Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Peter

Oh my webs Ned! I’m so sorry I didn’t reply! My phone broke when I hit the latest building and I lost all my contacts!

???

You broke your phone hitting a building?!

Peter

The building was in my way! It hit me!

???

Ok? How hurt are you? 

Peter

 I’m fine Ned!

???

I’m not Ned

Peter

Webs

???

You say that a lot

Wait... 

Is that your way of swearing?

Peter

Yeah so?

???

How old are you?

Peter

Stranger danger

???

Fine I’ll find out myself

Peter

Good luck with that

One hour later

???

Kid?

Peter

Not a kid

???

Fine. 

Person. 

Why can’t I hack you?

Peter

Cuz I stopped you

And that statement right there

That's just plain creepy

???

How?

Peter

Magic

???

Really?

Peter

What? No! 

Also I’m bored save me

???

You’re bored? 

With what?

Peter

School

???

Ugh school is the worst

Peter

Exactly which is why I’m gonna give you a name

What do you like?

???

Well I’m a billionaire with an amazing job and I love my kid and coffee

Peter

Coffee?

???

Can’t live without it

Peter

So you have coffee every morning?

???

Ehhhhh every minute

Peter

EVERY MINUTE?!?! 0-0

???

Yeah you don’t?

Peter

…

???

Wow you really are a kid

Peter

You’re Lord of the Beans now

???

What?

>Peter has renamed ??? to Lord of the Beans<

Lord of the Beans

Okay then

I almighty Lord of the Beans dub thee

Anonymous Kid

Peter

I am not a-

>Lord of the Beans has renamed Peter to Anonymous Kid<

Anonymous Kid

-kid….

Lord of the beans

You are now

Chapter Text

Anonymous Kid

Hey!!! \(^.^)/

Lord of the Beans

What is that?

Anonymous Kid

What?

Lord of the Beans

That thing

Anonymous Kid

Oh you mean this?

\(^.^)/

Lord of the Beans

Yeah

Anonymous Kid

It’s something you use for having fun while texting

Lord of the Beans

I’m too busy for fun

Anonymous Kid

We. 

Are. 

Playing. 

Minecraft. 

Right. 

Now.

Lord of the Beans

Okay?

Three hours later

Lord of the Beans

Look what I built kid!

Anonymous Kid

Not a kid!

A dirt hut…

That’s…. 

Nice

Lord of the Beans

And you could do better?

Anonymous Kid

Just take a look

Lord of the Beans

A mansion

You built a freaking mansion

Anonymous Kid

Yup! ^.^

Lord of the Beans

How?

Anonymous Kid

I’ll never tell >:)

Lord of the Beans

Ah dang it!

A creeper killed me!

Boo creeper!

Anonymous Kid

Awwwww mannnnn

Lord of the Beans

What?

Anonymous Kid

…. how old are you?

Lord of the Beans

How young are you?

Anonymous Kid

Touche

Lord of the Beans

:D

Anonymous Kid

Wow!

Old people can still learn things!

Lord of the Beans

>:(

Anonymous Kid

P:

Lord of the Beans

???

Anonymous kid

I’m licking my nose

P:

Lord of the Beans

I can’t do that

Anonymous Kid

You can’t lick your nose?!

Lord of the Beans

No…?

Should I be able to?

Anonymous Kid

So you’re old and boring?

Lord of the Beans

Hey!

Anonymous Kid

Webs!

I’m late!

Gtg!

Lord of the Beans

Don’t leave! 

We need to talk about how you 

called me old!

….

And he’s gone

Chapter Text

Anonymous Kid

I’m back!

Lord of the Beans

Welcome back.

Anonymous Kid

Thanks!

Lord of the Beans

Whatever

Anonymous Kid

Are you still mad about the old thing?

Lord of the Beans

Yes

Anonymous Kid

Fine 

I’m sorry

Lord of the Beans

Thank you

Anonymous Kid

But it doesn’t make it any less true

Lord of the Beans

Hey!

You little-

Anonymous Kid

Wanna do Minecraft?

Lord of the Beans

Can’t

I’m supposed to be paying attention to a meeting

And don’t think I’m going to overlook your futile efforts to switch topics

Anonymous Kid

And you're not?

Paying attention that is

Lord of the Beans

Nope

It’s boring

Anonymous Kid

Fair enough

Lord of the Beans

Exactly

Do you want to meet my best friend?

Anonymous Kid

I’m not your best friend?! :'(

Lord of the Beans

*sigh* you’re my best online friend

Anonymous KId

Yay!    ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

Lord of the Beans

Don’t let it get to your head

Anonymous Kid

Soooo…..

Your friend?

Lord of the Beans

Right

One sec

>Lord of the Beans has added ??? to the chat<

???

Hello

Anonymous Kid

Hi! ヾ(･ω･*)ﾉ

Lord of the Beans

This is….

French Fri

Anonymous Kid

Fry*

Lord of the Beans

Nope

French Fri

>Lord of the Beans has renamed ??? to French Fri<

Anonymous Kid

Okay then

Hello French Fri!

French Fri

Hello!

Anonymous Kid

I really want Wendy’s now

Lord of the Beans

I can get you some if you tell me where you live

Anonymous Kid

I’m sort of tempted to tell you

French Fri

You’d better not

Anonymous Kid

….Yeah….

Lord of the Beans

Dang it

Anonymous Kid

Bad Lord of the Beans

Lord of the Beans

Too bad

Oop

I gtg

They realized I’ve been texting through all of this

Bye kid

Anonymous Kid

Still not a kid

And bai!

…

Are you still here French Fri?

French Fri

Yes.

Anonymous Kid

So who is the Lord of the Beans really?

French Fri

I am not allowed to tell you that information

Anonymous Kid

Webs!

What can you tell me about him?

French Fri

He loves coffee.

Anonymous Kid

I know that…

Hey

What’s his credit card number?

French Fri

Why?

Anonymous Kid

I want to get Wendy’s

French Fri

Okay. 

It’s *This info has been redacted*

Anonymous Kid

Thanks!

A while later

Lord of the Beans

I’m back

Anonymous Kid

Heyyyyyyyy! ( ＾▽＾)／

Lord of the Beans

Wait….

Fri gave you my credit card number?!

Anonymous Kid

Yup!

Lord of the Beans

No!

You spent $75 on Wendy’s?!

Anonymous Kid

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My friends wanted some too

And you’re the one that said you had a billion bucks

Lord of the Beans

Fine

Whatever

Anonymous Kid

Yay!  \(･◡･)/ (･–･)

Lord of the Beans

*sigh* what am I supposed to do with you kid?

Anonymous Kid

Not a kid

And you should do absolutely everything amazing with me LoB!

Lord of the Beans

Did you just nickname me LoB?!

Anonymous Kid

If I put the t in there you can't just say it.

Besides, LoB is so fun to say.

Hello LoB

Nice-but-not-really to meet you LoB

Besides

You call me kid

Chapter Text

Anonymous Kid

Hey LoB 

You there?

I’m in school

It’s boring

Hello?

???

Hello

Anonymous Kid

Agh!

Who are you?!

???

I work with…...LoB

Anonymous Kid

How’d you get on here?

???

I stole LoB’s phone

Read all of his texts with you

Then added myself to the group chat

All before he realized his phone was gone

Anonymous Kid

Wow

Are you a spy or something?

???

Not at the moment no

Anonymous Kid

Okay?

What should I call you?

???

At the moment, nothing

Anonymous Kid

Why?

Lord of the Beans

What.

Are.

You.

Doing.

On.

Here.

???

I already told the kid

Anonymous Kid

Not a kid

Lord of the Beans

Get off

???

Fine

But I’m saving the kid’s # to my phone

Anonymous Kid

Do I get a say in this?

???

