Chapter Text
(Dan Feng POV)
For the longest time, I thought there was no one that existed on the Luofu that knew how I felt. I believed there was no one that could understand this longing to be seen for the me that I am and not the Yin Yue Jun they all seem to worship so zealously, not the person I have to be, the person I must become. Deep in my heart, I wholly believed no one knew this deafening loneliness that consumed me in darkness, that weighed my heart down in sadness, that made it so hard to breathe, it had become so suffocating. There is no one on the Luofu like me. There was no one on the Luofu like me...or so I thought.
It was after practice for the upcoming ritual dance by my people, one of the few and rare times I would be able to see other Luofu denizens aside from those in higher up positions. I was able to sneak away, still in full dress, just to have at least a few minutes to myself, to just breathe. It was particularly difficult today, the pressure of the oncoming performance stacked with meeting the other High Elders from the other Xianzhou ships. It's just been far too much, I can't breathe.
I was so consumed with trying to get just my few short moments of peace to myself that I was not paying attention and had walked straight into someone. In all honesty it felt as though I had literally walked into a wall, which was my first thought. But arms wrapped around my waist keeping me from falling to the ground, I stared up in shock to meet the most beautiful eyes in such expressive brilliant golden hues. There was something in those eyes, as I looked into them longer than I probably should have, that snapped into place with me. When I looked into those eyes, it was as if I was looking into my own emerald colored jade ones, their eyes...were just like mine.
I took a moment to assess the person before me, the one I had mistaken for a wall, to notice that this person was a young looking male, maybe around his 20's or almost that age, a long life species about the same height as me. He may be thin looking but from firsthand, very recent experience, he is all coiled tight with a remarkable ability to stay perfectly grounded on two feet after being run into the way I had into him. His stance screamed warrior, someone already seasoned in battle, so he must be a Cloud Knight, but his clothes were that of the apprentices I would sometimes see from the Realm-Keeping Commission.
He's staring at me, slowly blinking, as he looks me over as I have him. He reminds me of a cat with the way he does that and the way he moves. Even his hair, a shaggy mess of long fair hair, makes me think of those long hair cats that some of the more noble long life species keep as pets that always somehow end up at the Alchemy Commission. He isn't smiling although just from his eyes alone I can tell he is amused.
"Here I thought there was no one else with eyes like mine on the Luofu. My name is Jing Yuan, by the way. Were you running away too?"
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(Jing Yuan POV)
I've had enough. I can't keep doing this. It feels like my very soul is being torn apart the longer I stay here, the longer I am forced to learn and train for what my family has done for centuries, the more I feel myself slip away. I'm not suited for this. My heart and soul doesn't call for this. There's a longing in me to pick up a sword, a call to fight, for battle, a call I know no one else hears. I train alone. I train in secret. Whenever I'm allowed out of the confines of my home, I watch the Cloud Knight's carefully when we walk by their training grounds.
My family does not approve of my dream. Our family has dutifully served the Realm-Keeping Commission apparently since its founding, therefore I am expected to take up the same mantle, despite choosing the sword when I was a baby. They are bound and determined to "break" me of that dream. It just may well be working at this rate. When I look in the mirror, though it looks like I'm smiling or that there's a welcoming warmth to my eyes, all I see is emptiness. All I see is the ever present and consuming loneliness.
I'm so alone. This loneliness, born from being locked away from "outside influences'' as my family calls them, has drenched my soul in darkness and drowned my heart into despair. There's no one on the Luofu like me. There's no one on the Luofu whose eyes are like mine. There is no one on the Luofu who can see me for me, for who I am, who I desperately wish to become. It's so hard to breathe. These chains that bind me are far more cruel than the ones used on the prisoners at the Shackling Prison.
There is an upcoming ritual by the Vidyadhara coming up, we also have visitors from the other Xianzhou ships, so things have been overly busy. Naturally, I took this as an opportunity to slip away to take a breather while my father was busy negating some issue of some kind near where the Vidyadhara were rehearsing. I made it well out of eyesight and ear shot before it felt like something bumped into me. When I looked, I saw someone falling backwards, I reacted and of course I had to catch them, it wouldn't do well for my escape.
But…why…is their waist so tiny !? Why...what reason do they need such a small waist for!? My arms wrap around them, my fingertips are almost touching on either side of them! This is not healthy, it can't be healthy. Do they not eat enough? Oh, they're wearing one of the ceremonial outfits, and now that I'm paying closer attention they look like a young man like myself, although being a Vidyadhara he could be older. He's actually quite pretty...correction...he's beautiful.
And I'm staring...
I'm also still holding him...
Maybe I should...I don't know....let go of him now? You think being a couple decades old would leave me just a little more eloquent with words and more refined in my manners.
…And yet I am still holding him….ugh…
This is embarrassing…
ALright Jing Yuan, all you gotta do is straighten up…that’s it. Make sure his feet are properly on the ground, you do almost tower over him…okay, he seems well enough.
There. I pulled him upright and let him go. Completely natural. I wasn't staring at all, just observing. But oh? He is staring at me still though. His eyes. They're an absolutely beautiful shade of emerald jade green, they are so mesmerizing...they also...look like...mine... So, he must be running away too. At least for a little bit, from his outfit he must be someone of great importance to the Vidyadhara. But someone of great importance still needs a break every now and then…Hmm… I'll help him. This way we both get to have time away from our forced lives and I can get to know him more. Possibly make my first friend too.
I introduced myself. I made sure I was honest and sincere. I'm not expecting much in return though, he doesn't seem like the type to idle chat.
"I...My name is Dan Feng and...yes I am running away. It's...hard to breathe right now...I just..." He looks so tired, so worn out, so empty but at the same time he looks sad and alone. I know who he is now, how could I not. I'm supposed to bring him back should he slip away but...not when he's like me. Not when he’s like this. Sorry father, I’ll take whatever punishment later… he needs me.
"Alright then. I know a place they won't find us. We can go there for a bit to rest. I promise I'll bring you back safely." I offer out my hand, just hoping he might just take it. He looks desperate to get away just as much as I do. The only difference is I don't plan on returning, but I'll bring him back once he's rested. It's a stretch to try and get him to agree, I think I'm asking too much. Besides...
"Okay" He places his hand into mine. I don't know why my heart is racing like this but we have less time now than ever, I'll think about that later. Right now, I need to get us to where we need to be. So, I slid my fingers between his, holding his hand tightly, gently I pulled him along and he came easily. Aurum Alley may be quite a ways from here, but I know how to get there quick enough.