Chapter Text
Liv’s been edgy since warrants were served for Willard. She knows the squad has noticed it too, but discussing the case, only Fin brings it up. She puts on her best poker face when she hears Willard’s phrase ‘your friend Barba’. She had already leaped to the conclusion that Willard most likely went through their emails, phone records, and text messages. Her stomach churned over him possibly seeing photos that Rafael had sent of his ‘boys day’ with Noah.
She purposely hadn’t used her phone to contact Barba since their afternoon outside the courthouse after he’d recused himself from the case. What hurt worse, was that he didn’t reach out to her either. Her only hope was that Barba had made the same connections, wanting to spare Willard from learning any more information about the two of them.
Investigating and debriefing with her detectives, she couldn’t believe that Rafael Barba was any less than the man she’d come lo-anything less than what she’d come to know him as. He was kind, generous, a little prickly, but a good man. The best kind of man. The theories swirling around the station, the ADA’s office, she didn’t want any part nor did she want to hear them.
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When she and Carisi got to the apartment Ashtonja Abreu was residing in, a tiny part of Liv’s brain knew that Carisi was following procedure, a larger part of her brain knew that she wasn’t. They weren’t invited in the apartment, but when Ashtonja started spouting about being adamant the money she got ‘from that DA was not for sex’, Liv held the door, opened it wider, and walked into the apartment, unable to wait for an invitation in.
In any other case, she would have plead for understanding, patience, tried to get the witness to realize how she was helping the greater good…but in this case, Liv couldn’t help but get…territorial…over the family she was building. She wasn’t overly harsh, but she’d been fed up with Barba not speaking to her and Ashtonja’s eye rolls, so she was firmer off the bat than possibly needed. After getting the full story, or at least the teenager’s recount of events, she knew there was one person left to find.
[Forlini’s 2 hours. You need to be there.] Was all she could send. She was too afraid of arguing over the phone and she knew if she sent a text he couldn’t ignore it the same way he’d ignore a call.
[Alright.]
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Rafa prepared for his meeting with Liv by showing up 30 minutes early and having a few drinks to calm his nerves. He was working on some cases that were coming up, trying to make good use of his time if he was ever in a courtroom any time soon.
His defenses went up when he saw Liv enter Forlini’s, angry. Almost as much anger as when she’d been removed from SVU’s command during the St. Fabiola’s case. He played dumb, he figured she wouldn’t bring it up in public. Of course he was wrong. Of course she’d not so quietly say in a not so crowded bar he frequented, that “he seems to think you’re paying her for sex”.
He was already packing up his things, refused to have this conversation on a bar stool. He’d had awful days and nights as a prosecutor. There were cases he lost that ate away at him, cases that haunted him from their content alone, and victims he’ll never shake. But this one was different. It was the first time the blame for a case’s affect sat squarely on his shoulders. Five people knew about this. He’d hired Rita Calhoun and discussed options under attorney-client privilege. Ashtonja and her grandmother knew he felt some responsibility clearly as he was still financially contributing to their home monthly, a priest who’d heard his confession, and most recently the DA himself.
Not talking to Liv tore him up. He was irritable, angry, dismissive. Worse, he had no idea he’d miss Noah as much as he did. Rather than look inwardly at that, he settled on sitting in anger, he was comfortable there. As much as he wanted to go toe-to-toe with her, his resolve broke. He could see the frustration in her eyes, the anger, but also the fear. That someone she trusted, let around her child, had someone deceived her.
Throughout his explanation, his heart was beating nearly out of his chest-panic rising, he tried to steady himself, but it only worked to a point. He could see…relief in her eyes. Relief that she didn’t miss warning signs. Relief that he wasn’t a complete monster, even though he still felt that way.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, exasperated.
“I was afraid. Maybe I am afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Doesn’t matter.” He said, taking a sip of his drink.
“Don’t shut me out.”
“I’m protecting you.”
“I didn’t ask you to. I asked you to trust me. Talk to me.”
“We could have seen our last case together.” He said, sadness pooling around his green eyes.
“You’re worried about your job?” She was slightly thrown off. In all the ways she’d lost compentent ADAs, this was not one of them. “How bad is this really going to be?” She questioned.
“I’m worried about…it’s a moot point.”
“Barba! What?”
“I’m feeling sorry for myself.”
“Tell me.”
“You should get home to Noah.” He said, voice cracking.
She paused to examine her friend, her concern only increasing. “Rafa, come home with me. Let’s go have dinner with Noah.”
“Why would you want me around him?” He asked, eyes fixed to the table.
“Because he loves you…being there. He loves spending time with you.” She tried to save her original statement, knowing he couldn’t handle any more truth tonight.
Shutting his eyes tightly, “I can’t disappoint another kid. Now that you know, you’ll be waiting for me to screw up. I’m just like my fath-”
“Shut up.” She said immediately, cutting off his words.
Standing, he took some money out to cover his drinks as he stood, placing it on the bar. Liv was only slightly concern by the amount he took out, assuming he must have been here much earlier than she assumed.
“Let me walk you home.” She said, moving to walk with him.
“Good bye Lieutenant. It-I wish-I’m sorry.”
“Rafa, what can I do?” She asked, voice cracking.
“What you always do, go after the son of a bitch.” And with that, he turned his head and walked out of the bar.
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Watching Willard’s bail get set for one million dollars felt justifiable for the crimes against Jennifer, not to mention the squad felt a specific way since one of their own was targeted.
