Chapter Text
We've somehow managed to hit episode 3 guys! Pretty fuckin' cool.
Today's contest is a simple science fair. Some people are delighted by this, others are bored cuz it's nerd shit.
Yin-Yang Master: Not exactly my best joke in my opinion, but glad you like it!
Anon: Good to see you're excited.
And with that, it's time we begin this episode!
Oh, and no, there won't be a recap from now on. It's pointless when you can read the other chapters so easily.
Also, I'm not gonna respond to reviews from now on unless they actually feel in depth.
Warning for some pretty perverted jokes here, as usual.
Also a preemptive apology to all autists out there, for a few jokes might trigger you if you're particularly sensitive.
Episode 3: A scientific guide to homosexuality, autism, and nfts
It was around 7 in the morning on Camp Wawanakwa. The sun was starting to shine, the birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and all 35 remaining participants were sleeping like babies.
At Team Pee Pee's cabin, everyone was asleep. Highlights include Cabby standing asleep, Brody having fallen out of his bed, and Jeffy looking like he fell asleep whilst humping his pillow (because he probably did).
Their peace is cut short however, when Plankton bursts through their door.
"Uh HELLLOOOOO!" He yelled. "Which one of you losers got out huh?"
Cordelia was the first to wake up. "Ugh, Plankton? Are you okay?"
"Damn right I am! If my evil genius can stand Mr. Krabs and his ilk, injuries like that are nothing!"
"Say that again when you get cut in half." Snarked Johnny Cage.
"Yeah, like when my friend's boyfriend got cut in half!" Jeffy casually said.
"I send my deepest condolences to your friend Jeffy. No one should ever witness something like that in their life." Cabby said.
"We sure are Cabby!" Leafy insensitively yelled.
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Confessional: Jeffy
Jeffy: Why are they mourning a fucking Ken doll?
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"Anyways, what are y'all gonna do right about now?" Brody asked.
"I say we talk about how we're all such good friends!"
"Leafy, shut the fuck up." Johnny Cage told her. "This whole I'm so nice shit is getting older by the minute."
"How 'bout YOU shut up and be nice for once?"
"Screw that, I'm leaving. I'll go eat some berries from the bushes, pretty healthy stuff. Certainly useful If I csn keep doing my own stunts in movies."
Cage then left the cabin.
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Confessional: Johnny Cage
Johnny Cage: The moment merge comes around, which I'm certain I'll get to experience, I'll align with literally everyone but my own team, then get rid of their asses one by one. They done messed with The Cage, they'll enter it.
Johnny stays silent for a second or two.
Johnny Cage: Can you cut out that last part out Chris?
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Meanwhile, Team Rose had all woken up by this point. Most were still in the cabin, but a few weren't. More specifically Bea and Dee Jay were having a little sparring match in the woods, with Bea clearly having the upper hand.
Dee Jay swung his fist into her in every possible direction, and yet she always perfectly caught it in her hands.
He tried using his legs instead, same results.
Every possible tactic he had was shut down by Bea.
So, he decided to simply throw in the towel and give her the win.
"*pant*, That was impressive mon, took the rhythm right outta me!" He said. " And by the looks of things, you don't need any training at all!"
Bea shrugged. "...That is not true. I train to maintain my strength, not to increase it, as I've already achieved what is humanly possible."
"Interesting mon." Dee Jay responded. "Say, are you interested in making alliance? To make it further in the game?"
"...Maybe I am, a-a bit. But what exactly does that entail?"
"Oh nothing too complicated mon. We just vote together and try to strategize to win. We're not gonna play dirty or anythin'.
Bea thought about that for a second, before taking her hand out to Dee Jay.
"Deal?"
"Deal."
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Confessional: Dee Jay
Dee Jay: Alright, first step to winnin' Total Drama is complete! Step two though, that's reachin' the merge, which with this huge cast, is easier said than done.
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Confessional: Bea
Bea: Dee Jay seems quite friendly, but I'm not holding my breath. If, at any moment he starts to disrespect me in any way, our alliance is over.
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At the Team Rose HQ, Boba Fett was doing a bit of blaster practice with Wawanakwa's trees. He was mainly shooting at the branches nearby, all falling off in quick succession, one even hit Toby Queef in the head.
"Hey!" He yelled. "Fuckin' Jewlywood asshole! Anyone got an oven fo' this hippie?!"
Boba Fett simply ignored Queef and just continued shooting. That is, until Cream hugged him, with her looking quite fearful.
"Mr. Fett, Mr. Fett!" She yelled.
"What is exactly wrong little one?" He asked.
"It's the devil mister! He's been acting weird, saying he wants to eat my pancreas!"
Boba was more than a little confused. "Banban? Why would he-wait, I'm gonna go talk to him, you stay here."
Boba Fett then went to the cabin, where he saw that Banban was there, and pointed his gun at him.
"Woah." Banban said in his monotone voice. "Don't hurt me, it's not worth it."
"I want to what why exactly you have such a fascination with pancreases, especially those of children."
"You don't understand. No one will."
"Say that when they arrest you. But since I don't want to lose a teammate, I'll let you off the hook, if you can stop it with pancreases when they make others uncomfortable. Just know I'll be watching you."
Boba Fett got out of the cabin and presumably went back at his shooting range. Banban, however, wallowed in despair in his bed.
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: Why I can't anyone accept that I love eating pancreases?
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Since the elimination last episode, Player's been pretty paranoid about Mr. Cheese, trying to warn everyone about his schemes to no evail.
He was at the cabin, spending the past hour or so trying to convince them. "Guys come on, believe me! Mr. Cheese is up to no good! I-If we don't vote him off now, this whole team will all be ruined!"