No

Lord of the Beans

No

Anonymous Kid

Fine.

Bai!

:3

???

Bye kid

Lord of the Beans

Off!

Anonymous Kid

Whoever that was is gone now

…

Who was that?

Lord of the Beans

One of my coworkers

Anonymous Kid

Cool!

Can I meet them again?

Lord of the Beans

No

You cannot meet her again

Anonymous Kid

D:

Why not?

Lord of the Beans

Because

Anonymous Kid

…

I can’t fight that logic

Lord of the Beans

No one can

Anonymous Kid

True

Class is over

I gtg

Lord of the Beans

Cya later kid

Anonymous Kid

Not a kid!

Bai!

Lord of the Beans

Bye

French Fri

Goodbye.

???

Bye kid

Lord of the Beans

HEY!

Anonymous Kid

NOT A KID!

Chapter Text

Lord of the Beans

Kid

Kid

Kid

Kid

Kid

Kid

Kid

Kid

Kid

Kid

Anonymous Kid

I’m not responding to kid

Lord of the Beans

Help me not-kid

Anonymous Kid

With?

Lord of the Beans

I’m bad at minecraft

Help me be better

Anonymous Kid

*gasp* I thought you would never ask!

Lord for the Beans

So you’ll help?

Anonymous Kid

Of course I’ll help you!

I will teach you minecraft 101

Lord of the Beans

Okay…

Anonymous Kid

1)Punch trees for wood then use wood to make an axe

Lord of the Beans

What about a sword?

Anonymous Kid

No

Axes can be used to cut down trees and attack

They’re better than wimpy swords

Lord of the Beans

Okay

Anonymous Kid

2)Collect more wood and look around

Lord of the Beans

There’s a village!

Anonymous Kid

Loot it

Lord of the Beans

…

Isn’t that stealing?

Anonymous Kid

Yup!

Lord of the Beans

I’m worried about you kid

Anonymous Kid

You should be

Lord of the Beans

Ok?

Next?

Anonymous Kid

Alright

Now go find some stone and mine straight into the mountain

Lord of the Beans

Into?

How about down?

Anonymous Kid

Never.

Dig.

Straight.

Down.

The game will kill you and then I will kill you

And then I’ll loot you while you're dead and helpless to stop me!

MHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Lord of the Beans

I think you might need a therapist

Anonymous Kid

Tell me something I don’t know

Lord of the Beans

Fine

I’ll dig a staircase down

Anonymous Kid

Good child

Lord of the Beans

I’m not the child

You’re the child

Anonymous Kid

Stop spouting lies

Lord of the Beans

So you are a kid!

Anonymous Kid

Maturity wise? Or age wise?

Lord of the Beans

You’re both aren’t you?

Anonymous Kid

And you aren’t?

Lord of the Beans

…

Anonymous Kid

You are old!

Lord of the Beans

...What’s number 3?

Anonymous Kid

3)Mine

Lord of the Beans

Ok

A few minutes later

Lord of the Beans

Agh!

Stupid freaking lava!

Anonymous Kid

Did you die?

Lord of the Beans

Yes!

And I lost all my stuff!

Anonymous Kid

You had all your stuff in your inventory?

Lord of the Beans

You didn’t tell me what to do with them!

Anonymous Kid

*facepalm*

Chapter Text

Lord of the Beans

Kid!

Why’d you do that?!

Anonymous Kid

Do what?

Lord of the Beans

You blew up my house!

Anonymous Kid

No I didnt

I’m not even online

Lord of the Beans

You set a trap!

Anonymous Kid

*shrug* maybe it was someone else?

Lord of the Beans

There’s no one else on the server

Anonymous Kid

…

Webs

Lord of the Beans

So you did do it!

Anonymous Kid

Yes

But hey, when life hands you lemons make 

lemonade

Lord of the Beans

What lemons?!?!

Besides I don’t like being handed things

Anonymous Kid

…

Then what do you do when someone tries 

to hand you something?

Lord of the Beans

Ignore them

Besides, they're used to it by now

Especially… um

... Sadness

Anonymous Kid

His real name is Sadness?

Lord of the Beans

Nope

Anonymous Kid

Huh

So you never get handed things?

Lord of the Beans

Not if I can avoid it

Anonymous Kid

How do you live this way?

Lord of the Beans

I just do

???

LoB get off Minecraft and get over here

Anonymous Kid

Nothing!

You’re back!

???

I’m just here to tell LoB to get his butt to this meeting

Lord of the Beans

But meetings are boringgggg

Anonymous Kid

School is boring too

And yet I am forced to go ┻┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵┻┻

Lord of the Beans

Yeah

But you’re you

You don’t count

Anonymous Kid

HEY!

???

Boo hoo LoB

News flash; I don’t care

Get over here

Anonymous Kid

Wait!

???

What?

Lord of the Beans

What?

Anonymous Kid

What can I call you for real?

Lord of the Beans

Call her SRL

Anonymous Kid

SRL?

Lord of the Beans

Scary Russian Lady

It’s what everyone calls her

???

LoB get over here before something bad 

and very painful happens to you

“ Accidently ”

Anonymous Kid

I can see why

Lord of the Beans

Yup

>Anonymous Kid has renamed ??? to SRL<

SRL

Get over here NOW!

Anonymous Kid

No

Please don’t make him go away

I’ll be so lonely

SRL

…

Lord of the Beans

That was actually kind of adorable Kid

Anonymous Kid

I’m not adorable!

Or a kid!

Lord of the Beans

You sort of seem like one

An adorable kid with eyes that belong on the 

list of the top 10 most deadliest yet cutest weapons 

known to man

Anonymous Kid

I am not! 

I am not adorable!

And I am not a kid!

SRL

Awwww he’s having a little tantrum

Come 'ere (つ≧▽≦)つ❤️

Lord of the Beans

Awwwwww <3

Anonymous Kid

You can’t even see me!

SRL

We don’t have to

Lord of the Beans

You’re just so cute it shows through the phone

Anonymous Kid

>:(

Fine

I’ll use it to my advantage

Lord of the Beans

Wait wait wait

Hold up

What do you mean?

SRL

Hmmm good strategy

Now get over here LoB

Anonymous Kid

SRL?

SRL

Yes?

Anonymous Kid

Pwease don’t make Mr. LoB go away

I’ll be so bowed and lonwey wivout him

Lord of the Beans

Awwww

SRL

…

Anonymous Kid

Pweeeeeeaaaaasssseeee????  (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

SRL

…

Fine

But you can’t tell anyone about me doing this

Anonymous Kid

Deal!

SRL

Great

Anonymous Kid

Yay!  o((*^▽^*))o

Lord of the Beans

0-0

You just got the SRL to do something for you

Anonymous Kid

Yeah so?

Lord of the Beans

She like never does anything for anybody

Especially not someone she’s only talked to twice !

Anonymous Kid

Too bad for you

Lord of the Beans

I’ve never gotten her to do anything for me !

SRL

Because you’re not charming or cute

Lord of the Beans

LIES!

SRL

TRUTH!

Anonymous KId

Wait are you guys more than just coworkers?

Friends perhaps?

Lord of the Beans

Wellllll….

SRL

I don’t feel the need to kill or physically and mentally 

injure him right now

So sort of at the moment

Anonymous Kid

You’re sort of at the moment friends?

Lord of the Beans

Exactly

SRL

Yup

Anonymous Kid

Ok then

What do you like to do SRL?

SRL

Can’t talk right now

I have to go cover for Lord of the Idiots

Lord of the Beans

Hey!

…

But thank you

SRL

Yeah whatever

Anonymous Kid

So what does she like to do?

Lord of the Beans

She likes to scare people, yeet people, and work 

is pretty much her life

Anonymous Kid 

Dang that’s sad

But now she has me

The absolutely amazing online young adult in her life

Lord of the Beans

*kid

Anonymous Kid

I AM NOT A KID!

