Chapter Text
Sirius Black was nineteen when he started writing The Alchemy . He never thought of himself as a writer, no, Regulus was the one who liked books, who healed through the simple act of writing his feelings down on paper as if that changed anything.
But at nineteen, when it all fell apart, and Sirius was sure he had nothing to lose anymore, he started to write.
At first, it was absolutely awful. In fact, it was so bad he wanted to burn it.
He didn’t. Instead, he kept writing, kept trying, even when his attempts at it felt clumsy and futile, even when his mind refused to cooperate.
But over time, he started to realize the value of writing his feelings down, of expressing them when there was no one who would listen.
When he was completely alone.
It wasn’t about perfection, like he originally thought. It was about survival. About learning to give a voice to his mind.
So he started to write more and more, and before he knew it, he started to get ideas for writing something beyond just his feelings.
What if he could give people like him something to hold onto?
What if he could express the feelings they had for them?
What if he could almost…hold a mirror to their emotions?
And so, The Alchemy was born.
Writing it was frustrating. So very frustrating, but Sirius Black was not one to back down from a challenge.
It took months of late nights and early mornings, more cups of coffee than probably healthy, not that Sirius cared, but after eight months of hard work, he had his first draft ready.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was something, and Sirius Black finally had something to be proud of again.
So over the next few weeks, he worked tirelessly, trying to make his work as good as he possibly could. It was exhausting — frustrating, at times — but he refused to relent.
He wrote a second draft, and a third, and even a fourth until on his twentieth birthday, he finally sent out his draft, hoping anyone would pick it up.
At first, he only received rejections, big publishers telling him to try again. Two weeks after he had sent out his draft, he received a fateful message, though, asking him to go to a meeting.
The person he was meeting?
Albus Dumbledore.
He was the head of the publishing house Hogwarts & Co., one of the biggest in the US.
So Sirius met him, and they talked. He hadn’t known what to expect, but when he left, he had a book deal for The Alchemy.
Seven months later, it was finally released.
Two years later, it was announced it would become a film, and not just by any director, but by Dorcas Meadowes.
Four months later, filming is finally set to begin.
As he arrives on set that day, Sirius isn’t sure what to expect. He’s thrilled that his book will be adapted, proud of all the hard work he had done to make this happen, but he is also nervous.
Regulus Arcturus Black.
It’s all the press — especially the Daily Prophet — have been writing about in the past few weeks, obsessing over Dorcas’ choice to not only pick James Potter — which most people agreed was simply perfect for his role, Sirius included — but also Regulus Black.
Now Sirius knows about their rivalry — few people don’t — he knows that the two can barely stand to be in the same room together without starting an argument. What he doesn’t understand is why they hate each other so much.
Regulus, he gets, his brother is just the type of person to dislike almost everyone he’s ever met. But James?
James is like the sun, all warm and kind and charismatic.
He doesn’t seem to dislike anyone at all.
Except for Regulus.
Sirius shakes his head, dismissing the thoughts as he walks closer to the airport. He’s not the only one flying out from Los Angeles — according to the sheet Dorcas handed him when they last saw each other five days ago — he’d fly together with Remus Lupin, who is the Director of Photography, Peter Pettigrew, who’s going to be Product Assistant, and Emma Vanity, who was responsible for the casting.
Now, the only name he recognized when he first saw the sheet was Remus Lupin. Sirius has never met him before, not personally, but he has seen him at award shows before, and from what he’s seen of Remus, he knows Dorcas made an excellent choice.
As for Peter Pettigrew, Sirius did some research. He’s somewhat of a newcomer in the industry, only graduating a year ago. But during his university years, he already worked on multiple projects, one of which was eventually released as a short feature film in cinemas in California.
From what Sirius can judge, he’s talented, but inexperienced, probably just hoping to learn while he’s on The Alchemy ’s set.
As for Emma Vanity, she has more experience. She’s worked together with Dorcas before, and again, it doesn’t surprise Sirius that she chose her. Emma seems hard-working, passionate about her craft, and she has an almost uncanny ability when it comes to casting.
The rest of the crew already flew in earlier that morning, while Sirius opted to enjoy sunny California for a few more hours before they landed in an almost uninhabited part of Canada to begin filming.
The flight itself was to Vancouver, where they would spend the night before heading north.
According to Dorcas, the isolated nature of the set should help everyone focus on the project, and what it meant.
As Sirius passes security, he catches a glimpse of a tall, handsome man with a sharp jaw and bright eyes who he instantly recognizes as Remus Lupin. He immediately walks over to him, a faint smile on his lips.
“Sirius Black,” he introduces himself, holding out a hand. “You must be Remus Lupin?”
The man’s eyes flicker to Sirius for a moment before nodding.
“Yes,” he says, his voice slightly rough as he shakes Sirius’ hand. “It’s an honor to meet you. I’m a big fan of your work.”
Sirius feels a slight blush rise on his neck at Remus’ words, but he simply nods in acknowledgment.
“Thank you,” he replies. “I’ve seen a few of your projects, as well,” Sirius adds. “You have a lot of talent. I am not surprised Dorcas picked you.”
