Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This year was different from the rest. This year Jisung was 23, this year his best friend had moved into his family's house along with his father, this year Jisung had cried more tears than ever before. This year Halloween felt muddled with anxieties as Jisung watched his little cousins put their costumes on, running through his home and screaming as the adults chased them around. This year he watched his father as the man sat on the couch, pale and tired, eyeing the children to make sure none of them went into the room that had been sealed over and locked.. This year Jisung felt his lips tremble as he felt a hand slide against his palm, warm and welcoming, a smile on his friend’s face as the boy eased him from his house alongside the children to watch them as they stumbled from house to house screaming for candy. This year his father didn’t join them. This year everyone acted as if everything was okay. Jisung hated this year.

“How much candy do we get to steal when they're done?” Jisung’s friend asked, his slanted eyes matching perfectly with his thin-lipped smile, the boy foxy in nature and in appearance. Jeongin had been with him since they were children, the boy only a year younger but there had been a time when their parents were friends, and as a result the two were forced to spend time together to numb their boredom. Jisung hadn’t been keen on making new friends, his smaller self too shy and quiet to keep up any kind of conversation, but Jeongin had been kind to him, speaking on his behalf, jumping from topic to topic when words started to sputter. He was a good friend, even now. Even though this year had been hard for both of them.

“Depends on what candy they don’t want. We get the leftovers,” Jisung explained, their fingers clasped together tightly as their feet matched the same rhythm of step. Jeongin’s raven black hair swept into his eyes as the boy shook it out of his face, the wind warning them of the chill that was to come and take over the season slowly. Halloween was the cue for Winter most years.

“Let’s just ransack the clearance aisle tomorrow at the store…” Jeongin mumbled, and Jisung let out a small hum at the words, a frown on his face as the hand in his own did its job at keeping his mind centered. He could feel Jeongin gazing at him from the side, and he could hear the screams surrounding them from frightened children, the neighborhood doing their best to live up to the fullest on this Halloween night. “Your family seems to be doing well,” Jeongin added, and Jisung blinked, his frown hardening on his face as he felt his anxieties swirling around his stomach. It was true that they didn’t seem to be as disturbed as they had been earlier in the year, but at the same time he could tell they were doing their best to ignore the elephant in the room. They wanted to treat this as if everything was normal. As if nothing had changed. But their smiles made Jisung’s heart ache, his fingers twitching as he held his friend’s hand even tighter, selfishly not caring if he was holding on too tight. He knew Jeongin wouldn’t stop him anyway.

“Yeah… I’m glad,” Jisung mumbled softly, the two stopping by a large house as the two children ran up to the front steps and knocked on the door. Jisung gazed at their backsides, fairy wings protruding from one and a cape ruffling against the other, his heart only sinking further as he knew that this was the first year his cousins ended up buying costumes from the store. They seemed happy, their childlike wonders filling the space between the left behind sorrow in their hearts. Jisung only wished he could be the same, as if it was so simple to just forget. “I was nervous when Dad invited them over, but I don’t think today would be the same without them. Tradition is tradition, afterall,” Jisung added as a lighter touch to their conversation, but he knew Jeongin could see and hear right through him, his lips thinning out even more as the boy’s eyes left his face to gaze up at the moon. The trees around them shifted as the final dead leaves fell to the ground, the moon peeking through the thin branches before hiding behind a passing cloud.

“I think… he did it for you,” Jeongin softly said, but Jisung had thought the same. There were so many wrongs to make right, and his father was trying his best. The man had suffered just as much as Jisung had.

“He wants me to forget,” Jisung mumbled, their steps starting once more as the children moved onto the next house. Jeongin was quiet for a moment, dissecting the words as Jisung felt the need to hold his breath.

“He wants you to feel a little better. Sometimes family helps,” Jeongin explained, and while this year all Jisung had wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry until he vanished, he was forced out of his comfort zone, forced to interact, forced to make peace with what had happened. He had made peace with it. He knew there was nothing that could be done to change the past. Jeongin moving in with him had been another surprise, but his friend had managed more than his father had on his own to help Jisung out from his corner. They were breathing, their tears had dried, and their feet were pulling them forward. But they weren’t living.

“Have you ever thought about running away?” Jisung asked, Jeongin’s lips tucking into a small smile as the boy let out a scoff.

“Jisung, I did run away. Right now I’m running away,” Jeongin quipped, and Jisung rolled his eyes as he felt his own smile blossom for only a moment. Jeongin’s personal life had never been as sweet as a bed of roses either. Over the past year, the two had only grown closer from it all.

“Not like that- I mean, like, really, really running away. We pack our stuff and go as far as our legs will take us. Maybe camp out for a bit while we make some money, and just leave all of this behind. Your family, mine-” Jisung started to hastily say, but Jeongin clenched his hand tightly, stopping suddenly as the two children ran up to another door for more candy.

“No,” Jeongin whispered, and Jisung felt his smile fall, the tears bristling but unshed against his eyelashes. “You shouldn’t leave your family like that. I know you Jisung, I know it’d be great for about a week, and then you’d regret everything. And you’d be too scared to admit and ever return, even if you wanted to more than anything,” Jeongin sadly said, and once again his friend was right. Jisung was trying to escape, but it was like putting a small bandage onto a wound that needed stitches. It wasn’t the right solution for either of them. It was just avoiding the entire problem. “We can think of something else,” Jeongin added, glancing at Jisung once more with a faint smile, dulled by lingering despair. Jisung had a family- Jeongin only had Jisung.

Silence was left stagnant between them as they walked around the loop of their neighborhood, the children stopping them periodically to show them all the candy they had managed to get so far. Jisung did his best to smile, but Jeongin had been the one to speak to the children on his behalf, placing his hands on his knees as he greeted the children with a smile. Their hands were still curled together in a looser embrace than they had been earlier, and Jisung gazed at the costumes his cousins wore, one a hero, and the other a fairy. Just the simple sight had him dreaming about the years before this one, how they two wore costumes made from scratch, his house so warm and inviting as he could hear the sound of the sewing machine outside his bedroom door. His father would return home from work, and they’d have dinner, accompanied by laughter. Jisung’s lips twitched, along with his fingers, and Jeongin glanced behind him at the boy as his bright smile faltered, the children running away once more. Not without accepting a few head pats from his friend first.

“I’m thinking we should watch a horror movie after this,” Jeongin said the moment the children had run away once more, the chill in the air growing as the wind started to pick up. His cousin looked like a real hero, the way his cape was continuously swept up by the wind beneath it. “Like… Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” Jeongin continued, and Jisung let out a small dry chuckle, their hands swinging between them as Jisung tried to let go of some of the despair building in his heart. If his friend was trying his best, Jisung would too.

“I will only accept the original film from 1974,” Jisung argued, and Jeongin rolled his eyes, the boy trying to stiffen his body to hide the small shiver that racked through him due to the cold. “And popcorn.”

“Do we even have popcorn at home?” Jeongin asked, kicking a small pebble on the road as the two children ran up to one of the final houses. They screamed loudly, and Jisung could only assume their neighbor had given them full-sized candy bars.

“... we might have a few saltines?” Jisung pondered, and Jeongin made a disgusted face, shaking his head as the children were already running back to them. “I’ll check when we get back,” Jisung decided, his friend nodding as the two gazed ahead of them at the children. Sure enough they were running back, their small feet stumbling against the asphalt of the road as they made their way back. The fairy was quick to take Jeongin’s free hand on one side, as the hero stole Jisung’s on the other.

“How did you guys do?” Jeongin asked, the fairy next to him smiling up at the boy with a toothy grin, showing off the pink braces layered across her teeth as they began the short walk back to Jisung’s home.

“A-ma-zing,” the fairy called out, a small giggle whistling through her teeth as she held her bag of candy up proudly. “That last house gave us the big candy bars!” she added, and Jisung let out a small hum as he glanced at the shorter hero next to him, his eyes shining from the moonlight, and a smile on his face, even though otherwise the boy stayed silent in his own glee.

“Sounds like you’ll have enough to share,” Jisung added, and the fairy's smile fell as she rolled her eyes, glancing past Jeongin to glare playfully at her cousin.

“You should have just gone up and asked for some yourself,” the fairy complained, and Jisung chuckled, the little boy next to him smiling wider as he softly giggled from his sister’s words.

“I don’t think there’d be many 23 year olds who would be that brave. That just feels like… stealing,” Jisung mumbled, and Jeongin nodded, glancing at the fairy next to him as the girl held a confused expression on her face.

“If everyone our age went trick or treating, that leaves way less candy for you two. We did the nice thing by not going,” Jeongin said, pausing for a moment as the realization dawned on the little girl’s face. “That’s why you should reward our good deeds with candy from your own piles,” Jeongin added, and the girl sighed, swinging her bag even as she gave the two a tight nod. Jeongin had always been so much better with kids than Jisung had.

They reached Jisung’s home once more as all the playfulness left Jisung’s body, his throat tightening up and his heart beating harsher as he noticed the way there was one less car in the driveway than last year. He didn’t want to go inside. But he knew his family was waiting for them, his father included, and he knew that Jeongin was getting colder by the minute if his small sniffles were anything to go by. Jisung hated that every moment was just another one of suffering, how every single detail was a reminder of what had transpired, what he had lost. And still every time he had these thoughts, he was able to shut them down and enter through the front door, Jeongin’s hand pulling his own gently as Jisung first noticed his father still sitting on the couch that they had left him on. He was smiling, but the light wasn’t reaching his eyes as he watched the kids let go of their hands and run inside, reaching for their parents instantly to rant and brag about their candy. Jeongin slipped his shoes off as Jisung stood by the doorway, his breath caught in his throat and his hands trembling by his side. Things were missing. Things that had gone missing at the start of this year, and now everything looked so barren.

“Do you need help with your shoes?” Jeongin suddenly asked, but all Jisung could manage was glancing down at his friend with eyes filled with terror, and without any instructions Jeongin was bending down to untie his friends shoes, before helping him to slip out of them. This didn’t always happen, sometimes Jisung could enter and walk straight to his room without a single thought. But more often than not, he was too scared to step further.

“You’re going to have to share some candy with us,” a voice suddenly barked with laughter, and the kids whined, throwing off their costumes so they could quickly start to work on counting and sorting their candy.

“Not fair! We already have to give some to Jisung and Jeongin!” the no longer fairy whined, and Jisung felt the eyes on him as he resolved himself to gaze down at the boy bent down onto one knee on the floor. He was hidden behind a small rocking chair, his head tilting up as his eyes connected with Jisung’s and a soft smile lifted on his face. Jisung wanted to reach for the boy, to cradle his face in his palms before pulling him close enough to cry in his shoulder, but instead he used this moment to hide his fear from his family, allowing only Jeongin to see him in this state. He had seen Jisung in this state more than anyone else had since the start of this year.

‘ Let’s go,’ Jeongin mouthed silently to the boy gazing down at him, and Jisung nodded, lifting his foot for Jeongin to take off his other shoe before his hand reached for Jisung’s once more and pulled him away from the scene. Eyes followed them, and the two could still hear the children whining, but Jisung closed his eyes as he let his friend guide him, bringing back to their safe haven and closing the door with a small click. Warmth, darkness, the white noise of a fan. Jisung opened his eyes to gaze into his room, illuminated by purple lights, a fish tank on his dresser, and next to it a large tv for the two to play games and watch movies off of. Jisung’s bed sat against one wall of the room, while Jeongin’s mattress was on the floor right in front of it, lining the walls and giving them space to still walk around. Jeongin hadn’t changed much when he moved in, but he did put up the small lights across Jisung’s window, where the purple glow was coming from. “We can just grab some candy tomorrow at the store,” Jeongin said as he repeated his statement from earlier, and Jisung stiffly nodded, a deep sigh passing between his lips before he was slinking over to his bed and falling down onto it face first.

“I did it again ,” Jisung whined, feeling the mattress shift as Jeongin moved to sit beside him. A hand on his shoulder, before the warmth was tracing down his back, easing the tension out of Jisung’s body as he melted under his friend’s touch.

“No one blames you for it,” Jeongin simply said, because everyone knew how Jisung was at this point. Even his own father. But no one reached out and tried to help like Jeongin had.

“It’s just- things are missing. Like they never even mattered, like they were never supposed to be there,” Jisung mumbled, his face pressed against his blankets as they muffled his words, even if Jeongin could still hear them clearly. “Why are they gone? Why did he have to put them away?” Jisung added, the desperation eating at the tone of his words as his friend’s gaze softened even more.

“Maybe it hurt too much to see them,” Jeongin whispered, watching as Jisung let out a small huff before turning around on his bed to face his friend. Jisung used his elbows to prop himself up, and Jeongin pulled his hand away, resting it on his lap as he gazed down at his friend while their eyes locked. Both telling a story, similar themes, but separate tales. “Maybe he thought the constant reminders would hurt you,” Jeongin added, and he was right. They had hurt him so fucking much. But it was better to feel the pain than the numbness and terror he achieved when everything was left so empty.

“Why are you always right?” Jisung mumbled, shifting his elbows until he was falling back against his mattress, gazing up at the ceiling illuminated with purple. Jeongin let out a small chuckle as he turned on the bed, bringing on leg as he bent over his friend to gaze down at him before placing a warm palm on top of his chest to hold himself up.

“I know you better than I know myself, Han Jisung. I was born to protect you,” Jeongin simply said, something he had joked about since they were children and Jeongin had seen the older being bullied by others their age. He stood proud as he made the bullies run away with tears, and he had exclaimed that he had been born to protect Jisung- until he noticed the small scratch on his hand and started to cry. Since then, Jeongin truly had seen himself as someone Jisung could lean on, whether a friend, or a protector. He could be both.

“You were born to annoy me,” Jisung mumbled, even as the corner of his lips lifted into a small grin, and Jeongin was already jumping on him, picking himself up and straddling his hips as his expert hands tackled his sides. Jisung couldn’t help but laugh as his friend tickled him, doing his best to push the boy off as Jeongin only smirked, tears building up in Jisung’s eyes as his hands scrambled to grab Jeongin’s wrists. He managed to find such a perch before he was pulling them forward, and Jeongin along with it, the boy gasping as his chest collided with Jisung’s own, and their faces now so close, a warmth blooming in Jisung’s chest as his eyes widened from their close proximity. He was still holding onto Jeongin’s wrists, but the other didn’t seem to be worried about how close they were. Instead he grinned, his eyes dipping for almost a moment- sneaky, like a fox. Jisung couldn’t be sure where they fell, but he could feel his skin tingling even as Jeongin broke the spell between them to place his cheek on Jisung’s chest, a small hum leaving his lips as he closed his eyes and rested on top of Jisung.

“Things will get better,” Jeongin suddenly softly mumbled, and Jisung was frozen underneath him, Jeongin taking the opportunity to slide his wrists out of Jisung’s grasp before cupping the boy’s shoulders and hugging himself closer. “Things always get better.”

But… was he right? Jeongin was always right. If he said things would get better… then they would get better.

“Jisung!” a voice yelled, and Jisung flinched as Jeongin was already raising himself to get off of his friend, sleep lingering in his eyes as Jisung could tell the boy was tired. They’d probably put on their movie, and Jeongin would probably fall asleep leaning against Jisung’s sides- in the same way he did every night.

Yet Jisung was moving now, and Jeongin laid more comfortably on his bed as he gave Jisung a small wave, until the darkness shifted into light and Jisung was walking through his house once more. It was so empty. Empty shelves, empty bookcases, empty rooms. An empty pit in his stomach as he felt his anxieties lash out at him, even as he placed a smile to his lips and greeted his family once more, who now looked ready to go. Their smiles seemed to be more grim than earlier, but Jisung was sure it was a symptom of their exhaustion, even the children were quiet as their candy was packed away once more. Jisung watched as his father stood up, running out of breath easily as he still managed a welcoming smile on his own face. He looked ill, he probably was ill. Arms wrapped around Jisung as his aunt gave him a hug, before moving to his father, and next Jisung was faced with his uncle, a man of few words but a deeply rooted connection in his life. He loved his family, truly. He just had lost the love for himself, for this life- which made everything so much more difficult.

“We have to leave early,” His uncle said as he shook Jisung’s hand, and Jisung’s confused expression was enough of a reply for the elder as the man continued to explain his words. “Our brother… something’s wrong,” his uncle said, and Jisung knew instantly what he was talking about. His father had four siblings, one sister and three brothers, one of which happened to recently get into a car accident. He hadn’t been the same since, but his family didn’t think much of it. “He’s not answering his phone so, we’re going to go,” his uncle continued, and Jisung nodded, his eyebrows furrowing as he realized how serious it was if they were only now starting to worry. A missed text or call was fine, but apparently they had been trying to reach the man all day.

“Let me know,” Jisung whispered, and his uncle nodded sadly, even as he was already turning away to make sure the children had put their coats on correctly. It was always so simple. He knew this wasn’t simple, he knew they were always hiding things from him, from his newfound delicate heart. He knew something was terribly wrong with his other uncle, the oldest in the family, but no one told him anything.

“Jisungie,” a small voice cooed, and Jisung looked down as his younger cousin, the boy holding out his full sized candy bar for Jisung to take. He felt the tears swell, but he replaced them with a smile instead.

“For me?” Jisung asked, and the boy nodded, smiling as Jisung took the candy bar into his own hands, knowing it was better to accept the gift than question it. The little boy was kind, and apparently smart enough to see through Jisung’s pain.

“Alright, let’s get going- there’s somewhere we are going to stop first so we need to leave early,” his aunt called out, and Jisung knew they were stopping to check on his uncle, but the children didn’t know that. They didn’t need to know that. They didn’t even need to be there, because if something happened, if they saw anything -

“Jisung,” a voice said again, and Jisung blinked as he turned to his father, the man sitting back down on the couch as his breathing stifled in his chest. Even with pale cheeks his smile looked warm, and Jisung could feel his gut twist at the sight. Jisung walked towards the man as he sat next to him on the small couch, glancing at the rest of his family as they shuffled through the door. And the moments pushed on until everything was silent. Until Jisung was shifting on the couch, and his father was gazing at him, his smile breaking slowly, so slowly. And he started to cry. And Jisung started to cry. “Please forgive me.”

It was always one thing after the other, always something new, and something missing during this year in particular. And through the words Jisung heard next, he knew those empty shelves would never be filled again. He knew the emptiness would grow, and he knew that the world he had created since he was a child would come to an end. His father was already apologizing. He was already sobbing as Jisung knew the news would only infect him with more sadness, as his own tears slid down his face, thick and hot, as he gazed at his father who gazed back with such sadness. He couldn’t breathe. He was gasping for air as he cried, as his hands shook and his lips trembled, and his father looked so sick , pale cheeks now wet, his neck and ears tinted red with a rush of turmoil. 

