Chapter Text
Rin was running before he could stop himself. It was such a pathetic thing to do. So lukewarm. But what else could he do? He had spent these past few months convinced that he would never meet Snow in real life. Never know his real name. Never know what he looked like. But all of a sudden, in that one split second, he had seen it all. Learned it all. Snow, his Snow, the Snow who took away his feelings of despair but was able to satiate the destructive nature in his heart — the entire time, Snow had been a few classrooms away!
It was too much to take in all at once. Freezing in place was a lukewarm reaction. Pretending to be chilled out about the situation was impossible coming from Rin himself. He was so used to glaring and spitting insults, ignoring others and curating his isolated bubble, but he couldn’t do that to Snow. He had never treated Snow like that before in earnest, only in jest during a Dead by Daylight marathon. How in the world was he meant to respond to meeting the one person he couldn’t be mean to in real life so unexpectedly?
He couldn’t. That was why he ran.
He was a few corridors away when he heard the voice calling after him. That lovely, familiar voice which had always been able to capture his heart and command his attention.
“Owl!” Snow’s — Hiori’s — voice shouted. “Hold on! Owl! Rin!”
It was the sound of Rin’s real name calling for him that finally ground his feet to a halt. His fists clenched at his sides. He was standing in a corridor overlooking the front of the school, the late afternoon sun seeping in through the windows in rich, golden rays, staining the walls and floor with amber.
Turning around would be too much. From just that one look at Hiori back in the computer lab, the boy was beautiful. His hair was the colour of ocean waves on a lagoon, his expression bore a calming neutrality that no doubt hid more sadistic depths, and his eyes were as large and quizzical as an owl’s. He was more etherial in real life than Rin had ever expected from just hearing his voice. Why did he have to be so god damned attractive?!
Hiori’s footsteps slowed behind him and he sounded as though he were catching his breath. “Rin,” he heaved between gulps of air. “Wait, please.”
Rin didn’t move. He had nothing to say but even if he did, his lips remained sealed in a tight line.
It was Hiori who broke the silence again. “It really is you, isn’t it?”
Still unable to say anything, Rin just nodded.
“Owl,” there was a warmth, a relief, in the way Hiori said Rin’s online name in that moment, “oh my god. I can’t believe this.”
His voice was still as calm and inviting as ever. It was so much clearer in real life too. He had a good headset but even then, there had always been a certain level of garble when talking over Discord.
At last, Rin dug his nails into his hand and slowly turned around. The sight he was met with was even more stunning than the one he had seen in the computer lab. Hiori was bathed in late-afternoon sunlight, his eyes almost seeming to glisten as they looked into Rin’s own. His smile was small but unmistakeable, as if he were holding back from grinning like a madman, and almost as soon as their gazes locked, he took another step forwards.
For a long while, neither of them spoke. They were too busy taking each other in — their faces, their shared presence, the fact that they were standing together in real life, unfettered from the restraints of a digital friendship. And just like all the other times in the past, their silence wasn’t awkward. Not to Rin, at least. No, it was hauntingly easy to let the quiet envelop him right now, letting him acclimatise to this new reveal at his own pace, not expecting him to react in a particular way.
Hiori eventually hung his head, his smile growing as he let out a small laugh. “Are we idiots or what?”
For the first time this entire encounter, words came naturally to Rin. “Maybe you are,” he said. “I’m not.”
“Says the guy who just turned tail and sprinted away from me,” Hiori rolled his eyes. “Scared of me?”
“Shut up.”
“This isn’t DBD. I’m not gonna kill you,” Hiori then paused. “Unless you want me to, of course,” he added, cocking his head.
“You’re the one who chased after me. It’s you who’s still in killer mode.”
“Survivors run, killers pursue. Perhaps we’re just acting on our instincts?”
Hiori then took a final step forwards. There was still a small gap between the two of them, enough to make Rin feel comfortable, but the proximity was the closest they had been to each other so far. It made a sickening heat crawl up Rin’s neck, spreading across his cheeks like fire. Up close, Hiori was more beautiful than ever.
“Seriously…” Rin murmured. “What is this? This has to be some kind of sick joke, right?”
