Chapter Text
December 24th
Amadeo stood at the edge of Louis' bed. Staring down at the man asleep on his stomach. Head turned his way on the pillow his arms were folded under. The blanket was half on his shirtless form. Amadeo admired the deep indent of Louis' spine. He had wondered why on the times Armand woke before Louis, he would just watch the man sleep. Like it was the most interesting thing to see.
Amadeo smothered the urge to wake Louis up. He was getting bored just standing here waiting for it to happen naturally. He hadn't expected to have control when he woke, but Armand hadn't asked for the control back. Rather he was worried that seeking out Louis meant running into Lestat. Lestat however wasn't in the room like he had seen last night and the other side of the bed was made.
Seeing that had soothed Armand. It had unsettled Amadeo even without his presence. He didn't understand.....why he felt that spark last night. Ugly feelings resurfacing. Thoughts of getting rid of the blond heavy on his mind on his way to his room. All too suddenly it hit him.
He recognized it now after so long being confused. Armand didn't just not like Lestat because he was mean. He didn't like him because he was jealous. Amadeo knew jealousy well. They were the best of friends. Which is why he was perplexed on why it took him so long to figure it out.
How could Armand be jealous like that? Amadeo had been jealous when his maître would show favoritism to the other boys. When maître would have them warm his bed instead and Amadeo was forced to stay chained to the wall. Lest he attack another boy in his bed. Armand had not been laid in Louis' bed. He had not had to perform. So why.... He chased away any inkling of that thought to the forest pit of his mind. To be burned and discarded. There were other things to think about.
Armand often distressed over a weird feeling that made him nauseous. Amadeo still didn't know what that was. He had never felt it and didn't know how it came about, but Louis made it happen. Another thing to add to the many changes they had undergone in his care. Was that a good or bad thing?
Amadeo peered at Louis' sleeping face again. The thinnest line of bruising still on his face. It looked more like a weird birthmark now. Just a deeper brown than his skin. A skintone matched bandage on his nose. Armand often thought Louis looked like an angel. Amadeo had to agree with him. Louis' face was so soft in features. He was beautiful......maître liked beautiful things. He might have painted Louis. Or made Louis his...
"What are you doing?" Came a sharp voice, Amadeo jumped spinning to face the doorway.
Claudia stood in its open space. Amadeo regarded her as she observed him. He had met her himself last night when she joined him and Lenora for Demon Slayer. She was a pretty girl, but she had an ugly way about her. She obviously didn't like him. Amadeo didn't like the way she made Armand feel like a bug to squash. Armand saw her as a threat. How a little girl could be so intimidating was unknown to him. It was a quality Amadeo regrettably was so very captured by.
If she hadn't been mean to Armand he might have liked her. She had ruined that when she made Armand feel a type of way. Which was unfortunate for her. He would have to watch her like he was watching Lestat. Gauging their threat to Armand because a threat to Armand was a threat to him. Unlike Armand, Amadeo was accustomed to survival.....even by violent means.
"Hello? Why you being a creeper? You think it's normal to stand over people while they sleep?" Claudia spat, Amadeo tilted his head at her. He wasn't in the mood for her.
"You weird me out." Claudia voiced, eyes narrowing sharply at him.
"Go away." Amadeo dismissed, returning his gaze to Louis.
"Um, excuse me?!" Her rise in voice caused Louis to stir. A frown creasing his brow as he shifted on the bed. His eyes fluttered in the dim room. Coming face to face with plaid pants. Louis groaned, turning his head to the otherside.
"What's the matter, Armand?" He sleepily questioned, Amadeo blinked down at the man. Nothing was actually the matter. He just wanted to talk to him.
"She's bothering me." He tossed instead, Claudia scoffed at his words.
"....hmm, okay......who?" Louis questioned, drifting slowly back into his sleep. When his brain registered the words for what they were he lifted his head from the pillow looking at Amadeo with more awareness.
"Huh?" Louis muttered, Amadeo huffed, crossing his arms.
