Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Haley: did y’all hear new farmers are moving in

Abigail: are they moving into the abandoned farm

Maru: Well, I heard my mom going there this morning, so I’d assume so.

Abigail: damn, I was having fun exploring there

Sam: I hate flowers

Sebastian: agreed. too many colors

Alex: they’re mid

Emily: What’s wrong with a lot of colours?

Haley: ew, sis I didn’t know your one of those ppl

Elliott: Are you referring to her spelling of the term “colour”? Because that is a perfectly reasonable and defensible British spelling of the word. 

Leah: dude, calm down 

Alex: whats a colour

Haley: she spelled color wrong 

Alex: ik but what does colour mean why r they diffrent

Haley: Penny, can you teach him to spell?

Penny: … oh sure o.o

Shane: I hate you all

Chapter Text

Pierre: I have a few complaints about our new neighbors.

Robin: What is it? They all seemed nice, if not a bit stuck up when they got here. 

Pierre: They just bought two hundred parsnip seeds...

Jodi: Oh dear, that's a lot of parsnips, I wonder what they will do with all of them?

Caroline: Probably sell them back to us, for a profit. Dear, I think I see the issue. 

Marnie: Robin, whatever you do, don't let them buy a coop. I don't think I can handle those levels of business. 

Clint: Let's just hope the mines stay blocked off for a bit. I don't need to be backed up on tool smelting requests. 

Robin: Marnie, your boyfriend might have made a mistake inviting them here.

Marnie: We're not dating! There's nothing going on between Lewie- I mean the Mayor and I. 

Gus: After seeing you two tipsy at the Saloon last Winter Star, I know that that is a total lie. 

Robin: When he was a lot younger, even Sebby asked me if there was something going on. You two aren't nearly as discreet as you think you are lol.

Caroline: Moving on, at least our new overlords are prolific farmers!

Pierre: Darling, that means we'll be losing money by the thousands buying their crops. I hope they sell to Joja, least they can do is cover Pelican Town's bourgeoisie. 

Robin: Also Marnie, I'll hold off on the coop if you admit you and Mayor Lewis are dating.

Marnie: We are not dating!

Robin: Maybe I should sell coops to the townsfolk by the dozen! That'd help your business, right?

Jodi: That sounds delightful! If Sam or Vincent misbehave, I can send them to the coop!

Mr. Qi: For the sake of the fabric of the universe, I'd like to ask you to refrain from doing that. The last time free coops were distributed, the dimension-warping ability of being in multiple places at once was the demise of the dinosaurs.

Caroline: Oh, that sounds unfortunate.

Gus: Who is Mr. Qi? I've never seen him at the Saloon...

Mr. Qi: All will be revealed- in due time. In the meantime, keep the universe intact, will you?

Mr. Qi has left the chat

Chapter Text

Alexandra: ...

Alexandra: Can someone care to explain why we just lost 4000g in less than an hour!?

Kiki: Wut

Kiki: How did that happen

Kiki: Also, wasn't me. I was foraging

Lord Yelilia: Sooo....

Lord Yelilia: I may or may not have bought 200 parsnip seed

Kiki: WHAT

Kiki: WHY

Lord Yelilia: I like farming

Alexandra: Well stop liking it

Alexandra: We have no more shiny

Lord Yelilia: Relax, the parsnips will sell for 7000, and thats 3000 in profits

Kiki: We now have nothing of value except for 200 parsnip seed

Kiki: and like 150 logs

Kiki: How can we live, laugh, love in these conditions!?

Alexandra: And relax in this capitalist world!? ur delisional

Lord Yelilia: I may be delusional, but I have all of our possessions of value

Kiki: I feel as though we will regret this greatly

Chapter Text

Sam: farmer girl gave me a flower. why must she torture me so

Alex: i feel u farmer boy ran up to me and gave me a horse radish it didnt look at all like a horse

Leah: do u mean a wild horseradish? I saw one in the woods yesterday evening, and this morning, it was gone. they must have foraged it before I got up

Haley: Alex, sweetie, a horseradish is a type of plant

Shane: as someone who lives on a farm, I can confirm that horses and horseradishes are different

Sebastian: should we send him back to high school?

Abigail: if we are, your going too, I remember your grades

Maru: Yes, Sebastian's grades weren't great. But Abby, you need to relearn your forms of "your".

Emily: Haley, are you one to talk?

Penny: I think everyone except Maru and I failed senior English

Sam: fax

Maru: Does he even know what a fax is?

Shane: doubtful. this valley is packed full of idiots

Alex: waaait whats a fax im so lost

Haley: go ask evelyn. she probably remembers

Sam: wtf is this fax means truths

Shane: I cant even anymore

Shane: can I fax myself somewhere? somewhere smarter?

Maru: I could try to build a teleportation device, but I might need some iridium bars and battery packs for that...

Alex: iradenium wha?

Maru: Fancy type of metal. Very powerful, durable, and charged with some special... stuff, is the best way I can put it.

Alex: oooohhhhhh makes sense 

Alex: can you make a gridball out of it?

Maru: I'd advise against it.

Shane: oh lord yoba farmer boy just handed me a beer

Shane: I'm at work what do I do

Elliott: Oh, that's quite the poetic predicament.

Haley: no it really isn't...

Sam: give it to morris for the shits and giggles

Shane: hell no I like my beer

Shane: ill keep it until I get to the saloon later

Abigail: yeah seems smart

Leah: please don't drink beer at work

Shane: wasnt planning on it

Emily: I guess i'll see you later then

Shane: yeah probably what else is there to do

Chapter Text

Leah: I saw one of the farmers in the woods the other day, she stared at me and then somehow sucked up all the wood around her?

Sebastian: tf

Leah: it was very strange

Abigail: oh yeah the blue hair one did something like that

Abigail: they bought some seeds and then magically disappeared them

Sebastian: wonder where they put it,
Big pockets maybe?

Haley: omfg I want big pockets

Haley: I just want pockets in general

Emily: I can make you something with pockets

Haley: omg reallyyy!?

Emily: if you help me clean

Haley: :((((

Alex: she just posted a bunch of quotes about making sacrifices

Haley: like your any better mr. peaked in high school

Sebastian: ouch

Alex: :(

Chapter Text

Kiki: Where tf did my horseradishes go???

Kiki: I know one of u took them

Lord Yelilia: I did

Kiki: First u scam us of our money for this supposed parsnip farming scheme

Kiki: And now u take veggies that I took from the woods

Lord Yelilia: Yea

Lord Yelilia: Seems about right

Lord Yelilia: But I have a good reason

Kiki: Which is?

Lord Yelilia: I gave them to Alex

Kiki: That explains nothing

Kiki: Did u get money out of it?

Kiki: Was it like, a black market kinda thing but instead of drugs, its horseradish?

Lord Yelilia: No. Its called giving gifts

Kiki: ...

Kiki: U still owe me horseradish

Alexandra: I gave Sam a flower :D

Alexandra: Slowly but surely I will bribe everyone to be my friends :)

Lord Yelilia: I gave Shane beer

Alexandra: …

Kiki: Who is Shane again?

Lord Yelilia: The one who hangs out at the bar a lot

Alexandra: Wait, you gave the alcoholic beer

Alexandra: As a gift

Lord Yelilia: ...

Lord Yelilia: Yes

Lord Yelilia: I am starting to realize what I did wrong

Chapter Text

Pierre: This farmer keeps buying me out of literally everything.

Robin: Tell me about it. The brown haired one- Alexandra, I think- tried to order a fish pond built on her bit of the farm. She didn't have money, stone, seaweed, or green algae. Kept telling me she didn't want to go get the stuff, because she doesn't like fishing and doesn't have a fishing rod. I don't know, go get one?

Willy: Aye. I gave the blue-haired lad my old rod, and now he won't stop buying me soup! This lad's gone off the deep end!

Marnie: You'd better not let them order a coop. I don't want to run out of baby chicks to sell!

Robin: If you spill the tea about you and Mayor Lewie, as you called him, I might consider ;)

Caroline: If you spill your tea, you can come by my kitchen and pour yourself another mug, I don't mind.

Robin: Bestie, that's not what I meant.

Clint: The mine is still blocked off, thankfully. 

Sandy: Heyooo~

Jodi: Who's Sandy?

Clint: Emily's friend, lives in Calico Desert.

Sandy: Yup~ I'm on this group chat! I sell rare seeds and other goods in Calico Desert! I rent out the top floor to some guy named Mr. Qi. He's a weird guy, but he pays handsomely :)

Mr. Qi: Hello, landlady. 

Sandy: Wait~~ he's on here!? o.O

Pierre: You sell seeds!?

Sandy: Don't worry~ we sell different kinds of seeds ^.^

Sandy: Do you sell starfruit? u.u

Pierre: No, I don't. I have enough competition as it is.

Jodi: Ohh, my husband loves starfruit! When does it grow?

Sandy: Summer ^o^ I'd be happy to mail some seeds to you~ they are expensive though >.<

Jodi: That would be lovely, for this summer. Thank you so much, dearie!

Robin: Are we really going to let Marnie ignore that she and Mayor Lewis are totally dating?

Robin: C'mon, there's nothing wrong with it, we just need to know

Marnie: My lips are sealed.

Willy: Lass, give it up for now.

Robin: Fine >:(

Chapter Text

Penny: So Maru, a few days ago, I remembered you mentioning iridium.

Penny: According to some old books in the library, iridium can be found in the Skull Cavern, rumored to be somewhere in Calico Desert.

Maru: Thanks Penny! Maybe one of these days, I'll ask one of the farmers for help getting some. I'd never be unhappy to receive some iridium!

Haley: Maru, anyone ever tell you you're a bit weird?

Haley: I wouldn't mind if there was a way to Calico Desert, theres some cool stuff there like coconuts

Emily: I'd love to be able to see my friend Sandy again! I think the town just needs funding to repair the bus

Sebastian: i saw sandy on the parents gc through sources

Maru: By that, he means looking at Mom's phone when she's busy doing other things. 

Sam: THERES A PARENTS GC???

Alex: do u know if evelyn is there

Sebastian: doesnt look like it

Alex: ok im safe

Abigail: is my mum on there

Sebastian: both parents actually

Sebastian: and sam jodi's on there

Haley: who else is on there?

Sebastian: Clint, Willy, Marnie, Harvey, and Gus

Sebastian: and some guy named mr qi

Sebastian: my mom keeps calling me sebby on it

Abigail: your mom calls you sebby???

Maru: She does, it’s adorable. Sebby just retreated to his room. I don’t think he meant to tell us all that.

Sam: well we have to call him sebby now

Abigail: agreed

Chapter Text

Lord Yelilia: The mines have been opened

Alexandra: This is amazing

Alexandra: We go mining today

Kiki: YES

Kiki: I need coal

Kiki: And copper

Kiki: And stone

Kiki: lots of stone

Kiki: Stone is good

Alexandra: Yes

Lord Yelilia: It is

Lord Yelilia: We need food for the mines

Lord Yelilia: I dont have any

Lord Yelilia: I sold it all

Alexandra: This might be a problem

Alexandra: Wait, do u have any food by chance, Kiki?

Kiki: Well I would have, but I ate it all so I could keep chopping trees down without getting tired

Kiki: Whatever, we worry about that problem when we come across it

Kiki: Lets go mining

Alexandra: Yes

Alexandra: But let try not to get too hurt. Our farm is a distance away from the mines

Lord Yelilia: Yea, I dont feel like hobbling back home at night

Kiki: ...

Kiki: no promises

Chapter Text

Robin: The mines are open.

Clint: I just finished Blue Hair’s hoe and now I will never have a vacation again.

Harvey: I’ll prepare the hospital beds.

Pierre: I’ve stocked a bit of extra food.

Gus: I made double of everything today. Robin, can you go get Linus ready to fish them out when they all pass out?

Robin: On it.

Jodi: It’s going to take all of us to get through this.

Caroline: I have some extra tea. Robin, can you be a dear and bring it to Linus as a gift?

Jodi: Caroline, I can bring it up to him.

Caroline: Great! I’ll text you about it later.

Willy: It’s gon’ take all of us to weather this storm, mates.

Chapter Text

Alexandra: Well

Alexandra: That was fun

Lord Yelilia: We all passed out in the mines

Kiki: We had to be dragged out by that homeless guy

Lord Yelilia: We lost like a lot of stuff

Alexandra: Exactly

Alexandra: fun

Kiki: Can't argue with that

Kiki: The homeless dude said something about going to the clinic place next to the general store for some medicine

Kiki: But I'd rather not

Alexandra: Yea

Alexandra: costs money with no profit from it

Lord Yelilia: Exactly

Lord Yelilia: We can deal with bodily injuries if we could be making money instead

Alexandra: Tis but a flesh wound

Kiki: Money is great

Kiki: Can I have tree

Kiki: Apple tree

Alexandra: Why?

Kiki: An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Kiki: Also, trees :)

Chapter Text

Leah: I would like you all to sign this petition to get that farmer to cease this deforesting.

Maru: what’s happening?

