BEST HOLLYWOOD SCRIPT CONSULTANTS

The Best ($500+) Moderate($350-$499) Average(under

Dara Marks Melody Jackson $350)
Paul Young Peter Mellencamp Barbara Schiffman
Jeff Newman Lisa Cory Ann Zald
Hank Searls Craig Kellem Natalie Lemberg
Marion Douglas
Dave Trottier

Below Average Poor

Jim Mercurio John Schoeni
Howard Allen David Hagan

THE BEST
Hank Searls
Dara Marks
Paul Young
Jeff Newman

Dara Marks
Script Consultant
513 Pleasant Ave.
Ojai, CA 93023
Tel: (805)640-1307
Fax: (805)640-1239
Email: dara@ojai.net

Price $900 -- 1 hour phone consultation and eight pages of notes.

Her Credentials: Dara has worked for most of the major studios. Development
Executive, Tetragram Productions for Disney Studios and SunRae Productions for
Columbia Studios. Wrote an episode of A Different World (NBC), as well as an ABC
pilot and two independent films. Teacher of national screenwriting workshops and
clinics. Colleague of Dr. Linda Seger (Making a Good Script Great.)

Her Method: Dara Marks is the architect of an innovative structural technology called
“The Inner Script”® The system is designed to assist writers in maintaining the artistic
integrity of their vision throughout the development of their story. Marks analyzes
screenplay structure by breaking down a script into three distinct stories. A, B, and C.
The A story is the Plot, the protaganist’s physical experiences in the world; the call to
action that drives a story. The B story is the Internal Subplot, the storyline that contains
the protaganist’s fatal flaw. It asks, what’s wrong with this character? What needs to be
healed? This is the storyline that expresses the theme of the film. The C story is the
Relationship Subplot. It reflects the B storyline by mirroring the internal struggle of the
protagonist. It shows us how the protaganist’s fatal flaw is manifested in his /her
interpersonal relationships and how it’s ultimately resolved.

Marks uses this method within the context of the classic three-act structure, which
traditionally has an inciting incident and setup within the first ten pages, a turning point
around page thirty, and a second turning point around page 90, followed by the climax
and the denouement. The first act serves as the setup, the second act as the conflict, and
the third act as the resolution. Keeping the classic paradigm in mind, Marks analyzes
each storyline individually. She determines each storyline’s set-up, central question, first
turning point, Midpoint, which reflects a shift of consciousness out of resistance and
towards fulfillment of the protagonist’s goal, second turning point, climax and resolution.

Paul Young
Literary and Screenplay consultants
22647 Ventura Blvd., Ste 524
Woodland Hills CA 91364
TEL: 818-887-6554
FAX: 818-887-6580
Web: www.scriptzone.com

Price $500 26 pages of notes with a phone consultation.

His Credentials:
Produced Screenwriter (Born to be Wild). Former Columbia Pictures story analyst.
According to promotional materials, “His screenplays have also been acquired by Robert
Redford/Wildwood, Orion, Spelling, Kings Road, Cine Artists, and Lorimar.”

His Method:
Uses the traditional three-act model. He identifies the strengths and weakness of each
act, clearly laying out his findings on the page and he includes 26 pages of notes that are
page specific to the script.

Hank Searls
Screenwriters Workshop
PO Box 1877
Gig Harbor, WA 98335
TEL: 253-851-9897
Email: hanksearls@compuserve.com
Price $1,500 --35 pages of notes, graphic illustrations of classic screenplay structure,
excerpts from two produced screenplays for comparison of format and structure.

His credentials:
Author o thirteen books. Professional screenwriter with over fifteen WGA credits.
Teacher of screenwriting workshops.

