us

there in order that the simple may
be deceived.
One
think
is
of the signs which should make us

the secret love which little children
Woman. The Willick

a storer of secrets. What she
sees with her eyes she hides away, and that
Her
which is spoken she remembers.
have
for the Willick
Woman
is
wisdom comes from the East, where the

earth grows angry in conflict with the sun;
and because her shells are built like a king's
tomb, she has for her own some of the lore
But her chief wisdom was
of the Nile.
taught to the Masseer by the priests of
Babilu; and the Masseer carried it in its
great salmon-soul down to the ocean, just
as the flood dried into pools in its wake.
It spread round the world, that is the underwater world, and tentacled watchers of the
greater deep smiled when they heard it,
and ceased to wave their sucker-studded
And they laughed up at the folly of

as his ships passed like shadows on
the grey roof of the waters.
And when
arms.
man
great
whales came down
to
prey upon
THE WILLICK WOMAN.
them, they would clasp the vast monsters

and struggle for a space so
And in the
that there might be stillness.
higher world timid crayfish and the small
in their arms,
who keep close to the rocks,

each other the proverb of the
sea
There is always still water below
the fiercest storm."
finned dorys,
whispered
'
to
'
The Willick Women are always old, and

each has an over-grown son who disguises
himself as a newsboy or affects the splendid
profession of the loafer. It is a law with
the Willick Woman that she must never
gather her own shells; so her son goes out
into the shadows, before toilers are astir,
and creeps down the long Shore Road. He
himself only guesses vaguely the greatness
and it is well that it should
be so. He walks bent over the sand, and
of his mission;
scales
great
stones
clear
Sometimes he sings below
of
periwinkles.
a song
him, as
appears always strange
it
in
Then
he
had
heard
a
dream.
though
when the sun is risen, the over-grown son
of the Willick Woman comes home with
that
his breath
to
two great gleaming cans, full of the shellbound mystery of the sea.
At the door his mother receives him and
;
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
is permitted him to sleep a heavy
well
earned, or he may go forth to
sleep,
loiter upon the great streets or sell what
then
it
But he
men believe to be printed truth.
must not remain at home to watch the
He cannot be a Willick Man,
mysteries.
Willick Women
for there is none such.
are always old, and that is because when a
Willick
Woman
in
is
fear of death
chooses some ancient lady

to bear her secret.
When
who
she
tends her
her over-grown son has gone or
is
Woman
pours a stream
asleep, the Willick
of the shellfish into a steaming black pot;
and then, motionless, she watches while
countless activities are ended, and the white
vapour of the soulless rises heavenwards.

For her that act is something great
There is before her the
accomplished.
calmness and repose of a slain-strewn field
Each well armed periwinkle is at

peace. For a time her brain is active, and
she can read human destinies in the
of war.
victorious vapour that rises from a bubbling

and rattling cauldron of shells. Perhaps it
may be
that she sees a purpose beyond the

range of her mysteries. The cowrie shell
is the coin of Africa; the metal coin is the
god
THE WILLICK WOMAN.
who
cannot
of the
West.
But those
bow down
to this elusive god, can make

for themselves gods of the cowrie shell on
the shore of civilisation.
Then when all is done, the hot shells are

spread upon some convenient surface, and
afterwards placed in a great can. If the
over-grown son is dutiful he can now be
sighted from the door, ready to attend
upon
For it is now she goes forth;

and with her she takes a seat for herself
and a box upon which the tray of treasures
can rest. Then, whether her son attend
her or not, she becomes invisible, and that
which is with her also. For no man has
seen the Willick Woman upon her journey.
In the mind of the world, she exists merely
in a state of repose before her pyramid of
his mother.
shells,
which
thoughtless.
no task
truly gives
that is
And
which
calls
wisdom
to
the
because there
for
so
is
much
concentration as the extraction, with a pin,

of a boiled periwinkle from its shell.
Therefore the Willick Woman is the
benefactor of the poor. She teaches the

secret of concentration; and there is no
earthly height to which those who learn
her lesson truly may not rise.
THE RENT MAN.

HERE
is nowhere to be found
such a compound character.
In reality he is the mildest and
most engaging of creatures
but once he has slung his
bullion bag over his shoulder, he becomes
charged with that quality which is expressed
"
in the word
bounce."
:
His half-dreamy yet determined facial

is moulded and improved in
many a fight until he reaches the perfect
type; and then the smallest infant will
expression
recognise him as the hereditary foe.

He faces imposture, impertinence,
penury, and violence with the same injured
immobility, and does not betray his interior

struggle to retain his dignity even by the
an eyelash.
clothing he resembles a sporting
undertaker, because he inclines towards the
more solemn serges, cases his calves in
leggings, wears a bookie's cash-bag, and
flutter of
In
THE RENT MAN.
11
generally protects his throat from microbes
by a drop-scene moustache.
As an authority on black eyes, Hinde's
curlers, half -open doors, and the actual
state of the family finance, he is without a
rival; yet he looks upon these phenomena
with cold,
He
disdain.
scientific
can avoid
collision with
young
cats,
puppy-dogs, babies, and May Queens quite

as cleverly as a sea captain can avoid
collision with buoys and lightships.
He can examine a broken window, whose
immediate repair he has no intention of
effecting, with an almost loving regard, as
though he would gladly exchange his own
air-tight apartments for a room so naturally
ventilated.
Drains and dripping spouts he
dwells upon with admiration, as though, all
things considered, they were much better
be out of order. Everything, in fact, is
to
nostrils; and he treats virtue

and vice alike with cold impartiality.
Behind him there crowd the phantoms of
sweet to his
the
law,
command;
threatening
ready
to
and
his
people
life
is
who know
limit of his patience
Curbstone
materialise
children
and power.
gaze up
at
his
spent in
exact
the
at
this
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
12
perambulating bank with reverence and

strictly professional dislike, for he is the
street
of
each
coin-swept
conqueror
which
he
through
passes.
There
is
about him something of the
grind of machinery, for he is a cog-wheel,

at whose removal the world-engine would,
for
a time
The
at
any
Rent
rate,
become
Man
has
motionless.
unequalled
opportunities for observing human nature,

but unfortunately his ej es see little else
r
besides coins and rent-books.
THE RAG, BONE, AND

BALLOON MAN.
"HILDREN secretly love the man
who comes roaring up the
street,
with his handcart of

and bones and
cast-off clothes
bottles
and empty jam-pots.
They adore him because
of the cord cage,
suspended from a pole above the cart, in

which glistening balloons in bondage sway
and flutter and rush all of a heap to one
side, as though they were determined to
free themselves.
He
is
willing to exchange these air-balls
for the horrible things with which he likes

to fill his cart or if offered a penny he will
;
yield a balloon without demanding a boiled

bone or a jam-pot.
He is very obliging
and very
noisy, and altogether a very

wonderful person.
There is about him
something of the deliverer of Hamelin;
indeed one might reasonably suspect that
he is the Pied Piper wandering in fear of
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
14
the police, because for his sake children

leave their play and follow him down one
street
and
up
another,
until
they
find
new country, and have to

the
Perhaps
way home again.
inquire
there are children who follow him all the
Perhaps he really has a cavern for
way
themselves in a
his journey's end, that opens to greet him,

And
and closes when he has entered.
perhaps he
rises very early in the morning

and gathers his balloons, which may really
be eggs from some fairy farmyard, left for
him by the fairies in exchange for the
horrible rags and bones and jam-pots he
has brought from the town. It may be his
mission to take away the ugly things and
bring back what is beautiful.
But whoever he may be, no town would
be complete without him; and no person
can deny that he is full of mystery.
Sensible, every-day people will agree that
he is certainly very like a comet,

because no one seems to be able to say
whence he came or whither he is going, or
what he really intends to do with the queer
He seems to
things he takes with him.
"swim" into our "ken" and out again
before we have time to discover his real
in habits
THE RAG MAN.

intentions.
noise he
It
makes
is
15
quite possible that the
intended to distract our

balloons lest we should
is
from the
suspect what they really are. And those
who have watched him will recollect that
he sometimes varies his methods by
bringing no balloons at all, probably
through sheer cleverness or because he has
gaze
had some dispute
at the source of supply.
And on
such occasions he manufactures

where, nobody knows wonderful wallpaper mats, fire-screens and fans, and
windmills that fly round until we begin to
fear that they may stop through sheer
exhaustion
And he always chooses
papers of such splendid colour that from a
!
his cart looks like some

paint-box in the throes of creation.
distance
giant
The wonderful thing about him, and

about nearly all the other traders of the
street, is that they are, as a class, frightfully
old.
Each
generation
accepts
these
marvels without suspecting that they are

the gifts of a previous generation, and that
they have been passed on as the heirlooms
of
democracy
unfailing test
be proved
for centuries.
There is an
by which their antiquity can
any institution that inspires
16
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
secret affection
hills.
And
the
sure to be as old as the

most hard-hearted person
is
living has a place in the still unfrozen corner

of his heart for the rag, bone and balloon
man.
THE
HERE
FISH
is
MAN.
probably no one who-
so absorbed by his trade as

the fish-man. That is partly
is
because
he
makes
such
strange sound; but there are

He goes singing his
other reasons.
chant
of
the ocean down prosaic
wonderful
street
and mathematically designed square.
And
as he goes he carries a
little
world
There is romance in his

which
is always swift and sure,
movement,
and in his song, always the same, which he
over again, with an
utters over and
occasional inclination to repeat one phrase
more than another. What he sings is
"Fresh her'n, fresh her'n, fresh her'n*';
and then lower, to himself almost, and if
by chance they hear, to the world of foolish
"
All
people that swarms about him
with
him.
alive !"
Like
all
the wonders of the cities, he is

They
by little children.
best understood
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
18
suspect his mystery; they know him as a

messenger, no mere slave of commerce.
He
There is a
is wonderful for them.
doubt about his origin, and there is a
No one
greater doubt about his destiny.
ever saw the fish-man begin his day of

He
song, because his day never ends.
carries curious treasures, and he is full of
wisdom. His garments cling about him,

and his eyes are guarded from the light.
No man can tell his age, and he is without
And with
kith and kin in the world.
suddenness he comes upon us, seemingly
eager to barter what his basket holds for
coins, but really as one laden with great
secrets, who must seem to be human, and
who must pursue his journey rapidly, but
never appear to be in haste.
It is not chance which makes nurses fill
the brains of
tale that the
who
He
will
"
little
drowsy people with the
fish-man
come
"
is
for
calls of herrings;
"
a sort of hobgoblin
them
if they cry.
but half his truth
alive "; and we grasp

whole secret if we have eyes to see the
meaning of the strange flatness of his
baskets, and how the sides come together
at the place where the handle begins.
It
slips
the
when he
says
THE FISH MAN.
19
is truly the most mysterious basket into

which anyone could look; and it can hide
so much.
He tells you that what he carries is alive
but that cannot be if he carries only fish.
Those who are wise that is, the little
children know
him as a sad and
wonderful man, sometimes dressed like a
sailor, who seems to be engaged upon great
business.
They stop their play when he
;
passes; they gaze after him, but they never

And truly they are wise
follow him.
For the fish-man seldom stops; and little
soon grow very weary.

