Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

Recipe for Ice Coffee:
1: Make Coffee
2: Start coding
3: Forget you made Coffee
4: Drink it cold

Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

Girl: we need to talk!

Me: Ok...

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

Tips for people new to programming

1. Start counting from zero
2. Trees are upside down, root's probably at the top
3. Warnings are usual, go rogue!

What more? 😂

If any programmer tells you that you are number 1 on his life, don't trust him.. most of us start counting from zero. haha

1. Start working in company that is celebrating something the same day you start new job.
2. Make sure they invite you.
3. Get drunk hard before event.
4. Puke on a CEO during his opening speech.

Mission accomplished you’re now a legend.

Was letting my five year old cousin play on my laptop today. She was writing numbers in notepad, and after typing '123', she erased them because she wanted to start over from 0 instead.

Later she started typing 1 and 0 repeatedly in random sequence.

She may be a robot. Either way, I sense a bright future ahead for her.

1. Go to office!
2. Make coffee!!
3. Start computer.
4. Get to wo.."Windows must restart in order to install some updates".
4. 3 hours later => "Working on updates 68% n/ Don't turn off your PC. This will take a while."
4. Fuck this, I'm going home.

I miss Linux...

Boss: Can you do Task#1?
Me: Ok *start coding, building..

*15 minutes later

Boss: Hey, that client need some fixes and it's urgent, please do Task#2
Me: sure, *switch to the new task

*30 minutes later

Boss: anything new about Task#1, I told you to do it almost one hour ago..
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot my other 3 hands at home..

Boss: what?..
Me: Because those fuckening two hands are working on Task#2, which is urgent as you said..

Boss: *walks away..

Decided to learn language.
Chose language Lua.
Arrays start at 1.
FML

An average day:

1. Start working on feature
2. Finish feature
3. Feature doesn't work
4. Spend 7 hours refactoring and fixing imaginary bugs
5. Add the 3 characters that were missing
6. Laugh and cry, laugh and cry...

Okay, so get this..

1. I made a hacking simulator in Python2.7
2. I am relatively 6-8k lines in, ready to release EA ALPHA-1.0.0
3. I try to do a test build, and am flooded with errors.
4. I do research into the errors, and apparentally I coded my game in a way that makes it imposible to compile, and have to start over
5. Rages, Crys, and downloads this app.

I feel for this family.

1. Have idea
2. Write down features that thing should have
3. Make a wireframe design
4. Write down possible names for it
5. Open GitHub-Repo
6. Never start coding it
7. Cry

ALL JS TUTORIALS SHOULD EXPIRE AUTOMATICALLY AFTER 1 YEAR AND DISAPPEAR FROM THE INTERNET FOREVER!!!!!

jeez every tutorial i start i realize is no longer relevant code after the npm install step!!
}:-(

Recipe of cold coffee.
Step 1: Make Coffee
Step 2: Start Coding
Step 3: Forget you made Coffee
Step 4: Drink it Cold

Don't say thank you I understand!

She probably thinks arrays start at 1. But that's none of my business.

Colleague: I really wish array index in all languages would start from 1. If I ever write a language the index will start from 1.

Me:

My prof suggested me to use matlab instead of Python for my project.

So I started learning and found out that in matlab ARRAYS START FROM 1.

Wtf!

I am going back to python

Incompetent doesn't even start to describe this one:

1. Uses Google drive instead of an online repository for code sharing
2. Uses multiple files instead of version control
3. Preferred variable names like a, a1, b, temp
4. Didn't like "wasting" space. The result was unreadable unindented code
5. Would rather use deprecated HTML tags rather than proper CSS styling

He was more like the personification of bad coding practices

!rant

I had to stop developing hybrid android applications with Ionic and start developing native.. I was given 1 week to present an app or they would hire an external developer.. I knew nothing about Java or Android development and in 4 days I already have a working, hardware scanner integrated, API calling, camera picture taking,.. Application! My brain hurts and I'm feeling like a zombie, but hey.. I'm proud of myself! :D

There are two types of people :
1. People who do backup
2. People who will start doing backup

Yesterday I advanced from type 2 to type 1 :-/

How to start coding (for fucktards)

1: Choose desired programming language like python or java

2: Search on youtube or google: "<language> tutorial beginner"

3: if step 2 was to hard for you...
STOP learning how to program, you are hopeless

4: Instead of asking everyone on how to learn programming, just fucking DO IT already!

Seriously, if you don't even know how to use google and youtube to educate yourself programming is NOT FOR YOU!

>be me
>graduate
>find job with a start-up
>offer me 1% share as signup bonus
>why the hell not
>make 50 dollars/hour
>lowkey they didn't give me any real work
>only had to write some simple ass JS functions for the website
>asked boss to work from home
>he accepted
>tfw i get paid to play games, watch tv shows and write the occasional shitty ass piece of code for 50 dollars/hour
>that's about 1 AAA game/hour

Stay in school. Get your degree, kids.

There are two things about arrays that sometimes confuse me:

[0]: They start at zero
[1]: They end at one less than the length

need a good idea for app or game? follow this quick guide.

1. prepare a notebook.
2. prepare a pen.
3. go to toilet.
4. start writing the ideas.
5. make millions.

Kind of sad but true.
1) "If you don't love your job, take a home loan".
You will start loving it.

2) Take another loan, you will start loving your boss as well.

3) Get married. You will start loving your office too.

Source: LinkedIn

But can't stop anyone from ranting. :/

Best computer/hacking/tech TV and movies?

I'll start the list with some of my favorites.

1. Hackers
2. The Net
3. Jumpin Jack Flash
4. Antitrust
5. Swordfish
6. Wargames
7. Mr Robot

Anyone else?

I'll start my own series on hacking.

BECOME A HACKER WITH 4 SIMPLE STEPS!!!!!1!

#1 Open cmd

#2 Enter hackermode
Type "color 0a"

#3 write a Hackerscript
Type "%0 | %0"
Step 3 is a bit risky and may fail. Reboot and repeat until you understand why it failed

#4 Realize that the internet is scary place and that you can't trust anyone.

LUA ARRAYS START AT 1.

