Chapter Text
On the day of their semi-final home match, Alessia wakes up earlier than she wanted to. They have the afternoon slot for their match since the first leg was the later match on that day. Alessia prefers to play in the evening, something about the atmosphere in the stadium just feels more magical, but she’ll take it. At least it’s a Saturday.
For the next couple of hours, Alessia keeps herself busy with a mixture of her usual routine on match days, mainly getting her carbs in, and things that distract her. She watches some TV for a while and scrolls on her phone but nothing catches her attention for more than a couple of minutes. Her head is a mixture of the match and their Champions League run that’s very much at stake, and of course Leah.
She catches herself daydreaming more and more ever since she’s talked to Beth and Viv. Something about opening up made her feelings more real to her and that somehow opened the floodgates of her brain and its imagination. She really doesn’t want to obsess over this like she is but she can’t stop it. More often than not she thinks about how certain everyday situations would be if Leah were there, too. She imagines herself cooking for them, with Leah more or less going back to just watching her even though she did some cooking for them while Alessia’s wrist wasn’t working. Or she thinks about what movies Leah suggested to her and automatically watches those. Sometimes it’s even as mundane as wondering if Leah would like the flavor of yoghurt she’s bought.
Right now though, while she’s waiting for the clock to tick down to the time she has to leave, she thinks about their little day-trip to the beach and how nice it felt to have each other’s undivided attention, talking and walking with Leah’s dog. It felt like a date to her even though she didn’t realize it then. Did it feel like a date to Leah, too?
The beeping of her phone interrupts her thoughts. Startled, she sits up to read the text she’s gotten. Coincidentally, it’s from Leah.
Leah: Be ready in 10?
Apparently, it’s finally time to go to Colney to meet up with the team. Just like they usually do, they’re taking the bus together to the stadium. As she often does these days, Leah takes Alessia there. They’ve gone to numerous training sessions and other appointments together before her injury as well but then they usually took turns in driving.
Now, it’s been weeks of Leah more or less driving Alessia around, at least that’s what it feels like to her. Even now that her wrist is healed enough to play football properly, Leah insisted that she’d still drive the two of them to the grounds. Alessia can’t wait to drive again, she doesn’t miss it or even particularly likes it, but it does give her a bit autonomy usually. She would also like to stop feeling constantly like she owes Leah something for taking care of her for weeks now. Of course, Leah insists that she doesn’t mind but Alessia can’t help and question that.
The short drive is spend mostly in silence. Alessia is already used to that with Leah before matches, especially important ones. She knows that Leah often is a bit in her head and needs her time to just listen to the music and be with her thoughts. It’s after matches that she often can’t stop talking, needing to go through lots of moments that happened, good and bad.
The atmosphere on the bus is nervous but excited. Of course they all know what’s at stake, they lost the first leg so they need to win this match by at least two goals which is a high mark against a team like Barcelona. It still feels like they all believe that it’s possible to Alessia. She lets the spirit of her teammates wash over her while sitting next to Lotte in her usual spot.
It’s good to be back. She watches the buildings pass outside for a while and just takes in the quiet conversation someone is having a few seats behind her. Most of her teammates are listening to music to get in the right headspace but not everyone does, some prefer to not get into their own heads too much and rather talk to each other. The seating arrangement has worked it out over time, to place the right people next to each other, like Alessia and Lotte who both don’t want to talk and feed on each other’s calmness.
A few days ago, Alessia had a conversation with their coaching team about today’s match. They were all pretty clear that while she is fit, she wouldn’t play unless it was absolutely needed because of an injury or something. Of course, Alessia wants to play as much as possible but she kind of knew that that would be her fait for the first match, especially with it being such a high intensity match. She still has a splint on her wrist after all. They determined that she’ll get 15 or so minutes in the league match a few days later.
She isn’t really concerned about getting not enough minutes at all so far. As an attacking player it’s always easier to get minutes after an injury than as a defender, the coaches is just able to make changes easier without breaking up a needed structure. But she would like to get back to starting in matches before the season ends and that’ll probably be hard to achieve. It’s something she’s talked about with Sarina and they’d agreed that it would be good for her to get there before the next international break. Though she knows that she’ll get a call up anyways if nothing changes with her health, because they want to access her fitness levels themselves before the Euros in the summer.
Alessia is happy to get back into her match day routines even further, walking off the bus, greeting the staff, getting to the changing room. And then of course her field inspection walks with Kyra. She realizes that she’s really missed all these little things about belonging to the team as well as playing of course. And since the younger woman always manages to make her laugh and get her out of her head before matches, she appreciates their short round on the pitch even more.
