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Chapter Text

9 Years Old

Mingi giggled as he ran through the bright green field. The dewy grass wet his feet and tickled his ankles and the tree leaves brushed the crown of his head. He turned his head to look over his shoulder and laughed harder when he saw that Yunho was struggling to catch up with him.

“You won't get me like that!” He yelled before picking up his pace again.

It was the start of summer in Crescent and it was warm outside with the sun high in the clear sky. Despite the weather, earlier in the morning, Mingi’s mother had made him wear a jacket, the one she said was fit for a proper prince but that Mingi hated because it was heavy and ugly. 

After breakfast, once his parents had left the sitting room, Mingi had shrugged it off and threw it behind the big couch, trying to muffle his giggles as he hid part of it underneath the furniture so it wouldn’t be seen. Hongjoong was the only one left in the room with him then, but it only took Mingi raising his index finger to his lips and shushing him for him to pretend he hadn’t seen anything.

In the middle of the morning, when Yunho appeared in the castle and grabbed Mingi by the wrist to take him outside, Mingi was only wearing a flowy white shirt, thin and fresh and not princely enough to be approved by his mother.

He knew that he would get in trouble once someone found the jacket. He could already hear his mother telling him that this attitude was unbecoming of a prince, but he didn’t care. He would take the reprimand if it meant he wasn’t heating up inside an ugly piece of clothing.

He was used to it anyway, there were many things that his parents didn’t approve of. They didn’t like the colourful clothes that Mingi would like to pick out every morning or the way that Hongjoong liked to style his hair, they didn’t like when Mingi ran in the castle or when he pushed his textbooks aside so he could look out the window instead.

His parents would never approve of the way Mingi’s pants were now getting a little wet at the bottom from the dew clinging to the grass under his feet and they would be especially disappointed that the reason they were like that was because Mingi chose to run around with Yunho.

It didn’t matter though. Mingi didn’t care about what his parents had to say, he had heard it so many times and he still couldn’t understand it, because why would they be mad that he spent so much time outside with Yunho? Outside was warm and bright and Yunho was nice and funny and good at playing games, there was nothing not to like. Mingi liked playing outside and he liked Yunho even more and thought everyone else should like Yunho too.

“I’m getting closer,” Yunho taunted but Mingi didn't dare look back to see if he was being truthful.

Mingi kept running as he weaved through the trees and avoided their branches. He didn't know how much time passed since they left the castle to play outside, or how long they had been running around the forest, but he was starting to grow tired. His breath was heavier now and he was starting to pant as he tried to breathe without stopping. There was sweat gathering near his hair and on the back of his neck, but he wouldn’t be the first to give up.

He had to win.

Mingi laughed as he ran, making breathing all the more difficult, but he couldn’t help it when Yunho’s laughter echoed his own.

A prince shouldn't act like this, Mingi, his father would say and Mingi would pretend to listen.

But why would Mingi care about what his parents had to say when there was nothing in the world that could be better than running barefoot on the grass while Yunho chased after him?

Mingi stumbled as he sped up and Yunho laughed louder.

"I'm gonna get you!" He yelled, and he sounded even closer now.

Mingi didn’t let the words deter him. 

The sun beat down on him and, with the birds cheering for him with their chirping, he kept running. 

"Mingi," Yunho said, dragging the word teasingly.

Mingi yelped, startled by how close Yunho sounded now, and tried to run faster. Yunho had to be close to catching up with him now and Mingi still wanted to win.

"I won't let you catch me," Mingi yelled back, without faltering.

He was panting as he spoke, his words blending with his sharp inhales and laughter. He wasn’t sure if they were even understandable to anyone else’s ears but he didn’t have time to repeat them, not if he wanted to get away.

Whether Yunho understood him or not, he didn’t reply and it gave Mingi a false sense of security, lowering his focus.

It was all that Yunho needed and, before Mingi could hope that he was finally too far, a body slammed into him.

Mingi squeaked in surprise, stumbling with the impact, and the two of them almost fell to the ground with the force of it.

They staggered a few steps until they could both stand upright again and Yunho didn’t let go of him. His arms wrapped tightly around Mingi’s chest from behind and his laugh rang in Mingi’s ears, louder than the birds singing up in the sky.

Mingi laughed too, falling back into Yunho as he tried to catch his breath after running for so long.

"I caught you," Yunho said, knocking his head against Mingi's playfully.

"I let you," Mingi grinned.

"No, you didn't."

Mingi moved his leg back to kick Yunho’s shin for his words, but it only served to make Yunho laugh harder, free and uncaring, until, finally, he took a step back and let go of him.

They kept interrupting themselves with more laughter while they tried to catch their breaths and Mingi raised a hand to his chest, placing it over his racing heart.

Yunho sat down on the grass, still panting a little. He held a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun as he looked up at Mingi and patted the ground next to him with his other hand.

“Sit with me,” he said.

"I'm going to get my pants dirty.”

Yunho shrugged.

"They're already dirty." He pointed at the bottom of Mingi's legs.

Mingi looked down at his legs. The wetness from running in the grass reached almost to the middle of his lower leg now and he could see specks of green in some places. Yunho was right, Mingi would be scolded anyway, so he might as well do whatever he wanted now.

He stepped forward and plopped down next to Yunho contentedly. 

"This is pretty," Yunho said.

Mingi turned his head to look around them properly now that he could breathe.

"Oh," he said, surprised by what he saw.

They ran more than Mingi thought they had and ended up straying from the path that was known to them. Mingi had never been to this part of the forest before, not with his parents, Hongjoong or the guards, and, from the look on Yunho’s face as he too looked around them, it seemed like he had never been here either.

Slowly, Mingi got up again and walked to the center of the clearing where they ended up, taking in everything.

There were flowers everywhere, pretty and colourful among the green grass and, this time, Mingi didn’t hesitate to lie down among them. The air smelled nice and sweet and, between that and the soft grass, Mingi couldn’t bring himself to care about his clothes or about how a prince was supposed to act. He was comfortable and having fun and he was with Yunho, that was all that mattered.

"You should come over here," he said, raising his head from his flowery pillow to smile at Yunho. "It's nice."

Yunho grinned at him and didn’t hesitate to jump up and join Mingi and the flowers.

They lay down on the grass side by side with flowers of every shape and colour around them and Mingi loved to look at them and hear the birds singing in the trees. He watched as Yunho picked up one of the flowers and brought it to his nose to take in the scent and laughed at the way he scrunched up his nose when the petals tickled him.

“Look at that cloud,” Yunho pointed at the sky. "It's a bunny."

Mingi turned his head to look at the sky, squinting in the direction Yunho was pointing at. He tried to see among all the fluffy white clouds which one Yunho wanted him to see and frowned when he finally found it.

"I think it's a cat," he said.

"A cat?!" Yunho asked, almost offended. "Look at the ears! There's no way that's a cat!"

Mingi scoffed.

"Bunnies have big ears. That's a cat."

"You're wrong."

"I'm the prince. I can't be wrong."

Yunho jabbed his finger into Mingi's side, tickling him as a punishment for disagreeing, and Mingi squirmed away from the finger with a laugh.

"It's a bunny," Yunho repeated.

Mingi wanted to say no again, but Yunho was still tickling him, his fingers more insistent now, and the words got lost between his laughter.

"I'm right," Yunho laughed. "I'm better than the prince. You should give me your crown."

Mingi tried to swat Yunho's hand away, his laughter ringing through the clearing for a little longer even as Yunho stopped tickling him and settled next to him.

"I think we should stay here," Yunho said as Mingi tried to catch his breath. "It's prettier than the castle."

Mingi nodded quickly.

"Do you think my parents would yell at me?"

Yunho grinned.

"A lot,” he said, placing the flower he had picked up behind Mingi’s ear.

Mingi giggled and knocked his head against Yunho's shoulder.

"I think we should stay here too."

13 Years Old

After lunch, Yunho had been waiting outside. He grabbed Mingi’s hand tightly the moment he saw him and pulled him along with no more than a cheeky smile thrown over his shoulder. Mingi didn’t know where they were going, but he didn’t think twice before following. He would always go wherever Yunho decided to take him.

Yunho pulled him along until they reached the back of the castle where they started walking slower, almost pressed up against the stone wall, trying as hard as they could not to be seen by anyone. 

Despite their clasped hands, Yunho still looked back every once in a while to look at him and, every time their eyes met, Mingi would smile at him. He wanted to tell him that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he would never stop holding his hand, but he knew that they had to be silent, so he settled for what he could.

No matter how silent they were though, they couldn’t stop people from walking down the path altogether. Voices approached and, before Mingi could say anything about it, Yunho was already tugging at his hand and forcing him to duck and hide behind some crates with fruit and vegetables.

The air was hot and Mingi’s palms were starting to sweat where he was clutching Yunho’s sleeve. He bit his lip to contain a giggle and the two of them pressed close to each other in the small space.

“Be quiet,” Yunho shushed him, but he was having trouble keeping the laughter from his voice too.

He leaned forward to look from behind the crates and Mingi grabbed his arm tightly to not let him peek out too much in fear of being seen.

Although the path they were following was relatively familiar, they weren’t supposed to be here. Or, rather, Mingi wasn’t supposed to be here.

The back of the castle was reserved for the castle staff and it was no place for a prince. Mingi knew that he would get in trouble with his parents if he were to be caught, therefore, he kept as quiet as possible as he leaned on Yunho’s back.

They were here for a good reason, one that promised a sweet pastry as their end goal.

Once the voices weren't too far away to be heard anymore, Yunho got up from where they were crouching and pulled Mingi with him. There was a mischievous expression on his face and Mingi felt an answering grin appear on his own.

“Let's go,” Yunho said, voice low even though no one was around to hear them.

When they got to the kitchen backdoor, Yunho peeked into the room to check if there was anyone around. Mingi waited behind him and smiled brightly when he turned around to wink at Mingi and pull him along.

The kitchen was warm and bathed in the golden light from the sun coming through the windows. It smelled like fresh bread and, even though Mingi had a nice lunch, he still felt his mouth watering.

“What should we get today?” 

Mingi looked at the pastries they had in the kitchen for the day, considering all the options. He wanted something sweet, but he didn't think he wanted chocolate today. Maybe the answer was something fruity, he reasoned.

“What are you two doing here?” Someone asked from behind them just as Mingi was reaching out his hand to grab a slice of blueberry pie.

He tensed up and slowly turned around with a grimace on his face, though it quickly turned into a sigh of relief when he saw who was at the door.

“Hi, dad,” Yunho said, giving the man a grin that was more playful than apologetic.

“I didn't know you could be here, Your Highness,” Yunho’s father said, an eyebrow raised as he looked at Mingi.

Mingi smiled sheepishly at him but let himself relax when he saw the smile on the man’s face.

“Oh,” Yunho said, uncaring. “He was just hungry. I couldn't let His Highness starve. You taught me better than that.”

He said the title teasingly and Mingi knocked their shoulders together to push him slightly. Yunho only laughed.

“I hardly think His Highness would starve without eating for only a few hours,” Yunho's father said, the amused smile still on his face.

“His Highness can't wait.” Yunho shook his head, voice serious as if Mingi would actually perish if he didn't get to taste the pastries.

Yunho's father laughed and sighed fondly.

“I didn't see anything,” he said. “You better hurry out of here.”

“Thank you,” Mingi said.

Yunho's father smiled at him and ruffled Yunho's hair until he swatted his hand away before leaving the room.

“Your father is cool,” Mingi said, finally picking up the slice of pie he had been eyeing.

It tasted heavenly in his mouth and he closed his eyes to savour it better, barely paying attention as Yunho picked up a stray basket and started filling it up with other pastries.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “We were lucky. Maybe next time I should come alone.”

Mingi shook his head quickly.

“I like coming here though.”

Yunho looked at him for a second and then shrugged.

“We'll just have to be more careful then,” he said. “Come on.”

It was easier to leave the kitchen than it was to enter and, even as they rounded the corner to the left side of the castle, they didn’t see anyone else.

Yunho carried their basket while Mingi finished his slice of pie as they hurried down the path and they only stopped when they reached the shade of a big tree that overlooked the training grounds.

The sound of swords clacking together permeated the air around them and the grass below them tickled the back of Mingi's neck when he lay on his back. Next to him, Yunho lay on his stomach, his elbows on the ground and his hands holding his head up as he nibbled on a chocolate cupcake and stared at where the guards were training a few yards away.

He seemed completely entranced by what he was watching, his eyes unmoving and his lips a little parted. He remained silent, doing nothing but staring, and it made Mingi almost want to go back to the castle and sit at the library, maybe Yunho would notice his absence faster than his presence.

Mingi managed to get through two pastries before he got too annoyed to stay quiet.

“Why are you so invested?” Mingi complained. “What’s so interesting about them?”

He wanted to have fun with Yunho, that was the whole plan for their afternoon, he didn’t want to lie on the grass and watch the guards train while Yunho wouldn’t even talk to him.

"Huh?" Yunho mumbled, barely turning his head to look at Mingi.

Mingi felt his bottom lip jut out. Even while talking, he still had to share Yunho’s attention with the guards on the field.

“I thought you wanted to spend time with me,” he grumbled, fingers pulling at the grass in annoyance.

Yunho blinked and finally turned his head to look at Mingi.

"Sorry," he said. "I like watching them."

Mingi glanced at the guards for a second before staring back at Yunho.

"Why?" He asked.

Yunho shrugged but he was already looking at the field again.

"It looks fun."

Mingi scrunched up his nose at the words.

"What?" Yunho asked when he saw his expression. "You don't think so?"

"Not really."

Yunho hummed and they were silent for a second as he watched the guards.

"I want to be like them one day."

Mingi turned to look at him.

"You do?"

The way he was talking, it seemed like it was something Yunho had thought about before and that he was sure of. Despite his certainty though, this was the first time Mingi was hearing about it and he couldn’t help the slight pang of hurt he felt. He thought that Yunho told him everything but it appeared he had been wrong.

Yunho nodded.

"I want to train to be a royal guard, too."

"Oh."

At the words, Mingi turned his head to look at the guards properly. He watched them briefly a few times before, but he never bothered staying around for too long since he always ended up getting bored. He never saw the appeal in training and fighting under the sunlight, but, if Yunho thought it was fun, maybe he had been missing something all along.

"You never said anything," Mingi said, trying not to sound too upset by it.

Yunho shrugged.

"I wasn't sure about it. It looks a little scary, doesn't it?"

Mingi furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why do you want to do it then?"

Yunho turned his head to grin at him, eyes twinkling under the sun.

"It also looks fun," he laughed.

Mingi looked at him doubtfully.

"I don't know about that."

"Don't worry," Yunho said, tilting his head until it was touching Mingi's. "Once I'm a royal guard, I'll make sure you don't have to fight. Ever."

Mingi hummed, unsure about everything that Yunho was saying and still a little bitter that he didn’t tell him that he wanted to be a guard sooner.

"I'm serious," Yunho continued. "I want to train and be good enough to be your personal guard."

"You do?" Mingi asked, turning sharply to look at him.

He pushed the bitterness he felt away for a moment in favour of looking at Yunho, confused and a little hopeful. He had never thought of Yunho as his personal guard before, it had never been a possibility but, now that Yunho was talking about it, Mingi couldn’t help but imagine it.

Yunho would be able to go with him everywhere, to all his meetings and trips to other kingdoms, and he would be able to spend time with him even when he was busy with his duties. It sounded great and, even though it might have been a little too early for it, Mingi let the idea settle in his mind.

Yunho nodded.

"Yes. That's what I want."

"Why?"

“My father always told me to follow my dreams, do what I want and shape the future I want for myself.”

Mingi nodded, understanding. His parents had never said anything similar to him, after all, he couldn’t exactly pave his own way, but he was happy to know that at least one of them could live an interesting life.

"Plus,” Yunho added. “I always want to be by your side," he said like it was the simplest thing.

Mingi pretended like it didn't make his heart beat faster to know that Yunho wanted the same exact thing he did and that he had thought about it before.

"You can be by my side without being my guard," he said, nonchalantly. "You're my friend."

"I know." Yunho shrugged. "But I’m just the son of one of the cooks, we can spend time together now but, in the future, it might be more difficult.”

“You know I don’t care about your status.”

“But your parents do,” Yunho pointed out. “Many other people do.”

Mingi shrugged. He had never let that deter him, he wasn’t willing to start now or at any point in the future.

“Plus,” Yunho said before Mingi could voice that thought. “It will be easier to protect you if I'm a guard, won't it?"

Mingi blinked at him.

"You want to protect me?" He asked, surprised.

Yunho nodded quickly.

"Yes."

"I'm not a defenceless princess," Mingi grumbled.

Yunho laughed.

"No," Yunho agreed. "But you're still my favourite princess."

Yunho winked obnoxiously and Mingi rolled his eyes, pushing him away and down to the ground. Yunho did nothing to stop Mingi and went down easily, only laughing more and more at Mingi's annoyed expression.

"Shut up." Mingi hit him on the shoulder.

He would not admit that he wasn’t actually annoyed and that he liked the sound of Yunho wanting to keep him safe. He liked the sound of that a little too much.

"I'm serious, though," Yunho said after a moment of laughter. "I do want to train with the guards and, if you'll have me once I'm good enough, I want to be your personal guard."

Mingi bit his lip to contain a smile.

"You know I could never choose anyone else as long as you're an option."

Yunho seemed surprised by the words.

"Even if the other guards are better?" He asked.

"Yes," Mingi said.

It was the truth. No matter how many other competent guards there were, if Yunho was an option and he wanted to be chosen, then Mingi could never pick anyone else. Now that Yunho had planted the seed of the idea in his mind, Mingi wanted that future for them too.

"I'm glad," Yunho smiled at him before he turned back to look at the training grounds. "One day, I will be like them."

15 Years Old

Mingi was bored.

He had been stuck in the library for hours with a book open in front of him, though he had been reading the same few pages over and over for just as long. He was trying to retain the words but his efforts weren’t working as well as he hoped they would.

He didn’t like economics. He knew that he should care about how to manage the kingdom and its finances, he should know how to make everything run as smoothly as possible so he could aid the council once he became part of it and, eventually, help Hongjoong too. He knew his duties and yet he still thought that he wasn’t the right person for the job, especially when he would always rather do anything other than study.

To make matters worse, the weather was nice outside. He wanted to leave the library and go for a walk.

Yunho told Mingi earlier in the morning that he would be going into the village with his father, so he wasn’t available, but Mingi wondered if Hongjoong had been freed from duties already or if he was still stuck with them as it was usual these days. If he were, maybe they could have lunch together.

“Is the weather nice in the clouds?”

Mingi blinked out of his daze and turned his head to look at Seonghwa. He had been sitting on an armchair near the shelves the entire time, keeping Mingi as he too studied. It was peaceful and silent as they read their respective books, though Seonghwa seemed much more interested in what he was studying than Mingi could ever be. 

“What?” Mingi asked.

“Every time that I look at you, you’re busy daydreaming,” Seonghwa pointed out.

“This is boring,” Mingi grumbled, gesturing vaguely at the book and papers in front of him. “I don’t want to know about money and taxes and profits.”

Seonghwa chuckled and closed his book before getting up. He approached Mingi and looked over his shoulder to read the papers in front of him.

“Do you want me to help you study that?”

Mingi groaned and leaned forward, almost hitting the table with his forehead as he rested it there.

“It’s not that I don’t understand it,” he said. “I just don’t care.”

Sensing the frustration, Seonghwa hummed and ran his fingers gently through Mingi’s hair.

At the feeling, Mingi closed his eyes. Bored and tired as he was, if Seonghwa didn’t pull away, he might fall asleep like this, under the tender ministrations that could lull him without much trouble.

Seonghwa was always so gentle, so supportive and kind. He wasn’t family when it came to the blood that ran in their veins but he was in every way that mattered. After knowing each other for so long and spending so many days and nights together, both good and bad, Seonghwa was part of them.

He was the son of nobles, important people who were close enough to the royal family to facilitate a place for him within the castle, and he grew up with Hongjoong and Mingi. They were close, it was always the three of them and Yunho when he could get away from the kitchens, and Mingi couldn't imagine his life without any of them in it.

He could see his life without economics though.

Seonghwa’s hands moved to his shoulders, digging his fingers into the skin in a massage, and Mingi sighed as he let his body relax.

He hoped that one day, when Hongjoong was king and he could make decisions without being behind their parents, Seonghwa would officially become part of their family. If the way they had been acting around each other for so long, Mingi was counting on it happening.

For now, while that couldn’t happen, Mingi was glad that Seonghwa was studying so much because he wanted to be on the King’s council. The council could benefit from someone kind and smart like Seonghwa much more than from someone like him and he wished that his father saw that too once Seonghwa applied.

“Why don’t you take a break? You’ve been here for long enough,” Seonghwa said gently.

“You should take a break too,” Mingi said. “You spend too long studying.”

Seonghwa shrugged.

“I have to prove myself if I want the King to choose me,” he said. “Plus, I like studying.”

Mingi grimaced.

“You would be a much better prince than me.”

Seonghwa tilted his head as he looked at Mingi, his eyes running over his face as he tried to read his expression.

“Are you okay?”

He sounded concerned, fingertips careful as they played with Mingi’s hair.

“I’m fine.”

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. Mingi was alright, but he did have some worries that had been lingering under the surface for a while and he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with them. Some days, he didn’t think about them at all, while, other days, they were all-consuming.

“Are you sure?” Seonghwa pressed.

He knew Mingi like the back of his hand and Mingi had never been able to lie to him or hide anything from him.

“I don’t know,” Mingi admitted.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

A part of Mingi didn’t want to. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, to open up about his feelings and let someone in so deeply. But he knew it would probably do him good and, if there was someone who would listen to him and not judge him in any way, it was Seonghwa.

“I’m not sure I’m the right person to be a prince,” he finally said.

Seonghwa tilted his head to the side as he regarded him and then he pulled back the chair next to Mingi so he could sit closer.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t even like studying,” Mingi said, pushing the papers in front of him in frustration. “How could I ever make decisions about a kingdom and help run it?”

Seonghwa hummed as he thought about what Mingi said.

“There’s no right way to be a prince, Mingi,” he started. “Studying helps make decisions, but the kingdom likes you for who you are, you know that, right?”

Mingi shrugged.

“I know the kingdom likes me,” he said. “I’m more worried about disappointing my parents right now. And not being able to help Hongjoong when he needs it.”

“Making big decisions gets a little easier with time,” Seonghwa said kindly. “You’ll grow into it. And Hongjoong knows what he has to do, he knows his duties, and you know as well as I do that he likes being the crown prince. He trusts you and your opinion, even if you don’t.”

“I don’t know.”

“And even if it’s a subject that you can’t help him with,” Seonghwa continued. “He will have a council to help him choose the best options.”

It was true enough but there was still something inside Mingi that didn’t let him believe it. He didn’t feel adequate. His parents were always so sure of their ruling, his brother loved being the crown prince and had dreamed about the day he would be in front of the kingdom for years. Mingi could never be like them. He couldn’t be like Seonghwa either.

“I just think I’m not meant for this life.”

“What are you meant for then?” Seonghwa asked.

He didn’t seem disappointed or mad that Mingi wanted to do something other than study and be a prince. He seemed willing to listen and, to Mingi’s surprise, he didn’t seem very shocked at the words he was hearing either.

“I’m not sure,” Mingi mumbled.

He never thought that far ahead. He barely even let himself think about what he wanted in fear of discovering something he could never have. It was safer this way, he couldn't long for something if it didn't cross his mind.

Seonghwa looked at him encouragingly and Mingi sighed as he tried to put into words the feelings he never even allowed himself to feel properly.

“Just something different. Something that isn’t staying inside a castle, studying and waiting for the day I get married off to another kingdom to establish better relations.”

Seonghwa’s expression turned a little sadder as Mingi talked and he didn’t have anything to say to counter the words. Neither of them liked it, but they both knew that, most likely, Mingi’s fate would be exactly that. Hongjoong was meant to rule this kingdom and Mingi would marry another to strengthen their relationship. It was the way of his life, the cards he had been dealt at birth.

“You don’t seem surprised,” Mingi pointed out.

“I can’t say I am,” Seonghwa said.

“Why?”

“You’re always in the clouds,” Seonghwa started with a teasing smile. “And there’s this look in your eyes. It’s like you want more than royalty can give you.”

“I shouldn’t want more when I’m a prince. I have everything.”

Seonghwa shook his head.

“You have everything when it comes to some things. You have gold, you have power, you have a reputation. You have duties and responsibilities. But I think that despite all that, what you want is something that being a prince can’t give you.”

Mingi bit his lip.

“What is it that I want?”

Seonghwa tucked a piece of hair behind Mingi's ear.

“That’s not for me to decide, Mingi,” he said, a kind smile on his lips. “But, for what is worth, I think what you want is freedom. You can’t get the freedom that you want when you’re tied down by your duties.”

Mingi looked away from him, feeling entirely too seen. The word wasn’t exactly something that he had thought about before. He was used to thinking that he could get anything that he wanted, but, now that Seonghwa had said it, the word seemed to fill the void inside him that he never fully understood.

Freedom.

“Does that sound right?” Seonghwa asked, a knowing look on his face.

Mingi nodded, a little scared.

“How am I supposed to get that when what I have to do goes against it?”

“I don’t know if I have the answer for that. Freedom can take many shapes, the whole point of it is choosing your own path.”

“I don’t think I will ever be able to do that.”

“Well,” Seonghwa said. “If there is ever a chance for you to choose freedom, just know that I’m behind you.”

Mingi knew that Seonghwa couldn’t promise him freedom, it was more complicated than that. But he still appreciated the words and the reassurance that he always had someone who was there for him. He didn’t think he would ever have that much choice in his life, but it felt good to know that, if the time ever came, he wouldn’t be alone.

Quick and impulsive, Mingi got up from his chair and pulled on Seonghwa’s arm so he could get up too, taking a step forward to hug him as soon as they were both standing. He just wanted Seonghwa to know that he appreciated him and he was thankful for what he was doing without having to say the words. Seonghwa had to know how important he was to Mingi.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You don’t have to thank me, Mingi,” he said, holding Mingi tightly. “Not for this.”

Mingi shrugged as they pulled away from each other.

“I hope Hongjoong marries you one day.”

Seonghwa’s face flushed red and he slapped Mingi weakly on the shoulder, making him laugh.

“Come on,” Seonghwa said, turning around from Mingi and his laughter with stiff shoulders. “Let’s do something else.”

16 Years Old

“I’m tired,” Yunho panted.

Mingi lifted his eyes from the book that he had been reading and raised an eyebrow.

“Shouldn’t a royal guard be in perfect condition and not get tired after only a few hours of training?”

A month ago, Yunho started training with the guards. He wasn’t officially a guard yet since it was his trial and training period for now, but he had visibly been over the moon since then. Every day, if they found time to see each other, Yunho would recount his day and his training with excitement in his voice and a smile on his face.

Mingi still didn’t see the appeal of being a guard, but if it made Yunho this happy then he wouldn’t say anything. Anything that put such a bright smile on Yunho’s face was good in Mingi’s eyes.

“Not a royal guard yet,” Yunho pointed out, sitting down next to Mingi. “What are you reading?”

Mingi closed the book and showed him the cover before turning back to the page where he left off.

“A romance?” Yunho asked. “Shouldn’t a prince be studying economics or ethics or something?”

Mingi shoved him away and ignored his laughter.

“A prince has to know about romance too,” he said.

“Thinking about courting some princess?” Yunho asked, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Of course, not,” Mingi scoffed.

“If you say so,” Yunho grinned at him. “How long have you been here?”

“Fifteen minutes, maybe?”

“Did you watch me?”

He was sitting cross-legged next to Mingi, looking at him as he waited for a reply. There were droplets of sweat on his forehead and he was still catching his breath, practice sword and shield discarded next to him.

“I watched a little,” Mingi said.

“What did you think?”

Yunho’s eyes were wide and focused solely on Mingi, he didn’t even blink as he waited for a reply, eager to know what Mingi was thinking.

“You’re getting better,” Mingi smiled. “Maybe you can be my personal guard soon.”

“I think I have to be at least twenty for that,” Yunho laughed and Mingi wasn’t sure if the pink on his cheeks was from the compliment or from all the exercise he had been doing the whole afternoon.

“Maybe they can make an exception for you if you’re good enough.”

“And you think I’m good enough for that?” Yunho raised an eyebrow.

Mingi shrugged.

“Maybe not yet,” he conceded. “But soon.”

“You have too much faith in me.”

“I just think you’re the best for the job. And I wouldn’t want anyone else to do it either.”

Yunho seemed a little shy after that, looking away towards the practice grounds with red colouring his ears. Mingi didn’t understand why, he was only telling the truth, if Yunho was an option, why would he ever want anyone else?

There weren’t many guards practicing anymore and Mingi turned back to his book. He could only get one paragraph into it before Yunho talked again.

“What do you think it’s going to be like?”

“What?”

“The future. What do you think it’s going to look like for us?”

In a way, Mingi thought that their future would be easy to predict. Mingi would be a prince and he would be Hongjoong’s right-hand man until he went to live his own life, maybe in the kingdom he had been growing up in, maybe in another one, married to a high society girl.

Yunho’s future wasn’t as set in stone as his. He could do whatever he wanted since he wasn’t locked to a fate written by the throne. For now, he seemed determined to be Mingi’s personal guard and, if that ended up happening, they would be together for a long time in the future.

Mingi thought that, if Yunho put his mind to it,  he would surely get what he wanted.

“I think I’ll be helping Hongjoong rule the kingdom,” Mingi ended up saying. “And you’ll be a royal guard.”

“Prince Mingi and his personal guard.” Yunho grinned.

Mingi’s cheeks warmed and he quickly diverted his eyes back to the book in his lap, suddenly too shy to look at Yunho anymore.

“We’ll be together, right?” Mingi asked him.

He thought that no matter what the future brought his way, whether it would end up looking like he thought it would or completely different, as long as Yunho was by his side, Mingi would be okay.

“Of course,” Yunho promised. “You think I could ever leave you?”

18 Years Old

The sky was grey and the heavy clouds were threatening rain as Mingi ran across the castle garden, ignoring everyone who looked his way. He was sure that, at this point, everyone knew that he sneaked into the back of the castle every once in a while and was only turning a blind eye anyway. He was sure that they had never seen him like this though, frantic and uncaring of the way his pants and shoes were getting dirtied with mud.

It didn’t matter though, nothing mattered to Mingi but getting to the back of the castle as quickly as possible, to the corridors behind the kitchen where the permanent staff of the castle lived.

The kitchen smelled like freshly baked bread but, for once, Mingi couldn’t focus on it, couldn’t feel his mouth water or his body relax at the homey feeling. There was nothing joyful about today.

Mingi’s heart raced as he looked around the corridor, finally spotting someone he knew. It was a woman who worked in the gardens, someone he had seen plenty of times and who had looked away when Mingi and Yunho were sneaking around the gardens when they should have been doing something else.

“Good morning,” he said, attempting to be polite while catching his breath.

“Your Highness,” she said startled, bowing at him.

“Have you seen Yunho?”

Her face contorted into a sadder expression, a pained smile on her lips as she shook her head.

“I haven’t seen him since everything happened,” she said. “I think he has been keeping inside the room.”

Mingi nodded, feeling more desperate to get to him by the second.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome, Prince Mingi. I hope you can help him.”

Mingi smiled at her, though they both knew there was no happiness within the gesture.

“I hope so too.”

She bowed again before leaving in the direction of the kitchen and, without hesitation, Mingi hurried down the corridor, down the path that he knew by heart. He had taken it plenty of times before, the only difference now was that he was alone when, usually, Yunho would be by his side. In Yunho’s place, there was only the lingering sadness that the knowledge of why he was missing brought.

When Mingi got to the door of the room Yunho used to share with his father, he knocked softly on the door. He needed to be gentle, he didn’t want to startle Yunho or make him hide even more within himself.

“Yunho,” he called out. “It’s me.”

He leaned against the door frame and waited in silence, his hands busy playing with the bottom of his shirt. He waited for a sign that Yunho had heard him, he didn’t want to pressure him, but there was nothing. He was only met with silence.

It pained him to know that Yunho was hiding and hurting behind the door, alone and without anyone to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright.

“Open the door,” he said once more, tone pleading now. “Please.”

He didn’t want Yunho to be alone, not right now, not when he was suffering and needed someone to be there for him. Mingi wanted to be that person, he just had to convince Yunho to let him in.

“Let me in, Yuyu.”

Finally, after too long without being able to look at Yunho and see with his own eyes how he was feeling, the door was unlocked and opened slightly.

Mingi straightened up, the gap from the open door as much of an invitation as he would get, and sighed when he saw Yunho standing there.

His posture was defeated, his hands curled and gripping the sides of his pants, he was looking down, unable to make eye contact, but Mingi could still see the frown on his face, his lips downturned and his entire expression downcast.

“Can I come in?” Mingi asked, softly.

As much as he wanted to talk to Yunho and be there for him, he wanted, above everything, to ensure that Yunho was comfortable. He didn’t want to pressure him or make him feel suffocated, he just wanted to do whatever he could to make Yunho feel better when he needed it so much.

Yunho didn’t reply with words, he only shrugged and turned away to walk back inside. He left the door open though, a sign for Mingi to come into the room.

Inside, it was dark with the curtains still closed and Mingi almost tripped on a stray shirt that had been left abandoned on the floor. Yunho’s bed in the corner of the room was made and tidy, but Mingi winced when he looked at the bed where Yunho’s father used to sleep, the place Yunho had beelined to the moment he turned away from the door. The covers were in disarray, a sign of tossing and turning, and Mingi’s heart broke at the sight of Yunho lying there, on the empty bed, consumed by sadness and loneliness.

Slowly, Mingi walked further into the room. He was trying his best to be careful not to spook Yunho in any way until he was standing next to the bed, close enough to hear Yunho’s shallow breaths in the stillness of the room.

Yunho’s back was turned to him, his head hidden beneath the covers, only his dark hair peeking out. Mingi could barely see him and yet he could feel the heartbreak taking over the room. It was clear that Yunho didn’t want to talk, at least not right now, and Mingi looked around the room as if somewhere within the darkness he would find what to do to help Yunho.

Slowly, he sat down on the edge of the bed, hesitating before reaching out his hand and gently settling it over Yunho’s shoulder.

Yunho tensed up under his touch but didn’t pull away and Mingi took it as a good sign. He moved his hand slowly, rubbing up and down Yunho’s arm over the covers, offering as much silent support as he could until Yunho was ready to look at him.

They spent a few minutes like that. The silent room was safe but it felt suffocating with the helplessness inside Mingi. He didn’t care about the way his heart was twisting though, it didn’t matter when Yunho was falling apart in front of him.

Yunho was still under the covers when he turned around in bed, his face hidden from Mingi’s view, but it was an openness he hadn’t shown until now and Mingi took it with open hands, shifting a little closer in bed, hand unstopping in its gentle motions.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, his voice low but too loud in the quiet room.

Yunho’s laugh was rough and unamused, there was pain behind it, misery that couldn’t be hidden.

“I think that’s obvious.”

It was obvious but Mingi wasn't good at this, he didn't know what to do when his friend was so clearly consumed by grief. He wanted to be there for him but he didn’t know what to say or what to do. He didn't want to pressure Yunho, he just didn't know where the line between being supportive and being suffocating was.

“Do you want to talk?” He asked, his voice as gentle as he possibly could.

“Not really,” Yunho said. “There's not much to say.”

He peeked out from under the blankets and Mingi could just barely see the way his eyes looked puffy, red and tired.

“What do you want me to do?” He asked, desperate to help.

He would do anything to take the hurt from Yunho.

“Just be here?”

It was posed as a question, Yunho's voice weak and unsure, and Mingi would give him anything he asked for. Being there for him was hardly a task when it was all Mingi wanted to do.

“Of course,” Mingi promised. “I'll always be here.”

He scooted closer to Yunho and moved his hand to touch his hair, playing with the slightly greasy strands.

“Can I lay down?” Mingi asked.

Yunho glanced up at him. He didn't say anything but he moved enough to give Mingi space on the bed.

Mingi lay down slowly, giving Yunho enough time to push him away if he changed his mind and opted to stay on top of the covers instead of joining Yunho under them.

“Can I hold you?”

He heard the way Yunho’s breath stuttered and, at Yunho’s nod, didn’t hesitate to move closer and wrap his arms around him.

Mingi brought him closer in a hug, trying to make it tight enough for Yunho to feel him there without making him feel caged. He squeezed his arms around him before relaxing them again, running one hand up and down Yunho’s back and combing the other through his hair.

“He’s gone,” Yunho said, words barely audible. “My dad is gone.”

Mingi sighed and brought Yunho even closer.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

The room fell quiet again and Mingi focused on Yunho’s breathing, hot and uneven against his neck.

“I miss him. I think I will miss him for a while.”

Mingi didn’t have an answer, he wasn’t good with comforting words, so he tried his best to convey that he was there, that he would hold Yunho through his grief and wouldn’t let go of him until he was forced away.

It was the least he could do but, faced with the sadness in every breath Yunho took, Mingi’s efforts felt like nothing. He wished he had the power to do more, but, alas, he could only offer a hug.

He held Yunho closed and let him cry against his chest.

7 Months Later

Yunho hadn’t been himself ever since his father died.

Mingi understood it wasn’t something that one recovered from quickly or easily, it took time, so, he tried to give Yunho all the space that he needed to process his grief while making sure he knew that Mingi was there when he was ready. However, as time passed, it seemed as if Yunho only pulled more and more away, not only from him but from everyone around.

Months had already passed and, even though Mingi attempted to support Yunho in any way that he could, he knew that something eventually had to give. Everything changed too much, Yunho was too different, almost a shell of himself.

In the end, it happened on a normal day.

Mingi got up as usual, he got dressed in the clothes that were picked for him and left his room to have breakfast with his family. Afterwards, he attended to his affairs, studied in the library with Seonghwa in the morning and, since the weather was bright and sunny, he accompanied his mother for a walk through the gardens in the afternoon.

A normal day. A completely normal, usual, not at all unlike the other days.

Therefore, Mingi could have never been ready for what was awaiting him. He could never have been prepared for the way his heart halted and then squeezed in his chest, his body shivering as reality came to collect him as its victim.

Maybe he should have suspected something when he didn’t see Yunho the whole day, maybe he could have asked someone for his whereabouts, but, at the time, he didn’t think much of it. Yunho was still grieving and, on top of that, he was busy with his training, especially now that Mingi’s nineteenth birthday was drawing closer and it would be time to name Yunho his personal guard.

There had been no reason for Mingi to worry, no reason to suspect that something was amiss.

And yet, here Mingi was, heart at his feet in tiny pieces he was unsure would ever be mendable again.

The letter was clutched in his hands, his fingers trembling where they were gripping the paper as if it could erase the words. It felt like the floor was caving in beneath his feet. He was falling, lightheaded and helpless.

He leaned against his bed, the place where he had found the letter, and let his knees give up on holding him up. He sat on the edge of the mattress and stared unseeing at the paper.

How could this have happened? How could he not have noticed that everything was heading in this direction?

How could Yunho ever depart without telling him? Without as much as saying goodbye?

Mingi tried to read the words but the tears were welling up and he could never control them.

Weakened, he wept.

My Mingi,

I’m sorry that you have to read these words instead of hearing them from my mouth. I’m afraid that, despite what you might think of me, I will never be the brave, courageous person you always saw me as.

I’m sorry I couldn’t say this to you in person. I’m sorry that I could never bear to look into your face and see your eyes as I broke all the promises I swore to keep.

We talked about the future for so long, about what it would look like for us. Prince Mingi and his loyal personal guard. It always sounded perfect, didn’t it? You and I, side by side until the end of time, together no matter what life threw our way.

I’m sorry that I went and threw our dreams out the window. Please, believe me when I say that nothing pained me more than to leave, not the kingdom or the home I’ve always known, but you, the very person I always wanted with me. Please, believe me when I say that I never lied to you when I told you that having you by my side was the perfect picture for my future.

But I couldn’t do it, Mingi, not like this, not inside a castle, stuffed and suffocating. Not after the last person in my family died.

I told you once that my father wanted me to chase my dreams and, for a while, I thought my dream was being a royal guard. I think I was wrong though. My idea of a dream was clouded by the need to be next to you, being a guard was never as important as having you by my side.

Leaving you is hard, but it must be done for me to find myself, find my place and what I truly want. I’m sorry that by doing so I am hurting you.

I want you by my side, Mingi, but I also want to be free. I want to travel, to learn about different places and different people, to live in an unfamiliar world. I hate having to choose, I hate that making a choice means leaving you behind, but I hope that one day you will find it within you to forgive me.

I imagined our future together countless times, I weighed my options like my life depended on it (I think, in a way, it did depend on it). Do not think, for even a second, that letting go of you and everything we could have had was an easy choice or a decision I took lightly. It breaks my heart to know that I will not be by your side as I am used to.

But I had to fly. I had to leave and live for myself. I’m sorry I couldn’t do that there and I am even more sorry that this is how you have to find out.

You are the person I hold dearest in my heart and, one day, I hope you forgive me and I hope that I can see you again. I hope that, if that day comes, you are smiling, bright and happy and fulfilled.

I plan to go west, to travel to where the sea awaits and set sail on a vessel. I want to discover the world, I think it must be beautiful out there where I haven’t reached yet. If I ever see you again, I will tell you everything about it, maybe even bring you with me.

I guess I am being too foolish now, too idealistic. I can’t help but place you in every one of my dreams, new or old, but you have no reason to trust me now, I am aware of that and I am sorry.

I write this letter to you, my heart in my throat and my hands shaking as the pen presses to the paper and I wish that I wasn’t a coward. I wish that I was the person you thought I was and that I could be brave enough to let go of my selfish need for more and be happy with the world I had with me.

If you can find it in you to forgive me, next year, on the day of the Winter Solstice, I will find my way back to you and your kingdom and I will wait on the place that is our own. You do not have to come to me. I will understand if you never wish to see my face again, but I know I will never forget you, so I will be waiting.

Be happy, my Mingi, even though I am not there, I wish for nothing more.

Yours, wherever I am, for as long as you will have me,

Yunho

Mingi didn’t know how to deal with the emptiness, to deal with the knowledge that Yunho wasn’t around anymore. He felt betrayed, he felt lost and alone. He was left behind and the future he had dreamed about was ripped from him and the person he wanted to share everything with was the one taking it away.

Was it his fault? Did Mingi not give him enough? Could he have done more to prevent Yunho from feeling like he had to leave?

He could barely think, unable to comprehend what was in front of him. He didn’t know how to deal with the words on the paper he was still clutching and with the loss written on it. He wasn’t strong enough for it, he didn’t want it to be his reality. He hoped he could wake up soon and run to the kitchen, find Yunho and hug him, tell him to never let go.

Maybe the worst part was that, despite the hurt and the pain, Mingi couldn’t even be mad. He read Yunho’s words, how he needed space and to figure himself out, how he wanted to fly and live a life that the castle couldn’t give him. Mingi couldn’t comprehend it fully, but, if it was what Yunho felt, Mingi couldn’t do anything about it.

He wanted Yunho to be happy, he always had and he always would, and Yunho had left to find that happiness. In his heart, Mingi wished for him to find it, even if he wasn’t a part of it anymore.

Yunho left with nothing more than a letter on Mingi’s pillow and he couldn’t do anything about it.

Wherever Yunho was, Mingi didn’t think he would ever stop thinking about it or that he would ever stop mourning the future they didn’t get to have. And maybe Mingi was doing no more than condemning himself to the pain by letting Yunho stay in his heart despite everything, maybe he should be angry, maybe he should burn the letter.

And yet, it didn’t seem to matter. Mingi had been damned the moment Yunho left. 

Nothing mattered anymore.

Chapter Text

1 Year Later

Mingi didn’t like being alone.

Ever since he was little, he preferred having people around him and he was never sure what to do on his own or how to entertain himself. Outside, he was always with Yunho and the other kids who lived in the castle, playing hide and seek or kicking a football around and, inside, he liked spending time with Hongjoong and Seonghwa. He would sit with them in the tea room and nod along to their conversation, even though sometimes he didn’t understand it, until Hongjoong got up and chased him around the room.

It didn’t change as he grew up. Mingi always preferred studying when there were other people in the library so that he didn’t have to do so in silence and he enjoyed hearing loose chatter and conversations from the staff that didn’t make sense to him as he walked down the corridors of the castle and through the gardens.

It had always been like that, Mingi liked people and he would always rather have someone by his side.

In the past year, it only became more apparent.