Olivia hadn’t spoken much to Rafael since Forlini’s trying to be careful until Willard was behind bars (at least until bail was set) to make much conversation via telephones. She turned to see him sitting next to Rollins during the arraignment hearing, proud he never backed down to any bully.
Once court got let out, Rollins asked Liv if she was ready to head back to the precinct. “Oh, I have a few loose ends to tie up with Barba about another case, you go ahead.”
Amanda hid her smirk. A certain ADA’s physical absence on this case but looming involvement had a clear affect on her usually level headed and open to new ideas Lieutenant. To her credit, Amanda only nodded, rather than offering to help the ADA “tie up” loose ends or questions he may have (or not) had.
“Coffee?” She asked with the tilt of her head.
“Unprofessional to be carrying around scotch this young, so sure.”
The two friends discussed cases coming up for trial, witnesses that should be prepped shortly, and where SVU’s assistance would be needed. As they ended up at One Hogan Place, Rafael told the Lieutenant his fate would be determined within the next five minutes during his meeting with the DA.
“I can come?” She offered. “Or wait for you?”
“This will either be quick or drawn out. You wrap up at the 1-6, then head home to Noah.”
She wanted to ask if he’d stop by, it sounded like he might. She was so uncomfortable from their recent cold war, she couldn’t handle being frozen out again.
“You could come over after.”
“Uh, I’ll probably be in a bad mood. I’ll be getting reviled-rightfully so-but after I face the music I feel like I’ll be leaning towards scotch and...I don’t want Noah around that.”
She bit her lip, holding it until her brain reasoned with her from blurting out ‘you can’t decide not to parent when you’re in a bad mood, Rafa’, but then again, he was not a parent. He had every right to decide to not be near her child when he was in a bad mood. It was probably the best thing for them all.
With a hand over her heart, he bid her one last glance before finding out his future.
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“You’re not being fairrrrrrr.” Whined an overly tired Noah that same Thursday night. There was no school the following day, he wanted to stay up later, and he knew that Liv had already requested a personal day to spend with him tomorrow.
“Noah, sweet boy, you have to go to bed.”
“But I want a stor-eeeeeeeeeee.”
“Fine, we can read one more, but this time you really have to go to sleep.”
“Not from you! I want Uncle Rafa to read to me, when’s he getting here’d?”
“He’s not coming tonight.”
“Why? Did Abuelita say he can’t come? I want to have a Boys night sleepover!” Noah crossed his arms, yelled his last line, and left his face in a scrunched brow/pout that really mirrored someone very well…maybe they spent too much time together after all. “I don’t have school and I wanna have a sleep over with only boys, no girls is allowed!”
“Uncle Rafa isn’t coming. I’m going to go get a drink of water. I think both of us needs to calm down before we say something hurtful.” With that, Liv stepped outside. She was frustrated with Rafa for not just coming over to avoid this kind of meltdown. Noah had been asking when he’d see him for about ten days and her patience was wearing thin. She knew Rafael had no idea how much Noah missed it. It was ‘unfair’ of her to expect him to help her with Noah when he got overly tired, but she needed a goddamn break.
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He let the first call ring. And the second. He was wallowing in self-pity, frustration, and irritation. His suspension was set to be a full month, no pay. He had handed his cases off, and lucky prepared to do just that, so those shouldn’t have suffered due to his prep work. But now, a third of his way through a new bottle of scotch, he was wallowing. He missed his routine, wearing his fancy suits, the confidence he felt in front of a jury, but most of all it was working with Liv. Dios, he missed her and he left her a few hours ago.
And now she was calling a third time in a row, one after another after another. His brain immediately returned to when she was abducted in her home by a mastermind like William Lewis. Sure, Willard was awful, but he was no Lewis, right? Willard was more of a tech evil genius. And Willard had Barba’s number too. So, he could call him to taunt any crazy actions too. He fell over himself getting to the phone, breathless, he picked it up.
“Liv? Liv, you okay?”
“Uncle Rafa, I want you to read me a story.” Cried a little, whiny voice through the phone.
“Noah, are you safe? Are you hurt?”
“Yes! My mom hurt me.”
“What?” He questioned, trying to make sense of the young boy’s response.
“SHE HURT MY FEELINGS AND SAID YOU WON’T COME OVER. Please come over Uncle Rafa! You can share my bed since she’s a meanie-poopie-head and then we don’t have to go to bed ever!” Noah proudly declared.
“Noah, who are you talking to?” In the distance, he heard an exasperated Liv.
“I’m talking to MY friend because YOU are mean and won’t let him play here.” Noah taunted.
“Eddie is paroled to play in the morning, but it’s bed time.” She replied.
“Uncle Rafa, tell her I don’t have to! You’re a grow’ed up!”
“Noah Porter Benson. Give me my phone. Right now.” Her tone leaving no room for arguing.
“No!”
“Noah, mijo, you need to listen to your mami.” Rafa said, now slowly sipping on the scotch straight from the bottle.
“Barba, hang up and do not answer any more call-backs. This one is grounded and there is no more story tonight.”
“See! She’s a meanie-poopie-person that no one likes.” The overly tired five-year-old struggling more and more to self-monitor with each passing moment.
“I had a bad day Noah, but don’t make your mom have a bad day too. I hope you have good dreams.” Rafael says, lingering over the ‘end’ button.
Sobbing broke through the phone. “Can you-please-come-here?” Asked Noah, breaking his mother’s heart.
“Baby, come here,” cooed Liv. “I don’t see the phone, but we’ll talk later Barba. Good night.”