Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

     If any of the doctors or any other patient in the hospital was asked, they would have all answered that it was a simple white ceiling.

     If Collei was asked, she would vaguely reply that it was the ceiling in room 203, that she had been admitted five or six hours ago, and that they had forgotten to leave the curtain ajar so she could see the stars when she woke up.

     That was normal in such situations.

     Collei was diagnosed with an ancient and rare incurable disease the same month she turned six years old, and since then, every time the young girl suffered a relapse her family would soon take her to the same hospital so that the same doctor as always would attend to her; also, the doctor would prescribe the same treatment as every time, say her famous "We are still researching a cure" speech and then leave for another three days with some words of encouragement for the green-haired girl, which only reminded her of her pathetic condition.

     Collei was unaware that that day was her twelfth birthday until she managed to see the sticker she had put on her index finger the night before.

     — It had to be today... — she mumbled, with the oxygen mask over her mouth —. Mom went to a lot of effort to bake the cake and Dad spent a lot on the decorations for the party....

     It wasn't just his mother. Her older brother, Tighnari, had been bragging to her about how beautiful the birthday present he'd bought her was and how much she'd love it, in a silly show of hiding from his little sister the punctures she had in her fingers from the needle and the bad sewing lessons Amber (Collei's best friend) had given her.

     She also remembered the invitations she had tried so hard to make and how hard it had been for her to approach and invite the few girls she knew from her class, and how they, despite not interacting too much with her, gladly accepted and promised her they would go without fail.

     "Maybe I overdid it... This must be my punishment for trying to get close to other people, knowing that I'm a unclean person...", she thought, feeling helpless, unable to hold back her tears and being aware that there was no one around to comfort her.

     The relapse had been harder than usual and the doctor ordered the girl to be isolated in the ward to avoid a possible contagion, leaving her to her fate and deep in her heart wishing eternal rest to the poor creature she had seen grow up between sighs and expressions of pity.

     And while the tears were falling from her face and in her heart she only repeated over and over again her wish not to return to that hospital ward, either because of the disappearance of her illness or the early visit of death, the door opened and someone entered the ward.

     Collei's teary eyes soon met a thin, dull-eyed boy, who, without speaking to her, walked over to the small table next to the gurney and took the papers with the girl's medical report.

     — W-Who are you...? — she asked with characteristic shyness, trying to move her hands to wipe away her tears —. Y-you shouldn't be here.

     The newcomer looked at her for a moment and then averted his gaze, while his cheeks tinged slightly red and his hands began to tremble.

     — I-I'm sorry... I was asked to come and pick up your report... — he ducked his head —. I'm s-sorry to have bothered you...

     Two soft knocks came at the door, and after a few moments, another person entered the room. The man was dressed in the white hospital apron, but his appearance was somewhat more casual; his hair was a bit messy for a doctor and his eyes did not look very kind.

     — I see that the so-called prodigy lady was not lying — said the man, approaching the stretcher; he did not hesitate to make eye contact with the young woman —. Good afternoon, little one. Do you feel any kind of numbness? Itching in your arms?

     Having to interact with two strangers in such a short time left her in shock, unable to speak, but after a few seconds she managed to gather her strength to answer "No" with a nod of her head.

     — I'm glad that's so — the man stood up straight and then received the papers handed to him by the blond, finally stopping to contemplate the bag with the liquid medicine he himself had asked to administer; he then looked at the young man —. You have already accomplished your mission. You can leave now,  Freminet.

     The blond nodded silently and after a last exchange of glances in which he was not able to hold out his handkerchief for him to wipe his face, he bowed his head again in apology and finally withdrew like a shooting star from the room.

     Collei began to wonder if he had been doped with some new medicine that made him see hallucinations, for she knew for a fact that when he was isolated in that room, no one would enter without the doctor's permission.

      She didn't have too much time to digress on that idea nor much less to think, as the blond boy had to listen to the monologue of presentation of doctor Dottore (who apparently was a former teacher of her older brother) in complete silence to try to find in the words of the adult that hint of lie with which all the doctors treated her when they saw her. The green-haired girl put all her attention on his lips, on his gestures and on the way he walked around the room, but when silence finally returned, she was not able to find what she was looking for.

     Those words that promised to cure her of her illness and take her out of the miserable life she was leading, were spoken with honesty.

     And as Collei cried again after receiving a glimmer of hope, Freminet paused at the hospital entrance and looked back for the first time in a long time, remembering how the dreams of the girl she had just seen were reflected in her little amethyst eyes.

     — She... — he whispered, as a hand rested on his shoulder —. Father... Is crying really a symbol of weakness...?

     Arlecchino opened the umbrella.

     — Tears are the product of feelings, and feelings result in a failed mission — declared the woman, starting to walk towards the car with her adopted son —. Did you cry while you were doing your job?

     He shook his head.

     — The girl that Mr. Dottore visited was crying when I entered her room — he answered, looking at the floor —. Her medical examinations described a physically weak person, but...

     Freminet paused and smiled sheepishly.

     — But she is a strong person at heart.

     Arlecchino gently stroked the boy's hair and after a few seconds, motioned him to move on.

     She swore to herself that she would never again let her children take direct orders from Dottore, for whenever she allowed it, they learned things she did not want to teach them.

— Val ✨💜

Chapter Text

     • Collei pov's •

I. Medicine for silence.

     I'm not going to deny my reality.

     I know perfectly well why my arms are turning black again, but I am also aware that if I tell mom, she will only say that it is an excuse to miss the start of the year ceremony and to stop using my illness to justify my laziness.

     High school has been my biggest fear since I left school and although Amber has already confirmed that she is in my classroom, I can't help but feel nervous about the world I'm about to enter. Knowing that I will no longer have a safe place to isolate myself to calm my anxiety, or the simple fact of having to learn the most optimal route to get to the building and avoid being late, being forced to see unfamiliar faces and streets that I do not know, stresses me out excessively.

     And so, while I'm trying to calm my nerves after taking four horrible pills to regulate my system, the scissors slide awkwardly through my hair, trying to fix the crime I did the night before in a stupid attempt to change my look; an act that arose after watching a program on television, in which the protagonist of the soap opera declared to feel insecure about her appearance by being constantly compared to the prettiest girl in her class.

     It doesn't make any difference to me whether I fit in or not, and much less do I want to be the one who hogs all the theater spotlights, because I've understood for a long time that I'm not made to be the center of attention, because I hate it. I also hate people's looks when (on one of those strange days) I decide to take a walk with Amber and Eula around the city, because I feel like they can see the bandages I hide under my clothes. Or hearing voices of people I don't know near me, because I feel like they are saying things about how horrible my skin looks because of my disease or how weird my eyes are.

     The eleazar is horrible.

     Despite being almost extinct, there are a few people in the world who carry this seemingly incurable disease and of unknown causes. The awakening of this "cancer" is attributed to a neuronal out of control due to bad past experiences (such as traumas) or simple genetic things, but my doctor says that this is just a theory and that he still needs a few years to corroborate it. The main characteristic of the Eleazar is the physical withering of the individual's body, manifesting mainly in the form of disgusting spots and black scales that cause skin malformations, as well as numbness or extreme itching in these affected areas. It is also not uncommon for the wearer to feel extreme fatigue or tiredness (as happens to me constantly), but these latter symptoms are relatively simple to keep under control.

     Its relationship with the nervous system is practically undeniable, so it is important that the patient is not subjected to great psychological loads or situations that generate stress or feelings of anguish and anxiety, and since I am a person who cannot live with more than three people at a time (because of the panic I have to socialize), since childhood I have had few friends and I have learned to stay away from large crowds.