I HATE MY LIFE.

How to talk as a dev to a dev:
1.) Talk normally
2.) Start shouting
3.) Slow down but say it more aggressively
4.) Realise you made a mistake and/or misunderstood something
5.) Explain why it's not your fault
6.) Explain why it's someone elses fault
7.) Repeat

How to be a Dev:

Step 1: have a great idea
Step 2: start work on great idea
Step 3: read a blog about someone who also has a great idea and finishes it quicker than you prototype it
Step 4: check back daily and see them gloat about how much money, fame and shit they got from said idea
Step 4: rant about it on Dev rant to vent anger

Me everyday:
1- Get excited to start coding
2- Start coding
3- Run code
4- Bug found
5- Start debugging
6- Start feeling frustrating
7- Start questioning myself about career
8- Start hating life
9- Start banging head against the wall
10- Start looking for a different job
11- Oh shit! It was a typo
12- Go back to number 1

Wikihow: how to start programming.

1: install devRant
2: register for stackOverflow
3: add Quora to you blacklist
4: learn programming!

How to make a cold cup of coffee:-

1-make a normal cup of coffee
2-start coding
3-after coding you'll forget that you made coffee
4-drink it cold
5-feel bad for not drinking it while it's hot

Being perfectionist

1. Fix a bug with ugly code.

2. Start from scratch.

-Let's start making the game!
-Yaay
-We should focus on performance optimization!
-But we don't have anything to optimize yet..
-Performance optimization!!!

1 month later

-OK you were right, we can't focus on performance now. We need to start making this game!
-Finally!
-So we're in pre-production now, let's do some R&D!
-Awesome, I wanted to start designing our workflow for adding new content, and maybe also loca..
-NO! That's unimportant! We must do R&D!
-OK what should we Arr-and-Dee?
-Performance optimization!!!

Saturday plan: serious switch to Linux.
1. Installs Fedora, lookin nice.
2. Let's update it, fails to boot.
3. Nouveau driver fails, lets install proprietary one.
4. dnf install dependencies, repo returns 503
5. Be stuck on a 640x480 bash.
6. Boot windows, start overwatch.

Chuck Peddle Dies at 82 (December 15, 2019); His $25 Chip Helped Start the PC Age.
His Chip brought digital technology to a new breed of consumer devices and powered early Apple and Commodore computers. 6502 microprocessor; KIM-1 SBC; Commodore PET PC are the notable works.

Idealistic goals:
1. Learn python
2. Start a project and see it through

Realistic goals:
1. Learn how to initialize variables in python
2. Make plans for 2019

what i did today:

1. start a computer
2. start a xampp server
3. open text editor
4. open bug list
5. realize that i cant do a single thing.
6. steam game invitation shows up (i think it's ok just one game)
7. realize that i spent 10 fcking game
8. tried to fix the bug
9. i failed
10. i do another game
11. and it's time to go home
12. i feel guilty

Lemme start a new era....

ARRAYS START AT TWO

What a great start to 2019 for me.

Uncles and aunties who don't understand a thing about development critiquing my work and offering their advises and vast wisdom based on their 1 second knowledge.

I almost turned to a psychopath.

Lol.

1.) Start a small business
2.) Complete my game
3.) Graduate
4.) Get a good University for Masters

I go to college online and I was really excited to start my classes for my major as I finally wrapped up general ed classes. This is a week 1 assignment for Introduction to Computer Science....

Worst disturbance while working?

Putting headphones on for 1 minute. and colleges start waving and asking stuff every 10 minutes.

and when you do not respond, the more waving intensify and whistling and when you take off your headphones..

They ask:
What do you think of the weather today?

When gradle builds for over 1 hour and you start thinking how life would have been much easier if you were a panda.

Coding Guide:
wanna start coding?
it's very simple, just follow this steps!

1. prepare a notebook and pen.

2. choose a programming language you would like to learn.

3. find a nice site for study it, SoloLearn is a very good site, you can ask me in the comments for more.

4. start copying every code block and summary to the notebook.

5. don't worry about not understanding it yet.

6. finish copying at last 5 subjects.

7. start the course again, and follow the notebook.

8. do it few times, your mind will remember it.

now the hard part!
good job, you remember the basic, but don't know how to use it? well 1 more guide for it.

1. prepare a notebook and pen.

2. now, it's your time to teaching it!

3. try to explain the code in your words or language.

4. after few times your mind will remember all the necessary things about coding.

5. start to make little apps or even games.

enjoy =D
of course you need to coding every day for 1 hour+-

1. Get a glass of water.
2. Start coding.
3. Solve a problem.
3. Get up and go get another glass of water.
4. Now you have two glasses of water.

First thing every developer should do when buying a new computer is to download chrome using the built in downloader
1. Just click on start menu
2. Search for "chrome downloader"
3. Click on the downloader icon
4. From here it should be easy :)

My plan:
1. Draw the logo in paper with black marker
2. Scan with the infamous printer
3. Load in GIMP
4. Edit some parts
5. Put some colors
6. Print or save as image file
7. Use everywhere

As I start to do step 2, I noticed something VERY wrong.

FML

My 1 year old waddled her way to where I am sitting to my computer and gives me this. I start a new job this Monday and have been really nervous, I always get nervous when I start a new job. Guess who is going to be sitting with me at my office this monday? :)

1. Put headphones
2. Put videogame OST (Chrono Trigger is the best)
3. Start Atom
4. Sacrifice a male virgin to my Code Muse to replenish her mana stock
5. Jerk off seeing a fat granny midget porn
6. Clorophorm and put my coworker to sleep so he doesn't interrupt me to show the FailArm best fails of 2016
7. Atom is still loading, so I curse all the GitHub fuckers
8. Give up and start my emulator to play Chrono Trigger
9. Receive a pull request and realise I need to work and be a productive member of society
10. Goto 1

Saw time in a digital clock (HH:MM) [05:14] thought I should take a 1 minute break and decided to start at 05:15.

2 seconds later its 05:15......fuuuuuuuuuuuu

1. Start programming to solve a beautiful problem.
2. Setting up my IDE.
3. Creating nem project.
4. Start coding, but dig into first little problem.
5. After 10 hours give up.

