Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The summer sun beams down relentless on Hawkins, where Steve and Eddie are smoking on Steve’s back porch. They spend a lot of days like this now, feet in the pool, passing a joint back and forth. Steve had been high a couple times before meeting Eddie, but not nearly enough to come anywhere close to his tolerance level. Every time they smoke together, Steve is giggling and red eyed by the time Eddie starts to feel it. Eddie thinks it’s cute. Steve is always so guarded, so careful to maintain the version of himself he wants people to see, the version of him that is put together, in control, confident. It’s hard to maintain that mask when you’re stoned though. 

Whenever they’re here together, passing Eddie’s weed back and forth, they laugh and joke like nothing else matters. They tell each other about their lives before they were dragged into fighting the secret otherworld lurking beneath and within Hawkins. They talk about the dreams they had then and what they hope life may look like now that they are finally free of all the madness they had endured. Eddie likes seeing this side of Steve, likes how easy it is to make him laugh and how genuinely he speaks, even when it does border on incoherent. He loves how Steve is so willing to let Eddie peek behind his walls in these moments, to let him see how intelligent and funny, kind and beautiful he is, and Eddie loves every moment they spend together- every moment he gets to spend with the real Steve Harrington. 

“I don’t think I need any more of this.” Steve laughs, holding the joint out to Eddie and snapping him back into reality.

“Yeahh probably not. Your eyes are red as shit dude.” Eddie grins, taking the joint from Steve’s outstretched hand, and inhaling a long hit. He turns his head to the side, willing himself to focus as he exhales. Seeing Steve practically studying his face when he turns back is not helping. 

“Do you even get stoned anymore?”

“Oh yeah absolutely.” Eddie laughs. “It just takes me longer to get there than you. I’ve been smoking basically every day for years.”

“Have you done anything other than weed?”

Eddie laughs again, raising an eyebrow at the question in mocked disbelief. “You do know I’m a drug dealer right?”

“Well obviously.” Steve rolls his eyes, dramatics almost on par with Eddie’s. “ But what else have you done?”

“Weed and alcohol of course." Eddie starts. "I’ve done acid a few times. Shrooms too.” He taps a ringed finger against his chin, pretending to think much harder than he actually is. “Ketamine is fine I guess, but if I have it, I almost always sell it. I try to stay away from the addictive shit."

Steve makes a worried sort of face, but Eddie continues too quickly to let him actually say anything about it. Plus, he doesn’t want to think about the last time he tried to sell Ketamine. 

"Acid is better anyways. Oh, and I tried coke once but it wasn’t my thing. Think that’s it.” He shrugs casually as if he's listing his favorite cereals instead of felonies. 

Leaning back, he takes a long hit from the joint before it can go out, tilting his head back to blow smoke towards the sky. In his periphery he can see Steve breathe in and out in time with him. It’s a habit Eddie isn’t sure Steve is even aware he has, but the older man thinks it’s sweet- the subtle little things like this that Steve does, subconsciously trying to protect his friends, even in breathing. So Eddie doesn’t say anything, just in case being aware of it would make him stop. 

When Eddie tilts his gaze back down from the sky, Steve is running his fingers slowly across the top of the pool water. 

"What's acid like?" He asks curiously, eyes fixed on the ripples his hands create. 

“Do you want to do acid Harrington?” Eddie asks, brows furrowing in surprise. 

After a long pause, Steve shakes water off his hand before moving it back to rest on his thigh. "I don’t know. What’s it like?"

“It’s kinda like being really high on weed but more intense?" Eddie tells him.

"More intense, how?" Steve cranes his head to the side like he always does when he is trying his best to pay attention while stoned. 

"You get the same body sensations, like waves washing over you and feeling floaty, and all of your senses are heightened.” Eddie begins to explain. “Most people hallucinate to some degree, like seeing patterns and movement in things that are still. You can get auditory and tactile hallucinations too, but even if you don’t majorly hallucinate, a good trip is almost euphoric. Everything is so bright and colorful, and it makes you feel connected to everything around you. It’s a lot of fun in my opinion.”

“Is it dangerous?” 

“It can be?” Eddie says truthfully, looking for the words he wants. “It’s a strong drug so it isn’t great to do it a lot. I do it like four times a year max but two is probably a better idea. I usually have a trip sitter too.”

“Trip sitter?”

“Yeah. Like somebody to be with you and make sure you’re safe while you’re tripping. Your concept of time gets distorted, so it’s easy to forget to do things like eat or drink water. Sometimes people feel really hot or get nauseous, and your emotions are all stronger on acid, so if you start to freak out or aren’t in a good headspace when you take it, the trip could be bad. Everything is just easier and safer if you’re with somebody you trust.” Eddie finishes his explanation, then relights the joint and takes a long hit. 

Steve reaches his hand out, silently requesting another hit. 

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him before handing it over. He watches as Steve brings it to his lips, as he closes his eyes when he breathes in, as his shoulders rise and fall. He is still looking at him when Steve opens his eyes, so he takes the joint back quickly, hoping Steve thinks he was just waiting his turn and definitely not staring at him for any other reason. 

“Any other questions for your local drug expert?” Eddie asks, exhaling as he moves his arms in a dramatic approximation of a bow. 

Steve sits in silence for a moment, kicking his feet back and forth in the water while he thinks. He starts to speak, hesitates for a moment, then asks “Would you trip sit for me? If I wanted to try it?”

“Yeah of course Harrington.” Eddie smiles. “You’re always safe with me.”

Steve nods. “Could you get me some?”

”Yeah I think I can make that happen.” Eddie takes one last hit, burning the paper down to the filter, then presses it against the cement. “When’s the next time you have two days off?”

Chapter Text

Eddie was able to get acid a few days after their conversation, but insisted that Steve give himself an extra day to recover after he trips, so it takes almost three weeks for their schedules to line up where neither of them work, and Steve doesn’t work the next day either.

They're sitting in Steve’s kitchen when Eddie pulls a folded up square of tin foil out of his pocket and places it on the counter.

"One tab and one trip sitter at your service." he says, gesturing first to the foil then to himself.

“It’s in there?” Steve asks, nodding down at the foil, a mix of nervous energy and excitement evident on his face.

“Mhm.” Eddie answers as he unwraps the foil. “Tabs are just pieces of paper with the actual acid dropped on it, so you want to keep it wrapped up in something that won’t absorb the acid. Then you’d just be eating paper.”

“You eat it?” 

“Kinda yeah. You let it dissolve on your tongue for a while and then you can spit the paper out if you want to but I usually don’t bother.”

“Fair enough. Should I take it now?”

“Let’s go back over the rules first, eager one.” Eddie teases. “You’re going to start with half a tab. It might take up to an hour to kick in, so don’t ask me for more before then. You aren’t allowed. Once you're tripping, I’ll remind you to do things like eat and drink throughout the day. We can do whatever you want to between reminders, but we aren’t going to leave the house, and you aren’t allowed to make any phone calls until you come down. Sounds good?”

“Sounds good.” Steve nods, feeling his cheeks warm. He isn't sure why it feels so nice to have Eddie structure the day with such authority, laying out the plan and rules for him so all he has to do is listen and have fun, but man is it comforting. Shaking the thought from his head, he asks “And if I start to freak out or anything you’ll keep me safe?”

“I pinky promise I will keep you safe. You’re going to have a good trip.” Eddie winks as he holds out his pinky toward the younger man.

Steve laughs and rolls his eyes at the gesture, but wraps his pinky around Eddie’s. He feels his heart skip a beat when Eddie pulls their hands close to his face and kisses his own thumb.

“Let’s do this." Steve smiles, choosing to ignore whatever that skipped beat could possibly mean.

He reaches for the foil, but before he can grab it, Eddie wraps a hand gently around his wrist with a tsk noise and scolds “Half the tab Harrington.”

Steve’s face flushes a soft pink. “Sorry.” he mutters.

“‘S’okay Harrington. I know you’re excited. Keeping you safe is my job, remember?" Something changes in Eddie's eyes, his gaze deepening somehow. “Now be a good boy and get me some scissors okay?" 

"Dude what the fuck?" Steve tries to sounds incredibly annoyed, but his breath hitches when he speaks. He hopes Eddie didn't notice it somehow, but Eddie laughs, so there's no way he didn't.

What the fuck was that Steve? 

Steve curses to himself as he moves past the fucker that just made him so flustered. Not because he wants to listen of course. He doesn't want to be Eddie's good boy or anything. He just needs scissors, and hey at least if he isn't facing Eddie, he can save himself a little bit of humiliation by hiding how beet red his face is right now. 

He hopes his face has cooled in the minute it takes him to find the kitchen sheers, but judging by the smirk on Munson's face when he turns back around, he doubts it. 

Godamnit he is never going to let me live this down. 

He hands the scissors to Eddie, and watches as he cuts the tab then methodically folds one half back into the foil.

"Here, put this in your freezer." 

Steve listens, still annoyed and confused as to why he's letting himself be bossed around so much, especially when Eddie is following him to the freezer and could put it away just as easily. The annoyance fades away when Eddie kneels in front of him and presents half a tab of acid to him. Steve rolls his eyes, but can't help smiling. Eddies theatrics are one of his favorite things about him after all. 

There you go your Highness." Eddie teases, placing the paper gently onto the end of one of Steve's fingers. "Now you can eat the paper.” 

Steve looks at the tab on his fingertip.

Its gong to be okay. Eddie is here. Eddie will keep me safe. This is going to be fun. 

He places the small paper on his tongue.

****

Thirty minutes later, as the boys are sitting together on the living room couch and talking over the television show that they aren’t really watching, the acid begins to kick in.

“Wow.” Steve says when he feels the high roll across his body in a sudden wave.

"Did it just hit you?" Eddie laughs. 

Steve nods. "It kinda is like smoking a lot."

“Yeah? What do you feel right now?”

“It’s like my body is floaty? And everything looks a little brighter.” Steve explains, looking around the room like everything in it is new. “I sort of feel waves like you said I would too.”

“Hell yeah.” Eddie grins. "Are you getting any visuals?"

"I don't think so? I don't know what that would look like though."

"Fair enough. You'll probably notice them soon." He pauses to think for a moment. "Want to see something cool?"

“Sure.” Steve answers, giggling softly.

"Then outside we go, Harrington." Eddie stands, grabs his backpack from the floor next to the couch, and leads the way onto the back porch.

“Dude!” Steve exclaims loudly the moment they are outside, not bothering to fully move out of the doorway as he stares in amazement. “You didn’t tell me trees would look cool!”

Eddie laughs. “Are the leaves moving?”

“Yeah, and they look… like shimmery?

“And that would be the visuals I was talking about." Eddie grins. Placing a hand on Steve’s lower back, he guides him further into the sun. "Look up.” He prompts. “At the clouds.”

“Wow.”

“Cool right?”

“They’re amazing.” Steve turns to him in awe, a huge smile across his face. “Are they moving for you too?”

Eddie’s breath catches in his throat at how close Steve’s face is to his. He lets his hand drop from Steve's back and moves to sit in their normal spot by the pool as he answers over his shoulder.

“They’re moving really slowly, but I do see them moving, yes. The trees aren’t moving though.”

“The trees aren’t moving?”

“Nah that’s all you, babe.”

“This is so cool.” Steve says as he follows Eddie and sits on the cement next to him. He leans back, propped up by his arms as he stares wide eyed at the sky and trees around him.

Eddie swings his backpack into his lap and pulls out a water bottle. “Drink.” He says, handing the bottle to Steve.

“Okay, thanks.” Steve says, accepting the command without hesitation.

His fingers brush against Eddie’s softly as he takes the bottle from his hand. Electricity sparks in Eddie’s fingertips when they touch, and he feels his breath tremble. He watches as Steve drinks a bit, licks his lips, then sets the bottle on the pavement next to him.

“Do you care if I smoke a little?” Eddie asks, voice not nearly as confident and casual as he wants it to sound. “I’m not gonna get stoned. I promise you’ll still be safe.”

I just need to focus on anything other than your lips. He adds to himself. 

“Yeah, go for it.” Steve smiles at him before immediately focusing back up towards the sky.

“Awesome.” Eddie exhales deeply in relief. He pulls out his grinder, a lighter, and a pack of rolling papers. As he begins to roll, Steve takes off his shoes and socks, then swings his legs over the side of the pool.

“Eddie!” He exclaims urgently.

“What’s up Harrington?” Eddie looks up quizzically, meeting his gaze as he draws his tongue across the paper in his hands.

“The water feels amazing.”

Eddie laughs. As hard as he has tried for months now, he can’t help but think Steve is cute. He looks especially precious in this moment too, sitting there without a care in the world, just in awe and excited about everything around him.

Eddie catches himself smiling a little too fondly at his best friend and scold himself internally. God I have to get a grip. Why do I always fall for straight guys?

When he is done rolling, Eddie puts his grinder and extra papers back into his bag, then moves to sit closer to Steve by the edge of the pool. He takes off his socks and shoes, rolls his jeans up his shins, and swings his legs into the water before lighting his joint. He inhales deeply and smiles softly around the joint when he sees Steve inhale in time with him. Eddie closes his eyes and blows the smoke up towards the sky. When he looks back down, Steve is still watching him.

“You’re really pretty.” Steve says, his voice so genuine and kind. “I really like your curls.”

Eddie swallows, trying to ignore the flutter in his chest. “Thank you.” He says quietly.

Steve reaches over and brushes a strand of hair out of Eddie’s face, tucking it behind his ear. His fingers linger for a moment against Eddie’s cheek. “I’ve always loved curly hair.” 

Eddie’s mind races as he tries desperately to think of any good way to respond to that statement without giving away his feelings. Fake flirting with his friends isn’t abnormal for him. Sending sly grins and winks coupled with flirty little quips is part of the Munson charm after all. Hell, he does it to Steve more than he ever has to Robin or Nancy, so doing it now wouldn’t be out of character or suspicious in any way.

He knows his “fake” flirting with Steve has never been all that fake to begin with though, and it feels especially dangerous right now to let himself say anything he actually means.  

But Steve did initiate this moment, and he did seem pretty, well... into it earlier, all red cheeks and hitched breath when Eddie was flirting, so maybe its not so dangerous after all? Maybe there’s a possibility that Steve likes flirting with him too. It’s stupid wishful thinking, but the way he had Steve all flustered earlier won’t leave his head. He knows there's no stopping himself now. 

“You’re not so bad yourself Harrington. A little eyeliner and you might even be prettier than me.” He finally says with a wink, trying to force a non-present confidence into his voice.

”I really doubt any guy could be prettier than you.” Steve laughs. 

“Careful there Harrington.” Eddie raises his hands in the air. “Flatter me too much, and I might just think you’re falling for me.” 

Steve’s face reddens. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, then closes it again and turns his attention back to the clouds. 

Well fuck. Eddie thinks to himself as he relights his joint. I need to stop pushing my luck hitting on him like this before I ruin things. Steve’s straight. He didn’t mean it like that. I don't need to get my hopes up about anything. I can’t get my hopes up about anything.

Eddie repeats the latter bit it in his head like a mantra designed to push away his pining.

Steve’s straight. He doesn’t mean it like that. I can’t get my hopes up. 

Steve reaches out towards the joint, breaking Eddie out of his silent spiral. “Can I have some?”

“Nope.” Eddie pulls the joint away from Steve’s reach. “You shouldn’t mix other shit with acid your first time.”

“Okay.” Steve accepts the answer immediately and drops his hand. He leans forward, drags his fingers along the top of the water a few times, then lifts his hand to watch the water roll off his fingertips and drip back into the pool.

“Can we swim? I’m really hot.”

"Jeans aren't really great for swimming Steve." Eddie teases, eyebrow raised suggestively.

"Well obviously I wouldn’t wear my jeans." Steve rolls his eyes.

Eddie gasps dramatically "I was going to say if you stay in the shallow end sure, but I may have to change my mind after all that sass.”

"Wait no! That's not fair!" Steve protests, much to Eddie’s amusement.

“Alright, fine.” Eddie sighs, obviously pretending to be annoyed. “Just give me a minute.” He brings the joint back to his lips.

“Fuck yeah.” Steve nods contently. He pulls his shirt over his shoulders, balls it up, and lays back on the ground with it propped under his head as a makeshift pillow.

Holy shit is all Eddie has time to think before he starts to cough around the smoke. He did not expect Steve to start undressing right away, and definitely was not prepared for the sight. He had seen Steve shirtless once before, but that had been in the middle of a crisis, and nearly resulted in a drowning, so it hadn’t been at the front of his attention. Right now, however, it takes tremendous effort not to pay attention.

“You okay?” Steve asks. 

“Oh no yeah. I’m good. Just inhaled a little weird.” Eddie looks down at his lap, trying his best not to stare. He lasts about ten seconds before he steals another glance, eyes tracing the shape of Steve’s body as it literally glistens in the sun. He wasn’t lying about being hot.

How the fuck does he look so perfect all the time?

“Actually, I can just save the rest of this, I’m good right now.” Eddie puts out the joint against the concrete.

“So we can swim now?" Steve props himself up to face Eddie. "I have extra swim trunks you can use.”

“That’d be awesome.”

Steve beams. “Fuck yeah, come on!”

He jumps up and grabs his tripsitter by the hands, pulls him up, and rushes back towards the house, still holding one of Eddie's hands in his own. When they get to the stairs, he finally lets go and practically sprints up to his room, skipping steps as he goes.

Eddie quickly follows after him, but isn’t at all able to keep up. The bats really fucked up one of his hips okay? Stairs are hard.

When he finally gets to the room, he finds Steve already rummaging through a drawer in his dresser. Eddie hovers in the doorway. He has been to this house dozens of times, yet has never seen Steve’s room. It isn’t quite what he expected. Sure, it makes sense with the rest of the house, and there are small things on display around the room that certainly feel like Steve, but overall it reads like that cultivated version of himself that he pretended to be in high school. Eddie frowns, but before he can ruminate on Steve’s decor choices, his attention is drawn back to the boy he’s trip sitting.

“Do you want blue or green?” Steve holds two pairs of swim trunks out for Eddie’s consideration.

Eddie taps a finger against his lip mischievously. He just told himself to stop flirting, but he’s never been good at following directions. “You don’t still have any of your swim team uniforms?”

“Speedos?”

“Yeah those. Swim captain didn’t keep them for sentimental reasons?”

“Why? Want me to find one so you can show off for me Munson?” Steve throws right back at him with a wink, looking him up and down as he literally licks his lips.

Wow what the fuck? 

Eddies swallows, eyes widening and cheeks burning at the way Steve flips the bit on him so effortlessly. He usually just rolls his eyes, maybe flirts back every once in a while, but never that directly. Never one upping whatever Eddie has said.

“Maybe next time big boy. I’ll take blue if that’s alright.” Eddie decides, reaching to take the blue pair.

“Yeah, that's fine by me. I’m just excited to swim.” Steve smiles. When he starts to undo his belt, Eddie turns around quickly.

“I’m gonna change in the bathroom, I'll be right back.” he says as he leaves Steve’s room.

Eddie leans against the wall outside the door and takes a deep, shaky breath, trying to steady himself before he walks down the hallway to find the bathroom. He flicks on the light as he moves into the room and looks at the trunks in his hand, groaning when he feels his heart accelerate again at the thought of wearing something that has been on Steve Harrington's body, touched parts of him that Eddie fails too often to avoid thinking about.

Why is this making me so fucking nervous? Friends share clothes. This is fine. This is normal. There's no reason to be weird about it.

"Don’t be a freak." He says out loud to himself, like it is the most important thing he needs to remember today.

Another moment goes by before he finally has the courage to take off his shirt, then his pants and boxers, and pull Steve's swimsuit on. It's a little too big, so he ties the drawstring tightly around his hips and hopes it’ll work well enough to stop the trunks from slipping.

After changing, Eddie glances at his reflection in the mirror. The suit is definitely too big, and his scars are so... visible. He knows Steve has them too, nearly identical in some places, so he doesn’t need to be worried the same way he is everywhere else about hiding them or excusing them away until he can get his tattoos to cover them. Still, he can’t help being self conscious.

Will Steve think I look okay? Flashes across his mind before he immediately begins scolding himself. Fuck Eddie come on! Get it together.

He looks at his reflection in the mirror again and rustles his fingers through his hair, willing it to be a little less unkempt. After a moment he gives up with a sigh and heads back down the hall towards Steve's room.

When he returns, Steve is laying on the bed in his swimsuit, eyes towards the ceiling. Eddie stands in the doorway for a moment, watching as Steve runs his hands back and forth across the comforter, laughing quietly to himself.

“What’s got you all giggly?” Eddie asks amused.

“Acid.” Steve responds, not looking away from whatever is so interesting about the ceiling.

Eddie laughs. “Well yeah but what specifically?” He flops on the bed next to Steve, joining him in the acts of staring at the ceiling and tracing the fabric of the blanket.

“The blanket feels cool.” 

Their fingers brush against each other, and that charged feeling falls between them again. Eddie’s stomach flutters in the silent moment before Steve sits up, and looks over at Eddie for the first time since he entered the room.

“Wow.”

“Wow?” Eddie somehow feels even more vulnerable now about being shirtless in Steve’s room, on his bed.

Steve looks him up and down, for the second time in the last ten minutes, and Eddie could swear his gaze lingers for a moment on his stomach, on the way the waistband of the swimsuit has slipped slightly below his hips, showing a hint of his happy trail. 

“You look good.” He says, before quickly adding “I mean the swimsuit. It looks good on you. You look good.”

Eddie’s stomach flutters again.

I may actually die today. 

“Thanks Harrington. Ready to swim?”

“Fuck yeah I am!” Steve jumps up off the bed and runs down the stairs, almost tumbling once, but managing to catch himself before he continues his race towards the backdoor.

“Wait for me!” Eddie rushes after him.

Outside, Steve immediately makes for the deep side of the pool, but Eddie catches up too fast and wraps his arms around Steve’s waist, pulling him back against his chest right before he jumps.

“Shallow end Harrington.” He warns, dark voice barely above a whisper. 

“Oh yeah my bad.” Steve says meekly, placing a hand over the ones holding him back. He lulls his head back on Eddie’s shoulder.

"I think I'd be okay though. I'm a good swimmer. Swim team Captain, remember?"

"Yeah, maybe.” The image of the lake where Steve almost drowned flashes through Eddie's head. "But I don't know CPR so I'm not risking it."

Steve wiggles out of his grasp and turns to face Eddie, making sure he sees as he rolls his eyes and huffs “Fine.” clearly pretending to be annoyed.

There's a tone in his voice, a look in his eyes that Eddie doesn’t recognize, and he thinks he'd like to see it again. 

What a fucking brat, he was listening so well earlier. is the first thought that enters his mind as he watches Steve cross to the stairs at the shallow end of the pool and walk into the water. The next few thoughts are as dangerous as they are appealing, and they send a wave of heat through his body. He doesn’t even process that he hasn't moved from his spot until he hears Steve’s voice from the opposite end of the pool and sees him move his hands in a "Come here" sort of motion. 

"Well? Are you getting in?" 

“Yeah yeah, Harrington, I’m coming.”

A few shaky breaths later, he’s willing himself to be cool as he walks to the stairs then into the water. Water rises to his waist as he moves to stand next to Steve.

Steve is moving his hands through the water in amazement, watching the ripples. Whatever bratty game he was playing before now completely replaced by the excitement of being in the water. He dunks under the water, pushing off the wall they stand next to, then swims to the opposite side where he flips underwater, kicks off that wall and propels himself back towards Eddie. He wipes wet hair off his forehead when he comes back up for air, then throws himself against the older boy, wrapping around his waist and laying his head against his chest.

“This is so much fun, thank you Eddie. You’re the best.”

"Anytime Harrington." He smiles weakly, trying best to sound normal, like he hasn't been in a mild panic all morning. "What are friends for?"

Steve’s just on acid. It makes sense he’s being affectionate. He reminds himself. It doesn’t mean anything. He doesn't like me. It doesn't mean anything. Eddie repeats his solemn mantra, practically begging himself not to think about any of the things he wants to consider right now. The combination of Steve nuzzling against him and the realization that he is really good at taking direction when he isn't being a brat is well... not helping. He feels his dick twitch in his- no Steve's- swim trunks and he almost prays he doesn’t get hard. There’s no way Steve wouldn’t notice. In his skinny jeans he can try to hide it. Here not so much. Steve may be on acid but he isn't stupid.

Before that can happen, Steve pulls away, dives under the water and heads off back towards the wall opposite of him.

Equal parts disappointment and relief fill Eddie. He moves a bit further into the pool before taking a deep breath and dunking underneath the water. For as long as he can manage, he just sits under the water with his eyes closed and takes in the cool and the quiet, willing his mind to be as serene, and his dick to be as still. Like that will ever happen.

When he returns to the surface, Steve has his legs hooked over the side of the pool so his back lays floating on top of the water.

“What are you doing?” 

“The trees look even cooler when you’re underwater.” Steve giggles. “They move more and it's really pretty.” He pushes his head under, and opens his eyes, holding his breath for an impressively long amount of time before he finally slides his legs off the ledge and stands back up in the water.

“You’re really something Steve.” Eddie laughs.

Steve tilts his head to the side as a confused, somewhat hurt expression falls across his face.

“Hey now, don’t look at me like that. It’s a good thing. I promise.” Eddie reaches out and rustles Steve’s wet hair with both hands, letting them linger longer than he probably should. Against his better judgement, he transitions them into holding Steve's face. “Are you done swimming or do you want to stay longer?”

Steve closes his eyes and relaxes into Eddie’s hands, letting him hold the weight of his head before he answers “I think I’m done.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything. He just stands there, heart racing, because this tiny action makes him fully realize that Steve trusts him. It’s such a small thing- to let his head be completely supported by Eddie, to let himself relax, but it means so much. Maybe that's part of why he loves when they smoke together, because Steve lets himself drop the hypervigilance, the walls, the need for control, and the fear that he thinks he needs in order to keep himself and everyone around him safe. 

He doesn’t have to worry about keeping himself safe, because he trusts Eddie to do it for him. 

Eddie pulls Steve up and wraps his arms around him, hugging him close to his chest. He almost tears up when Steve lets out a small satisfied sigh and lays his head on his shoulder. 

I will protect him. Always. 

Eddie pulls back, and cups the other boy's face again. Steve opens his eyes, and when he stares at Eddie like he’s the most beautiful person in the universe, Eddid wishes he could freeze time and stay here in this moment forever. This perfect beautiful moment where he is holding Steve Harrington's face in his hands as those stunning honey eyes look at him with such adoration and affection and trust. Yeah. He could stay here forever.

He knows it’s (at least mostly) the acid, of course he does, but fuck… Steve makes him feel so special looking at him like that, he never wants it to stop. 

“Alright Stevie.” He finally says, letting his hands fall from Steve’s face and find their way into his hands, gently guiding him back to the stairs. “Let's get you inside.”

Chapter Text

Inside, the boys get dressed and reconvene in Steve's room. 

Eddie sits on the bed while Steve takes the swim trunks and towels, and tosses them into a basket by his closet door. 

“ I can’t believe we were out there for like an hour.” He plops down next to Eddie, hair still wet and messy. 

“Yeah, your sense of time gets really distorted.” 

“What do we do now?” 

“Whatever you want to. It’s your trip Stevie.”

There’s that nickname again. Steve feels himself blush. Eddie uses pet names for everybody, but Stevie? That’s special. That's just for him. The thought drives him crazy. Then the thought that good boy could maybe be just for him too crosses his mind and the heat in his cheeks is joined by one pooling in his stomach. 

It’s a really really hot idea. Scary as hell, but so fucking hot. 

“Steve?” A hand waves in front of his face in an attempt to grab his attention.

 He smiles sheepishly. “Yeah what’s up Eds?”

“What do you wanna do?”  

Eddie starts to slide his rings back onto his fingers while he waits for an answer, and that doesn’t help Steve focus at all. 

“I don't know.” 

“Choices hard right now big boy?” 

He doesn’t even have to look; he can practically feel the fucking grin on Eddie’s face. 

“Kinda…” He mutters. It’s more that all he can think about right now is Eddie- his big brown eyes and the way they crinkle in the corners when he smiles- his long curly hair and the way it’s clinging to his skin right now, framing his face so well- his tattoos and how they look so natural on his body, like Eddie was always meant to be viewed as art. 

What is happening right now?

“That’s okay sweetheart, I can do the thinking for you. Want me to give you some options?” 

“Yes please.” Steve whispers as he turns his eyes down towards his lap, refusing to look into his trip sitter’s eyes. This may have been, objectively speaking, a mistake because when he looks down and sees Eddie tapping his fingers against his thigh, playing out some song Steve surely doesn’t know, his thoughts race even further ahead of where he is ready for them to go. If he was locked in on the way Eddie looks before, he’s now consumed by thoughts of how he feels - the way his arms felt wrapped around him in the pool and the way his hands felt holding his wrists and his face- hot breathe against his neck when Eddie scolded him and the shiver it sent down his spine- how he felt sparks in his fingertips when Eddie’s hand brushed over his own.

Is acid making me horny?

“What was that?” Eddie goads. “I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“Yes please.”

“Surely you can do better than that, no?”  The older boy reaches out with rough, ringed fingers, and grabs Steve’s chin, not hard, but definitely commanding. He turns his face towards him until his demand for eye contact is met, and Steve has no choice but to comply. 

“One more time. I need you to speak up, Harrington.” 

 For what feels like the hundredth time today, Steve’s stomach flips and his face burns. His chest feels like it’s full of bees, and he’s breathless, all because his trip sitter is teasing him, touching him. 

Is Eddie making me horny?

“I said yes please.” 

“There we go, that's a better volume. Can’t have you hiding that pretty voice now can we?” 

Steve swears he’s never blushed so much in his life. He has no idea why he’s so embarrassed and affected by Eddie’s flirting right now. Sure it’s dialed up more than usual, but it’s never been an issue before… at least not a big one. So why does it feel like Eddie can look right into his head and see every little piece of himself he tries to keep locked away and hear each of the thoughts he doesn’t understand himself? Why does he feel such an intense need to impress him, to be good for him? It terrifies him to consider what it could possibly mean that suddenly he feels such longing for a guy, for Eddie. 

He tells himself not to say anything stupid, but ignores his own advice. 

“Not unless you tell me to be quiet, I guess.”

“Yeah you’d like that wouldn’t you?” Eddie lets go of Steve’s chin and runs his hand through his damp curls. 

Honestly yeah probably. 

When he lets go, Steve feels a genuine sense of loss, like he was just handed a piece of himself in Eddie’s touch, something that he never even knew was missing, then had it pulled away again. 

Do I always want him to touch me this badly?

His brain cycles back through the day again, playing through each time Eddie has touched him today, then flashing images of every flirty, clingy thing he’s said and done today. He wants to blame the acid for making him feel and act like this, but some part of him knows that these feelings were there long before that tab was in his mouth. The acid just makes him brave. Makes him stupid. Makes him not care that he'll regret this when he comes down. He’ll be mortified that he got high and started to literally throw himself at his tripsitter, but that’s a problem for later Steve. It’s terrifying, but Right-now-Steve thinks Eddie is beautiful, and he wants nothing more than to keep flirting- to see if he can get Eddie to touch him more. So that’s exactly what he does. 

 Acid makes him stupid. Acid makes him brave.

“If you told me what to do? Maybe I would. If you're gonna be bossy all the time anyways, I might as well let you save me the effort of choosing for myself sometimes right?.” 

Eddie lets out a shaky breath, which isn’t the reaction Steve expected, not that he really knows what he did expect. Instantly, Steve beams, feeling so proud of himself for making Eddie fluster the way he has been all day. He wants to do it again. 

“I think you listen to what I say about 40% of the time Harrington.” 

“Well be a little more convincing then Munson and maybe I’ll bump it to 50.”

“Oh, If I actually tried to be convincing, I’d have it to 80 in no time.” 

Eddie’s eyes are wide and dilated. They seem almost… hungry?  It makes Steve shiver. 

“Yeah right not a chance, Eds.” 

If you say so. Now did you want me to choose options for our next task and let you pick your favorite, or did you want me to choose for you entirely?” 

Steve’s face flushes. Of fucking course Munson, that shithead, would find a way to back him into a corner like this, using what he said earlier against him to prove a point. Either answer puts Eddie in charge, and he knows it. When he said he might like being told what to do, he said it as a joke, but somehow Eddie knew it wasn’t one. Somehow he knows that Steve is struggling to make decisions by himself right now, and the idea of not having to think or choose because Eddie is there to do those things for him is unspeakably alluring. Somehow he knows what Steve wants when he doesn’t even know himself. 

He bites his cheek and glares at the other boy. He wants Eddie to choose, but he also doesn’t want Eddie to win. Whatever that means. 

“Options.”

“Yeah? You want me to give you options?” Eddie pushes, trying to make Steve say exactly what he wants.

“Yes. I just said that.”

“I don’t remember hearing you tell me you want it.” 

Oh fuck. Why was that so hot?

Steve huffs. “I want you to give me options Eddie.” 

“You’re sure you don’t want me to choose for you, baby? I don’t mind.”

He’s using that voice again, the one from earlier that makes Steve squirm. It makes him feel vulnerable somehow, like hearing it has some effect that will make him unable to lie, to deny that he does want Eddie to choose. It’s almost too much, the way he wants to give in and have Eddie dictate the rest of his day. His chest physically aches at the intensity of emotion, and he can’t tell if it's fear or desire. Maybe both. Probably both.

 Steve starts breathing fast and shallow. 

I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what's happening.  I don’t know what's happening.

The thought gets stuck on repeat in Steve’s head. It’s too much. He’s too hot, and he can’t breathe, and he’s floating, and Eddie is so pretty, and flirting like this feels so good and he just wants so badly, but he cant want this, he shouldn’t want this and-

The room starts to close in on him. His heartbeat races so fast he’s scared he may die, and his breaths turn ragged as he tries desperately to breathe. It happens so quickly, the descent into panic, and he hates that this is happening, especially in front of Eddie, but he doesn’t know how to make it stop. He can’t make it stop. All he can do is reach out for the man in front of him. 

“Oh shit Stevie I’m sorry. I was teasing- I didn’t mean to-”

Whatever tone Eddie was using before is gone, instantly replaced by something closer to his normal voice only maybe a little softer.

“Hey-hey it’s okay I've got you. You’re safe, I've got you.” He wraps his arms around Steve, pulling him so close he’s basically sitting in his lap. 

Steve practically melts into Eddie's touch, throwing his arms around his waist and gripping the fabric of his shirt in his first. He buries his face against the metalhead’s chest as he struggles to breathe. 

“Shhh It’s okay. I’ve got you Steve, it’s okay. You’re gonna be okay. I’ve got you.” Eddie murmurs, cradling his head and petting his hair in soothing repetitive motions. 

“Try to take some deep breaths okay? You’re safe here. I’ve got you.”

Steve is still shaking in Eddie’s arms, and may or may not be making mortifyingly pitiful noises as he hyperventilates and cries, but he does try to slow his ragged breaths by matching them to the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest. Being held so tightly, and having the steady rhythms of Eddie's heartbeat and breathing to focus on helps tremendously. It takes him a while to realize that was the whole point.

“I’ve got you Steve. You’re doing so good. Keep taking deep breaths with me.”

Eddie’s voice is so gentle, so caring, and his exaggerated breaths are so soothing and easy to follow, Steve almost can’t remember why he’s so scared. It takes a few minutes, but eventually he stops shaking. 

Eddie keeps comforting him, whispering soft praise against the top of Steve's head. 

“There you go. Deep breaths. You’re doing so good. Just stay with me. This will end, I promise.”

He slides one of his hands down, extending a pinky next to one of Steve’s balled fists. 

Steve lets out a choked laugh and loosens his grasp on the fabric his hands are clutching, then locks his pinky around Eddie’s. 

Eddie pulls their still-entwined hands to his face, guiding Steve out of his curled up position, then bringing their hands to his face and kissing his thumb. 

Again Steve laughs, and he wonders how Eddie knew exactly what to do to help him. Their fingers linger around each other for a long moment, neither of them seemingly wanting to drop the other's hand. Eventually Steve steals his hand back to wipe tears from his face. He knows he must look like a wreck right now, and he’s more than a little embarrassed, but he does feel better. 

“Freak-outs” like that happen sometimes, they have for years, but never in front of other people. He’s had so many, especially lately, that he sort of knows how to break out of it, or at least how to ride it out until he can find something to focus on long enough for him to remember how to breathe. However long that takes. He’s never gotten out of it that fast. 