"This creeper was standing over you while you slept." Claudia spoke up, Louis blinked, turning his head around to catch sight of his daughter. He groaned lowly, dropping his head back into the pillows.
"He does that." Louis responded, like it was explanation enough.
"And that ain't weird?" She pushed.
"S'weird, yeah. Still does it." Louis mumbled unto his pillow. Claudia stared at her father in disbelief. Tired or not he was tripping. If someone was standing over her staring at her so intensely she might think they wished her harm.
"That's so freaking creepy like...."
"You promised." Louis reminded, Claudia shut her mouth with a huff. Of course he'd use that to get out of discussing why he was okay with this. She said she'd play nice till the 28th. She never said she wouldn't point out the weird shit.
"Yeah but..."
"You promised." Louis repeated, Claudia pursed her lips. Letting out a groan of frustration.
"So I can't..."
"No." Louis interrupted, knowing her words before they finished.
"Bullshit." She grumbled, spinning on her heels before her frustration mounted. Amadeo, who had been silently observing the conversation, poked Louis.
"Yes?"
"Wake up, I have to tell you about the show before Armand wants to come back." His voice was telling long before he name dropped Armand.
"I'm listening." Louis chuckled, patting his empty side of the bed. Rather than walking around, Amadeo climbed over him. A poorly placed knee right in the middle of his spine chased away the remnants of his sleep as he groaned. Rather than apologize, Amadeo's eyes filled with mirth.
"I'm up, I'm up." Louis assured, rolling onto his back.
"You sure?" Amadeo questioned, poking his chest with a sharp finger.
"Yeah, Yeah, I'm up." Louis groaned, rubbing his face. Wincing when he rubbed too hard at his nose.
"Does it still hurt?" Amadeo asked curiously.
"Mhmm."
"Armand feels like shit still." Amadeo spilled, Louis blinked at him letting the expletive roll off. It was so jarring to hear come out of Armand's face half the time. Curse words were rare from Armand, and Arun scolded Louis for his bad words, Amadeo often let them fly.
"It's fine."
"That's what I said but he's so sensitive to you." Amadeo sighed, Louis frowned at his choice of words.
"To me?"
"The show was awesome!" Amadeo said instead, Louis' eyes narrowed at him. Being different alters or not they all had the ability to accidentally spill something then omit any response after.
"Tell me about it." Louis spoke, Amadeo immediately shot off on a long winded explanation of the first 15 episodes of the first season. With the same animated thrill Armand had when he told Louis of a new creature he was fascinated with. Or Armand when he wanted to play an endless round of questioning. It was such a nice change of pace from Amadeo's prickly prodding. Louis listened intently while resting his eyes. Humming to certain shifts in storytelling.
"Sounds interesting, might have to take a look." Louis spoke, after silence came. When Amadeo didn't respond Louis opened his eyes to find Amadeo frowning at him.
"Are you being honest? Or are you humoring me?"
"I'm being honest, honey. It sounds good. I'd watch it."
"Why?"
"Because it does? You like it so I'll try it. I used to watch anime, kid."
"Yeah, but why?" Amadeo pressed, eyes narrowing. Louis sighed looking up at Amadeo thoughtfully.
"I'd watch it because you like it....and because it'll give us something to talk about? I'd like to be well versed." Louis admitted. Amadeo's eyes softened as he looked at Louis with something like....awe and uncertainty mixed.
"Then....you'll watch it with me?" Amadeo asked, something odd in his tone. Louis sensed a line of vulnerability.
"Yeah, of course I'll watch it with you. Why you ask like that?"
"We don't have a thing." Amadeo stated, Louis frowned, needing more than just that.
"A thing?" Louis pressed, Amadeo huffed, averting his eyes. Focusing on the stitch pattern on the comforter.
"Arun and you have baths and you read him stories. You and Armand go on walks and you do that weird boring thing. The time when you guys sit in the same room just reading books. We don't have a thing." He spoke softly, like it was something embarrassing.