Nobody believed him at all. Mae was laughing, Ash was convinced he had gone insane, Pillow payed no attention at all, it really felt like the whole world was up against him (and to be fair, he feels that all the time).
"Player, sorry for disappointing you, but there is absolutely no reason to doubt Mr. Cheese." Ash calmly stated. "He's not exactly the brightest bulb, and the supposed "plan" of his would be too easy to backfire on him, so him being a mastermind doesn't make sense either."
"B-But-" He tried to say something before Nick shut him down with his own words.
"Look, mate, can you not try to start a bloody scandal over that moron? So what if he's planning to vote us off? He'd probably fail in a challenge and he'd be out almost instantly anyway, so stop bitching over your crush's elimination and be a man!"
Player was embarrassed by Nick's words, but not for the reasons he intended. "M-My crush? Really man?"
"I mean, why else would you vouch for that monster? Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go get something to eat. My butler sends me meals from home."
Nick then left the cabin.
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Confessional: Nick
Nick: We had a scenario similar to Mr. Cheese's on the previous reality TV show I was on. She was a little girl who fooled everyone into thinking she was an innocent 6 year old, but then got everyone out and placed second. I've learned from my mistakes, and, if he gets someone out who isn't Homer or Lumpy Space Princess, he'll lay on the TLC of Shame for who knows how long.
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Cocoa Cookie gave Player a sympathetic look and went towards the poor beanie boy.
"H-Hey Player, if it makes you feel any better, I believe you."
Player looked surprised at this revelation. "You do? That's good."
"Y-Yeah, you d-don't seem like the type of guy to just, you know, make stuff up. You seem normal, a-and logical, and simply frustrated no one believes you."
"Well, if that's the case, thank you Cocoa Cookie."
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Confessional: Player
Player: Good thing at least somebody is on my side. And Cocoa's nice to be around, I guess.
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Confessional: Cocoa Cookie
Cocoa Cookie: Is it just me, or is Player a little...I dunno...cute?
Cocoa Cookie realized what she just said and freaked out.
Cocoa Cookie: Oh no no no NO! I-I'm not-
She then shut her mouth shut as she began aggressively drinking from her cocoa cup.
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At the cafeteria was where most of Team Cocoa was. They were all enjoying their meals, especially Homer, who was currently in the infirmary after he also ate his plate alongside his food.
Meanwhile, Mr. Cheese sat there alone, thinking of ways to proceed in the game.
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Confessional: Mr. Cheese
Mr. Cheese: Mr. Cheese needs some awwies if he wants to make it further. Of my options there's Homer, who is usewess, WSP, who is also usewess, Nick, who is stupid, Connor, who's pathetic, and Ash, who took over 20 years to become champion. That weaves me with...
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We cut to Pillow, who was munching on a t-bone steak. And by munching, I mean instantly swallowing it, bone and all.
Mr. Cheese decided to go and talk to her. "Hey Piwwow, how you doing right 'bout now?"
"Oh the usual." She started. "Eating food, existing, fantasizing about who to kill next."
Mr. Cheese was disturbed by that last comment, but carried forward anyway. "Say, wanna make an awwiance?"
"Hmmm, I'll think about it." She then fucked off to somewhere else.
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Confessional: Pillow
Pillow: I've already made up my mind!
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The intercom went off all around the island for everyone to hear.
"Attention campers!" Chris yelled over it. "Your little break time's over! Meet me at the challenge site in an hour!"
LSP was the most frustrated at that sudden announcement. "Are you, like, serious? I was planning to, like, watch Skibidi Toilet 70!"
"That what the young kids are into these days?" Nick asked. "What a shame."
We then cut to the challenge site. Everyone had arrived there to see Chris.
"Greetings everyone. Before we start this here challenge, I've got an announcement to make."
"Oh, do we get to lick some gamer girl feet?" Jeffy hornily (not a real word) asked.
"Dude, I like gamer girls as much as any other guy, but I'm not exactly into feet." Brody admitted.
"No, everyone, this is a family show, so we can't do that. The actual announcement is that the interns have arrived!"
"What, did all the previous ones die or quit?" Nichelle asked. "That wouldn't surprise me.
"You're half-right Nichelle. Good job. Anyway, here they are!"
The two men who had arrived on the island last chapter came into view. One was waving around like a ragdoll while the other looked embarrassed at his coworker.
"These guys are Christopher Gordman and Swagmaster6969696969, or Swag for short. Yes, these are their real names everyone."
Christopher "Chris" Gordman-The Guard (SMG4)
Swagmaster6969696969-The Retard (SMG4)
"Yo Chris, they've got a lot of hot bitches there!" Swag pointed out.
"Swag, remember what they said about being horny?" Gordman replied.
"Whatever bro, don't give a shit."
"These guys are here to help me out in regards to maintaining the show, and they'll occasionally participate in challenges either as helpers or obstacles."
"And we get paid right?" Gordman asked.
"Those accomodations you guys have probably cost at least a few 10Ks, so I guess so."
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Confessional: Nichelle
Nichelle: Those poor, poor interns know nothing of what's to come in the future! Do I actually care? Hmmm, not really!
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"Oh my god Chris look!" Swag exclaimed, pointing to Sonic. "It's my waifu! You didn't tell me he was here!"
Sonic is confused. "What do you mean by-" And then Swag jumped on Sonic and kept trying to kiss him.
"Swiggity swooty coming for that booty! Swiggity swooty coming for that booty! Swiggity swooty coming for that boo-" He then got blasted off Sonic by Amy's hammer (where she keeps it is a mystery to all). "BOOOTYYYYY!"
