User reviews

A bunch of rather older-looking kids travel to a Christian camp out in the woods. There's a lot of painful silliness the bus. Once they arrive we meet their ridiculous leader, a pretty girl also in charge, and the cook(?). It's not long before they start taking their clothes off and the marijuana jokes begin. For some reason only one pair of girls seem to be Christian, the rest not so much. Meanwhile some stranger is traveling in the direction of the camp. He stops at the park ranger office to warn that everyone is going to die and they should evacuate immediately. As evidence he offers some old newspaper clippings.

But of course he's right. By now someone or something dragging some large-pancake cart has started killing kids. It takes a while before the guy who's some researcher arrives at the camp and warns them. At that point we learn who the killer is and why he kills. It's a rather ridiculous explanation that I won't give here. Soon enough the killer arrives in the middle of dining hall and the mayhem is on. At this point the movie decides who the lead characters are and those will have figure out a way to eliminate this killer for good.

I really like the spirit in which this movie was made. I'm all for 80's-style raunchy teen slasher flicks. But as often happens, they had to ruin it by making it a parody/comedy. One movie-making convention seems to be that if you combine teens and violence you have to mask it as a comedy. Unfortunately making comedy and even more so, parody, is far more challenging than straight-forward horror. There are couple of good lines though.

Lumberjack Man is 1:45 hours--at least 15 minutes too long, a strange decision when you don't have a lot of budget. Another convention of low-budget movie-making is that you've got to have at least one big name in your cast. In this case it's Michael Madsen who does a good job, not taking the role too seriously. The rest of the main cast does surprisingly well. All of them give committed performances. The problem is the silliness factor, not the acting. One weakness of this movie is that it really doesn't give us a lead character for which to care. Of course, it's the girl who doesn't take her clothes off who will end up being the lead, but for most of the movie, she isn't. For a movie like this, the cast isn't particularly attractive. Brina Palencia in some tertiary role is lovely though. Then there are some porn stars here for some reason.

I'm very conflicted about this movie. I enjoyed the gore, violence, and nudity but hated the goofiness. The movie-makers have some talent and enthusiasm but botched it.

Clocking in at an hour and 45 minutes, Lumberjack Man is way too long for a slasher flick. I never thought I'd say this, but it's a case of "too much tits, not enough gore." The film's filler time is devoted to sexual content to the point of over-saturation. There's a scene where two campers watch a counselor strip, dance, and rub lotion on herself for what feels like ten minutes. It especially becomes evident towards the end, the final confrontation dragging on and on. It accentuated the character's stupidity with every pitiful attempt at comedy.

Every scene is extended to either prolong on-screen nudity or exaggerate comedic delivery. Speaking of which...

Despite being a horror comedy, the movie's humor is hit-or-miss. Most of the jokes are overly-long, sexual, and reliant on absurdity. It gets repetitive quickly. Most of my laughs came from the kills, of which some were quite funny and inventive, but they were few and far between. Which is a shame because the cast is larger than most camp slashers.

I also had a lot of problems with the characters. Bumbling, annoying and unlikable.

It's technically functional, sure, but that does nothing to fix how insipid this movie is. In short, Lumberjack Man is an unbalanced, lukewarm, boring film, inferior to other horror comedy films. I suggest skipping it and watching The Final Girls, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Behind the Mask, Severance, Stage Fright, or Club Dread.

Maybe you have to be in the right mood with the right taste in comedy to enjoy this movie, which is why I think many other reviews are negative. But dang it if I wasn't in the right mood with the right taste in comedy. That doesn't make it a great movie, but it was just the right amount of blood, boobs, and genuine chuckles that I wanted.

My advice for enjoying it would be not to expect a good horror movie. It's a decent comedy that alternates between self-aware mockery and nonsensical goofiness (though it's not always 100% clear if it's on purpose).

I'd love to hear a director's commentary on this. I'm sure it would be a lot of: "We don't know why we did it this way, but it was funny." or "This didn't quite work, but we left it in." "They didn't have lines, so we let them say whatever."

I'm shocked by all the bad reviews! This film is special because it doesn't take itself too seriously. There is murder, comedy, suspense, religious satire, everything you want from a solid, B horror flick. MM is great in his role, as are all the supporting cast. This takes the classic slasher trope and makes it both funny and a bit shocking. The gore was appropriate and the story, for what it was, was solid. It hung together and had a consistent lore that tracked until the end. If you want a fun, slasher/scary film to watch with friends, I highly recommend this one! Just really good bloody fun.

