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Chapter Text

The irony of Buck and Eddie arriving in El Paso on a Sunday did not go unnoticed by his mother, who pointed it out almost immediately after they stepped into the house, Chris tugging on both Eddie and Buck's arms to show them his (Eddie's old) room. "Since you don't go to church anymore, you can put your things away once we're off."

Eddie tried to ignore the displeased tone of her voice, smiling tightly. "Sure, Ma. Where will we be staying?"

"Sophia and Adrianna's old room," she explained shortly, looking at the door across the room that Chris pointed out for Buck as his. Second floor. "It's a good thing we still have a guest room with two beds now that they're both out of the house."

"Sure is," Eddie replied.

"Wouldn't want you to have to share." His mother watched him like a hawk. "Right?"

"Right."

Eddie looked at Christopher leading Buck into his room - the one that still had some of Eddie's old posters and furniture in it to his own surprise. He couldn't see it all that well from where he stood though; the things that were different or the same.

And just as he was about to follow them, Helena held Eddie back, a hand on his wrist that didn't hurt but that didn't feel gentle either. "I know you said that he'll be accompanying you-" it was always he and never Buck. "-but, seriously, Eddie, why did you bring him?"

"Because he's family," Eddie said, not much explanation needed. "And he missed Chris too, you know? If I'm not mistaken, so did Chris."

Helena followed his gaze into Eddie's room, the same cool light bulbs that they'd always bought, even back then, lighting the space in a cool shade that looked so out of place as it reflected off of Chris and Buck. They were too warm for it, too bright.

But they looked happy. Even in the walls that Eddie felt were restricting and daunting, seeing his favorite people laugh and make big gestures with hands as they picked everything apart with meaning, Christopher telling Buck just what was Eddie's and what he'd added - not replaced, added - made his chest feel lighter.

"He talks about your best friend a lot," Helena pointed out, almost as an afterthought. "About how much time you spend together."

Eddie knew his mother. Even if he didn't, it was obvious what she was trying to imply. What she wanted to know. And Eddie was not about to give her that satisfaction. Especially not considering how it would end; as just another argument in favor of Christopher staying in El Paso, of Eddie not being fit to raise his son.

"Yeah," Eddie said. "We can be lucky to have him."

"Dad, I want to show you my new chessboard!" Christopher called and Eddie did not wait for his mother to say anything else as he went, without hesitation, to spend time with his son. The main reason he was here. Not to hear comments he'd spend his childhood trying to outrun.

Time flew like this, way more so than it had in all the months Christopher had spent apart from Eddie. Despite the drive back from the airport having taken a while, it had still been morning when they came through the door. Now though?

Now Eddie's parents and Christopher - to Eddie's irritation - were off to church while he and Buck sat on the new rug, suitcase opened between them. And Eddie couldn't hold it in any longer.

So he jumped Buck.

"Woah, hey there," Buck laughed as Eddie climbed into Buck's lap before pinning him down to the floor, pressing their lips together. "Any-" another kiss "-occasion for this?"

Eddie trailed his lips down Buck's jaw, to his neck, carefully sucking on the skin there and sinking his teeth in until Buck's laughs turned into soft gasps and whimpers. "You didn't want to have sex on the plane."

When he pulled back to look at Buck, his pupils were blown, his lips already kiss-swollen. They turned pink so easily, so beautifully. It was one of the many great discoveries that Eddie had made over the course of the past week. "How much time do we have?"

"Not enough to do what I want to be doing," Eddie explained shortly before connecting their lips together again, pressing Buck a little further into the rug, hands trailing up and down his sides before resting on his hips. "But just enough to let off some..."

"Steam?" Buck suggested.

"Frustration," Eddie agreed, biting his bottom lip and drinking in the sweet sound Buck made in response. Buck practically melted into his touch, hands reaching up to brush and tug at Eddie's hair, just the way he liked. "You're so good."

Buck kissed him harder, hand fisting into the collar of his shirt before he dragged it over Eddie's head, staring up at him with a grin.

"Like what you see?" Eddie mused, steamy kisses turning a bit softer as he pressed them to Buck's cheeks, his chin, the tip of his nose and outline of his birthmark.