He had pondered in the past what it would have been like to meet Hiori in real life. In all of those thought experiments though experiments, he had been able to meet his friend completely on his own terms, not by accident thanks to a stroke of luck. And in his thoughts, a common worry had often permeated the fantasy sooner or later — that Hiori would grow to hate him.
He understood that he himself was a weird person. He was antisocial, rude, destructive and didn’t empathise well with others. He had never had a proper friend before, only stragglers who refused to leave him alone until he became too insufferable even for them. His parents had always disliked him, his father more openly than his mother, and neither of them had ever tried to understand him. And even Sae, the brother he’d thought had understood him, it turned out had not and had left him to rot just as much as everyone else in the world had. To everyone else, he was a bad person and an annoyance at best, an eyesore at worst.
Surely to Hiori, now that they had met, it would be no different… the notion stung to think about.
If only we could have stayed the way we were…
But then, Hiori smiled at him again, that same small, quaint smile that so clearly covered up the depths of some greater emotion. “No jokes here,” he said. “Just me, I’m afraid.”
Rin found himself once again at a loss for words. It was perhaps the most lukewarm he had ever felt in his entire life, reduced to wordless staring as his friend took a step backwards.
“We’ve still got an hour left before clubs finish,” Hiori said. “You up for beta-testing our game?”
In all honesty, Rin had forgotten that he was meant to be doing that. Seeing Hiori for the first time had completely overwhelmed him, more than pretty much anything ever had before in such a positive way. Now though, with the reality having settled in, he was able to slowly nod his head.
“I’m not joining the coding club,” he mumbled, although his words held little malice.
“Wasn’t expecting it,” Hiori replied. “Come on, I’m sure the others are wondering where we are.”
The walk back to the computer lab was quiet. Not an awkward quiet, no, this was still one of the calming, serene silences that permeated their calls whenever they ended up alone together online. Hiori was rather prim in the way he walked, his hands behind his back, his expression neutral. He had surprisingly good posture for someone who gamed as much as he did. Rin had a classic slouch indicative of the type of person who spent all evening at their computer.
Just before they arrived back, Hiori piped up again. “Want me to deal with the others?” he asked. “Stop them asking questions and stuff?”
A response flew from Rin’s mouth before he could properly comprehend it. “Yes.”
“I’ll do my best.”
In the end, it seemed as though Hiori was rather good at talking to people. He quelled Nanase’s endless stream of questions with short, polite responses, shrugged off the odd looks the other three gave him, and apologised to their teacher for the disturbance, before showing Rin where the computer was as if this were a regular occurrence for this to happen to him. Whatever had made him so good at dispelling rowdiness and conflict, he had perfected it as if it were an art.
The game that the club had made was clearly still in its early stages. There was plenty to criticise, from minor issues like the default mouse sensitivity being too high, to larger bugs like the game crashing if the player loaded a shotgun while carrying a lighter in their off-hand. Rin pointed out every flaw he saw without restraint, being particularly scathing on a feature that had apparently been coded by Isagi (who deserved every ounce of the criticism — the guy had tried talking to him about Sae during orientation while showing Rin around the school).
The entire time, Hiori took notes on his phone about what he needed to focus on the most. He seemed to take none of the criticism personally, instead focussing on what needed to change and how he could best implement it. Most of the things he had coded were the smoothest-running, which probably helped him feel a bit smug compared to the other coders, but he was still doing the most out of all of them to make sure the game was the best it could be.
By the time the end of the day rolled around, Rin had thoroughly torn the game to shreds and shown the club a lot of ways the needed to improve. He had done his job. This was finally over. And yet, as he plodded out of the computer lab, he felt Hiori’s presence at his side, never getting too close but remaining in his vicinity. The others were all talking among themselves as they headed out of the school’s main entrance but Hiori lingered back with Rin, the two of them wandering at their own pace.
“I’ll be on at ten tonight,” Hiori grumbled. “I’ve got cram school now.”
Rin remembered the schedule. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, Hiori attended cram school until nine in the evening. He was usually more tired after cram school too. Rin only had it on Thursdays and Fridays, the same schedule that his brother had followed.
