FONYMAHONEY

Why is all the writing so bad these days? Like - we exist, as people, in the same universe. Surely we can ALL see that nobody actually talks like that? In this constant heavy handed, subtext-free gibberish?

I love Christmas movies. I love action movies. I've seen a couple blend the two brilliantly (Die Hard, Violent Night) and some not so brilliantly (Die Hard 2 - which this film seems to be an almost direct rip-off from). This is a terrible, almost hallmark-level imitation of these and I can't really fathom how.

The cast for this thing is so good, so strong - I'll watch Bateman in almost anything. Taron largely pedals this type of tripe, or something Oscar-Baiting, but after his excellent turn in the very strong Blackbird - I was at least open to it. Chuck the criminally underrated and underused Dean Norris into the equation, and I'm sold. I wish I'd been more discerning, the opening sequences with Taron and his lady friend were nauseatingly poorly written. Not even derivative, it was like AI.

I feel a bit let down and like I've wasted my time, but this is Netflix - if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

This is basically what they do now, isn't it? Ripley was a superb anomaly, but an anomaly nonetheless - anything even vaguely intelligent or original seems to be snapped up by HBO, Disney et al. Netflix is edging closer in quality and tone to the type of nonsense Apple TV seem to throw out with a seemingly bottomless bank balance, only without as much money.

Yeah, not for me this.

AMAZING cast. Big fan of every player top to bottom, and when I saw Schur was behind it I chose to lean into recalling his superior work (99, parks and rec) rather than his lesser stuff before giving it a go. When Netflix included 'sharp dialogue' in the 3-word descriptor, I was sold.

But despite all that, it's completely, almost appallingly unoriginal and pedestrian and unapologetically cheesy. Obviously there's a massive audience for this type of fare in these trying times, hence Ted Lasso winning bucket loads of Emmys despite being about as funny as a tumour - and I very much do not count myself among the target audience for these types of show.

The documentary on which this claims to be based is a brilliantly singular film about a man going undercover to expose elderly abuse. This is like Ted Lasso - heavy handed, insincere and pretty hack in the joke-stakes.

It's watchable, but so were the alien abduction documentaries. If this takes off like Lasso did, I'll have lost even more faith in the viewing public than I already have. I hate that more shows are meh than not now, and you can add this to that list.

Now, don't get me wrong - as an avid viewer of practically every Netflix 'documentary', it's fair to say the standard is uneven and I've got zero problem with Netflix diversifying their portfolio to include History channel-level fare. Evidently, there's an audience for it. A big one.

But THIS is nonsense to the point of being irresponsible. George Knapp is an utterly insufferable onscreen presence, he can't help but talk in heavy handed cliches. He's so deeply insincere and cringeworthy, he arguably made me even MORE of a skeptic.

I'm open to anything, but THIS type of rubbish is why most people believe anybody claiming to have engaged with extraterrestrial life is a gullible idiot fantasist. Maybe that's the point? I doubt it - but this over-egging makes it impossible to take this even remotely seriously, and listing it as a documentary is deeply misleading. And George Knapp is an insincere and tedious conman who should have his journalistic credentials confiscated, beginning with his Peabody award (seriously, HOW?! Was it an inside joke to bestow something on the dumbest person in the business?)

If you're just looking for a new, good documentary - don't waste your time. This is not a documentary. Like Jersey Shore meets Mars Attacks. Avoid.