Chapter Text
• Collei pov's •
I. Medicine for silence.
I'm not going to deny my reality.
I know perfectly well why my arms are turning black again, but I am also aware that if I tell mom, she will only say that it is an excuse to miss the start of the year ceremony and to stop using my illness to justify my laziness.
High school has been my biggest fear since I left school and although Amber has already confirmed that she is in my classroom, I can't help but feel nervous about the world I'm about to enter. Knowing that I will no longer have a safe place to isolate myself to calm my anxiety, or the simple fact of having to learn the most optimal route to get to the building and avoid being late, being forced to see unfamiliar faces and streets that I do not know, stresses me out excessively.
And so, while I'm trying to calm my nerves after taking four horrible pills to regulate my system, the scissors slide awkwardly through my hair, trying to fix the crime I did the night before in a stupid attempt to change my look; an act that arose after watching a program on television, in which the protagonist of the soap opera declared to feel insecure about her appearance by being constantly compared to the prettiest girl in her class.
It doesn't make any difference to me whether I fit in or not, and much less do I want to be the one who hogs all the theater spotlights, because I've understood for a long time that I'm not made to be the center of attention, because I hate it. I also hate people's looks when (on one of those strange days) I decide to take a walk with Amber and Eula around the city, because I feel like they can see the bandages I hide under my clothes. Or hearing voices of people I don't know near me, because I feel like they are saying things about how horrible my skin looks because of my disease or how weird my eyes are.
The eleazar is horrible.
Despite being almost extinct, there are a few people in the world who carry this seemingly incurable disease and of unknown causes. The awakening of this "cancer" is attributed to a neuronal out of control due to bad past experiences (such as traumas) or simple genetic things, but my doctor says that this is just a theory and that he still needs a few years to corroborate it. The main characteristic of the Eleazar is the physical withering of the individual's body, manifesting mainly in the form of disgusting spots and black scales that cause skin malformations, as well as numbness or extreme itching in these affected areas. It is also not uncommon for the wearer to feel extreme fatigue or tiredness (as happens to me constantly), but these latter symptoms are relatively simple to keep under control.
Its relationship with the nervous system is practically undeniable, so it is important that the patient is not subjected to great psychological loads or situations that generate stress or feelings of anguish and anxiety, and since I am a person who cannot live with more than three people at a time (because of the panic I have to socialize), since childhood I have had few friends and I have learned to stay away from large crowds.
Maybe that's why I'm glad and proud to have two great friends like Amber and Eula.
— I guess that explains the scream I heard last night — my brother declared, standing on the door frame of my room as he looked at the green locks left on the floor —. Collei, I told you I could help you with your hair.
— I-I know, but I wanted to do it myself...
Tighnari, my older brother, is the other person I am constantly proud of. He graduated with honors from the medical university two years ago. To be able to brag to Amber that my brother is a full-fledged scholar, or to be able to tell Eula how he can solve formulas and science problems without much trouble, is something just wonderful.
Unlike my parents, he is not ashamed of my illness and every time he can he reminds me how much he cares about me and that he doesn't want to leave me alone for the world. Dad decided to go to another country when the rest of the family found out about my illness and since then the only thing I have known about him is that he asked Mom for a divorce two years ago, while mom is simply ashamed of me and tries to keep my situation a secret even if to do so she has to tell her friends and acquaintances that I went with "the unfortunate one".
Because of this, and for many other reasons, we ended up moving to a small town near the coast, quite far from the city and from which it is only feasible to leave using the train that comes from the neighboring city.
However, I am not complaining about this life and this home.
I prefer a thousand times the noise of the sea and the wind rocking the oaks of the nearby forest, rather than the horrible screams and the noise of the city vehicles.
— Remember that Amber will be waiting for you at the station, so you can already forget the idea that you will have to walk alone — the black-haired man spoke, while I finished putting on my shoes —. Oh, and remember that I already warned the teachers about your illness, so if you feel bad don't be afraid to leave the classroom.
— But they're gonna look at me weird... I don't want her to be the weird in the school again...
His right hand landed on my head.
— Don't worry — he smiled —. Remember that Cyno said he was willing to punish any idiot who says or does something to you.
— They're going to call me the history teacher's sweetheart!
— And next year you are going to be the spoiled of the history and biology teacher, so you better get used to it — he crossed his arms; I was stunned —. Oh? So I didn't tell you that, did I?
I shook my head repeatedly.
— I plan to start teaching next year, starting with your high school — he said, fixing my bangs —. Cyno has already warned me about how difficult it can be to teach kids who will soon enter university, but I think it's a good way to measure myself.
— That sounds really cool! — I declared —. Why didn't you tell me?!
— It was supposed to be a surprise that I was going to keep until next year, but I guess Cyno would tell you sooner or later.