He’s spent countless nights getting caught in loops of 

-Remember some terrible thing that happened, some horrific way that somebody got hurt, or died, or almost died, and he couldn’t save them. 

-Think of everything he could have done differently, should have done differently.

-Worry he won’t be able to save them next time. That there will be a next time. That eventually he’ll fuck up and somebody else will pay the price for his failure, something terrible will happen. 

-Repeat. 

It’s like everything happens too fast, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t get the thoughts to stop, and he would do anything to make the thoughts stop. Somehow Eddie made the thoughts stop. They’ve never been that easy to break out of before, and he truly has no idea how Eddie managed to get him out so quickly, but he did.

The loop ended. The panic ended. Eddie kept him safe. 

“Why do you do that?” Steve asks, still sniffling, his breathing not quite back to normal yet. 

“Do what?”

“Kiss your thumb. You did it last time too.”

"Makes the promise stronger.” Eddie grins at him. 

He couldn’t tell you why, but it makes Steve's heart flutter. 

“How ya doing Harrington? You back with me?” 

“Yeah I’m back. I’m sorry I don’t-”

Eddie interrupts him. “-Are you about to apologize to me for having a panic attack?”

“I- guess so, yeah.” Steve’s voice is small, like the freak out (or panic attack as Eddie called it) has drained everything from him, which it kinda has.

“That's dumb. Don’t do that.”

“But I-” 

Eddie makes a noise of disapproval.

“We don’t apologize for things we feel or things we can’t control, okay? It happens dude. I get them too.”

“You do?”

“I have since I was a kid, yeah, but who wouldn’t have panic attacks after all the shit we’ve seen and the whole almost dying thing? Multiple times for you if I remember correctly.”

“I guess.” Steve pauses for a long time. He wants to argue, to insist that yeah of course it makes sense for anyone else to be fucked up after all of this, but he should be stronger. It would probably just make Eddie frustrated with him, and he really can’t handle that right now, so just this once he won’t apologize.

“Thank you. For helping. It was a lot easier this time. It usually takes forever to get it to stop.”

He looks up at Eddie, and when their eyes meet, it feels like Eddie is trying to read every thought in his head like a book again. A barely perceptible shift in his expression makes Steve worry for a moment that maybe he could.

“Its my job to keep you safe remember? You don’t have to thank me.” 

Steve truly cannot remember the last time he felt so comforted. 

“Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to do something else? I can give you actual options this time if it’s helpful.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay Stevie, no worries.”

Eddie hugs the now-mostly-calm man against him, and it is at this moment that Steve realizes he is still basically sitting in Eddie's lap.

His face burns and he starts to move away, but Eddie doesn’t let him, instead holding him tighter as he lists some options of what they can do. 

“We can see if anything good is on tv or we can lay in bed and stare at your ceiling again.” As if demonstrating the latter, he flops over, sprawling both of them across the mattress before he continues. 

“I can make lunch. You cannn… watch me snoop through your room?” 

He sits up quickly and starts to get off the bed, but Steve grabs his arm and pulls him back down before he can get far. 

“There’s no way I’m letting you snoop through my room.” 

“How terribly rude Harrington!” Eddie pulls his arm back playfully with that patented Munson theatricality. “I trip sit for you and I can’t even snoop for embarrassing photos? Love letters from the girls you wooed in high school? The secret formula of products that keeps your hair so perfect? None of that shit?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Absolutely not.” 

“Alright alright you win. No snooping… For now.” 

Before Steve can protest to the “For now” part of that statement, Eddie presses a finger against his lips, physically telling him to shut up while he offers one more option. 

“Music is pretty damn cool when you’re tripping. I brought a few tapes if you want to listen to them.”

He seems almost embarrassed about this suggestion, which Steve doesn’t understand, but he hasn’t understood most of what has been happening today, so he doesn’t really read into it. He likes music, and this sounds like the option Eddie would like best. Not to mention he'd probably get to keep laying next to him too, so…

“Sure, yeah music sounds awesome Eds.”

“Hell yeah. My tapes are in my bag, I’m gonna go grab it.” 

Eddie gets up to leave, but pauses in the doorway, looking back with an expression that Steve isn’t used to. Something between fondness and concern he thinks. Lots of firsts from Munson today. 

Do you want to be alone for a few minutes? I can finish that joint if you do, or I can come right back if you don’t. Either one is okay with me, it's your choice.”  

His heart swells. Eddie has been so sweet to him all day, he deserves to do something he wants too. Plus maybe a few minutes apart will help him figure out what is going on in his head. 

 “Yeah Eds go for it, finish your joint.”

“You sure? I really don’t mind coming right back.” 

“Yeah, I think I’ll survive for a few minutes by myself.” 

“You better.” Eddie points at him with a dramatic flourish that seems almost accusatory before disappearing down the hall.

Steve registers that Eddie is acting more like he normally does. His tone is closer to what it usually is. His actions are still dramatic and definitely still flirty, but not as intensely as they were before Steve full on panicked. He’s confused by what happened, and what all of these new pieces of Eddie are that he’s seeing for the first time. Especially confused by the new pieces of himself that Eddie seems to be discovering today. An almost deseperate need to see them again and understand them better swells in Steve's chest. Whatever was happening between the two of them made him panic; it makes him anxious and confused and a little angry at himself, but it also makes him feel good and excited and just generally happy? It makes him feel so much all at the same time, and even though he shouldn’t, he wants so much more of it. 

Once he hears the door to the patio close downstairs, he groans and leans against the headboard of his bed, running his fingers through his hair as he tries to sort through everything in his head. Not even a minute later, he glances to the bedroom door, and when his thoughts are almost immediately and completely transfixed on the boy downstairs (for like the hundredth time today) something clicks in his brain. He realizes something. It’s something new and scary and unexpected and wrong, but he’s realized it, and there’s no taking that back now. 

Even if he doesn’t understand it, he’s pretty sure he has a crush on Eddie Munson. He’s pretty sure that he has for a while. 

“Oh I’m so fucked." 

The next few minutes he spends looking around the room like maybe, just maybe, if he tries hard enough, he’ll find a better answer to all of this in the shifting pattern of wallpaper around him. He knows it won’t happen, but he tries anyway while he waits for Eddie to return.

Chapter Text

Downstairs, Eddie grabs his bag, goes outside, and closes the patio door behind him. He sits on the ground next to it and deflates, lulling his head back against the wall. For a minute or two, he simply sits, struggling to breathe and cloaked in the overbearing combination of emotion in his chest. There’s guilt there, a little shame even, and a lot of concern. Never before has he seen Steve panic like that. It makes sense to a degree. He meant it when he said he has panic attacks too. Hell, he’s trying not to have one right now. If Steve wasn’t having them before, of course he would be after everything the Upside Down has done to him, but Eddie is certain that whatever Steve just experienced wasn’t a trauma-based panic. That was something different, and despite not really understanding what happened, he feels fully and completely that it was his fault. The guilt only fuels the whirlwind of thoughts racing around his mind. 

Fuck, that was stupid. I shouldn’t have done that. Especially not when he’s high. I mean shit, panicking like that could have shot him into a bad trip, and I'm lucky it didn’t. I’ve been pushing it all day. None of the flirting on his end was real. I should know better than to act like that. 

He lights the joint he had started earlier. Steve’s enthusiasm for swimming (and taking his clothes off) had pulled him away before he was even halfway through it, so there’s plenty left for Eddie to quiet his mind right now. Not enough to get stoned, he still needs to be a functional tripsitter, but enough to deliver a little bit of that familiar fuzzy sensation behind his eyes to dissuade how stupid and powerless and scared he feels. 

Goddamnit, he can’t even tell me to leave if he wants to. He’s going to be high for hours and I’ve made everything weird. Fuck! He’s gonna hate me. 

The voice of criticism in his head is ruthless, but he always believes that he deserves it. 

I ruined it, I ruined everything. He’s going to come down eventually and then he’ll kick me out and never want to see me again. I just ruined a friendship, my best friendship, because I can’t get over a stupid fucking gay crush. 

He brings the joint to his mouth and takes a hit, breathing deeper than he usually would, but craving the burn that comes with trying not to cough around smoke. Lingering fragments of internalized homophobia hit him hard, but maybe his weed can hit harder. When he goes inside, he knows he’ll have to face Steve, find some way to apologize, and figure out how not to ruin the rest of his trip. For now, he inhales, exhales, and repeats until all that’s left of his joint is a smoldering filter. The repetition of the task, and the high creeping into his chest and head work in tandem to steady his breath and slow his racing heart. It quiets the criticism in his mind long enough for him to believe that maybe he can fix this. 

Maybe it will be okay. Eddie lets himself hope. I can apologize for taking it too far and freaking him out. I can be normal, and when he’s sober maybe he won’t hate me. He doesn’t mean it when he hits on me, but he doesn’t have to know that I do.

It’s in this hopeful, floaty space that Eddie fully processes that even if it was just to play along, Steve had been flirting too. He knows he amped it up too much, but it’s not like it came out of nowhere. Surely Steve can’t hate him if he was doing it too right? All day he’s been dropping suggestive quips, initiating touch, literally checking him out and blushing when Eddie does any of it back. He seemed okay as soon as he calmed down too, didn’t push him away or punch him or yell at him like he could have, like Eddie would at least half expect any other man to do in that position. Not Steve though. No, he had let Eddie hold him, thanked him for being there to help, and bounced right back to the familiar laughter and playful touches Eddie has grown accustomed to. Before the panic, Steve’s affection had been more than usual, but after the panic, it didn't seem to be less. 

I can match whatever he starts, make sure not take it any further, and we’ll be back to normal. He doesn’t hate me. I didn’t ruin everything.

He may tell himself that he caused the panic, but he can’t ignore the fact that he was also the one Steve reached for and clung to when he sought comfort and safety. In that moment, his walls had fallen completely, and instead of rushing to reconstruct the rubble, he invited Eddie in. He trusted Eddie to protect him, and Eddie did just that. 

Backpack in hand, he stands. 

You can do this. Just be normal and make sure the rest of the day goes well for Steve. Let him have a good time, and worry about the other shit later. 

**********

“So I’ve got a rock mix, a metal mix, and a somewhat laid back mix.” Eddie says, rummaging through his bag as he walks back into Steve’s room. “Which do you want?” 

“Mm let’s do the laid back one.” Steve decides. “Players on the dresser.” 

Eddie crosses to the dresser, pops in the tape, and hits play. He notices that there’s a photo next to the cassette player of Steve and Robin at an arcade the kids probably talked Steve into driving them to. Steve has an arm around Robin’s shoulder, and she has an arm thrown around his waist. If he tried, Eddie could probably count the number of times he has seen those two touch each other affectionately. Punching, shoving, and generally pestering each other he sees all the time, but never anything resembling a hug, (unless maybe he can consider the time Buckley sat on Steve to stop him from taking the remote and turning off whatever she had picked during movie night to be a hug.) Their faces are glowing in the colorful light of arcade games. Robin is almost doubled over, her laughter forever frozen in the image, and the smile on Steve’s face might just be brighter than the lights. They look carefree. They look happy. Eddie smiles softly to himself. 

“Well don’t just stand there Munson. Come listen with me.” Steve says from his spot on the bed.  

“Ah but you’ve given me the perfect chance to snoop, Harrington! You can’t expect me to give up on that!” 

“Wait, what? NO!” Steve processes the words and leaps up from the bed, lunging forward to grab his snooping friend.   

Eddie rolls his head back in laughter when Steve wraps his arms around him, physically pulling him away from the dresser. 

“Holy shit Steve, what fucked up porn do you have in your drawers that you’re so scared of me finding?” 

“I don’t have porn in my dresser!” Steve exclaims. “I just don’t want you going through my shit.”

“Your blushing doesn’t make that super convincing, but okay.” Eddie draws out the last word like a little song. He drops from the other man’s grasp and onto the carpet, rolling backwards when he hits the ground, legs swinging dramatically up in the air before finally coming to rest, sprawled haphazardly across the floor with the rest of his body. 

Steve stares with a look of disbelief, but follows suit and, much less performatively, sits on the floor next to him. 

Eddie smiles wide, then stretches to pull his bag towards him. 

“You should probably drink some water.” 

“I don't know where mine went.” Steve says, looking around the room. “Can I have some of yours?” 

There was only ever the one bottle, and based on his smirk and the lilt in his voice, Eddie is pretty sure Steve knows that. Steve bats his eyelashes in a melodramatic attempt to convince Eddie to take mercy on him and share. Okay, so he definitely knows it’s just the one bottle. 

Eddie sits up and takes a long sip himself.

“Yeah I guess so..” He extends the words again, all playful sarcasm and smiles.

Steve lets out a genuine giggle as he takes the bottle.  

“Drugs are still working I see.” Eddie teases. 

“Oh yeah definitely. I’m pretty sure I’m higher than I was earlier.”

Eddie glances at the clock on the bedside table. 

“That checks out. It's been like three hours, so you’re probably peaking right now. This should be the highest you get.” 

“Perfect timing to listen to your music then. Maybe it’ll make it sound good.” 

Eddie’s jaw drops, his expression a mocked approximation of horror. 

“Don’t you dare disrespect my tapes Harrington!” He tackles the other boy, wrestling him back against the ground. 

Steve breaks into a fit of laughter beneath Eddie, flailing in a half-assed attempt to free himself. 

“Admit that it’s good!” Eddie demands. 

“Never!” 

“Do it or you’ll never escape!” 

“I can escape whenever I want!” 

“Then do it fucker!” 

They bicker loudly as they roll around, pushing and pulling each other with reckless abandon. 

“Okay! Okay! You win!” Steve eventually manages through breathless laughter and a face full of Eddie’s curls. “Let me go!” 

“Nuh-uh. Not until I hear you say my music is good!” Eddie collapses with his elbows on either side of  Steve’s head, propping himself up to look at his pinned opponent's face. He doesn’t think he dropped his weight on him hard, but Steve exhales like the air was stolen from his lungs. 

“Fine! Your music is good.” Steve relents, face flush from wrestling.

“And you like listening to it?” 

“Yes! Yes, Eddie Munson, I love listening to your music with you.” 

“That’s better.” Eddie says quietly, leaning as close to Steve’s face as he dares. He ignores the butterflies taking flight in his chest when he sees the red on Steve’s face darken at their proximity and rolls over to lay next to him instead.

They settle into a comfortable quiet after that, with Steve tracing the carpet beneath his hands, occasionally brushing against Eddie in the process, and Eddie playing air guitar along to the music, glancing over in amusement every time Steve is hit with a sporadic fit of giggles.

“Somewhat laid back mix” definitely deserved the emphasis that had been put on the "somewhat” part. Eddie had included a few songs he knows Steve likes, but most of the songs Steve clearly doesn’t recognize and would probably never have listened to on his own. He doesn’t seem to mind though.

A few songs in, Steve brushes his hand more intentionally against his tripsitter's leg. 

“Eddie?” He says quietly.

“Yes Harrington?” Eddie drops his arms from their air guitar position as he turns to face the younger man. 

“Thank you. For earlier I mean. Helping me calm down when I like, lost it for a minute.” 

“No worries dude. Sorry I freaked you out, I really didn’t mean to like-” 

Steve sits up, smug look on his face, as he introjects 

“-I thought you told me there was no apologizing for things we can’t control?” 

“Okay but that’s different.” Eddie argues. “You had a panic attack because I-”

Steve interrupts again. 

“Trust me Eds, it wasn’t because you did anything wrong. It was just- I just got a little overwhelmed because I-” He shakes his head like he can’t finish his explanation. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise.” 

“Are you sure?” Eddie asks tinitively. 

“1000%. I’m having a really great time with you, and you didn’t do anything wrong. It isn’t your fault I panicked.” Steve assures. “I meant it earlier when I said I’ve never been able to like, make it stop that fast. You helped a lot, and I’m glad you don’t think I’m like… a freak or anything after that.”

“Are you seriously concerned that I could think you’re a freak Steve?”

“Don’t be a dick.” Steve rolls his eyes and shoves Eddie. “ I’m trying to thank you. For being here, for letting me do this, for calming me down, for everything. It means a lot to me. ” 

“Of course. I’m always here for you man.”

If Eddie’s voice falters when he says this, who could really blame him? After all, Steve is looking at him with pure adoration in his eyes, like he believes Eddie himself hung the stars and holds the power to grant every wish he could ever make. Like he knows that if he truly had that power, Eddie would do it in a heartbeat.

“You’re feeling better now?” Eddie asks. 

“Yeah I’m doing okay.” Steve smiles

“Hell yeah. I’m glad you're having a good time then.”

“I always do.”

Eddie tilts his head in confusion, prompting Steve to continue.

"Have a good time with you I mean. It’s always great to hang out with you. It just feels, I guess, more great right now?” He’s sort of rambling, the confidence typically coating his words seemingly evaporating as they leave his mouth.

“That would probably be the heightened emotional state.” Eddie laughs. “But thank you. I like hanging out with you too.” 

A charged moment of silence follows before finally Steve swallows and asks

“Eddie?” 

“Yeah Steve?” 

“I-” The words stick in Steve's throat. “I think that-” He tries again, but cuts himself off with a shaky exhale. 

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asks, urgently scanning his eyes over Steve in search of answers. 

He doesn’t give any, just chews on the inside of his lip, eyes locked on his lap where he’s anxiously rubbing his left thumb against his right palm.

The tension in the air is thick, and dread bubbles in Eddie’s stomach as that flurry of criticism begins in his head once more. This must be it. Steve is going to tell him that he ruined things. He’ll say that he always enjoyed spending time together before , but now it’s done. His heart breaks at what he knows is inevitable. He braces himself to take the words like a punch. 

The words don’t come as a punch though. They come as a whisper, floating slowly through the air between the two men as they’re spoken. 

“I really like you.”

Steve's voice comes out shaky and small. He looks like it’s taking everything within him to find the courage to speak. 

“You’re like my best friend other than Robin… But I think I might like you in another way too?” 

Before Eddie can respond, Steve continues, letting the words fall from his mouth faster than he can control them, like they've been building all day and the dam has finally broken. He’s rubbing his palm harder and faster as he fights against an obviously rising panic.

“I don’t really understand it. I mean, it’s always been girls, I've only ever liked girls. But then I met you, and the more time I spend with you the more confused I get about it. I think about you all the time. When I shelve movies at work, I try to guess which ones you’ve seen. When Robin makes me listen to music with her, I wonder which songs you’d like. I started asking Dustin questions about DnD so I understand what you’re talking about all the time!  I don’t think I’ve ever felt the way I do around you, and I can't stop thinking about—” 

He lets out a frustrated sigh. 

“ And I know that I shouldn’t want the things I keep thinking about, but I do. It’s like every time I’m near you all I do is want, and I don’t know how to stop wanting–“ Steve cuts himself off again, like he can’t quite bring himself to finish saying it out loud and making it real. He looks up at Eddie for the first time since he started talking, eyes frantically trying to read his reaction before coming to rest on his lips in a silent completion of his confession. 

“Holy shit.” Eddie says in joyous disbelief. “Do you have feelings for me?” 

Steve nods. He looks like he might cry. “I’m sorry.” 

Eddie realizes his response was maybe not the most eloquent, and he should clarify that “holy shit” in this context is a good reaction. 

“Steve-” He starts, but is quickly interrupted.

“I don’t want to mess anything up between us or lose your friendship, or make you uncomfortable.” Steve is crying now. 

“Steve-”

“But I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore.” 

“Steve-”

“Or we can pretend I never said anything if -”

“Stevie!”  

Steve finally falls silent. Eddie brings his hands to his cheeks, holding him tenderly like something precious and valuable. 

“What did we say about apologizing for things we feel?”  

“Not to…” Steve concedes. “But-”

“I like you too.” 

“You do?” 

“So much it fucking hurts.”

 He wipes a tear from Steve’s cheek with his thumb, and for the second time today, his touch seems to pull him out of panic. 

If touch is what helps Steve calm down, Eddie can definitely deliver. He guides Steve’s head to rest on his shoulder, and starts to play with his hair while he demonstrates slow, deep breaths. At first he doesn’t say anything, just lets the other man find quiet comfort in his presence until he is ready to keep talking. A few minutes later, once Eddie feels their breath synchronize, he quietly asks

“How ya doin’?” 

“I’m okay.” Steve nods, sitting back to look at Eddie. “Are you okay?” 

Eddie nods with a genuine smile. He is doing okay. He's doing more than okay. He feels wonderful. He feels amazing. How could he not? How could he possibly feel anything less than extraordinary when the best friend he's been head over heals for for months just came out to him and confessed he feels the same way? He feels incredible, and he knows it can only get better from here. 

“I’m doing great Stevie.”

Steve hesitates for a moment. “Can I kiss you?” 

“Fuck yeah you can kiss me.” Eddie beams. 

Chapter Text

Months of silent pining and daydreams, late nights spent fantasizing about what could be “if only”, and questioning what these feelings mean. Stolen glances, gentle touches, and fake flirting that was never truly fake. Every moment the two have spent thinking about the other and longing for something they couldn’t speak out loud. All of it comes crashing together in this moment, then melts away as their lips meet.

Their kiss starts slow, gentle, and uncertain, new to both of them, but so incredibly right. It only takes a moment for any hesitation to fade, replaced quickly by a frantic hunger. Sparks turn to fireworks as Eddie pulls Steve into his lap. Their arms wrap around each other, and they hold each other tightly, pressing themselves as close together as they can, as if worried the other will disappear if they let go. They kiss like they’ve spent their entire lives waiting for this moment, and they’re making up for lost time. 

Eddie moves one hand to the small of Steve’s back, then laces the fingers of his other hand through his hair. At the same time, Steve slides his hands under the fabric of Eddie’s shirt, and holds onto his hips. They’re practically panting as they make out, barely taking time to catch their breath between kisses, desperate for as much touch as possible, as much of the other person as possible. 

Steve swipes his tongue across Eddie’s lips, and Eddie gasps, opening his mouth to invite him in. Their tongues press together, swirling around each other in a mess of hot breath and spit and desire. Then Steve begins to suck on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, and Eddie can’t help but tighten his grasp on Steve’s hair. 

“Oh fuck.” Steve nearly moans when his head is jerked back and Eddie’s tongue slips from his mouth.

“Shit, sorry.” Eddie loosens his grip immediately. 

“No, don't be, I liked it.” 

Steve quickly moves one of his hands and holds it over Eddie’s to stop him from letting go of his head. Once he feels fingers through his hair again, Steve returns his hand to Eddie’s hip and gives a few more sloppy kisses before pressing his lips to the side of his neck. When Eddie exhales a small noise of approval, Steve drags his tongue across his skin, sucking until he leaves a bruise- a reminder for later of where his lips have been.

Eddie lets out a small moan, then another as Steve instinctively rolls his hips at the sound, grinding down against his lap. 

“Oh fuck Stevie.” His hand tightens around hair again, pressing the other man’s head against his neck in encouragement as Steve works on leaving another hickey.    

Eddie runs his unoccupied hand along Steve’s back, then his stomach, then his chest. He slowly brushes a thumb across his nipple, and when Steve moans, leaning back long enough to yank his shirt over his head and toss it on the floor behind them, Eddie only lets himself stare in admiration for a moment before quickly wrapping an arm around Steve’s waist and leaning forward. Steve instinctively clings to him, trying not to fall back, which only helps Eddie position him how he wants. 

Placing his other hand on the ground to balance himself as he moves, he presses Steve back until he is laying down, legs on either side of Eddie’s body. He leaves a tender kiss on Steve’s lips, then slides down to flick his tongue across the younger man’s nipple before working his way along his body. Slowly. He kisses, licks, and sucks bruises across Steve’s chest and collarbones, sprinkling a few across his neck for good measure. Once Eddie is satisfied by the collection of red and purple hues, he takes one of Steve’s nipples back into his mouth, rolling it between his lips and lapping his tongue gently against it before switching to the other. He bites down slightly, and the noise Steve makes could have been lifted straight out of a wet dream. 

“Goddamn Stevie if you sound like that just from my mouth on your nipples, I can’t wait to hear how you’ll sound when it’s around your cock.” 

Steve bucks his hips and moans, clearly into the idea, but Eddie freezes. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He starts to move, sitting back between Steve’s thighs instead of hovering just slightly above him. 

“No, it’s okay! You can say that, you can do that!” Steve rolls his hips again, seeking contact in the space Eddie previously occupied, but finding none. He whines, eyes wide and pleading as he tries to pull Eddie back down on top of him. 

“Stevie we really shouldn’t.” 

“You don’t want to?” 

“No, I definitely want to! You have no idea how badly I want to do that for you, but you’re high.” Eddie sighs.

“So are you.”  Steve argues. 

“I had like half a joint, you had half a tab, it's different. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“You're not taking advantage of me, Eds. I want this! I’ve wanted this for a long time.” 

Eddie hesitates, torn between doing what he thinks he should, and doing what everything in his body is aching for. He should say no. Steve is tripping. They should really wait until he comes down and they talk about it more. That’s the responsible thing to do. But fuck is it hard to be responsible when his dick is throbbing in his jeans and Steve Harrington is shirtless beaneath  him, eyes blown, breathless and begging like a pornstar for Eddie’s touch. 

Then Steve bats his pretty lashes at him and pouts, whining out a truly pathetic “please?”, and Eddie feels his resolve to be responsible slipping. 

“Shit baby you're making it really hard to say no.”

“Good! I’ve been hard, and I don’t want you to say no!”

Eddie can’t help but to laugh at that one. 

“I just don’t want you to be hurt or regret this when you’re sober.” He says, gently brushing hair from Steve’s forehead. 

“I won’t regret this. I won’t regret anything with you.” 

“I want to Stevie, fuck do I want to. I’ve literally dreamed of this.” Eddie groans, unbearably frustrated that he has to hesitate when he’s so close to those dreams coming true. 

“Then do it!” Steve demands. He sits up enough to throw his arms around Eddie and manages to pull him down on top of him. Swiftly, he wraps his legs around Eddie’s waist, forcing their bodies closer together before he begins to kiss Eddie roughly, shamelessly licking into his mouth and biting at his lips.

Eddie’s entire body is buzzing at the sight of Steve so ravenous at just the thought of his touch, and he is too surprised to hold himself back from a loud moan when Steve rolls his hips up again, tightening his legs so he can grind against him. The look of pride on Steve’s face over pulling that noise from him and proving Eddie is losing his fight against desire is infuriating. He pushes back against Steve’s arms, silently threatening to move off of him entirely. 

“No no no don’t go!” Steve whines, frantically grabbing to stop the other man from moving. “Please Eddie, I want you so fucking bad. I won’t regret this. I promise.” Steve holds out one hand, extending his pinky to repeat the gesture Eddie had made earlier.

Eddie offers his pinky in return, watching intently as Steve twines them together then presses a soft kiss against his own thumb. Steve doesn’t break eye contact as he does the same to Eddie’s, gently kissing his fingertip before parting his lips and pulling his thumb into his mouth. He lets out a content noise as he begins to suck. If the hard-on in his jeans and the sound of Steve’s begging weren’t already about to make Eddie cave, this certainly does the trick. 

“Fuck Harrington, you’re impossible to say no to aren’t you?” 

Steve slides off of Eddie’s thumb with a smug look. “That’s the goal.” 

Eddie can’t take it anymore. Logic be damned he needs to ruin this man. He leans down, close to Steve’s ear and whispers 

“Tell me what you want then.”   

Steve pouts, squirming beneath him without saying a word. 

“All that begging and you don’t even know what you want?” Eddie asks condescendingly.

“I want you!” 

 Eddie shoots him a stern look, silently reprimanding him for his tone, and Steve honest to god whimpers. 

Oh shit, he wasn’t just playing along earlier. Eddie realizes. He really likes it when I boss him around.   

He smirks at the desperate boy beneath him, slipping into the dark voice that seemed to affect him so visceral earlier. 

“Come on baby, you can do better than that. Remind me how pretty you sound begging. What do you want me to do to you?” 

Steve’s breath shakes as he lets out a meek “I don’t care.” 

Eddie’s confidence grows because yeah, this voice super has an effect on Steve. 

“You definitely seem to care,” he teases. “All that fussing, so desperate for me to touch you. Surely you can figure out where you want it, no? Or do you need me to actually make the choices for you this time?”

“Fuck yes please!” Steve exclaims. “I don’t care what you do, I just need you. You can do whatever you want.” 

Eddie raises an eyebrow. 

“You don’t even know the things I think about doing to you, and you’re just going to let me do whatever I want? You’re giving me a lot of power right now Stevie.”  

“You can have it! Anything you want. Everything you dream about. Touch me. Blow me. Let me touch you. Just please, something Eddie.” 

Steve looks like he’s going to cry, and it’s so unbelievably hot Eddie shivers. 

“You’re a fucking dream come true Harrington.” He shakes his head. “Clothes off. On the bed.”

 The way Steve rushes to comply with his command goes straight to his dick. A small laugh slips from  his lips when Steve almost falls over in his mad dash to take off his pants, and the embarrassment on his face only spurs Eddie on more. 

He stands by the end of the bed, fully clothed, reveling in the almost fearful anticipation in Steve’s eyes as he sits naked and expectant. 

“Eddie please. I need you.” 

“Yeah? You’re gonna be good for me?” 

Steve nods.

“What was that?” Eddie turns his head to the side, cupping a hand around his ear. “I couldn’t quite hear you.” 

“Yes, yes Eddie I can be good! I’ll be good!” 

“I know you will, baby.” Eddie grins.

He pulls off his shirt, tosses it on the ground, and climbs onto the bed. Without giving him time to prepare, he wraps his hands around Steve’s ankles and yanks, pulling him from his seated position. Immediately, he descends on the younger man. He laces his fingers through Steve’s hair and tugs, exposing his neck. 

Steve moans as Eddie licks up the side of his throat and pulls at his earlobe with his teeth before moving back down to recklessly kiss, lick, suck, and bite wherever he pleases. 

“Mmm” Steve whines. “Can I touch you?” 

“Of course baby.” Eddie says, barely lifting his head from where he is currently sucking a bruise into Steve’s shoulder. “You’re such a mess right now, it’d be cruel to take your hands away. A nice idea for later though.” 

Even as feral as he feels right now, Eddie knows not to actually do anything like that before they have a real, sober conversation about expectations, boundaries, safe words, etc. It’s a conversation they will definitely be having, because Steve sounds very much so into the idea of having his hands taken away, and Eddie is very much so into the idea of taking them, but it can wait. For now, Eddie is perfectly fine with the other man’s hands running along his back, nails digging in slightly when Eddie’s mouth finds a particularly sensitive spot. He’s more than fine with the sounds Steve is making, and the way he keeps bucking his hips up in search of more.

“Sweet needy thing.” Eddie purrs. “Am I not giving you enough?” 

Steve shakes his head. 

Eddie runs a hand down Steve’s chest, pressing down and circling a thumb around his nipple before moving on, stopping his hand as it reaches Steve’s happy trail. 

“You need something to rub yourself against?” 

Steve vigorously nods, bucking his hips again. 

“Okay baby. You’re being good and patient for me. I think it's about time I reward you for that.” 

Eddie rolls over to lay next to Steve, finally deciding to give him a break from all the teasing.  He slots their legs together, sliding his thigh as far up between Steve’s as possible. The younger man whimpers again, and holy shit Eddie wants to hear that noise for the rest of his life. 

Steve wraps his arms around Eddie, and stares expectantly. He seems to be trying his best not to move his hips, so Eddie whispers, 

“Go ahead Stevie.You can use my leg.” 

Steve immediately starts grinding fast and hard against denim, letting out satisfied little sounds as he does. 

“Thank you thank you thank you.” Steve rambles, and Eddie realizes that Steve actually had been waiting for his permission. He didn’t think it was possible to get any harder than he already was, but apparently it is.

“Fuck baby you’re so good for me. Waiting for permission and I didn’t even have to tell you to.” 

“Mhm.” Steve moans, words seemingly failing him right now. He grinds down hard, wrapping his hands around Eddie’s shoulders to push his fingers through his tangled curls. 

Eddie worries for a moment that it may be uncomfortable for Steve to grind against his jeans, but decides it’s fine. Steve could always stop if he wanted to. If he happens to be too far gone to care either way, that’s pretty fucking hot anyways. He feels a wet spot forming on his thigh where Steve’s leaking cock is rubbing against it, and he truly cannot believe that he is here right now. 

“Absolutely wrecked and I’ve barely even touched you.”

Steve latches on to Eddie’s neck, sucking so hard it almost hurts, but Eddie doesn’t mind one bit.  He lets Steve ride his thigh, lets him suck bruises on his skin, lets him build closer and closer to orgasm until Eddie can’t stand it anymore. When he makes Steve come for the first time, it’s going to be while he blows him. 

Eddie pulls his thigh from between Steve’s legs, despite the mewling protest, and sits back. 

“Don’t fuss at me.” He scolds. “I’m moving so I can suck your dick.” 

Steve nods and offers no further protests. 

Eddie positions himself at the foot of the bed, arms on either side of Steve’s hips and head between his legs. He licks slowly across each of his inner thighs, and Steve starts to squirm so much that Eddie has to physically push his hips down against the mattress to stop him from moving.

“I know you’re excited, but I need you to try to stay still for me okay? Can you do that?” 

“Mhm.”

“Stevie.” Eddie sings. “I need you to use your words.”

“Yes Eddie, I can be still for you.” 

“Good boy.” 

Steve’s dick twitches at the praise, and Eddie is absolutely storing that information away for later. He could spend hours like this, playing with Steve, figuring out what he likes, learning what he looks and sounds like when he gets it. A devious part of him wants to know how Steve would act if he didn’t get what he wants, but that can be a future experiment. Right now, he has his sights set on making Steve cum, and if he doesn’t stop the teasing soon, he may lose the chance to choose how it happens.

“Ready for me to blow you?” 

“Yes! fuck yes please!”  

Eddie laughs, but wastes no time. He drags his tongue along the underside of Steve’s cock, swirls it around the tip, then drops his head, taking as much of Steve into his mouth as he can. 

“Oh fuck Eddie, holy shit!” Steve shouts.

The high pitched whining and hair pulling that follows as Eddie moves up and down makes him moan around the dick in his mouth. Maybe it’s the vibration of his lips, maybe it’s the sudden intensity, maybe it’s both, but Steve immediately forgets to be still, thrusting upward so hard Eddie almost chokes. 

He pulls off to catch his breath, and is met with a flurry of apologetic rambling and pleas. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. I can be still, please don’t stop. I can be good I can-”

“Shhh. It’s okay.” Eddie hushes, rubbing his thumbs along Steve’s hips reassuringly. 

“Please don’t stop.” Steve pleads again. 

“I’m not gonna stop. Just do your best to stay still okay?” 

“Okay.” Steve whimpers. 

“Atta-boy.” 

Eddie drops back down, sucking Steve’s dick with fervor. He bobs his head quickly, circling his tongue around the tip of Steve’s dick before he moves down, then hollowing his cheeks as he pulls back up. 

Steve is a hot mess. He's sweating, panting, crying out Eddie’s name, and babbling strings of profanity through his moans. 

“Eddie, Eddie, Eddie! oh fuck you’re so good- you feel so good! oh fuck- oh shit- Oh my god Eddie !” 

Eddie can tell Steve is getting close. His voice sounds more frantic, his words boarding on incoherent. His legs are shaking and his hands are gripping Eddie’s hair so hard it hurts. Eddie has no desire to stop and correct the behavior though. If anything it encourages him more to know that Steve is so far gone right now, he doesn’t even realize he’s being rough. He presses down on Steve’s hips, forcing them to stay against the bed so he can try something he thinks will drive him crazy. 

He drops his head down slowly, taking all of Steve into his mouth. It’s almost too much, and he has to fight the immediate reflex to pull back, but he’s determined. After a few more bobs of his head, he has mostly adjusted to the feeling. It’s a little uncomfortable, having his mouth so full, but he’s confident he can handle it. He starts to suck Steve’s dick more quickly, taking it down to the base, moving so far off that it nearly falls from his mouth, then dropping to the base again. He lets Steve get used to the rhythm of pounding into his throat, then switches tactics. The next time he gets to the head, he sucks intently on the tip for a moment, then licks lazily once across the slit and pulls off. 

Eddie has no intention of fully stopping, just needs a moment to catch his breath before continuing, but all of the fast intensity from a moment before is gone, and Steve is distraught . 

It’s hard to understand through all of the desperate whining sounds, but Steve cries out something that roughly translates to 

“Nonono!- please don’t stop! I’m so- Eddie- please dont- I- Please- I was so close” 

Eddie hadn’t intended to edge him either, but holy shit is it going on the list of things to discuss later. 