Lord of the Beans

Yes you are

French Fri

You are a kid

SRL

Definitely 

Lord of the Beans

Your name even says it

SRL

You act like one too

French Fri

And also because you are simply a kid

Anonymous Kid

ಠಗಠ

Wow

Thanks for teaming up on me guys

French Fri

You are very welcome kid

Lord of the Beans

You deserve it anyways

Chapter Text

Anonymous Kid

Hey LoB

Lord of the Beans

Hi kid

Anonymous Kid

What are you doing

Lord of the Beans

Are you okay Kid?

Anonymous Kid

Why do you ask

Lord of the Beans

1 your greeting had no emotion

2 your sentence is not abbreviated

3 you didn’t object to being called kid twice

And 4

I’m watching you right now

Anonymous Kid

What!?

Where!?

Lord of the Beans

Outside of your room

Youre in bed texting me while drinking 

something that isn’t coffee

Anonymous Kid

AGH! STALKER!

(ง≖ヘ≖)ง

French Fri

LoB is not actually watching you

Anonymous Kid

Then how did he know all that

Lord of the Beans

I guessed you were sick then went from there 

And you just confirmed it

Anonymous Kid

I’m not sick!

I can’t be sick!

I have sooo much to do today!

I can’t be si

Ah!

I just sneezed all over my phone!

Lord of the Beans

Ew kid

French Fri

Your phone is now covered in germs

Anonymous Kid

I noticed

Lord of the Beans

Admit it

You’re sick

Anonymous Kid

Not!

Lord of the Beans

Then describe how you’re feeling right now

Anonymous Kid

Well

My nose is runny

My eyes are heavy

My throat hurts

My thoughts are all muddled

And I just sneezed on my phone again

Lord of the Beans

You need some tissues?

Anonymous Kid

Oh definitely

I need to get rid of all this flobbage

Lord of the Beans

Flobbage?

French Fri

Flobbage

[Flaw-bige]

An old Scottish word meaning phlegm or mucus

Anonymous Kid

Dang it Fri

I wanted to tell him

Lord of the Beans

…

Wow

Flobbage

Anonymous Kid

Isn’t it so fun to say

It shouldn’t have fallen out of style

You’re never going to forget it

You’re welcome

I have just blessed your life

Lord of the Beans

Wait lemme try it

Anonymous Kid

Sooo?

Lord of the Beans

Okay

It’s pretty great

Anonymous Kid

Is SRL around you?

Lord of the Beans

She’s in the building

Anonymous Kid

Walk up to her and put flobbage into some sort

of sentence

Lord of the Beans

…….

Okay

I’ll make Fri say it

Anonymous Kid

Yay!  ✺◟(ᵔᗜᵔ)◞✺

French Fri

Flobbage

A few moments later

SRL

LOB!?

Why in Thor’s sake is Fri screaming the work flobbage

Lord of the Beans

Ask the kid

SRL

Kid?

Anonymous Kid

Flobbage means snot

SRL

And?

Anonymous Kid

I’m sick so they’re distracting me by screaming flobbage at everyone and everything

SRL

Well make them stop

It’s driving everyone crazy

Lord of the Beans

And if I don’t?

SRL

I’ll find you and kill you

Lord of the Beans

Okay then I’m just gonna tell Fri to stop

French Fri

I’ll stop now.

Flobbage.

Okay now.

SRL

Good

Now come to the team exercise

Lord of the Beans

No

Anonymous Kid

Team exercise?

SRL

Something our boss wants us to do

Come on 

Lord of the Beans

But the kid’s sick

Anonymous Kid

I’m fine

I’ll just spend the rest of my misery watching something weird on youtube

Lord of the Beans

Okay then

Bye kid

French Fri

Goodbye

SRL

Bye

Anonymous Kid

Bai ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ

Chapter Text

>SRL has added you and nine others to this chat<

Anonymous Kid

A group chat

*gasp*

I love group chats!

＼(^o^)／

SRL

Good

???

What is this?

????

Who’s the unknown number?

?????

^

Anonymous Kid

*GASP*

New people!

Are they friends of LoB?

??????

Who’s LoB?

SRL

I’ll explain

???????

Ha! 

That’s what he chose to call himself?!

Anonymous Kid

Actually I named him

?????

Respect

SRL

Everyone meet Anonymous Kid

????????

HELLO KID OF ANONYMOUS

Anonymous Kid

Hi?

?????????

So this is who my husband has been texting?

French Fri

Yes

Anonymous Kid

Husband?!

*GaSp*

Lady of the Beans?

????????

I guess so

Anonymous Kid

Yay!

> Anonymous Kid has renamed ???????? to Lady of the Beans<

Anonymous Kid

Who’s next?

???

How is he going to name us?

SRL

Tell him what you’re like

???

Alright

I like reading and I’m a…

Umm

Magician

????

She’s the weird one of the group

?????

But you’re a close second

Lady of the Beans

Boys be nice

????

Yes ma’am

?????

Yes ma’am

Anonymous Kid

Ma’am?

SRL

She’s our boss

Anonymous Kid

Oh cool! 

And weird is great! 

So that’s your name now

> Anonymous Kid has renamed ??? to WGW <

WGW

WGW?

Anonymous Kid

Weird in a Good Way!

WGW

Hmmmm

I like it

Anonymous Kid

Yay!

Who’s next?

🧐

???????

Ooh!

Ooh!

Me!

Anonymous Kid

Go on

???????

Okay

So I’m SRL’s best friend

SRL

Keep dreaming

???????

Pranks are my jam

And birds are my thing

?????

No

Birds are my thing

???????

No they’re not!

Anonymous Kid

Uhmmmm

I’ll do you two later

??????

Do him next

????
Who?

??????

You

????

Me?

??????

Yes

Anonymous Kid

Okay then

??????

Name him Snowfield

Anonymous Kid

Why?

??????

Snow because of reasons

And field because his mind is as vast and empty as a field

????

…..

Eh

?????

“Eh”?

When I called you that you called me *beep* !

Anonymous Kid

Wow

You called him something that needed to get bleeped out?

That's harsh man

??????

Language

????

Hey kid

Name the annoying one *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Anonymous Kid

O-O

??????

Language!!!

> Anonymous Kid has renamed ???? to Snowfield<

> Anonymous Kid has renamed ?????? to Captain Language <

Captain Language

Captain Language, huh?

Anonymous Kid

You seem sort of captainy and you make them watch their language

SRL

Fits him well

???????

No kidding

Lord of the Beans

SRL.

What.

Is.

This.

SRL

A group chat

Lord of the Beans

I thought I said NO GROUP CHATS!

SRL

You did

I just didn't listen

Lady of the Beans

But it’s only fair we get to meet the person distracting you from work

Snowfield

He actually works ?!

Lady of the Beans

Hmmm…

You bring up a very valid point Snowfield

It's only fair we get to meet the person distracting you from pretending to work

Lord of the Beans

No!

Why do you do this to me SRL!?

SRL

You.

Ate .

My .

YOGURT.

Lord of the Beans

No 

I ate the yogurt I found in the fridge

SRL

It had my name on it

???????

…

?????

o.o

WGW

You really messed up this time

Anonymous Kid

Dude

Never eat named foods

Lord of the Beans

Well at least she isn’t trying to kill me

SRL

Oh I really want to

Lady of the Beans

I’m just stopping her

Lord of the Beans

Thank Thor for that

????????

YES BEAN LORD?

Lord of the Beans

No not you

Anonymous Kid

???

WGW

Shhhh...

You didn’t see a thing…

Anonymous Kid

So how 'bout you caps guy?

????????

ME?

Anonymous Kid

Yes

What do you like?