But there is another reason why they do
not follow him. Those who are wise but
not so wise as little children know that
the fish-man has real dealings with those
who lure fish from the sea. But they do
not know perhaps that when a fish is taken
from the sea there is room for something
feet
same size, and just as foreign to

the world of air and sunlight and flowers.
The fish-man knows this. He learned it
just of the
years ago before the Sphinx was carved.

He heard the secret from dark-skinned
galley-men, whose ships were stained with

rich dye,
and who came from the end of
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
20
the world bringing treasure and ornaments

silks to the sad and cruel cities.
and woven
The
fish-man had often heard the cry of
frightened children,
great
human
tears
and the dropping
when
sorrow
of
was
peering into the eyes of the desolate. And

the fish-man had a heart which is a very
uncommon thing so he used to sit under
the diamond-crusted sky which seemed so
hard and so far away. It was while he sat
thinking
that
into his
mind
quite suddenly there came

the idea that Ke might put
had learned to splendid use.

so he asked the galley-men to tell him
Again what they had told him before, so
the secret he
And
that there
might be no mistake.
they told
him was
just
And what
what he
would make the world happy.

Sorrow seemed to him a thing
out of place in the world,
felt
sure
entirely
a cruel and
horrible thing like the cruel and horrible

And so he gathered
things of the sea !
many fish in a net, and wove curious

baskets that might cling to him, and whose
sides might almost close together at the
And into the world of sorrow he came
top.
with his burden.
From
those
who
took his fish he accepted
THE
FISH MAN.
21
payment. But when he saw a sorrow he

would put it in his basket; and when he
heard a sigh he would take it, and press
the top of his basket so that it could not
escape. And all the while he would sing
"
the old Perizzitian words
Freshun olol:
iev,"
which
unspoiled."
of course
He
means
*'
Happiness
seldom walked in the
streets of great houses; but
passed
among
where there is so much trouble.

And sometimes his baskets would be laden
down with things full of dread so that he
could scarcely bring them to the shore, and
sink them in the water to fill the places
from which the fish had been taken.
the poor,
Nothing made him so sad as to return

seawards with the fish he had brought to
He has never ceased to toil since
the city.
he made his first basket; and that is why
little children stop their cry when they hear
the sons: of the fish-man.
THE SOUL OF SMITHFIELD.

N
commercial success
something that has
this city of
there
lies
is
We
successful.
remained
have a treasure in our midst,
which, in the battle of bricks,
unprotected and ready to be ruined.
Though
built like
a gridiron,
is
it
no
relic
here has
of municipal torturer's activity
been no crackling of creed-cases. But it
has come to us from the past, delicate and
:
full of dust.
How much
Smithfield
owes
the
to
aesthetic
value
of
the Smithfield of the
Saxon deserves to be discovered.

Venturesome strangers are accustomed
to return and declare that they have seen
merely a covered market. But we who are
wise know better.
It is here we
go in the days of our
1
An
ancient,
low-built
relics of old Belfast, built
market.
when
One
of
the few
and national sentiment quite unlike those which

distinguish
it.
remaining
the city possessed a character

at
present
23
adversity, rising early from our beds, so

that we may have courage to ask a little
more when the breath of the morning

damp and the purchasers are few
is
The
inhabitants of this strange land are
Wise ones have offered,

with eagerness, legal proof that some of
them have died.
But the evidence has
a peculiar people.
invariably been too convincing; and we

prefer to believe that they have always
For in the breaking of their ranks

Jew must have picked his place. Yet
here the Gentile out-Hebrews Herod; and
the unprotected pig could soon be salted.
In Smithfield there is a soul which
modifies whatever drifts down its waterless
lived.
the
ways.
world
The
is
rancid rubbish of our
transformed.
modern
The appealing nun, 2
innocent only of having ever entered a

nunnery, shocks us but slightly, for here
she gains a little of that art value which the
whole history of our modern world has
caused to attach itself to the profession of
Those bold books which
prevarication.
tell of the gay life their writers never lived
are here become for us merely part of the
street-dust and stench of noble cities.
And
3
"
Maria Monk
"
book* and other unclean booklets.
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
24
the books which one never sees in human

habitation are, in Smithfield, so modest as
to be clothed in cords.
They are trussed
manner
in this
by
lest,
their falling
open,
Smithfield should be shocked.

3
Here, among the sombre outpourings of

silent houses whose owners are asleep, there
4
of this marvellous
slumbers the music
land, to be awakened only by a vision of
5
And then, for a space, delirious
royalty.
and slender, half -born
dances,
songs,
melodies ooze into the old sharp ears of
6
But there is no
our so active Sphinx.
heads
not turn; and
do
of
feet;
shuffling
even he who has offered a stipend to this
minister of mirth slips into the shadows and
is lost.
In Smithfield
all
nothing has been
who buy must go back
those
3
The
An
Smithfield.
The
kind
things are for sale, yet

8
to change, so that
known
contents of the second-hand furniture
at
a safe
stalls.
ancient automatic spinet which plays for a penny.
penny.
"
music
that
the
"
of the automatic spinet is of such a surprising
man who
has
started
it
usually
looks
very
sheepish, and disappears.

8
My own
questioned
is
experience and that of any people whom I have

that Smithfield has always looked the same, even
to the smallest detail.

season and set their purchase in
its
25
place
again.
Here we find William of Orange beside

Robert Emmet, the "Police News" and
"
Key
the
of
Heaven," the sneering

the "Pilgrim's Progress."
upon
Here whoso follows
Ingersoll
find
himself
for
set
democracy
may
his inclinations
the
throne
triple
of
over against the cabinet of
the capitalist.
Once
had
there
been
was a migration.
stolen
from
for
cunningly
displayed
Smithfield smiled for
it
who
are to
must come
make
faded
bundled upon a
sale.
knew
And
before
And
10
that those
home
this smile
the
cart, like so
were
sky
the market their
willingly.
scarcely
Birds that
the
birds
much
had
were
fluttering
furniture, and the Sphinx was left alone to

her sparrows and those songsters whose
piping
9
may be purchased for a penny.
Smithfield
is
religious views
10
About
But
the only place in Belfast where political and
do not seem
eight years
to clash.
ago an attempt was made by a dealer
up a successful bird stall in Smithfield; but it

and he left within about two months, and
up business in Gresham Street.
in birds to
proved a
set
ll
set
failure,
H The owner
birds in
gilt
of the automatic
cages that sing
spinet has a pair of
when a penny
is
put in the
stuffed
slot.
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
26
though the birds could not be kept, their

had been caught in the coils of this
strange siren; and his shop is to be seen on
one of those sudden avenues that stretch
from this amazing storehouse.
seller
12
a glorious goblin,
like some undertaker shrouding souls as
well as corpses, who emerges from licensed
caverns and spreads out before him a
In Smithfield there
He
splendid spoil.
is
is
Smithfield's
king;
and wears upon his head a sable spout.

He is one of those who have been lured
from the land of sensible and prosperous
ones; but that was in the dim days that the
He is very
oldest
have forgotten.
beautiful, because his face has been dyed
with weasels' blooc. And before him he
gathers garments of questionable quality,
and
soiled
exquisitely
round him there
who
rise
splattered,
glorious
while
gnomes,
13
upon such things as they

and add them to the piles that never
presently seize
desire,
grow
l*The
smaller.
soiled
clothes
leisure in public-houses.
whose family had gained

while he remained spending his
had a huge nose on a rather small
auctioneer,
wealth and position in the
city,
He
face,
and always wore an exceedingly
13
women who keep

and who sit in a ring
Stout old
Smithfield,
tall silk hat.
retail
soiled
clothes
round the auctioneer.
stalls
in
27
In Smithfield, amid the wreckage of castle

cottage, there sit stout ladies of noble
and
14
disguised in print garments.

they sit as they have sat for
centuries, while little children come in and
stare at them, and escape down those crosspassages which were made for such sudden
lineage,
Patiently
retreats.
is cunning and subtle; for it
a face to the world that speaks of
Smithfield
sets
novelty and brightness. To the waves of

1S
the city it offers a sea-wall
of tinsmiths,
and an unlicensed League-room, 16 where
the famished are
filled,
and
rich
simmering
Behind the
joys are given to the good.
barrier there sits the Sphinx.
Even the
deceiving surface reveals the
spirit
which
it
covers.
In Smithfield
it
is
a law that the only
things which may change are those that

are not for sale the peep-show passed, and
:
there
came
the revolving view,
Mutoscope remains for

moment, ready to be dethroned.
the
!*The second-hand
15
and now
little
its
furniture dealers.
Smithfield on the outer side
is
to all
appearances a row of
low-built shops.
1s
coffee
stand
under
the
Temperance League, where broth
management
is
sold.
of
the
Irish
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
28
But though Smithfield modifies
that
all
comes under its roof, it is itself modified

by those things which in the world of
There is the
change have cared to copy it.
Self ridge
17
of
sprawling with
Smithfield,
whim-supplying prosperity, and smiling

behind a door of glass which is to decoy
those who are searching for a shop. But
when
how
inside,
splendid
how
it is
is
great
the gain;
to feast one's eyes
the treasures that are spread
and
upon
upon every
hand.
One of
it new
the secrets of Smithfield
is
that
18
barrels are
things are made :
built, tools turned, saws sharpened until
they feel young again, all but the Celestial
in
Keys are
cut,
decided
false
and
19
that
which
for here
Law
is
and
upon a
true
sits
humble throne, and justice is done to

man whose weights are true.
But
activity
is
one of the internal disguises of
the Sphinx.
And we
that that which seems
world
17
which
the
this
who are wise know

new is as old as the
large store, entered through an ordinary shop front, but
merely a door to a great variety of stalls, all of which,

however, are most painfully up-to-date in appearance.
18 Quite a number of trades find
their place in Smithfield.
is
M The
Government Inspector of weights and measures has
his office in Smithfield.

has
Smithfield
21
it has
skirmishers;
it is as a walled city
sentinels
its
full of
its
slumbers,
and
gates and its guard;

whose battlements are
fires;
it
virtue
its
remain inviolate.
And to
Curfew chimes the closing of
and
29
its
reared to heaven so that
the extinction of
2fl
this
its
and
may
day the
gates and
then, dark
spreads out beneath
the Ulster skies.
has also its secret service. 22 For when

the sun has struggled from his bed, and
It
strangers enter the gates, the spies of

Smithfield enter also. They are disguised
as strangers, and look with splendid eager
eyes at the glories that are to be sold. But

they do not buy; and the strangers do not
steal
To assist them
who strut behind
are commanded by
sentinels
these
24
guard,
25
the strangest soldiers of

21
are
23
;
the
and
the chief of the
with his uniform and authority.
But the skirmishers
20
there
the stalls
of Smithfield are
all.
They
The Market officials of the Corporation.