Normally slasher flicks bore the heck of of me...but LM made a mark on my laugh chart...Even howled out loud THREE times watching it n the early morning hours on cable...

Nobody known acting folks put on a decent show with a lame script that serves up satire dripping on more than than pancakes here...

One thing I noted was the excellent music score...If it was lifted from other sources, that's fine...They did a wonderful job heightening the suspense all through the reels...

Hats off to all for entertaining me at a very low level...actually a place I like to hang now and again...

"Lumberjack Man" is a weird, boring stab at a horror comedy that is unsuccessful.

Of course it's not funny in the least, but how many comedies are?

The fact is that the comedic moments, if that's what they are, are handled so badly that they merely become confusing.

It's not enough to throw in a joke here and there. There's also the matter of tone which allows a person to actually identify the joke and (maybe) laugh at it. "Lumberjack Man" has no tone. Nor does it really have a sense of place - the "summer camp" setting is a mainstay for both horror movies (Friday the 13th and its infinite number of rip-offs) and comedies (Meatballs, Happy Campers). But the filmmakers fail at establishing it as a believable place. It feels like most of the action takes place a few miles from the camp anyway. This vague sense of place doesn't help.

The movie is, of course, also not scary in the least; it doesn't even really try to be, which is not a problem because no one sees a slasher movie expecting scares. What is a problem is the villain. I don't know what they were going for, but it's one of the least memorable villains I've ever seen in a slasher. It's the typical massive stunt man (and being big does not equal scary) with a face like a block of wood.

The explanation for the killer's presence and how to do away with it is, I guess, where the humour comes in. Michael Madsen gives a monologue, complete with an animated sequence, to provide an explanation so moronically bizarre and out of step with everything else in the movie that I couldn't bare to pay attention. It has something to do with pancakes and syrup?

This is where the problem with the tone comes in: it's nowhere near ridiculous enough to absorb a sequence like this into the rest of the movie. It doesn't make you laugh at the ridiculousness: it makes you shake your head at the weirdness, and then, of course, you wonder what the filmmakers were thinking, or even if they were. You start trying to formulate explanations for how the movie went so wrong.

The ending, where this stupid origin story comes into play, is as badly done as you'd expect. I didn't know what was supposed to have happened, but I did know, with one hundred percent certainty, that it had no hope at all of ever being presented adequately by the people who made this movie.

The movie does have quite a bit of nudity (all breast shots). It does the typical thing of having multiple pretty, likable actresses, none of whom provide the above shots. And, weirdly, when the ladies do disrobe, the movie turns into a sexy music video with different music, lighting, dancing. Of course, this only distracts you.

As for the "kills", one is fairly memorable: the camp manager is cut in half at the waist, and watches his lower body run away from him.

Very like what was said with 'Knucklebones', have an appreciation for black comedy and horror (and just as much when mixed together) and the concept was kind of interesting. So although expectations were far from high, considering the general standard of low budget films seen recently, part of me was hoping that 'Lumberjack Man' would be at least tolerable.

There are definitely worse films than 'Lumberjack Man', of the horror genre and overall, and it is not even close to being one of the worst, let alone the worst, low budget films seen recently. That on the other hand doesn't make it good, it does far too little with the potential it had in the concept and it doesn't even have enough to make it tolerable. There is little engaging and it is cheesy as sin.

'Lumberjack Man's' least bad component was the music. There was something somewhat ominous about it and it does occasionally give a suspenseful touch.

Sadly, that is pretty much the only praise to give. The pace very badly lumbers, which really makes the film dull, and it is not always easy to figure out what is going on because the story is just so thin and tonally weird.

Regarding the villain, there is nothing surprising or sinister. Actually comes over more as silly and cheesy in behaviour and the goofy look. The lack of any atmosphere, let alone tension and suspense, is a hindrance as is the too long by half an hour length.

As is the incredibly bad writing. Very stilted and induces too often some unintentional laughs. There were attempts at dark humour, but it was not dark or sharp enough and was instead silly and clumsy. Madsen's explanation is just ridiculous.