Haley: the Kiki one chops down all the lower forest trees

Haley: it’s annoying for my photography

Maru: alright I’ll sign, she would have to buy from my mom then.

Haley: I’m signing, it ruined my photos

Elliott: I suppose I shall sign as well, while I may not frequent the area nature is to be presurved after all.

Penny: I could sign?

Leah: ok that around a third of the valley

Leah @everyone sign the petition

Sebastian: I guess I’ll sign? Helps my mom

Shane: I don’t care enough

Sam: sure!

Emily: I can sign :D

Leah: I think we have enough! Thank you everyone

Later…

Leah: Alexandra met me at the gate and claimed it is the free market and that her and her associates are not to be restricted by a barely official sheet of paper

Leah: then she gave me a juicy bug flesh heap and told me to have a nice day.

Leah: Kiki is still chopping down the trees

Sebastian: baffle them with bullshit?

Chapter Text

Pierre: have any of you seen a suspicious figure by the large pink tree?

Robin: my woods or Marnies?

Pierre: The meadow under Gay AF Farm.

Pierre: they have a cart pulled by some pig thing

Marnie: ah! The traveling merchant, she just sells rare things no danger to anyone 

Marnie: although the price is quite steep, more than 1000 gold for a single muffin

Pierre: No danger to anyone?! She is a danger to the economy! 

Robin: I think the farmers have already killed what was left of our economy

Chapter Text

Alexandra: The townspeople are revolting

Alexandra: Specifically you, Kiki

Kiki: What did I do!?

Lord Yelilia: Pretty sure it's about how you killed the south forest

Alexandra: Yeah, they signed a petition

Alexandra: I told them to fuck off though

Lord Yelilia: You WHAT

Alexandra: I did so in a nice way

Kiki: They can't stop me from chopping trees

Kiki: I like chopping trees

Kiki: I'm being silenced

Kiki: I demand justice

Kiki: this is a travesty

Lord Yelilia: Maybe you should start planting some of the tree seeds you have collected in your chests

Alexandra: Yeah, much more profitable than just selling the seeds

Kiki: Omg, this is amazing

Kiki: I can monopolize trees

Kiki: My world view has just changed for the better

Lord Yelilia: What have we just done

Alexandra: Made more money for the farm and a headache for the townspeople

Alexandra: Please don't make them sue us or something

Alexandra: I would have to sell of my shine-ys to pay for a lawyer

Lord Yelilia: We will inevitably need a lawyer

Lord Yelilia: There is no getting around it

Chapter Text

Alexandra: I have golddddd

Kiki: Wut

Alexandra: I have like 30 bars of gold

Alexandra: I don’t even use them for anything

Alexandra: It brings me joyyyy

Lord Yellilia: oh god the bourgeoisie

Kiki: How

Alexandra: suffer >:D 

Kiki: can I have gold?

Alexandra: no. My shinies 

Alexandra: shinys 

Alexandra: shines

Alexandra: sparkling things 

Lord Yelilia: 

Chapter Text

Sam: smash or pass ganon

Abigail: what the fuck sam

Sebastian: what the fuck sam

Haley: what the fuck sam

Leah: what the fuck sam

Maru: What the fuck sam

Shane: what the fuck sam

Alex: yeh butn o homo

Haley: Alex...

Shane: does he know

Alex: i mean com on hes got those muscles

Alex: im not gay but he could pin me to awall

Elliott: For me, his appeal would vary depending on the iteration. If we're talking about his most recent appearance, I would have to agree with Alex- on all accounts except "n o homo". 

Haley: real flowery way to say "id let him fuck me"

Haley: also pass he murdered people and not in the hot way

Abigail: true but we can't let sam get away with this

Abigail: or alex

Haley: he really went "no homo but he could smash me"

Sam: but have you heard his voice

Alex: trueeeeee

Haley: down bad HORRENDOUS

Sebastian: i have never been more ashamed of my friends

Emily: for once, I agree with haley

Penny: Who's Ganon?

Maru: Video game antagonist. Sam thinks he's hot

Penny: ty :3

Maru: Also, don't scroll too far up. The last time we did one of these, it got a bit... questionable.

Haley: oh yeah should we play truth or dare later

Shane: once i get to the saloon i'm down

Leah: sure, might be fun

Sebastian: ehh, why not

Alex: sam

Sam: what? also ill be ther

Alex: same

Alex: autcorct

Haley: he has autocorrect on?

Abigail: doubtful, also ill join

Penny: sure

Elliott: I would gladly join your game.

Maru: Sure!!

Emily: hopefully, it won't be like last time...

Haley: ;)

Haley: I'll see y'all then

Chapter Text

Kiki: Me want backpack

Kiki: More storage space

Kiki: Good investment

Lord Yelilia: Maybe

Lord Yelilia: We have other things we could buy with that money

Alexandra: Yes

Alexandra: Like ponds

Lord Yelilia: Or crops

Lord Yelilia: Lots of crops

Kiki: But it would be a good investment

Kiki: Think like a capitalist here

Kiki: We can carry more crops

Lord Yelilia: True

Alexandra: But

Alexandra: Ponds

Kiki: Majority rules

Kiki: Democracy

Lord Yelilia: Yes

Lord Yelilia: We are capitalist-democracy

Chapter Text

Pierre: Update on our new bourgeoisie overlords: The blue-haired one sold me approximately 25680g's worth of potatoes and three backpacks, we're all screwed.

Sandy: O.o

Marnie: Oh dear...

Caroline: Anyone want potato stew?

Jodi: I'd love some, I worry that Sam and Vincent aren't getting enough vitamin C.

Robin: We're fucked lol.

Willy: Sandy, lass, yer lucky they 'avn't repaired the bus to Calico Desert yet

Clint: The blunette has put in an order for a copper watering can.

Marnie: What of the others?

Clint: Copper axe for the noirette, copper pickaxe for the brunette. Although she tried to jump straight to a gold pickaxe.

Gus: We should come up with nicknames for the lot of them, instead of referring to them by their hair colors.

Marnie: We need to make the black-haired one the Onceler.

Robin: The brunette shall henceforth be dubbed Aquagirl. 

Pierre: Potatashen Demon?

Pierre: Abby's suggestion.

Willy: Aquagirl can't e'en be bother'd to stop at the ol' fish shop...

Robin: Potatashen Demon has put in an order for a coop.

Marnie: You told me you wouldn't let them...

Robin: Nah, you weren't willing to spill the tea about you and this "Lewie" character

Caroline: Well I hope no one's spilling any tea, that would be such a shame!

Marnie: There is nothing going on between Mayor Lewis and I!

Robin: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ your loss

Chapter Text

Sebastian: we have an issue

[Haley has changed Sebastian's name to Sebby]

Haley: better

Haley: continue

Sebby: >:(

Maru: We were looking at Mom's phone, and the farmers- who they've nicknamed Onceler, Aquagirl, and Potatashen Demon- just sold Pierre's around 25k in potatoes.

Abigail: no wonder my parents seem so stressed out...

Penny: o.O

Alex: waaaait thats good right? they have a lot of money?

Leah: yeah, and Pierre's doesnt now.

Sebby: Potatashen Demon bought a coop

Sebby: also abby whats with that weird name you gave... them? him? her? idk

Haley: ...Abby?

[Haley has changed Abigail's name to Abby]

Abby: >:(

Abby: It's a fire emblem reference

Abby: since you all have no culture you dont get it

Elliott: I played the second latest installment in the series! It was quite fun. I sided with Edelgard, until the timeskip. I found myself quite attached to Ferdinand Von Aegir.

Abby: ofc hes a ferdie simp

Alex: was it the three homes one

Alex: I played that one it was fun

Maru: Oh! I played it too! I picked blue lions. I loved Dimitri's arc!

Abby: yeah hes cool 

Abby: I did crimson flower

Elliott: May I ask why you decided to side with the fascist?

Haley: he's just like all the edelgard haters on twitter

Abby: She's not a fascist, just against the system that allowed Crest experimentation and the murder of her eleven siblings!

Alex: I played goden deer

Alex: feer the deer

Haley: and what difficulty did you play on?

Alex: maddening classic

Alex: it was ez

Abby: Alex are you a secret genius

Maru: I struggled with hard classic, how did you even play maddening???

Alex: Petra, Lysithea, Claude

Maru: He has a point... with Petra's high stat growths, Lysithea's frankly dumb magic stat and range with a crest of Gloucester allowing the use of Thrysus which is guaranteed, and Claude's Barbarossa class along with good use of Impregnable Wall, a Goddess Dancer, and Stride on Petra... he might be onto something.

Abby: back to the topic at hand

Abby: any other calamities going on?

Emily: Clint mentioned to me the other day that they're sapping the mines dry of ore

Leah: say goodbye to the cindersap forest, we only have the cindersap plains

Elliott: They've plucked up all the wonderful shells that used to sparkle in the sun from the beach.

Abby: other than the general store maybe going out of business soon, is that it?

Maru: I think so...

Haley: so what's our plan?

Sam: what if we banged the farmers

Maru: Um?? No???

Haley: No... no... let him cook...

Shane: no.

Sam: im just saying

Haley: hes onto something. by marrying the farmers we can avoid economic ruin

Maru: If we were to do this, how would we decide who gets who? Polyamory isn't legal here, so we can't all escape. 

Sam: hunger games?

Shane: maybe that would get rid of some of you fuckers

Emily: Haley, you always talk about shipping, so you can come up with your otps

Sebby: and if we disagree well throw hands

Haley: well

Haley: Potatashen Demon (thats a terrible name abby) definitely has a thing for alex

Haley: or maybe shane

Haley: and we'll throw in Leah

Alex: wait whaa

Shane: sure.

Leah: Haley you've gone too far

Haley: Aquagirl likes me, Elliott, Sebby, and Abby

Elliott: Of course she would like me!

Sebby: eh sure whatever

Abby: she's nice

Abby: atleast she didnt buy all the potato seeds the fucker

Haley: that leaves the Onceler with Emily, Maru, Penny, and Sam (ew)

Emily: ...

Maru: Maybe I can convince her to stop the chop?

Emily: ...

Penny: O-ok sure :/

Emily: ...

Sam: aw damn

Emily...

Haley: you were into the other ones werent you

Emily: ...

Sam: yeh

Emily: ...

Sam: I wonder if theyll do poly

Emily: ...

Emily: I'll allow it.

Haley: good luck everyone

Haley: my group: you'll need it <3

Chapter Text

Kiki: So

Kiki: I was bored while waiting for the trees to grow back

Kiki: And I realized that we have like, never check our mailbox

Alexandra: Oh yeahhhhh

Alexandra: We did kind of forgor to check the thing

Lord Yelilia: I did

Lord Yelilia: But I just don't bother anymore because it's usually just spam or something

Kiki: So, apparently the town sends info about events thru the mail

Lord Yelilia: I dont like how this is going

Kiki: The town of Pelican is having a hunting festival for an egg

Alexandra: What

Kiki: Idk, the letter just basically says

Kiki: Tomorrow egg festival @ town square 9am to 3pm. Come if you want, egg hunt happens

Lord Yelilia: Ig we could go

Lord Yelilia: I dont think we have anything else to do

Alexandra: But that requires actually getting ready for the day

Alexandra: By NINE AM

Lord Yelilia: But we wake up at like 6

Alexandra: But this is a festival

Alexandra: Dressing up is part of the fun

Kiki: I agree

Kiki: But I still dont know why we must hunt eggs

Lord Yelilia: Pretty sure it's a thing for kids to do

Lord Yelilia: Look for hidden eggs and get a small prize

Alexandra: Are the prizes shiny?

Lord Yelilia: How would I know?

Kiki: I went through my closet to see what to wear to only realize that all my other clothes are the same thing as what I'm wearing now and I don't have a closet

Alexandra: Oh yeah

Alexandra: Then ig I don't have to get ready either

Lord Yelilia: We still have to do our morning chores tho

Alexandra: Ugh

Lord Yelilia: Unlike you, I like to maximize space and I actually make a profit

Kiki: I am offended

Alexandra: Rude

Alexandra: It's called being lazy

Chapter Text

Marnie: The Egg Festival is tomorrow!!

Robin: looking forward to it :)

Willy: Marnie, do ya need any fish for the feast?

Marnie: Thank you, Willy, but the eggs and the groceries I bought from Gay AF Farm and the general store should do fine, thanks!

Sandy: I've never actually been to the Pelican Town Egg Festival D:

Caroline: Oh, that's such a shame! Are there any equivalent holidays in Calico Desert? I don't remember from my trip there way back when...

Sandy: Nope :'c

Jodi: Oh, we must try to get the bus working this summer! It would be lovely to invite you to all our future holidays!

Sandy: Thanks :3

Mr. Qi: Jodi, you are not the fated one.

Jodi: Excuse me, what?

Mr. Qi: Only the fated Stardew Valley Hero can restore the bus. And this timeline's three heroes are more focused on capital gain. A shame, really.

Gus: On my way over to the farm to pick up the eggs.

Caroline: Should we brew some tea this year?

Marnie: Sure! What could be the worse that happens?