The men who visit the suburbs to buy old
patrol
clothes.
22
Quite a small army of people are employed to loiter near

the stalls and act as private detectives, or as salesmen.
23
Ordinary salesmen.
21
25
The Municipal officer attached to Smithfield Market.

The buyers of old clothes, boots, &c., who depart each
morning
for the
suburbs armed with black bags.
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
30
armed with bags

They see to it that
and wage war upon
the purlieus of plutocracy,
and blandishments.
Smithfield
the
is
supplied;
wardrobes of the wealthy, knowing
that the name of Smithfield will

prevent the bravest of the spoiled from
following after them to secure again what
the Sphinx has made her own.
Within the walls there are many
well
mysterious bins; and it is said that they

contain stores against a siege.
But the
wise ask no questions for strange tales are
;
whispered of how, when a bin was opened

centuries ago, it was found to be full of
curious skeletons.
One
there
is
in Smithfield
who
about him the scum of our sphere
and
corset- busts,
sewing-machines
and
gathers
crutches
teapots,
Salvation
Army
and
whet-
yard-rules, and Yule-logs,
zithers
tambourines,
stones,
turbines
and
weigh-bridges
And beside him there

men who stew before stoves,
and Zulu-shields.
are strange old
and draw about them
tyres
and
tubes.
26
In Smithfield there are drawers that have

drifted
and
38
from
chest;
their drawer-holes in cabinet
and there are spoiled mirrors
Cycle tyre merchants.

that are said to
have
of faithless ones, for
them they
lie
31
reflected the features
even as
we
look into
Once in the grand days when Smithfield

was strong, and the city that clusters about
it small, players were drawn to its doors,
27
and actors of note strutted and smiled.
And though the theatres are no more, the
actors,
who
remain
like
should long since have died,

moths upon some ancient web,
28
living while it lives.
They were famous
ones, some of these; and are to be found
drifting in great solitude, struck to stone, as
were, while they played, and
it
in the dresses of the stage.

In Smithfield, breathing as
majestic
we have
loss of
maxim,
"
still
abroad
does the
it
29
Man know
thyself,"
a storehouse of splendours, for the
which nothing could compensate
this
city of success.
27
There
were,
some
sixty
Smithfield Market at one time,
years
ago,
three
theatres
in
and some of the best actors of
the day played in one of them.

28 One meets the most
extraordinary people
who resemble some petrified thing of a past age.
29
repulsive
semi-medical
usually tied with cord so that

all
the bookstalls in Smithfield.
in
Smithfield,
book which is displayed, and

cannot be perused, on nearly
it
THAT WHICH
IS
CALLED
JOHNSTON.
N
this city of success there is
fearful
and wonderful mystery.
stranger than the Willick

Woman, and Smithfield could
It is
not contain it.

mysterious than Smithfield.
When
it is
more
day is on its death-bed, and

by which man holds time in his
the
the hands
grasp
For
are
almost
raised
to
heaven
in
surrender, this mystery cometh forth.

It glitters over the Chapel Fields, spewing
sparks into the night, and drawn, as a royal

by a she ass that seems always to
slumber. It is a chariot full of fire, driven
car,
by one
in white;
and behind him, over the
iron-shielded flame, are cauldrons of boiling

fat; and beside his feet is a secret oven of
canopy covers his chariot; and

from the canopy there swings a lantern of
the sea.
There is a pole at his right hand,
to which a bunch of mysterious parchments
steam.
IS
CALLED JOHNSTON.
33
bound with cords. But the world is very

and for the world this splendid
The Hotel de
mystery was named
Movealong, by one whose soul grinned for
a moment and sank into slumber.
is
blind;
Were any to seek for this mystery, he

must inquire from such as walk the streets
of this city of success, and whose eyes are
"
Tell
blind; and to them he should say
me, I pray you, where the chip and fish
cart of one Johnston may be found?"
And peradventure such as answered him
might declare that a man never sold sweeter
chips or more delectable fish no sordid
and batter-enclosed flat-fish; but smokies,
innocent and under-grown children of the
haddock from Findon, on the red coast of
Stonehaven. And he might be told that
:
this
Johnston belonged to the sect of the

and that he served his chips
Salvationists,
and
fish
And
that
upon half sheets of the War Cry.

would be true, if we measure truth
according to the standard of the world,
which is blind. He might be told that, as

one of the Salvationists, Johnston never
gave forth a curse; and that cunning ones
oftentimes would, with stealth, drive a pin
end of the she ass, causing
into the latter
34
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
her to awaken and start forward, so that

Johnston would, of a sudden, sit flat upon
the hot iron roof of his range,
upon an oath.
and close his
lips
Those who had waited for the dawn

would say that when Johnston departed he
left behind him a litter of fish-bones and
forgotten chips and that, at the noise of his
departing wheels, cats without number,
who had pondered all night long, would
descend from roofs and come forth from
laneways, and make a pavement of fur until
;
nothing remained.
Those who had eaten of Johnston's chips

and fish would swear that never before had
such delights entered their mouths.
Yea,
scribe himself shall
give worldly
testimony that from the depths of a great
college, one learned in philosophy and
the
theology
was
lured
by him
to
eat
of
Johnston's delicate food; and that for once,

a prince of the blood was presented by him
so to feast, and astonished Johnston with
a strange tongue and a coat of sumptuous
fur.
This is the world's story. It is true
for the world; but the
world
is
blind.
the only mystery
which
little
children do not understand; because
little
Johnston
is
CALLED JOHNSTON.
IS
35
children are asleep when he comes forth.

the Willick Woman; they are
They know
wise in the lore of the Fish-Man Smithfield

spreadeth her mysteries before their feet;
but Johnston, so long as they are little
And
children, hideth himself from them.
because his mystery is hidden even from
little
children, who alone are perfectly
;
is
the greatest
in
this
mysteries
city of success.
wise,
Let him
who
confess;
has followed the Fish-Man
let him who

make known
is
that
greater,
Johnston
understandable, than they.
One
there
is
who
sells
any should inquire

Johnston is abroad, he
"Johnston is dead."
if
Men who
all
has disclosed the secret of
Woman
the Willick
and
of
Johnston
think
less
yea,
chips and fish;

of
him whether
will
themselves
declare that he desires to entice
answer
wise
away
will
those
who would be
customers of Johnston, and

that the spirit of competition lurks in this
lie.
This man, who
Yet here is the key
would seem to compete, is but a stander
on the threshold. As the world knows it,
:
Johnston
is
dead, inasmuch as the
cat of the desert
"
is
dead
"
stone
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
36
And
what shall we say?

Who is this that cometh forth in the
darkness to the streets of Arthur and
of Johnston,
Chichester?
Who
is
this
that
spreadeth
and fish stolen from

which have been smoked in secret,
tubers from the earth,

the sea,
of salvation?
upon the pages
He
oracle?
Who
is this
an oath, and giveth forth no
that refuseth
is
clad in white like the dead,
and hath the peace of snowfields upon him.

He draweth all unto himself; yea,
whosoever hath tasted at his hand must
He draweth men, yea, strange
return.
women, men of war, and such as return
empty from games of chance, they that are
an hungered, and they to whom spirits are
denied and afterwards he vanisheth and
goeth unto his couch with the rising sun.
The darkness is as day unto him; and lest
men should speak, and by questioning
comprehend his mystery, their mouths are
and their stomach-souls are
stopped,
;
satisfied.
He
useth
'.he
sheets of salvation
and men feel themselves, as

it were, enticed
and come to him swearing
that they cannot resist his charm.
He
"
asketh of them but one question
When
for a platter;
CALLED JOHNSTON.
IS
come
shalt them
37
hither again?"
And none
for that is his riddle.
can answer him;
Who
that
are his satellites?
watch
number
remain
over
And
until the
him?
lest
his
Who
are they
Cats
without
should
secret
dawn, these children and
ministers of the sphinx devour that which

his bounty has bestowed, or which the
blind and careless ones of the world have

cast aside.
None may dare
to
name him.
He cometh
from the desert; and to the

desert he returns.
His resting-place is
beside the pyramids. And it shall come to
pass that when this city of success hath
crumbled, and the mountains of Blackness
look down upon desolation, there shall
remain among the ruins two mysteries a

fire which burneth in the night behind the
eyes of the sphinx, and the Willick Woman
:
before her pyramid of shells.

The Willick Woman holdeth
the
daylight; and that which is

called Johnston is the GREATER MYSTERY
PYRAMID
in
of the Desert.
MONSIEUR AMONG THE

MUSHROOMS.
A "Modern" Philosopher at Large.

Much
Note.
Among
that
is
"
possibly incomprehensible in
Monsieur
"
be plain if those who may be

consult an illustrated book on mushrooms. Even
Mushrooms
the
will
puzzled will
"
"
Mushrooms
the small and picturesque sixpenny volume,
by
Somervilie
this
book that
published by Gowans and

prove to the most critical student of
F.R.C.S.,
Hastings,
Cray, of Glasgow,
will
growths of the mushroom family
in the various
human body has been
reproduced, and
symbol of eternity, the circle, is written plainly upon
our meadows by this extraordinary plant.
feature of
every
the
that the
The mushroom
family
is
by
far the largest in the world, for
we find on jam,
and the remarkable Tubina Cylindrica, which is neither a pure
vegetable or an animal, but seems to be a little of both; while
it
includes Bacteria, and the growths which
the
human
brain
is
the
by
reproduced
exactly
Caryne
sarcoides.
To
maintain
footnotes
The
of
this
the
book,
"
accompanied "Monsieur
Ecclesiastical Record for May,
Irish
But those
omitted.
lightly
format
the
which
as
thinker
who
are
inclined
would do well
to
to
very
in
elaborate
pages of
have been
the
1915,
"
treat
consult
Monsieur
the
"
original
article.
I.
iONSIEUR was an
active
little
extremely
man,
feature,
whose
be of no
activity appeared
value whatever.
His nose,
which was his most striking
seemed by its shape to suggest that
to
AMONG THE MUSHROOMS.

it
desired to escape from his face.
39
His
ears were so peculiarly small that one could

scarcely have been excused for exhibiting
had they suddenly disappeared

His eyes were wide and full of
astonishment, as though for him this world
provided an endless panorama of surprises.
He was a small man, round and swollen,
surprise
inwards.
so round, indeed, as to prevent taller people

from bestowing that superior patronage
upon him which causes such pleasurable
sensations in the bestower.
he possessed ideas
'
We should
As
to dress,
own.
and never obtrude,"
"
of his
reflect,
he said not infrequently.

