Chapter Text
Castiel did an indoor volume whistle, and Dozer howled along with Dean’s voice as the last guitar notes faded. For a moment, it was just the snapping and popping of the logs in the stove. Dean glanced at them and tucked his bangs behind his ear shyly. “I guess…that’s a good reaction? No nose bleeds, right?”
Castiel wrote in his notebook and handed it to Dean. Excellent songs, Dean! You’re playing is so full of emotion. You play from the heart, and it’s enchanting to listen to. Thank you.
Dean’s plan had worked, showing him a piece of himself to make up for snooping.
Dean carefully packed the guitar away, and they weirdly moved around each other for the rest of the evening. After dinner, Dean worked on chords, and Castiel sat on the couch, working on a new poem. The evening was quiet but comfortable. However, he couldn’t decide on anything to work on. Too much had happened today, and Castiel didn’t know how to move forward. Because Dean was avoiding him, he thought. He tried to kiss him earlier while making dinner, but Dean dodged him. So…that’s just confusing.
The day caught up to him, and suddenly, Castiel was hit with a wave of exhaustion. He finished his routine and awkwardly waved at Dean before heading to his loft. “Night, Cas!”
Castiel went and flopped into his bed. A tiny part of him wished Dean was here under the covers with him. So that he could keep exploring that warm flesh, hear Dean’s voice deep with desire continuing to whisper in his ear. Castiel wasn’t sure what was worse. The pining without knowing how well they fit together like puzzle pieces or the space between them afterward. Had he done something wrong? He didn’t think so. Sure, it probably wasn’t Dean’s top ten experiences, but he sounded like he’d been enjoying himself. But he didn’t know and had no clue how to broach such things.
Castiel gnawed on his lip. Do I feel any different? Not really. Still the same dreams and worries. He may have been less tense about things. He would have ripped Dean’s head from his shoulders for reading his poetry journal any other day.
Could I ask for more? The problem is, do I want more? He turned to lay on his stomach and watched Dean and Dozer snuggling on the couch, Dozer thinking he’s a ten-pound housecat. Dean’s petting him absentmindedly, eyes closed. Castiel had to be honest. He did. He truly enjoyed Dean’s presence, even if it was just as friends. If Dean regretted today, then that’s on him. Because I did not. Dean was like a wild horse Castiel thinks he’d grabbed the reins of. Move too fast, and he’ll run away. Maybe that’s what’s happening?
This would be something he’d ask Gabriel about.
Castiel lay awake in bed for a long time, unsure how to move forward with the man on his couch. If there was any way to move forward at all.
~*~
Breakfast was noisy since they kept changing the radio stations every time each other’s back was turned as they moved around the kitchen. Jazz to Classic Rock and back, over and over, until the radio just froze on a station playing vintage Christmas music. They ended up listening to Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra while they ate. Dean hummed along as he washed the dishes afterward. As he nursed his coffee, Castiel realized he had a major problem.
It was Christmas Eve, and Dean ate too much.
Well, he was eating a normal amount, but when Castiel picked up his supplies, he very carefully planned out how much food he had to last through Christmas. And suddenly, he’d gone through more than he was comfortable with. Yes, he had many canned items, but Dean had turned his nose up at anything canned, which didn’t leave much.
He trudged up to Dean, sullen and defeated. The man was staring at the blank page of a notebook, feet kicked up on the couch and balancing the pencil on the bridge of his nose. He held out his notebook to Dean. We need to go to town for supplies.
Dean sat up suddenly. “Is the road cleared?”
Castiel shook his head. Snowmobile.
Surprisingly, Dean shot to his feet. “Really? Yeah! I’ve been dying to go do something.” Dean paused and then looked at Dozer. “Are you going to leave him behind?” Dean seemed sad about the prospect.
He can ride the snowmobile. I don’t take him to spring because I’m too busy.
“Wait, wait, he rides the snowmobile? This I have to see.”
They both got up and walked to the small clothesline Castiel had pinned in front of the fire. Their clothes from yesterday were there, oddly refusing to dry. “Well, shit, that’s all I have,” Dean bemoaned.“I just need a shirt; I have some extra jeans in my go bag.”
