Chapter Text
The headlights of Jisung’s car shone across the cement road beneath him, following his course, before guiding him to the last open spot of the parking lot he had been led to by the map on his phone. And Jisung put his car into park as he sat still for a few moments, his lights still on as they shined against the wall right in front of him, and the vines that hung down from it due to the bushes beyond. It was already late at night- at least to the point where Jisung would either be in bed, or getting ready to sleep. Yet after he received the call, he couldn’t think to do anything other than be the one to make sure Minho was getting home safe. He was surprised to see so many cars here, as late as it was, and in the distance he could hear laughter echoing into the night, the boy taking in a deep breath as he attempted to ground himself before stepping out of the car. Jisung had never really spent any of his time at places like these before, but he knew from what Chan and Changbin had told him, the only reason Minho was here was to keep up good business relations between him and the people he worked with. It was cold outside, most likely below freezing, and there wasn’t a single star poking out from between the clouds.
The door clicked as Jisung grabbed the handle before he was stepping out, the chill in the air shocking his lungs as he took in a quick breath before bundling himself tighter into Felix’s jacket that he was still borrowing. He could see his breath as it clouded the air in front of him, and his gaze fell on the lights that surrounded the front door of the establishment, a few people already sitting outside as they chatted and smoked cigarettes. Jisung tugged on his jacket as he held his hands in his pockets, although they slowly scrunched up into balled fists, and he made his way forward, his gaze falling to his shoes as he watched every step he took. He could feel his heart thumping along with his steps, he could feel the cold air caressing the hair just above the nape of his neck, and he could feel his mind muddle as all he wanted to do was find Minho and bring him home. Eyes were on him now, probably from the people smoking outside, yet he ignored them as he held his breath before walking past the entrance, his eyes finally lifting as he felt the warm, stale air hit his face.
The establishment was similar to a restaurant, although the ones inside seemed to mainly be using it for the bar that was placed around the back end of it. There were tables lining the floor with piles of food tossed around them, and people sitting at each as they laughed and drank together, the thick scent of alcohol numbing Jisung’s senses as his gaze lingered around the room. No one came to greet him as he stepped through the door, but perhaps it was the usual time when people started to arrive as the designated drivers for those already inside. Jisung pressed his hands further into his pockets as he lifted his head up from the collar of his jacket that he had been hiding behind, and his gaze swept the room, the boy looking for only one person in particular that he was sure to be a slight hassle when he finally found him. But Jisung didn’t really mind, not in the same way he felt out of place by being here. The lights were low, yet the banter was just under loud, and Jisung felt his heart race pick up as soon as he found the one person he was looking for. And he was asleep at one of the more crowded tables.
Jisung sighed, his steps bouncing across the floor as he made his way towards Minho’s slumbering silhouette, and yet the ones surrounding him were quick to notice his presence as a few looked up at him curiously. He felt his cheeks tinge with red from the attention, but his steps eventually led him to right behind the sleeping boy, Jisung gazing down at the other as he felt his lips curl into a soft smile, before he was reaching his hand forward to gently grasp the boy’s shoulder in order to shake him awake. One shake earned a small groan that pulled a chuckle from Jisung’s lips, and another helped to ease the other’s eyes open as he laid dormant while gazing at nothing in particular, Jisung slowly leaning closer as he let his head fall before blocking Minho’s view with his own face. Minho blinked, the other clearly dazed and unsure of what was going on, yet as Jisung smiled Minho seemed to pull himself together just enough to understand, a large gasp spilling from his lips as he instantly turned before grabbing onto the front of Jisung’s jacket, and pulling him into his own body. Jisung yelped as he fell forward, his hands hitting the edge of the table to stop himself, and Minho’s face smacking into his upper chest before long arms were wrapping around his waist, and hugging him close.
“I take it you’re Jisung then?” a voice suddenly said, and Jisung blinked in mild shock as he slowly gazed up to see another person standing from their seat, their arm extended, and offering their hand for Jisung to shake. “We spoke on the phone earlier.”