When migrating from MySQL server to MariaDB and having a query start returning a completely different result set then what was expected purely because MariaDB corrected a bug with sub selects being sorted.

It took several days to identify all that was needed on that sub select was “limit 1” to get that thing to return the correct data, felt like an idiot for only having to do 7 character commit 😆

Reciepe for cold coffee:
1. Make Coffee
2. Start Coding
3. Forget you made coffee
4. Drink it cold

Template for every Silicon Valley episode be like:

1. Start solving problem from previous episode.
2. Creating some shit that solves the problem.
3. Initialize new problem.

Damn it. I'm still hooked!!

1. Mailserver is down.
2. Write a ticket to provider.
3. Can't get a reponse because of 1.
4. ?????
5. Profit
6. Scratch that. We're a start-up.

So in Swift days start counting from 1 and months start from 0. Because why not 🤷‍♂️

How does programming influence a programmers daily life?

1. We start counting from zero.

2. We observe software more than using it. What is the algorithm behind it? Which Data structure is used?

3. Greeting people with "hello world".

4. Assigning variables to people.

Me: *reading work order* Customer states Mac does not have sound

*Me turns on Mac, it makes the signature "BONNNNG" sound*

Me: Uh huh...

Coworker: Rule No. 1 of tech support: The users always lie

Me: True, but still! How do you miss the start up Mac sound?!

For fucks sake if I send you a clearly described 5 step install instructions do not start on step 3! Yes you fucking moron instructions labeled 1,2,3,4,5 should be carried out one after the other! Not in random order.

Seriously, how deranged are you that you have never ever encountered a step-by-step instruction before?!

Don't give me that "oh, should I have started with step 1 first? You weren't very clear about that. I think it is a bit too complicated."

Here are some more instructions:
1. Close your PC
2. Donate it to someone with detectable IQ level
3. Go fuck yourself
4. Please die
5. Yes, start with step 1

Pro tip of the decade found on quora:
How to beat procrastination?
Start by this :" I will start my work in 5...4...3...2...1" and just jump of the place and go to work

Steps to writing Javascript in 2018:
1. mkdir and touch necessary files.
2. install and configure babel.
35. Start configuring webpack.
900. open app.js

Non CS friend: I want to learn Hacking, and Hack Facebook.

Me: That's pretty easy, We'll start with Hacking Twitter today, then tomorrow Facebook.

F: Ya, thats ok.

Me: 1. Login into your Twitter account,
2. Open the account you want to hack,
3. Right click on the tweet, and click inspect element, and Change the tweet as you want.

F: Wowww... Man that's amazing...

*** He believed that he is a hacker for one whole day ***

I think Matlab was only invented to fuck with people. Yeah, let's start indices with 1. Oh, and set copy and paste on Ctrl+W and and Alt+Y.
You didn't save your code? Too bad, the network went down and I lost the license.

Here's how I imagine my bad start on a new job would be:

1. Being introverted
2. Being introverted
3. Being introverted

Yep, I'm awkward most of the times in most social interactions irl outside of my friend circle.

Step 1: start programming from a young age
Step 2: dedicate years to college
Step 3: get a job in a big, respected company
Step 4: do menial tasks that have nothing to do with your educat- wait, what

Whoever decided that Excel Sheets start at 1 in C# doesn't deserve to have a nice chair.

I'd tend to say Matlab :
- you don't learn to write good code
- if you start by learning Matlab, you tend to be stuck in Matlab
- it's heavy and ugly and expensive
- arrays start at 1

Teaching my girlfriend how to code and she’s got to the indexes start at 0 crisis.
Just to make her feel better, anyone else remember their indexes start at 0 crisis? 😅

So far the convo is “why does count start at 1 and index start at 0?!? Developers can’t fucking count”

Scenario 1:
Me: *cover both ears with headphones, start listening to vicious metal, look angry, busy and determined*
Co-workers: "Oh hey! I need to understand ____"
Me: "Fuuuuu..."

Scenario 2:
Me: *place headphones on one ear, listen to gentle, approachable music at low volume with smile on face*
Co-workers: *crickets for hours*
Me: Fucking seriously? *commence Scenario 1*

1)Get Project/idea
2)Look for the most suitable tech
3)Draw out all the functionality
4)Break into milestones
5)git init
6) git commit
7) Start
8) Test
9) Complete
10) Feel like a King

Arrays start from 0... 1?

Morning Ritual

1. Start all devices 
2. Check headset status 
3. Check emails 
4. COFFEE <3 
5. First call... 
6. 20 annoying minutes of two people talk to each other without a result 
7. COFFEE <3 ... cold

Long time ago, back in a day of Microsoft Office 95 and 97, I was contracted to integrate a simple API for a payment service provider.

They've sent me the spec, I read it, it was simple enough: 1. payment OK, 2. payment FAILED. Few hours later the test environment was up and happy crediting and debiting fake accounts. Then came the push to prod.

I worked with two other guys, we shut down the servers, made a backup, connected new provider. All looked perfectly fine. First customers were paying, first shops were sending their products... Until two days later it turned out the money isn't coming through even though all we are getting from the API is "1" after "1"! I shut it off. We had 7 conference calls, 2 meetings, 3 days of trying and failing. Finally, by a mere luck, I found out what's what.

You see, Microsoft, when you invent your own file format, it's really nice to make it consistent between versions... So that the punctuation made in Microsoft Word 97 that was supposed to start from "0" didn't start from "1" when you open the file in Microsoft Word 95.

Also, if you're a moron who edits documentation in Microsoft Word, at least export it to a fucking PDF before sending out. Please.

1 - I have this incredible software idea
2 - I start coding right away
3 - I get stuck because I don't know how to use some function and start googling
4 - I don't find a solution for the coding problem I had, but instead I find out that someone already made the brilliant software I was trying to make, with more use cases covered, better design and stuff.
5 - I remember the uncountable times this had happened before
6 - *goddammit*
7 - Think about making a tattoo that says "google it before coding it"

When defining a range, let's say from 1 to 3, I expect:

[1, 2, 3]

Yet most range functions I come across, e.g. lodash, will do:

_.range(1, 3)
=> [1, 2]

And their definition will say: "Creates an array of numbers ... progressing from start up to, but not including, end."