“Oh sweet needy thing.” He coos. “I’m not stopping. Just needed to catch my breath and didn’t realize you were so close.”

Steve whines wordlessly. 

“I know baby, I’m sorry.” Eddie strokes Steve’s head affectionately. 

He leans down and kisses Steve gently then whispers “I’m gonna go back to sucking you off, and you can cum whenever you want to. Just tap me twice before you do, so I have a warning okay?” 

Steve nods and he looks so pretty Eddie doesn’t even tell him to use his words, just kisses him again, and returns to his spot between his legs. He takes Steve’s dick into his mouth, and closes his eyes as he starts to build him back towards orgasm. 

It doesn’t take long before Steve’s legs are shaking again, and he’s crying out 

“Eddie- oh my god Eds. You’re so- you’re so good. Feel so good.” 

Eddie drops his head, taking Steve’s cock all the way down, then hollows his cheeks, dragging his tongue along the underside as he moves back to the tip. He pops off for a moment to press a gentle kiss against the leaking slit. When he licks the salty precum from his lips, Steve lets out a truly heavenly sound. 

“Fuck baby, gonna make me cum before you do if you keep making noises like that.” Eddie growls when he feels a wet spot forming where his own dick is leaking in his jeans.
Steve doesn’t have a chance to respond before Eddie is once again fully focused on his task, not that it really matters what he would have said. The moaning and bucking into Eddie’s throat are enough indication that he is okay with everything happening right now. 

Less than a minute goes by before there’s frantic tapping on Eddie’s shoulder. He looks up without moving, and revels in the look on Steve’s face as he realizes what Eddie intends. A few more passes of his tongue along Steve’s shaft and a hum later, he feels fingers press hard into his skin and his mouth is filled with cum. It doesn’t necessarily taste good , but it's Steve, so it’s perfect. He swallows what he can, then starts to lick up what gravity spilled back down Steve’s cock.
Steve squirms at the near painful overstimulation, pawing at Eddie as he works to clean up his mess, but Eddie doesn’t stop until he can tell Steve has ridden out the aftershocks.

 He wipes a little bit of remaining cum from his mouth with two fingers, and thinks about putting them in Steve’s mouth, but that seems like a bit too much degradation before they talk about what they do and don’t like, so instead he brings them to his own lips. He sucks them clean, then pulls them out with a pop and a smirk. 

Steve looks euphoric. 

“Fuck Eddie. You’re so hot.” He shakes his head incredulously. 

“ I’m so hot? Steve I don't think you know how fucking beautiful you look all wrecked like this.” 

Steve blushes, like the praise is more embarrassing than anything else that has happened today. 

“You just came in my mouth, and you’re getting shy on me now that I tell you you’re pretty, Harrington?” Eddie teases, raising his eyebrows at the other boy. 

“Shut up and come here.” Steve demands, opening his arms for Eddie to lay with him. 

Eddie, of course, complies. He plops down next to Steve, laying on his side to look at him. 

“That was insane.” Steve says. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes absolutely. That was the best blow job I’ve ever gotten. Like holy shit dude.” 

“Don’t call me dude.” Eddie laughs. 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Holy shit, Eddie .” 

“That's better.” 

The two lay there quietly together, until they’ve both come down from the high of adrenaline. Eddie keeps one hand under his head for support. With the other, he alternates between stroking Steve’s hair and tracing his fingertips along his skin gently as he takes in the sight of him all blissed out and smiling.

 Steve breaks the silence after a few minutes. 

“Oh shit, you didn’t cum.” 

Eddie laughs. “That’s okay.” 

“But that’s not fair! I can-”

“Stevie, it's okay. I don’t mind.”

Steve looks apologetic and nervous, like he’s worried Eddie will be mad at him for not getting him off.

“I promise I don’t mind. We need to get cleaned up so I can make lunch anyways. And you need to drink water.” 

Steve pouts. 

“You can make it up to me later okay?” Eddie winks at him. 

Steve seems content with this and allows Eddie to climb off the bed to start gathering everything they need. Eddie hands him the water bottle, and watches to make sure Steve drinks. He nods in approval then turns towards the closet and dresser. 

“You need at least a new set of underwear.” Eddie says. “And I do too. Plus a pair of your pants.” he gestures to his own pants, wet marks on the thigh and crotch. 

“Do you want to pick something for me, or did I earn ‘rummage through your dresser’ privileges when I blew you.” 

Steve’s face flushes, and Eddie can’t help but to laugh a little. He’s the one that almost came in his jeans, and Steve is embarrassed? Unbelievable. 

“I’ll pick something for you.” Steve mutters. 

Eddie’s curiosity about what Steve doesn’t want him to see is killing him, but he doesn’t press it. 

Steve crosses to his dresser and pulls out a new pair of boxers for both of them, plus a dark gray pair of sweatpants for himself, and a black pair for Eddie. 

“Do you care if I shower before we eat?” he asks when he turns around to hand Eddie his clothes. 

“Nah go for it.” 

“You can shower too if you want.” Steve offers.

“With you?” Eddie asks slyly. He bends down to pick up Steve’s shirt from where it was discarded on the floor, then slides it over his head.

“Oh um yeah if you want to. Or by yourself if you wanna.. You know..” Steve swallows as his eyes flick to the other man’s crotch.

Eddie laughs. “It’s okay Stevie, I don’t need to jerk off in your shower.” 

The idea is tempting, but he wants to take care of Steve more than he wants to cum. He grabs his own t-shirt from the floor and hands it to Steve. 

“Go get cleaned up. I’m gonna get changed and start lunch okay?” 

“Okay.” Steve nods before taking Eddie's shirt. 

They share a sweet, intimate kiss, then part to do their respective tasks.

Chapter Text

Even without the distorted sense of time, Steve would think the rest of the day passes too quickly. 

He takes a shower and mentally plays back through what he and Eddie just did as he washes the lingering signs of the best blowjob of his life from his body. The bruises he can’t wash away though, and for that he is grateful. Steve would never say it out loud, but he sort of likes the way bruises look. They’re pretty in a fucked up sort of way. He has always loved hickies, rarely ever makes an attempt to cover them. If he is meeting a girl's parents, sure, but even when his own parents decide to make a guest appearance at their home, he usually doesn't bother.  

It’s fun, having physical proof of what happened. Something to press his fingers against when he wants to remember it. Even the ugly bruises, ones he doesn’t want to get, ones that come from very unlucky nights, he has a tendency to poke at as they heal. There’s just something about them he really likes. It’s a good thing he likes them too, because there is no hiding the way his neck looks right now. There are hickies of varying shades all over his chest, but the ones crossing basically half his throat are dark. Oops. 

When he gets out of the shower, he admires them in the mirror for a moment, tracing his fingers along the path of purples before he pulls Eddie’s shirt over his head. It’s soft, it smells like him, and Steve kind of wishes he could stay in this shirt forever. He wonders if any of the girls he gave shirts to felt as special as he does right now. 

Finally he makes his way downstairs to join Eddie in the kitchen. Eddie greets him with a kiss, then hands him a plate. It’s nothing fancy- BLT grilled cheese and some potato chips on the side- but it almost feels like he was just handed a 5 star Michelin meal. Steve doesn’t remember the last time somebody made food for him. 

They move to the living room where they find a movie to watch while they eat. When they’re done, Steve takes the plates to the kitchen, and when he returns, Eddie motions for him to sit next to him on the couch. Eddie puts his arm around Steve and pulls him close. They’re almost the same height, so when Steve tilts his head, it rests more against Eddie’s head than his shoulder. They sit comfortably like this throughout the movie, content to just sit quietly together. The two talk and laugh and make out as the credits roll. At some point afterwards, they end up back in Steve’s room to listen to another of Eddie’s tapes while they make out some more. All of it is incredible. It feels natural. It feels right. 

Before Steve knows it, it’s grown dark outside. He could have sworn they just had lunch, but the sky tells no lies. Eddie pulls him outside to eat dinner by the pool so they can look at the stars, but Steve struggles to focus on them. Even with the minor visual distortions that make the stars sway slightly, he would rather look at Eddie. The way his face is illuminated by the moonlight reflecting off the pool water is breathtaking. His hair hangs loose around his shoulders, and he occasionally brushes it away from his face with ringed fingers. When he smiles, his eyes shimmer like the stars above them. Steve has never had more than a passive interest in stargazing, but as he watches Eddie point out constellations and explain the stories behind them with dramatically animated motions, his opinion quickly changes. Maybe Dustin was right. Astronomy is cool.

 Somewhere during a story of a battle with a lion, Steve realizes that he has mostly come down from the LSD  high- definitely enough to handle being alone once Eddie leaves for the night, but he doesn’t want Eddie to go. He doesn’t want today to end, and he certainly doesn’t want tomorrow to come. 

“You have work tomorrow right?”  He asks when Eddie is finished describing one of Hercules’ twelve labors. 

“Yeah why?” 

Steve bites his lip. “Do you have to go soon?” 

He doesn’t mean for it to sound pitiful, but the way the words fall from his mouth, he knows that it does. 

The starlight in Eddie’s eyes flickers as guilt eclipses them. It seems like maybe Eddie hadn’t considered he would have to leave. He contemplates for a moment, silence hanging thick between them, then tentatively says 

“I’d need to leave early in the morning and borrow more clothes, but I could stay, if you want?” 

“Are you sure?.” Steve asks. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay if you’d rather go home.” 

Eddie grins.  “I’d like to stay if you’re okay with it.” 

“Yes please.” 

A smile returns the starlight to Eddie’s eyes as he teases, “Always so polite when you want something huh Stevie?” 

Steve rolls his eyes, but the muscles in his shoulders loosen in silent relief at the proof that Eddie wants to stay as much as he wants him to. 

They head inside and spend another hour or so talking up in Steve’s room before they finally go to bed. Eddie falls asleep far faster than Steve. He’s out almost as soon as the lights are off. Steve on the other hand, can’t seem to relax. He tosses and turns for a while, feeling restless every time he settles into a new position. Once, he stirs Eddie awake, but Eddie simply mumbles something intelligibly and pulls Steve into his arms. Steve makes a mental note to ask Eddie in the morning if acid makes it hard to sleep, or if he’s just anxious as hell. It feels ridiculous to be nervous about sharing a bed with Eddie. They literally hooked up a few hours ago, but trying to just sleep next to him makes Steve’s heart pound. Maybe it's because the drugs have worn off, and he is processing the day with a clearer mind. Maybe it’s because of the way Eddie, half-asleep, opened his arms for Steve to rest his head on his chest like they had done it a million times. Maybe it’s because Eddie seems so confident in all of this. He doesn’t seem scared at all by what they are doing. As much as Steve loves everything that happened today, he’s terrified, and he doesn’t know how to keep his balance on this line between fear and exhilaration.

He tries to fall asleep, really he does, but he can’t stop the ruminating loops from playing in his brain. 

What if Eddie regrets this tomorrow? What if he leaves and never comes back? What if? What if? What if?

If he were alone, Steve knows he’d spiral into another full blown panic attack. Everything feels too big and too new, but Eddie is here, and he is safe. Steve tries to focus on that as he nuzzles his head against the other man's chest, finding comfort in his presence.

For a while longer, he sits with his racing thoughts, but Eddie's heartbeat begins to drown out the chorus of what-ifs. He feels himself start to succumb to how tired he is, and the rhythmic rise and fall of Eddie’s chest under his head plus the security of being wrapped in his arms finally lull Steve into sleep around 3 or 4 in the morning. 

Only a few hours later, he wakes to his alarm clock going off. He’s disoriented for a moment, and tenses at the sensation of somebody pressed against him, then relaxes when he remembers that it’s Eddie’s arms wrapped around him. He could get used to waking like this, safe and warm in his position as little spoon. 

“I do not want to be up right now.” Eddie complains into the back of Steve’s head. His voice is gravely and deep from sleep.  “Can’t I just stay here?” 

“I wish.” Steve responds. And he means it. He wishes he could stay here, curled up in Eddie’s arms, and never face the rest of the world again. That’s far too needy and clingy he knows, but he wants it anyways. 

“I’ll just quit my job.” Eddie yawns. 

“No you won’t.”  

“Yeah you’re right. I need that job. Really don’t wanna go though.” 

“I don’t want you to go either.” 

Eventually and reluctantly, they pull themselves out of bed. Steve grabs another set of his clothes for Eddie to wear, then heads downstairs to make French toast and coffee while Eddie showers. 

“You didn’t have to make me breakfast.”  Eddie says when he enters the kitchen. “I usually don’t eat before early shifts anyways.” 

He has on a plain blue V-neck and the only pair of black jeans Steve owns. Steve thinks Eddie looks way better in them than he ever could. Maybe he’ll let him keep them. 

“Okay well, we need to fix that. Breakfast is important, Munson.” 

Eddie is the one to roll his eyes this time. 

“I see why Dustin calls you a soccer mom now Harrington.”

“Dustin calls me a soccer mom?” Steve asks incredulously. 

“More or less.” 

“What does that even mean?”

“It means he’s never exactly said the phrase ‘soccer mom’, but totally thinks you have that energy.”

They argue playfully as they start to eat, Steve insisting he does not have soccer mom energy, and Eddie listing out everything he does that points to the contrary. 

“You’ve driven at least one of the kids to the last four Hellfire Club sessions. You sent Dustin in with snacks last time. And you’ve had  Erica remind me, every session she’s at, that I can’t go overtime when she’s there because they have an earlier curfew.” 

“I care about them.” Steve shrugs. “And I like being helpful.”

“Soccer mom.” 

“Shut up and eat your toast.”

********** 

Far too quickly, it is time for Eddie to leave. 

Steve walks him to the door, and stands awkwardly for a minute, not quite sure how goodbyes work now that they’re… whatever they are. 

Eddie pulls him into a hug, and Steve is filled with an increasingly familiar sense of peace as Eddie’s holds him. 

“I’ll call you later today okay?” The older boy says. 

“Okay.” Steve smiles. 

Eddie lifts Steve’s chin with two fingers, then kisses him. 

Steve sighs into the kiss. He doesn’t really need proof that Eddie’s feelings for him still exist today, but it’s nice to have the reassurance anyways. It’s especially nice when that proof is found on Eddie’s lips. 

“Bye Stevie.” Eddie says when he pulls away. 

“Bye Eds. Good luck at work.” 

Steve stays by the door after it closes and listens to the sound of Eddie’s car pulling out of the driveway. He’s alone now, and his heart drops. 

Every big feeling he’s had in the last 24 hours crashes over him at once. Yesterday was a lot of firsts, and now that he’s sober and undistracted, the self deprecation and shame that he was able to ignore before hit him like a bus. 

He loves how Eddie makes him feel. Loves kissing him. Loves the way it feels to be held in his arms. Everything about being with Eddie feels so right, but Steve doesn’t know how to shut off the part of himself that keeps trying to convince him it’s wrong. It feels like he’s fighting himself so hard he’s going to split in two. 

Steve paces around the house, searching for something to distract himself from the mess that is his thoughts and the building unease in his chest. 

I wanted this. I want this. I am allowed to want this. Why does it feel like I can’t want this? 

He does the dishes from that morning and the previous night. Plates first, then coffee mugs and cups, then silverware. 

What would my old friends say? Why do I even care? 

He looks for little things to clean around the living room. Settles on wiping down the coffee table and returning the movie collection he and Eddie had dug through to their rightful place, in their rightful order, sorted first by genre and then alphabetically. 

Why can’t I calm down? 

He moves to his room and gathers dirty laundry. 

Nobody who matters would be upset that I like him. 

He starts the laundry and returns to his room, then has to go back to the laundry room and double check that he actually started the washing machine. 

The washing machine is running like it’s supposed to, so he returns to his room again and starts to organize and reorganize random shit. He tidies his desk, moves a few discarded sweaters back into his closet, then decides to change the sheets on his bed, so he grabs a fresh set from the shelf. As he walks past his dresser towards his bed, the photo of him and Robin catches his eye. Steve stops in front of his dresser, picks up the picture, and thinks about when Robin came out to him after his embarrassing, drug fueled confession of the crush he had on her. It seems insane now that he ever wanted to be more than friends, but he’s so glad that he told her. Their friendship is one of the most important things in his life, and he thinks that moment in the StarCourt Mall bathroom really solidified it. They survived Russian torture together, but that moment of vulnerability when she told him she was a lesbian and trusted that he would accept her set in stone that they would be linked for life. Guilt and confusion churn in his stomach. 

I love Robin. I never doubted that. I never thought it was wrong for her to be gay. So why is it different for me? 

The tune of the washing machine finishing echoes from the laundry room, so Steve puts the picture down. It doesn’t feel right. He picks it back up, puts it back down, picks it back up, puts it back down again.

He starts down the hall, and a cruel part of his brain strikes as he passes his parents room. 

What would Mom say? What would Dad do? 

This thought more than any other seems to rattle him. A few unpleasant memories flash across his mind, and he freezes. He tries desperately to hold off the panic he feels building in every part of his body, and continues to the laundry room. 

I need to calm down. This is ridiculous. 

Fighting back tears, he flips the laundry, taps the dryer door three times after he closes it, then hits start. He moves downstairs, subconsciously putting as much distance between himself and his parents room as possible. Looking around the room, he searches desperately for something to stop the way he feels right now, for anything to stop his hands from shaking and his heart from racing.

Why the fuck can’t I calm down?

It’s too late. His vision blurs and he knows he can’t stop it now. Nothing is going to work. Nothing is going to help. There’s nothing left to clean or organize. There’s nothing powerful enough to distract him from the floodgates that just opened.

 He gives up, collapses on the couch, and lets panic overtake him. His breaths quicken into hyperventilation as waves of suppressed memory crash all around him, and in their relentless wake he fears, for the second time in his life, that he may drown. One memory ebbs away, and is instantly replaced with another. A series of disappointed looks in his mothers eyes .Screaming matches barely muffled by bedroom doors. Hateful words and thinly veiled threats. They crash too quickly for Steve to catch his breath between them. Then the strongest wave of all hits, and pulls him under. A series of images churn around him as he thrashes against it.  Joyful laughter that was suddenly interrupted. Shouting. The front door slamming. More shouting. A sharp sting across his cheek. A goodbye he never got to say. 

He tries to break free from the panic, but the current is too strong. It tosses him roughly against the beats of that afternoon, each of them a sharp rock that knocks the air from his lungs.

Laughing.

Slamming.

Shouting. 

Slapping. 

Losing. 

It feels never-ending, but Steve is finally snapped out of it when the phone rings. He doesn’t know how long he was stuck in the panic attack, and the waves of it still lap dangerously high, but for now, his head is above water.  He takes a second to wipe his eyes and steady his breath as best he can before he picks up. 

“Harrington residence.”

The sound of Eddie’s voice floats through the phone like a life preserver. “Hiya Stevie. Just got home, and wanted to check in.” 

 “Hi Eddie.”  Steve wills his voice to sound steady, to not give away the fact he was just crying. “How was work?” 

“Boring. Nobody came into the store for the first two hours I was there, and when we did finally have people come in, none of them would listen to my music recs! Do you know how insulting that is to have such fucking good music taste and all I sell all day is lame shit? ”

Steve laughs, but it comes out as more of a sad, choked noise. He pulls the receiver away from his face to try to hide the sound of him taking a deep breath and sniffling. It doesn’t work, and he can almost feel Eddie tense on the other side of the phone. 

“What's wrong?” Eddie asks, the immediately focused concern is his voice utterly contrasting the way he sounded moments ago. 

“Nothing. I’m okay.” 

“Bullshit. What’s going on?” 

Steve sighs. He isn’t ready to explain what’s happening and isn't sure he’d be able to anyways.  “I don’t know. Just got in my head or something.” 

“About last night?” 

Steve stays silent. Even if he knew how to articulate what is wrong, he thinks that this would all be too much. Eddie was so patient and understanding yesterday, but being this level of absolute wreck Steve is certain would scare him away. If he hasn’t already scared him away. 

“Shit.” Eddie says into the silence. “Fuck I’m sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have-”

“Do you regret it?” Steve interrupts. He thinks he knows the answer, hopes that he’s right, but he needs to be certain that he still has Eddie. He can't afford to lose him. 

“What?” 

“Do you regret it?” Steve asks again. He sounds scared. He is scared. 

“No! Do you?” 

“No. No, I’m definitely okay with it.”

“So what’s going on Steve? You sound like you were crying.”

Silence. 

“Steve, I need you to talk to me. Were you crying?” 

Steve doesn’t know if it’s on purpose or not, but Eddie says it with a hint of that authoritative tone Steve can’t resist.

. “Yes..” he almost whispers. 

“Why? What are you thinking about?”

“I don’t know how to explain it.” Steve says. 

Silence fills the space, and Steve worries that Eddie is mad at him for being so difficult. 

“Sorry.” He adds dejectedly.

“Okay I’m coming over.” Eddie states firmly. “Even if we are both absolutely okay with what we did, we do need to talk about it. And I’m not super convinced you are okay with it.” 

“No Eddie I promise it’s okay. I’m not upset with you.” 

“But you’re upset right?” 

“Yes…” Steve relents. “But not because of you. You don’t have to come over. I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t have to do anything, but I’m coming over anyway. We’re gonna talk about yesterday, and you‘re gonna tell me what’s going on in your pretty little head okay?” 

Steve wants to argue, but can’t find the energy within himself to do it. Not with how much better he already feels just from hearing Eddie’s voice. 

“Okay.” 

“Good boy. I’ll be there soon. Bye Stevie.”

“Bye Eds.” 

Steve’s heart doesn't stop racing the entire time he waits. He knows seeing Eddie will help, but he’s nervous nonetheless and finds himself pacing back and forth between the living room and kitchen. 

Thirty minutes later, there's a knock at the front door. 

“Hey.” Steve says weakly when he opens the door. 

“Hi.” Eddie says back. He looks about as anxious as Steve feels, and Steve hates that he’s ruining things already. 

“Can I come in?” 

“Shit yeah, sorry. Come in.” Steve moves out of the doorway to let Eddie into the house. 

They walk to the living room and sit on the couch together, the energy in the room far different to what it was yesterday. 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie says when they sit. 

“Wait, what? Why are you apologizing?” Steve asks. He’s the one ruining things before they even have a chance to begin. 

“I feel like it was really irresponsible of me to let anything happen when you were tripping. I was supposed to be keeping you safe, and  I know I should have waited until you were sober and could make the decision to hook up with me.” 

“I did make that decision Eddie. I don’t feel like you took advantage of me or did anything wrong. I thought all of it felt really right actually. And I did kinda beg you for it.”

Eddie smiles. “Okay yeah you did do that. And it was really hot.” 

Steve blushes. 

“You’re positive you’re okay with it?” Eddie asks. “I understand if you’re mad at me. And I understand if you never want to do any of that again. Whatever you want is okay.”

“I promise I am not mad at you. I am so okay with everything we did. I really did like it. I really like you , and I want to do it again. It’s just, maybe… I don’t know.” 

“Just maybe you don’t know?” 

“I don’t want to ruin it.” 

Eddie furrows his brow.  “How would you ruin it?” 

“This is all really new to me. I don’t know how long you’ve known you like guys, but I really didn’t process or accept it until yesterday, and it’s a lot to adjust to. Even though it was fucking amazing, and I don’t want to stop, I just…. I don’t feel like I know how any of this works when it isn’t with a girl. And I know it’s okay to be gay but it doesn’t feel like it’s okay for me to be gay? I don’t even know if I am gay? Like I definitely like you. But I don’t think I was wrong about liking girls?” 

Eddie chuckles lightly. “You know you can like both right?” 

“You can?” 

“Baby it sounds like you do .”

“I didn’t know that was an option.” Steve admits. 

“It’s an option. And it’s okay to be that.” Eddie reaches out to rub his thumb across Steve’s cheek. “There is nothing wrong with you.” 

Steve doesn’t answer.

“You don’t think there's anything wrong with me or Robin do you?” 

“No of course not!” Steve exclaims quickly. “Wait, you know about Robin?”

Eddie laughs. “Yeah I know about Robin. We came out to each other a while ago.” 

“Oh. Okay yeah, that makes sense I guess.” 

“What I’m saying is, it sounds like logically you know that it’s okay to be queer. You don’t have an issue with it when it’s anyone else, but it’s harder to accept when it’s you right?” 

“Yeah…”

“That’s normal. Especially when you’re first figuring it out. It’s okay to be scared.” 

Steve looks down at this lap. “I keep thinking about what would happen if people knew. What my parents would do if they found out. What any of the assholes I knew in high school would say. I don’t even care about any of them anymore! I hate that I ever did! But I still keep thinking about it.” 

“It’s hard to deal with the fact that people could change if they learned something that’s always been a part of you. That they might hate you because of something you can’t change and don’t want to change.” Eddie hesitates. “You don’t want to change do you?” 

“I don’t think so? I mean I like you. I don’t want to stop liking you or spending time with you or doing things with you.”

“Things like letting me suck your dick?” 

Steve flushes again. “Yeah like that.” 

“But it’s still scary, and you’re a little mad at yourself for liking me and a little mad that you’re mad at yourself?” Eddie says knowingly. 

“Yeah.” Steve admits, genuinely confused how Eddie seems to understand his feelings better than he does right now. All day he has been trying and failing to find the words to express what he is thinking, yet here was Eddie Munson, articulating each of his thoughts almost perfectly. 

“I felt that too.”

“You did?”

“Yeah for a while. Still do sometimes, but it gets easier.” 

“You seem so certain in all of this.” Steve says. Even before he knew Eddie was gay, he sort of admired how secure he was in himself. He can’t imagine a version of Eddie that didn’t act confident and flirty all the time- a version of Eddie that was scared to be so loud and animated and generous with his affection. 

“I've had a long time to figure things out.” 

“When did you know?” 

“I probably always knew, but I realized for certain that I’m into guys when I was like 11.” 

Steve thinks for a long moment. “I think I may have known for a long time too?” 

“Yeah?” 

Steve chews at his lip. He hadn’t thought about this memory in years, but he’s starting to understand now that it’s been eating at him all day, just how important it was. 

“When I was in middle school there was this boy on the swim team that I was really close to.” He starts. “He was like, a little girly I guess? I mean other guys on the team thought he was gay, and they’d give him a hard time about it sometimes, but I never understood what the issue was. He was like the coolest person on the team.”

“You think you liked him?” Eddie asks. 

“Maybe? I really liked hanging out with him and being friends with him felt different than any of my other friendships. I thought about him a lot, and I’d get excited every time I got to see him. It was better being around him than it was being around anyone else.” 

“Did something happen?” 

Steve nods. 

“Do you want to tell me?” Eddie asks gently.

 His eyes are full of an understanding patience, and Steve knows he could say no and change the topic. Eddie wouldn’t be upset if he doesn’t tell him, but Steve wants to, maybe needs to talk about it. 

“He was over one day, and we were hanging out in the pool, splashing and wrestling each other, just messing around. It was probably flirty but neither of us addressed it so I didn’t really think about it? I usually didn’t have people over unless my parents were gone, but they had sort of stopped telling me when they’d be home, and my dad got back from a business trip while we were out there.”

Steve pauses. His hands are shaking, and he hates how out of control of his emotions he’s been the last two days. It feels pathetic how much crying and panicking he’s done. He’s never this much of a mess in front of people, but for whatever reason he can’t seem to hold back around Eddie. 

Eddie moves closer to Steve, placing a hand reassuringly on his leg, and it anchors Steve enough to let him continue. 

“He came outside and saw us. I guess we were too close together, or I had my arms around him wrong, or I looked too happy or something because my dad freaked out. Started yelling at my friend to get out of his house and never come back because ‘his kind’ wasn’t welcome there. Didn’t even let him get his things and barely let him get out the door before he slammed it. He started screaming, lectured me about how I was better than that, how I couldn’t be seen with queers because what I do reflects on him. I tried to argue, but he slapped the shit out of me and basically just made sure I knew I couldn’t be that way.”

“He hit you?” 

“Sometimes.” Steve shrugs. He doesn’t like the look of raging fire in Eddie’s eyes, so he continues quickly. “But yeah. I brought my friend’s things to the next swim practice, and tried to apologize, but it didn’t matter. He took one look at my busted lip, and I knew our friendship was over. He didn’t talk to me again the rest of the season, and the next year he didn’t show back up.” 

“That’s bullshit. You and your friend both deserved better, Stevie.” 

Steve shrugs again. “I guess.” 

“You did. You do. I’m not surprised you suppressed your feelings after that. It’s a lot to deal with on top of a sexuality crisis.” 

Eddie pulls Steve into a tight hug, and Steve melts into his arms. Who knew Eddie’s touch was basically Xanax?

“Do you want to know why I live with my uncle?” Eddie asks when Steve eventually pulls back. 

“Sure?” Steve says, not really sure why it’s relevant, but always willing to learn more about Eddie.

“Like I said, I probably always knew to some degree that I like guys, but I didn’t really have a concept of what being gay was until I started hearing other people talk about it, and how horrible it was. You know how kids are. They repeat shit they hear their parents say, and suddenly the kids you’ve been close to since kindergarten are calling each other faggots and pushing them off swings and shit. So I didn’t tell anyone. Just kept it to myself and hated this part of me that made the world see me as a freak. It was really hard for a long time, but after a while I guess I just got tired of hating myself when I couldn’t change. It started to feel less like a curse, and more like something that just had to be secret."

Steve imagines Eddie as a child, hating himself, thinking that he's broken or wrong. It makes his heart sink. He furrows his brow as Eddie continues his story. 

“But then I fell hard for one of the neighborhood boys when I was 13. We spent all of our free time together, and I started to think maybe he was like me. But I didn’t risk telling him, just in case I was wrong, or it would scare him away, or he’d tell somebody that would beat the shit out of me. I did write songs about him though. Had a little journal I wrote all my lyrics in, and an embarrassing number of pages were dedicated to him." 

Steve smiles a little bit. Even if he was scared while doing it, Eddie still felt all of the love his heart could hold. His smile falls as he sees Eddie take a deep, nervous breath, like the next thing he is going to say is still hard for him to think about. Steve takes one of Eddie's hands in his own in a silent gesture of support, and listens intently as he finishes his explanation. 

“Well, my dad found it. Met me at the door with it in his hands after school one day, and there was just no explaining away how every other song was about a “he”. I’ll spare you the details, but it got really bad and pretty violent. He ended up kicking me out, and I was on the street for like two days before Wayne found me. My mom had called him apparently, told him she didn’t want me on the street, but she couldn’t have a faggot for a son, and she was scared my dad would kill me if I tried to come back anyways. So Wayne took me back to his trailer, got me cleaned up and fed, and I’ve been with him since.” 

Eddie says it all with a level of calmness Steve cannot fathom. He is nearly in tears again just listening to his story, picturing Eddie as a vulnerable child, beaten and alone. It must have been so scary to not know that anyone was coming to help for the two days before Wayne showed up. It must have been isolating to have so much love to give, and such a deep understanding that such a love was too dangerous to speak out loud. Steve doesn't think anything he says will be enough, but he settles for

“Eddie, I'm so sorry. They had no right to do that to you.” 

“I know they didn’t." Eddie responds with a tired sort of smile. "I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad or to say I had it worse or anything like that. I just mean I understand. I know what it feels like to hate yourself when you realize you’re different. I know what it’s like to be scared how people would react, to be scared it isn’t safe to be who you are. I know what it’s like to have to accept that sometimes it isn’t safe. But I also understand how much better it gets, how much easier it is to handle once you find people who genuinely love you. Living with Wayne has changed my life. He loves me, and he doesn’t think I’m a freak. He helped me work through a lot of that internalized hatred and homophobia. He isn’t ashamed of me, and neither am I anymore. You’ll find that too. You’ll always have me. You’ll always have  Robin. If you want to talk to her about it, I bet she’ll tell you she felt that fear and shame for a while too. And you don’t have to tell them, but I’m positive that even if they knew that you’re bisexual, you’d always have the adoration of all of the kids. You aren’t alone okay Stevie?” 

“Okay.” Steve nods. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“I want to though. You’re being so patient with me, and you’re so kind, and you keep calming me down when I freak out. I really appreciate you being here.”

“Always. I care about you a lot Steve. I’m not going anywhere. You aren’t ruining anything by having complicated feelings. This is allowed to be confusing and scary. It doesn’t make me want to be with you any less.” 

“You want to be with me?” 

Steve can tell from the look on the other man’s face that it was a silly question, but somehow he is still surprised that Eddie could want him the same way he wants Eddie. 

“Of course I do.” 

“So are we dating then?”  

Eddie laughs. “I don’t know, are you gonna ask me out?” 

“Do you wanna go out with me?” Steve asks. He feels like a kid, lacking the confidence he would usually have when asking somebody out, even when he knows the answer will be yes. 

“Are you asking me on a date, or to be your boyfriend?” 

“Both?”

Eddie absolutely beams. “Then yes and fuck yes.” 

A smile spreads across Steve’s face. “When are you free for our first date?” 

“I do need to start wearing my own clothes again at some point, and probably let Wayne know I’m still alive, so I can’t spend the night, but we can get dinner and watch another movie tonight?” 

“I’d like that.” 

So that’s what they do. Eddie drives them in his van to go pick up a pizza, and they head back to Steve’s. They take awhile to settle on what to watch, but eventually settle on Eddie’s choice, Princess Bride . The night passes without another panic attack or breakdown. Eddie keeps every touch gentle. He sits close enough to Steve that their legs press together as they eat. During the movie he puts his arm around Steve's shoulder, and runs a hand absentmindedly through his hair. He kisses him a few times, but doesn’t try to escalate it into anything more. Steve of course wants more eventually, but right now he needs to be treated delicately, and that’s what Eddie gives him. Everything is soft and sweet, and Steve feels truly safe.

He must have dozed off at some point, because Steve wakes to a gentle shake of his shoulder. 

“Hmm” He hums sleepily. 

“So sorry to wake you, but I have to get going soon.” Eddie says. 

Steve yawns. “What time is it?” 

“A little after 10.” 

“How long was I asleep?” 

“Not sure. Movie ended a while ago.” 

“You could have woken me up earlier.” 

“Didn’t want to.” Eddie shrugs. “You looked cute, you needed the rest, and my shoulder is at least a half-decent pillow.” 

“Can’t believe I fell asleep on our first date.” Steve says through another yawn.

Eddie laughs. “We’ll have plenty more. You can make it up to me.” 

Steve’s chest flutters. “Need to make up for last night too. ” 

“I was teasing.” Eddie blushes. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” 

“I want to though. I never got to make you cum.” 

“We’ll talk about it soon then, okay?” 

“We better. I’m not gonna stop thinking about sucking you off until you let me do it.” 

“Goddamn Steve, you can’t say shit like that right before I leave.”  

“Why? Don’t want to think about me before you go to bed?” 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I was already going to.” 

“Yeah? What were you going to think about me doing?” 

“That, Harrington, I cannot tell you until we talk about some things. Don’t want to scare you off with all that I’m into.”

Steve feels his cheeks redden. His brain flashes through some ideas of his own, and he doesn’t want to wait to know every single thing Eddie thinks about doing with him- doing to him . 

“Are you free Saturday night?” He asks. 

“As a matter of fact I am.” 

“Want to talk then?” 

“Just talk?” Eddie raises his eyebrow suggestively. 

Steve’s face flushes even darker. “We’ll see. But probably not.” 

“Such a tease.” Eddie sighs dramatically, but his grin gives away that he’s joking.

“Don’t make me change my mind.” 

“Oh baby I have a feeling you won’t.” 

He’s probably right. Okay, he’s definitely right. Steve wants whatever Eddie will give him, as soon as he can have it. He’s not convinced he’ll even be able to make it through the conversation without trying to at least kiss him. Maybe he should have suggested an earlier day. Too late now. 

“Okay. I really do have to go now.” Eddie says regretfully. 

“Okay.” Steve nods. “See you Saturday?” 

“Absolutely.”  Eddie gives a toothy smile, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. 

They walk to the door together and share a kiss, this one less innocent than the ones they shared on the couch during the movie. 

Eddie pulls away first, apparently privy to the fact that Steve may try to keep him here all night if Eddie gives him the chance. 

“Do you think you’ll tell Robin about us?” He asks. 

Bringing up Robin sure is one way to make Steve focus. 

“I think so.” Steve says. “Is that okay?” 

“Of course it is. She already knows I’m gay. It’s up to you if and when you come out.” 

Steve nods. “I think I want to tell her tomorrow.” 