“I can’t- I couldn’t-” his father sobbed, and Jisung gulped, silent and aching. “I couldn’t afford it anymore. I couldn’t tell you.”

“What’s going on?” a soft voice called, and Jisung turned to see Jeongin standing in the hallway, everything in his expression sinking as he saw the father and son duo he cherished more than anything weeping on the small couch that had been in this home forever.

“We have 12 hours-” the man said as he choked on his words, and Jisung’s head was starting to spin, wishing he could call out to Jeongin, begging him to come over and hold him. But Jeongin kept his distance, and Jisung felt as if he was being torn completely in half. “The locks- 12 hours-” his father continued, and Jisung closed his eyes, feeling a pleading hand reaching for his own as he could hear the sobbing from next to him like a drum rattling in his ear. An unsteady rhythm, high pitched timbre. “We have 12 hours to pack- they- they- the house-” his father tried again, and Jisung couldn’t stand it, retching his hand out of his father’s own before he was standing to his feet and glaring down at the sobbing parental figure on the couch.

“What!? Just say it!” Jisung screamed, and he watched with horror as his father placed his palms over his face, sobbing behind his hands as the last piece of glass around their lives, flimsy, finally shattered.

“I couldn’t pay for it anymore… the house… they are changing the locks in 12 hours. We need to leave, forever.”

This year was different from the rest. This year his mother died. This year Jeongin had moved in with him. This year they packed away all of his mother’s things as if she had never lived here in the first place. And this year, on Halloween night- they had lost their home. The year wasn’t over. There was still so much more they could lose.

Chapter Text

His father was just sitting there. Crying into his own palms that were soiled with tears, gasping for air because he was sick, and he had been for a while. And Jisung could see the world swirling as he took a shaky step back, arms circling around his midsection as his friend held him up on two feet from behind. Jisung sobbed, the sound ripping from his throat as he gazed at his father on the couch, as he could feel the conflicting emotions tangling up inside of him before passing through his lips. The despair as a sob, and his anger as words, striking his father’s heart as if they were a pure form of venom. He couldn’t internalize his feelings, not when they were so fresh and hot and leaking from his eyes, but he could feel them burning within him, tearing apart the small bits that had been left since his mother had died at the start of the year. Since he watched his father take down her things from the walls and pack them away. The chest against his back was so warm, but Jisung was lost, the taste of salt on his tongue as he hissed at the man before him.

“ What did you do? ” Jisung asked, and he heard the roar of another sob pass by his father’s lips as he continued to plead and apologize, hiding his face and the regret now painted across it. But Jisung knew what his father had done. He knew before his friend did, because he had seen the notices on the counter tops and never told Jeongin about what he saw. That was when he still hoped his father would bounce back and fix things. But those notices had been coming for a while, and Jisung was so sure of it now. “How could you do this?!” Jisung screamed, shaking in Jeongin’s arms as the boy held him tighter, as he placed his face into the crook of Jisung’s neck and felt his cries vibrate through his body. This was detrimental to them. This was detrimental to Jeongin.

“Y-Your mother-” his father started to say, but Jisung was turning, grabbing Jeongin and hugging him so tightly as he felt the warmth pool between them, hot and fluid like his anger. And he felt something wet on his neck, and he knew his best friend was crying. They had lost their home, and Jeongin was losing his shelter.

“What’s g-going on?” Jeongin asked in a small voice, and Jisung bit his lip hard enough to taste iron, pulling his friend away from his hysterical father on the couch. They had 12 hours. 12 hours.

“We need to start packing,” Jisung mumbled, feeling as the tears slipped down his shoulder at the same time as his own were slipping down his cheeks. All the despair pooled together, but Jisung couldn’t say if one hurt more than the other. It all felt the same to him.

Jisung pushed his friend (as gently as he could) back into his room, shutting the door and freezing as he felt the serenity he could feel from just being back in his safe space closing in on him. Giving him a sense of false security, as if he could lay on his bed, close his eyes and act as if this had all been a dream. The foreclosure papers were simply a part of that dream, and Jisung had been asleep for a while. But Jeongin was squeezing him so tightly, letting out small whimpers as he knew the boy was scared, and he knew why he was scared. Jisung had pulled him out of the one situation that left scars on the boy’s body, and now he wasn’t as dependable as he had claimed. Now the bank owned their home, because the person he depended on had failed him also. It was trickling down, weighing fully on Jeongin, and Jisung wished he could whisk the boy away, cradle him until there was nothing left to worry about. He felt like running away. He truly felt like leaving everything here behind. But his father was sick, and he had been for a while.

“Jeongin,” Jisung said, the name sticking inside his throat as it felt painful to tear it loose. It was just as painful when the younger boy looked up, eyes catching onto his own as they no longer held their squinted sly look, but were round, defenseless, and filled with tears. “We need to figure out what to do,” Jisung weakly said, and Jeongin was silent as he gazed up at him, searching through him to find the truth to something Jisung was sure he couldn’t provide. What could Jisung really do? A part-time job wouldn’t be enough to buy a house, and it’d never be enough to afford an apartment in only a few days. How does one even go about finding an apartment? And his father, what would happen to him? How would he be able to move on, how would he be able to work when he was just so fucking sick -

“Okay,” Jeongin suddenly said, and the weight of everything fell onto Jisung as he gasped, the tears falling harder as the boy in front of him reached up with shaky hands to cup his cheek and hold him close. “Okay- we can do this. 12 hours is plenty,” Jeongin assured, either for himself or Jisung, it didn’t matter. They were both in this together. Jeongin gazed into Jisung’s eyes as he could feel himself slipping, but the hands were grounding him, and his lips were parting to take in a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down as the scared boy in front of him managed to do the same. He’d need to explain it to Jeongin, he should have from the beginning.

The hands slid from his cheeks as he pushed aside the urge to bring the boy close enough, and Jeongin was moving, slowly, stumbling around the room as he started to sort through his things and clothes. Jeongin didn’t have much. He came here with barely anything, everything already fitting into a single suitcase and for the rest of the time he just borrowed Jisung’s clothes when he didn’t have anything else to wear. So Jisung knew Jeongin would be okay, he knew the boy would have everything settled in two hours at the most. He’d just have to leave behind the mattress. Jisung had to take into consideration how much space they had to travel with things as well, and each person had a car, which meant they’d be able to bring along just enough to live out of that car until the time being. But would they even be going to the same place? Where would his father go? Jisung didn’t want to separate from Jeongin, and he was sure his friend was considering the same, but his father was still in the other room, sobbing, holding himself close while he no longer had his other half to do so for him. But Jisung couldn’t be the one to do it. He was too angry, too bitter that the man had let things turn out this way.

Jeongin paused, the boy sitting on his knees on the floor next to his comfy mattress, gazing up at Jisung with drying tears in his eyes. He seemed to collect himself, but Jisung was still standing where the boy had left him, eyes wide and gazing at everything at once- everything he knew he’d never be able to pack and bring along. This room was his life. This room had everything inside of it, from his manga collection, to his fish tank, to the posters on the walls, and the few action heroes he had scattered around. There was so much personality in one room, so much of him, and it would never fit inside a single suitcase of two. Was he meant to part with this as well? Was he meant to lose his mother, his home, and his things all within the span of one year? But that could only mean there wouldn’t be anything left. Every trace of him would disappear. The tears were bubbling again, and Jeongin looked so distressed staring up at his best friend, his lips parting to speak, even as the words never came out. A sob sounded from outside his room, and Jisung felt himself flinch, knowing that while there was so much of his own things to pack, there were his fathers too. His mother’s. Would they need to leave his mother’s things behind?

“This- this isn’t real,” Jisung mumbled, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath because he knew he needed to move. He could physically feel and hear the countdown banging in his head, and he knew that at the end he wouldn’t be allowed to do any more. Jeongin was doing so well, he was doing what needed to be done, and Jisung was pathetic for standing where he was, legs shaking, heart racing, telling himself over and over that he just needed to move-

“Come here, Jisung,” Jeongin softly said, and Jisung was moving. Taking the shaky steps forward as he took in a deep breath of air, before he was falling to his knees, leaning into Jeongin’s side as the boy wrapped a trembling arm tightly around his shoulder. “Start with your essentials. Clothes, toiletries, and then move onto your valuables,” Jeongin mumbled, lips pressed against the side of Jisung’s head as he spoke with endearment into his hair. Jisung nodded, feeling as Jeongin rubbed against him, the sensation pulling another soft sob from his lips as he placed his hands that had balled into tight fists on his lap. “Things will get better,” Jeongin affirmed, waiting to hear Jisung’s soft pants for breath, his other hand sneaking forward before stealing a palm off of Jisung’s lap and unfolding his clenched fingers. Those same fingers that he brought up so slowly, before he was leaning down and meeting them with his lips, leaving a small, chaste kiss on his knuckles before he pulled away.

“Right-” Jisung sputtered, feeling the tips of his ears burning as he nodded to himself before standing back up. Jeongin offered him a smile, even though it didn’t reach his eyes. “My clothes,” Jisung mumbled, moving to start ransacking his room to pick apart his clothes and find the things he wanted to bring with him the most. Jeongin helped too, shifting between his own suitcase and Jisung’s own, folding the things that Jisung had thrown in during his panic to make more space. The two worked quickly, almost too quickly, picking up the pieces that were now shattered from their broken home. Both boy’s crying but doing their best to hide it from one another. They needed to be strong, even though neither expected the other to be strong like this in these kinds of situations.

Jisung was starting to pull apart his manga collection, and at this point Jeongin was already finished packing his things. His once Jeongin-fleshed out corner of the room barren. It was a space that Jisung had put so much effort into clearing out when he learned the boy would be living with him, and now it all felt futile, it felt like a lie. Because Jeongin was finished, but there was still so much left of Jisung screaming in the room, begging for him to take them as he silently wept, shoving his things into suitcases and reusable bags, anything he could get his hands on to use as extra storage. Jeongin was sitting on his bare mattress as he gazed up at Jisung’s ceiling, the room still glowing with hints of purple that the two decided to leave lining the window. Jisung glanced at his fish, his lips wobbling, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to take his small pet with him. Likely no one would. This was an ending for everyone, the results of his father’s actions trickling down and raining misery on them, even as Jisung zipped up another bag and set it aside, even as Jeongin seemed to be staring out into nothing as he planned his next steps. Jisung knew what the boy was considering, but he was hoping it didn’t need to come to that yet.

The bags were lined up, so much missing from them, but it was nearing 3am, and Jisung was growing exhausted, his eyes hurting from the strain of tears, his throat dry, and his body aching. He could hear the silence shifting through the house as if the walls were silently mourning, he could hear that his own father had stopped crying a long time ago. They needed to start loading things into their cars, he needed to talk to his dad to figure out what they were supposed to do in this mess- how could this have happened? What else could Jisung lose now? Because he was left with so little, but he still had Jeongin, the boy now crying again as he must have realized that their worst case scenario was one of their only options, shaky hands reaching up to wipe away the tears that Jisung’s father had caused. Jisung stumbled over to his friend as he used his own hands to dry the boy’s tears, before Jeongin was gazing up at him, lost in his despair, Jisung wishing the two could hold each other until morning, until the people came to change the locks, pulling them apart and thrusting them into a much scarier world than this was. Everything was so fucked up.

“I need to talk to my dad first before… we decide anything,” Jisung muttered, Jeongin still gazing up at him as his lips trembled with fear. Jisung felt his heart clench at the sight of the boy, remembering the way he had smiled so mirthfully earlier, how he had enjoyed their small nighttime stroll even when it was just with his cousins while they went trick or treating. This Jeongin was different, this one was simply a lost boy, hanging onto the final threads that had been laid out in front of him. “You can come out with me or… you can rest. Here,” Jisung offered, and the idea of parting seemed to scare Jeongin more than anything, his eyes widening, his head shaking quickly as he lashed out to grab Jisung’s wrists. Jisung gulped as he stayed where he was, before he glanced at the door behind him, realizing just how destroyed he would feel the moment he left his room.

“Together- don’t- don’t leave me,” Jeongin shakily said, Jisung glancing back at the boy before nodding. Jisung had stopped crying at some point as he allowed the numbness to sink in, but Jeongin was living in the moment, in his memories and in his nightmares. He couldn’t leave his friend behind.

They stood up, clinging to each other as they walked back over to the door of his room and Jisung was reaching for the golden knob, twisting it slowly and listening for the cries of his father. But it was still silent, and Jisung’s blood was rushing through his ears, the boy taking the two forward as they left his room and moved to find his father. It didn’t take long, all Jisung needed to do was retrace his steps to find the pale sickly man sitting on the couch, staring at the wall in front of him as he seemed to dissociate from the situation. Jisung had just left him there. A grown man, his own father, had left the man there crying on his own, unable to defend himself, unable to count on anyone else because he was the one who had made the mistake. Did he deserve it? Jisung couldn’t make a final decision on that yet. All he knew was that his father had done nothing for the past hours that Jeongin and him had been packing, only sitting there, frozen, deathly. He looked so sick.

“Dad,” Jisung softly said, not wanting to scare the man back into his trauma where he wouldn’t be able to get any answers out of him. But to his surprise the man slowly turned to gaze at him, his eyes meeting Jisung’s as he still had a weeping Jeongin draped across his body. “What are we going to do?” Jisung whispered, and he watched as his father shook his head, as the haze over his eyes shifted, as he still made no attempt to move or pack his things.

“I need to leave,” the man said, and Jisung closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath as he felt Jeongin’s hand tighten on his shoulder. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

“What should we do?” Jisung asked, repeating the question as this time he motioned between him and Jeongin. His father paused, before frowning, turning away from Jisung as he gazed at the floor in a dazed manner.

“Go to Jeongin’s for now,” his father simply said, and Jisung flinched as he heard the wail of despair Jeongin allowed to spill from his lips at the words, his own eyes lining with tears of frustration as he realized this was the only path they could take from this point on.

“You can’t be serious,” Jisung spat, but his father shook his head, only now pressing his hands into the couch beneath him as he slowly stood up, avoiding Jisung’s gaze as he watched past them and into the kitchen. “We can’t go there! Jeongin, he-” Jisung tried to say, but he felt a desperate tug on his shirt, his head turning to gaze at Jeongin to see the boy shaking his head, even as he continued to cry desperately.

“It won’t be long,” Jeongin assured, but how could he know that? But did it really matter how long they would be there for? Any amount of time spent there was a danger to them, especially Jeongin.

“Dad-” Jisung tried again as he followed after the older, stumbling into the kitchen as he carried Jeongin behind him, the boy’s arms wrapped around his neck from behind, and his feet barely moving to match Jisung’s pace.

“I can’t be with you anymore,” his father repeated, turning and finally gazing at Jisung with clear eyes. “I’ll live in a motel for a bit. Stay at Jeongin’s, I’ll reach out to the rest of our family to find another place for you to stay,” his father said, and Jisung groaned, his father now gazing at the floor as Jisung could see how hard it was for the man to be standing at the moment.

“You should have told me!” Jisung screamed, the anger swooping fast and hot, spilling from his lips like liquid magma. “I could have done something, I could have worked more, o-or I could have-” Jisung started to say, but his anger was contagious, his father’s eyes now balls of flames as he gazed back heatedly at his son.

“This wasn’t for you to fix! Your mother died- I didn’t have the income to support all of us, to pay for this house! I was meant to protect you, and I failed,” his father said, his words simmering as the misery in his voice returned. “I couldn’t tell you- I couldn’t. I managed to hold onto the house until Halloween, and this whole week I’ve been so scared to tell you…” his father pitifully said. And Jisung stood taller, frowning. His father had known for a long time that they’d be losing the house. Yet he had only told Jisung 12 hours before it actually was happening.

“You should have said something,” Jisung said, his words low and menacing. He could feel Jeongin shift behind him, gazing past Jisung and at his father who was still gazing towards the floor, the tears now streaming down his face once more before falling flat on the tiles.

“I couldn’t,” his father softly repeated, but Jisung couldn’t understand. “You already lost your mother. How could I- how could I live with myself if I told you the house was in foreclosure? I’ve failed you,” his father sobbed softly, and Jisung shook his head, taking in a deep breath as he did his best to sort through what he had.

“Have you- is anything packed yet?” Jisung asked, avoiding the root of the problem and focusing on the solution instead.

“No. I can’t focus,” his father mumbled, and Jisung nodded as he reached up, placing his palm over Jeongin’s own who seemed to soften behind him at the touch.

“We can help,” Jisung offered, but his father shook his head, the man already moving to grab his things before his son and friend took charge.

“You should sleep,” his father said instead, but Jisung wasn’t sure how he’d be able to sleep. “I’ll be up so just- just sleep,” his father muttered, before he was turning the corner, and leaving the two. Jisung felt so frustrated.

“Let’s go,” Jisung mumbled to Jeongin as he turned, dragging his friend along with him as they made their way to his room again. But they didn’t stop until both of them were falling on top of his bed, the only thing not torn apart completely. They needed to start packing their cars, but Jisung couldn’t see anymore, the tears building up in his eyes before flowing down his cheeks, Jeongin laying against his side as he wrapped him up in his arms. He was still hiding himself in Jisung’s shoulder, but he could tell the other had stopped crying, the exhaustion catching up to the both of them as Jisung closed his eyes and continued to cry. Everything would be lost. There was so much they were about to leave behind, so much of his mother he would lose for good.

The house was silent once more as Jisung could feel the chill in the air, discarded by the warmth that was wrapped around him in a pair of arms. Jisung shuffled to grab his blanket before bringing it over the both of them, turning towards the other as he felt the boy’s small exhales of air lingering across his face. Jeongin had fallen asleep. Jisung gazed at the boy, before leaning closer, succumbing to his desire to get closer to the boy, to find solace in the face and warmth of familiarity, his hand reaching up and petting Jeongin’s raven black hair, before gently pushing a small lock behind his ear. Jeongin shifted, and Jisung let out a silent sob, before he was nuzzling closer, pressing his forehead against the boy’s own and closing his eyes. Jeongin would suffer all because of his family. His family was supposed to be the one that Jeongin could depend on, but there was nothing that Jisung could do other than hug and hold the boy in his arms. Going to Jeongin’s was the worst case scenario, yet it was their reality now, Jisung’s heart racing to finally succumb to all the stories that Jisung had told him over the years. They weren’t good people. They weren’t bad all the time, but it was rooted inside of them, and it would only be so long until the deeply rooted evil pushed through and tormented Jeongin again. He had pulled the boy out of that situation, and now he was sending him back in.