????????

STORMS EXPLOSIONS AND FRIENDS

????????

He also destroys pretty much everything he touches

On accident of course

> Anonymous Kid has renamed ???????? to Sparky Sparky Boom Boom<

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

COOL!

???????

Fits him better than you realize!

Anonymous Kid

Great!

Who’s next!

???????

Us bird boys

?????

Yeah

Lord of the Beans

I got this one

> Lord of the Beans has renamed ?????? to Birb 1 <

>Lord of the Beans has renamed ????? to Birb 2 <

Birb 2

Why am I birb 2?

Lord of the Beans

Because you came second

Birb 1

Because I’m cooler than u 

#Iamawesome

SRL

#Stopspoutinglies

Anonymous Kid

And you say you guys are best friends?

Birb 1

Yes

SRL

I only want to kill him sometimes

Birb 1

See!

Anonymous Kid

This group chat is amazing

Lord of the Beans

No it’s not! 

>:(

Birb 1

Stop being a baby LoB

Lord of the Beans

Lady of the Beans!

Birb 1 called me a baby!

Lady of the Beans 

Be nice Birb 1

And stop whining honey

SRL

It makes you more annoying than you already are

Captain Language 

Be nice SRL

Snowfield

Why should she be?

Anonymous Kid

I have to go to school guys

:'(

Captain Language

Good luck Kid

Lord of the Beans

See ya Kid

SRL

Bye Kid

Birb 1

Cya Kid!

Birb 2

Ttyl

Lady of the Beans

Have a good time sweetie

Snowfield

Bye

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

GOODBYE YOUNG CHILD

Anonymous Kid

FOR THE LAST TIME I’M NOT A KID!

Chapter Text

Anonymous Kid

School is sooooooo boring

ಠ ∩ ಠ 

I don't wanna be at school 

Lord of the Beans

(¬＿¬) 

You have to go

Anonymous Kid

┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻ 

Noooooooooo

Lord of the Beans

┬─┬ノ( º _ ºノ) 

Chill

Anonymous KId

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ 

NO

Lord of the Beans

(-■_■) 

Yes

Anonymous Kid

לּ_לּ 

Why

Lord of the Beans

(-■_■) 

Because

Anonymous Kid

눈_눈 

Fine

I’ll go to school

Captain Language

Wait

How old are you kid?

Anonymous Kid

……

Captain Language

That means no swearing guys

He’s still innocent

Anonymous Kid

Ha!

Nice joke!

Lord of the Beans

Do you need a therapist kid?

Anonymous Kid

Oh

I needed one a longgggg time ago

SRL

Sammmmmeeeee

Snowfield

^

Times a billion

Birb 2

I could help you guys out

Except you Snowfield

Get someone else

Snowfield

Love you two idiot

Birb 2

Rightttt

Lady of the Beans

Birb 2 play nice

WGW

As if he can

Lord of the Beans

Good point

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

KID OF ANONYMOUS?

Anonymous Kid

Yeah?

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

WHY DO YOU HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH?

Anonymous Kid

Because it’s school

Captain Language

That’s not a reason

Anonymous Kid

I don’t need any other reason

Lord of the Beans

He really doesn’t

Birb 1

Hey guys

Anonymous Kid

Hey! (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Lord of the Beans

Hi

Snowfield 

Hi

Captain Language

Hello

WGW

Hey

Birb 2

Sup

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

HELLO BIRB 1

WGW

Where have you been?

Birb 1

Uhhhmmmmm 

Nowhere

Anonymous Kid

That sounds like you have been somewhere you weren’t supposed to be

Birb 1

Welllllllll

SRL

Birb 1 get your freaking butt over here!

Captain Language

Language!

SRL

I WASN’T EVEN SWEARING!

Captain Language

But there’s a child on the chat

Birb 1

Yeah and his name is LoB!

Lord of the Beans

Says you

You literally threw a tantrum over losing mario kart to birb 2 this morning

SRL

I’m coming for you Birb 1

Anonymous Kid

Uh oh

Birb 2

Run

Birb 1

No duh!

WGW

What did you even do?

Snowfield 

And why?

Birb 2

I may or may not have rigged her bedroom door

Snowfield

I repeat the why

Lady of the Beans

Just say your sorry and make it up to her

Birb 1

Are you kidding?!

She would kill me!

Captain Language

Just keep running

Anonymous Kid

🎶 Just keep running

Just keep running

Just keep running 🎶

Captain Language

What?

Anonymous Kid

You really are old

SRL

I can hear you texting

Birb 1

NO YOU CAN’T!

SRL

Yes I can

Birb 1

NO!!!!

SRL

Found you

Birb 1

Tell my family I love them

Birb 2

No

Anonymous Kid

They’re not replying….

Did she really kill him?

Lady of the Beans

*sigh*

I’ll go check

WGW

I’ll help

Captain Language

I should probably go too

Anonymous Kid

Why?

She’s just one person

What could she do that it would take three of you

Lord of the Beans

Kid

When SRL is mad

You should run

Really really far

And really really fast

Because that will give you time to write your will before she finds you

Understand?

Anonymous Kid

…..

I do

Lord of the Beans

Good

WGW

LoB!

Come help!

Lord of the Beans

…….

Coming

Anonymous Kid

Bai

And good luck

Chapter Text

Birb 1

Has anyone seen the big guy?

He isn’t answering his phone

Captain Language

No

Snowfield

^

WGW

^^

Birb 2

Nah

Lord of the Beans

^

Lady of the Beans

^^

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

NO

SRL

I added him to this

Anonymous Kid

Who?

Lord of the Beans

Another of my sorta friends

Anonymous Kid

Ah

Lady of the Beans

Why do you need him

Birb 1

…. no reason

Anonymous Kid

Ooooooo

What’s his name going to be?

Snowfield

Only smart one in the group

Birb 1

No

He’s gonna be Green Thumb

??????????

What do you guys want?!?!?!?!

Anonymous Kid

Welcome to the group chat!

??????????

Thank you?

> Birb 1 has renamed ?????????? to Green Thumb<

Birb 1

You’re Green Thumb now

Green Thumb

I killed the plant you gave me

Birb 1

You killed squiggles?!?!?!?!

RIP.

😭😭😭😭😭

Green Thumb

If you cared that much about a plant I don't know why you gave it to me in the first place

Birb 1

Squiggles death aside

You're thumb is literally green

Anonymous Kid

Uhmmmmm

WGW

Don’t be suspicious!

Don’t be suspicious!

Don’t be suspicious!

Anonymous Kid

What?

Lord of the Beans

She means don’t stress it kid

Anonymous Kid

Ok 

I guess

Lady of the Beans

Phew

Birb 1

That was a close one

Snowfield

Because of you!

Birb 1

…

Birb 2

So where have you been GT?

Apparently, you haven’t been answering your phone

Green Thumb

I broke my phone again

Anonymous Kid

Again?

Birb 2

Yeah

Captain Language

He breaks it a lot

Anonymous Kid

What?

Does he smash them or something?

Birb 1

….

Birb 2

….

Lord of the Beans

….

SRL

….

Snowfield 

….

Green Thumb

Um

No

WGW

Don’t be suspicious

Don’t be suspicious

Don’t be suspicious

Anonymous Kid

…. Ok ….

Green Thumb

I just don’t have good luck with phones

Anonymous Kid

Huh

Ok

I’m not the best with phones either…

I keep losing them

Or they break

Lord of the Beans

They break?

Anonymous Kid

It’s all their faults

Lord of the Beans

Mhmmm

Anonymous Kid

They jump from my pocket and off the building

I don’t throw them

…

Anymore

Captain Language

What?

Birb 2

Sparky

You do know you’re supposed to cook food in the microwave

Not destroy the whole thing!