     Maybe that's why I'm glad and proud to have two great friends like Amber and Eula.

     — I guess that explains the scream I heard last night — my brother declared, standing on the door frame of my room as he looked at the green locks left on the floor —. Collei, I told you I could help you with your hair.

     — I-I know, but I wanted to do it myself...

     Tighnari, my older brother, is the other person I am constantly proud of. He graduated with honors from the medical university two years ago. To be able to brag to Amber that my brother is a full-fledged scholar, or to be able to tell Eula how he can solve formulas and science problems without much trouble, is something just wonderful.

     Unlike my parents, he is not ashamed of my illness and every time he can he reminds me how much he cares about me and that he doesn't want to leave me alone for the world. Dad decided to go to another country when the rest of the family found out about my illness and since then the only thing I have known about him is that he asked Mom for a divorce two years ago, while mom is simply ashamed of me and tries to keep my situation a secret even if to do so she has to tell her friends and acquaintances that I went with "the unfortunate one".

     Because of this, and for many other reasons, we ended up moving to a small town near the coast, quite far from the city and from which it is only feasible to leave using the train that comes from the neighboring city.

     However, I am not complaining about this life and this home.

     I prefer a thousand times the noise of the sea and the wind rocking the oaks of the nearby forest, rather than the horrible screams and the noise of the city vehicles.

     — Remember that Amber will be waiting for you at the station, so you can already forget the idea that you will have to walk alone — the black-haired man spoke, while I finished putting on my shoes —. Oh, and remember that I already warned the teachers about your illness, so if you feel bad don't be afraid to leave the classroom.

     — But they're gonna look at me weird... I don't want her to be the weird in the school again...

     His right hand landed on my head.

     — Don't worry — he smiled —. Remember that Cyno said he was willing to punish any idiot who says or does something to you.

     — They're going to call me the history teacher's sweetheart!

     — And next year you are going to be the spoiled of the history and biology teacher, so you better get used to it — he crossed his arms; I was stunned —. Oh? So I didn't tell you that, did I?

     I shook my head repeatedly.

     — I plan to start teaching next year, starting with your high school — he said, fixing my bangs —. Cyno has already warned me about how difficult it can be to teach kids who will soon enter university, but I think it's a good way to measure myself.

     — That sounds really cool! — I declared —. Why didn't you tell me?!

     — It was supposed to be a surprise that I was going to keep until next year, but I guess Cyno would tell you sooner or later.

     — Well, Cyno doesn't know how to keep secrets.

     — And that's exactly why I prefer to tell you now— he laughed —. Anyway, we can talk about it when you get back.

     — Oh — I looked at the time on the wall clock. It was only eight minutes before seven o'clock in the morning (the time the train arrives at the station) —. I-I have to go or I'll be late! Bye!

     Although I should feel stressed because I might not be able to take the train, it is completely impossible for me after having received such wonderful news.

     If my brother starts teaching at my high school, then I won't have to worry about anything else anymore.

(...)

     The afternoon of the previous day I spent a good part of my time rambling while watching the clouds from the window frame, while listening to music on the MP3. Eula has told me many times that I should "upgrade" and buy a smartphone, but the last time I had one in my hands, I ended up hospitalized for reading several hate messages from former classmates directed at me.

     I am quite disconnected from the world in general and although I know that having a cell phone would not hurt me to be able to staying connected with my brother and my two friends, the idea of being aware of a screen twenty-four hours a day overwhelms me; Amber, on the contrary, finds it incomprehensible that there is a human being who refuses to use a phone on these days.

     But right now I'm starting to understand my friend's words, because if I had a cell phone, I could ask her to call the police to wait for the sick fuck who is trying to touch me from under the skirt.

     I would love to turn around and slap him in the face to leave me alone, but even if I want and want him with my whole damn existence, everyone my body is paralyzed and the hands don't want to answer me. My nerves and senses are paralyzed all over my upper body, and even if I try to scream, my voice just won't come out because of fear.

     The rubbing of his fingers on my thighs feels disgusting, and almost as if he enjoyed my suffering, he ripped off one of my headphones and started whispering things in my ear that I can't and don't want to understand. Even if I can't see it, everything about this person is disgusting to me (and in short, he is a despicable person) and I just want the trip to be over so that someone realizes what he is doing to me, or if possible, that Eula breaks a chair in his face.

     "Please... someone...".

     From one second to the next, I felt a cut on my arms that should already be dead from paralysis and that can only mean that the morning attack and that I managed to calm down with medication, is coming back.

     That feeling of my skin tearing from the inside I know perfectly. In just a few more seconds, I'm going to feel it again, because when the first scale forms, the second one doesn't take long to make an appearance to accompany its companion in its cruel game of souring and withering my life.

     At this point, I don't know how long it's been or what I should be most worried about. While the harassment of the person behind me only intensifies with every damn second that passes, the eleazar leaps forward in my arms and refuses to numb my legs, as if he were taking revenge for all the times I haven't let him completely break me.

     "Please... SOMEBODY HELP ME!", I screamed in my head, watching the world start to break down before my eyes.

     The silence was absolute when the train passed through the tunnel, but the tapping suddenly stopped and then I heard several cries of pain not far from me.

     When the sunlight returned, a warm hand, a kind touch, sheepishly slipped into my fingers and then made me walk to the other car of the train; several people complained about having to take the step.

     — A-Are you okay? — a calm voice asked —. Sorry I didn't realize what was happening to you sooner, but at least that guy won't bother you again...

     My body was still completely rigid, and all I could feel was his hand, to which I clung with my soul and my heart.

     — Thank you... — I mumbled, squeezing my eyes tightly and trying to hold back the tears, unable to stop shaking from head to toe —. I really appreciate it...

     — D-Don't worry...

     I forcefully denied and then repeated my gratitude to the unknown person ad nauseum, not daring to see his face out of simple fear and panic, and not wanting to let go of his grip for the same reasons.

     — Thank you, thank you... — I continued, gritting my teeth and his hand —. Thank you...!

     — H-Hey, there's no need to-

     He was silent for almost twenty seconds, and while the train's loudspeakers announced his arrival at the station where I was supposed to get off, the boy took my bag and started rummaging through something inside, until finally he managed to find the bottle with pills.

     — You should take this. Your hands are starting to wither.

     — H-How do you-

     — I-I know you are one of Mr. Dottore's patients, after all, you wear the earring of our organization — I looked up at his face —. I remember seeing you a few years ago, but I don't remember your name... I'm sorry...

     A deep blue-gray, a warm one at the same time as deep as the sea, received my gaze, and in just a few seconds, the image of that boy with pale blond hair and shy to talk came back to my mind.

     The train arrived at its destination and he helped me to get off with all the patience in the world, accompanying me to a bank to give me the pills one by one and help me calm down, until Amber appeared and the blonde explained the situation to her, making my friend scandalized and went to join the crowd that had taken the stalker off the train to take him to the police.

     The medication started to take effect quickly, and although my intention was to stop him to ask his name so that I could thank him in the right way, his hands didn't respond and shyness took over my body again as soon as I remembered that he was a boy.

     A boy with a touch capable of calming my soul.

— Val ✨💜

Chapter Text

     • Collei pov's •

I. Medicine for silence.

     Amber and my brother have repeated to me ad nauseam that taking the medicine created by Dottore in any case could not hurt me, but they could never understand the feeling and the horrible taste of kalpalata lotus that remains in my mouth after taking the pills; the everyday ones are somewhat more passable, because, although they are made based on nilotpala lotus, the doctor managed to completely neutralize the acidic taste of the flower.

