How to have success when you are chatting with live support:

- Pretend to be a girl

This is very effective, I can get lower price and good deal almost every time.

Manager: Why aren’t you working?

Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.

Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.

Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—

Manager: Well just simplify it then

Dev: ?

Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.

Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch

*Battle music*
Wild customer appeared!

dev used Ubuntu

It's not very effective...

Foe customer used Stupid Feature-Request

It's super effective!

dev is confused!

dev hurt itself in its confusion!

dev used Reasoning

dev's attack missed!

Foe customer used Ridiculous Feature-Request

It's super effective!

dev used Rage Quit

dev fled using its Rage Quit

...

Bad handwriting is the most effective encryption

It's super effective

The most effective way to protest

A recruiter called me today. I had to barracade myself in the laundry room to hear him, and still needed to ask him to repeat himself 7-8 times. he spoke at what must have been 15% volume with a super thick Indian accent. He also couldn't pronounce a full third of the terms.

Here's how it went.

recruiter: you full-stack dev? what experience?
me: yes, about 8 years, maybe 10.
recruiter: you know C#?
me: no.
recruiter: you know java? tomcat? spring?
me: no, I don't know Java.
recruiter: you know react? angular? apache? node?xml? json? html?
me: yes. yes, angular 1. yes, yes, ...
recruiter: ok, i email you java job posting
me: I don't know java.
recruiter: ok, i email you.

Recruiter used "email java job posting." It wasn't very effective.
Recruiter moves quickly! Recruiter used "did you get my email? email" immediately after. It was super effective! @Root becomes angered!

Recruiter calls.
Recruiter calls.
@Root becomes enraged!

Recruiter calls.
recruiter: what [???] [?] [???] [??] java [???] [??] [???] okay
recruiter: You know C#?
me: No, I still don't know C#.
recruiter: ok thank you for time. 😡 *click*

What just happened?
I really don't understand their species.

Pair program with myself. It's lonely but 3x more effective than pairing with my idiot colleagues

Me: I'm unable to connect through VPN

IT guy at my office: I'll format your system and reinstall OS

Me: heck no!! There should be other effective solution.

IT guy: Yes, I can take backup of your files and then reinstall OS.

Me: Just get out!! F*ckin ididot!!

When you're really stuck on a problem amd rubber duck is of no use..

The supper effective silver terminatior duck with diamond is here to help!!

Simple but effective 😎😎😎😅😅

Me: cool, i organized all my exams to be the most effective, if i study now, i can relax for a few weeks before i have to move.

Interesting side project: hi

Hackr.io is the best website to find effective tutorials for every language. I think every body should visit this website and vote for the best tutorials to help noobs.

*wiggles the mouse on my Windows box to activate it again and watch some videos while eating*

Le wild BSOD appears!!
Windows used KERNEL_SECURITY_CHECK_FAILURE!!! It's super effective!
Hah! Well, you know.. it's fucking true. Windows' kernel security is a fucking joke.

First time that I actually laughed at a BSOD like this. Thanks Microshit!

So, more people = more effective?

Let's see how you can deliver a baby with 9 women with only 1 month

P. S:Good luck with that!!

A comment on my last rant reminded me about this.. one of the most hilarious trends/pranks/scams.. the number of people who fell victim to this is quite more than what I thought it would be..

Java interested folks.

I recommend reading Effective Java by Joshua Bloch.

It's worth reading.

Even James Gosling praised this book.

Rest in Peace my friend he was my room mates for 2 years in univ and he decides to drop out to take care of his father parkinsons. He is not as lucky as his parents, He was gone missing for 16 hours after the tsunamis struck in Donggala, Sulawesi. and just found dead apparently because drowning and head blunt trauma. reports from her family, the last time they seen their son is before he gone to find his father's medicine (it's not easy since the hospital and drug store are not effective because the big earthquake). A big condolescence for his family. for all the victim in Sulawesi stay safe ! and we hope you all the best!

when I was first started out, I was trying to test out a file delete and renaming program I made. it deleted itself. never even knew how it happened. it was effective in deleting though.

Always remeber:
The interview goes both ways. Ask the interviewer how he likes to solve problems, and how he works with ppl. This will give you the information to decide if you want to work with him or the company.
This is especially effective on HR: ask about thier corporate culture and how they deal with promotions/good people and how they deal with bad people.
And make sure you visit glassdoor.com before the interviews begin.

My 3 months old son. A very effective rubber ducky when he's not crying

A wild boss appears.
He uses surprise six hours meeting...
It's super effective!
Developer is dazed and confused 😵

So...my company decided to say that I am not effective because not working more than 12 hours per day and work on weekends. But in my contract stated 9:30 - 6:30

A day in the life of BoyBiscuit.

PM: Please zip up any local changes and push them to a temp folder on the repo and I will manually check to see what you have changed.
Me: *glaring at the download as zip button*

PM: Who broke the repo?
Me: *checks commit history*
Commit History: *last commit PM*

Me: Could you add the files to your commit before pushing because you've only pushed changes on tracked files.
PM: No not possible, I did 'commit -a'.
Me: ....

PM: Could you all delete your forks so that It isn't anywhere on the web
US: but it's private with only us as collaborators
PM: No because I can see it
Me: srysly?

PM: Could everyone try to write more effective code?
Me: Looks at his code
Code: Boolean b = getbooleanVal ? True : False;

Tl;Dr: PM doesn't know anything about git or working as a team.

See you tomorrow!