Chapter Text
The house was quiet and empty later that afternoon, the Barkley family having gone out visiting friends after they had eaten dinner. Millie stayed behind, not feeling that it was her place to go visiting when she didn’t know the folks they would be seeing and Victoria knew better than to push the issue. The party the night before had been more than enough for her. Millie wasn’t totally alone however, Jarrod having also stayed behind, reasoning that he had been overdoing it for the past couple of days and wanted to rest for the afternoon.
Alone in the living room, Millie sat on the rug in front of the fireplace, playing with her little kitten. She’d made a little ball out of some yarn and attached it to a sting, the kitten playfully chasing and pouncing on it when she moved it around. As she had said to Nick, it meant more to her him giving her the kitten then he’d ever know. While she wasn’t a replacement to Princess, this new little kitten was something else she could love and care for.
Miracle was a curious little thing, despite her tiny size. When she tired of her game, she toddled off the rug to go explore the room, Millie keeping a close eye on her whereabouts. She hadn’t expected to receive any gifts from the Barkley’s, let alone be given a kitten and she was overwhelmed by their generosity towards her. Her new saddle and everything for Tomahawk was now sitting in the tack room alongside their gear and her new clothes she’d hung in her closet. The carved figurine that Heath had given her now sat having pride of place on the shelf in her room.
Being given that figurine took her back to another time; to another Christmas.
It had come back to her. That last Christmas she’d had with her mother and brother. He’d given her a little crude carved horse for her present. She’d loved that little statue. It had been crudely made and rough but it had been his best and she’d adored it. In the months after she’d gone to live with Hosea and Ruth, she took that little carved horse to bed every night. When they’d moved in with Cade, Millie had quickly learnt that if she wanted to keep anything, she had to hide it. She’d kept that little horse hidden those years, safely tucked away in a little spot in the attic. Cade had never found it and when she’d run, she’d made sure she brought it with her. Apart from the locket with her family's picture and a scrap of paper that had her mothers name written on it, that little carved horse was the only thing connecting her to her life before. Now it sat hidden away in the bottom of her saddlebags, along with Ruth’s pistol, those saddlebags having been hidden away in the closet as soon as she’d been able to.
Thinking about the little carved horse had brought back memories of her brother. She couldn’t remember how he looked or even his name, but what she did remember was that he’d always cared and looked out for her. He was her protector. He kept her safe. Why then, had he never come for her? She’d held out hope in those early months that he’d come to get her and bring her home, but he never had. Why? Why had he abandoned her?
Miracle came pouncing back over to her, the kitten wanting to play again and she returned to the present, amusing the kitten once more with the piece of string. “You’re a playful little thing, aren’t you?” She whispered, giggling as the kitten leapt up on its hind legs to grab the string she dangled above its head. “Oh you're adorable.”
It was on this scene that Jarrod walked in, smiling a little as he saw her playing with the kitten. “How’s she settling in?”
Millie glanced up at him for a moment as he took a seat on the nearby chair then returned her attention to the kitten. “I think she’s settling in nicely. She’s given my room and the living room a thorough investigation. Nick gave me a tray with some dirt for her to go toilet in and she’s already figured that out too. She’s a smart little thing.”
Noticing someone else in the room, the kitten left her playing and went to check him out. Jumping up onto the chair beside Jarrod, Miracle climbed onto his lap and began purring loudly as she rubbed herself against him.
The young woman giggled. “I think she likes you.”
Jarrod began rubbing beneath the kitten’s chin. “It would seem that way.” After a moment, Miracle laid down and began making biscuits on his leg in preparation to take a nap. “She’s a nice kitten.”
“She is a sweet little thing. I’ve always loved cats. I used to have one a few years ago. It was killed though.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Millie shrugged, trying not to make a big deal of it. “Got this little one now though and I’m not about to let anything happen to her.”
Jarrod wondered what she meant by that but didn’t pursue it as he had other things to discuss with her. “I was hoping I might be able to speak with you for a moment if that’s alright.”