     Be that as it may, Amber and I arrived at the high school when it was still twenty-five minutes before the start of classes, so we had the luxury of exploring the campus a little and getting acquainted with the most important places (the bathroom, the infirmary and the exit of the place). Many people greeted my friend in the process, and although I felt a little uncomfortable not knowing who they were, Amber always managed to calm me down with her typical caress on my right hand.

     With fifteen minutes to go, we decided to head to the second half of the high school to look for Eula's classroom and take advantage of greeting her before returning to our classroom.

     — Miss Lawrence? No, it hasn't arrived yet — replied Noelle, one of Eula's classmates —. You must be Miss Amber, right?

     — Do you know me? — questioned my friend, surprised.

     — No, but your description fits perfectly with the girl Lawrence mentions in every conversation — she laughed, then looked at me —. And you must be Miss Collei, right?

     I squeezed Amber's hand.

     — Yes, this is Collei — the brown-haired one replied —. He doesn't like to talk much.

     — Oh, right, right, he mentioned that too.

     — Amber! Collei! — greeted a voice a few meters away; I didn't need to look at it to know it was Eula —. I thought we'd meet at the entrance!

     — Sorry, Collei needed to rest after walking from the station, so we had to change the plans a little.

     — Hmmm... Well, I guess in that case there's no reason to take revenge for it — the blue-haired girl declared, and then went into her living room to leave her things —. However, please try not to break your promises in the future.

     — Eula... — Amber sighed —. We'll talk later.

     — I'm glad you're happier this year, Miss Lawrence — Noelle announced, sitting a few seats ahead of my friend.

     — Noelle, I already told you that you don't need to keep calling me that. Just tell me Eula.

     —  O-Oh, excuse me, it's the custom...

     — And you don't need to be so formal either.

     — I-I'm sorry.

     Eula's eyes met mine.

     — Are you okay? — she asked in a whisper, coming closer.

     — Y-Yes, don't worry —. I looked away —. Just... There was a little incident in the morning...

     — Huh? — she crossed her arms, noticeably upset —. And why haven't you told me?

     — Eula, don't start. The problem has already been solved and there is no need to mention it again — Amber blurted out, stroking my hair —. We'd better get back to the classroom. Classes will start soon.

     — Of course...

     — Amber, you better explain all the details to me later. This is not going to stay like this.

     — Yes, yes, better focus on not falling asleep. It shows on your face that you didn't sleep last night because you were watching that dating show.

     — S-Shut up! I-I'll get revenge for that!

     Seeing them having another one of their many "best friends" discussions with so much spirit and so early in the morning managed to make me smile that accompanied me to the living room; partly because Amber didn't stop complaining that in the last week, Eula didn't stop sending her messages about that blessed program.

     I'm sure that Eula would stop paying so much attention to those dates if she admitted once and for all the feelings she has towards Amber, and that Amber would save herself a lot of headaches if she only dared to confess to Eula all the affection she has for him since she met her; somehow, I ended up being the bad third in the "Collei's Protection Squad".

     By the time we finally got to the classroom, a large group of people were gathered around the teacher's table, while a white-haired girl stood up in the crowd waving her hands with all the exaggeration and grace that a person could have.

     — My dear comrades, please listen to me! — she asked, standing at the table —. I, Furina, promise you to make these three years the best years of your lives! Let's make this sad classroom a beautiful stage on which to capture our best smiles and our most beautiful school stories! Follow me, my classmates, and we will make our mark in the history of this school establishment!

     — Lady Furina! Lady Furina! — everyone shouted, clapping and giving the girl a standing ovation.

     — W-What a girl... — Amber mumbled, sitting down in her place —. Anyway, don't pay too much attention to him.

     — She's too loud, how do you want me not to notice her? — I demanded, making an effort to ignore the crowd.

     — Well, there you have a point — she pulled out his headphones and after a few seconds handed them to me —. Here. I discovered a new song yesterday.

     Before I could hear the song, the door at the back of the living room opened and three people (two boys and one girl) came in talking to each other; all three had blonde hair and had a penguin-shaped accessory hanging from their bag (each with a different color).

     Among those people was the boy on the train.

     — Well, I guess then that your decision not to come with us in the car was worth it — the one with the red ornament commented.

     — Although Father was upset anyway when he found out about your decision — the girl declared —. I thought you said you wouldn't piss her off again, Freminet.

     Hearing his name was enough for my little head to connect that fuzzy memory in the hospital and the incident of the morning, managing to make me smile at finally knowing the name of "my savior".

     — I-I know, but I don't like it when Estelle drives... Sometimes I feel that he ignores them on purpose to force me to answer his questions... — he sighed —. O-Oh, but don't tell them... She is somewhat spiteful.

     — And that you say it. She is still angry with Lynette for unintentionally breaking one of her mechanisms.

     — That's because you remind him all the time, Lyney.

     — Oh? Really? I'm sorry, sis, sometimes I don't think too much about the things I say.

     — Sometimes?

     While the two brothers were arguing, Freminet sat down in his place and, although he seemed anxious, he made eye contact with me and then made a shy gesture with his hand as a greeting; I could not do more than return it with the same shyness, while I tried to control my desire to thank him again for what happened earlier.

     — Freminet... — I mumbled to myself.

     — Hello? Earth calling Collei — Amber gave me a gentle touch on the cheek —. Hello?

     — A-Ah, tell me.

     — Are you okay? You froze out of nowhere.

     — O-Oh, no, it's nothing — I smiled at him, putting the headphones back on — Now you can play it-

     The front door of the salon was opened and immediately after, all the crowd around Furina disappeared and they went to their respective seats, while the girl, who had her eyes closed, continued with her speech and her joyful gestures.

     — And then that's what happened! What did you think of the story of that beautiful work, my companions? — she opened her eyes, to immediately start getting nervous; the professor stood behind her and her face immediately turned pale —. P-Professor Neuvillette...! H-Hello-

     — Miss Furina, please, I ask you to get off the table and go to your seat — the major ordered, leaving a heavy book on the table and taking the draft to clean up the things Furina had written on the blackboard.

     — Y-Yes, sir.

     The girl took the bag that I had left by the table, and after looking at the rest of the class, she finally managed to find an empty place next to me, walking quickly to the desk with her face lit up by the embarrassment of the moment.

     — I'm stupid... — I heard him whisper, when she sat down next to me, still hugging his bag.

     "You're just very boisterous", I thought.

     — Good morning, class 1-A students — the man greeted, finishing cleaning the blackboard —. Starting today, I will be the teacher in charge of this course and I will also be teaching the Citizenship and Law class. My name is Neuvillette.

     — Good morning, Professor Neuvillette — we greet in unison.

     — Good morning. Most of you must already be aware that there will be a meeting at ten o'clock in the morning in the general auditorium, and since you are all new students, I would like to know your names — he stood in front of his table and took the book, opening it on a page that didn't take him long to find —. As I say their names I will ask them to get up from their seat, introduce themselves to their companions and make a small introduction of each one. If you do not feel comfortable doing this small introductory activity, it will be enough to raise your hand to know that you are present and leave it registered in the assistance.

     Those last words were enough to make me breathe a sigh of relief, because there was no way I could do something that would force me to be the center of attention of the course.

