Chapter Text
The day had dawned even brighter than yesterday, with an actual rainbow over some faraway fields, and Cait had decided to take it as a good sign. They were going to work everything out. Jinx and Ekko would get to talk things through, Jayce and Viktor would hopefully stop acting strange, and Cait would do her best to help where she could. Today had to be better than yesterday. The bar was so low, it might as well be six feet under.
Jinx’s pale, unconscious form was burned into Cait’s memory, and she hoped she’d never have to see it again. That tense hour- finally seeing Jinx wake up, getting her food and water and carrying her to bed, Ekko arriving with Viktor in tow- had left them all anxious. The wedding, of course, had been pushed back. Indefinitely. What else could you do when the bride and groom had been yelling at each other about infidelity just a few hours earlier?
Cait figured a best man should know how to help in this situation. Her best idea was to wait a day, for everything to cool off, and then have Ekko come talk to Jinx, Vi, and Vander. (If her mother had taught her anything, it was that diplomacy was always a good starting point for solving problems.)
So here she was, walking ever-so-slowly towards Vander’s house. Ekko had headed over to apologize thirty minutes ago, and she really didn’t want to interrupt him, but had also promised to show up for moral support. Eventually.
The road sloped downwards, and Cait let her eyes wander past the thatch of Vander’s roof to the sky beyond. It was high summer by now, and everything seemed twice as brilliant- the jade of the fields, the rich emerald of the foothills, with a hint of the scent of the sea on the wind. Jinx and Ekko couldn’t have asked for a better week to get married.
There was still no sign of either of them, or Vander, from where Cait was standing. She admittedly couldn’t walk much slower. Best to just arrive and see what she found.
And of course, there was one more thing she would need to do. Before the brilliance of July could fade, she had to deliver the letter, ever-present in her pocket. She was only afraid of what would happen when it was read. Whatever did… she had made her decision.
There was nothing for it, Cait decided. She strode forward, down the hill, and into the terrifying possibilities of this morning.
-
Vi had known well enough to wait outside. Ekko and Vander had their own things to work out. And even if she had plenty to say to Ekko, especially after talking with her sister… it would wait.
What she had not expected, this morning, was the sight of Cait heading towards the house. She looked rather dashing in a loose purple shirt and breeches. She also seemed, upon closer inspection, to be just as tense as Vi.
“This your doing?” Vi said, once Cait was in earshot. She gestured towards the house. “Because I don’t think Ekko would be awake this early otherwise.”
Cait laughed, hesitantly. “He wouldn’t be. But yes- I told him he needed to come and talk things through.”
“We all do,” Vi said. She shifted her weight from one side to another, too anxious to sit. “I… yesterday wasn’t a good day. I’ll admit that I’m kinda pissed with Ekko, but more so with myself.”
“Why?” Cait asked, with that gentle, worried look Vi had come to recognize. When had she started cataloguing Caitlyn Kiramman’s facial expressions?
“I should’ve gotten my sister to eat something. I should’ve known something was wrong.”
Her eyes were on the ground by then, so she got a great view of Cait’s boots walking closer to hers. “That’s not anyone’s fault, Vi. Especially not yours. Wedding mornings are… well… chaotic. It could’ve happened to anyone. It’s not something terrible and unfixable.”
Cait was, admittedly, very good at being level-headed and making sense. But that couldn’t wipe all Vi’s guilt away. She settled for what she knew: diversion.
“You talk like you’ve got lots of experience with weddings,” she said, not quite able to arrange her face into a smirk. She settled for actually looking at Cait. “How does this one rank, so far? Any critiques on the decor?”
Cait had surely seen the garlands in the square as she’d walked there- half coming undone, but no one wanted to take them down all the way just yet- and Vi immediately regretted asking. But Cait merely raised an eyebrow. “Shockingly, I’m not that well versed in wedding protocol. But preparing for this one… well, it’s certainly been my favorite.”
She looked to the door, then back to Vi, and both of them knew they were waiting for any kind of voice or sign of reconciliation. After a moment, Cait went to sit on the bench beside the front door, but Vi caught her by the elbow. The contact shocked them both, and Vi cursed herself for forgetting- too late now. “Here, we can wait in the garden.”
Cait followed her accordingly. Vi pushed open the side gate, and soon they were in the back part of the yard, where almost all the flowers were still blooming. They headed for the old wooden table next to the lilies.