For the match, Alessia takes her place on the bench next to Lotte again, her friend smiling up at her when she approaches their seats. Her teammates make their way out of the catacombs and do their pre-match huddle after a few minutes. Alessia takes a moment to herself and looks around the packed stadium, they’ve sold it out again and everyone seems ecstatic for the match. She lets the first notes of The Angel wash over her and listens to the fans sing North London Forever as loudly as ever, giving her some goosebumps.
The match itself is as intense as everyone suspected. Barcelona start with some pressure but that gets interrupted fairly early on by Arsenal pressing high. It’s working for them for a good while, they had go into the match with more urgency than Barcelona did after all. But in every little moment they take a second to breathe, Barcelona take over the attack. There’s really no room for errors or lacks in concentration. It’s one of the matches with the highest intensity Alessia has seen in her time as a player herself. It’s palpable even to her and Lotte and they’re not even on the field.
They go into halftime with no goals scored on either side. There hadn’t been any big mistakes or major things not working in the first half. They should be producing more actual goal scoring opportunities but they’re playing the match how they set out to play it over all. Their coaches and captains are happy with the team and Alessia feels herself enthusiastically clapping along after Kim’s speech.
When Leah follows with a few words of her own, she tries to listen carefully but she gets lost in watching Leah as she speaks. She has this intense look on her face that she often gets when it comes to football, her eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a familiar line on her forehead. Alessia’s fingers itch, she feels herself wanting to go over to Leah to smooth out the line and take away some of the tension on her face.
After Leah’s finished with the few encouraging words she had to say, Alessia still doesn’t look away. Leah looks up from her quite intense conversation with Steph and Katie and almost automatically catches Alessia’s eyes. Alessia smiles, she hopes it comes across as encouraging and supportive like she intended to. Leah gives her a small smile back and nods once, seemingly happy with what she found on Alessia’s face. When she goes back to her conversation, Alessia shakes herself out of it and tries to listen to the conversation Stina and Frieda are having next to her.
While there’s no plan to bring her on, Alessia still obviously warms up with the other subs for most of the second half. She’s with Lotte for all of it, just observing and analyzing the match together. Two quick goals happen around the 60th minute. First, Barcelona scores on them, some fancy footwork from their midfield and then a pass right in between Leah and Steph for Pajor to run into. With how both of the central defenders react after they’ve conceded, there might’ve been a communications issue, they both look absolutely done with themselves.
Alessia feels really bad for the two of them, they both had amazing matches so far, covering for each other and their outside backs when needed and generally playing with so much heart and commitment that they really don’t deserve to concede a goal like that. But for a team like Barcelona one tiny mistake always seems to be enough, they knew that already.
Arsenal is quick to react though. Just three minutes later, Alessia proudly watches on as Mariona sets up Beth beautifully in the box. Beth just needs to get around one defender which she does in true Beth-fashion and then she equalizes. The stadium absolutely erupts around them and Alessia finds herself jumping on the sidelines with Laura and Lotte next to her. It feels like they’re on the right track.
The clock works against them though. Even though Arsenal gained some momentum from their goal and especially from how fast they scored after conceding, nothing comes of it. It’s nearing the 80th minute when their assistant coach calls Alessia over to them.
“I know we said you wouldn’t come on but we need to score, we need all the attacking force on the field and Frida already signaled that she needs to be subbed. How do you feel?” They ask her with a serious but friendly look on their face.
Alessia knows she could absolutely say so if she didn’t feel ready but she’s dying to get back to playing with her team, especially if it could help them get to the final of the Champions League. So she doesn’t hesitates a second before answering.
“I’m good to go on, I feel ready.”
And she truly does. Training has been great, she feels fit, and she definitely wants to have a part in this. They need one goal to go into extra time or preferably two to win the whole thing before regular time is over.
Alessia quickly gets rid of her jacket and gets ready to replace Frida. There are quite a few curious looks from her teammates when she gets subbed on, everyone knows that this wasn’t the plan for the match. Alessia doesn’t care though, she quickly gets over to Stina to tell her their gameplay for the two of them for the reminder of the match. After doing so, she takes her position slightly further up the field than Frida, more next to Stina than behind her.
The eight minutes plus overtime, that she gets, go over much quicker than anticipated. They press and attack and do absolutely everything they can, but in the end they don’t manage to score.
