I just sat through what can only be described as an intergalactic waste of time, "First Contact" from 2023. Here's a satirical look at this sci-fi horror flick that made me question humanity's search for alien life - why bother if this is what we come up with?
The Plot: If you're into watching paint dry with the occasional alien growl, then you're in luck. "First Contact" promises a tale of estranged siblings uncovering their father's dangerous research, but delivers a plot that's as engaging as reading the terms and conditions of a software update. The complexity of the storyline is akin to trying to solve a Rubik's Cube made entirely of one color.
Acting: The acting in this film is the kind that makes you appreciate the silent movie era. The protagonists deliver their lines with the enthusiasm of someone reading a grocery list. It's like watching a school play where everyone forgot their lines but decided to wing it anyway. The standout performance is the alien entity, which, spoiler alert, might be the only one with any real character development, probably because it was CGI and didn't have to memorize lines.
Direction: The director must have been channeling the spirit of Ed Wood, because the direction in this film is a masterclass in what not to do. The pacing was so slow; it felt like the film was trying to kill time before the next commercial break on a Sunday afternoon. The horror elements were about as scary as a kitten wearing a paper bag on its head.
Production Quality: With a budget that probably couldn't buy you a decent cup of coffee in Hollywood, "First Contact" shows. The special effects are reminiscent of those puppet shows where the string pulling is all too clear. The set design would make you believe they filmed this in someone's basement, with props from a discount toy store.
If you're a fan of so-bad-it's-good cinema, "First Contact" might just be your new favorite. Otherwise, consider this your warning to avoid at all costs unless you're looking for a sleep aid that doesn't involve counting sheep.
