Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Levi pov

 Another day another problem for me I mean you think being Ceo of your own company you have a lot more freedom. I don't and to be honest I'm sick of it coming in early leaving late dealing with all these mated couples it hurts. I'm 28 and I still don't have a mate. I want someone to love me. An alpha to meet at home after work to rub my back to sit and drink tea or if he prefers that disgusting coffee shit. Just I want a home and most of all I want pups. I hate going back to my apartment because it's cold and I'm alone. 

  “LEVI guess what I just did!”

“I really don't care Hange, I got shit to do and so do you”. Not really wanting to listen to what crazy dumbass experiment she did in the lab.   “Are you okay Levi you seem a little down you usually yell at me more to leave you alone or at least curse more don't think I haven't noticed your mode for the past few weeks what's going on you know you can tell me anything you also just used my real name and not shitty glasses so what's going on”. 

“ Nothing, leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to play your mind games right now and since you want to be shitty glasses you can now get the hell out of my office”. I finally said I'm sick of her always butting in to my business I know she means well but I'm to ashamed to admit I'm lonely afraid to die alone who would want me I'm rude I curse like a fucking sailor half (ok most of the time) and I'm not the smallest omega out there especially for a male one I have the curves of a women hips ass thighs and I hate to say like I really hate it but I have slight love handles what alpha would want that want me. I can't just tell her I don't want to. 

 “ Fine you want to play hard ass I'll play but you will tell me or I will call your mother”. This bitch plopped her ass in my chair in my office and threatened me hell no.  “ bitch who do you think you are to demand things from me threatened me. I may be your friend but right now I'm your boss and you will listen to me and get out of my office now  Hangi  ”. Huh and to think I was doing so well with being calm. Another thing I hate is that my voice it's not deep enough for a man. I don't sound like a woman but more like a soft spoken man unless I'm yelling at people. Now I always have to yell for people to hear my voice. 

 “ Levi I'm just trying to help stop pushing everyone away or you will be alone now I'm sick of your attitude you me Erwin are going out tonight oh also I came in here to let you know Eren is home from college and he will be there tonight so dress nice okay”.

 “WHAT! No nope I will not go I will not make a fool of myself in front of him I can't Hangi” 

 “ oh yeah some one is in love with my baby brother if you thought he was cute or hot before college when he was 18 welllll you should see him now so you will come see my brother he'll take you home fuck ya pup ya and put a ring on it and yes I mean in that order”. 

She's bat shit crazy. “ your bat shit crazy look at me Hangi I'm not some small omega he wouldn't even look at me other than to say hi Levi” 

 “ I am looking at you and I say you look good enough to eat throughout the night so put on your sexy clothes and I will be by your place at 8 see yahhh”. God I hate her sometimes but maybe she's right and how did she guess that was what was wrong and why does Erwin have to come he's been acting weird around me and I really don't feel comfortable being near him plus he is a strong alpha one of the strongest in the city I have a bad feeling about this. My head falls into my hands as I sigh. “ fuck my life”.

Chapter Text

Levi pov

I sit in my office watching the clock for the first time hoping I don't have to go home. If I go home knowing Hanji she'll actually expect me to go to the bar with them.  Sighing heavily I realized it was time to clock out and go home to get ready to go out. To be honest I'd be fucking fine if Erwin and Eren wouldn't be there. Erwin because I honestly don't like the fucker and Eren because I still like the fucker too much. I walk out of my office at exactly 5:30 pm and walk down the dark hallways of the building to the elevator so I can head to the underground parking garage where my car is. 

As I ride the elevator down I try to think of what to wear. I may be an asshole but I'm not confident in my body. My working ethic fuck yeah my body hell no and know fucking four eyes wants me to dress ‘ sexy ’ for Eren when she knows I don’t even think he would give me a chance.  Eren fucking Yeager was the new kid at our highshool and so was Hanji. It was kind of weird how they showed up in the middle of the school year.  Hanji was my age at 16 and Eren was 12 at the time and of course I was the short rude big ass omega that cursed too much and had kind of a pretty face if I wasn't so mean.  For some reason they latched on to me I didn't even mean to speak to them and funny enough I started talking to Eren first. He'll probably still think it's fucking funny but because of how short I am and how tall he is we both thought we were in each other's grade. He thought I was taking him to the middle school part of the building and I thought he was the Yeager I was taking to my class we both shared.  So when I start taking him to the high school he quote on quote asked me ‘why my short ass was heading to the high school part of the building’  so I blew up saying I'm not fucking short your just fucking stupid tall and then proceeded to say is your brain so high in the clouds you don't know your in fucking high school you dumb fuck head.  We both paused and for some reason just burst out laughing like no tomorrow. It was the first time I felt so happy and finally introduced myself as Levi Ackerman and he as Eren Yeager and that I was probably looking for his big sister because he was in his last year of middle school. It was then I finally looked at him and he really was tall, almost 5 inches taller than me with brown short hair, tan skin, slight muscles and the brightest eyes I had ever seen. I couldn't even tell what fucking color they were one second they could be blue the next green some times if the light hit just right you would see mother fucking gold amd I was god damn mesmerized.  All in all I came to the conclusion Eren was 4 years younger than me he was too fucking tall he was fucking hot I was a goddamn pervert for thinking that insecure because I'm not attractive and as I took a deep breath to calm down I regretted it when his soothing musky scent of cider wood and ocean breeze came to me. When I breathed in Alpha. It wasn't even coming off his body in waves and it still caused me to stumble and like a dumb ass I almost fell and he caught me and pulled me to his chest. I really don't know what came over me but I let a little of my scent leak out which my mom said smelled like sweet cherries and tea and he growled at me fucking growled and I thought he was mad but he wouldn't let me go nor back away from him. 

So we kind of stood in the middle of the hallway with his arms around my waist which was starting to make me feel self conscious and the fact that oh yeah he's fucking 12 came to mind the same could be said when thundering footsteps came towards us and that's how I met Hanji who by the way tackled us to the ground.  We'll to this day she said she only meant to tackle Eren but couldn't see me because of how short I was and still am. I call bullshit and say it was because her little brother was holding some random omega he just met a little too close to have just met. I wasn't even mad. I'm still not. I would have done the same thing if it was my sister. Who is Eren's age now that I had thought about it and was an alpha too but she was beautiful. 

From that day on they wouldn't leave me alone and I didn't want them to especially Eren. It took me graduating and going to college to realize what I felt for him and for some crazy ass reason I couldn't let go of my feelings and I fully blame my omega mind for it.  It was dumb and irrational the kid could be mated for all I know or at least in a relationship and here I am pinning for him. I can't help but let out a laugh at how fucking pathetic I was being. I mean I'm 28. I'm still a virgin and people seem to forget no matter how rude or how much of an ass I am I still have feelings and hearing the things some people coworker's and people on the street say about my personality and my body kind of makes me cave in on myself. 