When the referee blows her whistle, signaling the end of the match, she also signals the end of their Champions League run. A lot of her teammates drop to the field right where they are, clearly defeated but also exhausted. She feels a bit like an imposter, only having played about 14 minutes, she obviously is a bit out of breath but it’s nothing in comparison to most of her teammates who played for over 90 minutes and ran their hearts out. So, she doesn’t drop to the field, she goes over to Beth and gives her a hug and then to Stina, repeating her action. She tells them how good they’ve played and how proud she is of them. It doesn’t feel enough but it has to be for the moment.
After a few minutes of shaking hands with their opponents and generally getting themselves together, the team comes together for a team huddle. Alessia interrupts her conversation with Emily and together they make their way over. She manages to quickly squeeze herself into the small gap that Katie is about to close between herself and Leah. Since the match ended, Alessia didn’t have the opportunity to go over to Leah who had been swept away for a quick interview right after the match ended. Now, she really wants to make sure that Leah is as okay as she can be, knowing that Leah isn’t one to deal with losses the best.
She places her arm around Leah’s waist and squeezes slightly. The other woman looks over, clearly surprised by the action until she sees Alessia. Her face softens slightly, the frown disappearing, but that only makes her look sadder than before which definitely wasn’t Alessia’s intention. She cocks her head slightly in silent question and Leah just shrugs. Alessia squeezes her again, and pulls her a bit more into her side, trying to provide as much comfort as the situation allows her to.
When their coaches are finished with their speeches and Kim has also said something and the huddle finally breaks up, Alessia doesn’t loosen her arm around Leah’s waist. Instead, she uses it to pull Leah into a side hug which prompts Leah to slump into her a bit. She even briefly leans her head on Alessia’s shoulder which causes Alessia’s eyes to widen and her heartbeat to fasten.
The ride back to Colney is rather quiet. It’s a different sort of quietness than it was earlier that day, more dejected and somewhat calm, no nervousness in the air anymore. Alessia’s thoughts circle around the match. With what she heard about the goal they conceded, she knows that Leah will beat herself up over it, she usually does with these kinds of things. But all in all, the team really has no blame to put on themselves, they’ve given it their all. Considering the start of the season and especially their first group stage match in Munich, it’s already quite the accomplishment that they’ve made it to the semi-finals at all.
Alessia feels like she did a decent job with the little time she had but she also noticed that her rhythm with her teammates was slightly off at times. That’s something she needs to work on during the week before their next match. Maybe she can watch some film from their last matches as well, to have a closer look at the movements of the wingers especially.
Of course, at some point her thoughts circle back to Leah and how defeated she looked. She really wants to do something about it but isn’t sure if the older woman would let her in. Usually, she lets Leah decide whether she wants to talk or sit with her thoughts and be left alone after a big loss. Sometimes she really needs to vent and other times she can’t really stand other people around her, Alessia hopes it’s option one today.
Back at the facilities, they say their goodbyes to their teammates quickly and then slowly make their way over to Leah’s car. Alessia can tell that Leah is deep in thought.
“Lee?”
She gets no reaction, so she tries again. “Lee? Leah!”
The third try is accompanied by a tap to Leah’s shoulder which seems to do the trick as Leah looks over to Alessia.
“Maybe I can drive us back? So you can concentrate on the match still?” Alessia phrases it like a question but she actually doesn’t want Leah to driver right now since she doesn’t look like she could concentrate on the traffic particularly well.
“Huh? I can drive just fine, think about your wrist.”
Alessia rolls her eyes at Leah being so overprotective.
“My wrist is completely fine, I’ve been driving again for a week, you know?” She steps closer to Leah. “Please, just go and relax, you’ve played 90 minutes and I didn’t.”
Now, she gently takes the car keys out of Leah’s hand and even though there’s no resistance from her, she softly continues for good measure. “Let me do this for you.”
Leah just curtly nods and clears her throat before stepping away from Alessia. She takes her place in the passenger’s seat and puts on some soft music in the background.
When they’re close to their apartment buildings, Alessia can’t help but voice her thoughts.
“Do you want to be alone or— if you want to, I could cook something for us and we can watch a movie or something?” She is slightly nervous about the suggestion that just tumbled out of her.
For one, of course of being rejected because Leah doesn’t want to be around people generally, but the possibility of her saying yes to the suggestion is actually just as, if not more, terrifying. They’ve spent countless of evenings just like Alessia suggested but those were before she was aware of her feelings. Now, it feels different. Every time she’s hung out with Leah since she’s realized her feelings, it’s been amazing and kind of terrifying at the same time. It’s electrifying to spend time with Leah and she can’t get enough but it’s somewhat exhausting as well. Her thoughts always go into overdrive at every little contact, she overthinks every sentence and word Leah says, and she constantly feels like she’s sweating bullets.