     And while I was still dealing with my anxiety, some of the most cheerful personalities in the room were introducing themselves, managing to get applause and extremely positive comments out of the mouths of my classmates.

     Lyney Koroleva, on the one hand, was acclaimed as soon as his name was pronounced and was even more applauded when he performed a magic trick with a hat that he pulled out of nowhere, leaving everyone present in awe even those who knew him from his live shows. His sister, Lynette, was also applauded when she helped him perform another magic trick, but I got the impression that many of the boys were applauding him for another reason.

     Freminet, despite being the brother of the two artists of the course and sharing the surname, preferred to simply raise his hand to indicate his presence in the room, making it clear to everyone present that he was a reserved and somewhat shy guy; the opposite case was that of Furina, who presented herself right after, with the same radiant and elegant energy that she had used earlier to attract everyone's attention (apparently, she had already recovered from the embarrassing moment earlier).

      Venti (who was behind Furina) was another one of the guys who caught the attention, because, although he had a somewhat calmer personality than Furina, he was also noticed as a cheerful person and even declared to be able to play any kind of instrument that was put in front of him, making a small sample of his artistic talent to the course with a flute that he took out of his bag.

     And at the end of the last row, I raised my little hand and then I fixed my gaze on the window again, trying to get my thoughts lost with the scenery of the high school playground and making way for Amber, who introduced herself as my best friend and as an optimistic girl who wouldn't give up in the face of adversity for the world.

     — A great attitude and some very nice words to close this round of presentations, dear Amber — Furina commented, while Professor Neuvillette was writing something on the blackboard —. I am very sure that you and I will lead this course towards a beautiful show.

     — I'm sorry, I don't usually consume a lot of content from works or programs like that — my friend said —. Although...

     The tone in his voice told me he was looking at me.

     — Collei usually watches a lot of foreign soap operas — she told me —. I guess she knows more about those shows that you like so much, Furina.

     — Oh, magnificent! — the little white girl held out her hand to me, smiling —. It's nice to meet you, Collei. I hope we can get along well.

     I looked at her hand nervously and then I looked at mine, starting to get a little anxious. Although there was nothing there, I felt some cuts on my hand, as if the Eleazar was attacking me from the inside, telling me that for nothing in the world he would allow me to have new friends and that I was resigned to the lonely life I had led until then, because things would not change now that I was in high school.

     My response to this attack was something that Amber surely did not expect, because, gathering courage, I managed to reciprocate the squeeze and smiled in front of my new acquaintance.

     — I-It's a pleasure, Furina — the pain disappeared in an instant, allowing me to smile.

     — Same here, dear — she withdrew her hand gracefully, without losing her smile, and then turned to Venti —. Music is something that cannot be missing in the works, isn't it?

     — Oh? Is this an invitation for us to collaborate in creating a masterpiece-

     Neuvillette coughed twice and the whole group at the back of the room, that is, the seats next to Furina, immediately turned around to avoid the white movie being scolded again.

     However, I couldn't stop smiling, because I was finally managing to keep my anxiety at bay and my new acquaintances seemed to be excellent people.

— Val ✨💜

Chapter Text

     • Freminet pov's •

I. Medicine for silence.

     Lyney and Lynette have always stood out to the public and they love that the spotlight is focused on them, so I can understand people who are surprised when they find out that I'm their brother. Unlike them, I prefer to be alone and silent, away from cameras and people in general, so it doesn't surprise me either that many consider me a mere shadow that follows them everywhere; as a small robot without a soul, only created to serve as a support or a third character that completes the group, destined to be nothing more than an extra in the lives of their siblings.

     Maybe it was that thought that tormented and complexed me throughout the month of March or maybe it was just my cowardice at not being able to see Lyney in the face after I made a small hole in his magician's hat last weekend, but when I woke up this morning I was very clear that I would get to high school on my own, even if it meant boarding a train full of people (which I have a hard time dealing with because of my anxiety) and crossing from one city to another completely alone, with hardly a guide other than my cell phone (which I broke without wanting with a hammer while repairing a small metal penguin in my workshop).

     Whatever it was, the train was overwhelming. The simple fact of being surrounded by people and being forced to stay in touch with them, listen to them talk or just feel them around me, was starting to get on my nerves and I even got to thinking about getting off the train and calling Estelle (the woman in charge of our transportation) to pick me up so I could get to classes on time. Seeing some people wearing the same uniform of mine made me rethink my ideas, because I could be reported and the last thing I need is for Father to be summoned to the high school for such a stupid and trivial matter.

     In the end I think I did well to stay, because if I had got off the train, I'm sure Collei would have collapsed and might even have ended up in the same hospital ward where we met a couple of years ago. I'm sure she's making a huge effort to come to high school and at the same time deal with the eleazar, and now that I see her talking to her friend while Lynette and Lyney talk to me about the upcoming show, I can't help but think about the words I said to Father a long time ago, and that today I consider were not empty words.

     "She is a strong-hearted person".

     — If you keep seeing her like this you're going to make her feel uncomfortable — Lynette commented, tapping me on the cheek with her finger —. Why don't you go and talk to him?

     The fifteen-minute break between classes was long enough to go to the vending machines and come back with several minutes to spare, and although we could enter the classroom, Lynette asked us to stay in the hallway so she could throw the candy wrapper and the juice box in the trash when we re-entered classes.

     — Lynette, don't bother him — Lyney laughed, as I quickly looked away and started counting the lines on the floor —. Surely he must be thinking that the train situation may happen again and he can't be calm because of that thought... Or perhaps there has been-

     — I'm worried that her condition might get worse if she puts herself through other stressful situations — I said, glancing at the girl out of the corner of my eye again —. She... Suffers from Eleazar.

     — Oh? So she's a patient of Mr. Dottore's, then? — asked the eldest of the group; I nodded —. Hmmm... So I guess that explains why she has a fatui pin in her bag...

     — Isn't it dangerous for her to walk around with something like that? — the blonde finished her dessert and then wiped her mouth with a handkerchief that appeared after turning a letter in her hand —. If only someone recognized the emblem...

     — In the eyes of a good part of society, the Fatui are nothing more than a mega corporation that covers different fields, so they will simply think that he uses one of the company's services — Lyney crossed his arms —. Getting back to what we were talking about, Freminet is right. The last thing she needs is for the incident of the morning to be repeated and for his illness to prevent her from continuing with his day to day.

     — You should talk to her — Lynette insisted, looking at me —. If the problem is that there are a lot of people on the train and we have a car, isn't the problem already solved?

     — Sis, things don't work out that easy... Although... In this case it could work.

     — S-She might feel uncomfortable...

     Luckily for me, the conversation ended as soon as the bell rang and we returned to the living room to wait for the professor's arrival; being surrounded by so many people, and especially, being Collei so close, there was no way to continue talking about the matter in question.

     I don't know her and she doesn't know me.

     We do not have any kind of trust or any kind of relationship that goes beyond simple acquaintances or classmates, and that is precisely why I think that making such a direct invitation to her can be something abrupt and that would cause just the opposite effect.

     I just want to try to help him to make his situation more pleasant and to be able to travel peacefully without worrying that some malicious person wants to harm her. I just want her to never have to go through such a horrible experience as she had on the train today again.

     This is not to make me feel good to myself nor is it an attempt to wipe my hands and erase the sins I have committed since I was adopted by the Fatui. I just want to help her because I don't think it's fair that she has to live with the burden of the Eleazar and at the same time live a world and a society that have long ceased to have principles.

     I just want to help, in the same way that she helped me in the past to understand the importance of crying, of understanding your heart and of not giving up.