“O-Oh, right… yes, I’m Jisung,” Jisung mumbled, the boy balancing his weight onto one hand as he lifted his own to shake the stranger’s. Minho grumbled at the slight movement, and his embrace became tighter as Jisung struggled to breathe. Even then, he didn’t attempt to help the other off of him.
“Do you need help getting him to the car- or maybe off of you first?” the other asked, a slight chuckle leaving their lips as Jisung frowned at the words. The other was a boy, maybe slightly older than him, but with mature features that some might find charming. Instead Jisung just felt weary as he reached his hand down once it was free, the boy gently patting Minho on the back before shaking his head.
“No, I think I’ll be fine,” Jisung mumbled, yet he kept a cautious gaze on the other as he slowly glanced down at Minho, the other looking as if he was ready to fall asleep once more while clinging to Jisung. Jisung couldn’t help but smile at the cute display, and he managed to pick himself up enough to stand straight, his hand lifting to play with Minho’s light brown hair as he gazed down at the other fondly. “Minho, let’s go home-”
“You two must be close,” the boy suddenly continued, and Jisung felt something pinch in his stomach as his smile fell once more, the boy becoming more uneasy with the other by the second as he took a few more moments before gazing up. The others weren’t paying attention to them either, instead Jisung was stuck, and until he could get Minho to stand up, he wouldn’t be able to leave. “Minho is usually an asshole to everyone, so it’s just weird seeing him like this,” the other added, and Jisung’s chest clenched painfully at the words, his face paling as he glanced up to see the other boy smirking.
“What?” Jisung mumbled, the boy clearly taken aback by what he had just heard. “How could you say that? Minho isn’t an a-asshole,” Jisung stumbled, his other hand sliding protectively around Minho’s shoulder as he held the boy closer to his chest. Jisung could hear the warning bells chiming around him, but all he could do was wait, and defend Minho in any way he could. He could tell now that this other person probably didn’t have any good intentions, and that he probably had a some kind of problem with Minho to begin with. And Jisung knew Minho enough to know that sometimes his words came across as sharp- but his actions were always louder than his words, and any decent person could see just how kind Minho was underneath his rough exterior.
“Sorry, I forgot that you’re actually Minho’s friend. So I’m sure he is kind to you,” the other said while feigning remorse for what he had just said, Jisung’s eyes lowering into a small glare as the other seemed to pick up on it as well. “I mean, you can’t really blame me for thinking that way though. He has a reply for everything, you can’t even talk to him without him insulting you,” the man scoffed before smiling, and Jisung could feel the panic rising in his throat, the need to scream and prove the man wrong taking him hold as he did his best to just stay quiet, and ignore what the other was trying to do. He could tell the boy was trying to mess with him to get a reaction, but Jisung wanted to be the bigger person and simply ignore him. “I mean, I’m not even sure how a bastard like that has a friend as cute as-”
“Fuck,” a new voice suddenly growled, and Jisung blinked as he slowly gazed down to see Minho gazing up at him, his own eyes slinked into a glare as he gently pushed Jisung back just enough so he could turn to face the other boy himself. And he was definitely still drunk by the way his movements seemed to stumble in an unbalanced manor, and yet even as he glared at the other, he managed to keep one arm wrapped around Jisung’s waist before pulling him close to his side. Jisung blushed, the boy slightly relieved that Minho was awake, and slightly enamored by how Minho was actually embracing him with ease. “What fucking bullshit are you spewing now?” Minho mumbled, the other boy frozen solid across the table as he seemed shocked, even as he continued to smile with wide eyes. “Cute? Him?” Minho asked before yanking on Jisung, and he stumbled as he fell into the other, Minho practically supporting his entire weight as Jisung blushed harder by the change in demeanor.