“Sounds good Stevie. You’ve got this.” 

Eddie presses his lips to Steve’s, granting him one last lingering kiss.  

“Good night.”  He smiles when he breaks away. 

“Good night Eddie.” Steve smiles back. 

This time, when he hears the sound of Eddie’s van pull out of the driveway, his heart doesn’t drop. It swells. He almost floats through his bedtime routine, and falls asleep easily, any panicked thoughts from the day replaced with much, much better thoughts of Eddie, and what, or maybe who, is to come on Saturday.  

Chapter Text

The whole way to Robin’s house, Steve wonders what he’s going to say to her. He knows he wants to tell Robin that he’s bi, that he’s dating Eddie, and maybe a little about the last few days (although they’d probably both prefer he keep details to a minimum). He wants to share these important parts of himself with her, and trust her the way that she trusts him. Steve thinks it should be easier for him to do this than it was for Robin. She really took a chance, coming out to him without knowing if he would accept her. He has the benefit of knowing she will respond positively, yet the nerves remain. Three years of fighting otherworldly monsters, and trying to tell his lesbian best friend that he likes boys feels like one of the scariest things he’s ever faced.  

Steve parks in front of Robin’s house and leaves his car running. Robin is perpetually late, so it takes a few minutes before she finally hurries out the door, shrugging her green vest over her shirt as she runs over to the car. She opens the door and plops into the passenger seat with a sigh. 

“Hey Rob.” Steve says as she closes the door. 

“Mornin Steve.” She responds, turning to face him. “Ew gross what the fuck happened to you?” She gestures generally to Steve’s neck. 

Steve knew Robin would have something to say about the hickies, but he still blushes. He isn’t ashamed of them in any capacity. In fact, he had spent an embarrassingly long time admiring his bruises in the mirror this morning, running his fingers along the dark marks Eddie left on him. Each of them makes his heart flutter, and the way one bleeds into another on his neck so it’s near impossible to make out the shape of Eddie’s mouth in some places is addictive. Being so thoroughly blanketed and visibly claimed? Steve fucking loves it. He feels a little bad Robin has to be witness to it though. He’ll just keep his more feral thoughts to himself and hope it counts for something.

 “Do you really need me to answer that?” He asks with a raised brow. 

“Nope. Definitely don’t! Whoever she is though, you may want to consider the possibility that she’s an actual vampire. Can’t believe you let some chick do that to you. Don’t wanna know what she looks like if you got it that bad.” 

Steve’s heart races as his cheeks and ears flush a deeper red. He could tell her now, could clarify that it wasn’t a “she” who marked him up like this. But the words stick in his throat, so instead he rolls his eyes and says “Honestly I look a lot worse” as he takes the car out of park and starts driving towards Family Video. 

“Did you want to be driving in silence or are you finally letting me choose the music?” Robin asks when Steve turns out of the neighborhood. 

“What?” Steve realizes only now that he never turned on the radio, and has been sitting in silence since he left his house. “Oh shit yeah sorry. You can pick the station.” 

Usually allowing such a privilege would make Robin ecstatic, but her stupid best friend's senses must be tingling, because instead she sends Steve a concerned look.

“Dude are you good?” 

“Yeah I’m fine.” Steve shakes his head. He hates lying, at least to people he cares about, so he settles on a half truth. “Probably didn’t sleep enough. It’s been an… eventful few days.” 

“Ew gross.” Robin says with a crinkle of her nose. 

“You asked.” 

“NOT about your sex life.”  

Steve rolls his eyes. “Do you want to pick the music or not?” 

“Of course I do. And every day I have to spend seeing your sex bruises. ” She shudders. 

“Oh my god Robs you did not just say sex bruises.” 

“Unfortunately Harrington, I did.” 

Steve wants to be more annoyed, but hearing Robin call him by his last name always makes him smile. It’s something she picked up since she started to hang out with Eddie. Henderson has been doing it more often since joining Hellfire Club too. Even Erika has started up with it, though only when she wants to be a little shit. Steve likes seeing Eddie’s influence in their group. Loves how perfectly everybody seems to fit together when he’s there. Their misfit group just makes more sense now that Eddie is a part of it. 

Rock music fills the car as Robin finally settles on a radio station, and Steve realizes that he never denied her request for full control over the music until his hickies fade. He sighs, feigning a disgruntled resignation to Robin's choice, but can’t help the smile that forms on his face right after as he recognizes the song from one of Eddie’s tapes. 

For the rest of the drive, his chest feels lighter, and his shoulders a little less tense. He’s still nervous to tell Robin that he’s bi, and he suspects that feeling will only get stronger the longer he waits. For now though, he is distracted from the nerves and happy to spend the last few minutes of their drive listening to Robin sing along, with a voice meant for band classes, to music his boyfriend definitely showed her.

********

Steve was right in his suspicion that his anxiety would get worse the longer he waits to talk to Robin. He spends the first hour of their shift trying to figure out how to bring it up, and struggling to focus on anything else. Even their opening routine, which he’s done a million times, gets jumbled in his mind. At one point, he ends up just standing in the middle of the store, looking around in hopes that something will prompt his memory of what the next task is supposed to be. Robin shoots him another confused look, and reminds him to check the returns box and start processing the movies people dropped off overnight. Much to her dismay, he forgets, and ten minutes before opening, she finds Steve almost absentmindedly organizing the candy display by the register, movies still not checked back into the system. 

“Steve!” She scolds. “Keith is going to kill us if people come in complaining about late fees when they returned their shit on time.” 

“Shit sorry.” Steve shakes his head. “Hard to focus today.” 

“Well think about her tits later and help me get these checked in!” 

A lump forms in Steve’s throat. He should tell her. Just come out and say it, but he’s spent the last hour trying to figure out how to bring it up casually, and failing spectacularly. 

Hey Robin, have I mentioned that I like guys? 

Hey Robs, Eddie is the vampire chick by the way. 

So Eddie and I are dating now. 

Oh yeah, forgot to mention, I’m bi. 

Yeah, tripping was really cool. The trees looked like they were swaying, and the water felt so nice when we were swimming, and Eddie sucked my dick. 

Yeah none of that is going to work. He abandons his spot on the floor in front of the candy display, and hurries through the process of checking the films back in with Robin. Steve takes out the tape, and gives the case to Robin, who scans the barcode and handles the computer while Steve rewinds the film if needed. Then he gives it back to Robin so she can put it back into the case and onto their shelving cart while he starts on the next movie. 

Despite the fact that almost every movie has to be rewound, they somehow manage to complete their task and avoid a write up with a minute to spare. Adrenaline pumping through their veins, they high five before Robin unlocks the front door and flips on the OPEN sign. She isn’t even back to the counter when the bell above the door rings. A couple of old women and a family with three rowdy children come into the store, and Robin turns her head to Steve in a silent plea for assistance. He starts to motion that he’ll handle the family if she helps the old ladies, but he realizes at the same moment Robin does that Steve probably shouldn’t talk to families or the elderly today. 

Sex bruises . She mouths at him, tapping the side of her neck for emphasis. 

I’m sorry. Steve mouths back with a sheepish look. “I’ll organize our cart and start shelving!” he calls, turning his back to the patrons of the store as quickly as possible. 

Robin helps everyone find the movies that they are looking for and cashes them out before joining him at their cart. Steve has mostly finished organizing them, and ignores the way Robin rolls her eyes. 

“It takes you forever to organize this.” 

“You just think that because you don’t organize it.” Steve argues. “It’s easier to re-shelf if you do it like this.” He gestures to the cart, which is now sorted into piles based on genre, each title turned so it's easy to read. 

“Mhm.” Robin mumbles as Steve places the last tape in its place. He picks it back up, opens the case, then closes it and returns it to the pile. “And that part is for?” 

“Making sure there’s a movie in there.” Steve shrugs. 

“We put the movie back in the box like ten minutes ago. It’s definitely in there.”

Steve’s eyes flick back to the cart, settling on the top case in the horror pile.

“You want to check that one too don’t you?” Robin teases. 

“No.” Steve says. But he picks up the case anyway, grumbling “Shut up. You know I have to.” when Robin laughs. 

“I do.” She agrees before shoving his shoulder. “And I love you. Neurotic behaviors and all.”

“I love you too.”

 He feels that lump in his throat again. Just tell her. He wills himself to speak,  but the words won’t form on his lips. 

“You better.” Robin interrupts his silent attempt to find any courage. 

The bell above the door rings as another group of people enter the store. Robin sighs. 

“Now get these things back on the shelves while I handle the customers.” She tells him, putting on her customer service face before turning around, calling over her shoulder as she walks away, “And I’m upping my price. I get to choose music for a month.”

*******

Steve gets all of the returns back where they belong fairly quickly thanks to his efficient organizational system, and they get through the rush with only a little difficulty. It simply wouldn’t be possible for Robin to handle the register by herself on top of helping customers find things, and Steve would never be that unfair, so he assists the people he thinks won’t call back later to complain. Mostly, that ends up being teenagers and college kids, but they make up enough of the demographic that Robin doesn’t drown doing it everything alone. He ignores the dirty looks a few adults send him, and feels a weird combination of embarrassment and pride when a couple of teens point him out to each other then duck into an aisle with a laugh as if he won’t know they're laughing at him and how thoroughly owned he looks. 

Owned. He thinks to himself, and isn’t that a fun thought. 

Once everyone has cleared out of the store, Steve and Robin start the process of checking in the newest round of returns. Not needing the impressive speed they exhibited this morning, Robin rewinds tapes and updates the system herself, then hands the cases over for Steve to sort onto their cart. 

When she’s done, she sits on the counter and starts eating from a box of stale M&Ms Steve had pulled out when he was checking the candy display.

“That's gross.” He tells her, even though he set them aside specifically for her to have. 

“M&Ms can’t even go stale Steve. They put expiration dates on the boxes so cute girls like me can eat them when I’m bored at work.” 

Steve rolls his eyes affectionately, then starts on the second round of re-shelfs. His inability to focus on anything today apparently extends to his proprioception, because he bumps into a display stand and knocks a stack of VHS tapes onto the ground almost immediately. 

“What’s going on with you today?” Robin asks as hops off the counter and walks over to help him clean up. “You’re being weirder than normal.” 

“I’m not being weird.”

“You're totally being weird.”

Steve sighs. He wills himself to be brave as they finish picking up the movies. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?” Robin says, lifting an eyebrow. “What’s up?” 

Steve knows they are the only people in the building, but looks around the store anyways just to make sure. “When did you figure out that you’re gay?” 

“What?” 

“When did you realize you like girls?”

“No, I heard you. But why are you asking? Capital P platonic remember? Not gonna change my mind if you ask me out again.” Robin hops back onto her spot on the counter and pours more M&Ms into her hand. 

“Ew no gross. I’m not trying to ask you out, Robin. I’m just curious.”

She stares at him for a moment, like she’s trying to decipher why Steve is suddenly asking about this. After a moment she accepts his curiosity and answers honestly. 

“Sixth grade. All the other girls in my classes started talking about boys they wanted to date or were dating, but I thought all of the boys were gross. And gym class kinda made me realize I really like looking at girls.” 

“Were you scared?” 

Robin gives him a weird look. The two of them don’t have deep talks like this often, and when they do it isn’t at work, so this must seem really out of the blue to her. 

“Yeah. Not a super great feeling to realize you’ll have to monitor every interaction you have with girls or be a freak for the rest of time.” 

“You’re not a freak Robin.” Steve says. “Well, not because you like girls at least.” 

“Fuck you!” Robin exclaims loudly, throwing an M&M at Steve’s head.

Steve laughs, managing to catch the candy in his hands before it can hit him. 

“Do you still get scared?” He asks, tossing the M&M back to Robin. 

She succeeds in catching the candy and immediately pops it into her mouth, crunching down as she answers.

“Not that I like girls, I think that part rules. But other people finding out? That scares me. Why?” 

“I was talking to Eddie yesterday about when he figured out he was gay, and he thought you probably had a similar experience to some of what he felt. Like being scared and ashamed for a while at first.”

“Eddie came out to you yesterday?!” Robin nearly squeals. 

“The day before actually, but we talked about it a lot more yesterday.” 

“That’s awesome! He’s been wanting to tell you for ages. I kept telling him it would be okay, but he just wasn’t ready.” 

“Ages? How long ago did you two come out to each other?” 

“I don’t know. He was still in the hospital.” Robin shrugs. 

“You’ve known that long?!” Steve asks. He feels something close to jealousy at learning how long his two best friends shared this secret without him. He gets it of course. If Eddie wasn’t ready for Steve to know, Robin would never betray that trust, but it still sort of hurts. 

“You remember how the hospital was. He was on a lot of pain medicine and still scared he might die. Every time we visited, he wanted us to talk as much as possible.”

Steve does remember this. He made trips to the hospital almost daily for weeks, bouncing back and forth between sitting in Max’s room and Eddie’s. It was almost instantly clear how adamantly Eddie hated any silence in the room. He couldn't stand if anyone just sat in silence and looked at him when he was so torn apart. Steve nods, and Robin continues. 

“We were talking about music and he made a comment about James Hetfield. Then when we were talking about movies, he said something about Cary Elwes being pretty, so I kinda put the dots together. I told him I’m a lesbian, and he told me he’s gay.”

Robin must be able to see the frustration on Steve’s face, because she says  “It isn’t that he doesn’t trust you Steve. It’s just hard to tell people. If I wasn’t drugged up I don’t know if I would have been able to tell you when I did. He probably wouldn’t have told me so soon either if he weren’t hopped up on painkillers and I didn’t come out first..” 

“I guess.” 

Robin shoves Steve’s shoulder playfully. 

“We both trust you dingus.”

“I know. I know.” Steve says. He feels guilty that he hasn’t told Robin yet, but he isn’t sure how to do it. “It’s just scary.” He adds mostly to himself.

“It’s just scary.” Robin repeats. “So how did he come out to you?” 

Steve’s hands shake slightly, and he’s glad they’ve finished cleaning the movies off the ground, or he may just drop them again. 

“He told me when he was tripsitting.” 

“Oh shit! I forgot you did acid! How was that?” 

“It was… really good. Like a 10/10 experience.” 

“Damn dingus, you weren’t kidding when you said you had an eventful few days. When did you even have time to go on a date?” Robin asks, eying the bruises on Steve’s neck. 

“Last night.” 

“Of course you’d manage to commit a felony and find a date within 24 hours.”

Steve gathers all of the courage he can find, which truthfully isn’t much, but enough to get through admitting “But the hickies are from the day before…” 

“Weren’t you with Eddie all day?” 

Steve waits, hoping the dots will connect without him having to actually say the words, but Robin keeps staring at him expectantly. 

He takes a deep breath. It’ll be okay. He can do this. 

“Yeah well. Guess I stuck to the theme of our group.”

“What does that mean?”

“Getting really high and coming out?” 

“Wait what?” 

“I was tripping when I got these.” 

“Holy shit.” Robin says, eyes wide as she realizes what her best friend is telling her. “Eddie is the vampire?” 

Steve nods. 

“Oh my god. Oh my god Steve! You’re gay?!” Robin bounces up and down, a bundle of excited energy. 

“Robin shh!” Steve demands, looking around the store again to ensure it’s still empty. “Eddie said I’m bi. I do still like girls. I just… also like him. A lot.” 

Robin throws herself at Steve, wrapping her arms around him in an honest to god hug.
“I am so happy for you Steve. Thank you for telling me.” 

“I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. I genuinely didn’t realize I'm not straight until I was tripping and couldn’t focus on anything other than him.” 

“I wouldn’t have been upset if you didn’t tell me as soon as you figured it out.” She tells him. “But I’m glad that you did. Thank you.” 

Steve pulls her into another hug, and she doesn’t fight him on it. Robin can put aside her minor touch aversion for a moment as important as this. 

“So are you like… dating now?” She asks when she finally wiggles free of Steve’s grasp. “How did the coming out thing even happen? Did you really never question it before tripping? You have to tell me more about Monday. What was acid like? Did you guys do anything other than make out and apparently let Eddie try to devour your entire neck?” Robin jumps from one question to the next, not giving Steve time to answer any of them. 

He has to grab Robin’s shoulders to make her shut up. 

“Robin, slow down.” He laughs. “I can’t answer your questions if you don’t stop talking.” 

She mimes zipping her lips, and motions for Steve to go on. 

“Yes we’re dating.” He smiles. 

Robin squeals in excitement, and Steve feels silly for being so worried. Of course she was always going to react with such positivity. 

“Looking back, I probably did question the whole… liking guys thing a long time ago, but I didn’t really consciously know until I was tripping. Everything was so much more intense and I couldn’t stop looking at him Robs. We went swimming and he just looked so beautiful and perfect I needed to touch him as much as possible. Plus he was being all bossy-”
Robin's eyes go wide, and Steve cuts himself off. She doesn’t need to know everything . Especially not the parts she can use against him later. 

“Anyways…” He continues quickly. “I kinda realized my feelings weren’t super straight normal best friend feelings, and had a panic attack about it. He helped me through it though, like literally held me while I cried and didn’t let go even after I had calmed down and could breathe. I told him I like him, and he feels the same, so I kissed him and we just didn’t stop. We didn’t have sex sex, but we did some other stuff and like I said everything was way more intense while tripping and it was so good. Like best I’ve ever had, insanely good.” 

“Okay Harrington gonna stop you there before you say something I really don’t want to imagine. But for real, I’m happy for you. You two are really cute together. And he’s liked you for like forever so it’s cool I won’t have to listen to “unrequited” pining anymore.” 

“He’s liked me forever?” 

“Not literally forever , but basically since we found him in the boathouse, yeah.”

“I know you couldn’t, but it's not fair you knew and didn’t tell me.” Steve huffs. It’s all in jest of course. It fills him with joy to know Eddie has been head over heels for him for so long. When he thinks about it, Steve realizes he may have started falling at that same moment. A broken bottle pressed to his throat, wielded with a nearly feral energy by the frightened metalhead. The mental image of that action, and the recalled sensation that came with being completely at his mercy have heat beginning to pool in Steve’s stomach. His thoughts jump to what Eddie said before leaving his house the night before. 

Don’t want to scare you off with all that I’m into. 

Steve swallows, the feeling in his stomach intensifying. Yup. Definitely time to change the subject. 

“Anyways…” He says again. “Want to know more about acid?”

“Of course I do.” 

They spend basically the entirety of the next hour talking about acid, stopping only to handle the few customers that enter the store, then diving right back into their conversation once the store is empty again. Steve goes over everything Eddie had told him before he tripped- what to expect, how long it would last, how things would feel. Then he jumps to telling Robin what each of those things was actually like in the moment. 

“He said I’d have visual distortions, and I didn’t really know what that meant, but when we went outside the trees looked so fucking cool. It was like all of the leaves were shimmering and the branches were swaying like it was windy, but Eddie said they weren’t actually moving at all. We listened to music for a long time, and he made me lunch which was so good, like way better than food normally is. And we went swimming and it was amazing. The water felt so nice. Just touching things in general was so fun. 

Robin makes a face at him, like she thinks he’s headed towards discussion of the more… intimate parts of the day. 

“Not like that!” Steve flushes.

“Mhm. Sure.” Robin teases. 

 “Okay yeah like that too.” Steve admits. “I meant running my hand across my blankets and through the water and shit, but I did kinda start being really affectionate when we were in the pool.”

“That when you guys kissed?” 

“No, that didn’t happen until after I had a panic attack.”

“That when you realized you’re gay?” 

“I’m bi Robin.” Steve rolls his eyes, but he isn’t really annoyed. Robin uses lesbian and gay interchangeably when they talk about her, and Steve doesn’t really care if they do the same for him, probably. It’s just sort of nice to keep saying I'm bi and feel how it gets a little bit easier each time. “But not really? I mean I kept thinking about how beautiful he looked, and how I really like when we’re affectionate with each other, and how fun it is to flirt with him, so maybe I was starting to figure it out. It kinda just kept feeling more and more true as the day went on that I’m head over heels for him, and eventually I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I think I was trying to convince myself for a while that we were flirting in a normal friend way and not in a gay way?” 

Robin laughs loudly. “You thought you were flirting with Eddie in a not gay way?” 

“Listen! You know how Eddie is! He flirts with everyone.”

“He definitely doesn’t flirt with everyone.”

“He absolutely does. What are you talking about Robin?”

“Okay yeah he does flirt a lot, but like it’s so obviously different with you. And he knows I’m gay so it doesn’t even count when he flirts with me.” 

“I didn’t know that you’re out to him! And Nancy isn’t gay, and he flirts with her!” 

“Yeah a little, but you really didn’t realize how much more he does it with you? Or that you’ve been flirting back which Nance and I definitely do not do? ” 

“I guess not? Wait have I been flirting back this whole time?”

“Oh sweet oblivious boy.” Robin shakes her head. 

Steve grumbles. 

“Okay so you were flirting in your normal ‘not gay way’ and then what happened?” Robin asks. 

“So actually it was a little more than our apparently normal flirting?” 

“Oh?” 

“I mean we were way touchier than normal. I kinda wanted to be touching him all the time, which I guess maybe I always do. I think I usually just stop myself when I want to touch him because I thought I was supposed to, but being so high made me not care enough to hold back?  It was like acid made it impossible to ignore how much I wanted him? Like I wanted to play with his hair and hug him and flirt with him, so I just did. So that was really nice, but also kinda terrifying because I didn’t understand why I wanted to touch him so bad. And there was another thing that kept happening that just short circuited my brain or something where he-” Steve pauses for a long moment. “Robin I really don’t know how to explain it without giving you any detail.” 

Robin rolls her eyes. “Alright, fine. A little detail. But if you start telling me what his dick looks like or something I am going to actually tear my ears off.”

Steve flushes. “Well I don’t know that yet, but I’ll be sure not to tell you when I do.” 

“Gross. Get on with your story gay boy.” 

“Bi boy.” Steve corrects. 

“Get on with your story bi boy.” 

“Promise not to laugh?” 

“Oh lord.” Robin sighs. 

“That didn’t sound like a promise.”

“Fine. I promise.” 

Steve doesn’t believe her at all, but continues on anyway. 

“So like I said he was being his normal flirty self at first, but then he started using this voice I’ve never heard him use before and telling me what to do and stuff?” 

“Mhm..” Robin draws out. 

“Usually I hate when people tell me what to do, but for some reason I really liked it when Eddie was doing it. Like he had a list of rules to follow while I was tripping to keep me safe, and he would just hand me a water bottle and tell me to drink it. And he looked I guess proud? when I listened, which made me feel so good.” 

Robin has her eyebrow raised, but doesn't say anything. 

“And like I forgot when we went to swim that he said I had to stay on the shallow side, and I tried to jump into the pool, but he grabbed me first and kinda scolded me for not listening to him? Decision making was really hard while I was high too, so he asked if I wanted help choosing things at one point and when I said yes please he made me say it again louder, twice . I don’t know why it was so hot, but it really was.” 

Robin, breaking her promise, laughs. 

“What?!” Steve demands, crossing his arms over his chest. “You said you wouldn’t laugh.” 

“I know I know I’m sorry, it’s just. I can’t believe you did acid for the first time and realized you’re bi, that you’ve been super into Eddie for who knows how long, and apparently that you’re a sub, all within what 8 hours?” 

“What’s a sub?” 

“Oh no. Nope! Definitely not explaining that to you.” 

“Robin! What is it? Tell me!” Steve demands. 

“Absolutely not. Ask your boyfriend about that one.” 

Before he can protest further, the phone rings. Robin looks from Steve, to the phone, then back to Steve. Steve sighs, and picks up the phone. 

“Thank you for calling FamilyVideo, how can I help you today?” He says, trying to mask his annoyance under his customer service voice. 

“Harrington! Just the man I wanted to hear.” Eddie’s voice responds.

“Eddie?” 

Robin smiles wide, flapping her hands in an excited motion. 

“In the flesh. Or well. On the phone. Yeah it’s Eddie.” 

“What’s up?” 

“Bored. Wanted to talk to you. How’s work?” 

“It’s fine.” Steve smiles into the receiver. “Have to avoid talking to like half the customers with how my neck looks, which Robin isn’t a fan of, but she’s claimed music privileges for the next month so she’ll live.” 

“Yeah thanks for that Munson!” Robin shouts loud enough for Eddie to hear.  

Eddie laughs. “I take it you told her?” 

“Yeah I told her.” 

“I’m proud of you Stevie. I know that was scary. You did good.” 

Steve blushes, and tries to ignore it when Robin laughs. 

“Ask him.” She whispers.

“Hey what’s a sub?” Steve asks. 

“What!?” Eddie exclaims as Robin's laughter grows louder in the background.

“Robin called me a sub, but she won’t tell me what it means.” 

“Goddamnit Buckley. Tell her I said goddamnit Buckley.” 

“Eddie says goddammit Buckley.” Steve repeats to her. 

“He tell you to say that?” Robin asks. 

“Yeah.” 

“Of course he did.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Oh my god put me on the phone with her.” Eddie sighs. 

Steve hands the phone over to Robin, and tries to stand close enough to her to listen to what Eddie is saying, but she keeps pushing him away and ducking down as she practically giggles into the receiver. Eventually Steve gives up, and leans against the counter, arms crossed while his best friend and boyfriend talk on the phone. After a few minutes of listening to Robin’s vague replies, of “oh yeah absolutely.” and “Yup! I’d say so!” and “mhm he sure seems to think so.”  which give him absolutely no insight to the conversation happening in front of him even though it’s clearly about him, she says 

“Alright Munson, here’s your boy back. And just so you know, I’m borrowing at least two albums next time I see you as payment for making me look at Steve’s neck. Fucking vampire.” 

Steve takes the phone from Robin with a huff, but he loves the way his chest flutters when he hears himself referred to as Eddie’s boy. 

“Gonna tell me what that was about?” He asks. 

“Later baby. Later. Notttt a good idea while you’re at work.” 

Steve shoots a look at Robin, who just smiles and draws her fingers across her lips in a zipping motion. The bell above the store door opens, and Robin moves around the counter to handle the customer while Steve talks to Eddie. 

“Ugh fine. So what’re you up to?” 

“Workin on stuff for Hellfire. We’re getting close to the end of this arc, but fuckin Ericka pulled a crazy move last week, and now I have to change a bunch of shit. It was impressive really, but I didn’t even account for it being a possibility and now I have to figure out a whole new path, and- sorry I’m rambling.” 

“You don’t have to apologize dude. I like listening to you. I know I don’t understand a lot of the stuff you guys talk about, but I do care.” 

“You mean that?” 

“Of course I do. It’s important to the kids, and it’s important to you, so I care. It’s just hard to keep up sometimes.” 

“Wanna watch this week?” Eddie offers. “Might be easier to follow that way.” 

“I thought nobody was allowed to sit in?” 

“Yeah well you get boyfriend privileges. If you want.” 

“Yeah, I’d like that Eds.” Steve smiles. 

“Sounds good! See you tomorrow then?” 

“See you tomorrow.” 

“Okay. good luck with the rest of your shift.” 

“Good luck with your campaign planning.” 

“Thanks baby. Bye.” 

“Bye.” 

Steve puts down the phone and leans against the counter, feeling almost drunk on affection. 

*******

The rest of the shift passes easily. Robin listens to Steve gush about Eddie the same way he always listens to her gushes about Vickie, and somehow it feels like the two best friends have grown even closer. They’ve always talked to each other about their love lives, but right now it seems more special. There’s an additional level of understanding and trust and love that comes with holding the same secret for each other. There's something freeing and exciting about being the same as each other in a way neither of them ever expected. So they talk and talk about everything they normally would, but it feels especially precious now that Steve is part of the same world. 

Fighting wars against interdimensional monsters and government agencies brought him together with Robin. With Eddie too. Their whole group stands on a foundation of shared trauma. The wounds they survive, the trauma they endure, and the secrets they keep hidden away from everyone but each other connect them forever. They’ll always be a part of each other’s lives and stories, and Steve feels so lucky to have each of them. But it's nice to share a beautiful secret now too. 

Chapter Text

When Eddie wakes Thursday morning, he’s groggy and disoriented, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he blinks in the light streaming through his bedroom window. The alarm clock next to his bed reads 11:00am, two hours later than he meant to wake up. He stayed up way too late the night before, pouring over his campaign notes, and must have somehow turned off his alarm in his sleep. Great. 

He needs to be at the Wheeler’s at 1:00pm so he’ll have a chance to set up and corral the younger teens before the session starts at 1:30. Eddie wanted the extra time to go back over his notes again. Now he has to eat, shower, get dressed, get everything he needs gathered, smoke a cigarette, and leave early enough to pick up Erica and Lucas on his way to the Wheelers. That leaves him about an hour and a half to do everything. It’s definitely enough time for him to get ready, but he feels rushed. 

Campaign days always fill Eddie with a nervous sort of anticipation. All of the time he spends working on the story between sessions finally coming to fruition makes his skin feel buzzy. He loves DMing, loves having the opportunity to show off his storytelling abilities and find creative puzzles and obstacles to throw at his party. It’s even more exciting when they surprise him back, even if it derails his initial plans. The double edged sword of collaborative storytelling and all that. Today's session has Eddie feeling more frazzled than normal though. Maybe he feels especially nervous because he has spent so long trying to prepare for every possible outcome, but knows he can never truly be prepared for everything. Erica’s move last meeting cements the knowledge in him that he needs to be on top of his game in the improv department.

 He can usually guess how the boys will respond to things, but Erica he can never quite pin down. I mean really, how could he have guessed she would roll a nat 20 perception check (23 total after her +3 modifier thank you very much) on the king’s highest ranking guard and find a way to blackmail him into helping them sneak into the castle? A whole dungeon’s worth of traps and puzzles gone in the roll of a sparkly pink dice. Perceptive fucking Erica Sinclair.

All of that to say, he spent an insane amount of time working on multiple backup paths the party can end up on today so he doesn’t ruin the session if he’s caught by surprise again. Though to be truthful, he knows he’s a little more obsessive today because Steve will be there. His boyfriend, who understands very little about DnD and cares only because Eddie and the kids do, is sitting in to actually watch for the first time. Not catching the last few minutes like Eddie has occasionally permitted when Steve got there to pick somebody up before they had wrapped up for the night. No, he’s going to be there the whole time, and it has Eddie’s heart racing in his chest. Performance anxiety for nerds or something. 

Eddie is at least glad he doesn’t have to spend much time worrying over what to wear. Hellfire shirt to the rescue in that department. He grabs that, a pair of boxers, and his new favorite black jeans- the pair Steve lent him- then heads to the bathroom to shower. His mind wanders while he lathers shampoo into his hair. What if Steve thinks it’s lame? What if he thinks it’s cool? Would he want to play sometime? Eddie starts mentally building a character sheet for him as he rinses his curls and moves to washing his body. 

He’s still debating between an athlete, entertainer, or noble background when he gets out of the shower, and he decides he’ll let Steve make that choice if and when he proposes the idea of him actually playing. Scaling down the options and information load may make the whole thing less intimidating for him, Eddie thinks. A small smile creeps across his face as he realizes he’s trying to do basically the same thing he did when Steve was tripping, presenting a few options of his choosing so things are a little easier for Steve. 

I’m down so bad. He thinks to himself, shaking his head. Quickly, he gets dressed and hurries to the kitchen. It’s only after he pours the rest of the milk into his bowl of cereal that he remembers he needed some of that milk for his coffee. A sigh and a shrug later, Eddie decides to devour  his cereal as fast as humanly possible and pour the leftover cereal milk into his coffee mug. He takes a sip and honestly? Fruit Loops milk isn’t the worst addition to coffee. And now he doesn’t even have to add sugar. He drinks his coffee quickly, nearly choking on the last sip, then rushes back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. As he’s brushing his teeth, Eddie glances up at the mirror and sees one of his hickies. For a moment, he smiles, but then he’s hit with the realization of oh shit we both have hickies right now and Steve is going to be there.

He spits into the sink, then moves back to his room to gather all of his shit and check the time. 12:00pm. Fuck. No time to go to the store and get makeup. Not that he could really afford to buy makeup anyways. Or that he knows how to actually use it. Frantically, Eddie tries to think of a plan. He doesn’t own any clothes that could cover it, and honestly it would be more obvious if he suddenly showed up to HellFire with a scarf or turtleneck or some shit like that instead of the club shirt. Especially in the middle of the summer. Robin is at work today, so that wouldn’t work even if he had time to stop by her house and beg for her merciful help. Does Robin even wear makeup? God they’re fucked. 

In a last ditch effort of desperation, he slips on his shoes and heads outside. He loads his stuff into his van before walking over to the trailer across from his. Both the Mayfield and Munson trailers had been replaced by Hawkins Lab as a sort of “Thanks for saving the world and keeping your mouth shut” present, so they’re still neighbors, which  Eddie appreciates a little more in this moment. He knocks on the door, shifting all of his weight up onto his toes, then back onto his heels again while he waits for his favorite redhead to answer the door. 

Max swings open the door, wide enough that Eddie can see into the trailer to the TV playing in the living room across from a couch and coffee table that look almost exactly like the ones at his own home. The trailers had also been furnished by the Lab. The furniture was probably more of an “Sorry you almost died, now keep your mouth shut” gift than a thank you, but it sure is nice to have something other than an empty hunk of metal. It was sort of funny, how similarly their homes were furnished.  Who knew government bribery had an aesthetic? 

“Eddie.” Max nods.

“Little Red! How ya doing?” 

“I’m good?” Max says like a question, still leaning against the door. “What’s up?” 

Eddie sighs. He’s really about to ask his teenage neighbor for help covering a hickey. Not his proudest moment. 

“I need help.” 

“Yeah I think we all do dude. Want the number for my therapist?” 

“Very funny. But no, it’s actually worse than needing therapy.” 

Max silently raises a brow, but moves to let Eddie inside. He follows her to the couch, where she plops down with a dramatic thud. She plays it off well, but Eddie knows how hard it still is for her to stand or walk for extended periods of time.

“So…. What’s going on?” She asks, arms crossed. 

“I have Hellfire tonight.”

“Nerd club. Right. I already told Dustin I’m not playing.” 

“I don’t need you to sub in. I-. Steve is going to be there.”

“Okay? What does Steve playing your nerd game have to do with me?” 

“He’s not playing, he’s just watching.” 

“Do you need a bigger audience? I don’t want to watch a bunch of sweaty boys roll dice and yell at each other.” Max says, clearly growing annoyed Eddie won’t just tell her what he wants. 

“No, I'm not asking you to watch either.” Eddie huffs. “Do you have makeup?” 

“What?” 

“Makeup. Do you wear makeup?”

“Not really? I mean I have some, but I don’t like, wear it often.” Max says before adding incredulously “What the hell do you want with my makeup?” 

“I need to cover these.” Eddie finally explains, moving his hair behind his shoulder and gesturing weakly to the bruises on his neck. 

Max laughs so hard she doubles over, holding onto the door for support. “Holy shit you need me to help you cover hickies?” 

“C'mon Mayfield, I’m desperate. I would have asked Robin, but I don’t have time, and she’s at work, and I don't own makeup, and I have to leave in half an hour.” 

“What’s in it for me?” 

“I’ll drive you and El to the arcade next time you break up with Lucas.” 

“Hmm.” Max taps her lip. 

“Next two times you break up with Lucas?” 

“Getting there…”

“Fine I’ll give you a preroll too.” 

“Deal.”  Max holds out her hand, content with her half of the transaction. She stands, using her grip on Eddie’s hand to help her balance as she transitions into it. He pretends not to notice, and follows Max to the bathroom when she says “Right this way Munson.”

Once they reach the bathroom, he sits on the toilet while Max grabs out her makeup bag. Concealer, foundation, setting powder, and two makeup brushes pile up by the sink. 

“You sure you can cover it?” 

“Yeah. I don’t have any color corrector, which would help a lot with how dark these are, but I’m pretty good at hiding bruises, so you should be fine.” 

Eddie furrows his brows in concern but Max just rolls her eyes and says “I’m not being abused. Lucas and I aren’t always broken up.” 

“Oh gross. Glad you’re not getting abused, but gross. ” 

“Hey dude you’re the one asking for help hiding hickies from Steve. Why do you even care if he sees them?” 

Eddie tenses. He doesn’t have a good explanation prepared. So much for being good at improv. 

Max tilts her head to the side, staring intently at Eddie for a moment, then hums softly and goes back to work without another word. 

“Alright. You should be good now." She tells him a few minutes later. "My foundation doesn’t match your skin perfectly, but it’s close enough I don’t think anyone will notice it if they’re not looking for it. Let's go.” 