And if we are
to find anything we must begin by losing
ourselves."
He had perfected, after considerable

expense, a somewhat elaborate sartorial
colour scheme. And his clothes, even to
were capable of presenting, on
being turned inside-out, a second shade.
In
this
matter
he was scrupulously
consistent for after tramping along a dusty
road in raiment entirely adapted to the
his socks,
colour of the dust, so that he appeared

merely as a rather solid cloud, he would
effect the turning inside-out of his
garments
40
on
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
some
suitable
the
domain
between the
and finally enter
spot,
macadam and
the grass,
of green as
verdant as the
freshest blade beneath his feet.
And how perfect a philosophy was his

with harmony as its object and the natural
world as its analogy. Why, even in the
!
was the expression of his

dust of the road was
very
theory
absorbed by its surroundings, so that none
should say where the track began and
where it ended. Did not the sea reflect the
artificial
:
sky,
there
the
and the grass the grasshopper?
Had
not the flowers taken their colours from the

rainbow when their eyes were damp with
gratitude for rain?
And
surely their backs
had become green by gazing at the grass?

Did not the snowdrop take its purity from
the snow ? and the sweep his blackness from
the soot? But it were unwise to delay the
The analogy of the pantry

be smashed in the scullery.
And who shall smile as he contemplates
the dismay with which Monsieur discovered
his cul-de-sac ?
There it lay at his feet, a
displeasing and unashamed destroyer of
theories.
There, with its corpse-like head
and hideously human pinkness beneath;
dreadful truth.
was destined
to
41
the growth of an hour that would spurn the

centuries; a puff-ball paradox; the flower
that blooms in darkness, and turns the
pallor of death to the daylight, and the
pink of health to the verdure through which
it obtrudes itself
!
And
as, for
Monsieur,
all
things in nature,
with one exception, obeyed the laws of

harmony and reflection, that one exception
must be more powerful than all nature.
So
it
was
that
among
mushrooms
the
Monsieur believed he might find that for

which as a philosopher he sought. Yet,
how should so diverse a congregation be
gathered together, save by the pursuit of
small and great, yellowish-brown
or purplish-black, into the very stomach
And in such a pursuit how
of the earth.
many would be the chances of selfenrichment for evilly-disposed persons,
spores,
whose lives were spent

which Monsieur so much
in
tending
that
desired.
Monsieur, in his eagerness to select and

dived into the earth, and toiled
through tunnels which had once enclosed
fiery and roaring monsters of iron, but
which were now silent mortuaries of the
acquire,
mushroom.
Indeed,
that
in
itself
was
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
42
another proof of the truth upon which our

philosopher had stumbled for did not the
:
these
of
silence
chambers
underground
noise and
testify to the displacement

steam-begotten force by that which
nature was proved all-powerful by
of
in
its
isolation ?
it was that Monsieur learned how
mushroom might be persuaded to grow
and here it was that for many days he
Here
the
toiled unobserved, appropriately attired in

black, with a light heart and a somewhat
lightened purse. And in those first, fresh,
he found time even to press his

theory upon others, as a physic to be
received in small measures, while the giver
active days
retains something,
And
so
it
came
arose a respectful
"
How
if
it
that, in
even be the bottle.

a little while, there
company
great, indeed,"
*'
exclaim,
is
the
of believers.
Monsieur would
mushroom
claimed the round world for
its
It
has
habitation
and when man rears his cities of stone it

demands of him that even in the heart of
cities it shall be given space to express
itself in
There
silence."
was
considered.
the world
For presently
itself
it
put
to
its
be
claw

into
its
own
43
stomach, where Monsieur and
and
an
of
a commodity
commercial value.
his disciples were digesting wisdom,

demanded to know the reason for
aesthetic
appreciation
interesting only for
And
Monsieur,
its
dragged
into
expostulating vigorously, and
daylight,
infuriated at
the incongruity of his attire, the reverse side

of which was shaded in harmony with the
Belfast
at
atmosphere
that
particular
season, could hardly be considered a

exponent of the transcendental.
happy
How
indeed should ravings and grumblings and

half -expressed anathemas, strung as beads
upon a thread of truth, which was to lead
men safely from their present intellectual

labyrinth, seem in any sort different from
the wisdom of those whom the world had,
ex abundanti cautela,
houses ?
set
aside in strong
Here, indeed, were the materials for a

undignified martyrdom; and with
most
disciples
enough
to
encourage the soul in
yet unwilling to interfere in the

business of the executioner or to occupy
Learned and
the centre of the stage.
distress,
were assembled
Monsieur arraigned as an
serious ones of the world
quickly,
and
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
44
emigre,
"
who had proved

"
traitor
to
the
by setting up a
standard of intelligence which depended for
its rectitude merely upon the vigour of his
universal consciousness
expostulation.
And who
can
forget
the
genial
and
superior smile which rested

of his judges?
upon the faces

The mushroom was the all-
Who could
powerful exception
Just so.
doubt it? But for such as believed in it
!
there
had been made complete
provision.
The
exception might be right; but they

preferred the universal law of harmony to
remain unbroken.
Prove his exception,
and law itself should cease. How, then,
could Monsieur object to illustrate that law
by joining those who differed from the
world on some small matters ?

"
But how," exclaimed Monsieur,
I
make
progress in
He was
my
'*
shall
investigation?"
with gentleness that,

even though placed extra muros, he should
*'
*'
have
every facility,"
ample scope,"
and that, above all, he might hope to be
assured
well again.
"But
"
In
what end?" he interrupted.

order," it was explained to him,
to

"
that
you may be
in
harmony with
majority."
'
Why,
then," he demanded,
"
shall
43
the
we
not drown ourselves, and be in harmony

with the unnumbered things of the sea?"
And
afterwards, with dignity, as one

"
the unspeakable
But the
Man, their
majority here are mushrooms
expounding
It is he who is extra
toy, is nowhere.
muros !"
So that being said, the company of
learned and serious ones was scattered, and
Monsieur introduced to a state of life with
which he was unfamiliar.
Here, indeed, was a Daniel dragged to

and Bedlam itself a hive of
masonry, ringed by a huge wall. Within
Bedlam;
were the courts of princes and all the kings

of the earth, aliened for a time, but surely
to come again into their kingdoms.
Here
were sages and dreamers, poets and those
who saw
visions; some who possessed the

the Indies, yet strutted in rags
because the rulers of the house denied them
gold of
Holders of secrets there were who

whispered in corners that which could
shake a throne. Wise men, too, who knew
all things; and when a revelation was
liberty.
46
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
almost uttered, realised on a sudden that

none could be worthy of it, and feigned to
Here were energy beyond belief,
forget.
activity, serious purposes.
And into the midst of these wonders

Monsieur was projected, his brain bowed
So
beneath a weight of budding theories.
active was he in sorting and labelling his
mental treasures that for the first days of
his captivity he accepted the mechanical
attentions of his keepers, and said nothing
of the procession of wonders that passed
down
the
highway
of his soul.
Vainly had those who believed in him

exerted their whispering powers at a hundred age-holes in the walls, and in vain had
one of them torn a garment of green in the
embraces of a similarly tinted tree.
Most
surely the prophet slumbered while the
sons of the prophet strove to release him
from his prison.

But
how
sieur.
No
rich
were these days
longer
in
contact
for
Mon-
with
the
mushroom, he was able to contemplate it dispassionately and to realise at a

distance its magnitude.
But what need
was there that he should struggle to escape ?
Better remain at rest, and leave the place
material
47
when it pleased him. For with his knowledge of the mushroom he was all-powerful.
Behind the material which witnessed to a
supremely strong exception, there was the
energy of mind that drove and guided,
swept aside and conquered. And in the
mushroom
contact.
itself there was unity without

The mushroom was, indeed, a
giant body torn and strewn over the earth.

There was the fungus of the hair. There
was that which, by its shape, clearly proved
the existence of brain.
There was a form
which made certain that the egg was the
There
origin of that which it contained.
was the manifestation of that which generates.
And there was a growth which
There
appertained to the lower animals.
were many things besides
the star-like
eyes, from which the sun and moon
derived their radiance; the great masses of
body and limb the fingers and the features
the mouth that devoured.
There was the
warrior from whose wounds blood could
flow. There was that which indicated the
cellular structure of the human body, and
:
indeed of
this
was
was
all
living things.
And
incalculably strong, and

inexplicably united.
yet all
all
this
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
48
There was more than human power; for

there material dust that might blind
was not
a pursuer?
How
man
poor a thing
appeared, after
compared with the mushroom that

could set its seal upon man's food, and
That is mine
say
grasp a tree in its
embrace, make the forest its own, lay its
fingers on the fields; encompass eternity
indeed, and set bounds upon the dances of
all,
' '
the dead.
How
could Monsieur fear with so great a
power to befriend him? He was in peace,

and should he not continue in peace as
long as it pleased him?
But there were some who thought differently.
To
the world of those skilled in
was in no wise
be left alone.
He, being a novelty,
must be acquired; books must be born of
him; reputations raised, or at least sustained and to that end it became necessary
that he should reveal all that was in his
heart.
Monsieur had certainly spoken
before the learned and serious ones who
had sat in judgment upon him; therefore
he would talk to those who should come to
grow wiser by watching him.
potions and cures, Monsieur
to

But Monsieur was
any who
he said
"
It
questioned him.
and smiled upon

Once, indeed,
Unless
It
you.
silent,
49
is
am
left
alone,
now my
shall leave
pleasure to remain.
may, however, please me to depart

Subtle ones there were, who professed to
understand and such came to him secretly,

pretending that they believed in him; and
;
of these
he would inquire
'What is the noblest thing?"

The mushroom," they would answer.
Then become a mushroom if you would
'
'
learn nobility."
Still
who lowered
chamber, in the
wiser ones there were
speaking-pipes
into
his
hope that he might converse with himself.

But into their pipes he would pour suitable
oaths, and afterwards close them with
corks of fungus.
Others, professing greater subtlety, served
mushrooms with his meals, in the hope that
they might induce him to speak; but he
would set the repast aside, and demand of
those who waited upon him
:
Wherefore do you
before
It
set
your superiors
me?"
came
about, therefore, that his keepers
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
50
were instructed to use what brains they

possessed, and to remember as well as they
could any chance words he might have to
They must on no account permit him
say.
to observe them in the act of taking notes,
and must interpose some convenient barrier between Monsieur and any literary
operation which they might think fit to
They must neither exhibit
perform.
interest
in
his
should
conversation
nor express
he proceed
to expound
surprise
Borne astonishing or enlightening truth.
The mushroom-growing properties of the

asylum plantation and the actual resources
of the estate were carefully ascertained;
and until the mushroom had been cultivated by artificial means, Monsieur was, at
stated hours of the day, led to those spots
where it flourished unaided by man.
To
the
satisfaction
of
the
Governor a
vigorous growth of fine puff-balls
was
dis-
covered by chance in a thickly timbered

portion of the estate;
was
and
thither
Monsieur
Here, indeed, was

a sight which filled him with enthusiasm.
How certain an evidence of force beyond
at
once conducted.
man's understanding. The artillery of the

all-powerful; an arsenal packed to the roof

with powder.
which
51
That was something upon
to feast the eyes.
At
the sight of
it,
indeed, Monsieur's eyes were seen to fill

with tears and when he had regained control of himself, he reverently plucked one
of the precious globes and, walking to the
;
boundary wall, flung
it
into the outer world.
Afterwards, upon
knees, he contemwhich
he
realised
was to deliver
that
plated
him from bondage. But the time was not
his
and he must learn patience.