Another thing in the whole 2 years I knew Eren he never made me feel bad about myself or my body he would hold me and hug me he'd kiss my forehead and hold my hand if me and him and Hanji went to the mall and it was crowded because he didn't want me to get lost and I would ask why he didn't hold his sister's hand and he would say for one my sister is taller than you and two Hanji was her own warning even if she was an omega too. I hated to agree he was right and I never knew I was falling so hard for him until I moved into my dorm and his scent had faded from our last hug goodbye and I almost went into an omega drop. I freaked out and called Hanji and my mom because why was this happening to me.  Hanji the bitch laughed but rushed to my room with a shirt that was Eren's and shoved it over my head on my body and it was like I came alive again and my mom said that honey is a drop and we get them when we lose our mates. 

I freaked the fuck out he couldn't be my mate he was fucking 14 and my best friend he would never even like me like that. I denied it for so long but I still wore the shirt and then that scent faded too and it happened again when I tried to go to sleep after a long day of class and it was just gone I don't even remember blacking out but when I came too I was in the hospital and another shirt was on me that smelled just like him. Hanji never told me how she supplied me with the shirts or if Eren knew the reasons why she needed them. All I know is she rushed to my room as we were neighbors when she heard my distress call and kicked the door in to find me panicking. She said I almost attacked her when she tried to take the shirt to give me the new one. I was too far gone and I guess I passed out. I was breathing too hard too fast and I wasn't getting enough air so she had to call the ambulance for me. 

We never talked about it and by the time I got home to tell him how I felt Eren was gone for college himself. All the way back home in Germany to do a program he got into at his dad's hospital. I was so proud but I was hurt I would never be able to tell him. To this day I still smell him. I don't know how she does it and I don't care but she keeps his scent for me so I don't drop it's kind of our secret. Hanji really is my best friend and as I think about the past weeks I've been horrible to her so I decided as I walk in my front door that I'm going not for fucked up Erwin an even though I want and don't want to see him Eren I'm going for my best friend who has stuck by me for 12 years and kept me safe.

With that in mind I go to my closet looking for that  outfit I bought on a whim when I was bored and drunk one night to see if it fit. I go deep in my closet to find the box. Pulling it out I opened it to see stretched high waisted black leather pants, a deep blue corset that matched my eyes with a matching leather vest to go on top and knee high heeled boots to wear with the toes out.  “Am I really going to do this” I look at the time to see it's fucking seven and I need to shower so I took a deep breath amd headed to my shower to shave and get dress for the bar. 30 minutes later I step out of the shower and look at myself for once. I saw deep blue cat eyes, thin black brows, a pointed nose and lips that are plump on the bottom and thinner at top. I looked down at my body and saw my slight chest, my stomach with a slight pudge and small love handles. I see flared hips and I turn to see a big ass in between my big thighs is my freshly shaved cunt. Sighing I look back up to see my hair all over the place I had no idea why I grew it out maybe to look like my mom maybe to feel pretty but it was down to my waist now and I had no fucking clue what to do with it I usually have it in a tight bun for work amd out when at home but to go to the bar I was shit out of luck of what I wanted to do with it. 

I decided to be simple and comb it into a high ponytail I'd see on my sister before she cut her hair and left my bangs out to frame my face. With my hair done I look back. I've never worn makeup so that wasn't even an option so instead I took out some lipstick my mom bought me for my birthday last year. It was a wild burgundy color that made my lips look fuller. 

Walking out the bathroom I go to my dresser for the forbidden lingerie draw I have and pull out a black lace set. Putting it on the bed I looked at the time seeing I only had about 15 mins to get ready. I hurry and put on lotion and deodorant before quickly putting my underwear and bra on. Rushing I jumped into my pants pulling the band high over my stomach then putting on the corset. I'm so glad I had a front zipper and then the vest leaving it open so you could see the design of the top. Lastly, I plop down on my bed to put on my shoes. Glad I went with my sister last week to get our nails done and that I always go with blue to match my eyes so now I don't have to worry. Standing, I slowly walked to my dresser again to open the jewelry box my uncle gave me and pulled out a simple pair of dangling silver earrings and rings. 

Walking over to my floor length mirror I don't know why I have I look at myself and can't help but raise my eyebrow at what I see. I won't say I look beautiful but I don't look like myself either which is good enough for me. Just as I grab my purse I hear my doorbell ring telling me Hanji is here. As I walk down I'm a little confused why she didn't just barge in to make sure I was even coming seeing as she has a key for emergencies. I got my answer when I opened the door only to stop as cider wood and ocean breeze smack me in the face and I jerk back to see Eren’s face that also looks surprised and I kid you not I screamed like a little girl and slammed my door in his face catching a glimpse at his shook before it closed. 

Chapter Text

Levi pov

What is he doing here! Hell fucking no! Hanji did not do this to me! So much for my best friend, why would she send him here to come get me if she couldn't pick me up? I could have driven. I don't drink in public anyway so fucking why! I take deep breaths as my heart races because Eren's outside my door that I just slammed in his face. It seems he's collecting himself too because he either left or he's shocked as fuck that his former best friend just screamed in his face and slammed the door in it. 

I hear banging on the door and the deepest fucking voice that’s making me squirm. “ Levi fucking Ackerman if you don't open this goddamn door I'll kick it the fuck in!”  Wow I didn't think his voice could get that deep and why does he sound so mad. Oh yeah I did just do that but he shouldn't even be here .  “No!” Look at me being mature he just brings this out in me but I know he will kick my fucking door in if I don't open it he's done it before the little shit. 

“ Open the fucking door!”  And I know I will have to pay for a new one now. If you think Erwin was a strong alpha, he has nothing on Eren and maybe that's why they never got along even though Eren is 5 years younger than Erwin,  Eren did beat his ass once. I don't even know what happened Eren wouldn't tell me and I don't like Erwin enough to ask but in the end the blonde had to go to the hospital after a 14 year old kicked his ass when he was 19 I still laugh to this day. It is kind of scary and hot as hell with how strong Eren is and I must have zoned out too long because I hear my front door crash to the floor. I looked up from behind my couch where I was hiding from him to see Eren standing on top of my door heaving even though I knew it didn't take much out of him and he was just pissed. I could tell by the look on his face his thick brows were furrowed and his plush lips were in a mean scowl and the fact that his eyes were almost dark green with how mad he was at me. I squeaked when he looked right at me and decided to book it and try to run in heels to my room to close another door in his face. You know the fucker chased me right.  I didn't even make it to the doorway before he lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder and wow from up here I was really fucking far from the ground. I was in shock and then began the screaming because he was heading for the front fucking door fuck no! 

“Eren! Put me the fuck down you dumbass alpha I'll kick your ass… Eren seriously put me down I'm to big for you to hold me up and I'm going to hurt you and I don't want to go anymore and you broke my fucking door again!”  screaming at him is not working but it does irritate him more if the growl and the slap to my ass is anything to go by and the fact that it shuts me the hell up. 

“I wouldn't have broke your fucking door if you hadn't slammed it in my fucking face maus you'd think you would have learned from the last time you tried to keep me away from you what happens to your shit stop talking bad about yourself and also where the fuck are you going in these tight ass pants and your top is low as hell, hell fucking no”  he hissed st me his voice boarding an command oh shit I really made him mad. What the fuck is he talking about my outfit the fuck is wrong with it so I yelled that at him to not listening to the warning bells going off in my head. 

