Chapter Text
Eddie picked Christopher up from school on Thursday. His teacher got sick at the last minute, which is why the last period got canceled - no replacement - and Eddie's parents were busy preparing dinner and fighting against the combined forces of Buck and Sophia's excited rambles.
It didn't surprise Eddie in the slightest– the fact that Buck and his sister got along like a house on fire. The person he confined to most in his childhood and the person he talked to most now; both of them had a sort of aura to them that made it easy to just say things.
Especially now that Sophia knew, Eddie felt so much lighter at his parents' house. Her presence levitated the place- easing the tension between him and his parents just like when they were kids.
She made jokes and talked a lot about Franco and their plans for the coming summer and Eddie was glad that it finally guided the attention away from him. Even Helena seemed to actually enjoy listening, temporarily forgetting about her mission to watch Eddie's every step with eagle eyes.
So, Eddie got to pick Christopher up today. With his dad's car. Hooray. No trauma here.
And it wasn't like Buck hadn't offered to drive him, but he'd been so lost in a conversation with Eddie's sister - discussing the evolution of newts of all things - that Eddie did not want to seem like he couldn't do this on his own.
Because he could! Eddie had a license, he had a car of his own and he drove to work regularly. Just because he didn't like it, didn't mean he was unable to.
It's just… his dad's car.
Eddie nearly had a nervous breakdown when he pulled out of the parking spot– double and triple checking if he had actually put it in reverse this time. But he'd done it. He was capable.
And besides, Eddie hadn't really gotten many moments with Christopher alone ever since their conversation at the lake. His parents were an ever present force looming over them.
So this was fine. It was more than fine.
"Hey, Dad!" Chris said as he pulled the door open, letting himself fall into the backseat and making Eddie startle with the force with which he slammed it back shut.
"Hey, Buddy!" Eddie replied, turning around to smile at him. "Good day?"
"Mr. Turner broke his leg," Christopher said in response, securing his crutches at his feet before pushing his backpack onto the seat next to him. "He fell down the stairs."
Eddie blinked. "O…h?"
"Where's Buck?"
Eddie was just gonna ignore that previous comment. He cleared his throat, turning back around to focus on getting this motor started. "He's gossiping with your aunt."
"About you?" Chris asked, not even trying to hide his grin.
Eddie squinted at him through the rearview mirror, teasing, "They better not be. Otherwise there'll be more broken legs."
"Hey, we like Buck and Tía Sophia," Chris argued.
Eddie chuckled, sighing in defeat. "Yeah." He shook his head fondly. "We really do."
He pulled onto the street.
They drove in silence for a while, just the low humming sound of the radio playing a song that Eddie couldn't quite make out. It reminded Eddie of the lost regularity of this– how often they'd sat in his car, driving to Buck's apartment or, on the rare occasion of Eddie having a day off work and being awake in the morning, taking Chris to school himself.
He hadn't been able to do this for six months. And it had never occurred to Eddie that he'd feel nostalgic about it some day.
"Dad?" Christopher asked after a moment.
Eddie blinked, pushing the thought aside. "Yeah?"
Chris paused. "Will you marry Buck?"
Eddie nearly drove the car off the road. He swerved, turning the wheel and fumbling with the gear shift as he parked at the side of the street– ignoring the aggressive honking behind him. "What?"
Chris - for his part - looked entirely too innocent for someone that had nearly caused Eddie to create a traffic accident in broad daylight. He just shrugged his shoulders. "You know. Marriage."
"I- I understood that part," Eddie replied, trying to steady his breath. "I mean- Chris, you know that we've only been dating for like… a week, right?"
Chris didn't seem fazed by this in the slightest. "But do you want to?"
Eddie bit his lip, looking at his son's wild curls and blue eyes that resembled Buck's so much - that made them look related; like a family. Which… they were. They had been for a long time. And Eddie had sworn that he'd never lie to his son again so- "Yeah."
Fuck, it's not like that thought had never occurred to him even before dating Buck. In quiet moments in his kitchen, passing dishes back and forth, or while Buck rambled on about murder mysteries from the 19th century.