Louis grinned despite trying to stay expressionless. He couldn't help that brief kick of smugness in his gaze. Amadeo peeked at Louis to read his silence, frowning when he spotted the man's smile. Amadeo's cheeks heating with color. He looked away from Louis again, as close to a pout Louis had ever seen on Amadeo's face.
"....you're mean." Amadeo finally huffed, Louis laughed then rolled onto his side. Playfully poking Amadeo's stomach.
"What happened to Louis being boring and old, huh? What happened to not wanting to be around him?" Louis teased, bringing up both recent and older words of Amadeo's.
The boy who thought himself too self sufficient to ever need to spend time with Louis. Louis knew those words hadn't been the truth Amadeo had projected. He would eventually seek him out to poke at him and try to start a fight. That was clear, but hearing Amadeo admit that he wanted to spend time with Louis was a victory.
"....I just thought you might be too boring and need to learn how to be less boring....by being around me." Amadeo fumbled, Louis snickered, poking at Amadeo's sides. The boy sputtered at the ticklish feeling. Looking at Louis crazily as he smacked his hands away.
"I changed my mind!" Amadeo declared, squirming out of reach only for Louis to catch a foot.
"You take that back!" Louis playfully snapped, tickling the bottom of his feet.
An uncharacteristic nose came from Mr. Carefully Calculated. A half squeal scream as he tumbled out of the bed. Louis' laughter was booming and undeniable. Growing harder as a head raised from the floor revealing just forehead and eyes. Hair tousled crazily as he glared at Louis. Louis' sides were hurting by the time Amadeo sat on the edge of the bed a safe distance from Louis. Trying to give him that expression of ease.
"Jokes aside, Deo. That can definitely be our thing." Louis spoke, Amadeo nodded with practiced disinterest.
"And don't forget, you have a project for us outside of the room. Once that's done you gotta start your research if you want that fishtank." Louis added, that broke the mask. A gasp at Louis' remembrance. Like he was supposed to forget or he had thrown the idea away.
"I will!"
"Ima hold you to that." Louis nodded.
"Today is the show thingy right?"
"Yes. You going or is Mand going?" Louis questioned.
"Armand. He's being whiny though."
"Whiny?"
"About the gingerbread house. He forgot about it, wanted to do it I guess." Amadeo shrugged.
"He can have mine. I didn't do much with it. Easy fix. That's cool?" Louis responded.
"Is to me. As long as he doesn't touch mine." Louis chuckled at those words. Gently rubbing his eyes, he needed to get up and start his day.
"You brush your teeth? Make the bed? Take your medicine?" Louis yawned out.
"It's vacation." Amadeo huffed.
"Go do what you need to do." Louis spoke, giving Amadeo a pointed look.
"And I'm not arguing about it. Do what I told you to do, Amadeo. Let's not dive into punishments this early, yeah? Because we can." Louis spoke sternly, Amadeo closed his mouth swallowing the retort.
Sometimes.....Louis scared him. Not in the same way that maître scared him. Maître could make him imobile with the fright. A fear that today might have been the...final day. Louis made him fearful in an...emotional way. That he might find a certain type of disappointment he couldn't recover from. Amadeo was trying....he was trying to keep Louis in a distant place. Trying not to allow him as close as Armand and as deeply integrated as Arun found him to be. He didn't want to.....betray his maître. Then Louis did things like talk about the things he wanted like he actually cared....and it was hard.
"Run along." Louis spoke, his voice softer but his eyes still stern.
Amadeo nodded, ducking his head as he got out of the bed. Heading back towards his room his stomach churned. How could he keep Louis away while making sure Armand and Arun felt safe? How did he stay afloat when those tugs were making him sink?
If Armand and Arun cared for Louis like they did. If they wanted to stay with him. Amadeo would do what he had to do to ensure that it happened. He just had to make sure that he didn't fall for it. Someone had to stay sane for the inevitable time this fell apart and he was taken somewhere else. He thought maître would have been forever.....but he hadn't. He wouldn't make that mistake again. Amadeo and Arun could believe it if they wanted to. As long as they got better it would be worth it.
