Chapter Text
Sethos has a meeting with Cyno first thing in the morning the day after his bizarre encounter with Wanderer.
“And he didn’t know what cis meant! Can you believe it?”
“Mmhm.”
Cyno and Sethos are talking in the Matra’s secure meeting room. They’re supposed to be going over Sethos’ reports for the week.
Cyno is responding even more neutrally than he usually does. “I figured he might not know, after you said that he didn’t know what transgender meant.”
“But I still can’t believe it! I mean, you’ve seen him, right? You agree, he has to be trans.”
Cyno nods but doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. Sethos takes a breath to say something else, but Cyno cuts him off.
“Ok. I’d like to go over your reports for the week. We don’t have as much time–”
Sethos interrupts him anyway. “I know, I know. But can you give me your honest opinion?”
Cyno’s brows furrow just a bit. Sethos hasn’t seen him react this much, ever. He knows he’s being annoying, he just needs to talk about this. And he needs another trans man’s perspective, too.
“Do you want me to be completely honest?” Cyno says.
Sethos nods.
“I think you had a bad experience with one class, but you should try another. And stay
away from Hat Guy. He’s known around campus because he starts fights and makes people upset.”
Sethos is quiet. He didn’t really think “staying away from Hat Guy” was an option. In the cold light of Cyno’s honesty, that seemed like the clearest and objectively best solution to his situation.
Cyno leans forward a little, and looks right into Sethos’ eyes, like he’s beaming his implied meaning directly into Sethos’ head.
“You have enough to worry about without worrying about someone who isn’t going to change.”
Sethos gets it. He’s acting weird, and Cyno really, really, really wants him to drop it.
“Alright,” Sethos says, stretching his arms up, like he’s capable of casually moving on, “let’s go over the reports.”
After the meeting, Sethos tracks down Faruzan. She happily assigns him half a dozen letters to deliver, post-haste.
“Sure! Also, I wanted to ask you something. You know how I asked you about Hat Guy a week or two ago? Do you know anything about him?”
Faruzan groans and rolls her eyes. “Ugh! Hat Guy. Why are you asking?”
Sethos wonders why it’s so hard to get anyone to talk about Wanderer. It’s also a little weird, asking around about “Hat Guy”, who everyone can’t stand, while he’s thinking about Wanderer, that glimpse of someone hurt and scared beneath the churlish exterior. It feels…special. Sethos reminds himself of all the things Wanderer said about how being a trans man is an inherent weakness, and shakes the feeling off.
“I just wanted to ask what you knew about him.”
“Have you still not been able to find him? I thought you returned his hat already.”
“Well, yeah, I returned the hat.” Sethos pauses.
Faruzan looks at him expectantly. Sethos needs to find some kind of a justification for this.
“He’s uh. He was in a class I went to–”
Faruzan’s eyes light up. “You took a class! What class? Have you enrolled with a Darshan yet? Do you have time to add another?”
“No, I just went to this one open lecture, and–” It’s too late. Faruzan starts talking about her classes, and all the research projects that Sethos just has to join in on.
It’s too much. He has to interrupt her.
“Madam Faruzan!”
Faruzan stops, shocked to hear Sethos interrupt her.
“Listen. I’ll guide your research students out to the ruins, for free, for all of next semester, if you just tell me anything you know about Hat Guy.”
Faruzan looks at Sethos suspiciously, but is clearly seriously considering the offer.
“You’re unusually serious about this, Sethos.”
“I know. It’s just– it’s hard to explain. I think you know him.”
“Alright,” Faruzan puts her hands on her hips and smiles. “I’ll tell you about him. Just be a guide for my class on one research trip next semester. I’ll compensate you, it’s the Akademiya’s money, not mine. But you need to tell me why you’re interested in that rude boy.”
Sethos swallows. “Alright. Deal.”
They shake hands. Faruzan strikes a hard bargain.
Faruzan tells Sethos about Hat Guy, and it’s mostly complaining. Sethos does learn about when and how Wanderer gets assigned to deliver letters, and that he doesn’t live on campus but he does live somewhere very close by. Faruzan is fairly certain that Wanderer has some secret hideouts, probably up high, where he goes to “shirk work and delay the wheel of progress”. Sethos also learns about a lot of pointless drama going on between various professors, unfortunately. Nearly half an hour later, Faruzan slows down her rant.
“Alright. That’s everything I know. Now it’s your turn, Sethos. Why are you interested in Hat Guy ?”
Sethos takes a deep breath. “Last night, I went to an open lecture, and Hat Guy was also attending. The lecture was fine, but at one point I got into an argument with him over some facts surrounding a historical figure. It got…personal.”
Faruzan nods, a hint of a smirk on her face. Sethos continues despite his suspicions that Faruzan is taking this the wrong way.
“So we continued talking after class. It got heated. I just want to know some, uh… There’s something it was about, and I need to find out more about him. Then I can talk to him about the personal parts of the argument.” Sethos runs a hand through his hair nervously. “I think he needs help. I think I can help him. But only if I’m right about this. Only if I can find out a little more about him.”
Faruzan snorts out a quick laugh, but stops when she sees Sethos’ expression.
“I see. So it was the arguing that did it.”
