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The first time they had actually met, Dan had travelled to Manchester in order to spend the weekend at Phil’s. He just remembers how flippy his stomach had felt during the entire trip, and even the night before. It felt odd, Phil and him were spending so much time skyping, texting, chatting over the phone, and even watching each other’s videos, that it really didn’t feel like a long-distance friendship.
They had shared so many late night talks and embarrassing stories and childhood memories that Dan was absolutely convinced no one had ever known every single aspect of his life the way Phil did.
However, of course Dan knew how much of a social mess he was, and therefore he didn’t trust himself to keep his cool without an actual screen protecting him. Behind the screen, he could seem goofy, and socially awkward in a poetic, detached way. Phil wasn’t able to see him blush through a camera, cringe through a phone, or mumble when they were texting.
The first hour, indeed, was filled with awkward little giggles and an embarrassing flush spread across Dan’s cheeks the whole time. However, the general awkwardness had quickly subsided to leave place to something Dan hadn’t really experienced before. It had felt like a first date, almost, with Phil’s parents asking him endless questions about his studies and hobbies and family. It didn’t feel wrong, not really, it was a rather pleasant, despite nerve-wracking, rush.
As a result of this first encounter, all Dan had wanted was to go back as often as possible. It was very new, this kind of relationship were the other person just accepts you fully as you are, not just the cool sides of it, but every single little meaningless or quite embarrassing thing, too.
***
It wasn’t that Dan didn’t appreciate sleeping alone, except he truly didn’t.
Not that it was a particular problem either, after all, he had spent the first eighteen years of his life in bed on his own, but then Phil had come along.
To be fair, Dan had always had a thing for sharing a bed. Being a child, on nights where he was sick, his mom would lay with him until he fell asleep, which always helped him to drift off quicker. Growing up, he always liked those sleepovers where you actually got to share a bed with your friends. Then, with his first actual girlfriend, he had liked it even more. Of course, it did make it even better that sex was involved, but really, Dan found himself more satisfied with platonic cuddles rather than those moments they would just do their thing without any snuggles afterwards. He wouldn’t say he didn’t like sex, that wasn’t true, hell, he was 17. Of course he liked it, of course he craved it. But the intimacy of just laying in bed together after complimented the whole thing to him.
The first night he had slept at Phil’s, the boy’s parents had actually prepared a spare bed for Phil to sleep onto, leaving his double bed to Dan.
Honestly, they had spent their evening lying together, but as they had started to grow tired, Phil had just casually moved, without even asking Dan if he minded that they sleep together, and clearly he didn’t. In the moment, he hadn’t dare to say anything, what if Phil wasn’t comfortable with that?
He just remembers that after his friend had moved, he had felt consequently less tired, staying up almost an hour after Phil had dozed off. The damn bed had just suddenly lost all his comfort.
The first night he did sleep with Phil, in the very literal way, was the following night. They had been meeting up with some of Phil’s friends (he had actually referred to them as “acquaintances” which, even to Dan Howell, sounded unbearably posh.) and it was shortly past 1 in the morning when the boys had finally stumbled back home, not too drunk but fairly tipsy.
Dan had thrown himself onto the bed quite evidently, grabbing Phil’s arm in his fall and dragging the boy along with him until he himself was lying onto his stomach, just like Phil, who had the right side of his body pressed flush against Dan’s.
“I must be crushing you!” Phil had gasped after the few seconds it took him to aknowledge his position, attempting to move away.
“No” Dan’s plea had sounded too much like a whine but Phil relaxed back onto the bed anyway.
“I, um, I was wondering” Dan started, eyes shut to avoid being too embarrassed, “Do you mind if we..” He stuttered a bit. What if Phil thought he was weird.
“You wanna cuddle?” Phil simply smiled, sounding more like an offer than a guess, and Dan opened his eyes, nodding as he beamed helplessly.
An arm instantly wrapped around his waist, bringing him closer, and he hummed happily, burying his face into the pale boy’s chest.
“Don’t get me wrong” Phil chuckled after a while “I just know… well, how you normally sleep, and I mean, you can” he said gently, not even sounding anything other than sweet and caring.
Dan nodded as he slowly, and very reluctantly pulled himself away in order to remove his clothes, spare his briefs.
Phil didn’t even stare or tensed, simply adjusted himself in bed in order to leave him enough space.
As soon as Dan had gotten rid of nearly all his clothes while Phil had very unrevealing pajamas, he expected to feel vulnerable, but he didn’t get a chance as Phil had instantly thrown the covers over them, as if he knew. Firstly, they just laid side by side, glancing at each other once in a while but not quite staring.
"Is it weird I really like sharing beds with people?" Dan broke the silence, whispering, to which Phil giggled, mocking his friend by lowering his voice, too "Well, you evidently didn't experience the literal struggle of having to share a bed with your brother being kids, so good for you!" Then "I don't find it weird though, I think I personally often prefer actually sleeping with people rather than sleeping sleeping with them, you know?"