Seonghwa had finally integrated the King’s council and he spent most of his time studying (even more than before) or having meetings with important noblemen and high society people. Hongjoong was becoming more and more busy, duties and responsibilities piling up as their father tried to prepare him for the throne. The kids that Mingi grew up with were older now and they had either left to live in the town or started working in the castle like their parents. And Yunho… Yunho was somewhere far away, probably not even thinking about Mingi anymore.

He didn’t have anyone to spend time with and the past months had been agonizing. He had tried to do whatever he could, had even tried painting and playing the flute at one point, but it had been to no avail.

And, now, here he was sitting on his own as it had become usual, observing the guards that were training on the grounds below him. Although, even if Mingi’s eyes were on them, both his head and his heart were somewhere else.

It was early June, the sun was shining above him, still a little shy, and it was warm enough to be outside without sweating through his clothes. Summer was approaching and, with it, so would Mingi’s nineteenth birthday and the day he would have to choose his personal guard.

When the day came, Mingi would have to be prepared, he had to know who he would pick.

He had to get to know the guards, the way they presented themselves and the way they fought, he had to know who they were and how they could help him, find the best match for himself. He knew it was in his best interest, the decision was fully his and Hongjoong had told him months ago that knowing the guards would make it easier.

However, Mingi had ignored the advice then, wounds too tender within his heart to think about the inevitability of having to choose someone. Even now, so close to the date and less prepared than he should be, Mingi still couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to what he was watching.

About twenty guards were training at the moment and Mingi couldn’t tell any of them apart. Even though he knew he had most likely seen them before, he didn’t know their names, their ages or ranks. He should be more familiar with them by now, he should at least know them on a superficial level or recognize their fighting capabilities, but he knew nothing.

Despite everything, his first instinct was still to avoid anything that pertained to choosing his guard. His parents were starting to put more and more pressure on him and Hongjoong kept reminding him, albeit more kindly, that he would have to choose whether he wanted to or not.

Mingi knew that and yet, looking at the guards below, he couldn’t help but think that he didn’t want any of them to be his personal guard.

It still hurt him to be in this situation when the decision had been so clear in his mind. For years, there had only been one name, only one person who made sense, and Mingi had made his choice. But it had been ripped away from him, taken from his hands, and thinking about it now only brought him pain.

It was supposed to be Yunho. It had been Yunho and no one else ever since their first conversation about it. Yunho as his personal guard had been set in stone for Mingi, the only thing he knew for sure would happen in his future. Whatever came his way, Yunho would be there.

But that wouldn’t happen anymore and now he didn’t even have an answer for the simplest of questions.

For years, Mingi had allowed himself to dream, to see clear images of their future in his head. He saw Yunho kneeling in front of him and the sword in Mingi’s hand touching his shoulders reverently, choosing him out of all the guards no matter who they were. He saw them walking around the castle together, visiting town together and travelling together. Everything together. Mingi and Yunho.

It had looked so perfect.

Everything could have been so perfect.

It had already been a year since the day that changed Mingi’s life, since he got to his room after a day of not seeing his best friend and found a farewell letter that had brought him to his knees waiting for him on his pillow.

One whole year and yet Mingi still wasn’t able to move past it.

In the beginning, he foolishly told himself that it was all a cruel joke, that Yunho would appear to laugh at him at any moment and Mingi would scold him. He tried to believe that it was no more than that, no more than a prank. He would rather believe that he was being played with than that his best friend had left his side after promising to never depart from it.

He couldn’t bring himself to believe that Yunho would do that to him. Not his Yunho.

But days passed and turned into weeks and there was still no sign of Yunho. Mingi had asked around, tried to get information, to figure out where Yunho went and if he was ever coming back, but no one seemed to have the answers he desired.

He started to lose hope as weeks bled into a month and Yunho never came back. He wasn’t coming back and Mingi couldn’t pretend that perhaps he had only left for a small amount of time any longer.

He read the letter every day, tried to read between the lines even though he knew there was nothing more to find there. It was torture to go over the words that Yunho had written to him, to glimpse into his mind in a way that Yunho hadn’t allowed him to when he was around.

Why hadn’t Yunho told him? Why had he left without saying anything? Without telling anyone? Without telling Mingi ?

He feared he would never find the answers to his questions, but, even as time passed with no regard to how much Mingi was hurting, there wasn’t a day that went by in which he didn’t think about Yunho.

Mingi sighed and got up from the grass. What was the point of staying there when he couldn’t even tell the guards apart and the only person he wanted to see wasn’t among them anymore?

Today was supposed to be one of the best days of Mingi’s life. His nineteenth birthday, the day when he officially became an adult.

After today, he would be taken more seriously, he would have a bigger role in the kingdom and people would turn to him to hear what he had to say. He would be more than just the prince. In a way, it was scary. He knew that he would be allowed to make certain decisions and that his opinion would be taken into consideration when others were made and he knew the power and responsibilities were a heavy weight to bear. What if he said the wrong thing? What if he messed up? What if something bad happened and it was his fault because he made the wrong choice?

Mingi hoped that he could grow into it soon, that he would get used to everything and wouldn’t disappoint anyone because, as it was, he didn’t feel even slightly prepared for what was to come.

The reason he had anticipated his nineteenth birthday for so long wasn’t the thought of turning an adult itself. Although that had been something he had looked forward to when he was younger, it had been more so the events that came with the celebrations that had called to him.

When Hongjoong turned nineteen, the entire kingdom celebrated him. There had been a parade in town the day before his birthday, the people had cheered and clapped and smiled while he waved at them. He had been so happy, both then and at his actual party. A massive party with guests from the neighbouring kingdoms and so much euphoria, food and music. Everyone’s spirits were high and Hongjoong seemed to float in the middle of it all.

Mingi wasn’t the one turning nineteen then, but he had still enjoyed his time so much. He danced with people he had only briefly met before, women who cooed at him and men who told him he reminded them of his father, he danced with Seonghwa and managed to even dance with Hongjoong despite how busy he was. When his feet started to hurt, he sneaked out to the garden with Yunho, holding a bottle of champagne that Yunho had managed to get from the kitchen because it wouldn’t be missed at the party anyway. It tasted funny and neither of them liked it, but they still took a few sips, the adrenaline from doing something they weren’t supposed to coursing through them.

It made Mingi long for his nineteen birthday too. Surely, if he had so much fun at Hongjoong’s party, his own would be even better.

He had waited for the day for so long, he had imagined the party that would be thrown for him and all the people that would celebrate him for years. He had wanted it for so long, dreamed about it even, but now not even his birthday made sense anymore.

The preparations started months ago and the entire castle had been in a frenzy as they tried to get everything ready in time. Mingi had tried on countless outfits and tasted countless types of cakes but, as everything moved so fast around him, he felt like no more than a shell of himself.

And, now, on the day itself, Mingi didn’t feel any better.

He felt a little better during the parade yesterday. He always loved going into town and seeing the people and he didn’t do it nearly enough. The people had greeted him and cheered for him, he loved the attention and he loved seeing how alive the town felt. There were people everywhere, lights on the trees and a market full of colours, people smiled and danced together and Mingi could say that he enjoyed his time.

But the party was nowhere near as fun as he had always expected and he knew that the problem was rooted more so within Mingi himself than on the party himself.

He greeted his guests the way he was supposed to, talked to them and heard what they had to say about him. It was boring, but he didn’t dare complain. It was what he was supposed to do and there was nothing else for him to do anyway. There was no one to sneak out to the gardens with anymore.

At this point, he was sure that at least some of the guests had noticed that his mood wasn’t what one would expect from the birthday boy himself, but he didn’t care. What was the point of the party when Mingi felt so empty?

“May I have this dance, Your Highness?”

Mingi chuckled, at least he wasn’t alone.

“Of course, Your Highness.”

Hongjoong grinned and held out his hand to Mingi.

They walked to the center of the ballroom and Hongjoong started leading him through a waltz. It was a routine that they had learned and practised many times before, part of all the things they had to know as the princes of the kingdom. They spent hours in dance lessons, learning all sorts of ballroom dances so they would be prepared every time they had to lead or let someone else take the lead and the lessons only ended once their instructors were sure they knew every step by heart.

“It’s your big day,” Hongjoong said. “Why aren’t you smiling?”

“I’m not feeling as happy as I should.” Mingi shrugged.

Hongjoong sighed, their steps unfaltering.

"Mingi…”

“I know,” Mingi intercepted. “I know, Hongjoong. I know I have to forget him.”

Hongjoong’s hand tightened on his waist.

“I know it’s hard,” he said. “I’m pissed at him for what he did to you too. But it’s your day, Mingi, you’re turning nineteen. You’re supposed to be having fun.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing to me? I just want to see you happy again,” he said. “It’s been too long.”

They danced in silence for a minute and Hongjoong gave him a small smile once the song fizzled out.

“Do you think he will ever come back?” Mingi asked, his voice soft.

Hongjoong heard him over the sound of people’s conversations.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “He’s the only one who knows that. Do you want him to come back?”

Mingi shrugged. He was hurt, his heart panged every time he so much as thought about Yunho, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t want Yunho back. No matter where Mingi was or what he did, he always felt the space next to him where Yunho had once been reaching for him, almost suffocating him in its emptiness.

It felt like it would never stop hurting and having Yunho back next to him felt like the only thing that could make him feel the way he used to again. Mingi missed that time. He missed being happy.

“Even if he comes back,” Hongjoong continued when it was obvious that Mingi didn’t know what to say. “You have to find your happiness without him.”

For almost an hour, Mingi had been pacing around his room, dreading the day that was waiting for him.

He was already dressed for the day with the formal clothes that had been picked for him, made especially for the occasion. Even though it would be a quick ceremony, it was still mandatory that he would look his best. He had to make an impression when he walked into the training guards and all the attention was on him.

Still, no matter how he was dressed and how confident he was supposed to be, mentally, Mingi couldn’t be further away from ready. He didn’t want to face the day ahead of him. If yesterday his birthday had been hard, he knew that today would be even worse.

Now that Mingi was freshly nineteen, it was finally time for him to choose his personal guard though, unlike what he had dreamed of for years, today he couldn’t have Yunho.

In his dreams, Mingi would take his sword, the one he didn’t know how to use properly because Yunho told him that he didn’t need to since he would always be there to protect him. He would place the flat of it upon Yunho’s shoulders and he would say the words that he had practised in his mind since Yunho told him he wanted to be his guard. In his dreams, there was no one but Yunho, he would be Mingi’s personal guard, the one meant to accompany and protect him through the years and dangers that might arise. It would be perfect, just like they had talked about so many times.

In reality, Mingi was alone and he would have to learn how to properly use his sword after all.

There was a knock on the door, soft and patient, followed by a rather insistent one that made Mingi sigh in defeat. He couldn’t avoid reality any longer, he would have to face it and deal with it the way a prince is supposed to. With his head held high and his back straight as if nothing was bothering him.

He walked up to the door slowly and offered Seonghwa and Hongjoong a small smile when he saw them waiting for him on the other side. It wasn’t a truthful smile, Mingi didn’t feel like he had much to smile about right now with what was about to happen looming over him, but it wasn’t fake either. His smile could never be truly fake in the presence of the two people who were always there for him when he needed him, the people who had never left him.

“It seems you’re ready, after all,” Hongjoong said as he took in Mingi’s clothes.

Mingi shrugged and Seonghwa took a step forward into the room.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

They all knew the answer before Mingi opened his mouth.

“I have to be.”

Seonghwa gave him a sad smile and helped Mingi fix his hair one last time. It was comforting to have them in his room, to feel their presence and know that he wouldn’t have to walk the corridors alone.

“We’ll be right there with you,” Seonghwa confirmed his thoughts.

Hongjoong nodded, one of his hands squeezing Mingi’s shoulder firmly.

“I promise I chose the best guard for you,” he said.

Mingi sighed, guilt swirling inside him.

Hongjoong wasn’t supposed to be the one choosing a guard for Mingi, that wasn’t his job. It was Mingi’s decision to make but, after Yunho had left and took with him not only their plans but Mingi’s will to even breathe, someone else had to step up.

It was Mingi’s fault. He was supposed to know the guards by now, but he didn’t. He didn’t know anything about them. He spent his time running so far away from his responsibilities, so far from anything that made him feel nervous and anxious and think of Yunho, that he didn’t do what he was supposed to. Now, it was too late and Mingi couldn’t make a proper choice.

Before his birthday, he had asked Hongjoong for help and, although he had disapproved of Mingi’s neglect, he had agreed to help.

“I trust you,” Mingi said. “Thank you.”

Hongjoong patted his cheek gently and smiled.

“Give him a chance. I know it’s not what you wanted, but…” he trailed off, unsure of how to finish the sentence.

Neither Seonghwa nor Hongjoong spoke Yunho’s name. Mingi didn’t think anyone had said his name since the first weeks after he left. Back then, at the sound of his name, Mingi would either stare numbly at the wall or sob into someone’s shoulder and no one had dared to bring him up once Mingi had been able to get a hold of himself. 

They didn’t need to say his name though, Mingi knew that they were all thinking of him.

Mingi nodded and hoped his expression was encouraging enough.

“Let’s go?” He asked.

Hongjoong led the way out of Mingi’s room and into the corridors while Seonghwa stayed by Mingi’s side, his fingers wrapped around his wrist gently. They walked in silence. There was nothing to say, they knew the words that were left unsaid in the air and they knew where they were heading.

“Good luck,” Seonghwa whispered as he let go of Mingi’s wrist when they arrived at the training grounds.

He gave Mingi a soft smile and then walked towards the side of the field where the rest of the King’s council was. Mingi watched him for a moment, glad that, if he couldn’t achieve what he had dreamed of today, at least Seonghwa was living his dream. He deserved it more than anyone.

“Come on,” Hongjoong encouraged Mingi as they both watched Seonghwa leave. “It’s time.”

They walked together to the center of the grounds where their parents and high-level council members were waiting for them. It seemed that no one was bothered or antsy so Mingi could safely assume that he wasn’t late today.

“You’ve got this.” Hongjoong squeezed Mingi’s shoulder and nodded at him.

Mingi nodded back and took a deep breath before turning around to stare at all the guards waiting for them.

“We have gathered here today to witness our youngest Prince Mingi choose the person who will accompany him through his days and who will defend him with their very life,” the King announced once Mingi was in his place. “The role of personal guard to the Prince is one of great value and honour and it should not be taken lightly. The name that will be announced will promise allegiance to the prince and will forfeit their own life for him if a dire situation arises.”

Mingi scanned the crowd of guards with his eyes, some older, some younger, men and women alike, eagerly awaiting to hear the name that would be called. Mingi felt even more guilty because, even with a name, he still didn’t know who his guard would be. The only thing he knew was that the guard was close in age to him, that had been the only thing he had asked Hongjoong.

“Let us hear the name of the person who will serve my son, your prince.”

The royal master of ceremonies took a step forward, clearing his throat as he opened the parchment that Mingi had given him.

As he prepared to speak the name that everyone was waiting to hear, Mingi scanned the guards, waiting to catch their reactions to figure out who would be next to him soon.

“Choi San!”

The man that everyone turned to look at was shorter than Mingi, but his posture was impeccable and his expression was dangerous. He looked like he knew how to yield a sword and how to fight and that was all that Mingi could ask for. Yunho would have been his friend before his guard, but this wasn’t Yunho and Mingi couldn’t expect a friend.

The guard seemed surprised to have been called and it was only when the woman next to him patted his back that he started walking forward. His steps were confident even if there was still an edge of surprise to his face and Mingi watched him come closer until he was standing in front of him.

“Your Highness,” San said, bowing at Mingi,

“Kneel, guard,” Mingi said.

San got down on one knee in front of him and Mingi accepted the sword that was handed to him. It was heavy and cold in his hands and he knew that the moment he moved it, all the plans he had made with Yunho, all the baseless hope he still had inside, would vanish into the air forever.

San’s head was respectfully lowered as he waited patiently for Mingi to proceed.

“Choi San, do you agree to proceed with the ceremony?”

Mingi saw San gulp and, for a second, he feared that he would refuse, - Mingi didn’t have a backup if he did, - but San nodded.

“I agree, Your Highness.”

“Do you accept both the danger and the benefit that comes with being Your Prince’s personal guard?” Mingi asked.

“I accept, Your Highness,” San replied without hesitation this time.

It seemed that he wanted this. Mingi was glad that Hongjoong had chosen someone who did, someone who could be happy with this life even if Mingi wasn’t.

“Do you promise to respect and honour Your Prince in times of peril and safety?” Mingi continued with the speech.

“I promise, Your Highness.”

“Do you pledge to protect Your Prince with your body, your mind and your life?”

“I promise, Your Highness.”

“Choi San, do you accept the duty of being Your Prince’s personal guard?”

“I accept, Your Highness.”

“Thank you,” Mingi said.

He raised his sword and, slowly, he lowered it again, the flat side of the sword touching San’s left shoulder and then his right one.

“I hereby pronounce you my personal guard.”

Even though Mingi had made it out to be a grand ceremony in his dreams, in reality it was simple and quick. When he thought about it in the past, he had hoped that it would last long enough to feel his life connect to Yunho’s even more, but now he was glad that it was short. He didn’t think he could be outside much longer, especially with the sword in his hands, without breaking down at the thought of everything that could have been.

At least, he hadn’t forgotten his lies.

“You may stand,” he said.

Although San stood up slowly at the command, he kept looking at the ground in front of him, clearly unsure of how to act around Mingi. It was understandable, they didn’t know each other and Mingi didn’t know what to do or say either.

He sighed and gave the sword back to the council member who had held it out to him in the first place.

“You may look at me, Choi San. I would prefer it if you do.”

San nodded and finally looked at him, his eyes still a little wide in surprise.

“Thank you for choosing me, Your Highness.”

Mingi promised himself that one day he would tell him the truth. He would tell San that Hongjoong had been the one to choose him and, if enough time had passed, maybe he would even tell him why Mingi had been as selfish as he was. Now wasn’t the time or place though, so Mingi merely nodded.

When San smiled a little, despite how hesitant he still looked, Mingi saw that his eyes were sweeter than they looked at first and that his cheeks dimpled slightly. San’s shoulders relaxed a little and Mingi thought, hopeful and foolish, that maybe one day they could be friends too.

Maybe.

San wasn’t Yunho, but no one would ever be Yunho or take his place in Mingi’s life and heart. Mingi knew that very well.

But he also knew that he couldn’t keep sitting around, broken and hurt, waiting for Yunho to take pity on him and come back with an apology on his tongue and a promise to fix everything that had been left in shambles at Mingi’s feet.

Maybe it was time for Mingi to learn how to let go and finally move on.

“You have to watch your feet, Your Highness,” San said.

He was standing next to Mingi, demonstrating with his body what Mingi had to do, the look on his face encouraging even if he wasn't looking at Mingi directly. His posture was perfect after all the years he spent training and Mingi did not doubt that he was one of the best guards. Hongjoong didn't choose him randomly.

With his eyebrows furrowed, Ming looked at him and tried to copy what he was doing, though no matter how long he spent learning the art of sword fighting, Mingi already knew that he was hopeless at it.

“I told you that you don’t need to call me that when we're alone.”

San shrugged with a sheepish smile.

“It’s the proper way, Your Highness,” he said without making eye contact with Mingi.

He had been appointed as Mingi's guard a few months ago now and it was still a little awkward between them. It was both their fault if Mingi was being honest. While San couldn’t get past the formality of their status, which was at least understandable because he had been trained to mind the distance between their positions, Mingi was still refusing to let him in. He hadn’t even told San the truth about the circumstances under which he had been chosen.

Maybe it was mostly his fault and, at this point, it was stubbornness more than anything else.

Even Hongjoong and Seonghwa had noticed the strain in the atmosphere between them and they had made sure Mingi knew that they were displeased with him. They didn’t like that he was keeping San an arm's length away at all times and that he barely talked to him unless it was strictly necessary. He was being childish and they had sat him down and made him listen to them as if they were his parents giving him a lesson. 

Not that his parents cared much about how close he was or wasn't with his guard. As long as he had a guard to keep him safe, that was enough for them.

After that talk, Mingi had been trying. Slowly, with careful steps, because he wasn’t sure how to approach San yet, he had been trying to make him feel more comfortable around him and to let him know that he could speak freely with Mingi, especially when they were alone. He also wanted to make sure that San didn't think that Mingi hated him because Hongjoong had made him see that San could have seen his attitude as Mingi disliking him. Mingi didn’t want that. He hated the situation, but he didn't dislike San at all.

He knew that, as the person in power, he had to be the one to show San that he could treat him normally, that Mingi wanted that and that, despite his attitude, he thought they could be friends one day. The truth was that Mingi was simply still pathetically hung up on his ex-best friend. That wasn't San's fault, San was just doing his job and being awfully nice about it.

Mingi sighed and corrected his posture, raising his sword at San’s signal.

San went easy on him, barely making any movement as he let Mingi get used to the sword again. They had been training for half an hour already and Mingi should be used to the weight by now, but San was just too patient.

“Your posture is better, Your Highness,” San said, a small smile on his face.

He looked genuinely proud of Mingi for getting better, even if it wasn’t by much. He seemed happy that he was making progress and he looked kind as he kept smiling encouragingly at Mingi.

He deserved an apology.

San moved his sword and disarmed him easily and Mingi took the opportunity.

“Can we take a break?” He asked, bending down to grab his practice sword.

San nodded.

“Of course, Your Highness,” he said. “Was it too much?”

“No, don’t worry.” Mingi waved him off. “I wanted to talk to you if you would?”

San’s expression turned a little nervous, but he nodded again.

“Sit with me.”

Mingi sat down on the grass, placing the sword next to him and giving San an encouraging smile when he hesitated.

“You can sit, San,” he said again because he knew by now that San didn’t want to be disrespectful and his training had taught him that he shouldn’t sit with a royal so casually.

He sat next to Mingi, a considerable distance between them to give Mingi all his space and then some, and Mingi saw his fingers twitch on the grass.

“What did you want to talk to me about, Your Highness?”

Mingi wanted to tell him to drop the title again, but San already seemed overwhelmed enough to be sitting next to him and he didn’t want to make it worse, so he let it go for now.

“Nothing bad,” he reassured. “I actually wanted to apologize.”

San’s eyes widened.

“Apologize?” He asked, hands coming up to frantically gesture at Mingi. “You have nothing to apologize for, Your Highness.”

Mingi shook his head.

“I do, though,” he said. “I haven’t been treating you properly and I am sorry for that.”

San was still staring at him, shock evident on his face, and it almost made Mingi laugh. He really hadn't expected Mingi to do something as commonly as apologize.

“Let me talk for a second, alright?” He asked.

He waited for San’s nod to continue.

“I wasn’t the one who chose you. My brother was,” he started. “I haven’t been doing the best this past year, to say the least. And when it came time to choose someone, I couldn’t do it. It was my fault for pushing it back for as long as I did, but Hongjoong knew all the guards much better than I ever did.”

San nodded, a wary look on his face, and Mingi was quick to continue before San could begin thinking something ridiculous like Mingi was preparing to demote him.

“Did you know Jeong Yunho?” He asked.

Even after half a year, saying his name still twisted something painfully inside Mingi’s chest. Just two words and they brought forth so many memories, so many laughs and promises that ended up broken.

He tried as best as he could to not think about Yunho and yet he always found a way to infiltrate his mind.

San seemed startled at hearing the name and Mingi could guess why. 

Everyone who had been at the castle when Yunho was still there knew that he and Mingi were close, they didn’t try to hide it from anyone. Everyone knew he had left too, Mingi just didn't know if they knew why he had and that he, most likely, wasn't coming back.

He didn't know if Yunho had told anyone else or if it was something he had confided solely in Mingi with the letter he wrote. The only other person who had read the letter was Hongjoong when he found Mingi crying on his bedroom floor with it clutched to his chest that fateful day.

In the time San had known him, Mingi always refused to mention Yunho, it was a topic he never approached with him or anyone else. If San knew what happened, it was either because Yunho told someone else, castle gossip or because he caught bits and pieces of the conversations Mingi tried hard to avoid.

“Yes, I knew him,” San said at last. “We weren't friends, but we trained together sometimes.”

San’s tone was careful as if he didn’t know what to make of the conversation and Mingi couldn’t blame him, he didn’t know how to talk about Yunho properly either.

“He was my best friend,” Mingi said, even though it probably wasn’t needed. 

It was the first time he was talking about Yunho since he left and he was still trying to come up with the right way to do it.

“We grew up together and we were supposed to still be together now. But, I’m sure you know that he’s not around anymore,” he continued.

San nodded.

“He left a year and a half ago,” Mingi said, putting all the public speech training he had into motion so as not to show how those words affected him even after so long. “He was going to be my personal guard, that was the plan.”

“Oh.”

“That’s why trying to choose someone in so little time was so hard. That and I couldn’t stand watching the guards. I used to watch while he was training.”

His voice lowered as he spoke, almost breaking at the end, and San gave him a sympathetic look.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Mingi appreciated that he didn’t ask for more details on why Yunho left or anything else for that matter. He didn’t think he could talk about Yunho for much longer.

“And I’m sorry that I let all of it get in the way of getting to know you. Hongjoong might have chosen you for me, but I am happy with it. I think you’re perfect for the job.”

Or as perfect as anyone who wasn’t Yunho could be, though Mingi knew he had to let go of those fantasies already. They would never become reality and he was making everything harder for San needlessly.

“Thank you, your Highness,” San said.

Mingi chuckled.

“I was serious when I said you don’t have to call me that,” he said. “I do want to get closer to you. We could be friends, I think.”

San’s eyes widened in surprise.

“I’ll try,” he promised.

Mingi grinned at him, feeling a little lighter for the first time in over a year.

“Should we train some more?” He asked.

San seemed to contemplate something for a moment, biting his lip as he hesitated to speak, and Mingi gave him time, waiting patiently. He knew that San still wasn’t fully comfortable with him but maybe, with time, they could get there.

“Maybe we should find you a different weapon,” San said.

The lack of title was progress and Mingi laughed.

“Maybe we should. I don’t think the sword is for me,” he said honestly.

Time is supposed to heal everything or, at least, that’s what people say.

It passes without any regard to who a person is, what they feel and what happened to them. Time runs and never stops, it washes away the worst of the hurt and the sadness. It helps move on and keep living.

Maybe it’s true and people aren’t wrong. Maybe time does heal every wound but that cure is also an illusion. Sure, the passage of time makes it easier to breathe but it’s not a miracle worker, it doesn’t erase the mind. It doesn’t help anyone forget anything, not what matters at least, not what hurts. Time helps, but it could never take back the life lived before grief and hurt took over, it doesn’t cover up memories and words spoken.

After a year and a half of Yunho leaving the kingdom with barely any explanation, his letter was still stored away in Mingi’s bedroom, safe inside a book that Mingi always wanted to read but never got around to. He left it there on that day and he pretended like he could forget it existed. He could never forget it though, just like he could never forget Yunho, no matter how much time passed.

That day, Mingi had wanted to throw the letter away. His world had crumbled around him and he had wanted nothing more than to light up the fireplace even though it was almost summer and burn it in flames. He wanted to watch it turn into ash and hoped that his memories would go with it. He never got around to doing it though, he couldn’t bring himself to. Something within him, whether the loyalty that he still felt towards Yunho or the foolish hope that he would return one day, kept him from destroying Yunho’s words in the end.

So, hiding it was the only option he had. Out of sight out of mind, he had thought at the time. He just wanted to forget, to not be reminded of what it said or about Yunho. 

It didn’t work though, Mingi didn’t need to see the letter to remember it existed. He didn’t even have to read it again to remember what it said. The words had been stuck in his brain ever since that day like the lyrics to his favourite. Albeit a favourite song that hurt to listen to, that was tied to memories and that brought them forward with nothing but the barebones of its melody. Much like his favourite song, Yunho’s letter couldn’t be removed from Mingi’s heart and mind, no matter what his feelings towards it were.

Most of the time, the only thing Mingi wanted was to forget. He wanted to forget the letter, the words Yunho hadn’t been able to say to him out loud and everything it had made him feel. On the worst day, Mingi wanted to forget Yunho’s existence altogether. He didn’t want to ever think about all the time they spent together, how they used to have so much fun and all the plans that they had made. Yunho had ripped all of it from their hands and Mingi didn’t want to remember what he lost and would never get back.

Still, there were times, when he felt weak and lost, that the letter hidden away in his book was the only thing that grounded Mingi to Earth. It was vivid proof that his childhood had been shared with someone else, that his life was intertwined with someone else’s and that all the memories he had held truth within them. Despite all the hurt, it felt special to have that with someone and Mingi couldn’t leave Yunho forgotten in the past.

He still felt so conflicted. Half of him wanted to feel happy for Yunho, they had been friends for so long that it was only natural for him to root for his friend and for the way he was chasing the life that he wanted. But the other part of Mingi was suffering. He still felt betrayed and abandoned by the person who he thought would always be by his side until the end. He worried that he was being selfish and too hung up on the past, but maybe it was justified, maybe he had a right to still be upset, to mourn the friendship they had and the future they wouldn’t get to share.

Foolishly, even then, more often than not, Yunho’s parting words in his letter were the ones swimming through Mingi’s head. The promise that he would come back and the reassurance that, once he did, Mingi was the person he wanted to see. There was a sense of hope within them that Mingi couldn’t ignore.

If you can find it in you to forgive me, next year, on the day of the Winter solstice, I will find my way back to you and your kingdom and I will wait on the place that is our own.

Mingi wondered if Yunho meant it.

The winter solstice was fast approaching now. November was coming to an end, the days were getting smaller and the air was getting colder. As it was tradition, there would be a festival in the kingdom to celebrate the day and Mingi knew that he was expected to appear and talk to the townspeople, make his presence known and make a good impression. That was his duty as their prince. But Yunho’s words were the only thing he could think about, they had been haunting him for over a year now and, despite the doubt he couldn’t erase, now that the time was near, he couldn’t help but wonder if Yunho had meant it.

There used to be a time when Mingi trusted every word that spilled from Yunho’s lips but now he couldn’t bring himself to quench the apprehension that burned inside of him.

Still, Mingi wanted to know for sure, to stop wondering once and for all. He knew that there were only two options, he would either rejoice that Yunho hadn’t forgotten him after all, or he would be even more heartbroken to find out he had been lied to again. Either way, he would get closure and maybe that was the most important part of recovery.

He wasn’t stupid though. He knew that if he wanted to go forward with it, it wouldn’t be easy. He had duties and responsibilities on that day and it would be dangerous to be away from security for long enough to see Yunho. If Mingi wanted to do it, he would never be able to do it alone, he wouldn’t be able to get away inconspicuously on his own. 

He knew he needed help, so he went to the person who had sworn to help him and who, even without that vow over his head, Mingi had learned he could trust with his life.

As per his duties, San was waiting outside his door either for Mingi to step out or for the right time to knock and call him for breakfast. Usually, San had to knock because Mingi preferred sleeping in for as long as he was allowed to, but today Mingi was up early enough to see the sunrise from his balcony.

It was a little later now since Mingi had spent some time pacing around his room as he tried to decide if it was a good idea or not.

In the end, he was the one who opened the door to see San’s surprised face.

“You're up early,” San commented and, after taking a look at Mingi’s expression, added. “Is something the matter?”

Mingi took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation he was about to have.

“I need to talk to you.”

San raised an eyebrow and Mingi didn't know what expression was on his face but San's eyes clouded with concern the more he looked at him.

After their talk, Mingi and San had gotten closer. At first, it felt a little weird, San was still a reminder of everything that Mingi had wanted and didn’t have and he made Yunho’s presence all the more noticeable. But he knew that feeling wasn’t fair to San who had done nothing but be supportive and, once Mingi had allowed the hurt to recede into a corner of his mind he refused to access, it became easier to let San in.

After all, it wasn't his fault that Yunho had left and Mingi was still hopelessly hung up on him. 

San was nice and kind, he was supportive and loyal and, when Mingi finally started getting to know him better and San started opening up too, he found he was also funny and a nice friend. They were closer now and Mingi was glad that of all the guards, Hongjoong had chosen him.

“What's going on?”

“Come in,” Mingi said instead of replying, opening the door to his room wider.

San looked at him doubtfully but stepped inside and Mingi closed the door behind them.

“You're worrying me, Your Highness.”

“You don’t have to call me that,” Mingi reminded.

“Sorry,” San said with a small smile.

Even as they got closer, old habits were hard to break and San still had the tendency to fall into formality. Mingi didn’t mind it as much now, he understood that it was what San was used to and it wasn’t as much a sign of the distance between them anymore.

“It’s alright.” Mingi shrugged and sighed. “I have something to share with you.”

San nodded and Mingi turned around to walk up to his shelf. He hesitated for merely a second, but he knew what he had to do. Then, for the first time in a year and a half, he picked up a book from his bookshelf and opened it to take out the letter that had been hidden inside for just as long.

“It’s about Yunho,” Mingi said.

That seemed to shock San even more. It was understandable; Mingi hadn’t spoken about Yunho since the time he told San about why Hongjoong had been the one to choose him.

San nodded, slightly hesitant but ready to listen.

“He left me a letter when he left,” Mingi said. “He promised me something in it.”

San tilted his head and his eyes shifted to the letter in Mingi’s hand for a second. His expression was attentive, listening to Mingi and whatever he had to say despite his confusion.

“What did he promise?” He asked.

Mingi sighed, gripping the paper with his fingers.

“He promised that he would be back this year and that he wanted to see me.”

“Is he coming to the kingdom then?”

Mingi nodded.

“To the castle?”

Mingi shook his head.

“How is he going to find you?”

Mingi looked down at the letter, running his fingers over it nervously. At first, the plan was to show San the letter, let him read it and find out for himself without Mingi having to talk but, now that they were here, he couldn’t do it. The letter felt too personal, too private, something that was only Mingi’s to read, and it didn’t feel right to let anyone else see those words. They were only his to keep.

“He said he would be in the forest.”

“The forest is big,” San said.

Mingi could see that he still didn’t fully understand where Mingi was going with this conversation, but he appreciated the way he was still listening and trying to make sense of Mingi’s words more than San would ever know.

“There’s a spot where we used to play,” Mingi said. “It’s not too far from the castle.”

San nodded, still a little hesitant.

“When is he coming?”

“Winter solstice.”

“And where do I come in? I’m assuming you’re telling me this for a reason.”

Mingi gave him a sheepish smile but San looked supportive, clearly open to listen to what he was planning.

“I’m supposed to be at the festival on that night,” Mingi said.

“And you’re not supposed to wander around alone,” San pointed out. “Especially through the forest.”

Mingi grimaced.

“I did it when I was little and I’m still around.”

San looked at him pointedly, but there were traces of amusement on his face. 

“You want me to cover for you. That’s it, isn’t it?”

Mingi grinned when he saw the smile on San’s face.

“Yeah,” he said.

“So, do you want to meet him?”

It wasn’t supposed to be a hard question but it brought back the influx of doubt that had been jumping around in Mingi’s head for weeks now. 

He wanted to meet Yunho, there was no point in denying that anymore, but he wasn’t sure he should. Firstly, because San was right, he shouldn’t wander around alone, especially at night, especially in the forest and, secondly, because it would be a year and a half since Yunho left and who knew what could have changed since then, how Yunho had changed. Maybe he would be unrecognizable, maybe he wouldn’t like Mingi anymore, maybe he wouldn’t even show up at all.

“I think so,” he ended up saying. “Should I?”

San gave him a small smile and patted his shoulder.

“I don’t think I can answer that question for you.”

Mingi sighed.

“I don’t like making decisions.”

San chuckled.

“Ironic for a prince, isn’t it?”

Mingi rolled his eyes, but he was smiling now, the nervous energy vanishing in the face of San’s support.

“I do want to meet him,” he finally said, his tone soft but more firm.

“You know that as your guard I shouldn’t let you do this, right?”

Mingi nodded. He knew he was putting San in a tough spot by asking him to do something that went against his job. Mingi was supposed to stay at the festival and San was not supposed to let him meet up with someone in the middle of the forest at night.

“Are you sure you only want me to cover for you? I should go with you to make sure you’re safe.”

Mingi bit his lip as he thought about it. It wasn’t a bad idea. It was probably the smartest idea and Mingi should listen to him.

“What if you take me to the spot and stay with me until Yunho comes?” He hesitated when finishing the question, the ‘if he comes’ hanging in the air unsaid.

“That would make me feel more at ease.” San nodded.

“Okay,” Mingi said. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” San said. “Your parents might be the ones paying me, but my loyalty is to you, Mingi.”

Mingi smiled at him, at the honesty in his voice and the way he had spoken Mingi’s name so gently and carefully.

Impulsively, he moved forward to wrap his arms around San’s shoulders in a hug. San tensed up at first, startled, but soon melted into Mingi’s embrace and hugged him back.

“Thank you,” Mingi repeated because, even if San didn’t want to hear it, he would never understand how thankful Mingi was for his help.

Mingi was buzzing with nervous energy.

It was cold and he was bundled up in his jacket, the collar pulled up to cover his nose, as he walked in circles around the clearing. He couldn’t stand still, he had to move. If he stood still he would either turn into a popsicle or fall prey to his thoughts. He didn’t know which would be the worst fate.

Behind him, San was leaning against a tree, not looking half as cold as he should be despite the way his breath fogged up in front of him.

“How long has passed?” He asked.

“Ten minutes since the last time you asked,” San said.

The last time Mingi asked, it had been one hour since they got to the clearing.

“Are you sure this is the place he meant?” San asked.

Mingi could hear the hesitation in his voice.

“Yes,” Mingi said. “This is the place.”

He knew that the more time that passed without any sign of Yunho, the more uncertain San became. He had already been wary of letting Mingi come to the forest when it was dark and anyone could be lurking around, but he had still made it happen because Mingi wanted to see Yunho. However, as it got later and later, Mingi knew that he was regretting bringing them here more and more.

“He didn’t specify a time, we should wait a little longer,” Mingi said.

It wasn’t too late yet, it only seemed that way because the days were smaller, Mingi reasoned with himself. They could wait some more. Yunho probably got held back at port or he didn’t fully remember where the clearing was located and was looking for it as Mingi paced. Mingi just had to give him time.

He hoped that Yunho hadn’t gotten lost in the forest.

“Your Highness, our absence will be noticed soon if it hasn’t been already,” San pointed out, professionalism bleeding into the words.

He still fell back into the habit every once in a while, especially when he was tense or nervous, so Mingi didn’t comment. It wasn’t the most pressing matter at hand anyway.

Mingi kept pacing without saying anything, straining his eyes to stare in between the trees. He was trying to catch any sign of a person approaching, looking out for Yunho, but he kept finding nothing.

“He’ll be here soon,” he mumbled.

He didn’t know if he was trying to convince San or himself.

San didn’t contradict him or try to change his mind, he didn’t say anything, but the look on his face was enough for Mingi to know what he was thinking.

It had been too long. San didn’t think Yunho would show up.

But San didn’t know Yunho. Mingi did. He knew that Yunho wouldn’t go back on his words like this. He couldn’t, not when this was the last promise he had made to Mingi. He wouldn’t break it too, Mingi refused to believe that he would.

They just had to wait a little longer and give Yunho time to find his way back to the clearing. The forest was hard to navigate and it became worse in the dark, Mingi understood.

They waited. Time passed. Mingi paced.

He looked around the clearing to distract himself and noted how different it looked during the winter. It had been a while since Mingi had even been here and every time before had been during the Spring or the Summer when it was warm enough to run around and lay in the grass comfortably. Now, there weren’t any of the colourful flowers that Mingi liked so much and the air smelled humid instead of sweet.

“Mingi…”

It was the use of his name instead of a title that made him tense up and look at San, putting a stop to his pacing. He had let go of the professionalism and Mingi knew it meant that the friend that Mingi desperately needed won over the nerves.

Slowly, as if he was giving him time to pull away, San moved away from the tree and walked closer to where Mingi was standing. There was a grimace on his face and, when he was close enough for Mingi to see properly, he could make out the sad compassion in his gaze.

Mingi shook his head before he could say anything.

“He’s going to show up, San, we just need to wait.”

San sighed.

“We have been waiting.”

“It’s okay, we just need to wait a little longer. If someone misses us at the festival, I’ll tell them it’s my fault and you were looking for me or that I made you come with me. Don’t worry, you won’t get in trouble.”

Mingi’s heart was starting to beat faster in his chest, his cold hands shaking slightly at his side and he knew that his words were becoming a little jumbled and hard to grasp. The look on San’s face was skeptical and the incessant wait was making Mingi anxious. He didn’t want the uncertainty, he believed that Yunho would show up. He had to believe.

“I’m not worried about that, Mingi. I’m worried about you. It’s been too long and there isn’t any sign of him.”

He knew that San was implying that Yunho wouldn’t show up and that they were waiting around for nothing, but Mingi couldn’t believe him. Yunho would be there, he had to be, the promise of him appearing today was the only thing Mingi had been holding onto since Yunho left. Mingi didn’t think he could take any more hope being ripped away from him.

“He will show up,” he said again.

San looked away. He clearly didn’t believe Mingi and he still thought Yunho wouldn’t show up, but he went back to lean against the tree where he had been before. Even if he thought it was for nothing, San would wait with him for as long as Mingi wanted to.

“We’ll wait a little longer, but if he doesn’t show up, we’ll have to leave,” he said, his voice gentle. “It’s cold and the forest can be dangerous.”

Mingi didn’t like it but nodded, he knew they couldn’t stay here forever. But it was okay, it would be fine because Yunho would show up and they wouldn’t have to wait much longer anyway.

As the minutes passed, Mingi kept staring at the trees, repeating to himself that Yunho would show up, he would just be a little longer, and he just had to be patient and wait. The reassurance ran in circles in his mind, but even he was starting to have more trouble believing it as the cold seeped through his skin.

“Mingi…”

San was walking closer again and Mingi turned around. He didn’t want to look at him, he didn’t want to see the look on his face. If he looked at San for too long, he would give up too.

“Can’t we wait some more?” He asked.

He knew his voice sounded low and weak. San was right, it had been too long, they had been waiting for so long and there was still no sign of Yunho. His brain was struggling to catch up with the disappointment building up inside and Mingi didn’t know what to do.

“It’s been a few hours already,” San said, his tone was gentle as he placed a careful hand on Mingi’s shoulder. “We need to go.”

“Just a few more minutes. Please. He has to show up.”

Mingi’s hand shook as he brought it up to rub at his watery eyes.

“He has to, right?” He asked, hoping that San would have the answer he needed to hear. “He wouldn’t lie to me again. He couldn’t.”

He wasn’t sure if he was making any sense but he didn’t really care. He only wanted Yunho to show up, to appear in the clearing and prove San wrong, prove to Mingi that he could still be trusted and that he wouldn’t betray him again.

But that wasn’t happening, was it? No matter how long Mingi or how many times he looked around the clearing, he wouldn’t see Yunho.

Yunho wasn’t coming.

“Let’s go,” San said again.

He wrapped his arm around Mingi’s waist and guided him through the clearing and back to the path that would take them to the castle.

As he walked, Mingi’s legs felt like they didn’t belong to him. He knew was moving but he wasn’t sure how. His head hurt and his vision was unfocused, staring far away yet not seeing anything. He couldn’t think. He didn’t want to think.

“I’m sorry,” San said as they walked.

Mingi shrugged, unable to find his voice. He didn’t have to though, tears were making their way down his cheeks and he couldn’t hide them. He didn’t even try to.

Yunho lied to him again.

Chapter Text

For the past week, Mingi had walked around like he was sleepwalking. He couldn’t stop and take the day off, no matter how much he wanted because he couldn’t go to his parents and tell them that he had sneaked off during the festival and that Yunho had betrayed him again. He had to deal with his problems by himself and keep taking care of his responsibilities. He couldn’t falter.

As he did what his schedule mandated during the whole day, Mingi attempted to keep his head on a tightrope. He knew that he couldn’t let it wander too far. He feared that, if he let himself go, Yunho would take over his thoughts and he couldn’t deal with that right now. He would lose his mind.

“I've never seen you so invested in studying,”

Mingi glanced up, meeting Seonghwa's concerned gaze, and shrugged.

“The subject is interesting.”

Seonghwa leaned over him to look over his shoulder.

“Tax payments are interesting to you?”

Mingi glanced at the book in front of him, eyes scanning the page. He hadn't even noticed what he was studying.

“Yes,” he said anyway.

He knew that none of his words sounded believable but he couldn’t do anything about it. Seonghwa knew him too well and he wouldn’t believe Mingi even if he tried to sound more convincing.

Seonghwa sighed, proof of just how unconvincing Mingi was, and pulled back the chair next to Mingi’s to sit closer to him.

“Are you going to tell me what has been going through your mind?”

