Chapter Text
Waking up felt harder than usual today.
Although awareness came to him, Mingi refused to move or even open his eyes. He didn’t want to be awake and he hoped that, if he pretended to be asleep for long enough, it would become true. He wanted to be unconscious again, he didn’t want to think or worry or face the day and life ahead of him. Even his nightmares, although always heavy and bothersome, were a better fate than what awaited him if he remained awake.
He shut his eyes tightly again and curled up in a ball under the covers that shielded his body up to his nose. He wanted to disappear into their warmth and the resemblance of peace that they provided. If he could melt into them and never have to leave his bed again, maybe Mingi would feel a resemblance of happiness again.
As with most things that Mingi wished for, that didn’t happen.
There was a knock on the door, the sound too loud in the quiet room. It grated Mingi’s ears with the promise that it would break his peace. Despite the noise, he didn’t move an inch in his bed. He didn’t want to move and no one could make him move.
After a few unfruitful knocks, the door creaked open, slow and careful, but Mingi still didn’t budge.
“Mingi?”
San’s voice was gentle and hesitant, he didn’t want to spook Mingi or make him more tense, ever the thoughtful friend. However, as he with the knocks on the door, Mingi ignored him too.
It didn’t deter San though, if anything, it made him more determined to get through to Mingi and talk to him. He closed the door behind him after he stepped into the room, mindful not to let it make a loud noise to not startle Mingi.
The privacy offered Mingi a vague feeling of safety, but it wasn’t enough and San knew it too. His reluctance was palpable in the room, obvious in the unsure way he took every step as he decided if he wanted to approach the bed or not. Mingi could feel it even with his eyes firmly closed.
In the middle of all the sorrow, Mingi could appreciate how lucky he was to have San in his life. He was always attentive to Mingi’s mood and he tried his best to not aggravate a situation if Mingi wasn’t feeling his best. He supported Mingi and he could hold him up if Mingi needed him to. It was one of his favourite things about San, how selflessly intuitive he was, and, although Mingi wasn’t in the mood to talk to him, he still appreciated him for never faltering from his side.
“Min?” San asked again and Mingi could hear his footsteps come closer. “Are you okay?”
The room remained silent and San was now close enough to the bed that Mingi could feel his presence next to it.
“Stupid question,” San mumbled to himself. “I know you’re not.”
Mingi remained motionless.
Slowly, San sat down on the bed next to him, his breathing the only sound in the room. The mattress shifted slightly under his weight and he placed a hand on Mingi’s head, tender and comforting. He stroked Mingi’s hair softly, the strands getting tangled between his fingers as he scratched his scalp with blunt nails.
It felt good, gentle and supportive, the way San intended. Mingi sighed under the feeling, sank further into the mattress and bathed in the comfort that having a close friend next to him could provide. There wasn’t much else that could bring him comfort at a time like this, so he counted his blessing for having the friends he did.
“Do you want me to go downstairs and tell your parents you don’t feel well?”
Mingi put effort into shrugging. His limbs felt too heavy to control properly and even such a small motion felt like lifting weights.
It was a well-intentioned question but they both knew that, even if his parents let him have the day to himself, they would never believe his excuse. Much like San had known before even entering the room that Mingi wasn’t doing okay, his parents were aware that he resented what they talked about the day before and that he wasn’t taking it lightly. Even if he could get away with isolation today, he would have to get up and face the reality that was crafted for him against his wishes tomorrow.
“I can do it,” San continued. “And then I’ll come back to be with you here.”
“You don’t have to,” Mingi said.
His voice was weak and muffled by the covers he had over his head, barely audible despite the quiet room. He didn’t open his eyes, but he could imagine the frown on San’s face, the concern that was etched onto his expression. He wanted to erase it, he didn’t like to see any of his friends not smiling, but he knew that the only thing he could do for that to happen was feel better and, right now, that seemed almost impossible.
“I want to,” San assured.
Silence reigned over the room again and Mingi felt time drag by with nothing but San’s tender hand in his hair and the sound of his comforting breathing. Mingi couldn’t change his future, he would have to face it eventually, but he wanted nothing more than to remain like this forever, with the feeling of his friend next to him and the warm covers around his body.
San respected the silence. He didn’t pressure Mingi to make conversation and he didn’t attempt to fill the room with his presence while Mingi stayed in the confines of his mind. Not being alone made it a little easier to breathe, but it wasn’t enough to dislocate the stone that had settled over his chest.
“I knew this would happen,” Mingi said, still low and muffled, the words hard to speak. “I knew this would end up being my fate and yet…”
He trailed off and laughed bitterly at himself. And yet, he still had foolishly hoped for a chance at something different.
“Knowing doesn’t make it easier,” San said. “It’s not fair that they can take important decisions from you. It’s not fair that you can’t love the way you’re supposed to.”
San was a romantic at heart, he always wanted to give love and receive it, and he thrived off of it. It was lovely to see and Mingi liked the easy way in which San expressed himself, but, as someone who grew up in the royal family, Mingi knew better than to believe that love was meant for him. Hongjoong was one of the few exceptions to the rule, but Mingi had never been so lucky.
And now he never would.
“Have you ever loved someone?” Mingi asked, peeking his head out from under the blankets.
San shook his head, a small smile on his face.
“I haven’t. I’ve always been too busy training and then too busy being your guard,” he explained. “A love life is something I let go of.”
“But you still want that, don’t you? A love story.”
San shrugged, but he couldn’t fool Mingi. He knew the wistful look that was on San’s face both because he knew San so well by now, but also because it was the same look he saw in the mirror when he allowed his mind to ignore the place where he lived and the family he had been born into and wander far away.
