Chapter Text
Loki let out a sigh. He wanted to smash his head against a wall.
Norns, not that song again.
Every day Loki woke up and cherished the fact that he had a soulmate. In a world where soulmates can hear the music their counterparts are listening to, any indication of music in his head filled him with warmth. It served as a reminder that there was someone out there who belonged to him. Someone who would just click with him. Someone whose eyes would sparkle when they caught sight of him, whose words towards him wouldn’t be filled with scorn or hatred. A person who would at the very least attempt to understand him. It was a reassurance that kept him going most days.
It hadn’t always been the case. As a child, both he and Thor had been impatient, waiting for the faintest hint of music from their soulmate. While his brother had taken to blasting different sorts of tunes at all times of the day in hopes of annoying his soulmate into confirming their presence, Loki had silently observed. Alright, maybe he had learnt to play a musical instrument or two but his approach hadn’t been as haywire and rogue as Thor’s. But neither technique yielded any results.
Of course, not everyone had soulmates. Even from a young age, Loki knew that his mother and father weren’t soulmates. Their soulmates didn’t exist but they both loved each other dearly. Nevertheless, it was quite common to have a soulmate. So Thor and Loki would let Frigga tell them tales of soulmates and soul bonds as they fell asleep, clutching to the hopes that their soulmates were somewhere out there, just maybe not born into the universe as of yet. They were immortal princes who just needed to have a little patience.
As the years passed Loki thought Thor all but forgot about the fantasy of having a soulmate. He became busy with his training and sparring, filling his life with friends and ‘epic’ battles. Thor seemed to have a new dream, of ridding the realms of Asgard’s enemies and serving his home. Loki on the other hand couldn’t get the idea of having a soulmate out of his head. It was ever-present, an undercurrent running through his veins as the years passed. It made him jealous and bitter, to be waiting for someone he didn’t know even existed. Loki tried to pretend they didn’t exist. He spent his time in the arms of countless lovers but a sliver of what if always haunted him. It didn’t help that unlike Thor he didn’t have friends. People thought he was strange, his pranks and dark humour were lost on everyone around him. And he learnt to live with that too. With being in Thor’s shadow.
Loki didn’t hate his brother, he simply wished to be Thor’s equal. To be fair to Thor, that oaf loved him like a true brother and treated him like he always had. In fact, Loki was the first one Thor came running to with his big news. He had heard a tune in his head, something that he had spent a good couple of seconds trying to find the source of before realising it was coming from his soulmate. Loki wanted to be happy for Thor, but looking at his beaming face and shining bright eyes, he felt his heart fill with resentment. Thor was already the golden boy of the family. Everyone on Asgard loved him and he had loyal friends who were ready to die for him. He already had everything, and now a soulmate. Did Loki not deserve the tiniest bit of hope? A flicker of light in his dark life?
Loki didn’t remember what he said to Thor, probably something about his soulmate being a fragile Midgardian who had just been born and would die as soon as that. Thor’s face had fallen and he had simply stalked off. Their relationship had never been the same after that. Loki had just withdrawn even further, choosing to sulk at his life and observe everything passively.
He gave up on the dream of having a soulmate then, he couldn’t bear to be weakened by that diminishing hope every day. He couldn’t take any more pain and false promises. He decided he could be like Thor. He was equally skilled at ruling. He could prove to his family, to Asgard that he wasn’t any less than his brother. Loki belonged on the throne.
A few years passed before it happened. Loki remembered exactly where he was, riding on horseback, rather flying through the wind. He heard the ghost of a tune, something plaintive and non-lyrical and he immediately pulled at the reins, bringing his stead to a halt. Was that the wind whistling in his ears or something else?
Thor pulled up beside him and his friends slowed down as well.
“What is it, brother?” Thor asked, furrowing his brow to understand the expression on Loki’s face.
“Tired already, silvertongue”, Fandral laughed mockingly.
But Loki tuned them out, straining to catch that tune. And there it was again, plain as day. It sounded like someone humming a song they had heard. Loki turned his head around, scanning his surroundings to make sure that there wasn’t any other source of that sound.
Thor being his brother, recognised the mixture of disbelief and slowly creeping hope on his face. His face lit up like the bifrost and he grabbed Loki’s arm.
“Do you hear something, brother?”
And Loki could only nod slowly as a smile spread across his face.