Yet why the fuck not including end? What don't I understand about the concept of a frigging range that you won't include the end?

The only thing I can come up with that's this is related to the array's-indexes-start with-0-thing and someone did not want to substract `-1` when preparing a for loop over an 10 items array with range(0,10), even though they do not want a range of 0 to 10, they want a range from 0 to 9. (And they should not use a for loop here to begin with but a foreach construct anyway.)

So the length of your array does not match the final index of your array.

Bohhoo.

Yet now we can have ranges with very weird steps, and now you always have to consider your proper maximum, leading to code like:

var start = 10;
var max = 50;
var step = 10;

_.range(start, max + step, step)
=> [10, 20, 30, 40, 50]

and during code review this would scream "bug!" in my face.

And it's not only lodash doing that, but also python and dart.

Except php. Php's range is inclusive. Good job php.

Tests!

Before you write a piece of code, write tests which will check that the code does what you expect. This helps you in two ways:

1. It forces you to think about and understand the purpose and aim of the code you're about to write before you start hacking away at it.

2. You know when you're finished, because the tests will pass.

TMUX. The best thing EVER.
These days I can go around with my trusty 64GB USB3.0 flash drive, boot Linux off it, and use the VT to start Tmux.
Window 0: Editing
Window 1: Build testing
Window 2: CMakeLists.txt editing
Window 3: Web (Lynx!)
Window 4: Research (Manpages and Info)
Window 5: Music (CMus!)
I can launch the whole thing with a quick script. I don't even need to open the GUI. Everything is accessible from the VT.

var date = new Date();
var month = date.getMonth();
console.log(month); // 2

who thought it would be a good idea to start the months of at 0 rather then 1

If I have a wish,
I would wished for all the programming languages in this world to have their array...

...start from -1.

My development process seems to go:

1. Write code
2. Believe that said code is amazing
3. Write more code
4. Revisit earlier code and start to doubt it's amazing-ness
5. Get frustrated that it could be done better
6. Redo 1 and repeat cycle

Seems a massive waste of time but I tend to like taking a different approach as soon as I find I'm getting stuck with the previous one.

I then get encouraged to take the quick/easy approach which seems like a backwards step and not worthwhile because I know it won't be as fast/efficient.

How to start fights with coworkers #1:
"GitKraken is better than Sourcetree"

R is the worst language.

* Indices start at 1, so you have to fix all your calculations by either +1 oder -1. It sucks

* Vectors and Lists are both neither vectors nor lists

* Data frames dont have a proper api. Simple operations like add or remove are a pain.

* The naming „conventions“ suck. Why on earth would add dots in your identifiers? You never know if its an object, a value, a function.

* The namespace is cluttered. If you import two libraries that deal with the same problem domain, it is likely that they define functions with clashing names that will overwrite each other defined on import.

Goals for 2018:
0. Finish some side projects
1. Take python skills to the next level
2. Start a new bigger project.
3. Dive into machine learning

I slowly start to believe I'm an apple fanboy, buy everything!!1

Step 1 - Start with socket.io in NodeJS to create chat extension for browsers
Step 2 - Let's authenticate the users
Step 3 - Cry

The debugging loop for Minecraft Spigot plugins on a 4GB RAM laptop:
1. Start Eclipse - 1'
2. Edit code.
3. Build plugins - 2'
4. Close Eclipse to make RAM room for Minecraft.
5. Upload plugins to server with FTP - 1'
6. Start server and launch Minecraft - 2'
7. Enter the server.
8. Find bugs.
9. Stop the server, close Minecraft.
[Go back to 1.]

1. Learn Kotlin
2. Actually sit down and push through machine learning.
3. Finish integral calculus and start multivariable calc.
4. Work on 1 project until completion.
5. Socialize a bit more.
6. Obliterate bugs.

How to make an ice tea:-
1. Make tea.
2. Start coding.
3. Forget about it.
4. Now after coding check your tea.
5. You have your ice tea ready.

My dev Golas for 2019:

1. Control the chaos in the startup.
2. Go on trip or trekking
3. Lose at least 10 kg. (currently 83 kg)
4. Start waking up before 9 o clock
5. Help maintain a open-source library.
6. Make a open-source library.

Step 1: create genius-level Excel spreadsheet
Step 2: wait 7-10 days
Step 3: realise you're an idiot for not documenting what all your genius code does so it will take just as long to unpick it as to start from scratch
Step 4: complain on devrant even though it's your own fault
:(

Just had a great convo with my friend who thinks arrays start at 1. My day's going great.

1. Project start: requirement gathering
2. Create workflows and prototypes
3. Customer confirms the workflow and prototypes
4. Develop the system
5. Initial feedback : customer is happy
6. Testing and deployment
7. Customer changes the requirement to something completely different and says you just need to click a button to implement the changes

Wtf!!!!!!!

So it's 23h30 last night and I've turned on the projector to watch the last episode of Mr Robot.
As I start the episode, I receive an email on my phone telling me that some important Azure webjob is throwing exceptions...
Fuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk
1 hour later it was fixed, and I watched my episode. Win!

me: *procrastinates till 1:00

me: *feels sleepy. *grabs coffee. okay im gonna start working after i take a sip.

me: *takes sip. *opens devrant.

im still not working btw

Normal people
ARRAYS START AT 0
No! ARRAYS START AT 1

Meanwhile,
Me: Arrays Start at NULL

1 on 1 meetings with manager throughout the year

Manager: You're doing really well! Keep it up!
Me: Cool, thanks!

1 on 1 meetings with my manager a month or two ago

Manager: You're still killing it! I'd really like to see you challenge the status quo since you're the newest on the team. I think we could benefit from fresh perspective.
Me: Ok, cool, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable so I'll do that.
Me: *starts challenging process, team structure, and company norms in meetings*
Manager: *confused pikachu face*

1 on 1 meetings now, right before performance management

Manager: I really need you to start picking up more important work. You're not performing well relative to others at your level, and I won't be able to represent you well during performance management.
Me: 😐

Oh booy...