“That did what ?” Sethos lets his annoyance show. He knows what Faruzan is hinting at.
Faruzan smiles, and takes Sethos’ hand, patting it like she’s consoling him. “You’re such a nice young man. Maybe too nice. I don’t think you can fix that boy, he’s a hopeless case.” She lets go of his hand.
Sethos rolls his eyes, and takes a breath to start talking.
Faruzan cuts him off before he can even get started. “But you’re young, and the heart wants what it wants. It’d be fun to see you give it a try.”
“This isn’t about my heart , it’s about–”
Faruzan shushes him with a wave of her hand. “Oh, don’t be like that. I’ve been around the block, I know what this is. I’d love to talk with you more, Sethos, but I’ve got a class to teach. Toodeloo!”
Faruzan walks off, chuckling to herself, before Sethos can protest anymore. He rubs his eyes and signs dramatically once Faruzan is out of earshot.
Is it really not a crush anymore? Sethos had decided it wasn’t while walking home after the argument. Wanderer had just been so insulting . Sethos already knew he was rude. But why else would Sethos be spending hours of his day trying to find out more about Wanderer?
Sethos wants to help. He’s a helpful guy. And if Wanderer is trans, Sethos can’t just let him believe such horrible things about himself. Sethos tells himself that’s all it is, and goes down to the Grand Bazaar to pick up some dinner for later tonight. He suspects he might be busy later with this…project…and not have time to cook.
He thinks that if he tried to cook something tonight he might get distracted and burn it.
He finds everything he needs at the Grand Bazaar, then bumps into Tighnari.
“Oh, hi Tighnari! I didn’t know you were in town.”
They stand to the side of the busy market, both holding bags of groceries.
Tighnari smiles at Sethos. “Sethos! It’s so good to see you. The open lecture that I– that Cyno found, was last night, right? How did you like it?”
Sethos smirks at the mix-up. “It was nice actually. I’m not sure if I want to sign up for a class right away, but I’m really going to keep thinking about it. It was, uh, more fun than I thought it would be. Not very difficult.”
“I’m so glad to hear that,” Tighnari says with a big smile. “And don’t worry about signing up for a class right away, it’s still the middle of the semester. You’ve got a few months to make a decision.”
“So, were you the one who decided to recommend going to a single class, or did Cyno help you with it?” Sethos says with a smile.
Tighnari’s ears sink down a little, but he’s still smiling. “Ah, you caught me. It was really all Cyno’s idea. He thought you should go to a class you thought was interesting for one day. He was going to tell you to just show up unannounced in the middle of the semester.” Tighnari sighs. “So I convinced him to find some kind of one-day seminar or an open class instead. I love him, but he’s an idiot sometimes.”
Tighnari’s ears bounce back up and Sethos laughs along with him.
“That makes sense.” It was nice of Cyno to think of that.
“I’m really happy that you enjoyed it. I know the Akademiya has its issues. I refuse to work for them for a reason. But I can’t deny the quality of their classes.” He pauses, his ears flick. “Most of their classes.” He pauses again. “Some of their classes. If you want help finding a good one, let me know.”
“You’ll be the first one I’d go to for advice on the matter.”
Sethos really tries to not say the next question he asks.
“So.. uh, this is kind of a strange question. Do you know Hat Guy?”
Tighnari is confused. “Hat Guy? The Vahumana student? With the horrible reputation?”
So he’s in the Vahumana Darshan. Sethos wonders what exactly he studies. That Darshan’s focus is pretty vague. He was in a class on systems of leadership.
“Why are you asking about him?”
Sethos glances around as he talks. “It’s just that he was in the class I went to yesterday. He said some…interesting things. I just want to know more about him. I don’t understand his opinions and it was just…weird.”
Tighnari hesitantly responds. “Well, I don’t know much about him, I only met him personally once. He gives me a bad feeling, to be honest.” Tighnari absentmindedly rubs his bad shoulder. “And I’ve only ever heard about how disrespectful he is. Cyno has mentioned that formal complaints come up about him at least once a month, but he’s got some kind of special status so Cyno can’t do anything but set up disciplinary meetings that the guy never shows up to. I don’t like the expression you’re giving me right now.”
Oh no. Sethos must have looked too intense. He cannot let this get out of hand.
“Right, right. Well, thank you, that’s really helpful.”
“Listen, I’ve got to go, but you should come over to Cyno’s place while I’m in town. We’ll catch up and help you think about classes.”
“Yeah, that sounds great! It’s been good to see you.”
Sethos pauses. Tighnari immediately picks up on it and sighs, his ears drooping dramatically.
“You want to ask me something else about that rude little man, don’t you.”
“Just one more thing. It’s a weird question, I know, but I promise it’s relevant.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you think he’s transgender? No, don’t roll your eyes, please, you’ve seen him.”
And Cyno wouldn’t answer his question. This is the only other trans man Sethos knows, he just needs to get a second opinion.
“I think you probably need a good night’s sleep and a new hobby. I really do have to go. I’ll drop by your place sometime tomorrow and we can talk more.”
Sethos waves as Tighnari leaves.
Tighnari and Cyno are going to talk about this. He feels like he just got caught sneaking into the adult archives section, and an older temple member has walked away to go talk with his grandfather about it.
