Sample Feedback Critical Review Draft 2

Sample Feedback on Project 1 Draft

Sara’s Project 1 Draft: Please see pdf posted near this document.
Note from Sara to her readers:
Hi,
To ones that will read my assignment:
• look for the questions I raised at the end of the paper

• the last three paragraphs are based on my own opinion
• your sincere opinion is welcome
Feedback from Professor Comer using Peer Feedback Rubric
1. Respond to the writer’s “Note to Readers: My Queries”
Sara, I like that you are raising questions at the end of the paper because it shows a spirit of
inquiry, which is important for academic writing. Perhaps you can clarify, though, what you
mean by “critique”? I also wasn’t sure how or why “awareness” would be the answer to all the
questions, so maybe clarify that a little more. And, explain why these questions are important for
your readers to consider at the end of the critical review. You did well in the last three
paragraphs showing that you were moving from summarizing Coyle’s project to communicating
your own opinion. I wondered, though, if you might think about connecting those three
paragraphs more clearly? The paragraph about life’s constraints offers such a strong point, and I
thought you might do well to carry it into the paragraph about Coyle’s approach and the
conclusion. Specifically, I was unclear how the paragraph of Coyle’s approach was working in
the project (if it was to outline a potential usefulness, then specify what this was.) It is my
“sincere opinion” that you have done some really good work here: capturing Coyle’s main
points, and identifying some of the uses and limits of his text. Thank you for the chance to read
your draft. Good luck as you continue revising!~Denise
2. Where does the writer show summary and understanding of the assigned text? Is that
sufficient to convey Coyle’s main argument to readers who may not have read Coyle?
You show summary and understanding by drawing out key quotes from Coyle and offering solid
examples (Link, Brunio, etc.). It is sufficient evidence, and you emphasize the idea that “talent is
our virtue.”
3. Where does the author demonstrate understanding of key terms in Coyle’s article, such as
“deep practice,” “scaffolding,” or “chicken wire Harvards”?
You refer to deep practice, elastico, futsal, and Edwin Link. And, as you integrate these
examples, you explain how they illustrate practice being key to talent.
4. Where does the writer go beyond summary of the text to pose a question about Coyle’s text,
raise a limitation about Coyle’s argument, or make some other point about Coyle’s article?
The final three paragraphs do this. You show that his work is well-grounded in anecdotal
evidence and that he seems emotionally invested in his project, which suggests that he is writing
about something important and that he believes in. You make the following important point:
“The author's directions are perfectly feasible only in case that there are no other external

factors that normally have influence on somebody's life.”
5. Summarize in a sentence or two what the writer is arguing, if you can. If you cannot, say
what the writer might do to make the argument more clear.
You argue that Coyle suggests that deep practice (awareness and reflection and dedication to
mistakes) enables us to become talented, but that this is only applicable in situations where
someone can persist in spite of other external factors, such as others in our lives, financial
situations, other responsibilities, etc. To make the argument even more clear, consider bringing
this point out more in the final paragraph and in the paragraph about Coyle’s approach.
6. What evidence does the writer draw on to support or explicate his or her argument? Has the
writer effectively integrated and cited quotes or evidence? If not, say what the writer might do
to integrate and cite quotes or evidence more effectively.
Here’s one place you might include more evidence: Can you demonstrate why Link or Brunio
are unique in regards to having time and space to persist with their crafts? You have lots of
evidence for the summary of Coyle, and for the paragraph on his approach, but could include
more for your discussion of his limits. The longer quotes do not need to be indented and set
apart from the text. MLA citation holds that block quotes are only needed if the quote is longer
than four lines of text. These are less than four lines, so they can go directly into your
paragraphs. I also think you might revisit the discussion on “climate, passion, poverty”; I think
he actually might be saying that this is only part of the story, and not the story that he will focus
on. Your project names it twice, and I wasn’t sure how it was operating as part of your larger
argument. Are you suggesting that perhaps Coyle shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss these
factors because they are relevant, and sometimes actually prevent (rather than support) our
endeavors toward talent? If so, make this point more overtly.
7. Are there so many unconventional features in the writing (spelling, sentence structure,
vocabulary, and so on) that you found them interfering with your reading? Identify in particular
one of these features so the writer can focus on it for his or her revision.
You might try reading the paper aloud because there were a spelling errors or missing
apostrophes. At a few points Coyle is written with a “D” instead of a “C.” And I noticed a
couple of times that the word “the” was missing from a sentence.
8. What did you like best about this essay?
I really like that you took up the idea of “code” and used terms like encrypted, and mission
impossible, etc. This was creative and made me really think about his main point that he was
unlocking the secret to talent for us as readers.
9. What did you learn about your own writing/your own project based on responding to this
writer’s project?
I appreciated the key term of awareness from your project, and this is one that I will continue
thinking about. And, your play on the idea of “code” and your pointing out of Coyle’s emotional
attachment to his project made me remember that it’s important to integrate some emotional
attachment and playfulness to our writing.

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Sample Feedback Critical Review Draft 2

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Sample Feedback on Project 1 Draft

• look for the questions I raised at the end of the paper

Feedback from Professor Comer using Peer Feedback Rubric

1. Respond to the writer’s “Note to Readers: My Queries”

8. What did you like best about this essay?

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