Chapter Text
Part 14: Kitty
Kitty was sitting at a kitchen table (there were in fact several tables in kitchen) having some morning coffee. The others were out on an endurance hike and general training march with Illyana (Scott was sleeping in late). It had been a long couple of days and Kitty was just enjoying the coffee and the down time when Emma wandered in.
Emma was wearing a robe and had her hair done up on a towel (shed' just had a shower). Emma look surprised to see Kitty.
"Oh Kitty... I thought you would be out with the other exercise fanatics".
"Naaaa" Kitty said as she sipped her coffee (wow this place has really great coffee was her thought). "I figured that I'd get extra whining but leaving Illyana to do it would shut most of them up; except Bobby that is, but even he shut up quickly after a glare from Illyana". Bobby had been complaining about the death march, as he put it.
"Yes..." Emma slowly stated as she pored herself a cup as well. "Our little Magik has ways of making people... compliant".
"Yea she does tend to have the affect on people", Kitty replied with a thoughtful look.
Emma sat down at the table. "So Kitty, how do you like this concrete mutant warehouse and general purpose end of the world bunker"?
Kitty was not delighted to be talking to Emma, but that was one of the prices she knew she'd have to pay for being here. "It suffices".
Emma gave Kitty a questing look. Like what Kitty had said was slightly surprising.
"What"? Was Kitty's response to the look.
"Your not the first person to use that statement although not in this context. Hmmm, tell me just what the heck happened between you and Illyana? One moment your spitting distain and hate at her, the next you're all chummy again"?
"That's private, Illyana and I just... talked. She convinced me without actually trying to convince me that she was... real. That she was... she was her".
"Anything else"?
"Since when did you care"?
"Kitty, I am her part time therapist and one time partner in the Phoenix Five. While her mind shields were just as effective, I did learn much more about the general state of her mind once we were conjoined by the Phoenix".
"Anything that you'd care to share"?
"She greatly concerned me before Phoenix, she scared the hell out of me after we were no longer Phoenix. Once I knew just how... once I actually understood her mental landscape. A landscape that I suspect is undergoing changes now".
"Yea... she doesn't feel... she feels different. Like a person is looking out of her eyes instead of a...". Kitty sought a different word then the one she was going to use.
"Predator". Emma finished.
Kitty glared at Emma. "That's not nice".
"Correct, and neither is she. And nothing that you yourself haven't been saying for months. But she appears to be... trying now. Something happened between the two of you after you came here. Things were happening with her before but they are happening faster now that you are present. I would like to know what it was assuming it is not unpleasant or some sex thing between the two of you".
Ahhh, Emma just so knew how to push Kitty's buttons and learn what she wanted without using telepathy.
"Nothing happened! She... she was moody and talking about her brother, then she just tried to hug me and I phased and she passed though me and fell down the icy sloop. I ran after her and apologized for that as I didn't expect her to try to hug me as she's so not a hugger. Then I gave her a hug and we talked for a bit as I held her".
"You hugged her? You held her"?
"Yea... no big deal".
"You"?
"Yes. Why is that a big deal"?
Emma looked at Kitty with a very thoughtful expression. "Because she hates herself. And you are one of the defining measuring rods of that hate. Possibly the biggest".
"What the heck are you talking about"?
"As I said before. I learned the mental landscape but not the memories. She was very... disturbed, less so now since whatever that beast Dormmanu did to her apparently rectified some internal separation between her and her soul. You and her brother are... key to much of her... self identity, good and bad".
Kitty just gave Emma a confused and somewhat angry look. Emma continued.
"She died, was brought back years later, and some massively bad things happened to her that she shields that like the dickens so I have no actual idea as to the details but it doesn' take a genius to guess what likely happened once I saw the mental landscape. She did bad things to our former students before she awoke to the understanding of what she'd once been and the first thing she does is kick everybody out and hide? For that was what she was really doing... hiding. Hiding from her brother... hiding from you".
"But she finally came back".
"To find you gone... we didn't tell her that you were trapped and lost in that bullet. We later concluded she must have found out and... well we think she had a nervous breakdown over it for unknown reasons. Went off in search of her blood stones and only returned to our time after years had passed for her. Years and yet never rescued you. Again it doesn't take a genius to figure out that for some reason she likely couldn't".
"She has her soul now".
"Yea she does. Didn't make any difference until Dormmanu and her future brother died in her arms".
"Yea... we... we spoke about that".
The conversation stalled for a minute before Kitty continued. Asked a question that was so bugging her.
"Was I wrong Emma? Was she... was she Yana all along"?
Emma replied as honestly as she could. "Truthfully I'd say no, especially after whatever happened to her. Your Yana killed herself".
Kitty opened her mouth to protest and Emma shushed her. "Hear me out for once. You asked and I'm trying to answer. Your Yana killed herself. Yes it was a noble sacrifice, but it was suicide. And everybody ended up with the bonus prize of a young unstained Illyana in her place whom almost everybody liked so much better".
"Who wasn't Yana". Muttered Kitty.
"No she wasn't. She was a sweet, nice child. You and Peter did well with her, but she died of that blasted legacy virus. But the young Illyana who died was never your Yana and never would be. Tell me Kitty, how did that make you feel"?
"Why should I tell you"?
"Because this conversation is as much about you as it is about Illyana. I'm not trying to be a bitch about this, I'm actually trying to facilitate understanding as that understanding is critical for both of you. Plus I have some measure of... affection for Illyana and I really want you and her to... be reconciled".
"Angry. I felt... Angry".
"How so"?
"Yana never... came back. So many people come back and Yana... never did. Never returned. She died and she stayed dead, and then young Illyana died as well. I... I kept expecting... but it never happened. Then..."