Once i worked with a classmate
Explaining to him what he has to WRITE IN THE CODE to do it. So i was dictating him...
On the start i told him "now write an int called num1 and then of course end with semicolon"
To which he replied"whats is int and semicolon"
I didnt hang up but if you want to see the sequence +1 the rant

The first two stories on slashdot's homepage are:
1. Google releases Angular 2, breaks backwards compatibility
2. Apple releases Swift 3, breaks backwards compatibility

If you use either of those tools, why do you put up with this? When did software engineering stop being about building useful or enjoyable things for our customers, and start being about doing thankless make-work for Silicon Valley billionaire companies? Is this the legacy we want to leave to the world?

A new mathematical constant was discovered recently: Bruce's constant

I took some code from the paper and adapted it in python.

def bruce(n):
J = log(n, 1.333333333333333) / log(n, 2)
K = log(n, 1.333333333333333) / log(n, 3)
return ((J+K)-e)+1

gives e everytime for ((J+K)-bruce)+1, regardless of the value of n.

bruce can always be aproximated with the decimal 4.5, telling you how close n can be used to aproximate e (usually to two digits).

Bruce's constant is equal to 4.5099806905005

It is named after that famous mathematician, bruce lee.

You'll start with four limbs and end up with two in a wheelchair!

How I solve complex problem during development.

1. I left my machine with all the thinking and start to think of another activity.

2. Start another activity I like specially a physical one like playing a game, jogging or just walking.

3. Then after I am fully involved with this activity I start to think of different scenarios of the problem I was trying to solve.

4. Eventually, different solutions came to my mind and I evaluate them one by one with respect to my problem.

5. I finalize a couple of solutions based on the evaluations.

6. Rush to my machine and start implementation to see if it work.

PS: During all these thinking I will be terrible at the activity I am doing.
Loop again if It didn't workout.

Discovering Julia:

"Wow! It is awesome! It's like a Python but fast, function composition is so useful..."

Then you realize that arrays start at 1:

"WHAT THE F! WHY?!"

Is anyone else really bothered but he fact the indecies start at 1 and not 0 in R

Bitch plz, in Argentina arrays start at two.

There is no platform 0 neither platform 1 in any station

+1 if you think devRant should start sending notifications like "congrats on your 300 +1 rant. claim your swag"

Unreal Engine SDLC:
1. Start Epic
2. Wait
3. Start Unity
4. Wait
5. Open Project
6. Wait
7. Wait more
8. a bit longer...
9. (it usually crashes here, or freezes, in which case go to 1)
10. Game opened, make modifications in C++ codes
11. Wait VS to load
12. Wait VS to parse all the file in solution
13. Make changes
14. Compile
15. Run from Unreal
16. (sometimes, go to 9)
17. Goto 9
18. 9
19. Goto 9
20. Congrats on finishing the game, and losing your patience

when you start machine learning on you laptop, and want to it take to next level, then you realize that the data set is even bigger that your current hard-disk's size. fuuuuuucccckkk😲😲
P. S. even metadata csv file was 500 mb. Took at least 1 min to open it. 😭😧

Fuck, they updated the internal move policy in my company from 1 year 9 months to move to another team to be at least in the same team for 2 years.

I hope I can find a way to gtfo faster because I am honestly so tired of this shit, the tasks are getting too repetitive, my boss is useless, spends her time shopping instead of working and being stuck with a bunch of juniors means you only have the internet to learn something new.

I really want to start delving more into PAAS and start working with docker and kubernetes. Oh well, guess we'll have to wait and see.

Oh when did devRant start saying ++ instead of +1 in the system notifications? The notifs tab still says +1 though.

Historically I've done Java but have recently moved to C# and got the book to do a cert.

Who thought it would be a good idea to start chapter 1 with threads, concurrency, asynchronous calls and PLINQ, then covering boolean expressions, if statements and loops in the section after??

Personally i think all arrays should start at -1

Read 1/5 of the requirements and then fire up VS and start coding.

I was being interviewed by a start-up company and one of the founders came in the room, said hello, put up his feet on the table and said "So what can you do for us?" 😐

1 year later (last week) I get an email saying that the company will disband because of bankruptcy. I smiled.

So, I finally got a bicycle today. Time to start working on my health...

Am I the only one who's daily regime was:
1 - Go to work, sit around for 8 to 9 hours
2 - Come home, sit around for 8 to 9 hours
3 - Sleep for 8 hours
Goto 1?

I was surprised how the bikes these days are so incredibly light. I could lift it and keep it up no problem!

Today I don't have much of work. Should I :
1. Start reading about Machine Learning
2. Read and understand Rust( is it being used actively and does it have scope? )
3. Check out some new imnew-tryme.js framework.
4. Crib about my ex dating someone else.

Project deadline = 7 days

Day 0: start coding
Day 1: few bugs and crashes
Day 2: fixed those bugs project is 30% done
Day 3: ok I have time... sleep
Day 4: sleep
Day 5: sleep
Day 6: 48h coding to finish the project on time.

I just found something cool on accident.

Assuming you start the fibonacci sequence on 2, you can find any of the fibonacci numbers for a given index with a simple trick:

Let Phi = 1.618
Let your index n = n+1

Floor(phi**(n+1+0.328))+1 = the fibonacci number at index n in the sequence.

This probably breaks down past some point but its nifty.

OMG, R programming language's index starts from 1.... #SHOCKED

0.
1. That arrays start at [1]
2.
3.

As an exercise lets see how many different ways we can wish devRant Happy Birthday in code. Try not to copy peoples examples, use a different language or different method.

