Chapter Text
Ike was still not jealous! Not at all. Not even when Skrimir sat at the lunch table with them. He was allowed to do that. And he sat by Mordecai and Lyre, not Soren, so Ike could be chill with him. Ike was not insecure. At all.
“You’re really not embarrassed to be in dance?” Boyd asked Skrimir. He seemed to be in awe of him. Which did make some sense, because he was about twice his size despite being the same age.
“I should be?” he asked in return. He spoke like he learned to talk from reading – very stilted and awkward. Ike was way better at talking.
“Well…” Boyd looked a bit uncertain now.
“In laguz culture we don’t care about such things,” Lethe scoffed. “Boys and girls can do whatever they want.”
“Dancing makes me nimble, and makes my battling better,” Skrimir agreed. “The tiny beorc — Soren. He is good at helping.” Soren helped Skrimir?? Ugh. Only because they were the only boys, probably! And anyway, Ike never forgot Soren’s name. Soren himself just nibbled his sandwich.
“I’m learning to use a lance…” Geoffrey mused, “Do you think maybe dancing would help me, too?”
Skrimir shrugged, clearly not knowing. Ike didn’t know either because he’d never used a lance in his life. But he still said, “Probably not,” because he didn’t want more people to go to dance class and Geoffrey was his gym buddy.
“I think it would,” Lucia mused. “It’d be really good for fencing, actually…”
Mia, who was Lucia’s sword buddy, lit up. “Oh, good point!” Ike now had to wonder if he would benefit from dance class. But he wasn’t jealous, so switching to dancing would be silly! He looked to Soren to reassure himself that his boyfriend would not run off with anyone in dance class. He was surprised to see Soren had smuggled in his phone and was subtly doing something. When he noticed Ike looking at him, he immediately turned the screen off and went back to his lunch.
Oh no! Now Soren was hiding things from him?! Maybe he was hiding that he and Skrimir were flirting! That would be terrible!
No, he wasn’t typing anything, he was swiping in like a circle, Ike consoled himself as he ate. Weird. He trusted Soren! Everything was fine!
Everything was fine!!!!!!
“For the five-hundredth time, the answer is no. I hate football. I hate football. I hate football.”
Coach T did not look convinced. “It’s a great sport with a great team, and I’m willing to work around your soccer schedule and academics.”
Ike was losing his patience. He and the coach were in the man’s office with the door closed, and the hint was that the door wasn’t opening until Ike agreed. “I. HATE. FOOTBALL. It is the worst sport! It’s boring and the rules make no sense! Everyone puts the football players on a pedestal and it makes me sick. None of them are gonna want me on the team considering how many of them I’ve punched in the face this year alone! So I don’t care that you and my dad are friends. I don’t care that you’re gonna be flexible. I. AM NOT. PLAYING. FOOTBALL.” He stood up and marched out of the office, not caring at all about what the man was gonna do. Give him detention for not playing football? Go ahead, he’d gladly take that punishment.
It was the end of the day, so Ike went to his locker to grab his stuff so he could start the walk home. There wasn’t anything on Soren’s afterschool schedule today either, so maybe if they walked fast they could have some making-out time before Mom and Dad got home?
“Ike!” Heather ran up to him at his locker, which was weird but not completely unwelcome. “So I need your help. It’s super important.”
“Uh oh.”
“I have accepted a great challenge,” she said solemnly. “I am going to find Gatrie a date for the winter formal.”
Ike nearly fell over. He and Gatrie shared a few classes but were not friends, because Gatrie’s best friend was Shinon who was one of the most annoying people in school. Ike had not forgiven him for knocking over Soren’s marble tracks. It wasn’t fair to hold that against Gatrie, but too bad. “Gatrie?? That rizzless beast? Why would you do that to yourself?”
“That’s just it! It will be the greatest act of matchmaking of all time!” She looked at him with great determination. “Also I got him to pay for grubhub for lunch three days in a row and I didn’t have to, like, do anything. I mean normally I have to at least put on the charm a little bit, but… nope. He just paid for it like an eager puppy. I honestly feel kinda… kinda guilty.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Gatrie all right.”
“And anyway, I figure you can be my helper.”
“What sense does that make? I don’t like girls.”
“Exactly! You’ll attract them, but not want any for yourself. You’re straight bait!”
Ike grimaced. He did have an unfortunate tendency to attract girls. It was his burden to bear, in a completely non-sarcastic way. “So what’s the plan?”