"HEY! No one, and I mean no one, touched my Sonic like that but ME!" She yelled at him.
Sonic got on his feet and got away from Amy instantly by hiding behind Homer's back, who replied with: "Hey I ain't gay!"
He made a sarcastic remark. "Not sure if I should thank you or be absolutely terrified like usual!"
"I mean, Amy did save you Sonic, wouldn't it be nice to thank her?" Cream asked.
"Cream, don't get involved in this!" Sonic told her.
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Confessional: Sonic The Hedgehog
Sonic: Why does a dumb little blue hedgehog like me attract so many perverts? Is it because of the qui-Oh wait, it is because of the quills.
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"Nice interns you have Chris." Johnny Cage mocked. "Wanna bet they won't survive past this episode?"
"Hey! I'll let you know that, unlike that retarded simp, I'm perfectly good at my job!" Gordman replied.
"Yeah, I certainly picked some good interns!"
"Hell yeah we are!" Swag said in excitement.
"Anyway, today's challenge is gonna be a pretty down-to-earth, ain't never done before one: A science fair!"
"NEEEEERDDDDD!" Homer mockingly yelled. "Bart's supposed to be the one doing science fairs, so why am I the one doing them?"
"Because I said so."
"Fair enough."
"I for one am glad Mr. McLean is experimenting with less dangerous challenges pal!" Gumshoe claimed.
"And I am glad my genius can be demonstrated in a challenge pal!" Plankton replied.
"Don't think that just because it's not dangerous means it's not difficult, for you are going to be judged by 3 different nerds!" Chris said. "Swag, Gordman, bring 'em on."
Swag and Gordman answer to Chris's commands and bring in 3 characters all hidden by some bed sheets.
"Our first guest is a bit of a familiar face on this show. He's a small guy, and perverted as heck, everyone give it up for Cody!"
Swag pulls out the sheet to reveal Cody...who is absolutely not the Total Drama Cody. Hell, he's not even human, he's a turtle who wore a wizard's robe.
Cody-The Gay Nerd (SuperMarioLogan)
"Uh, hi?" He asked, confused. "Why the hell am I here? I was just doing my homework."
Chris looked at the two guards in contempt. "Wow, you guys really didn't know how our Cody looked like, huh?"
Gordman tried to defend himself. "All you said was to find some horny nerd named Cody. How the hell did you expect us to know which infinite number of Codys was the right one?"
"Watch the show dude."
Jeffy looked at Cody for a second and was met with a smell of familiarity. "HOLY SHIT! Is that Cody from SML? Good to see ya!"
"Wait, Jeffy, you're here? I didn't know that, Junior said you were on vacation."
"Weird but let's ignore that!" Chris suddenly told Cody, as if he did it to make sure they couldn't talk about that further. "Guys, let's hope this next one won't be a mistake!"
"Yeah sure bro." Swag reassured. "I know the ass of every girl ever so I had no trouble finding the right bitch!"
"Ok. Now, this contestant has a little beef with one of our cast members. She's a bit of a reality TV vet, making the merge in two seasons. She's also a super smart scientist, and her name's Test Tube!"
Gordman took off her bed sheet, showing Test Tube was indeed a, well, test tube. Coming from more or less the same place as Cabby Leafy and Pillow, she also had some unknown green liquid inside of her. When she was revealed Cabby looked a little uneasy.
Test Tube-The Scientist (Inanimate Insanity)
The Test Tube wasn't as confused as Cody was when he arrived. "Did you make sure to inform my friends of my disappearance, so they don't think something bad happened to me?"
"That wasn't on the list!" Swag replied, making Gordman facepalm.
Cabby went to the back a bit, as if she was trying to avoid making eye contact with Test Tube. But that was for naught, as she was seen by the liquid carrying girl. "C-Cabby? Are you competing here?"
Cabby started sweating a bunch(don't ask how the file cabinet can do that) and generally looking uncomfortable. "W-Why yes, I-I am, in fact, c-competing." She then started putting on a fake smile.
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Confessional: Cabby
Cabby: D-During my time on Inanimate Insanity, me and Test Tube...didn't get along...very well. B-But I assure the viewers I DID NOT intend to ever hurt her feelings at ANY point...unless you...unless you count voting her off a reality show.
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"L-Look, I-I know you're probably still not over what I've done before, b-but I think it's best that we just let it go...at least now anyway!"
Leafy bugged in their conversation. "Yeah! Leave Cabby alone YOU MEANIE!"
Test Tube looked a bit skeptical. "A-Alright. I'll just judge this competition like I was asked, and leave. Nothing too bad right?"
"YAY!" Leafy yelled, meanwhile, Cabby just let out a little "Phew".
"Man, I have absolutely no idea what's happening and even I felt bad for Cabby." Cody said.
"I fell bad for her the moment I saw her." Swag claimed. "But that busty bitch can never match Sonic!"
"Someone kill me please." Gordman begged.
"Good drama everyone, just proves how good my successors are!" Chris claimed. "E-Except Nick's show, that one sucks. As for the final guest: He's a contestant from last season, he has more fans than all but three characters from Pikachu Island or whatever that season's name was, and he's a massive scaredy cat; It's freakin' Damie-"
Before Chris could finish, the kid he was about to introduce as Damien ran off whilst screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" at the top of his lungs.
Damien-The Guy Who Screams A Lot (Total Drama, more specifically the reboot seasons)
"That guy who just screamed for his mama was Damien, a past contestant who was supposed to be a judge, but I guess he decided against it last minute."