‘ It’s not your fault,’ Jisung tried to tell himself, but it was. He had seen the hidden papers, the court documents, the police officer who stood at the front door as his father talked to him. He had seen all the signs, and he had chosen to ignore them. This was all his fault. Jisung curled into himself as he let out another silent sob, feeling the exhaustion looming over his body as he curled his knees upwards, as he reached around Jeongin and pulled him as close as their bodies could possibly be. This was all his fault. He was so tired. He was so tired of everything always being his fault. And he was so tired of always losing so much.

Chapter Text

They had left home less than an hour ago. Jisung wasn’t sure what to call that place anymore, because it was no longer his home, just a house empty of people where all of their memories and belongings were left untouched and unclaimed. Things he would never get back. But they had left, parting ways with his father who had managed to pack a few things of his own and put them inside his own car, before saying a few short words to the two boys. Tears in his eyes, love spilling from his tongue, but Jisung was heartbroken. He felt cheated out of the life his parents claimed they would make perfect for him. There was nowhere to go, and there was too much to feel, so in the moment his father spoke his words all Jisung could do was wear a weak trembling smile, giving the man a nod before driving off first. Jeongin had been right behind him in his own old, boxy black car, old enough that the engine sputtered and the rotors were just rusty enough for the car to shake when you put on the breaks. Jisung’s car was in better shape, and it was bigger, olive green in color, and had four doors leading to wider seats. It was a gift from his parents when he first got his license at the age of 18, though he never thought he’d be using it to leave everything he loved behind.

The two had driven around for a while before ultimately stopping at a roadside park and ride, pulling up to the corner of the plot and parking side-by-side. It was only 8am, but the sun was awake along with them, overlaying clouds drifting under it as everything about the day seemed muddled. Jisung had sat in his car for a while, staring at the clock as he let the thoughts slowly drift around in his mind, before he heard a small knock on his window, the boy jumping in his seat as he quickly turned to see squinted eyes gazing back at him. Jeongin looked tired, his entire face swollen from the effect of crying all night long, and Jisung didn’t waste a moment unlocking his car for the other to jump in, the boy grabbing the handle from the outside before opening up the olive door. A small gust of cold wind entered in the few moments it took for Jeongin to situate himself in his seat, and Jisung was reminded of Winter. Soon the snow would come, soon electric bills would be growing from the need to keep rooms warm for those inside of them. But more than anything, Winter was known to be the worst time of year to find apartments. He felt stuck.

Jeongin was silent as he shut the door, folding his hands into his lap before gazing down at them. He could hear the boy let out a small sniffle, and Jisung closed his eyes, leaning back in his seat as he felt the false sense of warmth in his car the moment the sun poked through the clouds long enough to beam down on them through the glass. He could just stay here, if he never moved, if he never let Jeongin go, then maybe they could act like none of this was real. But the tears running down Jeongin’s cheeks were more than real, and Jisung felt his heart breaking at every soft sob and sniffle, his hands twitching in his lap, his head thrumming with the need to figure out something so he could help the boy next to him. Jeongin was his best friend. He had been with him through everything, and in turn Jisung had always aimed to do the same. But all he could manage to do was shift his own palm over to Jeongin’s lap silently, inching his fingers and wiggling them through the boy’s as he held onto his hand, holding on tightly. Jeongin gripped him just as tightly as he bent forward in his seat, and his sobs were less muffled, more vulnerable, as if he knew he could show everything about himself to Jisung, and only to Jisung.

“I-” Jisung started to say, but his voice broke as he swallowed the sob that was about to leave his own lips and expose him to his friend. What more could he say? He wanted to apologize, and yet he knew Jeongin would never accept his apologies. He’d say it wasn’t his fault. But it was. So Jisung stayed silent as he held onto his friend, as Jeongin choked on his sobs, as the car felt so warm and stuffy from the sun above them. Time ticking forward until it became unbearable, until Jeongin was raising his head and gazing at Jisung from the side, his tears slowly falling, but his sobs quieting down.

“I’m so scared,” Jeongin whispered, the words like a noose around his throat, because he couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating from the presence of pain that he knew he had been the cause of. “I don’t want to go back,” Jeongin mumbled, licking his lips and tasting the lingering salty flavor of tears. Jisung opened his eyes as he gazed out the window, as he saw cars rushing past beyond the bushes in front of them, as he felt his resolve crack every moment he was put under pressure. They had no choice.

“It won’t be long,” Jisung mumbled, and he knew even if they didn’t have a choice, there would be no physical way for them to stay long anyways. Eventually they’d get into some sort of fight and be kicked out or… worse. Jeongin had already gone through the worst parts, and Jisung never wanted to make Jeongin go through them again. But if he wanted to do this right, if he wanted to save himself and his friend, then he needed to be quick. Smart. He needed to start moving on right away. “Give me a week,” Jisung added, and Jeongin took in a quick breath, his hand tightening around Jisung’s once more as he felt the grip like a knife to his heart.

“A week…” Jeongin whispered, gazing away from Jisung and out the window. Jisung let out a small hum as his voice was starting to ache, every word only hurting Jeongin more and more. “Alright. A week,” Jeongin repeated, gulping even as he held onto Jisung so tightly, and Jisung wanted more, he wanted to ask for more, but he wasn’t allowed. He wanted to pull Jeongin into this seat with him, place him on his lap and hug him until he was sweating from the warmth of the sun behind them. He wanted to push his fingers through the boy’s soft raven black hair, allow his palms to roam his back, to feel his shaky breath against his neck and cheek as Jeongin held him back just as tightly. But for now, a hand would do.

“I-I’ll need to talk to my work. Or find a new job,” Jisung softly said, and Jeongin nodded, both now staring out the window, afraid to break this moment between them. Because if Jisung looked towards Jeongin, he would start crying once more. “We can find a new place together,” Jisung added, and Jeongin nodded once more, a fake smile rising on his lips as the tears bristled against his eyelashes once more.

“We can split the rent,” Jeongin whispered, Jisung letting out a deep hum as he leaned back further into his seat. The car was so warm. Jeongin’s hand was so warm, and his palm was starting to sweat.

“We can share the bedroom again, like before,” Jisung added, the two bouncing off each other as Jeongin’s smile only grew.

“We can stock the cabinets with popcorn.”

“We can stay up all night watching horror movies.”

“We can decorate every window with purple lights.”

“We can take turns doing the chores and cooking.”

“We can-” Jisung was about to say, but his voice broke, and the sob that had been waiting so patiently finally fell through.

“We can be happy. We can do this,” Jeongin whispered, and Jisung nodded, finally turning into the boy next to him as Jeongin was quick to wrap him up into his arms. It was awkward, too much space between them from the car console, but it was still everything Jisung needed in the moment. “We can give ourselves a week at my place to sort everything out,” Jeongin added, the pain etched in his voice, but his words firm as if he truly believed them. As long as Jisung had Jeongin by his side, they’d be able to accomplish anything.

Silence followed between the sounds of Jisung crying, and Jeongin held him through it, until only true silence remained. Jeongin’s arms wrapped protectively around Jisung, their minds wandering as they ignored just how warm the car was now, the sun beating down on them and causing their skin to be sticky to the touch. Jisung had lost so much. His mother, his home, his things- but he still had Jeongin. He could never lose Jeongin. He would do everything he could to keep the younger by his side, even if it meant a lifetime of suffering for the other’s sake, just to see him smile. It’d be worth it. Yet he knew Jeongin was probably considering the same, and the thought only made his heart ache once more as he gripped the back of Jeongin’s shirt tightly between trembling fingers, Jeongin doing his best to curl in closer to Jisung as he rested his cheek on his shoulder. The moments ticked on, and the hours of silence grew, until it was already afternoon and they knew they needed to find a place to stay and unpack a few of their things before the nighttime. They didn’t have any money, not enough to allow an extended stay at a motel like his father had mentioned doing. All they had was Jeongin’s childhood home.

Jisung felt as if every bone in his body was breaking the moment Jeongin leaned away, bringing his hand up and cupping Jisung’s cheeks as he did his best to gently swipe his tears away with his thumb. With one nod, the two departed from each other, the warmth between them lessening as Jeongin reached for the door, sliding out of his seat and returning back to his car. Jisung took in a deep breath as he gripped the steering wheel tightly and closed his eyes, and he heard the car next to him start, Jeongin frozen in his own seat as if he couldn’t believe what they were about to do. What doors they were about to enter only after finally escaping. Jeongin pulled out, and Jisung held his breath as he started his car and did the same, this time following Jeongin back onto the road as the boy led them back to his family’s home. Jisung was shaking, but he knew whatever he was feeling couldn’t compare to the fear following Jeongin. All the memories he had worked to wash away only now flowing painfully slowly back in.

The drive wasn’t long, but with Jisung’s heart pumping so quickly in his chest he felt as if time was passing quickly, building up as Jisung’s heart could only beat quicker and quicker. He could see the back of Jeongin’s head as he drove, the way he looked up every few moments into his rearview mirror to make sure Jisung was still behind him. Jisung knew the other probably hadn’t contacted his family. He knew that they were throwing themselves into the wild, not even sure if there would be a room for them to stay in. Yet the closer they got, the more sure Jisung was that this wasn’t something they’d be able to do. Not for Jisung, and especially not for Jeongin. The boy was driving so slowly in front of him, prolonging the inevitable, but soon the boy was rolling up his old driveway, while Jisung parked on the side of the road, both gazing at the dark brown house in front of them. The front yard was overgrown, window shades slanted, and the property cold and dark from the lack of sunlight in the trees, Jisung taking in a deep breath as he noticed someone already gazing towards them from a window at the front. Jeongin wasn’t leaving his car, and Jisung knew the boy was trembling, holding back his tears once more. He had brought Jeongin back to the place of his nightmares, but there was no other choice they had.

Jisung was the first to leave his car, shutting the door as quietly as he could even though he knew they had already been seen. He walked up the hill slowly to where Jeongin’s car was, rapping his knuckles on the window as Jeongin glanced at him, before taking a deep breath and opening up his car door. A hand instantly reached out for his own, and Jisung easily took it, holding onto the boy as he helped him out of the car, keeping him steady on two feet as he knew just how hard it was for Jeongin to stand straight. Jisung was furious. He could feel the unexplored rage coursing through him, but he did his best to not expose it to Jeongin, fearing that it would only affect the boy and he trembled harder just from being outside the shelter and safety of his car. They started to walk, slowly, eyes gazing at them from inside, until they were standing at the front door, and Jisung was the one knocking on their behalf. Jeongin’s face was filled with horror the moment the door opened, but the face that appeared was a relief to both of them, a soft sigh leaving Jisung’s lips as he forced a smile onto his face. It didn’t reach his eyes. He knew the other could see that.

“M-Mom…” Jeongin stuttered, the word almost slipping through as a shudder as Jisung stood behind his friend. The eyes gazing back at them weren’t friendly, but they weren’t malicious either. Jeongin’s mother had been friends with Jisung’s own mother, before her passing. Jisung knew things had changed now, he knew that his mother was no longer alive, and he knew that there would be disdain after Jeongin had grabbed his things and run away from home, even if he had been old enough to make that decision. Still, Jeongin never really explained to his mother why he left.

“Jeongin,” his mother stated, but the tone definitely wasn’t one of relief or happiness, instead the sound brought a grimace to both their faces, knowing his mother wasn’t very pleased at seeing her son once more. “You’re back… with Jisung,” his mother added, and Jisung held his breath, wishing to speak for his friend but knowing this moment was Jeongin’s. It was a moment neither of them meant to have, yet their twisted fate brought them to this doorstep all the same.

“Yeah… with Jisung,” Jeongin slowly said, eyebrows furrowed as his mother glanced back at the boy behind her son with a frown. The disdain was there, but for who- Jisung was just as curious for that answer. “I was wondering- I mean, I know after everything-” Jeongin started to say, the words like acid on his tongue, and Jisung’s jaw hardened when he saw the boy’s mother nod, crossing her arms as she glanced back at her son while allowing her expression to soften.

“Of course you can come back. You always will have a place here for you when you need it,” his mother easily said, and while the words brought a bit of relief, it was far from the solace the two boy’s truly needed. Jeongin’s hunched shoulders loosened, and his grip on his hand did the same, and the boy’s mother forced a smile to her lips, still gazing at Jeongin as the two held their breaths to hear more. “But not Jisung,” his mother added, stern, poisonous, and Jisung realized what he did wrong. His eyes widened as the mother grabbed the door frame with her palm, her eyes slowly dragging back to Jeongin’s friend as those same, soft eyes shifted into a glare. “You will need to find somewhere else to stay. You’re not welcome here,” his mother hissed, and Jisung took a step back, his world crumbling as he pulled his hand out of Jeongin’s own, eyes now on the cement walkway beneath them as Jeongin quickly gazed between both his mother and friend.

“You can’t do that! Jisung has nowhere-”

“That’s not my problem,” his mother sternly said, Jisung gasping for air as he brought his hand to his chest like a wounded animal. It wasn’t her problem. Jeongin was her son and Jisung was nothing . Jisung was the one who had taken her son away from her. It was all his fault.

“Mom!” Jeongin screamed, and Jisung turned around as he tried to hide the way he was gasping for air, hyperventilating, the woman standing firmly in place as her gaze was like lashes against Jisung’s back.

“Jeongin,” Jisung softly said, realizing that there was only one option in this situation. Jeongin didn’t need to suffer completely, he had a place to go, as vile as it was. Jisung would shoulder it all, he would work hard and then one day- “Give me a week.”

“A-A week?” Jeongin shakily asked, because now the notion seemed more impossible than before. There wasn’t even a starting line for them in sight, and still Jisung knew he was starting before it. “Jisung, you can’t be serious-”

“A week, that’s all. Then I’ll come get you. Until then… just do what you can to rest,” Jisung mumbled, hearing the sound of shuffling shoes on the cement, arms wrapping around his stomach and a chest resting against his back. They were crying once more, they were always crying.

“Let me talk to my mom,” Jeongin softly sobbed, but Jisung could only shake his head, his hands reaching up as he gently placed them over Jeongin’s that rested so lightly on his stomach. As if he was a doll, and the harder he held on, the more the tears within Jisung would flow outward.

“She thinks I stole you from her,” Jisung explained, and the silence behind him was confirmation enough to know that he was right. Jeongin had figured this all along too. Perhaps his mother had already spewed her own poison to her son through a few heated texts. “I don’t- I don’t really know what to do about that. I don’t think I really have it in me to figure that out right now. But, you have a place here. I’ll be okay on my own,” Jisung mumbled, even though he knew more than anything he needed to have Jeongin by his side. But right now there were two paths they could take, and while Jeongin’s home was not the correct path, neither was being completely homeless. Jisung couldn’t allow Jeongin to suffer like that right now. He had vowed to help his friend out, and he would do just that. All he needed was that fucking week to figure things out.

“Where will you go? I don’t care, just let me come with you,” Jeongin desperately said, hugging Jisung tighter as the tears fell faster, harder.

“I don’t have a place right now. Maybe my car- but I can’t keep both of us living in my car. I’ll come pick you up during the day if you want me to, or you can meet me somewhere. Just- just stay here. Sleep here. Please,” Jisung begged, his voice cracking, his throat so sore from how much he had been crying. He didn’t know why he needed to know Jeongin had a warm place to sleep, he just needed it to happen. Otherwise, he was already too broken to care where he ended up.

“I’m s-so scared,” Jeongin mumbled, Jisung feeling his resolve crumble as he quickly turned in Jeongin’s embrace, wrapping his own arms around the boy as he felt him tremble against his body. Jeongin had a good reason to be frightened, it was the reason that made him run away after all.

“Don’t think about that. Nothing will happen- I don’t even see their car here,” Jisung softly said, his hand smoothing up his friend’s back before petting the back of his head, soft hair intertwining with his fingers as Jeongin let out a deep sigh from the touch. “If something happens, I’ll come right away,” Jisung whispered, feeling how tightly the arms were locked around him, scared to let him leave, and scared to be left alone. Jisung’s heart was being torn in half.

“I-I’ll sleep here,” Jeongin finally said after a few moments of silence, lifting his head, showing his teary eyes to his friend once more. It was a sight Jisung silently begged to never have to see again. “You’ll come tomorrow, right? You’ll pick me up?” Jeongin asked, and Jisung was quick to nod, biting his lip as his hand on the back of Jeongin’s head cradled the boy.

“Text me when you wake up. I’ll come straight away, and then we can figure out this- this mess,” Jisung shakily said, but his words were stern, forceful. They didn’t have a choice but to spend the next few days figuring out this mess, tearing it apart, putting it back together in some shitty makeshift concept of safety and comfort. They would survive, and his father… well, his father was sick.

A final head nob was all it took before Jeongin was leaning in once more, silence blanketing the two as they stood in the middle of the driveway embracing. It was cold outside, the wind whistling between their bodies doing its best to pull them apart as Jisung turned his head inward, hiding from Jeongin’s mother as he left a small kiss on his friend's cheek. It was natural, it was something the two did from time to time because they had lifted their boundaries and opened their hearts to each other. They were best friends. They were everything and more, and while they had never settled on a term, it never had mattered to them. A kiss on the cheek meant more, both knew this, and yet they made it simpler than it was, Jeongin sighing, leaning into Jisung as he held up his weight easily. Lips lingering on the boy’s cheek, heart hammering in his chest, until he closed his eyes and smelled the scent of clean linen on Jeongin, crisp and fresh- hopeful. Jisung gently pulled away from the boy, reaching his hand up and wiping a single tear off of the boy’s cheek, before glancing at his mother watching them from behind. He didn’t gaze at her long, he didn’t need to hold onto the image of anger simmering in her glare more than he already knew was burned into his memory.

