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I just sat through what can only be described as an intergalactic waste of time, "First Contact" from 2023. Here's a satirical look at this sci-fi horror flick that made me question humanity's search for alien life - why bother if this is what we come up with?
The Plot: If you're into watching paint dry with the occasional alien growl, then you're in luck. "First Contact" promises a tale of estranged siblings uncovering their father's dangerous research, but delivers a plot that's as engaging as reading the terms and conditions of a software update. The complexity of the storyline is akin to trying to solve a Rubik's Cube made entirely of one color.
Acting: The acting in this film is the kind that makes you appreciate the silent movie era. The protagonists deliver their lines with the enthusiasm of someone reading a grocery list. It's like watching a school play where everyone forgot their lines but decided to wing it anyway. The standout performance is the alien entity, which, spoiler alert, might be the only one with any real character development, probably because it was CGI and didn't have to memorize lines.
Direction: The director must have been channeling the spirit of Ed Wood, because the direction in this film is a masterclass in what not to do. The pacing was so slow; it felt like the film was trying to kill time before the next commercial break on a Sunday afternoon. The horror elements were about as scary as a kitten wearing a paper bag on its head.
Production Quality: With a budget that probably couldn't buy you a decent cup of coffee in Hollywood, "First Contact" shows. The special effects are reminiscent of those puppet shows where the string pulling is all too clear. The set design would make you believe they filmed this in someone's basement, with props from a discount toy store.
If you're a fan of so-bad-it's-good cinema, "First Contact" might just be your new favorite. Otherwise, consider this your warning to avoid at all costs unless you're looking for a sleep aid that doesn't involve counting sheep.
The Plot: If you're into watching paint dry with the occasional alien growl, then you're in luck. "First Contact" promises a tale of estranged siblings uncovering their father's dangerous research, but delivers a plot that's as engaging as reading the terms and conditions of a software update. The complexity of the storyline is akin to trying to solve a Rubik's Cube made entirely of one color.
Acting: The acting in this film is the kind that makes you appreciate the silent movie era. The protagonists deliver their lines with the enthusiasm of someone reading a grocery list. It's like watching a school play where everyone forgot their lines but decided to wing it anyway. The standout performance is the alien entity, which, spoiler alert, might be the only one with any real character development, probably because it was CGI and didn't have to memorize lines.
Direction: The director must have been channeling the spirit of Ed Wood, because the direction in this film is a masterclass in what not to do. The pacing was so slow; it felt like the film was trying to kill time before the next commercial break on a Sunday afternoon. The horror elements were about as scary as a kitten wearing a paper bag on its head.
Production Quality: With a budget that probably couldn't buy you a decent cup of coffee in Hollywood, "First Contact" shows. The special effects are reminiscent of those puppet shows where the string pulling is all too clear. The set design would make you believe they filmed this in someone's basement, with props from a discount toy store.
If you're a fan of so-bad-it's-good cinema, "First Contact" might just be your new favorite. Otherwise, consider this your warning to avoid at all costs unless you're looking for a sleep aid that doesn't involve counting sheep.
M. Night Shyamalan has given us some memorable films like "Signs," "The Sixth Sense," "The Village," and even the series "Servant," where the buildup often leads to a satisfying or thought-provoking climax. However, "TRAP" feels more akin to "The Happening" - a film with an intriguing premise that fails to deliver on its promise.
The movie begins with the usual Shyamalan charm and mystery, but quickly descends into a series of mundane activities performed by a father, whose actions seem out of touch with reality, leading to immediate plot questions. Unlike Shyamalan's better works, "TRAP" lacks the pivotal twists or the edge-of-your-seat suspense reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's techniques.
The anticipation built in the first act dissipates into a slow, uninspired narrative where nothing much happens. There's no big revelation or action sequence to justify the initial setup. What we get instead is a film that feels like it's treading water, with characters going through motions without advancing the story or deepening the plot.
If you're hoping for the tension, the unexpected turns, or even the slower, more deliberate horror of Shyamalan's past successes, you'll be disappointed. "TRAP" misses the mark, leaving viewers wishing for either more action or a stronger, more gripping plot twist.
The movie begins with the usual Shyamalan charm and mystery, but quickly descends into a series of mundane activities performed by a father, whose actions seem out of touch with reality, leading to immediate plot questions. Unlike Shyamalan's better works, "TRAP" lacks the pivotal twists or the edge-of-your-seat suspense reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's techniques.
The anticipation built in the first act dissipates into a slow, uninspired narrative where nothing much happens. There's no big revelation or action sequence to justify the initial setup. What we get instead is a film that feels like it's treading water, with characters going through motions without advancing the story or deepening the plot.
If you're hoping for the tension, the unexpected turns, or even the slower, more deliberate horror of Shyamalan's past successes, you'll be disappointed. "TRAP" misses the mark, leaving viewers wishing for either more action or a stronger, more gripping plot twist.
If you're gearing up for an action-packed, high-stakes war movie, ATLAS may not be the thrill ride you're hoping for. The film, headlined by the ever-glamorous Jennifer Lopez, promises a futuristic AI vs. Humanity showdown but ultimately feels like a mismatch of casting and concept.
Let's be real-JLo has wowed us in rom-coms and dramas, but in this gritty military sci-fi flick, her character's constant whining, crying, and struggle to rise to the occasion leaves much to be desired. The movie wants us to root for her as she stumbles through war zones, making us wonder why she's even there. Yes, the current "woke" push to show women in all roles is clear here, but watching Lopez's character grapple with weapons, strategy, and high-tech AI combat only amplifies her lack of fit for the role.
We're told from the start that AI has become the enemy, but the idea that an entire special forces unit is powerless against it feels implausible. Instead of watching seasoned soldiers tackle the problem, the film puts Lopez front and center, giving us more melodrama than military might. Sure, she's eventually crowned the hero, but by then, you're exhausted from all the tears and emotional breakdowns.
If you're looking for realism, strong performances, or a gripping sci-fi plot, ATLAS is not it. The special effects are cool, but the story is predictable, and the constant emotional outbursts detract from the action. At best, it's a misguided attempt at a "girl power" narrative, but at worst, it's a painful two-hour reminder that some genres just aren't for everyone.
Save your time, and maybe rewatch The Terminator instead if you're craving a solid AI-versus-humanity battle.
Let's be real-JLo has wowed us in rom-coms and dramas, but in this gritty military sci-fi flick, her character's constant whining, crying, and struggle to rise to the occasion leaves much to be desired. The movie wants us to root for her as she stumbles through war zones, making us wonder why she's even there. Yes, the current "woke" push to show women in all roles is clear here, but watching Lopez's character grapple with weapons, strategy, and high-tech AI combat only amplifies her lack of fit for the role.
We're told from the start that AI has become the enemy, but the idea that an entire special forces unit is powerless against it feels implausible. Instead of watching seasoned soldiers tackle the problem, the film puts Lopez front and center, giving us more melodrama than military might. Sure, she's eventually crowned the hero, but by then, you're exhausted from all the tears and emotional breakdowns.
If you're looking for realism, strong performances, or a gripping sci-fi plot, ATLAS is not it. The special effects are cool, but the story is predictable, and the constant emotional outbursts detract from the action. At best, it's a misguided attempt at a "girl power" narrative, but at worst, it's a painful two-hour reminder that some genres just aren't for everyone.
Save your time, and maybe rewatch The Terminator instead if you're craving a solid AI-versus-humanity battle.