Eddie could do so much as look at Buck while the sun cast a shadow on his face and suddenly he was rendered speechless; his mind a constant stream of wanting this forever.
And, really, it wasn't even in moments of kiss drunk hazes or coming down from orgasms - though, there too, of course - but in those soft glimpses; the ones that made Eddie think, "I want to be the only one who'll ever get to see you like this. I want to be the one you choose to be your forever too."
To Eddie's surprise, Chris didn't even seem shocked. He just smiled, leaning back into his seat. "Good."
So Eddie felt like he needed to add, "But- …only if you're okay with that."
Because that was true just the same. As much as Eddie would like to marry Buck - just like dating him - he wouldn't do it without the approval of the most important person in his life.
"Of course I'm okay with that," Chris replied easily. "Grandma and Grandpa say that you should be married to someone you want to have a family with."
"I'm not sure Grandma and Grandpa would approve of this kind of marriage," Eddie replied without thinking about it, internally punching himself as soon as Chris blinked back at him– confused. "Which is not… uh. Not important."
"Like…" Chris started, lips pursed in concentration. "Because you've already been married before? To Mom?"
Eddie swallowed. Okay, maybe one more lie wouldn't hurt. "Yeah."
"They'll get over that," Chris said confidently. "And it's not like they live in L.A."
The cars were still rushing past them, the space between Eddie and Chris filled with silence at the words. This was the opening he'd needed. The moment.
And still Eddie hesitated.
What if he didn't want to come back home?
He opened his mouth to reply, seeing the patience on Christopher's face, waiting.
What if he didn't think of it as home anymore? Los Angeles, Eddie and Buck?
"Yeah," Eddie said, biting the question back just like he'd done ever since the beginning of the week– ever since his son ran back to the place Eddie had detached himself from. "You're right."
Christopher sighed.
Eddie pulled back onto the street.
Silence continued.
They made it all the way to Eddie's parents' house, parking, bracing to get out, before Eddie turned back around once more, facing Chris. "Actually-"
His eyes widened in anticipation.
Eddie could picture it; the three of them on a blue couch in L.A., playing games and watching TV. He could hear the sound of Chris' laughter in his mind, the grumbled complaints about homework and the good and the bad, the fights and the hugs and Eddie wanted-
He needed-
"Please come back home, Chris."
Joy.
Eddie needed joy. And he deserved it.
Christopher's gaze turned soft, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he opened the door. "I thought you'd never ask."
Because of Sophia's visit, Eddie's parents went all out with a nice dinner– appetizers and everything. Not that Eddie was particularly surprised about it. She'd always had a way of twisting their parents around her little finger.
He didn't mind though. After all, he benefited from it too– mostly. And Sophia was just the perfect gap between Helena and Buck and Eddie. Add to that Eddie's father actually starting to like and converse with Buck and they actually had… a nice dinner.
Christopher was talking about how much he was looking forward to the summer, Eddie watched as Buck showed Sophia some pictures on his phone - of Jee-Yun, no doubt - and Eddie's parents actually looked… content. They smiled.
It felt like those good days of Eddie's childhood, when everyone was in a happy mood, no fighting, and they actually got along. In moments like these it was easy to forget that it wasn't always like this; right until someone threw a stone through the already cracking glass of their foundation.
Stone - in this case - being Christopher forgetting that they'd agreed to tell his parents later.
"-And I can't wait to see Aunt Maddie and Uncle Chimney again!" He finished his excited ramble, matching Buck's honey-sweet grin.
"They've missed you too, Buddy," Buck replied, nudging his shoulder from where he sat right next to him, pretending not to notice when Chris stole a potato from his plate. "Maddie texted me this morning to ask how you were doing."
"Aunt?" "You're going to visit LA?" Ramon and Helena asked at the same time, equal frowns on their faces.
Eddie shared a glance with Chris. "He's not going to visit. Chris is coming home with us."
Glass shattered. Helena tipped it over.