He didn’t want to leave Jeongin behind. He didn’t like the way Jeongin’s mother’s arm rested over her son’s shoulder while she led the boy back into the house, into the prison he had escaped from not long before. But he didn’t have a choice as he glanced away from his rearview mirror and drove away, the drive silent as the radio was untouched, as his car shook side to side from the bumps along the road. He didn’t know where he was driving to, but that didn’t stop him from turning his wheel, from pressing on the gas, driving as if it was muscle memory ingrained into him. He parked his car, gazing ahead of him, and he gazed down the street where his younger cousins had just been trick or treating the night before. And next to him was his house, no longer a home but only a house, a padlock on the door, and everything he had left behind locked inside. A sigh passed through his lips as he turned the car off, stepping out and sitting on the sidewalk as he pulled out his phone, expecting to already see a text from his best friend. To his surprise, there was nothing. His hand felt numb, his throat hurt, and his head was spinning, but he managed to hear the small ding as he glanced at his phone once more and saw the message that had arrived as if it had been waiting for the moment Jisung would pull out his phone finally. It was from his aunt… she said they needed to talk.

Jisung pressed the call button, pulling the phone to his ear, listening to it ring a few times before the other side picked up.

Chapter Text

A sigh passed through Jisung’s lips as he was already in his car once again, pushing back the turmoil into a deep corner of his mind where he could forget it until it grew to be too much. He wanted to cry, he wanted Jeongin , but now that the two had separated very much unwillingly, Jisung needed to do everything he could to live up to his promises. Tears wouldn’t make the pain go away, and neither would they bestow pity from the fates to land him a better job and a new home. He’d need to accomplish that himself. His car was already low on gas, but he was too exhausted to stop, knowing he’d have the chance to do so tomorrow when Jeongin called to have him pick him up. He missed him. Not even an hour apart and Jisung was feeling anxious from knowing where he had left the other, but the situation was entirely too complicated to say one choice was better than the other. There were still people in that house that he could count on. His mother, being one. But Jeongin had always been so softhearted, and when the trauma came and passed, he never told anyone other than Jisung. Not even his mother. He didn’t want to ruin his own family, and so instead he ran away.

Jisung’s family on the other hand, was fucked. He wasn’t sure where his father was, he didn’t have a loving mother to wrap her arm around his shoulders and bring him home. It had hurt Jisung to see Jeongin with his mother, but Jisung wasn’t spiteful enough at the world to put blame on anyone but himself. He wasn’t the cause of his mother’s death, but he hadn’t done much to help. He didn’t have the money for the help. His mother had been bedridden for the last few months in her life, but still she always managed to smile towards Jisung when he was in the same room with her, her eyes never holding onto anything but warmth and love when all Jisung could feel was regret. He hadn’t gone to college, he hadn’t really thought too much about what to do with his life because he was living under the constant shelter and care of his parents. Seeing his mother so frail and sickly, he realized only then that he should have tried harder. His parents were not the same people they were before, they were older, they had more wrinkles on their faces than the year before, their bones ached, their minds weary. They couldn’t keep this life up forever. Jisung only realized this after, and he wished he had started earlier, so at least he could have helped more in the end.

There were more cars on the road than earlier, people now leaving work or their homes to go shopping and get a quick bite to eat. He was driving on the highway, the roads rolling along with the hills across the landscape, barren trees bristling past Jisung as he kept his eyes locked on the road. The radio silent once more. He ignored the way his passenger seat felt so empty without Jeongin sitting beside him, he ignored how cold his car was starting to feel now that he had turned off the heat to save what little gas remained. Jisung was driving to an apartment complex, one he had visited a few times before in his life, the place situated practically in the middle of nowhere, but quiet. His thoughts were muddled as he pushed them into the corner of his mind, so he didn’t really know what to think about what he was currently doing, why had called his aunt and listened to her rant. He didn’t say the words he should have. He didn’t tell her that he had lost his home, that his father had driven off somewhere unknown while being as sick as he was. He hoped his father would call and explain all his mistakes to her instead. They were his mistakes, after all.

Taking exit 32 off the highway, the tires of Jisung’s car met with rougher roads, potholes and divots, Jisung’s lips settled into a frown as he drove through what felt like a dead forest, easily seeing through its disguise and what lay between the trees. He knew the weather would only start to grow colder, smoke rising from chimneys of the houses Jisung was passing, walls of stone broken down from old age over the centuries. This area held lineage, as well as history, settlers seeking a place to live and start farming when the land was first discovered. Or stolen. Yet what remained now was a quiet area where those farms were now thick forests, and property lines of stone remained, Jisung driving past them and ignoring just how serene and skillfully beautiful it all was. Jisung didn’t have the time to appreciate beauty, and he felt he didn’t have the right to appreciate anything when Jeongin wasn’t beside him. He’d truly failed his friend, and even though he did his best to keep his thoughts away, the loudest ones of Jeongin were screaming, breaking loose and reminding him all over again of the promises he made, and broke. He had promised to remove Jeongin from that household, and he had promised that the boy would never have to return. Yet, he was the one who had brought him back.

Signaling to turn right, Jisung turned into the apartment complex, a few cars lined up on the side while more spots were left empty. It was already early evening, and Jisung couldn’t count on the sun staying up in the sky for much longer, the boy finding a parking spot as he turned the car off and took a deep breath. In front of him was a fence, and past it was another mile of forest where he knew would end where the train tracks started. You could even hear the train’s whistle early at night. Jisung gazed out at the dead forest, at the leaves at the ground that were disturbed with each passing gust of wind, before he was releasing his breath, letting out another heavy sigh before stuffing his keys into his pocket and opening up the car door. The chill was even greater outside than it had been before, and while his car was cold, he realized he would prefer it over the added wind, kissing his cheeks as he couldn’t help but blush. Jisung shivered, wrapping his arms around himself tightly as he glanced around at the tall buildings, two side by side, a place that he hadn’t been to in the past few years. They had changed a bit, mostly from overgrown weeds or new decorations out front, but it was still the same buildings he used to spend moments of his youth at. His aunt had lived on one side when he was younger, even though she had moved onto a better place by this point in his life.

The sound of his footsteps filled the empty space that the wind left behind, gravel and loose stone crunching beneath his worn out shoes as he made his way to the building on the right. The sides were white, dirty, but he knew that the apartments within were kept relatively clean and up-to-date, Jisung stopping at the first apartment as he walked up the few steps to the door. His eyes landed on the auburn colored door, before they lowered enough to find the small potted plant next to it, his knees buckling as he reached down and pushed it to the side. Underneath was a key, dirty from soil and rusty from the environment, his hands shaking less than he thought they would as he picked up the small key before standing once more. There was a sudden stillness around him, an ache in his chest and a shiver rolling so slowly down his spine, stopping on his lower back before pushing him forward. The key fit perfectly with the slot in the doorknob, and he twisted, opening up the door, before feeling his stomach drop.

It was so similar to the way he remembered it. The kitchen and living room on the first floor, two bedrooms up the steep flight of stairs along with a single bathroom. The place was fully furnished, a couch and chair, a television, a kitchen table, bowls, plates, forks, knives- dirty dishes in the sink. A shaky breath left his lips as he picked one foot up to step inside, allowing the cold air in and for the remaining warmth to leak out. He shouldn’t be here. Everything just felt so wrong in this moment, like nothing had changed, like Jisung hadn’t just lost one more thing in his life on top of everything else. There was a candle on the kitchen table that was already missing half its wax, spices lining the shelf above the stove, magnets and papers layered across the fridge. The door was still open, and Jisung was walking forward towards the stairs, grabbing the rail and climbing the steps so slowly as if he was scared there was someone here to wake, as if he wasn’t alone. But he was alone. His aunt had told him everything.

The staircase creaked the higher he climbed, until he was on the second floor, the hallway thin, but the carpet clean, his hand reaching for the first bedroom as he opened it up to see the first empty bed. There was a desk, and a single window filled with dust, but the room held no other personality to it, as if no one had ever actually taken the time to sleep in there before. He left the door open as he moved to the next, finding the bathroom, a dirty toilet and shower, and different hair and cleaning products skewed throughout as Jisung did his best to ignore the way there was water left puddled up on the side of the sink. Instead he moved to the last room on the third floor, closing his eyes tightly as he felt a small dizzy spell ripple behind his eyes, before his hand was twisting the last doorknob to see what was inside. He knew what was inside. But it was the final confirmation, the door opening with a small creek, his hands shaking as he saw the large bed in the middle, old and indented from the body who slept on top of it every night. Clothes thrown around, the floor messy, blankets unkempt, everything there revealing that someone had lived here at some point. And now Jisung knew the truth. This person was never coming back.

His uncle had died. The night before his aunt and other uncle made their way to this same apartment after they had left their house, before his father had revealed the truth about their mortgage and foreclosure. They had knocked a few times without hearing an answer, before they found the spare key hidden under a small potted plant outside, opening up the door to reveal what was hidden beyond it. They called out a name, and they had gotten a response. Sitting on the couch in the living, the room Jisung had avoided, was his uncle, dazed, confused, dying. Blood clots, loosening and traveling through his body. He had a stroke, he faced liver failure, kidney failure, lacked oxygen throughout his body and had lost all function in his lower half. His aunt said that even if he managed to survive off life support then they would have to take off his legs, and even then he’d be a vegetable. She made the right call. Apparently it only took five minutes for him to peacefully pass the moment they took him off the life support.

This was his home. These were his things. There had been the idea that the man had been very sick, and like his father he refused to see someone for it. He had let himself get to this point, but they knew that it would happen. His aunt’s voice didn’t sound as disturbed as he felt when she had called him over the phone, when she had asked him to help out by going over to the man’s place and start sorting through his things. And all Jisung could think at the time was, ‘ I have a place I could stay.’ Being here now felt much different, he never realized how much life and personality could shine through in a home until the person who was the cause of it suddenly vanished, and he could feel the bumps on his skin begging him to turn and leave, to find anywhere else to sleep but here. But this was his only choice, and this was better than his car. He didn’t consider himself lucky, but the single empty unused room would be his solace for the night, his lips pinched together tightly, his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes burning from the need to cry once more. His Uncle was dead. His mother was dead. His father was sick. And he had lost his home.

He wanted to call Jeongin so badly and tell him everything all at once, to bring him here so they could share the bed together and try to sort through everything all at once. But this place had no heat. And what remained had left through the open door, Jisung’s mind scrambled as he turned and shut the door to his uncle’s room- what used to be his room- before stomping down the stairs to shut the door and lock it. He was such a fool, an idiot, Jisung letting out a breathless curse as he felt how his toes pinched from his old, but uncomfortable shoes he only wore because his mother had bought them for him. He wasn’t wearing a jacket, he only had on his black hoodie, his light brown hair bouncing with each step as he practically ran down the stairs. His mind was racing, nothing made sense and yet he needed to pretend it all did, because if he allowed anything to spill through the cracks then he’d disappear. He’d fall to the ground on his knees, and he’d sink into the earth beneath him, tears and all, worn and tired, desperately scratching at the floor to find some kind of perch in his mind. He couldn’t allow that to happen, not for his sake- but for Jeongin.

Jisung let out a loud gasp the moment he was at the door, grabbing the doorknob in a panicked hurry as he made to slam the barrier shut. Yet he was too late, his false sense of peace was disturbed by the sight of another, blond curly hair, a worried expression mixed with curiosity, and dimples on his cheeks as he offered Jisung a charming smile. Heat swelled, heat he knew he couldn’t find within this apartment nor outside, and he stood dumbfounded as he gazed up at the stranger, as he was sure the man could see the despair slowly creeping and slithering behind his own gaze. He could feel the cold leaking from the outside, the wind that threatened to enter the apartment, the way the doorknob felt like ice underneath his fingers. Yet all he could do was stare at the stranger, feeling betrayed by fate once more because someone had caught him in his flurried state, his hand sliding off the doorknob as he gulped and glanced away. At times like this, usually Jeongin would be the one to speak. He really needed Jeongin, he wanted Jeongin, Jeongin-

“I saw the door was open, and with the ambulance that was just here last night, I was worried someone had broken in,” a voice said, silky, sweet, warm and polite. There was a boyish edge to the words, to the tone of his voice, and Jisung instantly felt disarmed, his eyes glancing back at the man to see him still offering Jisung a dimpled smile. “But I don’t think an intruder would try to shut themselves in,” the other added cheekily, and Jisung blinked, lips parted as he took in a few sharp breaths, as he could see the air fog in front of him from each exhale. The man in front of him was wearing black jeans and a black puffy coat, his hair so light and blond that it almost looked like snow settled on top of his head. Jisung stuffed his hands into his pockets as he stood awkwardly in front of the other, and he could feel the gaze on his smaller body shifting into the sight behind him, into the kitchen and the dishes in the sink.

“I-I’m a relative,” Jisung mumbled, his gaze now down on the floor as he stared at his worn shoes. The black edged fraying, the white parts now scuffed and dirty. He could see the other’s shoes in front of him too, similar to his own but much newer and much more expensive. 

“Is everything alright then? It’s a bit too cold outside for a door to be left open as long as it was. You don’t seem to be wearing enough to combat it either,” the man added, and Jisung gulped, realizing this himself but not having the means to do anything about it. He just kept making mistakes, over and over. “Are you alright?” the man suddenly said, and Jisung whipped his gaze up to the other, a concerned look on his face as his smile had fallen from the state Jisung appeared to be in. But as soon as their eyes met, the man was offering a smile once more, gaze drifting across Jisung’s face as he took in the chilled blush on his cheeks, his puffy eyes from crying- Jisung knew he looked like a complete mess. “Is there someone I could call?” the man asked, trying to be helpful to the boy who appeared lost in front of him. There was no one. There was Jeongin, but he wasn’t ready for that conversation just yet.

“I-” Jisung’s lips parted as words fell short, as he shifted awkwardly on his feet and glanced back down at the ground. Why did everything always go so wrong for him? Why did he need to keep acting as if everything was fine? Why did he need to hide himself from everyone else? He deserved to despair, outwardly. “It's fine. I mean- I’m fine,” Jisung restated, his downcast and eyebrows furrowed. Silence followed after the words, and he could feel the gaze still observing him, gauging him, a low hum settling into the wind as the man in front of him nodded a few moments later.

“Do you want me to come inside?” the man asked, and Jisung felt as his breath was caught in his throat. Yes. Jisung didn’t want to be alone.

“Either way…” Jisung hesitantly said, even as the man seemed to hear between the lines, hands stuffed into his own pockets as he smiled down at the boy. His dimples hadn’t appeared since the first smile, and he knew this one was of pity, but he didn’t care. All he could manage to do was step slightly to the side as he allowed this man, this stranger into the home of his uncle, a place that he was meant to clear up and help move things out. The man proclaimed he was a neighbor, or at least he had assumed he was from his earlier statement, and while Jisung knew not to trust strangers, he was more afraid of himself than an unknown person. Jisung stepped to the side, and the man glanced at him for permission once more before stepping past Jisung and into the apartment, Jisung gazing at the door handle once more as he wondered if he should shut the door or not. They both had no reason to trust the other just yet.

The man stood in the middle of the kitchen as Jisung left the door open, moving away from the barrier of cold as he awkwardly stood a few feet away from the other. He felt anxious about the dishes in the sink, the cluttered table in the middle of the room, in the living room that was just beyond where his Uncle had spent his last few moments alive. He missed Jeongin. He was worried for his father, and he missed the warmth of his house, but- he was so happy that he wasn’t alone anymore. The man looked kind. Unarming, genuine concern and charm oozing from his figure as he gazed at the boy keeping distance between them, as that same gaze slowly left the boy to glance around the room instead. The sun was setting outside, and Jisung knew he would need to bring a few things inside before it got too dark, before it was too cold. He wanted to take a shower too, hopefully the steam and hot water would help to warm him up. Yet his feet were planted on the floor and he was frozen from not only the cold, the boy flinching as he watched the man slowly turn around and gaze at the dirty sink, silence falling between the two as Jisung wondered if it was really the right choice to allow the other inside.

“M-My Uncle died,” Jisung suddenly blurted out, his cheeks blushing furiously from the embarrassment and chill combined. The man turned around to face him once more from the words, and Jisung lifted up his hand to gently scratch at the back of his neck, biting his lip as he glanced away from the other and towards the kitchen table. “Last night… I’m only here to clean things up,” Jisung restated, closing his eyes as he waited to hear the other’s condolences. But the man stayed quiet, and Jisung was forced to peak his eyes open as he squinted at the man in front of him, his own eyes cast towards the ground as he could see the small hint of pain hidden beneath them. “I uh- I might just sleep here to make things easier. My car’s parked outside, just so you know who it belongs to,” Jisung added, his voice oddly soft, tainted by the expression on the man’s face. But as soon as he looked up, the pain was gone, and a gentle smile replaced it as he nodded towards Jisung, glancing around the room once more before stepping forward and reaching out his hand.

“My name’s Chan,” the man said, and Jisung acted as a reflex, reaching out his own hand as he cupped the man’s palm and shook it gently, his toes curling from just how warm the hand against his own felt. It felt like Jeongin’s. “If you need any help, just let me know. I have a few friends who live here also that could help,” Chan explained, and Jisung nodded, his throat pinching as he avoided telling the man that the more help he received, the quicker things would go- and the sooner he’d lose a place to sleep and shower.

“Jisung,” Jisung said, and Chan smiled, pulling his hand back and stuffing it into his coat pocket, silence falling between them once more as Jisung bit his lip, unsure what to do. He had a name, he had given his reason, but more than anything he just wanted-

“I can help you clean up some of the small things now at least. We can shut the door, turn the heat up, you can situate yourself, and I can do these dishes,” Chan said, and for some reason the way he spoke reminded him of Jeongin, disarming him only further as he felt himself relax.

“The heat?” Jisung asked, and Chan nodded, walking over to the thermostat before suddenly turning it up.

“You have the right to 30 days to clear out this stuff once a family member passes. We all pay for heat and electricity at the same time, at the start of the month. It’s a flat amount that we each signed with the lease. Which means, your Uncle already paid it for this month,” Chan explained, and Jisung’s eyes widened as he heard the words, as he realized that he didn’t need to suffer totally. “If you shut the door, then we will both be warm in no time. I could even see what things your Uncle has laying around and make us something warm to eat,” Chan added, and Jisung blushed harder, wondering why this man was being so nice when they were only strangers. Did Jisung look that miserable? Or was Chan just a nice person? “It’s all up to you.”

“L-Let me grab some things from my car, and then I’ll shut the door,” Jisung hurriedly said, scolding himself after for being so hasty. But the words only made Chan smile wider, kindness and ease following along with it, and Jisung let out a soft sigh, his own lips lifting into a small smile as he turned to grab his things. He didn’t know Chan, but he wanted to believe in him. He wanted to work hard to see Jeongin again, to give himself a week to figure out a new plan for them. If Chan was willing to help, and his help was genuine- Jisung wasn’t in the position to deny it. But he’d keep as much stuffed into the corner of his mind while he still could, and when the other looked away only then would Jisung allow the final remaining tears to shed. If he acted strong, then maybe soon he’d start to truly believe he was.