     However, although my intention was to talk to Collei as soon as the classes were over that day, in the end I couldn't muster up enough courage and ended up following my brothers to the exit to get back together in the car, while Lynette gave me the same old speech about my shyness and how important it was that I learn to speak without fear to people.

     It's not that I was afraid to talk to him, I just didn't know how to react when his eyes and mine met.

     His smile made me nervous.

(...)

     The doors of the train opened and a few people got into the carriage. In the end, despite the insistence of my brothers, it was impossible for me to stay still during the morning and I ended up leaving home early just to make sure that nothing bad would happen that morning.

     Fortunately, Collei got on the same car and as soon as I saw her, I got up and made a gesture to give her the seat I had been sitting on (and that I had saved so that, in case she got on the train, she could be comfortable during the journey).

     — F-Freminet? — she asked, noticeably surprised.

     — G-Good morning Collei — I waved, trying to keep my nerves at bay — I saved a place for you.

     — Oh, thank you — her cheeks took on a slight reddish hue and then she smiled, sat down on the spot and then hugged her bag, raising her gaze to me —. I-I didn't expect to see you on the train again. Don't you come with your brothers?

     — Lyney and Lynette prefer to go in the family's private car — I explained — I... I prefer to use public transportation because... I like crowds...?

     A teasing giggle escaped from her mouth, and I couldn't help but blush at how tender she looked.

     — Have you ever been told that you can't lie? — she asked, in a friendly tone —. It became quite clear to me yesterday that you don't like crowds, just like I do.

     — ... I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie.

     — Don't worry — Collei smiled — I'm not upset.

     — Don't you?

     — Why should I?

     — Because it's not okay to lie...

     — Well... I guess you'll have your reasons for having done i t— she squeezed her purse a little —. Besides... I feel calm if you are close. Seeing you here makes me feel safe.

     The black marks that I had seen under her bandages were slowly starting to shrink back to the point of disappearing, and the girl's own skin, gestures and attitude seemed to have improved markedly compared to the previous day; especially since today she was not in such a horrible situation as yesterday.

     As soon as the woman who was next to her got off the train, she pulled my shirt a little and made me sit next to her while smiling, thus making the conversation somewhat more relaxed and at the same time something a little more uncomfortable, because it only took a minute for the physical closeness to turn into embarrassment, shyness and finally into a silence that accompanied us until we arrived at the station where we got off together.

     Neither she nor I were used to each other's presence and company, and you could tell by seeing how clumsy she was to start conversation topics and how stupid I was to respond or get her attention with things that neither of us could quite understand; although, while we were waiting for Amber, we spent a good time reading a book that I was carrying in my bag.

     Just like it happened to me a long time ago, Collei was fascinated by the story of the Prince Pers, the penguin, and a few hours later, after the second break, she would leave on my table a beautiful drawing of how she had imagined us both fighting together with the prince to recover his kingdom.

     That night, Lynette made a comment about the new painting in my room that ended up leading to Lyney's strange assumptions about my relationship with the one who was now my friend, Collei.

     But deep down, those "jokes" made me feel happy, and then the dream world would make me long for the jokes to come true for an instant.

— Val ✨💜

Chapter Text

     • Collei pov's •

I. Medicine for silence.

     The passing of the days allowed me to get to know a little more each of the people who surrounded me in the salon to the point where, although I am still the same shy and reserved girl as always, I can hold a conversation with them without feeling uncomfortable.

     On the one hand, the Koroleva brothers (Lyney and Lynette) were exactly as Amber had described them to me after watching some of their shows on the internet: Lyney was the outgoing and outrageous guy, while Lynette was the quiet girl who only talked to make small remarks to her brother. It's funny to see them interacting in the classroom because you immediately understand how trusting they are and how attentive Lyney is to his sister; to the point where, after paying a little attention to him, I noticed that the blond guy always hands her his handkerchief before she can even sneeze.

     Venti, the musician, is a bit louder and more energetic than I would like, but not to the point of being annoying. It is relaxing to listen his lyre when I arrive at the class in the morning, and I also have to admit that I envy a little that aura of freedom and tranquility that emanates with his presence.

     On the other hand, Furina is quite a character in the classroom and in high school in general. She seems to have an uncontrollable desire to stand out from the crowd (the blue jacket she wears over her uniform is proof of this) to the point where it makes me uncomfortable to see her smiling and being constantly surrounded by people, but at least she doesn't seem to be too interested in talking to me either; although sometimes, in classes, she tells me things that I didn't ask her and even went so far as to invite me to join the drama club (which, logically, I refused).

     I don't have many things to say about Amber because she has stayed in her general line. She is still the same friend, the one I can trust and who is always attentive to anything I need, but if I had to highlight something different about her it would be the fact that she is finally being more direct with how she feels about Eula, to the point where, although she has not said it directly, I have been able to notice the change in her gaze.

     If it weren't for Tighnari coming into the room to ask me for his phone (which I was using to talk to Amber) and reminding me that I have medical exams tomorrow, my friend would surely have finished accepting her feelings and I would have finished giving her the push to confess once and for all.

     — So you have an exam tomorrow? - asked the chestnut from the other side of the cell -. At least this time you can presume that you have been a whole week without relapses.

     — It feels unreal — I said, throwing a paper ball to the ceiling for the umpteenth time and catching it just before it fell on me —. I'm supposed to be having more attacks than ever because of the pressure of high school, classes and having to force myself to be in a new environment, but...

     — Maybe it's because this time you're surrounded by good people who care about you— even though I wasn't seeing her, I could feel Amber's smile —. You know, Eula, me, Venti, Professor Neuvillete, Furina. We're all always on the lookout for you, so maybe that's helped you keep your meltdowns at bay.

     — I don't think it's as simple as that...

     —  And then what do you think it is?

     — ... Maybe my illness is going away... — I raised a hand in front of my face, smiling when I couldn't find even a stain caused by the eleazar — I guess I'll find out tomorrow...

     — I hope it's like you say — Amber was silent for a few seconds, and finally let out a soft laugh —. It would be great if you don't have that thing in your body anymore.

     — It would be like a dream.

    Ten minutes after that, Tighnari asked me for his phone again and I ended the call to go get something to eat; in the process, I took advantage of listening a little to my brother's conversation with Cyno, his best friend and my history teacher.

     It feels extremely strange to walk around the house and not feel uncomfortable when passing in front of a mirror. In that week that I had spent free of any kind of relapse or attack of eleazar, my skin had acquired a warmer tone, as if I had finally left my ghost color behind to become a living girl, with green hair like the leaves of the forest near the little village and bright eyes like the amethyst on my favorite necklace.

     It's a shame it's Friday. If only it was Sunday, I could go to sleep right now so I could wake up the next day and be able to brag to Freminet about how pretty I felt.

     — Collei? Are you okay?

     — U-Uh?

     — Your face is red — Tighnari commented. I looked at myself in the mirror —. Let me get the thermometer.

     — N-No, it's not necessary! — I shook my head hard, and then covered my face —. I'm fine, really!

     As always, my words were ignored and in less than two minutes I was already sitting on the living room sofa, while we were waiting for the thermometer to mark my temperature.

    — You're overreacting, Nari...

    — I've already told you that I'd rather overprotect you than see you in a hospital bed — he crossed his arms; the thermometer rang —. How much did he score?

     — Don't worry, I don't have a fever — I sighed, and then started shaking the object so I could put it away —. I told you. I'm fine.

     — And then why was your face red?