Pierre: The farmers get their grubby little mitts on a tea leaf and start their own tea empire. 

Pierre: They've already done it with groceries...

Caroline: Dear, everything will turn out just fine. I'm sure!

Pierre: Thankfully, they've marked their produce as cheaper than mine, so I can buy them out of stock and then resell it for a higher price...

Sandy: O.O

Jodi: Remember, Pierre, the rest of the valley needs to eat too.

Willy: Robin, lass, you've been awful quiet.

Robin: Shh.... I'm scheming...

Marnie: I'm a bit worried, but it seems like festival preparation work is just about done! I can't wait to see all of you tomorrow!!

Caroline: See you tomorrow!

Chapter Text

Kiki: When r we going to the festival of egg?

Lord Yelilia: idk

Lord Yelilia: Probably around 9-10

Kiki: kk

Alexandra: Guys

Alexandra: I have knowledge to share

Kiki: More trees?

Kiki: ( ´・∀・｀)

Alexandra: No

Alexandra: But

Alexandra changed Kiki's name to 'The Onceler'

The Onceler: Omg this is amazing

Lord Yelilia: Why did we not do this sooner?

Alexandra: 2 answers

Alexandra: 1, we r dum

Alexandra: and 2, we r busy

The Onceler changed Alexandra's name to 'Tamatoa'

The Onceler changed Lord Yelilia's name to 'Lord Breadwinner'

Tamatoa: Who?

Lord Breadwinner: Isn't that the dude who sings Shiny in Moana?

The Onceler: Yes

Tamatoa: I approve then

Lord Breadwinner: Alr, so I think we should go to the festives of egg now

The Onceler: Yea

Tamatoa: Yay! Socializing!

The Onceler: Ugh, I forgot we need to socialize

Chapter Text

Sam: damn the punch is fire

Haley: huh yeah its better than normal

Penny: oh no

Shane: Pam better not what have done what I think she did

Haley: ALEX ABBY DONT DRINK IT

Haley: YALL R UNDERAGE

Shane: Our hens spent WEEKS laying the eggs for this festival and Pam RUINS IT BY SPIKING THE PUNCH I STFG I CANT WITH THIS PLACE

Abby: damn thats the most emotion ive ever seen shane express

Sebby: he just like me fr

Sam: *bombastic side eye*

Haley: ...

Sam: *criminal offensive side eye*

Alex: that punch goes crazy

Haley: I hate u all

Haley added Harvey to the group chat

Haley: do u have therapy

Harvey: What is this?

Harvey: I don't think I understand your question.

Haley: istg harvey do u do therapy

Haley: its not that complicated

Harvey: Unfortunately, I don't.

Sam: maybe the farmers are therapists in disguise

Abby: sam wtf

Alex: let him cook

Sebby: would gold lady be a good therapist

Haley: idk man

Abby: I dont think any of the farmers woud be good therapists

Abby: gold lady is 2 obsessed with gold

Abby: potatashen demon is too obsessed with taters

Abby: and the onceler is only allegedly human

Shane: I saw her drink a full bowl of vodka punch. she is not human.

Alex: i like potatoes :((

Haley: does he know?

Sebby: here we see the oblivious gay in his natural habitat

Abby: your one to talk

Elliott: I believe it is spelt "You're" when using the form 'you are'. 

Shane: end my suffering

Harvey: Is this all normal??

Maru: You get used to it pretty quick

Penny: you should see them when they go to the saloon o~o

Emily: don't worry, I do.

Emily: A lot.

Emily: Too much.

Chapter Text

The Onceler: Ngl, dis punch is fire

Tamatoa: Ooh!

Tamatoa: Maybe I'll try some

The Onceler: Liek actual fire

The Onceler: My throat is on fire

Tamatoa: Maybe i shouldnt drink the punch then

Lord Breadwinner: Good idea

The Onceler: Oh god, the mayor just gave me a drink and wants me to try some

Lord Breadwinner: just talked to Pam and she def spiked the punch

Lord Breadwinner: Hey kiki

Lord Breadwinner: kiki? 

Tamatoa: Oh fuck she's choking on the punch

Lord Breadwinner: Do I have to prepare for a funeral?

Tamatoa: OMG SHE'S GONNA DIEEEEE

Lord Breadwinner: im gonna take that as a yes

Tamatoa: nvm, she resurrected to live another day

Lord Breadwinner: Not how that saying goes

Lord Breadwinner: But sure

The Onceler: Heyyyyyy

The Onceler: back fro3m the dras

Tamatoa: Ok ik that my spelling is bad sometimes, (an: refer to invisible cat's chapters) but is kiki good?

The Onceler: I am an okey ( ・∇・)

Tamatoa: We have reasons to believe otherwise rn

Tamatoa: Pretty sure ur drunk from the punch

The Onceler: oht shr woudl ecplain ut

Lord Breadwinner: ...Lets just start the egg hunt soon

Tamatoa: Yea

Tamatoa: I wanna see what the prize is

The Onceler: Sure

The Onceler: We hyet eounr wroune and coolebtne eggs; roght?

Lord Breadwinner: Basically

Lord Breadwinner: But youre also competing against us two and like 4 other people

Tamatoa: Are we allowed to combine our score?

Lord Breadwinner: I dont rhink so

Tamatoa: :(

Tamatoa: How tf did u read the shit kiki typed

Lord Breadwinner: I read ur writing

Tamatoa: :O

~Some Hunting of Eggs Later~

The Onceler: I dpnr liek thid hame

Lord Breadwinner: Thats because you didnt win

The Onceler: an u gkt 9 fkn eggs

The Onceler: I only git loke 3

The Onceler: H O W

Tamatoa: Yes

Tamatoa: I would also like to know

Tamatoa: Lard Breadwinner

Lord Breadwinner: *Lord

Tamatoa: No, I am correct

Tamatoa changed Lord Breadwinner's name to 'Lard Breadwinner'

The Onceler: Sesly, byt hkw

Lard Breadwinner: IDK, I ran fast

The Onceler: I don belieb u

Lard Breadwinner: Ok fine

Lard Breadwinner: So I may have heard where the hiding spots would be

Lard Breadwinner: Accidentally

Tamatoa: Suuuuurrreeeeeee

Lard Breadwinner: Im being bullied :(

The Onceler: The preuce of winun the egh hubt 

Lard Breadwinner: At least I got a prize out of it

Tamatoa: OoOoooohhh

Tamatoa: Whats the prizeeee

The Onceler: Dind tthey give u a hate

Lard Breadwinner: Yeah, a straw one at that

Lard Breadwinner: Pretty cute tho

Tamatoa: I'm pretty sure kiki needs some sleep

Tamatoa: And water

Lard Breadwinner: I think we all do

Chapter Text

Gus: So after looking into the weirdly good punch yesterday, as it turns out, Pam spiked it with vodka.

Robin: Why am I not surprised

Marnie: Pierre thats 10g

Caroline: Did you bet on who spiked the punch this year?

Pierre: Sweetie, I'm sorry.

Marnie: You bet on the new farmers because you have a grudge against them...

Caroline: Jodi, I'm so sorry about everything. 

Jodi: Every year, I tell my kids not to drink the punch because it has cactus juice in it, and they're allergic to cactus. They are not allergic to cactus, I just don't want to see Sam drunk and Vince is too young.

Clint: Isn't Sam 19?

Robin: And we're going to act like thats stopped kids from drinking before

Sandy: whats going on im so confused

Marnie: Oh, it's nothing.

Robin: Every year someone spikes the punch with hard alcohol. Usually it's one of the kids or Pam

Mr. Qi: Landlady, bet on the Onceler next year, it will be worth your money

Sandy: (⊙-⊙)

Chapter Text

The Onceler: Ughhhhhhh

Lard Breadwinner: You're awake!

Tamatoa: Yay!

The Onceler: What happened yesterday?

The Onceler: Why does my head hurt so muchhhhhh

Lard Breadwinner: That would be from the spiked punch you drank

Tamatoa: Yeah

Tamatoa: You drank like a whole cup of vodka punch

Tamatoa: Twice

The Onceler: Oh, yea

The Onceler: That would def explain it then

The Onceler: I got mail

The Onceler: Pls tell me I didn't do something too embarrassing yesterday and this isn't a letter banning me from future events

Tamatoa: I dont think so

Lard Breadwinner: Yeah, its highly unlikely

The Onceler: WHY TF DO I HAVE A MEDICAL BILL

The Onceler: omg all my money is draining out of my pockets rn

Lard Breadwinner: The bill might be for when he gave u the heimlich maneuver

Tamatoa: Oh yeaaaaa

Tamatoa: When u started choking on ur second drink of punch

The Onceler: I am rock bottom broke rn

Lard Breadwinner: You've always been broke tho

The Onceler: I am living the cottagecore poor farmer life out here out of necessity rn, except its just the poor farmer bit because cottagecore stuff is expensive

Chapter Text

Haley: hey bitches!!

Haley: Who do y’all think the farmers will choose

Elliot: I certainly hope I have gained the oakenette's favor, being a writer I need sufficient finances to maintain my lifestyle.

Abigail: She likes Edelgard lmao

Elliot: Ah, that may inflict a grievous wound upon my chances.

Haley: Any of the other divisions have info?

Haley: Oh btw I got some new info, maru and Leah Have been swapped

Leah: I strongly dislike that I’m now paired with the tree killer

Emily: I wouldn’t worry, I don’t think she even knows you exist

Sam: Lol does she know any of us exist???

Penny: Oh dear I hope so D:

Alex: guys I think I might have a good chance, like who could resist

Haley: lesbians

Alex: omfg do u tink they r????

Shane: If they are that would rule out both of us

Alex: thats a problem

Abigail: we need back up plans

Haley: sebby u have a plan already to get out

Haley: Maru I doubt u would have trouble getting a good job

Sebby: why did you capitalize her name and not mine

Haley: capitalization is a sign of respect

Leah: I will be perfectly fine, the forest provides for me

Emily: Haley is already freeloading off me so if she just gets a job already we can scrape by

Haley: I have a job!!

Emily: What? Your videos? That’s not a job, that’s a hobby

Haley: I will have you know that once it takes off I could make millions off it

Elliot: Not to pontificate, but I believe that any decision beside my own self would be irresponsible and rash. Furthermore, I may require the assistance such a union between a pair can form. 

Shane: I'm screwed lmao

Penny: I need to stay here for my mom

Maru: If you ever need help, we're all here for you :)

Penny: Thank you so much <3

Maru: No problem <3

Sam: if it weren’t for lewis we wouldn’t even be in this mess

Haley: Ugh true

Abigail: We can still make a plan

Sam: I don’t really have one…

Haley: We can work on it

Alex: do uthink I could make a professional league

Haley: Considering it’s one of the few things your good at yeah

Alex: so uthink I’m good

Haley: ugh sure

Haley: back to the original point

Haley: if the potato demon one is attracted to guys Alex is the main bet

Abigail: Potashendemon

Shane: Sure whatever

Haley: whatever the name is, if theyr only into girls then maru

Haley: the weird one has only been narrowed down to not Leah

Leah: I will never love a ruthless destroyer of our beautiful forests

Haley: sure whatever

Haley: we are still in discourse about brunette

Abigail: Use their nicknames

Elliot: We should potentially make an effort to obtain their genuine names.

Penny: Aren't we being a bit shortsighted?

Penny: for all we know they just want friends…

Maru: Oh that’s true, should we stop?

Haley: pretty sure it’s not platonic to get a tree for the sole purpose of gifts for a very specific person

Haley: not like I’m jealous or anything

Chapter Text

Tamatoa: I'm going to Joja Mart for some wallpaper

Tamatoa: Anyone want anything there?

Lard Breadwinner: Not me

Lard Breadwinner: I have standards

Lard Breadwinner: Unlike you

The Onceler: Joja Mart?

Tamatoa: Yeah

The Onceler: 2 questions

The Onceler: 1. What is dat?

The Onceler: 2. Where's dat?

Lard Breadwinner: Wait, you dont know what Joja Mart is? And where it is?

Tamatoa: How

The Onceler: I dont have a reason to go

The Onceler: I dont go around town much

The Onceler: And i dont believe in maps

Lard Breadwinner: ...

Tamatoa: Let's save the maps thing for later

Tamatoa: Why not go now?

The Onceler: Do they have tree saplings?

Tamatoa: No

The Onceler: ( ￣-￣)

The Onceler: I'm good

Tamatoa: Alr

Tamatoa: Im gonna go by myself then

Lard Breadwinner: I still dont know why you go there

Lard Breadwinner: The general store is closer, and has everything Joja Mart has

Tamatoa: Wallpaper

The Onceler: But seriously, where is that place?

Lard Breadwinner: Maybe you should look on a map

Chapter Text

Sam: r the farmers poly?

Haley: ur a genius (not really) (u had a good idea tho)

Elliott: Truly a miraculous idea!

Abby: like the show 👀

Sebby: wait abby u watch mlb?

Alex: baseball?