Chapter Text

Chan was still an enigma. The two hadn’t spent much time together, in fact Jisung had stayed upstairs for most of the time Chan was over, fixing up his bed in the spare room, taking a shower, blushing from ear to ear from knowing such a charming stranger was working away silently downstairs. Jisung had brought some of his things inside, and Chan had already started on the dishes in the sink, earbuds in his ears as he watched something on his phone to avoid the awkward silence that seemed to keep creeping in between them. Jisung had shut the door as quietly as he could, yet it had made enough noise to earn the other boy’s attention, Chan turning slightly with wet soapy hands while offering Jisung another dimpled smile. He was a stranger, and yet it felt all too familiar. Instead of conversing, Chan got back to work, and Jisung had shuffled upstairs, biting his lip, playing with his fingers as soon as he stepped into the spare room and shut the door. He felt something tensing inside his stomach, like a growing pressure, something he was unsure he had the energy to figure out in the moment. So he pretended it wasn’t there, just like Chan himself, doing his best to settle down and shower before heading back downstairs. Chan was already on his way out, putting his coat back on, and showing Jisung the meal he had left him ready to be plated on the countertops. Chan hadn’t eaten himself.

Jisung had managed to squeakily ask about it, but Chan simply said that he had done this before a few times for his friends, and that he would feel odd leaving and not doing something, especially since he knew the boy was alone and going through loss. The loss was much greater than Chan understood, but the pressure in his stomach only grew as he felt doubling over, letting the tears fall down his cheeks as he spilled all his secrets in a fit of panic to the stranger in front of him. Instead he thanked the boy with a tight smile, and Chan had left, Jisung watching the other walk across the two buildings before opening up one door and stepping into his own apartment. The moment Chan closed his door with one more smile, Jisung followed, feeling the warmth circling the room, smelling the scent of something spicy in the air. Jisung had stayed where he was for too long, his legs aching along with his heart, but soon he pushed it all back as he told himself the sooner he finished things here and went to bed, the sooner he’d be able to see Jeongin the next day. He would tell the boy about Chan. He was sure Jeongin would like the other, simply from the fact that Chan had been kind enough to help him out. The food was spicy, just like it smelled, but Jisung liked spicy foods, licking his lips, putting his dirty dishes into the sink that Chan had just cleaned and emptied for him. And then he went to bed.

Now Jisung was waiting at another park and ride for Jeongin to show up, because Jisung had told the boy that he didn’t feel entirely comfortable waiting outside his house or even being seen for a moment there, when Jeongin’s mother hated him so much. Jeongin sounded tired over the phone but agreed without complaint, and Jisung figured the boy had spent most of his night worrying about everything, about himself and his friend while crying the final tears from his eyes. Jeongin hadn’t arrived yet, and Jisung was sitting in silence, gazing out at the road as he saw the cars whipping past, as the temperature outside only continued to dip more since the day before. He had grabbed some gas before leaving, but funds were running low, and Jisung had called out of work for the day to give himself at least a single day to think things through and calm down. It was cloudy outside, and the forecast mentioned rain. Little sprinkles on his windshield, and Jisung sat up in his car seat as he saw the familiar black boxy car rolling in, his heart hammering in his chest as he didn’t realize just how relieved he was to see his friend again. It hadn’t been a full day apart, but that was still too long for him to wait.

Jisung opened up his car door as he felt the chill attach to his limbs and threaten to slow him down, but he ignored the rigid stiffness from the air, rushing to Jeongin’s car and opening up the boy’s door before practically pulling the other out. Jeongin let out a small yelp as Jisung grabbed his arm, and the other did his best to take off his seatbelt as Jisung continued to tug, feeling his lips wobbling with desperation as Jeongin finally started to shuffle out of the car. It didn’t take long before Jisung was wrapping his arms around the boy, throwing his entire weight on top of him before slamming him into the frame of the black boxy car, and Jeongin was quick to hold him back, stuffing his face into Jisung’s shoulder as he held onto the boy as tightly as he could. Jisung could tell they were both trembling, neither from the cold but the frozen chill settled into their hearts long before, a hand tugging at his hair, clawing at his shoulders, trying to find every perch to latch onto as something wet settled against his neck. Jeongin still smelled like laundry detergent, but now with a hint of something else, savory, as if he had been around his mother perhaps when she started to make dinner for the family. She was the only person Jisung hoped the boy had been around.

“Shit,” Jisung mumbled, because he had missed Jeongin too much for his own good. Luckily, it seemed that Jeongin had missed him just as much.

“I hate that place,” Jeongin whispered, lips rubbing against Jisung’s neck as he couldn’t help but shiver. Instead he cupped the back of Jeongin’s nape as he held him in place, his body now warmer than it had been the night before even in the heated apartment. His heart was heavy but full, his mind bogged but clear, and everything just made sense because Jeongin was here with him. 

“Nothing happened, did it?” Jisung worriedly asked, but Jeongin didn’t answer right away, instead he stiffened in Jisung’s hold and Jisung felt the fear seering him alive. “You said you’d call if-”

“Nothing happened,” Jeongin repeated, worn and tired, but he lifted his head, eyes tearful again even as they seemed less puffy than the day before. Jisung’s lips slipped into a thin line, and Jisung wished there was something he could do, a place he could bring him to hide him away from the world. He should be doing everything he can to keep Jeongin safe. “I saw them, but… they didn’t do anything. They didn’t even look at me,” Jeongin said, and Jisung let out the breath of air he didn’t realize he had been holding onto, a deep sigh slipping from his lips as his friend offered him a small smile. “I think I can do it, if it stays this way. I think I can stay there, for at least a week,” Jeongin added, and Jisung forced a smile to his lips as he nodded, pain etching into his heart as he slowly released Jeongin as he reached for his hand instead, his chilled fingers slipping between Jeongin’s warm ones so gently. “Where did you…” Jeongin started to ask, and Jisung gulped, glancing away from his friend as he realized just how cold it truly was outside. He should get Jeongin inside his car, where it’s warm.

“I found a place,” Jisung ended answering the unspoken question, his hand gently tugging on Jeongin’s own as he led him over to his car. He opened up the passenger side door before letting the boy stumble inside, a faint smile on his lips as he felt reluctant to let go of Jeongin’s hand. But the boy smiled down at his friend, and another sigh passed through his lips as he released Jeongin, shutting the door, before making his way to the driver side of the car. Jisung pulled himself into his seat before shutting the door and starting the car, warm air instantly blasting out of the vents as Jeongin let a small shiver roll through his body in the passenger seat. “It’s only for a bit, but I have a bed, and a shower, and- and it’s warm,” Jisung softly said, Jeongin gazing at him from the seat next to him before reaching over once more. A hand slid into his own, and Jisung deflated in his seat, turning to peek at the boy next to him as he saw Jeongin’s gaze on him already.

“What’s wrong?” Jeongin asked, his voice so gentle and soothing, enough to pull the misery right out of his soul as he bit his lip before the other could see it wobble.

“I don’t want to be there,” Jisung whispered, closing his eyes as Jeongin’s hand squeezed his own tighter. “I want to go home ,” Jisung added, tongue heavy in his mouth, throat squeezing to deliver a small sob into the space between them. “I don’t want to be away from you.”

“You’re not. We’re here together right now, just the two of us. I’m the one holding your hand, and- and it’s so cold Jisung. You need to stay warm,” Jeongin softly said, and for a small fraction of a moment, Jisung was reminded of the gentle stranger from the day before. How important it was to Chan for Jisung to be warm. “Are you sure this place is warm enough for you?” Jeongin asked, even though they both knew anything was better than the boy having to live out of his car.

“It’s warm enough for both of us,” Jisung mumbled, opening up his eyes once more as he saw something so sad written across Jeongin’s face, his lips parting for a small shaky breath to pass through. “You could stay there with me,” Jisung added, because the bed had just enough space for the both of them. He wanted to be with Jeongin, he wanted to take the boy out of that house.

“I can’t,” Jeongin suddenly said, and it was as if Jisung’s entire world was turning, crushed, his soul torn in half and dejected. Jeongin probably hated him.

“I-I know I fucked up-” Jisung hurriedly started to say, but Jeongin stopped him just as quickly, shaking his head and reaching up with his free hand as he cupped Jisung’s cheek, the palm so warm that Jisung couldn’t help but nuzzle into it.

“It’s not you. It’s my mom, I-I don’t want to leave the same way I left before,” Jeongin explained, his words laced with sorrow. Had Jisung missed something? “My mom’s not a bad person. I know she loves me, but when I left the first time she never messaged me once, and then with everything that happened to your mom-” Jeongin quickly stopped himself. “I don’t want to lose her,” Jeongin softly said, tears lining his eyes, heart heavy in his throat. Jisung had missed something. “She knows I’m leaving in a week, but I want to repair things with her before I leave for good. As long as I stay out of their sight, I know I’ll be okay in that house. And if anything happens, I’ll talk to my mom, I’ll call you,” Jeongin said, Jisung gulping as the words felt like a harsh reality. Perhaps Jisung always thought that he was the same as Jeongin. That neither needed their mother to survive.

“I understand,” Jisung whispered, feeling as Jeongin’s thumb gently caressed his cheek while the boy held a small smile on his face.

“I know you Jisung, I know you might start blaming yourself, but none of this is your fault. I’m so scared, but- I need this moment. I’m going to repair things with my mom, and I’m going to protect you,” Jeongin said, a fond expression lighting up his face as Jisung could only lean towards the boy at the sound of his warm words. They both acted tough, they both showed weakness, and they both took turns uplifting the other. “Now, tell me what happened, and where you found a place to sleep,” Jeongin suddenly said, his lips lifting into a grin even though Jisung could see cracks exposing it. Jeongin was smiling for his sake, so perhaps he needed to tell the boy everything to bring his friend some relief.

“My aunt called yesterday, right after we parted,” Jisung slowly started, wondering how he could break the news without seeing Jeongin’s smile fall once more. But there really wasn’t a way to accomplish that. “My Uncle died,” and Jeongin’s smile fell. “She asked me if I could help clear out some of his things from that apartment, and I asked if I could stay there, t-to make things proficient,” Jisung mumbled, his free hand gripping his sweatpants tightly into a fist, Jeongin’s hand on his cheek suddenly shifting to push his bangs back gently, before pushing a small lock of light brown hair behind his ear.

“So that’s where you are staying? Your Uncle’s apartment?” Jeongin worriedly asked, and Jisung stiffly nodded, his emotions balling up in his chest as he felt them pressing against his heart, trying to escape through an expression, through tears. “And it’s warm?” Jeongin asked again, and Jisung nodded once more, biting his lip as Jeongin softly pulled it out from under his teeth before he could hurt himself.

“I don’t want to be there, but there’s nowhere else to go. All of his things, and the stuff he’s left behind- it’s hard to look at,” Jisung admitted, because while he might not have been close to his Uncle, he was still family. He was part of the good side of their family. He had been to that apartment a few times in his youth before.

“And you’re there, all alone…” Jeongin sadly stated, Jisung’s breath catching in his throat as he thought of a certain blond haired boy once again. He needed to tell Jeongin about him.

“Well, actually I wasn’t. Not completely,” Jisung hesitantly said, leaning forward even more as he wished he could climb over his seat and into the boy’s warm body. “A neighbor came over to help,” Jisung explained, Jeongin raising a curious eyebrow at the words as he moved to cup Jisung’s cheek again.

“A neighbor?” Jeongin repeated, Jisung feeling his chest tighten and his cheeks blushing the moment he recalled how sweet the boy’s voice had been to his ears. Just like Jeongin’s.

“Yeah. I kept the door open, and he was worried someone had broken in so he came over to make sure everything was okay. He stayed for a bit, helped me clean up and settle in, before making some food with the leftovers in the cabinets. Then he left,” Jisung explained, frowning when he realized he truly didn’t have much to say about the other. They hadn’t really done much while they were together. “The food was so good though.”

“Better than my food?” Jeongin asked with a grin, but Jisung could see the tension behind it.

“The same,” Jisung admitted, gulping as he tried his best to push down the blush from his cheeks. “But, nobody is better than my mom’s-” Jisung started to say before just as suddenly stopping himself, pain and heartbreak flushing through him as he felt his body stiffen.

“It’s okay,” Jeongin softly said, and Jisung wanted to curse the universe for reminding him of his mother once again. He just wanted a single moment to breathe. “She was always really good at cooking,” Jeongin whispered, leaning forward as he left a surprising chaste kiss on the cheek he wasn’t holding, loosening Jisung up from the confines of his memories. He could smell Jeongin once more, and he could feel his warmth, and he just felt so relieved that he had this boy by his side. “Did you get their name?” Jeongin asked, and Jisung blinked, confused about what the other was asking as Jeongin let out a small breathy chuckle. “Your neighbor.”

“Oh. He said his name was Chan,” Jisung answered, and Jeongin let out a small hum, kissing his cheek once more as Jisung felt his entire body melt under the gentle touch. “He really didn’t say much. I just know he lives in the apartment directly across from my Uncle’s,” Jisung mumbled again, another kiss, Jisung arching his neck as he pressed his cheek closer to the other boy. Jeongin rested against Jisung’s soft, blushing cheek before smiling, Jisung able to feel the upturned lips as he felt something explode inside of him. “He… has friends too…” Jisung barely whispered, until Jeongin was nuzzling into him, the hand still holding onto his own squeezing the boy as if he was trying to bring his best friend back into the presence.

“While I’m jealous he got to cook for you, and you liked it , I’m glad you had someone with you. I’m sure it was scary being there by yourself,” Jeongin said, and Jisung let out a small hum, closing his eyes and letting the soothing rhythm of Jeongin’s voice lull him into comfort. “And, he sounds nice. So if something happens while you are there, make sure to knock on his door and ask for help,” Jeongin said, his words earning another small hum while he chuckled. “But, also call me too.”

“I’ll call you before anything else,” Jisung confirmed, opening his eyes and smiling at his friend in front of him. Jeongin leaned back as he offered Jisung a smile as well, and he just felt so good, as if the pain and misery were never enough to control his mind. But he knew the only reason he felt like this was due to Jeongin being by his side. Later tonight, he’d be alone again. “We should look around at apartments today,” Jisung said, and Jeongin nodded, letting go of Jisung’s cheek as he reached back and pulled a phone out of his pocket, putting it between the two so they could both look at it at the same time.

“Already started on that. This is what I’ve found…” Jeongin mumbled, using his thumb to swipe up and down the screen as he showed the listings he had bookmarked on some rental app. Jisung frowned as he watched the rent prices only grow higher and higher, and he let out a sigh when he realized it would be impossible for the two of them to afford those places. Even then, they were already as small as they could get. One bedroom, and one bath. “I know. They’re too expensive.”

“A… bit,” Jisung nervously said, gulping when he realized that Jeongin had searched outside of their usual area too. “But that doesn’t mean there is nothing to find. We just need to search around more, maybe they have them listed in other places,” Jisung explained, holding his breath as Jeongin continued to stare at his phone with a frown of his own on his face. “We could try driving around? And get some food while we are at it?” Jisung offered, and Jeongin let out a small resigned sigh as he nodded, pulling his phone away and stuffing it in his pocket. Jisung wanted to say something to comfort the boy, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, his hand trembling in Jeongin’s own as the boy glanced back at him.

“We have a whole week to figure something out,” Jeongin suddenly reminded him, the pressure in his chest snapping in half as Jisung gulped, biting his lip once more while his friend forced a smile to his lips. “It doesn’t have to be today.”

“It doesn’t,” Jisung quickly repeated, shaking his head as he felt himself start to squirm in his seat. I didn’t have to be today, but he was so anxious that he needed it to be today. 

“Let’s stop by your Uncle's apartment too. I want to make sure that it’s actually warm,” Jeongin said, suddenly letting go of Jisung’s hand as he sat back in his seat. It looked like the boy was ready to go, Jisung pouting as Jeongin glanced at him before laughing. “I know you Han Jisung, I know you’d lie to me so I don’t have to feel bad,” Jeongin said, and Jisung continued to pout, even as he turned in his seat and shifted the car out of park, taking his time to reverse before pulling out of the park and ride with his friend by his side. “But it’s too late, I already feel bad,” Jeongin added, snuggling into his seat, the two feeling the warmth shifting through them from not only the heat in the car, but the idea that they were together again.

“I feel bad too,” Jisung mumbled, driving onto the highway as he decided they should stop for food first. He was nervous to go back to the apartment, but because Jeongin ordered it- Jisung would listen. “I feel like I can’t do anything right. I feel like I’m not a good friend for you,” Jisung added, allowing his insecurities to slip through at the last moment. Jeongin heard them easily, putting his hands into his coat pockets and pushing his coat up towards his chin. He was smiling, though Jisung didn’t know he was the reason for that smile.

“That’s why you’re my best friend . You are always trying to improve, always doing everything with me in mind. There’s times I feel like I can’t keep up with you, but I know we’d be nothing without each other. That’s why even with everything happening now- we are working it out together. I’m going to protect you,” Jeongin soundly said, even as he closed his eyes and snuggled into his seat. Jisung was sure that soon enough the boy would fall asleep.

“Not if I protect you first…” Jisung mumbled, a grin slipping onto his lips when Jeongin poked his eyes open enough to roll them at his friend.

“Let’s work on protecting each other then. The path in front of us won’t always be smooth, or reliable, but we will fare it together,” Jeongin confirmed, and Jisung grimaced at the words, Jeongin already letting out a stream of laughter as Jisung reached over to pat his friend’s thigh.

“That was so cheesy!” Jisung screamed, and Jeongin laughed louder, the sound like music to his ears as he couldn’t help the blush that followed along with it. “Please just go asleep so I don’t have to hear that ever again,” Jisung groaned, even though it’d be a lie to say he didn’t want to keep hearing Jeongin’s beautiful laughter.

“I am tired,” Jeongin said as soon as his laughter died, Jisung letting out a hum as he took a quick glance at his friend. There were questions he couldn’t ask, but he had a feeling that the boy didn’t get as much sleep as he would have liked, and he had a feeling he knew the exact reason why. “Maybe just a quick nap?” Jeongin asked, and Jisung nodded, more than ready enough to sit in silence once more if it was accompanied by the sweetly sleeping boy’s soft snores next to him. Those sounds were enough to put Jisung to sleep himself.