     I didn't know how to answer him, and the question followed me to my room.

     Why did I get nervous when I thought about Freminet?

     He's (not counting Amber) the person I like the most in the classroom, mainly because he never does things that displease or upset me. While Venti cracks jokes whenever he can or Furina starts talking nonsense, Freminet stays silent, talking only to respond to my comments or to tell me something that always interests me.

     He's weird, and his weirdness makes me contradict myself against my will.

     On the one hand, yes, I appreciate that he is so attentive to me and that he is a person I can trust. Without a doubt, knowing that if Amber is not there to take care of me is not a serious problem because Freminet is nearby makes me feel calm and fills me with peace; and in fact, although I didn't tell my friend, I feel that he is the big responsible for keeping my disease under control.

     On the other hand, it makes me uncomfortable that he is so attentive to me because it makes me think that I am always being watched and makes me feel nervous. Feeling so good close to him makes me feel insecure and uneasy, because I'm not used to feeling this way around people, and it's always hard for me to explore new emotions.

     I love that he takes care of me, and at the same time I hate it, because he makes me feel fragile, and at the same time, that overprotection fills me with security and I become strong as soon as he greets, smiles or speaks me.

     Maybe the nerves I feel thinking about him are just the fault of my illness and how bad I am at relating to other people.

     Maybe all this is nothing more than a simple illusion created by my traumas; an illusion in which I can get along with other people without being treated as someone different.

     Maybe Freminet only gets along with me because he was commissioned by Mr. Dottore (my doctor, who is also part of the fatui), as a way to help me keep the eleazar at bay.

     Or maybe I'm overthinking things.

     Freminet is my friend, and I appreciate him more than other people in the salon for always treating me as if I was a normal girl despite being the only person in that salon who has seen me lying in the hospital bed, crying and on the verge of collapse.

     Before I went to sleep I looked in the mirror one last time and I promised myself that on Monday, when I saw Freminet on the train, I would brag to him about how good I was feeling about myself with a smile on my face.

     That would be my way of thanking my friend for how hard he tries for me despite barely knowing me.

— Val ✨💜

Chapter Text

     • Collei pov's •

I. Medicine for silence.

     — Huh? Isn’t Amber coming to pick you up? — asked Freminet, just before we got off the train. — Did something happen to her?

     — Hmmm... I think she had an discussion with Eula over the weekend, and this is her way of saying "It’s your fault, so you’ll have to find me and apologize" — I replied, swinging my feet a bit in the air, looking down at the floor —. Sometimes they really get on my nerves. They act like they’re a couple, and neither of them can actually say how they feel about the other.

     — Maybe they just don’t know how to say it — suggested the blonde —. Lyney always says that these things are more complicated than I can imagine.

     — Hmmm? I thought you were saying that because you had some kind of experience — I joked.

     — ... Do I look like someone who’s had a couple before?

     — Eh... I’d rather not answer that question — I laughed nervously —. Let’s change the subject.

     — Sure — he hugged his bag —. Hmmm... What should we talk about...? We’ve already talked about the stories we like, and as for music...

     — You’re thinking out loud again — I smiled —. It's fine If you don’t know what to talk about. I can still enjoy your company in silence, and honestly, this has its charm too.

     — ...

     He clenched his bag with both hands, then closed his eyes.

     — Freminet? — I looked at him.

     His cheeks turned red.

     — Y-You said you preferred quiet moments, so...

     — B-But that doesn’t mean you have to be silent right now — I laughed, and within seconds, my face started to burn as well —. Oh, I know. Let’s talk about...

     It’s curious.

     When I got on the train and approached him, something made me feel shy, and I still haven’t found a good moment to thank him for everything he’d done for me in such a short time. I wanted to show off my happiness and share it with him, because even though he’s kind, the blonde is generally a shy person, and I’ve rarely seen him smile sincerely.

     "I never thought there’d be someone like you, who can be by my side, help me, and make me laugh so naturally, who cares for me and values me as a good friend. I’ve never been good at talking to boys, and I think this year would’ve been a nightmare for me if you hadn’t appeared, so... Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Fremi" was the speech I had prepared over the weekend; a speech that now, I don’t have the courage to say, and as we talk, I feel it’s becoming more and more unnecessary.

     I feel happy and alive when I talk to him, and he seems happy to see me smile.

     I think there’s no better way to show him the effect he has on me, even though this closeness on the train still makes me a bit nervous.

     Maybe walking alone to school will help me overcome this anxiety.

(...)

     — Join a club? — I heard Furina ask during recess.

     — Yes, specifically the theater club — replied the girl who had proposed the idea —. The president of the club said there was a star in this class who had already acted in school plays, and when I found out it was you, I thought it was my duty to invite you.

     I glanced at the scene.

     — Oh. I didn’t know my performances had reached beyond my previous school — she declared proudly —. Since I have nothing better to do at home, I guess spending my time improving my skills can only bring benefits.

     — Perfect! I’ll go tell the club president right away! — the other girl announced —. This is amazing! Furina will join the theater club! It’s like a dream come true!

     — I-I’m not that important tho...

     — The sister of the great Focalors will be part of our club! It’s a dream! — she exclaimed, as she left the room.

     For a brief moment, the excitement and happiness on Furina’s face disappeared, as if someone had just stabbed her in the chest and shattered her heart without mercy, leaving her no time to react; a few seconds later, she shook her head slightly and regained her composure as if nothing had happened.

     I guess it’s not easy being the younger sister of a superstar in the art world. After all, I even mistook Furina for Focalors the first time I saw her. Anyone would. She looks just like Focalors, but she’s noticeably louder than her, and her hair is shorter, which could be an attempt to distance herself from her older sister’s image and try to have her own identity.

     — U-Ummm... Collei, is something wrong? — she suddenly asked, turning to look at me —. You’ve been staring at me for a while, and it’s making me a little uncomfortable...

     — O-Oh, no, no, sorry. It’s just... Uh... I was surprised to find out you had talent for theater — I said, trying to avoid the topic of her sister —. It must be amazing to stand in front of so many people and not feel panic. I can’t even imagine it.

     — Do you really think it’s like that? — she laughed, gradually returning to her usual attitude —. Maybe you should give acting a try.

     — No, thanks.

     — The fastest rejection I’ve ever witnessed in my life — she said —. But I’m serious. You don’t need an extroverted personality to be part of theater. You just have to be yourself and immerse yourself in your character. It’s not that hard. Even Freminet could be in a play.

     The blonde, who had just entered the room with his siblings, stared at us in confusion, pointing at himself with his index finger, almost wanting to ask what he had done to be mentioned in the conversation.

     — Theater is a wonderful world, full of beautiful colors and characters that fill us with feelings — continued the white-haired girl, approaching my desk —. Why don’t you try it? It’ll be fun! Just imagine how beautiful it would be to discover you have talent, be part of a play, and be applauded by the audience!

     — The only thing I know about theater comes from TV shows and dramas I watch online. I don’t know how to act.

     — I can teach you. I’m good at teaching!

     — I-I don’t think it’s a good idea, really...

     She grabbed my hands with an energy that made me shiver, and my heart started to race as her eyes locked with mine, making me tremble.

     — Come with me, Collei. You and I will be the new stars of the theater club! — she declared, pulling me to my feet —. We’ll steal the spotlight, and everyone will talk about us!

     — F-Furina, please let me go. You’re hurting me...

     — Nonsense, my dear friend! — she shouted —. It’s just your body reacting to the excitement of the idea of becoming...