“Sure. I’m not doing anything important right now.”
“Well, as I’m sure you are aware, since you’re not yet an adult, someone who is an adult needs to be legally responsible for your care.”
And here it comes… She thought as she swallowed the rising lump in her throat and nodded. She’d been through all this before when she’d been processed through the orphanage. They’d explained to her that since she was a minor, they were now legally responsible for her. What good that had done her, she couldn’t say. “If this is gonna be a speech about finding me a respectable set of folks to be living with, save it. There’s only one place you’d send me and you can forget that, Barkley. I’m sure as hell not going to an orphanage. I’ll be gone before you can blink if that’s the card up your sleeve. We had a deal. I’d work for your family in exchange for room and board. If your tellin’ me that’s change-”
“No, no, Millie.” Holding up a hand, he interrupted her. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Good.”
“If you’d let me finish, I’d be able to tell you what I wanted to talk about.”
“Sorry.” She apologized. “Continue.”
“As I was saying, someone needs to be legally responsible for you. Now, Judge Banner brought me some papers last night. Papers saying that I’m now legally responsible for you. I petitioned the judge for your custody and it has been granted to me. For now, I’m responsible for your care.”
Millie looked at him as it took a moment for her to process what he was saying. “You… You’ve got custody of me? You’re not gonna send me to an orphanage?”
“I have custody and for now, no. We aren’t sending you to an orphanage.”
“What do you mean by, for now, no?” She questioned cautiously. “Does that mean you might later on?”
“While I’ve been granted custody, it is only temporary. I have been given it for two months and at the end of that time, the Judge is going to review and assess the situation to determine what is in your best interest. Now, I’m planning on petitioning for permanent custody once this time frame is up, if that is something you want. It is partially your choice too, after all, it’s your future.”
“I-I think…” She was surprised. She hadn’t considered that one of the Barkley’s might want to take custody of her. “I think I need to think this over.”
“Of course. Nothing has to be decided now, we’ve been given two months to figure it out. There might be other options that come to the table during this time but I am willing to go for permanent custody.”
“But…” Millie hesitated. “Are you really sure that you’d want me to stick around? I mean, if you haven’t already noticed, I’ve got problems and plenty of them.”
“I’ve given this a lot of thought and my mind is made up. Yes, you have problems but we can work through them. When I look at you Millie, I don’t see problems. I see potential. Look how far you’ve already come with your reading.” Jarrod paused for a moment. “I would like to help you, Millie. You are a special young lady and I speak for my family also when I say that we like and enjoy having you around. We want you to live with us. We want you to have a future with us.”
‘You’re sure? Absolutely and utterly sure that this is something you want to do?”
“I am.” He nodded decisively. “I truly am.”
~~~~~
Late that night, Millie couldn't sleep. Instead, she stared up at the ceiling above her, illuminated by the soft light from the lamp on the bedside table next to her. How could she be so happy yet so torn inside at the same time? For the first time in her life, she genuinely felt happy. She felt loved, wanted. Accepted. Here, she felt truly at home.
Why then was she struggling so much to accept the gift that had been given to her? They had offered her a home here with them, not just a job with room and board but they wanted to include her into their family. They had offered her a place here, a future. With them. Jarrod had offered her the opportunity of a lifetime. Why then did she feel so conflicted about making a decision? She knew what she wanted. She wanted to stay here. But why was it tearing her up so?
There was one simple answer to that question; fear.
The Barkley's had opened their home to her and she knew the least she could do was be honest with them. They had a right to know who she was and her past. Millie wasn’t even her real name, it was another fake name she had come up with to keep Cade from finding her. She’d lied to them, kept them in the dark of who she really was and what she was running from. But if she told them, if they knew, would that change their opinion of her? If they knew, would they send her back?
If she was finally going to tell them the truth so that she could clear her conscience, that was the risk she would have to take.