Nichelle giggled a bit. "Classic Damien, born a scaredy cat, always a scaredy cat."
Bea decided to join in. "Yet he's probably stronger than you."
Nichelle didn't like that. "HEY!"
"So I guess it's just the two of us then." Test Tube observed. "Hopefully it won't take too long."
Cody tried to flirt with Test Tube. "Dude, has anyone ever told you have a nice butt? Me, you and Ken could have a whole ass gay threesome together!"
"I'm a girl."
"Oh crud."
"And I've also always identified as one."
"Even bigger crud!"
"Yeah, we still gonna need another judge so Swag! Go with the other two!"
" 'Kay boss." Swag said as he jumped all the way to what was supposed to be Damien's seat.
"Thank god I don't have to deal with him for a bit!" Gordman said. "Imma go play some Fortnite."
"Alright, now that we've established everything about the challenge I think it's time we begin. You'll be given 2 hours to craft any sciency stuff you can think of! In 3,2,1!" Chris then used his airhorn to signify the challenge's start.
Immediately Plankton managed to get Team Pee Pee in a circle. "Listen up you maggots! I'm an evil genius, so I've already come up with an idea. All I need is one person with even a single knowledge of engineering and somebody to watch over in case of a screw up! Got that?"
Everyone on the team except a confused Jeffy responded with "Got that!".
Gumshoe was the first to offer themselves. "I think I'm fit for that first part, pal. I was taught various tech stuff as part of my training at the police academy, and it's probably the only reason I haven't been fired from my position yet."
Brody sympathized with his plight. "That's kinda sad man."
"Police generally aren't nice people so I'm not surprised!" Leafy butted in.
"Whatever, Gumshoe it is! Now which one of you cavemen want to check up on him from time to time?"
Cordelia was the one to respond. "I suggest putting myself in that position sir. I've watched over plenty of rookie pegasus knights in the past, so it should be a breeze."
"Fine, that ain't hard anyway. Everyone else can go do whatever the heck they please."
"I'll be nice to people!" Leafy responded.
"And I'll be an asshole." Johnny Cage sarcastically fired back.
Team Cocoa also had some people making ideas already.
"Ooh! Maybe we can make something cocoa related!" Cocoa Cookie excitedly said. "M-Maybe a cocoa volcano, that's a classic!"
"How 'bout, like, no?" LSP said. "That's like, sooooo generic!"
Homer butted in as well, in spite of his utter idiocy. "Why is everyone making a debate? I'm CLEARLY the most fit for science crap! I work at a powerplant for goodness sake!"
"Don't listen to the moron!"
"Now I don't like Nick at all but he's right." Player said. "Homer doesn't seem very smart, it might be best if we-"
Pillow decided to interrupt Player. "Actually, I think we should pick Homer as our MVP. He's yellow, which is the color of the asian race, who are all super smart! Or at least that's what my favorite youtuber said."
"Ignoring that frankly racist statement." Nick began. "I still don't think Homer's a good choice."
"Oh, maybe we can do a vote to determine if Homer's a good choice?" Mr. Cheese added. "We all wive in democracies after all."
"Ok, but first, I just want to say I don't take sides." Connor assured the team. "But I take Homer's."
"Ok, whoever wants the better option say Ay, and the worse one Nay." Homer said.
Pillow, Mr. Cheese, Connor and LSP all said "Ay" and joined Homer's side, whilst everyone else didn't.
That is until Homer went to Ash, grabbed him by the neck and said "WHY YOU LITTLE!" and that made Ash switch sides to Homer.
"See? I win!"
The people who weren't on Homer's side all groaned.
Nick decided to leave the team, frustrated at their idiocy. "If you can't win a bloody challenge, I'M OUT!"
"Sucks to be you, we'll win this whole thing cuz I'm smart, and you're british!" Homer bragged.
Sonic facepalmed.
Suddenly, Pillow whispered something to Mr. Cheese, who whispered to Mae in return. Both Mae and Pillow went together somewhere.
"Where are they going?" Cocoa Cookie asked.
"Oh they're totally bangin' sister." Sonic jokingly remarked, which got Cocoa Cookie to blush a bit at the mention of banging.
"Alright team, first we need to have..." Homer began to say before we cut to Team Rose's plan for the challenge, or lack there of.
"Does anyone have any idea of what to do with challenge, mon?" Dee Jay asked.
"Oh, oh I know somethin'!" Toby Queef answered, somehow without saying a racial slur to Dee Jay. "How bout we take samples of blood from the black people on our team, than use it to cure AIDS? That'll get us a win and a nobel prize!"
"What exactly does AIDS mean?" Cream innocently asked.
Amy took Cream in her arms to keep her away from Queef. "Don't listen to that man Cream, just don't!"
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Confessional: Sanders
Sanders: How did we go from winning that first challenge so easily to this?
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"M-Maybe Boba Fett can help us?" Sanders wondered. "His armor looks...advanced, so he must've quite the knowledge about engineering!"
"Sure thing." Fett admits. "I'll do something on my own, but It'll take a while."
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Confessional: Boba Fett
Boba Fett: I don't actually have the resources needed for an invention, nor do I have much expertise in crafting tech. However, I do have another plan, one which would guarantee us victory.
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We cut to Gumshoe looking at a bunch of blue prints, confused as hell.
"So, this is what I need to do?" He asked to Plankton, who just gave him those blue prints.
"Yep, remember ya asked to do it on your own, so don't cry about it and do the thing!"
"Ok, pal."
"Good. Now Cordelia, watch over him!"
"Yes sir!" She replied.