"Us," she repeated, face red. "No one thought to inform us of that?"
"Mom," Sophia warned, shaking her head disapprovingly. "You knew that Chris would go back home at some point. This is great news."
"He has a home here," she interrupted. "A good home. A steady one."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Eddie asked despite knowing exactly what she was alluding to. He couldn't help it– couldn't stop shoving and pushing like an animal in a trap.
"You know what it means, Edmundo. Is he living with you too?" Helena asked, even refusing to take Buck's name into her mouth.
Eddie glared at her. "I don't think that's any of your business."
"It is my business as the person who'll take Christopher when you can't do it anymore!" Helena argued.
"Except you're not!" Eddie snapped back. "Because Buck is his legal guardian!"
The table got quiet.
Everyone stared at Eddie with varying degrees of shock.
Helena's voice came out sharp and accusing. "Why?"
She knew.
Eddie knew that she knew.
He pressed his mouth shut, staring at Buck, seeing the way he subtly shook his head. 'You don't have to do this.'
Sophia stared at him with the same expression, while Christopher just looked– he looked uncomfortable. Caught in the middle of a storm that Eddie wanted to shield him from.
Eddie let his eyes trail over to his father. Ramon's face was… unreadable. It was strict and cautious and a mix of suspicion and confusion and Eddie was pretty sure he wasn't aware. He still wasn't aware.
Despite everything he still didn't know what was going on with his children.
And Eddie wasn't sure if he should feel angry about it or wholly and utterly resigned.
"You know why," Eddie told his mother, trying not to make it sound like pleading. He wasn't sure if he succeeded.
The air hanging over the table was thin, food getting cold as everyone sat back with tension, fists balled and shoulders straight.
"Say it." Helena replied. "Tell your father."
Eddie's blood felt frozen under his mother's cold gaze. It prickled in his ears like deathly specks of snow, his pulse quickening underneath his skin as Ramon asked, "Tell me what?"
If Eddie believed, he'd pray right now.
But he didn't. He never had.
So he looked into Buck's eyes instead. "That Buck's my boyfriend." Eddie said. "That I'm gay."
Eddie wasn't sure if he'd ever seen his father this angry before. Not the loud kind– the yelling or throwing things. This was quieter - a more dangerous kind of anger - and Eddie wasn't sure if that was for Christopher's sake or his own.
"No, you're not," Ramon replied. His voice was low. Eddie wished he wasn't sitting across from Buck right now, if only to reach underneath the table and hold his hand. "You married a woman."
Christopher stared between them with a puzzled kind of look, eyebrows drawn together in so much confusion that it hurt Eddie. "That doesn't mean you can't be gay, Grandpa. Harry's father is gay too."
"This is what I mean," Helena said, shaking her head. "Los Angeles isn't a place for him to grow up in. You're raising him with all those - those wrong ideas-"
"It's not wrong, Mom," Sophia interrupted her angrily. "I can't believe you're still so stubborn."
"You can't possibly defend this!" Helena yelled, slamming a fist down on the table, making the cutlery shake and Christopher startle - not used to this. Not like Eddie and Sophia were. "I knew I should have said something sooner, put an end to this."
"Put an end to this?" Eddie asked, glaring at his mother. "I'm 32 years old! There is nothing to put an end to!"
"This is your Abuela's fault," Ramon mumbled, shaking his head. "I should've never listened to her."
Eddie felt like exploding. "Oh, because she was the only one I didn't want to run away from as a kid? The only person in this family who doesn't use her belief to justify her hate of people like me?"
"There are no people like you, Eddie, you're not gay!" Ramon snapped. "I didn't raise a-"
"Don't." Eddie pushed himself up on the table to stand, pointing a threatening finger at his father. "Don't say that word in front of my son and don't say it to me. Not again."
"Eddie," Buck said quietly, looking up to meet his gaze. There was a question in his eyes. Eddie could read it like words on a paper. 'Can I insert myself in this conversation?'