“Let's?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah I changed my mind. I want to watch.” 

“You do? Why?” 

“Just curious.” Max shrugs. “Can we get El?” 

Eddie sighs. If she comes, she’ll definitely connect the dots, but there’s no way he can tell her no without being more suspicious than he already was by saying Steve’s name. And he does want Max to join Hellfire just as much as the rest of the party does, even if he won’t admit it. 

 “Steve is picking up Will and Dustin, but he probably hasn’t left yet. Can I use your phone?” 

“You have his number memorized?” Max asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well Little Red, part of the babysitting job is coordinating carpooling for you hooligans all the time. How could I not have it memorized by this point?” 

Max gives him another curious look, but doesn’t share her thoughts. Goddamnit, she totally knows. “Phone’s in the kitchen. Let me put makeup away and I’ll meet you there.” 

Eddie nods. “Thanks kid.”

“I’m not a kid.” 

“Thanks 15 year old girl, wise beyond her teenaged years.” 

“Whatever.” Max rolls her eyes. “Go call Steve.” 

Eddie walks to the kitchen and dials Steve’s number, hoping Steve is actually still at home. He has a tendency to leave for things early, but today Eddie is in luck. Steve picks up with his usual greeting of “Harrington residence.” 

“Steve!” Eddie exclaims. 

“Eds?” 

“How are you on this fine day?” 

“Good?” Steve responds, confusion evident in his voice. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah I’m fine. I need a favor though.”

“Okay.. What’s up?” 

“You gotta pick up El when you get Will.”

“El joined Hellfire?” 

“Well no… But Max wants her to come, and I think we oughta do what she wants.”

“Max joined Hellfire?” Steve asks, not commenting on the latter part of the statement. 

“Oh definitely not. I’m determined to get there eventually, but she's still too cool to play our nerd games.” Eddie tells him, putting a dramatic inflection on the part about how Max is too cool. “But she’s going to watch with you and apparently El now. Seems the no spectator rule has been completely thrown out the window today.” 

“Okay…” Steve draws out. “Not that I’m upset she’ll be there, I’ve actually been missing her sarcasm, but if she thinks it’s so lame why does she want to go?” 

Eddie takes a deep breath. “Okay so don’t get mad, but I think she’s suspicious and wants to see if you also have hickies.” 

“WHAT?” Steve yells, and Eddie pulls the phone away from his face quickly in an attempt to save his eardrums. 

“I’m sorry Stevie. You actually can be mad at me, I understand if you are. I promise I didn’t tell her anything, I’m just fucking stupid.” 

“Hey, hey no. Don’t call yourself stupid. Will you just tell me what happened?” 

“I panicked dude. We’re both covered in hickies and all of the kids are going to be there, and I don’t own makeup, so I asked her to help. I fucked up and said I needed to cover them because you’d be there. She didn’t say anything, but I think she just immediately… knew? I’m so sorry.” 

There's an uncomfortably long silence, and Eddie feels his heart start racing. He glances at the clock. 12:30. They’re all going to be late at this point if they don’t leave like right now, but he has a hard time caring about punctuality when he’s already fucked up not even a week into this relationship. 

“Okay.” Steve finally says with a shaky breath. “Okay, yeah. It’s alright Eddie. I can get El.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Baby it’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I promise.” Steve’s voice is gentle and reassuring. 

“You’re not?” Eddie breathes a sigh of relief. He doesn’t understand why Steve is trying to comfort him right now after he messed up so tremendously, but the softness of his voice does help to ease the tightness in Eddie’s chest. 

“I mean I’m pretty fucking nervous, but I’m not mad at you. I didn’t even think about the fact we both have them. It was a good catch on your part, and it was smart to ask her for help. Even if she’s never going to let us live this down. Will you just, like, make her promise not to say anything? I don’t think I’m ready for so many people to know. If that’s okay.” 

“Yeah Stevie, I can do that.” 

“Is Stevie going to pick up El or not? We gotta head out if you don’t want to be late to your nerd club Munson.” Max’s voice sounds from behind Eddie, making him jump. He turns around to see the former grinning at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“Yes he’s going to get El.” Eddie tells her with a roll of his eyes before directing his attention back to the phone. “Alright Steve, we gotta go. Thank you. We’ll see you soon.” 

“See you soon.” Steve responds, and Eddie can hear the smile in his voice before he hangs up. Thank god he isn’t mad. 

“Okay menace. To the van we go.” 

They leave the trailer, and Max locks the door behind them. She climbs into the passenger seat, and immediately opens the glovebox to rifle through Eddie’s tapes, popping in Dio’s Holy Diver. 

Eddie smiles as he starts the van. “Good choice Mayfield.” 

“Yeah yeah Munson, not everything about you is lame.” 

“A compliment? From MadMax! Today is a bless’d day indeed!” Eddie exclaims in his DM voice, taking amusement in the way Max smiles when she rolls her eyes. 

“I wouldn’t consider that a compliment. I just said you aren’t completely lame. Definitely still lame.”

“And yet, I take that with the highest honor.”

Max scoffs, but doesn’t say anything else. As Eddie starts driving, she sits quietly in the passenger seat, tapping along to the music while she looks out the window. 

“Listen…” Eddie says as he pulls up in front of the Sinclair household. “You can’t say anything about the hickies when we get there okay?” 

“Yeah Eddie I’m not stupid. That would defeat the purpose of covering them for you.” 

“I know you’re not stupid. I just- it’s really important.”

“My lips are as sealed as the portals to the UpsideDown.” Max nods solemnly. “Steve and the others will never know.” 

“Thank you.” Eddie tells her, wondering momentarily if she is just pretending for his sake that she believes Steve doesn’t already know. 

“Mhm.” Max hums. 

Almost as soon as the van is parked, the front door to the Sinclair house opens. Lucas and Erica hurry through the door and run towards the van. Erica opens the door harder than she needs to, though Eddie can’t tell if it’s intentional or not. 

“You’re late, asshole.” She says as she climbs into the seat behind Eddie. 

“Language Sinclair.” He scolds. 

“Or what, you’ll tell my mom?” 

“Maybe I will.” 

“And maybe I’ll tell her you sell drugs.”

“Erica, you do realize that would get us in trouble, not him right?” Lucas says, shaking his head as he climbs in behind Max. 

“Whatever. Just drive.” Erica huffs. 

“Wait… Max?!” Lucas exclaims as Eddie switches back into drive, apparently not having noticed her presence beforehand. 

“In the flesh.” Max smiles. 

“What are you doing here? I mean- I’m glad you are! It’s nice to see you but, you know we’re going to Hellfire right?” 

“What? Really?” Max says, widening her eyes and letting her mouth hang open in her signature mock expression of surprise. “I thought Eddie was picking you guys up in your matching nerd shirts, on nerd club day, for a fun picnic.” 

“Oh hell yes!” Erica shouts. “Finally another girl!” 

“Sorry little Sinclair, Mayfield isn’t playing.” 

“Yeah El and I are just watching.” Max adds. 

“El is coming too?” Lucas asks. 

“Yup. So is Steve.” 

“What is happening?” Lucas throws his hands up in bafflement. 

Eddie shrugs. “Had a change of heart about the no spectators rule.” 

“Try to seem a little less excited about your girlfriend being there, why don’t you?” Max grumbles. 

“Yeah Lucas, can you be a worse boyfriend?” Erica asks. “Boys are stupid.” 

“That they are Erica. That they are.” Max agrees. 

Eddie laughs, content to stay out of the bickering that erupts over the Dio playing through the speakers. His nerves are still shot, but listening to his babysitting charges argue honestly helps to calm him down. 

The arguing dissipates as they reach the Wheeler’s house. Erica swears to never like boys before hopping out of the car, My Little Pony backpack in hand. Lucas and Max follow after her, Max letting Lucas help support her weight as they go. Eddie hangs back for a moment, taking longer to gather his things since he never thinks to bring a bag. He stacks papers onto his notebook and DnD books, tucking the pile under one arm, then uses his free hand to check he has his lighter and cigarettes in his pocket. Luckily, they are, because he didn’t have a chance to smoke in the morning, and with his nerves returning to their original height, he’s definitely going to need to smoke soon. He grabs his dice bag and locks the van just as Steve’s car pulls up behind his own.

Dustin, Will, and El clamber out. 

“We’re late!” Dustin yells as he runs to the door, Mike opening it for him almost immediately. 

“Eddie is late too. They will not start without you.” El tries to reassure, but Dustin is already gone. 

“Lets go El! We have to set up.” Will says.

“And I want to say hi to Max!” 

The siblings run after Dustin, and disappear into the house. Mike stares out from the doorway at Eddie and Steve. “Well? Are you coming or not?” He calls in annoyance. 

“Yeah, yeah Wheeler. We’re coming.” Eddie shouts back dismissively. Instead of walking towards the door however, he walks to Steve who is leaning against the hood of his car. 

“You ready?” He asks. 

“Nervous, but yeah. I’m honestly pretty excited to watch.” 

Eddie smiles. “I’m excited that you’re here.”

Steve looks him up and down. “Are you wearing my jeans?” He asks with a grin. 

“Maybe.” Eddie blushes. 

“They look good on you.” 

“Thanks Harrington. I think so too. I’m keeping them.” 

“Fine by me. I’m stealing something of yours though.” Steve says all casual and suave. Then he adds “If that's okay I mean.” in a much less suave, but somehow more endearing way. 

“Steve Harrington dressed up all punk in my clothes? How could I say no to that dream?” Eddie grins. “I’m gonna smoke after I set everything up, before we start. Wanna join?” 

“God yes please.” 

“Alright Harrington, then off we go to set up.” 

The two men make their way across the lawn, much too slowly for Mike’s liking. 

“Could you go any slower? C’mon dude I want to start on time.” 

“I’m late to being early little Wheeler. We’ll start by 1:30.” 

“We better.” Mike huffs.

“Careful.” Eddie scolds. “I do still have the power to throw mimics at you whenever I please.” 

Mike rolls his eyes, but shuts up and closes the front door behind Steve. 

Steve follows them to the basement and is immediately met with a chorus of shouting from the teens. Eddie tries his best to look casual as he starts to sort all of his DM things into place at the head of the table. 

“Steve, I am a CHILD!” Erica yells. 

“Dude, that looks like it hurts.” Lucas says with a grimace. 

Hypocrite. Eddie thinks to himself. 

“I told him it was gross!” Dustin adds.

“I do not understand why fighting is gross.” Eleven chimes in. “We get into fights all the time.”

“He didn’t get them from a fight El.” Mike turns to Steve. “Did you tell her you got in a fight?” He asks in a disbelieving tone. 

“I actually explicitly said I did not get in a fight.” Steve shakes his head. 

“Sure seems like it was explicit.” Erica mutters.

“Erica!” Lucas scolds.

“Just the facts!” 

Eddie steals a glance at Steve, and immediately feels guilty when he sees how red his face is. He can tell the other man is trying not to panic, and he wants to help, but doesn’t know how. If he had thought about the hickies earlier, maybe he could have called and Steve would have had time to cover his own too, and he wouldn’t be dealing with the third degree from a bunch of teenagers. 

“If he did not get in a fight, why is he covered in bruises?” El asks, clearly frustrated that she does not understand. 

“Yeah Steve, why are you covered in bruises?” Mike taunts. 

“El you don’t want to know.” Dustin tries to tell her. 

“Yes I do! If something is hurting him, we should know about it.” 

“El what fights have you been in that only affected your neck?” Erica asks.

“Trust me, it would be more than okay if none of us knew what Steve and some girl were up to.” Lucas adds. 

“A girl did this to you?” El asks, seemingly even more confused. 

Steve starts to fluster even more, lacking a good response to any of this. 

“Alright guys, leave him alone.” Max speaks up for the first time from her spot on the couch, and Eddie is so grateful for her. 

Will also seems to have Steve’s back, adding “Yeah I want to start playing soon.”

Yup. These two are Eddies favorites today. 

“Thank you Mayfield and Byers! Enough bullying Steve. We’ll never convince him to play if you gremlins waste all our time on this. Now,” Eddie claps his hands together. “Adults are going to smoke, and then we’ll start. Make sure you have everything you need, and get your strategy together. You’ll need to stay sharp to make it through this alive.” 

There is minimal protest as the boys and Erica settle into their spots around the table and begin to pull out their character sheets, dice, figurines, etc. El joins Max on the couch, and they are quickly engrossed in their own conversation. Eddie notices the huge smile on Max's face when El laughs at something she says, and he thinks for a second that maybe there's another reason Max is being so chill about helping him and Steve hide their relationship. Maybe he'll talk to her about it later. 

Steve and Eddie head upstairs and outside together. They lean against Eddie’s van as he pulls out his box of cigarettes, lighting one and taking a long inhale before handing it over to Steve. 

“You okay?” Eddie asks. 

“That was definitely not ideal, but yeah I’m good. Only went a little worse than the car ride over.” Steve says before taking a puff. 

“Yikes.” 

“Yeah I really didn’t think about it. I kinda forget people can see them sometimes.” 

“And other times you like that they can?” Eddie teases, plucking the cigarette from Steve’s fingers, reveling in the blush on his face. 

“Maybe... Not the kids though.” 

“I’m sorry dude. I should have called you earlier so you had a chance to cover yours. Hopefully once the game starts they'll lay off.” 

“It’s fine. I don’t have a way to cover them anyways. And it would have been way worse if you weren’t able to cover yours, so I’ll count being the only one under fire as a win.” 

“Mayfield to the rescue.” Eddie raises the cigarette like he is making a toast, then brings it to his mouth. 

Steve chews on his own bottom lip nervously. “She won’t say anything?” He asks timidly. 

“ My lips are as sealed as the portals to the UpsideDown. Steve and the others will never know.” Eddie repeats. 

“Does she.. not know then?” 

“I think she does. Definitely now that she’s seen you. She just hasn’t said so. I really am sorry Steve. I didn’t mean to out you to her. It was stupid of me. If I didn’t say your name I doubt she would have asked to come, and none of this would be happening.” 

“It’s okay Eddie. Really. You gotta stop calling yourself stupid man. The others still would have reacted like that. And I like that El and Max are here too. It’s nice to see the girls, and now I won’t be the only one who has no idea what’s going on.” Steve smiles, accepting the cigarette once again. He exhales slowly, then looks at Eddie somewhat nervously. “Is it okay that I don’t want to tell the others?” 

“Of course that's okay Steve.” 

“I don’t… I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you or anything. I just don’t think I’m ready for so many people to know.”

“I don’t think you’re ashamed of me. I know its fucking scary. I’m not out to them yet either, well except for Max now I guess, and I’ve known I’m gay for a decade longer than you have. I want to tell them about me at some point, but that can just be me coming out. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

Steve nods. “I think I want to eventually. Just.. not yet.” 

“Okay baby. Whatever you need.” Eddie smiles fondly, taking the cigarette from Steve when he scrunches his face up in mild disgust. Steve hates the way they taste as they get closer to the filter, which Eddie doesn’t understand, but it does mean he gets more of it to himself. 

“Got to the gross part?” He teases. 

“It’s all gross.” Steve retorts. 

“The end is just worse.” They both say in unison. 

“God I want to kiss you right now.” Steve says, looking at Eddie with admiration, like he’s touched that the latter remembered this small thing about him. 

Eddie laughs as his eyes flick to Steve’s lips. He’d love nothing more than to kiss his boyfriend right now, but they can’t. Not on the street where anyone could see them.  “You’ll have time for that tonight Harrington. You’re coming over after right?”  

“Definitely. There's no way I’ll survive today if I don’t get to kiss you eventually. And you did promise me an explanation.” 

“This is true. Maybe don’t say anything about subs in front of the kids though.” 

“I wasn't going to but okay…” Steve draws out, gears clearly turning in his head as he tries again to decipher for himself what the word means now that he knows it's probably something sexual. 

“Good boy.” Eddie says, just to see the flustered look it puts on Steve’s face. He finishes the cigarette and puts the end of it out under his boot. Then he wraps an arm around Steve’s shoulder and starts them back towards the house, willing his brain to focus on the campaign and not the conversation he’ll be having with his boyfriend tonight. 

Chapter Text

Steve takes a deep breath as he and Eddie walk back inside. The kids bombarding him with questions and criticism was frankly overwhelming, and all he wants is to sink into the couch in the Wheeler’s basement and not be the center of attention anymore. Today is supposed to be about Eddie and the rest of Hellfire club, not about Steve Harrington’s love life. Okay, it’s a little about his love life, but that is supposed to be a subtle secret between himself, his boyfriend, and apparently, Max Mayfield. 

Eddie must be able to tell Steve is feeling apprehensive, because he pauses once they’re through the front door.  “You okay?” He asks softly, dropping his arm from around Steve’s shoulder to instead take hold of one of his hands. 

“Yeah I’m fine. Sorry.” Steve shakes his head. 

“Stevie...What’s the rule about apologies?” 

“Fuck, you’re right sor-” Steve cuts himself off with a sheepish look. “No apologizing for feelings.”

 “There we go. That was a lot. It’s okay to be nervous.” Eddie reassures with a gentle squeeze of his hand. “Does it help if I tell you I’m, like, insanely nervous right now too?” 

“You are?” 

“Oh 100% Harrington. Partially because I froze back there and couldn’t think of what to say to help which was a little shitty of me-”

“-Eds. It’s fine. I-”

“But mostly because I’ve been working really hard on this campaign, and you’re here, and I really don’t want you to think this whole thing is lame.” Eddie continues on like Steve hadn’t interrupted. 

“I’m not going to think you’re lame Eddie. I know you’re a nerd. It’s part of your charm. I am genuinely excited to watch, and I know you’ll do great. The kids never shut up about how cool you are and what a kickass DM you are.” 

“They said I’m kickass?” 

“Mhm.” Steve affirms as he tucks a strand of Eddie’s hair behind his ear. He leans in slowly and kisses Eddie gently. It’s a risky move, but he’s pretty confident nobody will bound up the stairs right this second. If they wait any longer though, it’s a possibility, so he pulls back just as Eddie starts to deepen their kiss. Eddie pouts, not moving from his spot. Steve rolls his eyes affectionately and kisses him one more time then says “C’mon baby. You said yourself that we’ll have time for this later. Now let's get down there before somebody actually kills us for starting late.” 

“Okay, yeah, you’re right. Into the dungeon we go, Harrington.” Eddie gestures dramatically to the basement door, and the two descend into the realm of Hellfire. 

Eddie takes his seat at the head of the table, clapping his hands together to garner everyone's attention. His posture seems to immediately relax as he settles into his element. “Alright ladies and gentlemen, wizards and warlocks, tieflings and elves! Shall we begin our treacherous journey where last we left off?” 

“Finally!” Mike exclaims.

“Absolutely.” Will smiles. 

“About damn time!” Erica says with her signature sass. 

Dustin and Lucas nod silently, looking at Eddie with rapt attention. 

Steve plops down on the couch next to Max and Eleven as Eddie begins his exposition. 

“Then allow me to paint a picture.” Eddie says, leaning over his DM screen to point out everyone’s character minis on the map as he speaks.  “We start outside the castle. Everyone except Lady Applejack stands huddled in the treeline about thirty feet away from the courtyard, watching as Miss Applejack nimbly makes her way across the grass and avoids detection.”

Steve’s heart flutters as Eddie slips into his DM voice. It’s not quite the voice he used on Steve a few days before, but it’s close enough to have Steve’s mind wandering already. He shakes his head and forces himself to focus on Eddie’s words. If Max notices the blush on his cheeks, she doesn’t say anything. 

“She makes it to a side wall undetected, and moments later a large looming figure rounds the corner. It’s Finnel, orc barbarian and lead guard to the King. You see a short exchange happen between the two of them, although you cannot hear what is being said from so far away.” 

“Can I make a perception check to see if I actually can hear them?” Dustin asks. 

“DC 25 but you can try.” Eddie tells him with a chuckle. 

Dustin rolls one of his dice and shakes his head in disappointment. “That's a seven.” 

“You cannot hear them whispering from 30 feet away. You see Applejack place a hand on her hip as she says something that garners a nod from Finnel, then both cross the courtyard to where your group awaits. He addresses you with disgust dripping in his voice.” 

“Let me make one thing very clear to you, filth .” Eddie says in a deep and gruff character voice. “I lead you through the garden, and once you’re inside the castle, my job is done. I will not help you any further. I will betray my king no more than I already have. If you are caught, I owe you nothing, and I will gladly watch you all rot in dungeon cells. Are we clear?” 

“How do we know you won’t lead us straight into a trap?” Lucas asks skeptically in his own character voice. Max laughs softly next to Steve, ignoring the pointed glare Lucas sends her way. 

“Roll for insight.” Eddie tells him. 

“18!” 

“You are confident that Finnel means what he says. Whatever dirt Applejack has over him is powerful enough to force him to lead you to the secret entrance, but not enough for him to risk assisting you within the walls of the actual castle.” 

The party argues for a moment before finally agreeing on a plan of action, and Steve watches intently as the story begins to unfold. He listens enraptured as Eddie switches back and forth between his theatrical DM voice, the voice of Finnel, and occasional atmospheric sound effects. The way he controls the energy at the table is incredible. He leans at tense moments, lowering his voice so everyone else leans in too, hung on every word he says. When a trio of frog-like creatures jumps out of one of the fountains in the garden, Eddie slides his chair back, shouting in a way that makes Steve jump at the sudden noise. All of the kids begin to shout too, surprised by this twist in their plan. He doesn’t understand a lot of the technical terms once the party enters combat, but Eddie’s storytelling is easy to follow, and Steve finds himself having a lot of fun watching. 

El gets up to go to the bathroom, and Max leans over, whispering to Steve “You’re staring.” 

“That is generally how you watch things Max.” Steve retorts.

“I think generally you’re supposed to watch what everyone is doing, not just Eddie.” She teases back. 

Steve tears his eyes away from Eddie and the dramatic gestures he uses as he describes Lucas’s character obliterating the first bullywug.  His cheeks grow hot and he looks over at Max with a nervous expression. Was he really being that obvious with his staring, or did Max just notice because she knows to look for it? Can the others tell? Should he stop looking at Eddie? Would that be more obvious? 

Max bumps her shoulder against Steve’s and adds more sincerely, “They’re oblivious dude, it’s okay. And I’m not going to tell anyone.” 

“Thank you Max.” He lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

Max shrugs.  “Got a good deal out of helping cover up for you guys, but even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t out you. You don’t have to thank me for not being a shitty person.” 

“Still, I appreciate it.” Steve bumps her shoulder back. 

“No problem. You should really buy some makeup though. I’m not letting Eddie use mine every time you guys get carried away. And my foundation definitely doesn’t match your skin tone.” 

Eleven sits back down next to Max before Steve can say anything more than “Heard,” and their conversation comes to an end. The girls immediately lean in close to each other again, talking in hushed tones as Max explains what El missed while she was gone. Steve smiles to himself. As much as she claims to think DnD is lame, Max seems to have a good grasp on the mechanics and terminology. 

“NAT 20!” Mike yells loudly, pulling Steve’s attention back to the game. The rest of the kids erupt into cheers around the table as Eddie brings a hand to his chest, gasping and choking before falling to the floor in an over the top performance of the last bullywug’s final moments. When Eddie returns to his seat, he glances over at Steve and winks, and he looks so goddamn beautiful Steve’s heart skips a beat. He waves, and Eddie shakes his head laughing before turning his attention back to the campaign. 

The first encounter going well seems to have the kids more energized than they already were, and Eddie has to swoop in multiple times to keep the story moving when the younger teens get distracted or arguments erupt over the best course of action. 

Finnel leads the party through the hedge maze in the garden, and even though the maze changes halfway through, separating Mike and Will from the others, everyone makes it safely to the center. There they find a grand statue, which Eddie describes as a weeping angel that looms over them with a sword held in its bound hands. “On the base of the statue, there is an inscription. It’s formatted like a poem, but the text is in a language that none of you understand.” 

“I cast Comprehend Languages.” Will says. 

Eddie smiles wide and slides a piece of paper across the table to Will. The paper looks aged, and Steve wonders how he was able to do that. Will reads over the “translated” poem quietly, turning his body to the side when Mike tries to lean over his shoulder to read it with him. 

“Well? What does it say?” Dustin asks.

“I- I don’t think I can tell you.”  

“What? You gotta tell us dude. No secrets from the party!” Lucas argues. 

“I think it’s a prophecy.” Will supplies vaguely. 

“And what does  it say, nerd boy?” Erica demands. 

Will stays silent, contemplating if he should share what he has learned. 

“You have to tell us dude! We’re stuck here if we can’t get past this puzzle!” Dustin says. 

“Whatever it says Will, we can handle it. The party is in this together.” Mike persuades.

“Okay…” Will says hesitantly. He reads the poem. It’s full of flowery and vague language that Steve doesn’t fully understand, but he gets that generally it’s talking about the dangers ahead, and warns that each member of the group will have to sacrifice something in order to complete their quest.

 “And as I say these words, all foretold will be done.” Will finishes reading. The statue makes a loud clanking sound as the angel begins to move, raising its bound hands until the tip of the sword is no longer resting in the stone between its feet. Everyone shouts out, convinced Eddie has thrown another combat encounter at them, but instead of a weapon swinging towards the party, the statue begins to rotate, revealing a secret staircase beneath it. 

“I rush in.” Mike immediately decides, not waiting for the others before making his decision. 

“Oh shit Mike!” Dustin shouts. 

“Do the rest of you follow?” Eddie asks. 

“We have to!” Lucas says, throwing his hands in the air. Erica and Will agree, and everyone bounds down the stairs after Mike. 

“You rush down the staircase. The moment the last of you is past the threshold, you hear Finnel say Gods permit, this is the last time I see any of you, and before anyone has a chance to react, the statue moves back, covering your escape and plunging you into darkness…” 

Eddie sits back in his chair, dropping his DM voice to say, “And we’re stopping there for now! Everyone stretch, piss if you gotta, talk strategy if you must. Harrington and I are going to pop pizzas in the oven. We’re back in 30.” 

The kids all grumble in protest, but nobody truly argues with the DMs decree. 

Steve had never understood before how these sessions could last for hours at a time, but he gets it now. When he looks at the clock it's 3:30pm. They’d been playing for two hours already, but it hardly felt like one had passed. 

Erica gets up to go to the bathroom. El jumps up from the couch to go talk to Mike and Will. Dustin pulls snacks out of his backpack, and everyone eagerly accepts handfuls of chips, even though they’re about to eat lunch. Eddie brushes off the legs of his jeans when he stands, then leans back, stretching his arms above his head. His shirt rises up, showing the smallest hint of his hips, and Steve swallows, mind immediately wandering to images of Eddie completely shirtless, leaning over him in bed, kissing him until he’s panting. 

“Staring again.” Max elbows Steve. 

“Shut up, no I’m not.” He grumbles. 

“Mhm…”

“Why don’t you go talk to your boyfriend instead of worrying about mine?” 

“Fine.” Max rolls her eyes with a smile then heads over to where Lucas is sitting. 

“Coming Harrington?” Eddie asks from the bottom of the steps. 

Steve nods and follows him up the stairs to the kitchen. 

********

The two men spend their break upstairs, happy for the short respite from seven pairs of eyes on them. While they wait for the oven to preheat, Steve asks questions about the campaign. It seems to make Eddie so happy, Steve immediately feels guilty for not showing interest in all of this DnD stuff earlier. He leans into Eddie’s space, and steals a kiss. 

“I feel like I’m fucking high right now dude, today is going so well.” Eddie shakes his head softly in disbelief before pulling Steve closer to him. They kiss until the oven beeps, and once the pizzas are placed inside, they start to makeout again. They narrowly avoid being caught when Dustin rushes up the stairs to ask how much longer it’ll be, so once he is placated and sent back downstairs, the pair spend the rest of their time talking. 

30 minutes and two trips between the kitchen and basement later, everyone is settled with cans of Coca-Cola and plates full of pizza. Cheese for El, Max, and Will. Pepperoni for Lucas, Erica, and Dustin. A slice of each for Eddie and Steve. The chips Dustin had pulled out are also making their way around the room, and the younger teens all eat ravenously, as if the fictional battles of their campaign have taken a real physical toll on them. Steve scolds Dustin to slow down before he chokes, and elbows Eddie when he whispers “soccer mom” in response. 

Once everyone is full and satisfied, the game starts back up. The party immediately encounters something in the darkened tunnels and everyone rolls for initiative. Whatever they are fighting seems strong, dealing damage to half the party before they have the chance to identify what they are up against. Erica uses an action to identify the monster as a Wraith, which Steve thinks must be bad based on the panicked reactions it gets from the boys. On Will's turn, he casts Daylight, filling the tunnel with bright light. The battle that follows is still tense, but Will’s spell seems to turn the battle to the party’s favor. Now every time Eddie rolls for the Wraith to hurt somebody in the party, he rolls with disadvantage, which Steve learns means rolling twice and taking the lower number. During the next few rounds of combat, Dustin falls but passes his death saving throws. Lucas is also knocked out but Erica is able to revive him, sacrificing her last healing potion to do so. 

When Mike is the next at the top of the order, he tosses his silvered sword to Will, and tries to lure the Wraith towards himself. The Wraith takes the bait, passing by Will on the way towards Mike, allowing an attack of opportunity against it. Will swings the sword down, and lands the final blow. The creature dissolves in a cloud of smoke as it dies, and the kids dissolve into shouts of celebration as they all survive the encounter. 

With Will’s Daylight spell still in effect, the party makes their way through the tunnels quickly. They get to a forked path and have to decide if they head to the King's Quarters, the Treasury, or split the party to hit both at the same time. They bicker for a moment, but ultimately decide against splitting the party. Even if it's a superstition, they all remember how badly it went last time they separated into groups. So, yeah, they'll head to the Treasury together first, then allow Erica and Will to sneak into the King's Quarters with the others on guard close by. 

Eddie tries to stop here, but gives into the begging of the kids eventually and allows the group to make their way to the treasury. They begin to survey the room for the artifacts they’re seeking, and when Lucas discovers a mimic, Eddie adjourns the Hellfire club meeting for real, this time ignoring the protests and refusing to start combat. 

Steve walks over to Eddie as everyone begins to pack up, and despite how desperately he wants to touch him, he just leans against the table. 

“So… what did you think?” Eddie asks, looking at his papers instead of Steve. 

“That was honestly a lot of fun.” 

“Really?” Eddie looks at Steve excitedly. 

“Really. I mean I didn’t understand a lot of the technical stuff, but you’re a really good story teller. I kinda get why you all like this so much now.” 

Eddie absolutely beams. 

Steve and Eddie talk for a few more minutes as everyone packs up, then they usher everyone upstairs. Steve helps carry Eddie’s things to the van as the kids split into their carpool groups, and when he hands over the last of Eddie’s books, their hands brush together. They linger a moment longer than they should, eagerly taking what touch they can safely have in front of others. 

“Okay.” Eddie pulls his hands away first. “See you after drop off?” 

“See you after drop off. We can order dinner if you want?” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

“Awesome.” Steve smiles back. “Drive safe.” 

“You too.”

Chapter Text

Dropping off the Sinclairs goes quickly, and when Eddie pulls into the trailer park, Steve’s car is nowhere in sight. The Hopper-Byers house is in the opposite direction of the park, and Dustin never lets drop off go quickly, so he knows Steve won’t be there for at least another 20 minutes. Still wired from the campaign, plus eager and a little nervous to see Steve, Eddie knows he’ll probably spend those 20 minutes pacing around inside. Max clocked his jittery energy during the drive, occasionally giving him sideways glances as he tapped on the steering wheel, but she doesn’t say anything until they’ve parked and Eddie begins to bounce his leg. At this point, she looks at him with squinted eyes and asks “Is Steve coming over tonight?” 

He squints back at her. “Possibly.” 

“I better not hear anything from your trailer.” She tells him sternly.

“Jesus Red!” Eddie exclaims, bringing his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose. These kids were going to age him a decade over this summer alone, he swears. He shakes his head. “You won’t hear anything. Nothing is even happening tonight.”

 Obviously, he’s hopeful that something will happen, but there’s no way he’s confirming that for a teenage girl. Definitely not going to pinky promise. She doesn’t need to know, and besides, hasn’t she tormented him enough today? 

“I better not.” Max repeats, pointing at him. “Or I swear to god I’ll kill both of you. I know where you live.” 

“Get out of the goddamn van or you’re not getting your preroll.” 

“Fine.” Max huffs then climbs clumsily out of the van. She stumbles a bit, likely having surpassed her ability to walk unassisted at some point during the day. 

Eddie gets out of the van and rounds it to the passenger side. He holds out his arm, silently asking permission to help her. Max stares at him for a long moment, clearly reluctant to accept the help, but eventually she nods and places one hand in Eddie’s. Some days, all she needs is help balancing. At the Wheeler’s that seemed to be all she needed, but as she leans heavily against Eddie’s side, he realizes that she definitely pushed herself too hard today. He switches which hand Max is holding, and wraps his other arm around her, supporting more of her weight as they cross to her trailer.   

“You should really use your cane on bad days, Mayfield. It’s okay to need it.” 

“You’re one to talk.” Max snaps. “I haven’t seen you use yours in months.” 

“I don’t need it as much anymore.” 

“That doesn’t sound like you don’t need it at all. ” 

“Okay fine, I hate using it too. We should both work on that.” 

“I’ll think about it.” Max tells him. 

Eddie nods, knowing that's the closest he’ll get to her outright agreeing to use it more. Maybe he’ll use his next time it rains. The rain always makes his hips hurt worse. “Do you need help getting inside?” He asks as they reach Max’s door.

“I think I’m okay.” She says. Then, much to Eddie’s surprise, she adds “Thanks for letting me watch today. It was actually sort of fun.” 

“Anytime Red. It was actually sort of fun having you guys there. You can join whenever you want.” 

“Thanks Eddie.” Max smiles. She unlocks the door, pausing to look back at him. “I mean it, by the way. If I hear a single moan, you’re dead.” 

“Oh my god, shut up. Isn’t it past your bedtime?” 

“Fuck off.” 

“As you wish.” Eddie bows, then walks backwards towards his trailer, pointing at her as he goes. “Have the best of nights MadMax.” 

“You too.” Max calls as Eddie unlocks the door to his own trailer. “QUIETLY!” 

Eddie flicks her off in response, then enters his trailer and closes the door. He goes ahead and orders Chinese food for himself and Steve while he waits for him since he already knows Steve’s go-to order, and it really is anybody’s guess how long Dustin will hold him up. Once he’s done ordering, he tries to settle on the couch, even turns on the TV, but he can’t focus on it. Almost immediately he’s playing with his rings and bouncing his leg up and down. Maybe two minutes later, if even, he gives up and begins pacing around the living room. Steve should be there soon (Henderson permitting), and Eddie feels his nerves growing more the longer he waits. The conversation they are having tonight is important, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to hear what Steve likes, but there’s something sort of terrifying about knowing he’ll have to share his own interests and desires too. What if it’s too weird? What if Steve thinks he’s too much of a freak and just blows the whole thing off? The boy he’s been pining over, fantasizing about for months is finally his, and Eddie can’t stand the thought that he could ruin it.

Luckily, he doesn’t have a chance to ruminate for long before there's a knock on the door. He practically runs over to open the door and when he does, he sees Steve standing there, looking  a little nervous himself, though he’s doing an alright job at hiding it. 

“Hi Eds.” Steve smiles, rocking back on his heels with his hands in the pockets on his jeans. “Can I come in?” 

“Yeah of course.” Eddie smiles back, moving out of the way to let Steve in. As soon as the door is closed, Steve wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, pulls him close, and kisses him. 

“Been waiting to do this all day.” He murmurs quietly, lips barely brushing against Eddie’s as he says it. 

Eddie chuckles. “Pretty sure you did this in the Wheeler’s kitchen.” 

“Mhm. But I had to listen out for people coming upstairs, so I couldn’t focus on just you. And I couldn't do this.” Steve presses his lips to the skin where Eddie's shoulder meets his neck, starts trailing kisses up the side of his throat, then bites gently on his earlobe before pulling back. “Did you want me to stop? Had enough at the Wheeler’s?” 

“Nope!” Eddie squeaks. “Definitely not. You can keep going.”

“Thought so.” Steve says smugly. He kisses the other man’s neck again, this time sucking on the tender skin. Eddie brings a hand to Steve’s head, coiling his fingers through his hair. A small whimpering sound falls from the older man’s lips as he feels teeth against his skin. Steve doesn’t even really bite him, but the threat of it has Eddie’s heart pounding. 

