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5/10
Eh?!
7 July 2005
Warning: Spoilers
If you want a Bond film that's crammed with 1970s cheese, look no further than "The Man With The Golden Gun", because this is the polar opposite of the dark and intriguing "Licence to Kill". Bond films, with the possible exception of "Licence", have never been known for their plausibility, but this one seems almost cartoonish. Bond (Roger Moore) is assigned to track down a critical part for a solar power device; at the same time, he suspects that Scaramanga (Christopher Lee), an infamous assassin with deadly aim who possesses a three-piece golden pistol and charges one million dollars per target, is after him.

The late Hervé Villechaize (of "Fantasy Island" fame) plays Nick Nack, Scaramanga's diminutive henchman, who is almost impossible to take seriously as an insidious dwarf and takes any and all drama out of the movie's last scene. Meanwhile, Britt Ekland is Mary Goodnight, quite possibly one of the most unattractive and unappealing Bond girls of all next to "Die Another Day"'s Halle Berry. And Sergeant J.W. Pepper (Clifton James) returns for more hijinks during Bond's investigation in Asia.

How cheesy is "Golden Gun"? Let me count the ways. The title theme, sung by Lulu ("To Sir With Love"), is pretty campy and resembles sort of an advertisement for Scaramanga's services ("If you want to get rid of someone/The man with the golden gun/Will get it done..."). Bond remarks in M's office with nigh-absolute seriousness that Scaramanga's most distinguishing characteristic is an oblique third nipple. (Don't ask me.) The interior of Scaramanga's island hideout resembles a sort of carnival fun house from hell, and Nick Nack's running commentary doesn't help. While in pursuit of Scaramanga, Bond gets his car to perform a spiraling jump across a broken bridge (apparently the first computer-calculated movie stunt) that looks fairly cool but is defiled by a stupid "boi-oi-oing" sound effect. And Scaramanga makes an escape in a car that flies around like an airplane. I kid you not.

Perhaps the only saving grace of the film is Lee's performance as the title role. From horror films to "Lord of the Rings" to "Star Wars" and everything else in between, the guy definitely knows how to act and addsdramatic tension to what otherwise threatens to be a train wreck of a motion picture. "Golden Gun" isn't a bad way to spend a couple of hours, but there are several Bond films I'd rather watch in its stead.
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