Castiel snapped his fingers and headed to his loft. He surely had something extra that Dean could wear. And if he hustled slightly at the idea of Dean wearing his clothes? It was no one’s business but his own. The loft area was too small for any furniture, so Castiel’s clean clothes were stacked in piles along the walls. His stash of clean clothes was also diminished. He’d been too distracted with Dean being here and forgotten to wash them. Oh well. At least I have some pieces already made. He grabbed two sweaters from his finished project stack and returned to Dean triumphantly.
He held out the smaller sweater for Dean, whose face fell. He crossed his arms. “Uh…don’t these seem a little avante-garde to wear to town on Christmas Eve?”
Castiel bit the inside of his lip to keep from smiling. Yes, the sweaters were ugly. But what was he supposed to do when he wanted to make clothes and the cheapest yarn at the craft store (or from the dumpster behind the craft store) was always hideous? You stop giving a fuck and wear it anyway.
He had a difficult enough time getting yarn that didn’t make his skin prickle uncomfortably. These might be fashion disasters, but they were marginally comfy. He held it out to Dean and shook it slightly.
Dean grabbed it, defeated. “Alright, alright.” He studied it for a moment. “They have green and red in them. We’ll blend in.”
Castiel scoffed at that. There was nothing on God’s green earth those sweaters would blend in with. But acting naive and making Dean tap dance around was a different level of entertaining.
He fished one out for Dozer with a silvery cheetah print. Dozer allowed his sweater and a leash harness to be attached, and his booties slid on. The harness was very short, only a few inches, to enable Dozer to be clipped to him on the snowmobile.
Castiel pulled on his own abomination and one day hoped he could afford to work something softer, more refined. Dean would probably like something with mohair. Something soft. Luxurious. Castiel would love to give him something like that, but Dean would leave soon. They had to go their separate ways once the road was cleared—a fact he was starting to dread.
It was time to leave after locking up the house and checking on the girls. The snowmobile still had the wood sled attached from yesterday. Today, Castiel added a little wooden platform to the area in front of his seat with special screws. Dozer hopped up and sat on the platform, and his hardness was hooked to it. Castiel kept him in place as he sat behind him and drove. There was just enough room for Dean on the seat, but he had to wiggle close and press everything against Castiel’s back.
The ride through the woods was less hectic than yesterday but still fun. Dozer rode with practiced ease, and Dean still clung to him like a koala. There was much less yelling from Dean this time. Dozer watched with interest as they slowly rode through the snowy winterland, occasionally barking at animals they passed.
Eventually, the trees broke apart, and the town of Heaven’s Hollar was spread out before them like the front of a holiday card. The town always tried to bring out the best holiday cheer, but the lack of snow always put a damper on things. The surprise blizzard and subsequent cold days meant a white Christmas for the town for the first time in decades. The green and red decorations popped against the white backdrop. The lights strung everywhere were on and blazing. People bustled around, and there were some cars, but not too many because the road was slick and slushy.
Castiel drove the snowmobile down from the forest and parked it behind Benny’s store. He locked the machine, unhitched Dozer from his spot, and three of them disembarked. Dozer wiggled his butt in excitement as he moved his head around to take in the smells from town. So many people walked around on the sidewalks, visiting the store, and the scent of snow intermingled with foods and desserts. Live carolers wandered around singing Christmas songs—a band played in the park where a holiday market was.
Dean and Dozer walked to the sidewalk and looked around curiously at everything except Castiel. He froze to the spot. Usually, he did his best to live outside of town and not interact with anyone. He hated being perceived. He stayed in the shadows, regretting coming here at all.
Dean looked back, saw Castiel struggling, and strode towards him. “Come on, you made me wear this. You’re not chickening out now.” Dean grabbed him by the wrist with surprising strength and dragged him out into the main street proper. Castiel stood there, slightly dazed, when the winter sunlight hit him in the face. Dean dropped his arm and asked, “So, which way?”
Castiel arched an eyebrow. He pointed to the general store they stood in front of. Then pointed back through the woods. In and out.
“But…” Dean paused. “I thought…ah, never mind. He turned around from the color downtown hustle and bustle, head and shoulders dropping. “What do you need from here?”
Wait, was Dean excited to go Christmas shopping?
Castiel pointed towards downtown questioningly.
“Ok, look. I know I come off like a curmudgeon, but I actually like Christmas as a holiday. I just hate how commercialized it’s become,” Dean admitted quickly. “But the actual messages of Christmas? Peace on Earth, Goodwill towards Men, gifts, and acts of service to show you care? Yeah, I can get behind it.”