For a while he held converse with his
beloved puff-balls; but a sudden rising to
yet,
his feet revealed to
him
the absence of his
There was a crackling of paper;

and they emerged from behind trees. Then
it was that he desired to see the Governor
Monsieur's wish should
of the Asylum.
be granted as soon as the Governor had
keepers.
prepared himself for the interview. Much,

writer of shortindeed, had to be done.
hand must be hidden behind some screen.
The Governor was smarting under instructions from the compounders of potions and
cures.
He had been
"
told to
"
take every
let nothing slip," because

precaution," to
the case of Monsieur was "quite unique,"
"
capable of yielding
much
valuable data";
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
52
and,
of
course,
it
was
"
of
the
utmost
"
"maintain the traditions
of the institution which, as one of the com"
occupied an undisputed
pounders said,
"
importance"
to
place in the forefront of mental research

and the fact of the Governor having taken
trouble
would
The Governor,
like
man.
"
redound
to
his
credit."
played his part

Long-stalked toad-stools
therefore,
The
replaced the flowers in his vases.
literature of mushrooms was strewn over
Pictures of mushrooms had been
and were even now taking the
place of the more homely engravings on
his walls.
Nothing was left undone,
because the Governor had been advised to
"
spare no expense." Most of the parlour
chairs were removed in order that Monsieur
might have space to examine the wonders
which had been prepared for his admiraAn ancient piano-stool, with one
tion.
leg, had been covered with white holland
cloth, drawn hastily together with threads
below the seat; in fact all had been done
his table.
framed,
that imagination could suggest to persuade

Monsieur to exhibit the peculiar symptoms
of
madness which made his case so attracWhen all was ready, and Monsieur
tive.
53
was permitted to enter, he surveyed the

room, with a smile. Here, at least, he was
at home
The Governor was the only
human being visible; and Monsieur made
haste to address him.
"
Have they also assured you that you
may hope to be well again?"
The Governor had not expected so complete an appreciation of his efforts.
"
"
I have," he said,
received no assurance of hope."
!
"Do you, then, worship the mushroom?"

He had learned from Monsieur to admire
it.
At that Monsieur, as was most natural,

showed much satisfaction; and with a
sweep of the arm, which was to indicate
the unity of the apartment and its occupants, he possessed himself of the Governor's hand.
For Monsieur was too good
a philosopher to forget that man, as well

is that which surrounds
as being himself,
him
also.
"
place my thoughts before you," he

"
exclaimed.
Do we know all things?"
"
I hope not," said the Governor.
"It is possible, then, that we may know
I
more
Who
is
there to
deny
that
what
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
54
have found may not be the true exception

which proves the ruler?"
*'
I cannot follow you."
That being so, remain at rest in your
'
tearing a toadplace, and, observe this,"

"
Here is that which
stool from a vase.
harmony and reflection.

which rears a death-head to
the heavens, and shows pinkness to the
soil which resembles nothing in nature but
This thing, I
that which is decaying.
declare to you, is stronger than that which
obeys, and therefore it is the master.**
denies the laws of
Here
is
that
This expression of the unspeakable was

terminated by an explosion.
sneeze
from the writer of shorthand found Monsieur, with the energy of an avalanche, pre-
cipitated against a screen, and afterwards

rebounding with righteous fury upon the
Governor.
' '
Hirer of spies
Betrayer
poured
from Monsieur's mouth. And after that,
still spluttering with disgust, he was led
!
gently away.
II.
It
was upon
to the
those
the day following his visit
Governor that Monsieur saw one
who
believed in him.
of
He was upon

his daily pilgrimage
puff-balls,
mushroom
to
the plantation of
when he stumbled upon a

of great size,
5b
single
below the boun-
Here was another deliverer

should Monsieur do but crouch upon
the soil beside it?
This was a strange
mushroom, for upon its death-head was
dary-wall.
What
inscribed a message
*
We
you night and day.

pluck it up and cast it
over the wall where your believers await
shall wait for
Having found
this,
you."
Monsieur, with reverence and care,
examined this mushroom in masquerade.
It was indeed a gauntlet flung up to nature
And where the root should have been there
!
was a weighted
spike; so that
if
this
cun-
ningly-devised engine were cast aloft it

would descend and remain planted in the
earth
How much
evidence
energy.
of
reason for joy

Here was
of
conviction
and
strength,
!
They whom he had
instructed
For the present, at

least, they should know that he still lived
and loved them. So he concealed the cunningness of the mushroom, and at a con-
might yet lead him.
venient moment,
flung
it
into
the outer
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
56
While
world.
the
was yet
messenger
in the air a strange presence,
clothed in
and crowned with

cardboard stones,
broken glass, rose above the wall, grinned
upon Monsieur for a moment, and was
gone.
'
The season
near and
;
suaded
shorten itself," Monsieur mut"I desire a bag in

aloud
to
And
tered.
which
my
of my departure shall be
time of detention must be per-
to
store those puff-balls that
have
reached maturity."
A bag was
be seen
which was
to
if
brought to him.
there
to deliver
was
It
remained
sufficient of
that
him.
It was unfortunate that the silk hat of a

Chairman of Committee should have been
penetrated by the spike of a mushroom in
masquerade. The accident could only be

accounted for by the fact that he was
directly beneath the messenger when it fell
;
but that discovery did not console him for

a scarred scalp and an enforced attendance
the purveyor of hats.
Monsieur and his mushrooms were the
subject of a tropical debate in Committee;
and finally Monsieur was dragged, perspir-
upon
57
from his puff-ball plantation, bearing

a bag of mature powder in his arms.
ing,
The Chairman
displayed his damages
which had penetrated it;

and for Monsieur's comfort he lowered his
head to expose the extent of the contusion
wrought by the spike.
Monsieur was then requested to say
whether he had thrown the masquerader.
He had not; being engaged upon matters
the hat,
of
and
that
great importance in
the plantation of
puff-balls.
Could he, then, explain why such

inscribed missiles should descend upon the
innocent.
After consideration, Monsieur declared

speaking as a Determinist, it seemed
that,
him
and the skull

meet each other the one
being made and the other meat; because
law in the material predicated law in the
clear to
were made
that the spike
to
spiritual.
Could
Monsieur,
then,
explain
the
inscription.
After consideration,
Monsieur declared
speaking as an Idealist, he could not

trust himself to promise that the meaning
that,
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
58
which the
inscription might
have
him
for
could be communicable to another.
The
was placed in his hands.

Could he now say what the words upon it
missile
signified.
in
That, Monsieur thought, might be done

a century or so.
The words were
"night and day."
much
"Night"
suggested
the closing of shops, the slumber of

the respectable, the silences and the noises
:
of the night, the swing of great bodies

through the sky, the activity of those things
which had rested through the heat of the
day, and above all the growth of the
superb exception the mushroom that had
proved the ruler
Should he speak of the "day"?
Not
until he had spoken of the great conjunc"
"
tion
the
and
that
held
amazing
"
"
"
"
!
and
day
together, and
in a circle about the earth.
night
them
bound
How
gigantic a conjunction which in commerce

the
joined the obvious to the mysterious
!
man
to his
Remove
company
"
"
and
from the world, and
would be broken; cheques
would remain uncrossed; and a chasm
would open, upon either side of which
the marriage-tie
39
should stand for ever Biscuit and Walrus,

But transcending
Carpenter and Cheese
!
all
"
this
and
"
was
the
extraordinary
might be made
"
that
fact
to illustrate
"
a great
and
bound together,
philosophic truth
without touching the things which it joined
and was not this the glorious principle
:
which it had been Monsieur's privilege to

the law of the Mushroom
apprehend
:
Unity without Contact

"
"
And who could speak of all that day
suggested, without a shudder or a smile?
Blinds were raised
the doors of virtue
opened the stars swept from the sky the
magnet of the Metropolis once more
charged with its diabolic power to wrest
the workman from his wife, the pauper
from the provinces, the ice-cream seller
from the Ionian Sea; that for another
"
"
the great world-engine should
day
grind and groan. And so there would be
a blaze and blister of heat, until the mush"
"
!
room demanded darkness, and

night
"
came at its call, so that the great excep"
tion
It
should express
was intimated
itself
unseen.
politely
to
Monsieur
that, patient though the Committee were,

they would prefer that he should, if pos-
60
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
them the meaning of the

words upon which, individually, he had
sible, express for
treated with considerable eloquence.
The
Chairman, indeed, ventured to declare that

"
Monsieur was
strangely sane "; and that
his remarks "betrayed a grasp of logic"
"
which, though
put to extravagant use,"
nevertheless, led one to believe that Monsieur's reasoning powers were normal. But
why
this
intrusion
of
the
mushroom?
Monsieur's sense of humour should preserve
him
' '
from crowning
all his logical
processes with the head of His Most Martyred Majesty !"
This carefully-prepared impromptu was

greeted with almost violent appreciation.
Monsieur at once appealed to the Committee to confirm his opinion that the
Chairman alone was guilty of intruding

He, Monsieur,
King Charles's head.
indeed reduced all things to mushrooms
because he had discovered that all things
could be so reduced and he was free from
;
who desired to quesstatement had studied the subject as deeply as he himself had done.
Monsieur's introduction of the mushroom
criticism until those
tion
was
his
perfectly
legitimate.
The
Chair-

man, on
unable
the other hand,

suppress his
to
guous reference
to the
61
had clearly been

somewhat ambi-
deceased king.
And
his veiling of the metaphor indicated, so

far as Monsieur could judge, a struggle of
some standing. Monsieur suspected that
the
Chairman had
at
some time
made a mental compact with
or other
himself to
suppress the direct and hackneyed reference; and if unable to refrain, simply to
put forth some pleasing though inclusive
expression of the thought.
The
Chairman
with
extraordinary
gravity, which contrasted curiously with
laughter of his colleagues, informed
Monsieur that he could afford to ignore
any analysis from so prejudiced and quesa
tionable
Monsieur
must
quarter.
attend to the matter in hand.
Did he, or
did he not, know the meaning of the words
"
Night and day "?
After
some consideration, Monsieur
declared that, speaking as a Philologist
Amid much noise and laughter Monsieur was informed that the Committee
had no occasion to be instructed in Philology, nor had it any desire to be instructed
The
at that exact moment by Monsieur.
the
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
62
was
question
simple.
It
remained
to
be
answered.
some consideration, Monsieur

After
declared that, speaking as a lover of Logic,
he objected
that
the
question
proposed
was exclusive of what he was generous

enough to suppose the Committee desired.
They had asked for the meaning of the
Was he, then, to conclude that

desired
to ascertain the actual meanthey
the
words possessed when
which
ing
words.
inscribed upon the head of the masquerader on this particular occasion?
That was it
Exactly to the point
Committee unanimously congratulated Monsieur on his discernment and the
!
The
lucidity
At
of
this
tressed.
his
expression.
Monsieur appeared much

It
was
painful
earnest seekers after truth.
to
dis-
disappoint
But how, he
to
in
them, how,
fairness, could
appealed
him
to
attach
a meaning to
they expect
words inscribed upon a mushroom in mas-
querade that had penetrated the silk hat of

a Chairman of Committee? The Chairman had clearly broken the communication. How should a mushroom grown from
a silk hat have the same value as a mush-

room grown
63
Monsieur would
in a field?
venture upon the thin ice of no hypothesis.