Mingi laughed bitterly, the whole point of today was to keep his mind empty. He didn’t want any thoughts rattling about. Except for taxes and money, taxes and money were a good alternative right now.

“Nothing,” he said. “Nothing has been going through my mind.”

Seonghwa tilted his head to the side, regarding Mingi carefully as he tried to read his expression.

“Do you want help with the taxes then?” He asked.

Mingi made a vague sound of confusion and Seonghwa chuckled.

“Taxes, Mingi, the thing you are studying.” He pointed at the book.

“Oh,” Mingi said.

He thought that if he had more energy, he would have felt bad, maybe embarrassed that he had been caught lying so terribly even if Seonghwa knew that he wasn’t telling the truth from the beginning. But, with as little sleep as he got the past week, Mingi couldn’t do more than shrug, defeated.

“Mingi…” Seonghwa trailed off, his voice somehow even more concerned. “Did something happen?”

Silence fell over them in the empty library and Mingi forced his eyes to read over the same line in the book over and over again. The question had made him pause, it cut through his thoughts and distracted him. The weight of it overwhelmed him. He needed to focus on the book, if he focused on the words then he wouldn’t have space for anything else in his mind.

“I don't mean to pressure you,” Seonghwa continued when it was clear that Mingi wouldn’t answer his question. “But you have been off since the night of the Winter Festival and we are all starting to worry.”

He hoped that ‘all’ didn’t include his parents and the rest of the council. He would rather not look weak in their eyes.

“I'm fine,” he said. “You don't need to worry.”

“Mingi, how am I supposed to believe that when you won't even look at me.”

Mingi sighed and dropped his head to the table, his forehead hitting the book with a dull sound.

“I don't want to talk about it,” he said.

“Are you sure?” Seonghwa said gently.

Mingi gulped. A part of him wanted to give into Seonghwa's soft encouragement and warmth, to tell him what happened on the night of the solstice and lay his worry and the betrayal he once again felt at Seonghwa's feet, hoping desperately that he would be able to pick up the pieces left over of Mingi's heart and put them together. But, if it hurt to simply think about what had happened, or failed to happen, then just how painful would talking about it be? Mingi wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

Seonghwa remained silent next to him. He didn’t want to pressure Mingi into making any sort of decision, he would let Mingi choose what he thought was best and he would merely accept it. If Mingi chose to talk, he would listen, but, if Mingi chose to be silent, he would offer his quiet support without complaint.

Mingi sighed, busying his fingers by folding the corner of a page, his leg shaking under the table.

Always in tune with everything happening around him, Seonghwa noticed and quickly put his hand over Mingi's knee, firm and warm.

“Do you remember when Yunho left?” Mingi finally asked.

Seonghwa blinked at him. Whatever he had been expecting, it clearly wasn't for Mingi to bring up Yunho for the first time since the day he left.

“Of course, I do,” he said.

“I don't know if Hongjoong ever told you, but he left me a letter,”

Seonghwa shook his head.

“If you didn’t want anyone to know about it, your brother wouldn’t share your secret, Mingi,” he said kindly.  “What did the letter say?”

“It was mostly him apologizing for leaving,” he said. As much as Mingi wanted to forget the letter, now even more than before, he still had the words memorized. “But he said at the end that he would come back.”

“He did?” Seonghwa asked, surprised.

When Yunho left, most people who knew him thought, much like Mingi himself, that it was temporary. They believed that he needed a small change of scenery and that, in no time, he would come back to the kingdom. However, weeks turned into months and then into a year and everyone stopped believing that they would see him again. At least, not anytime soon.

Mingi was the only one who knew of his promise and, now that it had fallen through as well, he was glad that he hadn’t told anyone else about it beforehand. His disappointment was enough to cover the whole kingdom already.

“He said he would be back to see me.”

Seonghwa nodded. He still looked slightly confused, but, as he usually did, he was giving Mingi time to sort out his thoughts and to put into words what he wanted to say.

“He said he would visit on the day of the Winter Solstice this year,” Mingi said, trying to ignore the way his eyes were starting to sting and his voice was starting to break.

This was why he didn't want to think. The moment he thought about Yunho, about all the promises that he broke and how he might never see him again, Mingi didn’t stand a chance. He couldn’t compose himself when everything inside him was shattering, his feelings felt too big and, soon enough, he knew they would overflow.

“Did he show up?” Seonghwa asked, but his hesitation showed that he already knew the answer.

“No,” Mingi said.

One word and he broke.

“He didn't show up,” he said, feeling choked up, tears now falling down his cheeks. “He promised. He promised something again, he gave me hope and something to hold onto for a year, and then he broke it. He broke another promise. That's all he ever does.”

“Oh, Mingi,” Seonghwa said.

His voice was sad and he was quick to wrap an arm around Mingi's body and bring him closer until Mingi's head was resting on his shoulder. His presence was solid and warm and Mingi wanted to drown in the comfort it gave him and never come back for air.

“I'm sorry,” Seonghwa said. “I'm so sorry you have to go through this again.”

“It's not your fault,” Mingi said weakly, his voice muffled on the fabric of Seonghwa’s jacket. “I just have to accept that he is gone. He really is gone.”

And wasn’t it the worst part that, despite all the pain, all the hurt and all the broken promises, Mingi still wanted to see him again? He thought that he must truly hate himself to still be so hung up on him, on someone who, for the past year and a half, had done nothing but make him cry.

Seonghwa kept holding him and, for once, Mingi let himself cry. He cried until it was hard to breathe, until his chest was tight, his mouth dry and his eyes aching. He cried until he couldn't anymore and, even as he stopped crying and struggled to control his breathing, Seonghwa let him lean against him, gentle hands carding through his hair.

Mingi had been reluctant to talk and open up, but maybe the reassurance that he wasn’t alone, the understanding of someone listening to him and giving him the comfort he had been craving was all that he needed.

“I’m sorry that someone so important to you broke your heart like this.”

Seonghwa, always sweet and gentle, sounded mad and it made Mingi feel seen. He wasn’t exaggerating and being dramatic, he had a right to these feelings and the curling disappointment in his stomach. Yunho had lied to him and broken his heart again, and Mingi deserved to be mad. He should be mad.

“You deserve so much better, Mingi. You deserve everything you could want and more,” Seonghwa continued.

It was a shame that, despite being a prince, Mingi would never get what he truly wanted, both because of his position and because of the person who had ripped everything he wanted from him.

“Seonghwa,” he called and waited for Seonghwa to hum softly to continue what he wanted to say, his voice so low he didn't even know how Seonghwa could hear him. “Should I let go of him?”

Seonghwa's chest moved under Mingi's head with a sigh, but his hand didn't stop its comforting ministrations.

“I think that if holding onto him brings you this much pain, then there shouldn’t be a place for him in your heart.”

Seonghwa didn't tell him immediately that Yunho was gone and there was no point in holding onto him and Mingi appreciated it. The finality of those words would only hurt him more.

“Why is it so hard?” He whispered. “Why does it feel like I'm ripping my own heart from my chest every time I think of him and every time I try to push him from my mind?”

“Love can be a wonderful thing,” Seonghwa said. “It can bring so much joy and comfort and ease. But it can also hurt, it can pain you beyond belief. I can't tell you how to make it stop hurting. I'm afraid there is only one person who holds the power to both heal and hurt you right now, but I can be here for you and hope it alleviates some of the pain. You’re not alone, Mingi.”

Mingi just wanted the misery to end. He wanted his chest to stop feeling so constricted, he wanted to be able to breathe properly again without feeling like he was drowning in despair, but it felt so impossibly out of reach.

“Yunho doesn’t deserve you. Not when he has made you cry this much. He doesn’t deserve your love and loyalty.”

It was the truth, Mingi knew, but it didn't make it any easier to hear.

“Is there any hope left?” He asked. “Will I ever see him again?”

Would seeing Yunho again even make anything easier?

Seonghwa shrugged, the movement jostling Mingi's head.

“If you want to be idealistic, I'm sure we could come up with some excuses but, after so long and so much hurt, I think you deserve to let go. You just need to let yourself move on and take care of your heart.”

It was easier said than done, they both knew.

“It will take time and it will hurt,” Seonghwa continued. “I can't lie to you on that. But you won’t be alone. We will be here for you and soon you will be able to breathe again.”

Mingi didn't know if he believed Seonghwa's words, they seemed too optimistic, but the sentiment behind them was nice. He wanted that, he wanted to feel in control of his feelings again, he wanted to breathe without being consumed by thoughts of Yunho.

Maybe he deserved to believe in something nice. Maybe this was the promise that would hold true.

Finally, Mingi nodded, still hidden away in Seonghwa’s warm embrace, and opened his heart again. This time, to let Yunho slip away.

“My Lord, if you would allow me,” a noble on the other side of the table said, bowing his head respectfully.

Mingi should know his name but, as he looked at the man, his face wasn’t distinguishable from the other nobles at the table. They were all the same to him, just men who were part of the King’s council and who, more often than not, were more preoccupied with their own affairs and their own wealth than with keeping the interests of the general population of the kingdom in mind.

Most would be told to leave the council once Hongjoong ascended to power.

“You may speak,” the King said.

Mingi sighed and moved around in his chair as he tried to find a comfortable position. The chairs were pillowed but they were well into the second hour of the meeting and he was tired. Tired and bored.

Throughout the meeting, the council brought up multiple subjects and took the time to discuss all of them at length. In the beginning, Mingi made an effort to listen and pay attention, but it wasn’t working anymore. He heard about trading down south between their kingdom and Precious and how well they were being received and then heard about the opposite happening west and how their relationship with Mist was souring at a rapid pace. The council presented multiple solutions from trades to treaties and Mingi tried to pay attention and even offer his opinion, but as time passed his energy dwindled too much.

Every once in a while, his father would give him a look that Mingi was familiar with, the look that told him that he had been caught and he should pay attention like he was supposed to. His father always put great emphasis on council meetings, even before Mingi was allowed to give his opinion on them, stating that it was a good way for him to learn the inner workings of the kingdom, to know how to make decisions, which sides to look at and which details to consider to find the answers. They didn’t know just yet what Mingi’s future would hold for him, but they did know that, whether it was by Hongjoong’s side or by some princess’ side in another kingdom, he would have an important role in decision-making. So was the fate of a royal.

No matter what was waiting for him, Mingi had to learn and be ready. He needed to know what to do to make the best choices for his kingdom, but, right now, as the councilman talked about crops and seasons, Mingi let his head lull to the side. He locked his gaze on the wall on the other side of the room and, for a while, he didn’t even blink, engaged in a staring contest with one of the cracks between wooden planks.

A sharp kick against his ankle was what startled him back to reality. It almost made him cuss out loud, his leg stinging at the impact, and he turned sharply to level Hongjoong, who was sitting in front of him, with a glare.

Hongjoong didn’t look at him or acknowledge him in any way. He kept looking firmly at the councilman who was speaking as if didn’t do anything and Mingi bit his tongue to keep himself quiet.

He knew why Hongjoong kicked him. He was supposed to pay attention, to listen to what was being said so he could discuss it later with his father and his brother, and he was already in for a scolding because his father noticed his distraction. Hongjoong was looking out for him and trying to stir him in the right direction as usual. He was much more fit for the life of a prince than Mingi could ever be despite growing up together.

He just wished that the meeting would end soon so he could go back to his room or the gardens, even the library seemed like a better option right now.

Vaguely, Mingi listened to the man talking about increasing taxes in some of the villages and had to refrain from rolling his eyes at the words. Despite how little he paid attention during his lessons and how much he disliked studying for them, even Mingi could tell that it was a bad idea. It wouldn’t accomplish anything other than getting more money into the nobles’ pockets while making the people poorer which was, undoubtedly, what the councilman wanted.

On the far side of the table, where the lower-rank councilmen were seated, Seonghwa seemed to be thinking the same thing and Mingi could see the way he moved in his seat, straightening his posture and controlling his expression before he asked for an opportunity to speak.

“With all due respect,” he said when the king granted him permission. “I do not think that increasing taxes is a good idea. Frankly, it would not do the people any favours. They already talk about having to pay the crowd too much, either in gold or in their produce, there are families already struggling and increasing their taxes would only make it worse. Regular people of the kingdom can’t afford exorbitant amounts of taxes.”

He spoke confidently and clearly in the room full of councilmen who were older and of higher rank than him, he didn’t care for the distaste they looked at him with and he kept his ground, firm in his beliefs. Mingi wished that he were a bit more like him and that he had the confidence and the knowledge to do what Seonghwa did so well.

The council didn’t seem convinced. Some of them were nodding along to Seonghwa’s words, but most had disdain written all over their expressions. They always did that when Seonghwa spoke, no matter how much sense he made, he was young and had less experience and money and, for them, that was enough to disregard his opinion.

Seonghwa knew what they were thinking too for, when he next spoke, it was to appeal more to their greed than to their empathy. Mingi had learned by now that, with most nobles, that was the best route to take. After all, they knew where the loyalties of some council members lay and it wasn’t with the people but with their own pockets.

“In addition,” Seonghwa said, cutting through the whispers at the table. “It would only lead to anger from the population against the crowd. Some villages are already angry, they don’t respect or support the royal family and, with the tension with Mist, the castle can’t afford any more contempt.”

That seemed to do the trick and more of the councilmen started to be listening. Seonghwa didn’t say anything else though, he bowed to the king and sat back down on his chair. He had said his piece and he knew when it was time to let his words hang in the air and chew at the councilmen’s brains.

“If no one has anything else to add,” the king said. “We will adjourn this meeting and reunite again next week. The taxes will be the first topic of discussion and a decision will be made then.”

With those words, the air in the room shifted, some of the tension dissipating though Mingi could still feel it gripping at his shoulders. The king was the first to get up and leave the room, taking his personal guard with him and after that, it was Hongjoong and Mingi’s turn to get up. The nobles followed their lead a second later.

Mingi greeted and shook hands with the councilmen who approached him, full of pleasantries at the beginning, though they all knew the real reason why they wanted to speak to the princes after the meeting. It was always the same, even though the meeting itself was over, the men still hung around, trying to defend their pieces and opinions to the princes to try to sway their decisions.

They could talk all they wanted, Mingi had learned that everything said outside of the table shouldn’t matter for his decisions, not when nobles liked to make promises and embellish their words to make them more appealing.

When he was finally out of the councilroom, Mingi could barely believe it. There was a headache behind his eyes and he wanted nothing more than to lie down and take a nap.

San was waiting outside with Hongjoong’s personal guard and they bowed when the two princes stepped out of the room together.

“Any plans for today?” Hongjoong asked.

“A nap.”

Hongjoong laughed and patted Mingi’s shoulder.

“I know it’s boring,” Hongjoong said as they walked down the corridor. “But you have to get used to these meetings, they will be a weekly occurrence for the rest of our lives.”

“I know,” Mingi groaned. “I hate them though, I can’t ever pay attention as well as I should.”

Hongjoong grimaced and leaned in to speak into Mingi’s ear.

“Even I don’t pay attention most of the time.”

Mingi raised an eyebrow.

“That’s worse than me not paying attention,” he said.

Hongjoong shrugged.

“Seonghwa fills me in on what I need to know,” he grinned. “I don’t know how but he actually listens to the entire meeting.”

“That’s cheating,” Mingi whined. “We can’t all have smart boyfriends who are part of the council.”

Hongjoong slapped his arm, his cheeks colouring red.

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

“Sometimes, I think he would be a better prince than me,” Mingi said.

Hongjoong looked at him, a weird expression on his face as he tried to read Mingi’s.

“Why do you say that?”

“He likes studying and he actually cares about those meetings. I don’t.”

“Being a prince isn’t just studying,” Hongjoong pointed out. “There’s much more to it. Seonghwa might like studying and helping with decisions, but he would have hated being a prince.”

“Maybe I hate it too.”

Hongjoong bit his lip as he looked at Mingi from the corner of his eye.

“Do you?”

“At times,” Mingi admitted. “It feels like I don’t contribute to anything here anyway.”

And I feel alone most of the time, I have nothing to do and no one but San to spend time with because you and Seonghwa are busy and Yunho left and will never come back, he thought, but let the words remain inside his head. He didn’t want to worry Hongjoong even more.

“You might not see it, but you do,” Hongjoong said, even though he knew that Mingi didn’t believe it. “If not a prince, what would you like to be?”

Mingi thought about it, furrowing his eyebrows as he thought of the possibilities. There were so many options, so many other things to be and lives to live and yet nothing spoke to him. So many alternatives and he still came up empty-handed. He didn’t know enough about life outside of the castle to choose something else, all that he knew was clouded by what he had learned inside the castle.

“I don’t know.”

The smile that Hongjoong sent his way when he wrapped an arm around Mingi’s middle to pull him closer had an edge of sadness to it as if the answer that Mingi gave him wasn’t surprising but he still didn’t like to hear it.

“One day you’ll find yourself,” he said. “You will find the place where you belong and you will see that your presence is irreplaceable. You might think that you do nothing for me or the castle, but you do so much, Mingi. I hope one day you can see that too.”

Mingi couldn’t begin to believe him, he knew that he barely did anything. He studied because he had to and he barely learned anything more than the basics in some subjects. He walked around aimlessly almost every day, he sat in meetings without saying anything, barely paying attention and he looked out the window and daydreamed about lives he would never get to live.

“I hope you’re right.”

Hongjoong grinned cheekily at him but Mingi could still see the concern etched in his gaze.

“I always am.”

Mingi pushed him away with a laugh, both to erase that look from Hongjoong’s eyes and to alleviate his own tension.

He hoped that Hongjoong was right and that one day the emptiness in his chest would dwindle into nothingness as Mingi found where he belonged. He wasn’t sure if hope would be enough for him.

“I have an idea.”

Mingi looked up from the papers he was signing, a few trade agreements with Precious that his father asked him to overlook, to look at San who was sitting across from him.

“What is it?”

“You said you wanted to learn to fight, right?”

“It's not that I want to,” Mingi grumbled. “My father is the one who thinks I have to.”

San chuckled at the disgruntled look on Mingi's face.

“He's not completely wrong though,” he said. 

“Isn’t your job to protect me?” Mingi raised an eyebrow. “If I could do it, you wouldn’t have a job.”

“Knowing how to fight and defend yourself is always good, Your Highness,” he grinned.

“You've seen me with a sword,” Mingi pointed out. “I'm useless.”

“Well, yes. You are a little useless with a sword,” San conceded, snickering when Mingi glared at him. “But you can fight with something other than a sword.”

The sword was always what seemed the most obvious, Mingi hadn’t thought about using something else to fight before. If he couldn’t handle a sword, then it seemed impossible for him to handle any other weapon properly.

“What were you thinking?” Mingi asked, a little curious now.

“Archery!”

Mingi blinked.

“Archery?”

Hongjoong did archery sometimes. He was good at it but Mingi knew that he preferred the close range and the sharpness of a sword rather than a bow and arrows. Mingi had watched him sometimes and it had always impressed him the ease with which his arrows hit the target.

“I think it could suit you,” San confirmed.

Mingi twisted his nose. He wasn't so sure about that. No matter how much San believed in him, Mingi didn’t think he could do it.

“I don't know.”

San rolled his eyes at him.

“Come on.” He reached across the table to slap Mingi's shoulder playfully. “What do you have to lose? Or would you rather sit here all afternoon?”

As time passed since San was assigned Mingi’s guard, they got more and more comfortable and felt more at ease with each other. For Mingi it was a relief. He didn’t feel like he had to keep his guard up around San and, after the Winter Solstice and how much San supported him, Mingi started trusting him not because of his oath but because of his friendship.

He was looking at Mingi hopefully as if he would get something out of their potential archery session other than watching Mingi fail with yet another weapon and Mingi would, in fact, rather not sit and sign papers the entire afternoon.

“Fine,” he said.

He pushed his chair away from the table and chuckled when he caught the wide grin on San's face.

“Don't look so happy,” he said. “I could have a terrible aim and hit your eye instead of the target.”

San laughed loudly.

“If you hit my eye, I would consider that incredible aim, Your Highness.”

Even the title sounded more teasing now than formal and Mingi rolled his eyes with an amused smile. After so long, it was great to have a friend in the castle who wasn’t Hongjoong and Seonghwa.

They walked out together and San walked respectfully behind Mingi through the corridors until they were outside. Once the sun was shining down on them, San took the lead and kept up a light conversation as he guided Mingi to the training range.

Mingi had been to the training range before, though very briefly and to accompany Hongjoong rather than use it for himself. It was big enough to hold multiple guards training at the same time and there was an intimidating row of targets lining the back wall. On the right wall, there were multiple weapons on display, some of which Mingi couldn’t even name.

It was there that San headed as soon as they arrived. Mingi watched him stand in front of the wall with a calculating look on his face as he scanned all the available options to choose the bow that Mingi would use.

The few guards that were in the range scrambled to bow at Mingi when they saw him and he smiled at them pleasantly. They were all training, expertly using their weapons and having friendly competitions with each other, and Mingi felt even more insecure about his skills with every arrow that he saw land on its target.

Despite being the prince, Mingi felt a little awkward standing alone while San went to grab them all the supplies they would need. He could feel the guards looking at him every once in a while, no doubt curious about what he was doing there, and he hoped that they wouldn’t look too closely once San was teaching him

When San finally came back, he handed Mingi a bow and kept the quiver on his back for now. The wood of the bow was polished and Mingi ran his fingertips over it a few times as he tried to familiarize himself with the weight of it in his hands.

“So, how do I start?” He asked, looking doubtful at the weapon he was holding.

“You start by holding the bow properly.”

San stood next to him, eyes attentive and motioned for Mingi to raise the bow.

Mingi tried but it felt foreign in his hands and he struggled with where to put his fingers. He had to hold it in a way that it wouldn’t slip from his grip, but he couldn’t hold it too tightly or his hand would start cramping. He also didn’t think that holding the bow as if he were afraid of it would help.

“Here,” San said when he saw Mingi fidgeting. “Hold it with your non-dominant hand.”

Mingi did as he was told and San’s hands hovered hesitantly before they finally settled over Mingi’s. There were people around them and no guard (or anyone for that matter) was supposed to touch a prince as casually as San was. Mingi didn’t care though, it was a sign of how comfortable San was with him now and it made Mingi happy. Unnecessary rules didn’t matter between friends.

“You should hold it here.” San moved Mingi’s left hand until it was on the grip of the bow. “And adjust your thumb.”

San helped him get his hand in the right place and Mingi paid close attention to where he was placing his awkward fingers. He wanted to memorize it so he could repeat it when San inevitably made him do it alone, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to.

“Now, keep your feet parallel to the line.” San pointed at the white line drawn on the ground. “Your legs support your body so you have to keep your knees straight and relaxed.”

Mingi did what he was told, still clunky and clumsy, not used to paying so much attention to the way he was keeping his legs and his knees.

“Straighten your back a little more, you don't want to be leaning your body.”

Mingi took a breath and straightened his back. At least that, he was used to doing from the many times he had been scolded to fix his posture growing up.

“Alright.” San nodded. “The shoulders are the most important part because they influence everything. You should align your shoulders with your bow arm, it might be a bit uncomfortable and tiring, especially at the beginning, but we'll take a break soon.”

That didn't sound very good to Mingi but he did it with a grimace anyway.

“Don't look like that,” San laughed. “And keep your bow arm straight.”

“This isn't very pleasant,” Mingi huffed.

“Raise this arm a little.” San nudged Mingi's dominant arm since it would draw the arrow. “And don't bend your neck. Trust me, you won’t appreciate the pain.”

“How do I look at the target?” Mingi asked.

“I can't tell you the exact angle because it's different for everyone, but don't tilt your head too much because it can mess with our perception and strain your neck. For now, just keep it level with the bow and you'll find the right position for you the more you try.”

Mingi sighed, his muscles were already starting to ache from holding the position and he was growing more and more impatient as San kept explaining the basics. Archery looked more and more like something he didn’t want to do.

“Take a break for a little,” San snickered when he saw Mingi's arm starting to wobble.

Mingi immediately did so. He lowered his arms and sighed, rubbing at his left shoulder with his right hand.

“I don't know how you do this,” he grumbled.

“It's not as bad once you train more, your body just isn't used to it.”

“I don't know if it will ever be.”

“Don’t be so negative before you even try shooting.” San shook his head. 

By now, San knew Mingi and his impatience well enough. He knew that there was no point in attempting to change Mingi’s mind with his words and, in the same manner, Mingi knew that there was no point in trying to defend himself.

“Are you ready for the arrow now?” San asked.

Mingi nodded, even though he wasn't sure if he was ready. He hadn’t even shot an arrow yet but holding the bow and the position already seemed too complicated. He didn’t know how he would manage with one more variable added to the mix, even if San looked confident.

San helped him get back into the right position. He corrected Mingi’s position, corrected his arms and his legs that had already forgotten which was the right spot to be in and then handed him an arrow.

Mingi held the arrow awkwardly too, very aware of its sharpness, and San helped him place it against the bow properly.

“Here's how you should hold it,” he said, moving Mingi's hand. “Keep a loose grip, if you hold it too tightly, it won't fly the way you want it to.”

Mingi bit his lip as he tried to keep his grip loose while he worried that the arrow would slip through his fingers and clatter to the ground. His muscles were starting to ache again.

“The arrow's point should be your reference,” San said. “The closer you are to the target, the bigger the distance between the point of the arrow and the center of the target should be.”

“How do I know the right distance though?” Mingi asked.

“Well.” San rubbed the back of his neck with a wince. “You try it out.”

“That doesn't sound like a very accurate method.” Mingi raised an eyebrow.

San laughed.

“I can't give you exact measurements, Mingi, there are things that change depending on the archer and you can only understand what works the best for you the more you train. So, you have to train.”

Mingi twisted his nose.

“Go on,” San encouraged. “Try it.”

Mingi looked at him doubtfully and San laughed.

“You don’t have anything to lose,” he said. “And no one is expecting you to hit the bullseye on the first try.”

“What’s the point if I’m not going to hit it anyway?”

San looked at him pointedly and patted him on the shoulder.

“The point is you can hit it after a few tries.”

Mingi groaned, it didn’t sound fun. He repeated San’s instructions in his mind to make sure his stance was right. Feet, legs and knees, shoulders, arms, hold the arrow, aim. He repeated what he did earlier and since San didn't immediately correct him, he assumed he was doing it right.

Still, even though he made sure to follow San’s instructions and took care to aim properly, the arrow still flew in the wrong direction and fell to the floor, a good few meters away from the target where it was supposed to land.

“That was a nice try,” San said.

“You don’t have to lie.”

“I’m not,” San assured. “It’s hard at first because you have to consider so many things: the weight of the bow, the placement of the arrow, all parts of your body. You did well.”

Mingi wasn’t sure he believed him, but he wouldn’t gain anything from denying it, so he simply shrugged.

“Get in position again.”

“Ordering the prince around, Choi San?” Mingi teased as he did exactly what San told him to.

San rolled his eyes, but the amusement in his eyes showed that he knew Mingi was joking.

“My apologies,” he said. “Would you, if you so please, get into position so I can help you with your stance, Your Highness?”

Mingi snickered at the clear teasing.

“By all means,” he said.

For a while, Mingi kept trying. San helped with his stance and with holding the bow and the arrow and gave him pointers on how to aim properly.

For a while, Mingi kept failing. There was always something wrong, his position, the way he held the bow, the place where he was aiming or the force behind the arrow.

Until, finally, after countless tries, the arrow hit the target. It wasn’t bullseye yet, it was closer to the edge than to the center, but it was something and Mingi was proud of himself for it, more than he had expected. Even more so when San cheered for him.

“You did it!”

“I did!” Mingi smiled widely, his eyes still locked on the arrow sticking out of the target.

“I knew you could do it, now you’ll only get better,” San said brightly. “Did you like it?”

Surprisingly, Mingi had. He liked archery more than he had expected, definitely more than sword fighting and, after hitting the target for the first time, it felt even better to him. It felt good to succeed at something for once.

“I did,” he admitted.

“I’m glad. Now, His Majesty can’t be mad at you any longer.”

San was right, Mingi had finally done something that would make his father proud and, on top of that, he had fun. He should listen to San and his ideas more often if they turned out like this.

Maybe Mingi wasn’t a lost cause after all, maybe much like with archery, Mingi could learn how to live at the castle and enjoy it. Maybe it was time for him to stop holding onto dreams and start gripping onto reality.

It was the Spring fair and the village was vibrating with energy. Most villagers were in the town square, either selling or buying at the stalls lining up the roads on both sides, and the good mood was contagious.

Kids ran up and down the streets, chasing each other and laughing as they almost tripped, while their parents talked among themselves and watched on. It made Mingi miss when he was little and could still run around without consequences without getting scolded by his parents. Sometimes, he couldn't help but wish that he could turn back time.

Alas, Mingi was an adult now and going back in time wasn't possible, so he tried not to let the nostalgia take hold of him for too long.

He smiled pleasantly at all the people who bowed at him in greeting, happy to see them in such good spirits, and guided San down the streets. They stopped at a few stalls to talk to the people behind them and Mingi bought a few trinkets that he thought would look good in his room and a few others to give to friends later.

“Have you seen Hongjoong around?” He asked.

San shook his head.

“I haven't seen him since we parted ways.”

Hongjoong came with them to the fair after lunch. For an hour or so, they walked around together, Hongjoong and Mingi in the front so the people could see them and take in their presence while San followed behind them with Hongjoong’s own guard. They spent some time together walking through town, but, a little later, Hongjoong had left to roam the stalls on his own and Mingi went on his way with San.

“We’ll find him eventually.” Mingi shrugged as they kept walking. "He’s probably making friends with the merchants.”

“Do you want to stop for a while or is there anything else you want to buy?” San asked.

“I don’t know,” Mingi said. “Let’s just walk around a little more.”

They walked down the town square and Mingi smiled amicably at every person who stopped them to talk to him or to simply greet him. They stopped to check out a few stalls and buy a few more trinkets and sweets that Mingi couldn’t resist and, as they reached the end of the square and people started dwindling around them, Mingi had three new rings and a bracelet, a paperweight and a bag of sweets added to the watched that San was carrying for him.

“Prince Mingi!”

Mingi looked up at the sudden voice, it was high-pitched and bright and he grinned when he saw a little girl running towards him and San. He didn’t know who she was, but it wasn’t uncommon for him to be approached by curious children when he visited town. He didn’t mind it, on the contrary, he always enjoyed talking to them, their sunny moods and beaming smiles were always contagious and he would much rather spend time with them than with the stuffy nobles who seemed to constantly need to talk to him.

“Hello,” he said, not hesitating to kneel so that he was the same height as her.

She bowed slightly, her pigtails held by pink bows bouncing with the movement, and Mingi smiled at her.

“Do you want to play with us?” She asked, pointing behind her at where a group of kids was passing a ball among themselves.

Most of them were avoiding looking at him but he didn’t take offense to it. He knew that his status could be intimidating and not every kid was outgoing enough to approach and, if not for that, then their parents had most likely already warned about the need to respect the crowd and not talk to them informally.

He waved at them with a smile to make them see there was no problem and turned back to the girl in front of him. If she wanted him to play football with them, that was exactly what Mingi would do.

“Will you teach me the rules?” He asked.

Her smile widened and she nodded her head eagerly.

“Yes!”

“Can my friend play too?” He asked, pointing at San.

She looked at him a little more wary of San, looking at him with a shyer look on her face.

“Hi!” San said. “I’m San, what’s your name?”

“Hayun!”

“Would you let me play with you too?” He asked.

“Do you know how to play?” She asked.

“Yes.” San nodded. “I played when I was little.”

“Okay, Mr. San!” She said. “But only if you’re on my team.”

San laughed and agreed easily.

“What about me?” Mingi asked.

“You have to be on the loser team!”

Mingi laughed loudly but nodded anyway, getting up from the floor.

Hayun led them to the group of kids and took it upon himself to introduce everyone. There were five more kids in total and they were all a little timid in the beginning when faced with the prince and his guard, but Mingi made sure to keep a gentle smile on his face and tell them that they didn’t need to be so formal with him. No one else was there to see and they were there to play football and have fun, it could be their little secret.

The prospect of having a secret with the prince seemed to do the trick and the kids relaxed more and more around him until they were yelling at him and San as if they were just another one of them. Mingi laughed more than he could remember doing in a long time, even when he failed to score and the kids on his team jumped on him and almost made him fall to the ground.

They played with the kids for a while, contaged by their high energy as they kicked the ball around. Hayun spent most of the time close to San, much less wary of him now that she saw he could play football, and, even though the kids on Mingi’s team scored a few goals, her team ended up winning.

“You did good!” Mingi told the kids on his team, ruffling a little boy’s hair. “Next time, we’ll win.”

“Yes!” One of the boys said. “We have to win.”

Mingi laughed and waited for San and the rest of the kids, who were celebrating their victory on the other side of the empty road, to gather next to them.

“Thank you for letting us play,” San said when they were all together.

“You have to play with us again, Mr. San,” Hayun said.

“Next time we come to town we will!” Mingi promised.

“Thank you, Prince Mingi!”

Mingi and San said goodbye to them and smiled as they waved back. He should probably come to town more often, get to know the people and make sure that the kids aren’t afraid of him. He had much more fun here than he did at the castle anyway.

“That was fun,” San said.

“Yeah,” Mingi grinned. “I’m glad they weren’t scared of us.”

“They were a little bit,” San pointed out.

“Oh, you know how it is,” Mingi brushed it off. “Their parents probably told them not to talk to royalty and you look intimidating.”

“I don’t look that intimidating,” San pouted a little.

Mingi laughed.

“You’re a royal guard, you’re not supposed to be offended by that.”

San shrugged with a smile on his face again.

“I don’t want kids to think I’m intimidating though.”

“You just have to smile once and they won’t be afraid of you anymore.”

San rolled his eyes, but he seemed pleased with the answer. He opened his mouth to reply but he was interrupted before he could do so.

Interrupted by a voice that sounded so familiar that had Mingi freezing on the spot. His shoulders tensed up and he felt his mouth dry up, his eyes wide but blurring enough that he couldn’t see what was in front of him anymore.

It couldn’t be.

“Mingi.”

He refused to turn around, staring straight ahead stubbornly. Was he hallucinating? He couldn’t look behind him. He didn’t want to. He wouldn’t.

“Mingi?” This time it was San and his voice made him feel a little more at ease with the reminder that he wasn’t alone. San reached out a hand to touch his arm and kept talking. “Is everything okay?”

From the corner of his eye, he saw San look behind them but he was distressed enough that he couldn’t even focus on trying to read the expression on his face.

“Do you know him?”

Mingi swallowed around nothing, feeling his hands starting to shake. He couldn’t even answer. It was too much, the mere voice was enough to send him spiralling. It couldn’t be him.

“Mingi,” the voice called again and it sounded closer now.

Mingi wanted to bolt, to run and never look back. He didn’t want to hear him anymore, it felt like the voice was tugging at him from the inside and he wanted it to stop. He couldn’t run though, his legs could barely hold him up and they would never be able to take him away from here.

“Excuse me, sir, but you will have to step back,” San said, moving so he was standing directly behind Mingi.

It made him feel a little more grounded. He wasn’t alone. San was here, he was a solid presence between him the man who had appeared despite all odds. San was familiar and safe but Mingi still couldn’t stop hearing his name spoken in that voice that hadn’t met his ears in so long.

“Mingi,” he said again, almost desperate.

Mingi didn’t care for his desperation, not when his presence was enough to make him feel like he was seconds away from crumbling to the floor and never getting up again.

“What are you doing here?” Mingi asked without turning around, his voice breaking around the words.

He wanted to be strong, to seem unaffected, to not give him the knowledge that Mingi was suffering. But he couldn’t keep the hurt away from his voice, from his stance. He knew that it was obvious all over his figure and all over his words how much everything was upsetting him.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Apologies weren’t enough.

Mingi shook his head and his hands curled into fists. His nails dug into the skin of his palms painfully, but he didn’t care.

“What are you doing here, Yunho?”

Chapter Text

Although Mingi still hadn’t turned around, he could feel both San and Yunho looking at him. He felt their eyes on the back of his head, the weight of their stare as hard to ignore as the tension that thickened the air.

Mingi didn’t know what to do. When he had left the castle for the Spring Fair, this was the last thing that he had expected to happen. After so long, he didn’t think he would ever hear Yunho’s voice again, he didn’t think he would ever be in his presence again. But here they were, Yunho’s voice so clear, reviving the memories Mingi had, in his hardest moments, tried to forget.

"Can you look at me?" Yunho asked.

His voice was wobbly and unsure, or maybe Mingi’s head was swimming too much and his ears were clogging up. Maybe he was making everything up. Maybe Yunho wasn’t here after all.

Mingi wasn’t brave enough to even talk, much less to turn around and finally see if the voice was a mere figment of his imagination or if, somehow, after so long, Yunho was back and no more than a few steps away from him.

Mingi didn’t know what would be worse; to find out that Yunho was an illusion or to see him with his own two eyes again.

"What do you want me to do, Your Highness?" San asked.

San’s steady acknowledgement crushed the idea of a phantom voice that only Mingi could hear and, with every word, it forced Mingi to confront the reality that was still waiting for him.

San knew as much as he did who was behind them. He had known Yunho before, though Mingi didn’t know how different he looked now, and Mingi had said his name. The name that had once been so natural and familiar but that now felt almost foreign on his tongue.

Silence reigned as San waited for Mingi to address him and answer his question. He knew how complicated and conflicted Mingi’s feelings towards Yunho were, even if Mingi didn’t talk about it that much. Especially because Mingi didn’t talk about it much, always changing the subject and avoiding Yunho’s name if he had a chance.

Now, what would happen next was Mingi’s choice alone. He knew that if he wanted Yunho to leave he only had to say the word and San would take care of it, he would tell Yunho to leave and Yunho wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He would have to go and Mingi wouldn’t even have to turn around. He knew he had the power to do that and someone who would stand by his side through it.

He didn’t know what to do though. Yunho hurt him immensely, not only by leaving in the first place but also by giving him a glimmer of hope that he would one day come back, that he would appear with the first snow and make up for the broken heart he had left behind and then leaving yet another promise scattered at Mingi’s feet.

With how hurt Mingi was, it should have been an easy choice, but now that he was hearing Yunho’s voice and he knew that he was so close, nothing seemed as straightforward anymore. He should have told San to make Yunho leave, but, at the end of the day, it was still Yunho and Mingi wasn’t any less of a pathetic fool when it came to him.

"You haven't answered my question," he said, hoping that his voice didn't sound as wobbly as it felt. “What are you doing here?”

Although the words were directed at Yunho, they answered San’s question too. Even though Mingi’s back was still turned to them, he didn’t want San to do anything for now. He would hear what Yunho had to say.

"I'm sorry," Yunho said.

Mingi’s shoulders tensed up ever more somehow.

"That doesn’t answer my question," Mingi spit out the words.

It hurt to speak knowing who was standing behind him. Words had always come so easily around Yunho, everything had always been so easy with him as if they had been made to fit together and be at each other’s side. A few years ago, Mingi had thought it was true, that they would have each other until the end of their days, but now it all seemed like a lie.

"I came to see you," Yunho finally said. "I need to talk to you. I want to explain everything."

He sounded increasingly more desperate. Or maybe it wasn’t desperation at all, maybe Mingi was just hearing what he wanted to hear. After all, despite their past, Mingi didn’t know Yunho enough anymore to guess what was hiding behind his words as once he would have been able to.

“It’s a little bit too late to think about me, don’t you think"?”

The words were harsh and bitter, but Mingi didn’t care. Yunho deserved worse than resentment from him.

“Please, Mingi, let me talk to you. Let me apologize.”

“I don’t know what you could possibly have to say to me now. After everything you’ve done, all the promises you broke.”

“I know you’re mad at me and you don’t have to forgive me, Mingi. But I need to explain what happened, I need you to know that hurting you wasn’t what I wanted.”

It seemed that, just as Mingi had grown to not know Yunho anymore, Yunho couldn’t read him as easily as he once had either. He was wrong. Mingi wasn’t mad at him, not anymore. He had spent so long being mad, feeling the anger simmering inside every time he thought about Yunho leaving without a word and throwing away the future they had promised each other. Now, Mingi didn’t have enough energy for rage, he could only feel the hurt that was still a constant beneath his bones.

It was time for him to make his final choice though. He knew that he only had two options, he could either hear Yunho out or walk away and leave him behind like Yunho had done two years ago.

Slowly, Mingi turned around.

San was still standing between them, a silent wall of endless support, and Mingi felt a wave of relief wash over him. He had a friend with him, he wasn’t facing anything alone, he didn’t have to look at Yunho on his own and be consumed by his own emotions without someone to fall back into. If San wasn’t there, Mingi wasn’t sure he would have been able to raise his head and look at Yunho again.

Yunho looked different now, disparate from the image that remained in Mingi’s memories. His hair was longer and lighter than Mingi remembered and his skin was tanner, his clothes were flowy and light despite it only being the beginning of Spring and Mingi struggled to read the expression on his face unlike he ever had before. It all told Mingi of days out in the sun, of living the life he told Mingi he wanted in his letter. The life that he wanted away from the kingdom where they grew up together, away from Mingi himself.

He was looking at Mingi with his lips downturned and sad eyes, but Mingi willed himself to not be swayed by them. Just because Yunho looked sad it didn’t mean that he regretted what he did and that he knew how much he had hurt Mingi. Despite the frown on his face and the words he had said, it didn’t mean that Yunho wanted to make up for what he had put Mingi through.

Mingi knew that he had to be strong now, maybe more than ever. If he was going to face Yunho after so long, after spending so many hours crying and wishing through the pain that he could erase his mind and forget the person who had once been so special to him, if only to have a few hours of reprieve from the agony that thinking of Yunho always brought with it.

If Mingi was going to face him, he would not show just how affected he was by Yunho’s presence and how weak he was feeling.

“Explain then,” he said, putting all his public speaking classes to use to not let his voice shake even a little.

Yunho swallowed harshly, the movement of his throat visible from where Mingi was standing, and it made Mingi feel slightly vindicated. Yunho was uncomfortable and tense and a part of Mingi thought that he deserved it.

“I know I hurt you by leaving and I am so sorry. I didn’t want that to happen,” Yunho started. “That year was horrible for me, I felt so lost, Mingi, I didn’t know what to do. My father died and it was like my world fell apart.”

Although Yunho paused after the words to give him a chance to talk, Mingi kept his mouth closed. He didn’t have anything to say right now, a few self-pitying words wouldn’t cut it for him, he wouldn’t let himself be moved by them so easily.

“I think my father was holding me up in a way that I couldn’t do on my own. I was still learning to know myself, figuring out what I wanted in my future and what I should do, and suddenly I didn’t have the person I had always leaned on anymore. My father always knew what to say to comfort me, he always knew what I needed to hear and he had experience in his life that helped me so much through the years.”

Yunho regarded his expression carefully as he spoke and, although Mingi was paying attention and hearing what he was saying carefully, trying to understand where he was coming from, he still refused to let it show on his face.

“After he died,” Yunho continued. “I knew that I had to do all of it on my own and it opened up this dilemma for me. Everything that I had questioned in the past, every insecurity about myself and my decisions, started coming to the surface again. I started wondering if I was doing the right thing, if I was becoming the person I wanted to be, someone that my father would be proud of. It was so much, Mingi, more than I could deal with.”

“So your solution was to leave,” Mingi said.

You weren’t alone, Mingi wanted to yell at him, I was there. I was right there. I would always be there for you.

“I felt trapped,” Yunho tried to explain. “My father always told me to not let the castle confine me, to dream bigger and chase my own life and happiness in a way that he hadn’t been able to. I was reminded of that in everything I did and every breath I took after he passed. I didn't want to throw my life away without experiencing more.”

“Staying would be throwing your life away,” Mingi chuckled, humourlessly.

“I wasn’t sure what I wanted, I wanted to make the right decision for my life.”

“And how did you know that the right decision wasn’t to stay?”

“I didn’t,” Yunho confessed. “I didn’t have my father anymore, I needed a change in my life. I took the risk.”

“I wasn’t enough then,” Mingi scoffed in an attempt to hide the pain. “I wasn’t enough and our plans meant nothing to you.”

Mingi knew that he was being unfair, he was being harsh and a little cruel. But he felt so hurt, his skin felt too tight and every word out of Yunho’s mouth felt like an arrow to his heart. As callous as it was, Mingi wanted to hurt him too, to make Yunho feel an inch of everything he had put Mingi through since the day that he left.

“Don’t say that,” Yunho begged. “It’s not like that, Mingi. Not at all.”

He sounded desperate but it was nothing against the pain Mingi felt. He scoffed and hoped that Yunho knew it would take more than a few words for Mingi to believe him again.