“Oh fuck, Steve.” He lulls his head to the side, granting easier access to his neck, and he can feel Steve smile, can almost see the cocky look that’s definitely on his face. Steve takes a few steps backwards, pulling Eddie with him as he leans against the door and slides one of his legs between Eddie’s. Now he can see how smug and confident his boyfriend looks- huge grin on his face, eyebrow raised suggestively, eyes absolutely transfixed on Eddie. It would almost be annoying if it weren’t so hot. How Steve can look so perfect all the time is beyond him. 

“Hi Stevie.” He breathes out, because his brain malfunctions and he can’t think of anything else to say. 

“Hi baby.” Steve chuckles. Gently, he guides Eddie’s hands to wrap around his shoulders, then returns his own hands to rest on the back of his boyfriend’s hips.  He pulls them forwards, sliding his leg between Eddie’s as he tugs him closer, the action pressing his thigh against the front of Eddie’s jeans.
The sudden proximity catches Eddie by surprise, and he makes a quiet, but noticeable noise of approval. He feels his eyes dilate wide, and when he looks at Steve’s face, he knows Steve can feel him starting to get hard. There’s a proud smile plastered across his stupidly beautiful face while an embarrassed heat spreads across his own. Steve pulls his hips again, encouraging Eddie to grind against his leg while he runs his tongue up the length of his neck. He works on leaving another bruise on the underside of his jaw near his ear, and when Eddie lets out a small moan, Steve props his foot up against the door. The change in angle has his leg providing even more pressure against Eddie’s growing erection. He can’t help it that another moan falls from his lips. A nearly feral need begins bubbling inside of him, and Eddie knows if they don’t stop soon, it will be nearly impossible to hold himself back from devouring Steve where they stand. He doesn’t want to do the responsible thing, but he already circumvented it once, so he sighs, and pushes himself away from Steve. 

 “Fuck baby, I don’t want you to, but if you don’t stop touching me right now, I won’t be able to resist sucking you off, and we have to talk first. And eat dinner.” 

Despite his words, Steve pulls at Eddie’s hips, grumbling protest as he tries to press his leg against him again. Eddie takes hold of the younger man’s hands, moving them off of his hips and pushing them against the door above his head. 

“I know sweet boy, I want this too. Been waiting months to have you like this. I promise I’ll give you whatever you want, we just need to talk about what that is before I can okay?” 

“Okay…” Steve pouts, rolling his head back against the door. 

“Come sit with me.” Eddie says softly, loosening his hold on Steve’s wrists and letting them fall from their position above Steve’s head. They hold hands as Eddie leads him to the couch. 

“Okay Harrington.” He says after they sit. “Serious talk time. You ready?”

Steve shrugs. “I don’t really know what all this talk entails, but I’m definitely ready for you to tell me what the fuck Robin called me. And it sounds like I’ll get to make out with you after we talk so… Yeah I'm ready. Serious talk time. Hit me Munson.” 

Hit me Munson. The words rattle through Eddie’s head, send a flutter through his chest. He ignores it, telling himself he can’t be too much too fast. “We’re going to talk about boundaries, things we like and don’t like, safe words if we need them. Things like that. And I’ll explain what a sub is.” The last bit he has to say with a chuckle. Goddamn Buckley. He almost wishes he had made her explain it just to watch her flounder. Maybe it’ll be okay. There’s no way he could be worse at explaining BDSM to Steve Harrington than Robin Buckley would be. 

“Safe words?” Steve questions, pulling Eddie from his internal tangent. 

“It’s part of BDSM dynamics. Do you know what that is?”

“Isn’t it like getting off on pain and tying people up and shit?” 

“That can be part of it, but it doesn’t have to be.” Eddie pauses. He doesn’t know how he expected this conversation to start, but immediately jumping into the lecture on kinky sex wasn’t exactly it. Maybe with the likes and dislikes part? Oh well. It’s information Steve needs to have, and once they’re done talking, maybe they can try some hands-on learning. “BDSM stands for a few things. Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Some people like all of it, some people only like a few specific things. It’s unique to each person.”

Eddie pauses again, taking a moment to try to read Steve’s face. It’s of little use. He looks like he’s listening intently, but his expression gives away nothing more about his thoughts. 

“BDSM is all about control and trust,”  Eddie continues. “giving that sense of control away and trusting that your partner will take care of you while you find pleasure together. Safe words exist to keep everyone involved comfortable and well safe, especially when boundaries are being pushed, new things are being tried, or during more intense scenes like ones involving pain or bondage.” 

“Okay. So how do you know what words are safe?” Steve asks. 

Eddie smiles. It's sort of cute and endearing how clueless he is. For somebody as freaky as Steve Harrington seems to be, he sure doesn’t know much about non-vanilla sex. Eddie wonders if he’s been having kinky sex for years and just never realized it because his impression of BDSM was just ropes and slapping. Eddie regrets the thought immediately, jealousy churning in his stomach. Steve is his, and he doesn’t want to think about him with anybody else. He wants to sink his teeth into the side of Steve’s neck and leave marks that scream to the world “ I’m taken. ” He wants to tie him up and watch him beg for Eddie to make him his . He wants to write his name on Steve’s chest so he sees, every time he looks in a mirror, just who he belongs to. 

Too much. Eddie scolds himself. Besides , how would that even work? I’d have to write my name backwards. He rakes his fingers through his hair as if he can clear the images from his brain like an etch a sketch. “You choose them. A safe word can be anything you want. They’re a way to stop a scene or communicate that something is wrong other than saying stop or no.”

“Why can’t you just say stop or no?” Steve asks, eyebrows knit together. 

“You can. Some people like being ignored when they say those though, so they use safewords to indicate if they actually need to stop.” A strange look flashes across Steve’s face, and Eddie quickly continues, worried Steve won’t want to hear more if he thinks about that for too long. “Other people also use the traffic light system. Green for all good, yellow for slow down or check in, red for full stop.”  

“Which do you do?”

Eddie hesitates for a moment. He’s embarrassed to admit that while he knows a lot about all of this, he hasn’t actually tried any of it. “I think both would be good. Traffic light system with a safe word just in case.”  

“Okay. We can do that.” Steve nods. 

Those words fill Eddie with a heady sort of feeling. We can do that. Steve still doesn’t have a full picture of what all BDSM can entail, or what aspects Eddie wants to explore, but he’s immediately onboard? Eddie could get drunk on Steve’s trust. 

“And sub is part of it too?” The latter asks. 

“It’s short for submission or submissive.” Eddie grins. 

“Oh.” Steve says, his face reddening. “But- I- why does Robin think I’m submissive ?”

Eddie laughs softly, then immediately apologizes when Steve looks hurt. “I’m not laughing at you baby, I’m sorry. I’ve just been dying to know the same thing. I mean- I don’t think she’s wrong. You seemed very much so into that dynamic the other day, so that was sort of the impression I got. But I can’t stop wondering what you said to Robin that brought her to the same conclusion.”

Steve blushes more intensely, the red hue spreading down his neck. “I don’t know what I said. I told her about Monday. We talked about what acid was like, how I had a full sexuality crisis and realized I’m super into you. I told her you had to calm me down from a panic attack and I kissed you. We talked about you and I getting together, and I told her about some of the hot shit you did leading up to that, but I didn’t give her details . I don’t know!” 

Steve seems to be getting overwhelmed for the first time since their conversation started, talking quickly and gesturing more wildly than he normally would. Eddie doesn’t want him to panic or shut down, so he thinks for a moment then decides to lean on what he knows can keep his boyfriend grounded. He touches him, brings one hand to cup Steve’s cheek, and places the other on Steve’s knee. “Steve.” He says, his voice soft and reassuring. “It’s not a bad thing. It’s okay. I liked what we did. I’m not going to make fun of you for liking it too.” 

Eddie squeezes Steve’s knee, leans forward to press his forehead against his, and models a deep breath. Once Steve copies the motion and takes a deep breath himself, Eddie pulls back and continues, one hand still resting reassuringly against his boyfriend’s face . “I know it's embarrassing, but we have to talk about these things so we’re both on the same page about what we want. It’s okay to feel nervous or embarrassed. I’m nervous too. But I  promise I won’t judge you for anything you tell me, okay?  You’re allowed to want things.”

Steve nods, then pulls Eddie in for a kiss. “Thank you.” He whispers against his lips. Eddie kisses him again, harder this time, and his heart races at the little noise of content surprise that Steve makes. He pulls back before they can get carried away. 

“So, walk me through when you were talking to Robin. What did you tell her about Monday?”

“I told her what acid felt like, how it made things look like they were moving when they weren’t. That swimming felt amazing, and food tasted better. Even your music sounded good . ” Steve teases. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “What else?” 

“I told her that we were flirting more than usual, and it felt different from our normal friend flirting.”

“Ah yes. Our normal friend flirting.” 

“Fuck off man. You flirt with everyone, how was I supposed to know it was different when you flirt with me?” 

“You weren’t.” Eddie says bluntly. It’s true after all. He’d tried very hard to make sure Steve didn’t know Eddie meant any of the flirtatious things he said. Had a panic attack or two of his own on Monday when he thought he had ruined that. Crazy to realize how little he actually needed to worry over it. Maybe they could have gotten together a long time ago if he’d been a little braver. Then again, Steve didn’t realize he liked Eddie until he was literally on LSD, so maybe not. “It’s just funny to hear it said like that. And nice to hear you admit you’ve been flirting back this whole time. What felt different about it?” 

“I don’t know. It was more physical I guess? I think being high made me process how much I want to touch you all the time. I guess I probably always have, but when I was high I wasn’t able to overthink it as much, so I didn’t try to hold myself back. I just did what I wanted to because I wanted it.” 

The metalhead positively beams at the admission. So there could have been a chance after all. He will definitely be revisiting some of their older interactions later. 

“Also whatever you were doing with your voice was… really hot. I never heard you talk like that before and holy shit Eds.” Steve sighs, shaking his head in a disbelieving way. “Big fan.” 

Eddie’s heart nearly stops. For a long moment he sits, quietly considering Steve’s words as a wicked plan enters his mind. Then, he lowers his voice, slipping into the tone he knows Steve is talking about, and leaning in close to his ear, says, just above a whisper “Now we’re getting somewhere. Wanna tell me what other hot shit I did that made you realize you want me big boy?” 

“You just like the flattery.” Steve mumbles, trying his best to sound annoyed, but Eddie notices when he shivers at his words. Revels in the way his words come out all airy and soft. Not at all a convincing performance. 

“Of course I do, but if we’re going to get to the bottom of why Robin diagnosed you as submissive, I gotta know what you said. So tell me baby .” He commands. 

Steve’s breath catches. “Fine. I really liked when you teased me for some reason okay? Like it was embarrassing, but in a good way. If that makes sense?” His eyes flick to Eddie’s lips as he licks his own. 

A smile spreads across Eddie’s face. Well if he’s going to listen so well, surely he can have a bit of what he wants too. He grants Steve a kiss and pulls his bottom lip between his teeth before moving away. “Mhm.” He hums. “Go on.” 

As the younger man talks, Eddie kisses him, first at the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, then just below his ear. The more worked up Eddie gets him, the more willing to share he seems to be. Eddie can work with that. The placement of his mouth slides down Steve’s neck, and the intensity of his kisses escalates from chaste presses of his lips to fully dragging his tongue across Steve’s throat as he speaks. If Steve has to hold back moans or struggles to get the words out, Eddie thinks that’ll be okay. He’ll get the information he wants eventually. 

“…. I might have also told her that it was nice that you sort of structured out the day for me. It was really hot when you told me what to- mhm- what to do. I liked not having to worry about making decisions for a little bit. And- oh fuck- when I didn’t listen you got all bossy which was weirdly hot too. Like when I tried to jump in the pool and you grabbed me and -mm- scolded all quiet in my ear… Holy shit Eds I had to walk away before you could see I was getting hard.” 

“There it is.” Eddie rewards him again by adding another bruise to the collection on his neck. It’s been a few days since the collection started, and while they’re definitely still obvious, they’re beginning to fade in some places, and he doesn’t think either of them particularly wants that, despite the trouble those hickies have caused them today. “Thank you for telling me, baby. I’m proud of you.” 

Steve stifles a small moan, possibly at the feeling of Eddie sucking on his skin, possibly from the praise. Likely, Eddie thinks, both. 

“Sure feels like you're proud of me.” Steve sighs out. It’s clear he means to say it as a joke, but he just can’t hide how good Eddie is making him feel. 

“Oh baby if you think this ” Eddie punctuates with another nip against Steve’s collarbone “is all making me proud will get you, you’re in for quite a few surprises.” 

“I can get behind surprises.” Steve swallows. 

“Behind? I imagined you more in front. Maybe beneath. But we could make that work I suppose.”

Steve whimpers, and this time Eddie does laugh at him, just a little bit. His face flushes deep crimson, and he pushes Eddie’s shoulder. 

“Don’t be a dick.” 

“I thought you said you like it when I tease you?” Eddie says, feigning innocence. 

“I regret telling you that already.” Steve groans. He shifts in his spot on the couch, and Eddie notes that Steve is starting to be affected by their conversation. 

“But you’re gonna like it so much later.” Eddie winks. It might be mean to keep teasing him, knowing it’s working him up, but he can’t resist doing it just a little more before giving his boyfriend a break. Turning the conversation back to its more educational purposes, he asks “Any questions so far?” 

Steve looks up, focusing intently on the ceiling for a moment before answering. “So being a sub just means listening when people tell you what to do?” 

“Listening to authority in general doesn’t make you submissive, no. You listen to coaches and teachers and stuff when they tell you what to do. You follow the law at least sometimes. Definitely not subbing for Hopper.”

“Dude why the fuck would you say that?” 

“I honestly don’t know.” Eddie grimaces. He moves on quickly.  “Obedience is part of it for sure, but domming and subbing in a BDSM sense is its own specific thing.” 

“Okay… So it’s like following rules in a sexy way?”

“Sort of? Rules can be a thing if you want them to be. Some couples just use commands, following instructions from the dom during scenes, things like that. Other doms make actual rules for their subs. They don't have to be sexual, but a lot of the time, especially in the contexts of scenes, they are.”

“So on Monday, when you told me how much acid I was allowed to take, that I couldn’t call people, that I had to stay in the shallow side of the pool. Telling me to drink water and shit… Was that?”

“I don’t think that counts as me domming?” Eddie says, not entirely confidently. “A lot of Monday was a sort of gray area, and I’m no expert, but I don’t think that me setting rules to keep you safe while you were tripping was a BDSM thing. Especially since none of that part was sexual. How willing you were to listen to me though, and the fact that you liked listening, even when you thought the rules I was giving you were annoying, that kind of  gave me the impression you’d be into some form of power play. That and the fact that you seemed very eager to give me authority that I don’t typically or actually have over you.” 

“Did you like it?” 

“Which part?” 

“All of it. Telling me what to do. Watching me listen. Did you like it?” 

“I liked it a lot.” Eddie admits. 

“I know you said it didn’t count because it wasn’t sexual, but it definitely turned me on.” Steve admits.

“I think it doesn’t count more specifically because we hadn’t talked about it. They were the same type of rules I would give anyone else tripping for the first time, but it did feel different with you. If you wanted to do acid again or just have some days where I tell you what to do like that, I could give you rules to follow that weren’t sexual, and even the nonsexual parts of the day could still be part of the scene. But since we weren’t technically in a scene, and we hadn’t talked about it, I don’t know. I don’t think it was inherently kinky.  It did turn me on too, but I think that was more the way you were reacting to me than it was the actual rules.” 

“And what we did later. Did that count as BDSM?”

“When I demanded you tell me what you want, told you to take off your clothes and lay on the bed, told you to be good for me, and let me hear you beg?” Eddie smirks, one eyebrow raised. 

Steve’s face turns bright red again, and it’s becoming almost a fun game for the metalhead, seeing how easily or how intensely he can get his boyfriend to blush. The aforementioned boyfriend swallows, then nods. 

“Yeah that maybe counts. Which  is part of why I felt like I really fucked up by letting anything happen. Not only were you tripping, but I was sort of pulling you into a dynamic that you don't understand and we hadn't talked about beforehand. With kinky shit, we should always talk about it before we try anything new.”

“I still don’t regret anything we did, and I’m not upset with you for letting it happen. I might not have understood the name of what we were doing, but I really really liked it. You didn’t make me do anything I wasn’t into, okay?” 

“Okay.” Eddie nods. He knows Steve has been telling the truth every time he says it, but the reassurance is still greatly appreciated. A little bit more tension leaves his body each time he’s told he didn’t cross a line. Steve wants all of this the same way Eddie does. The two men smile at each other, leaning into each other's space to kiss. Eddie thinks he could stay here forever, surviving only on the sustenance found in Steve’s affection. Unfortunately for him, that’s unrealistic. A knock at the door interrupts them anyways. 

The noise startles them both, and the boys almost bonk heads as they jump in unison. 

“Who’s that?” Steve asks.

“Delivery person probably. I called in our order when I got back.” 

“Oh shit I totally forgot about that. Thank you for ordering.” Steve smiles, his eyes crinkling in the corners in a way that's so genuine and kind, Eddie wants to take a picture. Instead, he says “No problem Harrington,” and moves to answer the door. 

“Do you want me to pay for it?” Steve calls from the couch. 

“I’ve got it! You can pay next time.” Eddie responds. He pays for their Chinese food, and makes his way back to sit with his boyfriend. 

“Thanks baby.” Steve smiles when Eddie joins him again. “This smells so good. I’m starving.” 

“Yeah I didn’t realize how hungry I was until just now, and I am about to devour these noodles.” Eddie agrees. 

The two get to work pulling little boxes out of the bag and lining them up on the coffee table in front of the couch. They open them all up, each claiming their respective boxes and a pair of wooden chopsticks before settling back onto the couch together to dig in. For a few minutes they eat in relative silence, content to simply be occupying the same space while they enjoy their food. Eddie has a mouth full of noodles when Steve reaches over with his chopsticks to steal a piece of chicken straight from Eddie’s container. 

“So what do you like about it?” Steve asks before he pops the chicken into his mouth. 

“About what?” 

“Being a dom.” 

Eddie thinks for a long moment, before finally deciding on “I think I like how much you trust me. You’re.. A very guarded person. I like that I make you feel safe enough that you’ll let me past your walls. Sometimes it seems like you think you need to be in control of everything around you all the time, and I like the idea that you’d give up that control and let me just take care of you for a while.”

“Is the main appeal of being in charge so you can take care of the other person?” Steve asks, a genuine look of curiosity in his eyes. Eddie can almost see the gears turning in his head as he processes everything he’s been told tonight. 

“I think it is for me at least. Don’t get me wrong, the power definitely feels good, and there’s an appeal to being mean, but even in my well, meaner fantasies I think that at its core, domming for me is always going to be about taking care of the sub. About giving my person a safe place to let go and stop thinking for a little bit.”

“What if both sound good?” Steve asks. “Can you be bisexual for that too, or can you only be one or the other?” 

Eddie laughs loudly, and this time Steve laughs a little bit with him. It’s reassuring to see him growing more comfortable as the conversation goes on. “Yeah you can like both. It’s called being a switch though. It isn’t exclusive to bisexual people.” 

“Oh, okay. Do you like both then, or are you only a dom?” 

“I think I’d like both. Based off our interactions so far I’m guessing I’ll dom more often, but I’d be willing to switch it up if you want to.” 

Steve blushes.  “I think I might also like both? But I’m okay following your lead. You know way more about this than I do, so…” 

“In theory sure, but I definitely do not have the experience you do.” 

“I’ve only been with girls though. I don’t really know how to do anything with guys.” 

“And I’ve only been with you.” Eddie shrugs. “We can figure it out together.” 

Steve gives Eddie an awestruck look. “Only me?” 

“Is that okay?” Eddie feels a pang of panic in his chest. Should he not have said that? Is it bad that he’s so inexperienced? 

“Yeah of course it’s okay Eds!” Steve stumbles, cheeks turning pink. “Kind of really hot actually. I just- I’m the first guy you’ve blown and it was that good???” 

“You’re the first guy I’ve kissed Stevie. You’re sort of gonna be my first everything...” Eddie tries to cover the vulnerability he feels with a nervous laugh. “Guess I’m a fast learner.” 

“I’d fucking say so.” Steve agrees emphatically. 

“Want to help me study?” 

“God yes.” Steve breathes out.  

“Hell yeah. We gotta finish talking about everything first though.” 

“Do we have to? we could just make out now and talk later.” Steve says suggestively.

“No can do Stevie. It’s important that we’re on the same page, even if we aren’t doing anything kinky.” 

“I hate when you’re right.” 

“Better get used to it baby. Especially if I’m going to be in charge most of the time.” Eddie winks. “So. We’ve established you like when I tell you what to do, you’d be interested in trying it the other way around. You really like when I mark you up. Big fan of praise. Hair pulling is good. What else gets you going?” 

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.” 

“No? You’ve never thought about anything other than your straight, vanilla sex?” 

“Not until recently at least. But I think I’d try most anything with you.” Steve admits, checks turning that familiar pink color that Eddie loves to see. “What- What about you? What do you like?” 

Now it’s Eddie’s turn to share, and he has to admit, even after pulling the information out of Steve, that it’s hard to share such intimate parts of himself. “I also like marks. Think I enjoy marking you up more, but I’m definitely not against having hickies myself. We do need to be more careful about us having them at the same time though. Should probably get some makeup just in case.” 

He brings a hand up to his face, tapping against his bottom lip while he pretends to think much harder than he needs to. About a dozen dirty images flash across his mind, and he is categorically very into each of them, but he decides he can’t share those quite yet. It’s a relief that Steve doesn’t mind the whole virgin thing. Great fucking luck that he seems to actually have a thing for it. But Eddie is still too nervous about scaring Steve away with how much he wants, how intensely he wants, to share his darker fantasies.

 Regardless, he owes Steve some level of vulnerability after he shared so much of his own thought process, and they’ve already discussed the dom/sub thing and established their mutual interest. Eddie will just work with that for now. Focus on what he knows or suspects Steve will like, and worry about the other shit down the line. “I love it when you listen to me so easily. It’s sweet how eager and obedient you can be, although I’m sure it would be just as fun if you tried to disobey, and I had to make you listen.” 

Steve swallows. “Make me? How would you do that?” 

Eddie shrugs. “Depends on what you let me do. Even if I’m in charge, you’re always in control. The sub always holds more power.” 

“That sounds… contradictory.” Steve tilts his head to the side, brows knit in confusion. 

Eddie chuckles. “I guess it does.”

“How could you be in charge but not in control?” 

“Well, anything I do to you, we would have talked about before. I would explicitly have your permission to choose what happens from the things we’ve discussed. If there’s something you don’t want to try, we don’t try. Even if it’s something I think I would like. And if we’re in a scene, you have the power to end it whenever you want or need to. You say stop, or safeword out, and everything stops. End of story. Subbing, giving up that sense of control, it’s a lot of trust. You’re trusting that I’ll listen to you, that I’ll respect the boundaries you’ve set. You’re trusting that I’ll take care of you and keep you safe. I won’t do anything to ruin that.” 

“You’re in charge but I’m in control. Okay. I think that makes sense.” Steve nods. 

Eddie smiles at his boyfriend. He really is so appreciative that Steve is willing to learn about all of this with him. “So as an example, since you’ve told me you like when I tell you what to do, I know it’s okay for me to boss you around. Since you liked it when I scolded you for ignoring me by the pool, I know I’m allowed to be a little mean verbally, maybe punish you if you’re being a brat. I make the decisions, I take on a role of authority, but you always hold the power. The dom has more of an illusion of control, the sub holds all the actual power. ”

“So it’s kinda like role playing?” 

Eddie laughs loudly. “I hadn’t thought about it that way, but I guess it is a little bit like role playing yeah. But instead of characters, we’re pretending that I have a lot more power over you than I actually do.”

 “You said you could punish me if I’m not behaving… what would that be like?” 

“I think I actually said if you’re being a brat, but I guess it depends on how you’re misbehaving. You haven’t told me that you’re interested in pain play apart from hair pulling, so maybe I would pull your hair, but I wouldn’t spank or slap you, because you haven’t explicitly told me I am allowed to. Maybe I’d edge you. Work you up till you’re just about to cum, then stop. Over and over until you’re ready to be a good boy and listen to me. 

 “Oh fuck.” Steve says, his breath growing notably quicker and his eyes dilated wide, deep with desire. He shifts, crossing his legs like he’s trying to hide how much Eddie’s words affect him. 

Eddie can’t help himself. He lets his words stray towards a little further into the that may be too much category, just to see how Steve reacts. “Or I could tell you to watch while I get myself off, not let you touch yourself, not let you touch me until you’re begging for it. If you still didn’t listen I could tie you up. Make it impossible to ignore my directions. If you beg pretty enough and I’m feeling generous maybe I’d give in and touch you, but I’d keep playing with you until I was satisfied. Make you cum again and again until you can’t take it anymore, can’t do anything but lay there and look pretty for me with tears streaming down your face.” 

Steve honest to god moans, and if Eddie wasn’t hard before, he certainly is now.  “Any of that sound good to you baby?” He asks. 

“Yes. Fuck yes.” Steve nods enthusiastically. 

“Which parts?” 

“Fuck, all of it Eds.”

“All of it hm?” Eddie asks, pleasantly surprised. “You’d like me to tie you up? To edge you and overstimulate you? Use you however I wanted?” 

“Yes , yes, and yes. Shit, whatever you want Eddie.” Steve moves his hand to palm himself through his jeans, so turned on by Eddie’s words he doesn’t seem able to resist. Doesn’t seem to care if it’s embarrassing to be touching himself so openly and needily like this. It’s one of the hottest things Eddie has ever seen. Holy shit how did I get so lucky? 

 “That’s my good boy.” He coos, leaning forward to gently caressing Steve’s cheek with his thumb. He gives him a quick kiss, then reaches down and wraps his fingers around Steve’s hand, pulling it up out of his lap. “Now finish your food.” 

“But-” Steve starts to protest, moving as though he’s going to return his hand to his lap.

“Eat. I’ll take care of you after.” Eddie squeezes his hand, not allowing Steve to touch himself again.

“Or-”

“ Steve . If you want anything to happen tonight, you need to listen to me right now. Try to touch yourself again, and I’ll make you wait until Saturday for anything more than kissing.” 

“Okay...” Steve pouts, but stops arguing. Eddie lets go of his hand, and this time he doesn’t try to press it against the tent in his jeans. He grumbles to himself and crosses his legs, shifting uncomfortably for a moment, but eventually settles back into the couch, one leg pulled up towards his chest.
Eddie finds the remote beneath the coffee table, and turns on the TV. Steve stares at him while he flips through channels, eventually settling on a rerun of some show he’d seen Wayne fall asleep to a million times, but never actually watched himself. They watch the show while they continue eating their food. At least they pretend to. And Eddie pretends not to notice the way Steve looks at him every few minutes, like he’s checking to see if he will be granted permission to move, touch, do anything other than sit and eat. 

Eventually they finish their food. Eddie gathers up the containers, throwing away the empty ones and putting the rest into the fridge. When he sits back down next to Steve, he puts his arm around his shoulder, and smiles as Steve practically melts into his side. He pretends to watch TV a while longer, moving from absentmindedly tracing his fingers against Steve’s shoulder to running them through his hair. 

“We finished dinner…” Steve says hopefully. 

“Mhm. Pretty good wasn’t it?” Eddie agrees. 

“Yeah.” he waits expectantly.

 Eddie doesn't say anything, tugs lightly at Steve’s hair. Steve stiffles a moan, but doesn’t do so very well. “Something on your mind Harrington?” Eddie asks with a smirk. 

“Maybe.” 

“Hm. And what would that be?” 

“Well you said you wanted to study tonight.” Steve shifts, pressing a kiss to the side of Eddie’s neck. 

“Did I?” Eddie tugs Steve’s hair again, earning him a small whimpering noise before Steve collects himself enough to continue. 

“Yes. And I’d really like to help you out with that.” 

“I’m sure you would.” Eddie tries to keep his voice steady, his tone unaffected, almost bored. 

“There's a few things I’d like to learn too…” 

Eddie hums noncommittally. 

“Eddie.” Steve pouts. 

“Yes Stevie?” 

“Are you really going to make me say it?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Steve huffs, clearly grappling with whether he is going to ask for what he wants or not. “I still owe you for the other day.” 

“Hm.” Eddie does his best to sound uninterested, to not give away how Steve’s desperation has heat pooling in his stomach and his dick hardening in his jeans. 

“Fuck. Okay, fine. Can I suck your dick, Eddie? Please ?” 

Finally, Eddie lets a smile crack through the icy facade he’s been working so hard to maintain. “Sure you can, baby. Just had to ask me nicely.” 

Chapter Text

“Sure you can, baby. Just had to ask me nicely.” Eddie says with a devilish grin, and something inside Steve snaps. It feels like he’s been waiting for ages to touch his boyfriend, and now that he can, he’s desperate for as much as possible. He swings one leg over Eddie’s lap to straddle him, letting out a loud sigh of relief as he moves. 

 “Fuck thank you. I’ve been going crazy over here. Need to touch you.” He pulls Eddie’s face forward to kiss him a little too forcefully, and their teeth clank together. Steve feels his cheeks flush. Usually he’s good at this. He’s kissed dozens of girls. On the list of things he’s confident he does well, kissing is up there next to hitting things with a nail studded baseball bat. He knows how to kiss. Something about kissing Eddie Munson makes it all feel new though, like he has to learn all over again. And something about Eddie making him wait so long to do it has him chomping at the bit for more. 

“Somebody’s eager.” Eddie laughs, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist and moving back in for a less teethy kiss. 

“‘S’your fault for making me wait.” Steve mutters when Eddie pulls away. 

“Oh but Harrington, I didn’t make you do anything.”

“You literally told me I couldn’t touch either of us until after dinner.” 

“And whose choice was it to listen?” Eddie goads, laughing again when Steve has to notably stop and process the words. “You could have kissed me whenever you wanted to. Or touched yourself if you really needed it that badly. But you wanted to listen to me more, didn't you?” He makes a sort of pitying face, and Steve realizes what's happening.  

Even though Eddie explained BDSM dynamics less than an hour ago, and they established Steve is into Eddie taking control, he hadn’t realized how easy it would be to let it happen. Eddie told him not to touch, so he didn’t touch. It felt that simple. Sure he grumbled, and stared at Eddie with the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster, but when his boyfriend continued to ignore him, he settled into annoyed compliance. He hasn’t even thought about disobeying.

Steve’s face burns. He knows that Eddie already knows it’s true, but he doesn’t want to admit how natural it feels to listen to him. Unfortunately for his pride, he also knows Eddie won’t rest until he gets a verbal response, so reluctantly Steve says “l didn’t even consider that I could not listen, so I guess so, yeah.”

For a moment Eddie looks proud, and there’s something else in his eyes that Steve can best describe as hungry, but the look quickly softens. “You know that you don’t have to, right? You never actually have to listen to anything you don’t want to.”

“I know.” Steve nods.  “I just didn’t realize we were doing a BDSM thing. I guess it was more of a subconscious decision to listen.” 

Eddie chuckles, looking immensely amused. “Steve Harrington sub concious submissive. Who would have thought?” 

“Are you gonna stop making fun of me so I can suck your dick or what?” Steve asks with only slightly genuine annoyance. He doesn’t mind the teasing really, but he’s ready to get past the part where Eddie makes fun of how much he wants him, and to the part where he actually gets to do something about it. 

“Oh I could definitely do both at the same time, but I’ll go easy on you tonight.” Eddie teases, and Steve rolls his eyes. 

He’s tempted to tell him he doesn’t have to go easy, but the anxiety mixed into his arousal makes him agree it’s probably for the best if Eddie doesn’t make fun of him during this. He’s already nervous he’ll do a bad job at sucking dick; he doesn’t think he could handle Eddie telling him how bad he’s doing. His nerves evidentially show on his face, and it must read to Eddie as reluctance because his arms move from around Steve’s waist to gently hold his arms. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah I’m okay, sorry. Just a little nervous.” 

“If you aren’t ready we can wait, Steve. There’s no rush. We can just make out and watch a movie or get high or something.” 

“No, I want this. I don’t think I’m ready to have sex sex yet, but I really want to suck your dick. I just... haven’t done this before and don’t want to be bad at it.” 

“First everything Stevie.” Eddie reminds him. “You thought I did fine and you actually had something to compare it to.” 

“Yeah exactly, and it was incredible! You’re a fucking natural. I don’t want to disappoint you.” 

“To be fair, the drugs probably made it seem way better than it was. I promise you won’t disappoint me.” 

Steve smiles, and holds out his pinky. The two repeat their newly founded ritual, interlocking their pinkies, kissing their thumbs, and then each other's lips to cement the promise. It makes Steve feel a thousand times better. He breathes deeply, feeling his anxiety fade and excitement start to take its place. Eddie smiles at him so affectionately his heart skips a beat. It skips another when Eddie reaches out to brush hair behind his ear and says “Hey, this doesn't have to be a kinky thing, and nobody has to be ‘in charge’, so it’s okay if you don’t want to, but would it be helpful if I tell you what to do?” 

Steve considers for a minute. Historically, he likes the part of sleeping with somebody new where he gets to figure out what they like, try different things until he finds what makes them melt into his touch and cry out his name. He usually has a base knowledge to work with while he does it though. Every girl is different, but the setup is generally the same. Eddie’s setup is categorically not the same.

 Sure Steve understands what feels good to him, and in theory knows how blowjobs work, but the stakes here also feel higher than they would with anyone else. This isn’t just another hookup that Steve knows won’t call again. This is Eddie. Sweet and caring and definitely going to call again Eddie. He’s already been assured he doesn’t have to do perfectly , but it feels important to him that he does well . It’ll probably be better for Eddie if he can direct him on what he likes, and it’ll definitely make Steve overthink things less if he just listens to said directions. “Honestly… yeah I think it might be.” He finally says. “But maybe don’t tease me much if that’s okay?” 

“I don’t have to tease you at all Stevie. Boundaries are allowed to change. It’s okay if the sub/dom thing is only sometimes, and it’s okay if you don’t always want to do things you’re usually into.” 

“Okay cool.” Steve nods. “Then yeah, I don’t think I want you to be mean, but you can tell me what to do.”
“In that case, Harrington, I will be very nice.” Eddie smiles radiantly.  “You remember the traffic light system?”  

“Green for all good, yellow for slow down or talk to me, red for stop.” 

“Very good. Want to pick our safe word? 

Steve shrugs. “You can pick if you want.”

Eddie grins sardonically. “What about Vecna?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “If you insist.” 

“I do. Now kiss me Harrington.” 

Steve does. He leans down and presses his lips fervently to Eddie’s, this time managing not to knock their teeth together in the process. Their make out session gets handsy almost immediately. Steve wraps his arms around Eddie’s shoulders, brushes his hands through his hair, moves them to cup Eddie’s face, moves again to press them against Eddie’s chest. It’s like he wants to be touching all of him at the same time, and lacking the ability to do so, can’t decide where to settle his hands. 

Eddie similarly seems to be struggling to keep his hands in one place long.  He runs his hands up and down Steve’s back, tracing his spine with his fingertips, and Steve is obsessed. Eddie holds onto his hips, shifting Steve’s shirt up just enough to rub his thumb back and forth across his skin in a way that tickles a little, and Steve shivers. With each pass, Eddie’s hands  gradually move up until he’s holding onto Steve’s ribs instead of his hips. He slides his hands to Steve’s chest, brushing both of his nipples with his thumbs. 

Steve moans, and Eddie takes the opportunity to lick into his mouth, kissing him greedily for a minute while he plays with Steve’s nipples. Eventually, he leans back and says “Shirt off. I want to see you.” 

Steve nods, quickly taking his shirt off and tossing it on the ground behind the couch. 

“God you’re so hot Stevie.” Eddie shakes his head and Steve blushes. Eddie just admires him for a second, taking in the sight of his naked torso, staring like he’s analyzing a painting. The attention makes Steve nervous, but he also feels himself getting harder under his gaze. He shifts in Eddie’s lap and with the movement, he can feel that Eddie is hard too. 

He lets out a soft sigh and Eddie snaps out of his admirative trance and back into action, lurching forward to get his mouth on Steve’s chest. He licks and sucks on his nipples then bites down gently on one. Steve moans again, loudly. It’s a little embarrassing how turned on he is by Eddie touching his chest, but nobody has ever touched him like this, and it makes Steve feel like his skin is burning. 