“It would be nice if it were to happen,” San confessed.
“I hope you can live the love story you deserve.”
San smiled at him sadly.
“I hope the same for you.”
Mingi didn’t answer. Neither of them would like the words he would have to say anyway.
“Do you ever want to run away?” He asked instead. “Leave the castle and this life behind and try your hand at something new.”
“I can’t say I have,” San said. “My goal in life was to be a royal guard, I don’t know anything past this.”
“You deserve more than this.”
“As do you.”
They fell silent, regarding each other’s faces with an understanding that went unspoken.
“What about you?” San asked. “Do you ever want to run away?”
Mingi tensed up and stared out his window, looking for the right words to say. The sky outside was grey and cloudy and Mingi wondered if there was a storm at sea.
“All the time,” he confessed. “Now, more than ever before.”
But running away wouldn’t work for him. He had responsibilities here, he had his family and his friends and everything he knew here. He couldn’t leave everything behind and face the unknown like that. As much as he thought about it, Mingi would never be brave enough to leave.
He would never be like Yunho.
The carriage shook with the bumps on the road but Mingi still leaned his head against the small window, mindless of the discomfort.
The scenery passed by in a blur, ever-changing and uncaring of who was watching. The trees ran away from his eyes and the people were unrecognizable as they walked quickly down the side of the road. Mingi could barely focus on anything, his mind far away from anything that was physically close enough to see.
Despite his distraction though, Mingi could still pick out the differences that became more and more apparent the further away they were from his kingdom and the deeper into Mist they got.
Here, the sky looked more gray than it had in Crescent and the promise of rain permeated the air with heavy clouds and strong winds. It was almost funny, Mingi thought, how the weather had decided to match his mood and the storm inside his heart. At least that’s what it told himself, never mind that rain always liked to make itself known in April.
“We will be entering the royal town soon, Your Highness. It will only be a few minutes until we reach the castle after that.”
Mingi barely nodded and closed his eyes instead of keeping his gaze out the window anymore. He knew what Mist looked like, he had been here before, but, this time, he didn’t want to see the town in all its liveliness. It felt strange to look at Mist today. It was the kingdom he would be permanently tied to after he married and looking at its streets felt too much like signing off his fate even more than his parents already had for him.
The carriage kept moving, uncaring of the way Mingi was feeling and it only stopped at the control point before town.
Mingi closed his eyes even more tightly. If he kept them closed for long enough to see colourful stars behind his eyelids, maybe it would affect his ears too and he wouldn’t have to hear what was being said to the town guards.
His Highness Prince Mingi has been invited into the Mist by His and Her Majesty and Her Highness Princess Jiwon.
At least they weren’t allowed to talk about the real reason they were travelling with the public just yet so he wouldn’t have to hear that part. Mingi’s stomach still rolled unpleasantly every time the word marriage was uttered around him.
“How are you feeling?” He heard when the carriage picked up its pace again.
He peeled open one eye, slow and reluctant, and shrugged when he saw the concern on San’s face.
“You know how I’m feeling.”
Their voices were low so that they wouldn’t be heard by Junghwan, the council member who was accompanying them, but the words were bitter on Mingi’s tongue.
As nice as Junghwan was, Mingi wished that it was Seonghwa or Hongjoong here with him and San, he wanted to have their reassuring presence with him too, he needed all the support that he could soak up. But Seonghwa had other matters to attend to and Hongjoong’s role in the kingdom was much too important for a trip that concerned only Mingi.
At least he had San with him. He didn’t know how he would have managed if he were completely on his own.
San shuffled a little closer, more than he should while they were in public, but, if Junghwan saw, he didn’t say anything. Even if he had, Mingi wouldn’t let San pull back right now. He needed him close, San’s presence was the only thing holding onto the thread of Mingi’s sanity.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this,” San said.
Mingi gave him a tight smile and reached out to pat his shoulder even though moving his limbs felt like a chore.
“You have nothing to apologize for. You’re not the one orchestrating this, Sannie.”
“Still, I am sorry that it’s something you are going through and that there seems to be nothing that I can do to help.”
“You help me plenty by being here. I don’t think I could do it if I was alone,” he said truthfully.
“You know I won’t leave your side through any of this.”
Mingi’s smile was wobbly. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe San, it was merely that he had been lied to in that exact regard before and he couldn’t erase it from his mind. San’s expression was open and worried though, wanting nothing more than to comfort, so maybe Mingi could try, just this once, to believe the promise. If nothing else, then for his own sake and peace of mind during this trip.
The carriage came to a halt and Mingi breathed in deeply. It was one last attempt to compose himself in the brief moment he had to wait until the door was opened for him. He centered himself, shut his eyes for a second, and tried to stop his hands from shaking and his throat from closing up. It was a small blessing to have a minute to breathe, but it was never meant to last.
The door opened and Junghwan was the first to step out. San grabbed Mingi’s hand and squeezed it gently for a second, his expression pained as he stared at Mingi before he too left the carriage.
Slowly, with no more time to avoid the inevitable, Mingi followed him out.
Outside, it was windy and Mingi wrapped his coat tightly around himself, a shield against the weather and what he was about to face. His eyes adjusted to the muted brightness slowly and he breathed in the fresh air. Any other day, it would be a relief to be out of the carriage after hours with his legs feeling cramped, today he only wanted to go back inside and hide as if he were a child again.