“Everything we ever planned meant so much to me, Mingi. You were the most important person in my life and after I lost my dad you were everything I had left. But I couldn’t have my life centered around you only. It wasn’t fair to me or you. I had to find my own path and what I wanted to live for.”

Mingi looked away from him.

In a way, he understood what Yunho was saying. At the end of the day, Mingi would always have his royal life and his family, even if he had always felt conflicted about some parts of it for as long as he could remember, he had his life and he had a purpose. From what Yunho was saying, he felt like he didn’t have any of that.

Still, Yunho had left without saying anything, without talking to Mingi, without a chance at goodbye, and that was what had hurt Mingi the most. Despite the logic behind his words, to Mingi, it still felt as if he hadn’t been enough.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you leave out of nowhere without even saying anything? I would have understood, I would have been there for you.”

Mingi’s voice broke at the end of his sentence, the first time he showed how affected and vulnerable he was throughout the entire conversation, and he watched the way it made Yunho wince.

“I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew how much it would disappoint you, I could barely look at you after I made the decision without feeling guilty.”

“Well, you disappointed me more by leaving without telling me than you could ever have otherwise,” Mingi said, bitterness on the edge of his tongue.

Everything that Mingi said seemed to strike Yunho like a punch, but Mingi didn’t let himself be deterred. Yunho had to know, at the very least, how much he had been hurt.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Mingi,” he said, his voice breaking even more than Mingi’s had. “I would never want to hurt you.”

“What you wanted doesn’t matter now, does it?” Mingi asked. “You hurt me more than anyone ever has, whether you wanted to or not. The only thing I wanted was to live my life with you and you took that away from me without a single word. Do you know how hard it has been for me? How I felt after finding your letter?”

“I’m sorry.”

It seemed like Yunho didn’t have anything else to say other than apologies that would never make up for anything. Mingi wasn’t sure he could accept his apology yet, no matter how many times Yunho repeated it, not when all the wounds left in his heart were still so tender and sensitive.

“Why didn’t you show up on the Winter Solstice? You promised it in your letter. I waited for you for hours.”

Mingi thought he could see Yunho’s eyes well up and, even after all the time and everything that had happened, it still made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He had never liked to see Yunho cry, it felt like the world crumbling, but, right now, Mingi couldn’t care. He didn’t want to care so much when the person in front of him had made him cry too.

“I tried to come,” Yunho said, his voice small and weak. “But I didn’t know anything about being out at sea when I left that letter. I didn’t know how unpredictable it would be. You might want to be in a certain place at a certain time but the sea and the sky have to be on your side for it to happen. As much as I wanted to be here that day, it wasn’t possible. We were too far from the kingdom at the time.”

“So, you’ve been living at sea.”

“I joined a crew of travellers.”

Mingi nodded, unsure of what else to say. Yunho’s explanation made sense and it did help Mingi understand what had been running through his head when he left a little better. He knew now why he had been stood up on the Winter Solstice and he could understand that it wasn’t Yunho’s fault that time, but it still didn’t erase all the hurt and the betrayal that Mingi felt through the years. It didn’t feel like enough to forgive him.

“I’m going to leave now,” he said, not daring to look at Yunho.

He didn’t know what else to say and he needed time to think. Even though Yunho was looking at him with the desperation of someone who needed some reassurance, Mingi couldn’t offer him more than the time he had spent listening to his explanation just yet.

“Mingi…” Yunho trailed off, reaching out a hand as if to hold him back despite how far away they still were.

From the corner of his eye, Mingi saw the way San immediately straightened up, holding onto the hilt of his sword. He knew that San wouldn’t do anything, he had spent the entire conversation silently by his side, unwilling to leave Mingi alone, but he wouldn’t do anything harsh without Mingi giving him the order to. He only wanted to deter Yunho from coming any closer and to give Mingi the space he clearly needed.

Yunho’s hand dropped to his side and Mingi didn’t say anything.

“Thank you for hearing me out,” Yunho said, his voice low and weak.

Mingi didn’t look at him.

“I did it for myself,” he said. “I deserved an explanation.”

“You did,” Yunho agreed. 

Mingi turned around to leave.

“Mingi,” Yunho called before he could start walking away. “I’m going to stay in the kingdom for the next two months. I’m staying at the Sunrise Inn… If you ever want to talk.”

For the next two months.

So, Yunho was leaving again. He had clearly found his place and the life he had been looking for at sea if he was only here for two months and then would be leaving again. 

Mingi didn’t know how to feel about it, so he only nodded to show that he had heard but offered no other acknowledgement. He still wasn’t sure whether he would want to talk to Yunho again or if he would let their history die with this conversation.

“Goodbye, Yunho,” he said and finally started walking.

Vaguely, he heard Yunho say goodbye too but he didn’t turn around to look at him again. He feared that if he did, he would forgive everything on the spot and grab Yunho’s arm to pull him closer and never let him go again. Cover his body with Yunho’s, feel his arms around him and let his warmth close the wounds in his heart, make up for all the lost time.

“Are you alright?” San asked, walking a step behind him as if protecting Mingi’s back from Yunho’s stare.

“I don’t know,” Mingi replied honestly.

They walked in silence back to the castle.

Mingi’s mind was a mess. No matter what he did and how much he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about Yunho and everything that he had said.

It had been a few days since the Spring Fair and, despite all the responsibilities that Mingi had to take care of, Yunho was still at the forefront of his mind. He was conflicted, his thoughts a jumbled mess that he couldn’t make much sense of. A part of him understood Yunho and what he had been going through, he understood that, at the time, leaving had been the only solution that Yunho’s hurt mind had been able to come up with and latch onto. Mingi could understand that, but he couldn’t ignore all the hurt that he had, purposefully or not, been put through.

As of now, San was the only other person who knew that Yunho was temporarily back in the kingdom. Mingi hadn’t dared tell anyone else and facing what opening up the can of worms would do to him. He knew that, as soon as the news spread that Yunho was back, Mingi would have to acknowledge the dilemma that was haunting him, talk about it and start deciding what he would do. The days were passing and Yunho would only be around for two months, after that, the decision would be made for Mingi.

However, even though no words had been uttered about Yunho, Mingi knew that at least Seonghwa and Hongjoong had caught on that something was weighing on him and it was only a matter of time until one of them confronted him about it.

He caught them looking at him multiple times through the days, with concerned frowns on their faces as they tried to read his face. He didn’t know if they were trying to be subtle with their worry, but, if they were, it wasn’t working. He knew what they were feeling and he knew that they were only waiting for the right moment to approach him. He didn’t know what they saw on his face every time they looked at him, but it was a miracle that they had looked away without commenting for as long as they had.

As it turns out, the time of confrontation that Mingi was avoiding came faster than he had expected and, at the first opportunity, it was Hongjoong who approached him.

It was one of the rare times that Mingi was alone. He had been keeping close to San as much as possible, even more than usual considering it was San’s job to be by his side at almost all times, as a means of protection from people wanting to talk to him and as a way to feel as safe as possible with himself and his own thoughts. Now, with Hongjoong looking at him, the vulnerability that Mingi had been trying to hide jumped to the surface without hesitation.

“Can we talk?” Hongjoong asked after they left a meeting with their father.

The meeting wasn’t long, only a brief update on the situation with Mist, and the council hadn’t even been gathered. San took the morning off to train with the other guards and Hongjoong had seemingly dismissed his personal guard too.

“Of course,” he said.

It was obvious what Hongjoong wanted to talk to him about and, even though he was trying not to show how much he was dreading the conversation, Mingi knew that he wasn’t fooling his brother with his nonchalant tone.

Without saying anything, Hongjoong guided him towards the gardens.

It was bright and sunny, with only a light breeze ruffling their hair. It was the perfect weather to sit and lounge outside like they used to do when they were younger and Mingi wished they had the chance to do it more often now. Today wasn’t the day for it though, not when there was a frown on Hongjoong’s face and Mingi felt so on edge.

In a matter of minutes, he knew he would have to talk about Yunho and voice everything that had happened as well as his worries. It would most likely do him good to open up, he knew, but knowing didn’t make it any easier to dive into what he was feeling.

They sat on a bench in silence for a moment and Mingi busied himself with watching the castle staff walking around. The gardeners were taking care of patches of flowers on the other side of the garden and the cooks were walking to and fro the gates to receive the fresh produce of the day. As Mingi kept his gaze resolutely forward, he could feel Hongjoong’s eyes on him, waiting for Mingi to break the silence or for the best moment to speak.

Mingi didn’t say anything though, he didn’t know what Hongjoong wanted to hear from him, and, in the end, Hongjoong was the first to talk.

“Are you alright?” He asked. “You’ve been off these last few days.”

“I’m fine.”

It was a lie and they both knew it. Hongjoong wouldn’t be fooled that easily and he certainly wasn’t going to let Mingi get away with the fake confidence.

“Mingi…” He trailed off. “I’m worried. You have barely talked to anyone except San, you walk around every day like a ghost and you don’t even laugh or smile anymore.”

Mingi refused to look at him. He knew that Hongjoong was right and there was no point in denying it. He had been struggling for a while now but things had started getting better as he adapted to his life and accepted his future and his role in the kingdom. Nothing was perfect and nothing was the way he truly wanted it to be, but things were considerably better than they had been since Yunho left and it was obvious that Hongjoong had noticed it too.

But then Yunho came back and everything seemed to still around Mingi. Somehow, it always came back to Yunho.

“Did something happen?” Hongjoong asked.

Mingi sighed. He still wasn’t sure that he wanted to talk about it but he knew that it was more so from the fear of opening the box where he kept his feelings hidden than from apprehension over telling Hongjoong the truth.

He rubbed a hand over his face and gathered his strength. It would do him good, he tried to convince himself. Maybe putting everything into words would work to release the hold that Yunho and his return had on his thoughts and his emotions.

“Yunho’s back.”

“What?!” Hongjoong asked, clearly shocked.

Whatever he had expected to hear, it wasn’t this. He had probably thought that Mingi would open up about some insecurity or fear that he had been trying to keep hidden, but definitely not that Yunho, someone who had been gone for years, was back in the kingdom.

Mingi understood. Out of everyone, Yunho was the last person he had expected to find at the Spring Fair too.

“He was at the Spring Fair.”

“Did you talk to him?” Hongjoong asked cautiously.

Mingi nodded.

“Well,” he amended. “He talked to me. I didn’t have much to say to him.”

“What did he say?”

“He apologized for leaving without saying anything and for not showing up on the Winter Solstice.”

“Did he tell you why?” Hongjoong’s voice was slightly hesitant, unsure of how to approach the subject.

“He did,” Mingi said. “He told me that, after his father passed, he couldn’t stay here anymore. He felt tied to the castle and he wanted to live more and see parts of the world that he wouldn’t get to if he stayed. He wanted to be with me, but I think he wanted to be free most of all.”

Hongjoong only hummed, his face pensive as he tried to find the right words, so Mingi continued.

“I guess I understand that, but I’m not sure I can forgive him, you know? I don’t get why he couldn’t tell me what he needed instead of leaving without a word. I just wanted him to give me a chance to support him.”

Hongjoong sighed, shuffling a little closer to Mingi so he could place a comforting hand on his back.

“And why didn’t he come back for the Solstice?”

“Apparently, life at sea is unpredictable and he couldn’t be here when he wanted to.”

“That is true.” Hongjoong nodded. “So, he’s living at sea now?”

“He said he joined travellers.” Mingi shrugged. “I didn’t ask much, I didn’t know what to even say when he was suddenly in front of me after so long.”

Hongjoong grimaced sympathetically.

“What was it like?” He asked. “Seeing him again.”

Mingi didn’t even know how to describe the way he felt when he laid eyes on Yunho again. The amalgamation of feelings that took root inside him was too complex to make sense of and even now, days later, he was still trying to make sense of them.

“Strange,” he settled on. “He looks different now, you know? Not much, I could still recognize him so easily, but enough to be proof of how long he has been away.”

Mingi looked away from Hongjoong and closed his eyes tightly against the image of Yunho’s tan skin and light hair that appeared in his mind before continuing without letting Hongjoong say anything.

 “He can’t just come here and apologize and expect me to be okay and receive him with open arms and forgive him with a few simple words. It’s been too long and he hurt me too much.”

Mingi’s voice rose slightly and he was glad that Hongjoong had brought them to a place in the garden where they wouldn’t be overheard. He was just so frustrated, so tired and confused about everything he was feeling. He was starting to get better, he was learning to move on and finally leave Yunho in the past and now he couldn’t even do that anymore.

“Why is he even back now?” Hongjoong wondered.

“He wanted to see me and explain everything,” Mingi sighed. “And, as much as I don’t want to, I couldn’t help but be happy to see him. Even after everything, he’s still Yunho and I can’t ignore him even if I try to.”

And, in the end, that might have been what frustrated Mingi the most. The helplessness of not being able to control what he was feeling, the knowledge that Yunho still had such a hold on him.

“I think that’s normal,” Hongjoong said. “He was your best friend and someone who you relied on and wanted in your life for a long time, you can’t erase those feelings and those memories. The reason why it’s so conflicting is because the hurt is still so prevalent.”

“I don’t know which side to pick,” Mingi confessed. “I don’t know if I want to be happy and forgive him or if I want to walk away from him like he did to me and never look back.”

Silence fell over them for a minute. The only sound in the garden was that of the birds and the people walking around a little away from them and Mingi tried to anchor himself to the present so as not to let his mind float away to the day of the Fair.

“You don’t have to pick a side, at least not right now,” Hongjoong finally said. “You can be happy that he’s alive and well and that he apparently came back as soon as he could, but you don’t have to forgive him immediately. You don’t have to forget that he hurt you. You shouldn’t forget something like that so quickly, not with how much it affected you.”

And is still affecting you to this day, the unsaid words were clear in Hongjoong’s expression.

“I just feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions,” Mingi sighed. “A part of me wants to hug him and the other part of me never wants to see him again.”

Hongjoong didn’t reply, unsure of what to tell him. Mingi didn’t blame him for the silence though, he didn’t even know what to think either.

At the end of the day, just like an explanation from Yunho couldn’t erase the years of anguish after he felt so betrayed, opening up to his brother couldn’t solve the conflict in his heart.

“Is he staying in the kingdom?” Hongjoong asked.

Mingi nodded.

“Two months.”

“Are you planning on seeing him again?”

“I don’t know if I should.”

“I can’t tell you what to do,” Hongjoong said. “But I want you to know that if you do want to see him again, you don’t have to do it alone, just say the word and I will go with you. I have a few choice words to say to him anyway.”

Mingi chuckled, a small smile on his lips, and it made Hongjoong grin back at him, pleased that he had lifted the mood at least a little bit.

“And,” Hongjoong continued. “If you decide to never talk to him again, I’m here for you too, whether you want to talk about it or cry about it or scream about it.”

Mingi sighed and let his head fall to the side to rest on Hongjoong’s shoulders. He was exhausted.

“Thank you.”

“You know you don’t have to thank me for that, Mingi. I just want to see you happy. You have been sad for too long, you deserve to smile again.”

Mingi nodded, though he didn’t know what to say or how to express how much Hongjoong’s words meant to him.

“What would you do?” He asked. “If you were in my place, what would you do?”

Hongjoong sighed, his hand resting on Mingi’s head and playing with the strands of hair as he thought.

“I think I would see him again, at least once. If nothing more, then to make sure he knew how much he hurt me and how deeply what he did affected me. I would want to make sure he was aware that his actions were selfish and that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.”

A part of Mingi wanted that too, wanted Yunho to know the extent of the hurt, the misery that Mingi had fallen into. He wanted the knowledge of what he had done to Mingi to weigh on him and haunt him when he left again. It was harsh and perhaps a little unnecessary to go to such an extent, but Mingi couldn’t help the bitterness that always built up inside of him when he remembered all the times he had cried for Yunho and the future they lost.

“I don’t know what to do,” Mingi said, his voice low and defeated.

“You don’t owe him anything,” Hongjoong said. “You should only do what you want to do and feel prepared to do.”

“I just don’t want to get hurt again.”

Hongjoong pressed a kiss to the top of his hair and sighed.

“I don’t want to see you like that again either. You were so broken, Mingi. It was awful to witness. I felt like I couldn’t do anything to bring you back to yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, words barely audible.

“Don’t apologize, silly. I’m just mad at how unfairly you were treated. I will always take care of you, no matter what. I want you to be okay and to chase your happiness, after everything, you deserve it at the very least. So, do what you think you need to do for yourself and no one else.”

Mingi didn’t reply, he didn’t know what to say, but he turned his head slightly to nuzzle against Hongjoong’s shoulder, hoping that he understood the gesture as the thank you that it was.

"Do you think they will ever get married?"

Mingi looked up from the book he was reading to look at San.

“What?” He asked, confused.

San wasn’t looking at him though, his eyes focused on the other side of the sitting room. Slowly, Mingi followed the line of San’s gaze until his eyes landed on Seonghwa and Hongjoong.

They were sitting on the other loveseat, looking over a pile of papers on Seonghwa’s lap, engrossed with whatever they were reading and talking about. They were sitting close together, their thighs touching underneath the papers and their hair brushing each other as they leaned in close to read. They were working, but everything about them was so naturally tuned into each other that it looked as if they were simply lounging.

San nudged him, still waiting for a reply, and Mingi sighed.

“I don’t know,” he said. “It's complicated.”

“How so?” San asked, genuinely curious.

Mingi grew up in the castle, in the royal family, learning about the costumes and the rules they had to abide by until the end of their days. It was a duty that weighed on his shoulders since he was old enough to understand parts of it and it was something that he knew held Hongjoong back in many ways too.

Hongjoong had never talked to him openly about his relationship with Seonghwa, it was kept under wraps even though Mingi knew better than anyone that their feelings for each other were platonic. He knew that, at least for now, it was for the better that whatever was happening stayed between them and that the rest of the castle was left with nothing but rumour to feed on. It was safer for them to keep everything a secret until Hongjoong rose to the throne and Mingi would gladly stay on the sidelines if it meant they felt more secure.

Mingi closed his book with a grimace. San hadn’t grown up with the weight of the crown on his head, for him it wasn’t a given that lovers had to stay hidden unless the king and queen approved.

“When you’re part of the crown family, there are certain rules that you have to follow. You know I’ve had trouble with some of them, but it’s worse for Hongjoong. He’s the future king, he’s the example of everything that should be and our parents never took lightly any disobedience from him. And a lover isn’t exactly a small disobedience.”

“His Majesty wouldn’t approve of Seonghwa?” San asked, confused.

“It’s not because it’s Seonghwa,” Mingi said. “He grew up with us and our parents like him. It’s more so because it could cause trouble with succession after Hongjoong, it would be the first that there wouldn’t be a direct descendant. I don’t think Hongjoong cares about that, so I don’t know what they will do once he’s the king, but I know that for now, they’re also keeping it quiet because Seonghwa is part of the council and they don’t want the other councilmen to think ill of him because he’s involved with the crown prince. They already aren’t the nicest to him as it is.”

San hummed in thought. They were keeping their voices low to not be heard by Seonghwa and Hongjoong and Mingi averted his eyes from them to look at San.

“The royalty is weird,” San finally said.

Mingi chuckled.

“I agree.”

“I don’t get it,” San continued. “I’m sure they could find someone to take the throne after and as for the councilmen, who cares what they would think.”

“I never talked to Hongjoong about it properly, you know. They have been together since we were young, I don’t even know when things between them shifted from friendship to more. Everything was always so natural that I never even questioned it. No matter what, I knew that it would always be them. I’m not sure what their plans are, but I don’t think they will do anything until Hongjoong is the one on the throne.”

“Do you reckon he would take the risk then?”

Mingi nodded.

“I think so. No one will be able to stop him then, he can name whoever he wants as an heir and Seonghwa would be part of the council anyway by marriage alone,” he said. “I think it would be impossible for anything as silly as a rule like that to keep them apart, my brother wouldn’t let Seonghwa get away.”

San was silent for a moment, his gaze back on Seonghwa and Hongjoong.

“I agree,” he said. “If they aren’t freely together now, then they will be later.”

“I like to think so, too,” Mingi nodded. “At least one of us should be happy and in love.”

“One of you?” San repeated, finally turning his head to look at Mingi. “What does that mean?”

Mingi bit his lip and didn’t look at San. Once, when he was younger and deluded himself into thinking that he could have what he wanted, the topic bothered him. It was something that he didn’t like to talk about, putting it into words made it real and Mingi preferred to ignore it for as long as he could. However, now that he was older and had learned the hard way that his future wasn’t something he had in his hands, Mingi had finally come to terms with it.

He knew what his future entailed and, instead of wishing that he could change it, now he just hoped that he could learn to live with what life brought his way, even if it wasn’t what he had longed for when he was younger and more naïve. 

Mingi didn’t want to sound too upset though because he didn’t want to worry San even more. Since they saw Yunho at the Spring Fair, San had been concerned for him. Mingi saw it in the way he looked at him with a crease between his eyebrows when he thought Mingi wasn’t paying attention and in the way he stood a little to him than usual. He didn’t want to make him worry even more, especially with something that couldn’t even be helped or changed.

“If one of us has to marry for convenience, I would rather it be me.” Mingi shrugged as if the words didn’t affect him much.

They were true enough, but they upset him even when he tried to ignore their weight.

“Why?”

“He has someone already, I don't. At least he can be happy.”

“That's…” San trailed off, clearly unsure of what to say. “I don't think that's very fair to you.”

“I've accepted what my future will look like, it’s okay. I just don't want Hongjoong to go through that when he already loves someone. I don't want Seonghwa to go through that either.”

“But you could still find someone you love,” San pointed out. “What then?”

Mingi shrugged.

“Maybe love just isn’t in the cards for me.”

San frowned at him and Mingi chuckled to make the mood a little lighter.

“Don't look so sad.”

“How can I not when you're expected to lock yourself in a life that will never be fulfilling?”

Mingi looked away.

“I wouldn't go that far. I’ll be fine.”

“Fine isn't enough,” San said, his voice a little louder as if thinking about Mingi's future truly upset him. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Everything okay?”

Mingi looked up to see both Seonghwa and Hongjoong staring at them. He nodded with a small smile, not wanting to worry them, and waited until they looked away again. The expressions on their face made it obvious that, although they were letting it go, they didn't believe him but he was glad for the small reprieve that they allowed him.

“Everyone keeps saying that,” Mingi sighed, quietly so only San could hear. “I just don’t know if it’s possible.”

“Because it's true and because it’s what you deserve,” San said fiercely. “Promise me you’ll at least think about it. That you won't let yourself fall into something you don't want just to appease your parents without thinking about yourself first.”

Mingi swallowed, throat dry. He couldn't look at San in the face right now.

“I promise,” he said.

The promise seemed to be enough for San, but Mingi didn’t know if, when faced with the inevitability of what his future would bring, he would be able to keep it.

“Has living in the castle ever felt suffocating to you?”

Seonghwa looked up from the report he was writing and blinked at Mingi, confused by the sudden question.

“Suffocating how?”

Mingi bit his lips, struggling to figure out how to explain himself.

“Have you ever wanted more for your life? Or something different that you couldn’t get because living here was trapping you?”

Seonghwa put down his pen and turned his full attention to Mingi and what he was saying. There was a furrow between his eyebrows as he thought and Mingi relaxed slightly in his chair, knowing that Seonghwa was considering the question carefully instead of immediately jumping to ask Mingi where it had come from.

“I don't think so,” Seonghwa finally said.

“Oh,” Mingi sighed, deflating.

“Have you been feeling like that?” Seonghwa asked, his voice softer.

He leaned a little closer to Mingi, trying to meet his eye and read his expression, but Mingi fought against the pull of his kind face as hard as he could and kept looking away.

“I don't know,” he said.

Seonghwa didn't say anything as he waited for Mingi to gather his thoughts.

“Did Hongjoong tell you about Yunho?”

Seonghwa nodded through a wince.

“He did,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

Mingi shrugged. That was a loaded question that he still hadn't found a concrete answer to.

“Strange.”

It was still the best answer he had to give and it still didn't feel like it was enough. A single word could never do the complexity of his feelings any justice but Mingi had nothing else to give.

Seonghwa nodded anyway, as if he understood despite how vague Mingi’s reply was.

“He said he felt suffocated and trapped here,” Mingi finally said. “That he wanted more and he couldn't get it if he stayed.”

Seonghwa seemed to be deep in thought, his gaze moving from Mingi to the papers in front of him as if contemplating what he should or shouldn't say. In the end, he talked.

“I never really felt trapped,” he said. “But I can't truthfully say that I have never thought about leaving before.”

Despite having asked the question, Mingi was still surprised by the confession. Seonghwa always felt like he belonged in the castle, like he was part of them despite not being a member of the royal family by blood. The way he moved and talked, his confidence at the council meetings and his dedication to studying everything he would ever need to know were only parts of what made him part of the castle. Seonghwa had been there since Mingi was little, he grew up alongside Mingi and Hongjoong and was part of his family. In all the ways that mattered, Seonghwa was one of them.

It had never crossed Mingi’s mind that Seonghwa could have possibly wanted to leave.

Then again, a few years ago, he had thought the same about Yunho.

“You have?” Mingi asked.

Seonghwa sighed and leaned back in his chair. He wasn't looking at Mingi anymore and, now, he was the one avoiding eye contact. His gaze was far away and it made Mingi feel guilty that he was rehatching what seemed to be old wounds, but Seonghwa started talking before he could apologize for it.

“It was different for me,” he said. “Yunho left because he wanted more, I thought about leaving because all I ever wanted was here and I didn't think I could ever have it.”

"I didn’t know you felt like that," Mingi said.

Seonghwa smiled at him sadly.

"I tried to hide it as much as possible," he said. "I didn’t want to worry anyone."

“Why did you think that you wouldn't be able to achieve everything you wanted?” Mingi asked carefully. “You deserve everything.”

Seonghwa looked at Mingi fondly, but there were still shadows of sorrow on his expression.

“You're sweet,” Seonghwa said.

He sighed and Mingi winced.

“Sorry,” Mingi said. “I don't mean to pry or bring up anything you don't want to talk about.”

“It’s alright,” Seonghwa assured. “It's been a while, I can talk about it. Plus, it might ease your mind and I am happy to help.”

Mingi nodded and shuffled his chair so he was sitting closer to Seonghwa. He didn't know if it was to offer Seonghwa some comfort or if it was to prepare himself for the conversation that Seonghwa was easing them into.

“I thought I would never be accepted into the council,” Seonghwa started. “No matter how much I studied and prepared myself, it didn't feel like enough. His majesty is very particular about who he accepts into his circle.”

Mingi nodded, he knew how finicky his father could be. Ever since Mingi started attending council meetings when he was eighteen, he had only seen two new people join: Seonghwa and an older Lord.

“I didn't think he would ever accept me,” Seonghwa continued. “I'm too young and inexperienced and naïve. I didn’t think I could ever be good enough to be trusted like that.”

“But…” Mingi frowned. “Even if my father didn’t accept you into his council, Hongjoong surely would once he's king.”

Seonghwa looked away, his expression closed off, and Mingi had the distinct impression that he had said the wrong thing.

“I didn't want that though,” Seonghwa said before Mingi could take back his words and apologize. “I wanted to be part of the council because I'm capable and because I can help, I wanted His Majesty to see my efforts and to believe I could be an important member. If I could only be part of the council because Hongjoong chose me, I feared it would only be because it's me and we're friends, not because of anything else.”

“Hongjoong wouldn't do that.” Mingi shook his head.

“I know,” Seonghwa chuckled bitterly. “I know that now, but I was so insecure about everything back then. I always felt like I had to prove myself. Not only to His Majesty and the council but also to him.”

“Hongjoong?”

Seonghwa nodded, the sad smile back on his face.

“We've been friends for so long and my feelings were never just friendly. But he's the crown prince, he's beautiful and smart, everyone loves him, he's going to be an incredible king,” he said. “I'm just me. I’m not even part of the royalty, I didn't feel like I would ever be enough for him. It was the other reason why I thought leaving would be for the best.”

“Hongjoong loves you though.”

“I know that now,” he said. “Even if I don't know what the future holds for us, I know that he loves me and that's enough.”

“You don't want to leave anymore, do you?”

Seonghwa chuckled and reached out to ruffle Mingi's hair.

“No,” he said. “I want to be here.”

“Do you think I should talk to Yunho?”

Seonghwa shrugged.

“I think living here can be hard and it can suck some of the life out of you. It's hard for you and Hongjoong and it's hard for the people around you. We're all facing it and dealing with it the best we can and, sometimes, the best is to not be here anymore,” he said, sadly. “I can’t say I agree with the way Yunho did things, leaving without saying a word to you of all people was never the way to go about it, but I can understand the thoughts that make you not want to be here.”

Seonghwa paused for a second to gauge Mingi’s reaction before adding:

“Maybe talking to him can put things into perspective for you. If nothing else, then at least to quiet your mind. You deserve that peace.”

“I guess I understand.” Mingi nodded.

The castle could be suffocating for him too and, if Seonghwa went through the same, then it was more normal than he had considered. He understood Yunho’s reasoning even if, much like Seonghwa, he also couldn’t see past the silence that had met him the day Yunho left.

“It's hard for you too, isn't it?” Seonghwa asked. “Living here. Living this life.”

Mingi looked away with a shrug. Seonghwa seemed to already know the answer to his question anyway.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about that, does it? Running from this life isn't an option for me.”

Mingi didn't know what he was doing.

He looked up at the building in front of him and took a deep breath. He felt way out of his depth, his heart hammering in his chest and his hands already starting to sweat. He was still outside and his nerves were already flaring, he couldn’t even think about how bad it would be once he crossed the threshold.

"Are you ready?"

He turned his head to look at San and shrugged. His hands fidgeted by his side and he struggled to keep still, anxious energy running through his body. He had known all along that being here wouldn’t be easy, but he didn’t think he would feel this cornered with no way of escaping. As much as he had known though, Mingi knew that he was far from ready to face what - who - was beyond the doors in front of him.

"I don’t know,” he finally said.

"We can still turn around,” San reminded him. “You don’t owe him anything.”

It was tempting. He could turn around now, go back to the safety of the castle and stay as far from the village as he could during the next two months, Yunho wouldn’t even know that Mingi had come so close to seeing him again. He could do it, but, if he went back now, Mingi knew that he would never come back.

Strangely, this felt like a last chance. Their last chance. There was no doubt in Mingi’s mind that Yunho might not come to the kingdom again in the future, Yunho had said so himself: he didn’t have anything left for him here. If Mingi turned back now, he might never see Yunho again and his last memories of him would forever be coated in bitterness.

"I can do it," Mingi said.

He repeated the words once more, hoping that it would make them more truthful and, at this point, he didn’t know if was reassuring San or trying to convince himself.

San looked at him for a second, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips set in a frown, but, in the end, he only nodded, Mingi’s words seemingly enough for now. And, with that last reassurance, he didn’t give Mingi any more time to second guess himself.

He walked forward and, before Mingi could say anything, he pushed open the door to the Sunrise Inn.

The man standing behind the desk at the entrance was startled when he saw them enter. He closed the notebook where he had been writing and his pen clattered to the floor as he hurried to greet them at the door. He bowed deeply at Mingi and gave him a small smile that had a clear edge of embarrassment at being caught off guard.

"Your Highness," he said.

Mingi smiled at him, unbothered and wanting him to feel more at ease.

"Good morning,” he replied easily. "Are you the innkeeper?”

The man nodded, straightening his shirt.

“Yes, I am, Your Highness.”

“I would like to request a favour if such is possible,” Mingi said.

The man straightened up and nodded again, still avoiding direct eye contact.

"Of course, Your Highness, whatever you need."

"I need to speak with one of your guests," Mingi said. "Is it possible to call him here?"

The man nodded once more, clearly eager to help one of the princes and Mingi smiled at him encouragingly.

"Of course. What is the guest's name?"

“Jeong Yunho.”

The man walked back to his desk and he hummed as he looked over his book of records, finger following along the lines. It didn’t take long, only a minute or so, before he straightened up to look at Mingi.

“I will be right back, Your Highness.”

He bowed at Mingi and left towards the stairs.

As they watched him leave the room, Mingi took a deep yet shaky breath and San, who was standing less than a step behind him, placed a comforting back on his hand. It was growing and, not for the first time, Mingi thought about how lucky he was to have San as his guard and by his side despite their rocky beginning.

"You can do it,” San said.

Despite San’s confidence, Mingi wasn’t so sure about it. He still thought that he would never be quite ready to face Yunho, but, as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, he knew that he now had to go forward with it.

The innkeeper came downstairs on his own and he gave Mingi a small smile when he saw him glancing behind him.

“Mr. Jeong will be down in a minute,” he said, wringing his hands. “You can wait in the breakfast room if you wish, Your Highness.”

Mingi nodded, attempting to divert his eyes from the top of the stairs, and let the man guide him to the backroom. San followed after them and soon they were in the breakfast room. It wasn’t too big, but there were multiple tables and chairs for the guests and since it was closer to lunchtime than breakfast, it was blissfully empty.

“Would you like something to eat or drink, Your Highness? I'm afraid we don't have much, but there should be some leftovers from breakfast.”

The man flushed as soon as he said the words. He was nervous to be in his presence and Mingi felt compelled to put him more at ease.

“I would like some water if you would be so kind. And some for my guard too.”

The man nodded with a smile, pleased and relieved to be of help before he departed from the room with a bow to get them their waters.

“Once Yunho comes,” San started. “Do you want me to stay or do you want me to leave you to talk alone?”

Mingi sighed and rubbed his face with a hand, undignified now that the innkeeper wasn’t with them anymore.

“I think I want to talk to him alone.”

San nodded.

“I will stay close,” he said. “If you need me at any time, you just need to call for me.”

Mingi knew that the promise didn’t come solely from San’s duty as his guard. It was a promise born out of their friendship too, San would stay close to him not only because he had to protect him from possible threats, which Yunho, technically a stranger at this point, could be, but also because he was worried and wanted to be there in case Mingi needed him to lean on.

“Here it is, Your Highness.” The man placed a cup of fresh water on the table in front of him, condensation gathering on the outside, in front of Mingi. “I hope it is to your liking.”

Mingi smiled at him reassuringly while the man offered San his own cup. Although Mingi didn’t want any of the people in town to be afraid of him or to hesitate to talk to him, he knew that there would always be a certain distance that was proper considering the differences in their status that he could never run away from. The only thing he could do was act as normal as possible and treat them nicely.

“Thank you,” Mingi said.

The door to the breakfast room creaked open and three pairs of eyes turned to look at it and at the man who now stood in the doorway.

Mingi’s heart beat faster at the sight of him. No matter how hurt he was, how confused and torn he felt, it seemed that his body still reacted to Yunho with the same excitement it used to do when they were younger, before Yunho had left.

“I will leave you to talk,” San said. He squeezed Mingi's shoulder encouragingly and looked at the innkeeper. “Would you escort me to the other room?”

The man nodded and San turned to look at Mingi one last time before they left. They squeezed past Yunho was was still standing by the door and San gave him one last encouraging look before he disappeared from view.

Yunho was staring at him with his eyes wide, frozen on the spot and making no move to come any closer. He was wearing flowy clothes like the last time Mingi had seen him, but his hair looked softer as if the salt from the sea had been washed away.

Mingi couldn’t even fault him for being rooted in the doorway when he didn’t know how to act either.

“I didn't think you would come,” Yunho finally said, taking a tentative step forward.

Despite the opening to a conversation, Mingi didn’t say anything or even move. His gaze was trained on Yunho’s small steps but he wouldn’t acknowledge him further than that for now. Mingi made the first move by coming to the Sunrise, now it was Yunho’s turn to work for a conversation.

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Yunho added, standing awkwardly next to the table where Mingi was sitting now.

“You can sit.” Mingi gestured to the chair across from him.

He didn’t know what would be worse, sitting so close to Yunho or having him hover next to him.

Yunho nodded and pulled back the chair. He sat down slowly, avoiding Mingi's eyes, and the silence that settled over them was heavy and uncomfortable. It seemed that neither of them knew what to say and, while Yunho's fingers played with the sleeves of his shirt, Mingi was starting to feel antsy.

"How have you been these years?" Mingi finally asked, unable to stand the silence any longer.

Yunho looked up, surprise written on his face, and Mingi wasn’t sure if he hadn’t expected the question or if he thought that Mingi wouldn’t speak at all.

"Good," Yunho cleared his throat. "I've been good. It was harder at first and I was a little scared, but, once I met people and got used to how different everything was, I felt good.”

His smile was tentative and honest and Mingi swallowed the bitterness he felt at the words. At least one of them had been doing alright during the time they were apart.

"And you?" Yunho asked. "How have you been? How's Hongjoong and Seonghwa?”

"I've been fine," Ming lied through his teeth. "It's been more busy since I joined the council. Seonghwa joined too."

"I'm glad." Yunho grinned. "He really wanted it."

For the first time, it struck Mingi that he wasn’t the only one who missed a part of the other’s life. He didn’t know what Yunho had been doing or even where he had been, but Yunho had also missed many days, not only from Mingi’s life but also from the other friends he used to have. When he left, Yunho let go of everything he had in the kingdom and, from the look on his face, he was now eager to find out what had changed since he last saw them.

Consumed by his own pain, Mingi hadn’t considered that Yunho could be hurting in his own way too. He was the one who got away, the one who decided to leave, but that didn’t mean that it had been easy for him.

"He deserved it," Mingi agreed.

Yunho nodded and silence settled over them again. It was strange. In the past, being with Yunho was the most comfortable Mingi could be, conversation always came so easily between them and they never ran out of words to say. This, the awkwardness, the silence and hesitation, was new territory for them and Mingi hated it.

"What is it like?" He asked both because he was curious and because the silence kept trying to suffocate him. "Sailing."

Yunho's smile brightened and he ran a hand through his hair.

"I love it." He said." I wasn't sure if I would, but it's so much fun. I love the ocean and the sky and when you're on a ship there's nothing but sea and sky. It was a little hard to get used to walking on top of the waves and I spent many days seasick, but once I did, it was incredible."

Yunho had been thriving then. It was clear that he was happy and enjoying his new life at sea, in his ship with his crew and the waves. It tore Mingi apart to know that, while he had been but a shell of himself for years, Yunho could have been so happy without him.

And yet, when faced with Yunho's smile, Mingi still felt content to know that he was okay and that he was living a life that fulfilled him and made him happy.

He took a breath and tried to put away the hurt for now, archive it in a corner of his mind for the time being. Right now, he wanted to talk to Yunho without the pain clouding his head. After all, it could be the last time they talked to each other and Mingi refused to let Yunho slip through his fingers in the same manner he had before.

“Have you seen many places?”

Yunho nodded.

“So many, Mingi, you can't even imagine. There are so many different places and people, even the flowers and the animals are different. Everything is so new and beautiful, I feel so lucky to have visited so many lands. I can't even explain to you properly how wonderful everything is beyond the horizon line.”

The question opened the gateways for Yunho’s enthusiasm. He talked about his travels, about places where the sun didn't stop shining and places where the wind didn't give out, he talked about fish that Mingi had never seen and flowers he had never smelled. Everything sounded magical, the food, the people, the islands and the ocean and it made something itch beneath Mingi's skin. As much as he studied and as many books from the royal library that he read, he had the distinct impression that reading and experiencing would never be the same and that he would never get to feel the joy that was taking over Yunho.

“Everything sounds fantastical,” Mingi breathed out, images of green islands and blue seas he had never seen flashing before his eyes.

“It is,” Yunho breathed out. He stopped for a second as he stared at Mingi before adding. “Do you know what I thought about in every island that I saw, with every new flower that I picked up and every night out at sea?”

Mingi shook his head.

“I thought of you.”

Mingi’s breath got stuck in his throat and his eyes widened as he stared at Yunho. He had never expected him to say that, both because he hadn’t dared to hope that Yunho thought of him as much as Mingi did, and because, at the the knowledge of everything Yunho got to see and know, Mingi felt like there shouldn’t be enough space for him left in Yunho’s mind.

“I never stopped thinking of you.” Yunho continued, his words a little rushed, his hands frantic. “I wondered if you would like the sunset at sea, what would be your favourite flower, how many pastries you would eat. I didn't know any of those things and yet they still reminded me of you. Everything reminded me of you.”

Mingi didn't know what to say. It seemed unfathomable to him that Yunho was spending his days surrounded by so much beautiful novelty and yet thinking about Mingi.

And it wasn’t fair that, with a few simple words, Yunho was already wiggling his way back into Mingi’s heart. He had to stay firm and not give into the urge to get up and go to Yunho, into the desire to feel his arms around him once more. But it was so hard, Yunho was in front of him after so long and Mingi still needed him as much as he always had.

"I'm really sorry for the way I left,” Yunho said, his voice softer. “I will regret it for the rest of my days. I should have talked to you and at least said goodbye properly.”

Mingi gulped, looking away from him.

“Why did you leave like that then?”

Yunho sighed and deflated in his chair, avoiding eye contact.

“I was a coward,” he said. “I was afraid of facing you so I left without doing it. I know it wasn't right, I regretted it as soon as the ship I was in took sail and I hadn't even hugged you, but I couldn’t do anything about it then.”

“What were you afraid of?”

“That either saying goodbye would be permanent or that I would look at your face and wouldn't be able to leave anymore”

“You know I would support you, right? Even if it hurt me, I would have rather seen you go than make you stay knowing you would always be unhappy.”

Yunho winced and looked away, his eyes sad and mournful. It was good that he knew that he hadn’t acted the right way and that he regretted it, it made Mingi feel tentatively hopeful for their future. Yunho regretting the past and acknowledging his mistakes made it easier to possibly forgive him.

“I'm really sorry, Mingi. I  know I can't do anything to change it now but I am so sorry that I left like that. You didn't deserve it.”

Mingi nodded. They could sit in uncomfortable silence or talk in circles for as long as they sat at the table, Yunho could keep apologizing and Mingi could keep avoiding his gaze, but nothing would change what happened in their past. Yunho left and it hurt Mingi for years. Now, the only thing they could do was apologize and try to forgive and move on.

“I'm sorry,” Yunho repeated. “If you would let me, I would like to make up for it.”

“How?”

“I don’t want to let you go again, Mingi. I want to show you that regret it and make up for all the time I made us spend apart. We could talk and have fun like we used to, I can be here for you and, when I leave, we can still communicate, send letters, anything.”

Mingi stared at him for a second and gave him a small, defeated smile. He wasn’t sure it could be work or even if he should accept it that easily.

“I think we are both different from the way we were before,” he said. “And you know better than I do that exchanging letters while you're at sea isn't easy.”

Yunho had said how unpredictable life at sea was, it would be complicated, almost impossible at times, to know where he would be, and which port to address letters to. As optimistic as Yunho wanted to be, Mingi didn’t know if it could ever work out. Maybe they were just destined to be apart.

“Then we can make the most of it while I'm here,” Yunho said. “And we can get to know each other again.”

Mingi bit his lip, considering his options. He wanted to have Yunho next to him again, he wanted to talk to him and feel the way he had years ago, go back to the happiness he had felt before Yunho left and took it with him. But he was still afraid, the fear of Yunho leaving and of possibly never seeing him again weighing on him.

It felt too much like a fantasy, a dream that he could never achieve. Did Yunho even deserve his forgiveness?

“Please,” Yunho said. “Let me get to know you again, Mingi. Let me make up for what I did and be your friend again.”

His face was so honest and his voice was so desperate that it made Mingi shiver. Yunho was in front of him and, no matter how much time had passed and how much he had hurt while they were apart, Mingi still couldn't bring himself to say no to him. If he was going to watch Yunho leave again, he might as well do the best he could with the little time they had together.

He didn’t want his memories with Yunho to remain bitter. If they were all he would have in the future, he wanted to be able to think of them fondly.

“Alright,” he nodded. “Let's see each other again soon.”

The bright smile that bloomed on Yunho's face was enough to make him feel like he had made the right decision.

Chapter Text

Every Wednesday, the townfolk gathered around the main streets for their weekly market. There were stalls installed on either side of the roads and people walked around with friends and family, laughing and talking to each other while vendors shouted their prices and products in hopes of attracting buyers.

At this point, it had probably been years since the last time Mingi spent a significant amount of time in the market. He didn’t crave anything in the castle, he had everything he could possibly want, and, if something was missing, there was always someone willing to get it for him. Regrettably, to make it worse, in the past few years, he had also spent more and more time inside with no desire to visit town or do much at all.

While he was away, he had barely thought about the market. Although it was a place he had been to multiple times and that gave him multiple good memories, it became something that didn’t hold much weight to him. It turned purely into something he knew happened weekly in town and nothing more, he stopped caring about it as much but, then again, there weren’t many things he hadn’t stopped caring about after Yunho left.