But that’s not going to matter until tomorrow. He still has some time to ask around before he has to drop this. He can be weird and obsessive for just one more day. A day and a half. Tighnari probably won’t come by til the afternoon.
And then he’ll go back to thinking constantly about how boring and empty his life is. He bites his lip, and tells himself not to worry about that. Sethos runs around town delivering the rest of Faruzan's letters, starting a mental list of everything he needs to do.
If there's one thing Sethos knows how to do, it's find information. He doesn't have time to find Wanderer and ask him directly, and even if he did there’s no way Wanderer would answer his questions. But somewhere there has to be a weak point, some personal information he can get. And information leads to more information.
Wanderer takes classes. So he must be registered at the Akademiya. For any more personal info, Sethos has connections.
He’ll know if Wanderer is transgender by the end of the day. He picks up his pace and hurries down the street to deliver his last letter.
For once, Sethos is glad that the elders appointed to the council of the Temple of Silence do most of his job for him. He just goes over some schedules, makes a few notes on future plans to go over, and in a little over an hour, his work day is done. Then he slips out of the secret passages into the regular library, and heads right over to the registrar’s desk.
A bored looking young woman half-heartedly annotating a textbook barely looks up at him as he approaches.
“Is there anything I can help you with?”
“Yeah, I’m actually looking for records on a particular student.” Sethos says this quietly, even more quietly than he really needs to.
The receptionist closes the textbook, sighs, and leans over to open a filing cabinet.
“What’s the student’s name?”
“Hat Guy.”
She pauses. “That’s the name he’s registered under?”
Sethos pauses. Is that really the official name he gave the Akademiya?
“Try Wanderer.”
The receptionist look over the files.
“Nothing.”
“Ok, try Hat Guy.”
The receptionist slowly leans back towards the files.
“Thank you so much for doing this,” Sethos quickly adds. “I’m just looking into him, and I need to cover all my bases.”
“Sure. It’s my job.”
She looks through the files for a minute. Sethos looks around and taps on the desk nervously. It feels like he’s doing something illegal. But literally anyone can ask for a student’s basic information.
“Huh. He really is registered under the name Hat Guy. Here, I’ll write down his public registration information for you.”
“Thank you so much, I really really appreciate it. If there’s anything I can do to help out once you’re done, I’d love to repay that favor.”
The receptionist looks up, a doubting look on her face. “Can you help me pass my calculus test?”
“I can try! My calculus is a little rusty and old-fashioned, but I help students study every now and then, so I can at least make flash cards with you.”
The receptionist smiles, writes for a few more moments, and then hands Sethos an index card.
It says:
HAT GUY
Student # 50822
Darshan: Vahumana
Focus of study: Theory of Gov.
And that’s it. Sethos flips the index card over. It’s the receptionists name, her dorm building, “drop by sometime!” and a little heart. This happens to Sethos fairly regularly. He flips over the card quickly, pretending he didn’t see that.
“Uh. Um, so, I’m really sorry about this, but is there any more information you could give me? A class schedule, maybe some professors who he’s worked with? An emergency contact?”
The student looks a little disappointed. “I’m sorry, that’s all the information that’s publicly available. I’d need an official letter of permission from Hat Guy himself or an administrator to tell you any of that.”
Then she leans forward and looks at Sethos expectantly. “Did you…look at the back of the index card?”
“Uhhh…”
Before Sethos has to politely turn her down, the receptionist looks up over Sethos’ head and her eyes go wide in fear. Sethos feels a looming presence behind him. He turns around, and Alhaitham, the scribe of the Akedemiya and former (acting) Grand Sage, is standing right behind him.
“Sethos. It sounds like you need an administrator.” Alhaitham is as unreadable and dead serious as always.
Even though Sethos is technically equal to Alhaitham in the Akademiya’s ranks, it always feels like Alhaitham is his boss. He’s everyone else’s boss.
“No, no, it’s just a small project, nothing official. I don’t need–”
Alhaitham waves his hand towards the receptionist. “Give him the file. I trust he has his reasons.”
“You really–” Alhaitham is gone before Sethos can say anything.
Sethos and the receptionist both stare at each other in silence for a moment.
“You know Alhaitham ?” she asks.
“We’ve, uh, worked together before.”
She hands Sethos the file. “Just get it back to me before the library closes today.”
Sethos walks away. He’s pretty sure that Alhaitham has assisted him in committing unauthorized information theft, a serious crime in Sumeru. It’s not the first time Sethos has committed an information felony, but it was the first time it happened accidentally. Or for a reason so ridiculous.
There’s nothing in the file that Sethos is looking for. No emergency contact, and no address. Sethos can’t find anyone who might have a close enough relationship to Wanderer to tell him if he’s trans.
He still copies everything in the file down into his notebook. It’s a lot of minor infractions for disturbing classes, followed by disrespecting Matra officials. Some of these end in resolution letters signed by Lesser Lord Kusanali .
Sethos copies down Wanderer’s current and past class schedules. He writes down the name of Wanderer’s advisor. As he looks over his notes, he feels a little bit horrified by his own actions. This is going…a little too far. But he still doesn’t have the information he needs. If he was just any Akademiya staff member, he’d throw in the towel at this point. But Sethos, acting leader of the Temple of Silence, has more routes to information than the average person.