Plankton then went off to relax somewhere else while Gumshoe did all the work. He tried to leave but Cordelia fuckin' threw her spear out to scare him.
"Please don't make it harder than it needs to be."
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Confessional: Cordelia
Cordelia: Gumshoe needs a lesson about hard work it seems. After our near loss last time, I can't tolerate any slackers! E-Except Jeffy, since he'd probably screw up.
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Player and Cocoa Cookie were tasked by Homer to grab a bunch of leaves from the woods. Don't ask why, since even they didn't know.
"How in the world is a bunch of random leaves gonna help him make something?" Player asked in confusion of Homer's plan.
"M-Maybe it's something specific to his universe?" Cocoa Cookie assumed. "Pretty sure his world's quite different from Earthbread."
"Unless he's from a fantasy land of weirdness, I don't see how anyone can use leaves for any purpose, besides maybe Leafy's world."
Cocoa Cookie blushed a bit, though she hid it with her sleeve. "Y-Yeah, m-maybe you're right."
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Confessional: Cocoa Cookie
Cocoa Cookie: First Mint Choco and now him? I'm a grown woman, yet I can't even handle my attractions!
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We cut to a very tired looking Gumshoe and a very frustrated looking Cordelia. She had to practically poke him in the ass with a spear and damn near sodomize him to keep working.
"Try harder! Anything less than complete is not allowed!" She yelled at him.
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Confessional: Dick Gumshoe
Gumshoe: That was torture pal! It's like the CIA, but at least that wasn't out in the open!
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Meanwhile, Swag was constantly trying to look at Test Tube's nonexistent butt, and she wasn't having it.
"Could you please not try that any further? I don't have what your species calls a "butox"!"
"Shut up! I need my daily dose of asscheeks, and Chris ain't enough!" He replied while still staring at her behind.
Cody looked disappointed at that. "Man, if you were a guy instead of a girl, not only would no one have cared, they'd find it hot!"
In response, Test Tube slapped his head. "Don't encourage him!"
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Confessional: Swagmaster6969696969
Swag: Man, this gig actually doesn't suck balls! Not only is my boss not Sargeant Gaydicks, but there's big titty bitches all around! Lolololololololololo!
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Connor, Nick and Mr. Cheese were out gathering some rocks for Homer's mysterious project. Mr. Cheese was collecting them like easter eggs whilst Connor struggled picking a rock into a basket and Nick wasn't trying at all.
"My feet are fucking killing me, why are we doing this?" Nick complained to Connor.
"Sounds like you've never done any hard work mister." Connor replied before realizing the hypocrisy. "N-Not that I'm any better mind you, but someone had to say it!"
"Whatever. Say, do you think that Mr. Cheese fella's at least a little suspicious?"
"Why would he be? He's dumb for sure, but he's harmless! Kinda like me!"
"But he's just so...random! He bailed on us first challenge, then he tells Pillow and Mae something and now they're gone just like that!
"Did Mr. Cheese kill your freakin' mama or somethin'?" Mr. Cheese asked as he suddenly turned around to face Nick, which scared him a little.
"What the? Weirdo."
"And don't act wike you're much better. You decided to not jump cuz you didn't wanna wet your wee wittle jacket, and now you refuse to help us win the chawwenge!"
"I don't care. Homer's a dumbass so we'll fail anyway."
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Confessional: Mr. Cheese
Mr. Cheese: Nick is smarter than most of the team, but he's awso a total jerk! So he's not a threat to my game AT ALL!
Mr. Cheese then does a little giggle.
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Confessional: Pillow
Pillow was sitting in the confessional, casually covered in blood.
Pillow: What? This is fine. It's just ketchup. Ketchup that tastes like blood FYI.
She then licked some of that "ketchup" off her body.
Pillow: Mmm, tasty.
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Gumshoe was finally done with his invention, which he couldn't celebrate because he was half dead by this point. It was a metal helmet designed to connect directly through the brain, it's purpose currently unknown.
Plankton was examining the item, looking quite pleased by the result.
"Huh, this is pretty good! How'd ya make this under two hours?"
"Oh, it wasn't too hard. Took a lot of coercion out of the poor officer but he did!" Cordelia replied, neglecting the amount of mental torture she had poor Gumshoe go through. "But what is it supposed to do anyway?"
"Pretty simple: It's the best possible solution to stop the epidemic of strange geniuses popping up!" Plankton explained before he showed off his invention(well, technically Gumshoe's but fuck that guy). "Behold, the AUTiSM CURING MACHINE!"
Cordelia was confused by that word. "Autism? What's that?"
"That is a spectrum of weirdos that ranges from only mildly making you not pay attention to freakin' Jeffy. In fact, the reason I made it in the first place was so that the dumb kid can stop being so annoying! And now that I think about it, I should probably use it on Spongebob as well, when I get the chance."
"Ok. I don't have much of an opinion on that. Care to go to our team to show it off?"
"NU-UH! I need to see if it's processors are all up to the usual standards, which would take a while! Go back to them I guess, I'll be back in half an hour."
"Good. See you around Sir Plankton!" Cordelia said as she went back to Team Pee Pee.
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Confessional: Cordelia
Cordelia: Still not sure if the "autism curing machine" is such a good idea.
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Plankton was done with checking up his invention at this point, so he decided to take it with him to his team. That is, until he heard somebody step into leaves, startling him and making him turn around. "Huh, what you trynna do, thief?"
That attempted thief was Boba Fett, who wasn't about to give up, and aimed his blasters straight at Plankton.
Plankton was a bit scared, but nonetherless tried to keep his cool. "Woah, woah, woah, Mr. Bounty Hunter Man, relax! You're not gonna steal this evil genius's invention without something, are ya?"