“The fuck is wrong with my outfit and I told you to stop calling me maus you stupid shit head your not the fucking boss of me and how fucking dare you slap my ass Eren fucking Yeager you don't get to just come to my front door and think everything is going to be like in highschool!” I would deny this but I might have started to tear up because he still hasn't put me down and I'm so heavy.  

“You want me to put you down fine but you'll always be maus to me and I've never been the boss of you but I protect what's mine and this ass this body is fucking mine so I'll touch what the fuck I want when I fucking want to and this” he puts me down in front of I guess is his car and gesture to my body before continuing “ is showing way to fucking much do you know how many fucking alphas are going to look at you do you know how fucking Erwin is going to look at you god fucking dammit Levi why do you think so bad about yourself when your body is fucking beautiful and of course this isn't highschool we're both older and I don't want it to be like highschool I want it to be new and mature and I want you to stop fucking talking shit about yourself for once!”  He screamed in my face and I looked up at him because even in heels he had a good 4 inches on me and really looked at him and he's right it wasn't the same. For one his hair was long and in a messy bun that looked hot and he definitely muscled up his white button up clung to his hard chest and abs that were an 8 pack which I didn't know was fucking possibly to have and his jeans where tight and fit nicely on his thighs his waist was trim and I chose not to look at his dick because we were arguing after seeing each other for the first time in 10 years and I suddenly feel horrible because he was probably really looking forward to seeing me and I screamed at him slammed my door in his face and ran from him just to yell again when he caught me. 

Really though it was his eyes that were fading back to those always changing three colors that I saw how much older my best friend was and I saw how much what I did hurt him. So I reached up and he didn't even need to be told to pull me into his arms as I cried like a baby because I was so scared to see him again because I knew I had changed that he would have changed that we weren't the same as back then and I think that scared me the most that he might not like the new me. I should have known we're always just Eren and Levi with each other and he pulled me closer to his chest and leaned against his car as his big hands ran up and down my back letting out a calming scent as he tried to get me to stop crying.

“I'm sorry I'm so fucking sorry for how I reacted it.. you just shocked me because Hanji was supposed to come get me and I would have had more time to prepare to see you again and see how you changed and you just showed up at my door and I fucking panicked because I'm never ready when it comes to you and how you make me feel”  I shuddered out as I rub my face in his chest and curled my hands in his shirt staining it with my tears. I hear him take a deep breath and I automatically let my sweet scent out and let him pull me as close as he could before I felt one of his hand leave my waist and hold my chin gently as he lifted my head. 

“ Levi you don't have to be sorry I overreacted but I haven't seen you in years muas and I was so fucking happy when I got off that plane because I knew I could see you again. Then Hanji told me we be meeting at a bar and I freaked the fuck out because the first time I would see you would be in front of alphas and it wouldn't be private like I wanted like you deserved then for you to slam the door in my face to me and my alpha it was like a rejection and I fucking snapped. Than you ran from me and berated yourself I should be sorry for breaking another door and putting my hands on you like that but Levi I fucking missed you ” he gulped “ you don't think I was scared to see you again and how much you changed do you know how fucking happy I was when you opened that door Levi you will always be the most important person to me” and he looked away from me at the confession I opened my mouth to speak “ why loup I know we were best friends but I can't mean that much to you Eren I don't even mean that much to my fucking self so why to you?”  

His head snapped back so fast I heard his neck crack as he glared at me. His eyes changed to dark blue this time and this meant he was frustrated. He dropped his head to my shoulder having to lean down a little and I felt goosebumps at the hot air he released onto my neck when he breathed out. “ You really don't fucking get it do you muas I don't know if I want to cry or fucking laugh at how dense you are ”  now I'm confused.

“What are you talking about dense I'm not dense just give me a straight answer for once about this we've had this fight in highschool Eren remember it was Mikasa 13th birthday party and you stayed in my room the whole fucking time instead of with the birthday girl and when I asked why all you said was because I meant more to you than her or her birthday and than made me help you with your homework do you know how mad at me she was and you still never told me what you meant so I want you to tell me right fucking now ”  hissing the words in his ear that was by my mouth. 

His head shot up and his eyes burned gold and I've never seen them like this before so I had no idea what it meant. I'm so enchanted by his eyes I don't even see Eren lean towards me. I do however feel his soft lips connecting with mine in a hesitant kiss before he pulled away to look me in the eye. I'm sure mine are open wide at what he just did but it's his words that had me yanking him down to my mouth again. “ I love you muas ” 

Chapter Text

Levi pov

I'm kissing him. Eren is kissing me. It feels amazing and I moan when I feel his hot tongue trace my bottom lip so I'll open my mouth for him. I've wanted this so long I don't even think when I open it and let his tongue slide into my mouth or when I feel his hands go under my ass to lift me up. I don't register my legs wrapping around his waist or my hands tangling in his hair to pull him closer to me. All I feel is heat and him and I can feel the huge bulge in his pants against me and I can taste him in my mouth and I breath in the ocean. I have no experience with kissing but I want him so I move my tongue against his and tangle them together. We fight for dominance and Eren wins so I let him explore my mouth how he likes and it's like I'm someone else when my hands slide down to his shoulders and I start to grind on him. I shuddered as alpha groans into my mouth and uses his hands to help me move but my pants weren't made for this and I grow frustrated and force my mouth away from him. As I try to catch my breath Eren's eyes are still gold and I figured out what that color means now lust, love.

“I guess I'm a little dense” I joked and I knew my face was bright red and I knew that if I could feel my underwear getting soaked with slick then Eren could differently smell me slicking. That was confirmed when he growled with lust at me and his hand squeezed my ass and he took deeper intakes of air.  “More than a little muas how about we go back inside” 

“Duh and you're fixing my door if you want to do anything tonight”  it was like I was someone else with how I purred anything in his ear and his gaze burned my insides at the heat of it. Before I knew it he was walking back towards my broken front door wondering how the hell he's going to fix it tonight. Eren walks over the door into my living room and promptly drops me on the couch and I gasp. I look at him as he lifts the door off the ground and literally forces it into the molding and shoves his shoulder into it to get it to stay. What the fuck well actually that's not bad for improvising I mean he took it off the fucking hinges. I gape as Eren turns towards me, his eyes are no longer gold but again ever changing but he looks serious and I know we still need to talk and we shouldn't just jump into bed and then my insecurities act up. I start to think maybe I'm not pretty. He won't like my stomach. Does he even know male omega's have the same parts as women? I mean I know I have breasts but I could play that off as being overweight and oh god I'm overweight and I spiral. I don't even notice how I curl in on myself but I notice when Eren sits next to me and silently pulls me into his arms and he sighs like he hears my every thought he's always heard me aloud or in my head.

“ Muas why do you do this to yourself Levi I love you , you Levi your personality your body your fucking mouth that's says the filthiest things yet you can't even believe how undeniably sexy you are how beautiful you are and I could tell you these things tell you everyday about what drives me fucking crazy about you and you still would deny it and you've never told me why do you know what it does to me from the moment I met you until you left for college to now how it feels to see the man who started off as my best friend than the most important person  to me the Levi I Love  destroy hisself hate hisself the way you do berate the way you do it hurts so fucking bad muas because you never see what I see in you, you see what everyone has told you because for some reason strangers and people who don't know a damn about you are more truthful about what kind of person you are than you listening to me or Hanji your sister your mother hell even your uncle tells you your beautiful and you never believe us never believe me and I want to know why ”  and I hear his voice tremble and it's wrong loup’s not supposed to sound like this. I knew he would ask one day I knew and I'd hope it never came because then I'd have to relive the past and I was scared of the nightmares coming back. I was ashamed of it and I was scared he would see me differently if he knew what that man did to me. No one knows, not even my mother, why would I tell who would have believed me but maybe it's time to get it off my chest. No one in my family ever did know how I went from happy little Levi to the reclusive asshole I'd become over the course of a year. 