Even worse is the acting, with beyond description terrible performances from the whole younger cast and it even makes Michael Madsen, clearly phoning in and either doing the film for money or as a favour, look bad. The characters are incredibly annoying and far from interesting, there is no development and the way they behave too often is stupid and illogical.

The production values all round look cheap, especially the haphazard editing. The story has nothing engaging, suspenseful or scary, it's just far-fetched to an intelligence insulting degree, incredibly dull due to trying to stretch things out to pad the too long length and just too bland. Anything done to try and spice up the supposedly scary moments came over as overdone and gratuitous.

Overall, very poor in almost every single area. 2/10 Bethany Cox

As I write my review of this absolute garbage of a movie, I'm wondering if Michael Madsen needed to pay some back taxes or something. Let's start right up. A bunch of teens (who look nothing but) go off to a Christian Camp. Every character is a stereotype, none can act worth a damn, and the SFX are laughable. Some look like they were rented (the first two women to get killed) from a porn film. Ton's of boring gratuitous nudity doesn't help this poorly paced film. I'll be honest here if it was supposed to be a comedy - it wasn't. Most comedy/horror unless its Shaun of the Dead or Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, or the first two Scary Movies, suck. If it's supposed to be horror - well, I'm pretty sure people have had more frightening wet dreams. Lets look at a few of the dumber things. Two porn stars (that's what they look like) bum a ride on the school bus. They get busy in a threesome. The killer (who looks part tree and is super strong, so why does he need weapons and what the hell is with those gigantic pancakes?) enters said bus, chops both their heads off (the heads flying out of each window, yanks lover boy to his feet, and stabs him through the chin and brain. Yet, this guy is able to scream? Later said killer hits a ranger in the SPINE with an ax, she's able to crawl away, drive him off with maple syrup (his weakness) and pull the ax out. Another moron has her legs and arms broken (and she's still able to talk) as he tries to make her into a picnic table. This fails and he tosses her off a tree (shades of Jason!) killing her. Another hanging by a foot, has a syrup tap driven into her skull so blood can flow. Anyone bored yet? This is just a lame version of a Friday the 13th with crappier effects. Just avoid this until one is an insomniac or a drunk.

I have nothing to spoil here because the story is bland, basic, and you've seen it before. What I will say is that this movie is one the strangest movies I've seen in many years. It's very anti-female, slicing and dicing young women relentlessly. It also features barely legal porn stars who think they can act, dancing and prancing with their breast swinging in the air. Several scenes with ugly males hooking up with hot females, all of them showing T and A before they get decapitated, impaled, or whatever. And the girls totally look underage, which is either enticing or bothersome. Acting is high school level. Violence is sometimes dramatically approached, not comedic, and protracted and overdone. It makes the whole experience very odd. Several homosexual references made to both sexes. It's just a horrible movie. BUT, it will stay on my DVR only because of the eye-candy. Call me a hypocrite. 4 stars for the gorgeous young ladies. 0 for the movie. itself.

I just waste my precious 1 hour and 45 minutes watching this stupid, boring and annoying movie. Please don't be like me.. 😬😬😬

OMG I absolutely loved this movie. I have been watching the new After Dark Horrorfest films and I watched Bastard last night which I reviewed and here is my review for Lumberjack Man. The story is your standard affair of a bunch of counselors going to a church camp early before the kids come and there is a possessed killer aloof. I found it to be a black comedy style of Friday the 13th which I found to be Epic. The acting was well done with a cast of kids that played horny teenagers perfectly as did Michael Madsen who was quite funny. The movie isn't so much horror as it's black comedy as I mentioned prior but it works great with the tone of the film. The movie is Hilarious I must add and it has a ton of quips. I will say there is at least three times the nudity over most other films of this kind which is fine with me. The kills were Superb and quite creative in terms of an hour and forty-five minute movie running time. I would recommend watching this immediately because it's well worth the watch if not the ten dollar purchase. I promise that you will not regret watching it.

Lumberjack Man is relatively a simple slasher horror comedy with a premise in which had been done several times before. However this film, the villain is a creature who feasts on pancakes but is allergic to maple syrup. It is quite bizarre in that sense.

The characters of the camp students are the typical characters we would see in these type of films. No character really stands. Michael Madsen is possibly one of the highlights. The lead actress isn't bad but isn't exactly memorable.