Castiel wondered if Dean knew about how the Christians had enfolded the pagan holiday of Yule into their traditions. Maybe he could tell him about it later. Castiel was stuck between a people-induced heart attack or disappointing Dean. Who am I kidding? That’s not even a question. With growing regret, Castiel pointed away from the store towards the crowds of people downtown.
Dean flapped his hands in excitement. “Let’s do this! Ease up, Cas, and you’ll have some fun. Right, D?” Dozer trotted along, tongue hanging out without a care in the world.
They walked along Main Street, looking at the windows and enjoying the decorations. The Irish Pub had a Santa animatronic sitting at an outside table, holding a tankard of beer that it occasionally lifted to its mouth, uttering a garbled, “It’s a nice change from the usual!” Castiel didn’t know how he felt about it, but Dean thought it was hilarious enough to stop and just laughed until he wheezed. He pulled out his phone and took a picture of it.
Castiel didn’t go into any of the stores. He didn’t have the funds to do so, but he didn’t stop Dean from poking his head into them once in a while. Dean popped inside a little boutique, and Castiel turned away to scratch Dozer’s head as they waited. The air was cool but not freezing, so being outside wasn’t so bad. The number of people giving him a wide berth was a little concerning. He looked down at himself. Do they think we’re homeless? Not that it mattered, they weren’t, but he couldn’t get their reaction otherwise.
Annoyed, Castiel turned back to see Dean chatting up the woman running the register. He’s leaned forward, and she’s laughing at something he’s said.
Castiel pursed his lips and sighed sadly before turning back around. I just don’t understand.
Dozer, who had been patiently waiting next to Castiel, caught the scent of something too good to pass up. He barked at Castiel, but when Castiel looked down, his dog was already trotting off down the sidewalk on a mission toward the park. He took off after Dozer, trying to navigate the people walking by. Many muttered about him being rude, but he ignored them. Dozer looked back at Castiel and ran smack into a man at full speed. His legs were knocked out from under him, and the man landed flat on his ass. The man glowered at Dozer, who sat down to wait for Castiel. His nonchalant attitude irritated the man further.
“Mr. Novak!” The man snapped. “If you’re going to bring your mutt into town, it needs a leash. There are leash laws for a reason.” He got back to his feet and dusted off his coat. “Do I need to call animal control?” He asked angrily.
Castiel shook his head and hung it low. Mr. Asmoedeus was one of those people who used their name and money to do whatever they liked. He was also, unfortunately, Mayor, another reason Castiel stayed out of town. He had good business sense, and the town grew with him in charge. The people bustling around were certainly thankful for that. A few folks shot him angry looks.
“Hey, man, it was an accident.” Dean’s familiar voice and swagger cut through the crowd that had gathered. “It’s Christmas Eve, you don’t have to be a dick about it.”
Asmodeus gaping like a fish was gratifying. “Excuse me. I must have misheard you–”
“Besides, Cas has a leash. Don’t cha?” Castiel was about to shake his head no when Dean tossed him a little paper bag. He reached into it and felt two items. One was a pale blue leash with little snowflakes. The other was a matching blue tie that clipped to the leash. Castiel held them up for the Mayor to see and very quickly attached the lead to Dozer. In his haste, he accidentally clipped the tie on backwards.
Dozer panted happily, a distinguished little gentleman of a dog. Castiel felt the edges of his eyes grow wet.
“Merry Christmas,” Dean said loudly, with such authority that even the mayor looked humbled.
“Yes…thank you for stepping in…?”
“Dean. Just passing through.” Neither offered a hand. Instead, when Asmodeus stomped off, Dean stuck out his tongue at his retreating figure. The crowd around them dispersed.
Castiel walked away from the people and had to suck in several deep breaths. Once away from the crowds on a less busy residential section, Castiel pointed to the lease and tie.
Dean blushed. “I was trying to be quick. Do you think he likes it?”
Dozer likes anything. Except for turkey vultures, specifically. He barks at their shadows when they fly overhead. Only them, no other birds.
Castiel stopped and leaned up against the cool brick exterior of a home. After several deep breaths, he finally looked up at Dean. He was holding Dozer’s lease, and worry furrowed his brow. “So…how badly do you want to go back?” Dean asked.