Plans for the day didn't truly start till 4PM. The only input in plans making that Daniel made was that Alice wanted to see The Nutcracker ballet performance. Something she had found when looking for things to do in Aspen. They were catching an early evening show with excellent box seats. Lestat would enjoy it. Claudia would pretend but she would love it as well. Louis was curious to see how Armand would view the dancing and the music.
Pushing thoughts of Armand aside, Louis closed his robe tighter around himself as he stepped out on the patio. A coffee mugs with fresh hot coffee being juggled as he walked over to where Claudia was sitting. In the same spot Lestat had just sat lady night. Managing to turn the fireplace on by herself. She accepted the coffee with a soft reluctant warm smile. Tucking her diary away as Louis sat down beside her.
"Thank you."
"Welcome. Came out here to bother you for a minute." Louis spoke, breathing in the icy air.
"Oh? Gonna talk about how weird Armand is?" She poked, he gave her a flat look.
"He's not weird. It's just something he does."
"Standing over you while you sleep ain't weird?" She huffed with a narrowed gaze.
"M'kay, it's weird but it's him. It's.....when he wakes up before me and has something he needs to tell me. He comes to find me, and he waits for me to wake up." Louis explained, it was something that both Amadeo and Armand did. A commonality they had that Arun did not share. The little boy had no patience to wait. He just woke Louis.
"Can't he just, hmmm I don't know, wait for you to wake in his own space after seeing you're asleep?"
"He could but for him it's different. Gets in his head a bit. Thinks he might forget what he needs to say if he starts doing something else. Doesn't wanna wake me cause he's afraid to make me upset. So he just waits kinda lost in thought. Not not there but not there... its just..."
"Him." Claudia concluded, Louis gave her an awkward half smile.
"Yes."
"Sounds like an anxious person." Claudia pointed out.
"He is."
"You're an anxious person especially when you get in your head." She added.
"I am."
"1 plus 1 is 2, daddy."
"I'm aware." He simply shrugged, she huffed knowing she wasn't gonna get much more than that.
"I know you ain't come out here to talk about ol' boy. So, what's up?"
"I came to talk to you about you." He answered, she frowned while taking a drink of her coffee.
Humming at the bitterness she found. Just the way she liked it. Coffee, no creamer, a half spoonful sugar, and a few drops of vanilla extract. It was a taste only she liked. She didn't drink much coffee at school. She got by on Red bulls and all manners of energy drinks. Coming home and getting the treat of it just the way she liked was....nice. Louis was a lot but he never forgot her likes. She could always count on any present from him being something she needed or didn't know she wanted.
"What about me? I'm fine, daddy."
"Now, baby doll. I know you are out there becoming someone new. You wear your hair different, and ya style is new, carrying yourself different......but I know what's in here." Louis spoke, placing a hand over his heart. He didn't want her using him as a diversion any longer.
"I know my baby girl." He spoke pointedly, she'd be lying if the old endearments weren't wrecking her.
"I see you even when you don't want me to. So, I'ma ask you. What's going on?" Louis questioned, watching her shoulders draw up. Much like her second father she averted her gaze.
".....it's just school. I'm okay though."
"What about school, baby girl? "
"I'm just going through a phase? Or something? I'm just stressed, daddy. Everyone gets stressed." She shrugged, he pursed his lips. There had to be more to just that.
"It's deeper, I know it is." He pried, she frowned at his words.
"You can tell me anything." He pressed, she set her coffee down. Feet drawing up on the couch. Hugging her knees she rested her head on them. A crack in the mask clear as day.
"I don't know. I really....honestly....don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I want? I don't know where I want to be. What I want to do. Where my future is. I don't know...." She confessed, peeking at him through the curtain of hair she was trying to hide in.
"You not feeling business anymore? Change it, baby."
".....i'm already deep."
"So what? Change your major. If you're unhappy, change it baby. I don't care what you decide. I'm proud of you always. If it's too much, come home. I'll be there. We can figure something else out. If it's a break you need take it." Louis voiced, she closed her eyes.
