Chapter Text
I wrote the essay. I called it “The Outsiders” because we were outsiders. Greasers were outsiders and I was one. We were one. The gang was. The whole east side seemed to be. I just wondered if Johnny would want to read this later. Maybe under the sunset.
I turned it in the next day. I wasn’t expecting to write that much, but anything to bring that grade up. I went through classes as usual. One class then the next. Then lunch, then back to classes. I’ve never been out of Tulsa before. Truthfully, I always wondered what it would be like beyond these city walls.
I swore I could hear Johnny and Dally. When I was walking home, I could see their figures across the street. Then a car or someone else would pass in front of me and they would be gone. When I was reading a book, I could’ve sworn I heard Johnny commenting about the characters in the book, or Dallas calling me a nerd.
Johnny commenting about the character like back in the Windrixville church on that hill. I could hear him saying things about the characters and I would smile. Maybe I was delusional, but I swore I wasn’t. Although, every time I saw them on the streets now, their faces were a bit blurry.
I could remember what they wore. Johnny in his slightly oversized black t-shirt. He was wearing his only jacket that was a simple denim jacket. His dirty converse that soles were stained with mud.
Dallas wore his brown leather jacket. His St. Christopher necklace that he used as a lighter and that ring on his hand. His black t-shirt and denim jeans that were just like Johnny’s. Maybe a little darker than Johnny’s but it was fine. It was still recognizable.
Their faces weren’t recognizable. They were blurry. Like, I couldn’t remember what their faces looked like. I could remember what they sounded like for the most part. I couldn’t remember their faces. Why couldn’t I?
I didn’t know why. I’d see them everywhere. I didn’t tell Darry about it. I didn’t tell Soda either; even though I told him everything. I just dealt with it throughout the whole school year. It didn’t stop there though. The house slowly got a bit more lively but I didn’t. That’s because everyone else accepted that Dallas and Johnny were “dead”. They weren’t dead. I swear.
Maybe I could prove it. I’d probably somehow get myself killed anyway. Then maybe I could show them they weren’t dead. Because I knew, I knew they weren’t gone. Then I realized.
I’ll never get past the first stage.