By accepting the inscription upon a masquerader, so strikingly presented to consciousness, he might become blind to the
great truths which it was his joy to discover
mu
in the genuine
matter must end.
^room.
And
there the
now, Monsieur
asked,
by way of excuse, could he be certain that

the Chairman had not placed the masquerader in his
own
his
feelings
At
this there
silence
hat, possibly as a relief to
was an uproar; but when
became
appealed
to the
what he had
possibility
Committee
Monsieur
to call to
mind
said about the Chairman's
weakness.
Had
reference to
King Charles's head before?
they
heard
similar
Certainly not.
"But," Monsieur pleaded, "you canknow with what subtlety he may have
not
disguised it. For observe, in this instance,

except for certain local associations, the
metaphor could have been applied with
equal force to a King of France!"

After that Monsieur was dismissed, and
the Chairman put to some pains to exclude
an unfortunate reference to himself on the
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
64
minutes of the Committee. There were

some, however, who voted for the inclusion of those parts to which he offered
objection, on account of their possessing
much value as evidence of the mental processes of a lunatic.
Monsieur's
tactless
treatment
Chairman was
for
his
quite possibly
continued detention.
man, indeed, possessing a
of
the
responsible
The Chair-
taste
for
the
delicacies of language, relished what Monsieur had said at the commencement of
the
inquisition, and
that before
suppose
allowed
him
himself
there
stood
to
It
and persecuted philosopher.
should be clear, therefore, that if Monsieur had been satisfied to accept as all
wise men accept the meaning clearly
the
for
intended
actually
meaning
patient
expressed, in place of crushing the Chairhe might have been

unkindly,
man
released.
The Chairman had
reason to understand
never so exquisitely acid as
when it comes to be delivered from the
dock. And Monsieur obtained at least a
prize to console him when he gained the
knowledge that it is never safe to joke at
that ridicule
is
6>
the expense of one's judge.

But he had
apparently neglected to learn that retaliation should be undertaken only by the
strong.
'
The worm," he
said
to
one
of
his
keepers, as he left the room of Committee,

"that turns should prepare for eternity!"
The picture, as we see it, is sad Monsieur so near to liberty, yet not released.
:
His believers preparing
to
welcome him
at the prison gate, and sent back scowling

and sorrowful to their work upon the wall;
tearing, as they go, the laurel coronet that

might the better resemble a palm of
it
martyrdom; for information as to the progress of the inquisition had been conveyed
at intervals to them by a servant of the
Asylum.
Monsieur, it appeared, had not suspected how near he had come to the
sweets of slavery; so, when he was led
from before the Committee, he returned
with haste to the plantation of puff-balls.
The unwearied
attentions
of
the
philo-
sopher had somewhat reduced the number of dust-globes.

And as the days
Monsieur
found
himself in possespassed,
sion of
E
much powder;
until at length
he
66
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
considered that he might be contented with

Then it was
what his bag contained.
he strayed, with the bag in his arms,

towards the boundary wall and presently
he wrenched a great cake of fungus from
the arms of a low-built sycamore, and
with a swing, tossed it over the wall.
vigorous oath might be offered as evidence
that it struck a watcher in the outer world;
tut that is unimportant. The fact upon
which it becomes necessary to concentrate our attention is that a scaling-ladder
was suddenly shot over the wall, and
And when
lowered at Monsieur's feet.
that
the slowly-working wits of the keepers
had
digested the objective reality of this apparition, Monsieur was already almost out
of reach.
And when
they darted forward
to claim
the calves of his legs, the very

seemed
to split, and the sand of some
sky
celestial desert to descend upon them.
Also there was something in this dust

which appeared to penetrate their souls,
and make pity, for a time, one of their
emotions; so that when they struggled
from the stupor of sympathy, Monsieur
was already upon
his
feet
in
the outer

world,
waving " an
are wont to
ring
the towels of triumph
1
have documents
regained
his
my
in
freedom.
He
which are evidence

after
he
some time under the
and
lived
investigations
for
protection of the keeper of a plant nursery,

enthusiastic a
so
believer
the
wave
possession
conduct
Monsieur's
regarding
as
bag
empty
"
ritualists of the
67
in
the
doctrine
who had become

the Mushroom
of
he painted his glass-houses with a black light-excluding

and cultivated the mushroom reverently.
primitive
worship had already developed when Monsieur was restored to
his followers. I have reason to believe that he prepared to
encourage this, and, in some respects to modify it. But the
world interfered. There is a journal before me which records
frequent attacks upon the glass-houses; and there are references
that
fluid,
to search parties
from the Asylum.
am
enabled to trace the
purchase of a sailing ship by the keeper of the plant nursery,

and the embarkation of Monsieur and his followers upon this
the
ship,
After that,
hold
I
of
which
have no
contained
mushroom-spore
reliable evidence.
however, there occurs a passage which
ment
'
bricks.
In Merchgoldt's Diary,
I
quote without com-
At
lat.
140,
long.
20,
we
sighted
a small island,
which
seemed a place where pure water might be found. The water

was good; but with the exception of mushroom and fungus
growths of all kinds, there was no vegetation. Some of the
mushroom growths were the largest I have ever seen; and
several of them bore an absurd resemblance to human faces.
One of the photographs, which I have
I took several photos.'
seen, bears an extraordinary likeness to Monsieur.
THE BOILER OF
jHOSE whom
and
such
BONES.
Johnston hath fed,

as
have loved
whisper one to
another that a boiler of bones
the
from
hath
departed
Smithfield,
earth,
that
yea,
called Aunt,
is
Jane,
dead.
The world
is
blind,
whom
and
the
world
the world
to
Aunt Jane was one who

remaineth among the ruins, even a cheerwhich
ful
is
blind
woman
of
much
girth, that
dwelt in an
ancient habitation, nigh unto the region

which aforetime bore the sign of a spade.
world, which is blind, she

window, behind whose casement
a geranium, exceeding weary and deso-
For
the
offered a
late,
struggled
to
live.
And
they
that
were blind who passed through her door

saw a great fireplace, and over the fireplace a vast, smoke-stained cauldron,
in
which there simmered divers bones. And

when the law had laid its hand upon such
THE BOILER OF BONES.

as sold
those
spirits,
and they
that
Aunt
Jane.
say:
'What
were
who were
athirst,
69
cast forth,
came unto
And
unto them she would

thou have to drink?"
And straightway would she lay bottles of
the Liffey, one by one, between her
knees, and uncork them as though the cork
itself
wilt
were eager
to escape.
"
None," said the world, which is blind,

able to draw the cork from a bottle of
stout after the manner of Aunt Jane."
And before such as desired food or were
an hungered would Aunt Jane lay a
And none
platter of steaming bones.
dared to ask from what manner of carcase
the bones were taken.
Makers of wealth would come unto Aunt
Jane, and they that were poor, and they
whose eyes were darkened, having fought
"
is
own kin.
And many there were who
with their
declared that
Aunt Jane had no store of good repute;

and some there were who whispered
curious tales. The scribe knoweth none
of these things; for upon Aunt Jane his
But the scribe
eyes have never rested.
hath inquired, yea, made diligent search;
UNKNOWN
70
IiMMORTALS.
and they whose word is as the laws of the

Medes and Persians have declared that
Aunt Jane was without blemish, and that
was the path of the virtuous.

But there came unto the scribe one who
told of Aunt Jane and of her glories, and
her path
and of her skill

a puller of stout; so that the scribe
longed to see her and to learn her wisdom.
But before his desire could be satisfied
she was dead yea, even before one with
of her cauldron of bones,
as
whom
she was familiar could lead the

scribe to her abode she had passed away.
And the scribe called this one privily unto
'
That which is called

him, and said
Aunt Jane is dead; yea, while thou wast
abroad upon thy journey she departed
from among the children of men."
And he answered and said unto the
**
scribe
That which hath been told thee
is false.
She is not dead; and even if
what thou sayest be true, there must of a
But
surety arise another like unto her.
take heed what thou sayest; for that
:
which is called Aunt Jane dieth not."

Yet the world which is blind hath
declared that much gold, even five thousand talents, remained after she had died.
71
And some there are who declare that they

whom the law had commanded to keep
watch upon such as pulled
stout
in
the
darkness received their reward, even four

hundred talents of gold given unto the
centurion of the constabulary.
For that
was the will of her that was dead; and
such was decreed by those who interpreted
the written
desires
of
her who had
unto
another
departed
place.
Smithfield
tradeth
in
is
the
fair;
the Willick
daylight;
Woman
which
that
is
called Johnston giveth food upon the pages

of salvation, and preacheth to such as have
drunken strong wine. But that which was

called Aunt Jane was a worker in darkness, and her spirit seemed like unto the
darkened spaces of the moon.
For she
dwelt in the shadow of darkness and made
a sacrifice of bones unto strange gods.
She lived through evil days; and was as
one who pitcheth his tent near unto a
camp of them that rob fools. And it came
to pass that such as were of ill repute were
driven away and scattered; but the temple
of
that
which is called Aunt Jane
remained, and from her cauldron there
;
arose the vapour of bones.
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
72
Yet
and
shall
the
scribe
naught them
set at
sing her praises,

that claim to be
like unto her.
Let the dwellers of Smithfield mourn;

the Willick Women lift up their voices;
let
which is called Johnston make

one who was great hath
departed, and that from this city of success
there hath gone forth a strange beauty.
And let them whose eyes are blinded
believe that she, who was an aunt unto
many, boileth bones no more for ever, and
draweth stout no longer for them that are
and
let that
known
that
athirst.
Let the constabulary rejoice. Let the

centurion of the constabulary be glad; yea,
let them she hath enriched make merry.
But if that which is called Aunt Jane were

dead this city of success would be poorer
by her
entry into the grave; and the place

of the spade should
which bore the sign

know her no more.
Who
is
this
that boileth
bones
in
the
darkness
Who is this, sister of a parent,
she that orfereth curious sacrifice?
She
hath the hill of caves for a companion, and
keepeth her place as long as the rivers
endure.
That which the blind have
>
73
called jane is without end; for they who

tread the ruins about her temple can tes-
She it is that offereth

and at her bidding the
moon revealeth the face which she hideth
from the children of men.
tify that
she liveth.
sacrifice for fools;
THE MADMAN.
E was a shabby
an
little
indescribable
about
man, with
air
of
him;
and
importance
he plied his trade with laudable determination.
His hairdressing shop hid itself away in

Tired
a narrow lane off Dame Street.
clerks
were
his
City
important asset; and
he cut their fast-thinning hair with dex-
making witty remarks, and occasome personally-comsionally

selling
tonic
for
baldness.
pounded
His morning trade was almost all shaving; and he kept two meek and doleful
little boys and a heavy-faced assistant to
help him to cope with the early rush.
terity,
The
boys prepared the customers'

by dabbling soap on them with a
bountiful brush, and rubbing the lather in
little
faces
until
it
had softened the hair sufficiently.

the nickname he went
Keen Crot was

by
in the vicinity.
The
origin of this piece
THE MADMAN.
of
75
wit has never been traced

or child; but the name
woman,
seemed
One
to
fit
by man,
Keen Crot
him somehow.
regular customers for a

shave
was
a quiet and drab old
morning
man, who had been, it was said, the first
person to enter the barber's shop after the
That was twenty
painters had finished.
years before; and each day he came in
of
the
precisely at the same hour.