He gets up, returns the file, asks for a rain check on the study session, and heads out of the library. He has places to go and people to contact.
It’s not like a little guilt can stop him now.
Sethos is on his way downtown, walking past a row of cafes and restaurants, when he hears a familiar voice.
“Hey! Sethos! Hey!”
He turns and sees Dehya, sitting with a woman he doesn’t know. After everything he’s done today he’s feeling a little jumpy, and he’s hoping that doesn’t show. He’s going to be so normal and go say hello normally so he can get on with his day.
Sethos walks over to her and waves. She gestures to an empty chair at the table, but Sethos shakes his head.
“I just came over to say hello, I’m actually on my way to an appointment.”
Dehya looks incredibly out of place here. She’s always larger than life, but here in this quiet little cafe, next to a woman wearing expensive clothing, dripping in jewelry, who looks like she might fall over in a strong wind, she looks especially giant. She lounges in her seat, completely at ease. Sethos has worked with Dehya on occasion. If you need to get a lot of highly restricted materials out of a ruin fast, you hire the best.
“Dunyarzad, have you met Sethos?” Dehya asks her companion.
“No, I don’t believe so. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Dunyarzad smiles and gives Sethos a weak wave across the table.
Sethos smiles. “Likewise. Listen, I gotta get going.”
“Official business?” Dehya asks in a serious tone, as she takes a sip of her coffee.
“Just a personal project.”
“Anything I can help with? I owe you for your help with–” Dehya glances at Dunyarzad, who’s listening intently. “With last month’s camping trip.”
Last month Dehya had asked Sethos to show her the best routes through some particularly hard to navigate terrain. Hired him, really, even though he’d offer to do it for free. For a ridiculously low price, Sethos had helped her and her crew navigate a desert gorge. Although, the favor was less about the cheap guide services and more about the lack of questions on the many large barrels they were carrying extremely carefully.
“No, we’re even for that. I just like spending time out in the desert. You introduced me to your–”
Dehya quickly tilts her head towards Dunyarzad, still intently listening. Maybe an above-board client who didn’t need any hints about under-the-table jobs.
“Your friends. I missed talking with other desert folks. People get stuffy living the soft city life.”
Dehya laughs, and Sethos smiles, a little relieved that that’s over.
“Don’t I know it. Look, just let me know anytime you need something. You did me a favor, and I take that seriously.”
Sethos pauses. It’d be so easy to just walk away. But he can’t help himself.
“Actually… “
Dehya and Dunyarzad are both looking at him. He could back out. He can be normal about this.
“Do either of you know Hat Guy?”
They both look confused for a moment, and Sethos is disappointed in himself.
Dehya taps her fingers on the table. “That name sounds familiar for some reason. I can’t think of anything about him, though.”
Dunyarzad speaks up. “By Hat Guy, do you mean that man with the, ah, distinctive blue and gold hat?”
“Yes!”
That was a little loud. Sethos is leaning forward over the table and both Dehya and Dunyarzad are leaning away. Sethos pulls himself back.
“I-I see him at this cafe fairly often,” Dunyarzad answers, “I really don’t know anything about him. Funny his name is ‘Hat Guy’. It’s fitting.”
“Haha, isn’t it! Alright, I’ve bothered you both for long enough. Have a good day!”
Sethos quickly walks away, waving and smiling, before either of them can ask any more questions.
So Wanderer is a regular of that cafe? If he wants to try and make friends with Wanderer once this weird fixation ends, that might be the most useful information he’s found all day.
Hopefully, his next stop will be even better.
This was a new low. It was the fastest Sethos had sunk to this level of desperation in his life.
Actually, the second lowest and the second fastest. But the days surrounding the Rite of Duels were a special case.
Sethos is hanging around a less-than-reputable tavern near the edge of Sumeru City. He’s meeting up with someone who doesn’t like a lot of attention. And while he’s talking with her, Sethos would also enjoy some anonymity.
The Temple of Silence doesn’t exclusively function within the boundaries of Sumeru’s laws. The heavy responsibility of containing and preserving forbidden knowledge is highly valued by Lesser Lord Kusanali, and in exchange she, as well as the Matra and other regulatory bodies, look away from occasional illegal activity.
Sethos has a lot of different connections. This happens to be one of them.
“Well, well, well. It’s the big boss himself, coming all the way to this back alley to talk with me. I’m honored.”
It’s Dori. He’s meeting with Dori. It’s a low point in his life, and he’s going to be done with it after tomorrow.
“This is just some quick personal business.”
“I’m all business, kid. What do you need?” Dori smiles like a shark.
“Medical records. Two names, same person.”
Sethos passes Dori a small folded piece of paper. She opens it, looks at it, and laughs.
“Hey, I know this guy! This’ll be quick, with my expertise.” She tucks the paper away. “Now, how bad do you want this info?” Dori rubs her hands together.
“20,000 mora.”
“Ha! Chump change.”
“Chump change for a chump job. You could do this in your sleep.”