“I’ll wake you up when we arrive,” Jisung assured, and Jeongin nodded sleepily, a smile on his lips as he closed his eyes and leaned his body against the window. Jisung glanced at his friend as he continued to drive, his smile falling the moment he heard Jeongin’s light snores. He needed to find a place for them quickly.

Chapter Text

“They really are in the middle of nowhere, huh,” Jeongin commented as soon as he slid out of the parked car, raising his arms above his head and stretching as he smiled towards Jisung. “It must be pretty quiet at night,” Jeongin added, Jisung letting a small hum slip from his lips as he held his hand out for his friend. Jeongin continued to smile as he reached for it, the boy’s hand still warm compared to his own frozen fingers.

“You can hear a train at night sometimes,” Jisung lulled, Jeongin’s expression turning more curious for a moment before something playful was striking his face. The boy leaned into Jisung’s side before bumping into him, Jisung letting out a small chuckle as he leaned just as much back into the other, until their sides were touching, and their hands were holding onto each other between them.

“How would you know that?” Jeongin asked while the two started to make their way towards his Uncle’s apartment. He hoped it was still warm inside.

“I used to visit my Uncle, when I was younger. A few nights every few months. It wasn’t anything exciting, my younger cousins hadn’t even been born yet so I was all alone,” Jisung explained, feeling a soft pair of eyes gazing at him from the side as he felt his own expression soften. “There wasn’t much to do other than staying up late playing video games, or exploring the forest beyond the fence,” Jisung added, and Jeongin glanced behind them to where he parked, taking into account the dead forest he mentioned, now wide open from the loss of leaves. A small hum left his lips before Jeongin was turning to face the building once more, a warm palm squeezing his own as he couldn’t tell what the other was thinking.

“Sounds like a nice escape,” Jeongin commented, Jisung’s lips twitching as he opened the door, a quiet sigh leaving his lips as he felt the warmth already chasing them in. He was relieved that Chan had told him about the rules for their electricity.

“It was… nice. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but going out into the forest was definitely more entertaining than sitting at home,” Jisung lulled as he stood in the doorway before turning back to Jeongin. The boy’s eyes were already on him, a small, curious smile on his lips that Jisung didn’t have the energy to look through. But he trusted Jeongin, he trusted this one boy more than anyone else on this planet, and so he allowed himself to live in the unknown, knowing if it was truly important the other would talk to him about it. Instead Jisung was pulling the boy close, his hand grazing Jeongin’s hip as he could feel the warmth flowing from the body so close to his own now, listening to the way Jeongin’s breath hitched just from the simple touch. It was intimate, and not something for Jisung to worry too much about. “I honestly don’t remember too much about what happened while I was here,” Jisung mumbled, gazing at Jeongin who was so close to him, eyes dipping for only a moment as Jisung could feel his skin tingle where they landed.

“That’s alright… I’m glad to know you had fun while you were here,” Jeongin whispered, his breath catching on Jisung’s face as he felt a small shiver run down his spine. Everything felt tense, but in the best way, and Jisung could feel his head spinning to pull the other boy closer, to kiss his cheeks in the same way the boy had done earlier for him. To bathe in his beauty and warmth, and to forget everything all together at once.

A car drove into the communal parking lot for the apartments, the engine noisy as it disrupted the serenity between the two boy’s. But while Jisung glanced away, Jeongin kept his eyes on the other, his other hand reaching up to push Jisung’s bangs out of his face, to admire everything there was to see with such a delicate touch. Jisung watched the noisy car park next to his own, a dark forest green pickup truck, rusting along the edges and lifted off the ground from large tires caked with mud. Something touched his lip, tugging on it gently as he saw someone open up their driver side door and jump out of the car, oddly small in size compared to the large car that they were driving. But Jisung could tell instantly that their height was not a testament to their strength. Even in this weather the man was wearing a tight black t-shirt over gray jeans, their hoodie tied around their hips as every muscle in their body threatened to rip the clothes open. Jisung’s lips parted from the glorious sight, the warmth leaving his face as a new kind replaced it, until Jeongin was finally turning and joining his view on the other, the man catching their gazes as a smile lifted on his face. Why was he smiling? Did he somehow know Jisung? 

“Do you know him?” Jeongin asked as he turned away from the stranger and gazed towards Jisung once more, only now taking a step away from him now that they were under the eye of someone else. Jisung shook his head, but he kept his gaze on the man, wondering how he managed to even put on his clothes today from how tight they looked against his muscles.

The man raised his hand as he ran his fingers through his hair, pushing back hair that was just as black as Jeongin’s, but shorter, his eyes crinkling from the smile playing at his lips as he started to walk towards the two. He felt Jeongin stiffen, but Jisung had already met one stranger here before, so he wasn't necessarily nervous to meet another as maybe Jeongin was. He held onto Jeongin’s hand as tightly as he could to reassure the boy, and Jeongin turned his body towards the man completely, standing slightly in front of Jisung who was now behind him. But the protective sight didn’t seem to disturb the other who was still making his way forward, pushing his hands into his pockets as even this position seemed to strain his muscles, Jisung letting out a small gasp as he wondered what this man even did for a living to look so amazing. Jisung and Jeongin had tried to go to the gym before, but even after their dedication all Jisung felt was a soft stomach with hidden muscle underneath. He was still so small. While this man was shorter, he would definitely be able to pick Jisung up and throw him around, and oddly enough, that thought did not frighten him in the least.

“Hey!” the man called out, his voice just as shocking as his body to Jisung from the small growl underneath it. “Are either of you Jisung?” the man suddenly asked, and Jisung’s eyes widened from the sound of his name, to the way the growl suited it perfectly. He was just about to answer, but instead another voice rang clear, one of hesitation and fear, Jeongin standing straighter in front of him as Jisung glanced between the stranger and his best friend.

“Why are you asking?” Jeongin called out, but the words only seemed to make the man’s smile grow larger, oddly fonder, the other finally reaching the two of them as Jisung noticed how his muscles looked even bigger up close.

“Chan mentioned that you might need help moving some things around. I even brought over my truck in case you needed to use it,” the man said as he motioned back at the old green truck. Jisung felt his heart quicken at the sound of Chan, and it seemed Jeongin was feeling more relieved at the name too, his shoulders relaxing as he stood a bit more loosely in front of the stranger. “You don’t have to accept the offer, but it’s there if you want it,” the man chuckled, and he appeared so friendly and good natured, Jisung couldn’t help but smile along with him.

“I’m Jisung,” he somehow managed to say, and the eyes that were on Jeongin shifted to Jisung, squinting for almost a moment before the smile suddenly dipped. Jisung felt his eyebrows furrow at the sight, but instead the other cleared their throat before glancing away, the tips of his ears turning red from what Jisung assumed was the cold. “You know Chan?” Jisung continued, his own fingers turning numb from the chill around them, and his words puffing out in small billows of smoke. It was so cold outside, Jisung was unsure how this man was able to walk around in only a t-shirt and jeans. Still… he looked good wearing it.

“Chan’s a friend of mine,” the man mumbled, his voice now light, almost shy. In fact Jisung figured he would have missed the words anywhere else, but luckily it was so quiet around them he could hear a pin drop. “He said you might need some help,” the man repeated, a small hum leaving through Jisung’s lips as he couldn’t help but smile at the other. He was like a teddy bear- a big, burly, teddy bear.

“I haven’t really started looking through any of my Uncle’s things yet. I’m not sure what we can toss, or what we might be able to sell,” Jisung explained, his smile only growing wider when the other glanced towards him once more. Jisung assumed the boy was very cold, from the way his cheeks and ears were now suddenly painted red. “Do you normally keep your truck here, or…” Jisung pondered off, and the man coughed lightly, Jeongin listening to the two converse as his hand was still holding onto Jisung’s own.

“N-No, we, my friends and I, we have a separate garage just a few miles from here with a few of our cars. One of them owns the garage,” the man explained, his skin only growing rosier the more he talked, stuttering over his words and biting his lip gently. “Usually my truck stays there.”

“If it’s alright with you, we’ll keep in mind that you have a truck. For today, we are just going to start sorting through some of the smaller things,” Jeongin answered for him, and the man nodded, his gaze still lingering on Jisung as the chill swept between them. Jisung saw Jeongin shiver, and he felt his entire earth shake at the sight, his body turning and reaching for the door to lead the boy inside once more before he suddenly stopped, thinking.

“Would you… like to help us?” Jisung curiously asked, and really he didn’t understand why he was offering. But he felt the need to keep this boy close, to keep him as close as Jeongin was to him, Jeongin letting out a small sigh from the words as the man’s eyes seemed to widen at the suggestion. Jisung hoped it wasn’t rude to ask.

“H-Help?” the man asked, Jeongin letting out another sigh as Jisung couldn’t hold his tongue long enough to subdue his laughter. It was airy, the sound making even Jeongin smile as he glanced back at his friend with fond eyes, the stranger’s own widening as his skin flushed red. “Yeah! I mean, I can help. I can lift heavier items o-or furniture,” the man quickly said, only glancing away as his lips twisted into half a frown and half a smile, the sight so endearing that Jisung could feel his heart aching. He really wanted to get these two inside, where it was warm.

“Sounds good to me,” Jisung said with a warm smile, turning away before guiding Jeongin by his hand into the apartment, hoping the stranger would follow. He wondered what it was about the men who lived here, why he felt so oddly attached to them. Perhaps his heart was just so broken that any bit of kindness meant more than nothing to him. He shouldn’t start assuming things, not in the way he did with Jeongin.

The apartment was warmer than when he had first entered it, but the sinking feeling from the initial moment of entering was still there, the stillness of death that followed, the small hints that someone used to live and breathe here crowded around the filled spaces. He almost felt guilty for intruding, and he still had yet to go into the living room, instead the group nestled into the kitchen while the man and Jeongin glanced around, Jisung eyeing his friend as he felt his hand slowly start to tremble in the boy’s own. Jeongin must have felt it too, his eyes making their way to Jisung as he offered him a small, sad smile, pity outlining the corners of his eyes as Jisung wanted to cave in from the sight. Yet there was still someone new here with them, Jisung biting his bottom lip as he glanced at the man, as he saw the way he stood so still, hands by his sides, shoulders almost pressing inwards, as if he was trying to be as polite and respectful of Jisung’s boundaries as possible. Jisung appreciated it, but he also didn’t want the helpful stranger to feel uncomfortable. So instead he shed the hints of despair from his expression, the small pieces that only Jeongin had managed to see so far, and he smiled, aiming it towards the stranger as their eyes met, and the man’s cheeks bristled pink.

“My name’s Changbin,” the man said, the growl in his voice much smoother than earlier, as if he was suddenly more aware of how quiet it was around them. Changbin tensed after telling his name, but Jisung only let out a small hum as he squeezed his friend’s hand, the boy letting out a small sigh as he faced their new guest. Jeongin usually wasn't opposed to strangers, but he could tell the other was more on edge after everything that had happened. He was just doing his best to protect Jisung like he said he would.

“I’m Jeongin, Jisung’s best friend,” the boy muttered, and Jisung rolled his eyes fondly, slowly releasing his hand from the boy’s grip as he glanced around the room. It was still dirty, besides the sink that had been mostly been cleared up by Chan (Jisung added a few more dirty dishes after it was clean,) but the rest of the place seemed more crowded than it had been earlier, especially with the added addition of two people other than himself. Jisung bit his inner cheek as he wondered what they should start on, because he could feel his mind spinning, asking himself why he had been the one to accept such a task as this. Jisung understood the concept of death, but he was so scared of it. It had taken one of his most cherished people, and it was out to steal more.

“Where should we start? Maybe we should look to see if there are any trash bags or anything before we decide what needs to be thrown away,” Changbin suddenly offered, the words pulling Jisung out of his small daze as he glanced back at the other. Changbin was already moving, deciding that he didn’t need to be so stiff and polite anymore as he checked underneath the sink, a small groan leaving his lips and echoing into the small space as he suddenly reached up his hand with a small box resting between his fingers. Apparently Changbin had found some trash bags.

“Do you want to just start on the kitchen?” Jeongin asked as he turned towards Jisung, and Jisung pursed his lips at the suggestion. Realistically, he hadn’t meant to do this right now, with others by his side. He originally wanted to do it on his own where he could cry as much as he wanted, but he needed an excuse to get them both out of the cold, and this seemed like the best option at the moment. But now, Jisung was nervous. He didn’t want to go through his Uncle’s things. It just felt so… wrong. “Jisung?” Jeongin softly asked, stepping towards his friend and reaching up his hand to cup his cheek, the warmth shocking him as his breath hitched in his throat. His eyes dashed to match Jeongin’s gaze, and he forced a smile to his lips, realizing that Changbin was staring at them from behind, but not moving an inch until Jisung said so. Did he think they were weird? Too close, too intimate? What were his thoughts, and why did they matter so much to Jisung? Jisung decided to sneak a quick glance at Changbin, but what he saw did not match the picture he painted in his mind. What he saw was a blushing boy, smiling so fondly at the scene in front of him.

“T-The kitchen,” Jisung mumbled, gulping as he flipped his gaze back to Jeongin. “Let’s start on the kitchen.”

They worked in tangent, starting with what was obvious trash, while Jeongin found a small sponge under the sink and began to clean up the areas that they were clearing. Changbin started on the easiest task of the fridge, emptying out old food from inside as Jisung messed with the draws and cupboards, calling Changbin over for help when they were stuck in place and were too difficult for Jisung to pull out. Jisung watched the way Changbin’s back muscles flexed each time he strained himself just the slightest bit, and he silently fawned over the sight, softly thanking the boy as he was offered a small smile before the two got back to work once more. From what Jisung could see, his Uncle liked to collect junk. Useless tools and outdated papers, their trash bags filling quickly as Changbin tied them up one by one before bringing them out to the back of his truck. The other had taken off the sweatshirt that clung to his waist, putting it on the table as he worked, and Jisung had an even better sight at the back of his thighs stuffed into his pants, his heart shamefully fluttering in his chest every time he saw them flex in his peripheral vision. Jeongin must have noticed too, the other giving the boy an approving nod before settling back into his tasks.

“Jisung,” Jeongin called out the moment Changbin left the apartment to put another trash bag in the back of his truck, shutting the door behind him to keep the warmth from spilling out. Jisung let out a small nonchalant hum to let the boy know he was listening, but he didn’t expect to feel the sudden weight folding over his back as a pair of arms wrapped around his stomach, Jisung crouched down on the ground as Jeongin joined him from behind. His eyes widened from surprise, but he slipped into the headspace Jeongin always brought along with his actions, his muscles melting, his mind free from the suffering Jisung had been putting himself through in secret. Jeongin must have been able to sense it. “I’m tired,” Jeongin whined, and Jisung let out a small chuckle as he started to twist his body, moving to sit fully on the floor as he leaned against a cabinet under the sink, Jeongin falling into his lap while still hugging just as tightly. Jisung ran his hands up and down Jeongin’s back, before reaching up and twisting his finger into the boy’s hair, his smile growing fonder for the heavy boy blanketing his body.

“Then go upstairs and take another nap. Changbin and I can handle this,” Jisung chuckled, but Jeongin only whined again, the boy finally pulling back enough as Jisung noticed the cute, bratty pout on his face.

“If I leave, Changbin will steal you away,” Jeongin mumbled, the words making the tips of Jisung’s ears burn as his lips slitted into a thin line. Jeongin pouted harder at his friend’s reaction, but he didn’t move, their eyes locked together as one of Jeongin’s hand gripped Jisung’s shoulder, while the other curled around the back of his neck. “Either that, or you’ll find yourself alone in some corner and start crying again.” Jeongin added, Jisung letting out a small gasp as he felt Jeongin reach to gently tug on the back of his light brown hair. Finger tracing his neck, nails scratching his scalp, Jeongin was like a lazy fox preening for attention, and the smirk on his lips told Jisung just how sneaky he knew he was being.

“I won’t cry, I promise,” Jisung said, but both knew those words were more of a lie than anything.

“You totally will, and I won’t be there to hug you when you do,” Jeongin mumbled, and Jisung rolled his eyes as his palm slid down Jeongin’s clothed back, resting on the small of his back at the other arched slightly from the touch. “You should just come sleep upstairs with me,” Jeongin lulled, tugging at his hair once more, leaning in even closer as Jisung felt as his breath was stolen from his lips. Jeongin just looked so ethereal up close, warmth spreading between their bodies that Jisung wished to explore further. The door opened, but the two missed it, caught up in each other's affections for one another, Jisung falling for the boy in front of him as if he was doing all he could to mesmerize Jisung with his words.

“I can watch over him,” a voice suddenly called out, and Jisung blinked as he was shaken from the sight and sounds of Jeongin, glancing past the boy on his lap towards the larger one who had just walked through the door. The same fond expression was on Changbin’s face once more as he gazed down at the two, but Jeongin let out a small groan of frustration, suddenly pushing himself up and glaring at Changbin before walking a few steps away from both of them.

“I’ll be upstairs,” Jeongin grumbled, giving a small glance towards Jisung before walking away. But Jisung didn’t miss the playful look in his eyes, the way his lips hinted at a smirk, nor how his body shifted so smoothly with each step he took. Instead Jeongin looked quite pleased with himself, heading up the stairs and disappearing from their gazes, leaving Changbin and Jisung alone in silence once more. It was the first time they had been alone together. Silence filled the space between them, and Jisung opened his lips to speak, still sitting on the floor by the sink, even as only more silence fell through. It wasn’t awkward per say, but it wasn’t a presence Jisung was used to either. Yet Changbin was taking the lead, stepping forward before crouching down to sit beside Jisung, leaning against the cabinet and resting his hands on his lap as he let out a deep sigh. From this close Jisung could smell the scent of something sweet on him mixed with musk, his nose twitching from just how well it suited the strong boy’s appearance, but soft personality.

“Chan said you seemed like a nice person,” Changbin suddenly said, and Jisung blinked, glancing at the relaxed boy next to him who decided to lead their conversation. He didn’t feel a need to confirm these words, and he could tell Changbin wasn’t asking for that either, a small hum leaving his lips as he pulled his legs towards his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

“Chan was nice… you seem very kind too,” Jisung decided to say, watching the way Changbin’s skin turned rosy red once more. Changbin played with his fingers in his lap, a shy smile falling on his lips as he let out a breathy chuckle.

“He also said this place belonged to your Uncle,” Changbin added, Jisung glancing away as he nodded silently. “I met him a few times before,” Changbin suddenly said, and Jisung paused, his body tensing and his mind stirring, the living room still untouched as Jisung had only offered it a few glances. “He had a lot to talk about.”