Now that he was here though, he could see that maybe he had missed it more than he thought. Surprisingly, it felt good to be back.

It wasn’t the market itself that he missed though, despite how nice the flowers and fresh pastries smelled and how shiny the trinkets glinting under the sun were. It was more so the energy that ran through the town and that everyone seemed to feel that Mingi longed for without even knowing.

He didn’t even mind when people bumped into him, it was part of the charm, part of what he loved. Here, he didn’t feel like a prince, he felt like any other townsman, just another person walking down the street and looking at the stalls. He didn’t need to be Prince Mingi here or, at least, he didn’t need to act like he was.

As they walked, no one paid much attention to him and it was exactly what he needed. Even when someone recognized him, they didn’t do more than bow and greet him politely before departing, it wasn’t more than a small exchange of words, the same thing they would say to anyone else.

Mingi loved it.

“I missed being here,” Yunho said as if reading his mind.

“In the market or the kingdom?” Mingi turned his head to look at him.

“Both.”

“Do other kingdoms have markets like this too?”

Yunho nodded.

“Every kingdom is different and not all of them have markets, but it is common. It’s especially normal in poorer towns because people need to find any way to gain their gold. The vendors sell their produce and people haggle and buy from them.”

“Do they sell the same things that people do here?” Mingi asked, pointing at a stall with colourful jewellery.

“Some things are the same,” Yunho said. “But there are plants and vegetables that you can only find in some places and trinkets that are traditional to certain kingdoms that you won’t find anywhere else.”

“That sounds fun.”

“It is.” Yunho grinned. “When you visit a new kingdom, you never know what you will find and I think that’s the beauty of it.”

It did sound beautiful.

In his life, Mingi had only visited the kingdoms closest to Crescent and none of them even required getting on a ship. The visits were always formal and short and he spent them inside the respective castles, never allowed to venture into town even though he wanted to. Even then, he saw enough through the windows of his carriage and his room, to know that, despite all the similarities he could find, there were also differences that he had never been able to discover.

From Yunho’s words, it seemed that the further away a kingdom was, the more prominent the differences were. It made Mingi wonder just how different it could be out there, how different was the produce, how many different flowers there were, if people cooked different food and if they wore the same clothes.

It was fascinating to him, how vast and magical the world seemed to be beyond the horizon line. It made him wonder if he would ever get to know more than his kingdom.

“What was your favourite place to visit?” Mingi asked.

Yunho’s smile turned softer and his eyes shined as he looked forward. It was as if his mind had travelled far away and it had left the market to go back to whatever land Yunho was thinking about.

“There’s a kingdom far away from here, it took months for us to get there, but it is so beautiful. It’s called Aurora. It’s cold there, or at least it was when we went, but there were still flowers in bloom. The people were so welcoming and the food… Mingi, the food was so good. I wish I could have brought you some.”

“Better than here?” Mingi asked.

“No offence to your kingdom, Your Highness,” Yunho chuckled. “But some of it was definitely better.”

This was the sort of teasing that was usual for them when they were younger, it had been second nature, teasing and being teased. However, after so long, it felt jarring to hear Yunho laugh and needle him so easily.

Jarring, but welcomed.

“Was the food your favourite part then?”

Surprisingly, Yunho shook his head.

“No, my favourite part was the sky.”

“The sky?”

“It’s unlike anything I have ever seen, you won’t even believe it,” Yunho said, his voice full of wonder. “There are so many colourful lights dancing around the sky, I thought it was a trick of magic, but people told us that it’s a blessing that the sky placed upon their land. It’s green and purple and blue and pink and I can try to explain it as much as I want, but it’s something that you have to see for yourself. It feels like magic taking shape in front of your eyes.”

Mingi looked at him, shocked. Lights in the sky that danced in colour? He couldn’t even image it, the only lights he knew were the ones that decorated the streets during the town’s festivals. How beautiful could it be? How magical truly was the world that he couldn’t reach?

If Yunho was to believe, then it was much more than Mingi ever thought. There was so much he didn’t know, how was it even possible?

“Will you visit Aurora again?”

Yunho nodded eagerly.

“I don’t know when since it’s so far, but even if the ship I belong to doesn’t take me there, I will find a way. I can’t depart from Earth without seeing the lights dancing again.”

Mingi was starting to think that he didn’t want to die without seeing it either, though, for him, it seemed like yet another dream that was too far away to achieve.

“I wish I could show it to you,” Yunho confessed.

Mingi wished for the same thing. They both knew it wasn’t possible.

After an entire morning of walking around the market, Mingi and Yunho were back in the Sunrise Inn, sipping on cold lemonade as they waited for their lunch.

Mingi’s legs felt a little sore from all the walking, not used to doing much exercise at all, but it was a pleasant ache, one that came with the warmth of the spring sun and reminded him of laughter and fresh cookies. It was a nice reminder that he spent his time moving and doing something better than studying and attending meetings, with someone he hadn’t seen in years.

Despite not doing much more than walking around the stalls and buying a few things, it was still the most fun Mingi had in a long time.

“So, is he your personal guard?” Yunho asked, gesturing at where San was sitting a few tables away.

Bound to his job to always be in Mingi’s vicinity, San had been following them the entire morning. He had kept a respectable distance, close enough to interfere if he needed to, but far enough away to give Mingi and Yunho the privacy to talk without being overheard.

Before sitting down at their table, Mingi had bought him a lemonade too, apologizing for making him wait and walk around without doing anything other than watching his back. San dismissed all his worries though, telling him that he was doing his job and was being paid for it before sending Mingi away and back to Yunho.

“You seemed happy the whole morning,” he had said. “It's good to see you like that.”

Even if San didn’t seem to care much, Mingi still felt bad that he had to walk aimlessly through the market and now sit and wait for them at the Inn, but he couldn’t do anything about it. As San said, it was his job as Mingi’s guard and Mingi could never leave the castle without him by his side.

“Yes.” Mingi turned his attention back to Yunho. “His name is San.”

Yunho hummed, sparing San a glance. He looked pensive and focused, his eyebrows a little furrowed, but Mingi couldn’t read his thoughts on his face.

“Is he a good guard?” He finally asked.

“If he wasn't, I wouldn't have chosen him.”

Yunho didn’t need to know that at the time of choosing his guard, Mingi had been so hung up on him and his departure, so sad about the future he had imagined for the two of them that he would never have, that Hongjoong had been the one picking San for him.

“And does he treat you well?” Yunho asked, still eyeing the table where San was sitting from the corner of his eye.

Mingi raised an eyebrow.

“You're acting like he's my boyfriend.”

“Is he?”

Mingi raised an eyebrow at him. It was a ridiculous question and Mingi was struggling to understand where it had even come from and what made Yunho think that it was even a possibility. At first, he thought that Yunho was joking, but his expression was serious and he was staring at Mingi in silence, clearly waiting for an answer.

“No?”

“You don't sound too sure.”

“I don't understand why you're asking me that,” he admitted.

Yunho looked away from him and sighed, a slight pink flush appearing on his ears.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure that you've been doing alright these past years and that you're happy. I know it's none of my business though, I won't pry anymore.”

The conversation felt more stilted now and Yunho was avoiding his eyes. Mingi didn’t know what to make of the situation anymore.

It was weird and confusing to even sit with Yunho as if nothing happened between them when the past years had been so rough for him, but Mingi was trying. He wanted to try. He was so tired of hurting and being sad, now he only wanted to move past the hurt and leave it behind. He wanted to move on.

For his part, Yunho seemed to be trying too. He was accommodating Mingi and making him feel at ease, he was treating Mingi the way he always had, making him feel comfortable and happy. It had always been so easy for Yunho to make him feel good.

It wasn’t perfect by any means. It was far from being perfect. Everything that happened was still raw and fresh in Mingi’s heart, it still ached within him when he stared at Yunho. He knew that he couldn’t move on immediately, it would take some time, and Yunho seemed to be aware of it. He wasn’t pushy, despite the odd questions about San, and Mingi appreciated that he was giving him space.

“San isn't my boyfriend,” Mingi repeated because he didn’t know what else to say. “But he does treat me well and he's a good guard.”

Yunho nodded, his ears were still red with embarrassment, but Mingi understood the reaction as little as he understood the question, so he ignored it for the time being.

“That's good,” Yunho said, his voice a little more subdued. “I'm glad someone here is taking care of you.”

Since I'm not here anymore went unsaid.

Before either of them could say anything else or the conversation could turn uncomfortably silent as they tried to find their footing again, the innkeeper came back and placed the food they had ordered on their table.

They thanked him before he left with a bow and Mingi took a bite of his food as he thought about what to say next.

“You know,” Yunho said, thankfully taking it upon himself to change the subject. “Even though I told you that the food was better in other places, there is something special about eating the food I grew up with again.”

“Did you miss it?”

Yunho nodded, digging into his plate.

“I missed many things about the kingdom. The food was definitely one of them.”

“What else did you miss?”

“The market and the people, the port and the streets that I still know like the palm of my hand. It smells like nostalgia.”

“Does nostalgia even have a scent?” Ming asked.

“If you spend enough time away, you find that it does.”

Mingi nodded. There was no proof of what Yunho was saying and none of his books ever talked about nostalgia having a scent, but Yunho seemed to have learned a whole lot about the world while he was away and Mingi felt inclined to believe him.

“And I missed you. I missed Hongjoong and Seonghwa and some of the other guys I used to train with, but I missed you most of all. I know I keep saying it, but I really did.”

Mingi refused to look at him. He knew that whatever expression was on his face would be too raw. He didn’t want Yunho to see it, he didn’t want him to know just yet how miserable Mingi had been without him.

“Maybe you could visit the castle,” Mingi said instead of acknowledging anything else. “I think Seonghwa and Hongjoong would want to see you too.”

He knew that they wanted to see Yunho; after all, despite everything, he had grown up with them too. However, Mingi knew just as well that Yunho seeing Hongjoong and Seonghwa again would surely include them giving him a piece of their minds about the way he had left.

Nevertheless, selfishly, something inside Mingi felt vindicated at the knowledge that they agreed with him and would fight for his happiness and at the thought of Hongjoong scolding Yunho for what he did when he was eighteen.

Through everything, Mingi knew that at least Seonghwa and Hongjoong would always have his back. He hoped they knew that he had their backs too.

“Do you think I could?” Yunho asked. “People can't get into the castle simply because they want to.”

“No,” Ming agreed. “But people can get in if they're invited by the prince.”

Yunho laughed.

“You’re right. I guess there are always perks to being friends with the monarchy.”

He seemed to hesitate over the word friend but Mingi didn't comment.

He wasn't sure if they were friends anymore either, not after everything and after so long. It was hard to forget everything and to move on even if Mingi wanted to and the word friend seemed tentative and a little too strong for the moment.

He let it go and allowed the label to settle over them though, there was no point in fighting it right now and maybe the reminder of what they had once been would help mend the wounds in their relationship.

After spending the morning with Yunho while feeling the way he had when they were younger and everything seemed easier, Mingi wanted to move forward more than ever. He wanted to move on and to stop hurting and, since Yunho was in front of him again and seemingly willing, he did want to be friends again.

Maybe they could be friends again.

"The King and Queen are already waiting in the tea room," San said as soon as Mingi opened his bedroom door.

They came back from the town less than an hour ago and, by the time Mingi was done freshening up thinking he wouldn’t be doing much more than signing some papers for the council, San was already waiting outside his door with the information he gathered in the meantime about his schedule.

Contrary to what he thought would happen, it seemed that their parents decided he would be doing more than sitting in the library surrounded by papers.

“Did they have to choose today to have a family afternoon?” Mingi grumbled as San settled one step behind him so they could walk down the corridor. “I'm tired.”

“Your brother said you were supposed to practice archery together too.”

“I know,” Mingi said. “I was planning on telling him to reschedule.”

“You can't be that tired,” San laughed.

Mingi shrugged.

“I just don't feel like doing anything.”

“Do you ever?” San teased.

“Not around here, no,” Mingi laughed.

He looked at San from over his shoulder and winked playfully before one of the guards stationed at the door opened the door for them. It was pleasantly warm in the tea room and it smelled like freshly baked cake, Mingi was the first one to enter, San still a respectful step behind him.

“Good afternoon.” Mingi bowed to his parents and Hongjoong and stood behind the chair that was assigned to him.

"You're late," his father pointed out.

Despite the firm words, he didn't seem too mad. He was used to Mingi's antics by now and how he would never hurry to do anything that wasn’t terribly important or an emergency. It had been that way since he was little and, no matter how much his parents tried, it hadn’t worked and they knew it wouldn’t start working now.

Nevertheless, his father still made sure that Mingi knew what he was thinking if nothing else than to have the slight disappointment weigh on him.

Discipline starts with pointing out what needs to change.

To be fair, it worked a few times before, Mingi would admit. However, more often than not, he would always rather follow what he wanted rather than what he should do. At least when it was something small that didn’t have a great impact in the grand scheme of things.

"I apologize," Mingi said.

He wasn't sorry and his father knew it, but they would still keep the appearances. It was what they were used to always doing anyway. Plus, this time it wasn't even Mingi's fault. They decided that they should have afternoon tea together while Mingi hadn't even been in the castle, it was on them for not letting him know their plans earlier.

Finally, his father nodded, giving Mingi the green light to sit at the table.

Mingi did so quickly and watched from the corner of his eye as San took his place by the door, next to his parents and brother's personal guards. They would stand there for as long as the family was in the tea room and, even though he had been told by guests before that they felt watched and it was a little odd, Mingi was so used to it since he was little that it never bothered him.

As Mingi sat at the table, the staff started moving. They made their way into the room, their hands and the wheeled carts they carried filled with food and soft drinks for them and they placed everything on the table. There were more pastries than the four of them could ever eat alone, but everything looked so good that it made him sit up straighter on his chair.

With a thank you to the woman who stood next to him as she poured black tea into his cup, Mingi picked up a dark blue napkin and placed it on his lap.

A prince has to be pristine and proper in any situation, no matter how informal.

He ran his eyes across the table, taking in the fresh bread and fresh pastries, and struggled to choose where to start. He wished he could eat at least a little of everything, but he knew that it was too much. Everything just looked so good and, since it was a few hours after lunch already, he was starting to get hungry.

He picked out a cupcake with strawberry topping and a slice of chocolate cake and figured it was a good place to begin.

As usual, his father took the first bite of his food and then the rest of them followed suit.

"I hope you didn't forget that you agreed to practice with me today," Hongjoong said, staring at Mingi.

The words were innocent enough, but the tone behind them wasn’t. Hongjoong knew that Mingi spent the entire morning in town and that he only came back after lunch. He also knew Mingi better than most and could take an educated guess that Mingi thought about cancelling on him so he could spend the rest of the day without doing anything.

He wasn’t wrong, but Mingi didn’t like how easily he could read him.

Mingi looked at him pointedly, aware that Hongjoong only brought it up now so Mingi wouldn’t be able to cancel with their parents in the room. It wouldn’t be proper to cancel on someone with such small notice and Mingi needed the practice in archery, so their parents would never approve.

If they weren’t at the table, Mingi would roll his eyes at Hongjoong too and, if Hongjoong wasn’t sitting so far from him, he would be kicking his shin under the table for good measure.

As it was, Mingi could only put on a fake smile as he replied.

"My memory isn't that bad," he said since he couldn't say anything more colourful.

Hongjoong shrugged subtly and his grin was teasing before he went back to his food. He knew how to be annoying and he took full advantage of it. Crown prince for everyone, but a nuisance for Mingi.

He loved his brother, really.

"Just making sure,” Hongjoong added.

“You weren't in the castle this morning,” his father said before Mingi could reply to Hongjooog and potentially forget that their parents and some of the castle staff were around them.

It wasn't a question, but Mingi still treated it like one.

“I wasn't,” he said.

“Did you go into town?”

He knew what his parents were doing. Mingi hadn’t told them where he was going, or even that he was leaving the castle in the first place, and they wanted to know more. He knew that they wanted to know what he did and with whom, but that was something he wasn’t prepared to share with them just yet. Although he told Hongjoong and Seonghwa that Yunho was back in town and they knew that he spent the morning with him, his parents were a different story.

“I went to the market,” he said. “It had been a while since I last went.”

The look on his father’s face told Mingi that he wanted to ask more questions. After all, it was unusual for him to leave the castle unless strictly necessary, so going to the market with no apparent reason felt a little odd and out of character. Still, he refrained from asking anything else and Mingi didn’t volunteer any other details.

As long as San was with him, they couldn’t complain or criticize anything.

"Mingi, dear,” his mother cut in.

"Yes, mother?" He asked.

"Your father and I would like to discuss something with you," she said. "If you don't mind joining us in the library after you boys are done with your archery."

Mingi stopped eating for a second and his eyebrows furrowed as he took in the words. His mother's voice was gentle and her smile was encouraging, but it still made something weird and uncomfortable stir at the bottom of his stomach. He didn't know what it was, but the feeling was sinking and he couldn't shake it.

Something didn't feel right and it worried him.

Slowly, he glanced at Hongjoong, trying to gauge from his expression if he knew anything that Mingi didn't, but, when they made eye contact, he looked as confused as Mingi felt. It wasn’t promising.

His mother's words might have been posed in a way that made it seem like he had a choice, but Mingi knew better. If his parents wanted to talk to him, he would never be able to get out of it. He didn't have a choice but to do what he was told.

"Of course, mother," he said, trying not to show how concerned he was as he nodded at her and then at his father. "I will be there."

"Thank you, dear," she smiled at him.

Mingi smiled back, albeit a little strained, and went back to his food even though it didn't taste as pleasant anymore. His mind was running laps trying to figure out what they could want to talk to him about and it was making anxiety grip at his flesh.

It wasn't the thought of having to speak to his parents per se that was worrying him. He was more than used to speaking to them, he always had something to report and they always had something for him to do. What confused him the most and threw him off was that his mother was the one to approach the topic and the one to ask him to meet with them.

Usually, when it was a subject that pertained to the kingdom, something about Mingi's duties, his father was the one coming forward, a King to a Prince. His mother most often took the reins when it was a more personal issue and they wanted to talk to him as his parents rather than as King and Queen.

Then again, his father would be there too today. Maybe Mingi was overthinking everything. Maybe they would only tell him that he has a meeting with some noblemen tomorrow or that he must travel to the neighbouring kingdom for a diplomatic visit. Maybe he was worrying for nothing.

He sighed and focused on his breakfast. 

There was no point in trying to guess, he would just have to be patient and wait until they could talk.

"Your stance is wrong again," Hongjoong said.

He came up behind Mingi and gripped his arms to help him move his body the right way. He nudged Mingi’s thigh until his legs were placed properly and Mingi tried to recall San’s directions to make sure he got it right. Feet a little over shoulder width apart, the front one a little turned.

"This is pointless," Mingi huffed.

"Come on, you're good at this, you just get too impatient."

Mingi didn’t reply. After all, they both knew that Hongjoong was right.

If he tried, Mingi could be good at archery. He had been training with San for a while and, despite how much he complained, it was something he enjoyed more than he thought he would. Right now, it wasn’t the sport itself and the patience it required that was annoying him though. Today, Mingi chose to blame it on the sun that was bright above them and the way it was heating his body and making him sweat. Plus, his legs still hurt from walking around town the entire morning.

Maybe he was just out of shape.

Or, most likely, he was just too worried and anxious.

"Go on," Hongjoong encouraged.

This time, Mingi paid more attention to his stance. He stood straight and rotated his chin so it was over his shoulder and, only then, did he look ahead at the target and let the arrow go.

It fell to the ground a few centimetres to the right of the target and Mingi groaned as he lowered his bow.

"You're awfully distracted today. More than you usually are,” Hongjoong commented, giving Mingi another arrow. “Is there something on your mind?"

Mingi grabbed the arrow that Hongjoong was handing him and shrugged. He tried to get his stance right again and, although this arrow ended up a little closer, it still hit the bottom of the target and bounced to the ground.

He groaned in frustration.

"Worried about what mother will want to talk to you about?" Hongjoong pressed.

Mingi raised a hand to wipe at his forehead with his sleeve and sighed. 

Hongjoong knew him too well, so well that sometimes it felt like he knew Mingi better than he did. He should have expected his brother to see right through him and read his thoughts as if they were clearly displayed on his face. Of course, Hongjoong would know what was bothering him without Mingi even having to say anything.

"If you already know, why ask?" He grumbled, taking the next arrow Hongjoong gave him.

"Mingi..." Hongjoong sighed.

Mingi closed his eyes for a second, regret swirling inside him. He shouldn’t have spoken to Hongjoong like that. He was anxious about what his parents wanted to tell him and he shouldn’t take his nerves out on Hongjoong when he was only trying to be there for him and help.

"I’m sorry," he said quickly. "I just don't know what to expect. Did they talk to you?"

Hongjoong shook his head.

"Do you want me to go with you?" He asked. “To talk to them?”

"Would you?" Mingi turned his head to look at him.

"If it would help you, of course I will. You’re my little brother.”

Hongjoong grinned, clearly teasing him and Mingi pushed his hand away with a glare when Hongjoong attempted to ruffle his hair.

“I think you’re the little one.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes and shoved his shoulder playfully.

“Don’t be annoying now.”

Mingi laughed, a little more at ease.

"Thank you," Mingi added.

Not knowing what to expect from the conversation with his parents scared him. He knew that it could be anything, big or small, good or bad, and he didn’t like the uncertainty that hovered over him.

He could be overreacting, maybe worrying for no reason, but he felt heavy with unease and he couldn’t ignore it.

At least he wouldn’t have to face it alone. If Hongjoong went with him he would make everything a little more bearable for Mingi like a security blanket that he could turn to if he needed to at any point.

"Go on." Hongjoong nudged him. "One last shot before we go."

Mingi nodded and steeled himself to make it count.

He paid attention to his posture and fixed his stance, repeating everything he had been told in all his sessions with San and following the model that Hongjoong’s grip had traced for him earlier. He raised the bow, focused his attention completely on the target in front of him and then he aimed.

The arrow slipped through his fingers and flew in the air, finally landing on the target.

It was far from the center, but it hit the mark.

"See," Hongjoong said with a smile. "I told you that you're good."

Mingi hummed in acknowledgement as he lowered the bow.

"Maybe you were right."

"Aren't I always?"

"Now, don't get cocky." Mingi rolled his eyes.

Hongjoong grinned, mischievous.

“So,” Hongjoong said as he gulped the water from the bottle he brought. “How was your morning?”

Mingi hesitated slightly as he reached for his own bottle.

“It was good,” he said. “It still feels a little weird, but it was nice to catch up. He apologized for everything too.”

“That’s good.” Hongjoong nodded. “How has he been?”

“He says he loves travelling, I think he’s doing really well,” Mingi said. “I want to be mad at him, you know? But he seems so happy and I can’t help but be relieved that he found his place.”

“You still care about him,” Hongjoong said. “It’s normal. There’s no shame in caring for an old friend.”

“Even if that old friend hurt me?”

“We can’t control our feelings and emotions” Hongjoong shrugged. “He made a mistake, but it seems like he regrets it. You have both grown up since then, it’s alright to forgive and move past it and it’s alright to feel kindness even if you don’t end up being friends again.”

“I feel like I’m letting him in too easily. Shouldn’t I be more hostile? I feel like I shouldn’t even want to be in his vicinity.”

“You don’t have to feel any sort of way. Your feelings are your own. If you want to never look at him again, then you don’t have to see him. But, if you feel like you should move on and forgive him, then that’s what you should do. It’s your decision to make, Mingi, no one else’s.”

“You think so?”

“Yes,” Hongjoong said.

Mingi nodded. 

It was something that had been weighing on his mind and making him nervous. He felt like he was accepting Yunho back into his life too easily and that he was betraying himself by doing so. He couldn’t forget what happened between them just yet, thinking about it still made him mad and upset, but wasting the opportunity to have Yunho back in his life in some capacity didn’t feel right. 

Maybe Hongjoong was right and there was no shame in moving forward and leaving behind their troubled past.

Mingi knew that he didn’t have much time with Yunho anyway because Yunho’s time in the kingdom was temporary. At this point, he didn’t know when, if, they would see each other again after Yunho left in a few weeks.

It felt like letting go of the hurt was the right thing to do.

Mingi opened his mouth to thank Hongjoong for always knowing what to say and always being there ready to tell Mingi exactly what he didn’t know that he needed to hear, but he didn’t get to say the words.

"Hongjoong!"

Both Mingi and Hongjoong turned around at the new voice. They were almost done with training anyway, but they hadn’t expected to be interrupted.

Mingi blinked, both against the sun and in confusion when he saw Seonghwa almost run towards them, San not too far behind him.

“Is everything alright?” Hongjoong asked when they stopped in front of them, his hand reaching out to touch Seonghwa’s wrist subtly, concerned about the state he was in.

Mingi had known Seonghwa since they were little, he didn’t even remember a time before Seonghwa, he had always been there as if he were Mingi’s brother too. He knew Seonghwa well, had been there for him through trials and victories just like Seonghwa had been there for him and, in all that time, Mingi had rarely seen him like this, his face so serious and his eyes so concerned.

San looked a little pale too and, although he didn’t say anything to explain the situation, he still shifted so he was standing closer to Mingi.

Something was wrong. Something had to be really wrong.

Seonghwa ignored Hongjoong’s question altogether and turned to look at Mingi with wide, worried eyes.

“Have you talked to your parents yet?” He asked, frantically.

Every second that passed without Seonghwa’s expression lightening made Mingi’s heart race more and more, frightened to know what had caused him to behave this way.

Mingi shook his head and Seonghwa sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair. Mingi didn’t think he had ever seen him this dishevelled.

“What is it?” Hongjoong asked.

He took a careful step forward, closer to both Mingi and Seonghwa, his eyebrows furrowed with worry.

“I wanted to tell you before them,” he said. “I didn’t want you to go into that meeting blind, but I don’t think even me telling you will make it any better.”

“You’re scaring me,” Mingi confessed.

“It’s bad,” Seonghwa confirmed. “They have plans for you.”

"Just tell me, Seonghwa," Mingi cut him off.

Waiting was only making him feel worse and he couldn’t take it any longer. He needed to know now.

"They want you to marry."

Seonghwa’s voice was gentle and careful and yet it felt like stones falling to the bottom of Mingi’s stomach. His ears started ringing in the silence that followed and Mingi took an involuntary step back, stumbling as he tried to get away. He knew he was breathing, he had to be, but it felt as if the air was struggling to enter his lungs. His eyes were wide as he stared at Seonghwa, but he could barely see anything.

“They what?”

It wasn’t Mingi who talked though, he couldn’t even find his voice with the way his tongue felt tied inside his dry mouth. It was Hongjoong’s voice that broke through the stilted air, but Mingi still struggled to focus on it.

“Breathe, Mingi,” Seonghwa said instead of replying. “We can talk about it, but I need you to come back to us.”

Seonghwa’s hands were tender when they touched Mingi’s shoulders, squeezing gently as he tried to meet his eyes, exaggerating his breathing so that Mingi couldn’t miss it.

Mingi tried to blink, tried to mimic the way Seonghwa was breathing, and, slowly, the fog started to lift from his mind. He could hear the sound of the wind again and Seonghwa’s voice and face became more clear. He took a few more deep breaths for good measure and, once he finally felt like he was in control of himself again, he nodded at Seonghwa.

“I’m alright.” He turned his head to look at Hongjoong and San and hoped his expression was as reassuring as he wanted it to be. He knew he was failing. “We can talk.”

He didn’t feel okay, no matter what he told them. The moment the words left Seonghwa’s mouth, it felt like his world crumbling down around his feet and Mingi couldn’t recover from it that quickly. It seemed like they knew it too, the three of them staring at him as if they could see right through him.

He straightened up and nodded at them.

“It’s better if we talk about it now,” he said. “I would rather be ready when I go to meet them later.”

Seonghwa nodded and Hongjoong’s hand gripped Mingi’s arm.

“They want to build a better relationship with Mist,” he said. “And you know which is the easiest way to do so.”

“I don’t know if it’s the easiest.”

Seonghwa gave him a pained smile.

“I tried to make them see that there are other options, but they made up their minds already.”

“You think there’s no way out of it?” Mingi asked.

Seonghwa shrugged, but he didn’t look too confident.

“Maybe they will listen to you if you oppose it.”

Despite the hopeful words, they all knew the chances of that happening were slim.

“Why is he the one marrying?” Hongjoong asked. “Wouldn’t it make more sense if they made me marry?”

Seonghwa seemed conflicted, his gaze a little stormy as he looked from Hongjoong to Mingi and back.

“I thought it would be you when they started talking about it,” he said. “But they said that your duties are with your kingdom right now, you need to be here and you need to focus on ascending to the throne. An arranged marriage might still happen for you in the future, but they don’t seem to think now is the time for that.”

Hongjoong looked away and Mingi bit his lip.

“I don’t want to marry,” he said, his voice low.

He was trying to be strong, to not show how much the thought of marrying some stranger purely to fix the relationship between their kingdoms was hurting him and making him question his own future. He had always known that this was a possibility and yet he had still been a fool, he had still made up dreams and ideas in his mind, things he wanted to do, places he wanted to go.

He wouldn’t get to achieve any of it now. It was just more dreams being ripped away from him. 

He should be used to it by now.

“I’m not ready for this,” Mingi said.

He halted at the beginning of the corridor that led to the library and caught his breath. It was daunting to look at the library door at the end and know that he would have to face his parents and what they would tell them in a matter of minutes. He wanted to turn around and never look back.

He was surrounded by his brother and friends, the three of them stopped behind him when he did and no one said anything for a second. Hongjoong held Mingi’s arm, the touch as grounding and supportive as the arm Seonghwa had over his shoulder and Mingi tried to focus on that.

“We could turn around and pretend we got lost,” San suggested with a small smile on his face.

Mingi chuckled a little, it wasn’t an amused sound, but the joke allowed him to relax momentarily and he was grateful for the small reprieve.

They all knew he couldn’t avoid it forever, he couldn’t even avoid it for much longer. His parents were waiting and they knew that it didn’t take hours for Mingi and Hongjoong to practice. Mingi had to face it, he couldn’t hide any longer.

“I wish we could go in with you,” Seonghwa said, ruffling San’s hair when he nodded in agreement.

“Stop that,” San grumbled, trying to fix his hair. “I’m a royal guard, I’m supposed to be flawless at all times.”

Seonghwa replied by pinching his cheek.

It was nice to see the way San had integrated himself into not only Mingi’s life but also Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s. He got along with the two of them well and it was obvious how comfortable he had grown around them over time. After how long Mingi spent pushing him away, it was nice to be able to call him a friend so confidently now.

Mingi appreciated the way they were trying to make him feel better too. He knew they were trying to distract him from what was waiting for him behind the library doors and, even though he couldn’t stop worrying, their support did help him feel more at ease.

“I’ll be with him,” Hongjoong said. “I’ll make sure that he will be okay.”

“You better.” Seonghwa pushed his shoulder.

Hongjoong smiled at him and then turned to Mingi, his expression soft and a little nervous below the surface. He didn’t like this situation any more than Mingi did and it was a comfort to Mingi to know that he wasn’t alone in any way.

“Are you ready?”

Mingi shrugged. He would never be ready but he couldn’t run away. He had to face what was waiting for him and deal with it like an adult. An adult who was a prince and had duties and responsibilities to answer to.

“Let’s go,” he finally said.

“We’ll be waiting here,” San promised, standing next to Seonghwa.

“We won’t go anywhere,” Seonghwa agreed.

Mingi thanked them quietly. If fate wasn’t on his side, Mingi felt lucky to at least have them with him.

The library doors felt like the end of the line for him as Hongjoong guided him down the corridor. They were the point of no return, the visual, physical representation of the small amount of freedom that he had right now expiring in front of his eyes. After he crossed those doors and his parents told him what they had planned for him, there would be no more wistful dreaming about his future for Mingi.

“I’m here,” Hongjoong reassured one last time before they pushed the door open. “You won’t ever be alone.”

Their parents were already waiting for them. They were sitting at the big table and they looked up as soon as Mingi and Hongjoong stepped inside. There was no comment about tardiness or about Hongjoong being there too and it only served to make Mingi’s nerves buzz. They knew he wouldn’t like what they had to tell him, so they weren’t even reprimanding him anymore.

He was glad that Seonghwa told him beforehand. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle the pressure of waiting and trying to guess what they were thinking. He was going to be heartbroken, but at least this way he was prepared to face them without breaking in front of them.

“You may wait outside,” their father said to his personal guard, a tall man who had been by the door until then.

The guard bowed at the King and Queen first and then at the two princes before he left the room. The door closed behind him and Mingi’s heart sank.

“You wanted to talk to me,” he said.

He took a small step forward, Hongjoong right behind him, and his mother smiled at him kindly, gesturing for them to sit on the other side of the table. Mingi’s hands shook as he pulled back his chair.

“How was training?” She asked.

It was an attempt at small talk, at diffusing the tension that Mingi couldn’t hide within him as much as he tried. It only made him feel worse. He knew what he was here for, he knew how much he would hate every word his parents would say to him, and he only wanted to get it over and done with. The faster the meeting passed, the faster he could go to his room and stop pretending like he was holding himself together.

“It was nice,” Hongjoong took over for him. “Mingi is making good progress.”

“That is good,” their father said. “It was about time you found something you liked to do.”

There was a lighthearted edge to his voice, teasing Mingi with something that had been a point of contention for years, and, any other day, Mingi would have laughed. It was something they joked about often, Mingi not being able to find a hobby that stuck with him for long enough, but, today, he couldn’t bring himself to give more than a weak smile. He couldn’t joke around when he was sitting in front of his parents waiting for them to break the news about his future arranged marriage.

“Is everything okay?” His mother asked, her concerned eyes on Mingi.

“I’m just curious to know what you wanted to talk to me about.”

The council meeting that Seonghwa attended had been planned behind Hongjoong’s and Mingi’s backs for a reason. They hadn’t wanted them in the room to listen to the decision and argue against it and Seonghwa was never supposed to disclose what was discussed with them. Mingi couldn’t show that he already knew, not if he didn’t want to get Seonghwa in trouble.

His mother sighed and shared a look with his father. He gave her a nod and the two of them turned to Mingi.

“There have been some conflicts breaking out in the south, near the border with Mist,” his father started.

Mingi nodded. He had heard about it at council meetings before where it had been discussed between his parents, Hongjoong and the council at great length. Mingi gave his opinion on the matter when it was needed, but he mostly listened to what everyone else had to say. He never had much advice to give on the matter.

“I thought it wasn’t too serious,” he said.

The conflicts had been happening for at least a few years now already and it had never been anything too dangerous or bloody. Mostly, it brewed from clashes between farmers and a few guards and disagreements with people from Mist. Until now, during council meetings, they talked about how they could solve them without doing anything too drastic. They wanted to work with Mist to ensure that the population on both sides stayed happy and, apparently, this was now where Mingi came in.

“They aren’t,” his father agreed. “For now, at least. But we want to prevent everything from getting worse. We are afraid that if we don’t act soon, relations will become more tense and, eventually, dangerous.”

Mingi nodded. It made sense and he understood why there was the need to work with Mist and prevent their relationship from souring more, but knowing what would happen to him, made him hate it more than anything.

“I assume you found a way?” He prompted.

He felt sick. He just wanted to get out of here, travel back in time to this morning and stay in town with Yunho.

His mother smiled at him, reaching out her hands over the table to grip Mingi’s. Her touch was reassuring but, knowing what they were about to tell him, Mingi only wanted to push her hands away and get up from the table. Walk as far from his parents as he could and never look at them again. How could she set him up like this and then touch him so gently to try and placate his hurt?

“We did,” she said. “And you’re a big part of it, dear.”

“How?”

Hongjoong shifted his chair slightly to bring it closer to Mingi so their arms brushed. Mingi focused on that small point of contact, on the knowledge that he wasn’t alone, his brother would be with him through this. Maybe he could face this, maybe he was strong enough.

“Mist has a princess. She’s your age.”

Mingi had been wrong. No matter how much he wanted to be strong and face his duty without complaint, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t sit and hear his parents talk about a princess he had only ever met in passing, knowing that what they wanted was to marry him off to her.

Without saying anything, Mingi looked away from his parents. He settled his eyes on the window but he wasn’t grasping anything he was seeing. His shoulders were tense and he sat straight and firm in his chair, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t pretend to be alright any longer. Numbness was running through him and he couldn’t even bring himself to care enough to hide it. He almost didn’t feel the way his mother squeezed his hands in hers or the way Hongjoong started rubbing his palm up and down his back.

“You want me to marry her,” he stated, still not looking at them, his voice monotone.

It wasn’t a question and his parents didn’t take it as one.

“She’s a lovely girl,” his mother said. “You’ve met her before.”

Mingi knew that he had in some event or other, but, if asked, he wouldn’t be able to even name her, much less pick her apart from a crowd. He might have met her before, but she was still a stranger to him.

“I don’t want to marry,” he said.

His voice was weak and tired, almost defeated. He wanted to be strong and to try standing up but it seemed pointless. He heard what Seonghwa said and he knew his parents better than anyone. The chances of them changing their minds, even if he was the one asking them to, were slim to none.

“I know it doesn’t seem like the best idea to you right now,” his mother said. “But you’ll see that it’s nothing to be sad about. You will grow to know her, maybe even love her.”

Mingi remained silent. He highly doubted that. He didn’t think he could fall for her, even with their circumstance, The only thing he felt was deep-rooted grief over everything he would have to let go of. His mother could try to convince him all she wanted, but he would never warm up to the idea.

“Mingi…” She said. “You knew this could happen. You knew marriage was one of the things that could be waiting for you.”

He did know. He had been aware of it for a long time. After all, his parent’s marriage was arranged too, most royal families went through it. But knowing it could hypothetically happen in the future and having it in front of him, twisting his fate in the present, were very different things. Mingi had tried to accept it in the past and, for the most part, he thought he had succeeded. He had underestimated what it would feel like to live through it and, instead of understanding, dread was the only thing building up inside him right now.

“Is there nothing else that can be done?” Hongjoong asked, his hand still an anchor on Mingi’s back. “No other way to establish peace between the kingdoms?”

Their father sighed.

“We discussed many possibilities,” he said. “None of which would stick long term. This is the best we have.”

Mingi deflated even more, if possible. There was no point, no way out of it.

“There has to be some other way,” Hongjoong continued.

“Hongjoong,” their father said, finality in his tone. “There’s no other way. Mingi will marry Princess Jiwon.”

Mingi gulped and finally ripped his hands away from his mother’s to rest them on his thighs instead. His fingers dug into the fabric of his pants in an attempt to control his emotions and to keep at bay the tears that he could feel burning behind his eyes.

“What if I do it instead?” Hongjoong asked. “I’ll marry instead of him.”

His words cut through the room and seemed to shock their parents. They turned sharply to look at him but it was Mingi who spoke first.

“No.” He shook his head quickly, facing Hongjoong. “You can’t do that.”

Mingi wouldn’t let him. As much as he didn’t like an arranged marriage for his future, he couldn’t allow Hongjoong to take his place. Hongjoong had someone who loved him, someone he loved back. Mingi wouldn’t let that be ruined, not if he could do something about it.

Hongjoong had a future waiting for him, one he could achieve with someone who loved him while Mingi only had dreams. But dreams didn’t always become reality and the quicker Mingi accepted it, the better.

“I’m the crown prince,” Hongjoong continued. “Won’t it be better if I do it?”

“No,” Mingi said again.

“No,” their father agreed. “You need to be focused on this kingdom and your duties, you have more pressing matters here. A few conflicts south aren’t enough to arrange a marriage with the crown prince.”

It was the same thing Seonghwa had said and, although Mingi didn’t like that it was left for him, he could at least be relieved that Hongjoong wouldn’t have to give up on his life and his love right now. If Mingi couldn’t have a happy ending, then at least Hongjoong and Seonghwa still could.

“But I wouldn’t mind it,” Hongjoong said.

They all knew he would, even their parents, but he seemed determined to take the fall for Mingi.

“I won’t let you,” Mingi repeated, looking directly at him. He grabbed Hongjoong’s hand and gripped it tightly. “I won’t.”

“Honey,” their mother interrupted. “It’s been decided. Mingi will be the one marrying Princess Jiwon.”

Chapter Text

Waking up felt harder than usual today.

Although awareness came to him, Mingi refused to move or even open his eyes. He didn’t want to be awake and he hoped that, if he pretended to be asleep for long enough, it would become true. He wanted to be unconscious again, he didn’t want to think or worry or face the day and life ahead of him. Even his nightmares, although always heavy and bothersome, were a better fate than what awaited him if he remained awake.

He shut his eyes tightly again and curled up in a ball under the covers that shielded his body up to his nose. He wanted to disappear into their warmth and the resemblance of peace that they provided. If he could melt into them and never have to leave his bed again, maybe Mingi would feel a resemblance of happiness again.

As with most things that Mingi wished for, that didn’t happen.

There was a knock on the door, the sound too loud in the quiet room. It grated Mingi’s ears with the promise that it would break his peace. Despite the noise, he didn’t move an inch in his bed. He didn’t want to move and no one could make him move.

After a few unfruitful knocks, the door creaked open, slow and careful, but Mingi still didn’t budge.

“Mingi?”

San’s voice was gentle and hesitant, he didn’t want to spook Mingi or make him more tense, ever the thoughtful friend. However, as he with the knocks on the door, Mingi ignored him too.

It didn’t deter San though, if anything, it made him more determined to get through to Mingi and talk to him. He closed the door behind him after he stepped into the room, mindful not to let it make a loud noise to not startle Mingi. 

The privacy offered Mingi a vague feeling of safety, but it wasn’t enough and San knew it too. His reluctance was palpable in the room, obvious in the unsure way he took every step as he decided if he wanted to approach the bed or not. Mingi could feel it even with his eyes firmly closed.

In the middle of all the sorrow, Mingi could appreciate how lucky he was to have San in his life. He was always attentive to Mingi’s mood and he tried his best to not aggravate a situation if Mingi wasn’t feeling his best. He supported Mingi and he could hold him up if Mingi needed him to. It was one of his favourite things about San, how selflessly intuitive he was, and, although Mingi wasn’t in the mood to talk to him, he still appreciated him for never faltering from his side.

“Min?” San asked again and Mingi could hear his footsteps come closer. “Are you okay?”

The room remained silent and San was now close enough to the bed that Mingi could feel his presence next to it.

“Stupid question,” San mumbled to himself. “I know you’re not.”

Mingi remained motionless.

Slowly, San sat down on the bed next to him, his breathing the only sound in the room. The mattress shifted slightly under his weight and he placed a hand on Mingi’s head, tender and comforting. He stroked Mingi’s hair softly, the strands getting tangled between his fingers as he scratched his scalp with blunt nails.

It felt good, gentle and supportive, the way San intended. Mingi sighed under the feeling, sank further into the mattress and bathed in the comfort that having a close friend next to him could provide. There wasn’t much else that could bring him comfort at a time like this, so he counted his blessing for having the friends he did.

“Do you want me to go downstairs and tell your parents you don’t feel well?”

Mingi put effort into shrugging. His limbs felt too heavy to control properly and even such a small motion felt like lifting weights.

It was a well-intentioned question but they both knew that, even if his parents let him have the day to himself, they would never believe his excuse. Much like San had known before even entering the room that Mingi wasn’t doing okay, his parents were aware that he resented what they talked about the day before and that he wasn’t taking it lightly. Even if he could get away with isolation today, he would have to get up and face the reality that was crafted for him against his wishes tomorrow.

“I can do it,” San continued. “And then I’ll come back to be with you here.”

“You don’t have to,” Mingi said.

His voice was weak and muffled by the covers he had over his head, barely audible despite the quiet room. He didn’t open his eyes, but he could imagine the frown on San’s face, the concern that was etched onto his expression. He wanted to erase it, he didn’t like to see any of his friends not smiling, but he knew that the only thing he could do for that to happen was feel better and, right now, that seemed almost impossible.

“I want to,” San assured.

Silence reigned over the room again and Mingi felt time drag by with nothing but San’s tender hand in his hair and the sound of his comforting breathing. Mingi couldn’t change his future, he would have to face it eventually, but he wanted nothing more than to remain like this forever, with the feeling of his friend next to him and the warm covers around his body.

San respected the silence. He didn’t pressure Mingi to make conversation and he didn’t attempt to fill the room with his presence while Mingi stayed in the confines of his mind. Not being alone made it a little easier to breathe, but it wasn’t enough to dislocate the stone that had settled over his chest.

“I knew this would happen,” Mingi said, still low and muffled, the words hard to speak. “I knew this would end up being my fate and yet…”

He trailed off and laughed bitterly at himself. And yet, he still had foolishly hoped for a chance at something different.

