A Damsel in Distress (1937)

Gracie Allen: Gracie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gracie : [Gracie answers the telephone]  It's a Hawaiian.

  George : A Hawaiian?

  Gracie : Well he must be. He says he's Brown from The Morning Sun.

• Lord John Marshmorton : Miss Allen, is he coming here tonight, your friend Mr. Halliday?

  Gracie : Oh, well sure he's not coming here and do you know why he's not coming here tonight? Because he wasn't invited, that's why he's not coming here tonight, Lord Marshmallow.

  George : Gracie, it's Marshmorton, not Marshmallow.

  Gracie : That's what I said, Marshmallow.

  George : Look, Gracie, "marshmallow" is soft and mushy.

  Gracie : Oh, please, George! You don't know this gentleman well enough to say that about him.

  George : [to Lord Marshmorton]  I'm sorry, would you explain that please?

  Lord John Marshmorton : Certainly. Miss Allen, have you ever seen a toasted marshmallow?

  Gracie : No, but I'm dying to see that. I bet you're a scream!

• George : If it weren't for your father you wouldn't be working for me for two weeks. You wouldn't even be working for me for two days. Not even for two minutes!

  Gracie : Well, a girl couldn't ask for shorter hours than that!

• George : If you're not here on time, I'll have to get myself another stenographer.

  Gracie : Another stenographer? Do you think there's enough work for the two of us?

  George : Look. I mean I'm going to fire you.

  Gracie : Fire me?

  George : Yes!

  Gracie : Why, if it weren't for my father backing Jerry Halliday's first show in the United States

  George , Gracie : You wouldn't be here in London now. Now!

• Jerry Halliday : Come on.

  George : No, no. Not me. I don't get pleasure out of these things.

  Gracie : Oh, come along, George, for the fun of it. It's lots of fun having fun, even if you don't enjoy it. Heel!

• Jerry Halliday : What's today?

  Gracie : Oh, I don't know.

  George : Well, you can tell if you look at that newspaper on your desk.

  Gracie : Oh, this is no help, George. It's yesterday's paper.

• Gracie : You know, if it weren't for two things you'd be a terrific dancer.

  George : What's that?

  Gracie : Your feet.

• George : Did you type that letter I dictated last night?

  Gracie : Well, no. I didn't have time; so, I mailed 'em my notebook. I hope they can read my shorthand.

  George : You mailed your notebook? You know, Gracie, I'm beginning to think that there's nothing up here.

  [taps his temples] 

  Gracie : Ah, George. You're self-conscious.

• Jerry Halliday : I just saw a crowd of women running and why do you suppose they were running?

  Gracie : Because you were chasing them?

  Jerry Halliday : No, because they were chasing me.

• Keggs : I'm happy to relate that his Lordship gave more than 5,000 Pounds for that portrait.

  Gracie : 5,000 pounds of what?

• George : Listen, Gracie. In England there are several titles for the nobility: Lords, Dukes, Earls.

  Gracie : Oh, that's my daddy! If he ever gets his dukes on the Earl Company's money, Lord help 'em!

• Keggs : Admission is one shilling.

  Gracie : Oh, well, we usually get more than that. But give us our shillings and we'll go in.

  Keggs : Oh, but, I don't pay the people, madam, the people pay me.

  Gracie : Oh. Well, then, give me my money back.

  Keggs : But, you didn't give me any money.

  Gracie : Well, that's not my fault.

• George : Look, it's got a coat of arms. It's a bona fide castle.

  Gracie : Oh, that's where Napoleon came from.

  George : Napoleon?

  Gracie : Yeah, Napoleon Bona-fide.

• Gracie : Oh, George, you must lose that Brooklyn accent. You mean "oil".

  George : I mean "Earl". Oil and Earl are two different things. Your daddy doesn't go to bed oily, does he?

  Gracie : He did when he worked for the gas station.

• Keggs : Do you notice what that sign says, madam?

  [Sign reads: "Do not finger Art Objects."] 

  Gracie : "Do not finger Art"

  [giggles] 

  Gracie : Oh, I don't blame Art. If I were Art, I'd object too!

  [giggles] 

  Gracie : I don't get it.

• Keggs : I am happy to relate that his Lordship is the owner of no fewer than 15 hundred cows.

  George : Does he herd sheep?

  Gracie : Oh, George, you can't say, "Does he heard sheep?" You mean, "Does he hear sheep?" or "Has he heard sheep?" But you can't say...

  Keggs , George , Gracie : Does he heard sheep? No.

• Jerry Halliday : I can't go now. She needs me! She's in trouble.

  Gracie : Oh, Jerry, don't be so pessimistic. Maybe she'll still be in trouble when you get back.

• Albert : His Lordship! He's coming to chase you out of the place!

  Jerry Halliday : Chase me out of the place?

  Albert : Please, sir. You'd better hurry! If you don't go, he's gonna 'orsewhip ya!

  Gracie : My, my, how old-fashioned! Horsewhipping a man in this day and age, when they can run over him with an automobile. What won't they think of next?

• Reggie : I say, I'm with the lady in the car ahead.

  Gracie : My, my! You must be a magician!

  Reggie : No, but really, aren't you with the gentleman in the car ahead?

  Gracie : Oh! So I am! Well, if we're both in the car ahead, then, who can the two people be in this car?

• Gracie : Say! You're pretty!

  Reggie : You know, I was about to say the very same thing.

  Gracie : Why don't you say it? If you think you're pretty, you have as much right to say it as I have.

• George : Let's go outside. When a man is in love, he wants to be by himself with the girl he loves.

  Gracie : Yeah? Oh, Georgie, I didn't know you felt that way about me?

  George : Yes, this is so sudden.

  Gracie : Yeah!

  George : Come on.

• Gracie : She's here?

  Jerry Halliday : Who?

  Gracie : The girl who slapped you.

  Jerry Halliday : Where?

  Gracie : On the jaw.

• George : I don't like those things. I never did, and I never will. Jerry, don't get me a ticket.

  Jerry Halliday : Why not?

  George : Because I've got a weak heart.

  Gracie : Oh, don't be silly, George! If Jerry pays for the ticket, how can that affect *your* heart?

• Gracie : [singing]  What makes every Englishman, A fighter through and through? It isn't roast beef or ale, Or home or mother, It's just a little thing they, Sing to one another, Stiff upper lip, stout fella, Carry on, old bean, Chin up! Keep muddling through, Stiff upper lip, stout fella, Dash it all, I mean, Pip pip to old man trouble, And a toodle-oo too...

• Gracie : Oh, you're still alive, huh?

  Jerry Halliday : Alive? I've just begun to live.

  George : You've just begun to live?

  Jerry Halliday : Why, I've just begun to live.

  Gracie : Oh, he's just begun to live.

  Jerry Halliday : [singing]  Oh, I've just begun to live

  Gracie , George , Jerry Halliday : I've just begun to live,

  Jerry Halliday : Yes!

  Gracie , George , Jerry Halliday : I've just begun to live, I've just begun to live Oh, I've just begun to live, I've just begun to live!

  [tap dancing] 

• Gracie : [singing]  Stiff upper lip, stout fella, When you're in the stew, Sober or blotto, this is your motto, Keep muddling through...

• George : Gracie, we're guests.

  Gracie : Oh, that's all right. So are we.