“It’s a tune”, he mumbled, and Thor whooped in delight, crushing Loki in his arms.
“You have a soulmate!”
I have a soulmate Loki had agreed. The tiny spark that had been dwelling deep in his heart, unbeknownst to him, flickered brighter at the thought. His soulmate.
*
Loki knew his soulmate wasn’t Asgardian. As time passed he heard many songs and tunes from his soulmate but they were in a language he didn’t recognise. It wasn’t even AllSpeak, which Thor had said the Midgardians referred to as English on their planet. Because that’s what his soulmate’s music was in. Loki wanted to upturn the entire library and learn all the languages of the Nine Realms to find out where his soulmate was. But each realm had multiple languages and then further regional variations of each language so this would be an impossible task. And so Loki resigned to being patient. A few years passed before he heard a mix of AllSpeak in the music his soulmate listened to. Thor was overjoyed that both their soulmates were Midgardian. Loki maybe not so much. Some part of him hadn’t been lying to Thor when he had told his brother that Midgardians would make for terrible soulmates due to their frailty and short lifespan. Loki hated knowing that his soulmate might be easily injured or just die before he even got to meet them. In the best-case scenario, he would be granted a couple of decades with them and then what? An eternity of pain and anguish.
Nevertheless, he went to sleep every night and woke up treasuring the fact that his soulmate existed somewhere on Midgard.
*
When the Mad Titan made Midgard his target Loki’s stomach had churned. His soulmate, he had come to know, loved music. As time passed their inclination to consume all sorts of music simply grew and grew to the point that at least half of his days were filled with musical soundtracks. It was a welcome change to his self-loathing, Odin’s harsh words and especially the voice of the mad titan. Loki could understand most of what his soulmate was listening to. They had excellent taste in a range of musical genres and he could never predict what they would pick up. There were times that the language became unintelligible to him but Loki presumed that his soulmate was simply bilingual or multilingual and English hadn’t been their first language to begin with.
Knowing all this, he still had no choice but to follow Thanos’ orders. Every moment he simply prayed that destiny wouldn’t be cruel enough to put his soulmate in the middle of New York, where his attempt at annihilation was taking place. And maybe, just maybe, once he was to rule Midgard it might become easier to find his evasive soulmate.
But it all ended in failure and a cell in the dungeons of Asgard. And it was as if Loki’s soulmate understood that he needed the steady flow of music to keep him company throughout, even after his mother’s death. He could feel his soulmate’s music in his head as he fought the mad titan alongside the Avengers, as they emerged from a gruelling battle, victorious.
All this while Loki had himself tried not to let his soulmate know about his musical preferences. Initially, he hadn’t wanted a Midgardian to be confused by the existence of Asgardian music, although he had let some tunes slip in during the early days, hoping that a mere child wouldn’t be able to track them back to a fictional Asgard. And then after the battle of New York, the last thing Loki needed was for his soulmate to know that he was an Asgardian, and quite possibly the monster who had attacked their world.
But then things started settling down in New Asgard and Loki was relocated to the Avengers Tower to work with the Midgardian team under observation. It wasn’t that bad. His reputation was beginning to heal, the Avengers PR team was making sure of that and as each day passed the Avengers in the tower seemed less and less weary of his presence. The other day the archer managed to pass him the salt at the dinner table without a murderous glare which Loki counted as a win. So maybe now that he had no glorious purpose, now that people didn’t completely see him as a monster, he could begin his search for his soulmate.
Thor had been lucky enough to practically crash into his soulmate Jane when he first came to Midgard. But then that was Thor. Everything came easy to him.
And it wasn’t that there was a lack of musical hints from his soulmate (they were constantly listening to music as if their life depended on it), it was just that Loki had no idea where to start. Some days he wanted to find his soulmate and court them but other days, like today, he wanted to find them and yell at them to stop.
Loki was quite experienced with his magic, to a great extent he could dim the music in his head, but somebody needed to tell his soulmate to stop listening to music at all hours of the day. If Loki showed up sleepless for a mission Thor knew it was because his soulmate had been playing music throughout the night. It was beginning to grate his nerves. What was even worse was that if his soulmate liked a song they often played it on repeat. Nonstop until they got bored of it and switched to another song. Those were the days Loki wished that the soulbond could just be shut off. Just for a while.