“... Yeah, he’s pretty cute,” the boy said after a short pause, yet he wasn’t looking towards Jisung anymore, instead he seemed more amused with Minho as if he didn’t expect this sort of reaction from him. Jisung felt like they were playing into the palm of the boy’s hand, and he just wanted to leave as soon as possible. “You don’t think so? Even in this lighting I can see the cute blush on his-”
“Stunning,” Minho sharply said, and the other seemed to pause once more, his smile cracking as Minho glared daggers at him. “He’s stunning- literally the sexiest and the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met before,” Minho growled, and Jisung wanted to run away and hide, the boy lifting his hand to cover his face as he felt his lips twist in embarrassment. “You’re stupid if you think he’s as simple as ‘cute,’” Minho scoffed, and Jisung let a small groan slip from his lips as he peeked out from between his fingers to see the reaction of the boy right across from him. And every bit of cockiness had been washed away as the boy was frowning now, a few others also now gazing towards them as they seemed to sense the tension in the air.
“Honestly I think I was being gracious by going as far as calling him cute,” the boy snapped, and Jisung felt his heart sink as he felt Minho immediately jump up from his seat, his hand reaching out to grab the boy as Jisung gasped before reaching out himself to stop him. And Jisung was quicker in his sober state, his hand grabbing onto Minho’s wrist, before tugging the boy towards him and forcing him to face him completely. Minho’s face was red with rage, and Jisung felt his heart skip a beat at the sight, a small sigh spilling from his lips as he forced a smile to his face in order to help Minho calm down.
“I won’t let him get away with-”
“Minho, let’s go home. I… want to go home,” Jisung whispered, his hand trembling even as he held onto Minho as tightly as he could. Minho gazed at Jisung through his daze, before a part of him seemed to recognize the sadness drawn across Jisung’s expression, a deep sigh falling from his own lips before he was nodding and stumbling to leave his seat. Jisung felt relieved that they were finally leaving, yet as Minho shifted his hand to instead hold onto Jisung’s own, the boy turned back to glare at the other boy one more time.
“You’re lucky you called Jisung here. He’s the reason you don’t have a broken nose right now,” Minho grumbled, and Jisung gulped as he pulled on Minho’s hand, the other glaring towards the boy for a few more moments before turning away from him completely. And Jisung could feel Minho stumbling to keep up with Jisung’s pace behind him as they made their way out of the establishment, a few more pairs of eyes falling on them as Jisung bit his lip, before lowering his head in order to hide his face. The warm stale air broke through for the chill to return to their hearts, and the two were silent as they made their way to Jisung’s car, the boy unlocking it before helping Minho over to the passenger seat. Even now he could tell just how drunk Minho actually was as it took a few attempts to settle him in comfortably, yet he could feel Minho’s intense gaze watching him the entire time, even as he reached across the boy to grab his seatbelt, before buckling him in. When Jisung shut his door, he took in a deep breath, the boy attempting to calm himself down enough for the ride home, before walking around his car, opening up the door, and sitting in the driver's seat.
Jisung didn’t start the car right away, instead he sat silently in his seat, gazing at the steering wheel in front of him while he could feel Minho still staring at him from the side. He could smell alcohol on the other, but in all honesty, there was not one single thing about Minho in this moment that bothered him. What hurt the most was the boy who had called Minho names, and made assumptions while not even taking even a second to see the sweet boy underneath it all. And while Jisung wanted to sit there and defend Minho to the ends of the earth, instead he had receded into himself and attempted to run. Not only that, Minho then acted the way he should have when he had even first heard the insult. Jisung wasn’t mad at Minho, but he was too upset with himself to end the benign thoughts that seemed to plague his mind. A sigh spilled from Jisung’s lips, but he decided he could sit in his lonesome and worry about all of it later. He needed to bring Minho home safely- that was the entire reason why he had even driven this far out in the middle of the night in the first place.