"It's an alright sight," Buck teased, grin immediately turning into an open-mouthed gasp as Eddie put a hand on the tent in Buck's jeans in response. His voice came out breathlessly as Eddie continued to palm him through the fabric. "Very- ah, okay to look at."

And, yeah, fine, maybe Eddie needed a distraction from his parents not even five hours into their visit that would last for at least five whole days, but that definitely wasn't the reason why he wanted to get his hands on his best friend - in very loose and complicated definitions of that term - right now.

"What did you say?" Eddie mused, pressing himself down on Buck, rolling his hips. "Oh, right, we should probably go unpack-"

Buck pulled him down by the neck, panting into his mouth. "Don't you dare."

Eddie grinned.

He rolled his hips again, grinding their cocks together and it wasn't enough friction, not at all, but Eddie still groaned, letting his tongue run over Buck's neck. And as much as Eddie liked to tease Buck, smiling satisfied with every small moan, whispering over and over, "yeah, that's it" and "you feel so good" as he watched Buck thrust his hips up, searching, Eddie was just as desperate for it.

Too desperate to take their time right now and too desperate to get their pants off all the way. Eddie, at some point, had at least managed to unbuckle their belts but that was pretty much where the effort had ended.

He felt like a teenager again, grinding against his girlfriend in his locked room before his parents noticed that he had, in fact, not left the door open. Not that they ever had or would notice - Eddie managed to get Shannon pregnant after all - but the sentiment still stands.

Only now, he was grinding against his boyfriend. And his parents weren't in the house. Which is why Buck and Eddie weren't gonna get caught.

The thrill still remained.

Buck let his fingernails dig into Eddie's shoulders, an aching sort of good, as he let Eddie's cock push down on his, pace both messy and fast. "You're - oh my god - Eddie, please."

"What do you want?" Eddie asked, nipping on his skin, pressing feather-light kisses to every spot he'd sunken his teeth into. They were blooming in red and purple shades, petals as a trail that said mine, mine, mine. Not in ownership but belonging. Buck's curls were all tousled, cheeks and lips pink and warm, his eyes darker than just a thunderstorm when he blinked up at Eddie. "Let me hear you, fuck, you're so pretty like this. You're so beautiful. Want to hear your voice."

Buck whimpered. "Touch me."

And who would Eddie be not to oblige to that? He reached down, not stopping to roll their hips together as he fumbled with Buck's zipper, which certainly made things more difficult, but also, Eddie didn't really care.

"Oh, fuck," Buck moaned as Eddie pulled his cock out, stroking. It still took a little getting used to - doing this from a different angle - but Buck never had anything to complain about, so Eddie figured he at least wasn't messing up this part of his life. Take that Mom and Dad!

Although, Eddie would rather die than to end their next argument with, "you think I am bad at everything? Well at least-"

Not that this took up any of his thoughts when he had Buck writhing underneath him, gasping for air as Eddie circled his head with his thumb the way he'd figured out Buck liked so much, picking up his pace. "Eddie, I'm- god-"

"So good for me," Eddie mumbled, getting his own dick out to try and stroke them both together - not quite managing despite how big his hand was, which made Eddie feel all kinds of ways. "Mind to give me a hand?"

Buck choked on a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief before doing just that. Maybe that was the biggest difference to the Buck that Eddie had known for years, had come to know so intimately that the only actually new thing about their relationship was the sex. Because while Buck usually did everything in his power to go against orders, he sure was responsive to Eddie telling him what to do in the bedroom.

It took them a moment to get back into rhythm, find a good pace, but that was the thing about them. They worked great as a team, always. This was no exception.

"I'm- fuck, I'm close, Eddie-" Buck panted, throwing his head back.

Eddie mentally thanked the new rug for saving his partner from getting a concussion.

"Me too, mi amor," Eddie moaned, the pet name slipping out on instinct, "me too, you're- so good for me, so good."