“Tut tut tut. I can do it quickly, but it’s because I’ve got decades of experience. Expensive decades. 200,000.”
Sethos actually laughs. “Do you really think you can intimidate me? We’ve bargained for bigger fish than this.”
“Eh, true. Really, I don’t want your money when you’re sitting on an even better gold mine.”
Sethos rolls his eyes. He was expecting this. “Info for info. I see how it is. Fine, you get me some medical records, I’ll get you some low-security risk files that are cluttering up my desk. Does that work for you?”
“Beautifully. Always a pleasure doing business with you.”
They shake on the deal, and Sethos just barely keeps himself from wiping his hand off afterwards.
“I’ll get it to you tomorrow.” Dori says.
“I can meet in the morning before–”
Dori waves him off. “I don’t know when it’ll be ready, but I’ll run it over to you as soon as it is.”
“Run it to me?”
“To your house. I know where you live.” Dori adjusts her glasses.
Sethos scowls. “Fine, I need some time to get the stuff on my end ready anyway. Are we done?”
“We’re all set, boss. See you around.” Dori walks off into the night.
Sethos feels dirty. But he needs answers, and he needs them fast. Once he has Wanderer’s medical records, he’ll know for sure. It’s below the belt. It’s dirty, and Sethos is ashamed. But Wanderer was the one who started this, who played dirty first. He wants to keep it a secret? Fine. Sethos deals in secrets.
It was enough rationalization to convince him to do it, but he’s going to regret this later. It’s fine. He’ll stop after tomorrow. He promises himself that he’ll stop tomorrow.
The next morning, Sethos stays in and nervously cleans his house. Dori could “drop by” any moment. So when he hears a knock on the door around 11 he opens it very cautiously.
“Good morning! I brought some fruit and mushrooms. Can I come in?”
Sethos pauses for a second while he shifts from “haggling with Dori for a stranger’s personal information” to “making small talk with the General Mahamatra’s husband who’s also kind of my brother-in-law”.
“Sethos, why do you look so suspicious? Did you sleep?”
Sethos takes a big breath and puts on a big smile. “Tighnari! Sorry! I was just doing some cleaning and I got a little lost in my own thoughts. Come in!”
Tighnari steps through the door hesitantly.
“Uh, welcome in! Sorry it’s…”
Sethos watches Tighnari take in the scene. All of Sethos’ furniture (not that there’s much of it) has been pushed to the side, because he started mopping, but then halfway through got distracted and wanted to clean out his oven. Then he decided he needed to clean out his back door screen. Somewhere along the line he had opened most of his windows, which meant that a few papers that were on his desk are now scattered across the wet floors.
“I’ll just pull this over.” Sethos pulls his couch back into the center of his room, then takes the coffee table over from where it was stacked on top of his kitchen table. “Please, sit down.”
“I just wanted to come over and catch up, I’m sorry I caught you in the middle of this.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Sethos smiles and sits down next to Tighnari. “So how have you been? How long are you staying in the city?”
Before Tighnari can respond, there’s a knock on the door. Sethos’ stomach sinks.
“I just heard someone knock, are you going to go get that?” Tighnari asks, politely but with a worried expression.
There’s a louder knock.
“Yeah, sorry about this, just give me a second.”
Sethos walks towards the door and takes a deep breath. Why did it have to happen like this?
“Morning, boss.” Dori says, her signature predatory smile on her face.
“Good morning. Look, this isn’t a great time, but if we can do this quickly and quietly–” Sethos is talking in a harsh whisper, but Dori cuts him off.
“I actually just stopped by to tell you that you don’t owe me anything.”
“What?”
“He has no medical records. Not a doctor, not a dentist, never stepped foot in a professional medical office. Hasn’t even gotten a haircut.”
How is that possible? Sethos was certain that Wanderer must have some kind of supplier for testosterone, or history of top surgery, but if he doesn’t ever go to a doctor… Maybe he really isn’t human.
Dori is glancing into Sethos’ house.
“Wait, you have the general’s little watchdog over? Shit, I gotta get outta here. That’s enough free info out of me anyway. You owe me one, Sethos.”
Dori slips around the side of the house and disappears faster than Sethos thought possible.
Sethos turns around and Tighnari is standing right behind him.
Sethos starts making excuses immediately. “Look, I know this looks bad. But I was just doing some background checks, it’s just that underground connections are faster than any–”
“Please stop talking.”
“Please, please don’t tell Cyno.”
Tighnari sighs dramatically. “I won’t tell him. Believe me, I don’t want to deal with the fallout from that about as much as you do. Let’s just sit down and talk about this.”
So they sit down, and they talk. Sethos is able to mostly explain it away as “quick background checks on a potential new temple member”, and he knows that Tighnari doesn’t believe it. But they spend half an hour catching up on all the normal things they’ve been up to. Sethos keeps the conversation focused on Tighnari. As Tighnari is saying goodbye, he leaves Sethos with a request.