He couldn’t do that though, he wasn’t a child playing hide and seek anymore, he was an adult now and Mist’s royal family was waiting outside the castle to greet him.
“His Royal Highness Prince Mingi of Crescent,” Junghwan announced and Mingi couldn’t pretend he would be able to run away anymore.
With all the strength left in him, Mingi gathered everything he had learned in his countless lessons on etiquette, public speaking and royal protocol and gripped onto them. If he thought about this meeting from a technical point, if he made it impersonal enough, maybe he would be able to get through it.
With a polite smile on his face, one that he hoped didn’t come off as fake as it was, Mingi bowed at the royal family and looked at them directly once he straightened up again.
“Your Highness,” the King greeted. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Likewise, Your Majesty,” Mingi said. “I thank you for inviting me.”
“How do you find our Kingdom so far?” the Queen asked.
Mingi took her hand and brushed his lips against her knuckles.
“It is lovely,” he said. “A bit more windy than I expected.”
The Queen chuckled and stepped back to stand next to her husband again.
“I’m afraid wind is a common visitor here.”
Mingi smiled at her, trying to show that he didn’t mind it. It was a little cold and it ruffled his hair in a way that tickled his forehead, but maybe the coolness on his cheeks could help him clear his mind.
“Your Highness.” He bowed again when Princess Jiwon stepped forward.
She was pretty, her hair dark and long and her eyes big and perceptive. She walked forward confidently, her light blue dress brushing the floor with each step, and there was a pleasant smile on her face. She looked at Mingi, polite and curious, her eyes scanning his face quickly, and everything about her was composed.
Or, at least it looked composed on the exterior because, behind the calm civility in her eyes there was an edge that Mingi thought he recognized, one that he saw in himself, the tension of being forced into an uncomfortable, unwanted position.
She bowed at him all the same and Mingi repeated the gesture from when he greeted her mother, grabbing her hand gently and pressing a small, polite kiss against her knuckles.
“We thank you for accepting our invitation so kindly,” Princess Jiwon said.
“Shall we step inside?” The King asked.
They trickled inside after the royal family and Mingi contained a sigh. He had to be polite, he couldn’t show just how much he wanted to be anywhere but here, meeting the princess that he was going to marry. It was his duty and he had been trained extensively for it, he couldn’t let himself, his parents and his kingdom down by causing a bad impression now.
San was farther away from him now, but his presence was still noticeable and familiar behind him. Mingi focused on it, grabbed it with his hands and didn’t let it go. He let the presence of a friend guide him and give him the strength he would need to face this day and he kept walking forward, his back straight, chin high and expression amiable. Exactly how he had been taught to.
A prince can’t show weakness.
He could get through this. He could pretend like every step he took didn’t hurt more than the last and that it didn’t tear him apart to know that he was walking further and further away from the path he had once dreamed of following. He could keep walking and he could talk to his future bride and her family the way he was supposed to.
His future bride. That was his fate now.
The greenhouse was a princess’ favourite place in a castle or, at least, that's what Mingi's mother told him after the invitation for Princess Jiwon to visit Crescent had been sent.
Inside the greenhouse, there were benches and a table for when the royal family decided to spend time with the colourful flowers, but, although when Mingi was younger they spent some afternoons together there, as the years passed their time in the greenhouse decreased drastically. He didn’t remember the last time he saw his father there, but his mother would still spend many afternoons among the plants.
A princess’ favourite place.
Mingi liked the greenhouse too. He liked to sit under the shade of the trees and he liked the scent of the flowers that permeated the air and the leaves that sometimes tickled his arms. The nature in the room was peaceful, almost as if being transported to a different place, far away from the castle.
When he was younger, he used to sneak in with Seonghwa. They didn’t need to, the greenhouse wasn’t closed off to the prince, he was only warned to be careful, but it was more fun when they pretended that no one knew where they were going. The two of them would giggle as they made their way to the patch of strawberries in the back and they would sit together at the bench, swinging their legs and eating the sweet fruits. More than afternoons with his family, those times spent talking and laughing with Seonghwa in between bites of sweet strawberries were the memories that Mingi associated with the greenhouse the most.
Today, Mingi was sitting at the table with someone who wasn't his family or Seonghwa and, although the greenhouse used to feel like a safe place to him, now he only wanted to leave and never come back into the room.
Across from him, Princess Jiwon was sitting on her chair. Her back was straight and her chin high and, as she poured a drink for herself from the teapot on the table between them, she smiled at Mingi amiably.
He recognized that smile, it was the same one that had been taught to him all his life and that he had mastered during meetings and royal events. The smile of a member of the royal family who was somewhere they didn’t want to be but still had to be polite.
The silence was heavy and awkward, neither of them knew what to say even though they had been trained to take control of difficult situations all their lives. This was a different type of difficult situation though. Usually, difficult situations were boring noblemen who talked too much and townsmen who asked complex questions, in those cases, Mingi knew what to do. He didn’t know how to act when the difficult situation at hand was talking to the princess he would have to marry.
“How do you find Crescent, Your Highness?” He asked, suppressing a wince as his voice broke the silence in the room.
“Your kingdom is lovely,” she said and, although strained, he knew she was truthful. “Thank you for inviting me.”
It hadn't been him and they both knew it. It had been his mother who arranged the visit with hers and he knew that Princess Jiwon had as much of a say in it as he had. He didn’t say it though, she was in the same boat and there were words that they didn’t need to exchange.
“You arrived on a good day,” he said. “It rained the past week.”
“That's good,” she smiled politely. “I have enough rain in Mist.”