“We’ll just start going out on group dates - you and Soren to make it look legit, plus me and whoever we want to try pairing with Gatrie, and Gatrie too duh. I’ll be his wingwoman and try to help him, you know, not act like such a himbo. Unless of course that’s what the lady wants.”
“Uh, okay. Who do you have in mind?”
Heather held out a list and Ike read over it. It was basically every girl in the school except Heather and Nephenee. “I get you, but why isn’t Nephenee on here?”
Heather actually turned red, which Ike had never seen from her before. “I, uh, asked. She’s not interested.”
“Huh, okay. Also take Elincia off or else you’re going to get the wrath of Geoffrey on you.”
“And Lucia,” Heather agreed. “Good point, they both need to come off.”
“And Lucia?” He thought about it. That was definitely see-able. In fact it would be totally normal except for Geoffrey and Lucia being siblings. Hopefully they didn’t do anything with each other. “Fair.”
“And have you already asked Soren to formal?”
“No, but I don’t think he’ll want to go,” Ike admitted.
Heather tilted her head to the side in thought. “But what if he does?”
“Then he could ask me.”
“Good point. Just don’t be surprised if someone else asks him.”
They turned around the corner where Soren was standing near his own locker, looking at his phone with intensity. He must have sensed them coming because he immediately put his phone into his pocket too fast to be not suspicious. “So did you end up joining the football team?”
“Hell no.” Ike wanted to hug him, but knew Soren would get prickly about it. “It ain’t happenin’. I know Dad is going to be mad, but I don’t care. Anyway, Heather, here’s the problem with your plan,” he said as they started to walk out of the building, “How are we supposed to go on so many dates?”
“You’re going on dates?” Soren asked. Ike was thrilled that Soren seemed amused, not upset.
“You are too,” Heather said to Soren, “We’re going to get Gatrie a girlfriend! And we’re going to do it at lunch, Ike. Duh.”
“Why are we doing that?” Soren asked bluntly. “Are we masochists now?”
She stuck her tongue out at him. “I don’t know what that means but I can tell you’re making fun of me. But it’ll be fine! We definitely won’t have to try pairing him up with every single girl who likes boys in this school.”
“Who are you trying to convince?” Soren asked wryly.
“Shut up, Soren. Hang on.” She trotted over to one of the girls at her locker, putting on an expression of pure schmoozing as she leaned against the wall. “Hey Jill. Tomorrow, want to eat lunch with the cool kids?”
Jill had the air of the alpha bitch of the school. Ike didn’t like her because she’d made it clear she didn’t like laguz as a rule, and Ike was not cool with that. Her look was icy as she gazed down at Heather – she was taller than most people. “No.”
“Awww,” she said sadly, “But you might be missing out on true love…” Jill scoffed, closed her locker, and left. Heather sighed and rejoined Ike and Soren. “Okay. Not a good start. Thank the Goddess I don’t like redheads.”
“Cough Miss Titania cough,” said Ike, because it was an open secret that 99% of the school thought Miss Titania was hot. Ike didn’t because he’d known her forever and she was more like an aunt to him.
“Touche,” Heather admitted. “Still, who should be our first, uh, try?”
“Victim is more accurate,” Soren snarked.
Ike glanced around the hallway, spotting the perfect first victim at her locker. Ilyana was a waif of a girl but actually Ike’s age even if she looked a lot younger. “How about Ilyana?”
Heather brightened. “Oh, great idea! She’s a sweetheart and, more importantly, easily bribed. Okay, I’ll go make arrangements and tomorrow we start Operation Get Gatrie Some Rizz!”
“That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard and it is absolutely doomed,” Soren mused as Heather left them.
“Shush, you pessimist,” Ike had to say even if he thought Soren was right. They left the building together. “What are you doing on your phone?”
Soren had an amazing poker face. “Texting people about school. And your mom sends me memes and your dad gives me pep talks.”
“But you were, like, swiping?”
“You need hobbies,” he said wryly.
“Oh yeah, why don’t you download Pokemon Go?” Ike asked, “I mean, you have a phone now and you liked Pokemon. It’s pretty fun.”
Soren scoffed. “Because it’s for children.”
“… Soren, you’re 13.”
“Also, don’t panic, but Skrimir is coming over to practice our dancing.”
“What?!”
Skrimir was dropped off at Ike’s house at around snack time. It was so awkward. He drooled at their snacks but didn’t ask for one. Clearly someone had drilled politeness into him. Ike was just put off about all of this. He did not like having his romantic rival - er, this random guy in his house. Ike just stared at him. He wished Mist or Dad was home yet.