Maru: I didn't know you watched it Sebby

Abby: ye we watch it together

Haley: BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND

Alex: ??

Penny: I tried showing it to the kids, but they weren't too interested, sadly

Sam: not my fault my brother has no taste

Sebby: what season are you on

Penny: Halfway through season 2

Penny: I never have any time to watch it between teaching and online classes

Maru: That's okay! Sometime, we should have a watch party!

Abby: ooh good idea

Haley: Y'ALL

Haley: FOCUS

Alex: im so confusd

Haley: If at least one of them are then that means more than like three people is being saved from economic doom

Haley: speaking of which any status updates or observations?

Elliot: the brunette and myself apparently engaged in "platonic flirting."

Elliot: I was unaware that was a concept or that we were flirting

Haley: omg spill what happened

Elliot: She said she prefered pretty men, after which she said I was pretty.

Alex: She is totally into you dude, like def eyefucking you

Elliot: What is this term eyefucking?

Chapter Text

Tamatoa: So, when do u think that Alex will realize we're mute

The Onceler: Good question

Lard Breadwinner: I think it will take a while

Lard Breadwinner: A very very long while

The Onceler: Yea

The Onceler: He isn't exactly the brightest of the bunch

Tamatoa: Tru

Lard Breadwinner: Now that i think about it, how many of the townspeople actually know that we're mute?

The Onceler: I assume that its not a lot of people with how often we actually interact with the townspeople

Tamatoa: Yeah, we don't actually interact much with them unless its for buying something or fulfilling requests

Tamatoa: If it werent for the fact that they're aware of the fact that we are the farmers, then we would most definitely be the local cryptic legend

The Onceler: Uh, im pretty sure we still are

The Onceler: Or at least I am lol

Lard Breadwinner: lmao

Lard Breadwinner: I'm willing to bet like 2 silver star parsnip that it's gonna take like another week at least for Alex to notice

Tamatoa: I would like to bet 1 copper bar that it will take at least 2 weeks

The Onceler: I would also like to bet, but I'm broke as hell rn

The Onceler: I spent it all on trees

Tamatoa: Fair

Lard Breadwinner: Imagine being broke

The Onceler: You literally spent all of our money on parsnip seeds the first day we got here and made us broke for 4 days

Tamatoa: True

Lard Breadwinner: ...

Lard Breadwinner: It was a long term investment plan

Tamatoa: Keep telling yourself that, why dont you

Lard Breadwinner: Well it worked

The Onceler: And I couldn't buy a tree because of u

Lard Breadwinner: Merely a minor bump in the way of progress

The Onceler: Joja Mart parking lot 3pm

The Onceler: how dare u insult me

Tamatoa: Do you even know where Joja Mart is?

The Onceler: ...

The Onceler: I'll figure it out

Lard Breadwinner changed The Onceler's name to 'Map Unbeliever'

Chapter Text

Haley: I am so ready for the flower dance today

Haley: so much drama!

Elliot: It will be entertaining

Haley: Has anyone been asked out this year?

Alex: I was going to invite this chick from another town

Abigail: Is this the blond one who went to the private dance school?

Alex: Yeah, she has an obligation though

Haley: Its giving my girlfriend goes to a different school lol

Elliot: Do you even know what obligation means?

Abigail: of course he doesn't, he had like a C average in english

Maru: I can confirm, Penny had to tutor him

Alex: That's just what she said :(

Sam: that's what she said lol

Haley: lol

Haley: anyway now that the chat has been livened, any romantic drama?

Emily: Harvey asked if I wanted to go, not sure if its romantic though

Elliot: How intriguing, I would not have placed you two.

Haley: Hmm, I ship it

Haley: But if he plays you ill make sure he needs medical attention

Maru: Don't give me more work please

Abigail: Wdym you ship it??? They are real people???

Haley: They would work well together

Alex: Really?

Haley: Doctor and arty

Elliot: Pragmatic and idealistic, interesting.

Haley: Plus Harvey is like one of the best paid people here

Emily: We aren't getting married guys

Haley: Anyone else want to place bets?

Abigail: 5 they start dating within the month

Alex: 10 that Harvey doesn't confess for another two months

Emily: I don't even know if its romantic or not

Elliot: One does not ask someone out to the flower dance platonically

Elliot: Anyway I bet six he confesses at the dance

Abigail: I wouldn't think you would gamble Elliot

Elliot: I'm an author, any money is good

Haley: Did he have flowers?

Emily: Yeah but not roses or anything romantic

Haley: mmmh im joining Elliot, 8 he confesses at the dance

Chapter Text

Map Unbeliever: Someone tell me y we r here pls

Map Unbeliever: I wanna go home

Lard Breadwinner: We need to socialize

Lard Breadwinner: We can't just become social hermits, Kiki

Map Unbeliever: But all we do is just stand in a corner and watch people danceeeeee

Tamatoa: Idk bout yall, but I'm actually conversing with people

Tamatoa: OMG I HAVE THE JUICIEST OF TEA

Map Unbeliever: SPILL SPILL SPILL

Lard Breadwinner: Enlighten us with the drama please

Map Unbeliever: Free us from such boredom and deliver us into the land of spilt tea and stories of dramatics

Lard Breadwinner: What she said

Tamatoa: So, I was talking to Caroline

Tamatoa: And guess what she said

Map Unbeliever: Uhhhhh

Lard Breadwinner: Something something tea???

Tamatoa: Nope

Tamatoa: Its better

Tamatoa: She said and I quote

Tamatoa: 'I wish Pierre spent this time with the family . . .'

Map Unbeliever: Omg wut

Lard Breadwinner: Marital problems in a small secluded rural town!? Who would have thought!

Map Unbeliever: Lmao

Map Unbeliever: Still good tea to be spilling

Lard Breadwinner: I wonder if this can be used to our advantage . . .

Tamatoa: Hope they dont divorce because Pierre's post-divorce-depression will most likely lead to him focusing wayyy more on the business and therefore leading to the general store becoming JojaMart 2.0?

Map Unbeliever: Seems like a plan

Map Unbeliever: Wait hol up

Lard Breadwinner: ?

Map Unbeliever: Were Emily and Harvey always together?

Tamatoa: No?

Tamatoa: Omg more teaaaaaa 

Tamatoa: Spill N O W

Map Unbeliever: They r dancin

Lard Breadwinner: (゜ロ゜)

Tamatoa: I just spit my drink out irl

Tamatoa: WHAT!???!!?!!?!?!?!

Chapter Text

Pierre: Ok my yoba if someone doesn't deal with these farmers soon I swear

Pierre: They bought out almost all of the blueberry seed stock!

Pierre: The audacity!

Robin: lol

Demetrius: That can not possibly be sustainable.

Marnie: Oh im so sorry

Sandy: Wouldn't melons or something make more sense?

Pierre: They bought like 15 of them!

Robin: Knowing them, I'm surprised they didn't buy all the seeds in stock

Caroline: He had to beg them to leave some for other customers

Lewis: Lets look on the bright side, the more money the farmers have the more they will spend on our town

Pierre: Lewis your a damn politician, you should know how economics works

Robin: Why did we elect him again?

Pierre: No one else ran

Robin: We are all to busy

Caroline: I vote the wizard runs

Demetrius: That crazy magic fraud?

Caroline: He is not a fraud

Demetrius: He claims there are "apple things" that live in the old community center and will farm for you.

Caroline: And there are other races this is not new news

Demetrius: Dwarves and such have historical backing.

Caroline: So do Junimos

Demetrius: Fairytales are not history

Sandy: As entertaining as this is yall need to get this economic thing under control before they get over here

Pierre: Im going to go mess with their scarecrows

Demetrius: that will hardly make a dent in their crop yield.

Pierre: Then I will set fire to the damn place

Lewis: I will remind you Pierre that is illegal

Pierre: Who is going to stop me

Pierre: We have no police force!

Pierre: I swear some brat keeps shoplifting and no one knows who

Pierre: Robin control your kid better

Robin: Sebastian?

Demetrius: Maru would never shop lift

Robin: He doesn't leave his room and is not the type to so much as scrawl on a bathroom wall

Robin: Your child on the other hand...

Chapter Text

Tamatoa: OUR MONEY IS ALL GONE

Map Unbeliever: Yea, dat was intentional

Tamatoa: Why????

Lard Breadwinner: We bought like a lot of blueberries

Map Unbeliever: As in so many Pierre begged us to stop buying out all of his stock

Map Unbeliever: And we took pity on him lol

Tamatoa: Nice

Tamatoa: But why do we need all of those blueberry seeds??

Lard Breadwinner: We will be spending like half the day just watering them everyday for the next month

Map Unbeliever: Yes

Lard Breadwinner: And there is no escape

Tamatoa: WHYYYyYYYyYyYyyYYYYYY?????

Lard Breadwinner: Money

Lard Breadwinner: Lots and lots of money

Tamatoa: Fair

Map Unbeliever: Fyi, we will be taking shifts napping to regain energy because we will run out of energy

Tamatoa: I am dreading this already

Tamatoa: How dare yall make me work T-T

Lard Breadwinner: You will survive

Map Unbeliever: You redid your entire section yesterday because "it was not aesthetically pleasing me"

Tamatoa: At least the blueberries are a nice color

Chapter Text

Lard Breadwinner: I think we should utilize the spa more

Map Unbeliever: There's a spa!?

Lard Breadwinner: HOW MUCH OF THIS TOWN DO YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT!?

Map Unbeliever: It's like my name suggests, I don't believe in maps

Tamatoa: But why tho

Tamatoa: Maps are great

Map Unbeliever: Thats locked lore

Map Unbeliever: You're not finding out until later

Tamatoa: Is there like a set date orrr?

Map Unbeliever: These lore chapters have to be drawn out, A l e x a n d r a.

Chapter Text

Lard Breadwinner: YALL

Lard Breadwinner: WHERE TF DID ALL OUR MONEY GO

Map Unbeliever: Omg wut

Map Unbeliever: AHHHH

Map Unbeliever: MY TREE MONEY

Lard Breadwinner: @Alexandra, why are you so quiet?...

Tamatoa: ...uh

Tamatoa; So I may or may not have bought some more seeds

Map Unbeliever: How many seeds result in the loss of over 10k!?!?!?

Tamatoa: Sooooo

Tamatoa: The answer would be a bunch of melons

Tamatoa: And other things

Lard Breadwinner: Omgggggg all our moneyyyyy 

Tamatoa: Sorry!

Tamatoa: I had no idea I used that much money

Map Unbeliever: We need to start budgeting better

Lard Breadwinner: I say we make a to-buy-list with what we want to buy, whose turn it is to buy their things, as well as any joint farm stuff

Tamatoa: Its prob for the best

Lard Breadwinner: And we should prob notify others before making big purchases

Chapter Text

Map Unbeliever: Hey, uh @Alexandra?

Tamatoa: Yea?

Map Unbeliever: Ur crops r not watered

Map Unbeliever: They r dying

Lard Breadwinner: Omg, when was the last time you watered them?!

Tamatoa: Uhhh

Tamatoa: Idk

Lard Breadwinner: What do you mean, 'idk'??!?!!?!

Lard Breadwinner: Our job description is farmer

Lard Breadwinner: You should know how to farm

Tamatoa: I know how to farm! I simply choose not to

Tamatoa: Also, someone tell me how to get these birds away from my crops

Map Unbeliever: U build a scarecrow

Tamatoa: Idk how to do that

Map Unbeliever: This just got infinitely worse

Lard Breadwinner: Ok, so I'm going to be teaching u a lot on the farming profession soon

Chapter Text

Map Unbeliever: Omg yall

Tamatoa: ?

Map Unbeliever: Check the gc

Lard Breadwinner: Which one?

Tamatoa: Omg I see it

Tamatoa: The fanfic one

Lard Breadwinner: Whoa

Lard Breadwinner: I did not know a house leak could get that big

Lard Breadwinner: Yall

Lard Breadwinner: Should we add her in the gc?

Tamatoa: I mean, with recent events it only seems fair

Map Unbeliever: Yea

Lard Breadwinner: Kk

Lard Breadwinner added GilesCorey to the group chat

Lard Breadwinner: There

Tamatoa: Hiiiii

Map Unbeliever: ((o(^∇^)o))

Map Unbeliever: Welcome!

GilesCorey: HI!

GilesCorey: Y'know, this leaking isn't all that bad

Lard Breadwinner: How

Lard Breadwinner: You walking into your basement is now considering spelunking

GilesCorey: I can fish in the leak puddle!

GilesCorey: [Img.selfie_w/_5ft_deep_body_o'_underground_water_and_fishing_rod]

Tamatoa: I dont think that leak can be called a puddle at that point

GilesCorey: The health inspection people are making me move now tho

Map Unbeliever: It's prob for the best

Tamatoa: Anyway, we're making you temporarily move into our guest cabin now

GilesCorey: Is there fishing?

Lard Breadwinner: Yes

GilesCorey: I'm in

Chapter Text

Map Unbeliever: Yall, i found a note taped to the bottom of a rock

Tomatoa: Omg! Its a secret note!