“Jisung,” Minho mumbled, yet Jisung started the car as his thoughts drifted in and out of his mind, the boy pressing on the brake as he started to back out of the spot. The car was already warm after a few moments, and Jisung started the trip back home, his grip on the steering wheel tight as he kept a mostly unblinking gaze at the road beneath them. “Jisung,” Minho attempted again, and Jisung felt himself leaning forward, the boy grabbing the steering wheel even tighter as he felt more and more ashamed as the seconds rolled on. He should have said something, he should have gotten just as upset as Minho had when- “Jisungie~” Minho lulled, and Jisung blinked as the cute nickname pulled him back from the dead space he had floated to, the boy quickly glancing at Minho from the side, before sitting back and loosening his grip on the wheel.
“Did you have a good time?” Jisung decided to ask, although he didn’t really know what the point of it was. Of course he didn’t want Minho to suffer, yet he figured that the boy hadn’t really enjoyed it as much as he pretended to.
“Jiiiii-sunggggg,” Minho suddenly sang out, and Jisung felt his face flush as his lips twisted in embarrassment, his body easing further as Minho’s hazy gaze hadn’t left him for a second.
“Why do you keep saying my name?” Jisung chuckled, the road rushing under them smoothly as Jisung turned onto the highway. There weren’t many cars around in sight, and Jisung felt like the long, straight road belonged to only him and Minho.
“Because it’s my favorite,” Minho mumbled, a cute smile layered on his lips as he closed his eyes before chuckling. “My favorite everything.”
“How can a name be your favorite everything?” Jisung laughed, his cheeks pulsing from just how much he was smiling due to the boy. His previous concerns seemed silly when the more important thing was already sitting next to him. And he knew he probably shouldn’t have worried about everything as much as he had.
“Not the name, Jisung is my favorite everything,” Minho lulled, and Jisung blushed, a small sigh spilling from his lips as he wondered if the other even knew what he was saying. Of course these drunken confessions were only said because of alcohol, but he had a feeling that the other wasn’t lying either. Maybe he was saying it now, because it was more difficult to admit it with ease when he was his usual self. Either way, Jisung found himself loving both. “I called him a squirrel when we first met,” Minho chuckled, and Jisung joined in the laughter, his chest clenching in fondness as he slowed down just a bit so he could spend even more time with the other.
“Did you? I bet he was confused,” Jisung played along, and Minho hummed, the boy nuzzling closely into the seat as he practically sat sideways in it after staring at Jisung for so long.
“The most adorable squirrel in the entire world…” Minho mumbled, the other slowly drifting off as Jisung knew it’d probably be best to sleep off all that he had drank. “But he was even more adorable when he wasn’t a squirrel,” Minho suddenly added, his eyes fluttering open as Jisung blushed from the words.
“So what was he then, if he wasn’t a squirrel?” Jisung decided to ask, and Minho hummed, the boy’s eyelids fluttering as he seemed to consider Jisung’s question. The sky was still too cloudy to see any stars, yet the world around them felt serene through the barren trees, and the cold air that followed them.
“He’s like a… blessing,” Minho softly said, before the other was closing his eyes once more and smiling brightly. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Minho added, and Jisung gulped, his body squirming against his seat as he couldn’t believe just how much Minho was revealing to him. “You want to know something?” Minho suddenly asked, and Jisung hummed to let the boy know he was listening, the warmth waning through them as Minho sighed before opening his eyes to gaze at Jisung through the darkness. “I don’t like drinking like this,” Minho mumbled, and Jisung felt his heart drop in his chest, the other letting out a sad chuckle as he was suddenly reaching across the seats, and tucking a small strand of hair behind Jisung’s ear. “I don’t like it, but I think this is the first time I was ever thankful for it,” Minho continued, before knuckles were caressing his cheek, and Jisung wondered just how much of his blush could be hidden within the darkness. “I know the other’s worry- but I don’t want them to see me like this. But… I think I’d still feel safe if it was Jisung.”