“Knowing doesn’t make it easier,” San said. “It’s not fair that they can take important decisions from you. It’s not fair that you can’t love the way you’re supposed to.”

San was a romantic at heart, he always wanted to give love and receive it, and he thrived off of it. It was lovely to see and Mingi liked the easy way in which San expressed himself, but, as someone who grew up in the royal family, Mingi knew better than to believe that love was meant for him. Hongjoong was one of the few exceptions to the rule, but Mingi had never been so lucky.

And now he never would.

“Have you ever loved someone?” Mingi asked, peeking his head out from under the blankets.

San shook his head, a small smile on his face.

“I haven’t. I’ve always been too busy training and then too busy being your guard,” he explained. “A love life is something I let go of.”

“But you still want that, don’t you? A love story.”

San shrugged, but he couldn’t fool Mingi. He knew the wistful look that was on San’s face both because he knew San so well by now, but also because it was the same look he saw in the mirror when he allowed his mind to ignore the place where he lived and the family he had been born into and wander far away.

“It would be nice if it were to happen,” San confessed.

“I hope you can live the love story you deserve.”

San smiled at him sadly.

“I hope the same for you.”

Mingi didn’t answer. Neither of them would like the words he would have to say anyway.

“Do you ever want to run away?” He asked instead. “Leave the castle and this life behind and try your hand at something new.”

“I can’t say I have,” San said. “My goal in life was to be a royal guard, I don’t know anything past this.”

“You deserve more than this.”

“As do you.”

They fell silent, regarding each other’s faces with an understanding that went unspoken.

“What about you?” San asked. “Do you ever want to run away?”

Mingi tensed up and stared out his window, looking for the right words to say. The sky outside was grey and cloudy and Mingi wondered if there was a storm at sea.

“All the time,” he confessed. “Now, more than ever before.”

But running away wouldn’t work for him. He had responsibilities here, he had his family and his friends and everything he knew here. He couldn’t leave everything behind and face the unknown like that. As much as he thought about it, Mingi would never be brave enough to leave.

He would never be like Yunho.

The carriage shook with the bumps on the road but Mingi still leaned his head against the small window, mindless of the discomfort.

The scenery passed by in a blur, ever-changing and uncaring of who was watching. The trees ran away from his eyes and the people were unrecognizable as they walked quickly down the side of the road. Mingi could barely focus on anything, his mind far away from anything that was physically close enough to see.

Despite his distraction though, Mingi could still pick out the differences that became more and more apparent the further away they were from his kingdom and the deeper into Mist they got.

Here, the sky looked more gray than it had in Crescent and the promise of rain permeated the air with heavy clouds and strong winds. It was almost funny, Mingi thought, how the weather had decided to match his mood and the storm inside his heart. At least that’s what it told himself, never mind that rain always liked to make itself known in April.

“We will be entering the royal town soon, Your Highness. It will only be a few minutes until we reach the castle after that.”

Mingi barely nodded and closed his eyes instead of keeping his gaze out the window anymore. He knew what Mist looked like, he had been here before, but, this time, he didn’t want to see the town in all its liveliness. It felt strange to look at Mist today. It was the kingdom he would be permanently tied to after he married and looking at its streets felt too much like signing off his fate even more than his parents already had for him.

The carriage kept moving, uncaring of the way Mingi was feeling and it only stopped at the control point before town.

Mingi closed his eyes even more tightly. If he kept them closed for long enough to see colourful stars behind his eyelids, maybe it would affect his ears too and he wouldn’t have to hear what was being said to the town guards.

His Highness Prince Mingi has been invited into the Mist by His and Her Majesty and Her Highness Princess Jiwon.

At least they weren’t allowed to talk about the real reason they were travelling with the public just yet so he wouldn’t have to hear that part. Mingi’s stomach still rolled unpleasantly every time the word marriage was uttered around him.

“How are you feeling?” He heard when the carriage picked up its pace again.

He peeled open one eye, slow and reluctant, and shrugged when he saw the concern on San’s face.

“You know how I’m feeling.”

Their voices were low so that they wouldn’t be heard by Junghwan, the council member who was accompanying them, but the words were bitter on Mingi’s tongue.

As nice as Junghwan was, Mingi wished that it was Seonghwa or Hongjoong here with him and San, he wanted to have their reassuring presence with him too, he needed all the support that he could soak up. But Seonghwa had other matters to attend to and Hongjoong’s role in the kingdom was much too important for a trip that concerned only Mingi.

At least he had San with him. He didn’t know how he would have managed if he were completely on his own.

San shuffled a little closer, more than he should while they were in public, but, if Junghwan saw, he didn’t say anything. Even if he had, Mingi wouldn’t let San pull back right now. He needed him close, San’s presence was the only thing holding onto the thread of Mingi’s sanity.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this,” San said.

Mingi gave him a tight smile and reached out to pat his shoulder even though moving his limbs felt like a chore.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You’re not the one orchestrating this, Sannie.”

“Still, I am sorry that it’s something you are going through and that there seems to be nothing that I can do to help.”

“You help me plenty by being here. I don’t think I could do it if I was alone,” he said truthfully.

“You know I won’t leave your side through any of this.”

Mingi’s smile was wobbly. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe San, it was merely that he had been lied to in that exact regard before and he couldn’t erase it from his mind. San’s expression was open and worried though, wanting nothing more than to comfort, so maybe Mingi could try, just this once, to believe the promise. If nothing else, then for his own sake and peace of mind during this trip.

The carriage came to a halt and Mingi breathed in deeply. It was one last attempt to compose himself in the brief moment he had to wait until the door was opened for him. He centered himself, shut his eyes for a second, and tried to stop his hands from shaking and his throat from closing up. It was a small blessing to have a minute to breathe, but it was never meant to last.

The door opened and Junghwan was the first to step out. San grabbed Mingi’s hand and squeezed it gently for a second, his expression pained as he stared at Mingi before he too left the carriage.

Slowly, with no more time to avoid the inevitable, Mingi followed him out.

Outside, it was windy and Mingi wrapped his coat tightly around himself, a shield against the weather and what he was about to face. His eyes adjusted to the muted brightness slowly and he breathed in the fresh air. Any other day, it would be a relief to be out of the carriage after hours with his legs feeling cramped, today he only wanted to go back inside and hide as if he were a child again.

He couldn’t do that though, he wasn’t a child playing hide and seek anymore, he was an adult now and Mist’s royal family was waiting outside the castle to greet him.

“His Royal Highness Prince Mingi of Crescent,” Junghwan announced and Mingi couldn’t pretend he would be able to run away anymore.

With all the strength left in him, Mingi gathered everything he had learned in his countless lessons on etiquette, public speaking and royal protocol and gripped onto them. If he thought about this meeting from a technical point, if he made it impersonal enough, maybe he would be able to get through it.

With a polite smile on his face, one that he hoped didn’t come off as fake as it was, Mingi bowed at the royal family and looked at them directly once he straightened up again.

“Your Highness,” the King greeted. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Likewise, Your Majesty,” Mingi said. “I thank you for inviting me.”

“How do you find our Kingdom so far?” the Queen asked.

Mingi took her hand and brushed his lips against her knuckles.

“It is lovely,” he said. “A bit more windy than I expected.”

The Queen chuckled and stepped back to stand next to her husband again.

“I’m afraid wind is a common visitor here.”

Mingi smiled at her, trying to show that he didn’t mind it. It was a little cold and it ruffled his hair in a way that tickled his forehead, but maybe the coolness on his cheeks could help him clear his mind.

“Your Highness.” He bowed again when Princess Jiwon stepped forward.

She was pretty, her hair dark and long and her eyes big and perceptive. She walked forward confidently, her light blue dress brushing the floor with each step, and there was a pleasant smile on her face. She looked at Mingi, polite and curious, her eyes scanning his face quickly, and everything about her was composed.

Or, at least it looked composed on the exterior because, behind the calm civility in her eyes there was an edge that Mingi thought he recognized, one that he saw in himself, the tension of being forced into an uncomfortable, unwanted position.

She bowed at him all the same and Mingi repeated the gesture from when he greeted her mother, grabbing her hand gently and pressing a small, polite kiss against her knuckles.

“We thank you for accepting our invitation so kindly,” Princess Jiwon said.

“Shall we step inside?” The King asked.

They trickled inside after the royal family and Mingi contained a sigh. He had to be polite, he couldn’t show just how much he wanted to be anywhere but here, meeting the princess that he was going to marry. It was his duty and he had been trained extensively for it, he couldn’t let himself, his parents and his kingdom down by causing a bad impression now.

San was farther away from him now, but his presence was still noticeable and familiar behind him. Mingi focused on it, grabbed it with his hands and didn’t let it go. He let the presence of a friend guide him and give him the strength he would need to face this day and he kept walking forward, his back straight, chin high and expression amiable. Exactly how he had been taught to.

A prince can’t show weakness.

He could get through this. He could pretend like every step he took didn’t hurt more than the last and that it didn’t tear him apart to know that he was walking further and further away from the path he had once dreamed of following. He could keep walking and he could talk to his future bride and her family the way he was supposed to.

His future bride. That was his fate now.

The greenhouse was a princess’ favourite place in a castle or, at least, that's what Mingi's mother told him after the invitation for Princess Jiwon to visit Crescent had been sent.

Inside the greenhouse, there were benches and a table for when the royal family decided to spend time with the colourful flowers, but, although when Mingi was younger they spent some afternoons together there, as the years passed their time in the greenhouse decreased drastically. He didn’t remember the last time he saw his father there, but his mother would still spend many afternoons among the plants.

A princess’ favourite place.

Mingi liked the greenhouse too. He liked to sit under the shade of the trees and he liked the scent of the flowers that permeated the air and the leaves that sometimes tickled his arms. The nature in the room was peaceful, almost as if being transported to a different place, far away from the castle.

When he was younger, he used to sneak in with Seonghwa. They didn’t need to, the greenhouse wasn’t closed off to the prince, he was only warned to be careful, but it was more fun when they pretended that no one knew where they were going. The two of them would giggle as they made their way to the patch of strawberries in the back and they would sit together at the bench, swinging their legs and eating the sweet fruits. More than afternoons with his family, those times spent talking and laughing with Seonghwa in between bites of sweet strawberries were the memories that Mingi associated with the greenhouse the most.

Today, Mingi was sitting at the table with someone who wasn't his family or Seonghwa and, although the greenhouse used to feel like a safe place to him, now he only wanted to leave and never come back into the room.

Across from him, Princess Jiwon was sitting on her chair. Her back was straight and her chin high and, as she poured a drink for herself from the teapot on the table between them, she smiled at Mingi amiably. 

He recognized that smile, it was the same one that had been taught to him all his life and that he had mastered during meetings and royal events. The smile of a member of the royal family who was somewhere they didn’t want to be but still had to be polite.

The silence was heavy and awkward, neither of them knew what to say even though they had been trained to take control of difficult situations all their lives. This was a different type of difficult situation though. Usually, difficult situations were boring noblemen who talked too much and townsmen who asked complex questions, in those cases, Mingi knew what to do. He didn’t know how to act when the difficult situation at hand was talking to the princess he would have to marry.

“How do you find Crescent, Your Highness?” He asked, suppressing a wince as his voice broke the silence in the room.

“Your kingdom is lovely,” she said and, although strained, he knew she was truthful. “Thank you for inviting me.”

It hadn't been him and they both knew it. It had been his mother who arranged the visit with hers and he knew that Princess Jiwon had as much of a say in it as he had. He didn’t say it though, she was in the same boat and there were words that they didn’t need to exchange.

“You arrived on a good day,” he said. “It rained the past week.”

“That's good,” she smiled politely. “I have enough rain in Mist.”

The small talk fell through and the silence reigned over them again. The sound of their teacups hitting their small plates felt too loud and Mingi tried to conceal a sigh with a sip of his tea. He didn’t know what to say or what to do to break the uncomfortable air and the two of them remained in the stillness for a minute.

It was taking a toll on Mingi and, although he would like to believe that his expressions couldn’t be read too easily, it seemed that he wasn’t as good at pretending he was okay as he would like to be.

When he looked away from his tea, he caught Princess Jiwon already looking at him with her eyes a little narrowed and an attentive look behind them. She was regarding him carefully, her gaze roaming his face as if it were the pages of a book, and Mingi debated if he should hide or if he should let her in on his thoughts.

She was perceptive though and Mingi didn’t even have to make a decision.

“There's no need to be so tense,” she said. “I like this as much as you do, Your Highness.”

Mingi chuckled though there wasn't any humour to it.

“I figured you did,” he confessed.

Ever since they met, she looked as eager for their arranged marriage as he was. He saw himself in her too much for her to want any of this.

“No offence,” she said. “But I don't want to marry you.”

Mingi's laugh was fuller now and he smiled at her more honestly. She was trying to defuse the pressure in the air and he was immensely grateful that she was more composed than he could be.

“I don't want to marry you either,” he agreed.

“You are not very subtle, Your Highness,” she said and, before he could worry about how obvious he was in front of the court, she added, “at least, to someone who has the same ailments.”

She looked at him knowingly and he nodded. She reminded him of everything that he didn’t want and couldn’t escape from, but she also seemed to understand him. It was a different type of support than the one he received from his friends and his brother, this one came from a sense of camaraderie that only someone stuck in the same situation could offer and it was more than welcomed.

Maybe he could find an ally in Princess Jiwon.

“Do you think we could get out of it?” He asked before he could talk himself out of it.

The turn of her lips was sad and she looked away from him.

“My parents made it seem as if we have no other choice,” she said. “And yours?”

He shrugged, defeated.

“No one has been able to convince them that there is another solution to the conflict,” he said. “Not even my brother.”

She sighed and took one more sip of her tea.

“I wish there was a way,” she said, her gaze far away. “This is the last thing I wanted.”

Mingi hesitated for a second before speaking. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable and break the somewhat pleasant environment that they managed to find, but there was something hidden in her eyes that made him curious. It was so sad, a sorrow that felt too heavy to bear and made him wonder just how alike they were.

“Do you have someone waiting for you?” He asked slowly.

She looked at him sharply, fierce protectiveness taking over her face and Mingi almost regretted saying anything.

“Why do you ask?” She asked, her voice firm.

He attempted to give her a convincing genuine smile to placate her worry and make her feel more at ease. He didn’t know how successful he was, but he tried talking anyway.

“You have this look on your face when you talk about our situation,” he said. “It's so heartbroken. It looks like you’re letting go of something too important to fathom.”

His words rang in the air and Princess Jiwon drank her tea in silence, without acknowledging them. She had heard him though and she was staring at him intensely, her eyes calculating.

Mingi tried to make his expression as open as possible. He wanted her to be able to talk to him, if they were to be stuck in this situation together, it would be slightly better if they could lean on each other at least a little. He didn’t want to be even more alone than he felt and he didn’t want her to feel that way either.

“I do have someone,” she finally said, her lips downturned. “She's a florist in my town.”

She looked at him directly in the eyes and she waited for him to say something, her expression closed off. He knew that she was expecting him to judge her, to say something scathing about being involved with a commoner, but Mingi could never judge her for it. One couldn’t control who they fell in love with and one couldn’t expect to find love solely within the royally approved circles. She had a love story waiting outside and he would never fault someone for finding love.

“What’s her name?” He asked instead.

“Munhee.”

Princess Jiwon's voice was softer when she spoke the name, but she was still looking at Mingi as if she was trying to see past him and read his intentions. She could look all she wanted though, he had nothing to hide.

“Do you love her?”

“Why are you asking?” She asked, eyes narrowed.

She was defensive of their relationship and he could only imagine how many comments she had already heard about commoners, about people of a lower class and how royals shouldn't be involved with them in any way, much less romantically.

Mingi wouldn't be one more person judging her, he wanted her to know that.

“I'm not judging you, Your Highness. I would be a hypocrite if I did.”

She raised an eyebrow at that, surprised.

“Are you also in love with a townswoman?”

He laughed and shook his head.

“No,” he admitted. “But my closest friend growing up was the cook's son.”

She nodded.

“Are you still friends?”

He shrugged. He wasn't sure what to call Yunho right now.

“It's complicated.”

She chuckled, looking a little more relaxed.

“Right,” she said. “That's always the word for it.”

There seemed to be something on her mind, a glint in her eyes as she regarded Mingi, but he opted not to ask. She would ask more questions and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about Yunho with her, at least not right now.

“I do love Munhee,” she added softly. “I love her a lot.”

Mingi nodded. She looked so fond yet so sad, he couldn’t imagine what it was like to have something so lovely and so tangible and be forced to open her hand to it, to let go because the blood in her veins was supposed to speak louder.

“I hope that you can get out of this before it's even more impossible to.”

She smiled, but it was more a grimace than anything happy.

“I hope we can both get out of it, Your Highness.”

He gave her a small smile.

“I think we're past such formality, wouldn’t you agree?” He asked.

They were on the same page after all, both stuck in a situation that seemed dire and neither of them wanted to be in. Not getting along with each other would only make everything more difficult. They could work together if they had to, find a positive in the middle of all the gloom.

She chuckled.

“I think you're right,” she said. “Mingi.”

She picked up her tea again and Mingi followed her lead.

There was still heartbreak floating in the air around them, melancholy over what they would both lose once their parents got their way. Mingi had hopes and dreams and Jiwon had her love story. Their future would be tied, written by the royal councils and their parents, and wistful thinking had no room left to roam.

After all, they were royals. This was their duty and they knew that even though they wanted a future they had a say in, their fate was already sealed.

At least they had bonded. If nothing else, Mingi thought he could get a friend out of the dismal situation.

“I missed this place.”

Spring was in full swing and there was colour everywhere. Unlike the last time Mingi came to their clearing, the flowers were now in full bloom, in the state that he loved the most. The sun made their petals shine with a golden sheen and the air smelled sweet.

In the center, Yunho stood with his eyes closed and his arms open to feel the breeze that ruffled the flowers around them and Mingi smiled fondly as he looked at him. It had been so long that the image in front of him was tinted like a dream today.

“Did you ever come here after I left?” Yunho asked.

It was an innocent question that had no right rattling Mingi as much as he did. He looked away from Yunho and bit the inside of his lip to regain control of his emotions again. He didn’t want to sour the mood today, this was supposed to be a nice afternoon. If he talked too much about the last time he came to the clearing, he would open up wounds that were only just tentatively closing.

“Once,” he said anyway.

He didn’t elaborate and he hoped that Yunho wouldn’t ask more questions. From the way Yunho winced and looked away too, Mingi knew that what he was feeling was obvious on his face and that it was enough for Yunho to connect the dots.

“It was winter,” Mingi said. He wouldn’t dive into the topic too much, but he also didn’t want the strained silence to last. “It wasn’t as pretty as it is now.”

Yunho nodded and grasped the branch of forgiveness that Mingi extended to him. It was a sign that they could move forward and Yunho seemed as eager to mend their relationship as Mingi felt despite how much he tried to reel it in before.

It had only been two weeks since Yunho came back to the kingdom, though so much had happened that it felt like two months already. They hadn’t seen each other much because Mingi had been so busy between visiting Mist and receiving Jiwon in the castle, but he had thought about Yunho extensively in the time they were apart.

In the beginning, Mingi wasn’t sure what to do about their relationship. He wanted to forgive Yunho, to put the past behind their backs and go back to what they used to be and have the friend he missed so much back by his side. But he had been so conflicted too, unsure if he was being too eager and too nice, worried that he was moved past everything too fast when he had been hurt so much for years.

However, now, after everything that had happened the past two weeks, after the arranged marriage that was hanging over his head and the dreams shattered under his feet, Mingi didn’t feel like holding grudges anymore no matter how warranted they may be.

With everything falling apart around him, Mingi felt like he had so little control over his future already that he wanted to take the present fully into his hands. He didn’t know if he would ever see Yunho again after he left, it was a real possibility that he wouldn’t come back to the kingdom and Mingi would never get to catch a glimpse of his smile again. The least he could do now, for himself and for the kids they used to be, was move on and give Yunho a chance to redeem himself and make up for the time they lost in the little time they had together.

“You have always liked the colours of spring,” Yunho commented. “Remember when we used to play tag from the castle here?”

“I always won.”

Yunho laughed as he sat on the grass in between the flowers. He leaned back on his hands and tilted his head to face the sky even though his eyes were closed and Mingi watched him breathe. The sunlight caught on the tip of his nose and bathed his contented smile in gold, it painted the column of his neck and Mingi gulped.

There were so many beautiful flowers of every colour around and yet Mingi couldn’t look away from him. He felt hypnotized, his eyes glued to Yunho’s skin as if fascinated in a way he never had before.

Had Yunho always been this pretty? Had the sun always made him shine so brightly?

“You only won when I let you,” Yunho grinned.

Mingi rolled his eyes and sat on the grass too, close enough to Yunho that it didn’t feel like he was rejecting their friendship anymore, but far enough away that there was no point of contact between them. He kept his eyes firmly away from Yunho even though it took more effort than it should have and tried to swat away every thought of how beautiful Yunho looked under the sun that infiltrated his head. They seemed too dangerous to keep around in his mind.

“You say that now,” he said. “It doesn’t count.”

Yunho laughed and bumped their shoulders together. For a second, Mingi thought about pulling away for the sake of his stability.

“Whatever you say, princess.”

Mingi hit his arm playfully and he hoped that Yunho didn’t see the red that had bloomed bright and obvious on his cheeks.

He hadn’t heard that nickname in so long and it made something in the bottom of his belly swoop with excitement. He didn’t even know why it made him react so strongly, but he knew that he didn’t want Yunho to notice how much it seemed to affect him. It felt embarrassing somehow, almost forbidden.

“Are you blushing?” Yunho asked, taking the hope that he could hide straight from Mingi’s hands.

In an attempt to stay in control of the situation, Mingi glared at him and the cheeky grin on his face.

“No,” he said. “I think I’m getting a sunburn.”

“Is that what you want to believe?” Yunho asked. “Princess.”

Even after so long, Yunho seemed to know him too well and it only took him a second to understand that it was that nickname that gave him Mingi’s reaction.

“Shut up,” Mingi groaned, aware that he couldn’t pretend in front of Yunho anymore.

He covered his face with his hands to conceal the blush that he couldn’t control even though he was trying to and took a deep breath. He didn’t know what was happening to him. In all his life, even though Mingi had talked to and been complimented by many people, noble and townsfolk alike, he had never reacted this strongly in the presence of anyone or to any nickname. Even Yunho had called him princess before, always in a teasing tone to rile him up, and it had never elected this reaction from Mingi. It wasn’t new, so why was he acting like this? Why was he blushing and feeling so shy?

This was just Yunho.

This was Yunho.

“I didn’t think you would like it that much,” Yunho teased.

“Quit it,” Mingi complained.

“His Highness likes to be called princess.”

Mingi slapped his arm again and flipped around quickly to poke Yunho’s side with his fingers.

Yunho laughed, loud and startled, and twisted his body to get away from Mingi’s restless fingers to no avail. His eyes crinkled and his smile widened but he still tried to swat Mingi’s hands away and get up to escape from their attack.

Mingi joined in his laughter. His hands were relentless as his fingers dug into Yunho’s sides and, to prevent Yunho from moving away from him the way he wanted to, he moved quickly to straddle Yunho’s hips. His knees pressed into the outside of his thighs without a care in the world and he kept tickling Yunho.

It was nice to laugh like this again. With Yunho. Their laughter tasted like happiness and it felt like they went back to a time when life was simpler and better.

Slowly, Mingi stopped his fingers, a few pears of laughter catching in the air between them. Beneath him, Yunho smiled wide and bright and Mingi couldn’t contain his own smile either, their faces a mirror of each other’s joy.

He wished he could stay in the clearing longer, that his time wasn’t counted and he didn’t have to go back to the castle soon. He didn’t want to leave this peace behind or to feel the happiness that filled his veins as he laughed with Yunho dissipate.

Their laughter died down gradually until they were only smiling and catching their breaths with the birds chirping around them. Mingi didn’t look away from Yunho though and he didn’t make any move to get up, not that Yunho seemed any more eager than he was. He was staring up at Mingi with the same intensity that he felt in his chest and Mingi wasn’t sure if his heart was racing from the tickling and laughing or if it was a product of those eyes on his.

“I missed your smile,” Yunho said, his voice soft and gentle. “You haven’t been smiling as much lately.”

A little hesitant, he reached out a hand to touch the side of Mingi’s face, his fingers trembled slightly as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ears and the expression on his face turned almost shy.

Mingi’s face heated up immediately, trapped in Yunho’s gaze and his tender touch, and he couldn’t even pretend that the blush on his face was a product of the sun anymore.

“It looks good on you.”

Yunho sounded more fragile now, tentative with his words as if afraid he would spook Mingi, and he was blushing too. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were bright and he wouldn’t stop looking at Mingi with his intense gaze. With careful hands, he trailed his fingers down Mingi’s face, gentle and careful, a barely there touch that Mingi felt in his entire body.

“I have something for you,” Yunho said before Mingi could talk.

Mingi raised an eyebrow and only moved away from Yunho once he nudged his leg.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Yunho chuckled as he walked to the tree where he had left his coat. “Because I want to, silly.”

Mingi sat up on the grass with his legs crossed and watched him dig through his pockets. He didn’t know what Yunho could have possibly got him, but he moved his head to try and catch a glimpse of it when Yunho finally pulled his hands away from his jacket.

“Stop peeking,” Yunho laughed when he turned around.

Mingi shrugged.

“I wasn’t doing anything.”

“Sure, you weren’t,” Yunho snorted.

He sat in front of Mingi, his legs crossed in a mirror image of Mingi’s, and he kept his hands behind his back for the time being.

“What did you get me?” Mingi asked, too curious to contain.

Yunho held his hands forward, whatever he was holding still hidden within his grip, and stared at Mingi for a second.

Finally, he opened his right hand and Mingi’s eyes widened when he took in the colourful beaded bracelet that he was holding in his palm. It was pretty, the colours bright and shining under the sunlight and Mingi couldn’t prevent the way his hand shot out to touch the beads with gentle fingertips. His heart fluttered in his chest and he looked up at Yunho with his throat dry and his breath faltering.

“Do you like it?” Yunho asked.

Mingi nodded immediately, hesitant to even pick the bracelet up.

“Can I put it on you?”

Mingi held out his arm and watched with avid eyes as Yunho picked it up tenderly. His fingers circled Mingi’s wrist and brought them closer together until their hair was touching as they looked down. Yunho placed the bracelet on his wrist and tied it together slowly, the pads of his fingers brushing the inside of Mingi’s wrist in a gentle caress.

“It’s pretty,” Mingi said, breathlessly.

Throughout his life, he got many gifts, more than he could count or knew what to do with. They were given to him on special occasions, his birthday or celebrations in the kingdom, but also on any other odd day that he happened to visit the town. He didn’t know most of the people who gave him gifts by name and he couldn’t remember most of what he had received through the years. It came with the territory of being a prince, being both bribed and celebrated.

But this gift was different. It wasn’t from a random person and it wasn’t on a special occasion. It was from someone who, through highs and lows, had remained so important to Mingi, from Yunho. Yunho was special to him and that was enough to make his gift special too.

“I bought it a long time ago,” Yunho admitted.

Mingi furrowed his eyebrow and looked at him in confusion. He thought that Yunho bought it in town recently.

“When did you buy it?”

Yunho hesitated. He licked his lips and looked away from Mingi for a second before returning his gaze.

“A few months after I left.”

Mingi blinked at him, eyes flitting from Yunho’s face to the bracelet on his wrist and back again.

“We were on this island during one of their festivities. It’s called Diamond. We were walking through town and everything was so bright and loud and happy. I couldn’t help but remember the times we spent together at the festivals here. I wished you were there with me,” Yunho said, his voice lowering with each sentence.

Mingi’s heart sped up in his chest, racing with his thoughts.

Yunho hadn’t stopped thinking about him either.

“I saw that bracelet while we were walking through the market. I know it’s not much, but it made me think of you,” he said. “I bought it so I could give it to you when I came back. I always planned on coming back to you.”

Mingi could barely breathe. Yunho had been away for so long, had been surrounded by so many people, so much novelty, and yet he had thought of him. On a new island that he had never been to before, his mind had still been with Mingi, he had been thinking of Mingi being there with him, he had walked along the stalls and thought of him .

“Yunho…”

“Do you like it?” Yunho asked.

“Of course, I do,” Mingi said quickly, running his finger over the bracelet. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad,” Yunho said, sounding slightly choked up.

Mingi looked up and, sure enough, Yunho’s eyes looked a little misty with emotion, a droplet of water gathering at the corner.

“Are you crying?” Mingi asked, his voice soft although a little teasing.

He shuffled a little closer until their knees were touching and smiled when Yunho chuckled, the sound a little wet.

“Of course, not,” he said, but a small tear escaped anyway.

Mingi made a little wounded noise and moved even closer. He hesitated only for a second before he lifted his hand to gather Yunho’s tear with the pad of his thumb. He didn’t move his finger away even when the water was fully gone.

“Why are you crying?” Mingi asked gently.

“I’m just really sorry about everything,” he said. “I’m so happy you’re giving me another chance, I don’t deserve you. I should be the one thanking you.”

Mingi shook his head. He was tired of holding grudges, especially against Yunho. He understood why he had left, he had just lost his father and he was suffering, he knew Yunho regretted the way he did it without saying anything. There was no point in being miserable and pushing Yunho away anymore, especially because he knew now, more than ever, that he had to hold onto the little happiness he had in his life.

“Yunho,” Mingi said, leaning forward until their foreheads were touching, his hand firmly placed on Yunho’s cheek. “I forgive you.”

“You do?” Yunho asked softly.

“Yes,” Mingi assured. “We’re okay.”

Yunho’s smile widened and he opened his eyes slowly to look at Mingi.

Their eyes stayed locked, both of them seemingly unable to look away. Mingi’s mind was empty and he didn’t think he could stop looking at Yunho ever again.

Yunho’s eyes were bright and prettier than the flowers around them. His attention was solely on Mingi and Mingi felt transfixed. How had he ever been able to look at anything other than Yunho?

“Mingi…”

Mingi gulped and let his eyes roam over Yunho’s face. His kind eyes and pink cheeks, his parted lips and pretty nose.

“Yes?” He asked, breathless.

“Do you feel it too?” He asked.

Mingi bit the inside of his bottom lip.

“Feel what?” He asked quietly.

“Your heart racing,” Yunho started, hesitantly lifting his hand to put on Mingi’s chest. “Your breath faltering.”

Mingi inhaled sharply, he did feel it. All of it. And, the more that Yunho looked at him without turning away, the worse it got.

“Yes,” he said.

It was silent for a second, the two of them unable to say anything as they kept staring at each other. Their foreheads were still touching and the air between them felt heavy. Mingi hadn’t moved his hand away from Yunho’s face yet and he didn’t want to either.

The first to move was Yunho. He raised his arm so he could mimic Mingi’s touch and his hand was warm and gentle on Mingi’s cheek. Mingi leaned into it easily and let his eyes fall closed in bliss.

“Mingi,” Yunho repeated, his name like an oath. “Mingi.”

Slowly and mindlessly, as if moved by a thread they couldn’t see, they leaned forward at the same time.

Their lips brushed and Mingi shuddered when he felt Yunho’s breath on his skin. It was warm like the rest of Yunho’s body and the sun shining above them. Yunho’s hands were gentle and his lips were soft and Mingi was afraid to even breathe for fear of breaking the moment. He didn’t pull back or push Yunho away, he didn’t want to do that. He wanted Yunho close.

it felt like, for once, he was where he was supposed to be.

“Yunho,” he breathed, his voice as soft as the grass beneath his fingers.

“What is it, princess?”

Mingi wasn’t sure if Yunho was teasing him with the nickname right now but, either way, he didn’t care. He felt too dizzy with how close they were, too hung up on what could happen if only he moved a little forward.

And he liked the nickname. He couldn’t deny it to himself when he could barely open his eyes under the power Yunho’s lips had over him.

“Kiss me?” He asked because it felt like they were heading in that direction and Mingi couldn’t wait anymore.

Yunho didn’t answer with words but, with Mingi’s plea hanging in the air, he didn’t hesitate to lean in anymore.

Yunho kissed him like he wanted them to become one. He pressed his soft and gentle lips against Mingi’s like he wanted to fuse them together and he cupped Mingi’s face firmly with his hands to bring him closer, as close as possible. His breath was warm and he leaned further into Mingi’s space, the force of it pushing him slightly back as if he couldn’t stop himself, as if he couldn’t get enough and he needed to be as close to Mingi as possible.

Mingi didn’t mind. He wanted the same thing. He wanted to lean into Yunho’s body and never leave the warmth of his embrace, he wanted to kiss him and kiss him until they both ran out of breath.

He pushed against Yunho with as much enthusiasm as Yunho was showing. Their lips moved together and got to know each other as if they had been waiting for this moment their entire lives. Mingi’s hands were now on Yunho’s neck to pull him closer and closer until he almost lost his balance and was forced to lie back on the grass and Yunho hovered over him without parting their mouths for a second.

It was stupid, but for one dazed moment, Mingi thought Yunho tasted like the sun, like flowers and his favourite pastries.

Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he tasted perfectly normal and Mingi just liked him a little too much.

It was a new feeling, to be this close to someone, to want to keep them glued to him and never let go. It felt like everything Mingi could ever want in his life, like every day, happy or sad, had led to this moment.

He never wanted Yunho to stop kissing him.

“Mingi,” Yunho said when they parted for breath.

He pecked Mingi’s lips immediately after, as reluctant to let go as Mingi was, and the two of them smiled brightly at each other without saying anything for a moment.

“You’re amazing,” Yunho said.

Mingi laughed.

“Is that all you have to say?” He asked, amused. “We just kissed.”

“Should we do it again?”

Mingi kept laughing and pushed Yunho’s shoulder playfully.

“I like you a lot,” he said.

Yunho smiled, warm and gentle.

“You do?” He asked as if he couldn’t believe it.

“I asked you to kiss me, didn’t I?” Mingi grinned.

He felt so happy as if he was floating in the clouds. He hadn’t felt this happy in so long, he hadn’t known peace inside for years. His life had been unfulfilling for years and this past week or so, with the news of his engagement, it felt like it was falling apart. But, right now, in their little pocket of the forest, as he lay beneath Yunho, caged by his arms and hypnotized by his eyes and his smile, everything felt right.

“I like you too, Mingi, so much.”

Mingi grinned and leaned up to kiss him again. It felt just as special as it had the first time and he never wanted today to end.

They kissed for a while, longer than Mingi cared to count but less time than he wished and, when they finally pulled away, they laid together on the grass, Mingi’s head pillowed by Yunho’s arm.

“Are you feeling better?” Yunho asked.

Mingi made a vague confused sound.

“You were off the entire afternoon until we got here.”

Mingi sighed as his mood dwindled slightly with the reminder of what awaited him outside of their clearing. He didn’t feel as desolate as before though, he couldn’t when Yunho was here and they were surrounded by the flowers he loved so much.

“Do you want to talk about something?” Yunho asked, his fingers playing with Mingi’s hair.

Mingi sighed, unsure. He didn’t want to bring the mood down or ruin whatever was happening between them right now. But he knew that he couldn’t keep it inside, both because he was never able to keep his feelings from Yunho, but also because, after their afternoon, Yunho deserved to know what was going on.

“I think so,” he said. “But I need you to not freak out.”

“That doesn’t sound very good,” Yunho said and he sounded a little worried now.

Mingi took a deep breath and stared at the clouds above them, unable to look at Yunho as he spoke about everything that was happening in his life without his permission.

“There’s been some conflicts between our kingdom and Mist,” he started. “My father’s council and Mist’s council have been working together to figure out how to resolve the issue.”

“Have they found something?” Yunho asked.

“Yes.”

“Are you somehow involved in it?”

“I am.”

“That’s good though, isn’t it? They want you to be an important part of the kingdom and work in diplomacy.”

Mingi winced.

“It would be good if it were in any other way.”

There was a moment of silence and Yunho’s hand faltered on his hair.

“How are you involved?” Yunho asked softly.

Mingi bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly.

“They want me to marry Mist’s princess.”

The words felt like thunder in their peaceful clearing and Mingi shut his eyes tightly. He didn’t want to see whatever look was on Yunho’s face.

“You’re getting married?” Yunho asked with disbelief in his voice.

“I am,” Mingi said, his voice so low it got lost in the breeze.

The moment felt stilted and Mingi felt shortness of breath but in the opposite way he had before. He wished he could go back to kissing Yunho, to feeling him so close and having his mind emptied of any problem.

“Say something,” he almost begged.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you still like me and that you still want to kiss me.”

Yunho inhaled sharply.

“Of course, I do, Mingi. That’s all I want,” he confessed. “But what will become of us?”

Mingi didn’t answer, he didn’t know how to, so, Yunho continued.

“I’m leaving soon and you’re getting married.”

The words felt like hands wrapping around Mingi’s throat and squeezing. He didn’t know what to say. Yunho was right. Whatever had happened this afternoon, it was never going to last. No matter what they wanted they were doomed from the start.

“I don’t want to get married,” he said. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I know, princess.”

Yunho knew, but they couldn’t do anything. Yunho had to leave, he had his crew of travellers and his life to live, and, even if he were to stay, Mingi wouldn’t be able to get out of his marriage. There was no chance for them. There wasn’t a future where they could be together.

“What am I supposed to do?” He asked.

He didn’t expect Yunho to give him an answer, but Yunho’s fingers carded through his hair again and he spoke as gently as the breeze around him, almost as if he was afraid to say the words out loud.

“You could come with me.”

Mingi’s breath hitched.

Going with Yunho. Leaving the kingdom and embarking on a trip that could only come from his dreams. He would get to see so many places, to feel the sea breeze on his skin every day and the scent of salt on his nose. He could visit Aurora and see the dancing lines and go to Diamond and see the festivals.

He would be by Yunho’s side.

It sounded fantastical.

It was impossible.

“You know I can’t do that,” he said though the words hurt to say.

Yunho sighed and neither of them said anything else.

They didn’t move away from each other, they still touched and felt close, but the weight of reality had settled over them. There weren’t more laughs or smiles, much less kisses, and Mingi mourned the loss of the gentle affection even though he had only gotten to feel it for a few minutes.

At least Yunho was still playing with his hair. At least his bracelet was still on Mingi’s wrist.

It had to be enough for now. It had to be because, in the future, Mingi would have even less.

Chapter Text

As April slowly turned into May, preparations for Mingi's wedding took over the castle.

The event would take place at the end of June when the weather was clear and warm. It would be in the garden with the green leaves and pretty flowers around Mingi and Jiwon as they wed and it was meant to be framed by an image of blue skies and bright sunlight. Their clothes would be magnificent and their beautiful faces would call attention to them. Mingi, Jiwon and their wedding would be impossible to forget for anyone who watched.

Everything would be perfect, the wedding and all the other events around it planned up to the least noticeable details to ensure that nothing would fall out of place. The castle was thoroughly prepared and everyone was working tirelessly to ensure the excellence and transcendence they were aiming for. If Mingi’s and Jiwon’s parents had any say in it, it would be the most memorable event of the century for both Mist and Crescent.

Childishly, Mingi hoped that his wedding day would be graced by heavy rains.

For him, no matter how well done and how polished everything was, how beautiful everything looked and how delicious every dish tasted, nothing about his wedding could ever be positive or pleasant.

“The first fitting session for your suit will be at the end of this week,” his mother said. “Princess Jiwon will visit next week and she will stay for a fortnight. During that time, you will choose the cake, the wine and the menu for all the events and the centerpiece flowers. Have you talked to Princess Jiwon to settle on a colour yet?”

They were in her study, a collection of fabrics on her desk between them and a sample of a menu facing Mingi’s direction. She stood in front of him with a checklist in her hands and she looked at him with her eyebrows in a firm line, as if she expected him to complain and already had her answer on the tip of her tongue.

She need not worry though, Mingi would not complain, no matter how much he wanted to. By now, he knew that it would get him nowhere, it was hopeless and he didn’t have any illusions of reasoning with them. If complaining worked, he wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

Even though he didn’t care about what his wedding looked like, he tried to look remotely interested in what she was saying. If nothing else, it was good practice for when he had to greet guests and pretend that he was overflowing with joy at having Jiwon next to him and a ring on his finger.

His mother knew him and how dejected he was about the wedding well enough to not be fooled by his display, but she didn’t say anything either.

“We haven’t settled on anything yet,” he said. “Do you have any suggestions?”

“This is your wedding, Mingi, not mine.”

He thought that wasn’t entirely true. After all, she was more interested in it than he would ever be, but he didn’t refute her words.

Despite his silence, she still looked at him with a knowing gaze. He knew that she saw right through him and that she was aware of what he was doing; he wanted her to choose everything so he wouldn’t have to. If she made the decisions for him, he could try to pretend that he wasn’t about to enter into something he never wanted to himself. The less he had to think about it the better.

Surprisingly, beneath her sharp gaze, Mingi could see an edge of kindness as if, unbeknownst to him, it also pained her that this would be Mingi’s future. He hadn't expected that, not with how firm she always was. It didn’t matter though, kindness was of no use to him when he knew that she wouldn’t put a stop to anything.

“I will talk to Princess Jiwon,” he promised. “I don't have an eye for colours anyway.”

If Jiwon was having as much fun with all the preparations as he was, then they might as well do it together.

His mother chuckled and put her papers down on the table to give him more of her attention.

“Now, that’s a lie and we both know it, Mingi.”

Mingi shrugged.

“I would just rather wait until she is here too. It's her wedding too.”

The words tasted bitter in his mouth and he wished that he could wash them away and never have to say them again. From the look his mother sent him, the way he felt was even more obvious on his face than he thought it would be.

“I know this isn’t ideal for you,” she said slowly. “But I had hoped that by now you wouldn’t be looking so defeated.”

She pulled back the chair next to him to sit closer, but Mingi refused to turn his head to look at her, afraid of all the truths he tried to hide but she would still see in his expression anyway.

“You know how important strong bonds with our neighbour kingdoms are, Mingi. We did what we could for years to prevent worse things from happening and it didn't work as well as we hoped,” she said. “It's your turn now. This is what we must do, for our kingdom and our people.”

He had heard the same words countless times and yet they still did nothing to appease his turbulent mind and broken heart. With every word of certainty she spoke, she stepped on every single little flicker of hope he still felt until there was nothing left behind.

It made him think about his afternoon with Yunho, about everything he could have had and never would.

“It’s not fair,” he said. “I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to love someone and be with them until the end.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw the sad smile that she sent his way, but he still didn’t face her. He felt too raw, everything inside him screaming and crying in mourning for everything he wanted that had been taken away from him.

“Maybe you will,” she said, her hand falling to his shoulder in comfort. “You don’t know. Perhaps after you get to know Princess Jiwon better, you will fall for her.”

The words were meant to be comforting, but they couldn’t do anything for Mingi. His heart belonged elsewhere already, there was no hope of Jiwon. No one would ever be able to take his heart from the tender hands where Mingi had already trustingly placed it.

Jiwon wouldn't want it either way, her heart was as far from him as his was from her.

With no hope and only longing left in his body, Mingi mourned the experience of falling in love. He was on his way to that feeling, he was slowly getting to experience it with Yunho as the days passed, but now he knew that it was a destination that wasn’t meant for him. He was a fool and now he could do nothing but grieve his love story, the one that still felt so new and fragile but had been doomed to fail before it even began.

Mingi should have known better, but he had imprudently wished and hoped and dreamed for something he ached for but could never have.

“I fell for your father after we were already married,” his mother continued. “After we had Hongjoong even. Love takes time sometimes, but it doesn’t mean it won’t knock at your door when you least expect it.”

She was right on that at least, but not in the way she had hoped. Love touched him when he least expected it, from the person he thought he lost. He hadn’t expected love to come for him, even if he always wished for it growing up, but it had. Love appeared in the form of his best friend coming back and, no matter how much Mingi wanted to hold the feeling in his hands, cradle it tenderly and take care of it, no matter how much he wanted to hold Yunho in his arms, he could only watch as everything they wanted fell apart.

“What are you thinking about, honey?”

Mingi gulped and finally turned to look at her. Her expression was open, sadness lingering on the depths of her gaze and her hand was warm and firm on his shoulder as Mingi bit his lip. 

Despite the circumstances, this was his mother, this was someone who cared about him deeply, even if the circumstances made it look like she didn’t. He knew she was just worried about the kingdom, doing her job and following her duty, she was the Queen and she had to think about more than just Mingi and his feelings.

But maybe he could tell her, maybe he could be honest and open up the way he was so afraid to.