A couple of examples to start the process:

* LOLCODE *
HAI 1.3
LOL VAR R 3
IM IN YR LOOP
VISIBLE "Happy Birthday"!
IZ VAR LIEK 1?
YARLY
VISIBLE "Dear devRant"!
NOWAI
VISIBLE "to you"!
KTHX
NERFZ VAR!!
IZ VAR LIEK 0?
GTFO
KTHX
KTHX
KTHXBYE

* C *
#include <stdio.h>

#define HP "Happy birthday"
#define TY "to you"
#define DD "Dear devRant"

typedef struct HB_t { const char *s; const char *e;} HB;
static const HB hb[] = {{HP,TY}, {{HP,TY}, {{HP,DD}, {{HP,TY}, { NULL, NULL }};

int main(void)
{
const HB *s = hb;
while(s->start) { printf("%s %s", s->s, s->e); }
return 1;
}

when I first saw this trixk to speed up the db:
1. stop mysql
2. cat dbfile > /dev/null
3. start mysql....
and it works...

I need to delay execution of code in a for loop, how do I do that?

PHP: Sleep(3000)

Javascript:
const waitFor = (ms) => new Promise(r => setTimeout(r, ms))
const asyncForEach = (array, callback) => {
for (let index = 0; index < array.length; index++) {
await callback(array[index], index, array)
}
}

const start = async () => {
await asyncForEach([1, 2, 3], async (num) => {
await waitFor(50)
console.log(num)
})
console.log('Done')
}

start()

Fuck you Javascript

Starting a new project:

1.Think of a new/exciting idea

2.Start imagining and planning in my head

3.Start working on my idea

4.Give up mid-way

5. Get depressed

6. Get back at it way behind schedule and still not complete it

7. Go back to step 1 except that's basically how I start something new and not just a project :)

"Hey guys, we should start using ESLint. It's a popular linter. There's 13,000+ styling inconsistencies it could streamline using `--fix`"

"Yeah... But these errors, they're not really errors, right? So, we don't need to fix them."

...

1. I never said they were errors. Do you know how a linter works?
2. Sure, I guess being consistent and familiar are overrated qualities of a codebase. Carry on!

1. Find a decent, entry level job at a company for full time
2. Graduate from my two year tech school with my degree
3. Apply/start at a university for my Bachelor's degree.
4. Start actually building my database application project. Its been on the back burner for over a year.
5. Try not to be so doubtful or unsure of dev skills. Try being less anxious to ask for advice or explanations, and dont let lack of knowledge discourage or embarrass me from growing my skills.

Come up with a bad version of flipping a bool's value. (value = !value)

I'll start with a bad way of doing it in C# (.NET):

char[] bca = boolWert.ToString();
if (bca.Length == 4 && bca[0] == 't' && bca[1] == 'r' && bca[2] == 'u' && bca[3] == 'e')
{
boolWert = !bool.Parse($"{bca[0]}{bca[1]}{bca[2]}{bca[3]}");
}
else if (bca.Length == 5 && bca[0] == 'f' && bca[1] == 'a' && bca[2] == 'l' && bca[3] == 's' && bca[4] == 'e')
{
boolWert = !bool.Parse($"{bca[0]}{bca[1]}{bca[2]}{bca[3]}{bca[4]}");
}
else throw new Exception("y e s");

Nice start to the day, I actually had to use science to open a milk bottle:

Problem: Cap doesn't turn no matter how hard I try

1. Increase the grip strength without hurting my hand by placing a paper towel between my hand and the cap

Still won't turn

2. Run hot water and place the lid area under it for 20s

Repeat #1, it now works!

Morning, start work, play a song for concentrating 🔥.

Calls the CEO 🦸 stop the song, answer, play, calls the PM 🧞 stop, answer, play, calls the stagaire 🧚 calls colleague🏃calls supplier🤺 song is at 1:00, restart song, song is too good to listen like this, play from the beginnig, calls the CEO 🦸

Ffs😪, Google play rating is worst than the University GPA, you get 10 5 star rating it goes up 0.1 you get 1 start rating it goes down 1.5 😂😂

1 - Stop working from home and start my own office
2 - Get more clients as a consultant/software house
4 - Launch SASS products overseas to get more 5x income
5 - 6 travel at least 3 times to other states

Consistent theme:
Me: hey, we should really do/use X
Someone above me: Nah we don't need it/we already use Y

1 week later (or less):
SAM: Hey, I was thinking maybe we should start using X

This has happened 5 different times already. 2 of them were security related and only talked about after our infosec guy brought it up.

Don't dismiss ideas your interns have just because we're interns, we might have good suggestions.

1. Nothing lasts forever and you always need to be prepared for change.

That might be technology acquired by other company and dropped completely by all of people or new technology take over the market for a year and is gone after that and no one remember about it.

2. If you go opposite way then all of people around you that might be actually the best way.

That learned me to always look around for new stuff cause this small stuff that people make today can be big company next day just cause they got annoyed by things and start something new.

3. Trust nothing that you see.

Bugs are everywhere

4. Quality and speed doesn’t matter when you start doing something but consistency matters a lot.

When you start doing something you suck and you need to be ok with fact that you’re going to make lots of stupid mistakes and learn from them.
When you start new prototype you don’t need dozen tools to finish it, you don’t need performance or perfection, you need consistency to finish it.

Good luck

Spent 1 month creating a piece of software for a school project and when I speak of it to someone on the IT business they tell me:
"Really? Once you start working you'll be using software that'll allow you to do something twice as hard in about 2 hours"

Devops (By Azure) is so stupid.... (I won';t even start of YAML, it will be a 10pages rant).

me : Ok I have 5 projects, each has it's own Azure conexxion for deploy.
Me : Can I do just ONE shared connexion ?
Devops : Yes. You need to click 150 buttons and it's done !
Me : Ok. /* doing actions */
Me : Ok ready !
Me : Project 1 do your release pipeline !
project 1 : Sure, just wait 5 minutes.
5 minutes later
Project 1 : All good.
Me :Ok now sharing test ! Project 2 : do your pipeline !Project 2 : Sure ! It's strated !
Me : Ok I'll go take a beer
... 1 hour later..
Me : project 2 ? PROJECT 2??!!!
Me : fine... going into logs.
Message : You must accept the shared conexion from Project 1 before pipeline can run
Me : WTF ? I literally just SHARED it to project 2,3,4,5 !!!

Why that idiot check ?!

One thing is sure, I hate devops more than I hate JavaScript.