Eddie did not want him to fight his battles– especially when it came to his parents. Not because Eddie didn't trust him too or was too proud. That really wasn't it.
But Buck had his own shitty parents to deal with. Eddie did not want him to have to deal with this too; not being wanted or accepted.
"You didn't raise me at all," he said instead, staring back at his father, seeing the look of disgust on his face. Eddie tried to pretend that it didn't make him want to throw up on the spot. "And, sure, I made some parenting mistakes too, sue me. At least I didn't raise my son to be afraid just for being himself."
Helena's nasty sneer was directed at Buck now, face still red with anger. "You ruined him."
"Mrs. Diaz-" Buck started, looking like a kicked puppy. Eddie wanted to throw things.
"You ruined him," she repeated. "He was healed from it and you ruined it again."
"Mom!" Sophia snapped at her. "What the fuck? Leave them alone."
Ramon shook his head. "Christopher is staying with us."
"Don't I get a say in this?" Christopher asked– spoken over by the adults at the table almost immediately.
"I don't approve of this, Eddie!" Ramon argued, waving a dismissive hand at Buck. "It's wrong."
"You're trying to tell me what's right and wrong?" Eddie asked back, scoffing. "I can't believe I thought you wanted to try. You're still the exact same!"
"I want to try!" Ramon replied. "But I'm not the only one who needs to change for that!"
"Oh, so you want me to change," Eddie said, feeling the need to dive under again, wishing the lake wasn't still too cold. "What do you want me to do, Dad? Pray the gay away?"
"It would be a start!" Ramon actually sounded serious about it.
Eddie laughed. There was no humor behind it. "Wow."
All the while Helena continued to argue with Buck and Sophia in the background.
"He has a name, Mom!" Eddie could vaguely hear Sophia say, putting herself between their mother and Buck. "And you should be proud of your son for actually bagging a guy like this!"
He saw Buck leaning down to Christopher in the corner of his eye, saying something, looking concerned before pointing towards the stairs. Christopher insistently shook his head.
"Look, Edmundo, I can set you up with a priest-" Ramon started and Eddie raised his brows at him.
"I spoke to a priest," he cut him off. "He told me that love is not a sin in the eyes of the one who created it."
Ramon shut his mouth, shook his head, then opened it again. "This ain't God's doing."
"Can you stop it?" Chris asked, too quietly for either Helena or Ramon to hear.
But Eddie did. He did and he looked over at his son, seeing the way he seemed utterly desperate. And fuck, just then did it set in that Eddie'd had this entire argument in front of him. That he'd had to pay witness to Eddie's parents arguing over whether or not Christopher's father and Buck were wrong; his aunts and friend's fathers too.
"Chris-" Eddie started.
"I told you not to drag him down with you," Helena accused. "And yet you did. Don't make that same mistake again."
Eddie opened his mouth and Christopher's voice came out– much louder this time. "Shut up!"
Everyone's eyes snapped towards him.
"I want to go home," Christopher said. "Now."
Helena's hard eyes softened. "Christopher, honey…"
"No," Chris cut her off. "Leave me alone. Don't talk to him like that and stop treating me like a baby! I came here because I wanted distance not- you're not-" he turned towards Eddie, tears welling up in his eyes, voice choked up when he added, "Please just take me home."
Eddie didn't wait for his parents' reply - couldn't hear it over the rushing in his ears - chair scraping the floor as he got up, walking around the table to pull his son into a hug, soothingly kissing the top of his head. "Okay."
"I didn't know," Chris whispered into his chest, trembling ever so slightly. "I didn't…"
Eddie's heart sank, running a hand over his back. "I know," he whispered back. "I know, Buddy. It's okay. Let's go home."
The three of them and Sophia spent the rest of the day at Abuela's place, booking last minute plane tickets almost as soon as they'd arrived. She was, understandably, furious when Sophia recounted what had happened, immediately calling her son to yell at him over the phone.
And it wasn't like…
Eddie didn't expect either of his parents to reach out to him. Not after this.