Cait sat, proper as always, on the edge of her seat. Her legs were crossed. Vi couldn’t think of any way to sit next to her without feeling exceedingly awkward, so she finally settled for leaning against the table. They absolutely were going to have to talk about this, sooner or later.
The thing was, it was absolutely not the time. It also was absolutely not the place, and Vi didn’t think there would ever be a situation where she wanted to have this conversation with Cait- and that definitely wasn’t her trying to avoid it. No, it was being practical and having common sense. Because as awkward as it was trying to pretend she didn’t know Cait was in love with her (if it was even true), it would be ten thousand times more awkward between them if they acknowledged it. Best to feign ignorance to the elephant in the room.
“My mother sent her congratulations for the wedding,” Cait said then, and Vi sent copious thanks to the heavens for the new subject.
“I didn’t know she knew who we were,” Vi said, somewhat taken aback. “Well, I suppose she wouldn’t need to. What did you tell her, anyway?”
Cait looked vaguely uncomfortable at the memory. “That it was my friends’ wedding, and I was staying in the village for a little while- she does know who you are, to be clear. Or at least, she does now. She had no objections.”
Vi snorted. “High praise.”
“I know,” Cait said, with a note of amusement in her sigh. “As long as she can get something out of it, she’s pleased.”
They didn’t talk very often about Cait’s mother. Vi had gathered more than she’d been given, and could make her own assumptions. The woman sounded practical, though not uncaring; Vander’s limited dealings with city officials had given Vi a slightly better perception of them over the years. At least they shared their food stores with the village, now, and had agreed to standardize soldiers’ pay regardless of birthplace. (A lot of the other stuff Vander worked on was, admittedly, too nitpicky and administrative for Vi to fully understand. She had Jinx for that.)
“What could she be getting out of it?” Vi wondered. Cait flinched, just a little.
She was quiet for a minute. “She’s preparing me for my own wedding,” Cait admitted, finally. Quietly.
Vi felt heat flash down the back of her neck; she gripped the edge of the table for balance. Cait’s wedding? What?
“What?”
“Not soon, I hope. But…she’s pushing for… it doesn’t matter, Vi.”
Vi pushed herself off the edge of the table, circling round to stand in front of Cait. The other girl wouldn’t meet her eyes. She picked at the splintering top of the table. “Like hell it does. Cait, you’ve always said you never want to be married.”
Cait looked up, then, and her eyes were glassy. “It doesn’t matter, Vi, really- it’s not the time. We’re here for your sister and Ekko.”
Vi thought, in a distant and somewhat uncooperative section of her brain, that getting this upset at the news of Cait’s potential marriage didn’t spell much success for “ignoring the elephant.” Whatever. Vi couldn’t picture Cait married to anyone; it didn’t look right in her mind. Cait was too clever for that, too wild. Who could keep up with her; who deserved her? Certainly not Vi, that same part of her mind whispered.
Marriage… Cait couldn’t. She always said she wouldn’t. Did she have a choice?
“To who?” Vi managed, finally. Cait was avoiding her eyes again.
“It’ll be a betrothal,” Cait said, and her voice was dull. Vi hated it; Cait’s voice was usually as bright and teasing and bold as a firework. “Likely to the son of the Hoskel family, since he’s the heir apparent to his father’s title.”
Hearing Cait mention titles and heirs and family names practically felt like a foreign language. “Cait… you don’t…”
“It’s typical for girls of my position. It’s fine, and it’s what I expected.”
Vi narrowed her eyes. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
“What do you expect me to do, Vi?” Cait said, nearly choking on the words, and Vi was down in an instant. She knelt in front of Cait and reached, with one hand, for her face.
“Cait,” she murmured, and their eyes met.
It was a long moment, and Vi didn’t want to break it. Cait had tear tracks down her cheeks, though she’d hid the sobs well. Her eyes, blue as cornflowers, stayed fixed on Vi. Both of their faces were flushed from the heat of the morning (Vi told herself). Cait swallowed, and Vi finally pulled her hand away. She stayed on her knees.
“You don’t… want it, do you?” Vi asked, finally. Tentatively.
“It doesn’t matter,” Cait insisted, still quiet. “But no. You know I’ve never…”
Vi understood. She, too, had always rioted against the idea of being a wife. It required- among other things- a husband. Usually.
“There has to be something,” Vi said. “I- I’ve never seen you just give in to anything, Cait.”