Willing the pressure in her eyes to stop. It wasn't that easy. Come home and do what? Home had a new member and she didn't like him. Home was just stagnant old New Orleans. She was already in her business classes. Changing her major now meant she started over. She had all her basic credits. It was the final year and a half of straight required courses. Giving up now was dumb. Switch to what? If she didn't know what she wanted, how could she change it?
"Come're." Louis sighed, setting his coffee down.
Prying Claudia's hands away from bracketing her legs. She was pliant but distant like a lifeless doll. Eyes squeezed shut hard enough to krinkle. There was something about the quiet of the outside, the nature around them, the blanket of white, the city view, the seats, the warmth of the fireplace.....it all gave way to locked emotions.
Much like last night Louis found the air around Claudia to be as heavy as Lestat's. He could touch it when he touched her. Pulling her into his chest he squeezed her to him. Feeling her head turn and bury in his chest. He didn't have to hear her to know she was crying. He could feel the dam open up.
"Claudia. It's alright to not have it all figured out. I sure as hell didn't. You're doing a hell of a lot more than I ever did. I'm so proud of you. Who you are. Who you're becoming. Don't be discouraged. Home is always home. Whatever you need, princess. You don't need to know it all or have it all worked out. There's still so much life ahead of you baby. One step at a time. One day, one hour, one minute, one second......one at a time is enough." He poured, rubbing her back.
He could feel her nod against his chest. Acknowledgement of his words. He was glad to know she heard him, even though he knew it wouldn't fix it all for her. He wished he could snap his fingers and it all be okay. Wished she would take heed, but he knew his daughter. She was a stubborn one. This wouldn't be the time she listened, but as her father....it was his job to be ready for the next time. For her to hear as many times as she needed.
"You will not fail." He added, words that struck her to the core.
Largely he knew she was trying to prove to him and to Lestat that she could do this. That she could go out and get a degree. Do what both her parents hadn't done in life. Proving herself to others would never feed her like she hoped. Louis knew that journey all too well. She had to find out for herself. Only she could make herself happy. Only she could be enough for herself. The only person she needed to prove anything for...was Claudia.
He held her for a while. Letting her go through the motions. When the tears had long since dried, he was still holding her. Eventually they shifted but she didn't go far. Leaning into his side with his arm around her shoulders while she sipped at her still warm coffee quietly. He knew an attempt to pry her back open would be met with harsh resistance so the quiet would suffice.
Sometimes in life you just wanted to be held and know that while you're here....it's okay. Louis had grown up without the surety. Without that parental love to just be held. It was why he was so hands on with Claudia. What he had lacked he gave in abundance to his child. Sometimes far too much with no balance.
"I love you, daddy Lou." Claudia randomly tossed out into the air. Louis hummed, kissing the top of her head.
"I love you more."
"I know.." She whispered, melting into him further.
Wanting to be nowhere else but right here. Sitting with him in his embrace. She mourned when their coffee emptied and it ran its course through their bodies. Leaving the bubble of just them they had created. She'd make sure they got more of that in before they parted. Even if she had to beat both Lestat and Armand back with a stick.
The day progressed with a calm ease that embodied Christmas eve. Louis traversed the roads of his mind as he worked on a puzzle with Armand in the game room. Something Armand had curiously stumbled across and dragged Louis from his conversation with Daniel to play. Present but thinking of other things, but tethered to earth but the ease and activity. Louis chewed his lip as he looked at Armand seated beside him on the floor.
"I want to ask you something, sweetheart. Run something by you." Louis muttered, the break in the comfortable silence startled Armand. His owlish peepers regarding Louis with all attention. Movement ceasing as he waited for Louis to continue. Armand could see a flicker of nervous energy cross Louis' eyes. Energy easily passed into Armand who grew fidgety.
"Just a thought.....I think that maybe you, Lestat, and Claudia might get along better if I told them a little bit about you. They could understand." Louis spoke, Armand made a face of pure horror.