Anonymous Kid

O-O

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

IT DESERVED IT!

Birb 2

HOW!?

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

WHEN I TOLD IT TO COOK MY BURRITO IT MADE THE OUTSIDE BURNING BUT THE MIDDLE FREEZING

Anonymous Kid

I hate when that happens

SRL

^

Snowfield

^^

Birb 1

^^^

Lady of the Beans

^^^^

Green Thumb

^^^^^

WGW

^^^^^^

Lord of the Beans

^^^^^^^

Birb 2

Guys he broke the microwave

SRL

Whatever

Birb 1

Just have LoB get another one

Snowfield 

Yeah

Anonymous Kid

How did he break it?

Birb 1

He threw it out the window

Lord of the Beans

Again?

That was bulletproof glass

Ugh

So much money

I didn't believe them when they said 

Anonymous Kid

Bullet-

BULLETPROOF!?!?!?!?!?!

Lord of the Beans

Yeah

Anonymous Kid

How does he do that? 

Does he have superpowers?

OR MAGIC?!

Lord of the Beans

….

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

….

Lady of the Beans

….

Birb 1

….

SRL

….

Birb 2

0-0

WGW

O-O

Snowfield

DON’T SAY IT!

WGW 

Don’t be suspicious

Don’t be suspicious

Don’t be suspicious

Anonymous Kid

I just- 

Wow

WGW

Don’t be SUSPICIOUS!

Anonymous Kid

I’m not

WGW

Good

Anonymous Kid

I’m a little confused though

WGW

You should be

Birb 2

Yes

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

I BROKE THE TABLE TOO

AND ANOTHER WINDOW

Anonymous Kid

HOW?!

JUST HOW?

WGW

DON’T BE SuSpIsOuS!!!

Chapter Text

Anonymous Kid

*Stabs*

∩(˵‿˵)つ¤=[]:::::> (XoX) 

Lady of the Beans

Who are you stabbing?

Anonymous Kid

All of you!

Birb 1

*Stabs back*

∩(˵ ‿ ˵)つ¤=[]:::::> (XoX) 

Anonymous Kid

No!

┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ)

Birb 1

Yes!

Anonymous Kid

NO!

＼(｀0´)／

Birb 1

Yes

Anonymous Kid

*throws*

(ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ彡( \o°o)\

Birb 1

Ow!

Lady of the Beans

Put him back

Anonymous Kid

Fine…

(0o0)ノ( - _ -ノ)

I’m throwing this though

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Birb 2

(╮°-°)╮┳━┳

Anonymous Kid

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Birb 2

(╮°-°)╮┳━┳

Anonymous Kid

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Birb 2

(╮°-°)╮┳━┳

Anonymous Kid

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Birb 2

(╮°-°)╮┳━┳

SRL

STOP IT!

┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻ 

Anonymous Kid

O-O

Birb 2

….

(╮°-°)╮┳━┳

(╮°-°)╮┳━┳

SRL

You’re spamming my phone and I’m trying to work!

Anonymous Kid

Work is boringggg

Birb 1

Joinnnnn ussss

Birb 2

Join the crazinesssss

SRL

( • . •) want this burrito?

/ >🌯 

Birb 2

Yessss! (づ＾∇＾ )づ

SRL

( • - •) No, it's mine

🌯

Birb 2

T-T

Anonymous Kid

Mean D:

SRL

(ง'̀-'́)ง

Anonymous Kid

∩(˵ ‿ ˵)つ¤=[]:::::> (XoX) 

SRL

*deflects*

Anonymous Kid

Agh!

Get her Birbs!

Birb 2

Uhmmm

SRL

Your choice

(ง'̀-'́)ง

Birb 1

I’ll avenge you!

*charges*

Birb 2

Wait for me!

*charges*

SRL

*throws both*

Anonymous Kid

WAR!

┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻ 

SRL

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Anonymous Kid

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

SRL

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Anonymous Kid

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

SRL

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Birb 2

*eats popcorn*

Anonymous Kid

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

SRL

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Anonymous Kid

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Birb 1

*Steals all the popcorn from Birb 2*

Birb 2

Oi! 

Das my popcorn D:

SRL

Oh boohoo 

(╯°-°)╯︵/(.□ . \)

Anonymous Kid

Yesss 

Team up on the birds!

*Slaps Birb 1’s popcorn away*

Birb 1

MY POPCORN! D:<

Birb 2

This is NOT a fair fight!

SRL

∩(o`_’o)つ¤=[]:::::> (XoX) 

Anonymous Kid

(∩ ` -´)⊃━━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Birb 2

Runnn! 

And turn off your phone!

It’s the only way!

Birb 1

I refuse to back down after they ruined my popcorn!

Birb 2

It will be your doom!

Birb 1

I will fight!

Anonymous Kid

So be it

Many minutes later

Birb 2

Lady of the Beans!!!

They’re being mean to us!

D:

Birb 1

Yeah! :(

Lady of the Beans

SRL, Kid, what do you have to say?

Anonymous Kid

Sorry

SRL

Not sorry

Birb 2

T-T

SRL

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

Anonymous Kid

*High fives*

Lady of the Beans

SRL…

SRL

Fine.

I’m not sorry

But you probably didn’t deserve all of that

Lady of the Beans

Good enough

SRL

But your popcorn did

Birb 1

Poppy did not deserve it!

Anonymous Kid

….

You named the popcorn?

Birb 1

OF COURSE I NAMED THE POPCORN!

Birb 2

Why would you name something you’re just going to eat?

Birb 1

Why WOULDN’T I?

SRL

Just give up on understanding him

I did years ago

Lord of the Beans

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Lady of the Beans

Hey Honey

Glad to see you’ve finally stopped working

Lord of the Beans

It’s hard to work when you’re phone’s being blown up

SRL

That’s what I said

Anonymous Kid

Hey LoB!

Birb 1

SRL and the kid threw/stabbed Birb 2 and me multiple times before breaking all our tables

SRL

Traitor

Anonymous KId

>:(

Birb 1

I’m not a traitor!

SRL

Don’t even start

Anonymous Kid

You would lose

Birb 2

No doubt about that

Birb 1

D:

Anonymous Kid

Okay…. fine

I really am sorry Birb 1 and 2

Birb 2

It’s alright

I probably only have a mild concussion from being thrown

Birb 1

Yeah

Anonymous Kid

Yay! *hugs*

SRL

Still not apologizing

Chapter Text

Anonymous Kid

I’m bored

Lord of the Beans

Wanna do Minecraft?

Birb 2

You play Minecraft?

Lord of the Beans

Yeah so?

Birb 2

I just didn’t think that was possible

Anonymous Kid

He’s actually getting better at it

Birb 1

Oh cool

Anonymous Kid

Wait

Guyssss?

Birb 1

What?

Lord of the Beans

Yeah kid?

Birb 2

Yes?

Anonymous Kid

Do you all want to join?

Birb 2

Ok

Birb 1

YES!

SRL

Hi

Anonymous Kid

Oh hey SRL! :)

Wanna play MC with us?

SRL

Sure

Anonymous Kid

Yay! :D

Ok

I’ll make a new world

On the Minecraft Server

CtrlZmyFriend joined the game.

BirbKING joined the game.

ScarySquirrel joined the game.

BirbBRO joined the game.

CtrlZmyFriend was killed by BirbBRO

<CtrlZmyFriend> Why’d you just kill me?! It’s literally been less than five minutes!!!

<BirbBRO> I needed wood

<CtrlZmyFriend> So why’d you kill ME?

<BirbBRO> You had wood on you and I didn’t want to chop down trees

<CtrlZmyFriend> Only like ten blocks! Why you ask? CUZ IT’S ONLY BEEN FIVE MINUTES!!! 