Map Unbeliever: I am concerned as to why this rock is on level 47

Lard Breadwinner: Yeah, that is concerning

Tomatoa: Is there like, a random person trapped in the mines then??

Tomatoa: What if the monsters in the mines could read and write?

Lard Breadwinner: Lets think about the conspiracy theories later

Lard Breadwinner: What does the note say?

Map Unbeliever: Uhhhh

Map Unbeliever: 'My idea of a perfect dinner would be salad, goat cheese, truffle, and wine. For dessert, I'd need a poppyseed muffin. Yum! If someone gave me one of those things, I'd melt.'

Tomatoa: 'Yum!'????

Tomatoa: Who tf writes like that, it sounds like a 2nd grade diary entry

Map Unbeliever: Idk, lemme send a pic of it

Map Unbeliever: [Img.Secret_Note_3]

Lard Breadwinner: That's Leah's handwriting

Lard Breadwinner: Her requests on the quest board have the same handwriting

Tomatoa: Oh yeah, she does tend to write her a's weird

Tomatoa: They sorta look like u's

Map Unbeliever: Yay! Mystery solved

Lard Breadwinner: Ok, but we actually need to keep mining

Map Unbeliever: AHHHHhfuebaodywheh

Map Unbeliever: I hate the mines

Map Unbeliever: So much

Lard Breadwinner: Why are we hereeeee

Tamatoa: Gold >:3

Map Unbeliever: We need to get to the bottom

Map Unbeliever: Sadly

Tamatoa: And were running out of stone

Map Unbeliever: At least we made it to level 50?

Map Unbeliever: Oh shit nvm

Lard Breadwinner: YALL LEFT ME

Lard Breadwinner: THERE R SO MANY SLIMES

Tamatoa: suffer

Tamatoa: fucking bats die I hate them

Map Unbeliever: ditto

Lard Breadwinner: Where was the ladderrrrrr

Map Unbeliever: Oh no there's a slime

Map Unbeliever: get  a w a y

Map Unbeliever: I REJECT YOUR ADVANCES SLIME, GO AWAYYYY

Map Unbeliever: Thats it, I'm filing a restraining order

Tamatoa: The bats are not nice

Tamatoa: They bite

Tamatoa: A lot

Tamatoa: It hurts :(

Lard Breadwinner: The slimes are surrounding me

Lard Breadwinner: Someone please save me

Lard Breadwinner: They're tag team poisoning me

Tamatoa: Oh shit I'm about to dieeeee

Map Unbeliever: Exit now

Map Unbeliever: pls

Map Unbeliever: Harvey is bleeding us dry rn

Alexandra has passed out in the mines

Lard Breadwinner: Something tells me that she did not exit in time

Tamatoa: it was a spiral mine level :(

GilesCorey: I come back from a hard day of fishin just to be told our money is gone!?

Tamatoa: Srry lmao

Tamatoa: I yearn for the mines too much

Map Unbeliever: Do u think we get a discount from if one of us starts romancing him?

Lard Breadwinner: Good idea

GilesCorey: We should get a cork board or something for all our ideas and stuff

Map Unbeliever: But decorating is so hard

Map Unbeliever: And expensive

Chapter Text

Elliott: Should I ask out Alexandra?

Haley: Now???

Elliott: Yoba no, it's not very romantic to ask someone out at a town event.

Haley: Ask her to dance then ask her tomorrow

Elliott: Thank you

Haley: Ik some of her favorite gifts are cherries, peaches, and gold

Elliott: Gold?

Haley: She collects it

Haley: Yall asking anyone out?

Abigail: There’s a cute girl from that other town that comes to the luau, I think she was on the QSU board in highschool.

Abigail: I’m going to ask her to dance in full lesbian goddess glory

Haley: As you should!

Haley: Sebastian is the motor boy coming?

Abigail: Ooh who’s motor boy

Sebastian: A hookup for now

Abigail: Aw only a hookup?

Haley: a hookup or a guy you have made out with several times and more but y’all both refuse feelings like the Black Death?

Sebastian: Unless he starts responding to my texts then only a hookup

Haley: Damn I’m sorry, good luck

Haley: Well see y’all in a bit

Haley: Oh my god if I have to see Emily and the fucking doctor look at each other one more time I am going to do unspeakable things

Maru: I though you liked romance?

Haley: Not when it’s my sister and the local stale cracker of a man >:(

Sebastian: Why are you gays texting rn?

Sebastian: Guys*

Haley: Gays works tho

Haley: Anyway I somehow don’t have a date

Maru: I wouldn’t be dancing even if I did

Sebastian: Fair

Haley: Abigail got her girl tho, happy for her

Maru: Oh nice, they look happy

Haley: OH FUCK YEAH

Haley: Elliott is dancing with Alexandra!

Haley: Oh I’m going to tease him so much lmao

Sebastian: Oh Yoba, there is cloth in the soup…

Haley: ???

Sebastian: I’m not going to say anything, soups probably not contaminated or anything

Haley: Dude, ew

Haley: I am, I really don’t want to ingest that

Sebastian: To Late.

Map Unbeliver: Who put underwear in the soup

Tamatoa: Normally I don’t condone tainting perfectly good food…

Lard Breadwinner: What did you do?

Tamatoa: Bastard raised my taxes.

Tamatoa: So I’m lowering his life expectancy :)

Chapter Text

GilesCorey: I hate it here

Map Unbeliever: ^^^

Lard Breadwinner: Not my fault ur socialization skilz r -4

Map Unbeliever: rude

Map Unbeliever: but tru

Tomatoa: OMG OMG OMG

Tomatoa: ELLIOT IS WALKING TOWARD ME

GilesCorey: Who??

Lard Breadwinner: That one dude who lives on the beach

GilesCorey: Ohhhh

GilesCorey: Have fun conversing then, Dra

Map Unbeliever: Dra?

GilesCorey: What?

Giles Corey: Alexandra is too long to type out

Lard Breadwinner: Yea, but Dra sounds and looks too similar to the word 'bra'

GilesCorey: . . .

GilesCorey has changed Tomatoa's name to 'Bra'

Lard Breadwinner: She's going to kill u once the luau is over

GilesCorey: That's if she can find my fishing spot

Map Unbeliever: Ooh

Map Unbeliever: Guess who's dancing w the local shakespeare knock off

GilesCorey: Good for her

GilesCorey: Im now going to try and get a bait discount from Willy

Map Unbeliever: Fun

Lard Breadwinner: Dont forget to put the stuff in the soup later

like, 20 minutes later or smthn. idk, time is but a construct we conform ourselves to

Map Unbeliever: Who put underwear in the soup

Bra: Normally I don’t condone tainting perfectly good food…

Lard Breadwinner: What did you do?

Bra: Bastard raised my taxes.

Bra: So I’m lowering his life expectancy :)

Lard Breadwinner: He raised our taxes???

Bra: Apparently mining too much gold affects the economy or whatever, so now there's a mining tax if u mine 'too much'

Map Unbeliever: How tf did u even get dat underwear tho

Map Unbeliever: I know for a fact we don't own that

Map Unbeliever: Because if we did, we would be wearing it

Lard Breadwinner: Yea, we literally only have one set of clothes

Bra: So uhhhh

Bra: You remember when Lewis tasked us with finding his underwear

Lard Breadwinner: Oh no

GilesCorey: How did u even get that thing!?

Bra: So I may or may not have learned how to pick locks in my spare time

Bra: And Marnie likes me, so I can just walk into her house whenever

Bra: Its not like Shane or Jas are home enough for them to know

Map Unbeliever: Wow

Chapter Text

Penny: Has anyone else noticed increased tax?

Maru: There was the mining tax, now they increased medicine shipping prices to try and discourage mining

Abigail: The local crypteds were not discouraged

Maru: They won’t be discouraged by this either, yoba knows the only time they went to the clinic was to stalk Harvey the first month

Maru: All this does is make our jobs more difficult and dangerous!

Penny: Maybe we can ask the farmers to stop?

Abigail: They are stubborn af, considering the incident it will just prompt all out war

Abigail: They might help with medicine stashes tho

Maru: I do not want to rely on their “medicine”

Leah: What do you have against natural remedies? They are just as good, maybe even better than that nasty pharmaceutical stuff.

Maru: The “nasty pharmaceutical stuff” is more trustworthy than whatever they are doing

Maru: Nothing against natural remedies, unless you try to completely replace actual medication with them, I’m against the farmers remedies

Maru: That tree one sliced her leg and used fucking honey to pack it, which would work, if she hadn’t gotten it directly by sticking her arm into the hive

Maru: Their disregard for safety terrifies me

Maru: The one that’s calls themself “yord” is the only one with an ounce of self preservation

Abigail: So they would absolutely launch a payback campaign against the governor…

Abigail: I wouldn’t put it past them to start smuggling gold out

Sebastian: Anarchy, vibe

Abigail: You think I could pay them to get me quartz?

Sebastian: Totally, I already have them getting obsidian for me

Abigail: Ooh how did you get them to do that??

Sebastian: Seduction

Elliot: …

Elliot: I would like to lay a formal claim through the “friend code” to Alexandra

Haley: Oh? Interesting >:)

Sebastian: Don’t worry, I was mostly joking

Sebastian: I think most of it is some kind of bribery to get me out of my room

Maru: You spend so much time in there

Sebastian: Well no shit, I’m working

Maru: On what? Your commissions?

Sebastian: Better than an internship

Maru: It’s not an internship??? I get paid??

Sebastian: No clue how considering you never went to med school

Maru: You never went to collage either?

Sebastian: I’m literally saving up for it Maru

Maru: I don’t understand why you won’t just ask Dad

Sebastian: Why the hell would he help now?

Abigail: Alright both of you take a breath

Abigail: Can you make sure Maru is alright?

Penny: Of course, I’m heading over rn

Abigail: Thank you sm, I’m checking in on Sebastian

Haley: I noticed an increase in shipping tax to

Haley: Emily said Sandy was dealing with more taxes to, even tho she is all the way out in Calico

Sam: Joja has the same taxes, Morris has been pissy about it

Haley: I assume it’s the same with Pierre’s

Alex: Bus fairs went up to, and game tickets

Haley: The farmers are going to notice quickly, considering they are a farm and all

Alex: Unless Lewis gets involved

Haley: Ugh he’s such a kiss up, this is bullshit

Chapter Text

Map Unbeliever: I now have like 4 whole stacks of weed

Lard Breadwinner: What????

GilesCorey: Like, the stuff on the ground orrrrrr

Bra: I would also like to know

Map Unbeliever: Oh shit lmao

Map Unbeliever: I mean wood

GilesCorey: The letters o and e are like 6 tiles apart from one another

Map Unbeliever: My autocorrect thinks im an avid hallucinogen collector

Lard Breadwinner: Lmao

GilesCorey: I may need to borrow some of ur wood indefintely for some stuff

Bra: Same

Lard Breadwinner: have yall ever considered chopping trees down

Bra: But that's what Kiki's for

GilesCorey: I provide fish (and therefore money) in exchange for the materials I require

Bra: I need wood for my aesthetic addiction

GilesCorey: Capitalism

GIlesCorey: The only thing keeping this farm running

Lard Breadwinner: How are we still running

Lard Breadwinner: We barely actually farm except for like blueberry season

Map Unbeliever: Its official now

Map Unbeliever: We're a blueberry farm

Bra: Actually, I think we just supply some farmer's market stall in the next town over

Chapter Text

Abigail: Elliott stay away from the farmers for a bit

Elliott: Why would I do that? I had plans involving Alexandra today.

Abigail: Yeah no they have these weird bubbles over their heads, like video game charecters

Abigail: I don’t think they realize cause they have been talking about you for the last half hour.

Elliott: About me? How intriguing, what are they saying?

Abigail: Img.player_gc_convo

Farmer GC

Bra: I'm hanging out w Elliott today!!!!

Map Unbeliever: Who again?

Map Unbeliever: I dont interact w these people enough to know who's who

GilesCorey: That one dude who lives on the beach

Map Unbeliever: Doesnt he wear a suit???

Lard Breadwinner: Yea

Map Unbeliever: Imagine all the sand imbedded into that thing

Lard Breadwinner: . . . 

Lard Breadwinner: y would u give me such a mental image

GilesCorey: Ive seen him, can confirm, he prob has like sand in his shoes 24/7

Map Unbeliever: I am merely speaking my truth VuV

Bra: Im not gonna be able to water the rest of my crops bec of said plans

Bra: Can someone cover 4 me??

Bra: I will give iron bar in exchange

Lard Breadwinner: I'll do it

Bra: thx!

GilesCorey: Still dont really see what u see in that guy

Map Unbeliever: Eh, everyone has a negative

Bra: Exactly!

Map Unbeliever: For some, its having sand everywhere, and others its having a body count of 24

GilesCorey: Hey!

GilesCorey: I told u that in confidence

Lard Breadwinner: Wait

Lard Breadwinner: Body count as in the act of reproduction or deaths enacted directly from your conscious actions??

Lard Breadwinner: Giles?

Lard Breadwinner: GILES?!???