“What if I was already in love?” He asked quietly. “With someone who isn’t Jiwon.”

His mother seemed startled at the question as if she had expected everything but those words to come from his mouth. She struggled to find something to say and Mingi turned his head away from her, fingers fidgeting with one of the black fabrics on the table.

“Are you?” She asked. “Are you in love?”

Mingi shrugged. He had opened the conversation, but it was still hard to talk about something that no one but him knew and that he wasn't even sure of. Was what he felt for Yunho love? Was he in love? If he wasn’t, he was on his way there.

“If you are, you should have told us before we settled the wedding,” she said. “I’m afraid that now, we can’t go back with it.”

Mingi’s heart sank even more if possible. He knew the answer he would get and he also knew that, even if he had told them before any wedding was settled, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Yet, hearing the words spoken out loud, cut through his heart all the same.

He didn’t know what was worse, loving in his heart but not being able to do it loudly or being stuck with someone who he knew would never be able to take up that space in his heart, someone who was in the same situation he was in.

Maybe the most devastating thing was the combination of both.

“Who are you in love with?” She asked.

Mingi couldn’t tell her. Nothing would change, no matter what he said, he would still need to go forward with marrying Jiwon. No, telling his mother would only make everything worse.

“No one,” he said. “It was a hypothetical question.”

He wasn't sure if she believed him. It looked like she wanted to press him for answers, to know what he was thinking inside without lies and omissions, but Mingi wouldn't budge. 

He knew that his love was doomed, but it was still sacred to him. He wouldn't taint it by talking about it with one of the people who had arranged his wedding to someone else at the table where it was being planned.

His love felt too delicate, too raw. It could only be safe locked inside his heart.

“How have you been holding up?”

Mingi looked up from the flower he was holding between his fingers and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “Not great.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yunho asked.

It was the first time Yunho visited the castle since he was back and they had already spent one hour in the kitchens. It was heartwarming to see all the people in the castle who still recognized Yunho and who had not hesitated to welcome him back with open arms and warm words. Conversely, it was jarring to see how many people had joined the staff after Yunho and therefore didn’t know him. The small reminders of how long they had been apart were everywhere and Mingi was yet to get used to them while in Yunho’s presence again.

Now, they were alone in the garden. Mingi sat with his back against a sturdy tree trunk and his legs splayed out in front of him, playing with the petals of a lilac flower he picked up while Yunho lay next to him on the grass. He had one of his arms behind his back and the other one stretched next to him as his fingers played with the hem of Mingi’s pants. His nail grazed the skin of Mingi’s ankles and, without thinking about it, Mingi shuffled closer and sighed contently when his knee touched Yunho’s arm.

“I’m sure you noticed the frenzy that the castle is in with wedding preparations,” he said.

Next to him, Yunho nodded.

“I tried talking to my mother about it. She knows that I’m not happy but she won’t do anything about it.”

“Are you sure?” Yunho asked softly.

Mingi shrugged as he stared at the flower petals so intensely that they started to blur in front of his eyes.

“I don’t think I can get out of this wedding, no matter how much I want to. There’s no hope left for me.”

Yunho winced at the disheartened words and tilted his head to nudge Mingi’s thigh.

“It could be worse,” he said, though he seemed to struggle through the words. “You said Princess Jiwon is nice.”

“She is,” Mingi agreed.

But she isn’t you was left unsaid in the air between them.

“What are the colours of the wedding?” Yunho asked.

It was an obvious attempt to shift the conversation into a lighter topic and to lift the tension that permeated the air. It didn’t erase the words that Mingi wanted to say and the feelings he tried to keep at bay, but it was welcomed, at least for the time being. It would do them nothing to dwell on what hurt them and they couldn’t change and he appreciated the ease with which Yunho tried to be a positive light in his life.

“Pink and blue.”

“I bet you picked pink,” Yunho grinned up at him. “Princess.”

“You’re annoying.” Mingi flicked his forehead but he was laughing too.

“You didn’t deny it.”

The silence that settled over them was calm despite the turmoil in Mingi’s head. He breathed in the scent of the flowers around them and grounded himself with the feeling of Yunho’s head against his thigh to force his mind to quiet down, at least for a little, long enough to enjoy the moment he wouldn’t get to repeat often.

At this point, the two months that Yunho had promised to stay in the kingdom were coming to an end and Mingi didn’t know if they would ever see each other again afterwards. Even if they did, Mingi knew that it would take a long time, most likely as much as when Yunho left the last time, if not more. With their limited time, Mingi wanted to enjoy every moment he got with Yunho for now, soak it up and let it settle under his skin.

“The castle looks the same,” Yunho commented.

Although it had been Mingi’s idea to spend their afternoon in the castle grounds, Yunho had agreed readily. In a way, even though Mingi had never left in the first place, it still felt like coming home and nostalgia pierced through his skin when he saw Yunho walking the familiar halls again. He wondered just how much Yunho had missed the familiarity while he was away.

The only thing missing was reuniting Yunho with Hongjoong and Seonghwa, but, for now, it would have to wait. The first place where they went was to the tea room to ask one of the maids if she had seen either of them around, but she had told them that both of them were in the library since lunchtime and had asked not to be disturbed. Since San didn’t need to be with them in the gardens though, Mingi had asked him to wait for Hongjoong and Seonghwa and take them to the gardens once they were done to meet with Yunho.

“You should visit the training grounds to see everyone again.”

“I don’t know,” Yunho said. “Would they even remember me?”

“Of course, they would,” Mingi scoffed. “You saw it in the kitchens, no one could ever forget you.”

Yunho lifted a hand to shove at his shoulder and Mingi laughed.

“Even if they do remember me,” he continued. “I left without saying anything and I wasn’t the nicest person in the months leading up to it.”

Mingi remembered very well the way Yunho had shrunk within himself after his father’s death. He recalled those months when he pushed everyone away, Mingi included, and he became a shell of the bright person he was known to be. It was so hard to watch him crumble and not be able to do anything. And then, before he could even come back to himself, Yunho left altogether.

“I don’t think anyone holds that against you,” Mingi said.

“And if they do?”

“You apologize.” Mingi shrugged. “But, for what is worth, I think they would be happy to see you.”

Yunho hummed, still unconvinced, but Mingi didn’t press.

“What about your brother? Do you think he hates me for everything?”

Mingi bit his lip.

“Hate is a strong word,” he said. “Hongjoong was mad because what you did hurt me a lot, but he doesn’t hate you.”

“If he did hate me, it would be deserved,” he said.

Mingi nudged him until he sat up and looked at him pointedly.

“You need to forgive yourself,” he said.

“What?”

“What you did wasn’t great,” Mingi said. “More than that, the way you did it wasn’t great. But you can’t change the past, the only thing you can do is make up for it. And that’s what you’re doing.”

Yunho looked away from him, a hesitant frown on his face, and Mingi reached out to touch his wrist before continuing.

“You are. You came back as soon as you could and apologized for the way you left and you show every day that you regret not saying anything before leaving. I understand why you did it and I’m sure everyone else will too.”

“I’m not so sure,” Yunho mumbled, still looking away.

“An apology goes a long way. It hurt me to see you go without any warning, but I know why you did it. I don’t hold anything against you anymore, Yunho, you’re the only one who does.”

“Mingi, I hurt you so much.”

“You did,” Mingi agreed. “But you were trying to take care of yourself the only way you knew how. And I forgive you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

But Mingi should. He already had.

“Do you not want me to forgive you?” He raised an eyebrow, his tone lighthearted.

Yunho shook his head and Mingi could see his wide eyes despite how hard Yunho was trying to look at anywhere but him.

“Of course, I do,” he said. “I’m just not sure if I deserve it.”

Mingi sighed, he should have known that it would still be eating away at Yunho.

“Do you regret it?” He asked.

“I do,” Yunho said, still looking away. “I really do.”

“Would you do it differently now?”

“I would,” he said. “I wouldn’t let fear cloud my judgement and I would be honest with you from the start. I would still leave, but I would tell you about it first.”

Mingi smiled at him, hesitating for only a second before he reached out to lift Yunho’s chin and make him turn his head to look at him. He kept his fingertips on Yunho’s face and forced their eyes to meet. He needed Yunho to know that he was telling the truth and to believe him.

“That’s all I need to know,” he said.

“Is it?”

Mingi leaned forward to rest their foreheads together, noses brushing gently.

“Yunho,” he said. “I forgive you.”

“Are you sure?” He said, his voice low and vulnerable.

“I am,” Mingi said, moving his hands so he was cupping Yunho’s cheeks. “I forgive you. I will say it as many times as you need me to.”

“You’re too good,” Yunho said. “I don’t deserve you.”

Mingi chuckled.

“Of course, you deserve me.”

I wish you could have me.

Before he could cave into his longing and do something he shouldn’t when they were so out in the open, Mingi pulled back and smiled brightly at Yunho. He knew that the path to forgiveness wasn’t smooth and quick, but he hoped that Yunho would start forgiving himself. He didn’t deserve to live with the guilt weighing down on his shoulders.

“I thought I heard someone.”

Mingi looked away from Yunho’s face and grinned when he saw Hongjoong and Seonghwa approach them followed by San.

“What were you guys doing in the library for so long?”He asked, looking at them pointedly.

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow at him.

“We were working,” he said. “Unlike you.”

“I’m sure that’s all you were doing,” he teased.

While Hongjoong ignored him and shifted his gaze to Yunho, Seonghwa winked at him before walking closer.

“Yunho,” Hongjoong said. “Welcome back.”

Despite the words, his expression was closed off and Mingi sighed, knowing the front that his brother was putting on.

Yunho got up from the grass quickly and bowed to Hongjoong, something he had never done before since he grew up so close to them.

“Your Highness,” he said.

The attitude seemed to startle Hongjoong enough that his rigid expression slipped from his face.

“You don’t have to do that,” Hongjoong said quickly.

“I feel like I have to.”

Mingi got up too and patted Yunho’s arm.

“Relax,” he said. “Hongjoong isn’t going to do anything.”

He looked pointedly at Hongjoong and rolled his eyes when he saw that Hongjoong was still staring at Yunho with a firm gaze.

“Can I speak to you, Yunho?” Hongjoong asked.

Even though he seemed a little anxious, Yunho agreed quickly.

Mingi gripped his hand for a second in support and hoped that Hongjoong wouldn’t take too long with whatever he wanted to say to Yunho.

“Don’t be too harsh,” Mingi whispered to Hongjoong when he walked away from them.

“He’ll be okay,” Seonghwa said when Mingi joined him and San. “Hongjoong wants to hear everything from him, but he isn’t mad.”

“I hope not,” Mingi said. “He’s already blaming himself too much.”

“It will be okay.” Seonghwa nodded, wrapping an arm around Mingi’s shoulders.

“You looked very close when he got here,” San said, a cheeky smile on his face.

It was an attempt at distracting Mingi from what Hongjoong could possibly be saying to Yunho behind them and, despite the blush that blossomed on his face, he took the diversion gratefully.

“Did something happen between you two?” Seonghwa grinned, leaning into Mingi with curious eyes.

Mingi knew that the blush on his face was obvious and that it wasn’t going anywhere but he couldn’t hide the smile that appeared on his face too.

“Maybe,” he said.

“You can’t just say maybe,” San scoffed.

“You need to tell us all the details.” Seonghwa pushed at his shoulder. “We want to know everything.”

“I’m not telling you anything,” Mingi laughed.

Seonghwa gasped dramatically and San pouted at him.

“We’re your friends,” San said. “We deserve to know.”

“Do you?” Mingi grinned.

Eventually, Mingi would talk to them, seek their support and advice and their expressions eager for gossip. For now, he would keep his time with Yunho and everything happening between them close to his chest, a sacred secret that he wanted to protect.

Before they could say anything else and nag Mingi to share more with them, Hongjoong and Yunho stepped closer to them again.

Mingi watched them closely to read their expressions and gauge how their conversation went. Hongjoong winked at him when he saw him looking, not giving anything away, but Yunho seemed more relaxed and he smiled at Mingi, so he took it as a good sign.

“Yunho.”

Mingi watched with a small smile as Seonghwa stepped forward and cupped Yunho’s cheeks.

“Hi, Seonghwa,” Yunho said softly.

“It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back.”

Seonghwa enveloped Yunho in a hug and Mingi watched with a smile on his face as Yunho melted into his arms.

To stand like this, surrounded by his friends in a mirror of what life used to be like, made warmth fill up Mingi’s body. He felt complete.

He rolled his eyes when he saw Seonghwa whisper something in Yunho’s ear, capable of deducing what he was talking about by the way Yunho’s eyes widened and his ears reddened. He should have known that it wouldn’t be enough for Hongjoong to talk to Yunho, Seonghwa had to give him a word too.

Yunho didn’t seem too shaken up when they parted though, so Mingi didn’t say anything and let Hongjoong and Seonghwa do what they thought they should.

“How has life been for you?” Seonghwa asked when they parted.

Mingi was the first to sit on the grass and the others quickly followed his lead. It was comfortable to sit between San and Yunho, his knees touching their thighs and Hongjoong and Seonghwa sitting in front of them. He wished that he could stop time, stay in this little pocket of peace and never leave.

Outside the garden, the reality was harsh. There were reminders of his upcoming wedding everywhere he looked and in everything he did, in here, he could breathe, he could feel the grass tickle his ankles and his friends next to him.

In here, he could hold Yunho’s hand behind their backs and pretend like the others didn’t notice. If only for a moment, in the garden, he could live the life he wished for and would never have.

They talked the entire afternoon, longer than they should have. Yunho told them stories about his travels and Hongjoong shared some things that happened in the castle while he had been away. As time passed, Yunho relaxed more and more around them and, as he relaxed, he shuffled closer and closer to Mingi until their arms were touching.

Mingi wished that he could be close to him forever.

“We should talk again before you leave,” Hongjoong said as he got up.

Seonghwa followed him and nodded.

“Yes,” he said. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye this time.”

The words were pointed but his tone was gentle and Mingi looked at Yunho to make sure it didn’t make him feel guilty again. It seemed that his conversation with Hongjoong and spending the afternoon together helped though, because he merely nodded at them with a smile.

“I will say goodbye this time,” he promised. “And I want to spend some more time with you before then. Mingi knows where I’m staying, I don’t have much to do during the day so just let me know when you’re all free.”

Seonghwa bent down to give him one last hug and then the two of them left the gardens - not without wiggling their eyebrows at Mingi obnoxiously.

“I should get going too,” San said.

“You don’t need to,” Yunho said.

San smiled at him and shook his head.

“I should take care of some things while I don’t have to follow Mingi around,” he joked. “Plus, I’m sure you two want to be alone for a little longer.”

Mingi blushed and glared at him. They spent the entire afternoon teasing him and making little comments here and there about him and Yunho. He wasn’t sure how obvious they were being, but it seemed that, even without doing anything, they had been discovered.

“Have fun!” San said cheerily before leaving.

Yunho chuckled and Mingi rolled his eyes.

“You’re entirely too amused about this.”

“You’re cute when you blush.” Yunho shrugged.

He raised his hands to touch his fingertips to Mingi’s cheeks and leaned forward to press a small kiss to his nose.

“My cute princess,” he adds.

Mingi pushed him away, hands firm on his shoulders until Yunho lost his balance and fell back on the grass while laughing.

“You like annoying me a little too much,” Mingi grumbled.

“You like being called princess a little too much.”

Mingi didn’t reply and that was enough of an answer for Yunho.

He didn’t tease him anymore though and, instead, moved around where he was lying until he was closer and could rest his head on Mingi’s thigh.

“How long until you leave the kingdom?” Mingi asked.

“Two weeks.”

Mingi sighed, moving his fingers to play with Yunho’s hair.

“When is your wedding?”

“End of June.”

“I wish I could be here for you that day.”

“You do?” Mingi asked, surprised.

“Of course,” Yunho said easily. “Wouldn’t you want me to be?”

Mingi wasn’t sure. On the one hand, he wanted the support of his friend being close by, of having all the people he cared about around him when his life shifted into something he hated but couldn’t avoid. But, on the other hand, seeing Yunho in the crowd and thinking about what he could have had if the circumstances were different would hurt him more than anything.

“I think so,” he said anyway.

It would hurt but Mingi would need the support more than anything else and maybe, selfishly, it would be the closure he didn’t want to achieve but would be forced to face.

“I hate to see you go through this,” Yunho said, turning his head so he could place a small kiss on Mingi’s knee.

“Me too.”

“What if you ran away?”

Mingi laughed, a little self-deprecating.

“I don’t think that would work for me.”

“You never know.”

“My parents would never let me and I would be a traitor. It would also make things more difficult with Mist and I can’t let that happen.”

“It shouldn’t be your responsibility to fix the relationship between two kingdoms.”

Mingi shrugged.

“It is though.”

Yunho sighed but didn’t say anything else.

“I would love to leave,” Mingi added. “With you. But I can’t.”

“I wish you could,” Yunho said. “I would take you wherever you wanted to go. I would make the world yours.”

Mingi shuddered, his stomach contracting at the words. Yunho was so sweet. He was everything Mingi could ever want in his life and more. It was so unfair.

“Would you show me the dancing lights?” He asked.

“The dancing lights and so much more, Mingi,” he said, grabbing Mingi’s hand that wasn’t in his hair.

“It sounds lovely,” he admitted, his voice weak with the force of how much he wanted what he couldn’t have.

Yunho smiled sadly at them and lifted Mingi’s hand to kiss his knuckles.

“Do you want to hear another story?” He asked.

Mingi nodded, trying to smile. Stories were all that he would get.

The cake Mingi was eating was too sweet. He grimaced as he swallowed it and glared at Jiwon when she laughed next to him.

“Not to your liking, Your Highness?”

They were alone in the tea room to choose the cake that would be served at their wedding from the variety that the castle staff brought them to taste. So far, they had tried more cakes than Mingi could account and he wasn’t sure if the sweetness was from the one in front of him or if it was a swirl of all the flavours mixing.

“Is it to yours?” He asked, doubtful that anyone could like such an overly sweet pastry.

“I’ve had worse,” she shrugged.

Mingi frowned at her; he wasn’t sure he believed it.

“Can you bring another one?” Jiwon asked a man who was entering the room with a jug of orange juice. “We have discarded this one.”

The man nodded and picked up the cake from the table.

“I will be right back, Your Highness.” The man bowed before leaving the room.

“You seem more distracted than usual today,” Jiwon commented once they were alone again.

She poured the juice into her cup first and, without him saying anything, poured some into Mingi’s cup too.

“I can’t say my heart or mind is here,” he said truthfully.

“Are you saying that you’re not enjoying the time we’re spending together picking a cake for our wedding?” She asked, a hand held up to her chest dramatically. “I am hurt, Your Highness.”

Mingi rolled his eyes, an amused smile appearing on his lip. At least one of them could lighten up the mood.

“You’ll have to forgive me, Your Highness,” he said. “But I have to confess this isn’t my preferred activity.”

“And here I was thinking this is the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.”

The man from before came back, a new white cake in his hands that he placed on the table. He left with a bow and Mingi reached out to pick up a slice for him and another one for Jiwon.

“In all seriousness,” she said. “What’s on your mind?”

He sighed and cut a small piece of the cake, but didn’t bring it to his mouth yet, his mind reeling as he tried to come up with the right words to say. In the end, he couldn’t find them and opted for simply speaking.

“I have found myself thinking about running away lately,” he said as if it was nothing despite how much the words meant.

Jiwon looked up at him sharply, a mix of alarm and understanding on her face.

“Running away?”

Mingi didn’t look at her directly and kept his eyes on the plate in front of him.

“Have you ever wanted to?” He asked.

“I can’t say I have never thought of it,” she said. “I don’t think it would be a viable option though. What brought this on all of a sudden?”

Instead of replying, Mingi took a bite from the new cake.

It was too dry.

“How do you do it?” He asked. “Put up with all of this when you have someone waiting for you already?”

Jiwon sighed without looking at him. She seemed to be looking for her words while taking a bite of the cake too and Mingi waited with his legs restless beneath the table for her to say something.

“It’s a little bit dry, isn’t it?” She asked.

He looked at her sharply. He knew that the subject was heavy and that she didn’t want to talk about it, but he couldn’t keep it inside any longer. The wedding came closer and closer as each day passed, the end felt so close to him, too close. He couldn’t sit and watch it come for him without doing anything, he had to stop it from happening and he couldn’t bring himself to give up now. He was desperate and, more than ever, he wanted to fight back against it and against the people who put him in this position.

“Jiwon…”

She sighed again and placed her fork down on her plate.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Mingi,” she said. “It’s very difficult to be here, the more I’m reminded of what I have outside, the worse it gets. But it’s not like I can do anything about it.”

He winced but didn’t let her words deter him. She was suffering as much as he was and he needed her on his side if they would have any chance of reverting their parents’ decision.

“I know,” he said. “I feel the same. Which is why I don’t think we should go forward with it.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, but it was more so judging than inquisitive.

“With all due respect, Mingi, but if there was any way we could convince them to change their minds, we would have been able to do it already. I have tried before and I’m sure you have too.”

“I have,” he agreed. “But there’s got to be something. I don’t want to be stuck in this wedding, Jiwon. And I don’t want that for you either.”

She looked at the wall in front of them for a minute in silence, deep in thought, and Mingi didn’t say anything either. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep his nerves at bay, his eyes constantly shifting to the door to make sure that no one was listening in on their conversation, and his leg kept moving up and down under the table without him even being aware of it.

Finally, Jiwon closed her eyes and gripped her napkin in her fist before she turned to look at him again.

“Do you have a plan?” She asked. “Is there anything that you haven’t tried yet that you think could work?”

In reality, he didn’t have a plan. He knew that simply talking to their parents and asking them to call off the wedding wouldn’t work, that was the first thing they had tried and it did nothing for them. After his talk with his mother, Mingi also knew that sitting down and candidly telling them the truth about loving someone would never be enough on its own, so he was empty-handed.

He gave her a sheepish smile, an answer of its own, and Jiwon rolled her eyes.

“Of course, you don’t.”

“I think it will be easier as a team effort,” he offered.

She didn’t seem convinced but she didn’t turn away from him either and he counted it as a small win.

“If we can’t get through them with our emotional words,” she said. “We will have to do something bigger.”

“Bigger?” He asked. “What do you mean?”

“You said you wanted to run away, didn’t you?” She raised an eyebrow.

“You want me to run away?”

She chuckled.

“I don’t think running away would do us any good in the long run. They would just look for us on every port until they found us and brought us back. It wouldn’t work.”

“What’s your idea then?”

“It’s simple,” she said. “We threaten them.”

Mingi looked at her quizzically.

“We threaten them with running away?”

“Yes,” she said. “It would look much worse on them to have their prince and princess run away and then spend funds trying to find us than to call off the wedding.”

“My mother implied that now that the wedding was announced there was no going back,” he pointed out.

She grimaced.

“Cancelling the wedding might strain the relationship between Crescent and Mist a little,” she said. “But I still don’t think that the wedding would have solved anything, anyway.”

“I think we’re the only ones who think that.”

“We aren’t,” she said. “They are just fooling themselves into believing it because they are desperate.”

“I feel a little bad,” Mingi confessed. “Thinking about breaking everything off when it could help our kingdoms.”

“It was your idea.”

“Still,” he mumbled.

He was torn. He had grown up learning that his kingdom was the most important part of his life, that he lived for it and that he would have to work every day to make it grow prosperously. In the way, this felt like opening his hand and letting go of everything he had ever been taught. It made him feel ungrateful and inadequate; his people deserved better.

But he also couldn’t give himself up The people deserved better than him, but he also deserved better than the fate the crown had for him.

“So, we tell our parents that we will run away if they don’t call off the wedding,” he said. “And how do we break it to the people?”

She shrugged.

“With the truth.”

“The truth?”

“I don’t know about you, but the people of Mist like me more than they like my parents. If I come out and tell them that we called off the engagement because I’m in love with someone else, a commoner, then the attention will shift to that and most people will be on my side.”

“You would be willing to tell them that?”

“I would have to talk to Munhee, of course, but we have been together for so long. I think she would be eager to go public at last,” she smiled. “The truth might not work with our parents but the people love a good love story, Mingi. We both have that with someone else and we can use it to our advantage.”

Her expression was dreamy and Mingi smiled at her. He wasn’t doing this only for himself, it was for her too. For her and for the lover she had in Mist, waiting for her while she discussed wedding plans with him.

“I don’t think Yunho and I would be ready for that just yet,” he confessed.

The scrutiny from his parents and the people was something he wasn’t ready for, not when everything was so raw and fresh and especially not when Yunho wouldn’t even be around to stand by his side through it.

“Yunho,” she repeated, a mischievous grin taking over her face. “Last time we talked, he didn’t even have a name; he was just your best friend. Did something happen?”

Mingi flushed bright and hot red.

“Yes,” he admitted. “We are together. Or as together as we can be in our circumstances.”

She nodded, a fond smile on her face.

“I’m happy for you, Mingi. You deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you.”

“And you don’t have to tell the people anything if you aren’t ready to. It wouldn’t be a requirement.”

He nodded, relaxing in his chair.

“It seems like you have thought about this before,” he said. “You have it all thought out.”

“I have given it some thought, of course,” she grinned. “I just couldn’t do it alone.”

“But we can do it together,” he nodded.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a little corny?” She asked, smirking at him good-naturedly.

He laughed, loud and startled.

“Can’t say anyone has,” he said.

“Well, then I’m glad to be the first.”

They sat in silence for a second longer and Mingi sighed.

“Do you think we’ll be able to do it?”

“We can. We have to.”

He wasn’t sure if she was reassuring him or if she was reassuring herself.

Mingi could hear muffled voices through the door, although the words were too low to hear.

He breathed in deeply to gather his nerves and control the tremors that were going through his body. He was anxious, immensely so. He knew that if he went through with what he came here to do, everything would change and, even though that was what he wanted, he still doubted whether he was ready for it.

He stared at the closed wooden door for a minute longer, nerves and anxiety building up inside him with every breath he took. His thoughts were too scattered to make sense of and despite knowing what he wanted to say and what he wanted to do, he still felt his throat dry up and his head spin.

Finally, before he could lose even more of his courage, he raised a shaky fist and knocked on the door.

The conversation inside ceased almost immediately and, thankfully for Mingi who was half considering turning around to leave, it didn’t take too long for the door to open in front of him.

Hongjoong appeared with a welcoming smile on his face, but, as he looked at Mingi and took him in, it slowly slipped and fell into a more confused expression.

“Is everything alright?” He asked.

Mingi shrugged, unsure of what the answer to that question even was anymore, but didn’t have to reply for a faint voice coming from inside distracted him.

“Am I interrupting something?” Mingi asked.

This conversation was too private and too important to be witnessed by someone other than Hongjoong. If he was busy talking to a noble or member of the staff, Mingi would wait.

“It’s just Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said, opening the door a little wider.

Mingi glanced inside and saw Seonghwa on the other side of the room, sitting on the armchair near Hongjoong's window. There was a book open on his lap and some papers on the carpet but, upon looking at Mingi for a second, Seonghwa closed it and got up to approach the door too.

“You don’t look too good,” he said when he stopped behind Hongjoong.

Mingi tried to smile at them but he was sure it came off as more of a grimace, not reassuring whatsoever.

“Did you want to talk to me?” Hongjoong asked.

Mingi nodded.

“Should I leave?” Seonghwa asked.

He only looked concerned about the state that Mingi was in and he knew that, if he were to ask him to leave so he could talk to his brother alone, Seonghwa would do so without complaint or hard feelings.

Mingi regarded him for a moment as he thought. At first, the plan was to only talk to Hongjoong, at least for now. He wanted to keep the topic as contained as possible, therefore the least people who knew the better. He knew how gossip worked in the castle, one word spoken too loud and rumours would spread faster than he could catch them, he and Jiwon had already risked too much by speaking so openly in the tea room.

But this was Seonghwa, who had always been there for him and who had supported him through every hardship. Seonghwa was part of the family and one of the most important people in Mingi's life, one of the only people he trusted. There was no point in hiding from him, his presence would only make Mingi feel more at ease.

“You can stay,” he said.

Mingi stepped inside the room and Hongjoong closed the door behind him. His expression was still worried when he looked at Mingi again and Seonghwa didn't look any more relaxed than him.

“Sit down, Mingi, you look pale.”

Seonghwa grabbed his arm and pulled him gently to the center of the room. He nudged Mingi to sit on the edge of the bed and Mingi pretended not to see the concerned look he shared with Hongjoong before he shifted his eyes to the floor.

“You're worrying me,” Hongjoong said. His feet came into view as he approached but Mingi still didn't look up. “Did something happen?”

“Not yet.”

He knew that his words were cryptic and they didn't answer any of their questions but, try as he might, Mingi didn’t know how to even approach the subject properly.

“Is something going to happen?” Seonghwa asked, hesitantly.

Mingi nodded.

“Are you in danger?” Hongjoong followed up.

They were grasping at straws to understand what lay between Mingi’s words and he sighed. As much as he dreaded it, he knew that it was time to stop beating around the bush and say what he planned.

“I'm not in danger,” he assured.

“What is it then?”

Mingi gulped. This was it, the moment of sharing what he had been keeping to himself since his talk with Jiwon, since before then even. The idea of running away, of leaving, had been plaguing his mind for longer than he would like to admit and, as time passed, as he listened to Yunho talk about magical lands while he had to see his undesired wedding taking shape, it had only gotten livelier in his mind.

“I can’t get married,” he finally said. “Not like this.”

His voice was low, vulnerable in a way he couldn’t hide, but there was no point in hiding his hurt anyway. Hongjoong and Seonghwa knew his situation too well, knew him too well, they knew how he felt and they knew he didn’t want any of this to go forward. The silence that settled over them after his words was proof enough of it.

“I know,” Hongjoong sighed. “I have tried talking some sense into them, but it went nowhere and I don’t know if there’s anything we can do at this point.”

He sounded defeated and it was obvious that it pained him to know that Mingi would be stuck in a situation he didn’t want to be in

“I wish they would listen to me,” Hongjoong added. “Or that they would marry me off instead.”

Mingi shook his head immediately.

“I’ve told you that wouldn’t be a solution,” he said. “I don’t want that for you. Either of you.”

He looked pointedly between the two of them and Seonghwa placed a hand on his shoulder.

“We just don’t like seeing you sad. You shouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.”

Mingi shrugged.

“We all know it would happen one day,” he said. “But that’s not the point right now.”

“What is the point then?” Hongjoong raised an eyebrow.

“I know that nothing will change their minds, especially now that everything is underway,” he started, trying to build up to his plan. “Jiwon knows it too and we talked about it. She wants this as little as I do and we came to the conclusion that we only have one option left.”

He watched as Hongjoong and Seonghwa shared a confused look and bit his lip as they turned back to him, his heart racing.

“And what is that option?” Hongjoong asked, curious yet concerned.

“Threatening them.”

Seonghwa coughed, startled, and Hongjoong looked at him with wide eyes.

“Threatening?”

“What kind of threat?”

“If they don’t call off the wedding, we will run away before it happens.”

If it was any other day and any other situation, Mingi would have laughed at Hongjoong’s and Seonghwa’s shocked faces. Alas, he merely winced when faced with their furrowed eyebrows and parted lips.

“Your plan is to run away if they don’t cancel the wedding?” Hongjoong asked.

“Yes.”

“And you think that can work?” Seonghwa asked.

“Jiwon thinks it will.”

Hongjoong and Seonghwa shared yet another look.

“Alright,” Seonghwa said. “Explain everything to us.”

So, Mingi did. He told them about how they bonded over their distaste for the wedding since they met, how the two of them hated the idea of it and would do anything to have it cancelled. He told them that they had already tried talking to their parents, but words and empathy didn’t seem to work with them, and then he told them about Jiwon and her lover, about how she had someone waiting for her in Mist and how unfair it was for her to be stuck in this situation. He stumbled over his words when he mentioned Yunho even though, from the look on their faces, they already knew everything about the developments in their relationship.

“She said the people love a good love story and that she will tell the kingdoms hers was the reason we ended the wedding.”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong looked at him without saying anything, merely blinking slowly. They seemed speechless and Mingi looked down at the floor, fingers fumbling with the bedding underneath him as he tried not to worry too much.

“That’s a lot to process,” Seonghwa finally said.

“Do you think it could work?” Mingi asked softly.

If anyone had an answer for him, it would be Seonghwa and Hongjoong, both as the people closest to him and as member of the council and crown prince.

“I’m not sure,” he said honestly.

“She’s not wrong that people love a good love story and if you are open about the reason for cancelling the wedding on top of the day, it would keep rumours at bay and that would prevent the relationship between our kingdoms from souring even more. They would rather have a fated love story than a made-up political one,” Hongjoong said. “I think the people wouldn’t be the problem, the wedding was never a solution anyway. The problem is our parents and hers.”

He was speaking confidently in a way that reminded Mingi of the many council meetings they had been to together. It was the voice of the crown prince, the future king, and it put Mingi more at ease. There was so much doubt in his mind that he needed someone like Hongjoong to take hold of it and make sense of it.

“Jiwon thinks that they will accept because looking for us all over the world will cost more and bring more trouble than simply calling off the wedding.”

Seonghwa nodded.

“It makes sense, in a way. I don’t think they care much for the gold that it would take, but both the prince and the princess running away would do the opposite of what they want. If you left without a single word, both kingdoms would suffer from it. It would cause more distress rather than mending anything.”

Mingi breathed out, relieved. He knew that nothing was confirmed, his parents might decline anyway and take their chances at letting Mingi and Jiwon leave but hearing that logic was on their side, at least slightly, made him feel more at ease.

“So you think it could work?” He asked.

“If you play your cards right, it might,” Seonghwa said.

“It’s the best chance you have,” Hongjoong confirmed.

Seonghwa sat on the bed next to him and put his arm around Mingi’s shoulders to bring him closer.

“I hope it works, Mingi. I really do.”

Mingi hoped it worked too.

“Are you ready?”

Mingi shrugged. He didn’t need to answer with words when it was obvious how not ready he was through his tense shoulders and the restless hands he tried to stop from shaking by grabbing the bottom of his jacket.

“I’m nervous too.”

He sighed and gave Jiwon a small smile. She looked as tired and anxious as he was. If he were to be alone right now, it would be much worse, but still, more than anything, he only wanted to get it over and done with.

“Should we go in?” He asked.

She winced, clearly as eager as he was.

“They are waiting for us,” she said anyway.

“They are,” Mingi agreed.

Neither of them stepped forward.

“Whatever happens,” Jiwon said. “At least we tried. Even if nothing comes out of it, we did what we could and didn’t let ourselves fall into their plan without fighting.”

“You’re right,” he said. “Whatever happens, we did what we could.”

Jiwon stepped forward first. She had always been braver than Mingi, bold in a way that he hoped to be one day. In the end, whatever happened, he was glad to have her by his side.

Mingi was the one who knocked on the door though and he quickly took a step back so he was closer to Jiwon again, taking comfort in the way her fingers brushed against the back of his hand.

The door opened in front of them and the King’s guard bowed at them.

“We have a meeting with our parents,” Mingi said.

“Their Majesties are waiting,” the guard said and opened the door further.

Mingi and Jiwon entered the room and the guard left with one last polite bow to everyone in the room.

Their parents were sitting at the big oak table and Mingi felt the pressure of their stare constrict his movements.

“Good afternoon, Your Majesties,” he said, bowing.

Jiwon followed his lead.

“You requested a meeting,” his father said. “Is there an issue with the preparations for the wedding?”

It would have been different if it was just Mingi talking to his parents, but with Jiwon and her parents in the room, as well as the reason why they were there - a formal meeting that Mingi and Jiwon requested together - he knew that he wouldn’t get any of the warmth that he felt like he needed from his parents right now.

They were going straight to the point and he didn’t know if he was glad that he barely had time to overthink even more and that the ordeal would be done faster or if he would rather get some time to prepare himself more.

Maybe he would never be ready for this conversation no matter how much time he had though.

“There hasn’t been an issue with the preparations, Your Majesty,” Jiwon said. “There is an issue with the wedding itself though.”

Mingi took in a sharp breath and tried to stop himself from biting his lips with his nerves. While his father looked serious and strict, his mother looked resigned, as if she already had an idea of what would come out of this meeting. Perhaps she knew, especially after the last conversation Mingi had with her.

He didn’t dare look at Jiwon’s parents.

“What is the issue with the wedding?” Jiwon’s mother asked.

Mingi and Jiwon shared a look and she nodded. It was his turn to talk and he gulped in an attempt to swallow his fear.

“We don’t want to get married,” he said and, before he could lose his nerve, he added. “We will not get married.”

Silence fell over the room and Mingi watched his mother sigh before he avoided her eyes when she looked directly at him. He needed to be strong and keep his feet on the ground right now and he was afraid that he would break if he was under her stare.

“You don’t want to get married,” Jiwon’s mother repeated. “We know that already, but the wedding is already underway, I don’t know what you expect to accomplish with this meeting.”

“We wanted to tell you that we are not going to get married,” Jiwon said.

“Jiwon…” Her father sighed. “We are not going back on the wedding announcement.”

“You wouldn’t change your mind even if it hadn’t been announced,” she scoffed.

“No, we wouldn’t,” her mother said. “You have a duty to your kingdoms and you are going to fulfil it.”

“With all due respect,” Mingi said. “My duty to my kingdom does not include locking myself in a loveless marriage at twenty-two years old.”

“That is not a choice you can make as part of the royal family, Mingi. The relationship between our kingdoms is deteriorating and you will get married,” his father said.

“We won’t.”

“And how are you going to stop your wedding from happening?” His mother asked.

There was a subtle look on her face, something behind her eyes that Mingi couldn’t read properly but that didn’t scare him. For some reason, it felt like she was on his side.

“If you don’t call off the wedding,” Mingi said. “We will run away. We will leave and you will spend the time you should be worrying about your kingdoms looking for us and you won’t find us until we want you to.”

Their parents were silent until Jiwon’s father shook his head, looking entirely too amused for how serious the conversation was.

“You can’t give us that ultimatum,” he said. “It will not work.”

“It will work,” Jiwon said. “How do you think both kingdoms will feel when their prince and princess vanish before their wedding? Do you think that will help their relationship at all?”

“You would put your kingdoms at risk like that?”

“I wouldn’t be us putting the kingdoms at risk,” Jiwon said. “It would be you who pushed us into that situation.”

“I’m tired of being trapped here,” Mingi said. “I’m tired of doing what you think I should, of not enjoying my life. I’m not going to get married because you think it’s the easiest solution to a problem I didn’t create. I will be selfish this time and I will not get married.”

“Mingi,” his mother said kindly. “We don’t want to see you sad either, but it’s the best solution to prevent anything worse from happening.”

“No,” he said. “You think it’s the best solution, but how do you know it would even work? Wouldn’t people knowing that you arranged a marriage make things worse?”

“The people don’t know it’s arranged.”

“Please,” he said. “Of course, they do. Relationships sour between Mist and Crescent and suddenly their prince and princess are getting married. Everyone knows it’s arranged.”

“It’s still a marriage.”

“A fake one.”

“And you’re forgetting something,” Jiwon said, standing tall and confident next to him. “The people care more about us than they care about you. What do you think would happen when they saw we were stuck in an unhappy marriage?”

“They wouldn’t know that either.”

“They aren’t stupid!” She said.

“And I would tell them the truth,” Mingi added. “I would.”

“Are you threatening us?”

“Yes.”

Mingi’s mother sighed.

“What do you want us to do?”

“Call off the wedding,” he said, his voice lower, though vulnerable rather than calm. “We don’t want it. Don’t you want your kids to be happy?”

“Of course, we do, Mingi, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices.”

“Well,” he said. “This isn’t a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

“I’m in love with a villager,” Jiwon said without waiting a single more second.

One could hear a pin drop in the room with how unbearably silent it was.

“You’re what?” Her mother asked. “With whom?”

“Her name is Minhee,” Jiwon said and she was close enough for Mingi to feel the way she was trembling a little despite how brave she was trying to be. “She’s a florist.”

“And you’re in love with her,” Jiwon’s father said.

It wasn’t a question but Jiwon nodded anyway.

“And what do you want us to do about it now, Jiwon? This marriage has been arranged for a while, the people know about it; we can’t cancel it now.”

“You can though,” Mingi said. “Nothing says you can’t. No one has more power than you in the kingdoms.”

“What do you think the people will feel when a marriage between the two kingdoms falls apart when tensions are already so high?”

“What do you think the people feel now? We’re telling you they aren’t stupid and they know it’s arranged,” Jiwon said.

“Can’t you just be our parents instead of the reigning monarchs for once?” Mingi asked. “You’re supposed to want us to be happy and yet you insist on doing this when neither of us wants it. We’re practically begging you to call off the wedding. It shouldn’t have even come to the point of making an ultimatum. You should have listened to us in the first place.”

The room fell silent at Mingi’s words but he refused to regret them. He was frustrated, he needed them to see reason, to understand that there was no point in a wedding that neither he nor Jiwon wanted. They would never be happy like this, not only because their hearts were with someone else already, but because of the restriction of being locked in a loveless marriage for the rest of their days.

Mingi’s mother sighed.

“We will think about it.”

Mingi held his breath and shared a stunned look with Jiwon. For all their confidence, they hadn’t expected to be successful.

He pointedly ignored the look everyone else in the room was shooting his mother, but he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge that just yet.

“We aren’t making any promises,” she said. “But we will think about it.”

His mother was looking at him with a mix of fondness and tiredness on her face. He knew that she couldn’t decide anything on her own, there were three more people and both his father and Jiwon’s mother especially looked very far from being convinced.

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Jiwon said.

Mingi tried to smile at his mother but he knew that it looked shaky and weak. It wasn’t a promise and it wasn’t a reassurance that Jiwon and he would be free from their marriage, but it was something. It was more than they had before. At least, they were being listened to. At least, there was a chance that they would get out of it.

“Thank you.”

His father looked at him wearily but Mingi didn’t let it deter him.

For now, he would allow himself to be hopeful.

Chapter Text

As strange as it had been to watch the castle staff put up the decorations for his wedding, it was even more strange to watch them take them down.

Garlands and flowers were stripped from the walls, the candles and the curtains that had been put up for the wedding were put back in cupboards and storage rooms and the bakers weren’t making any new pastries anymore. The staff was as busy as they had been while decorating the castle, but now, every time Mingi left a room, he was followed out by the whispers of gossip breaking behind them with even more vigour than they had when he was engaged to Jiwon.

He knew they were curious to know what happened, why suddenly the wedding was called off when it was so close to happening, but they didn’t ask and Mingi wouldn’t be the one to tell them. Soon enough, when Jiwon returned to Mist, she would give a public speech and explain her side of everything.

Maybe by that time, Mingi wouldn’t be in Crescent anymore.

In the end, their parents had relented. It wasn’t an easy feat, after their first meeting with them, they had called both Mingi and Jiwon to their office every day, initially to try to convince them to give their wedding a chance, to change their minds and accept the future that they never wanted. However, after the days passed and nothing changed, with Jiwon and Mingi still firm in their decision not to go forward with the wedding, their parents gave up. He wasn’t sure if it was out of concern for them or if it was more so about the possibility of them going forward with their threat of running away to make the two kingdoms look for them, but it didn’t matter anymore.

At this point, Mingi didn’t care much about the reason, whether it was empathy and compassion, the desire for their kids to be happy or fear of what it would do to the kingdoms if they went forward with it, the important thing was that the wedding wouldn’t happen. The only thing that mattered was that both he and Jiwon were free from the wedding that they never wanted and now more than ever they could take their life into their hands and do with it something that would make them happy.

“You look happy, Your Highness.”

Mingi chuckled as he looked to his side and winked at Jiwon.

“You look elated, Your Highness,” he said.

“Nothing against you,” she grinned. “But I am very happy that we aren’t getting married anymore.”

“I am immensely hurt,” he smirked.

She laughed and knocked her shoulder against his playfully.

“Will you see me to my carriage?” She asked.

Mingi nodded quickly and gestured for her to start walking.

“Despite everything,” she said. “I enjoyed my time here.”

Mingi smiled.

“Did you?”

“You have more sun than we do.” She nodded. “I might come here for a vacation next year.”

“You will have to let me know if you do. And bring Minhee with you.”

“Of course,” she laughed. “I’m not letting her away from me ever again.”

“I expected as much.”

“Will you be here though?” She asked, looking at him knowingly.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

She shrugged.

“Because just like the love of my life is back in my kingdom, yours is about to head back to the ocean.”

“And you think I should go with him?”

She smiled at him and shook her head, amused.

“It doesn’t matter what I think, does it? You’ve already made your decision, even if you haven’t admitted it to yourself.”

