Chapter Text
Runs, trips falls
Oh my god you guys would not believe the shit that happened to me this month please listen to me gossip I'm bored it's 10:54 pm and I have not slept in two fucking days oh god
Claps hands okay so
1) I've decided that I'll write my own Erlang content. Which means...um, you guys are gonna see a weird influx of Erlang smut at some point. Kinda just planning on a tiger Erlang fic soon, but for now my thirst for him has. Subsided, because I've gotten a decent amount of fanart of him on Twitter. Wow, delicious.
2) I have BPD.
3) I found out I had BPD through a series of events I think would be funnier if I made it into a dialogue
Me: Okay so I think im taking a break from friend R till January, and I'll tell him he can just...add me back if and when he feels like it, because I've fucked up and don't think he actually wants to be friends
My brain: Okay but what if we got drunk
Me: Oh...that's not...
My brain: And we don't sleep for three days
Me: Um
My brain: And we bother and beg friend R to take us back
Me: No I don't think-
My brain: And send ourself into a coma with an overdose
Me: Wait hang on-
My brain: And also have a huge panic attack and stab our leg to help us
Me: No???
And that's how everything went down, all in that order. So I ruined my friendship with friend R permanently, have a stab wound in my leg, and also, the doctor was a bitch and it turns out she used to fuck my dad?? Anyways she said I had BPD and I'm not trusted with pills because they don't want me to attempt again and I should try therapy, but as we all know I have horrible social anxiety and I cannot for the life of me talk to another human being so I'm going to cope with existence by writing porn and crying to fics.
Help me.
4) My bitch ass sister came to fight with me and she lost and cried to her daddy and left me with a most likely infected finger she put her disgusting teeth in. I am miserable and in huge pain.
5) Met some guy somewhere who was telling me that I need to actively talk to people. So um, here's me tryna talk to the people I fucked shit up with lmfao (I sent a req to one person on discord but it feels so uncomfortable cause I feel like they're gonna assume I'm desperate or some shit ) and also I don't think I should've listened to him because he also asked me to fuck only to refuse when he found out I was older than I looked. (Apparently I look 15??) Anyways yeah what the fuck
6) You fuckers are gonna deal with me for another year. I'm serious, I don't think I'm leaving LMK anytime soon but I also HATE the fandom so I'm pretending it's small enough to fit me alone sorry
Also I think. My best friend. Committed suicide and I'm pretending that he hasn't and that hes taking a break because god forbid I think about this I'm gonna have a breakdown again and I think I'll actually meet him in heaven 😀
Yeah life update the AO3 curse is real apparently get me the fuck out
Okay, all that aside. I'll try to write soon, if I can. I'm not sure when I'll be able to update this fic, but if you hang around long enough, you'll see more haha...
Thank you to the people that have supported me since I joined LMK, since I joined AO3. Thanks for sticking around, even if I don't know majority of you. The comments and all that, they're funny and it's nice seeing people who feel comfortable enough to send me random ass shit
While I know this apology isn't gonna be seen, considering I'm not going to attempt to push myself onto people, I'm sorry to the people I've hurt. Either intentionally, like that one fic author ;-; or unintentionally like A, I'm genuinely sorry. I don't want nor will I ever expect people.to forgive me just because I feel bad, but just know I mean this. I don't like saying apologies, it's annoying lol...
God. This was one hell of a ride. 2024 brought out a side of me I don't like. 2025 I'm gonna beat it to death.
Merry late Christmas, and happy early new year. Condolences to those I've hurt (and scammed but also no I like scamming people), and my gratitude to the ones who stayed.
Here's to 2025 being better.
I'd drink alcohol if it wasn't for the fact I swore it off hahahhhaha get me out :D