The small talk fell through and the silence reigned over them again. The sound of their teacups hitting their small plates felt too loud and Mingi tried to conceal a sigh with a sip of his tea. He didn’t know what to say or what to do to break the uncomfortable air and the two of them remained in the stillness for a minute.
It was taking a toll on Mingi and, although he would like to believe that his expressions couldn’t be read too easily, it seemed that he wasn’t as good at pretending he was okay as he would like to be.
When he looked away from his tea, he caught Princess Jiwon already looking at him with her eyes a little narrowed and an attentive look behind them. She was regarding him carefully, her gaze roaming his face as if it were the pages of a book, and Mingi debated if he should hide or if he should let her in on his thoughts.
She was perceptive though and Mingi didn’t even have to make a decision.
“There's no need to be so tense,” she said. “I like this as much as you do, Your Highness.”
Mingi chuckled though there wasn't any humour to it.
“I figured you did,” he confessed.
Ever since they met, she looked as eager for their arranged marriage as he was. He saw himself in her too much for her to want any of this.
“No offence,” she said. “But I don't want to marry you.”
Mingi's laugh was fuller now and he smiled at her more honestly. She was trying to defuse the pressure in the air and he was immensely grateful that she was more composed than he could be.
“I don't want to marry you either,” he agreed.
“You are not very subtle, Your Highness,” she said and, before he could worry about how obvious he was in front of the court, she added, “at least, to someone who has the same ailments.”
She looked at him knowingly and he nodded. She reminded him of everything that he didn’t want and couldn’t escape from, but she also seemed to understand him. It was a different type of support than the one he received from his friends and his brother, this one came from a sense of camaraderie that only someone stuck in the same situation could offer and it was more than welcomed.
Maybe he could find an ally in Princess Jiwon.
“Do you think we could get out of it?” He asked before he could talk himself out of it.
The turn of her lips was sad and she looked away from him.
“My parents made it seem as if we have no other choice,” she said. “And yours?”
He shrugged, defeated.
“No one has been able to convince them that there is another solution to the conflict,” he said. “Not even my brother.”
She sighed and took one more sip of her tea.
“I wish there was a way,” she said, her gaze far away. “This is the last thing I wanted.”
Mingi hesitated for a second before speaking. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable and break the somewhat pleasant environment that they managed to find, but there was something hidden in her eyes that made him curious. It was so sad, a sorrow that felt too heavy to bear and made him wonder just how alike they were.
“Do you have someone waiting for you?” He asked slowly.
She looked at him sharply, fierce protectiveness taking over her face and Mingi almost regretted saying anything.
“Why do you ask?” She asked, her voice firm.
He attempted to give her a convincing genuine smile to placate her worry and make her feel more at ease. He didn’t know how successful he was, but he tried talking anyway.
“You have this look on your face when you talk about our situation,” he said. “It's so heartbroken. It looks like you’re letting go of something too important to fathom.”
His words rang in the air and Princess Jiwon drank her tea in silence, without acknowledging them. She had heard him though and she was staring at him intensely, her eyes calculating.
Mingi tried to make his expression as open as possible. He wanted her to be able to talk to him, if they were to be stuck in this situation together, it would be slightly better if they could lean on each other at least a little. He didn’t want to be even more alone than he felt and he didn’t want her to feel that way either.
“I do have someone,” she finally said, her lips downturned. “She's a florist in my town.”
She looked at him directly in the eyes and she waited for him to say something, her expression closed off. He knew that she was expecting him to judge her, to say something scathing about being involved with a commoner, but Mingi could never judge her for it. One couldn’t control who they fell in love with and one couldn’t expect to find love solely within the royally approved circles. She had a love story waiting outside and he would never fault someone for finding love.
“What’s her name?” He asked instead.
“Munhee.”
Princess Jiwon's voice was softer when she spoke the name, but she was still looking at Mingi as if she was trying to see past him and read his intentions. She could look all she wanted though, he had nothing to hide.
“Do you love her?”
“Why are you asking?” She asked, eyes narrowed.
She was defensive of their relationship and he could only imagine how many comments she had already heard about commoners, about people of a lower class and how royals shouldn't be involved with them in any way, much less romantically.
Mingi wouldn't be one more person judging her, he wanted her to know that.
“I'm not judging you, Your Highness. I would be a hypocrite if I did.”
She raised an eyebrow at that, surprised.
“Are you also in love with a townswoman?”
He laughed and shook his head.
“No,” he admitted. “But my closest friend growing up was the cook's son.”
She nodded.
“Are you still friends?”
He shrugged. He wasn't sure what to call Yunho right now.
“It's complicated.”
She chuckled, looking a little more relaxed.
“Right,” she said. “That's always the word for it.”
There seemed to be something on her mind, a glint in her eyes as she regarded Mingi, but he opted not to ask. She would ask more questions and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about Yunho with her, at least not right now.
“I do love Munhee,” she added softly. “I love her a lot.”
Mingi nodded. She looked so fond yet so sad, he couldn’t imagine what it was like to have something so lovely and so tangible and be forced to open her hand to it, to let go because the blood in her veins was supposed to speak louder.
“I hope that you can get out of this before it's even more impossible to.”
She smiled, but it was more a grimace than anything happy.
“I hope we can both get out of it, Your Highness.”
He gave her a small smile.
“I think we're past such formality, wouldn’t you agree?” He asked.
They were on the same page after all, both stuck in a situation that seemed dire and neither of them wanted to be in. Not getting along with each other would only make everything more difficult. They could work together if they had to, find a positive in the middle of all the gloom.
She chuckled.