Leah takes a beat before she answers. Alessia doesn’t dare look over to her but keeps staring straight ahead at the road even though they’re stopped at a red light. “I guess some dinner would be good. Thanks, Less.”
Since she has a much better equipped kitchen and pantry, they go straight to Alessia’s apartment. There she tells Leah to just relax on the couch and find something for them to watch while she quickly cooks some pasta and whips together a pesto sauce. It really doesn’t take much effort at all but Leah still looks quite grateful when she gets her bowl of pasta.
Alessia sits down next to her, apparently they’re watching and older season of The Great British Bake Off which they’ve also watched a bit when she stayed with Leah. They discovered that it’s something they both enjoy even though neither of them actually are decent at baking.
After a few bites, Leah hums and smiles. “This tastes amazing, Less, exactly what I needed.”
As it often seems to be going for her when it comes to Leah, Alessia blushes slightly at the praise. She ducks her head and shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s no big deal, a very simple dish actually.”
“Just take the compliment, for once, Less.”
Alessia finishes her dinner before Leah who always eats a lot slower. She leans back into the couch and props up her feet. When she’s found a comfortable way to lie, she lets herself get sucked into the show completely. Currently the contestant Rahul is telling Noel Fielding to please not cry into the chocolate.
After about five minutes of Alessia being comfortable and immersed in the show, Leah finishes her pasta as well. She gets up briefly to bring their plates back to the kitchen and apparently makes some tea, if Alessia identifies the sounds correctly as the kettle.
She indeed brings over two cups of tea for them when she gets back to the couch. Alessia watches as she carefully sets them down. Leah then takes her place on the couch again, also lying down this time.
“Do you want some of the blanket?” Alessia offers and kicks out some of the blanket from under her calf. Leah nods and Alessia figures that she’ll just take a bit of it over her feet and shins next to Alessia’s. Instead, Leah scooches closer with her whole body until she is directly next to Alessia.
It hasn’t registered with Alessia yet what it means when Leah looks at her questioningly. “If you offer me some of the blanket, you should really let me have some, you know?”
The teasing comment pulls Alessia out of her daze that Leah’s closeness put her in. She scrambles to comply.
“Sure, sorry, I wasn’t thinking really.”
She holds open the blanket to let Leah scooch under it. The older woman takes the invitation and turns on her side a bit, placing her head on Alessia’s shoulder.
And while she has been silently preparing herself for some closeness with Leah, that’s something Alessia wasn’t prepared for. Leah isn’t a very cuddly person, at least she hasn’t been with Alessia. They’ve never just watched TV cuddled together like this. She feels her heart beating out of her chest, Leah should absolutely be able to feel it as well. Does she? And does she think it’s weird?
“Is this okay?” Leah looks up at her with a curious look on her face.
Not feeling like she could give an articulate answer at the moment, Alessia just hums which seems to be enough for Leah.
She wills herself to relax in her newfound position. It’s no big deal, right? A friend just cuddled up to her, she does this all the time with some of her friends. If Beth cuddled into her, she wouldn’t even blink, it’s just normal for them. But this isn’t Beth, it’s Leah. And it isn’t normal with Leah. First of all, Leah doesn’t do things like this. And second of all, it’s Leah. Nothing Leah does feels just normal to Alessia anymore.
Even though her head is still spinning, Alessia wills herself to pay attention to the baking show on the TV to help herself relax. And it does. Sure, whenever Leah moves just slightly, everything in Alessia screams at her to not do anything stupid or disturb Leah in any way, but she does relax. For the most part at least.
She comes to the conclusion that she could absolutely get used to this. It might take a while but it feels very nice to lie on the couch with Leah like this.
Halfway through their second episode of the evening, Leah speaks again, though it’s more of a whisper really.
“Thanks, Less.”
“Huh, what for?” Alessia looks down at Leah.
“This, today. Just— usually I try to be alone when I get overly frustrated after a match. But watching mindless TV and having dinner with you is much nicer than sitting alone with my thoughts, I guess.” Leah never takes her eyes off the TV so Alessia can’t see her facial expression.
Instead of answering, Alessia frees her arm from where it's pressed into her own side, half under Leah, and puts it around her shoulders, allowing Leah to cuddle into her even further which the older woman does in an instant. Not even ten minutes later, Alessia looks down and finds Leah sleeping soundly.