GilesCorey: (。_。)

GilesCorey: Don't go swimming in the river anytime soon

(Back w/ the Bachelor(ettes))

Sebby: Is no one going to mention the supposed bodies that r floating around in our local bodies of water like its an amusement park lazy river???

Haley: Not like anyone swims in them anyway

Chapter Text

Map Unbeliever: And that is why I think Leah is actually just like 3 tree spirits trying to blend in with the rest of us mortal society

Lard Breadwinner: o.o

Lard Breadwinner: -.-

Lard Breadwinner: o.o

Map Unbeliever: Hol' up, im being swarmed by slimes

Bra: Ur texting and mining????

GilesCorey: Yall have all texted and mined at least twice this past week

Map Unbeliever: I'm killing them with kindness VuV

Lard Breadwinner: You mean your sword?

Map Unbeliever: My sword's name is kindness

Bra: Ooh, we should name all of our swords!

GilesCorey: I have yet to be in the mines

GilesCorey: I have no sword

Lard Breadwinner: You can name you're fishing rod?

Bra: Mine is now called Mercy

Map Unbeliever: Nice

GilesCorey: Hooker

Lard Breadwinner: ????

GilesCorey: My fishing rod is hence forth dubbed ✨Hooker✨

Bra: So what're u naming urs, Yelilia

Lard Breadwinner: Uhhhhh

Map Unbeliever: Might I suggest the naae;tolrghjunqae[oranfbaoewjtrenhaqeo[rbnabn[ant

Kiki has passed out in the mines

Bra: O shit

GilesCorey: Now this is why u dont text and mine

GilesCorey: Or go in an area known for having monsters in the first place

Bra: But

Bra: Shiny

Chapter Text

Map Unbeliever: All yall have reached adequate friendship levels with me to unlock the 'Maps Cannot Be Trusted' backstory

Bra: Yay!

Bra: I still dont know what u mean by that

Lard Breadwinner: Oh yea, we never got an explination

GilesCorey: Gather round, its story time

Map Unbeliever: Ahem,

Map Unbeliever: It was a dark and stormy night...

Map Unbeliever: when I got lost on a hiking trail once, and the map didnt do shit to get me un-lost

Map Unbeliever: walked around for like 5 hours until I found someone else on the trail

Map Unbeliever: I would say more, but that's for another day

Lard Breadwinner: The betrayal

Bra: Omg, such a good story

Map Unbeliever: ty, ty

GilesCorey: So u just didnt know how to read the map

Map Unbeliever: I do know how to read maps!

Map Unbeliever: That one was just unreasonably difficult!

Lard Breadwinner has changed Map Unbeliever's name to 'Jared?'

Chapter Text

Bra: Hey Giles?

GilesCorey: Yea?

Bra: Ive been wondering, but how exactly does the fishing industry around here work anyways?

Bra: Willy always complained about how the fishing profession was dying out and he was thinking of closing shop until you came around

Lard Breadwinner: O yea, how does the whole fishing thing work?

Jared?: Who's Willy?

GilesCorey: Idrk, I just fish and then sell the fish to the guy

GilesCorey: Also, Willy is the owner of the fish shop by the ocean

Jared?: Oh! The dude who trails sand around everywhere

Lard Breadwinner: If Willy was going to close shop due to lack of business, then how does buying ur fish equate to booming business?

Bra: Im not the greatest at math, but even I know theres something not adding up rn

Bra: Something fishy is going on rn

Lard Breadwinner: Really? A pun?

Bra: The words applied to the situation, so I used them

Jared?: Ive got it!

Jared?: Its a money laundering business

Lard Breadwinner: That still doesnt make any sense

Lard Breadwinner: What money laundering business would go around complaining that their storefront was going to go out of business due to lack of customers?

Bra: This one?

GilesCorey: Then its a pyramid scheme?

Bra: How does that one make any sense?

GilesCorey: Who knows?

GilesCorey: Not me

GilesCorey: Im the one all the way at the bottom of the pyramid

Bra: Understandable

Bra: Ooh!

Bra: Its a ponzi scheme!

Jared?: But then whos getting scammed?

Lard Breadwinner: Maybe its a fish ponzi scam

Lard Breadwinner: He gains ur trust paying u a lot for fish and then he starts scamming you to get some free fish that he can sell

GilesCorey: Maybe? I feel like thats not a good business model for a ponzi scheme tho

Bra: Ig

GilesCorey: The correct answer:

GilesCorey: Its a money laundering pyramid ponzi scheme

Jared?: ur a genius

GilesCorey: Ty, ik

Jared? Changed GilesCorey's name to 'Ginus'

Chapter Text

Lard Breadwinner: We should really get some of the other bundles at the community center done for the Junimos

GilesCorey: Junimos?

Bra: Yknow how u drank acid with the Wizard dude and saw those Apples with the odd faces that triggered ur uncanny valley?

GilesCorey: those things? I just thought they were a long term side effect from the magic wizard drugs

GilesCorey: and mayhaps also dream demons

Jared?: Those are the Junimos

Jared?: The bundles at the community center are for them

Lard Breadwinner: when we finish the a bundle set, we watch in our dreams as they dance and do some weird version of the Totoro magic thing and fix things around town for us

Bra: Either that, or some demonic sacrifice ritual thing to fix stuff using our offerings from the bundles

GilesCorey: Kool

Jared?: But we should do more of those bundle things

Jared?: We need the upgrades

Lard Breadwinner: But if they're doing some sacrificial thing, shouldn't we stop?

Bra: The alternative is capitalism, which is basically the same thing

Bra: but less whimsical and aesthetic 

Bra: Why go thru the trouble of switching to a different method if its going to be the same, but more lame?

Chapter Text

Lard Breadwinner: anyone want to tell me y Robin is standing in the corner of our blueberry field and watching me water our plants?

Bra: Whut

Jared?: srsly?

Jared?: she's supposed to be building a coop 4 me rn

Bra: damn

Bra: I should have stayed back on the farm instead of going to the mine

Bra: send a pic

Lard Breadwinner: [img.Robin_High_Off_Her_Ass]

Photo shows Robin standing in the corner of the blueberry field, staring off to the side with a dazed expression as a hand from the bottom of the photo continues to water the blueberry bushes (yes, they grow on bushes irl, not long cornstalk things)

Jared?: damn

Jared?: her eyes r like really red

Bra: so like

Bra: is she responding to anything ur saying to her rn?

Lard Breadwinner: nope

Ginus: what I miss?

Ginus: I was phishin

Ginus: oh

Ginus: shit

Lard Breadwinner: Giles, y did u say shit?

Ginus: Well, if ur talking about my use of profanity, its because I am an adult and can say whatever I want

Ginus: as to why I said shit

Ginus: it may be because I know the reason why she's like this??

Ginus: also someone might want to get her husband or the doctor dude

Bra: Ill go get both of them omw back from the mines

Jared?: so what happened

Ginus: there was a mix up of backpacks

Ginus: we were both carrying brownies

Ginus: except mine had some magic wizard pot in it

Lard Breadwinner: and how did u figure that out?

Ginus: I ate one and noticed the lack of rainbow tinted vision

Bra: eta like 10 min

Bra: also, Demetrius is not very happy about this rn

Chapter Text

Bra: Ya ever wonder how some of our stuff gets stolen when we pass out?

Jared?: Yea, it is kinda weird how it happens every time we're unconscious now that I think about it

Lard Breadwinner: U just passed out in the mines again, didnt you

Bra: Yes, but that's besides the point

Bra: This is about the mystery midnight thief that always steals something off of us when we pass out either due to lack of energy or due to the late time

Lard Breadwinner: It is kind of concerning

Ginus: I once lost a fish that took literal hours of fishing to catch due to this mysterious figure

Jared?: Its gotta be someone from town

Jared?: There's no other explanation

Lard Breadwinner: Tru

Lard Breadwinner: But then who from town would it be?

Bra: Why would someone from town specifically target and steal from us anyway?

Bra: There's gotta be easier targets

Ginus: Lets worry about that later

Ginus: Shouldn't we report this to the authorities or whatever?

Jared?: Yeah, but what are they gonna do?

Jared?: I highly doubt there are cameras around town

Bra: It can't be any of the little kids

Lard Breadwinner: Duh

Lard Breadwinner: We should cross of Pierre from the list too

Lard Breadwinner: Pretty counter intuitive to take money from the people giving you the most business

Ginus: Willy too

Ginus: I spend so much time fishing with him or in his shop that I would be impressed if he ever managed to rob us blind at the same time

Bra: Ooh, and we can cross out Sam, Shane, Abigail, and a couple others, since they have alibis, and their families would def know if they went out and robbed unconscious farmers as a hobby

Jared?: That leaves the old people and the other shop owners

Jared?: Oh, and the high wizard guy

Lard Breadwinner: The dude never leaves his tower

Lard Breadwinner: And he can afford a tower

Lard Breadwinner: People in those kinds of tax brackets have better things to do

Ginus: Most of the shop owners are also eliminated from the list since they also have families and stuff

Bra: So then who does that leave?

Jared?: Uhhhh

Lard Breadwinner: That joja mart guy and Linus

Bra: Its def not Linus

Ginus: Yea

Ginus: Hates the evils of society and the world too much to be going around and stealing our things of value

Jared?: So its the joja mart guy!

Jared?: That would explain why he looks so fishy all the time

Lard Breadwinner: He prob has nothing better to do in the day either

Bra: Its all coming together

Jared?: Good to know we have a slimy corporate capitalism guy stalking all of us

Chapter Text

Bra: I ran out of food

Bra: Anyone have any

Bra: Im about to die on lvl 38

Jared?: comin

Ginus: yall its like 1:20

Ginus: get out the mines

Lard Breadwinner: already?

Jared?: leavin now

Lard Breadwinner: its 1:40!

Bra: made it!!

Lard Breadwinner: 1:50!!!!

Jared?: I MADE IT!!

Jared?: gn!

Ginus: night night

Bra: See ya in 4 hours

Lard Breadwinner: Uhhh

Lard Breadwinner: yall

Lard Breadwinner: Y am I seeing duplicates of me?

Bra: so its not just me?

Bra: Thought my dream paralysis demon was a shapeshifter this time

Bra: Theyre getting kinda creepy to stare at

Ginus: We're playing blackjack together

Jared?: I don't think magical duplicates are supposed to be appearing

Jared?: more keep showing up every time I get out of bed

Jared?: Did we get cursed or smthn?

Lard Breadwinner: I don't think so?

Ginus: Wait, where did my brownies go?

Ginus: I was going to share them w my clone pod people

Ginus: But I can't find them

Bra: Where did u put it?

Ginus: Uhhh

Ginus: One of the chests

Jared?: Uh oh

Jared?: Didnt we eat some brownies while mining?

Lard Breadwinner: shit

Ginus: shit indeed

Bra: Ig magical pot would explain our mass hallucination?

Lard Breadwinner: I feel like this is just the junimos fucking w us rn tho

Lard Breadwinner: We haven't really been adding much to the bundles lately

Jared?: New rule, we don't touch the brownies

Jared?: We assume they're Giles's

Bra: But

Bra: Brownies

Lard Breadwinner: How about we make all magical hallucination inducing pot brownies a different color or smthn

Ginus: When do u think the pod people are going to go

Ginus: I kinda need to wake up early 4 a good fishing spot

Ginus: And all my weed clones also know the good spots

Ginus: I don't want to share

Jared?: how would we know? This is ur weed

Bra: we should really have the wizard dude on speed dial

Chapter Text

Jared?: so if the fishing industry is staying afloat by cheating the economy underhandedly, then how does the rest of the economic world stay afloat in this town

Jared?: like, how are they getting enough money to be giving us 100g for delivering a melon to them?

Lard Breadwinner: Well the old people prob live off of their retirement money or something

Bra: Oh well some of its the statue chips

Jared?: The what?

Bra: Some of the younger people have been exploiting a money hack known as fuck the Lewis statue

Lard Breadwinner: Your mentioning this now?

Bra: I have enough gold

Bra: That’s a lie I will never have enough

Bra: It did not occur to me as worth mentioning?

Jared?: wtf do u mean the Lewis statue??

Bra: Bitch got a bit egotistical and built a statue of himself out of our tax money :3

Bra: Wait do we pay taxes?

Bra: Are we supposed to be doing that?

Ginus: Tax evasion

Lard Breadwinner: It’s how we keep our money usable

Bra: Why do we trust you with the finances

Lard Breadwinner: You would do the same

Bra: True

Bra: What happens when they find out?

Ginus: Blackmail

Bra: OMG YES

Jared?: So the fish are a scam, the marrigables are taking gold off a statue or have an outside access, we are committing tax evasion. Anything else?

Jared?: Small magical forest creatures unpaid labor?

Ginus: The what

Jared?: Oh ya you haven’t been to the community center

Ginus: What do they look like?

Jared?: Apples

Ginus: Are they edible?

Jared?: Idk haven’t tried

Bra: I’ll get back to you <3

Lard Breadwinner: Lewis also spends frivolously enough that it evens out?