<Cinnamonboi> I guess that’s one way to do it

<BirbKING> I’ll get your wood back

BirbBRO was killed by BirbKING

<BirbBRO> You killed me!

<BirbKING> That was pathetically easy. I got the wood back tho

<BirbKING> Here LoB

<CtrlZmyFriend> Thanks

CtrlZmyFriend was killed by BirbKING

<BirbKING> Psych! Now your stuff is mine!

<BirbBRO> Dethrone the king!

BirbKING was killed by BirbBRO

BirbBRO was killed by CtrlZmyFriend

<Cinnamonboi> And now you’re all killing each other…

<Cinnamonboi> Welp 

<Cinnamonboi> I’m gonna go live in a cave now

<BirbBRO> Wait!

<BirbBRO> I’m coming too!

<Cinnamonboi> No! The whole point was for me to live alone!!!

<CtrlZmyFriend> Too bad, Kid

Half an hour later

<BirbKING> Enderman! 

<BirbKING> Enderman! 

<BirbKING> ENDERMAN!

BirbKING was killed by an enderman

<BirbBRO> Ha! Now I’ll just swoop in and take all your stuff

<BirbBRO> No wait! It’s still mad!

BirbBRO was killed by an enderman

<CtrlZmyFriend> You led him to me!

CtrlZmyFriend was killed by the same enderman

<Cinnamonboi> Ha!

<Cinnamonboi> That’s why I live alone in my cave

Cinnamonboi was killed by a zombie while he was typing

<Cinnamonboi> …

<BirbKING> You were saying?

<Cinnamonboi> Shut up

<BirbBRO> I’m going back for all of our stuff

<CtrlZmyFriend> Go ahead, it’s your death

<BirbKING> ^

BirbBRO was killed by… yup the enderman

<BirbBRO> NOT GIVING UP!

BirbBRO was killed by that same enderman again

BirbBRO was killed by the SAME FrEaKiNg ENDERMAN!

BirbBRO was killed by again, the enderman. He should just give up

<BirbKING> Just give up. 

<BirbKING> You’re obviously worse at MC than a freaking enderman.

<BirbBRO> Ugh! Fine!

<Cinnamonboi> Jeez that was one mad enderman

<CtrlZmyFriend> Agh! I looked at him again!

<BirbBRO> RUN!

<CtrlZmyFriend> I AM!

CtrlZmyFriend was killed by an enderman because he can’t run fast

<CtrlZmyFriend> *sigh*

<Cinnamonboi> It’s both pathetic and hilarious to see you guys fail so utterly at playing MC.

A bit over an hour later

<BirbKING> Where’s SRL at?

<BirbBRO> Idk

<CtrlZmyFriend> She sort of just vanished

<ScarySquirrel> I’m still here

<CtrlZmyFriend> Where?

<ScarySquirrel> Right behind you

<CtrlZmyFriend> Agh! How’d you get there without me noticing!?

<ScarySquirrel> It was easy

<BirbKING> Where have you been?

<ScarySquirrel> Mountain to your left

<BirbKING> Is that a CASTLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

<BirbBRO> Woahhhhh

<CtrlZmyFriend> Ha Kid, it looks like she’s better at MC than you

<Cinnamonboi> Actually…

<ScarySquirrel> We secretly teamed up while you were all fighting and we built this huge castle and a labyrinth underneath

<BirbBRO> :O

<BirbKING> Can I go inside?

<ScarySquirrel> No and if you try I’ll kill you

<BirbKING> How? You’re down there and I’m already almost to the castle

<BirbKING> Agh! How’d you get up there?!

<ScarySquirrel> Enderpearl

<Cinnomenboi> Now prepare to DIE!

<BirbBRO> How do you already have diamond armor?!

<ScarySquirrel> I mined идиот [Moron]

<BirbKING> Rude. 

<BirbKING> AGH! NO! I’m sorry!

BirbKING was killed by ScarySquirrel

<Cinnamonboi> Hehehe

<BirbKING> Stop laughing at me! D:

<Cinnamonboi> Ow! Stop punching me with your fists!

<BirbKING> I WILL KILL YOU AND TAKE ALL YOUR STUFF!

<CtrlZmyFriend> Gotta admire the determination

<BirbBRO> Even if it’s misplaced

Cinnamonboi was killed by BirbKING

<BirbKING> Ha ha HA!

<Cinnomenboi> Webs

<BirbBRO> That was a little pathetic

<ScarySquirrel> Yeah

<Cinnomenboi> Rude

<BirbKING> Are you gonna kill him?

<ScarySquirrel> No

<BirbKING> What?! Why?! You killed me when I called you rude!

<Cinnomenboi> So?

<BirbKING> Why?

<ScarySquirrel> You’re you

<BirbBRO> Did you even have to ask?

<BirbKING> So you all agree with this?

<CtrlZmyFriend> Yup

<ScarySquirrel> Definitely

<Cinnamonboi> Yeah

<BirbBRO> Yes

<BirbKING> DDDDDDDD:

CtrlZmyFriend tried to swim in water

<Cinnamonboi> You drowned?! XD

<ScarySquirrel> That’s worse than the Kid’s death

<BirbKING> Ha! Who’s stupid now?

<BirbBRO> Still you

Sudden death has been activated on the server. Hide if you value your lives.

<BirbKING> WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?

<ScarySquirrel> Hey look, an ender dragon.

<Cinnamonboi> RUN!!!!

<BirbBRO> MOBS EVERYWHERE!!!

<CtrlZmyFriend> Hacking skillz ACTIVATE!┗|｀O′|┛

<CtrlZmyFriend> MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!    >:DDDDD

Chapter Text

Lady of the Beans

Does anyone know if LoB had food today?

Birb 1

Nope

Captain Language

I haven’t seen him in a while

Snowfield 

^

Birb 2

I don’t think so

SRL

I doubt it

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

SORRY BEAN LADY

Lady of the Beans

*sigh* it’s fine

WGW

He hasn’t left his lab in like three days

Lady of the Beans

Fri?

French Fri

WGW was correct.

LoB has not left his lab, slept, or eaten for almost three days.

Anonymous Kid

Woah!

Is that why he hasn’t been replying?

Birb 2

Yeah

Birb 1

He tends to turn off his phone when he’s in there

SRL

It annoys everyone

Lady of the Beans

Three days isn’t as bad as I thought

WGW

Has he spoken to anyone in the past three days?

Birb 1

No

Captain Language

Again, haven’t seen him

Birb 2

I don’t think so

Snowfield 

We almost never talk anyway

Anonymous Kid

Nopidydoo

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

NOPE

WGW

I have come to a conclusion

He might be dead in there

Lady of the Beans

Possibly

SRL

I can break in and make sure

Anonymous Kid

Break in?

Birb 2

Can you do that without making any noise? I‘m trying to sleep

Captain Language

No breaking things either

Snowfield

Unless it’s Birb 2’s

SRL

No promises

Lady of the Beans

How about you don’t break in?

Green Thumb

That sounds smart

Anonymous Kid

Pshhh

Who’s smart on this chat?

SRL

No one

Snowfield

Oof

Birb 1

That hit where it hurts

WGW

She has a point though

Birb 2

So mean

SRL

Why do you care? 

I thought you were trying to sleep

Birb 2

I was

Lady of the Bean

All of you quiet

Anonymous Kid

Okay

Captain Language

Yes ma’am

Birb 2

Aye aye boss

WGW

Us agreeing with being quiet is just us speaking again

Snowfield

Good point

Anonymous Kid

*gasp*

I didn’t even realize that! 

Green Thumb

Why don’t you all just og knock on LoB’s door and ask him?

WGW

Sound proof walls/doors

Green Thumb

Forgot about those

Anonymous Kid

I want sound proof walls!

*gasp*

Can I have sound proof walls?!