That seemed to take Buck right over the edge, his thigh shaking under Eddie's hand as he came, cum shooting up on his stomach. And fuck wasn't that a sight. Eddie could never get enough of seeing Buck's face like this - lips parted on a moan and eyes pressed shut in pleasure.

It was enough for Eddie to follow close behind, only two or three more strokes before he came too, right on Buck, mixing with his own cum. He still panted hard as he let himself fall on top of him. "Jesus."

"I think you're confusing locations right now," Buck mused, voice breathless, "that's where your parents are."

He had not just...

Eddie lifted his head to stare at him, squinting his eyes. Buck only grinned, staring right back until both of them broke out into another fit of laughter, not doing each other any favor in catching their breath in the slightest. "Really, Buck? You're so ridiculous, oh my god."

"You were the one who jumped me in your parent's house," Buck pointed out and, okay-

"Fair," Eddie sighed, lazily tilting his head to press his lips against Buck's. "We should go get cleaned up."

"Or," Buck drew out the word, kissing Eddie's cheek, "I stay right here while you go get a washcloth."

"Oh, I see how it is," Eddie mused, nuzzling his jaw and feeling the stubble scratch his skin. He loved it. "Letting me do all the work..."

"A team effort," Buck corrected.

Eddie hummed, sucking another mark into the opposite side of his neck, matching. "I was gonna go take a shower, but if you wanna stay here..."

He nearly startled as Buck flipped them over in one impatient motion, hovering over Eddie to press one, two, more kisses to the corners of his lips before standing up at once and holding out a hand for Eddie. "How long does a church mess usually last?"

Eddie scrambled for his phone, tossed aside and half-slid underneath the bed. "How confident do you feel about fifteen more minutes?"

Buck raised his brows with a suggestive little smirk.

Turns out, Buck was able to perform some really confident actions in fifteen minutes, which Eddie had nothing to complain about. No notes. Buck really had not exaggerated in that rimming section of his powerpoint presentation that - by the way - Buck had still made him watch until the very last slide.

But as much as Eddie felt like the most relaxed jello in the world by the time they got out of the shower - just in time to hear the keys turn in the door - that relaxation faded almost as soon as they met his parents back downstairs.

"Did you unpack everything?" Helena asked as she stripped off her coat. "You missed such a beautiful Sunday mess."

Christopher hadn't even walked through the door yet.

"Not fully," Eddie replied as casually as he could. "We have a few more things left."

Helena frowned. "You have one suitcase."

"And a bag," Chris replied helpfully as he pushed his way past her, smiling up at Eddie. "Grandpa said we can go to the lake, if you want. Because I finished all my homework for the weekend."

He loved this kid so much.

"Of course, Buddy," Eddie replied, unable to fight off his own smile, noting that Chris was still wearing his shoes inside - something that his mom would've killed him for if he'd done it as a child. "Do you wanna go now?"

"Yeah!"

Eddie turned to look at Buck, tilting his head in a question.

Buck gently shook his head. "You go. I am sure you have a lot to catch up on, just the two of you." He nodded towards Helena and Ramon. "And I can help with lunch?"

"You cook?" Ramon asked, judging tone filled with a bit of curiosity and wonder too.

Eddie had to stop himself from laughing, because his father certainly did not know that once you asked Buck about cooking, he would not shut up about it for the foreseeable future. When exactly he'd learned how to cook, where he got his recipes from, the fact that he generally preferred baking - except for when it came to cakes - and everything he knew about oven safety.

Because Buck was perfect.

Eddie was so in love with him.

"We'll be back in an hour," Eddie promised.

"How many eggs do you have, Mrs. Diaz?" Buck replied.

Eddie rolled his eyes fondly as he waved him goodbye, only barely stopping himself from kissing Buck too before he left the house with his son by his side.

The humid air hit him with more nostalgia than it had when they'd gotten out of the car. Maybe because it was calmer now, the sounds of Christopher's crutches against the pavement a familiar sound associated with happiness. Or because he got a good look at the house next door for the first time in years - careful not to stare at it while his parents could see - as Chris and he walked past it, right down the path of stamped grass.

"She's nice," Chris said, drawing Eddie's attention back to him.

"Who?" Eddie asked.