There are thousands of such
world; and perhaps the world

them. His hour of entry was
men
is
in the
better for
five
minutes
past ten.
Once he arrived just at ten o'clock for

he heard the clock strike and he waited
until the five minutes had passed before
he opened the door.
But that was only
once.
On his entry, Keen Crot would
look up from his work, and smile at him
solemnly, and say no matter what the
"
weather might be
Fine day, Mr. Garrick; fine day, sir."
"It is," the other would answer. "It

Mr. Crot." And then one of the doleful little boys would take him in hand.
No one knew exactly what Mr. Garrick did all day; but the two doleful little
is,
76
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
boys would confide in each other to the

effect that they were sure he kept a
But they
chemist's shop somewhere.
were never really certain.
The
began with Keen Crot very

It worried him more and
more, however, as the days passed; and
naturally he confided in no one, for he had
really no person to confide in, if it came to
trouble
slowly indeed.
He
that.
found out
after
a couple of
months that it worried him more just while

Mr. Garrick was in the shop. He almost
Then he
forgot about it after he left.
began to wonder if it were right to serve
such a person as Mr. Garrick.
But so
regular a customer could not easily be
He felt very wise in his knowspared.
ledge; but being passive troubled him.
To think that so harmless-looking a man
as Mr. Garrick could be guilty of such a
But there was no doubt

terrible crime
whatever about it.
Had he not plainly
seen the secret in Mr. Garrick's eyes? And
Saint Patrick's was a great building, too
a very great Cathedral. He would tell
!
them
however
good time
then he
wondered where Mr. Garrick had found
in time,
before
it
actually
fell.
all
in
And
THE MADMAN.
77
That troubled him very much;

but most of all he felt his sin it was
almost a sin; indeed, it was worse than a
sin
in not warning the people at Saint
the beetle.
on the very day he made the

But he excused himself by
that
he
was not really sure about
saying
it at first.
And so cunning a crime it was,
Who would
too, on the part of Garrick
have thought of a more diabolical agency
than he had used?
It must be getting
Patrick's,
discovery.
And
near the first of the foundations.
then the spire must fall
And then, look
at the man
why, no person would think
But
he was guilty, at first sight of him.
!
Keen
stupidity.
made
allowances for their

Everyone was not as wise as
Crot
he.
He had
one
of
the
gone so
far as to
walk up
to
the
Cathedral,
vergers
to
tell
him
the
dread
secret; but
intending
at the last moment he decided to postpone
in
That would give

for a whole year.
them something to discover. The beetle
should have the foundations eaten away
almost by that time; and then they would
He
know that what he spoke was truth.
waited a whole year, and then set out for
it
78
Saint
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
A verger he enticed
Patrick's.
into
a corner.
"
I
want to tell you something of the
utmost importance," he said.
"And what is that?"
"
I am a hairdresser, and I shave people
in the morning," Keen Crot replied, with
assurance in his voice.
There is a man
who comes to me he has come to me for
'
the
twenty
past
and he,
years
his
in
heart, is very wicked.
"
was shaving him one day, when he
me
told
He
told
me
that
he
beetle
at
the
side
of
the
that
would eat away the

Of
fell down.
his secret.
had buried a
Cathedral, and
it
foundations, until the spire

course, it is a great sin I
have
you about
told
have
that I have
will
'
The
attention,
mean
should
it
long ago.
the foundations mended,
told
you?"
matter shall
sir,"
You
now
said
receive
the
immediate
verger,
with a
'
You say he told you

very serious face.
that he buried a beetle?
Beetle burying's
getting far too common these days."
"Well," said Keen Crot, "I saw
his
You know
that
eyes.
reliable than speech."
more
that's
it
in
really
THE MADMAN.
79
"So
I
have heard," said the verger.
I'm not a clever man like you.
Well, good-day, sir. I'm sure I'm most
"
But
grateful to
you
your information."
for
Keen Crot smiled a

'
superior smile.
good man, thanks," he

said.
By the way, you might mention
to Lord Iveagh that the matter will be
Thanks,
"
attended
my
He
to.
is
a clever
myself, and perhaps he may

thing about the beetle too.
you can ease
his
mind, and
the spire is quite secure.

finished the repairs, you
to
punish Mr. Garrick."

"
I
think that there
plans for
"
like
he does,
If
him
tell
When
should
no need
"
that
you have
to
arrange
punish
If we spoil his
verger.
him, that should be sufficient
him," said the

for
is
man
know some-
him."
I
Crot.
don't agree with you," said Keen

"
But I'll call here this day month,
Meanand see what you have to say.

while, I'll keep an eye on Mr. Garrick."
A month from that date, the verger met
him
again.
'Well," said Keen Crot; "what did
you?"
tell
*
The
foundations,
thanks to you, are
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
80
'
safe,"
the
said
The
verger.
beetle
is
dead; I killed him myself in a pail of lime

and water."
'
That
good," said Keen Grot,
is
who
'
That is
very important indeed.
good. Now what do you propose to do
felt
Mr. Garrick?"
"
It has been
decided to do nothing.
We think that it may be wiser to leave him
to
alone."
'*
As you
will.
said
Keen
Grot.
out
another
don't agree with you,"

left the verger with-
He
word,
and
walked
home
rapidly.
The two
entered
doleful boys
the
shop.
were
They
he
and
fighting as
stopped,
regarded him with a certain awe.
"
He's lookin' odd enough now," said
the younger of the two.

*
They are satisfied to let the guilty
go
unpunished," remarked Keen Grot to himself, as he removed his coat in the little
"
room at the back of the shop.
Justice
is justice, however, and must be upheld;
and who is to uphold it save myself?"
The following morning, Mr. Garrick
entered the shop at five minutes past ten,
and looked at his watch, for he felt that
THE MADMAN.
8t
was something amiss
he could not
Then he remembered.
tell what.
Keen Crot had omitted to remark upon
the weather.
His smile also was absent.
there
"A
fine day, Mr. Crot," he said.

"Fine, indeed," said the other. "Fine
weather for the criminal classes!"
Mr. Garrick looked fixedly at Keen Crot
as he stropped a razor.
Then he sat
down, and laid his head on the adjustable
pad at the back of the seat.
"
Keen
"
fine
morning,
He
Crot.
indeed,
sir,"
said
was surely smiling now.
remains for me to see that justice

is upheld," he remarked, as he drew the
Garrick's
Mr.
blade
across
glittering
But
it
throat.
One
of the doleful
was a jug
There
by some-
boys fainted.
of boiling water spilled
one.
"
go and tell them that he's here, if

wish
to see him," said Keen Crot.
they
But a policeman had him by the arm
before he reached the end of the lane, and
seemed very unwilling to part with him.
"
He put a beetle under the foundations
of Saint Patrick's spire,"
the barber
I'll
explained
to
the
officer
at
the
police-
82
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS.
' *
station
and as the
authorities
of
the
felt it
Cathedral refused to punish him,
done."
to
see
justice
my duty
'Very wise indeed, sir; very wise
indeed," said a kind-looking doctor who
sat beside the officer.
I
JULIUS McCULLOUGH
LECKEY CRAIG,
N
this
city
of success there
is
who
hath carried for many

fame of a street poet.
the
days
Whence he came or whither
one
going hath no mystery

even for the blind, that is for the world
he
is
which believes it can see.

Julius McCullough Leckey Craig is his
name; and his hair has grown white with
much
singing.
He
is
the bard of the poor
and for those who desire to know of his

renown as the world, which is blind,
knoweth it, the scribe shall declare that
Julius is a small man, burdened with many
parchments, which he is eager to sell, each
for a penny; and these are his songs.
He
sang for many days that which was in his
heart; and being a child of this city of
success, suckled amid dust and the vomit
of mill-stocks, he gave his love to the sea.
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS
84
In a score of years his art has decayed

there was a time when he sang :
"
The sun
I
is
but
here very bright,

here in his glorious light.
shinin
am standin'
To Bangor and to Ballyholme,

By early trains to thee I come."
After the passage of ten years the scribe
sought him out, and reminded him of this
"
You remember a poem

wrote about Bangor and Ballyholme?"
you
"
I sold three thousand
Man, I do that
of them.
They were quare and popular;
but it takes a lot of trampin' to sell a
song, and said
thousand now."
"
In the old days." said the scribe,
"
you
wrote about the things which pleased you

greatly, the things which you felt.
that is why the people bought your
Then you began
And
poems.
to write to please others;
you wrote about religious and political

That
things which did not interest you.
was your mistake."

For a time he pondered on these words
and then he declared
Thon poem about Bangor and Ballyholme was quare and popular with the
of the scribe,
'
JULIUS
McCULLOUGH CRAIG
85
I mind bein* down on the Bangor

one night, and a Scotchman called out
There's a great poem about Bangor and
Ballyholme and Donaghadee by Mister
I'll give half-a-crown to anyone for
Craig.
a copy; for I have to catch the boat the
And there I was on the skim of
night.*
the crowd, and couldn't get near him before
a man hands out my poem, and gets his
Scotch.
pier
'
But
half-crown.
see
to
a penny
was quare
poem
goin*
an* pleased
half-a-
for
crown."
Then
the scribe said unto Mr. Craig

There was one who lived before your
time, whose name I know not, and my
memory holdeth merely a fragment of what
he has written. Here is one verse
:
'
On CarricJ^ shore 1 stood, I stood,

And gaped across at Holy wood;
And as I gaped I saw ajar
My
love
"Man!
real stuff,"
'
upon the Kinnegar."
that's a
grand poem; that's the

were the words of Mr. Craig.
There are other fragments," said the

"
Here is one
scribe.
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS
86
I'm the gaffer of the boys what
boil the hot
ash-jalt,
An' up there came a

An' says he to me
polis
man;
'
Maguire,
Will ye let me light me owl' clay pipe
At your big boiler fire?'
drew back jrom the shoulder,

An' I hit him such a wait,
That I knocked thon peeler spinnin'
Into the hot ash-jalt.
There
"
My
is
yet another," said the scribe:
love he
is a brave young man,

on Carrick Hill.
Ij you give him eggs and bacon
He's the boy can eat his fill!"
He
And
lives
the
heart
of
Julius
Leckey Craig was made
glad.
McCullough
As
a poet
of the poor in this city of success, the work

of a master who had gone silently before
him, and whose name was lost, filled him

with much joy; and he said: "There's a
town as well as meself.