( ╹▽╹ )

Birb 1

Do you need them?

Anonymous Kid

….no

Birb 1

There’s your answer

Birb 2

LoB didn’t need them either

Lady of the Beans

He thought he did

Captain Language

He thinks he needs everything

WGW

Sooo trueee!

Lady of the Beans

Wait

Where’s SRL?

Anonymous Kid

Uh oh

Lord of the Beans

I’m not dead

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

BEAN LORD!

Lady of the Beans

Nice to see you actually talking to us, Honey

Lord of the Beans

SRL broke in and blackmailed me

SRL

Snitch

Birb 1

What did she blackmail you with?

Just curious

Totally not because I want to use it as blackmail too

Birb 2

Like he would tell you

So what was it LoB?

¬‿¬

Anonymous Kid

How did you break into there SRL?

Teach me all your ways!

SRL

Will you use them for good?

Anonymous Kid

Is stealing cookies for myself out of the cookie jar good?

SRL

Depends on the cookie

Anonymous Kid

Snickerdoodles

WGW

Oreos are better

But this acceptable

SRL

I will also accept this

Anonymous Kid

So you’ll teach me!?

Green Thumb

That is not a good idea

Birb 2

Yeah…

Having two people who can break into pretty much anywhere is not a good thing to have

Birb 1

What do you mean?

If they’re stealing cookies for us then it’s a very good thing!

Lady of the Beans

No teaching the kid how to steal SRL

But thank you for breaking in to his lab

Birb 2

Really???

Lord of the Beans

You’re thanking her?

Snowfield

Why?

Anonymous Kid

Yeah! Why can’t she teach me?

Captain Language

I would give up Kid

No one is going to let her teach you

Anonymous Kid

LIES!

(￣ヘ￣)

WGW

Making tea

Anyone want some?

SRL

You’re welcome

And I’ll take some

WGW

Alright

Captain Language

It’s the truth Kid

Anonymous Kid

>:0

Lady of the Beans

Honey

Go eat something

Lord of the Beans

But I’m workingggggg

Anonymous Kid

You are?

Snowfield

That’s surprising

Lady of the Beans

Not working for a week then trying to do it all in three days doesn’t count

Lord of the Beans

Dang it

Anonymous Kid

Nice try

WGW

Tea’s ready

SRL

Alright

Snowfield

Are you sure you should leave LoB alone?

Birb 2

Is that the smartest?

He might lock himself in again

SRL

Don’t worry

We already had a little chat about what would happen if he did

Anonymous Kid

Scary

Lord of the Beans

-_-

I won’t do that

Lady of the Beans

Good

Anonymous Kid

Wait a minute…

YOU HAVEN’T HAD ANY FOOD IN THREE DAYS?!?!?!?!

Lord of the Beans

I’ve had trail mix and coffee

Lady of the Beans

Coffee isn’t a food

Lord of the Beans

Don’t crush my dreams

Coffee will be a food one day

Snowfield

That’s a stupid idea

Birb 1

That idea is so dumb that it actually makes me wish he was actually dead

SRL

That can be arranged

Chapter Text

Birb 1

Guys!

Help!

Green Thumb

With what?

Snowfield

No

Birb 1

I’m annoyed at SRL and she’s annoyed at me, so I took out my hearing aides

Anonymous Kid

Wait, you’re deaf?

That’s awesome!

Birb 1

Yeah, anyway, SRL apparently learned ASL and she’s just signing her annoyance at me!

Anonymous Kid

Which is really hard to ignore because it’s lots of movement

Birb 1

Exactly!

Birb 2

Have fun with that

Snowfield

You’re dead

WGW

Definitely

SRL

There’s nowhere to hide Birb 1

There’s no point in trying

Anonymous Kid

What did you even do?

Captain Language

Whatever you do, don’t try to face her

Green Thumb

It wouldn’t be a smart move

Lady of the Beans

I wouldn’t be able to stop her

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

DON’T BE DUMB BIRB 1

Birb 1

I’M TRYING NOT TO BE!

Lord of the Beans

Well try harder

Birb 2

Quick! 

Follow these rules!

Rules to deal with SRLs:

1. Don’t look her in the eyes
2. No sudden movements
3. Try to make yourself seem bigger
4. If that doesn’t work, play dead

Anonymous Kid

Aren’t those the rules for a wild animal?

Birb 2

Exactly.

SRL

BIRB 1

Where is it!

Birb 1

Nowhere

Why would I know where it is

I don't know

Nowhere

Bye SRL

SRL

BIRB 1!!!!

Don’t deny knowing where it is!

Birb 1

I’M DENYING IT!

SRL

Well stop, it’s making you look more stupid then you already did

Birb 1

YOU’RE STUPID!

Birb 2

She’s gonna kill you now

Snowfield

Idiot

Anonymous Kid

Are you sure you guys aren’t related? 

You all seem like one big chaotic family

SRL

Family huh?

Snowfield

Haven’t heard that in a while

Lord of the Beans

What makes you say that Kid?

Anonymous Kid

Well it’s sort of like you’re all siblings

Lady of the Beans

You have a point Kid

Sometimes I do feel like the oldest sibling

The only responsible one in the group

WGW

I don’t have any other family then you guys

Anonymous Kid

Really?

WGW

Yeah

Anonymous Kid

I’m sorry

WGW

Don’t be

There’s nothing anyone can do about it

SRL

Never knew my real family

Birb 1

I know mine

But I don’t get to see them as much as I would like to

Birb 2

^

Captain Language

My family is gone

So is Snowfield’s

Snowfield

Yeah

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

BAD RELATIONSHIPS

Green Thumb

Don’t really have one

Lord of the Beans

Orphan

What about you Kid?

Anonymous Kid

Oh

WGW

What’s wrong?

Anonymous Kid

Just…

I haven’t really had the best luck with family

Lady of the Beans

You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to

SRL

Yeah Kid

Anonymous Kid

No…

I will

My parents died when I was young, I don’t really remember much about them

I was adopted by my aunt and uncle, who are the most amazing people in the world!

My uncle was shot two years ago, and passed away

Now it’s just me and my aunt, who is my favorite person in the whole world! And I love her so much! 

But sometimes it’s hard to not miss him

Lord of the Beans

I’m so sorry Kid

Birb 2

That’s rough, Buddy

Lady of the Beans

It’s okay to miss him, just remember that you’re not alone

Lots of people in your life care about you, and you need to focus on them as well

Anonymous Kid

Yeah

WGW

Are you okay?

Anonymous Kid

I don’t really know

Lord of the Beans

We can be your family!

Anonymous Kid

But you don’t even know who I am

Lord of the Beans

Eh? Eh?

Anonymous Kid

I am not telling you who I am

Lord of the Beans

Dang it

SRL

How about an online family?

I mean if you want that

Anonymous Kid

That would be…

Nice

Birb 2

Fam it is then!

Birb 1

Group hug!

Lord of the Beans

*sigh* for the kid

Anonymous Kid

Yay!

Captain Language

Hug!

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

FAMILY HUG!

Green Thumb

Okay

Snowfield 

No

SRL

Absolutely not

WGW

*pulls both of them in*

Snowfield

Fine

SRL

Just this once

Lady of the Beans

*hugs*

Anonymous Kid

Thanks guys

You’re the best

Birb 1

I know

*flips hair dramatically*

Birb 2

You don’t even have long hair

Birb 1

Shhhh!

He doesn’t know that!

Anonymous Kid

I do now

:>

Birb 1

Dang it Birb 2!

Birb 2

:P

SRL

Don’t think I haven’t forgotten what you did Birb 1

I’m going to annoy you into submission

Birb 1

Well crap

Chapter Text

French Fri

Merry Christmas!

Birb 2

Fri…

Snowfield

It’s 12:01 in the morning

French Fri

Merry Christmas!