“I think you're right,” she said. “Mingi.”
She picked up her tea again and Mingi followed her lead.
There was still heartbreak floating in the air around them, melancholy over what they would both lose once their parents got their way. Mingi had hopes and dreams and Jiwon had her love story. Their future would be tied, written by the royal councils and their parents, and wistful thinking had no room left to roam.
After all, they were royals. This was their duty and they knew that even though they wanted a future they had a say in, their fate was already sealed.
At least they had bonded. If nothing else, Mingi thought he could get a friend out of the dismal situation.
“I missed this place.”
Spring was in full swing and there was colour everywhere. Unlike the last time Mingi came to their clearing, the flowers were now in full bloom, in the state that he loved the most. The sun made their petals shine with a golden sheen and the air smelled sweet.
In the center, Yunho stood with his eyes closed and his arms open to feel the breeze that ruffled the flowers around them and Mingi smiled fondly as he looked at him. It had been so long that the image in front of him was tinted like a dream today.
“Did you ever come here after I left?” Yunho asked.
It was an innocent question that had no right rattling Mingi as much as he did. He looked away from Yunho and bit the inside of his lip to regain control of his emotions again. He didn’t want to sour the mood today, this was supposed to be a nice afternoon. If he talked too much about the last time he came to the clearing, he would open up wounds that were only just tentatively closing.
“Once,” he said anyway.
He didn’t elaborate and he hoped that Yunho wouldn’t ask more questions. From the way Yunho winced and looked away too, Mingi knew that what he was feeling was obvious on his face and that it was enough for Yunho to connect the dots.
“It was winter,” Mingi said. He wouldn’t dive into the topic too much, but he also didn’t want the strained silence to last. “It wasn’t as pretty as it is now.”
Yunho nodded and grasped the branch of forgiveness that Mingi extended to him. It was a sign that they could move forward and Yunho seemed as eager to mend their relationship as Mingi felt despite how much he tried to reel it in before.
It had only been two weeks since Yunho came back to the kingdom, though so much had happened that it felt like two months already. They hadn’t seen each other much because Mingi had been so busy between visiting Mist and receiving Jiwon in the castle, but he had thought about Yunho extensively in the time they were apart.
In the beginning, Mingi wasn’t sure what to do about their relationship. He wanted to forgive Yunho, to put the past behind their backs and go back to what they used to be and have the friend he missed so much back by his side. But he had been so conflicted too, unsure if he was being too eager and too nice, worried that he was moved past everything too fast when he had been hurt so much for years.
However, now, after everything that had happened the past two weeks, after the arranged marriage that was hanging over his head and the dreams shattered under his feet, Mingi didn’t feel like holding grudges anymore no matter how warranted they may be.
With everything falling apart around him, Mingi felt like he had so little control over his future already that he wanted to take the present fully into his hands. He didn’t know if he would ever see Yunho again after he left, it was a real possibility that he wouldn’t come back to the kingdom and Mingi would never get to catch a glimpse of his smile again. The least he could do now, for himself and for the kids they used to be, was move on and give Yunho a chance to redeem himself and make up for the time they lost in the little time they had together.
“You have always liked the colours of spring,” Yunho commented. “Remember when we used to play tag from the castle here?”
“I always won.”
Yunho laughed as he sat on the grass in between the flowers. He leaned back on his hands and tilted his head to face the sky even though his eyes were closed and Mingi watched him breathe. The sunlight caught on the tip of his nose and bathed his contented smile in gold, it painted the column of his neck and Mingi gulped.
There were so many beautiful flowers of every colour around and yet Mingi couldn’t look away from him. He felt hypnotized, his eyes glued to Yunho’s skin as if fascinated in a way he never had before.
Had Yunho always been this pretty? Had the sun always made him shine so brightly?
“You only won when I let you,” Yunho grinned.
Mingi rolled his eyes and sat on the grass too, close enough to Yunho that it didn’t feel like he was rejecting their friendship anymore, but far enough away that there was no point of contact between them. He kept his eyes firmly away from Yunho even though it took more effort than it should have and tried to swat away every thought of how beautiful Yunho looked under the sun that infiltrated his head. They seemed too dangerous to keep around in his mind.
“You say that now,” he said. “It doesn’t count.”
Yunho laughed and bumped their shoulders together. For a second, Mingi thought about pulling away for the sake of his stability.
“Whatever you say, princess.”
Mingi hit his arm playfully and he hoped that Yunho didn’t see the red that had bloomed bright and obvious on his cheeks.
He hadn’t heard that nickname in so long and it made something in the bottom of his belly swoop with excitement. He didn’t even know why it made him react so strongly, but he knew that he didn’t want Yunho to notice how much it seemed to affect him. It felt embarrassing somehow, almost forbidden.
“Are you blushing?” Yunho asked, taking the hope that he could hide straight from Mingi’s hands.
In an attempt to stay in control of the situation, Mingi glared at him and the cheeky grin on his face.
“No,” he said. “I think I’m getting a sunburn.”
“Is that what you want to believe?” Yunho asked. “Princess.”
Even after so long, Yunho seemed to know him too well and it only took him a second to understand that it was that nickname that gave him Mingi’s reaction.
“Shut up,” Mingi groaned, aware that he couldn’t pretend in front of Yunho anymore.
He covered his face with his hands to conceal the blush that he couldn’t control even though he was trying to and took a deep breath. He didn’t know what was happening to him. In all his life, even though Mingi had talked to and been complimented by many people, noble and townsfolk alike, he had never reacted this strongly in the presence of anyone or to any nickname. Even Yunho had called him princess before, always in a teasing tone to rile him up, and it had never elected this reaction from Mingi. It wasn’t new, so why was he acting like this? Why was he blushing and feeling so shy?