"Whatever you say doesn't matter, give...me...that...invention!"
Plankton reluctantly decided to give the helmet to Fett, but not before trying to turn this around for him. "I'll do it okay? But first, lemme make a deal."
Boba Fett was interested in Plankton's "deal", but still didn't let loose of his blasters. "Tell me what your deal is, and I might consider it."
Plankton had a smirk on his face. "Good, good! So, how 'bout we start an alliance, you know what I'm sayin'? We can make sure the other's team loses and get rid of threats from both, and when the merge comes, our other alliances from our teams will combine into one, givings us the majority to crush the competition! If you agree to this, I promise you I won't tell anyone you stole from me, m'kay?"
Fett lowered his blasters and took Plankton's invention from him. "Sure, but if you don't follow on that promise, you'll be thrown into a rancor pit!"
"Okay buddy, now go and win it for your team!"
Fett then used his jetpack to fly back to his team in mere seconds.
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Confessional: Plankton
Plankton: Man oh man did I get a sweet deal! Now that I've got an ally, my diabolical schemes shall begin in earnest!
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Team Rose had not thought of any idea to win the challenge, so their morale wasn't too high at the moment. Toby Queef had said the n-word about a dozen times by now, Donald and Frisk tried miserably to engage in a discussion with each other, and Banban had to be physically restrained so that he couldn't try to cut up Donald and eat his pancreas.
That is, until Boba Fett came in with a metal helmet.
Sanders was the one to welcome him. "Good to see you're back. How'd you get that item anyway? And what does it even do?"
Boba Fett was being cautious around his wording to not arouse suspicion. "I found this in my belongings, not really sure how it got there, and I don't have much of a clue on what it does, but it's the best chance we've got to win this competition!"
Sanders rolled her eyes before saying a simple "Sure."
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Confessional: Sanders
Sanders: Suspicious, but I'll let it slide. Winning the challenge should be our main priority!
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Confessional: Boba Fett
Boba Fett: Already got someone on my team suspecting me. Great. Hopefully Plankton follows up on his promise and doesn't betray me.
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Plankton had returned to his team's cabin, pretending to be shocked so that they wouldn't realize the truth.
"Guys, guys GUYS!" He yelled to get their attention. "Somebody stole my invention!"
"What? That's so not nice of them!" Leafy yelled as she came to check on Plankton with the rest of the team.
"Shut the hell up and let the more important people talk!" Johnny Cage told Leafy. "Did you see who stole the damn project or what?"
"No, and we'll probably never find it!" Plankton then starts rapidly bursting into tears.
"Seriously?" Cordelia complained. "I had to overwork poor Gumshoe to near death to complete that helmet in such a short amount of time, and now it's just gone?!"
Cabby tried to reassure her team. "M-Maybe we can make something else in what little time we have left? One idea I've had is-" Before she could explain that, Chris's voice was heard all around the island from the intercom.
"Attention campers! Time's up for your inventions! Better hope you actually used your time productively and go to the challenge site now! This'll be fun!"
The whole of Team Pee Pee groaned in frustration at their inevitable loss.
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Confessional: Leafy
Leafy: How rude of Chris to give us such limited time! If I was the host, it would've been a NICENESS challenge with unlimited time and no eliminations! In fact, you, the viewers at home, are all participating in it!
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At the challenge site, despite not doing anything the whole time, Team Rose was the only confident team, all thanks to Boba Fett. Meanwhile, Team Cocoa were all sure Homer would screw it up and Team Pee Pee had nothing to show at all. And strangely, Mae was not with Team Cocoa whatsoever, but Pillow and Mr. Cheese told them she was having stomach issues and needed to rest, so they didn't mind much.
Oh, and weirdly enough, instead of Swag actually being there, in his spot was a laptop which currently had a discord voice chat with him.
"Why is Swag not here in person?" Asked Player.
Cody was the one to respond. "Him? Oh, that Test Tube girl gave him a restraining order for being really fucking weird. Like seriously, that guy must be a registered sex offender!"
Test Tube just looked real mad. "T-That man should not be on this show at all! He's a monster!"
"Whatever you thicc green liquid babe!" Swag said on the voice chat before Test Tube furiously disabled it.
Chris ignored everyone and did his usual schtick. "Anyways, campers, it's time for our judges to well, judge your stuff! Team Rose is up first since they won got first place in the previous challenge!"
"Good to know, mon. Boba, bring in the helmet."
Boba Fett showed off the helmet to the judges, who were curious about what it does(except Swag of course). Cordelia tried to object that it was her team's, but Plankton stopped her just before that.
"That looks alright, but what does it exactly do?" Test Tube asked.
"That'll be shown right away." Boba Fett responded. "Banban, care to give it a try?"
Banban nodded to say "yes" and then put the helmet onto his head. Boba Fett pressed a red button on the helmet to make it work.
Banban started to shake violently, looking like he was having a massive seizure, before falling onto the ground with only a little heartbeat left. His teammates were shocked to see this.
"I-Is Mr. Banban okay?" Cream innocently asked.
Test Tube came to a realization. "Oh my science equipment! You must've used an Autism Curing Machine, didn't you? Those machines are extremely dangerous, often leaving the user brain dead at worst and a completely different individual at best! That man needs serious help immediately!"
Gordman went to check up on Banban. "His pulse is still breathing, barely, but at the very least he's not dead. I'll send him to the medical tent, you guys continue the challenge."
Gordman then grabbed Banban's body and went off on his own.