Rolling over, the little kitten curled up beside her stirred and woke, Miracle yawning as she stretched her little paws out in front of herself. "Want a snack, little one?" Millie questioned her softly and chuckled as the kitten began purring loudly. "Alright, come on then."
Slipping out of bed she lit a hand lamp and headed downstairs to the kitchen with her kitten tickled beneath her arm. Coals were still glowing in the stove and after adding another piece of wood to the fire she placed a small pot on the stove-top and poured in a little milk. Miracle purred loudly, rubbing her little head against the bottom of her chin. "Yes, yes. It's coming."
The milk heated up, she poured it into a small dish and carried it to the living room, Miracle running alongside her. Placing the dish down in front of the sofa she sat down, the kitten eagerly guzzling the warm milk.
"Thought I heard someone moving around down here."
Looking up she saw Jarrod standing nearby and nodded. "Couldn't sleep so I thought I'd give Miracle an extra feed. I hope I didn't wake you."
Jarrod shook his head as he sat down on the sofa beside her. 'I couldn't sleep either.' He paused for a moment. “Millie… Look, sweetheart… I’ve been thinking and I know it’s probably not the right time to be talking about this, but I feel that perhaps I should. I know it's not any of our business but these past weeks, getting to know you, we can't help but feel as if you are hiding something from us. Anytime one of us tries to mention anything about your past, you shut down. You refuse to talk about it. That's your right, you don't have to tell us but maybe if you did, we could help you. If you're going through something, you don't have to go through it alone.”
Looking down at her kitten, Millie let out a heavy sigh. “You're right…” After a moment she turned back to Jarrod. “What’s happened to me… It’s not pretty Jarrod. It's a nightmare I wish to God I didn't have to live through but I did. I mightn’t be in it anymore but I can't escape the memories I try my hardest to forget. That is why I don't speak of where I’m from or what has happened to me. It’s nothing but horrible, horrible memories.” She paused again. “You want to know my story? My whole story? I'll tell you. You might think twice about wanting to get permanent custody of me once you hear it.”
Taking a deep breath, Millie brought her kitten onto her lap and began petting it as she started her story.
“I was born in an old mining town to a dirt poor family. I am the youngest of two children, I have a brother who is nine years older than me. I was three years old when my father was killed in the mines by a cave-in along with twenty-seven other men. When he died, my mother was left to raise my brother and I. She did the best she could to provide for us and it wasn’t easy on her. My brother had to work too, just to help put food on the table. When they had to work, I was often left with her brother and his wife. They were both cruel, horrible people. They hated my brother and I. Why? I don't know. We were only children. I was five when my brother left. He just disappeared one day and left me behind. I don't know where he went or why he left me but he did. I always hoped he would come back for me but he never did. He abandoned me.”
As Millie's voice broke, Jarrod placed his hand on her back, the sound of the crackling coals in the fireplace and the soft purrs of the kitten on her lap the only thing breaking the silence.
“He left me.” Millie continued, looking back up to Jarrod as tears started rolling down her cheeks. “I remember praying and praying he’d come back but he never did.” She had to stop, taking a moment to compose herself before she continued talking. “After… After he left, my mother fell real sick. She couldn't work to feed me and there was no one to take care of me. Her sister-in-law gave me to another couple in another town far away from home. I was only five years old. I never saw my mother again. When they left me… they-they said my mother would come for me when she was better, but she never did. She never came either.”
"Millie, I'm so sorry." Jarrod told her gently when she paused, unable to imagine what that would have been like for a child her age to be taken from her family and made to live with strangers. “That must have been horrible for you.”
“It was. I remember crying myself to sleep for months afterwards but then the memories of my folks faded and I had to adjust to my new family.” She had to pause for a moment, forcing down the rising lump in her throat before she could continue. “Those folks raised me on a horse ranch, I was lucky. They were good to me. For five years, things were okay. It wasn’t great, there were problems but Hosea and Ruth, they took care of me. It could have been worse. Way worse but I was okay. When I was eleven, things started to go bad. Hosea was killed in a riding accident. The horse he was training spooked and he was dragged and trampled to death. I… I was there. I watched as he was dragged to death. There was nothing I could do.” Overcome for a moment, she had to pause again to regain her composure.
