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Language:
English
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Published:
2024-12-03
Updated:
2024-12-24
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3,200
Chapters:
4/7
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19
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O captain, our secret

Chapter 1: Words we don't speak of

Summary:

The air between Neil and Todd is thick with something unspoken.

Chapter Text

It was a warm fall afternoon and the boys hung around the courtyard of the Welton’s Academy. Meeks and Pitts were engrossed in a deep conversation about their science project and Cameron was desperately trying to explain trigonometric functions to Knox and Charlie. Todd and Neil sat in the shadow of a tree near to others, lost in their books. However, neither of them was truly paying attention to the words on the pages – Todd’s gaze kept wandering to his friend, admiring the peaceful expression on his face. Neil on the other hand couldn’t focus, aware of Todd's lingering gaze. Finally, he looked up from his book to meet Todd‘s light eyes. Todd nervously turned back to his collection of Rimbaud’s poems. Neil smiled.

„Have you made any progress on the poem for Keating?“

„No.“ Todd shook his head, still avoiding his friend’s gaze. „I’m missing inspiration, I guess.“

„That’s okay. You’ll find it eventually. You’re more talented than you realize.“ Neil shut his book, moving closer to sit beside him.

„Thanks.“ With a faint smile, Todd finally met Neil‘s brown eyes, which were filled with joy and affection. He was so close that Todd could smell his cologne. For a moment, Todd found himself staring at Neil’s lips, but his thoughts were interrupted by Charlie’s voice.

„Yo, lovebirds! Planning on joining us soon or should we just leave you here?“ They suddenly realized that the rest of the group had already packed their things and were ready to leave.

„We’re coming.“ Neil laughed, ignoring the nickname their friend had given them.

Todd wasn’t as nonchalant. In fact, he was rather shocked by the comment and it made him visibly uneasy. Neil noticed.

„Don’t mind him. It’s just Charlie.“ He laughed, offering him his hand to help him up.

 

The sun began to set, and soon it was time for a meating of the Dead Poets Society. A strange tension hung in the cave, born of the unspoken words between Neil and Todd. This has been brewing for a while now, and both of them were keenly aware of it. The others took notice too – the way they looked at each other, the way they sat so close their shoulders touched, and how their fingers brushed when they exchanged the book.

The other poets traded glances, silently confirming that they weren’t imagining it. They chose not to comment, deciding it was up to Neil and Todd to acknowledge their feelings in their own time.

 

The night deepened and the boys decided it was time to head back, as they had lessons the following day. Each one of them gathered their belongings and rushed out of the cave, leaving Neil and Todd alone on purpose.

Todd lingered by the entrance, waiting for Neil to put on his jacket. After a few steps outside, he realized Neil wasn’t following him. When he turned back, he saw his friend standing by the dying fire.

„Todd?“ Neil said in a serious voice, making Todd nervous.

„Yes?“ He stepped closer.

They stood in silence for a moment. Neil inhaled deeply, examining the stone walls, as he searched for the right words. Then he sighed and gave Todd a weak smile.

„It’s nothing. Let’s go.“

„You sure?“ Todd asked uncertain.

„Of course. Now come on or we won’t get up tomorrow.“ Neil said with a laugh, wrapping his arm around Todd‘s shoulder.

Todd had an idea of what Neil wanted to say – something that had kept him awake at night, something he himself had been writing poems about. Poems he wouldn’t dare read aloud. Still, despite his curiosity, Todd felt a sense of relief. He wasn’t ready either. Not yet.

Under the moonlight, they made their way back to their dorm, discussing their upcoming timetable.