Aether thought Skrimir was the coolest person he'd ever met, constantly pushing up against him for ear rubs. Ike wasn't completely sure what to expect when a lion met a dog, but was pleasantly surprised that Skrimir seemed to like Aether just fine. Then again, everyone should like Ike's dog.
"Jill will be here soon, she’s in our group," Soren said as he ate his apple slices. Ike felt pain. He glanced at Skrimir, who also looked pained. Neither Skrimir nor Soren were beorc. It was probably uncomfortable.
"How did she end up in your group?" Ike asked.
"No one else would take her," Soren said wryly.
"We did not have a choice," Skrimir agreed.
"But at least she's good at dancing," Soren said with a sigh. "And she's largely kept her mouth shut after the first day. She just realized that neither of us will put up with her bullshit."
"Language," said Skrimir automatically, and then he grimaced at himself. Ike could tell someone had been training him relentlessly. "Sorry. My... um... father... he was very... uh..."
"Insistent," Soren supplied. He nodded his firm agreement.
"Yes, on politeness."
"You have a dad?" Ike asked, "Last I heard you just had an uncle."
Skrimir flushed awkwardly, looking away. "Ike," said Soren, "That's none of our business."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
The doorbell rang, so Ike got up to get it. It was, of course, Jill, standing there in her designer clothes, hair immaculate and a massive scowl on her face. She walked past him and he almost called her out but decided it wasn't worth his time. She walked directly to the kitchen table. "Let's get this over with," she ordered.
"No," said Soren, unimpressed. Ike thought he was the hottest person on the planet. "We're eating snack." He passed the second half of his apple to Skrimir, who looked conflicted before he ate. Whether it was because he was accepting a snack or because it was an apple, Ike wasn't sure.
"Then hurry up," she said, arms crossed. Her demeanor completely changed when Aether trotted up to her. "Awww puppy!" She squealed in joy and bent over to ruffle his ears and give him smooches as he happily panted and wagged his tail. Ike figured he couldn't hate Jill anymore because if Aether liked her, that meant she had some redeeming qualities. Just because he himself hadn't seen any didn't mean they didn't exist, and Aether was a great judge of character. "Whossa puppy?! Whossa puppyyyy!"
"He is," said Skrimir with confusion.
"Technically he isn't, he's 8 years old," Soren corrected. "But he's still a good boy and deserves the ear scratches."
"Soren's his favorite, so he can be nice about sharing," Ike agreed. He wasn't jealous at all that his dog liked Soren the most, not at all.
"I'm everyone's favorite," said Soren in the deadest deadpan Ike had ever heard. It was awe-inspiring.
"So... what song are you guys dancing to?" he asked.
Jill rolled her eyes. "Old people music."
Skrimir chimed in, "Soren's father" Ike flinched, because the stupid evil old man was NOT Soren's father "and mine only listen to music that's at least 30 years old if not more. So we are dancing to a song we know."
"Earth Wind & Fire," Soren supplied.
"Huh, never heard of it," Ike said.
"That's the band."
"Idiot," said Jill, because of course she did. Ike didn't like Jill, and it was mutual obviously.
"Well, I can't wait to see this," Ike said, deciding to ignore her. It was easier.
“Absolutely not!” Jill harshly ordered him. “No one is watching this HORROR.”
“You’re not that bad at dancing,” Soren snarked.
“And this is a presentation, so everyone is going to see it,” Skrimir agreed, looking confused at her irritation.
"And this is my house," Ike agreed, now feeling that teenage compulsion to go against everything demanded of him.
"It's different!" she protested. "That's the class, not just this loser!"
"Jill," Soren said, his tone somehow not changing but Ike could pick up the hint of menace, "Just imagine how your father would feel if everyone in the school knew about your secret instagram, and know it'll happen if you don't watch your mouth." She tried to kill him with her eyes.
Ike had no idea what they were talking about, so he decided to change the topic. "Well I can't wait to see," he said again. "I'm sure you're good at dancing."
When Skrimir was done with his apple, the three and Aether went into the sitting room as Soren set up the TV to play their song. Ike absolutely could not miss this, but for their performance’s sake he stayed in the kitchen to peek. A very catchy pop/funk/disco song began to play.
“We can boogie down, down up on down, the boogie sound, down up on down…”
“Five six seven eight,” said Soren, and then they began to dance in sync, fast-paced and parallel.
The music sang, “Let’s groove tonight! Share the spice of life!”