“Like what?” Jisung quickly asked, and he didn’t want it to seem like he didn’t know his Uncle at all, but- it was just that. He truly never really got to know the man as a person. And it was something he could only regret now that he was gone.

“Apparently he really liked sci-fi shows,” Changbin chuckled, and Jisung gulped, the sound easing him from his fears as he loosened his grip wrapped tightly around his legs. His eyes crept towards the other once more, and he could see Changbin’s head tilted back, gazing at the ceiling with an amused smile on his lips, as if he was recalling odd conversations he and Jisung’s Uncle had about what was beyond the stars. “He mentioned his job a few times, and we’d talk about Chan-”

“Chan?” Jisung asked, and Changbin paused, the smile lifting on his face as he turned towards Jisung, allowing their gazes to meet as both of their cheeks seemed to blush as a result.

“Yeah. Chan and him talked a lot. Sometimes he even came over here when your Uncle offered to watch some weird sci-fi movie, Chan’s into those things too,” Changbin explained, the words nestling into the deepest part of Jisung’s mind as he felt the same pressure and weight from before grounding into his stomach. Chan had been close with his Uncle. He had talked to Chan, but the other never mentioned it once. “He met most of the others too,” Changbin added, and before Jisung could even ask what the boy meant, Changbin was already explaining for him. “There’s six of us who live next door. We share the entire building, two in each apartment,” Changbin explained, Jisung’s heart fluttering at the idea of so many friends living together. It must be fun. “I live with Chan, that’s why I was the first to hear about you. I’m sure he’s told the others by now though.”

“I’m… trying to find a place to live too. With Jeongin,” Jisung decided to let slip, even though he held back the details surrounding that choice. But Changbin didn’t seem to feel the need to ask as he nodded, his body turning closer to Jisung until suddenly their thighs were touching.

“It’ll be hard during this time of year,” Changbin said, and the honesty was striking but not entirely unwelcome, Jisung’s lips quivering because he knew the boy was right. It was probably the same reason his father hadn’t even bothered to look for a place to live while he knew they would be losing the house.

“We can do it,” Jisung whispered, holding himself close as he placed his jaw on his knees, gazing at the space in front of him underneath the table. “Jeongin and I can do this. We’re on our own now, so it’s the only thing we can do to survive.”

Changbin gazed at him from the side, a serious expression on his face as a small hum left his lips. But he didn’t say anything else, instead he looked content just sitting next to Jisung on the floor, keeping a small amount of space between them that Jisung didn’t care too much for. He wanted to feel Changbin’s warmth, in the same way he thought for a moment about Chan’s, in the way he always thought about Jeongin’s- but maybe he was getting ahead of himself. Maybe he was being selfish, his head lowering to hide his expression, to hide the tears he had promised his friend he wouldn’t shed. But the sob was tightly ripped from his throat, and his body shook as he couldn’t but allow his tears to fall once more. Everything was so confusing, overwhelming, because there was so much he wanted, so much he needed to make happen in a short amount of time. He couldn’t spend that time thinking about a few strangers he had met so suddenly, he needed to keep his mind centered, and he needed to keep thinking about Jeongin. He needed to get him out of that house. He needed to ignore the way such a large palm was settling on his back, gently rubbing up and down his spine as he couldn’t help but enjoy the warmth it brought. Everything was such a mess.

“I’ll do my best to help out where I can. Chan too,” Changbin simply said, the words enough to earn another small sob from the boy he was petting. But Jisung didn’t feel embarrassed, instead he felt relieved. Instead he felt like for the first time since everything came crashing down on him- he had people on his side. Just that small bit of support would be everything he needed to push through these desperately despairing circumstances.

Chapter Text

The sky was already dark by the time Jisung brought Jeongin back to his car, keeping the engine running as a low hum filled the silence between them. Jeongin acted as exhausted as Jisung felt, falling asleep for a third time on the car ride back, Jisung listening to his soft snores with a frown on his face as he drove, admittedly a bit absent mindedly. He didn’t like the fact that he was bringing the other back to a place of suffering, especially now that he had at least half a bed to offer his friend to sleep in. He didn’t like how it appeared Jeongin was too frightened to sleep at home, keeping one eye open, ready for the worst. And he didn’t like that he would end up alone. It felt like every connection he had created in his life was stripped from him, thrown into an abyss that Jisung would never be able to search through to find them again. Even with Jeongin, though he was right next to him now, it was the idea that when Jisung felt the most vulnerable, Jeongin would be gone. Suffering on his own in a different way, but Jisung couldn’t protect him, and he definitely wouldn’t be able to protect himself. He couldn’t get himself to explain these emotions either, scared he would push the boy away with lingering despair, only for it to fold over twice when he came upon his own at his mother’s house. It was always back to being alone, in some shape or form.

“How-” Jeongin took in a heavy yawn, lips parted and arms stretching up in the air like a preening fox- “long have we been parked here for?” Jisung bit his lip as he tried to hide his frown, but Jeongin had already turned to him and seen the truth, his expression softening as a small sigh left his lips. “You could have always woken me up. I don’t have to go back just yet,” Jeongin added, but Jisung’s heart was heavy as he shook his head, grabbing the steering wheel in front of him as he did his best to keep his gaze off the boy who shook his soul.

“You should. Your mom will probably be worried if I keep you any longer, and that won't be good for either of us. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, the same way we did today,” Jisung explained, his voice high strung, like he was talking through a thin space without ease. A moment of silence blanketed the two as Jeongin pondered over the words, before he was sighing again, slumping back in his seat with a pout on his lips.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Jeongin mumbled, the words cracking through a solid layer in Jisung’s chest as he felt it crumble beneath him. “I really, really , don’t want to leave you,” Jeongin repeated, and another layer, another barrier fell, Jisung’s lips twitching as he finally dared himself to look towards the other.

“It’s not like anything will happen the moment we part. I’ll just go back, eat something, maybe shower, and fall asleep,” Jisung explained, Jeongin glancing at him at the same time as his pout only fell further. His eyes held a look that told Jisung the boy didn’t entirely believe him.

“It’s not you- it’s those neighbors. The weirdly friendly ones,” Jeongin explained, Jisung’s eyebrows furrowing for only a moment, his heart thumping faster in his chest at just the simple reminder.

“Chan and Changbin?” Jisung asked, and Jeongin hummed, suddenly leaning forward and perching his chin on Jisung’s shoulder, gazing up at the boy with wide, but still squinted eyes as the sight was enough to take Jisung’s breath away.

“ Those two …” Jeongin grumbled, still pouting as Jisung waited a few moments before he allowed the laughter to spill, pushing away whatever silence remained as his chest jerked from humor, his hand letting go of the steering wheel as he reached to gently pet Jeongin’s raven black hair.

“What do you have against those two? All they did was try to help,” Jisung chuckled, Jeongin searching his eyes for a moment to find truth in his words before deflating. Jisung expected the boy to pull away, but he seemed content with staying where he was, fingers running through his hair, nails gently scratching at his scalp.

“I know that, but… they are suspicious,” Jeongin mumbled, closing his eyes as Jisung felt his expression soften at the sight. “They seem too friendly,” Jeongin exaggerated, slowly opening one eye to see Jisung’s expression. When all he saw was Jisung smiling back at him, he sighed, lifting his head off Jisung’s shoulder, but keeping close enough so the boy could still pet his hair. “Which isn’t a bad thing- I mean, I don’t think they are bad people,” Jeongin added, a frown now on his lips as he glanced away. “And they did help us…”

“Why not just settle it at that? Just some friendly people who were nice enough to help out,” Jisung offered, but Jeongin blinked, eyebrows furrowing before he turned to gaze at Jisung once more.

“Is that how you see it?” Jeongin softly asked, and if Jisung was telling the truth, then no. He didn’t see it like that. In fact he saw it as much more, but he couldn’t tell his friend that only to have him worry more. And he couldn’t take things too far in his mind if their “friendliness” was really only that. There really wasn’t much for Jisung to consider here, and all he could do was pretend things were as normal as usual… which were never normal. At least not in the past year.

“I don’t know. But that’s the way I’m going to see it for now,” Jisung decided, allowing the smile to return to his face as Jeongin seemed to relax at the words. “Besides, I’ve got enough to worry about right now. Like how your mom is probably ready to call the cops on me,” Jisung chuckled, watching as Jeongin deflated before sitting back fully in his seat. Jisung’s hand fell back by his side, and Jeongin stared at the dashboard, fingers twirling nervously in his lap as Jisung could tell the boy had more to say. “Jeongin?” Jisung softly called out, and Jeongin lifted his head, biting his lip as something seemed to harden behind his gaze.

“Listen, Jisung… I’m glad that there are people out there like Chan and Changbin who are kind enough to offer their help like they did. And honesty, if they were to reach out again, I think it’d be best if you accepted their offer. Whatever it is. I’m not trying to hold you back- well, that’s not what I really mean but- you don’t need to worry about me. It doesn’t matter what happens, who is there, where we are… because I’ll still be by your side. And if there are others also by your side then… they can’t be bad people. They picked you, afterall,” Jeongin slowly explained, his words like feathers to Jisung’s ears, such a soft and lulling caress that Jisung could feel himself wanting to lean into the other boy and embrace him. But he could also see something vulnerable hidden in his expression, Jisung’s own expression twisting as he tried to understand what the boy had meant.

“I’m not going to leave you,” Jisung whispered, and Jeongin let out a small laugh, shaking his head as he reached forward and took Jisung’s hand into his own.

“I know you won’t. I trust you,” Jeongin smiled, his face softening with fondness as Jisung felt his own heart threaten to burst. “All you need to do is trust me too. If there’s something wrong, I’ll be sure to tell you. But for now, just do what feels right. I know you think of me for almost everything, so now I’m giving you a chance to think about yourself for once. If something happens, I’ll be there to protect you.”

Jisung gazed at the boy next to him, wondering what had happened for the other to speak in such a way. He didn’t quite understand what he was getting at, but he seemed serious about Jisung following his heart, in whatever regard he needed to. Jeongin wasn’t letting go of him, but it seemed the opposite, tightening his hold, wrapping his words around his soul like an embrace, keeping him warm and safe, enough so that he could feel comfortable thinking for himself, and trying out new situations. New situations like Chan. Like Changbin. He really liked those two, he liked how polite and kind they were, but how confident they treated each of their actions, as if what they were doing was the right thing because they believed it to be. Jisung wanted to feel the same way someday. Perhaps he could with Jeongin by his side, but even in such a tight embrace his back was left vulnerable, needing an extra set of arms to fully surround him in a way Jeongin by himself couldn’t provide. But that felt selfish. Even though Jeongin assured him that his selfishness was allowed. It didn’t matter. Jeongin was asking something of him, and Jisung would do his best to achieve it.

“I’ll try,” Jisung mumbled, his gaze falling to the cushioned seats beneath them as Jeongin’s warm hand held onto his own, thumb caressing his knuckles, and a sad smile on his face. “You should go back,” Jisung added, not because he wanted the boy to leave, but because he knew the longer he stayed, the harder it would be to let go. For both of them.

“You’re right,” Jeongin sighed, a small groan leaving his lips as he reluctantly let go of Jisung’s hand before unbuckling himself out of his car seat. Jisung gulped as he turned to gaze out the window, but his eyes widened when Jeongin suddenly surged forward, placing a chaste kiss on his slowly blushing cheeks before pulling away. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jeongin cheered as he just as quickly opened up the car door before jumping outside, and before Jisung could even react to the kiss, Jeongin was in his own car, turning on the engine, and driving away.

There really wasn’t much for Jisung to do other than follow Jeongin’s lead, the boy pulling out of the park and ride, the thrum of the engine growing louder now that he wasn’t idling. The night sky was clear, a pleasant change since the clouds that had weighed on Jisung’s mind, stars twinkling and calling out to him, a call he willfully ignored. His mother had always liked stars. There were nights during the summer when he’d open up the back screen door to see the woman sitting on the porch, hands placed behind her as she leaned back and gazed at the sky, a secretive smile on her lips while Jisung couldn’t tell what his mother was thinking. He almost felt bad for interrupting her, but she’d accept him with open arms, cradling him in her chest as she would point out different stars and different constellations, things he never understood or remembered when he was met with the light hum of his mother’s voice in his ears. Usually he’d fall asleep before he saw or heard too much of anything, his mother cutting her time short to tend to her son. He regretted taking that time from her, but he knew his mother would tell him her time was his. That was the sacrifice she had made when she gave birth to him.

His mind was filled with short bursts of memories with his mother, until he was dissociating with his drive, a different plane of existence as he somehow managed to get back to his Uncle’s apartment, parking the car, turning it off, before sitting still. At some point he had started crying. His cheeks were wet, a shaky hand reaching up as his fingertips slid against the moisture, his lower lip wobbling as he begged himself to stop crying. He didn’t want to cry anymore. He had cried so much from his mother’s death alone, but he knew it wasn’t right to cry over her memories, the moments where they were happy, when everything was okay. He knew Jeongin would be upset if he learned that Jisung had been crying while he was all alone, without his shoulder to lean into, a provided warmth that kept him safe while he allowed his mind to slip. And while the tears were for his mother, the memories were not only of the two of them. His father was there too. The man who was still alive, who had been the reason for Jisung to lose more than what he assumed was possible for a single person in his life, was smiling in his head, laughing along with Jisung as they spent their time together as a loving family. The man who was so sickly, in his head he was youthful and healthy. Where was his father now?
Jisung took in a deep breath as he tried to calm himself down, but his breath was interrupted by a light tap on his window right next to him, a small yelp escaping his lips as he ducked in his seat and glanced at the cause for the noise. Tears still lingering in his gaze, Jisung could make out a face staring at him from outside the car, a soft smile on their lips as they gave Jisung a small wave, noticing they must have sent him into a panic. While his heart had started to sink from the memories flowing loosely in his mind, his chest was filled with warmth at the familiar face, a sigh leaving his lips as he sat straight and offered the person a small, fake smile of his own. It never reached his eyes, which were too busy with the tears he held onto, but he moved into action as he reached for the car door handle, pulling and opening up the door to allow a small blast of chill inside. The person moved out of the way as Jisung opened up the door all the way, and he turned himself so he was sitting sideways on his driver seat, a small light illuminated above his head due to the car door now being open. He looked quite small like this, feet dangling above the ground, hands resting on his lap, and wet eyes gazing at the newcomer, but there wasn’t a soul brave enough to admit it.

“I… didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice said, soothing and boyish in the way Jisung had remembered from the day before. Chan stood before him, bundled up into another black puffy jacket that Jisung felt slightly jealous of. But Chan’s hair was flatter than the day before also, as if he had purposely styled it in a way to hide his beautiful curls. Chan smiled, and Jisung’s lips parted, taking in a quick breath of cold air as he felt himself stutter to reply.

“N-No! You didn’t, well I know you didn’t mean to… scare me,” Jisung nervously said, not because Chan was someone to be feared, but because he felt his skin itching with the need to slide out of his seat and seek his warmth in a way he only felt with Jeongin. He didn’t think Chan deserved any weird thoughts such as that. But Chan only smiled wider, dimples appearing on his cheeks like tiny kisses, his eyes crinkling and Jisung’s stomach twisting. Jisung fiddled in his hands in his lap as he gazed at Chan, too afraid to speak and ruin the soothing moment between them.

“I just finished cooking dinner when I saw your car drive in. I don’t have your number, but I wanted to invite you to have dinner with us,” Chan explained, raising his hand and running his fingers through his hair, as if he was grabbing at snow.

“Us?” Jisung asked, and Chan nodded, a low hum leaving his lips that Jisung swore he could feel pulsating in his chest. Chan took a step forward, and Jisung felt a small tingle in the tips of his ears and cheeks, wondering if Chan could see it in the dim lighting surrounding him.

“Changbin and I. Usually I invite the others, but everyone seemed to be too busy tonight. There’s more than enough food, if you’d like. Changbin said he noticed there wasn’t much to eat at your Uncles after going through the food there,” Chan explained, and the offer was thoughtful, and cordial, but Jisung couldn’t help but feel like butterflies were having a frenzy in his stomach, his lips parting to speak when a surprisingly cold chill blew past the two. Jisung shivered, and Chan stepped forward, moving to unzip his jacket as in the next moment it was off the boy, and placed over Jisung’s shoulders. And it was just so warm . “You really don’t have to if you don’t want to, but let’s not stay outside too long. Right now isn’t a good time for anyone to get sick,” Chan chuckled, Jisung stuffing his face in the puffy jacket collar as he tried to hide his blush. Chan was wearing a white long sleeve underneath the jacket he had placed on Jisung, and he could see how large his build was, though Changbin was still just slightly bulkier. But it was defined, even Jisung could see that, everything swelling inside of him as his tears were forgotten, as his hand reached forward on his own, in the same familiar way it always did with Jeongin. Because being with Chan felt like being with Jeongin.

“I’ll go to your place,” Jisung said, offering a smile as his fingers slipped between Chan’s own, holding onto his hand without even realizing his actions. Chan’s eyes widened, but Jisung slipped out of his car as he stood next to Chan, shutting and locking his car before turning back to the boy. Chan looked a bit frozen, but Jisung assumed once more it was from the cold, the boy giving Chan an encouraging nod to leave the way so Chan didn’t need to freeze anymore than he already had. The fingers flexed between his own, but Chan gulped, glancing away, and holding Jisung’s hand a bit tighter as he started to walk the boy over to his apartment, large strides, but slow enough for Jisung to keep up with. “I swear every day the temperature drops five degrees,” Jisung mumbled, the sound of their shuffling feet across cement filling the silence, and Chan’s palm warm in his own. He still had yet to notice the action he took, but Chan treated it natural enough that there wasn’t cause for concern.

“I like the Winter,” Chan said, his voice so soothing that Jisung could feel the remaining tension leaving his body, forgetting completely how he had been crying in his car only minutes before. How Chan had probably noticed he had been crying. “Everything is peaceful, the stars shining, snow falling, cuddling close under warm blankets- it’s very intimate,” Chan added, and while it was a simple statement, it left Jisung breathless. Intimate. It was silly how badly Jisung could feel himself craving the word.

“My mom liked the stars' positions during the Winter,” Jisung suddenly heard himself say, and it was a slip up, every comforting thought shifting to one of despair in a moment's notice. But Chan squeezed his hand, and Jisung let out a shaky breath, smiling to himself as they almost reached Chan and Changbin’s apartment. “She used to sit outside every night before bed when the sky was clear, just gazing up at them. She never spoke too much about them, but maybe if I had cared enough when I got older, she would have told me everything she saw,” Jisung said, his lips pulling into a smile as he felt the painful tug on his heart. He really missed his mother. ‘ Now I’ll never know,’ Jisung thought to himself.