My breath hitches as I think I lick my lips feeling his eyes on me and I know he's going to go ballistic. When they all find out they'll go crazy…no I can't tell them he can't tell them... .I sigh and open my mouth and look him in the eyes to convey how serious I am, how this is and he tensed at the look in my eyes. I can only hope he's bracing himself. 

“Eren I'm going to tell you something and your going to be very angry but I need you to listen to the end do not interrupt me and when I'm done I need you to hold me and don't let go can you do that for me loup ”  I can already see the questions in his head and I can see and feel his confusion but I see his eyes and make sure they stay changing. No matter how hard it's going to be for me I know I'm going to have to keep my eyes locked with him so I know how he feels. Because I know as much as Eren wears his heart on his sleeve when he wants to hide his face is as blank as a paint-less canvas. 

“Levi whatever you have to tell me I'm always going to be here and I can promise I'll hold you until you tell me to let you go but I need you to answer this question honestly for me” and I nod to him “ I need to know if I'm going to be so mad I'm going to want to do something illegal” I gulped and nodded watching as he heaved a heavy breath. Eren closed his eyes as if collecting himself and when they opened I saw them bleed a shade of blue I've never seen. It wasn't frustration, almost apprehension for what I would say.  

I breathe and start from the beginning. “ I guess it started the first day of 2nd grade you may not know this but I wasn't always this way so cynical I was actually a pretty happy kid until that day the day we got a new transfer teacher ” I feel myself freeze as the memories flood back like the dame broke and then it's like I'm reading a story how the words flow and even I can feel me detach from myself and the present right now I was 6 and 7 again. “ his name was Mr Cam and he was so nice and I remember how he liked to help me with school work and have me help him set up class because you know I always have to be early to class” and I don't feel the tears run down my face or hear Eren’s sharp breath “ and I was early it was Tuesday and I went to class like always after saying bye to maman and he was there but something was different the way he looked at me was different” and I'm shaking or is it Eren shaking “ he just got so close and he asked me if I wanted to help him with something again and I was a kid I wanted to help and then he led me to the supply closet where we keep papers and markers you know classroom stuff” I feel hysterical now and this time I do feel Eren running his hands through my hair and pulling me close and some sick part of me doesn't want him to touch me “ and he said the classic do you want to see something in my pants and dumb little Levi said sure and he pulled his pants down and told me to take a good look at a grown alpha's cock and told me to touch it” and I can't breathe but I can't stop either “ he told me if I didn't he just wait for my sister to be in his class said he could be patient that he waited for me so long but he liked little boys and I touched it then he told me to lick it and before I knew it he shoved his thing in my mouth and he made me choke and sallow and said what a good boy you are your my favorite but don't tell or I'll tell them you're lying who do you think they'll believe” I don't realized I closed my eyes I can't look I can't look but I'm seeing it “ and it went on for a whole year and I guess the only good thing is he never penetrated because you differently can't hide the smell of blood or a 6 year old limping because he was fucked but he sure loved my mouth and I couldn't cope I…no I coped I ate and I cursed and I fought and I hated myself I hated him I hated every fucking body because how did they not notice and it just became so much easier to push everyone away and at some point I liked being overweight I loved it because people stayed away alpha's stayed away because who would want a foul mouth fat omega and I was so fucking happy” I'm sobbing and I don't know if he can understand me but this feels so good to get this off and my eyes are still closed and I'm still shaking but the weight in my heart feels lighter “ and then I met you before you I was so content being the overweight mean bitchy omega and then you came and you were so nice to me no matter how much I cursed or the shit that came out my mouth and you would hold me and it wasn't perverted and it didn't feel disgusting when you'd touch me and then I didn't even know I was falling in love with you and people's words and whispers became so loud look at him he's so fat why is he so big Levi’s such a bitch who would want him oh and my favorite why is Eren hanging out with that mean fat bitch look how that desperate omega hangs off him like an alpha like Eren would ever want that so you want to know why I feel this way Eren because I was molested from when I was 6 until after I was 7 and I ate to cope and I was a bitch to protect myself and no matter what I do it's to late to lose all the weight or forget the words and no matter what you tell me I'm always going to think back and feel this way feel fat feel mean even when I'm nice feel the need to push people away to keep myself safe I'm always going to feel used and not think I deserve you because Eren you might not what to admit this but no one else has the problem of saying behind my back or to my fucking face that I will never be enough for you” I'm screaming now I'm not mad at him I hate that man I hate I let him do that to me I hate what I did to cope I hate that I hold what everyone says about me close except for the words from people that matter I hate me.  

“Fuck!” and I jumped and my eyes snapped open at the angered shout and I finally saw his eyes and they're black.  I've… they've never been that color, he's never been that mad and I realized he was the one that was shaking so badly. If anything I was trembling but Eren was shaking and his jaw was clenched and he had tears running down his face but his eyes looked like they were ready to kill .  

He's gasped out and held me so tight I couldn't breath but he needed this needed to feel me with him I needed this needed to know this wouldn't make him leave “ Fuck muas I'm so fucking sorry baby I'm… fuck Levi did you ever tell anyone what that fucker did to you why couldn't you tell me what people where saying Levi I would have done anything to make you feel secure with yourself with me” I can feel his tears in my neck and I can feel his heart pound against mine where we're chest to chest and I can smell distress in the air and can't tell where his ends and mine starts. 

“Eren I don't think you realized how fucking ashamed I was I am so no I didn't fucking tell but that doesn't mean he got away with it I heard he got caught with another student and their big brother beat him to death. The brother didn't even get in trouble said he flew in a rage and when I found out he died how he died you couldn't wipe the smile off my face for weeks but it didn't change what he did to me so no, no one knows but you and you can't tell ” I admitted why and some part of me feels ashamed for being happy he was beat to death but the part of me that wished I was the one who did it is so much bigger wished I had told uncle Kenny and watched as he beat that man to death but I was weak and I couldn't handle the pity and careful stares or touches I don't even know if I can handle them from Eren now that he knows.

“ I can't fucking tell Levi you don't think your mother wants to know this!” he yanks me back to look me in the eyes as he says this and his eyes are so dull but there pitch black like he's dying hearing me say this like the anger he feels is killing him. 