Dan felt a bit weird at that, like, he didn't assume anything about wether Phil was sexually active or not, never really thought of it, to be honest, but now the thought just stuck in his brain. Fortunately, he was sleepy enough to ignore it.
After a while, Dan felt his friend's intense gaze on him even with his own eyes shut.
"Um, you creep" he giggled, not bothering opening them.
He felt the embarrassment in Phil's giggle and it made him feel better about his own blush.
"It will probably sound creepy, I promise it's not like that thought, but you're just very beautiful" Phil blurted out and Dan opened his eyes in shock.
"Oh my god stop" he chuckled, burying his face in Phil's neck without a thought, only caring about hiding his obviously red face. He didn't expect Phil to pull back or something, hoped not, but he was quite surprised (pleasantly) when the older boy's fingers laced into his hair, gently playing with the locks. His body moved closer to Phil's on its own and Phil seemed to even shift slightly to accommodate him.
"I thought you would be the type of guy like 'nooo don't touch my hair you peasant' but you're actually like a kitten" Phil chuckled softly, keeping up his gentle tugging and massaging "You could almost purr." he murmured in awe, making Dan chuckle back, softly.
"It feels really nice" he hummed "I do hate it when some people do it, like, even when I really like the people, sometimes it just makes me cringe" Dan admitted "I like it when you're doing it though" he said shyly.
After a while, Dan started to get sleepy and shifted a bit in Phil's embrace.
"You sleepy?" Phil asked softly "I can leave if-"
"No, no" Dan answered immediately "I want to sleep next to you, if you don't mind" he was tired and tipsy so he dared to actually say it.
"Would love to" Phil smiled, letting the boy turn around and automatically becoming the big spoon, pressing Dan’s back to his chest and wrapping his forearms around Dan’s torso and waist, slotting his chin next to Dan’s neck. The younger boy had felt such a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, just totally safe.
***
Their first kiss happened that same year, a week prior to Christmas. It was undeniably their favorite time of the year, and Dan had managed to come visit his friend for 10 days. It was odd, but it just didn't feel right to spend those family holidays without Phil. They've only known each other for a year, been seeing each other for three month, but Phil had actually become Dan's best friend. Not even as in 'the friend I like the most' because let's face it, he didn't have a ton of them, but just as in 'favorite person ever'.
They had spent the day wandering around Manchester, holding hands and laughing until their stomach ached. Dan had been there for 2 days and it already felt like the best time he ever had, but any moment spent with Phil felt like the best time he ever had until the next, and so on.
That particular day had felt overly romantic, though. Maybe it was the Christmassy atmosphere, the pretty lights, the smell of cinnamon buns and hot wine of the Xmas Market, their fingers laced together, slotted in Dan's coat pocket.
It was getting late enough to grab dinner, so that was exactly their plan until Dan had stopped abruptly, tugging at Phil's hand like a child as he pointed the big wheel.
"Oh my god let's do this!" he squealed.
"What really? Now?" Phil giggled, trying to sound casual.
"Yes! I bet it looks so beautiful with all the lights and stuff!!" Dan's excitement was adorable, and as much as Phil was afraid of heights, he couldn't deny anything to the boy when he acted this way.
"Uh, sure, but we were just about to-" Phil stopped himself. Actually, even if he managed to get them to eat first, that could only possibly make things worse. At least, his stomach only had 2 cups of wine and a doughnut in it from a couple hours earlier, and he could actually avoid being sick all over Dan. "Fine," he rolled his eyes with a smile "You find a nice booth, I'll go and pay."
"You're the best!" Dan cheered excitedly, giving his best friend’s hand one last squeeze before going to join the line.
The view, indeed, was amazing. The sun had already set but the sky was at least 4 different shades of blue and yellow. All the colorful lights from the decorations in the city made Dan's chest sing. They had also managed to get a booth where they were alone, sitting next to each other with their hands still intertwined. The background music was Mariah Carey's All I want for Christmas is you, very cliché, but very enough to make Dan so festive and happy it was officially his new fave moment with Phil.
"This is so beautiful" he said in awe, staring out the window dreamingly "Thank you." he turned to Phil with a huge smile that made his dimples pop and Phil's heart literally melt.
"It really is beautiful." Phil had to admit "Why would you thank me though?" he raised a brow with a chuckle "I didn't invent Christmas, I mean, I'm not saying I couldn't have, but someone got the idea first." he joked.
Dan shook his head, laughing fondly, then locked his eyes with Phil, making the latter's pulse jump "How long have you been afraid of heights?" he asked with a smirk and Phil heard himself stutter.
"W-what? What are you talking about Dan?" he was a comically awful liar.
"Phil you've been clutching at my hand ever since I suggested the idea, I don't think I have any blood circulating in it right now!" he cracked up and Phil's eyes widened.
"Oh god I'm sorry!" He mumbled, letting Dan's hand go. "Did I hurt you?"
"No, you dork" Dan kept laughing, and even through the deep blush he could feel all over his face, Phil broke into a giggle fit as well.
"I was trying so hard to keep my cool! Why didn't you say something if you knew from the start?" He whined shamefully, huge smile still tugging at his face.