“Look, Sethos, I know that you’re feeling…” Tighnari looks around at the disordered apartment and then Sethos’ face with a concerned look, “...not your best. It’s ok to ask for help. Just please, try to calm down. And I’ll see you in a few days when you come over to Cyno’s for dinner. Collei will be there. We’ll have a nice, normal time. Think about why you’ve been feeling strange and just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
Tighnari leaves. Sethos closes the door and sinks down until he’s sitting on the cold, damp floor. The last day has been a burst of crazy manic energy that Sethos regrets. Tighnari is right. He needs to calm down. He picks himself up off the floor, stretches, and starts to put his house back together.
As the day goes on, Sethos really really does try to let it all go. He wasn’t able to figure out if Wanderer is really trans. So his whole plan of outing himself as trans to Wanderer to save him from self-hatred is out. He doesn’t want to share that information with someone who really genuinely believes that they are a better man and a stronger person than him just based on what’s in his pants. Sethos' isn't convinced that Wanderer is cis, either. He just needs more information. No, let it go.
Sethos fixes his house. He reads a new light novel imported from Inazuma, something wild and distracting. Until the main character gains the power of flight and Sethos is overwhelmed with mental images of a boy who sounds like wind chimes flying away from him again and again. He slams the book shut and tosses it away, then collapses down on his couch.
He lies there for half an hour. He’s a failure in every aspect of his life. He can’t measure up to anyone. Everything slips through his fingers. Cyno is just a better version of Sethos. It’s like he’s a version of him from another timeline where he’s actually capable of having his own goals and desires for the future. Ambition. His grandfather always said he was lacking ambition. But it’s not just ambition. There’s something magnetic about Cyno, something that makes people respect him. He has famous talented friends. And a partner. Actually a husband. They’re married. How the hell did Cyno manage to already get married when he’s only two years older than Sethos? Sethos has had, what, one girlfriend? And two hookups? Total, in his whole life?
“AAAAAAA!”
Sethos yells at himself and it echoes in his quiet, empty house. He’s gotta get out of there.
Sethos doesn’t usually go to the Akademiya library for anything but work. But he needs something really, really distracting to read.
So he’s browsing the shelves. After an hour or two of searching he has one mystery thriller that promises “breakneck action, a book you can’t put down!” and a horror novel with a review saying “I couldn’t sleep for two weeks after I read this!” Sethos is now browsing some academic theory. He remembers, with mixed emotions, the stress of trying to read and analyze a dense text the night before his grandfather expected a report. That filled up his mind better than anything else. It’s ridiculous, but it’s better than doing illegal information trading because he’s obsessing over–
Hat Guy?!
This collection of political theory essays has Hat Guy listed as an author. Sethos puts down his other two books and flips open to Hat Guy’s essay.
His writing is unmistakable. It’s incredibly critical and pessimistic, but he clearly knows what he’s talking about when it comes to politics, and he has an encyclopedic knowledge of history. He is criticizing the Raiden Shogun’s public health policies, summarizing hundreds of years of “policies so negligent they may as well have been death sentences.” In writing, and when being used against someone who’s incredibly powerful and actually deserves criticism, Wanderer’s infuriating comments are actually… kind of funny? He calls the Raiden Shogun “a woman who, like most inept leaders, surrounds herself with vassals so air-headed that I suspect they might float away at any moment.” It’s dry, sure. But for an academic text, it’s pretty good. It’s just funny. That’s why Sethos is enjoying it so much.
Sethos puts down the novels and grabs three or four copies of the student essay anthologies. Whatever. It’s distracting.
That night, Sethos tries to go to sleep. He looks at the ceiling. He thinks about how he doesn’t know how much longer he can flounder around doing errands for other people, planning meetings he doesn’t want to go to, contemplating taking classes on subjects he isn’t interested in. He shifts around in his bed. He wishes he could talk to someone about this, but he doesn’t know many people who aren’t wildly successful professionals with fulfilling home lives.
He turns over and looks at the books he found in the library today, stacked on his bedroom bookshelf.
Wanderer didn’t have a single emergency contact. Sethos couldn’t find a single person who considered themselves his friend, even after a week or two of searching. He’s a student, but what career aspirations could he have? He might be studying politics, but he obviously doesn’t want to spend his life leading people. He doesn’t even want to talk to them. What would Wanderer say to that question, what do you want to do with your life?
Something mean.
Sethos gets out of bed, picks up the books, goes to his desk, and starts reading.
He takes notes on Wanderer’s essays in the same notebook that contains all of the information that Sethos copied over from Wanderer’s student records. Sethos learns a few fascinating things about Wanderer. First, he is obsessed with criticizing the Raiden Shogun to the point of absurdity. He’ll throw the occasional advisor or other historical Inazuman political figure under the bus (Yae Miko is one of his favorite targets) but it always comes back to Raiden. It’s so visceral, it must be personal. This gives the “disgraced Inazuman nobleman” theory some traction. Sethos actually writes that sentence in his notes. It’s one of those times he pauses, then chooses to stop thinking about how crazy this is getting. Sitting down at his desk while reading and taking notes is technically calmer than the things he did yesterday, so he’s still following Tighnari’s advice.
He skims the other student essays so that he can pretend that he’s actually interested in political theory. That’s when he discovers that not all of Wanderer’s essays are written under the name Hat Guy. A few of them are anonymous. And they are brutal.