“What the fuck for!” I pulled myself away and glare at him “What.the.fuck for Eren It's.To.Late there's nothing to do there's nothing to say I have dealt with it he is dead he can't be beat to death anymore he can't be sent to jail so why the hell would I say something to make her feel bad huh to make her feel like a bad mother or uncle for not fucking noticing to make my little sister feel like it was her fault I went through it why the fuck would I tell you what people would say Eren why would I say any fucking thing it's fucking over with I told you because I'm in love with you and I felt I could tell you and I don't know what I thought your reaction would be but I'm not telling anyone and neither are you because Eren I know your mad and I know your hurt I hid this from them from you but I was so young Eren and it's so much easier to pretend nothing happen if nobody knows it happen so what the fuck for would I tell them so they look at me differently so they feel differently I'm to old for that I'm alot of things Eren but I'm not broken I'm cracked but I'm not pieces yet and if you tell them if you make them go through that pain you'd be the one adding another crack in the shell so please don't tell!”  I'm yelling and I know what I'm saying is hurting him but there's nothing to tell or do. I let out a shuddered breath as I hear someone so strong cry like he's a child because of what I went through. What he can't do that he wasn't there because I know that's what it is that he wasn't there to protect me. I lean my forehead on his and run my fingers through his hair taking the band off so it falls. 

“Eren” and he shakes his head at me with his eyes closed so I cup his face “ Loup look at me”  and he does and his eyes are the saddest shade of blue I've ever seen and he's sobbing and it hurts me so bad “ Eren I didn't tell you this to make you feel bad and I know you don't want to hear this but you were 1 and in Germany Eren there's nothing you could have done even if you were my age do you think I would have let that man anywhere near you and I know it hurts you but it's over Eren and people are always going to talk about how I look or my personality and even though I told you I'm not going to do a 180 flip I've been this way for so long protected myself this way for so long it's just me now so I know your upset and hurt and angry but I need you to be here for me please you promised you hold me and right now it kind of looks like I'm holding you” I let out a watery chuckle with a sad smile and he rushes me and smashes his lips on mine and I can feel his love for me and his lips tremble and his hands shake as he holds my face and his hands like I'm doing for him. 

Then he pulls away and his eyes are shining in his same determination a brilliant emerald “Okay muas okay if that's what you want than okay but if you thought I was overprotective before I'm about annoy the fuck out of you by being by your side but I will never leave you you will always have me even if you feel like you have no one else you always fucking have me do you understand you tell me anything you tell me if someone hurts you or talks shit because I know your strong you have no idea how strong I know you are but Levi if you want me to be there like I know you do protect you like I know you want me too you have to let me in I know I'm the closest person to you closer than Hanji but muas am I close enough for you to let me in everyday because your love and you loving yourself is all I need from you and I can only be that if you let me in to protect you that way I'm not leaving I'm not going anywhere you are stuck with me so let me in Levi you were sad then angry amd desperate and you comforted me and you sobbed but you didn't cry let me in Levi”  he was pleaded with me.

No he was begging me to let him be what I needed and I let go. 

Chapter Text

Eren pov

I lay on my back with Levi in my arms as he sleeps wondering what to do. I'm not going to lie to myself and say I'm not hurt. He never told anyone what happened, never told me what people would say. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not pissed that his mother and uncle didn't notice. Most of all I'm in fucking agony because I know he's right when he says it hurts the most because I wasn't there to protect my muas. Just thinking back to his face when he first started telling me he wasn't even in the room with me. I know he didn't notice but when I went to hold him for a split second it recoiled in disgust at me touching him. I've felt anger before but hearing what that fucker did to my Levi breaks my heart tears into my soul and all I can think is how could they not fucking notice. Then I think about myself and I want to rip my hair out because how did I not fucking notice how did I not notice the stares or the whispers how did I not notice how he would flinch when an alpha other than me was near while at the same time cursing them out. 

I thought I knew Levi. I thought I saw him and I couldn't see the problem right in front of me because he was young but I was younger and I'm also not going to lie to myself and say I wasn't a naive kid that thought good about everyone. But tonight seeing him like that hearing that kind of broke me. I'm not the same kid back then that thought there was good in everybody and I had to grow up. I wish I had done it so much sooner if I could have protected him .  Like I told Levi I've always known he was strong just never like this, not that young. 

I've seen Levi cry but this, this was a cleanse it's like everything came out years of him holding it in. Of only him knowing and I can't imagine what a relief it was for him to tell someone.  But I'm not going to lie and say I don't see him differently, see his mother and uncle differently. How I'm going to see how every fucking body sees him differently even my sister. I know he's scared I'm going to smother him and I probably will for awhile but I don't think he realizes how much he needs to be . 

I remember when we found out we were moving to America. I was pissed I was leaving everything and everyone behind because my dad wanted to open a new hospital. I felt he was being selfish. Hanji was ecstatic as always and I didn't help, I'd just presented as an alpha. I was a raging ball of hormones and anger and the first day of the middle of the fucking school year came way to fucking fast for me.  

I remember being dropped off and being told to behave. I remember waiting in the office and Hanji saying she needed to go to the bathroom and she would catch up. Then I remembered seeing him, Levi, my muas. My first thought was holy shit he's fucking short but then I saw his face and he was the most beautiful boy I had every seen. I didn't want to assume but by his stature I figured he was an omega and then he spoke and his voice was so soft I barely heard it when he told me to follow him. Before I knew it I was walking behind the short beautiful kid who still hadn't told me his name. I thought we were in the same grade with how small he was until I noticed we were heading to the high school section and I opened my big ass mouth and pretty much insulted him. I was mortified. Before I could even think of apologizing he was biting back with more fury than an alpha and I couldn't help but laugh because I thought I would hate it here and I found muas on my first day and when I heard him laugh with me that smile on his face. How it lit up his eyes I kid you not I fell in love right then and when he almost fell when I held him breathed in sweet cherries and tea. I knew I just fucking knew he was mine. His body was so soft and plush and I could feel him get uncomfortable but it just made me want to hold him more because he was beautiful. His body was beautiful.  Levi I couldn't get him out of my head . My sister , being who she was, had some tact and waited until we got home before that tact ran out and she interrogated me in front of mom and dad. 

They were surprised when they heard how I met Levi and even more when I told them I growled when he tried to pull away from me but I think what shocked them all is how Hanji found us. Me just holding him Hanji joked to them that I was holding Levi like I never wanted to let him go. I laugh to this day when I saw their faces when I told them I was. They were generally worried about my reaction to him and told me to stay away from him. 

My father says he's never seen someone so young release their inner alpha the way I had how fast my eyes turned black how my claws came out or my teeth. That the growl I let out rattled their bones and I'd never commanded before but I do remember telling them to let me fucking see him or else I don't even think I knew what or else was but it spooked them enough to not force me away from him. 

Hanji had to be with us to supervise which pissed me off but I could understand that he was 4 years older than me. To be honest I'd probably be the one making all the moves to get him to be with me . A few weeks later he was me and Hanji's best friend. A year of knowing him and he became the most important person to me and my mom cried when I told her and finally demanded to meet him. I don't know what they expected but I knew they would love him like me and Hangi did and I was right. Levi wormed his way in he brought a desert he heard me say my mother like home baked and he actually knew a lot about the old music my dad enjoyed and when he helped make dinner I swear they were in love with him. After I'd walked him home I hugged him and told him thank you and he gave me the cutest smile and said he had a great time, loved my parents and hoped they wouldn't mind him coming by again.  