“... Well, you can call Jisung anytime you need his help, you know? He’s the kind of person who would even go out in the middle of a storm to make sure you get home safely,” Jisung said, his voice slightly croaking as he held the steering wheel tightly once more. “You can always trust him,” Jisung whispered, and Minho hummed, his hand falling from Jisung’s face as he slowly turned to face the front before gazing out the window.
“I know. He’s a great person,” Minho mumbled, his words slurring as Jisung wondered if the other would fall asleep even before they arrived home. “I just want to make him happy, but I can see just how sad he is, deep down… we all can,” Minho continued, his words slow, yet rhythmic as they matched the steady beating of Jisung’s heart. Jisung felt his lips fall into a small pout, but he didn’t want to slide into darkness. He didn’t want every moment to feel so sad anymore. “I wish he would ask for our help more often,” Minho mumbled, and Jisung sighed, his heart aching as he felt the pain lingering deep in his soul.
“That’s not the kind of person he is,” Jisung stiffly said, although he knew that he only had himself to blame for making them feel this way. “He’d rather drown on his own, than drag anyone down with him. A-And sometimes it just feels easier to survive with the new, than live with the old… you can’t blame him for wanting to take the easiest path by just forgetting what used to be. He can be happy too, with what he just has now.”
“That’s so sad,” Minho mumbled, the boy’s lips wobbling as Jisung glanced to the side just in time to see a single tear fall through Minho’s fluttering eyelashes. “Why does he feel the need to sacrifice so much? Why does he insist on hurting on his own?” Minho asked, and Jisung took in a deep breath, his face relaxing in almost an eerie manner as he gazed at the road before him.
“He won’t be able to survive if he sees anyone else hurt, because of him.”
A long moment of silence ran through the car, and Jisung just assumed that Minho had finally fallen asleep. Yet after a few long seconds, Minho was moving once more, the other sitting up, before turning towards Jisung and gazing at him.
“I think those are just lies because he’s scared of getting hurt even more than he already has been.”
Jisung took in a quick breath at those words. And Minho gazed at him, a heavy tension passing between them as he wondered if the other really knew who he was talking to at this moment.
“I’m not going to push him to reveal his past, but I just want him to know that we won’t run away from it either,” Minho mumbled, a small sigh falling from his lips as he seemed to nuzzle into the seat while leaning against the side. “I want Jisung to be happy,” Minho added after a moment, and Jisung turned on his blinker as he took their exit, the two already close to home as Jisung placed a smile on his lips. Minho was right. He was just making up excuses. But for now, those excuses were what was holding him together. When his life solidified around him, and a new form of walls were built around his heart, then he would tell the others everything.
“Thank you, Minho,” Jisung mumbled, the boy listening to Minho’s soft snores as the other had finally gone to sleep next to him. He wondered if the other would even remember this tomorrow, but in a way he hoped the boy didn’t. Because he wanted to show Minho just how strong he could be for himself and for them, because of his efforts alone.
When Jisung arrived at the apartment complex, one quick call was all it took for Seungmin to rush out from their apartment, before meeting Jisung outside to help Minho back in his their shared apartment. And Seungmin smiled as soon as he saw Jisung before pulling him into a tight hug, Jisung’s heart skipping as he nuzzled closely into Seungmin, and stole as much comfort from the other as he could, before they were forced to separate from the cold surrounding them. Seungmin thanked Jisung, before teasing Minho as he helped pick the other up from Jisung’s car. Yet Seungmin didn’t bring Minho inside until he saw Jisung enter his own apartment, and the moment he did, he shut the door, before leaning against it while sliding slowly to the ground.
Jisung had decided to love these boys with everything he had. And Jisung knew that he wanted to trust them completely as well. He wanted to fill their hearts with his past, but only when he knew it wouldn’t be so much that it would still hurt either of them. So first, Jisung needed to get better. He needed to accept his past, and even though it was still healthy to hurt because of it, he needed to learn to live in a way where it didn’t limit him from finding happiness any longer. So once he was healed, and could shine as brightly as he wanted them to see him as, then he would tell them everything.