“Everything has its limit.”
“Well, fuck that. I’m not letting you give up on your own life.”
Something steeled in Cait’s eyes. “Letting me?”
Vi stood, backing up just a little. “I didn’t mean-”
“Let me be clear,” Cait said, rising from her place on the bench. Her eyes still shimmered with tears, even as she glared at Vi. “No one is ‘letting’ me do anything. I know what I want, and I know my responsibilities. And where those two conflict, I know how to make the practical choice.”
“Cait, I-”
“I’ve fought so hard for so much,” Cait said, stepping closer to Vi, each word like spitting fire. “You do know how difficult it was to get into the regiment? To force my mother to let me leave? Hell, even just to spend so much time here, when she wanted my childhood to be firmly under her control.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“I’ve spent so long resisting marriage, trying to break away from the mold, and now I see. I can’t have it all, Vi,” Cait said, and her eyes were glassy again. She spread her hands, helplessly. “I got the regiment. I got you, and Ekko, and Jinx and Jayce and Viktor and all the rest. If there’s just one part of my life that I have to concede, then I’ve been very lucky.”
The garden was quiet. Only the birds were blissfully unaware, twittering in the leaves.
“There comes a point where you have to stop fighting, Vi,” Cait whispered, and it nearly broke Vi to look at her. Beautiful, bold, fearless Cait.
“No,” Vi said. “Maybe you think you have to. But I…”
She couldn’t accept that, she wanted to say. She couldn’t just stand by and watch as one of the dearest people in her life let herself be miserable. Getting married to a man- furthermore, a man she didn’t even know- and all it would entail… Cait was too good and too strong for that. And if Cait was saying she couldn’t be strong enough anymore, well, Vi had plenty of experience there.
“You can’t fix this, Vi,” Cait said. “You don’t need to. I know you look out for your sisters; for your father. I know…” Vi heard the unspoken; Mylo and Claggor. “It’s not a tragedy, and I don’t need saving. It’s just unfortunate.”
“How can you not understand that you shouldn’t have to go through it anyway?”
Cait turned. “There’s a lot you don’t understand about my life.”
“Maybe not. But I know you’re rich, and your family is ancient, and you’ve got all kinds of expectations put on you. I know you have a duty to them. I know you feel like you have to do it all on your own. Has it ever occurred to you that you’re not the only one?”
“God, Vi, why can’t you just give up?” Cait yelled, and Vi took a step back. “You’re one to talk about breaking tradition, about letting yourself be happy. You spend all your time here, focusing on other people and ignoring yourself. You’re so worried about taking Vander’s place and keeping your sister happy that you won’t even consider love, let alone marriage, yourself.”
“I don’t want it!” Vi yelled back. “Just because you’re settling doesn’t mean my mind’s suddenly changed. How many times do I have to say it? I’ve never wanted-”
“I know you’re lying,” Cait said, her eyes like steel again. “Because I know you, Vi, and I don’t think you’ll admit it. But you’ve got too good of a heart to be shut up tight.”
Vi felt the fight leave her body. She couldn’t keep her eyes on Cait anymore. She couldn’t keep lying.
“What do you want me to say?” she whispered.
Cait just waited.
“I can’t lose anyone else, Cait,” Vi said, her voice barely carrying a sound. “Loving someone… it cuts away at you. When something happens to them, a part of you dies, too.”
She didn’t want to say the names. She didn’t have to.
“And so you try and try not to let anyone else in,” Cait said, her voice soft again. “I told you, Vi. I know you.”
Cait was right. She usually was.
The thing was, Vi teased and touched and twirled nicknames on the tip of her tongue. She flirted, she let things carry on, and then she broke them off and pushed the pieces away. She knew what would happen if things got stronger, because stronger meant there was no going back. She wasn’t stupid enough to not recognize the pattern. Half her family was gone by the time she was fifteen. Any other kind of love was just asking for trouble.
Cait had always been trouble.
“You do,” Vi said, her voice cracking. There was no reason to deny it anymore.
Vi was beginning to realize that she had never seen Cait truly angry before today. What a fool she had been, to assume their moments of banter, of wit, had been a rivalry. She could finally see what everyone else had recognized for years. She and Cait were, at the very least…
“We’re friends, aren’t we?” she whispered. They used the word with others, just for convenience- to explain to strangers, without getting into the nuance. A friend’s house, a friend’s wedding. A friend’s letter. But they’d always insisted otherwise to each other. “I… I know we’ve been… like this… for years. I never wanted to admit it. But Cait- you’re one of my closest friends.”