He grinds down on Eddie's lap, hoping to hear him moan too. When it works, and the older man moaning long and drawn out, Steve starts to move his hand toward Eddie’s lap. He wants to rub him through his jeans, get a better idea of what he feels like, make him feel good too. But he freezes, realizing he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to touch Eddie or not. 

“Wanna unbuckle my belt baby?” Eddie asks with an amused grin on his face. Steve doesn’t understand how he’s somehow always able to read the thoughts in his head, but he has to admit it’s useful when verbalizing his thoughts gets difficult. 

Steve nods his head enthusiastically, then after a pointed look from his boyfriend, articulates “Yes please.” 

“Be my guest.” Eddie smiles, leaning back against the couch to create space between their torsos and gesturing down to his belt.

Steve reaches down and undoes the buckle, pulls the black leather free from the metal, and hovers his hands over the button to Eddie’s jeans. Eddie nods, so Steve undoes those as well. 

“Sit up for a second.” Eddie instructs. Steve does as he’s told, moving up on his knees to hover over Eddie’s lap. Eddie lifts off the couch just enough to shimmy his jeans down his legs a little bit. He drops back down onto the couch, pulling Steve down on top of him. Steve bounces slightly when he lands, pressing hard against Eddie’s lap. Both men moan at the sudden rough contact. They pull each other into a passionate kiss, and when they pull apart to breathe, Steve looks down to see Eddie’s jeans have been successfully moved down his thighs enough to show most of his boxers. More importantly, enough to show how he fills them, tenting up between the two of them. 

Steve almost shivers at the sight of it.  “I want to touch you so badly right now.” He whispers. 

“Then do it. Touch me Stevie.” 

Steve licks his lips, takes a shaky breath, then presses his palm gently against Eddie’s boxers. He rubs his hand slowly across the fabric, curling his hand slightly and taking in the feeling of cock beneath it. Curiously, he traces his thumb along the outline of Eddie’s tip, and the noise that he makes at the gentle contact is frankly enchanting. More. Steve needs to hear more of that right now. 

“Can I?” he asks as he hooks his thumbs into the waistband of Eddie’s boxers. 

“Do it.” Eddie nods emphatically, shifting his hips up so Steve can slide the fabric down easily. His dick slaps against his stomach as it’s freed from the cotton confines of black boxers. 

Steve doesn’t hesitate to take Eddie in his hand the second that he can, his blind desire beginning to overpower his self conscious nature. He starts to move his hand up and down the length of his boyfriend’s dick, similarly to how he touches himself, relishing the moans the movements pull from Eddie’s lips.

“Give me your hand.” The older man demands after a minute of Steve’s slow exploration. Steve complies, removing his hand to hold it out towards Eddie. Immediately, long callused fingers wrap around his wrist, pulling it towards Eddie’s mouth. They make eye contact for a moment before Eddie spits directly onto Steve’s palm. “Keep going.” 

Steve swallows and nods. Holy shit why was that so hot? He wraps his spit soaked hand around Eddie’s dick again and when Eddie moans, louder this time, Steve’s stomach flips. His own breathing grows ragged alongside Eddie’s as he jerks him off. Every sigh, every moan, every word of praise from his boyfriend’s mouth goes straight to his dick. 

Unconsciously, he starts to grind on Eddie’s lap while he works him. The movement doesn’t really even provide any friction against his aching cock, but he’s so turned on he can’t stand to be still while Eddie begins to fall apart beneath him. It seems to be doing something to Eddie too, because when he notices himself doing it, and slows down, hands quickly and firmly grasp his hips. 

“Don’t get self conscious now baby. You look so pretty for me. Doing so good.” Eddie tells him, his voice shaking slightly as he speaks. He shifts, repostining Steve so he can get a little bit of friction when he settles back on his lap. “Keep grinding on me baby. Want you to feel as good as you make me feel okay?”

“Okay.” Steve nods, voice equally shaky. He resumes his movements, and as he continues, he starts growing more confident, working Eddie’s dick faster, twisting his hand on the upstroke and brushing his thumb across the tip. Eddie moans, hot air blowing across Steve’s neck. 

“Eddie.” Steve breathes,  almost pleading. 

“Stevie.” 

“Can I blow you now?”

“If you’re ready.” Eddie nods. 

“I am.” 

“You wanna get on your knees for me then baby? ” Eddie asks, pointing to the floor in front of his feet. He says it more like a statement than a question, but Steve isn't complaining one bit. His heart flutters, he feels himself pulse in his jeans.

 “Fuck, yeah, I can do that.” He nods, climbing off of Eddie's lap to kneel in the spot he indicated then looking up at him expectantly while he waits for whatever happens next. 

“Good job baby. Doing so good for me already.” Eddie praises, running his fingers through Steve’s hair. It should feel stupid, being told he’s doing a good job when all he's done is follow a few very simple instructions. Instead, it makes Steve feel warm inside. Definitely no complaints here.  

“Take these off the rest of the way.” Eddie tells him, gesturing to his semi-clad legs. 

Stvee pulls Eddie’s pants and boxers down and off. Eddie opens his legs wider so Steve can fit between them. When Steve shifts to occupy that space, he’s on face level with Eddie’s dick, and he licks his lips in nervous anticipation.

“Still green?” Eddie asks him.

“Still green.” 

“Still want me to tell you what to do?” 

“Yes please.” Steve blushes. 

Eddie takes hold of his dick, positioning it directly in front of Steve’s mouth.”Kiss the tip.” 

“Just kiss it?” 

“You heard me Harrington. Need you to put that pretty mouth to good use.”  

Steve flushes more intensely. Fuck this is going to be embarrasing isn’t it? Nonetheless, he does what he’s told. He leans forward, closing the small amount of space between them to press a gentle kiss against the tip of Eddie’s dick. 

“Do it again.” 

Steve kisses again. 

“Again.” 

Another kiss. 

“Lick.”
Steve opens his mouth, laps across the tip, tasting precum on his tongue. It’s different, but he doesn’t hate it. Sort of likes it actually. 

Eddie moans and lets go of his cock to place his hands in Steve’s hair. “Again. Lick from the base this time.” 

Steve nods, takes hold of Eddie’s dick, and drags his tongue along the underside of his shaft. He repeats the motion a few more times just to hear the sounds Eddie makes when he does it. 

“Doing so good for me Stevie. Need your mouth around me now.” 

Steve opens his mouth, closes his lips around the tips of Eddie’s dick. He starts to move forward, ready to take more, but Eddie has other ideas.  

“Stop there. Don’t move yet. Just hold me in your mouth for a second baby.” 

Steve whimpers around Eddie’s dick. He doesn’t want to wait. He barely has anything in his mouth, and he wants as much of Eddie as he can handle, maybe more, as soon as possible.

 Logically he knows that all of this is so he won’t go too fast or get overwhelmed. Eddie’s giving him time to back out if he wants to, but god damn is it fucking hot to have his boyfriend tell him to just kiss and lick his dick, making his taste what he wants so badly but not letting him have it all. His head feels sort of fuzzy, just sitting here with the warm weight of Eddie’s cock in his mouth while he waits for further instruction. It almost feels like the beginning of being high, but he’s completely sober. He swallows the spit that is starting to pool in his mouth, and Eddie curses. 

“Fuck baby that feels so good.” He praises. “Ready to take more?” 

Steve does his best to nod with a dick in his mouth, and Eddie laughs a little. “Oh shit, yeah, I guess it’s kinda hard to talk with your mouth full. We can use the traffic light system by tapping my leg if you want. Once for green, twice for yellow, three for red. But it’s totally okay to stop whenever you want, you don’t need my permission to be done okay?”

Steve taps once on Eddie’s thigh, and flicks his tongue across the tip of Eddie’s dick to emphasize the point that he isn’t done.

“Alright Steve.” Eddie sighs, head rolling back at the pleasurable sensation. “You can suck me off now. Just don’t make yourself take more than you can handle.” 

The second the words are out of his mouth, Steve is a man on a mission. He takes more of Eddie’s cock into his mouth, pulls back because it is, in fact, more than he can handle, then tries again. Slowly he gets used to the feeling and starts to lose himself in discovering what Eddie likes. Bobbing his head up and down, dragging his tongue along the shaft, pulling off when he needs to catch his breath, just to kiss or lick at the tip like Eddie asked him to do earlier then going back in for more. Strings of praise fall from Eddie’s lips alongside his moans, and Steve feels more and more intoxicated the longer they go. His head is heavy and fuzzy and his chest feels full and content. Can sucking dick make you drunk? Maybe sucking dick can make you drunk. 

It’s a struggle at times for Steve to keep his eyes open as he moves, but he tries his best so he can watch Eddie. Eddie, who looks fucking heavenly right now. His bangs sticking to his forehead, his eyes closed and head rolled back against the couch. Lips parting slightly and brow furrowed as he loses himself in the feeling. At one point, Eddie’s eyes flutter open, and when he looks down at the sight of Steve on his cock, he pushes forward slightly into Steve’s mouth. As soon as it happens, Eddie catches himself and stills his hips. Steve notices though, and immediately his mind starts to fantasize about Eddie thrusting into his mouth, using his hair to hold him in place, not waiting for Steve to figure out what to do and instead just taking what he wants. 

He taps twice to get his attention. Eddie looks panicked for a second, but then very amused when Steve pulls off to say “You can be a little rough if you want. Like you don’t have to stay completely still if you want to…” 

“I’m not fucking your face today Steve.” Eddie says firmly. 

“But you could if you wanted to.” Steve says, and he knows he should be embarassed by how whiny he sounds, but he doesn’t care.  

“Of course I want to, but I don’t want to push you too far when all of this is still new. Plus, you asked me to be nice, which would be basically impossible to do if I’m pulling you around to get my dick in your throat.” 

Steve’s eyes widen at Eddie’s words and he shifts on the floor. He starts to say something, but Eddie interrupts before he can get any words out. 

“Maybe next time. I’ll pull your hair now if you want though.”

“Okay.” Steve nods immediately. 

“Okay?” 

“I want you to pull my hair.” 

“I can do that, baby. Just tap my leg if it’s too hard.” 

“I will.” 

“Good boy.” 

Steve goes back to blowing Eddie, and Eddie keeps his hand mostly still on Steve’s head. He never pulls his head forward or tries to press further into Steve’s throat than he can handle. But he does periodically pull Steve’s hair, and boy is that doing things to Steve. Everytime he does something that Eddie really likes, he’s rewarded with the sharp sting of Eddie’s fist closing around his hair. A reward that hurts. It’s crazy, and it’s fucking amazing. He starts chasing the feeling, no longer able to analyze his actions as they happen to check if he's doing good enough. He knows Eddie feels good when he pulls his hair, and that’s about all he can focus on- the noises Eddie makes above him and the way he tugs on his hair. 

His head starts to feel even fuzzier than it did before. Steve has never felt like this during anything sexual, and he is pretty sure the difference isn’t just that this is his first time going down on a dude. This is some effect that Eddie is having on him, and Steve is positive he’ll never get enough of it. 

Eddie tugs Steve back by his hair, pulling him off his dick, and Steve is indignant, trying to move forward again to get his mouth around Eddie’s cock. Eddie doesn’t loosen his grip though, so when he tries to move forward, his hair gets pulled hard . It stings sharper than any of the other times have, making tears prickle at the corner of Steve's eyes. The noise he lets out is somewhere between a disappointed whine and an enthusiastic moan, which he didn’t even know was a possibility before this moment. His chest tightens as a slight panic begins to invade. Why did Eddie make him stop? Did he do something wrong?

“Shh, Stevie, it’s okay.” Eddie says softly, soothingly. “I’m not done with you baby.” He tilts Steve’s chin up, prompting him to make eye contact. “I just wanted to check in with you. I asked for your color and you didn’t respond.” 

Steve furrows his brow. He didn’t hear Eddie asking him anything at all. He opens his mouth to speak, but finds it hard to conjure words. 

“Is talking hard right now?” Eddie asks, searching his face intently. 

“A little.” Steve nods, feeling his cheeks flush when the words come out barely a whisper. 

“Okay baby. That’s alright. You can just tap my leg while we check in.” Eddie grins. “Are you doing okay?” 

One tap. 

“Do you want to keep going?” 

One tap.

“I’m going to give you a few more directions, is that okay?

One tap, and the nod of Steve’s head. 

“I want you to get your dick out.”

Steve sits up on his knees and pulls his pants down just enough to free his cock. Immediately he moans. He’s been so focused on sucking off Eddie, his own neglected cock didn’t even register to him, and no longer being trapped in his jeans feels amazing. His tip is leaking precum, and he’s practically throbbing with desire. He looks at Eddie, eager for the next instruction. 

“Fuck baby, look at you. Seems like your cock needs some attention huh?” 

Steve doesn’t answer. Sure, he wants to touch himself, get any sort of relief from how painfully hard he is, but he'd much rather go back to sucking Eddie’s dick. He licks his lips, looking from Eddie’s eyes, to his dick, back to his eyes. 

“I’m not making you stop sweet boy.” Eddie assures him. “You still get to suck me off. You’re just doing so amazing for me Stevie. So good, so perfect. And I want you to feel good too. So you’re going to go back to sucking my dick, and you’re going to touch yourself while you do it okay?” 

Steve whimpers a pitiful, broken sound and nods up at his boyfriend. 

“Good. Show me how you’re going to touch yourself.” 

Steve hesitates for a fraction of a second before he wraps his hand around his cock. Nobody has ever watched him jerk off before, but if that’s what Eddie wants, fuck, he’ll do it. He starts to move his hand, working up his shaft then brushing across the tip of his dick to coat his fingers in precum. His hand glides easier after that, and he falls into a rhythm, working himself steadily while his boyfriend watches from above him. 

“God you’re so fucking pretty.” Eddie praises, gently guiding Steve’s head to rest on one of his thighs. 

Steve sighs contentedly as Eddie begins to slowly drag his fingers through his hair, scratching lightly on his scalp. He has no idea how much time has passed since they started, and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything other than being here in this moment with Eddie Munson. 

“Okay baby. You can keep sucking my dick now, but I don’t want you to stop touching yourself until you cum. Is that clear?” 

“Mhm.” Steve mumbles. 

“Atta boy.” 

Eddie guides Steve’s head back from where it’s lulled against his thigh, and Steve eagerly takes him back into his mouth. 

He starts to blow Eddie again, still touching himself as he does so, and the variety of sensations is truly otherworldly. His hand is on his dick, Eddie’s dick is in his mouth, Eddie’s hands are in his hair. It's perfect. Everything is perfect. He feels like he’s floating, and he’d be happy to stay right here forever. 

It doesn’t take long for Steve to near orgasm. Barely any time at all if he’s being honest. The fact that Eddie’s legs are starting to shake around him, thighs pressing tightly against his ears, only brings him closer to the edge. God, he wants to make Eddie cum so badly. He swallows around Eddie’s cock, swirls his tongue around the tip, presses forward to take more of him into his mouth. He still can’t take all of him, but he’s definitely getting better. 

“Doing so good Steve.” Eddie tells him. “Your mouth is amazing. Getting me so close.”

Steve moans, moving his hand faster up and down his cock. 

“God, you’re perfect. So fucking hot. Can’t believe your mine.” 

Steve moans again, and the vibrations must feel good to Eddie, because his legs start to shake even harder. 

“Oh holy shit, fuck, I’m so close. I want you to cum with me baby.” Eddie moans out. “Think you can do that?”

Steve taps once against Eddie’s leg. He’s about ready to bust any second. He licks up the underside of Eddie’s shaft, presses his tongue against the slit on the tip, then sucks hard and fast. 

His eyes fill with tears again as Eddie pulls him back by his hair. He tries to stay in place, not ready to be done, but Eddie is insistent.  

“Off.” Eddie says authoritatively, pulling Steve’s hair again. This time Steve listens, although reluctantly. He looks at Eddie in confusion, not understanding why he can’t keep going. Then it clicks when he hears the words. “Close your eyes.” 

He watches Eddie stroke his dick once, twice, before he closes his eyes, and almost immediately after they’re closed, he feels hot liquid hit his face. He opens his mouth, catching some of Eddie’s cum on this tongue, and just like that he’s cumming too. 

Steve felt floaty before. Now he’s completely untethered. Vaguely he’s aware of Eddie speaking, but it feels far away and fuzzy. Passively he processes the feeling of fabric brushing lightly against his face, cleaning up the sticky mess there, but he doesn’t bother trying to speak or move on his own. 

His head is guided to lay against one of Eddie’s thighs again, and he goes easily, completely pliant under his boyfriend’s hands. Gradually he is brought back to his body and the present by the feeling of Eddie playing with his hair and scratching his scalp lightly. The words he says, full of soft praise and comfort, start to come more into focus, and finally Steve opens his eyes. 

“There you are, Stevie. Back with me?” 

“Mhm.” 

“How’re you feeling?” 

“Mhm.” 

Eddie laughs, not in a teasing or mean way. His laughter is light, full of affection and admiration. 

“You took your shirt off.” Steve observes after a moment. When did that happen? 

“Yeah well, your face was kinda covered in cum, and I didn’t want to leave you here to go get a washcloth when you’re floating so far.”

“How’d you know I feel floaty?” Steve asks, his words still slurring together slightly.  

“Baby I can see how far gone you are. You got to subspace pretty fucking fast.” 

“I don't know what that is.” 

“Huh. Yeah I guess I didn’t explain that one yet. I’ll tell you more about it in a bit. I wanna take care of you first so you don’t drop.”

Steve furrows his brow to indicate he doesn’t know what Eddie means by dropping either. 

“I’ll explain soon. Let’s get you cleaned up and have some water, then I’ll hold you for a bit, how does that sound?”

“You wanna hold me?” Steve asks, genuinely surprised. 

“Of course I do. What, are you not into cuddling after sex, Harrington?” Eddie teases. 

“I actually love it, but people don’t usually want anything like that after I get them off.”

A strange look passed across Eddie's face. 

“Come up here with me Stevie.” He pats the couch next to him. Steve gets up slowly, the ache in his knees hitting all at once. He groans as he stretches out his legs, wobbling a bit before tucking himself back into his jeans and sitting next to his partner. He crinkles his nose at the uncomfortable feeling of his own cum coating his stomach. 

“Are you okay here for a minute while I go get a rag and water? I promise I’ll be right back.” 

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” Steve nods, and he means it. The floaty, fuzzy feeling is still hanging around the edges of his brain, but he’s starting to ground back into his body now. Enough so that it won’t feel like the world is ending if Eddie leaves his line of sight for a minute or two. 

Eddie stands, pulls his boxers and jeans back on, then leaves the room. True to his word, he’s  back quickly, a wet rag and a glass of water in hand. He settles on the couch next to Steve and starts to clean the drying cum off of his stomach and chest. When he’s done cleaning him off, he hands Steve the glass of water, watching him drink before taking the cup to sip some himself. After they’ve finished the water, he puts the empty glass on the coffee table and pulls Steve close to him. 

Eddie wraps his arm around Steve, and the two spend a while just sitting together in the quiet afterglow. Steve places a hand on Eddie’s thigh and rests his head on his shoulder, letting Eddie’s gentle words wash over him. Shortly after Steve feels fully in his body again, Eddie squeezes his arm to get his attention. 

“So earlier… you said people don’t really want ‘that sort of thing’ after you get them off. Can you elaborate?” He asks. 

“I don't know how much there is to say about it.” Stev shrugs. He doesn’t really see why it needs further explanation, but he tries anyway. “I’m a really touchy person, so I like cuddling after sex and all the soft touches and shit, but most of the girls I’ve been with didn’t want that. Like at parties, I’d flirt with a girl for a while, maybe we’d find an empty room, and I’d go down on her. Sometimes she’d return the favor, other times not. Either way, she goes back to the party when we’re done, and that’s kinda it. Not like we’re gonna cuddle in the bathroom after.” 

“What about when you went on actual dates and slept with people in an actual bed?”   

“I mean that’s a little different I guess. We’d actually talk and hang out and shit before we hooked up. And yeah, sometimes they’d let me hold them for a bit before they left, but it’s not like they wanted to spend the night or hold me after.”

“Steve, that's… that’s really sad.” 

Steve shrugs again. “It’s fine dude. I get it. I know the reputation I have. I think most of the girls I’ve been with just wanted to see if I lived up to the rumors, and once they knew, they kinda lost interest. Guess everyone sort of thought I’m good for a hookup but not a relationship or something.” 

“You’ve been in relationships before.” 

“A couple, yeah.”

“They weren’t just leaving right after too were they?” 

“Sometimes? Nancy left after our first time together.” 

“She did?” 

“Yeah, but we weren’t officially dating yet. She didn’t do that every time. No girlfriend I’ve had has . ”

“I don’t understand why they were leaving at all.” 

“ It's not like I wanted everyone I’ve been with to leave. I can just be a lot I guess. I’m too affectionate and clingy sometimes, and it gets annoying. Or I’m good in bed but not good for much else so the novelty wears off, I don’t know. Can we stop talking about this now? I don’t wanna ruin our night talking about how I’ve always been too much or not enough for other people. It doesn’t matter anymore anyways. I have you.” Steve knows it isn’t true. It definitely matters to him, but he doesn’t want to deal with it. Luckily, Eddie lets him off the hook. 

“Yeah we can stop talking about it, I just… you deserve so much more than that Steve, and I swear I’ll show you that. I’m always going to take care of you after we do sexual shit. I’m always going to care about you in general. You aren’t just a means to an end for me okay? We can play it that way in a scene sometime if you want to, but in actuality I will always care.” 

Steve nods slowly. He almost feels like crying, but he fights against it. “Okay.” He says quietly. “Thank you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me for caring about you Steve.” 

“I want to anyway. I don’t think I’m used to people caring. It’s nice.” 

Eddie pulls Steve into a hug, squeezing his arms tightly around him, and it feels so good to be held like this. To be truly enveloped in somebody else’s warmth and told beyond just words, which are so often untrue, that the other person really does care.

 He doesn’t understand how so many people walked away instead of letting him give them this feeling, and it breaks his heart to realize that nobody ever wanted to give it to him. How had he been missing this for all 20 years of his life? What did he do to earn it now? Too have Eddie. Eddie, who knows him, and understands him better than he understands himself sometimes. Eddie who has seen him cry and panic, and still stays. Eddie who cares about him . 

Steve wants to keep this forever. He wants to keep Eddie forever. 

It’s too soon to fall so hard. They haven’t even been together for a full week yet. Steve knows he falls too hard too fast, and it always gets him hurt. He always messes it up somewhere by being too much. But even Nancy never cared enough to give him this feeling, and he thought he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

Steve has been mostly over for her for a while, but he’s always believed that a small part of him would be in love with her forever. As he truly processes that Nancy really never loved him enough to want to make him feel seen and safe- maybe never loved him at all, the last part of him that was still in love with her breaks. All of the hurt he never really dealt with hits him, but somehow it doesn’t feel as life altering as he expected. It’ll never be fine, but it will be okay. He has Eddie now, and he fully believes that Eddie cares. 

It’s too soon to fall so hard, but Steve realizes that from the beginning, Eddie was giving Steve something he didn’t know he needed. He’s been taking care of Steve for months, and the same thing that happened to him in middle school happened all over again. He spent the summer growing close to another guy, spending countless hours together, getting to truly know each other. Another summer where Steve found himself wanting nothing more than to be with his best friend almost every second of the day because everything is so much easier and so genuinely good when he is around. Only this time Steve gets to understand what it all means. And this time Steve gets to have it. 

It’s too fast to fall so hard, but Steve thinks he might be falling in love with Eddie Munson. He looks up at his boyfriend, and he feels the words he wants to say sit heavy in his chest. He doesn’t say them. He holds Eddie’s face in his hands instead and kisses him, hoping that at some level, Eddie will understand without hearing the words. Eddie smiles when they part, and he looks at Steve with such a soft, affectionate expression, that Steve thinks maybe, eventually,  he’ll love Steve too. He wants with everything in his being to be good enough to have that come true. 

“Are you sleeping over?” Eddie asks him. 

“Can I?” 

“Baby I want you to.” 

“I’d like that.” Steve nods then kisses Eddie again. “I have work in the morning though.”

“You can borrow some of my clothes this time. I think punk would fit you better, but you’d be real cute dressed up all metal.” Eddie teases, whistling low when he looks Steve up and down as if imagining him dressed up in the antithesis of his style. 

“Very funny Munson.” Steve rolls his eyes. “I’ll wear one of your band tees, and that's as good as you’re gonna get.” 

“Mark my words Harrington, one day I will give you a makeover, and there will be chains, jewelry, and eyeliner involved.” 

“Not going to happen.” Steve says firmly, quickly changing the topic before Eddie can try to talk him into a makeover. “We should get ready for bed soon. Do you have an extra toothbrush? That was great , but I really want to brush my teeth.” 

Eddie laughs. “Yeah I’ve got an extra. Lets go.” He stands, and walks towards the bathroom.

Steve follows. 

They brush their teeth and get into pajamas together. They hold each other under the blankets when they climb into bed, and Eddie is the sort of affectionate that Steve has always wanted. Soft fingers tracing along his arms, one leg hooked around his, head resting on his shoulder while they talk about random little things. 

“What do you want to do on Saturday?” Eddie asks after a while. 

“I think I want to go somewhere, but I don’t know what we can get away with. Like what obviously look like a date.” 

“Fancy restaurant is probably a no… we could go to a movie? Friends do that.” 

“I’d like to do that sometime, but I wanna be able to talk to you and do something together.” Steve says. 

“We could go bowling?” 

“Do you like bowling?” 

“Honestly I suck at it.” Eddie laughs. “But I’d try if you wanted to.” 

“What about the arcade?” Steve suggests. “The kids keep talking about how they added new games and a prize counter. That could be fun.” 

“That sounds pretty great actually.” 

“Awesome. So arcade date?”

“Arcade date.” 

They smile at each other and kiss one last time before Eddie turns off the light, and they fall asleep, hands linked together like otters making sure they don’t drift apart in the night. 

Chapter Text

Nightmares have never been out of the ordinary for Eddie. Life has thrown a lot of shit his way, and even if he won’t deal with it when he’s awake, (usually opting for the push that shit down approach) the unconscious mind is always seeking explanation and understanding. So, nightmares. 

They used to be normal. He’d have stress dreams about losing all of his notes and forgetting his plans mid DnD sessions, or nightmares based on fears that formed from his time being the town freak. Asshole jocks shoving him against lockers. Failing his final class again and being stuck in high school forever. Getting outed against his will. Normal shit. 

Since Spring Break, the nightmares are worse. There are rarely ever dreams of run of the mill Hawkins High bullying or RPG anxieties anymore. Instead he gets the cold, ashy hellscape of the Upside-Down and every fucked up monster that hides inside of it, waiting to tear into him and his friends again .  

On three occasions though, the new horrors have combined with an old recurring nightmare of the day he got kicked out. 

Each time he has the dream, he starts on the steps of his first childhood home before Wayne’s. He opens the front door, red backpack swinging off his shoulder, and slumps against the front door with a sigh, rolling his head back against the wood. (He’s always been a bit dramatic, okay?) It had been a rough day, and even though he hates being home, he’s glad to finally be away from school. 13 year old Eddie is ready to pull out his notebook from its hiding spot, (shoved underneath a bunch of clothes on the floor of his closet) flop down on his bed, and write down the lyrics that have been bouncing around in his head since 2nd period science class. 

He doesn’t get to do that though. He never gets to do it again, actually. His dad clears his throat, and when Eddie turns, he sees his notebook clutched furiously in his dad’s hand. 

That’s how it always starts. 

The first time the Upside-Down bled into this specific nightmare was the night he got released from the hospital. This first time, when he turns his head to face his dad’s wrath, he doesn’t see James Munson. Instead, Vecna is the one standing there with Eddie’s notebook. 

“Edwin Patrick Munson. What the fuck is this?” Vecna says, repeating James’ words in his own voice.

 Hearing Vecna swear is almost as jarring as seeing him standing there at all, and Eddie sounds more confused than meagerly deflecting when he says “A notebook?” 

“Don’t be a smartass. Care to explain what’s in this notebook?” 

Eddie doesn’t respond, stands frozen while Vecna opens the notebook and says “because to me it looks like a bunch of queer poetry bullshit.”

“It’s not poetry. They’re lyrics.” Eddie defends instinctively, and he regrets speaking as soon as the words leave his lips. He denied the wrong part. His dad doesn’t give a shit one way or the other if its music or poetry. All he cares about is if his son is queer, and Eddie just confirmed that he is.

“Poetry, lyrics, it doesn’t fucking matter.” The Vecna version of Eddie’s dad spits. “One fag hobby is the same as another. And apparently my son is a fag.” 

The verbal abuse never changes in the dream, so the rest of the “conversation” happens predictably. Eddie remembers every word exactly how it happened approximately 8 years ago, and it always plays out the same way. 

But this time, when they reach the point where the physical abuse usually begins, Eddie doesn’t get grabbed or pushed down. His dad’s foot never connects with his ribs, his fist never connects with his face. No, he doesn’t get hit at all. Instead, he feels his feet lift off the ground.

 He tries desperately to break free, eyes bouncing around at the torn pages of his notebook littering the floor. Maybe if he could just remember the lyrics to one of the dozens of songs that now lay scattered across the room, he could sing it in his head and that would be enough. He could remember how it feels to spend time with the boy so many of the pages are dedicated to, and he’ll break out of Vecna’s hold. 

But he can’t recall a single song. Nothing that the notebook held still exists in his mind anymore. Only what his dad did when he found it and what Eddie lost for not hiding it better remain. 

His vision is nearly gone now, and he can’t stop shaking. This is it. Eddie knows he’s going to die. There’s nothing left in the memories of his childhood home that can help him, and he gives up fighting the inevitable. The moment he does, his bones start snapping, and he wakes up screaming. 

The second time this coalescence of trauma memories struck in his sleep was after people came to his trailer in the middle of the night to harass him for the first time. It became a regular occurance- guys standing outside and banging on the door and windows, screaming at Eddie for what they still believe he did- but that first time was the worst.  He hadn’t been sleeping much to begin with, and having people taunt him with Chrissy’s name in the place she died didn’t help. Sure it’s a new trailer, but it still feels like she died here. 

Wayne’s trailer was supposed to be a safe place for him, and when these assholes showed up, telling Eddie that he wasn’t allowed to let go of his fear even after the gates all closed, he knew it could never really be that again. 

When the guys finally left, and Eddie drifted into a troubled sleep, the nightmare began. 

This time, when he gets home and slumps against the front door, it is his dad staring back at him, and the altercation plays out like normal up until his dad is supposed to grab his shirt. Then, once again, Eddie feels himself start to rise. 

“Dad please, no. I’m sorry.” He croaks out his next line before his feet lose complete contact with the floor. 

Eddie manages one last look at his dad, and sees Vecna standing behind him, laughing while his father says  “You’re not my son.” And closes his fist to seal Eddie’s fate. 

His bones start to snap and he wakes up screaming, tears streaming down his face. 

The third time the dream happens is maybe when Eddie is least expecting to have a nightmare. He falls asleep quickly, drained from a long day of DnD and relaxed from the amazing head he got from his boyfriend. Curled up against Steve Harrington, he feels safe enough to sleep, and he assumes it will be a terror-free sleep at that, but when is he ever so lucky?

The nightmare follows its typical path at first, no Vecna to be seen through any of the arguing. It isn’t until his father lurches forwards to grab him, and Eddie holds out a defensive hand, that he realizes he has been imbued with Vecna’s powers. 

James Munson rises into the air, and Eddie listens to his dad break from script for the first time ever in one of these dreams. As he flails horrified in the air, he begs for mercy. Rage bubbles in Eddie's veins, burning him from the inside out. How dare his dad beg like this? How dare he ask for mercy after everything he did? How dare he expect it when he still hasn’t apologized? 

Vecna appears behind James then, smiling at what he sees Eddie considering. It only makes the rage worse. 

“Doesn’t it feel good Edwin?” Vecna asks him. “To finally be the one with power? To make your father pay for what he did to you? By my side, you could have everything. You could make everyone pay for the ways they’ve hurt you. 

“Will you serve me, or do you fear that having the power you’ve always wanted will make you like him? Are you too much of a coward to become what you were always meant to be?”

Eddie looks between Vecna and his father, still begging, promising to be a better man if only Eddie will let him go. 

“Please Eddie, I’m your dad. Don’t do this to me.” James pleads one final time before Eddie has had enough. 

“You’re not my dad.” He spits, and he closes his fist. Thunder claps, shaking the house as each of James Munson’s bones break. 

“You’ve made the right choice Edwin.” Vecna tells him. He looks at the mangled corpse on the ground and smiles. “You’ll never be weak again.” 

Eddie wakes up screaming. He shoots up in bed, not yet completely free from the dream. Frantically he kicks the blankets off of himself, pulls on the collar of his tee-shirt because it’s too hot and he can’t fucking breath. 

He doesn’t know which version of that nightmare is the worst. What is scarier to see in himself, weakness or cruelty? He can’t decide. Everything is too mixed up right now, reality too hard to separate from the nightmare. 

Eddie feels arms wrap around him, and he flails, struggling against them as he tries to break free before whoever it is can hurt him.  

“Hey hey hey, Eddie, baby it’s okay. It’s me, it’s Steve. I’ve got you.” 

Eddie stops fighting to get away as the words register in his head. It’s Steve. Not Vecna. Not his dad. Not Carver, or bats, or any other evil shit waiting to tear him apart. 

“You’re safe, Eds. It was a nightmare. You’re okay now.” Steve says, speaking soft and slow like he’s trying not to spook off an injured animal, which coincidentally is sort of how Eddie feels right now. 

“Do you need space or can I hold you?” Steve asks gently. 

Eddie wants to answer. He wants Steve to hold him, to wrap him tightly up in his arms until the buzzing in his hands goes away and he starts to feel real again. But he’s still too lost, stuck on the way his dad looked crumpled and broken on the floor. How easy it was to kill him the way everyone in Hawkins believed (or still believes) Eddie killed Chrissy. He can’t speak. He opens his mouth to try, and sobs are all that escape. 

“Oh baby.” Steve says, and he sounds so fucking sad it makes Eddie cry harder. “Come here Eds, please.” He opens his arms, letting Eddie decide if he wants to accept the embrace. 

Eddie curls up against Steve, and it does help to be enclosed in his arms now that Eddie can process who it is that’s holding him. He presses his face against Steve’s shoulder, and he can feel his tears soaking into his shirt, but Steve doesn’t seem to care at all. 

“I’ve got you Eddie. You’re safe now. It’s over.” Steve says against the top of Eddie's head. “The gates are all closed. Nothing can hurt you. Can’t hurt any of us anymore. Everyone is alive and safe.” 

Steve sounds calm and certain when he speaks, but Eddie can feel how fast his heart is racing. He has the somewhat coherent thought that Steve’s nightmares probably revolve around not being able to save people. Steve fears the other getting hurt. Eddie fears being the one to hurt them. There’s probably some poetic bullshit he could say about it if he weren’t still running on adrenaline, but he can’t focus on it well enough right now to figure it out. He’s always liked lyrics more than poetry anyways. 

 The rise and fall of Steve’s chest slows down below Eddie’s head, and he realizes that Steve is modeling deep breaths for him. It's like the inverse of the day they got together, and it’s as endearing as it is sad. Goddamn, they’re a couple of wrecks huh? Still, Eddie begins to follow Steve’s lead, gradually getting his breathing under control while Steve whispers assurances to him that they’re together now, and they’re safe, and they never have to go through the Upside-Down again. 

“I don’t wanna be like him.” Eddie whispers when he has the ability to speak again. 

“Don’t wanna be like who Eds?” Steve asks him.

“I dont know.” Eddie says, because he really isn’t sure if he’s talking about his dad or Vecna. 

“Okay… Do you want to tell me what your nightmare was?” 

“No.” Eddie shakes his head. “I mean, yes, probably, but not yet. I just can’t.” 

“Okay baby. That’s alright. You can tell me whenever you’re ready.” 

Eddie nods then tucks his head back against Steve’s shoulder. They sit together for Eddie isn’t sure how long. Steve holds him the whole time, gently assuring that Eddie’s okay now and promising that he’ll always keep him safe.

Eddie has calmed down and firmly regained his grasp on reality when there’s a hesitant knock at the front door. Steve and Eddie look at each other in confusion. 

“What time is it?” Eddie asks. 

Steve looks over him to check the alarm clock. “Almost 4am.”