Loki was aware that his soulmate was lonely, and often sad if not downright depressed. He could tell by their music taste and the lyrics of the songs he could understand. Part of him knew that music might be a way for them to keep their darker thoughts at bay. And he sympathized with that. Loki wanted nothing more than to let them know that he was there, to wrap his arms around them and drive away all their problems and fears. Those were the days he would hum a nondescript tune or ask Jarvis to play a comforting Midgardian song. The last thing he wanted was for his soulmate to think he didn’t exist.
But then there were days like today when Loki couldn’t keep his frustration at bay. His soulmate had yet again started playing that song they were currently obsessed with and he could only hope that they wouldn’t loop it again.
He let out a sigh which made the others in the elevator turn to look at him. Thor took one look at Loki and already knew what was up. He gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. But Wanda and Natasha simply stared at him questioningly.
“It’s my soulmate”, Loki grumbled.
“They keep playing this song.”
Natasha’s eyebrows arched high. “You have a soulmate?”
He gave her a glare as if to say what about it.
“How does the song go?” Wanda asked. Loki looked at her and saw only innocent curiosity shining in the witch’s eyes. Ah well, it wouldn’t hurt to give out that information.
Loki turned his attention back to the song even though the lyrics were practically ingrained in his head.
“It goes like -
Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out, I know what you’re doing, trynna get me to pursue you.”
The song usually made Loki’s heart twinge, the singer was literally telling him to let them be sad and lonely, but having heard it a hundred times Loki just wanted to let Thor smash Mijolnir over his head.
Natasha and Wanda looked at him appraisingly as if trying to tell whether they had heard the song but ended up shaking their heads.
“Definitely sounds like your soulmate is from around here”, Wanda said, trying to help out.
“I know that”, Loki grunted.
Thor changed the topic, getting Natasha and Wanda to comment on what might be the best flavour of Poptarts, and Loki was grateful for the distraction. The elevator opened and let them out on the floor Natasha and Wanda were staying. Thor and Loki followed the ladies because they insisted that the Asgardians should meet the new recruit who has an interesting set of powers. Thor was only too happy to oblige and Loki ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly before following them out.
The group made its way towards the common area which seemed to be occupied by someone singing quietly to themselves. The song almost made Loki trip over his own feet.
“Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out,
I know what you’re doing trynna get me to pursue you.
Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out.
Spill my guts out. Spill my guts out.”
Loki’s heart thudded against his chest as he rounded the corner to find you in the common kitchen, warming something over the stove. You looked up when you heard the group of Avengers walk over and your cheeks flushed bright pink as you realised they heard you singing. It wasn’t just in Loki’s head, Natasha, Wanda and Thor all stopped mid-conversation as they realised what you had been singing. Surely, it could be a coincidence. But Loki couldn’t take his eyes off you as your fingers brushed your hair away from your face and plucked something out of your ears. The music in Loki’s head ceased. His heart came to a stop.
“Hi”, you smiled at them, waving shyly before thinking better of it and letting your arm drop. Precious thing, you had no idea what was going on.
Thank Norns Thor had the tiniest amount of intelligence left to not yell out that you might be his soulmate. Instead, he greeted you cheerily, his voice loud and booming. Loki smiled at how it made you jump the tiniest bit before your smile grew bigger and you introduced yourself. And then your eyes fell on him.
“You must be Loki, right?”
And he nodded, taking a few seconds to find his words.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
You let out a chuckle and your smile grew brighter if that was even possible.
“It’s not every day I get to meet two gods so the pleasure is all mine.”
A smirk played on his lips and Loki decided that he liked you. He found himself wanting to make you laugh even louder, to see your eyes crinkle with amusement. You turned to talk to the ladies and Loki forced himself to look away from you. Thor was right by his side, an overjoyed expression on his face. He was practically a child bouncing up and down. Loki gave him a murderous glare, before turning his attention back to you.
You explained that you were just making some hot chocolate for yourself and then insisted on making some for all of them. Before Loki knew it he was settled with the rest of the team on the couches, a mug of some hot and creamy liquid cradled in his hands as you went on talking about the wonders of this hot chocolate. He found that he could sit here listening to your voice all day.
So you were his mysterious soulmate. Part of him still refused to believe it. Refused to believe that it would be that easy. He had set his eyes on you mere minutes ago but an unknown force tugged him towards you. And maybe that went both ways because Loki found your eyes travelling back to him the entire evening.