Jiwon was observant and, despite not knowing each other for a long time, she had gotten to know Mingi well. She could read him like an open book and, when it came to matters of his heart, she knew more than people who had known him for longer. She was on the same page after all, their hearts in the hands of someone else, waiting for an opportunity to live a life together.

“I think you might be right,” he smiled, thinking about Yunho and the blue sea.

They walked down the familiar path to the front of the castle and Mingi watched as Jiwon bowed to the staff they passed by and thanked them for their hospitality while she was in the castle. In another world, one where they weren’t in love with someone else, maybe their marriage could have worked. Jiwon would have been a good princess for Crescent.

In this world though, even if he hoped to see her again in the future as a friend, he was happy to see her go for now, an official close to their engagement.

The carriage was already waiting when they arrived at the front of the castle, bags being loaded into it as the King and the Queen of Mist stood and waited near it with Mingi’s parents.

“It was a pleasure to have you here,” Mingi’s father was saying. “Even if we aren’t parting in the circumstances we thought we would.”

“It is the best for our children,” Jiwon’s mother smiled, even though it looked a little strained.

“We will see each other in the future,” her father added. “We will need to talk diplomacy soon and find another solution for the problem between our kingdoms.”

“You can count on us and our council to work together with you towards a better solution,” Mingi’s mother said.

Jiwon sighed next to him and nudged his arm.

“The formalities never stop, do they?”

“It is our duty,” Mingi chuckled. “I don’t think we can get away from that one.”

“It’s not the worst thing we’ve had to do, I guess.”

They stopped in front of their parents and bowed to them in greeting. Mingi’s mother was smiling fully and, even though the others were trying to hide it, Mingi knew that sooner or later they would come around and get over the end of their engagement.

“Your Majesties,” he said to Jiwon’s parents. “Thank you for your kindness through this process. I hope we can move past it.”

Jiwon’s father sighed and, surprisingly, reached out to squeeze Mingi’s shoulder.

“It is what it is, Prince Mingi. We will find another solution.”

Mingi nodded and bowed at him, grateful that the King didn’t seem to hate him despite everything.

“It was good to meet you, Prince Mingi,” Jiwon’s mother added. “You would have made a fine prince for Mist.”

Mingi blushed slightly. Even though marrying Jiwon and being Mist’s new prince wasn’t something he wanted, it still felt nice to have validation from the Queen.

“Thank you,” he said.

The King and the Queen turned back to his parents, exchanging some more pleasantries before they entered the carriage, leaving Jiwon alone with Mingi and his parents outside.

“Thank you for hosting us here, Your Majesties,” she said to them. “I am sorry that I caused some trouble.”

“Nonsense,” Mingi’s mother said, reassuringly. “If you cause trouble, Mingi caused just as much if not more.”

Mingi laughed at them, pleased at the positive air around them. After everything that happened, refusing the wedding and practically threatening their parents, he didn’t think that it would be this easy to come back to normal, but at least his mother didn’t seem to be holding a grudge over their failed plans. It was a good sign for what was to come.

“Thank you either way,” Jiwon said. “I have told Mingi that I would love to vacation in Crescent in the future.”

“It would be our pleasure to have you here again, Princess Jiwon,” Mingi’s mother said.

His father was silent, but he nodded along to his wife’s words and the look on his face wasn’t unpleasant.

Jiwon said goodbye to his parents and they took a respectful step back to let Mingi say his goodbye too.

“I’m glad that if I had to almost marry someone else it was you,” she said. “Another pathetic fool in love.”

Mingi laughed loudly and rolled his eyes at her words.

“I’m not that pathetically in love.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Your brother had some interesting stories about you and your Yunho.”

“You talked to my brother about me?” He asked, willing himself to ignore the way the words your Yunho made him feel.

“Of course,” she said. “He and his boyfriend like a good gossip session as much as I do. Maybe I will come here just to visit them instead of you.”

“Maybe I won’t be here anyway,” he said.

She grinned.

“I knew you had made your decision.”

“Do you think it’s the right one?” He asked.

“If it will make you the happiest, then I think it’s the best decision you could make. We deserve to chase our happiness, don’t we?”

He smiled and hesitated for only a second before hugging her.

“Thank you for being understanding and always being on the same page as me.”

She smiled against his shoulder and patted his back comfortingly.

“Like I said, we pathetic fools need to stand together.”

“You might be right,” he laughed as they pulled back.

“I’ll see you one day, Your Highness,” she said with a melancholic smile.

“I will see you one day, Your Highness,” he repeated.

They bowed at each other and he watched her get in the carriage with her parents.

Seeing the wedding decoration being taken down had been real and eye-opening, but seeing the carriage leaving and taking away the person who was almost his bride cemented within Mingi that it was over.

His future was his to live and it was time to make the decisions he knew would make him the happiest. It was time for him to leave too.

Deciding that he had to leave had been pretty easy, all things considered. 

After so many years spent agonizing over what his parents would think and about his duty to the kingdom, Mingi knew what he didn’t want in his life and what was best for him and, now that he felt braver, it was easier to let go of it all and stop denying what he wanted for himself.

But, even as he thought about everything, doubted every thought in his head and himself and feared for his future, he knew that making the decision wouldn’t be the hardest part of the journey. No, the hardest part was this one.

Mingi knew from experience that being left behind wasn’t easy, but he was learning now that saying goodbye wasn’t any better. He felt himself filling the shoes Yunho had worn years ago when they were eighteen and he had left without a word and it made him understand in a way that he hadn’t before. It would take courage for Mingi to leave behind everything he knew and the security and comfortable life within the walls of the castle with his family and friends, the people he had known since forever.

“You’re leaving the kingdom?”

“What do you mean you’re leaving?”

Mingi gulped and avoided looking at Seonghwa and Hongjoong. He knew that this wasn’t the conversation they expected when Mingi called them to his chambers so they could talk privately, but he wasn’t sure of how to bring up the topic either. It wasn’t easy to say goodbye and it wasn’t easy to tell someone you cared about so much that you were leaving.

“Yes, I am.” He nodded at their questions.

“To go where?”

Mingi bit his lip and shrugged, attempting to be as nonchalant as possible while still not looking at them.

“I’m going to travel.”

He chanced a glance at them and saw the look on their faces morph from one of surprise and worry to one of understanding as if everything suddenly made sense.

“You’re leaving with Yunho,” Seonghwa said.

It wasn’t a question, they knew the answer as well as Mingi did. After all, Seonghwa and Hongjoong knew him better than anyone else and they had been with him through the past years. They had a front-row seat as Mingi broke and attempted to piece himself together again and they held him through the hardest of days and offered him a shoulder to cry on whenever he needed the support. They had seen the difference in Mingi since Yunho came back to the kingdom and they knew what he felt for the friend he thought he had lost.

Beyond that, Seonghwa and Hongjoong knew how much Mingi craved to leave the kingdom and the shackles of monarchy and be free at last.

Silence fell over the room and Mingi almost hesitated before looking at them. He didn’t know what else to say. This was a conversation that he didn’t know how to approach properly, there weren’t many ways to tell them that he was leaving to be with Yunho, so he waited for either of them to say something else.

“You want to leave?” Hongjoong asked and Mingi couldn't read the emotion in his voice.

Mingi braced himself and looked at him in the eyes, ready to be as honest as possible and let his brother know that his decision had been made and he wouldn’t go back on it.

“I do,” he said. “I don’t think I can stay bound to the castle forever. I need to choose freedom for myself.”

Seonghwa smiled at him gently from behind Hongjoong’s shoulder, recognizing the words he said to Mingi so long ago, but he didn’t say anything, knowing that right now Mingi was focused on his brother.

“And is that what freedom looks like to you?”

Hongjoong didn’t sound judging or angry, it was more so like he was making Mingi say the words out loud to make sure they rang true for him every step of the way. But he didn’t have to worry about that. For once, Mingi knew what he was doing. He knew he would be facing the unknown but he wouldn’t be alone. It would work out.

He wasn’t scared of finding something to live for anymore.

“It is.”

“It does sound pretty freeing, doesn’t it?” Seonghwa said. “The sea and the sky and cities that you can’t even imagine.”

He had a dreamy look on his face and Mingi nodded eagerly. That was what he thought too.

“Do you want to leave too?” Hongjoong asked, turning his head to raise an eyebrow at Seonghwa, the mood more playful now.

“No.” Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “But I would accept if you took me on a trip sometime.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Hongjoong laughed before turning back to Mingi. “Is it the diversity of the world that you’re chasing or is it being next to Yunho?”

The expression on his face had turned more amused and teasing and Mingi breathed out in relief and let himself relax.

“Can’t it be both?” He asked.

Seonghwa chuckled and hit the back of Hongjoong’s neck.

“You should have known that would be the answer.”

“I really should,” Hongjoong sighed. “Have you thought this through, though? I don’t want you to jump into anything just because you’re in love.”

“I’m not jumping into anything,” Mingi reassured. “You know me, you know that I haven’t been happy here.”

It wasn’t easy to admit that he hadn’t been happy, that the place where he had been born and raised and where he had spent twenty-three years of his life didn’t make him happy anymore and would never bring him a life that he would enjoy living to the fullest. But he knew it was the truth and, if he wanted to live for himself, he needed to make the decision and leave.

“Have you talked to mother and father?”

Mingi shook his head.

“I figured the conversation with you would be easier.”

Hongjoong snorted.

“You’re right about that. I don’t know how they will take it.”

“Do you think they will try to stop me from leaving?” Mingi asked.

“Would it matter if they do try?” Seonghwa asked. “You just got out of an engagement no one thought you could break.”

Mingi grinned.

“No,” he admitted. “I don’t think it will matter.”

“Do you want me to go with you when you talk to them?” Hongjoong asked.

Mingi considered it. In a way, he knew that being with his brother would give him the strength that he would surely need for the conversation with their parents, but he didn’t want to rely on Hongjoong any more. He needed to fight his own battles, to stand on his own in front of his parents and speak his mind. This was his life and he would be the one fighting for it.

“No,” he said. “I think I need to do it on my own.”

He didn’t think he had said anything all that special, but it made a bright smile bloom on Seonghwa’s face and he pushed Hongjoong slightly to the side so he could walk closer to Mingi and wrap his arms around him. The hug was tight and warm and Mingi closed his eyes as he laid his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder. He would miss this when he was away.

“I’m proud of you,” Seonghwa said.

“Proud of me?”

“Yes. It takes courage to fight for yourself and you’re doing it wonderfully,” he said, pulling back slightly so he could hold Mingi by the shoulders and look at his face. “Remember what I said? I have your back.”

“Thank you,” Mingi said, sighing softly when Seonghwa leaned in to kiss his forehead.

“Have you and Yunho talked about you leaving before?” Hongjoong asked when Seonghwa stepped away.

“We have. Not as a certain plan, but as something that I could do one day if I wanted to.”

“And now you want to,” Seonghwa finished for him.

Mingi nodded.

“Now, I want to.”

“Do you think you’re ready for it though?” Hongjoong asked.

“I think so,” he said. “I know it won’t be easy and it will take me a while to adapt, but I think I can do it.”

“Okay.” Hongjoong nodded although he still seemed a little hesitant.

Mingi kept staring at him, waiting for him to add anything else.

“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong said. “It’s not that I don’t want you to do what you want, but I’m worried about how it will be for you and how we’ll know if you’re okay.”

Mingi breathed out, relieved that it was more concern than disappointment and opposition to Mingi’s plans that was making him so cautious.

“I know I won’t be home for a while,” Mingi said. It took Yunho almost two years to visit again, they knew Mingi wouldn’t be able to come and go as he pleased. “But I will try to send letters just so you know that I’m okay.”

It wouldn’t be as easy for their letters to reach him, he had a specific place to address them to while he wouldn’t be in a fixed place through his travels, but at least they would have the reassurance that Mingi was doing alright and he would be able to tell them about his new life.

Hongjoong sighed, clearly still concerned, but didn’t try to dissuade Mingi.

“Do you know where you are going?”

Mingi shrugged.

“Yunho talked about a lot of places he has been to, but I don’t know which ones we will be going to.”

“Don’t forget us when you’re out there getting to know the world,” Seonghwa joked.

“Of course, not,” Mingi laughed. “I will bring you souvenirs.”

There was a small moment of silence before Hongjoong ruffled his hair.

“Tell me, is this what your ideal future looks like?”

Mingi blinked at him, surprised by the question. Over the years, his ‘ideal future’ had taken many different shapes. First, it was an image of endless green clearings, flowers all around, no one to tell him he shouldn't get his clothes dirty as he ran with Yunho through the grass. Then, it was to become a prince that the people liked, someone they looked up to and smiled at when he visited the villages with Yunho by his side as his personal guard.

His dreams and plans had changed through the years, mutated as time passed and circumstances shifted, but there was always a common denominator among all the perfect vision, something that was constantly there, tall, bright and warm, right by his side, close enough to hear and to touch. Even when Yunho wasn’t around, Mingi had still dreamt of him.

“I think I just want to be happy,” he said finally.

The words seemed too simple, but they were true enough. After so long living a life that was mapped out for him, now he wanted to live for himself, to learn what he wanted and discover himself. Above everything, above travelling and tasting new pastries and seeing new flowers and meeting new people, he was looking for what would make him happy and he knew that leaving was the first step of the way.

“And where is your happiness?” Hongjoong asked.

Mingi gulped and lifted his eyes to look at him.

“With Yunho,” he said, voice soft and barely audible.

It was the truth though and it seemed like Hongjoong knew it too. He sighed, a little defeated as if he knew there was nothing left to do, but there was a tender smile building up on his face and he moved to hug Mingi and bring him as close to his body as possible.

“I will never stop you from chasing your happiness, Mingi.”

Mingi felt his eyes sting a little, droplets of water gathering at the corners.

“You will let me go then?”

Hongjoong chuckled, his arm tightening around Mingi.

“I don't think I could ever stop you.”

Mingi grinned, a small tear escaping from his eyes in his happiness.

“One condition though.”

Mingi blinked, holding his breath.

“What is it?”

“You take Sannie with you. I want to make sure you're protected.”

Mingi relaxed against him, nuzzling against Hongjoong's chest.

“I can do that.”

“You can come in, Mingi. We have been expecting you.”

The sudden voice startled him and he looked up at the door that had opened before him without him noticing. His eyes widened when he saw his mother standing there, a sheepish smile taking over his face at the sight of her raised eyebrow.

He had been pacing in front of the door for a good ten minutes now, trying with all his might to gather the courage to knock and ask to talk to his parents, though the bravery didn’t come to him. He had many things to say, but all of them seemed stuck in his throat beneath a knot of nerves, so he paced, he walked up and down the corridor for as long as he could, attempting to dissolve the anxiety.

It was to no avail, he was still as nervous as he had been when he first climbed the stairs and looked at the closed door and no matter how much he tried to talk himself into it, it didn’t work.

At least now, he didn’t have to build up the courage to knock anymore.

His mother opened the door behind her wider, ringed fingers resting against the wood as she waited for him to come in, and Mingi caught a glimpse of his father sitting at the desk, already looking at him.

He didn’t know how they had caught wind of him being in the corridor, if they had heard him or somehow without him noticing someone had sneaked by and told them, but he was here now, in front of them, and there was no more time or space to avoid everything that he wanted to tell them.

“Sit down, Mingi,” his mother said. “You look pale.”

Mingi gulped and sat down without saying anything, eyes anywhere but on his parents’, too afraid to meet their gaze.

As confident as he had sounded when he told Hongjoong that he had to face this alone, now that he was here everything seemed more daunting. It was one thing to tell his brother, but it was a completely different one to approach his parents and tell them what he wanted to. He didn’t know how to do it, what were the right words to say or how to say them. It was complicated and he wasn’t as ready as he wanted to be for another confrontation so soon after he and Jiwon had asked to call off the wedding.

Then again, he didn't know if he would ever feel ready.

“Why were you walking holes into our carpet, son?” His father asked.

Although he didn’t look as closed off and rigid as he had the last time Mingi had been in this room, he still looked tired and there wasn’t a smile on his face. His posture was still a little stiff too, so Mingi didn’t let himself relax yet. The conversation could go many ways.

“I’m sorry,” Mingi said. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“What did you want to talk to us about?” His mother asked, standing next to the desk.

“Well, now that I’m not getting married anymore,” he said. “I don’t really have any other pressing duties at the moment, so I was thinking that I could maybe do something different with my time?”

It came off as a question between a jumble of words that only made a little bit of sense and gave no indication of what he wanted. Despite all the years of training in public speaking, he still faltered when faced with his parents and making choices for his own future. He knew that such little words wouldn’t work with his parents, they would never be enough and he would need to give them a proper explanation.

He winced when he chanced a glance at their faces and saw the way they were looking at him.

“Mingi, we taught you better than to ramble without getting to your point,” his father said.

“You can talk to us,” his mother added. “Tell us what you need to.”

There was a knowing look on her face and he thought back to what she said at the door. We have been expecting you. Maybe she wasn’t only referring to right now, to knowing that he was outside pacing the corridor, but rather telling him that they knew this conversation was a long time coming. He wondered how much they knew.

Mingi nodded, took a deep breath and opened his mouth again.

“I think I have realized a few things in the past few months,” he started.

“What is it?” His mother asked, an encouraging smile on her face.

“I don’t think I want my whole life to happen inside the castle,” he said. “I want time for myself and to discover what I like and who I am without the weight of the crown.”

“And how do you suggest you do that?”

Mingi swallowed harshly as he stared at his father, despite the slight openness to his expression, Mingi still felt like he had to work for his approval.

“I want to leave the kingdom for a while.”

“Leave the kingdom?” His father asked.

“Yes,” Mingi said, attempting to sound more confident than he felt. “I want to travel. I think it’s important for a prince to know the world.”

“Is that why you want to travel?” His mother asked, a knowing look in her eyes. “Because it’s important for a prince?”

Mingi looked away from her for a moment. She could see right through him and there was no point in denying how right her intuition was.

“No,” he said. “I want to travel because everything sounds too beautiful to not visit and I want to learn more about the lands and the people I never saw.”

He hesitated for a second, wondering if he should go forward with his next words and confess everything that he hadn’t said to them before, the one thing he had kept hidden for some time now.

Both of his parents were looking at him in silence, clearly waiting for him to say everything that was stuck in his throat, and, finally, Mingi nodded to himself.

“I want to travel with Yunho.”

He refused to look at his parents’ expressions, his eyes firmly planted onto the carpet beneath his feet as he waited for them to say something.

“Yunho?” His mother asked. “Your friend Yunho?”

“Yes.” Mingi nodded.

 “I thought he left two years ago.”

Mingi shrugged.

“He did,” he said. “But he came back.”

“When did he come back?”

“Almost two months ago.”

“And he invited you to travel with him?”

Mingi nodded.

“And after so long without seeing him you accepted?”

Mingi shook his head.

“Not exactly,” he said. “I wasn’t sure if I should forgive him or not for the way he left, but he kept talking about all the places he’s been to and he’s still the Yunho I knew, only a little more grown up. It was hard to pretend that I didn’t want something different from this life too.”

“Is this why you called off the marriage?” His father asked.

“Partially,” Mingi admitted. “It was because I didn’t want to be stuck in a loveless marriage so young and Jiwon felt the same, but it was also because I didn’t want to stay in the kingdom right now… and because of Yunho.”

“Because of Yunho…” His mother trailed off. “I can’t say I’m surprised by this turn of events considering how you were as teenagers.”

Mingi blushed, looking away from her and accidentally meeting his father’s eyes instead.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” His father asked.

He didn’t comment on what Mingi was implying about Yunho, but he didn’t seem mad about it either.

Mingi’s heart beat faster as he nodded, certainty settling all over his bones.

“Yes,” he said, this time without breaking eye contact. “I want to be with Yunho and I want to travel.”

His father sighed, but he seemed resigned and he didn’t try to change Mingi’s mind anymore.

“If that is what you want,” his father said. “Then we will support you.”

Mingi’s eyes widened as he stared at them, he had expected confrontation, a hard conversation that he might get away from without what he wanted. He had never thought it would be this easy, that his parents would accept his decision without much arguing.

Maybe they truly had known all along that it would come to this eventually.

“We would like to speak with Yunho and the captain of his ship, of course,” his father continued. “But we will not stop you.”

“Thank you,” Mingi said, his voice too low and vulnerable. “Thank you for letting me do this.”

His mother smiled at him kindly and walked up to him. She bent down to hug him in a way she hadn’t in years and Mingi leaned his head on his shoulder, taking in the familiar scent of the perfume she had used since he was little.

“I’m sorry we made you go through that engagement,” his father said, still behind his desk. “We should have thought about you more than we did.”

“It’s okay,” Mingi said, slightly muffled by the fabric of his mother’s dress. “You heard me and got me out of it in the end. That’s what matters.”

“We are proud of you, Mingi,” his mother said. “You grew up to be a fine prince and an even better man.”

“Thank you.”

She pulled away from the hug and caressed his cheek gently.

“We want you to be happy.”

He smiled at them and their comforting words. He had a feeling he was on the right path towards the happiness he sought.

“I will be.”

It felt like the truth.

Mingi had more clothes than he knew what to do with and he was starting to realize that perhaps he wouldn't be able to take all of them with him.

He knew that he would need both summer and winter clothes because he didn't know where Yunho's ship was headed nor what weather they would be facing. It was also unknown to him when they would come back to the kingdom or how long they would even be at sea but what he did know was that he couldn't take too many things with him; the ship would never have enough space for his overpacking.

“What happened here?!”

Mingi looked up from where he was sitting among more shirts and blouses than he could count and offered San a sheepish smile.

“I’m trying to decide what I need to take with me.”

“So your solution was to empty your wardrobe on the floor?” San raised an eyebrow, scanning the state of Mingi’s room.

“It's a little harder than it looks, alright?” Mingi almost whined.

“You could have asked Yunho what you need,” San pointed out, stepping over a pair of pants and a brown jacket to get closer to Mingi. “He knows better than any of us.”

“You know I couldn't do that,” Mingi pouted. “It would ruin the surprise.”

San shook his head, amused.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to keep it a secret though?” He asked. “What if his captain won’t allow you to join them?”

“He will.” Mingi shrugged.

“You sound confident but I don’t think it works that easily.”

“It does,” Mingi assured. “Yunho already talked to his captain about it.”

San looked at him with a doubtful expression.

“Why did he talk to his captain if he doesn’t know you’re joining?”

“He said it was just in case,” Mingi said softly, folding a pair of pink pants to take with him. “So I knew the option was fully on the table if I wanted to take it.”

“If you’re sure…” San trailed off, peering over Mingi’s head to look at the assortment of clothes in front of him. “Do you need help packing?”

Mingi glanced up at him and smirked.

“I would,” he said. “However, I don’t think you have time to help me with that.”

San’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at Mingi.

“Why wouldn’t I have time to help you?”

“Because you have to pack your own trunk, of course.”

“What?” San blinked at him.

Mingi grinned, thoroughly enjoying San’s earnest confusion.

“You’re coming with me, Sannie, or did you think I would leave you behind?”

“You want me to come with you?” San asked, eyes wide.

“I need my guard with me,” Mingi said easily and added even more easily, “and my best friend by my side.”

“Your best friend? Isn’t that Yunho?”

Mingi felt himself flush.

“Yunho is different and you know it.”

“I know,” San grinned. “I just wanted to see you flustered, Your Highness.”

Mingi threw a sock at his face.

“Are you sure you want me to go with you though?” San asked again.

“I am sure. I want you to come with me, San,” Mingi said. “Unless you don’t want to, of course. I know that your job is to be my personal guard, but I want you to go as my friend most of all and if you don’t want to go, I won’t make you.”

“It sounds like fun,” San said.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Mingi smiled.

“But are you sure I can?” San asked, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “Will your parents let me go? And if they do how do you know that Yunho’s captain will take me in too? He said he would take you but maybe they can’t take the two of us.”

“San,” Mingi interrupted with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t worry. My parents will let you go for protection, Hongjoong even said that I can only go if I take you with me,” he laughed. “And Yunho’s captain will let you in too.”

“How do you know?”

“I asked Yunho.” He shrugged.

“You asked Yunho?!” San asked, surprised. “How did you ask Yunho without telling him you want to leave with him?”

“I asked him subtly, of course.” Mingi rolled his eyes.

“You’re not very subtle.”

“You offend me,” Mingi said jokingly. “I can be subtle when I need to. Plus, I didn’t need to be that subtle when he’s convinced that I will never leave the kingdom.”

“If you say so…”

“So,” Mingi grinned. “Do you want to come with me?”

San smiled right back.

“I will go with you, Your Highness. Someone needs to protect you and keep you in check.”

Mingi cheered and got up to wrap his arms around San’s shoulders excitedly. He was infinitely happy to know that his life was taking his turn and that he was choosing what would make him happy. It was even better to know that he would be with Yunho again and that he would have San by his side too.

It was time for him to be happy and Mingi couldn’t wait for what was to come and everything he would see.

“Go pack your things.” Mingi patted San’s shoulder. “We only have a few days left.”

It was early morning and the port smelled like salt and freshly caught fish. The sun was shining, albeit still a little shy behind them and Mingi breathed in the fresh air.

In the foreseeable future, this would be his reality every day.

“This is too early to be up,” Hongjoong grumbled, his feet dragging as they walked.

“What kind of future king are you?” Mingi grinned at him.

“If you weren’t so excited, you would be even worse than I am.”

Mingi laughed but didn’t deny it. They all knew it was true anyway, he wasn’t the biggest morning person and most days, he hated getting up earlier than he had to.

“Don’t worry,” San said, by far the most awake person in their group. “He will have to get used to waking up early from now on.”

Mingi groaned.

“I didn’t even think about that.”

“No slacking on the ship, Your Highness,” Seonghwa teased.

“I’ll manage,” Mingi said, though he wasn’t sure how easy it would be for him to adapt.

In retrospect, he should have asked Yunho more about what it was like to live on a ship instead of only gathering information about the places where they travelled. Now, he was a few minutes away from where the ships were ported and didn’t quite know what awaited him.

He liked to think that he would be okay and it wouldn’t be too difficult to switch to a new lifestyle, but he knew it would be completely different from what he was used to living in the castle. He was optimistic though, and determined to make his life at sea worth it without burdening Yunho’s crew.

Even if he was a prince on land, once they were outside the kingdom, Mingi didn’t want to act like one anymore unless strictly necessary. He wanted to be a regular person like everyone else on board and he was sure most of the crew would probably appreciate that too.

“Are you nervous?” Seonghwa asked, linking their arms.

“A little bit,” Mingi confessed. “I don’t really know what to expect.”

Seonghwa nodded.

“It will be completely different,” he said. “But I believe you can do it.”

“Of course, you do,” Mingi chuckled. “You always believe in me.”

“You never gave me a reason not to.” Seonghwa shrugged.

Mingi smiled, the words touching his heart, and leaned his head to the side so it touched Seonghwa’s in a thankful gesture.

“How long do you think it will take for you to learn how to cook?” Hongjoong smirked at him.

“Hey,” Mingi whined. “I know how to cook.”

“Barely,” Hongjoong pointed out. “Plus, I don’t think cooking on a ship is the same as cooking in the castle.”

“You should be more like your boyfriend and trust me.”

“I do trust you, I just think it will take you at least a month to get used to the food.”

Mingi rolled his eyes and rested his head against Seonghwa’s again as they walked closer and closer to port.

“Don’t mind him,” Seonghwa said. “He’s just scared of letting you go.”

“He shouldn’t be, I’ll be fine.”

“I know,” Seonghwa said. “But you’re his little brother and he will always worry.”

“Do you worry too?”

“Of course, I always want you to be safe and it’s harder to make sure you’re safe when you’re far away.”

Mingi nodded. He understood what Seonghwa was telling him. Back when Yunho left the kingdom, even though Mingi had been hurting and almost in the dark about everything, he hadn’t been able to stop worrying about his well-being. Even though he had caused him pain and was now far away, Mingi still wanted Yunho to be alive and well but there hadn’t been any way of knowing if he was.

“I’ll be safe,” he promised. “And I’ll have Sannie by my side.”

“You will,” Seonghwa smiled, reaching out his hand to pat San’s head on his other side. “I think you should go talk to Hongjoong.”

“I want to say goodbye to you too.”

“You will,” he said. “But I think your brother needs some reassurance.”

Mingi looked at his side where Hongjoong was walking with his gaze firmly in front of him, his hands clasped behind his back and his posture as straight as it was during formal meetings with other kingdoms. He looked tense and Mingi immediately let go of Seonghwa’s arm to approach him.

“You’re quiet.”

Hongjoong looked at him from the corner of his eye and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know you’re excited and I don’t want to crush that for you.”

“Seonghwa says you’re worried about me leaving.”

“Seonghwa always knows a little too much,” he grumbled.

“Is he right?”

“Has he ever been wrong?”

“He’s right then,” Mingi said. “You get snarky when you’re concerned.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, running a hand down his face. “You’re right, I am a little worried.”

“Why are you worried?”

Hongjoong sighed.

“The sea is unpredictable and even if it wasn’t, you will still be away from us. I won’t be next to you if you need something and we won’t hear much from you. That’s enough to worry me.”

Mingi nodded.

“I’ll try to write as often as possible,” he promised. “I’m sure any port where we stop will be able to forward my letters to the castle.”

“Still,” Hongjoong said. “I want you to go and be happy, but I can’t help but worry.”

Their parents had said the same thing. Mingi bid farewell to them before leaving the castle and, although they weren’t as close as they could be, they were still his parents and Mingi felt the heaviness of parting from them and their comfort settling on his chest.

Much like Hongjoong, they were also worried about how his life would be, so far away from home and with people they hadn’t met. It was scary for them and, even if Mingi didn’t like to admit it for his own peace of mind, it was scary for him too.

“Time will be fast,” Mingi said, “Next thing you know, I will be back.”

“How do you think it will be?”

They knew that Hongjoong’s worries wouldn’t dissipate with a few reassuring words and Mingi couldn’t make promises over what he couldn’t control, so changing the subject to something brighter and more optimistic was the only solution they had left. Mingi took it with open hands and smiled with his eyes on the sea.

“I’m curious to know what it will be like to live on a ship, it seems kind of fun doesn’t it? But Yunho said it took him a while to get used to it, so it can’t be that easy. I’ve never been on a ship, do you think I’ll be seasick?” He asked suddenly worried.

Hongjoong chuckled.

“I don’t know,” he said. “It’s a possibility.”

Mingi groaned.

“I don’t want to be seasick.”

“I’m sure Yunho and his crew know enough tips and tricks to help you.”

“I hope so. It would be really embarrassing if I spent the entire day sick. I’m supposed to be a prince, princes don’t get sick.”

“I’ve seen you sick plenty of times before,” Hongjoong pointed out.

“That’s different,” he grumbled and ignored the way Hongjoong laughed at him. “But, even if I get sick, I think it will be worth it to see everything that Yunho has talked about.”

“You’ll have to tell us all about it in your letters,” Seonghwa intercepted, putting his arm around Mingi’s shoulders, his fingertips brushing Hongjoong’s arm.

“Of course,” Mingi agreed easily. “You will know everything about it.”

Their steps and conversation came to a halt when they entered the port and they watched in fascination as fishing boats arrived and started unloading everything they had caught at dusk.

The people working watched them surprised, bowing deeply at the princes that they had never seen so close to the fishing boats and their shops. They greeted them politely and gossiped when they thought they were far enough away to not hear them ask each other what they were doing there.

They would be the first to know that the youngest prince was leaving the kingdom for a while. Then, in one or two days, Hongjoong would speak to the kingdom and read a letter that Mingi wrote for them, apologizing for calling off the wedding he had seen some people excited for and explaining that he would be travelling.

“That’s the ship,” Mingi pointed when they were close enough to see it.

They walked slowly up to the ship and Mingi watched with wide eyes as the crew moved around, loading things onto the deck and yelling at each other to do this or that.

One of the men watched them approach, a furrow between his eyebrows. It looked like he didn’t recognize them, most likely a foreigner who had never seen the princes before, and Mingi felt for the first time what his life would be like from now on.

Most people wouldn’t recognize him. His kingdom was big but away from it, there was no telling how many people knew what the youngest prince looked like. He never travelled far, so his face hadn’t reached far either.

It was exactly what he wanted.

“Good morning,” Mingi greeted when they were close enough to the man.

“Good morning,” he said back, distrust still on his face. “Can I help you with something?”

The man wasn’t too tall, just slightly above Hongjoong’s height, his skin was tan and his eyes were dark and sharp as they took in their group. His black hair flowed with the wind, brushing his shoulders and he lifted a hand to push strands from his bangs away from his eyes. He didn’t look intimidating, but Mingi knew better than to underestimate a stranger.

“Is it possible to speak to your captain?”

The stranger’s expression closed off even more, his suspicion rising.

“What do you want with my captain?” He asked.

“I only wish to speak to him,” Mingi said.

He wanted to explain further but he knew it would ruin his plans if he did.

At first, his plan was to go directly to Yunho, talk to him and tell him that he would be joining and, only after Yunho was with him, talk to the rest of the crew and the captain to have his support, but Hongjoong told him it wasn’t a good idea.

According to him, the first person he should speak to if he wanted to be welcomed onto the ship was the captain. It was a sign of respect and trust and it showed that Mingi would be willing to sail under him. It was the first step to gain the captain’s trust and to make him more willing to let him join the crew. Plus, since Mingi was following Yunho, it would show the captain that he could be more than Yunho’s shadow and that he could be worth having on board.

Mingi didn’t pretend to understand, but he trusted Hongjoong to be more informed than he was. Plus, this way he could surprise Yunho.

“And who are you?” The stranger asked.

“Can you tell him it’s Mingi?”

If Yunho had spoken to him like he said he did, the captain would know who Mingi was.

“Does my captain know you?”

Before Mingi could reply a new voice cut through the conversation and another man appeared.

He was slightly taller than the other man and his hair was shorter, he looked kind with his full cheeks but his mouth was set on a frown and he narrowed his eyes as he stared at them.

“Is something the matter?” He asked.

His voice was imposing and firm and, even without introductions Mingi could guess who this was.

“This man says he wants to speak to you,” the first man they met said, confirming Mingi’s suspicions that this was the captain. “Says his name is Mingi.”

“Mingi,” the captain repeated and Mingi watched as realization downed on his face. “You’re Yunho’s Mingi.”

Mingi blinked, momentarily surprised by the words.

Yunho’s Mingi.  

It was different from Prince Mingi. It was better.

“Yes, sir,” Mingi said. “That is me.”

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, Your Highness,” he said with a bow.

“There’s no need for the title,” Mingi said quickly. “Mingi will suffice.”

“Wait,” the first man interrupted. “You’re Yunho’s friend? The one he was desperate to come back to?”

“I-” Mingi blinked at him, unsure of what to say.

Had Yunho really been desperate to come back to see him?

“Wooyoung,” the captain sighed. “Can you go back to the Utopia and get Yunho?”

Wooyoung looked at Mingi again, less distrustful and more curious now and he smirked before nodding.

“I’ll get Yunho,” he said. “I won’t even tell him it’s you.”

He winked, correctly gauging that Mingi was here without telling Yunho first and going along with the surprise without Mingi having to say anything.

The laidback expression on his face was the opposite of what it had been at first, but it put Mingi more at ease. They didn’t seem as threatening as they had before and Mingi’s doubts started to simmer.

“Since you’re here,” the captain said after Wooyoung left. “I’m assuming that you would like to join us. Unless you’re only here to wish Yunho farewell.”

Mingi shook his head.

“I would like to join you if you would have me on your ship, captain.”

The captain nodded without saying anything and turned to the others.

“Which one is your guard?” He asked. “Yunho said he would accompany you if you were to join.”

Mingi turned his head to look at San and motioned for him to step forward.

“It’s me,” he said. “Choi San, sir.”

San bowed at him, always polite no matter the situation, and it seemed to please the captain.

“It is to your understanding that if you join the Utopia it will not be a mere vacation, correct?” He asked. “Royalty or not, everyone in my ship has to pull their own weight and help.”

“Of course,” Mingi said quickly. “I must confess I don’t know much about life at sea, but I can learn and help whenever needed.”

“Good,” the captain said. “Slackers don’t have a place in my ship.”

Mingi’s attention was snagged away from the captain and he watched as Yunho followed Wooyoung away from the ship and towards them. He watched amused as Yunho’s steps faltered when he noticed them standing with his captain and how he picked up his pace to get to them even quicker once he got over the shock.

“You’re just as bad as each other,” the captain was saying, but Mingi barely heard him.

“Mingi,” Yunho said, a little breathless as he came to a halt in front of them. “What are you doing here? You didn’t need to come all the way here so early, I was going into town to say goodbye later.”

“I’m not here to say goodbye.”

Mingi tried to suppress his smile as he saw the confusion on Yunho’s face.

“You’re not here to say goodbye?” Yunho repeated. “What are you doing here then? Did something happen?”

Mingi grinned, Yunho had walked right into where Mingi wanted him to.

“I heard you had space for two more.”

Yunho blinked, confused and trying to grasp what Mingi was telling him.

Mingi waited, trying not to laugh as he watched Yunho struggle to comprehend what was happening. Behind him, Hongjoong wasn’t as subtle and Mingi couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face when he heard his brother chuckle.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you would still accept it and your captain lets me, I would like to join you.”

Yunho blinked and then his eyes widened as he stared at Mingi.

“What?” He said. “Are you serious?”

“Very serious.” Mingi nodded.

“You actually want to come with me? Are you sure? Can you even do that? What about your parents?”

Mingi laughed and took a step closer to him.

“Yes, I am sure I was to go with you. If I couldn’t do it I wouldn’t be here and my parents already know and approved.”

“We are the ones who are here to say goodbye,” Seonghwa added, pointing to himself and Hongjoong.

Yunho still looked shocked for a moment and then his face opened and a smile blossomed on his lips, happy and bright.

“You’re not joking,” he said.

His voice broke slightly and Mingi watched fascinated as small droplets gathered in his eyes.

“Are you going to cry?” He asked, a mix of teasing and surprise.

“I can’t believe you’re coming with us,” Yunho said instead of answering.

Or maybe it was an answer in itself.

Mingi smiled at him and rushed forward to hug him. Now, that he was here and he had Yunho and his freedom so close, holding anything back seemed pointless.

“I didn’t know your boyfriend was a prince.”

Mingi pulled back from Yunho and turned his head to look at Wooyoung. He was leaning on the captain, the two of them watching the reunion, and he was smirking at Yunho.

“It’s none of your business, is it?” Yunho asked.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes.

“Wait until I tell Yeosang about it.”

Yunho didn’t pay him any mind and instead turned back to Mingi.

“I should show you around,” he said.

He was holding onto Mingi’s wrist with a delicate touch as if he couldn’t quite believe that Mingi was there and he wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t leave his sight again.

If everything went according to plan, it would be a long time until they weren’t next to each other. If everything went Mingi’s way, they would never be away from each other again.

“Can I say goodbye to Hongjoong and Seonghwa first?” Mingi grinned, knowing that Yunho most likely forgot that they were even there, too wrapped up in Mingi and his presence.

“Of course,” he said immediately, though he still hesitated to let go of Mingi’s wrist.

Mingi turned to Seonghwa first and didn’t get to say anything before he was engulfed in a tight, warm hug. He sank into it, breathing in the scent of Seonghwa’s perfume and sighing against his hair.

He was so used to always having Seonghwa with him, to seeking him out if he needed anything and to the comfort that he always felt when he was around that he couldn’t imagine his life without Seonghwa close by.

“You’ll be head council when I’m back,” Mingi said, attempting lighthearted words in fear of his heart constricting even more.

Seonghwa laughed, the sound a little wet, and he tightened his arms even more.

“I don’t know about that, but thank you for believing in me.”

“No one is better than you.”

Seonghwa chuckled and pulled back to press a kiss on Mingi’s forehead.

“I will miss you,” he said.

“I’ll miss you too,” Mingi whispered, his eyes closed. “Take care of Hongjoong.”

“You know I will,” Seonghwa laughed, louder now. “Take care of yourself. And write to us.”

“I will,” Mingi promised.

They hugged for a little longer and then Seonghwa pulled back for the final time, ruffling Mingi’s hair with a fond smile. He stepped away from Mingi and walked towards Yunho, engaging him in conversation so Mingi would have time to talk to his brother.

Hongjoong was standing a little to the side, looking at the ship with what Mingi would describe as interest if he didn’t know his brother well enough to see how restless he was.

“I will be back before you know it.”

Hongjoong looked at him and he already looked too sad for Mingi’s liking. He could see that he was trying to keep himself together and not show how affected he was, but Mingi knew him too well. Hongjoong couldn’t hide from him, especially when Mingi was feeling the same way he was.

“You don’t know how long it will be,” Hongjoong pointed out.

“Neither do you,” Mingi said.

Hongjoong sighed and ran a hand down his face.

“Promise me you will be careful and take care of yourself.”

“I already promised Seognhwa that,” Mingi teased.

“I don’t care,” Hongjoong rolled his eyes, but the corners of his lips were lifted into a smile. “Promise me too.”

Mingi hummed, pretending to think about it.

“Only if you promise me something too.”

“What?” Hongjoong asked dubiously.

“That you will finally propose to Seognhwa soon.”

Hongjoong’s cheeks flushed red and Mingi laughed loudly when he attempted to hit him on the shoulder.

“You’re a menace,” Hongjoong whined. “Maybe it will be more peaceful here with you away.”

Mingi grinned.

“You haven’t promised me yet.”

“Fine,” Hongjoong said like it pained though both of them knew that marrying Seognhwa had been an inevitability for years. “I will propose.”

“But you can’t get married while I’m not here. I would never forgive you.”

“Any other requests, Your Highness?”

“No.” Mingi smiled and threw his arms around Hongjoong’s shoulders to bring him closer.

He hugged his brother for a long time, the two of them basking in the familiarity of the embrace since they knew it would be a while until they saw each other again. Hongjoong sighed against his chest and ran a hand up and down Mingi’s back while Mingi closed his eyes and committed the lavender scent of Hongjoong’s shampoo to memory.

“I’ll miss you a lot,” he said.

Hongjoong hugged him closer.

“I’ll miss you too.”

They pulled back without saying much more. There didn’t need to be any more words when they already knew what the other was feeling. They would miss each other and Mingi would make sure to take care of himself and write to them.

Maybe the next time he was in the kingdom, there would be a wedding waiting for him.

“Ready to go?” San asked, hesitating slightly behind them before interrupting.

Mingi smiled at Hongjoong again and at his encouraging nod turned to San.

“Let’s go.”

They walked back to where the others were standing and Yunho was quick to step to Mingi’s side, placing a warm hand on his lower back.

“You alright?” He asked.

“Yes,” Mingi said. “I will miss them.”

Yunho nodded and pulled him slightly closer to his side.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” he said.

“Yeah?” Mingi grinned as he leaned into his body.

“Yeah,” Yunho confirmed. “I can’t give you the life that I promised you when we were fifteen, but I can give you a different one now. Maybe this one will be better for both of us.”

Mingi’s breath caught in his throat before he exhaled shakily.

“You remember that promise?” He asked, holding onto Yunho’s arm tightly.

“Of course, I remember,” Yunho said. “I remember everything I’ve ever done with you. Every promise that I broke will haunt me to the end of my days.”

Mingi looked at him for a second and smiled gently.

“I forgave you already, but if it makes you feel better you can make up for all of it now.”

“I will,” Yunho assured and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

Mingi blushed but couldn’t dwell too much on it.

“Do you have anything to take with you to the ship?” Wooyoung asked, looking between Mingi and San.

Mingi nodded.

“Someone from the castle will bring our trunks later today.”

Wooyoung nodded and turned to his captain.

“I’ll go tell Yeosang everything now.”

“And arrange space for them.” The captain raised an eyebrow.

“I will also arrange space for them,” Wooyoung repeated with a cheeky grin on his face before he turned around and left in the direction of the ship.

“I’m glad you came by early,” the captain said. “You will have time to meet the crew and get to know the Utopia before we set sail.”

Mingi nodded.

“May I ask where you are headed next?”

The captain grinned.

“We are visiting Diamond.”

“Diamond,” Mingi repeated.

“You will love it,” Yunho said.

“I have heard of Diamond before,” Seonghwa said. “It sounds beautiful.”

Both he and Hongjoong were smiling at him while San was shuffling on his feet as he looked at the ship that would be their home for a while with a contented smile on his face.

Everything was falling into place and Mingi was elated to go forward with his adventure and live the life he so desperately wanted.

“It is beautiful,” the captain agreed before turning to Mingi and San. “I’m Captain Jongho. Welcome to the Utopia.”