Chapter Text
“I’m. So. Tiiiiiiired.” Cecil complains, holding the mic closer to the desk so Night Vale can hear him as he lays his head, with Carlos’ perfect curls, on it. “I’m running on two hours of sleep, six cups of coffee, which haven’t kicked in yet, and the need to get you, dear listener, today's news.
But fuck am I tired.
Shit, I’m not supposed to swear on the air.
Uhhh, sorry Station Management! Won’t happen again!
You’re all probably wondering why I’m so damn tired.
Well it’s because last night I stayed up helping our town’s hero, Carlos, in his lab, working on a solution to us all being in the wrong bodies.
I’m sad to say that we hadn’t quite figured out how to fix it when I fell asleep on the floor of his lab… But nonetheless, he’s working diligently to get this whole situation sorted.
Now, onto today’s real news:
Everyone is still in the wrong bodies, and nothing is actually getting done.
I would give you specific examples, but since I’m still in my dearest Carlos’ body, I don’t have access to my normal sources, and so I have no clue, besides the fact that basically all of the town is shut down.
Isn’t this lovely.
My brother-in-law, Steve Carlsberg, stupid Steve, sent me a nonsensical rambling text about how it’s the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency that made this happen, that they were creating a machine and it misfired and made this happen.
And do you know what I have to say to that, Steve?
Do you know what I fucking have to say about that, Steve Fucking Carlsberg?
HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?
Of course it’s the government! It’s always the government! Who else could do something like this? WHO ELSE STEVE? YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!
…
Dear Blood Stone Circles, I'm tired.
You know what? I know, it’s early, but let's just, let’s go to the weather while I have a liiiiiittle nap…”
Cecil closes his eyes, letting the weather play as he rests, trying to get himself together.
He doesn’t regret staying and helping Carlos in the lab, he just wishes he didn’t have to do such an early broadcast.
Or one at all.
He’s just.
So.
Tired.
So…
A harsh buzzing jolts Cecil awake, and he jerks up, hitting his head on the mic.
“Uh wha-” He murmurs, before picking up the vibrating phone from on top of the desk, hitting the speakerphone button, and holding it to the mic, resting his head in his other hand. “Hello?”
“Cecil, Hon, Babe, it’s been dead air for the past twenty seven minutes, is everything okay?” Cecil’s voice asks him, and it takes Cecil far too many seconds to remember that Carlos is currently inhabiting his body.
“Oh, what? Ah, yeah, I’m fine, it’s fine. Just took a little-” He yawns, breaking his sentence apart. “Nap.”
“I’m sorry for keeping you so late last night.” Carlos says, the voice he’s using sounding truly apologetic.
“Nooo worries my Little Tortoise, it happens sometimes.” Cecil says, still sounding extremely tired. “Was that all Honeypup?”
“Ah, no. I’m actually primarily calling you to tell you that I think I figured out how to get everyone back in their own bodies.” His perfect scientist explains.
“Really? Carlos Bunny, that's fantastic!” He exclaims.
“Yes, it’s great. But for it to work I need you to gather all your listeners to Mission Grove Park. Can you do that?” Carlos asks.
“Of course, anything for my Kittycake.” Cecil says. “You heard that listeners, get to Mission Grove Park as soon as you can. Do it immediately. If you see people not on their way, pick them up and carry them, bring them with you by any means necessary. And I’ll see you all there.”
“Thank you Cecil.” Carlos says.
“Anytime Little Panda Bear.” He coos. “I love yooooou.”
“I love you too Cece. I’ll see you there.” Carlos replies, before hanging up.
Cecil stares at the dark phone for a moment, before dragging his tired self out of the chair, and then out of his studio, and finally down the stairs to his car.
He drives through the suddenly crowded street, crawling at a much shorter pass than he would like to be to avoid hitting his fellow Night Vale citizens, before pulling over, and walking the rest of the way to Mission Grove Park.
He meets Carlos, his perfect, amazing, usually otherworldly beautiful, smart boyfriend Carlos, as he works on setting up some sort of machine.
“Hi Bunny.” Cecil starts, leaning over his crouching self. “Is that our magic solution?”
“Scientific, not magical.” He responds, standing up, before turning to him with a smile. “But yes, this is it.”
“Amazing.” Cecil says, slipping their fingers together and giving his hand a squeeze.
“Can you get everyone into pairs? Oh, I should probably explain, all the swaps were just between two people, there aren’t any chains of switches, and they swapped with whoever they were closest to at the time, so we’ll need to split up into groups of two, everyone next to the person who’s inhabiting their body.” Carlos explains.
“I could, but, well, currently you’re in the Voice of Night Vale. I might be the person they listen to most, but it’s the voice you’re currently using that they know.” Cecil says, kicking his toe into the ground.
“Alright, that makes sense, I guess. I can do it.” Carlos says, before taking a deep breath, and addressing the gathered town. “Hello Night Vale! I know this whole situation is scary, although it’s less terrifying than many of the things in this town that you’ve already faced! But I, with the help of my team of scientists, and my boyfriend, have figured out how to get everyone back into their own corporeal form! What you need to do is find the person who is currently inhabiting your body, and then stand together with them, a few feet away from everyone else! Once everyone is in place, I’ll turn the machine on, and we should all swap back! Got that? Okay, let’s go!”
Cecil watches as the town’s residents mill around the park, finding their bodies, and separating into pairs, before he leans over to Carlos.
“You did a good job Babe.” He says.
“Really? I’m not nearly as good with words as you are.” Carlos says, a blush appearing on the cheeks of his current form.
“I’m not so sure about that. If I don’t look out you might steal my job right out from under me.” He teases.
“I would never Sweetie.” Carlos replies with a smile.
It takes a few minutes for everyone to get sorted, but they do, and Carlos looks at everyone, before giving them, and then Cecil, a nod.
“You ready?” Carlos asks him.
“Yes sir, Mr. Scientist. I’m ready.” He replies.
He watches as Carlos reaches over, still in front of the machine, and flips the switch, before everything goes completely black.
Cecil gasps, air filling his own lungs once more, the darkness over his Sight clearing once more, as he sees, really sees, all of Night Vale once again. The town, the people, the creatures, the Erikas’, everyone and everything. And in front of him, his dearest love Carlos, back in his own body, once again.