His method: Hank developed the ScriptMap system, a unique means of graphically
illustrating the conflict in one’s story. On the page, it looks like a series of boxes, laid out
like ascending steps. Each box represents a scene, and contains the encrypted message:
“At__,__ vs __re:___!>>. This roughly translates into, “At such and such a location,
person A and person B are conflicting over such and such, resulting in such and such a
surprise, which propels us into the next scene by way of such and such. By penciling in
such elements as Location (At), Conflict vs Cause of Conflict, Surprise and Hook to
future>>, the ScriptMap system will theoretically enable you to “keep your scenes
straight in your mind, demand that you recognize conflict in every scene, and remind you
of the rising tension that you must retain. As further clarification, the Hook to the
Future” is something also referred to as the tag—anything, oral or visual, actor’s business
or sunset-shot, that ends scene.

Searls applies this ScriptMap method to the classic three-act structure, summarizing it as
follows: Three acts (setup, complication, and Resolution). Growing obstacles in the way
of the protagonist fighting for a goal, rising tensions as she finally comes to grips with it,
and surprise, surprise, surprise at the turning point of every act.

Jeff Newman
Storynotes
15721 Brighton Ave. #D
Gardena, CA 90247
Tel/Fax: 310-715-6455
Email: storynotes@aol.com

$450 -- A one hour phone consultation, forty pages of notes, light script markings, and
nineteen issues of his StoryNotes newsletter.

His credentials:
Professional, produced playwright. Six screenplay options. Weekly columnist for
Dramalogue. Teacher of screenwriting classes and seminars.

His Method:
Jeff focuses first on story conflict by breaking it down into six types: Character vs.
character, character vs. Group/Society, character vs. Nature/chance, character vs.
situation, and character vs. self. He then looks for external time pressure and its effect on
the protagonist, the “ticking clock” technique.
Newman then analyzes what he calls the Throughline structure. This is broken down into
four types: Character Goal Throughline, Character Arc Throughline, Relationship
Throughline and Thematic Throughline. Finally, using the classic 3-act structure, he
identifies and discusses the Inciting Incident, Goal, and Desire. He looks for a Clarifying
Event (“an event or even a bit of dialogue which makes it at least roughly clear to the
audience what this movie will be about”) and Major Plot Events/Turning points. The
turning point at the act one he calls the Point of Attack, “so named because it is here the
problem or goal is first attacked. He breaks this Point of Attack(POA) into categories:
POA and a Big Decision, POA and the Goal, POA and a Journey, POA and Conflict, POA
and the Stakes, and POA and the Central Question. Newman also looks for and analyzes
such elements as the Life-changing Event, Midpoint, Crisis/Positive Turning Point, Final
Confrontation/Ordeal, Climax, and Denouement. In addition, Newman takes a look at
pacing, style theme, and counter-theme, which he defines as “one of the characters
presenting an alternative value or set of values, and finding fault with the value the movie
presents as desirable. Script formatting and marketing are also covered.

MODERATE
Melody Jackson
Peter Mellencamp
Lisa Cory
Craig Kellem

Peter Mellencamp
Script Consultant/Story Analysis
3668 Motor Ave. #312
Los Angeles CA 90034
Tel: 310-204-4561
Fax: 310-253-5005
Email: Petemellen@aol.com

Price $400 Nine pages o notes with a phone consultation available.

His credentials:
Full-time story analysts for Paramount, Disney, Fox, Universal, MGM/UA, Columbia,
and Warner Bros. Story Analyst for independent producers, agencies, and Star Trek: The
Next Generation. Teacher of Story Analysts for Film and Television at the American
Film Institute.

His Method:
Peter Mellencamp offers two types of services: Basic Evaluation and In-Depth
Evaluation. Mellencamp utilizes the classic 3 act structure to identify a script’s strengths
and weaknesses. Problems with character, premise, plot, structure and marketability are
pointed out and commented upon, but not overly analyzed Mellencamp offers a written
analysis o the script’s strengths and weaknesses. (in particular as it regards to its
commercial potential as a feature film or television movie.
Melody Jackson
Smart Girls Productions
PO Box 1896
Hollywood CA 90078
Tel: 323-850-5778
Email: Smartgirls@smartgirlsprod.com

Six pages of notes, a few minor script markings, a phone consultation, and further
marketing services available.