     — L-Let me go, please...!

     As soon as her eyes met mine, her joyful expression turned into one of complete insecurity, fear, and terror; at the same time, a black spot appeared on my left hand, and I felt my skin slowly cracking under my shirt.

     — C-Collei...? — she asked, taking a step back —. A-Are you okay? Y-Your face is...

     The whole room was silent. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, as if they could see through my clothes and were getting ready to tell me I was a monster, that it was better to run away from me to stay safe and avoid being infected by whatever this "curse" was that appeared on my body.

     I wanted to bite myself. I wanted to tear off the pieces of skin with my teeth and nails so no one would notice what was happening. I’d rather they think I have some kind of mental instability problem and that my arms are full of cuts from blades than have them find out about the Eleazar.

     I clenched my hands tightly as my eyes filled with tears, and at the exact moment I felt like I was about to burst, Freminet stepped in front of me while his jacket fell over my head, covering and hiding me from everyone.

     — F-Freminet...?

     — Y-You’re safe, don’t worry — he whispered, getting a little inside the small hiding space he had created for me —. Let’s go to the nurse’s office. I’ll guide you.

     — B-But...

     From the sound of chains and a keychain, I realized he had taken my bag.

     — Shall we go?

     When I looked down, his hand was waiting for me, ready to offer me support and guide me to our destination.

     My first instinct was to accept his invitation to leave the room as quickly as possible, but when I saw the marks of the disease on my hands and noticed how one of the scales had stopped halfway, I felt it wasn’t right to take his hand; but at the same time, I desperately wanted to accept and let him take care of everything.

     In the end, we left the room holding just a finger, which was enough to keep me calm as we walked down the hall to the nurse’s office. I couldn’t hear anything he was saying, and the bell marking the beginning of the next class seemed very distant.

     I don’t even know if he’s saying anything, but I hope he isn’t.

     He already knows about my illness, but I don’t want to hear a single word from him about it.

     I know he wouldn't do it, but I still can't stop the thoughts from swirling in my head. If he tells me that these marks on my skin make me look like a monster, or that my very existence is some kind of unnatural phenomenon that never should have existed, I don’t think I’d have any reason left to keep living.

     Right now, I just want to look at his face and see what his eyes think of the "me" I’ve become, but I’m terrified of what might happen and what he might say.

     When we finally reached the nurse's office, we found a small note from the nurse saying she had gone to attend to some students who had gotten into a fight on the football field, so Freminet just led me to one of the cubicles and had me sit on the bed.

     — Collei.

     — Hmmm? — I held onto his jacket, hiding my face —. What is it?

     — Can I open your bag? I need to find your medicine — he said —. I promise I won’t look at anything else in there.

     — You don’t have to ask me for permission, Fremi — I said, feeling a little encouraged by his words —. You don’t need to ask for my permission for everything...

     He didn’t respond, but instead unzipped my bag to search for the medicine. And as he did, I raised my head slightly to look at him.

     The calm boy, the one who had accompanied me on the train and was always so composed, now had a completely red face.

     When I asked myself why and remembered the words I just said, the color in my own face quickly matched his, and I immediately hid myself back inside my small hideout.

     The fact that it was his jacket covering me wasn’t exactly helping my mental state.

— Val ✨💜

Chapter Text

    • Collei pov's •

I. Medicine for silence.

     — Ugh... I'll never get used to the taste... — I said once I finished taking the medicine.

     — What does it taste like? — the blond boy asked, taking my water bottle and putting it back in its place —. I-I don't take a lot of medicine because I rarely get sick, so...

     — It's supposed to taste like Kalpa and Nilotpala Lotus, but the doctor managed to remove the acidic part, and now it's just bitter — I said, looking at the bottle —. It's like adding a spoonful of water to a jar of coffee and trying to drink the result. It completely numbs your sense of taste.

     — ... Another reason not to drink coffee — he replied —. The one time I tried it, I felt my heart racing. I thought I was going to die...

     — My brother used to drink it every night while studying, and he wouldn't add any sugar. When the smell reached my room, I had to go to the patio to avoid getting dizzy, so I ended up hating it... — I explained, looking at the floor. Slowly, my skin began to relax —. Ugh... This is awful...

     — Hmm?

     — It's... my skin... — I sighed, then raised my gaze slightly —. Do you promise you won't think I'm a monster...?

     — N-No way I'd think that about you.

     — ...

     Nervously, I looked at my right arm and then pulled up the sweater sleeve, revealing the black patches and scales that were slowly retracting due to the medicine. One by one, the small crystalline fragments softened, becoming more human, until after several minutes, they disappeared entirely, blending with the rest of my skin. The same thing happened with the marks and spots, although they took longer to fade.

     During those minutes, I couldn't bring myself to take off the boy's jacket. It was my little refuge, my hiding place, the superhero's cape that protects the innocent who doesn’t know what to do out of fear. It was my only way to slightly ease the anxiety and frustration I felt when I reminded myself that even if I was having the best day of my life, anything could trigger my illness and turn it into a nightmare.

     I don't want him to see me.

     I can feel my face trying to heal, but a few scales refuse to disappear. Even though he hasn't commented on my arm, nothing assures me that he won't be scared when he sees my face. And I think any reaction he has will make me cry.

     With just one gesture, he managed to dispel a good part of my doubts, taking advantage of my still-extended arm and open hand to intertwine his hand with mine.

     Reflexively, the first thing I did was intertwine our fingers and lift my gaze slightly.

     — Maybe once is enough, or maybe I'll have to repeat it a thousand times for you to understand, but either way, it's fine — he said —. I'm your friend. I'll never think badly of you, especially when you're trying so hard to move forward. You don't have to pretend you're okay with me when you're actually suffering inside.

     — Freminet... — my cheeks burned as the last traces of Eleazar disappeared; a soft laugh escaped my lips —. Thank you... You're so sweet...

     After thinking about it for a few seconds, I let out a sigh and emerged from my hiding place, lowering the boy's jacket and leaving it beside me in case I wanted to retreat again—a feeling that hit me the moment I looked into his eyes for reasons I couldn't understand.

     He smiled, and I returned the smile while adjusting my bangs with my free hand, thinking I might forget what had just happened if I at least regained control of my body. But when I tried to use my other hand, I noticed he was still holding it.

     — Y-You can let go now if you want...

     — Hmm? — I gestured to our hands —. O-Oh, sorry. I forgot...

     — It's fine. I forgot too — I smiled slightly —. Though... I didn't exactly mind...

     His cheeks turned red as he tried to withdraw his hand, but after a few seconds of silence, he joined them again and looked into my eyes.

     — C-Collei, I...

     The curtain of the cubicle opened with a simple motion, and before we could react, the history teacher, Cyno, stood there watching the scene. Freminet, as if struck by lightning, quickly pulled his hand away and tried to hide his reddened face with his forearm.

     As for me, and luckily, I managed to hide my embarrassment by ducking under the boy's jacket again.

     — I didn't expect to see you here, Freminet — the adult said, stepping into the cubicle —. Shouldn't you be in class?

     — I-I'll leave now. I-I was just making sure Collei was okay.

     — She seems perfectly fine to me, but I suppose a little more rest wouldn't hurt — he announced, crossing his arms —. You can go now. I'll take over.

     — O-Of course.

     The blond boy exchanged one last glance with me, and I, embarrassed by the situation and the behavior of the man I considered my second older brother, could only smile at him and wave goodbye with my hand while hugging his jacket.  