"Um, Chris, can we just end the challenge already?" Nichelle arrogantly asked. "I'm not wastin' my time competin' when that braindead guy's gonna leave anyway!"
Her teammates weren't very appreciative of her comments.
"...Wow, you really don't have any empathy for him?" Bea asked her, silently raging at the same time. "Disgusting."
"To answer Nichelle's comments, yes, we are still in the challenge. Give Banban a day and he'll be good as new! And even if he doesn't make it, we'll just get a quick replacement! Judges, what are your scores?"
Test Tube was the first to give her opinion. "While it is somewhat impressive that you made such an object, the danger of its usage has forced me to give it a 0/10 for ethics sake."
Cody was next. "I mean, I highly doubt I'd be able to make something like that, so I say 10/10. Yeah someone died, but that happens all the time in experiments!"
Swag was last. "You killed the lazy content farm cash grab mascot horror character, so I'll give a 20/10! Only problem is that you didn't do that sooner!"
"So I suppose you guys get an overall score of 30. Not too shabby there. Team Cocoa, your turn!"
Team Cocoa hesitated to show off their invention, since they all knew it was gonna be a disaster, but Homer didn't care as he brought in something obscured by a white sheet.
"This is gonna be so awful." Nick whispered to Connor.
"Relax, I've got a little back up plan if we fail, so don't frown just yet!" Connor replied.
Homer decided to be the one announcing his invention. "Well, everyone, just so you know, I made this thingy completely on my own! It's the most super duper cool thingy in the universe! Here it is!
Homer revealed that object, which turned out to be...a bunch of rocks superglued on each other, with a leaf to cover up what seemed to be a crotch, some nutela that looks like Homer's last few strands of hair-Wait, it's literally just his shitty attempt to make his own statue!
Anyway, everyone was staring in disbelief at Homer's creation, except Homer himself and Jeffy, like always.
"This is what I'll call Homer's Odyssey!"
"Do you even know what that is?" Asked Sonic.
"Well I did remember Bart researching it once, so that must count for somethin'. This thingy's an amazing statue of myself! It looks like it was made by Michaelangello! Y'know, the coolest ninja turtle!"
Chris giggled a bit. "Wow, this is awful. Every sculptor is rolling in their grave right now!"
Homer was confused. "A-Awful? How DARE you! This is the greatest masterpiece ever made!"
Homer was making a bunch of incomprehensible rants when Connor went in and tried to do some damage control.
"T-That wasn't actually our project!" He lied through his teeth. "I-It was just a little bonus. Here's what we actually have for you guys!"
Connor took out his phone and showed...a bunch of poorly drawn pictures of monkeys, who all look the same outside of some tacked on accessories.
"Dude, are those NFTs?" Cody asked, being probably the only other person on the island to have bought them before. "Haven't seen them in a while."
"Yep. These are my Bored Ape NFTs, had to pay up 100 mill for these bad boys!" Connor explained like a retard.
Everyone there was bursting out laughing. Chris in particular was wiping tears.
"Wow dude, you just got scammed real good!" He told Connor.
"N-No I wasn't!" Connor delusionally denied. "T-The guy I bought these said it stood for Not Fraudulent Things! Are you all stupid? No wonder AI's gonna replace us!"
"Yeah, he's out of his depth, please ignore him." Player begged Chris.
"Fine, we will. Judges, what are your thoughts on Connor's NFT collection-I mean Homer's statue(in air quotes)?"
"I'll give that statue a 2/10!" Test Tube said, surprising everyone with how high the score was. "Not very good, but at least it had some passion in it."
"9/10. Would be a full 10 if he didn't cover the dick." Cody said as well.
Swag seemed a bit mad. "SMG4 made a whole ass video saying he didn't like NFTs, and since I don't want him to stop giving me screentime, I won't even bother giving it a 0!"
"Guess that makes it 11, which, wow, you guys are awful, you know that?" Chris taunted Team Cocoa, who were all pissed at Homer for failing them.
"UGH! These guys just don't appreciate true art!" Homer complained.
Connor joined in as well. "Couldn't have said it better myself, through I wouldn't call your work true art."
"Enough with the chit chat and let's finally finish the challenge! Team Pee Pee, what do you have?"
Everyone Team Pee Pee was completely and utterly sure they would lose the challenge this time, all except one unsong hero...
"Hey guys." Jeffy said, heroically. "I've got a big brain plan to win this fucking challenge. I just need Jean Claude Von Damn over there(aka Johnny Cage) to come with me."
They were all so certain of their loss that no one, not even Cage himself objected. "Fine, make it quick." He then went with Jeffy to the judges.
"So, Jeffy and Johnny Cage, what do you have to showcase?" Asked Chris, waiting for their failure to truly commence.
"Yo dudes, check this shit out!" Jeffy then ripped off Johnny's shirt out of complete nowhere, angering him.
"Hey!" He yelled. "What the hell man? You can't just do that without my consent!"
"So my science project is shirtless Johnny Depp! Hope you like it you sick pervs!"
"Ok, JUDGES! RANK NOW!"
"Is this some kind of joke?" Test Tube angrily asked. "Cause I'm not laughing. 0/10!"
Swag was even harsher. "Don't bring up that gay shit with me! Negative 100/10!"
Cody through, Cody was something else. He kept staring at the shirtless actor, as if he had an erection (because he did).
"10 out of fucking 10! No, 100 out of 10! Fuck that, INFINITY OUT OF TEN! THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING SCIENCE PROJECT EVER!"
"Team Pee Pee's score is officially an infinite out of 10, obliterating everyone else's scores and winning this challenge easily!"