Remus’ smile widens as he listens to his words.
“Dorcas?”, he repeats. “Are you two close?”
Sirius lets out a small laugh, shaking his head slightly.
“We’ve seen a lot of each other over the past few months,” he replies. “Does that fit your definition of ‘close’, Lupin?”
“I guess so,” Remus agrees. “But please, call me Remus.”
Sirius’ throat goes dry at that, so he settles for simply nodding in acknowledgment.
“Now come on,” he goes on. “Let’s go.”
By the time the two of them reach the gate, it’s almost twenty-past-six. Only around half an hour until they are both headed to Canada.
The thought of it is enough to give Sirius goosebumps. He’s excited, thrilled, really, maybe not lastly because of Remus. He’s kind, and witty, and he already knows how to make him laugh.
The two settle in their seats in the lounge as they order drinks and a snack, waiting for the others to arrive.
“So, Remus,” Sirius asks, trying not to think about how good Remus’ name sounds on his lips. “What made you join this group of misfits? Beyond the allure of working together with Dorcas, of course.”
Remus chuckles at his question, a warm, rich sound that makes Sirius want to hear it again, and again, until it’s seared into his mind, until he can’t forget it.
“It’s complicated,” he says, his demeanor turning more serious. “The past year…it’s been hard. So when the call came, I knew I couldn’t say no.”
Sirius is about to ask what a guy like Remus could possibly be going through that is hard, when he’s interrupted by the arrival of Peter Pettigrew and Emma Vanity. Peter is a shorter man with brown hair and sharp eyes. Emma is taller, blonde and her eyes are a striking green.
“Oi! Black! Lupin!”, he calls. “Over here.”
“Perfect timing,” Sirius replies, turning to Remus before the two walk over to Emma and Peter.
Peter’s smile is almost infectious as he reaches out his hand to Remus, and then Sirius. “Peter Pettigrew,” he introduces himself. “Producer Assistant, at your service.”
His tone is light and there is an almost teasing edge to it that makes Sirius smile as well.
“You must be Emma Vanity, then?” Remus Lupin asks, already having turned to her, his voice low and smooth.
“The one and only,” she replies, a faint smile playing on her lips. “Though you probably already knew that.”
The flight is as short as it is peaceful. Sirius spends the time looking out of the window, trying to imagine what the next few weeks and months will bring. He’s nervous, obviously, but he’s also excited.
When he turns to Remus, who’s sitting next to him, staring at his laptop, Sirius puts his hand on his arm.
“Lupin,” he says. “Are you actually working right now?”
Remus looks up, smiling slightly at Sirius’ words.
“It’s not work if you enjoy it,” he counters. “Besides, didn’t I tell you to call me Remus?”
He smiles as well, his tone turning light and teasing.
“Don’t change the subject, Remus ,” Sirius replies. “And yes, it is work, even if you enjoy it. Come on, you deserve a few hours of off-time.”
“I hate you already,” Remus informs him, but the slight twitch of his lips betrays his amusement.
Sirius’ smile widens into a smirk as he takes the laptop from Remus, who lets him.
“Oh really?”, he asks. “That’s actually perfect because I’m trying to break my record.”
At that, he raises an eyebrow, shaking his head slightly at his antics.
“You are impossible.”
“If you mean impossibly charming, then yes, you are absolutely right,” Sirius counters. “Now, come on, let’s do something else.”
Remus looks at him for a moment, still smiling faintly, before he speaks again.
“We could sleep,” he offers, his voice carrying a tinge of sarcasm, enjoying the way he reacts.
“No. Boring,” Sirius replies. “Sleep is for the dead. No…let’s play a game.”
“Was that your motto when you wrote The Alchemy ?” Remus deadpans, his voice turning teasing.
Sirius’ smile widens at his witty reply, feeling another blush rise on his neck.
“I don’t think I was lucid enough half of the time to even have a motto while writing The Alchemy ,” he replies, watching for Remus’ reaction, who just shakes his head slightly, his demeanor turning more serious.
“Sirius,” he asks, his tone more careful now. “Can I ask you something?”
Sirius’ smile fades slightly as he nods.
“Of course,” he answers. “Anything.”
Remus hesitates for a moment before he begins to speak again, his tone even more careful now.
“ The Alchemy ,” he begins. “What inspired you to write it? I’ve read articles about it, and some people…some people say it was originally a way for you to express your emotions. Is that true?”
Sirius blinks once, twice, and even a third time, since he wasn’t expecting Remus to ask him that . But he’s still there when his eyes open again, so he has.
“Well, it’s not made up, I can tell you that much,” Sirius replies carefully. “ The Alchemy was a way for me to express my emotions, I guess, during a very hard time of my life. It was…my sanctuary, in a way. But it’s grown to be much more than that.”
Remus smiles again at Sirius’ answer, looking out of the window for a moment.
“It certainly has,” he agrees. “It brought a group of strangers to Canada.”
Sirius smiles as well at Remus’ words, suddenly feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.
“Yeah,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “It has.”
For a moment, there is nothing but silence until Remus breaks it once more.