In one particularly nasty essay accusing the Inazuman government of using the light novel industry to fund the recent civil war, he implies that Raiden and Yae Miko have been in a political and sexual relationship for hundreds of years. He writes “the entire Inazuman weapons industry is the ugly, blood-soaked lovechild of a relationship so steeped in illegal activity that it might be fair to say the Inazuman government is more akin to an organized crime family than a mere dictatorship”. Sethos actually gasped out loud at that one. The level of disrespect is vile but addicting. When Sethos gets up for a quick stretch break, it’s starting to get light outside. It’s time to stop.
About three hours of sleep later, Sethos hurts all over. He kind of regrets staying up all night reading essays written by Wanderer. But he looks over at the stack of books and smiles. Is he crushing on a guy because of his political theory essays? He pulls himself out of bed and gets dressed, desperately wishing he’ll be able to let it go soon.
Sethos is pretty distracted through the morning because of a massive budget meeting that requires the participation of every single Darshan and faction of the administration. He’s actually going to be serving as the official representative of the Temple of Silence. Because Cyno is representing the Matra. But still.
Sethos does his best to stay awake through the meeting. It’s a challenge to stay present through four hours of watching old women and men hurl thinly-veiled insults at each other over the petty minutiae of the Akademiya’s bloated budget. You can only watch two people yell at each other about how many cups the staff office really needs for so long. Luckily, Sethos survives the meeting. He gives his budget presentation. Multiple important officials show vague concern over his eyebags and untamed hair. Alhaitham literally says “You look like shit.” and Sethos laughs. Everyone thinks he’s being nice. Sethos is over the politics and niceties, that was just genuinely hilarious. He goes home in the early evening and crashes into bed.
He wakes up in the middle of the night. He doesn’t know what time it is. He gets up, drinks water straight from the sink in a daze, then collapses back into bed. And now he can’t sleep because his sleeps schedule is all messed up. But he needs to, because he’s seeing Cyno and Tighnari tomorrow, and if he doesn’t pass that social interaction he’ll be in trouble.
Sometimes Sethos wonders if his adoptive grandfather might have instilled some unreasonable anxieties in him related to interacting with family.
Sethos stares at the ceiling and stops resisting it. He thinks about Wanderer. He thinks about that moment of vulnerability he showed after their fight in the classroom, how innocent he looked, that surge of desire to protect him. How badly he wanted to reach out and grab him, hold him, keep him from getting away yet again. He thinks about following him down the hallways of the Akademia, his heart beating so fast in anger but with this deep, sick fascination over this bizarre person pushing him forward no matter how hard he tries to resist. Stepping out into the courtyard with him. What if things had gone differently? What if Sethos had been grabbing his hand and leading Wanderer out into the chilly night air, to chat about the weather, his day, Wanderer’s day. What would Wanderer say? Does he make jokes sometimes? It seems like he would, from reading those essays. He can picture Wanderer writing them, pages and pages of furious ramblings and still these moments of humor. Flashes of light in the dark. Sethos is smiling, a real smile, for the first time in this long horrible day. He pictures those deep blue eyes in the dappled light, a light hand on his chest. As his thoughts dip into the subconscious, he thinks about that hand sliding down his chest, going to other places. He sleeps.
The next morning he wakes up and remembers enough of his dreams to feel weird about it but not as much as he wished he remembered. They slip away as he gets up, brushes his teeth, and eats some breakfast. He heads down to the the Akademiya, slips into the secret side passage, and then does incredibly boring paperwork related to the budget meeting for hours. Once he’s done, he’s a little happier, because he has the next week and a half off while budget deliberations continue. He’s going to get out of the city, go camping, and then spend some time at home in the real Temple of Silence. He’s been looking forward to this for a while.
And he won’t see Wanderer.
In the early afternoon Sethos gets up, walks back through the main library, and then into the Akademiya campus. He has just enough time to go home and double check his camping equipment before he goes over to Cyno’s place, which would be really productive and a great use of his time because he has a lot of preparations to make. He’ll be so busy tomorrow.
Sethos shifts nervously by the main entrance of the Akademiya. He readjusts his scarf. He bites his lip, takes a deep breath. He starts walking home...
And then he curses at himself and turns around because he can’t take it anymore. He walks around the library down to the staff offices. It’s a little late but he knows from Faruzan that Wanderer usually finishes his message delivery runs around this time. They’ll all have urgent messages to send, there’s as many last-minute paperwork fixes as there are urgent apologies from yesterday’s budget meeting. Sethos only has to worry about not being spotted by a professor and sent out on a message delivery himself.
He slips down the hallway through empty cubicles, ducking down everytime he sees an administrator. He moves as silently as he would if he was stalking prey.
Stalking . No, he’s just…setting up an “accidental” meeting.
Then he hears wind chimes. Sethos presses himself up against the back of the cubicle he’s hiding behind. He’s on the far side of the room, so he absolutely won’t be seen.
All he has to do is stand up and start walking. But he has to do it right now or it’ll be obvious that he was hiding behind a cubicle. His heart is beating so so fast in his chest. Footsteps and the jingling sound gets louder.
“Hey. Naphis. I have a letter for you.”