This was just Yunho.
This was Yunho.
“I didn’t think you would like it that much,” Yunho teased.
“Quit it,” Mingi complained.
“His Highness likes to be called princess.”
Mingi slapped his arm again and flipped around quickly to poke Yunho’s side with his fingers.
Yunho laughed, loud and startled, and twisted his body to get away from Mingi’s restless fingers to no avail. His eyes crinkled and his smile widened but he still tried to swat Mingi’s hands away and get up to escape from their attack.
Mingi joined in his laughter. His hands were relentless as his fingers dug into Yunho’s sides and, to prevent Yunho from moving away from him the way he wanted to, he moved quickly to straddle Yunho’s hips. His knees pressed into the outside of his thighs without a care in the world and he kept tickling Yunho.
It was nice to laugh like this again. With Yunho. Their laughter tasted like happiness and it felt like they went back to a time when life was simpler and better.
Slowly, Mingi stopped his fingers, a few pears of laughter catching in the air between them. Beneath him, Yunho smiled wide and bright and Mingi couldn’t contain his own smile either, their faces a mirror of each other’s joy.
He wished he could stay in the clearing longer, that his time wasn’t counted and he didn’t have to go back to the castle soon. He didn’t want to leave this peace behind or to feel the happiness that filled his veins as he laughed with Yunho dissipate.
Their laughter died down gradually until they were only smiling and catching their breaths with the birds chirping around them. Mingi didn’t look away from Yunho though and he didn’t make any move to get up, not that Yunho seemed any more eager than he was. He was staring up at Mingi with the same intensity that he felt in his chest and Mingi wasn’t sure if his heart was racing from the tickling and laughing or if it was a product of those eyes on his.
“I missed your smile,” Yunho said, his voice soft and gentle. “You haven’t been smiling as much lately.”
A little hesitant, he reached out a hand to touch the side of Mingi’s face, his fingers trembled slightly as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ears and the expression on his face turned almost shy.
Mingi’s face heated up immediately, trapped in Yunho’s gaze and his tender touch, and he couldn’t even pretend that the blush on his face was a product of the sun anymore.
“It looks good on you.”
Yunho sounded more fragile now, tentative with his words as if afraid he would spook Mingi, and he was blushing too. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were bright and he wouldn’t stop looking at Mingi with his intense gaze. With careful hands, he trailed his fingers down Mingi’s face, gentle and careful, a barely there touch that Mingi felt in his entire body.
“I have something for you,” Yunho said before Mingi could talk.
Mingi raised an eyebrow and only moved away from Yunho once he nudged his leg.
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?” Yunho chuckled as he walked to the tree where he had left his coat. “Because I want to, silly.”
Mingi sat up on the grass with his legs crossed and watched him dig through his pockets. He didn’t know what Yunho could have possibly got him, but he moved his head to try and catch a glimpse of it when Yunho finally pulled his hands away from his jacket.
“Stop peeking,” Yunho laughed when he turned around.
Mingi shrugged.
“I wasn’t doing anything.”
“Sure, you weren’t,” Yunho snorted.
He sat in front of Mingi, his legs crossed in a mirror image of Mingi’s, and he kept his hands behind his back for the time being.
“What did you get me?” Mingi asked, too curious to contain.
Yunho held his hands forward, whatever he was holding still hidden within his grip, and stared at Mingi for a second.
Finally, he opened his right hand and Mingi’s eyes widened when he took in the colourful beaded bracelet that he was holding in his palm. It was pretty, the colours bright and shining under the sunlight and Mingi couldn’t prevent the way his hand shot out to touch the beads with gentle fingertips. His heart fluttered in his chest and he looked up at Yunho with his throat dry and his breath faltering.
“Do you like it?” Yunho asked.
Mingi nodded immediately, hesitant to even pick the bracelet up.
“Can I put it on you?”
Mingi held out his arm and watched with avid eyes as Yunho picked it up tenderly. His fingers circled Mingi’s wrist and brought them closer together until their hair was touching as they looked down. Yunho placed the bracelet on his wrist and tied it together slowly, the pads of his fingers brushing the inside of Mingi’s wrist in a gentle caress.
“It’s pretty,” Mingi said, breathlessly.
Throughout his life, he got many gifts, more than he could count or knew what to do with. They were given to him on special occasions, his birthday or celebrations in the kingdom, but also on any other odd day that he happened to visit the town. He didn’t know most of the people who gave him gifts by name and he couldn’t remember most of what he had received through the years. It came with the territory of being a prince, being both bribed and celebrated.
But this gift was different. It wasn’t from a random person and it wasn’t on a special occasion. It was from someone who, through highs and lows, had remained so important to Mingi, from Yunho. Yunho was special to him and that was enough to make his gift special too.
“I bought it a long time ago,” Yunho admitted.
Mingi furrowed his eyebrow and looked at him in confusion. He thought that Yunho bought it in town recently.
“When did you buy it?”
Yunho hesitated. He licked his lips and looked away from Mingi for a second before returning his gaze.
“A few months after I left.”
Mingi blinked at him, eyes flitting from Yunho’s face to the bracelet on his wrist and back again.
“We were on this island during one of their festivities. It’s called Diamond. We were walking through town and everything was so bright and loud and happy. I couldn’t help but remember the times we spent together at the festivals here. I wished you were there with me,” Yunho said, his voice lowering with each sentence.