"After… After he died, Ruth lost the ranch. We lost everything. Hosea was good with horses but not business, the bank owned everything apart from the clothes on our backs. Ruth had a brother, we went to live with him. She had no other choice. Her brother…” She took another deep breath. “Her brother was a drunk and a gambler. Things were bad but they got much worse. He used to beat her… and me. One night he came home and started beating her. Drunk or sober, he’d beat her. It was worse when he was sober, he’d be more calculated in how he’d hurt her. He just wouldn’t stop that night. I tried to get him to stop but I couldn't. When he finally gave it up, Ruth was hurt bad enough she ended up dying the next morning. He was gone again by then. I buried her on my own. I was only twelve.”
Jarrod kept rubbing her back, handing her a handkerchief from his pocket after a moment.
Blowing her nose, she took another moment to gain control over her emotions as she scrunched up the handkerchief in her hand. “It only got worse from then on. He kept drinking and gambling, he was drunk as much as he was sober. When he was sober it was worse than when he was drunk. He was a cruel, calculating son of a b****. He took pleasure in torturing me for fun. When he was drunk I'd get beaten. I preferred that. At least I'd get beaten then he'd leave me alone. When he was sober, I never knew what little game he'd come up with next.
I lived with it for a year before I tried running away. He found me two days later. I almost died from the whipping he gave me for running when the wounds became infected. After that, I waited till I could try getting away again. Nine months ago, I did. This time, I made it. I drugged him, made his horse lame and stole the other so he couldn't come after me. Once I got far enough away, I dumped that horse and never looked back. I've kept running all this time, until I met you in that cabin.” She paused for a moment, looking back down at her hands. “So… Now you know. Now you know my story. So, do you still want me with me and my problems?”
“Millie, I…” While he knew she must have had it hard and from the scars she had on her back that testified to her abuse, he couldn’t have imagined she’d had it as hard as she had. No wonder the poor girl had been ready to take to him with a frying pan the first day he’d met her. She’d lived through pure torture. “I can understand why you haven’t wanted to speak about your past.”
“Worst part is, legally, he is my father. He showed me papers saying that he adopted me. I couldn’t read, I don't know if it's true but he owns me until I'm eighteen. There's nothing I can do about it. I just pray he doesn't find me because there's nothing anyone can do to stop him taking me back. I’ve been able to evade him this long and it hasn’t been easy. As soon as I came here, I knew you’d try looking into where I came from. Millie Anders isn’t my real name and I’m not going to tell you what my real one is.” She paused again then looked up at him. “What happens now? Now that you know?'
Jarrod breathed in deeply. If it was true what she had said, he didn’t know what he could do. If the man she was running from had adopted her, then he had no claim to her. If Millie Anders wasn’t her real name, it made sense why the Pinkerton's hadn’t been able to find anything. He could hardly blame her though for lying about it. She was just trying to survive. “I don't know.” He replied honestly after a long moment. “But Millie, you have my word. We would never send you back to a man like that.”
“There's nothing you or I can do about it. You know that Jarrod. You're a lawyer. You know the law. He has his rights. I have none. To him, I'm just a possession until I'm eighteen.”
“Maybe we could do something-”
She shook her head. 'I’ve come to realize you Barkley's don't back down from a fight but this is one where neither of us will win. Believe me, it’s best if you just leave it Jarrod. He doesn't know where I am and I'd like to keep it that way. Please.”
“How old are you Millie?”
“I was born sometime in October, I turn sixteen then.'
'What happened to your mother? Do you know?'