“So about that game,” he begins, his voice teasing once more. “What game were you thinking of?”
Sirius laughs softly at Remus’ question, before answering.
“Truth Or Dare?”
“What are we, teenagers?”, Remus counters, but he nods in agreement nonetheless. “Alright. Truth or dare, Sirius?”
Sirius considers it for a moment before deciding.
“Truth,” he answers, hoping Remus won’t ask him anything about his family.
“Truth,” Remus repeats, and for a moment, there is silence once more, but it’s the comfortable kind, that settles over you like a blanket. “How do you feel about all of this? I mean, The Alchemy being turned into a movie, your brother being cast…”
So he does know , Sirius thinks, and it’s illogical, but he feels slightly betrayed as if there is anyone on the set who won’t know about Regulus and him.
He forces himself to smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and from the look Remus gives him, the slight hint of concern, he can tell.
“It’s…scary,” Sirius says finally. “It’s not easy, doing this, because a part of me just wants my book to stay the way it is. A movie…it will change the readers’ perception. But there is also the other part who wants everyone to see my work, even if it’s scary. Even if it’s hard. Maybe, even especially if it’s difficult.”
He pauses for a moment, watching as Remus nods, listening intently.
“But I think in the end,” he continues. “The journey is what matters.”
It feels slightly strange to be this honest with a stranger, because that’s what Remus is, even if he doesn’t seem like he is, but with him, it’s almost…comfortable. Like Sirius can let himself be honest. Like he can let the walls that he’s built up for years down.
“The journey is what matters,” Remus repeats, a smile crossing his sharp features. “That’s beautiful, Sirius.”
Sirius’ throat goes dry at that again, and he already hates and loves the effect Remus has on him with so few words. He simply nods in agreement, waiting for a moment.
“It’s your turn, Remus,” he says when he feels like he can talk again without sounding nervous. “Truth or dare?”
And oh — the smile that Remus gives him makes Sirius want to jump out of the airplane.
“Dare,” he replies.
Kiss me, a part of Sirius’ mind whispers, but he immediately shuts that down. No. No. That’s not — just no.
“Dare, huh?” Sirius hears himself say, but it feels like he’s far away, listening in on a conversation that isn’t meant for him. “Let’s say…tell me something you have never told anyone before.”
Remus’ smile widens at Sirius’ words, turning into a smirk.
“Something I have never told anyone before,” he repeats thoughtfully. “I once got drunk when I was eleven.”
Sirius lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head slightly.
“Why?”
“I was curious,” Remus replies. “I was a curious child.”
“So you got drunk?”
“My parents weren’t home,” he defends himself, his lips twitching slightly in amusement.
“Tell me everything.”
The rest of the flight passes by in a blur. By the time the airplane touches down in Vancouver, the sun is already descending, now barely visible above the horizon.
By the time they arrive at their hotel and check-in, it’s almost ten p.m.
By the time, Sirius is in bed, it’s eleven p.m.
But he stays up, taking out his laptop with a weary sigh. He knows he should sleep, but now that Remus is gone and now that he’s alone again, his nerves come back in full force.
So unless he works until he’s too exhausted to stay awake any longer, he will just spend half of the night tossing and turning before falling asleep.
As he goes over the script of The Alchemy , he isn’t sure what he’s even looking for. Mistakes? Things that he can fix?
He’s gone over the script a hundred times and made sure it’s absolutely perfect, but that doesn’t stop him from doing it once more, even if it’s slightly pointless.
Predictably, he doesn’t find anything, and so by midnight, he starts to feel like the walls are closing in on him, and he can’t breathe.
With a weary sigh, he gets out of his bed and walks to the balcony of the hotel they are staying in. It’s an expensive one, four, maybe even five stars, but Sirius is so anxious he can’t even appreciate it.
He leans against the railing of the balcony, looking at the stars above him.
Sirius has always loved stars, despite the fact that they are connected to his family, and worse, to his parents. The steady glow of them is comforting, and it helps tonight as well, as his breaths turn from shallow and ragged to even and deep.
He’s about to turn back into his room when he hears a familiar voice.
“They didn’t tell me you’d be here.”
Sirius closes his eyes, feeling like a bucket of cold water has just been dumped over him.
“It’s my book, Reg,” he replies, turning to face his brother. He looks different — he’s taller now, but his eyes still hold that coldness that drove Sirius away. “What did you expect?”
Regulus lets out a harsh scoff, taking a step closer to his brother.
“Do you really want to talk about expectations to me?”, he asks, and his voice is as sharp as ever. Sirius barely resists the urge to flinch.
“It’s my book,” he repeats instead. “It’s not my fault that you didn’t know, Reg.”
He’s silent for a moment before he lets out another scoff, turning away from Sirius and disappearing back into the shadows.
Sirius stands there, almost like he’s waiting for something, before he sighs softly, and turns back to the stars in the night sky.
He hates that he and his brother haven’t learned from their past, that they have grown up to be worse than when they were children.
He hates that he hates his brother.
He hates that he can’t — won’t — forgive him.
Sirius stays standing there until his legs start to ache.
Then he turns away from the stars, fading into the shadows.