There are gory kills but a lot which has been done before. One highlight includes the camp lead counsellor's death. Many typical head shot sword kills or head smashes.

The tone of this film is quite silly, more so than expected (there is an extended "food fight" scene. Also a music video type scene involving three characters dressing up fooling around).

Nothing is exactly scary. The lumberjack man's attire isn't menacing, and he doesn't speak or make sounds. When he appears, there isn't suspense. Most the film takes place in the bright day so it takes away any real scares.

Overall, the film is a decent watch but not memorable enough or really worthwhile. Had slightly higher expectations.

Some decent kills completely ruined by horrible acting, dialog and lame attempts at humor. Avoid this one unless its just to goof on.

If you're here reading the reviews i need you to think critically here. None of these negative reviews even THINKS of considering what a satire is. "oh there's too much sex" "oh theres horrible continuity, a character comes back from the dead, etc" "it's too cheesy" "the acting is so horrible" blah blah blah THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT ITS MAKING FUN OF!!! THATS THE POINT!!! A random person off the internet shouldn't have to explain this to you, but here goes!!:

-There's so much sex because old slashers have unnecessary amounts of nudity in them!!!

-There's horrible continuity because old slashers are bad movies that often have horrible continuity!! Why did Jason keep coming back to life? Literally for the sole purpose of making money, people.

-It's so cheesy because if it wasn't, people wouldn't understand that it's a satire! AND EVEN NOW people STILL fail to recognize what satire even is.

-The acting is so horrible because THAT'S WHAT PULLS THE WHOLE THING TOGETHER. There is no way bad actors would be able to sell these characters as well as this cast did. ESPECIALLY the character Doug. He's the perfect example of good actors intentionally pulling off bad acting for the sake of pulling a film as "bad" as this one is off.

Going out to the woods, the counselors of a bible study camp find that the area is home to a demonic logger who is intent on tormenting anyone who comes into the area and forces them to try to find a way of ending his rampage before he kills them all.

This here turned out to be quite the fun and highly enjoyable slasher/comedy effort. What really helps this one get quite a bit of fun here is the rather fun and goofy comedic nature of what's happening though it still maintains a pretty serious attitude overall. The comedy is mostly centered around the absurdity of what happens throughout here being treated with the utmost seriousness and straight-faced mentality, which is all about the obsession and singular-minded fascination the killer has with pancakes. Bringing them along with him to every kill he unleashes, the incessant manner of drenching them in the blood of his victims and having them constantly be a focus here in the film with the way they're almost always on-screen makes the film's focus on them seem all the goofier for all the time it's here, especially once it's all tied together with the explanation back-story that's so inherently goofy and silly that it becomes wholly enjoyable. As well, there's the other comedic virtues present here with the way this one treats the killer who tends to almost always treat the encounters here as there's a jokey quality they all react to him appearing before them. There's a great deal of laughs to come from how they all meet up with him thinking the entire set-up is a joke as well as the actual kill methods here that are carried out just absurdly that there's little not to like here. Even the fact that this is a Bible Camp means there's some fun times to come along here, with this going for the group blatantly ignoring the religious commandments for a wholly enjoyable time where it plays with many of the conventions here where it really enhances the sleaze and depravity that's to be expected around a film set in this kind of environment. Once all the fun is over, the fact that there's still some solid horror elements at play makes this one even better as the hulking killer comes off as a truly imposing figure, the numerous kills are quite creative and graphic enough to satisfy the true gore-hounds with how they get pulled off and it has some chilling stalking scenes that are pretty chilling even if they're somewhat played for laughs. The various stalking scenes in the woods come off rather nicely with the numerous confrontations throughout here which all manage to set-up the final massacre at the camp during the dinning hall sequence which is all sorts of fun with numerous kills, some great humor and thrilling action that comes along with how this one finally gets resolved which makes for a really enjoyable time. Even with all this fun stuff on-display there's a few minor negative points here with the big one being the overlong running time as there's no way this one should be over a hundred minutes. A lot of that is taking the absurdity and comedy to it's fullest potential, which in the end stretches out the comedy far more than it really needs to and making the film too long. As well, the comedy is a little too much for some which can lead to some bland watches with the fact that there's some utterly goofy stuff happening when it really doesn't need it. Otherwise this one here was a lot of fun.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Extreme Graphic Language, Nudity, some sexual content and drug use.