Chris nudged his head towards the house. "The neighbor. Ms. Wright. She is very nice."

'Mrs.', Eddie wanted to correct at first, only for the word to die in his throat as he realized that, right, the woman that lived in this house wasn't Dorothy. It wasn't Janet either. He and his sisters didn't go there to draw and eat cookies anymore.

He nodded. "I've never met her."

They got to the lake not soon after, searching for a nice spot in the sun, the remnants of black in the ground long gone by effects of weather and time, though Eddie could still pinpoint the spot where lightning had struck by heart.

The memory felt more bitter now, thinking back. Pictures of brewing storms mixing with the sensation of a lifeless body beneath his hands as he tried so desperately to start a heart with pleas of "talk to me".

Eddie tossed them aside with a shake to his head, focusing all of his attention on Christopher who had picked out a nice patch of grass close to the lake to sit on. It was still too cold out to go swimming, but Eddie didn't mourn it much. It had been a while since he last went to the ocean in California too.

"Is this where you met mom?" Chris asked just as soon as Eddie sat down beside him, looking out on the water. He knew they met here, at the lake, for the first time. But that wasn't the question.

Eddie smiled, pointing a finger to the ground they were sitting on. "Right here."

"Cool," Chris said simply, but his hand brushed through the grass like it was meaningful. "I brought my friends here a few times."

"You did?" Eddie asked, trying to construct faces to the names that Chris had slipped into conversation more and more over their last phone calls. "I used to come here with mine too. Even on the day I met your mom."

"Did they like her?"

Eddie chuckled. "I think everyone liked your mom. She was super awesome."

Christopher was quiet for a moment, not looking at Eddie when he said, "No one can replace her."

And here they were. This part of the conversation. The one Eddie had been waiting to have for months, all the words and things he wanted to say suddenly gone like they vanished into thin air. He took a deep breath. "I am sorry, Christopher. I wish I could go back in time and never ever make this dumb decision."

"But you can't," Chris replied. He didn't sound angry, at least. He wasn't yelling at Eddie.

That was progress.

Maybe he'd been preparing for this conversation for months too.

"You're right," Eddie agreed, nodding. "But I still want to fix it. If you'll let me. Because I love you, Chris, and I made a mistake, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it, I promise-"

Chris buried his head in his chest as he surged forward, hugging him. "I forgive you, Dad."

Eddie wasn't sure if he deserved it. But he wasn't gonna let righteousness run the course of his happiness anymore, so Eddie hugged him back, wrapping his arms around Chris as he pulled him closer, tenderly pressing a kiss to the top of his head. He let his eyes shut, just for a moment, just for a second, to make up for all the time he didn't get to hold his son in his arms like this.

"You always say that I can talk to you about anything," Chris said, voice muffled before he pulled back, looking straight into Eddie's eyes. "But you can talk to me too, you know? I am not a kid anymore."

"You're right," Eddie said, brushing a few stray curls back from Christopher's forehead. "But you'll always be my kid."

Christopher rolled his eyes. Eddie had missed him so much.

"Yeah, yeah," Christopher grumbled. "As long as you're not keeping any more life altering secrets from me."

Well, Eddie did not plan to have this conversation right after this but...

Chris was right. Eddie really needed to start and learn that he could talk to his son. Even if there was no one he was more terrified to come out to. Not because he had any doubts about the way he'd raised him, but because...this was about a part of Eddie that contradicted whatever Christopher had known about his own father for the entire trajectory of his existence and Eddie had no idea how he would react to it.

"There's one more thing," Eddie said, straightening his shoulders. He turned to face Chris more properly. "While you were here in Texas I tried to work on myself. On being a better father through learning to be better myself and I- okay, so, I figured out some things that I never really had time to think about before. To...uh, uncover?"

"Okay," Chris replied carefully, sounding a bit reluctant. "Will this further traumatize me?"

"God, I hope not," Eddie muttered under his breath, feeling at least a little lighter when Chris snorted. "I guess I'll just come out with it."

Chris waited, blinking. Eddie stared back. "Well...? Come out with it?"