“Fuck, I thought they stopped doing this.” Eddie says, closing his eyes tightly in frustration. He really cannot handle this right now. 

“What’re you talking about Eds. Who stopped doing what?” Steve asks, concern evident in his voice. 

“The first few weeks after everything, some guys would come bang on the doors and windows in the middle of the night and shout at me.”

“What? Eddie, why didn’t you tell anyone that? What if somebody hurt you?” Steve asks in his concerned tone that sounds eerily similar to scolding. 

“It’s fine Steve. I’m not stupid. I never opened the door, and they’d get bored after a few minutes and leave. You can only shout for the freak murderer to come outside so many times before the novelty wears off. ” 

“I really wish you had told somebody.” Steve frowns. “At least so you weren’t alone. Do you want me to see who it is?” 

“Yeah sure if you don’t mind. Whoever it is only knocked once and there’s no shouting, so I don’t think it’s the same guys, but...”

“But it’ll make you feel safer if I check? 

Eddie nods. 

“I can do that Eds. I’ll be right back.” Steve squeezes Eddie’s hand, gives him a soft kiss on the top of his head and one against his lips, then stands and walks out the bedroom towards the front of the trailer. 

“Yell demogorgon if it’s something bad.” Eddie calls after him, and he can’t see if he’s right, but he thinks Steve rolls his eyes. 

“Will do Eds.”  

Eddie listens intently from bed as Steve opens the front door.

“Max?”  He hears Steve say. 

“Hey Steve. Can I come in?” 

“Yeah sure. Of course.” The front door closes and Steve calls “Eddie! It’s Max!” 

Eddie walks out of his bedroom to join them. “Hey Mayfield.” He says as he enters the room. “What’s up dude, are you okay?” He asks when he sees her. Her eyes are puffy and she looks about as good as Eddie feels. Seems like a day of hanging out with friends didn’t keep her nightmares away either. 

“Yeah I’m fine, I just… I was outside and your window is open, so I heard you scream. Didn't hear anything else, so I figured you kept your promise and it was a nightmare.” 

What promise?” Steve asks.

“First of all I didn’t promise shit.” Eddie laughs. “But yeah, it was a nightmare. No need to murder us today.” 

“Excuse me, what am I missing here?” Steve asks, hand on his hip in his signature annoyed soccer mom pose. 

“Red here threatened to kill us both if she heard us banging.” Eddie explains, waving a hand over at Max. 

“And I will. That threat is still active.” Max adds. 

“Oh my god Max.” Steve says exasperated, pinching the top of nose. “Wait, why were you even outside? It’s like four in the morning.” 

“Nightmare.” Max shrugs. “Couldn’t fall back asleep.” 

“Oh.” Steve says, and Eddie can see how his face softens as he immediately starts trying to think of  ways to help. 

“Wanna hang out with us for a bit?” Eddie asks with a knowing grin. 

“If that’s cool, yeah. You do owe me a preroll.” 

“This is true Mayfield.” Eddie says thoughtfully. He taps his index finger against his lips, pretending to be lost in contemplation for a moment before dropping the facade completely. “Alright, let me grab my shit.” He smiles. 

“Wait what?” Steve asks, absolutely baffled. “You owe Max what?!” 

“Ahh…” Eddie starts. He was hoping Steve would let it brush past for now, but that’s clearly not going to happen.

 It isn’t any less damning when Max says “Cool I’m gonna start hot chocolate.” And walks past Steve, straight into the kitchen where she starts to grab mugs from a cabinet like she’s done it a hundred times before. (It’s only been like a dozen. Maybe a dozen and a half.) 

“Eddie. Why does Max think you’re going to give her drugs?” Steve asks sternly, armed crossed over his chest and hip popped out to side while he waits for an explanation. 

“Because I’m going to?” Eddie says weakly. “She wanted a preroll in exchange for covering my hickies before Hellfire yesterday.” 

“And you agreed?!” 

“Calm down Steve, it’s not like this is the first time I’ve smoked.” Max says from the kitchen. 

“Eddie, have you been selling Max drugs!?” 

“Usually he just gives it to me.” Max corrects. 

“Not helping Mayfield.” Eddie says, exacerbated. 

“Eddie!” Steve exclaims. 

“Steve, it's fine.” Max asserts. “I smoked way before I met Eddie. He didn’t corrupt me or whatever. And he doesn’t let me have it often.” 

“It helps.” Eddie explains. “With the nightmares and with pain. Spring break kinda fucked us both up physically, and, well, you know how the nightmares are. Sometimes we smoke when neither of us can sleep, and I send her home with some for bad pain days.”

“Are you gonna be lame, Steve, or am I making you hot chocolate so you can smoke with us?” Max asks, already putting three mugs of water into the microwave. 

“It feels illegal to smoke with or in front of you. You’re like 15.” Steve tells her. 

“Smoking it at all is illegal.”

“It feels more illegal.” Steve argues, but Eddie can already tell he’s going to cave. He really can’t say no to any of the younger teens, and Mayfield is pretty damn persuasive. 

“You drink in front of us, and you’re not 21, so that’s illegal.” Max says. 

“C’mon Steve, you don’t have to smoke with us but at least sit and have hot chocolate.” Eddie says, batting his eyelashes for dramatic effect. 

“Fine.” Steve sighs. “But you can’t tell the others.” 

“Yeah obviously I’m not going to tell the others. Come get your mug.” Max demands as she finishes stirring in the hot chocolate powder. 

Steve moves to the kitchen and grabs his and Eddie’s drinks from Max while Eddie goes to grab his stash from his room. 

When he returns, the three walk outside together and settle on the steps. Eddie starts to work on rolling two joints, one for now and the one he owes Max. When he’s done rolling, he puts one joint back into his lunchbox with the rest of his stash, then lights the second one. He takes two long hits, and passes it to Steve. 

 Steve looks uncertain as he takes it, clearly still feeling weird about smoking with one of the younger teens in their group. 

“Steve, it's fine. It isn’t going to scar me for life to see you smoke.” Max says in an almost annoyed tone.  

“I never said it would scar you for life.” Steve huffs, but he does take his two hits. He passes the joint to Max when he’s done and watches intently as Max takes her first hit of the joint. He looks like he’s trying to decide if she really has done this before or if this is some sort of joke, which Eddie finds immensely amusing. 

The fact that she doesn’t cough on her first hit should be been enough indication that yes she has done this before, but if Steve was still on the fence about it, he definitely gets his answer when Max raises an eyebrow at him in a “dude what do you want?” Sort of expression on the second inhale, then blows the smoke directly towards his face. 

“Max, you said you smoked before you met Eddie. How long ago are we talking and where did you get drugs from?” Steve asks.

“I don’t know, like a year and a half ago? I stole Billy’s shit a couple times when he was really pissing me off.” 

“Max, he would've killed you if he knew that.” Steve says. 

“Maybe.” Max shrugs. “Definitely can’t now though.” 

Steve looks horrified, but Eddie laughs. He’s fond of Max's tendency to cope through dark humor that makes others uncomfortable. 

“Do you wanna talk about your nightmare?” Eddie asks Max as he hands the joint to Steve. 

“It was Billy.”

“Was it a memory dream?”

“Sort of a mix of memories. We had Billy in the sauna, and he got possessed again. He broke out and attacked El, and Mike hit him, but it was too late. El was already dead.  Billy got back up and went straight for Lucas. It was like when he attacked Lucas at the Byers’ house, but this time-” Max looks at Steve, then shakes her head, deciding against what she was originally going to say. 

“This time it was worse.”  

Eddie knows the moment Max looks at Steve, that he was part of the dream too. He’s heard about that fight at the Byers’ house from multiple perspectives, and he saw firsthand how Billy and Steve looked after it.  He can imagine how bad it could have been if Steve wasn’t there. Max has told him about other nightmares of hers too where Steve isn’t able to save them like he did in real life, and this was obviously one of them. But if she isn’t ready to admit to Steve that she’s scared he can’t protect her and scared that he’ll get hurt trying, that’s her business. She’ll tell Steve that she cares about him eventually and in her own way. 

Steve is being quiet through all of this, which would seem uncharacteristic if Eddie didn’t know that Max has never asked Steve for help. Not in the same way that she asks Eddie at least. She’ll ask Steve for rides, pester him into letting the teens take over his pool, and borrow tapes when she wants new music, but she wouldn’t ask him for anything requiring emotional vulnerability.

 Eddie isn’t sure if she’d even let him be there for her if they didn’t live so close together and he didn’t have weed all the time. So Steve quietly smoking with them makes sense to Eddie. He doesn’t want to do something wrong and make Max leave by offering advice or comfort she isn’t looking for, so he’s letting Eddie take the lead. 

“It fucking sucks when the nightmares get twisted like that.” Eddie finally says. 

“Twisted?” Max raises an eyebrow. 

“Distorting our memories to make them worse somehow. Like some of it is real and some of it is just a dream, and it’s hard to remember which part is which for a minute after you wake up.” 

“Was your nightmare a twisted memory like that?” Max asks Eddie. 

“Yeah actually, it was.”

“What was it?” 

Eddie looks at Steve. He wanted to talk to him about this later, but now will have to do. 

“When I was 13, my dad found out that I’m gay and kicked me out, which is why I live with Wayne now. I had nightmares about it a lot the first few years, but it mostly stopped until all the Upside-Down shit. I’ve had it a couple times since spring break, but now it’s different and Upside-Downy every time. The first time, it was Vecna instead of my dad in the dream.”

Max laughs a little. 

“Max, that's not funny.” Steve scolds. 

“It’s a little funny that in Eddie’s subconscious, Vecna is homophobic.” 

“It wasn’t funny in the moment but explaining it now, it is a little funny, yeah.” Eddie admits. He hits the joint then hands it to Steve before continuing. “The second time I had the dream, it was my dad but instead of breaking four bones like he did in real life, he laughed while he straight up Vecna-d me and broke them all.  

“Not a pleasant experience, I can tell you that.” Max says, then takes a long hit from the joint that Eddie has to admit is impressive. Maybe he does let Max smoke a little too often…  

“Tonight I had the nightmare again, and when my dad went to attack me, Vecna showed up and gave me his powers. He asked me to serve him, and I agreed. Then I killed my dad.” 

“I don't know, it sounds like he deserved it.” Max says bluntly. 

“Sounded like Billy did too, but I let you have complex feelings about it.” Eddie retorts. 

“You have a point there Munson.” Max nods. “ I take back what I said.” 

“Thank you.” Eddie nods back.

“But if you have that nightmare again, I hope you get to kill Vecna.”

 “Now Vecna really does deserve it. Can’t believe his homophobic on top of everything else.” 

“Or maybe next time Vecna and your dad will see the error of their ways and kiss.” Max teases.  

“Now that’s just too far.” Eddie shakes his head. 

They both laugh, and Eddie notices Steve smiling at the two of them. 

“You’re right about the distorted memory dreams by the way.” Max says when they’ve gotten their laughter under control. “That’s why I came outside actually. It’s easier to remember he can’t hurt me if I can see the trailer park. He wouldn't know I’m here even if he was still alive. I guess it’s kinda stupid. If he was alive I’d still be living with him and his shitty dad instead of here, but I don’t know. It helps.” 

Eddie is surprised by how honest Max’s words are, that they lack the sarcasm equivalent of sugar coating they usually have. She looks nervous, and Eddie can tell she’s trying to decide if being vulnerable like this is a stupid idea. He scrambles for the right words to say.  

“I still have Eddies vest.” Steve says hesitantly. It’s the first thing he’s said in a while. 

“You do?” Eddie asks looking at Steve curiously. 

“Why?” Max questions at the same time, and her worried expression is replaced with one of confused intrigue. 

“Sometimes I have nightmares that we didn’t get Eddie out in time. It starts off how everything really happened, but in the end I can’t save him. When I wake up it’s hard for me to remember he’s still alive, that everyone made it out okay. 

“It helps to look at the vest. It’s fucked up and probably a crazy thing to do but carrying him out is what stained it in the first place, so  if I can see the bloodstains on it, Eddie must be alive.” 

Eddie looks at Steve awestruck, and Steve seems to be avoiding his eyes, staring down at his lap. His face is flushed and Eddie knows that was hard for Steve to admit. Especially after their earlier conversation about how Steve always feels like he’s too much. They can have a more in depth conversation about it later. For now Eddie settles on lightening the mood. “Is that what’s in the dresser drawer you wouldn’t let me open?” He asks in a half joking tone. 

“Maybe.” Steve says. 

“You’ve had Eddie's vest hidden in your dresser for months, and you use it to remind you he’s alive after nightmares about losing him, but you didn’t know you’re gay?” Max asks with a raised brow. 

“I’m bisexual.” Steve corrects. “But no, I didn’t realize it until recently.”

“How long have you two been dating anyways? It has to be pretty recent, there’s no way I wouldn’t have caught on like immediately.” 

“Almost a week.” Eddie says, and Max grins proud of herself. 

“BUT!” He continues quickly. “I also basically told you when I was panicking about going to Hellfire with hickies.” 

“I would’ve figured it out anyways.” 

“Sure you would have Red.” Eddie rolls his eyes. 

“Wait there’s no way you thought I was gay, I didn’t even know I like guys until this week.” Steve says. 

“Honestly Steve, sometimes I wondered.”  Max replies. 

“What? Why?”  

Max shrugs. “You kinda always look at Eddie like you wanna make out with him.” 

“And you didn’t tell me? I’m wounded mayfield.” Eddie sighs dramatically, pressing one hand against his heart. 

“Hey I didn’t tell him you were pining after him either. We’ve established I’m not outing anybody in our friend group.” 

Anyone ? Eddie thinks. He wonders who else Max thinks is queer, and also why her gaydar seems to be so good. 

“Hey, how are you guys going to go on dates since they can’t look like dates?” Max asks. 

“Well we do have the benefit that people won’t assume it’s a date if it’s two guys.” Eddie tells her. “At least I don’t think they will. People have suspected Im gay my whole life but-”

“-nobody knows I am except the two of you and Robin, and given my reputation nobody expects it either.” Steve finishes. “People are probably going to assume we’re just friends unless we go to certain places or act affectionately.”

“Yeah, no holding hands in the park or fancy Valentine's Day dinners, but we can go to the movies and get food together. We’re going to the arcade tomorrow. All of that should be fine if we’re careful.” 

“So basically you’ll do everything you did as friends but call it a date?” Max asks them. 

“That’s kinda what dating is Max.” Steve says “Why would you date somebody you don’t like spending time with?” 

“There’s the physical part of relationships if you want there to-” Eddie starts to say, but Max cuts him off. 

“-Alright this is getting too close to a sex talk, and I do not want another one of those from basically my brother.”

“Which one of us would be your brother?” Steve asks. 

“Obviously it’s me.” Eddie says. “She already takes my weed.”

“You give it to me, and I’ve offered to pay.” Max argues before turning back to Steve. “But yes obviously it’s Eddie.”

“Hey I could be a good brother figure!” Steve says. 

“You’re Dustin’s brother figure. You can be my brother in law.” 

“I thought Dustin calls me a soccer mom. I can’t be his mom and his brother.”

Max laughs loudly, and Steve makes a poor attempt at shushing her through his own laughter. Eddie has a nice buzz going, but Steve and Max are pretty high. 

“Alright guys quiet up before the neighbors call the cops.” Eddie says, but he’s laughing too. Steve is a really nice addition to his and Max’s post-nightmare smoke sessions. Steve yawns, and Eddie decides it may be time to call it. 

“How’re ya feeling Mayfield? Think you could go back to sleep?” 

“Yeah probably.” Max nods. “You?”

“I think so, yeah.” Eddie says. 

“Thanks for smoking me out.” 

“Anytime Mayfield.” Eddie gathers his lunchbox and starts to stand but wobbles. Sitting on the hard steps for so long locked his hip, and Steve has to quickly grab him to stop him from falling. 

“Ow, fuck, my hip.” Eddie winces, holding onto Steve for balance. He rubs his aching leg while he composes himself, then smiles at Max. “Do you need help getting to the door?” 

“Maybe just standing.” Max says.

Eddie doesn’t know if it’s because she’s high, or because he is acknowledging his own physical limitations, but she accepts the help so quickly, he can’t help but feel proud of her. He knows it’s hard, but she’s making a lot of progress. They both are. 

Eddie and Steve each take one of Max’s hands and help to pull her up. She stretches for a minute, testing how her legs hold up, then nods decidedly. “Okay, I’m good.”

Eddie gets the second joint out of his lunchbox and hands it to Max. “Here’s your preroll. Don’t smoke it all at once.” 

“Wasn’t the plan, but now I might.” Max retorts, smiling as she takes the joint from Eddie. “Goodnight guys.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Night Mayfield.” 

“Goodnight Max. It was nice hanging out with you. I hope you get some decent sleep.” Steve says sincerely. 

“It was sort of fun to have you here too. You make a decent brother in law when you’re not trying to be a mom.” Max walks away before Steve can respond. 

About halfway to her trailer she turns around to remind Steve and Eddie that  “The threat is still active by the way. You’ll both be on missing posters if you do anything with the window open.” 

“Go to sleep, asshole.” Eddie calls back, definitely louder than he should at somewhere between 4 and 5 in the morning. 

Max flicks him off, (a gesture that Eddie returns) then keeps walking away and enters her trailer. 

Silence hangs in the air as Steve and Eddie stand outside the Munson trailer. Eddie is fairly relaxed now, most certainly feeling better than when he first woke up, but with Max gone he feels a bit more uneasy. Steve seems a little tense next to him as well.

Max doesn’t ask for more information than is offered, and doesn’t really do the whole “talk about each other's feelings” thing. Eddie and Steve are more vulnerable with each other, feel that they owe each other more honesty and explanation than surface level confessions over late night joints. They both revealed very personal things to each other, and now that they can have a deeper conversation about it, they both seem nervous.

Steve ends up breaking the silence first. He takes a deep breath, turns to Eddie and says “So Mayfield smokes weed huh?” with a huge grin that immediately alleviates the tension.

Eddie laughs. “Yeah it sure does seem that way.”

“When did you start giving Max weed anyways?” Steve asks, but he doesn’t sound upset or annoyed with Eddie, just curious. 

“She called me one of the first days she stopped having pain meds after the hospital and asked if she could buy from me.”

“She called you?” 

“Well she couldn’t walk yet so  knocking on the front door wasn’t really an option. I said no at first, but in the end I brought her a preroll and showed her how to make a sploof so her mom wouldn’t smell it after she smoked.” 

“It’s sweet how much you care about her.” Steve says. “She really adores you.”

“I don’t think I’d say adores.” Eddie scoffs. “Tolerates for sure. Likes, sometimes. Definitely doesn’t adore.” 

“I don't know dude. I haven’t seen her laugh like that in a really long time. And she asks you for help. She won’t even talk to Lucas about Billy.” 

“Their relationship confuses me.” Eddie says contemplatively. He reaches for a box of cigarettes he left on the porch, and pulls one out. They should definitely go back to bed, but it feels like they’ll be out here long enough for a smoke.  

“Oh me too. It’s hard to keep track of their on again off again thing, but I like that they get to have some sort of normal teenage experience.” Steve tells Eddie, accepting the lit cigarette when it’s offered.

“Me too.” Eddie agrees. “They’re too young to be saving the world and having near death experiences. Allowing a little teenage rebellion that also helps with pain and nightmares seems like the least I can do.” 

“You give them a normal life more than anyone else has since the first gate opened.” Steve says, bumping his shoulder against Eddie’s. 

“Hellfire for the boys and Erica, weed for Max?” 

“Exactly. And basically every normal experience El has with the group is a first, so it definitely goes a long way for her.” 

“They deserve to feel safe and normal. They’ve been through more than anyone ever should. It literally killed me and Max. I can’t imagine doing all of that shit when I was 13.” 

“You were scared for your life at 13 too though. Just a different sort of monster.” Steve says empathetically. He pauses for a moment then asks “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Eddie bites the inside of his lip. He can state what happened with his parents objectively. Things happened the way they did, but the emotions attached to the memories? Those he has never discussed with another person. Not even his uncle Wayne (apart from one breakdown when he first moved in, and that was mostly crying, minimal words). He  isn’t sure he knows how to talk about his emotions like that, but he wants to try. It’s terrifying to think about letting Steve in like this, but he yearns so deeply to be known, cared for, and protected. Eddie wants Steve to be the person who knows him and still chooses to stay, to care, and to keep him safe the same way he wants to do those things for Steve. He wants to trust as much as he is trusted, and Steve trusted Eddie enough to tell him about his dad, so he should at least try to do the same. 

“He broke four of my bones.” Eddie says. “My nose, my wrist, and two ribs. I thought he was going to kill me.” His hand is shaking as he brings the cigarette to his lips. 

“Neighbors had to have heard it happening. Somebody must have seen me when I got out of the house and away from him, but nobody came outside to help me. I didn’t know what to do, so I just started walking, and I wandered around for two days. I slept in a park and ate out of the trash, and somehow the whole time I thought my mom was going to come find me. I could barely see out of one of my eyes it was so swollen, and yet I watched every car that drove past me, hoping I’d see her looking for me.”

Steve reaches out for Eddie, tries to put his hand on top of Eddie’s on the porch rail, but Eddie moves his hand out of the way. The quickly hidden hint of hurt in Steve’s eyes makes Eddie feel like an asshole, but if he lets Steve touch him right now, he knows he won’t be able to get through telling this story. 

“Wayne ended up being the one who was looking for me. He spent hours driving around trying to find me, took me to a hospital when he did, and brought me back to the trailer. He bought me clothes, food, and a few comic books. He called out of work so I wouldn’t be alone or scared. And I didn’t say a single word for two days.” 

Steve nods, silently encouraging Eddie to keep going. Eddie notes that Steve is rubbing his thumb against his palm like he does when he’s nervous, but he doesn’t try to touch Eddie again. His patience and willingness to just be talked at makes Eddie feel secure enough to continue. 

“I broke a bowl on the third morning. Wayne had offered to carry my cereal to the table, but I hated that I couldn’t do things normally with a cast on my hand, and I was so angry at him for assuming I couldn’t do it myself. Everything he did made me so angry. I couldn’t understand why he was being so nice. Why he wasn’t hitting me for refusing to speak after he went through the trouble of finding me, getting me to a hospital, and taking me in. Why he agreed to take me at all because there was no way he wanted me.” 

Eddie throws his hands up in the air. He finishes his cigarette and reaches for the box to light another. Steve looks between the cigarette and Eddie, then bites the inside of his lip instead of saying anything. Eddie takes a drag from the cigarette and exhales slowly. He keeps speaking. 

“So I pulled away from him, and of course I dropped the bowl immediately, and it shattered. I look at him all scared because I’m so sure that this is where the other shoe drops, and he’s going to kick me out too or hit me, or do something . He moves towards me and I flinch, speak for the first time since he found me to tell him I'm sorry. 

“Wayne says ‘Oh kid, I’m not gonna hit you. You don’t need to be sorry. Accidents happen.’ And I just break. I cry so hard I think I’m going to throw up, and the whole time Wayne sits with me and just lets me cry until it’s out of my system. He tells me I’m safe now, nobody will ever hurt me like that again. Not for mistakes and not for who I am. Then he tells me to get in the truck because he’s taking me to get McDonald’s.” Eddie lets out a deep sigh and blinks back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He holds out the cigarette to Steve, an offer that Steve accepts. 

“I’m glad you have Wayne.” Steve  says softly and sincerely. “You always deserved a parent that loves you and takes care of you, and I’m sorry you didn’t have that before him.” 

“He doesn’t say it, but I do know he loves me. I just don’t understand why.” Eddie sighs again. “I think sometimes I still get scared that he’ll give up on me. Especially after everything that’s happened this year, it would make more sense for him not to keep me around anymore, but he's never wavered. And I’m scared I don’t deserve it. I’m scared I’ll turn out like my dad anyways, and everything Wayne has done for me will be for nothing.” 

“You’re nothing like your dad, Eddie.” Steve says. “You would never hit a kid for one, and two, I’m sure you’re way cuter.” He winks. 

Eddie laughs. “I most definitely am cuter.” He pauses to finish off the second cigarette, then says “The dream felt so real Stevie. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to die. But I don’t want to be like him, Steve. I can’t be.”

“You won’t be. You’re too good of a person. Plus you have too many people who care about you that would simply never let you change for the worse. You aren’t your parents, and you won’t turn out like either of them. I promise.” 

Steve holds out his pinky, and Eddie grins. He holds out his own, locking it in Steve’s, and he lets Steve kiss him after they kiss their thumbs. 

“Are you ready to try to go back to bed, or do you want to stay out here for a while longer?” Steve asks. 

“We can go to bed.” Eddie answers.

Steve wraps his arm around Eddie’s shoulder and squeezes his arm. “Thanks for trusting me with that Eds. I know it was hard to talk about.” 

“Thanks for being somebody I can trust.” Eddie smiles. 

They go back inside together and head to Eddie’s room. Eddie is exhausted, and although he’s worried he’ll have another nightmare, he knows Steve will be there if he does, and that’s worth something. Steve holds Eddie for a while, one arm wrapped around his waist and the opposite hand playing with his hair. Every so often Steve presses a kiss against Eddie’s back, and Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever felt so safe. 

It doesn’t take long before the two fall back asleep, and this time, luckily, no nightmares wake either of them up. 

Chapter Text

Soooo.” Robin says the moment Steve clocks in on Saturday morning. “How was your night with Eddie?” 

“It was really good.” Steve smiles, trying to be nonchalant.

“He tell you what a sub is?” 

Steve’s face flushes hot. “Maybe.”

Robin laughs. “Oh he totally did. And I was totally right wasn't I?” 

So much for being nonchalant. “Do you actually want to know the answer to that?” Steve asks with a hand on his hip. “I thought you didn’t want details about my amazing sex life.” 

“On second thought. No.” Robin grimaces. “For the love of a god I do not believe in, do not tell me anything about the ‘amazing’ sex you’re having with Eddie. I’m already able to guess too much.” 

Steve laughs at how quickly Robin lost the smug look on her face. “That’s what I thought.” 

“I’m really glad that he’s making you happy though Steve. I haven’t seen you like this with anyone before.” 

“I’ve never felt like this with anyone.” Steve admits. “He makes me incredibly happy yeah, but I’ve also just never been in a relationship that made me feel so seen? Eds understand me like nobody else ever has, and I’m not scared to let him know me. Everyone after Nancy couldn’t know me because of all the UpsideDown bullshit, but it’s more than that.”

“More than that?” 

“I don’t know. It’s like, I’m not afraid to tell him things about myself. Things I haven’t told anyone but you or things that you don’t even know.” 

“There are things I don't know about you?” Robin asks with a raised brow. 

Steve rolls his eyes. Robin knows more about him than anyone else ever has (aside from Eddie now), but yes, there are definitely things she doesn’t know about him. Some things, like his sex life, she just doesn’t want to know about. That’s fair. Other things he didn’t realize were important before he did acid and speed ran a sexuality crisis, and other things still, Steve just didn’t know how to talk about, even with his best friend in the entire world. After all, how was he supposed to tell her about the way shit from his childhood affected him, when he didn’t know how much it affected him, right? 

“Yes Robin there are things you don’t know about me.” He says. “And I think we both prefer it that way.”

“Fair. As long as you still tell me the important things.” 

“You know I will.” Steve agrees. 

Robin nods approvingly. “So you filled Eddie in on top secret Harrington lore?” 

“Basically, yeah. And he’s been so sweet about all of it. He makes me feel like it’s okay to be me? If that makes sense?”  

Robin smiles softly, and Steve thinks what he’s saying does make sense to her. He feels so goddamn lucky to have both a boyfriend and a best friend who understand him despite the way he struggles to understand himself or put his thoughts and feelings into coherent words. 

“I even told him about keeping his vest Robin, and he didn’t think I was crazy. Literally any other person would’ve called me insane and broken up with me.” 

“You’re not insane Steve. You’re obsessive compulsive.” 

“Possibly.” 

“No, most definitely.” 

“Whatever. Either way, he didn’t think it was weird. He doesn’t seem to think anything I do is weird. He just understands. I swear he’s like that with everyone too. Max came over and smoked with us last night because she had a nightmare, and hanging out with Eddie she was the most herself that I’ve seen since Starcourt. Eddie is just so good Robin. I think I love him.” 

“I don't know if I should address the fact that Max smokes weed first or the fact that you’re already in love, but neither of them actually surprise me that much.” 

“Really?” 

“If any of those kids is going to smoke, it would, and should be Max. And you’ve always fallen fast, plus being in love a few weeks into a relationship is like a queer right of passage.” 

“So I’m officially part of the community now?” Steve asks with a grin. 

“Hmm.” Robin hums with a devious expression. “It’s almost official.”

“Well damn Robin, I’ve already had sex with, and fallen in love with a  man. What else do I need to do?” 

 “It can be official after you let me go on break. Consider it a final initiation.” 

“I didn’t realize being gay was such an exclusive club.”

“You’re bisexual. But yes, every queer man must let their lesbian best friend go on break first to be fully accepted into the club.”

“I guess I have no choice then.” Steve shakes his head. “Go on break.” 

“You’re the best.”  Robin tells him. 

“I know.” Steve grins. 

Robin rolls her eyes, and heads to the back to clock out. 

***

A few minutes after Robin starts her break, the bell above the door rings. Steve looks up, ready to launch into his customer service greeting, when Dustin, Lucas, and Mike come bursting into the store, immediately rushing to different sections. 

“Don’t run in the store!” Steve reprimands. 

“Don’t tell us what to do!” Mike yells back before ducking into the fantasy section. 

“How did you even get here?” Steve asks, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hopes they didn’t bike all the way here, because he really doesn’t want to drive them all home when his shift ends. 

None of the boys answer him, but it doesn’t really matter because right after he asks, the bell rings again, and a familiar mop of dark curls enters the store. 

“Hiya Harrington.” Eddie smiles as he walks up to the counter. 

“Hey Eds.” Steve smiles back. “You on babysitting duty today?” 

“Apparently.” Eddie shrugs. “The gremlins biked to the trailer and demanded I give them a ride, so here we are.” 

“And you agreed right away? So generous of you.” 

“My generosity is mild at best considering I get something out of driving them too.” 

“Oh do you now?” Steve grins. 

“Mhm.” 

“And what’s that Munson?” 

Eddie looks around the store to check that the coast is clear, then quickly leans over the counter to kiss Steve. “I get to do that.” He smiles back. 

Robin walks up to the front as the two break away from their kiss. She scrunches up her nose. “Gross.”

“Don’t be homophobic Buckley. I was single for over 21 years. I’m allowed small homosexual joys.” 

Robin rolls her eyes.“Speaking of, Steve was updating me on his newfound joys…”

“Oh, was he now?” Eddie asked with an intrigued expression.  

“Not details!” Steve insists.

“I think it’s been proven that she can guess a lot without details, Stevie.”

Steve’s face turns red.

“Before I guess anything else!” Robin interjects. “Are you excited to go to the arcade tonight?” 

“YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO THE ARCADE!?” Dustin shouts as he pops out from behind a shelf in the science fiction section. Immediately afterwards he runs down the aisle, calling for Lucas and Mike in a much louder voice than the small store requires.  

Steve and Robin’s eyes widen in mutual panic.

“When did he get here?!”Robin whisper yells. 

“He came in with Eddie. Do you think he heard us?”

“He didn’t hear that part.” Eddie assures. “He was still by the horror section, and he doesn’t listen to anything we say unless it’s something he’s interested in like the arcade or dnd.” 

“Ah. So basically he’s a nerdy dog and I just yelled ‘walk’?” Robin asks.

“Yeah basically.” Eddie laughs. “And here comes the rest of the pack.” 

He nods his head to the side, and sure enough, the three boys race up to the counter, yelling over each other. 

“Are you seriously going to the arcade without us?” Mike asks in an annoyed tone. 

“You have to take us with you!” Dustin demands. 

“Yeah Steve, they have so many new games now, it’s basically like we’ve never even been before.” Lucas pleads. 

“There’s a prize counter now.” Dustin adds. 

“And don’t you think it’s important for us to have regular teenage experiences after all of our trauma.” Lucas says with big puppy dog eyes. 

“ It’s not like we’re going to hang around you the whole time.” Mike insists. “ We’ll do our own thing, and you can hit on girls or whatever you do instead of playing the games.”  

“Why would he hit on girls when his girlfriend is there?” Dustin asks with a look of genuine confusion on his face. 

“What?” Mike, Steve, and Eddie all ask in unison.

“Robin.” Dustin says like it should be obvious to everyone. 

“Ew, no, gross. I’m not dating Steve.” Robin says quickly with her hands waving in front of her.

“Capital-P Platonic.” Steve adds just as quickly. 

“Henderson, you gotta stop doing that man. Saying things confidently doesn’t make them true. That's how your character almost died last campaign, remember?” 

Lucas laughs. “Oh yeah! He was all, ‘no guards I totally know how to operate this machine!’ And then fell three stories down a shaft into the boobytrapped library.” 

“I remember!” Dustin snaps. “But that library led us to an important clue, so it was basically a good decision overall.” 

“Alright!” Mike interupts. “It’s established that Dustin makes bad RPG decisions and Robin doesn’t want to date Steve. But are you guys taking us to the arcade with you,  because personally I think if anybody is going to the arcade it should be people who actually want to play the games.” 

“Oh Harrington is gonna play. He’s too competitive to concede victory so easily.” Eddie says. “But I think I’ll win our bet anyways.” 

“Our bet?” Steve questions. 

“Mhm.”  Eddie winks. 

“Right. Yes. Our bet.” Steve nods. 

“Alright so he’ll play Pac-Man for five minutes then realize he’s bad at everything else and Eddie will win. Are you taking us with you or not?” 

Steve looks over at Eddie, silently asking his opinion. Eddie smiles as he rolls his eyes, then nods his head slightly. 

Steve sighs and looks back at the teenagers. “Alright fine, but only if Nancy agrees to come too, because we aren’t leaving Max, Will, and Eleven out. And you have to stop being a dick to me, Mike. That’s really not a great way to ask people for things.” 

“It worked anyways.” Mike huffs. 

“Wheeler.” Eddie scolds. “What do you say to Steve for changing his plans to let you do something fun?” 

Mike's face turns red. “Thanks Steve.” He mumbles. 

“You’re welcome.” Steve responds. 

“Alright Hellfire Hooligans. Make your movie selections so we can get all of you home. We still have to convince Nancy to play chaperone tonight, and if you all agree to shower before we go, maybe she’ll say yes.” 

“What the hell Eddie?” Dustin throws his arms in the air. “We don’t smell bad.”  

“You better not. Can’t have the girls rolling disadvantage on their constitution checks in the car with you.” 

“You’re such a jerk.” Mike huffs. 

Eddie clicks his tongue and shrugs. “But you love me anyways.” 

“Whatever.” Mike’s face flushes red again before he retreats back into the isles of movies. Dustin and Lucas follow after him, talking excitedly about the arcade. 

Once the boys are out of earshot, Robin sighs heavily. “I’m so sorry guys, I didn’t know they were here.” 

“It’s alright Buckley. Now it’ll be a babysitting double date, and that’s pretty fun too.”

“Double date?” 

“Me and Stevie, you and Nancy.” 

Robin blushes and immediately starts to fluster. “That’s not- she isn’t, I mean- shut up Munson.” She groans as Eddie laughs. 

Steve looks at Robin curiously. He had never considered the possibility of Robin having feelings for Nancy. It’s a little surprising, but he finds that it doesn’t bother him. The idea of them together actually makes him smile. He doesn’t know if Nancy is into girls, but if she ends up being bisexual like he is, Steve thinks that Nancy and Robin could be really good together. 

He listens to Eddie and Robin bicker with each other while the kids make their movie selections, and he thinks about how strange his life is. How lucky he is to have the group of misfits he’s a part of now. Steve’s life is nothing like what he pictured for himself a few years ago, couldn’t be further from the life his parents always wanted him to picture. It’s perfect. He went through hell and back multiple times over to get here, and he’s happy. 

Lucas, Mike, and Dustin make their way back to the counter to rent out their picks for movie night, and Steve is still feeling introspective and sappy, so he agrees to wave Dustin’s late fee. 

“Just this once!” He insists. 

Eddie tsks and shakes his head. “You’re never going to have peace in this store again.” He says solemnly. 

Steve knows Eddie’s right. He’ll never hear the end of it now, but he’s feeling too sappy to care. He tells Eddie to let him know what Nancy says about tonight, then silently thanks the universe for the perfectly weird little life he has now as he watches Eddie corral the kids into the van and drive off.