"I really wanted us to do it" Dan explained after calming down. He turned around, his back to the window and looking at Phil "It's also the cutest and nicest thing someone has ever done for me." he smiled, sweet and sincere.
Phil glanced down, smiling as on cue "It's silly" He tried to brush it off.
"It's not" Dan said softly, his face taking on an expression Phil couldn't quite read "It's adorable, you're adorable, I just wanted to thank you."
Phil was about to speak, but he got stopped dead in his tracks as Dan gently tugged at the hem of both Phil's pockets and brought their bodies together as he placed his warm lips on top of Phil's, whose eyes immediately slipped shut both in anticipation and shock.
The kiss was tender and soft, lips slightly parted but no tongue. Dan's hand kneaded Phil's sides gently and Phil was on cloud 9, his right fingertips brushing against the younger boy's cheek and jaw.
Phil never have been kissed quite like that. It just felt like those times Dan would poke his nose or caress his cheek simply because he liked how it looked and wanted to touch it. There was no urgency, or hesitation and it was so simple but the farthest thing from mechanic. Dan gave a kitten lick just behind Phil's upper set of teeth, giggling through his nose and Phil playfully tugged at his bottom lip in response.
Dan pulled away at last after about 15 seconds that truly seemed like much more, because the both of them were smiling so big kissing wasn't possible anymore. When they opened their eyes to look at each other, their looks radiated with playfulness and connection.
"Okay" Phil sucked in a breath "That did not help my flippy stomach" he concluded, his voice weak, causing Dan to laugh silently "In fact now I also have breathing issues on top of my heart trying to escape from my chest, thanks a lot Dan." Phil joked.
"At least it's not because of fear of heights, now you couldn't care any less right?" Dan smirked, causing the other to laugh.
"I'll give you credits for that." he admitted.
His legs were like jelly and his hand felt like it was burning (in the best way possible) against Dan's warm one when they got out of the big wheel, but Phil wasn't sure his phobia was to blame.
***
The first « I love you » came several months later, not that it was something particularly big or scary either. That just wasn’t the type of thing that was in the boy’s vocabulary. Dan didn’t say that he loved people; he showed them by being offensive and playful. Phil, on the other hand, had the love all over his eyes and voice and cute words, he really didn’t need to actually voice it.
Clearly, to be as comfortable with each others as they were already was an undeniable proof of love in itself. However, right at the moment Dan had said those words, it had felt absolutely right and necessary, even.
They had been filming their second PINOF viddy after nearly 9 months since the one they had made after initially meeting. Making videos felt more and more natural to Dan, and it clearly showed.
"You look so different in this one if you compare to the first one we made" Phil commented as they were both sprawled onto Phil's bed while the older boy edited, Dan just eating candies as he casually laid sideways, perpendicularly to Phil as his head rested onto the boy's chest, occasionally giving his opinion about jumpcuts and whether to keep particular moments. Honestly, it was quite the struggle to have Phil editing, the boy could have an hour worth of material and the final video would be 7 minutes long.
"Well it's kind of been a year" Dan sassed, but yea he could definitely see the difference.
"First of it's definitely been less than a year you drama queen" Phil giggled, earning himself a swat on the shoulder, making him giggle even more "Secondly, I think you should be like this more in your videos" he said, regaining a bit of seriousness.
"Like what, exactly? Completely random and weird? Well thanks, how nice to hear I literally waste my life writing scripts for my actual videos" he mocked offense.
"That's not what I'm saying you dork" Phil dismissed him "Just I don't know, you're all giggly and sweet.. I never see you smile in your videos". Phil understood that Dan was aiming to be the most relatable he could, but he sometimes felt like this didn't do his fairly bubbly personality any justice. The boy could be very cynical, that wasn't an act, but he could also be a total goof and Phil wished their viewers got to see this part more.
"Phil" Dan snorted "I'm actually laughing because we're having a chat, if I were this way alone I'd look on drugs."
Phil giggled, imagining what it could look like.
"Okay, fair point. You just seem so full of life here, I wish it showed more often." he said softly.
"That's not the same context though, Phil's not on fire video are way funnier to do"
Dan objected.
"They're literaly the creepiest viewer's questions, do you just love being traumatized?" he teased.
Dan snorted again "Maybe slightly, but mostly they're with you, and I love you, so they make me happy" he said casually but Phil's heart skipped a beat anyway.
Mere seconds later, with the realization of what he had said, Dan's did too.
Actually, what had astounded both boys was mostly just how natural it had sounded, and how naturally it had rolled of Dan's tongue.
Refusing to make this awkward, Phil forced himself to reply quickly.
"Okay then" was all that came into his mind, but he couldn't repress a beam that tugged at his cheeks because of how big it was, and he was relieved when he caught a glimpse of Dan's similar face, his cheeks rosy as he stared at the screen way to intently.
***
Overall, Dan had to admit their friendship was pretty unconventional, not something you'd exactly turn into a youtube tag; but in a pretty fucking amazing way, if you asked him.