— Well, Cyno doesn't know how to keep secrets.
— And that's exactly why I prefer to tell you now— he laughed —. Anyway, we can talk about it when you get back.
— Oh — I looked at the time on the wall clock. It was only eight minutes before seven o'clock in the morning (the time the train arrives at the station) —. I-I have to go or I'll be late! Bye!
Although I should feel stressed because I might not be able to take the train, it is completely impossible for me after having received such wonderful news.
If my brother starts teaching at my high school, then I won't have to worry about anything else anymore.
(...)
The afternoon of the previous day I spent a good part of my time rambling while watching the clouds from the window frame, while listening to music on the MP3. Eula has told me many times that I should "upgrade" and buy a smartphone, but the last time I had one in my hands, I ended up hospitalized for reading several hate messages from former classmates directed at me.
I am quite disconnected from the world in general and although I know that having a cell phone would not hurt me to be able to staying connected with my brother and my two friends, the idea of being aware of a screen twenty-four hours a day overwhelms me; Amber, on the contrary, finds it incomprehensible that there is a human being who refuses to use a phone on these days.
But right now I'm starting to understand my friend's words, because if I had a cell phone, I could ask her to call the police to wait for the sick fuck who is trying to touch me from under the skirt.
I would love to turn around and slap him in the face to leave me alone, but even if I want and want him with my whole damn existence, everyone my body is paralyzed and the hands don't want to answer me. My nerves and senses are paralyzed all over my upper body, and even if I try to scream, my voice just won't come out because of fear.
The rubbing of his fingers on my thighs feels disgusting, and almost as if he enjoyed my suffering, he ripped off one of my headphones and started whispering things in my ear that I can't and don't want to understand. Even if I can't see it, everything about this person is disgusting to me (and in short, he is a despicable person) and I just want the trip to be over so that someone realizes what he is doing to me, or if possible, that Eula breaks a chair in his face.
"Please... someone...".
From one second to the next, I felt a cut on my arms that should already be dead from paralysis and that can only mean that the morning attack and that I managed to calm down with medication, is coming back.
That feeling of my skin tearing from the inside I know perfectly. In just a few more seconds, I'm going to feel it again, because when the first scale forms, the second one doesn't take long to make an appearance to accompany its companion in its cruel game of souring and withering my life.
At this point, I don't know how long it's been or what I should be most worried about. While the harassment of the person behind me only intensifies with every damn second that passes, the eleazar leaps forward in my arms and refuses to numb my legs, as if he were taking revenge for all the times I haven't let him completely break me.
"Please... SOMEBODY HELP ME!", I screamed in my head, watching the world start to break down before my eyes.
The silence was absolute when the train passed through the tunnel, but the tapping suddenly stopped and then I heard several cries of pain not far from me.
When the sunlight returned, a warm hand, a kind touch, sheepishly slipped into my fingers and then made me walk to the other car of the train; several people complained about having to take the step.
— A-Are you okay? — a calm voice asked —. Sorry I didn't realize what was happening to you sooner, but at least that guy won't bother you again...
My body was still completely rigid, and all I could feel was his hand, to which I clung with my soul and my heart.
— Thank you... — I mumbled, squeezing my eyes tightly and trying to hold back the tears, unable to stop shaking from head to toe —. I really appreciate it...
— D-Don't worry...
I forcefully denied and then repeated my gratitude to the unknown person ad nauseum, not daring to see his face out of simple fear and panic, and not wanting to let go of his grip for the same reasons.
— Thank you, thank you... — I continued, gritting my teeth and his hand —. Thank you...!
— H-Hey, there's no need to-
He was silent for almost twenty seconds, and while the train's loudspeakers announced his arrival at the station where I was supposed to get off, the boy took my bag and started rummaging through something inside, until finally he managed to find the bottle with pills.
— You should take this. Your hands are starting to wither.
— H-How do you-
— I-I know you are one of Mr. Dottore's patients, after all, you wear the earring of our organization — I looked up at his face —. I remember seeing you a few years ago, but I don't remember your name... I'm sorry...
A deep blue-gray, a warm one at the same time as deep as the sea, received my gaze, and in just a few seconds, the image of that boy with pale blond hair and shy to talk came back to my mind.
The train arrived at its destination and he helped me to get off with all the patience in the world, accompanying me to a bank to give me the pills one by one and help me calm down, until Amber appeared and the blonde explained the situation to her, making my friend scandalized and went to join the crowd that had taken the stalker off the train to take him to the police.
The medication started to take effect quickly, and although my intention was to stop him to ask his name so that I could thank him in the right way, his hands didn't respond and shyness took over my body again as soon as I remembered that he was a boy.
A boy with a touch capable of calming my soul.
— Val ✨💜