Mingi’s heart sped up in his chest, racing with his thoughts.
Yunho hadn’t stopped thinking about him either.
“I saw that bracelet while we were walking through the market. I know it’s not much, but it made me think of you,” he said. “I bought it so I could give it to you when I came back. I always planned on coming back to you.”
Mingi could barely breathe. Yunho had been away for so long, had been surrounded by so many people, so much novelty, and yet he had thought of him. On a new island that he had never been to before, his mind had still been with Mingi, he had been thinking of Mingi being there with him, he had walked along the stalls and thought of him .
“Yunho…”
“Do you like it?” Yunho asked.
“Of course, I do,” Mingi said quickly, running his finger over the bracelet. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad,” Yunho said, sounding slightly choked up.
Mingi looked up and, sure enough, Yunho’s eyes looked a little misty with emotion, a droplet of water gathering at the corner.
“Are you crying?” Mingi asked, his voice soft although a little teasing.
He shuffled a little closer until their knees were touching and smiled when Yunho chuckled, the sound a little wet.
“Of course, not,” he said, but a small tear escaped anyway.
Mingi made a little wounded noise and moved even closer. He hesitated only for a second before he lifted his hand to gather Yunho’s tear with the pad of his thumb. He didn’t move his finger away even when the water was fully gone.
“Why are you crying?” Mingi asked gently.
“I’m just really sorry about everything,” he said. “I’m so happy you’re giving me another chance, I don’t deserve you. I should be the one thanking you.”
Mingi shook his head. He was tired of holding grudges, especially against Yunho. He understood why he had left, he had just lost his father and he was suffering, he knew Yunho regretted the way he did it without saying anything. There was no point in being miserable and pushing Yunho away anymore, especially because he knew now, more than ever, that he had to hold onto the little happiness he had in his life.
“Yunho,” Mingi said, leaning forward until their foreheads were touching, his hand firmly placed on Yunho’s cheek. “I forgive you.”
“You do?” Yunho asked softly.
“Yes,” Mingi assured. “We’re okay.”
Yunho’s smile widened and he opened his eyes slowly to look at Mingi.
Their eyes stayed locked, both of them seemingly unable to look away. Mingi’s mind was empty and he didn’t think he could stop looking at Yunho ever again.
Yunho’s eyes were bright and prettier than the flowers around them. His attention was solely on Mingi and Mingi felt transfixed. How had he ever been able to look at anything other than Yunho?
“Mingi…”
Mingi gulped and let his eyes roam over Yunho’s face. His kind eyes and pink cheeks, his parted lips and pretty nose.
“Yes?” He asked, breathless.
“Do you feel it too?” He asked.
Mingi bit the inside of his bottom lip.
“Feel what?” He asked quietly.
“Your heart racing,” Yunho started, hesitantly lifting his hand to put on Mingi’s chest. “Your breath faltering.”
Mingi inhaled sharply, he did feel it. All of it. And, the more that Yunho looked at him without turning away, the worse it got.
“Yes,” he said.
It was silent for a second, the two of them unable to say anything as they kept staring at each other. Their foreheads were still touching and the air between them felt heavy. Mingi hadn’t moved his hand away from Yunho’s face yet and he didn’t want to either.
The first to move was Yunho. He raised his arm so he could mimic Mingi’s touch and his hand was warm and gentle on Mingi’s cheek. Mingi leaned into it easily and let his eyes fall closed in bliss.
“Mingi,” Yunho repeated, his name like an oath. “Mingi.”
Slowly and mindlessly, as if moved by a thread they couldn’t see, they leaned forward at the same time.
Their lips brushed and Mingi shuddered when he felt Yunho’s breath on his skin. It was warm like the rest of Yunho’s body and the sun shining above them. Yunho’s hands were gentle and his lips were soft and Mingi was afraid to even breathe for fear of breaking the moment. He didn’t pull back or push Yunho away, he didn’t want to do that. He wanted Yunho close.
it felt like, for once, he was where he was supposed to be.
“Yunho,” he breathed, his voice as soft as the grass beneath his fingers.
“What is it, princess?”
Mingi wasn’t sure if Yunho was teasing him with the nickname right now but, either way, he didn’t care. He felt too dizzy with how close they were, too hung up on what could happen if only he moved a little forward.
And he liked the nickname. He couldn’t deny it to himself when he could barely open his eyes under the power Yunho’s lips had over him.
“Kiss me?” He asked because it felt like they were heading in that direction and Mingi couldn’t wait anymore.
Yunho didn’t answer with words but, with Mingi’s plea hanging in the air, he didn’t hesitate to lean in anymore.
Yunho kissed him like he wanted them to become one. He pressed his soft and gentle lips against Mingi’s like he wanted to fuse them together and he cupped Mingi’s face firmly with his hands to bring him closer, as close as possible. His breath was warm and he leaned further into Mingi’s space, the force of it pushing him slightly back as if he couldn’t stop himself, as if he couldn’t get enough and he needed to be as close to Mingi as possible.
Mingi didn’t mind. He wanted the same thing. He wanted to lean into Yunho’s body and never leave the warmth of his embrace, he wanted to kiss him and kiss him until they both ran out of breath.
He pushed against Yunho with as much enthusiasm as Yunho was showing. Their lips moved together and got to know each other as if they had been waiting for this moment their entire lives. Mingi’s hands were now on Yunho’s neck to pull him closer and closer until he almost lost his balance and was forced to lie back on the grass and Yunho hovered over him without parting their mouths for a second.