Of course I said yes. I was floating on cloud nine. Then a month later I was kicking his door in because he wouldn't talk to me. I had caught him doing something so un-Levi like to me that I freaked out for the dumbest reason and yelled at him and we fought but to me it was like what the fuck was he thinking coming to school in those shorts. I knew it was hot but he had on a baggy shirt that almost hid them and boys where looking fucking alphas where looking and Levi was fucking mine.  So when I saw him at lunch that day I admit I overreacted and demanded why he would come to school dress like that and he told me it was none of my fucking business. 

I don't even know why I had it in 90 degree weather but I took my hoodie from around my waist it was like I knew I would need it and I forced it on him made him wear it all day until the last bell were he stormed off and all I could think was thank God he left the fucking hoodie on. I called him that night to see if he wanted to hang out that weekend and he told me to leave him the fuck alone amd stop talking to him and again I freaked out. It was 11 o'clock when I stormed out my house right past my dad on the couch asking me where I was going so late. I couldn't answer because I was furious that he told me to leave him alone and not talk to him .  

I all but ran to his house and banged on his door until his uncle opened it asking what the hell I was doing here it was like it couldn't even hear him. I shoved past him running up the steps two at a time to reach Levi's room waking the whole house by banging on his door telling him the let me the fuck in or I'd kick it in. My muas told me to go the fuck away to stay away and I fucking snapped I don't remember lifting my foot I don't remember my dad coming in the house behind me I don't remember kicking the door off the hinges. I do remember rushing Levi. I do remember shaking him telling him to never tell me I can't talk or see him again. I don't remember me punching his uncle when he pulled me off him. I remember Levi slapping me in the face and telling me to calm the fuck down. I do remember telling him he was fucking mine and to never fucking show off his body like that again or I'd have to kill one of those alpha's for looking at him like that. I didn't remember most of that night until I woke up in my room with the evidence of my rage. My dad had photos of a broken door and of Kenny's broken nose and his bruised jaw. I broke Levi's TV apparently and went through his closet destroying all his shorts before I guess now that it was done my body caught up with my emotions and I blacked out. 

I was terrified of myself. I looked like an animal and my eyes kept changing color. I mean they always have but all the shades were dark. Dark green dark blue dark gold.  I had hurt people . My dad said maybe I should stay away for a few days and that almost set me off again. Then he threatened told me if I did this again he'd have to send me back to Germany to the alpha program he developed for special cases like mine. When your alpha has too much influence on you when you're so strong you overpower two alpha's twice your age when you don't listen to commands when they don't work on you .  When you're so possessive you destroy things that jeopardize what you think is yours and your not even mated. 

I didn't see Levi for a week. I stayed home to make sure I wouldn't see him. And next thing I know he's barging into my room and slamming and locking the door demanding what the hell was wrong with me. I couldn't tell him so I lied and said I was in trouble because I was on house arrest.  He looked at me and told me whatever helped me with my missing homework and then helped my mom make dinner and we never spoke about it again and eventually Kenny forgave me Kuchel too Mikasa took a little longer because I knew she had a crush on me and after the birthday event and that I think I broke her heart.  

I was doing so well we were the same but he knew not to wear clothes like that outside his or my house from then on. I already knew I was in love with him. Then it was senior year for Levi and I was in the boys locker room and heard some big eyebrowed dick head saying how he was going to ask Levi to prom and get a hotel room that night. I blacked the fuck out I don't remember anything from the fight just that when I came to I had blood all over my fist and I was in the office in hand cuffs to restrain me because I just kept hitting him . He was down and I barely had a scratch on me. Didn't want to believe it until they showed me phone footage from one of the boys smart enough not to try to get me off him. I mutilated him my eyes were pitch black and the fucking words that came out of my mouth.  You pathetic piece of washed out alpha shit you think you can take something that's not yours you think you can touch what's fucking mine I'll kill you!   You know all I could think was now he couldn't ask Levi to prom now none of those alpha's would even think to ask him . I honestly didn't care that sent him to the hospital or that I broke his ribs and ripped out some of his hair. 

I didn't care that I took down a strong 19 year old alpha at 14. I didn't care that I could go to jail because I knew no one would ever think to try to touch what was mine. You could understand my parents were worried for me and we all decided Levi shouldn't find out about what happened. But my dad was done. I had one more strike before he was sending me back. I held it together. I held it in that  Levi was going to college without me. I held it in that he was an hour drive away with no car and probably wouldn't make Christmas. The only reason I did was because Hanji said he needed my scent to send sacharated shirts to them so he wouldn't miss me. No one told me why he needed the shirts. I didn't care because he needed me . 

I didn't care until I overheard my mom talking to Kuchel on speaker that Levi was in the hospital from a drop that he wasn't stable and my heart stopped. This time I did remember. I did remember demanding what hospital I did remember throwing on sneakers and grabbing my dad's car keys with only a driver's permit license at 17. I do remember ignoring my parents when I started the car and backed out the driveway making the 1 hour drive a 45 min one to the hospital to see him. I do remember how security just let me in and I remember feeling like I was going to die seeing him in that bed. I remember crying and just holding his hand and I remember when he started to breathe better and he stabilized. I remember my dad walking in telling me to say my goodbyes because this was the last strike and my bags were in the car and I was going to Germany tonight. 

I remember hating him.  But I didn't fight because Levi was asleep so I left quietly. The ride was quiet. I could just feel his apprehension like I was going to go crazy if he talked.  I remember the plane ride. Getting there and being sent to my new room. I remember my schedule 6 am breakfast 6:45 to 8 lectures about why this happens.  15 min break the regular school curriculum until 3:15. Then dinner ends at exactly 4. From 4 to 6:30 you're learning to control yourself to stop your triggers to figure out your triggers to cope with your triggers. You have a 30 minute mingle time with the other alpha's to learn what other triggers could be. They might be like yours. Then lights out exactly at 7. Repeat. The only thing that kept me going I still had to send Levi shirts and Hanji would send me pictures. I was never allowed to speak to him though. 

It was like I was torturing myself knowing he needed my scent. Knowing he needed me. Seeing him but not hearing or touching. I admit the beginning was hard. I had more black outs than most. I hurt a lot of workers and had to stay in solitary confinement a lot. Then when my mom and dad came and saw me I broke down. I told them I didn't know why I was like this. I felt disgusted with myself. I was obsessed and it wasn't normal. That I was going crazy without him and the program wasn't working for me. My mother sat me down and she said Eren , I know you love Levi but honey, you would scare him with how you were how you are right now, you didn't see your first black out from Levi's eyes and I know no matter how he acted after you scared him Eren. I wanted to kill myself and I realized how bad I was. 

When I asked my dad why I was like this he finally told me. I was something called an original alpha. He told me the first alpha was from Germany and that I'm part of that bloodline. He told me it should have skipped me and that it shouldn't be possible for me to be like this. To have this power and that when I first presented he saw signs but brushed them off. Then I met Levi and he wanted to deny it. But when I first blacked out and wouldn't follow commands when I could destroy shit and attack older alpha's that he couldn't deny what was in his face anymore. I was an original and a strong one. What really scared me was when he said Eren if you don't get help if you left here and something happens to Levi someone caused him pain do you really think you wouldn't kill someone over him because that's were your heading Eren you put that boy in a hospital with a fucking smile on your face when we told you how hurt he was you need to get help or I'm afraid I can't let you come home and if you don't come home Levi will be gone living a life without you so are you going to do this right yes or no . Of course I said yes and with one last hug I got my shit together and started taking notes and having less blackouts until they just stopped and I was 24 before I knew it I'm packed up and on a plane home. Home to Levi. Then Hanji called and said we would be meeting at a bar and for the first time in 3 years I felt myself slip up. 

