Chapter Text
I hadn’t seen Sokke in two months, and every day the distance seemed to grow larger. You’d think that as Fire Lord, leader of an entire nation, I’d have enough control to set my own times. But that wasn’t the case; the days were filled with responsibilities, meetings, strategies, and a constant pressure to prove my commitment to peace. Every now and then, in the middle of a meeting or while signing some decree, my mind would return to Sokke, to that warrior who had changed my world.
My hands slid over the paper, the cold touch of the ink reminding me of the letters she used to send me. Sometimes they were just a few lines, other times long accounts of her days patrolling the outskirts of the Water Tribe. There was a directness to her words that always left me a little disarmed, as if each word was honed with the precision of her own sword.
But in these two months, the flow of letters had diminished. We still wrote to each other, of course, but it wasn’t the same. Part of me wondered if this physical distance was creating another, much deeper one, in our hearts.
I took one of her last letters and unfolded it on my desk. In it, she spoke of a recent fight with bandits to the south, near the Earth Kingdom borders. Her language was as direct as ever, describing the fight with the precision of a strategist. I imagined her figure on the battlefield, agile and steady, her braid swinging in time with her movements. The image brought a smile to my face, though it also filled me with unease. Knowing that Sokke was in danger disturbed me in a way I never admitted out loud.
“Fire Lord,” a voice interrupted my thoughts. It was one of my advisors, standing in the doorway of my study. “It is time for the audience with the Earth Kingdom ambassadors.”
I nodded with a sigh, putting the letter away in a drawer as if guarding a forbidden treasure. The audiences could wait a few more seconds, but the fact that I couldn’t be with Sokke… that seemed to have no end.
That night, instead of sleeping, I stayed on the balcony, watching the lights of the capital and the brightness of the stars. I wondered if Sokke was also looking at the sky, perhaps under the aurora he so liked to describe in his letters. It seemed like a childish thought, but in these moments of solitude, I sometimes clung to these fantasies. The world might be at peace, but that didn’t mean our lives were too.
My thoughts drifted back to the unspoken words, the things I hadn’t had the courage to write to him. Had I really told him what it was like to live in a place where everyone expected something of me, where my decisions affected so many lives? Had I expressed to him the loneliness I felt in the midst of all these responsibilities?
No, of course not. Maybe I was afraid she would think I was weak, or worse, that she would realize that deep down I still hadn't stopped feeling like the child I had been. Sokke was strong, someone who never doubted his place in the world, while I... I was still searching for mine.
Suddenly, I took parchment and a quill, and began to write. The words flowed effortlessly, as if my thoughts had been waiting for this moment.
Sokke,
It's been two months since we saw each other, and honestly, it gets harder every day. It's not just the physical distance, but something else... I've started to think about all the things I haven't told you, and somehow I feel like I'm not honest enough with you, or worse, with myself. Maybe it's this constant fear that one day you'll realize that I'm not what you thought.
Sometimes I feel like this responsibility, the throne, all of this, is a shadow I'll never be able to leave behind. I envy you, you know? Your bravery, your certainty, and that way of yours of just… living. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I wish you were here, even though I know your place is in the Tribe, where you really are.
I am trying to build a better, more just Fire Nation, but sometimes I wonder if I am really the right man for this job. And in those moments, you are the only thing that gives me some peace, a kind of calm that I can’t find anywhere else.
Finishing the letter, I hesitated. Something stopped me from sealing it and sending it. Perhaps the fear that my doubts would become too obvious, that Sokke would realize that, after all, I had my weaknesses too.
I folded the parchment and put it away with the other letters I had never sent. Maybe someday, when we meet again, when this war against my own past is over, I will find the courage to tell him everything.