Emma finished. "Then she did comeback, but as Darkchilde, not Yana. And did so many nasty things".
"Yea... Why did she? Was she just... evil? Or..."?
Emma stirred her coffee. "Yes she was rather evil and... well she let me look at her memories in my office once, when she explained why she traveled back in time to supposedly save the X-Men; when in reality it was her plan to regain her soul. I only saw the memories she allowed me to see but I was very disturbed by the mental undercurrents. She scared me".
"How so"?
"I realized I had a predator in my office. What looked out of her eyes was not really human".
"So getting her soul back really changed her"?
"Apparently yes, but it took time and additional events. Plus Hank was right that we... didn't take the right therapy approach. That ability to block mind reading apparently makes telepaths rotten therapists. We... misinterpret the little mental leakage that we did get. The fact that she got on so well with Laura was really an obvious sign in hindsight, one that I only realized after we became Phoenix and I had access to her mental landscape".
Emma continued. "She was evil, demonic, that is what Darkchilde was after all. But what she also was was feral. One doesn't just turn feral Kitty. It takes a great deal of abuse or trauma over a prolonged amount of time. It was so clear in the mindscape, and her ability to block mind reading was a blessing as I really didn't want to find out just what that level and duration of abuse was required to reduce one such as her to that state".
"So she was crazy"?
"Bonkers".
"Didn't act crazy".
"Not quite true. Yes she was very function but she was completely detached and incapable of properly judging her actions. Something she knew by the way. Darkchilde evil behaviors apparently look very similar to Darkchilde crazy behaviors. That insight to her decision making process left me very scared of her as her decision making process was not comprehensible to rational logic. It made perfect sense to her but her ability to see things was damaged".
"So what changed"? Kitty was rather sure she knew but she wanted Emma's opinion.
"Dormmanu. She came back in a panic from the first encounter. The fact that she was in a panic was the first clue that something profound had changed. She was mentally leaking all over the place and the Cuckoos were able to take a look as her shields were down. What they saw was panic and feelings. She was feeling and was in a panic about the feelings and about her survival and her prior actions. She couldn't understand any more why she had done what she had done. It didn't make sense to her. In short her perceptions had changed. The girls and I think her soul was finally merged into her and what resulted was...".
Kitty finished. "My Yana".
"Or something very close. I suspect that the work she's been doing with a different dimension's Doctor Strange has done her a great deal of good. She wasn't your Yana before, not after... whatever happened to her. But I think she is now".
"So what do I do now? Pretend she's ok? That she didn't do the things that she did"?
"No... likely just find out who she really is. I don't' think she even knows anymore and that tends to scare a person".
Emma's eyes narrowed as she looked at Kitty. "Be carful Kitty. You are in a position of great... influence".
"Yea right".
"You hold the ability to hurt her. I think only her brother and you can actually do that and her brother is a dense as that steel body he wears".
Another hostile glare from Kitty. "What do you mean"?
"Scott and I tried numerous times to make Peter understand that she was damaged, different, harmed. That pretending that she was the same as she was before was not correct therapy. That she was rejecting it and telling him to his face but he kept refusing to listen. That he was actually hurting her by being blind to what she'd become".
"And a hug from me makes such a big difference"?
"Yea Kitty, I think it does".
"So be nice or... else"?
"No Kitty. I think there are two people she'd do anything for. Anything... How you view her is how she in part judges herself".
Kitty nibbled her lower lip. She really didn't like what she was hearing or what it might imply as to Illyana's mental condition and... how... how it might have been made worse by...
"So you're saying it's all my fault".
"No Kitty, I'm saying she... she's been... crazy and is likely still... unstable. And... acceptance may be her greatest desire and fear. To believe is a great step forward, but what we believe sets the direction of that journey. That's what I mean by holding influence. Consider what you say with at least some care. Words hurt the most when they come from those we love".
Kitty was silent for a minute, then. "Something to think about".
Emma came up with some analogies. "Think of rain in a dessert, or better yet a diamond. Dense and unbreakable. But diamonds have cleavage plains. Hit them in just the right spot and they cut in two or even shatter. Try, for once, to think about your words before you go off in one of your hot headed denouncements that you periodically indulge in".
Kitty responded with a chuckle. "Well... you should know about cleavage. And I can't help but notice that she's taking after a certain somebody on showing it".
Kitty suddenly got a wide eyed look. "Oh God, she was in your head as well. And afterwards she starts dressing like you. Please tell me that she doesn't now have a thing for Scott ".
Emma chuckled back. "Imitating one's betters is always a sign of good taste and intelligence; and no, she doesn't have a think for Scott". Emma left unsaid who, if anybody, Illyana might have a thing for.
"Good... that would be horror". Was Kitty's relieved declaration.
"Yes... yes it would". Was Emma's likewise conclusion.
Kitty stood up. "Well, things to get done before the gaggle of students return".
Kitty walked off after first putting the cup in the dishwasher, leaving Emma alone in the kitchen. Alone with her thoughts.
Emma grumbled to herself as she got another cup of coffee. "Worse idea ever sending you down to the X-Brig to have a shouting match with her".
The thought had been to shock Illyana with Kitty. Yea Illyana had been shocked all right. Likely shocked right into a complete emotional shutdown just as she was starting to recover. Emma continued to think about certain decisions, how schism might have gone or even been avoided if a certain teleporter had not been locked up.
Damn it, why did demonic crazy look just like demonic evil. Yea, Illyana had failed so many people, but at least she had the excuse of being crazy; an excuse she refused to actually use.
What was everybody else's excuse?