I caught myself by telling Hanji I'd bring Levi and she reluctantly agreed, giving her knowledge of my situation. So it was settled I would be picking up Levi and meeting her at the bar with the blonde bastard she was somehow friends with. I remember walking to his door. I remember him opening it and being blown away at his beauty. I remember his panicked scent as he screamed and slammed the door in my face and I remember the small blackout when he wouldn't just open he fucking door and at what he was wearing to the bar.  I remember talking and yelling but when I finally told him I loved him when he kissed me I thought everything was finally right. 

Until he told me why he caves in. I wanted to kill that man. I wanted to set fire to the world. I wanted to hate Kuchel and Kenny. I wanted to blame Mikasa. I knew I couldn't, I knew but my alpha just didn't understand it doesn't understand. I glance down as Levi shifts in my arms and pull him closer causing him to hum in his sleep. 

I intertwined our fingers and kissed his forehead. My eyes just close when I remember I didn't fucking tell Hanji we weren't coming and I didn't fucking tell my dad the first thing I was going to do was see Levi. And just like I told Levi I wouldn't tell his family what happened I'm not going to tell mine I relapsed which means I have to get that door fucking fixed before morning when Hanji shows up.  

I sigh and do a breathing technique to push my alpha back which I should have done earlier but it's too late now all I can do is move forward and hope my dad doesn't find out. I have to hope he won't send me back. Because I know just as much as I am an adult if he told me going back would protect Levi. Protect Levi even from myself. I would go back. 

Chapter Text

Eren pov

I didn't really sleep that night. Apparently Levi has nightmares and that was the cause of his insomnia. One second he'd be asleep soundly the next he was trying to fight me off of him before I would let out my scent and get him to settle down. Sometimes if I talked to him and reminded him he wasn't alone, Muas would even purr. As the night went on the program schedule was ingrained in me now to get up at 6 so as soon as the sun was rising so was I. 

I calmy slide from under Levi as he shifted whining slightly before grabbing the pillow I was using and snuggling it between his small breast barely covered in the slik tank top he put on before we went to sleep. I couldn't help but just look at him because he was like a fantasy to me with his beauty and nothing compared to him no one would. Some part of me thinks he doesn't realize that I know what he has under his clothes and I wonder why he's ashamed and then what he told me last night comes back to mind.  

I slowly walked out the bedroom feeling the chill in the air from Levi apartment ventilation. Muas always did like it to be cold so he could bury himself in covers. I quickly but quietly made my way to the front door. Seeing it holding up I headed to Levi's living room closet next to his dark gray couch I held him on last night. Opening the closet door and seeing what I'm looking for. A toolbox that I knew would be there with his cleaning supplies. This is where Kenny would put his and I guess it stuck with Levi because it was in the same place just a different home.  As I pulled it out I opened it looking for the screwdriver and extra nails and new hinges. Walking to the door and pulling it out of the place I lodged it in took a lot of effort not to make any noise so I wouldn't wake Levi up. Setting it aside I quickly replaced the hinges before placing the screws in before fixing the door only taking about an hour before I deemed it as fixed as it could be and just prayed Hanji wouldn't notice or just keep her fucking mouth shut. I know I'm hoping for too much when it comes to my sister keeping her mouth closed.

I'm so focused on fixing the damn door I don't even notice Levi awake until I smell sausage and eggs in the kitchen causing my stomach to growl loudly at the smell of Levi's homemade food. “Looks like you worked really hard to fix the door I was a little surprised to see you doing it at 6 something in the morning though isn't that a little excessive I could have called someone to fix it you know”  I heard while turning to see Levi standing behind me in his silk tank top and shorts with fuzzy slippers on his small feet. I blinked slowly at the delicious sight of him like this and his messy bed hair he chose to leave down to frame his body. 

“You did tell me I had to fix the door so I fixed it for you what are you doing up so early muas” I said approaching him before stopping in front of the omega to take him into my arms letting out my scent which he responded to by releasing his own and purring into my chest. 

“Well for one I thought you would want something to eat with your bottomless pit of a stomach and it's wednesday I have work soon though I'm thinking of not going today so we can hang out if you want too”  the way he mumbled into my bare chest like he was scared I would reject him was sad to me I always want to be with him. 

“Of course I want to hang out with you, never doubt that I told you, last night, you'll be begging me to leave you alone and when have I ever turned down your cooking?” I run my hands up his back, feeling him shiver as they graze his bare shoulders. Pulling away he grabbed my hand to pull me to the open kitchen where he had me sit at the table to a fresh plate of hot food and a hot cup of coffee.  “I can't believe you, of all people, have coffee in your house is there any reason in particular because you hate coffee muas?”  I glance up from my plate to see his face burning red at my question.

Watching him squirm as he pouted at me was lovely “maybe I keep coffee because that's the only damn thing you'd drink in the morning when you'd stay at my house and I knew I'd see you again one day ever think of that smart ass” snapping at me as he turned around to the squeal of his teapot. Chuckling at what he said as I watched Levi prepare his morning earl Grey tea was like looking at a memory play out right in front of me. Only Levi had grown so much. Okay maybe not in height if anything he's only an inch or two taller than when I last saw him. 

Ignoring my laughter Levi walked to the table sitting right next to me with his cup and plate. I'm glad he still feels like he can eat in front of me. I remember when he would pick at his plate until I would get frustrated with him and pick up his fork and feed him myself until his plate was empty. “ So how was college in Germany for 4 years” Shit. Is that what they told him? That I went to college? I don't know if I should go with it or not. I know if Levi found out he would be pissed and hurt that I lied to him about the program.  Maybe if I told Levi he would know my triggers and stop me from slipping up. 

“Yeah about that Levi I'm about to tell you something and I'm hoping you don't look at me differently by the end ”   I looked down at my plate as I shovel eggs into my mouth to stale but still humming at the familiar taste.  I hear Levi set his cup down and I feel his eyes on me burning with questions. “ I'll give you the same response you gave me you're stuck with me now so where were you if not in college for the past 4 years than that you couldn't come to my graduation and I couldn't fly out to yours when I asked your sister she wouldn't tell me the date and always stalled next thing I know she's telling me your home” I sighed at that one because I really did want to go to his graduation be the first to congratulate him kiss him at his accomplishments. 

“Well they didn't lie about me being in Germany but they did lie about why I was there” 

“Lie, why would they lie to me about why you were there?” Looking up, I sit back in my seat, locking eyes with deep blue, not seeing accusations just down right curiosity.  

“I guess it started when I first met you and my reaction to you when I got home and Hanji told my parents how she found us in the hallway that day” I purse my lips because even I know what I'm about to say is going to sound fucked up. 

“Okay what about it?” he never looked away from me. 