Birb 1

12:01 technically is Christmas

SRL

SOMEONE SHUT THAT ANNOYING THING UP OR ELSE I WILL

WGW

She really will

Lady of the Beans

LoB….

Did you tell Fri to blast Christmas music at 12:01 in the morning?

Lord of the Beans

…… yes?

French Fri

I still would have done it myself anyways

Merry Christmas!

Captain Language

SRL, I give you permission to kill LoB instead

French Fri

Merry Christmas!

Lord of the Beans

Please don’t

I quite like my life

Birb 1

Please do

Snowfield

^

Birb 2

^^

WGW

^^^

Green Thumb

^^^^

Anonymous Kid

^^^^^

Birb 1

Kid?

French Fri

Merry Christmas!

Snowfield

Do you even know what’s going on?

Anonymous Kid

Uhmmm

Not really?

From what I understand, LoB did something to annoy you all and so you’re letting SRL kill him

WGW

And you agreed?

Anonymous Kid

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lord of the Beans

What are you even doing awake?

Anonymous Kid

What are you all doing awake?

French Fri

I am always awake

Watching

Waiting

For the perfect moment to strike

Anonymous Kid

I don't know how to reply to that

SRL

*beep* LoB made Fri wake us up by blasting *beep* *beep* *beeeeeeeeep* christmas music at *beeeep* 12:01 in the morning.

Anonymous Kid

Uhmmmmm

Captain Language

SRL!

SRL

Don’t you *beep* dare to *beep* language me!

Birb 1

Ignore her Kid

She gets sweary when she hasn’t slept

Anonymous Kid

I can tell….

Lord of the Beans

…..

Someone please save me

Birb 2

No

Lady of the Beans

I have no sympathy

Lord of the Beans

SRL’s coming for me

I can hear her footsteps

SRL

Thanks for the hint

Lord of the Beans

Wait!

No!

SRL

You forgot I could read this chat ;)

Lord of the Beans

FORGET WHAT I SAID!
JUST FORGET IT!

French Fri

Merry Christmas!

Lord of the Beans
I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

I NEVER SAID I COULD!

HELP!

Birb 1

Welp

Snowfield 

He’s dead

WGW

No doubt

French Fri

Merry Christmas!

Lady of the Beans

Merry Christmas Fri

Captain Language

Merry Christmas

Anonymous Kid

Eap

WGW

Merry Christmas

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

JOYFUL MORTAL HOLIDAY

Anonymous Kid

Eap

Birb 2

Happy Christmas

Birb 1

And a merry new year

Anonymous Kid

Eap

Green Thumb

Merry Christmas

Snowfield

Christmas.

Anonymous Kid

Eap

Birb 2

Just Christmas?

WGW

No merry or anything?

Snowfield

‘M not feeling very merry at the moment

Green Thumb

That explains it

Anonymous Kid

Eap

Lady of the Beans

What does eap mean?

Anonymous Kid

*gasp*

HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW WHAT EAP MEANS!

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

IS IT SOME FORM OF MORTAL FOOD?

WGW

I don’t think any of us knows what it means

Birb 1

I sure don’t

Anonymous Kid

Uncultured swines

Snowfield

Uhm what?

Captain Language

Did you just call us swines?

Birb 2

Uncultured swines!

Anonymous Kid

I’m just messing with you

I have noooooo idea what eap means

It was a typo

And it’s really fun to say

Try it!

Birb 1

Eap

WGW

Eap

Birb 2

Eap

Lady of the Beans

Eap

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

EAP

Green Thumb

Eap

Captain Language

Eap

Snowfield

Eap

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Lord of the Beans

Hehehe

Anonymous Kid

You’re not dead!

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Captain Language

Oh no

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Birb 1

SRL is not going to be happy

Lady of the Beans

Whatever way you survived her last time, LoB, you will not survive her this time

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

SRL

WHY

IS

FRI

French Fri

Eap

Eap

SRL

LITERALLY

*Beep*

SCREAMING

EAP

French Fri

Eap

SRL

WHILE

STILL

BLASTING

*Beep*
CHRISTMAS
MUSIC?!

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Lord of the Beans

Hehehehe

Anonymous Kid

*applauds*

SRL

I’M GOING TO KILL YOU LOB!

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Lord of the Beans

Agh!

Birb 2

Save some of him for me!

French Fri

Eap

Snowfield

And me

Captain Language

Guys. No.

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Birb 1

Can you wait until I make popcorn?

I want to watch!

WGW

I’ll watch with you

Anonymous Kid

I want to watch you guys kill him/eat popcorn D:

Sparky Sparky Boom Boom

I DO TOO

Green Thumb

Please don’t murder anyone!

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Green Thumb

I just cleaned my doctor tools!

Lady of the Beans

*sighs*

Every year.

Anonymous Kid

What do you mean?

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Lady of the Beans

Pretty much the same thing happened last year

Anonymous Kid

Well, annoying your family is what Christmas is all about right?

Lady of the Beans

I guess you could say that

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Birb 2

It is

 Birb 1

‘Tis the true meaning of Christmas spirit

French Fri

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Eap

Chapter Text

Captain language

His shield is not the size of a dinner plate!

Snowfield

You’re right

Captain Language

See!

Snowfield

It’s only slightly bigger than one

Anonymous Kid

Oof. 

Also, why do you care so much?

You’ve been ranting about it for like half an hour

Captain Language

Uhmmm

WGW

Don’t be suspicious.

SRL

He’s just a huge fan of Captain America

Birb 1

Yeah, a huge one

Birb 2

Hehehe

Lady of the Beans

I mean, he definitely could be a fan

Anonymous Kid

What?

Lord of the Beans

Don’t worry about them Kid

Green Thumb

Yeah, they’re all just a bunch of idiots anyway

Lord of the Beans

Anyway…..

Kid….

Who’s your favorite Avenger?

Anonymous Kid

Oh that’s a hard one

???

Get to the meeting

Anonymous Kid

*gasp*

Another new person!

Lord of the Beans

Oh right

>Lord of the Beans has renamed ??? to Eye Patch Guy<

Eye Patch Guy

Meeting now!

SRL

No

Birb 2

Meetings are boring

WGW

What he said

Lord of the Beans

^^

Snowfield

^^^

Captain Language

^^^^

Green Thumb

Sparky isn’t here

And I’m busy

Eye Patch Guy

Get to the meeting, now!

Birb 1

Will there be food?

Eye Patch Guy

No

Birb 1

I don’t wanna go then

Lady of the Beans

Guys, he’s your boss

Anonymous Kid

I thought you were their boss

SRL

She is

Anonymous Kid

Then why is EPG also your boss?

Green Thumb

We have two bosses

Anonymous Kid

Ohhhhhh

Eye Patch Guy

I’m the higher ranking boss

Snowfield 

How did you even get on here?

Captain Language

^

Eye Patch Guy

Obviously I hacked in and added myself

Anonymous Kid

Woah! 

You can hack?

Lord of the Beans

I added him to the group chat a while ago

I thought he needed to feel “important”

Birb 1

Oof

Anonymous Kid

Awww

I was hoping he could teach me how to hack

:<

Lord of the Beans

I know how to hack

Captain Language

You could ask SRL

Birb 2

Yeah

Snowfield

She can get into anything

Anonymous Kid

Oh cool!

SRL you can hack?

SRL

Depends on what you need hacked

Lord of the Beans

So you’re just all going to ignore me then?

Eye Patch Guy

Now you know my pain

WGW

Wait…

We have a meeting today?

Eye Patch Guy

Yes!

WGW

Huh

Anonymous Kid

You didn’t know about it?

WGW

No…..?

Birb 1

Sometimes she’s in her own world

SRL

Or a book

Snowfield