The anxiety that shot through him made his chest seize. Louis watched him with worry as Armand forced what was supposed to be a look of ease on himself. Like Louis hadn't just seen all that. It would have been convincing had Armand's nails not been digging into his leg.
"Hey...easy, safe hands." Louis voiced, his voice soft as he reached out. Rubbing Armand's shoulder to soothe.
".....do I...do I have to?" Armand whispered, eyes cast down with the weight of his question. He would...if Louis said so he would do it. He would allow it just for that reason. Louis frowned, rubbing firmer as he shook his head.
"No! No, of course not. You can say no, sweetheart. That's why I asked." Louis assured. Armand swallowed hard at his words.
What would Lestat say if he knew the extent of his life? What clever insult would he say? What way would Claudia's sharp eyes look at him if she knew he was so damage? So broken and so dirty. That a million hands had touched his skin. He couldn't bear to think of the humiliation he would face. Armand rolled his answer in his mind. Working up the courage to say something. Louis' frown grew more concerning as Armand shuddered.
".....no." Armand whispered, physically shaking as he refused to meet Louis' gaze. Testing the word on his tongue. It burned in his mouth....in his mind. He didn't want to see the disappointment. Louis had sounded hopeful. He had just crushed that hope. He had just made Louis upset. He didn't want to look at him.
"Okay.... hey, okay, that's fine." Louis spoke softly, Armand bit his lip harshly. No, it wasn't okay. When Louis asked him to do things. He should just do it. He shouldn't even question it.
"Hey, Armand. Look at me. Deep breaths sweetheart . If I had known I'd send you into panic I wouldn't have asked. I'm sorry." Louis spoke, Armand wanted to cry then. Now Louis was sad. He was making Louis sad. Fingers touched his face, lifting his chin gently. Eyes of emerald full of calm. Louis lightly blew on Armand's face. The action causing brows to furrow until Armand was forced to recognize his own pain. He quickly took a breath.
"Slow down. Deep breath in then let it out." Louis coached, feeling bad for springing that on Armand. He could see the panic attack trying to take root. Taking Armand's hand Louis traced a slow rectangle. Armand focused on the repetitive movement. Inhale on the long sides, exhale on the short sides. When Armand calmed Louis squeezed his hands. Looking at him seriously.
"It's okay to say no, Armand. Even to me. Don't think you can't because you can. You have every right to say no. Don't ever feel bad about not wanting something. You rule Armand, and if Armand says no you don't want to share. Then no you don't want to share. Simple as that, easy as that." Louis spoke.
"You're not...mad?" Armand asked, the anxiety still present.
"No, I'm not mad. I'm not upset in any way. This changes nothing going on. It's okay to say no. What do I keep telling you? You owe nobody nothing." Louis voiced, Armand wanted to say that wasn't true. He owed Louis a hell of a lot, but he didn't think the man would appreciate hearing that right now.
"Say it." Louis pressed, Armand frowned at him.
"Say it, Armand. Say I am in control." Louis pushed.
"....I am in control."
"I can say no." Louis continued.
"....I can say....no."
"And that's okay."
"And that's okay." Armand repeated.
"Good, again. All together, let me hear it." Louis spoke.
"I am in control, I can say...no, and that's okay."
"Again. Until that hesitation is gone. Say it like you mean it and believe you mean it."
"I am in control, I can say no, and that's okay." Armand recited, Louis flashed him the closed mouth smile that made his eyes crinkle just slightly.
"Think we can finish this in an hour?" Louis asked, shifting the topic back to the activity.
Armand looked down at the 500 piece puzzle and made a thoughtful expression. He nodded after a while getting back to work. Louis' shoulders relaxed at the sight. Crisis averted for the time being. He wasn't disappointed in the slightest. This just meant he needed to find a different way to bridge the gap. He was going to go out on a limb and say one vacation together wouldn't make the pieces magically snap together. He just needed to be okay with that. Armand was gonna be around for a while. Louis would have other opportunities to file down those spikes of his little family.