Millie nodded. 'Before Ruth died, she gave me a piece of paper with my mothers name on it. I couldn’t read but after I ran away, I went looking for her. I found her, in the town cemetery. The name on the cross matched the one on the paper. I was too late. She died only a couple weeks before I got there.”
“And your brother?”
“I haven’t a clue. I never saw him again.”
“Perhaps…” Jarrod thought it over for a moment. “Maybe if we looked, we could find him. If we were able to locate him, given the circumstances, a judge might void your adoption and grant him custody.”
Millie shook her head. “I can’t even remember his name. Is that bad? Not being able to remember your own brother’s name? How can you go about finding someone when you can’t remember their name? I did think about trying to look for him, but Jarrod, he left me. He could have come back for me but he never did. He didn’t want me then and I don’t reckon he’d want me now.”
'But surely-'
"Jarrod, no.” She interrupted gently. “I appreciate the thought but please, don't get involved. I don't want to be found. I’m not telling you anymore than what I’ve already said. I’m not telling you my real name or anything else. I will not risk being found. If I get an inkling you are trying to look into my past, I will be out of here and running again before you’ve had time to button your shirt. I mean it. I will not go back."
"Is there something I can do?"
“You can just forget this conversation ever occurred." Millie replied as she stood and gently picked up her kitten from his lap, picking up her lamp in the other. "I am happy now Jarrod, you and your family have been very kind to me. I don't have to run any more. Please, just let me be happy. Don't try digging into my past, if you do, you’re likely to stir up a hornet’s nest of trouble. Besides, you have nothing to go on. I’m not silly. It’s no accident that I won’t say names of these folks or places. I’ve had to survive on my smarts for this long and when your life is in the balance, you get smart real quick smart.” Looking down at her kitten for a moment, she looked back at Jarrod. “I survived. It was hell, but I lived. If you still want me, after all this, then yes, I am happy for you to try getting permanent custody though it might be best if you refrain from mentioning to the judge that I’m already adopted. I just want to leave this behind me. I have a chance at a future, a chance I’ve never had before. Don’t take it away from me.”
Digesting what she said, Jarrod nodded slowly. “Millie, thank you for confiding in me what you have. I’m truly sorry for what you’ve been through but I promise you, to the best of my ability, I will help you. You don’t have to worry, you are safe here. You will never be mistreated like that again.”
She smiled a little. “Thank you.”
“If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Alright?”
“Alright. Thank you Jarrod.” Looking over at the clock, she sighed as she saw the time. “Well, I best try and get some sleep tonight. Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night Millie. I hope you sleep well.”
With that, Millie headed upstairs to bed and Jarrod was left alone to ponder what she had revealed of her history to him. With what she had lived through, it was no wonder that it had taken as long as it had for her to trust him. To trust his brothers. She’d been mistreated for so long by whoever it was she was running from that she had learnt to be afraid of men. Even now, he could see sometimes that she was still scared of himself and his brothers. Any touch had her flinching and pulling away and the knowledge he knew now made the hug that she’d given to Nick all the more meaningful. It was a huge step for her. It meant she felt comfortable with him and trusting of him.
It made sense too now why she had retreated so quickly when he’d introduced the judge to her the night before. She was as timid as a skittish deer, the poor thing. She didn’t know who she could trust. To her, the world was one big scary place. Her only safe place was with them, the only people she had allowed herself to trust.
His heart fairly broke for what she had suffered through.
That poor girl had been subjected to a lot in her short life. Being taken from her family, placed with strangers then to witness both members of her new family die and then also to have had to live with being beaten and whipped, it was more than any child should have to deal with.
What could he do though? Knowing what he did now, what was he to do? He had to protect her at all costs, but what if one day, she was found? What would happen then? As Millie had pointed out, it was no mere coincidence that she hadn’t mentioned names or towns where she’d lived; she was too smart for that, he’d give her that. Even if he did try looking into her past, he’d come up with what they already had; nothing.
There was only one slight problem however.
Rarely though, did the past ever stay in the past.