They'd try to get back to Christopher, somehow, but they wouldn't call or step on another plane for Eddie's sake. And it should make Eddie feel more crushed than whatever he felt right now.
He was still mad, disappointed and, frankly, in disbelief. But he was also… relieved. Like electricity had been cursing through his body for years until someone had finally thought to guide the lightning away from him.
Eddie knew things wouldn't go over well with his parents if they ever found out, so there were no surprises there. He still had his sisters, still had Abuela and the two other most important people in his life, though maybe that's what Eddie felt most guilty about.
Because he'd just exposed those two people to the constant argument of his childhood and it was… not pretty. Not even a little. Buck was quiet, Chris looked exhausted– knees up and pressed against his chest, headphones covering his ears.
They'd been sitting in silence at the airport for a long moment before Eddie said it. "I'm sorry."
Buck's head snapped up to stare at him, leaning back in one of the seats of their terminal. "What are you sorry for?"
"Involving you in this," Eddie replied quietly, listening to the muffled voices coming through the loudspeaker, announcing their boarding time. "What my parents said to you… you didn't ruin me, Buck."
"I know," Buck replied. "This isn't your fault, Eddie."
Eddie shook his head, spearing a glance at Chris, seeing him still invested in his phone, typing. "I should have sent him upstairs as soon as they started arguing. Both of you."
"You were caught off-guard," Buck defended Eddie's actions– like always. No matter how badly he fucked up; over and over. "And Chris didn't- he didn't want to go upstairs."
"How do you know?" Eddie asked.
Buck sighed. "I asked him. During… all that. I told him to go and he refused."
It almost seemed like the irony of the universe; Eddie running for all his life, infecting his son with that same restless disease, and yet in the one moment he wanted him to not pay witness - the one moment he wished he ran - Chris stayed. And realized something about Eddie's parents that Eddie wished would've stayed buried, if only for Chris' peace of mind.
He could still hear it– his sobs. The apologies. Chris had said it again at Abuela's; in a whisper over emotional compensation ice cream. "If I had known, I never would've…"
Eddie did not want Chris to feel guilty about this, for something Eddie had purposefully kept from him. And anyway, how would that conversation have gone? ‘Hey, Buddy, I know you love your grandparents, but did you know that they are homophobic and ruined my childhood?'
Because they hadn't… they stopped making those comments a long time ago. It was never relevant, never a topic of conversation and talking about being gay just didn't come up. Not after Shannon.
So why would Eddie have said anything? Why would he have tried to ruin a good relationship in his son's life just because he still carried that hurt?
It wouldn't have been fair to Chris and so Eddie had kept his mouth shut, only for it to backfire. Only for Eddie to realize just how relevant it still was, how shocking the not knowing could be.
And now he'd traumatized his son. Again.
What a track record.
"Do you think he'll forgive me?" Eddie asked quietly.
"I think he already has," Buck replied. "I think despite the dread of that… situation… he understands now. Better than before."
Eddie cracked open another expensive airport water, staring down at the opened lid. "I ran away from home. So often I- … I never want him to run too. Never again."
Buck reached out to take his hand, lacing their fingers together. Eddie met his gaze. "Maybe… you could tell us? About running? Growing up in El Paso?"
Chris lowered his headphones, watching curiously. "Please?"
Of course, he'd been eavesdropping. This was Eddie's son, after all. Eddie exhaled softly, fighting the urge to fondly shake his head. "Are you sure? It's not always a happy story."
Chris nodded. "No more running."
"Okay," Eddie breathed out, watching as his two favorite people stared back at him in anticipation, the airport stench in his nose and muffled conversations all around. "I think the first thing I remember is a church with stained glass windows when I was seven…"
By the time Eddie was done with his retelling - more or less - he felt two heads of curly hair on either of his shoulders, steadily breathing as the plane began to sink in LA.
And Eddie thought - for the first time in a long while - that it'd all be okay. Because they were together, all of them, as a family. And there wasn't anything he could ever regret about that.
Eddie was ready to leave El Paso behind for good.
And he was ready to come home.