     Once we were alone, Cyno borrowed the stool where Freminet had been sitting moments earlier and sat down, maintaining his usual teacher-like demeanor.

     — All right, I want all the details — he said, crossing his arms again.

     — Huh?

     — What’s your relationship with that boy? Why were you holding hands?

     — H-He’s just my friend!

     — Yeah, sure. Tell that to Nari when you get home. I’m sure he’ll believe you.

     — C-Cyno!

     As soon as he pulled out his phone and opened his contact list, I immediately realized that, as soon as I touched the doorstep of my house, I’d be facing a horrible interrogation about who the blond boy from my class was, with whom, according to my dear history teacher, I was about to kiss.  

     If it were anyone else making these kinds of jokes, I’d probably already be shouting for them to shut up and leave me alone. But since it was Cyno, all I could do was feel utterly embarrassed by his terrible jokes, his insistence on the topic of Freminet, and his audacity to call my brother, who, at that moment, joined the interrogation with the white-haired teacher.

     By the time he left the infirmary, nearly twenty minutes had passed, and although I wanted to rest, my brain couldn’t ignore how much my face was burning and how loud my heartbeats sounded in my chest.  

     The strange thing was that, unlike other times, these pulsations didn’t feel bad.

(...)  

     Apparently, before leaving the infirmary, Cyno left a note indicating that I wasn’t allowed to return to class for the rest of the day. The nurse insisted that the teacher's actions were just to make sure I’d be okay in case something else happened, but if there’s anyone who knows whether my body is fit to continue its daily activities, it’s undoubtedly me.

     As I grabbed my bag, I looked at Freminet’s jacket for a few seconds, then took it in my hands, brought it close to my face, and squeezed it softly, trying to figure out if the chocolate scent I had smelled on the train came from him or his clothes. Once the infirmary door opened, I had to abandon my little investigation, and in the end, I couldn’t find the answer.

     — Aren't you hot? — asked the nurse once I approached her to say goodbye.

     I had put the boy’s jacket on over my clothes, and while it was true that it was a bit oversized for me, it was comfortable to wear.

     — N-No, not at all. Actually, I was feeling a bit cold — I replied, adjusting the sleeves slightly —. It’s time for me to go now.

     — Remember, you can come here anytime you need. If, for any reason, I’m not around, feel free to enter.

     — Thanks.

     I approached the infirmary door, and just before I could open it, someone from the outside beat me to it.  

     Furina stood there, looking at me with a timidity I never thought I’d see in someone like her. Then, she stayed silent while stepping aside to let me pass.  

     — Excuse me... — I said, walking out and heading toward the classroom.  

     — C-Collei, can we talk? — she asked, clutching her bag as if her life depended on it —. I... I’m sorry. I think I went too far... I shouldn’t have pressured you so much about the drama club. I-It’s just that-

     — Let’s talk somewhere else — I suggested nervously, smiling. — How about the courtyard?  

     Her eyes lit up suddenly, and she sighed in relief, nodding noticeably calmer than before.  

     While the rest of the high school students gathered in their groups or went home, Furina and I sat to talk on a bench under a tree in the courtyard, far from the soccer fields and any unnecessary noise.

     To help calm the girl and give her some peace of mind, I briefly explained my situation with the Eleazar and the effect it had on my body, also explaining the things I could and couldn’t do, as well as the situations I should avoid (excess stress, psychological pressure, etc.). When I mentioned this, Furina apologized to me repeatedly and then remained silent for a long time.

     During that pause, I took some time to try to figure out her personality. It was already clear to me in the morning that she wasn’t an unbreakable person and that she couldn’t stand being compared to her older sister, but now, while she was berating herself for her actions, I also understood that she had a good heart and never intended to harm me on purpose. Maybe that striking personality is just a way to hide her insecurities, or maybe she simply does it to stand out from the crowd and make them understand that she isn’t Focalors (because when the actress appears in public, she always stands out for her composure and indifference).

     She is very different from me.

     Even though we both have thousands of insecurities and problems tormenting us every day, each of us walks a different path. I try to ignore my illness, believing I can lead a quiet life while staying hidden from prying eyes and limiting my friendships to a tiny group so I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. But she doesn’t mind acting and lying to the whole world if it means securing a place to belong, even if that place doesn’t please her or if she only does it to avoid feeling alone.

     — You know? I think I envy you — I said, lowering my gaze to the ground —. Despite having your own problems and worries, you can go through your day with a smile and hide your fears from others.

     — I-I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

     — For someone like me, believe me, it’s something extremely hard to achieve — I stated, looking at the sky —. But it’s fine. Even though it’s not perfect, I like this life.

     I stood up from the bench.

     — Even if there isn’t a cure for my illness yet, I’m sure everything will be fine — I said, holding one side of the jacket, smiling —. And if things get out of control, I know I have people around me who won’t let me fall.

     Furina observed me for a few seconds, and after that, she lowered her gaze and hugged her bag.

     — That must be a wonderful feeling. You know, having people who hold your hand if something happens — she said —. I... I don’t know if I have anyone like that. Maybe my sister and my parents, but...

     — Maybe I’m not the best person to say this considering my condition, but I wouldn’t let you fall — I said, turning to look at her —. You said we’re friends, didn’t you? Even if we don’t talk much, I’ve always liked your personality.

     — I thought that after what happened today-

     — What happened today doesn’t change the fact that you’ve made me smile several times during class — I laughed.

     — R-Really? — she asked; I nodded —. I thought you were smiling because you were looking at Freminet.

     — W-What?

     — I mean, aren’t you wearing his jacket? — she pointed at the garment —. His name is embroidered at the bottom, and when he took you out of class this morning, he held your hand.

     My face burned.

     — F-Freminet is my friend. He already knew about my illness and was just helping me get to the infirmary.

     — But I’ve seen how he turns to look at you during class — she said, completely calm —. First, he pretends to look at the board, then he adjusts his collar and-

     — Collei! — a new voice announced, quickly approaching us; looking up, Amber hurried her pace —. Sorry for not arriving earlier! I ran into Eula outside the school and…!

     The girl looked at the scene, stopping a few steps away from us.

     — Sorry, am I interrupting something...? — she asked, noticeably confused —. Lynette said she saw you two coming this way, but if I’m intruding-

     — N-No, it’s fine. Furina and I were just talking — I quickly replied, grabbing my bag —. I suppose Cyno asked you to come look for me, right?

     — Yes, but... Are you sure you’re okay? Your face is red.

     — It turned that way when I talked about-

     — A-All right, enough, let’s go! — I exclaimed, grabbing Amber’s hand and starting to walk —. No more interrogations!

     — B-But Collei...!

     — No, I’m not answering anything else! — I shouted, knowing my cheeks were still red.

     Furina followed us to the entrance of the campus somewhat reluctantly, unable to strike up a conversation with Amber because I started loudly singing a ridiculously noisy song (at this point, I didn’t care about embarrassment anymore), and then we said goodbye to her as we left.

     The girl accompanied me to the station, and I boarded the train, which was almost empty due to the time. I told her it wasn’t necessary for her to come along and promised I would take care of myself, but the truth was I didn’t want to hear any more questions about my relationship with the blond boy.

     However, and although I had already been warned, the real storm hit when I stepped through the door of my house. 

     My brother greeted me at the door with his arms crossed, with an expression on his face that didn’t let me figure out if, option A, he was angry, or option B, he was just playing along with Cyno.  

     As soon as he asked about the infamous jacket I was wearing, I understood the answer was the third option: A and B at the same time. 

— Val ✨💜