"I just did," Eddie said, jazz hands and all. "Come out, that is."

"Oh my god," Chris said and for a moment Eddie was concerned, searching for the right words to explain things better when Chris added, "Your dad jokes are the worst! I can't believe this is how you came out to me, what the fuck dad-"

"Language."

"-I mean, Buck was better at this than you! This was like minimum effort, wow."

Eddie couldn't help it. He had to laugh. If in relief or because Christopher seemed genuinely offended by nothing but the fact that his dad was bad at coming out, he wasn't sure, but it didn't matter much anyway when Christopher joined in soon after.

"No, but, seriously-" Chris said after a while, still chuckling a little when he looked back to the lake. "I'm not that surprised but...can you explain?"

Ignoring the not surprised part of that question, Eddie leaned back on his hands, feeling the sun cast a warm light on his face. "As much as I loved your mom- and I really did. I did, Chris, it's, uh... I think it took me experiencing what that real romantic love feels like to realize that it's different. I'm gay. And...demisexual. I don't know if you know what that means-"

Chris gave him a look. "Of course I know what that means."

"Well, I didn't!" Eddie tried to defend himself, sighing. "Actually, Buck helped me figure that out...in...multiple ways."

"Oh," Chris said. He was quiet, fingers catching onto a rock in the grass, turning it in his palm. "So..."

"So," Eddie echoed.

"Does Buck know?" Chris asked. "That you're in love with him?"

"He does."

"So you're dating," Chris concluded, apparently very confident in the fact that Buck loved Eddie back, which in hindsight was much more obvious to Eddie too, thanks. He'd just been a bit too busy freaking out to notice it sooner.

Eddie absentmindedly plucked out the grass around him with his fingers, tugging on it to stifle his nerves. "When I didn't answer that one call...there'd been an accident at work."

Chris furrowed his brows. "You didn't tell me."

"I am telling you now," Eddie explained. "We, Buck and I, got trapped underground. Buck was-...things didn't look good and I thought to myself, am I really gonna watch him..." he couldn't actually say that word. Especially not to Chris. "Do I risk never telling him, just because I am afraid?"

"So you did," Chris concluded.

Eddie let go of the grass, rubbing his palms on his thighs. "I understand if this is something that you don't want Chris. If you need more time before I date again. I will respect that. If you never want me to date...then I will respect that too. Because you are and will always be my priority. Always. Don't you ever forget that."

Chris was quiet for another awfully long moment, before slowly putting the stone in his palm back down. He didn't throw it in the lake, wasn't angry. Not like Eddie was whenever he came here. "You have to promise me one thing."

"Anything," Eddie said and he meant it.

"Whatever happens, Buck won't leave." Chris watched him carefully. "I don't mind you dating. In fact, I am surprised it took this long, but no matter if you stay together or something happens and you don't- Buck stays."

Eddie didn't bother to wipe the tear away that he felt trailing down his cheek. It was a happy tear. And Eddie had emotions - emotions that he wasn't gonna hide from his own flesh and blood. Eddie nodded. "I promise. You'll have to talk to Buck as well, but he'll promise too, I know that."

Chris held up his pinky. "Buckley promise."

Eddie wasn't sure if he sobbed or laughed as he interlinked his pinky with Chris' - probably a weird mixture of both - but Chris didn't call him out on it. He just hugged him again. "I'm happy for you."

"I'm happy for me too."

When they got back to the house, the smell of chili seeping through the door before they'd even entered, Chris didn't waste a second to run up to Buck, slinging his arms around him just the same.

He still had his apron on - the one he insisted on bringing along because, "it's a present from Bobby, Eddie!" - and Eddie didn't want to picture his parent's reaction when he'd pulled it out. Although the mental image alone was award worthy. His hair wasn't damp from the shower anymore, an already soft smile turning even softer when he gently ruffled Chris' hair before meeting Eddie's eyes above his head.

And he knew, because of course he did. Eddie was sure he had it written all over his face.

Buck mouthed the words, "went well?" and Eddie didn't need to reply.

But he did so anyway. "Yeah."

Sometimes silent conversations were better said out loud.