Bra: Would be a shame if he was ever… indisposed

Bra: Not that I ever plan on doing that

Bra: Just saying any of us would make a better mayor

Lard Breadwinner: Thanks I think?

Bra: The junimos can be assumed edible but they taste absolutely terrible unless you really like sour things

Lard Breadwinner: you like sour things?

Bra: It squeaked at me and I felt bad.

Bra: Update, they regenerate. I feel less bad

Ginus: potential renewable food source?

Bra: Update number 2, I am in pain.

Bra: Which is either the apple or cheese from earlier

Jared?: I haven’t had any today so I’ll try and get back to you

Jared?: How did you catch it?

Bra: I sat in the community center with a net outside of that hut thing

Jared?: Thx :D

Jared?: Oh wow it is sour

Jared?: and Squeaky

Lard Breadwinner: I leave for half an hour and you have both eaten something potentially poisonous

Lard Breadwinner: Harvey costs money!

Jared?: Yah it hurts

Jared?: Pretty mild tho

Lard Breadwinner: If yall die I’m taking your farmland.

Chapter Text

Emily: Guys

Emily: I managed to have a convo w that one girl killing all the wildlife

Emily: She just said some mind blowing shit

Emily: also totally unrelated

Emily: I have some questions

Emily: Shane, does ur boss steal?

Emily: Also, is joja mart a front for money laundering?

Shane: What

Shane: How would I know?

Sebby: Have u been buying more crystals from that sketchy guy in the woods again

Emily: No

Emily: but he did offer me a discount on some homemade brownies

Maru: I don't really think you should be trusting anything cooked by him

Emily: They were delicious, both the normal and spiked versions!

Elliot: Indeed. Alexandra recounted an event involving the mysterious man in which strong hallucinogens were given to her and the other farmers. Apperenly the spiked brownies were mistaken for mining food.

Sebby: That must have been an interesting mining trip.

Emily: Okay, but apparently the local fishing industry is just secretly a money laundering pyramid ponzi scheme

Maru: Statistically speaking, the event of that being true is highly improbable

Sam: But not impossible

Sebby: Is nobody going to mention how the weird self proclaimed wizard dude technically drugged the farmers

Sebby: Or that the maybe consensually drugged farmers are the towns main food supply?

Elliott: I wonder how I could procure some of these brownies?

Sebby: You do drugs?

Elliott: I prefer to call them extremely useful writers block helpers.

Sebby: Fair enough, we should meet up sometime

Penny: Does the wizard man do that often?

Penny: Ive seen the fishing one eat some brownies with an odd sheen to it a couple times

Abigail: Omg the wizard dude totally got the farmers hooked onto something

Abigail: And maybe Elliot/Sebastian

Penny: Shouldnt we do something?

Penny: I'm keeping the kids far away from that tower now

Alex: But what else did the farmer say?

Emily: She did actually mention that thing with the wizard, pretty sure

Emily: Said something about apples never looking the same

Emily: and that Morris likes to stalk them in his free times

Sam: What?

Shane: Damn

Emily: Very nonchalantly I might add. I think she has started messing with him to

Shane: knew my boss was an ass, but not this much of an ass

Leah: I'm gonna be honest, I don't really trust some of the stuff being said

Haley: But that's just because you don't trust that farmer girl at all

Leah: Nobody who chops that many trees down is to be trusted

Haley: It’s still giving Ao3 girl

Leah: what?

Chapter Text

Jared?: I had the weirdest dream last night

Jared?: The apples were minting money?

Jared?: And eating it?

Bra: Mine were building a bridge

Jared?: Oh yea they also did that

Bra: Do you think it’s the apples revenge?

Jared?: Food poisoning?

Jared?: Several hours later food poisoning?

Ginus: Is food poisoning by proxy possible?

Ginus: Cause I also had the bridge one

Lard Breadwinner: I think its some kind of weird shared dream

Jared?: Wait where is it?

Bra: It’s by the adventurers guild

Jared?: Let’s go check it out

Ginus: There's an adventurer's guild??

Jared?: yea, Bra says u buy weapons there

Jared?: which i find weird u cant just do that at the blacksmith's

Bra: Omfg it’s there

Bra: There’s a bridge

Bra: OMG WE DONT HAVE TO PAY JOJA

Bra: TAKE THAT, YOU SHADY STALKER!!!

Lard Breadwinner: I do have some legal and philosophical questions though

Bra: shoot

Lard Breadwinner: If the currency we're using technically isn't minted by an official minting press, is it really tax evasion I'm committing? 

Bra: i don't think so?

Jared?: I mean, ur gonna do it anyway

Jared?: y does it matter?

Lard Breadwinner: in case I get caught, I have a plausible excuse

Ginus: Good idea, Mx. Tax Evader

Jared?: Tax abuser

Bra: Tax Eluder

Jared?: wtf does eluder mean?

Lard Breadwinner: I think its referring to someone who eludes

Jared?: Ohh 

Ginus changed Lard Breadwinner's name to 'Tax Evusder'

Tax Evusder: I have mixed feelings abt this cuz I'm like 97% sure Morris is also a tax evusder.

Ginus: Yea, but ur not a stalker, so he would be called a Stalax Evusder

Jared?: I dont think combining stalker and tax work in this scenario

Bra: Stalking Tax Evusder? STE? 

Tax Evusder: Y does that sound like an std or sti?

Bra: sexually transmitted ew

Jared?: nah, he's STEVE now. Stalking Tax Evusder Very Ew

Chapter Text

Bra: where tf are yall

Tax Evusder: watering

Bra: didnt you water them in the morning?

Tax Evusder: YOUR PLANTS!

Jared?: Oohhhhh burn

Ginus: lemme just drop off this fish

Jared?: we need anything for the mass midnight rendezvous?

Tax Evusder: I dont think so?

Bra: Coffee

Ginus: R we allowed to fish?

Tax Evusder: No, pretty sure we aren't allowed to fish up the jellyfish

Tax Evusder: Something about them being endangered

Ginus: Well, that's never stopped me before! 

Jared?: Do I have to go?

Bra: Pretty sure Lewis expects the whole town to be there, no exceptions

Jared?: Ugh

Jared?: Cant a girl read ao3 in peace!?!

Tax Evusder: Not in this economy u cant

Jared?: Oh come on! I'm not even the one who takes care of the financial stuff!

Jared?: Isn't my physical labor enough to satiate the labor gods of capitalism?

Ginus: They wont be happy until we all die of overworking and exhaustion

Bra: U could bring a tablet or phone to read while we're there?

Tax Evusder: Just don't let any of the old people see

Tax Evusder: Or I'm gonna lose relatability points with them, and then we don't get as much g doing stuff for them from the quest board

Jared?: Damn it

Chapter Text

Haley: I remembered to bring my camera this time!

Emily: Now we can add some more pictures to the scrap book!

Elliot: Lovely! To look back and reminisce on our times of fortune and festivities is always such a source of inspiration!

Shane: Ugh, not the scrap book

Sebby: Wait, we have a scrap book?

Emily: Oh yeah! We forgot to tell you!

Haley: mainly because if u knew when we made it in hs, u would have made us throw all ur embarrassing pics away

Haley: Shane already made us promise to never bring it up near Jas, we couldnt take any more losses

Shane: I don't need my goddaughter knowing what I looked like in hs

Sebby: Is it too late to ask for the destruction of my pictures now?

Sam: Yup! We managed to get digital copies of all the pages!

Haley: Yall there's this photography contest, should I submit one?

Abigail: Submit the epic one with the farmer holding their sword in front of the jellyfish.

Leah: Is that really the best photo to showcase our towns natural beauty?

Elliot: I for one find the photo highlighting our shoreline and the docs to be the most visually moving.

Haley: This does not narrow it down.

Alex: guys look

Alex: (Moon_jellyfish.img)

The picture depicts a selfie of Alex holding up one of the moon jellyfish by the top of their body over the water

Sam: Dude niceee

Alex: Haley! Take a pic of this!

Maru: You aren’t supposed to take them out of the water! It’s an endangered species!

Abigail: Dude you know it stings right?

Alex: I figured that out :(

Sam: He has red streaks all down his leg

Sam: Cause he dropped it in the water

Sam: it hit his leg on the way

Sam: I’m supposed to piss on it right?

Maru: No don’t do that just hold on Harvey has a med kit

Abigail: How did you even get it?

Alex: I went in the water?

Alex: I have only now been told I was not supposed to do that

Abigail: Dumbass lmao

Haley: At least I managed to get a pic of it before he got stung lmao

Haley: (Moon_jellyfish_2.img)

the picture depicts Alex holding up the jellyfish by the top with both hands above the water, much like the Simba pose from the lion king, the moon and stars lighting up the background 

Emily: Now that is a contest winner worthy photo

Alex: Tbf the farmers were doing it so I assumed it was fine

Elliot: Alexandra and Yelilia have been on the dock this entire time?

Shane: Then was it that Kiki girl? Damn, Aunt Marnie's gonna be sad when she's found dead in the water

Sebby: damn, no more locally made honey ig

Elliot: I have in fact seen Kiki. She was in the shadows with a blanket over her head to secretly read a 'masterpiece of literature and fiction' on her tablet, so it was a bit hard to see her.

Abigail: Wait yeah I’ve seen them this whole time too?

Abigail: Alex who tf was in the water?

Alex: The other one? That moved in recently-ish

Elliot: Ah yes, the one that likes to fish with Willy if I am not mistaken

Maru: Aghh no now we have to go deal with the black market

Abigail: Why do fish and the black market connect

Maru: It’s a hot bed for endangered and illegal fish trade

Abigail: What is with these fish and crime

Abigail: Wait why do you know about the black market?

Maru: I build robots.

Maru: What are you doing on the black market?

Abigail: Nothing that can be proven or needs to be.

Alex: Ominous af answer

Chapter Text

Alexandra has passed out in the mines

Bra: Damn it

Bra: Lost some gold and copper

Jared?: OMG!? ALL OUR MONEY!?! HALF OF IT IS GONE???

Bra: Oh yeah, I got robbed pretty sure

Ginus: Damn, never knew grave robbers robbed semi-corpses now

Ginus: Always thought they waited until the preservation chemicals were pumped in at least

Tax Evusder: Ohhhh shit

Tax Evusder: Guess who just saw the payment from our bank account to Mr. Dr. Harvey

Tax Evusder: On completely unrelated news

Tax Evusder: We may need to up the farm production to cover our losses

Jared?: ig I need to give our bees a pep talk to up honey production

Bra: If I could only find that semi-grave robber

Bra: Then I could punch out all the money we lost

Ginus: Didnt we determine it was just Morris?

Jared?: Yeah, but we don't have proof

Bra: And Morris has the backing of capitalism

Bra: and a lawyer

Jared?: At this rate, I might as well just start doing home-made remedies country farmer style

Jared?: We already live in like a rural town

Bra: Omg, thats such a good idea

Bra: No more gold going to waste whenever I pass out!

Ginus: We could always just not go to the doctor

Bra: Pretty sure we already do that unless we get put there when unconscious 

Jared?: Antivax arc confirmed?

Tax Evusder: Nope, we are not becoming antivax

Bra: but think of the money we would save!

Jared?: We could turn into one of those crunchy mom people

Ginus: Ooh! We could!

Jared?: Make even more money making random pastes out stuff foraged from the forest and sell it to actual crunchy moms

Tax Evusder: I really don't feel like walking around barefoot with no internet ngl

Bra: Well we don't actually have to be crunchy

Ginus: We could just pretend to be crunchy

Jared?: Pretty sure influencers do it all the time

Tax Evusder: As long as we stay vaccinated

Tax Evusder: Our stonks will not stonk if one of us dies from a very preventable disease

Bra: Nah, plenty of people are willing to move to a farm to escape the city drafts

Ginus: They are going to expand the drafts within the next few years anyway

Jared?: how did we get from saving money to politics

Bra: everything is politics if you try hard enough

Chapter Text

Alex: Ok so I was on the beach right?

Alex: And that one farmer comes up to me, I’m like hey dude

Alex: They don’t say anything and just drop some bits of glass into my hand?

Alex: Like dude, not cool

Alex: They are kinda pretty tho

Haley: The glass or the farmer?

Alex: Huh?

Alex: The glass, I’m not gay?

Haley: Alr, send a pic

Alex: Can’t, I let them go

Penny: Oh :(

Penny: I always liked sea glass :(

Elliot: Pray tell why I have a semi circle of glass outside my door?

Elliot: Alex where did you put the glass?

Alex: Oh dude what

Alex: I’m coming to look at it, I threw mine in the sea

Alex: Damnnn

Elliot: How do I get inside???

Haley: You can’t step over?

Alex: It’s like a pile

Elliot: Why did I chose this accursed day to not wear my boots

Sebastian: Oh my Yoba this is not a hard problem, I’m being a shovel

Alex: That fem me just came up and handed Elliot a pomegranate?

Elliot: I’m very perplexed

Haley: Wdym fem you?