Her credentials:
Melody Jackson founded Smart Girls in 1992 to “cater to the business needs of actors
and screenwriters. She has written and produced one short and has been hired to write
“two other feature length scripts. Smart Girls helps their clients get “literary
representation with top agencies and work as a staff TV writer and get their screenplays
produced.

Her Method:
Her main focus is character development and the 3 act structure. She approaches plot and
structure through her examination of character motivations and relationships.

Lisa Cory
Script Assist
PO Box 444
New York, NY 10185
Tel: 212-560-4331

Two one hour phone consultations, extensive script markings and give pages of notes.

Her Credentials:
Produced screenwriter (Dying to Live). Several other professional rewrite, polish, and
treatment jobs.

Her method:
Lisa focuses almost entirely on characterization, with almost no mention of structure.
For her, the plot must grow organically from the characters, rather than be dictated by a
traditional 3 act structure. Through typed notes and very extensive script markings, Cory
helps define character, their needs and desires. A good amount of time is spent on honing
the writer’s unique style or voice.
Craig Kellem
Hollywoodscript.com
11 Dorchester Rd.
Lyme, NH 03768
Tel: 603-795-4323
Email: Craig.kellem@valley.net

$150 A two hour phone consultation.

His Credentials:
Talent agent for CMA (now ICM). Associate producer for Saturday Night Live.
Development Exec for 20th Century Fox TV. VP in charge of comedy development at
Universal. Wrote and sold two screenplays (not produced). Teaches screenwriting
workshops.

His Method:
It’s all about feelings. Kellem analyzes a script by looking at its story arcs. Secondary
consideration is given to the classic 3-act structure.

AVERAGE
Barbara Schiffman
Ann Zald
Natalie Lemberg
Marion Douglas
Dave Trottier

David Trottier
The Screenwriting Center
PO Box 520248
Salt Lake City, UT 84152
Tel: 801-274-0248
Email: dave@clearstream.com

$450 Ten pages of notes, a follow up phone consultation, a twenty page workbook and
accompanying assette tape entitled “How to create a marketing plan for your script”, a
list of common submission errors.

Crendentials: According to his promotional materials, Dave has sold numerous

screenplays, including Igor’s Revenge, Kumquat, The New Musketeers, and A Window
in Time. He also developed projects for Disney and New Century Pictures, Dave wrote
and produced Hercules Recycled, and has other projects in pre-production.

His Method: A freewheeling discussion of plot and characters, with no mention of the
traditional 3 act structure. Page specific notes on tone and formatting.
Barbara Schiffman
Script Consulting price $125
2308 Clark Ave.
Burbank, CA 91506
Tel/Fax: 818-848-9040

Price $125 Five pages of notes.

Her Credentials: Script reader and consultant for HBO, Live Entertainment, United
Talent Agency, Scott Rudin Productions, Lynda Obst Productions, Wind Dancer Films,
Fox TV, Turner Pictures, The Disney Channel, Viacom/Showtime, and several others.

Her Method: Straightforward, no-frills coverage, just as one would get from a reader at
a Hollywood studio.

Ann Zald
The Screenwriting Room.
PO BOX 900
Venice, CA 90294
Tel: 310-397-2970
Fax: 310-397-7277
Email: Screenrm@aol.com

Price $250 Six pages of notes. A more comprehensive package is offered for $350,
which includes a phone consultation.

Her credentials:
She is one of three partners at the Screenwriting Room. Her credits include working as a
development executive at Interscope and as a creative executive at Alphaville. She has
also worked in a unspecified capacity at Robert Lawrence Productions and Twentieth
Century-Fox.