Fought
you to meet him.
with Roberts at Kandahar. A terrible fine
intellect.
They call him Mr. Moore.
great poet in the
I
would
like
JULIUS
Makes a livin*
McCULLOUGH CRAIG
sellin' bits of flowers.
87
Man
he can write up a quare fine poem.

seen him do sixty lines in no time."
I've
And
the scribe engaged Julius to lead

privily unto the dwelling of the great
poet; but ere the day came the scribe had
him
been taken
to
dwell in dungeons with
men
together from the four corners of

Ireland, and Julius McCullough Leckey
Craig saw him no more. This the scribe
hath written for the world which is blind.
But of Julius what shall he say? Who
called
is this
Who
that singeth the songs of the poor?

this that giveth speech unto such
is
dumb, and who loveth them that

down
unto Bangor in ships? Who is
go
as are
this that
panteth for the coasts of Pickie,
and whose soul goeth thereunto by many

trains, even by early trains which leave
behind them the smoke of this city of
success
He
hath a sad countenance, yet a smile

is ever upon his face.
Ashes are upon him,
he
weareth
His sandals
no
sackcloth.
yet
are worn with much travel yet he dwelleth
His beard
ever among his own people.
hath grown white with age yet he hath the
heart of a little child.
;
88
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS
Let them who would understand this

mystery inquire of the Willick Woman let
them feast with that which is called
Johnston, and draw nigh unto the habitation
of her that aforetime boiled bones as a
Let them dwell in
sacrifice for fools.
;
Smithfield,
and follow the Fishman upon
that journey which hath no end.

Then shall they encompass the greatness
of Julius, and unto them shall be made
known
the secret of
calleth Craig.
him
whom
the world
a poet of the
the world calleth
For Julius
is
streets, and he, whom

Craig, singeth for the poor who have no
voice.
Julius is of the demigods, and
holdeth not the mysteries of them which are
unknown.
among
Yet
he be numbered
and dwell with them,
shall
the immortals,
though their glory belongeth not unto him.

For Julius speaketh no oracle.
He
them that are blind those

mysteries to which they may draw nigh.
Yet shall the scribe sing his praises, and
interpreteth for
give honour unto one that

heart.
is
simple of
THE LITTLE
CHILD,
THE
WISEST OF ALL
went
once
}HAMUS
by
off
himself for a walk.
He
lived quite close
corner
Mountains,
father,
and,
to
wood in a
the
Wicklow
enclosed
large
as
of
he used
the trees in this
to
tell
his
wood were very
fond of him; so on this particular day he

for a walk among his friends the big
trees.
He followed a narrow path, which
went
led straight through the wood; and as he

walked, the trees seemed to be talking
about him to each other. He had heard

them talking before; but he always found
it very hard to describe how they talked.
"
As he said to his father, You can only
hear them talk when they are making no
sound." And the curious thing was that
his father seemed to understand what he
meant.
Well,
this
day, as he walked along, the
big trees seemed to have a great deal to say

to each other; but he noticed that every
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS
90
time he stopped to listen to them, they
stopped talking.
And
presently a queer thing happened

field-mouse came running along the
path and stood looking very hard at him.
Then it turned about and walked in front

of him for a while. At length it commenced
to run very hard.
Shamus
thought
where
see
started
so
to
it
run
he
was
after
would
like
to
going,
so
he
it.
He
was
mouse,
watching
which kept just a few yards ahead of him,
that he didn't notice two strange old men
interested
who
in
the
stood upon either side of the path,
he was quite close to them.

They
were very small and very old, with bright
clever eyes, and their clothes seemed to
belong to them just as leaves belong to a
until
when
the little boy looked at

seemed
so much a part
men, they
of the wood that he wondered why he had
not seen them before. He was a little
nervous, in the same way as one might be
nervous in company with an old willowtree, which seemed likely at any moment
to turn into something with eyes and hands
and all the rest.
tree; indeed,
the old
THE LITTLE CHILD
91
But Shamus was not going to allow the

men to see that he was afraid, so he just
walked on. And he was greatly surprised
when he came up between them, for they
bowed solemnly to him, and, without
speaking, each slipped his arm beneath the
arm of the young lad which was next to
him, and so, with arms linked, they
old
marched solemnly on together.

Now this may seem very odd, but Shamus
thought, though he couldn't tell why, that
it
was all somehow just what should
happen, in the same way that it is right and
proper for ducks to march one after the
other, or for trout to keep their heads up
stream, or for midges to stay together in
crowds and dance up and down in the
twilight.
So without any
talk
whatever,
the three small figures arrived before a great

piece of rock that pushed itself up, as one
might imagine,
One
of the
to see
what was going on.
men took hold of a lump

The lump seemed to turn
little
in the rock.
quite easily, just like a handle; and immediately a door opened in the rock, and the
little
boy saw a number
underground.
old
men down
of steps leading
of the
Shamus followed one
these steps, while the other
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS
92
old
man
closed the door, and
came
after
Presently the steps came to an end,

and Shamus found himself in a large room.
In the centre of the room there was a
him.
stone block about the height of an ordinary

table, and upon this block there lay a cat.
Shamus had never before seen so large a

It was as big as a tiger, but it was
cat.
In the room there
quite clearly only a cat.
were about fifty little old men exactly like
the two who had brought him there.
Shamus was looking about him, and was
wondering how he could possibly see in an
underground room with no windows and no
light of any sort, when all at once he heard
a voice speaking to him and he discovered
that all the little old men were talking
But as each was saying exactly
together.
;
same thing as everyone else at exactly

same moment, all the voices together
sounded like one voice. And this is what
"
You must ride
they were saying to him
on the cat; and the cat will bring you to
the cage; and from the cage you must bring
the
the
the golden mouse."

bac\
"
But how shall I know the way?" asked
Shamus.
THE LITTLE CHILD

'
The
men,
"
93
cat," said the voices of the little

the way.
Here are three
knows
cakes for your journey

of the cage."
Shamus was
and here
is
the key
this
time
with everything that had happened.
It
was
all
quite delighted
so like a fairy tale
by
and he
felt that
would be spoiled if he did

not do what he was told. So he climbed
upon the cat's back; and the great animal
stood up while the whole room trembled
with its purring. The two little men who
had guided him gave the young hero a
golden key, and three sweetened cakes;
and he had scarcely clasped these when ihe
cat sprang, as it seemed to Shamus, against
the wall.
But the wall was not like other
for
Shamus and the cat passed
walls;
the adventure
through it just as they might have passed

through smoke and immediately they were
out in the wood, rushing through the trees.
;
The cat apparently knew its way, for it

went very fast, and turned now to the right,
and now to the left. Presently the ground
began to rise, and Shamus saw before him
a steep, rocky hill covered with great trees.
As they began to mount the hill, three huge
dogs came rushing down upon them; so
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS
94
Shamus threw
his three
the dogs, and so passed
sweetened cakes
this
danger
to
safely.
At
the very top of the hill there stood a

round tower covered with ivy, and at the
door of the tower there sat a skeleton with

a spear in its hand. When the skeleton
rose up, and
were prepared
But
to prevent their approaching the door.
the cat sprang into the ivy which clothed
the tower, and climbed very swiftly, while
Shamus clung round its neck.
It stopped only when it had reached the
Shamus supposed that
highest windows.
he was intended to enter the tower, so he
gripped the ivy, and crawled over the cat's
saw
the cat
and
its
rider
raised the spear as though
it
it
head, into the topmost room of the tower.

In the centre of the room there hung a
golden cage, and in the cage there was a
mouse with golden hair.
Shamus was admiring the mouse when

he heard a clattering sound, and he knew
that the skeleton with the spear
ing the staircase of the tower,
was climband would
soon be upon him. He felt very frightened

but he unlocked the cage, and lifted out the
golden mouse. Then he climbed out of
the window and as he was putting his arms
;
THE LITTLE CHILD
95
round the neck of the cat the door of the

room in which he had stood was pushed
open, and the skeleton rushed to the
window and cast its spear. But the cat,
seeing the spear coming, lowered itself so
that the spear passed over the
little
boy's
head.
And
soon they were upon the ground

rushing back upon the way they had come.
At the foot of the hill the dogs were waitiag
for them, and came running up to meet
them; and they merely barked with
welcome as the cat and its rider passed
them. In a few minutes the journey was
and the cat and Shamus were upon

the slab of stone, surrounded by the l.'ttle
old men.
"Give the mouse its liberty!" said all
over,
the
little
old
men
together.
So Shamus jumped to the floor and

And then
allowed the mouse to escape.
The
something remarkable happened.
underground room melted quite away and
changed to a garden, in the centre of which
there was a life-like cat carved out of black
marble.
were
fifty
amber
And
playing in the garden there

boys, whose eyes glistened in the
sunlight,
when, seeing him standing
96
UNKNOWN IMMORTALS
there, each stopped his play and came to

welcome the young hero, whose courage
and zeal had made them young again.

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NKN0W

the Northern City of Success

Monsieur among the Mushrooms

The Boiler of Bones

McCullough Leckey Craig

Little Child, the

affection for certain queer people.

write about them,

found myself puzzled,

instinctively that realism

and that just the impression

as a very small child,

attracted me strangely and to gain

for the final lectures in a city asylum.

Madman, was complete,

work which has gone to

was at work upon Monsieur Among the

during the day-time; but he may be

a language of his own, by means of which

men whipped into fury when they found

remember standing for three hours watching

a man who would claim to be

request as a text, he played intellectually

suddenly taking pity upon me, he

handed me, instead

beamed upon me when

have drawn him

exactly as he exists, save in the matter of

the physical description.

Record for permission to

Record; and the ninth in a now defunct

This book represents a species of

ample, classical age.

THE WILLICK WOMAN.

this city of success there is

are older than Smithfield.

our mysteries these are

pleasure steamer's pier, upon small stools;

reposes a metal tray; and on the tray is a

may be led to abandon his shell.

The world would

the feet of these ancient

there are strewn

the v/orld's feet crunch

sure they are

Its plainness should prove to us

of the signs which should make us

Woman. The Willick

for the Willick

wisdom comes from the East, where the

And they laughed up at the folly of

whales came down

THE WILLICK WOMAN.

them, they would clasp the vast monsters

who keep close to the rocks,

The Willick Women are always old, and

Sometimes he sings below

chooses some ancient lady

her over-grown son has gone or