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Peopletoys (1974)
6/10
Not worth the infamy it has cultivated over the years, but definitely worth 88 minutes of your time
26 April 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Neither as appalling nor effective as its status among grindhouse aficionados might suggest, Devil Times Five is actually far too clunky to be frightening and far too silly to be offensive. The film's entire approach is ostensibly built on the idea that polite audiences will be automatically horrified to see children gleefully perpetuating wicked deeds, but this is a flimsy concept at best; anyone who has ever been around a toddler throwing a tantrum already knows that kids can turn into monsters at a moment's notice. Any shock value inherent in the concept wears off rather quickly, so what the movie really boils down to is one nastily gruesome kill scene and a macabre coda that provides a too-brief taste of the genuinely unnerving ambiance which is woefully absent for the rest of this otherwise inane caper.

The story tracks five disturbed youngsters who improbably survive the wreck of a bus that is shuttling them up into the snow-entombed mountains for no evident reason. Their exodus leads them to the opulent abode of a wealthy businessman who is hosting a group of nebulously-related family members and colleagues for a weekend getaway. The adults take immediate pity on their unexpected guests despite the kids' sassy leader pointing a rifle at their faces when they first meet, but inviting the moppets to stay with them until police can be summoned to the secluded hilltop locale quickly begins yielding deadly consequences.

Most of the various murder scenes range from baffling to ridiculous, and even some of the most inspired homicides end up being memorable for the wrong reasons. The first--a ponderous slow-motion slaughter that stretches out to several minutes and features the kids wielding a medley of weapons to dispatch their hapless victim--looks like it was lifted from an entire different film, rendered in arty sepia tones and shot with oblique abstract camera angles. It's an interesting sequence, but becomes a befuddling one after subsequent comparatively mundane portions of the film are given a similar slow-motion treatment. The emphasis placed upon the introductory slaying makes little sense in the context of the rest of the movie, particularly once we learn that our pint-sized villains have likely orchestrated exploits like this before. But at least it looks kind of neat, which was probably the sole reason the editors opted to use all the tricks at their disposal to turn 10 seconds of action into 5 minutes of screen time.

If only they exercised more care with the rest of their footage. This was reportedly a problematic production, hampered by a replaced director and extensive reshoots, but surely at some point someone must have considered broaching the issue of Leif Garrett's hair, which transforms from a shoulder-length mane to a close-cropped bowl cut from scene to scene (much like a creepier and more suitable title like Peopletoys was transformed into the generic and unbefitting Devil Times Five) . Elsewhere, a few additional awkward segues testify to the film's muddled orchestration, such as the relationship between two women who get into a spirited catfight early in the movie yet interact as seemingly comfortable friends a few minutes afterwards. Later, the discovery of one corpse prompts one of our protagonists to conclude, "don't tell anybody about this," upon which the film immediately cuts to a scene of people being told about it.

The adult characters spend most of the movie bickering with each other, and since they're largely clueless about anything else going on around them, there isn't a whole lot of suspense as they're systematically dispatched by their youngling assassins. They're also far too eager to accept anything the kids present to them, even when the explanation provided for one of the killings is that the dead man somehow managed to accidently cleave himself in the back with an axe (don't you hate it when that happens?). A pre-pubescent girl in the ruinous troupe is in the habit (ha!) of draping blankets over her head to simulate a nun's garb, and rather than being unsettled by this bizarre affectation, the grown-ups address her as "sister" every time they speak to her instead (when she helps with the post-supper cleanup, the property's mentally-challenged handyman delivers perhaps the best line in the movie: "I've never washed dishes with a nun before"). In short, these aren't particularly savvy victims, so caring what happens to them becomes increasingly difficult as the action wears on.

The most memorable effect in the film is the oft-referenced piranhas-in-the-bathtub sequence, which is indeed a grisly piece of work. However, even this eminent tableau is imbued with the same head-scratching absurdity that populates most of the story; since the owner of these lethal fish is sitting directly beside their tank for the duration of the murder, good luck trying to figure out how the kids managed to procure the predators to accomplish their fiendish plot. Ditto with the spiked harness that allows one of the vicious tots to swing down from the ceiling to impale another victim, and the complex series of calculations which leads the group to strategically place hidden bear traps in a configuration that perfectly ensnares each of their prey's limbs simultaneously when he falls upon the snow.

Rest assured, this is a really stupid movie. However, it's certainly not entirely lousy, and its handful of stronger moments make Devil Times Five worth a quick look for committed genre fans. Despite its unsavory reputation, this is a relatively tame excursion compared to the more disturbing grindhouse offerings of its era, so lowering your expectations will probably heighten your reward. Besides, the goofy music and mirthful demeanor of the killer kiddies seem to indicate that this flick isn't really meant to be taken seriously. Which is a good thing, because it's pretty hard to.
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