Her method:
She uses the classic 3-act structure for analyzing a script. She divides her analysis into
two categories: Characters and Plotting. The first category, Characters, is divided into
seven sub-categories. Plotting is broken down into 3 sub-categories: Act One: The Setup,
Plot Development from Act One to Act Three, and Act Three: The Resolution.

Natalie Rothenberg
The Insiders System
1223 Wilshire Blvd., #336
Santa Monica CA 90403
Tel: 800-397-2615
Email: InsidersSystem@msn.com

Price $275 Nine pages of notes, with a follow up phone conversation available. (The
insiders system also offers pen editing at $1.50 a page to catch typos, and a read of your
rewrite for $225 plus $25 for each 50 pages over 200.)

Her Credentials:
Natalie is a story analysis professional who has worked in personal management, feature
development, and production. She has experience in writing, evaluating, buying, selling
and editing materials for film, television, publishing, and theater. She’s written articles
for StoryNotes and Creative Screenwriting and has taught in connection with UCLA
extension writers’ program , The Learning Annex, and AFI.

Her Method:
Standard coverage, including use of a rating scale She offers basic commentary on the
following areas: Theme/Tone, Characterization, Structure/Pacing, Dialogue,
Setting/Production Values, Marketability/Genre Requirements and Description/Prose.

Marion Douglas
The Script Connection
10153 ½ Riverside Dr. #389
Toluca Lake, CA 91602

Price $150 Eight pages of notes

Her Credentials:
Former Director for Television Development at Fox. Producer of an Academy Award-
nominated short film. Creative executive at Trimark.

Her Method:
Marion Douglas adheres loosely to the classic 3-act structure when analyzing a script.
She provides a Grade Grid. One page of the notes is devoted to Structure notes, broken
down into act one, act and act three. Next, one page on the Characters, A mention of
Dialogue.

BELOW AVERAGE
Jim Mercurio
Howard Allen

Jim Mercurio
Script Consultant
5216 Corteen Pl. #14
North Hollywood, CA 91607
Tel: 818-509-5868

Price $300 Six pages of notes and a follow up phone call.

His credentials:
Director of Development for Montage. No Produced Credits.

His method:
Two pages of general commentary on the script, and four pages of page-specific notes.

Howard Allen
Script Doctor
3500 W. Orange Grove Rd. #14106
Tucson, AZ 85741
www.scriptDoctor.com

$3 a page 2 pages of typed notes, and 30 minutes of dictated oral notes.

His credentials
SAG actor. Professional film critic. Teaches college classes in Writing for film and
television, Media, Acting, Journalism, and Theater History. Involved in Arizona
community theater. No Produced screenplay credits.

His Method
Does not apply the 3 act structure in his coverage. He breaks down his analysis into one
page of General Comments, What’s working and Formatting. One page of Dramatic
action and Plotting. One half page of Character, one half page of dialogue and one half
page of coverage.

POOR
John Schoeni
David Hagan

David Hagan
Hollywood Screenplay Consultants
17216 Saticoy St. #303
Van Nuys, CA 91406
Tel: 818-994-5977

$350 Two pages of notes

His Credentials:
No produced credits. Despite the fact that David Hagan lists an entire page of writing and
producing credits – including seven TV shows and over thirty one feature films. He also
claims to have 20 years experience in analyzing screenplays, however, he fails to list his
clients.

His Method: A half page synopsis of your script, one page of notes, and a rating scale on
which the script scored.

John Schoeni
Screenwriter’s Coach
3820 Smooth Rock Cove
Charlotte NC 28210
Tel: 704-553-1610

Price $150 Fourteen pages of notes, two pages from Scent of a woman comparison, a
suggested reading list, grammar corrections.

His Credentials
No professional screenwriting credits or professional development experience listed.
Technical Writer for American automobile association, IBM, GTE, and the US Army.

His method:
He does not apply the 3 act structure, nor any other methodology. His commentary
consists of two pages of notes on things to avoid and proper formatting, one page of
commentary and a ten page comparison of your script to Die Hard.