It was stupid, but for one dazed moment, Mingi thought Yunho tasted like the sun, like flowers and his favourite pastries.
Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he tasted perfectly normal and Mingi just liked him a little too much.
It was a new feeling, to be this close to someone, to want to keep them glued to him and never let go. It felt like everything Mingi could ever want in his life, like every day, happy or sad, had led to this moment.
He never wanted Yunho to stop kissing him.
“Mingi,” Yunho said when they parted for breath.
He pecked Mingi’s lips immediately after, as reluctant to let go as Mingi was, and the two of them smiled brightly at each other without saying anything for a moment.
“You’re amazing,” Yunho said.
Mingi laughed.
“Is that all you have to say?” He asked, amused. “We just kissed.”
“Should we do it again?”
Mingi kept laughing and pushed Yunho’s shoulder playfully.
“I like you a lot,” he said.
Yunho smiled, warm and gentle.
“You do?” He asked as if he couldn’t believe it.
“I asked you to kiss me, didn’t I?” Mingi grinned.
He felt so happy as if he was floating in the clouds. He hadn’t felt this happy in so long, he hadn’t known peace inside for years. His life had been unfulfilling for years and this past week or so, with the news of his engagement, it felt like it was falling apart. But, right now, in their little pocket of the forest, as he lay beneath Yunho, caged by his arms and hypnotized by his eyes and his smile, everything felt right.
“I like you too, Mingi, so much.”
Mingi grinned and leaned up to kiss him again. It felt just as special as it had the first time and he never wanted today to end.
They kissed for a while, longer than Mingi cared to count but less time than he wished and, when they finally pulled away, they laid together on the grass, Mingi’s head pillowed by Yunho’s arm.
“Are you feeling better?” Yunho asked.
Mingi made a vague confused sound.
“You were off the entire afternoon until we got here.”
Mingi sighed as his mood dwindled slightly with the reminder of what awaited him outside of their clearing. He didn’t feel as desolate as before though, he couldn’t when Yunho was here and they were surrounded by the flowers he loved so much.
“Do you want to talk about something?” Yunho asked, his fingers playing with Mingi’s hair.
Mingi sighed, unsure. He didn’t want to bring the mood down or ruin whatever was happening between them right now. But he knew that he couldn’t keep it inside, both because he was never able to keep his feelings from Yunho, but also because, after their afternoon, Yunho deserved to know what was going on.
“I think so,” he said. “But I need you to not freak out.”
“That doesn’t sound very good,” Yunho said and he sounded a little worried now.
Mingi took a deep breath and stared at the clouds above them, unable to look at Yunho as he spoke about everything that was happening in his life without his permission.
“There’s been some conflicts between our kingdom and Mist,” he started. “My father’s council and Mist’s council have been working together to figure out how to resolve the issue.”
“Have they found something?” Yunho asked.
“Yes.”
“Are you somehow involved in it?”
“I am.”
“That’s good though, isn’t it? They want you to be an important part of the kingdom and work in diplomacy.”
Mingi winced.
“It would be good if it were in any other way.”
There was a moment of silence and Yunho’s hand faltered on his hair.
“How are you involved?” Yunho asked softly.
Mingi bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly.
“They want me to marry Mist’s princess.”
The words felt like thunder in their peaceful clearing and Mingi shut his eyes tightly. He didn’t want to see whatever look was on Yunho’s face.
“You’re getting married?” Yunho asked with disbelief in his voice.
“I am,” Mingi said, his voice so low it got lost in the breeze.
The moment felt stilted and Mingi felt shortness of breath but in the opposite way he had before. He wished he could go back to kissing Yunho, to feeling him so close and having his mind emptied of any problem.
“Say something,” he almost begged.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you still like me and that you still want to kiss me.”
Yunho inhaled sharply.
“Of course, I do, Mingi. That’s all I want,” he confessed. “But what will become of us?”
Mingi didn’t answer, he didn’t know how to, so, Yunho continued.
“I’m leaving soon and you’re getting married.”
The words felt like hands wrapping around Mingi’s throat and squeezing. He didn’t know what to say. Yunho was right. Whatever had happened this afternoon, it was never going to last. No matter what they wanted they were doomed from the start.
“I don’t want to get married,” he said. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“I know, princess.”
Yunho knew, but they couldn’t do anything. Yunho had to leave, he had his crew of travellers and his life to live, and, even if he were to stay, Mingi wouldn’t be able to get out of his marriage. There was no chance for them. There wasn’t a future where they could be together.
“What am I supposed to do?” He asked.
He didn’t expect Yunho to give him an answer, but Yunho’s fingers carded through his hair again and he spoke as gently as the breeze around him, almost as if he was afraid to say the words out loud.
“You could come with me.”
Mingi’s breath hitched.
Going with Yunho. Leaving the kingdom and embarking on a trip that could only come from his dreams. He would get to see so many places, to feel the sea breeze on his skin every day and the scent of salt on his nose. He could visit Aurora and see the dancing lines and go to Diamond and see the festivals.
He would be by Yunho’s side.
It sounded fantastical.
It was impossible.
“You know I can’t do that,” he said though the words hurt to say.
Yunho sighed and neither of them said anything else.
They didn’t move away from each other, they still touched and felt close, but the weight of reality had settled over them. There weren’t more laughs or smiles, much less kisses, and Mingi mourned the loss of the gentle affection even though he had only gotten to feel it for a few minutes.
At least Yunho was still playing with his hair. At least his bracelet was still on Mingi’s wrist.
It had to be enough for now. It had to be because, in the future, Mingi would have even less.