The good news was that all of them had blank expressions so the dancing was more funny than attractive. Even if the floor was shaking because Skrimir was so big and Jill looked like she wanted to jump out the window. So at first, Ike could appreciate the fact that they were all on beat and following fairly complicated choreography even as his teenage brain kept wanting to stare at Soren’s butt.
Then there was a spin where Skrimir, who was in the middle, held up his hands and Soren and Jill each took one.
The secretary stared at him. "It's almost halfway through the quarter, and you want to switch now?"
"Yes," Ike said.
"If you want out of gym, I've been told that football counts towards your credits," he wheezed.
"No," said Ike. "I hate football. I just really want to dance."
He stared at him. The secretary was an extremely old crow who always looked confused. "You really want to change to dancing, young man?”
"Yes," Ike said. "I have a passion for dancing. I was born to groove. The groove will get me to move.” He’d had the song stuck in his head all night and day.
The secretary sighed, typing into his computer with a finger. "There are plenty of openings. I’ll tell the teacher and you’ll start next week.”
“Thanks,” said Ike, uncaring of his reputation whatsoever. He raced to lunch because he was already late and sat with just his packed one because there wasn’t enough time to go through the line. It was a necessary sacrifice. Of course, he also wasn’t too sad that he missed part of lunch because Heather had managed to get Ilyana and Gatrie to a second table, joined by a Soren glued to his phone. “Hi, sorry about that.” He did note Soren hid his phone again. He was going to have to snoop.
“Welcome!” said Gatrie, who was smiling broadly as Ilyana ate his lunch. “Am I not the luckiest man in the world?”
“I’m not… you know what? Never mind.” Ike had a feeling Heather had been about to correct Gatrie that she was not on a date with him, but it was smarter for her to not bother. “Why don’t you ask Ilyana about her interests?”
“Of course! Ilyana my dear one, I see you like food, but do you have a favorite?”
She munched on his cheeseburger. “I do like vegetables, because they’re filling. And fruits too. But also pastas, rice bowls, sandwiches, burgers, breakfast foods, burritos…”
“Is there anything you don’t like?” Heather interjected, seeing this was going to go on forever.
Ilyana went silent as she thought about it with intensity. “Any food… I don’t like…? Um…”
Ike thought about how to help out. What did he dislike eating? “Dippin Dots?”
“What are those?” Soren asked.
“Freeze dried ice cream,” Ike explained. “They melt in your mouth so it’s like you’re not even eating ice cream. Totally overrated.”
Ilyana looked at him with big eyes. Ike felt a shiver of terror down his spine. “Oh! You’re Ike! People tell me I’m like you and Skrimir all the time. It’s an honor to eat lunch with you!”
“Eh?” said Ike.
“They say you eat three lunches every day! And you don’t even have to beg for them! Teach me how, Senpai!”
“What?” said Ike with more horror.
“And sometimes you even have four lunches!” she continued with way more energy and excitement than she’d had before.
“That’s only because sometimes Soren gives me his!”
She gasped and looked at Soren. “What about me?”
“Girl I don’t even know you,” Soren retorted. “Find your own boyfriend to guilt trip because I’m taken.”
“And that brings us back to me!” Gatrie interjected. “As your boyfriend, I will be sure to keep you satisfied in every way!”
“Ew,” said Heather.
Ilyana looked at him. “Yay. But, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my nap.” She put her head down on her arms and immediately fell asleep.
The other four were silent as they ate.
“Listen,” Heather said at length, “This relationship is only going to last as long as your wallet does.”
“Sold!” said Gatrie quite boisterously.
“That wasn’t a good thing… but I guess if you’re happy…?”
Soren sighed. “I cannot believe I am saying this, but Gatrie you deserve better than having to pay a girl with food to date you.”
“I said I’m sold, you don’t have to keep selling me on it!” Indeed he was beaming.
Soren looked to Heather. “I give it a week before you find another victim.”
“Yeah, same.” She fondly sighed. The bell rang. “But this went better than expected! I was worried she was going to go after you, Ike.”
“Me too,” Ike agreed as they got up to clean up. “I think she might try to eat me in my sleep.” He looked back at the table where Gatrie was gently trying to wake up his “girlfriend.” “Hopefully Gatrie is her first victim.”
“I’ll save you from her,” Soren drawled.
“My hero,” he agreed.
“It’s time for dance, so I’ll see you later,” he replied with the tiniest little smile on his lips.
“Bye.” He fought down any cute nicknames. But he could not wait to be able to surprise him about this next week!