“ I was a little I guess you could say taken by you and my parents were a little…no they were completely concerned about how fast I became attached to you and my reaction to your scent so they told me to stay away and that's the first time I let my alpha out aggressively and pretty much commanded they let me see you with a threat mixed in until they agreed to it but only if Hanji supervised us” I see nothing on his blank face but he nods at me as if to tell me to continue so I did.

“Then we became best friends and I was in love with you and I guess I just got worse it seemed so normal to me the fact that my alpha would tell me you were mine and to keep other alpha's away from you that I could even communicate with him like that and at some point I believe we started to merge and then the first blackout happened I'm sure you can put together what that was”  I see his eyes light up with recognition but his face doesn't move before he opens his mouth to ask me something. 

“So the first time was when you kicked my door in and hurt my uncle and your dad smashed my TV ripped up my clothes and proceeded to yell at me that I was yours and to not show off my body or you'd kill someone an alpha in fact” he stated as a fact actually not a question and all I could do was nod. He narrowed his eyes at me biting his lip “ so one I really am dense and two you said that was your first blackout so you had more just not directly involving me ”  

“Yes and no they all had to do directly with you, you just weren't there to witness them the second we decided to hide from you and I know you so I know you can put together what the other blackout was so I want you to really think what did I do your senior year muas”  Levi licked his lips as he closed his eyes thinking back to high school.  

Then they snapped open and shock was on his face because even he couldn't keep calm about this now“you got in that fight with Erwin and sent him to the hospital I used to think it was funny that you beat up someone so much older but now I want to know what exactly did you do to him” 

I crossed my arms glancing away from him, this one I'm really am ashamed of because I really could have killed him and would have been happy about it. “ shit we were in the locker room and I overheard him say he wanted to ask you to prom and get a hotel room later that night and I'm sure you can piece together what happened” 

“Fuck, you blacked out again didn't you Eren how bad did you hurt him” 

“Fucking hell this is hard because I really don't want to tell you that I broke his ribs and riped out some hair but Levi I don't even fucking remember doing it I didn't want to believe it until I saw the video by then I was already in the main office with hand cuffs on and apparently a smile on my face because of how bad I hurt him and it sounds so sick but I didn't want to acknowledge that I was that bad that I was happy I hurt him that bad because he would know what would happen if he went near you if he even thought of you like that all the other alpha's would know what would happen if they approached you with that kind of intention came fucking near you at all and that was my second strike before he told me he was sending me to Germany for his special alpha program for cases like mine except mine was different and worse than others” 

“ Eren you could have went to jail you could have killed him would you really have been happy and proud about doing that to someone” 

“I'm not going to lie to you I would have been fucking blissful if I had killed him I did feel remorse when I came back to myself not the alpha but that's not what got me sent away and I'm sure we both don't have all the pieces to your college life like I don't know why you needed my shirts and you differently don't know that you weren't stable and me hearing about and seeing you like that is essential why I went away and I'm not saying it's you're fault muas, but mine so don’t make that face at me” Levi scowled at me while I said this then proceeded to glance away from me when I mentioned I'd be happy when he died and when I said I somewhat knew about the shirts but his eyes closed when I said he wasn't stable and that I was sent away after I found out and he started frowning again so now I'm sure no one told him about how bad he was in that hospital and they weren't going to. 

“Eren I'm not going to lie to you either and say I'm not worried or a little frightened by what you're saying I'm also not going to lie to you that I went into an omega drop as soon as your scent faded from my shirt after you hugged me goodbye I'm not going to lie and say your sister didn't keep me supplied with your shirts so it wouldn't happen again or that I had another after a long day of school and was going to bed and the smell was just gone you were gone and I don't really remember I just remembered waking up in the hospital on air so I'm really not going to lie to you and say your sister hasn't still been finding ways for me to have your scent I don't know how you'll have to ask her but it was the only way to stop me from dropping and if what you said is true I would have died now I want you to tell me how I didn't and how you knew I was in the hospital” his eyes stayed away and he curled into himself as if protecting his pride. 

I see tears and I can feel mine prickling at the corners of my eyes when he said he was afraid of me.  “Levi I would never hurt you I would never want to kill somebody but I wasn't in control and you know how fucking noisy I am I over heard my mom talk to yours and stormed out the house stole my dad's car on a permit made an hour drive 45 minutes and walked into the hospital to see you just laying there and some part of me broke then I touched you let some of my scent out and your breathing picked up by then my dad walked into the room and told me my shit was in the car and that this was my last strike and I was going to Germany that night and why would you drop like that over my scent you left something out if where telling all say everything”  

He huffed at me crossing his arms in deficience “Fucking fine Eren from what my mom says it only happens to the omega if their mate separates from them to long or some shit I don't know,  what I do want you to know is I'm not scared of you I'm scared of what you'll do to others because I don't want anyone to get hurt and I don't want you to go to jail especially not over me and I want to know how bad it was, if the program you were in treated you right did you get the help you needed” his voice was another reason I named him muas because of how soft it could get. 

“Mates huh that makes a lot of sense no one thought to tell me that part and the program was just my new life I had a strict schedule to follow and it was hard I had more blackouts there than at home I spent a lot of time in solitary until my parents came and basically told me to get my shit together or I couldn't come home that you'd move on without me that you'd find somebody else and that was all the motivation I needed to actually try to get better to tell you the truth I thought I was crazy until my dad told me why I was like this” I breathe a heavy sigh the same time Levi does. Tilting my head back to look at the ceiling I hear his chair scrape back and I feel his presence next to mine. Then I smell his scent before I feel his weight settle in my lap and him laying his head on my chest and arms wrapping around my neck. 

I let mine curl around his waist placing my head into the curve of his neck. Just breathing in what I should have realized is my mate, and what I've always known, my Levi, my muas .  

“And what did he tell you what are you ” 

“Did you know the first alpha was from Germany” I felt him shake his head no “well it was and apparently I'm part of the blood line I'm something called an original alpha one that's not supposed to be as strong as I am one that wasn't supposed to be that strong as a young teen or that out of control I had three years of not slipping and the first thing I do is slip when I heard about the bar than seeing you and you know the rest the reason I fixed the door is because Levi if my dad found out I'm going to be sent back ”  

His head snapped up and his eyes went wide with panic at that. “No! You're not going back or leaving me! We won't say anything, it's going to be okay now that I know I can stop you from slipping and leaving me, just tell me what I have to do so it doesn't happen anymore just don't leave me!” 

“Shh calm down Levi I'm not going anywhere and we don't have to tell but if we get caught the repercussions will be worse but I'm willing to lie about this if you really want me too” 

“I do, we'll keep the secret together, you keep mine, I keep yours, we're in this together, okay you and me, we hide nothing from each other” he told me with a nod of his head like it was an absolute like we could really pull this off and I believed him. This was us in this together.

I pulled him closer causing him to snuggle into me again. “Yeah okay it's us in this me and you kind of like highschool when we would get each other out of whole lotta bullshit situations and to think we only knew each other for two years yet the amount of bullshit we got into was crazy”  I let out a laugh that was joined by his musical soft one.

“You mean the amount of bullshit you got us into” he teased me in my face.

“I call bullshit on that right there the shit we got into was differently you're fault but I never said it wasn't fun”

Scoffing at me but with a smile on his face and a grin on mine I pulled him into a soft kiss.