Instead of asking how old people are, how about this:

Post the specs of the first computer you regularly used. I will start.

Tandy 1000 SX. Not one, but TWO 5 1/4" floppy drives. An 8088 CPU and 640K of RAM. The operating system was MS-DOS 3.2, which was always in the A: drive.

We used it to make papers for school in Wordstar, and my parents made spreadsheets in Lotus 1-2-3. We learned to type on it. We played Space Quest, King's Quest, Carmen Sandiego, and Lords of Conquest on it. We transcribed BASIC programs from the, "BASIC Training" column in 3-2-1 Contact magazine.

We LOVED that computer.

I'm debugging a script...

It takes 1+ minute to start because it loads data from remote API and apparently loading 80k objects takes a lot of time, even though I need only headers

I could optimize it. Like, add a local cache. But I will not.

Instead I will waste 1 minute, then another minute, then another minute, each time hoping it's the last pass, but no. I will waste the whole day on it and at the end of the day I will still NOT have the slightest idea why it is slow. That is what will happen, I predict it.

Good times

Hi, I'm a 17 years old web developer (still in school, not from the us), is there any way that a guy like me will be able to find a job to start gain experience? I searched all over the internet, in upwork no one answer me when I try to contact them and the other all wants 1 or 2 years of experience or a degree...

Copy and paste similar code where I have to change X values but ALWAYS mange to only change X-1 values so i get weird behaviour start debugging what in the end then takes longer than to write it new in the first place. Hate myself for that.

Tomorrow I'll finally start working on a new part of my company's current project from scratch after loads of frustration in the past 1 1/2 months! Not a rant, just a lil bit of hope that it'll get better :)

Management approve new project;
Start the project;
1 week before deadline project += 146 new features;
In dev mind: suicide || kill them all;

Found a clever little algorithm for computing the product of all primes between n-m without recomputing them.

We'll start with the product of all primes up to some n.

so [2, 2*3, 2*3*5, 2*3*5*,7..] etc

prods = []
i = 0
total = 1
while i < 100:
....total = total*primes[i]
....prods.append(total)
....i = i + 1

Terrible variable names, can't be arsed at the moment.
The result is a list with the values

2, 6, 30, 210, 2310, 30030, etc.

Now assume you have two factors,with indexes i, and j, where j>i

You can calculate the gap between the two corresponding primes easily.
A gap is defined at the product of all primes that fall between the prime indexes i and j.

To calculate the gap between any two primes, merely look up their index, and then do..
prods[j-1]/prods[i]

That is the product of all primes between the J'th prime and the I'th prime

To get the product of all primes *under* i, you can simply look it up like so:

prods[i-1]

Incidentally, finding a number n that is equivalent to (prods[j+i]/prods[j-i]) for any *possible* value of j and i (regardless of whether you precomputed n from the list generator for prods, or simply iterated n=n+1 fashion), is equivalent to finding an algorithm for generating all prime numbers under n.

Hypothetically you could pick a number N out of a hat, thats a thousand digits long, and it happens to be the product of all primes underneath it.

You could then start generating primes by doing
i = 3
while i < N:
....if (N/k)%1 == 0:
........factors.append(N/k)
....i=i+1

The only caveat is that there should be more false solutions as real ones. In otherwords theres no telling if you found a solution N corresponding to some value of (prods[j+i]/prods[j-i]) without testing the primality of *all* values of k under N.

This is 1:05AM and this is the 3rd time I start over my question to Stack Overflow because I don't know what the fuck is going on with jQuery UI, and when I finally get it, Google finds me both the question and the answer of the same and only dude that had the same problem than me FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO and he couldn't solve it.

Fuck this, tomorrow I'll start over with VueJS.

Lua, tables ("arrays") start at 1.

It also has no sleep function and its defacto package manager (luarocks) has almost never worked for me without some serious fuckery

Best moment when u receive payment for the work and the amount is more than expected..
U start wondering:
1. Is it bymistake
2. Is he appreciating ur efforts
3. Is it because the payment was delayed last time..
Or maybe because he wants to give u much more work which is very urgent!!

Fed up with my windows becoming too slow, I decided to go for a fresh start.

Now it's stuck here from past 1 hour

MRW I start Index of an array with 1 and not 0 and I get out of index exception.

(one day before the phone interview)

Them: Please call to us at (TIME) to (PHONENUMBER)

Me: Ok

(interview day)

--[[CHORUS START]]--
Me: (calls to the number at (TIME))

Phone: Your call has been forwarded to automatic voice message system. (PHONENUMBER) is not availible. After tone please leave message. When you are finish the recording you may hang up or press 1 for more option, please leave message now.

Me: (deep breath, patiently waits 5 mins.)

--[[CHORUS END]]--

--[[CHORUS]]--

WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CALL YOU WHEN YOU TURN OFF THE PHONE / TALK WITH SOMEONE ELSE????
IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, JUST DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

--> Could not reach them for 3 days, gave up

Was very sick today.
Hopped over to work virtually so I can help with an issue holding up prod release.
Felt pretty awesome about the whole deal.

Than realized three things:

1- this was a bad example to junior devs.
2- stole learning experience from other devs
3- I am leaving this company. I should have allowed the weaning process to start

I was given 6 whole months to rewrite some old monolithic web app exactly 5 months ago today. Now I have to show my boss the progress I've made. How do I explain him that I wasted my time in this order:
1.- heavy procrastination
2.- try new frameworks to work with, pick one, start writing the app, regret and start over again using a different framework.
3.- devrant
4.- existencial crisis and self doubt.

Now all I have are a bunch of incomplete buggy modules and a mental breakdown.

My goals are:
1. Start my new job in Feb.
2. Overcome the challenges I will face in the new environment.
3. Learn, learn, learn
4. Don’t forget to rest.

me: Imma start working on this project I have been putting off for a week

me after messing with the chrome console for 30 mins:
(5&&!2||(5||30=== 9)+(2||3==-1)+(22&&7)+(4||5&&3===4&&2)+(!5||5))*(!3||3)+([][[]]+{})[+[]+(![]==[])]+([][[]]+{})[+[]+(![]==[])+(![]==[])+(![]==[])+(![]==[])+(![]==[])]+(typeof(()=>{}))[+[]+(![]==[])+(![]==[])+(![]==[])]+([][[]]+{})[+[]+(![]==[])+(![]==[])+(![]==[])]

Holy crap, just started working again on a personal project after a 1-month hiatus... Really struggling to get my head back where it was, I have (almost) no clue what I was doing or why.
Even the commit log and the comments and docs I've left around seem empty somehow.