“Dead By Daylight tonight,” he said. “Don’t be late.”
“Won’t miss it for the world,” Hiori said. He then let out a deep breath. “Still crazy that we’ve been so close to each other the whole time.”
It really was crazy. “We should have figured it out…” Rin sighed.
“Well, now we know. We can see each other basically whenever we want,” Hiori smiled again. “I… I know it wasn’t exactly planned, but I’m happy I got to meet you today.”
Rin’s heart thudded against his ribs. Heat once again flushed in his cheeks. He was sure he looked absolutely pathetic. “It was… good to meet you too…” was all he could manage to say.
The two of them had reached the school gates. A little way off, across the road, an unfamiliar student with waxed-up, black hair was waiting, scrolling on his phone. He looked up, saw Hiori, and waved. Hiori waved back.
“I’m going this way,” he said, pointing towards the guy. “Talk later?”
“Later,” Rin replied.
Hiori then flashed him one last smile, waved somewhat awkwardly, and took off in a tentative jog towards the other student across the road. For a few moments, Rin watched them greet each other and start walking away, before he headed off himself in the opposite direction.
This afternoon had been an absolute mess. A mess, sure, but also exhilarating. He had never expected that he would be able to meet his online friend in real life after having pondered the possibility for so long. He had been convinced that such a thing would only ever exist in his fantasies, impossible to make a reality.
But reality had just proven him wrong. He knew Snow now. Snow was Hiori, his senior, a boy who exuded just as calming a presence in real life as he did over a voice call. He was able to make Rin’s cheeks flush more than Rin had ever thought possible. He was attractive in a way that seemed impossible for someone who was a gamer. Perhaps the stereotype that hardcore gamers looked terrible was a lie after all?
Truly, Hiori Yo was enthralling. In real life, the effect he had on Rin was so much more potent than anything Rin had ever experienced before. What this effect was, what feeling Hiori welled up inside him, was new. Unnerving.
But also exciting.
-—-
“Who was that?” Karasu’s voice drawled, taking Hiori somewhat by surprise.
Hiori’s heart skipped a beat. He had to swallow the butterflies doing loops inside his throat. “So…” he managed to say, gripping his school bag tightly. “You know how I have that online friend?”
“You mean your crush?”
“Yes, my crush,” Hiori sighed, slightly exasperated, “whatever you wanna call him. Well… umm… that was him.”
The cool wind blowing was a welcome relief for the heat rising in his cheeks. It felt so weird to say such a thing, not only because his literal crush was now only a few classrooms away every single day, but because he felt like such an idiot for not having realised sooner.
Karasu didn’t reply immediately. In fact the two of them walked in silence for quite a while.
But eventually, he hummed. “Took you long enough to figure it out.”
Hiori huffed. “I already told you, we don’t talk about real world stuff. You can’t blame me for not knowing sooner.”
“Well now you do, so you can feel silly about it all you need to,” Karasu shrugged. “So what now? Changing your ‘no dating’ stance yet?”
“No way. If anything it just confirmed my stance even more,” Hiori sighed. “I can’t put him through dating me. He’d have a horrible time.”
“He was walking beside you when you left school and watched us leave. I think he likes you well enough.”
“But he’d have to deal with—“ Hiori then paused. He gestures vaguely to himself. “All this,” he said. “My parents. My awful schedule. We’d never be allowed to see each other outside of school. I can’t go on dates or Mom would throw a fit. Dad would freak out if he knew I liked guys. It’s all such a fucking mess.” He hung his head. “I’m not dating him, okay? I can’t.”
“But you want to.”
“Of course I do but—“
Well, he had said it now. His mouth had moved faster than his brain and he had replied to Karasu without taking in the gravity of what he was about to spew forth into the world. He wanted to date Rin. Yes, that was a truth he knew within himself. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed and would never put such a burden onto someone he loved.
“Can we stop talking about this?” he grumbled. “Please?”
Karasu was silent for a moment. “Just don’t bury yourself alive for what you think is appeasement,” was the last thing he said on the topic.