Alex: I’m Alex, she’s Alex-andra, and we both have brown hair

Haley: Ig that makes sense but how do you know her name but not the one consistently giving you gifts?

Alex: Easy to remember

Haley: Self centered

Haley: Ment affectionately, apperenly that is not obvious?

Alex: I know, thank tho

Elliot: She just picked it all up, no regard for safety

Alex: How does it all fit in her bag?

Sebastian: Fucking hell I was just there, now I have to go back?

Alex: Nah we still need to replace the sand it was near just in case

Sebastian: Alr

Elliot: I shall prepare the pomegranate, is anyone wants some come down

Elliot: I have so many

Alex: Damn man that’s a whole shelf of them

Elliot: I have run out of dishes for them

Haley: So we have one farmer constantly gifting random things and another making full use of a whole tree they bought

Haley: These people do not know how to romance

Sebastian: And you do?

Haley: Worked so well we both forgot we were queer for a solid five months

Sebastian: Then you set me up with the guy I liked without telling me, I have never been more annoyed since

Haley: Fair enough

Alex: You dated??

Alex: Why didn’t you tell me :(

Haley: We weren’t that close at the time

Abby: Sebastian how could you!!

Abby: I missed a whole five months of my friends dating life

Sebastian: You had a tendency of making my partners question their sexuality

Haley: I was questioning before that lol

Abby: Aw you should have come to the QSU

Haley: Nah I’d run the risk of being kicked from the cheer leaders

Haley: We love bitchy seniors <3

Sebastian: Pretty sure you were a bitchy senior

Haley: I’ve reformed, and was not homophobic

Elliot: Regardless of high school reminiscing I have pomegranate tarts, wine, and the fresh one

Elliot: Im begging you please come take some

Sebastian: You know I don’t think we have ever heard about your highschool…

Haley: Omy that’s trueee, you went to that fancy one right??

Elliot: It wasn’t fancy, just an academy

Haley: Your not fancy academy where you had to wear formal uniforms and slept there?

Elliot: Oh I lived close enough to go home

Alex: Wait why did you go to an academy thing?

Elliot: It’s really not that interesting, just a advanced school with nothing but empty promises

Abby: I’m sensing some lore

Elliot: I shall tell you if you come take these off my hands.

Haley: Deal.

Chapter Text

Tax Evusder: Now that I think about it, why are you so obsessed with chopping trees down, Kiki?

Jared?: U want the easy answer or the lore answer?

Bra: Lore!!!

Tax Evusder: One good enough for you to plead insanity when we have to go to court for local extinction of wildlife

Ginus: Make it interesting

Jared?: kk

Jared?: Imagine some old lady with a really raspy voice is doing a voice-over

Bra: Lmao

Ginus: Will do

Jared?: Once upon a time

Jared?: When I was but a wee little gal

Tax Evusder: No way you just called yourself a gal

Jared?: Actually, the old lady called me a gal, ty very much

Jared?: Anyway,

Jared?: *ahem*

Ginus: I think the old lady needs a glass of water

Jared?: *AHEM*

Bra: I think cough medicine is a better option atp

Jared?: There once were a pair of humans with the legal status of guardian of the wee little girl, who were incidentally in love with one another

Jared?: Otherwise known as parents

Bra: Damn, didnt know parents had the requirement of being in love with one another

Bra: I just thought they needed mutual tolerance of each other at a minimum

Jared?: The couple and child lived in a house

Tax Evusder: I would hope so

Tax Evusder: That's like one of the minimum requirements in order to have custody of a child pretty sure

Jared?: And surrounding that house was a grove of trees

Jared? One night, a storm hit the area

Ginus: Wow. supper climatic

Jared?: The storm raged all throughout the night

Jared?: And once morning came, it was apparent that one of the trees had been knocked down

Bra: Ooh

Bra: The drama hath commenced

Jared?: When the little girl went to look for her parents, all she found was a caved in room filled with rubble, tree, and a squirrel

Tax Evusder: Did not expect to see the main character parent death plot line

Jared?: Oh, they didnt die, but the house was totally trashed

Jared?: Lived in poverty for like 6 years afterwards

Jared?: Not the worst that could have happened, but that tree ruined my life for a good while

Bra: Damn

Jared?: Anyway, yall can stop reading the story in the old lady voice now

Chapter Text

Tax Evusder: I dropped some food into the pond, I gotta go fish it out

Bra: My crabs would hurt you lol

Bra: At least I don’t think they will?

Bra: On second thought don’t stick your hand in or close

Tax Evusder: On that note

Tax Evusder: If I dont respond in 2 hours, assume I've been turned into crab/fish feed

Jared?: Will do

Ginus: Don’t hurt the fish, I need them for later

Bra: Empty your inventory before hand, so we don't loose all your other stuff either

Tax Evusder: Sounds good, thanks for being considerate of my stuff!

Jared?: O yea, good idea, that way we dont have to buy new replacements for the new farm hand we hire when you turn into fish protein supplements

Ginus: Bet we would make a lot of money off of fish and crabs that live on a diet of human tho

Tax Evusder: That is slightly less considerate

Tax Evusder: Guys, come look

Tax Evusder: Idk how this happened but I’m walking on the pond

Bra: Wtf

Jared?: Omg ur not joking

Jared?: Alexandra come look this is insane

Bra: Anyway I’m currently moving one of the ponds so I’ll be right there

Bra: Wait which pond

Tax Evusder: Top left

Bra: I’m coming now!

Ginus : Aren't you supposed to walk on the pond to get to the stuff in there?

Jared?: No, but like, walking on the water, not just the edge of the pond

Bra: Omfg that’s hilarious

Ginus: Wait, send me a selfie

Jared?: JesusYelilia.img

Lord Yelilia walking on pond water like the glorified cult-man they are, Alexandria and Kiki standing next to the pond

Ginus: Holy fuck

Jared?: I think you mean Holy Yelilia

Chapter Text

Jared?: My day will consist of deforestation and then talking to Marnie about farm animals and fruit trees

Ginus: Kool

Ginus: Go for it

Bra: I plan to stay in the mines until I either pass out or it gets really late

Tax Evusder: Try not to get robbed by Morris at least

Bra: Will do o7

Ginus: Good news

Ginus: We'll prob recover from potentially robbery

Ginus: The fish are somehow still multiplying more than I can fish them

Tax Evusder: Great

Tax Evusder: because I just bought another load of seeds

Bra: Anyone need any specific item found in the mines?

Ginus: Bug meat would be nice

Jared?: Uhhhhh

Jared?: Guys?

Jared?: I have news

Tax Evusder: Good or bad

Jared?: Depends

Bra: On a scale of 'best day ever' to 'the apocalypse', how bad is the current news-worthy situation

Jared?: Prob a 'I am stuck in a circle of tall plants and have no way out'

Ginus: Damn

Ginus: Where's ur axe?

Jared?: Im about to pass out yall

Tax Evusder: Ill go over once im done with my chores

Jared?: How did I even get here???

Jared?: I distinctly remember being outside of this ring of trees

Chapter Text

Bra: I rly feel like having some cookies rn

Jared?: Fr

Ginus: Damn, I woulda let u steal mine, but I think theyre still in a cabinet in the House Lake of Horrible Basement Plumbing

Tax Evusder: Didn't we get some in the mail box from our collective mom?

Bra: I've never had cookies from her

Bra: Wtf!?

Bra: She gave you cookies?!?!?

Jared: Damn, we've been played by our own mother

Ginus: Well, at least we know you're the favorite

Tax Evusder: I'm pretty sure I remember everyone getting mail with thick envelopes that day

Tax Evusder: Y'all sure the cookies weren't just thrown away due to the lack of spacial awareness or something?

Jared?: Thick envelopes?

Jared?: Oh, I remember those

Bra: Oh yea, they just had like 500g in them

Ginus: Kind of a richard move to be sending only one of us some cookies on top of the money tho

Tax Evusder: Oh, I didn't get any money

Ginus: Oh, nvm

Ginus: This is more of a richard move

Bra: Can't believe our parents would be so biased

Tax Evusder: Against their own children too

Tax Evusder: I would say toxic feminism, but I really like cookies and idk if this is actually just the sexism of only personalizing one person's gift

Jared?: Wait

Jared?: Whose parents have been sending these?

Chapter Text

Jared?: Yall im so bored

Bra: Yea, doing the same monotonus thing all the time is getting kinda tedious

Giles: Fanfiction?

Jared?: Already tried, but nothing updated, and i have alr gone through like 5 different search tabs and 20+ pages of stuff to look for things to read

Jared?: I can't believe im saying this, but i want a bit of a break from doom scrolling fanfiction rn

Tax Evusder: Well, we could go to the salon

Tax Evusder: But that requires social interaction

Giles: Will there be food?

Bra: Yea, but it costs money

Giles: Ill just make the money back after I buy food

Jared?: Oh, right!

Jared?: There was that one video game thing in there

Jared?: lets go @ like dinner time

Bra: I endorse that, It’s not my night to cook anyway.

Tax Evusder: Who’s turn is it anyway?

Bra: Giles?

Bra: Probably for the best we go to the salon

Ginus: You don’t appreciate the Sea Food Platters in all their glory

Bra: Giles, until a few months ago I had never eaten fish, they taste strange :(

Ginus: >:(

Jared?: Anyone else here yet?

Tax Evusder: Arriving now

Ginus: Fish

Bra: Walking down from the mountains, maybe 10 min?

Jared?: OMG THE VIDEOGAME IS HERE

Jared?: And no one is using it!!!

Tax Evusder: Have fun.

Bra: I just arrived, where is everyone?

Ginus: Fish :(

Tax Evusder: I’m at the far table, Kiki is attempting to beat prairie king, I assume Giles is fishing

Bra: Alr, I see you

Bra: How… much bread did you get?

Tax Evusder: There was a sale

Bra: On bread?

Tax Evusder: Yes

Tax Evusder: Practically free

Bra: Oh nice, yall want pizza?

Bra: Our business ventures in Zuzu city paid off

Tax Evusder: We have business ventures?

Tax Evusder: I don’t think we shipped any blueberries yet

Bra: I convinced some rich idiot we had the ability to make iridium wine, but did not have enough kegs

Tax Evuader: We don’t have any kegs?

Bra: I sent him black market wine in an unlabeled bottle

Bra: Anyway he invested in our not quite existent vineyard

Bra: It’s actually really funny

Tax Evusder: Why was I not informed?

Tax Evusder: As our most monetarily responsible member?

Bra: You do not have the most favorable opinion of capitalism

Bra: I love capitalism, mainly because it works for me

Bra: Rich idiot is getting robbed, completely legally to

Tax Evusder: how much % did you give him?

Bra: 5%, barley a dent

Bra: Plus he folds like wet paper in negotiations

Bra: Why are we texting while sitting right next to each other?

Tax Evusder: Paper trail

Bra: Ah

Ginus: I’m here, is there still pizza/ bread?

Bra: Yep, I’m going to go harass the locals

Tax Evusder: That’s not…

Ginus: She’s just flirting with Elliot, dw

Tax Eviader: I think I’m more worried?

Bra: >:3

Jared?: I BEAT IT

Ginus: Yay!

Jared?: I beat the third level!

Jared?: Then I was killed :(

Ginus: yay?

Jared?: Is Alexandra drunk?

Jared?: She just fell over

Tax Evusder: I don’t think so? She said she was socializing

Bra: HAHA

Bra: I’m not drunk, I’m extroverting

Bra: AND GOING ON A DATE

Tax Evusder: Did he ask you?

Bra: No, but he is going to “put in the utmost effort to make up for it”

Jared?: How romantic :D

Ginus: Oh that’s why he was looking for someone to fix his boat

Bra: Oh?

Ginus: I said nothing

Tax Evusder: Good for you :)

Tax Evusder: Now come back to the table, your our designated minecart driver

Jared?: WE HAVE MINECARTS!?

Chapter Text

Bra: So, who wants to ride the bus w/ me?

Tax Evusder: Sure

Jared?: What bus?

Bra: The bus. You know, the singular bus near the minecart

Ginus: Wasn't that out of service or something?

Tax Evusder: it was

Tax Evusder: But not anymore

Jared?: Kool

Jared?: How come im just hearing abt dis

Ginus: Ig we forgot 2 tell u?

Bra: Also didnt you get the dream?

Jared?: The betrayal

Jared?: I can't believe I've been stabbed in the back by my own capitalist companions

Ginus: Arent we communist?

Jared?: I think we were communist community farmers who utilize capitalism to maximize profits or whatever

Tax Evusder: Sounds about right

Bra: Soooooooo

Bra: Do you want to go on the bus or…

Tax Evusder: You can come if you want, but there are no trees

Jared? : Nvm, I don't care about the relatively newly working motor vehicle

Jared?: I would rather go exterminating the forest

Tax Evusder: Lmao

Ginus: Ill check it out when im not busy

Jared?: I think I'm fine with staying out of the loop unless it involves trees

Jared?: It's what I've been doing so far

Bra: Wait, now that I think about it, have we told you about the secret woods?

Jared?: SECRET WOODS!?

Jared?: Show me now