He sounds so angry. Sethos smiles. He’s been thinking about that voice, the sarcastic tone, so much. Reading essays and imagining Wanderer rolling his eyes as he rebukes a defense of the Raiden Shogun. He can picture Wanderer tossing the letter onto Naphis’ desk. More jingling, the clear and unmistakable sound of Wanderer turning around and leaving. Naphis is asking who the letter is from as the footsteps move farther away. He’s leaving. Sethos didn’t say anything, he didn’t even get to see him.
Sethos waits until the footsteps get a little farther down the hall. He stands up and starts speedwalking after him.
Naphis is yelling after Sethos as he heads down the hall. “Wait a moment, Sethos! I’m writing an urgent response, if you could just wait–”
Sethos turns and walks backwards, smiling and waving to Naphis. “Sorry! Busy! Rain check!”
Sethos keeps walking down the hall until he gets to the main entrance chamber of the Akademiya. He spots the giant blue and gold hat moving through the crowd from halfway across the room. Sethos could navigate through the crowd and close the distance between him and Wanderer. It would be a little tricky, but it’s possible. He starts walking over, dodging groups of students. But what is he going to say? “Hi, I know the last time we talked I was yelling at you, but I read six of your essays and now I’m having conversations with you in my head every night?” Or “Are you trans? I need to know so I can have more accurate dreams about having sex with you.”
Sethos doesn’t get close enough to Wanderer to try and talk to him before Wanderer leaves the Akademiya building. Sethos follows him outside, where Wanderer is incredibly easy to spot heading down the steps and towards the main gate. Sethos blends into the crowd again, which is pretty easy because the Akademiya is crowded with students meeting up with their friends, getting out of classes, or heading to the cafeteria. Wanderer leaves the main campus and turns, not heading towards the city but heading up towards some of the administration buildings.
Sethos follows. Where is he going? It seems like he’s heading home for the day, and Faruzan said he lives near campus but not near student housing. Student housing is on the other side of the campus anyway. And he can’t be going that far, or he would be flying. Maybe he’s looking for a place away from the crowd of students to take off? Sethos’ heart sinks as he realizes that Wanderer is almost certainly going to fly away and disappear yet again. He won’t get a chance to see Wanderer’s face lit up by the beginning of the sunset, to refresh his memory of his too-perfect features, his pessimistic scowl. At least when Wanderer leaves Sethos won’t have said something weird and creepy to him.
But Wanderer gets to where the crowd thins and Sethos doesn’t see a blue bur rise up above the crowd and speed off. He actually loses Wanderer for a moment before he can escape the crowd. But there’s the stupid giant hat and its stupid beautiful ribbons and gold ornaments.
What if he just ran up and snatched the hat away? He didn’t know how much he’d want to see it again when he first found it. Maybe he’ll steal the hat and hold it hostage so that Wanderer is forced to talk to him.
When did I get so creepy? What happened to me?
Wanderer keeps walking towards the upper Akademiya offices and Sethos keeps following him at a distance, managing to blend into the sparser crowd of senior researchers and tired administrators. Where is he going? There’s nothing up here but offices and, like, the Sanctuary of Surasthana. Wanderer keeps walking, past the offices, and up to the next ramp. Towards the Sanctuary.
Who is this guy? Why is this disrespectful nobody going to the most important and sacred place in all of Sumeru, the place where Lesser Lord Kusanali is? Does he know the Dendro Archon?? Wanderer is walking confidently, not faltering, just heading home for the day. Sethos walks closer to the bushes on the side of the path, in case Wanderer turns around and he needs to take cover. Wanderer walks up the steps of the grand building, and that confirms it. This is getting too weird, and Sethos is just so baffled by learning that Wanderer lives at the Sanctuary of Surasthana that he knows he couldn’t say anything more than “huh? What? You live there ?”
Sethos has met Lesser Lord Kusanali once or twice, she was incredibly kind, but the sheer power and knowledge she possessed made talking to her terrifying in the best circumstances. How does Wanderer survive living next to a god when he is the most disrespectful person that has ever been born? Sethos never wants to see Lesser Lord Kusanali angry. He’s kind of worried about Wanderer facing the wrath of a god, to be honest. So worried, in fact, that he bumps into a bush, making a loud rustling sound.
Sethos freezes and his stomach plummets. Wanderer turns around to look at the noise. Sethos dives behind the bush.
Wanderer looks around in confusion. He’s scowling. The golden light from the setting sun hits his face, lighting up those big blue eyes and casting a glow across his delicate features.
Sethos needed this. He needed to see Wanderer just one more time before he left the city. It’s just a little more than a week, but it feels like it’ll be months.
Wanderer shakes his head, turns away, and enters the Sanctuary. Sethos wasn’t spotted. He chickened out of talking to Wanderer. He’s disappointed in himself, sure. But he’s so excited that he knows where Wanderer lives, and that he has another mystery to ponder about this strange man. That’s enough to keep his thoughts occupied through the next week and a half.
Sethos does take a moment to acknowledge that he is hiding behind the bushes, and that that was super weird and he needs to never do anything like that again. He plucks a few stray leaves out of his hair. He promises himself that he won’t stalk Wanderer.
But he knows it’s a lie.
And now he has to run across the city so he’s not late to dinner with Cyno and Tighnari.