Castiel pointed to the three of them and back towards the crowds. You want to go.
Dean leaned against the wall next to him. There were barely a few inches between them. “Sorry for talking to that lady so long. I was asking if she knew about anything low-key happening today.” Dean suddenly clapped his hands and rubbed them. “So, how about this? Why don’t we grab coffee from the little shop we passed and then check out the nature trail/park thingie? She said it was decked out with lights, pretty even in the daytime, and less crowded. No shopping. Work for you?”
Castiel nodded his appreciation. If they were dating, he would kiss him on the cheek to show his gratitude. But Dean still hadn’t mentioned anything about yesterday, and now Castiel’s left to wonder if he read too much into it. Was it just a friendly fuck between dudes, no homo? He had no idea.
Despite that, Castiel had to admit Dean’s plan was appealing. It would be a worthy break from his routine. And it was five years since his uncle passed away. He was allowed to celebrate the holidays if he wished. He had the strangest sensation Gabriel wasn’t too far away.
The line to the coffee shop was atrocious, so Castiel and Dozer waited outside on a little bench. Families and couples strode by with to-go cups or other treats. “Order up!” Dean reappeared with three cups, two coffees, and a cup of whipped cream he held for Dozer to lap like an ice cream cone. They sat in silence, enjoying the heated cups in their cold hands.
The quiet calm broke with an excited squeal from two older women. “Oh, my gosh! I love your sweaters!” One said with approval. “Where did you get them?”
Castiel froze, but Dean smiled and tilted his head towards him. “He made them.”
“Your husband has such a good eye for color!” She said dreamily. “You don’t have an Etsy or anything, do you?”
What’s an Etsy?
Dean shook his head. “Sorry girls, it’s just a hobby.”
She sighed dramatically but then grinned. “Your family is so cute! Would you like a picture?”
“Hell Yeah,” Dean said. He handed his phone to her and moved closer to Castiel. “Smile, Cas,” he whispered. He made some bunny ears behind his head, and the lady laughed.
Dean was right there, whispering in his ear again, but Castiel was only more confused. He wished he didn’t like the shiver up his spine as much as he did.
“Enjoy your holidays, gentlemen!” The second lady grabbed the hand of the first, and they walked off toward town.
Dean held his phone between them so he could show the picture to him. Wow, it did look like a dorky family photo. She got two: one was where Dean gave him bunny ears, and the other was without. Between them was Dozer trying to lick cream off of his nose. It was cute and, yes, a little romantic.
Dean laughed. “No accounting for taste, I guess,” he teased. “Ready to keep rolling? We’re gonna freeze if we just sit here.”
Castiel lead the way to the park. The pet shop lady did not steer them wrong. Few other people were walking the nature trail, so they could walk and enjoy nature in peace. There were colorful light displays, even art pieces, as they made their way around the loop. Dean sometimes spoke, but for the most part, he was quiet as he took in the lights.
I’m going to miss Dean a lot. Castiel wanted to ask what they were. He wanted to push Dean up against a tree and kiss his stupid. He wanted, wanted, wanted, and the question mark between them worsened.
Dean pointed to a bench as they returned to the main park area. “I need some water; just hang here for a second.” He popped into a convenience store along Main Street and, a few moments later, returned with two water bottles. “Sorry. You wouldn’t think walking in the cold would make a guy thirsty!” He spoke oddly, as if he was trying to act normal about something questionable. Which was bizarre since Catiel could see he only had a couple of water bottles on him. He drank from the offered bottle and poured some out for Dozer to drink from.
“Time to hit up the store?” Dean asked after a moment. Castiel nodded. It would get dark soon as he did not like driving it at night. They cut through the park and soon stood in front of Benny’s shop again. Castiel noticed a handwritten sign showing shorter hours for today and closed tomorrow. They would just make it.
As they entered the store, the smell that greeted them was hearty and droll-worthy. Castiel looked around and grinned. Benny had moved his Cajun Day to today, a real miracle.
As they stepped instead, Benny called out from behind the flattop grill.“Little Bird!” He called out, relieved. “I haven’t heard from ya in days! I was this close to sending Jody to check on you and…” Benny left the stove to step closer, face dark with suspicion as he stared at Dean. He crossed his arms over his apron, and the customers inside were hushed.
“Who’s the stranger?”