Cait closed the distance between them, reaching out a hand, but stopped before she could touch Vi.
“Sometimes I would read your letters over and over, just to hear your voice in my head,” Cait said, finally. “I would try to come up with insults, or clever ways to respond. I would stay up all night. I realized, somewhere between Verona and Venice, that I don’t know if anyone quite understands me. Except you- the way you used to.”
Vi felt the coolness wash over her, settle into her stomach.
“That’s how it’s meant to be, I suppose. The person who can read between the lines. I didn’t get that, very much, before I came here. When I was little, I thought true friendship was for fairy tales.”
“I…”
“But now, with this…” Cait blinked back tears. “I needed you to understand my decision. I didn’t mean to tell you like this; I wanted to wait until after the wedding. But with it all out there… I don’t know where that leaves us.”
Vi held her ground, even though something inside her was breaking into a thousand pieces and tumbling down, down, down. “If we’re friends, Cait, then I’m not here to sugarcoat things. I can understand your decision. But that doesn’t make it right.”
“Maybe we’re not friends, then,” Cait said, her own voice breaking. “Maybe I liked the arguments better.”
They couldn’t pretend anymore. It had never been just that- had never been just anything. Two matches together only made a bigger flame, and here they were, burning.
The back door opened. Vander stepped out, looking calm.
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” he called. He clearly had no idea. “But Ekko’s had a chance to talk things over with me. And with Jinx. He’d love to talk to you, too, but the long and short of it is, they’ve worked things out.”
The girls turned to Vander. Vi shaded her eyes from the sun. If her father could see the tears on Cait’s face, he didn’t say a word.
“That’s good to hear,” Cait said, hesitantly.
“Come on in,” Vander insisted. “We’ll catch you both up. And if this wedding is going to happen, we’ll need some help.”
They did as he asked, doing their best to avoid each other’s eyes.
Once inside, it was immediately clear to Vi that things had at least gotten better on the Jinx-and-Ekko front. They sat in the old window seat, clasping hands. Vander took his place by the head of the table. Cait took a chair, so Vi sat as far away as possible- at the foot of the stairs. (The kitchen was not very large, by anyone’s standards.)
“Misunderstanding of the year,” Jinx said, sheepishly, as she caught her sister’s eye.
“You can say that again,” Ekko muttered. Both of them looked relieved, apologetic, and excited all at once.
The pair did their best to explain. The conversations they’d both had, about their uncertainty- the doubts they’d both had, whether discussed and kept quiet. The party, and how Jinx had left her door open for Viktor to come get a shirt. How instead, some drunk guests had stumbled in. No one was sure who, and no one wanted to go around asking.
Ekko admitted how he’d caught the perfume, and still felt confused. How he’d tried his best to walk it out, then talk it out- except Cait had been elsewhere, and Jayce and Viktor had been acting very strange. Finally, he’d figured he should just talk to Jinx. The bad luck had occurred when he first didn’t want to disturb them at the graves and left the conversation for the morning, and then on said morning, when Jinx hadn’t eaten enough. The fainting was the final result of a series of complicated and unfortunate events.
“We still love each other, though,” Jinx said, and Ekko smiled at her. “We’re stronger than a few bottles of spilled perfume.”
“If only those strangers had broken that awful scent from Verges, instead,” Vi teased, and even Vander chuckled.
They’d have to work hard to re-try the wedding. The decorations were half spoiled, not to mention the cake, and Ekko would need to be properly fitted for his clothes this time. Everyone in the village needed to be notified, which was a job Vi was not looking forward to. They’d all been confused enough when things got called off yesterday.
But for her little sister and soon-to-be little brother, she’d do it. She’d do anything.
“So,” Vi said, once they’d planned out everything to the minute, “let’s get started. Isha and I are on cake duty- if someone could go find her for me.”
“I still feel awful that all this is happening,” Ekko muttered, heading towards the hallway. Vi smiled at him.
“Hey, no hard feelings, Little Man. We’re going to make it work. We always do,” she insisted. She cast her mind away from the garden, from the one thing she didn’t fully understand how to fix. Away from the stupid letter, still in her pocket. Far, far away from Cait.
“Now, does anyone know where I left the sugar?”