Jeffy flailed around in a failed attempt a a victory dance, with the rest of his team minus Johnny Cage and the nearly dead Gumshoe completely bewildered by what just happened.
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Confessional: Jeffy
Jeffy: Cody's a sissy bitch, so it was easy as fuck to find a solution at the last fucking minute!
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Confessional: Johnny Cage
Johnny: That fucking kid! I only take my shirt off for ladies, not for horny gay teenagers!
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"Team Cocoa, you've failed again. See you tonight."
All of Team Cocoa was frustrated at their second loss in a row.
"Seriously? How can we lose again?!" Player complained.
"Obviously it was his fault!" Nick replied, pointing at Homer.
"Huh, me? Why?"
"Because your idea gave us a low score." Cocoa Cookie told him.
"And why is that?"
"Because the judges didn't like it." Sonic said.
"And why didn't they like it?"
"Can you, like, shut up?!" LSP complained.
"I'm bored." Mr. Cheese admited. "We should vote off Connor cuz NFTs are cringe!"
Connor wasn't too pleased about that. "W-Woah woah woah there! Easy! Why don't we just get rid of Homer? He pretty much caused us to lose anyway."
"I thought you liked Homer." Player lampshaded.
"Not enough not to save my ass over him."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
That sudden scream came from and was heard from the other side of the island. It scared the crap out of everyone.
"Jesus! What the hell was that?" Connor asked.
"No idea dudes, let's check that out!" Chris declared whilst trying to not look spooked.
"Ah, I'm sure it's probably nothing." Pillow tried to reassure everyone, which obviously failed.
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Confessional: Plankton
Plankton: Ignoring that scream, I'm pleasantly surprised Jeffy saved our team's butts like that! Throught we could vote off a threat tonight, but alas, that'll have to do for another day, and hey, I did gain an ally, so It could've been worse.
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All of Team Cocoa was present at where the scream came from. There was a whole bunch of blood and gore spilt everywhere, but no body. Or well, there was one body, but not a dead one.
"I-Is that Damien?" Chris pointed to Damien's passed out body. "He looks fine, so he's probably just passed out from seeing a dead bear or something. Oh well, false alarm, let's go-"
"G-GUYS!" Yelled Cocoa Cookie, who was fighting tears. "I-It's M-Mae, s-she's been..."
Cocoa Cookie was pointing to a spot in a bush, filled with blood. Gradually, Chris went to check on it, which gave him a truly horrific sight...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...of Mae's bloody corpse.
Warning: Description of a dead body
It was extremely desecrated, blood everyone on her, to the point it was hardly recognizable as the late rebellious cat who was alive and well mere hours ago.
Nick was the first contestant besides Cocoa Cookie to take a look at the body, which made him panic almost instantly. "What the? IS SHE FUCKING DEAD!"
Player went on to check and see what was happening. "What's happeni-OH MY GOD! WHO DID THIS?!"
Connor wasn't as bothered by the corpse, having been through some bad shit himself, but even he shit his pants at the sight. "What the fuck! What the hell man? Who would do this?"
Mr. Cheese already figured out what had happened and was horrified by it.
"P-Piwwow? D-Did you do this?"
Pillow stared at het own victim with nothing but a smile on her face. "M-Maybe? Who knows? I sure don't!"
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Confessional: Mr. Cheese
Mr. Cheese inhaled and exhaled quite a bit, to ease up on the stress on the situation.
Mr. Cheese:...M-Mr. C-Cheese just wants to reiterate that he does not condone Piwwow's cowd bwodded murder!
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Everyone on Team Cocoa (except Pillow of course and Homer who was too lazy to go with them) was scared and sad of what happened to poor, poor Mae.
Chris on the other hand, his frown turned into a smile.
"Well it looks like Mae is dead, so no voting for today." He declared, not giving an ounce of sympathy towards the person dead on his left. "Homer's gonna love this!"
Player was outraged. "Someone just got murdered, and all you're thinking about is this stupid show? How little morals must you have?!"
"I lost 'em about halfway to season 2 kid. We'll set up a funeral tomorrow for the dead cat and continue as usual. Oh, and since we've shown a literal corpse on screen, this ain't a family show no more! Fuck anyone who says otherwise!"
"Yeah, fluff this sheet I'm out!" Pillow declared as she ran off to nowhere to make sure no one is suspicious of her.
Chris then looked straight at the camera. "Well that was quite an eventful episode, wasn't it? Will the Plankton-Boba Fett alliance get some eliminations on their resume? Will Mr. Cheese still ally with Pillow after what she did? And will Team Rose finally start being interesting? Find out next time on...
Total!
Drama!
Multiversal!
MADNESS!"
Before the episode ends, one more scene played after the credits.
It was set in a medical tent, where it was shown that Banban was strapped to a bed, still without any consciousness in him.
Until, he started moving a little bit and finally opened his eyes.
"Wassup motherfuckers!"
Well this episode was a load of weird shit. From Banban having his autism cured to Jeffy saving the day by using Cody's gay hornyness, to a contestant being brutally murdered and the killer still being in the game, this will likely be the most controversial chapter of the entire story.
As for the eliminated contestant, sorry to Mae fans for my um...decision to kill her off, if it upset you. But hey, at the very least, there's no shortage of Mae appearances in the Total Drama Xover section!
And a little preview for next episode:
The cast is forced to play in a 12 round gauntlet to determine the strongest team amongst themselves! The scheming gets even more crazy when Boba Fett and Plankton enact their very first plan for the game, whilst also gaining an ally or two in the process.
Be sure to leave a review if you have some interesting throughts to share!
Ciao!