Any good tips/tools for retracing steps? How do you start working on a codebase you've never touched before?

Whoever the fuck in windows decided it is a good idea to start doing a 24h+ repair on an external hard drive which doesnt even have the OS, on boot, should burn in hell.

God. I cant handle windows and its stupidity even for the 1 hr i use it to play games.

Reciepe for cold coffee:
1. Make Coffee
2. Start Coding
3. Forget you made coffee
4. Drink it cold

I wanna start learning mob app development. Which should i choose amongst these and why?
1) React Native
2) Ionic
3) ios native app development.

At the end my focus is to earn more from which ever the tech stack i choose.
Thanks!

Remember my friends

Fuck 2019. I still have one photo of 1/1/2019 on my instagram profile as my first photo with hopes to achieve what i was planning to achieve. But life happened. Things went wrong. Murphy's fucking law took over. Fuck you

Start fresh 2020. Learn from the mistakes. Expect more mistakes because they are inevitable. But do your best to NOT repeat the old ones.

We are going into the new decade. No more 201X year.

-Delete all negative energy
-Cleanse all BULLSHIT
-Remove everything weighting you down
-DETACH FROM THE PARASITE PEOPLE
-Stay with the real people
-Stay with family

2 more weeks until 2020

🙏🙏🙏

Using Ubuntu from years, never knew this logs file named 'syslog.1' could start filling about 80% of my root space 🤦.

How come your fucking pseudo code is far more complex than python code? You're a fucking university teacher FFS, ALSO TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU START YOUR INDEX LIST BY 1.

Hey, am i the only one here who compare flatearthers to "arrays start at 1" People?

When a service has not yet seen release of version 1, and you are asked to start using version two which is still in beta like version one 🤦🏼‍♂️

When youre about to go on a 1 week vacation and you start to move all your projects to your FTP server as if theres no tomorrow, just in case you need them on your old ass laptop youre bringing.
Also bringing books. Some small, some thicc

Life as a Software Engineering intern so far,
Travel 10 miles everyday from home to workplace.

Week 1: Understand the existing stack and start working on Django + Angular JS.
Task : Add something to existing documentation.

Week 2:
Task : Start working on existing product and improve request and response time for a particular module.

Week 3: Shift to new stack. Learn new stuff and start again.

Mandatory work policy for 9.5 hrs. FML

Coworker#1: Our client's website is broken, there are 504 errors everywhere, and their customers aren't able to register accounts.
Coworker#2: Our machine that hosts everything won't start up.

How is your Friday going?

When you have been heavily using 1 language for 6 months, then start a project in another - where da fuq did all my memory muscle go!

1. Work more on AltRant
2. Start (and finish!) a C-compatible original programming language transpiler with my own syntax and everything (I might talk about it in my next rant)
3. Somehow survive college (I am dying there someone save me from this torment)

In Matlab, arrays really do start at 1!!!

1) search a project on github
2) read its documentation and decide if it's worth it
3) read contribution guide lines
4) contribute
5) start at 1)

#1 hand in my notice
#2 start my own company
#3 enjoy work
#4 make a metric shit-ton of money (contributes to previous point)

Getting ready to start working a little something something on the side. Client (read as uncle-in-law) wants it in Wordpress because he
1) has heard of it
2) can buy themes. I told him I can make it look any way he wants and use something else, something that I'm actually familiar with. He wants Wordpress. At least it looks like writing my own plugins to do stuff will be really easy.

1. start up my monitors, have one monitor streaming news while the other one is browsing devRant.

2. drink an ungodly amount of caffeine

3. crash so hard that I have an excuse not to code and go back to bed.

My day today:
- tell everyone to fuck off and are idiots politely from 10 to 4
- tell them if they won’t fuck off now I will start looking for a job - 1 hour
- listening them apologizing me - 1 hour
- code and solve problems - 1 hour

Mondays

Hopefully I start working on Tuesday.

When we subtract some number m from another number n, we are essentially creating a relationship between n and m such that whatever the difference is, can be treated as a 'local identity' (relative value of '1') for n, and the base then becomes '(base n/(n-m))%1' (the floating point component).

for example, take any number, say 512
697/(697-512)
3.7675675675675677

here, 697 is a partial multiple of our new value of '1' whose actual value is the difference (697-512) 185 in base 10. proper multiples on this example number line, based on natural numbers, would be
185*1,
185*2
185*3, etc

The translation factor between these number lines becomes

0.7675675675675677

multiplying any base 10 number by this, puts it on the 1:185 integer line.

Once on a number line other than 1:10, you must multiply by the multiplicative identity of the new number line (185 in the case of 1:185), to get integers on the 1:10 integer line back out.

185*0.7675675675675677 for example gives us

185*0.7675675675675677
142.000000000000

This value, pulled from our example, would be 'zero' on the line.

185 becomes the 'multiplicative' identity of the 1:185 line. And 142 becomes the additive identity.

Incidentally the proof of this is trivial to see just by example. if 185 is the multiplicative identity of 697-512, and and 142 is the additive identity of number line 1:185

then any number '1', or k=some integer, (185*(k+0.7675675675675677))%185
should equal 142.

because on the 1:10 number line, any number n%1 == 0

We can start to think of the difference of any two integers n, as the multiplicative identity of a new number line, and the floating point component of quotient of any number n to the difference of any number n-m, as the additive identity.

let n =697
let m = 185
n-m == '1' (for the 1:185 line)

(n-m) * ((n/(n-m))%1) == '0'

As we can see just like on the integer number line, n%1 == 0
or in the case of 1:185, it equals 142, our additive identity.

And now, the purpose of this long convoluted post: all so I could bait people into reading a rant on division by zero.