“I know a bit about stars,” Chan said, gazing down at Jisung with a charming smile on his lips. “I could always teach you, though I’m not sure I’d be as good of a teacher as your mom sounds to be,” Chan chuckled, warmth blooming in Jisung’s cheeks as he couldn’t help but blush at the words. He cherished the simple idea, even though he knew Chan didn’t understand what degree his words meant to Jisung.

“Oh- sure… that’d be nice,” Jisung mumbled, hiding in the coat collar once more as Chan let out another soothing chuckle, Jisung smiling to himself as the two finally reached Chan’s apartment. The boy didn’t knock as instead he reached for the doorknob, opening up the red wooden door as Jisung could instantly smell home cooked food from inside, his eyes drifting at the initial layout to see how similar it was to his Uncle’s apartment. The two stepped in before Chan shut the door, and Jisung gazed around, noticing the other boy who was sitting at the table, pushing back on the chair he sat in as it rocked on two legs, a phone in his hands, and a small earbud in his ear. Chan gently took the coat off from Jisung’s shoulders, and he let go of the boy’s hand as he still missed that he had been holding onto it, his eyes settled on Changbin who was smirking at some video he was engrossed in on his phone.

“Changbin- you’re going to fall,” Chan said, and Jisung blinked as the tone of his voice fell flat, in a way entirely different than was used with Jisung. “Actually, I hope you fall,” Chan grumbled, a small sigh leaving his lips as he walked past Jisung and towards the stove, stirring whatever he had been simmering while he had spent time visiting Jisung outside. Jisung continued to gaze at Changbin as he felt the butterflies erupt once more, and Changbin felt the gaze on him as he finally gazed up himself, eyes landing on Jisung, before going wide. Changbin let out a gasp as he kicked in his seat from surprise, before he was falling backwards and hitting the ground roughly with his chair, a small “oomf” sound in the room as Chan didn’t even bother turning around to see if his friend was alright.

“A-Are you alright?!” Jisung asked, stepping forward as he stood directly above the boy while gazing down at him with concern, and Changbin’s body was spread out as he gazed back with wide eyes, his entire face flushed with red as he laid perfectly still on the floor.

“Jisung? Wha-what are you doing here?” Changbin asked, and Jisung pursed his lips as he held back his laughter, suddenly finding the situation more amusing than concerning. Changbin looked okay, but his surprise was quite a sight.

“I told you I was inviting him over, but you were too busy watching your girl group videos to listen to me,” Chan scolded out loud, and Jisung couldn’t believe the shade of red Changbin’s face was now, the other finally scurrying to pick himself up as he grabbed his chair, putting it back into place before leaving his gaze on the ground. “But- are you alright?” Chan finally asked, and he turned and gazed at the boy who had fallen, Changbin nodding as he bit his lip and did everything he could to avoid Jisung’s gaze.

“I’m built like a tank, of course I’m okay…” Changbin mumbled, pouting, Jisung finally allowing his laughter to peek through as he gripped the chair he was standing next to tightly to keep him on his feet. Changbin turned to gaze at him, but the embarrassment lifted at the sight of the cute boy in a fit of laughter, a shy smile forming on his own lips as Jisung’s heart felt warm and fuzzy, a sensation he had almost forgotten.

“Changbin pulls that shit a lot,” Chan warned, amusement settled into his tone as he watched Jisung laugh.

“I do not!” Changbin quipped, but he didn’t seem too confident in his words as Chan instead rolled his eyes, getting back to dinner that smelled heavenly in the air. He wasn’t sure what the boy made, but Jisung could feel his stomach clench in hunger at just the scent.

“Jisung, take a seat. Food’s almost done, and I’ll make sure Changbin cleans up so don’t even worry about anything but eating,” Chan softly said, offering the boy a small smile as Jisung finally calmed his laughter, rubbing the tears from his eyes before sitting down. Changbin was still blushing, but he kept stealing glances at Jisung from the side as he sat down once more himself, pulling out his phone, and restarting his video. The house fell into a peaceful lull of silence that Jisung could feel himself enjoying- the smells, the sights, the company. Maybe this is what Jeongin had meant earlier. Maybe this was something he was meant to allow, to enjoy. And he knew that he could. He wasn’t alone, and he wasn’t crying. He was right where he needed to be.

Chapter Text

Knees tucked together, hands in his lap, shoulders hunched- Jisung could not be more uncomfortable. But he was too scared to move and find such comfort when he was sharing the couch with not one, but two gorgeous boys who were larger in size than him, and sitting on either side of him. Chan and Changbin seemed to be more relaxed than Jisung was, Chan leaning up against the arm rest as Changbin sat forward in his seat, legs parted and lips open in awe at the movie they were all watching together. Chan’s chin rested in his palm as he watched the movie silently, a calm but interested expression on his face, and Jisung felt like screaming, begging himself to move and find a place of comfort like these two. But they were so close. Any movement meant he would be touching them in some way, and to think that their thighs might meet, or their shoulders could bump- it sent him into a state of panic. Jisung was rigid, waiting for the moment to be over so he could run back to his Uncle’s apartment and drool over the scene while he was alone, tension constricting every muscle in him, and eyes unblinking on the movie, barely paying attention as the other two seemed captivated by the plot.

Dinner had been even better than Jisung was promised, the self proclaimed best chef in the apartment plating his food before offering it to Jisung by setting it on the table in front of him. He noticed his portions were smaller than Chan’s and Changbin’s, but he knew Chan was just being polite as he didn’t know how much Jisung tended to scarf down for a meal. If the circumstances were right, Jisung ate a lot. Too much sometimes. But when his eyes were already feasting on the sight of those two gorgeous boys side by side in their natural environment, acting so casual to one another, Jisung could even focus on the food, his head tilted down and his fork dragging across the plate, lip tucked between his teeth while stealing glances at the two. Chan rolled his sleeves up while he was eating, and Jisung could see the veins beneath his skin flexing with every small movement. Changbin on the other hand, was wearing the same t-shirt from earlier, muscles bulging from the cut off as if the shirt was too small for his figure. The sights were making something short-circuit in Jisung’s mind, but he ignored them, taking in a deep breath and tasting the food as he quickly realized just how delicious it was.

After dinner an awkward silence followed, in which Chan broke to suggest that the three watch a movie together. Jisung didn’t mind, because the night was still young, and Jisung really didn’t feel like being alone just yet. He wanted to wait until the last moment to go back to the apartment, and hopefully fall asleep quick enough so the full effects didn’t dawn on him and send him into a panic. Soon they moved into the living room where Chan picked out movies to watch, and Changbin had something to say about every single one while Jisung realized he had barely seen any of them. But he wasn’t picky, and so the moment Changbin settled for a movie Chan was pressing the play button, the two picking their seats and leaving a single place between them for Jisung to sit. He was sure they were being courteous, but Jisung’s heart was racing as he crawled onto the spot, making himself as small as possible as the movie started. The lights had been turned off, and now the three were in the dark, illuminated by only the light of the tv, Jisung thankful that no one would be able to see the blush slowly growing on his face.

“Is this the part where she gets murdered?” Changbin suddenly whispered, and Jisung jumped at the sound of the boy’s voice, a small growl in his ear that brought his attention back to the presence. Chan turned as he glanced at the boy in disbelief, and Jisung bit his lip, knowing already how the two seemed to operate, and how their friendship was formed on the foundation of bickering. Despite that, they seemed very close.

“Changbin, seriously?” Chan asked, and Changbin blinked as he gazed past Jisung towards Chan, Jisung stuck in the middle as he tried his best to lean back and appear unnoticed.

“What?” Changbin asked, Chan letting out a heavy sigh as Jisung bit his lip harder, still trying to prevent himself from being heard or seen. But he could feel the giddy sensation bubbling in his chest, pressing against his lips and begging to be heard as he gripped his sweatpants tightly in small fists to quiet himself.

“You’re spoiling the movie,” Chan scolded, shaking his head while only offering Changbin a small glare.

“You’ve seen this movie a hundred times!”

“So have you.”

“I haven’t seen it in a while.”

“Well, Jisung has never seen it before,” Chan argued, and suddenly both eyes were on him, the boy’s lips parting as he gazed at the movie in front of them. Jisung gasped, and he pointed towards the screen, the two turning back in time to see the woman Changbin had mentioned getting murdered.

“Oh,” Changbin softly said, and Jisung couldn’t help it anymore as he let out a small giggle, pulling his legs up onto the couch as he wrapped his arms around them. The sound echoed into the room as the two sat rigid next to the boy, but Jisung didn’t notice as his eyes crinkled with mirth, holding onto himself tightly as he was so warm and cozy in the moment.

“There’s a lot of movies in your collection I haven’t seen before,” Jisung whispered, turning towards Chan to see the boy’s backside facing him. His shoulders were broad, and Jisung felt his chest tighten at the thought, biting his lip once more as he loosened his embrace around his legs. Chan slowly turned to gaze back at the boy, before he was clearing his throat and moving to sit back himself, pressing into the cushions behind him and leaning into Jisung, their shoulders bumping and pressing together, Chan leaning in even more to softly whisper in his ear.

“Then we’ll have to watch all of them together,” Chan whispered, and Jisung felt the hair on his nape stand straight, small bumps rising across his skin as a small shiver pulsed down his spine. He felt Chan’s breath on his cheek, and he couldn’t help but turn to gaze at the boy, to see him smiling so fondly at him as his dimples bloomed on his cheeks. Jisung felt his breath hitch in his throat at the sight, his cheeks turning even more warm as Chan suddenly winked before turning to gaze back at the movie. Shoulders still touching, and the two so close.

“What did he just say?” Changbin asked, following Chan’s example as he leaned back against the couch before leaning into Jisung. All the space that the two had left was gone now, Jisung snuggled between them with his arms around his legs, and his head spinning, his entire body tingling but on fire from each point of contact with the others. 

“W-We need to watch more movies together…” Jisung mumbled, turning just enough towards Changbin that he was sure the other could feel his breath on his skin. Changbin paused as he gazed at Jisung for a few moments, before glancing away, clearing his throat and nodding even as he leaned further into Jisung and pressed him closer to Chan. If they kept this up, at some he’d start laying against one of them.

“We should look through my collection next time… or pick out one of your favorites,” Changbin offered, Jisung nodding to himself even as he could only focus on the way he felt like curling into one of them completely and falling pliant to intimacy. It truly didn’t matter which one of the two he chose to do so with. “Chan’s collection is boring.”

“Boring? What about ‘aliens’ are boring?” Chan asked, once again speaking past Jisung and towards the boy sitting next to him. Changbin shrugged, pulling at Jisung’s shoulder as he closed his eyes, the two now shuffling and tossing him between them as they got ready for another moment of bickering.

“Well, they don’t actually exist, for one-” Changbin started to say, and Chan scoffed, his lips twisting into a challenging grin as Jisung let out a small squeak between them from the movement.

“And all those zombie movies you watch, do you believe zombies are real?” Chan asked, earning a small frown from Changbin as he rolled his eyes.

“It’s more probable than aliens. Where’s the proof? We already have proof that there is fungus out there that can practically hijack all mobility if it intercepts the brain. Just one more step and soon people will be eating each other,” Changbin said, his gruff voice oddly proud. Chan blinked before laughing, and Changbin pouted, Jisung sitting between them as he held a smile of his own on his face.

“You really- you really think-” Chan started to say, but he was laughing so much, Changbin huffing as he was suddenly reaching across the couch as he attempted to grab Chan, the boy smacking his hands out of the way as Jisung leaned back as far as he could to not get hit himself.

“Where’s your aliens, huh? Show me one and I’ll believe you,” Changbin yelled, but Jisung could tell neither were being serious. Instead the words left a spark of curiosity inside of Jisung as he reached forward, grabbing Changbin’s wrist as his gentle touch stopped the boy instantly, Changbin frozen in his seat as Jisung turned to Chan with his question.

“Did you watch those kinds of movies with my Uncle?” Jisung suddenly asked, and Chan paused as he blinked, his expression softening impossibly more as he was reaching forward, surprising Jisung as he started to gently card his fingers through the boy’s light brown locks. The touch was a surprise, but it wasn’t unwanted, Jisung feeling as if he should preen from the touch in the same way Jeongin did when Jisung started to pet him. But now he was snuggled between two very kind, and very warm boys, holding onto one, while the other gave him an affectionate touch.

“Changbin told you about that, huh?” Chan softly asked, Jisung nodding as he felt his eyes lidding, as he felt suddenly so exhausted after the events of the day. A few days worth. He missed Jeongin, and while he didn’t feel entirely complete in the moment from that small ache in his heart, he truly didn’t mind spending time with these boys either. Whatever their intentions were. “It turned out that your Uncle and I liked some similar things, so once in a while we’d meet up to watch some movies or talk about them. He was very smart, and kind,” Chan explained, a smile on his lips even though Jisung could see a hint of pain behind his gaze. It was a similar expression to what Jisung had seen when he had told him the man had passed away. “And he knew way more than I did when it came to sci-fi,” Chan chuckled, the sound warming his soul even with the small chill that followed.

“Didn’t he come over here once?” Changbin asked, and Chan nodded, still petting Jisung’s hair as if it was second nature, Jisung holding onto Changbin’s wrist gently as he lowered it to sit comfortable on the boy’s lap.

“Yeah. He went through my collection of movies and scolded me for missing the classics. Then he came back the next day with them in hand, and just gave them to me,” Chan explained, and a small thought passed through Jisung’s head, his eyes widening as a small smile erupted on his lips.

“Would you like to come over sometime and help sort through his things? You can take some of it with you, if you want. I’m sure he’d rather parts of his collection ended up with you than at some second hand store where it’ll get bought by strangers,” Jisung explained, eagerly waiting for Chan’s reaction as the boy seemed shocked for a moment, before unsure. Jisung felt his smile fall at the look, but Chan caught his small slip, the hand in his hair falling before he was softly cupping Jisung’s cheek, caressing his skin gently with his thumb as he gave the boy a small nod.

“Sure, we can look through it together,” Chan assured, but the actions left Jisung speechless, his lips parted, and his face so close to Chan’s own as their gazes connected. Chan was smiling fondly, and Jisung could feel his heart racing in his chest, his hand holding onto Changbin’s wrist tighter, and his body pressed closer to Chan, the boy easily holding him up as he cupped his cheek, as if he was aware at how easily Jisung could fall from the sensations surrounding him. Falling into a pattern of wanting and yearning, all because of three different boys in his life.

The moment ended just as quickly as it had started, but Chan hadn’t pulled away, instead Jisung was the one flinching back when the front door was violently flung open, slamming into the wall behind it as a new body stumbled inside the apartment. Jisung was scared, but the wrist he had been clinging to released itself from his grip, and instead an arm was wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him in closer to a hardened chest, Jisung blinking before he realized what had happened, and how hot the blush flushed throughout his face. Changbin held onto him protectively as the new body stumbled past the kitchen and into the living room, standing in the doorway as all three gazed at the newcomer while the movie still played in the background. Jisung couldn’t say with full honesty he understood what he was seeing- but he could perhaps assume. In front of them was another boy he had never seen before, taller than both Chan and Changbin, but thinner, a wicked smirk twisted on his lips as lidded eyes gazed between the three. They had hair a shade lighter than Jisung’s own, and the man seemed to have trouble standing up, swaying side to side as he clutched the doorway, still smirking at the three as a small snicker spilled from his lips at the sight.

“I didn’t k-know you guys got a pet s-squirrel!” the voice cheered, before they were snickering again, glazed over eyes gazing at Jisung in the middle, before noticing the way an arm was wrapped tightly around his shoulders. “I-It’s a lil’ big though…”

“I told you to stop going to those work parties!” Chan suddenly yelled, a small groan spilling from his own lips as he placed his hand over his face. But soon enough he was standing up, walking over to the boy and stuffing his hands into his coat pockets, before reaching for his jean pockets instead, the other laughing loudly as he squirmed away from Chan’s touch. “You didn’t drive, did you?” Chan asked, and he seemed to complete his mission as he pulled something out from the pockets- a wallet, and a phone.

“Nooooo, of course not! I walked!” the boy cheered, raising his hands in the air before Chan took a step back and frowned at the boy in front of him.

“Walked? But how could you walk-”

“My coworker- he gave me a ride home… I told him his m-music suckeddd so he kicked me out,” the man chuckled, and Jisung felt like he could understand what was going on now, to some extent.

“Minho, please, call us next time. You see this phone? Use it,” Chan softly scolded, handing the phone back to the boy as he nodded. But the eyes were on Jisung again, and the boy was chuckling, stuffing his things back into his pockets as Chan had only been making sure he hadn’t lost them. Jisung wondered if that was something this Minho person did often.

“Why the squirrel?” Minho asked, and Jisung raised an eyebrow, Changbin chuckling from next to them as he started to gently rub Jisung’s shoulder from where he was holding onto him.

“I’m not a squirrel,” Jisung answered, but apparently speaking blew Minho’s mind, his eyes widening, gazing between Chan and Changbin as if what he heard wasn’t real.

“Y-You guys got a talking squirrel ?!” Minho exclaimed, and no one had even a chance to hold the other back as he came barreling towards Jisung, suddenly grabbing his cheeks between his palms before squishing them together. “Do you have any nutsss?” Minho asked, and Jisung snorted at the question, trying to squirm away from the hold as Chan came over and did his best to free the boy from what seemed like a death grip.

“I downt ewen wike nuhts” Jisung tried to said, but his cheeks were squished together, and he heard Changbin trying to hold in his laugh from next to him, putting his palm to his lips and turning to face away from the boy as Jisung could still feel himself shaking in amusement.

“A squirrel who doesn’t l-like nuts?! And can talk?! Are you even a s-squirrel, Mr. Squirrel?” Minho asked, and Jisung wasn’t sure how to respond to that, even after Chan managed to pry the boy loose, a deep sigh spilling from his own lips as someone started to scream in the background. Jisung became aware once more that they were in the middle of a movie that had been ruined by another boy, this one who happened to be quite intoxicated at the moment. 

“That’s not a squirrel, that’s Jisung,” Chan tried to explain, and Changbin finally let his laughter out, full bellied and cute, Jisung blushing as he couldn’t help but pout from the situation. 

“I-I’m going to lose it, this shit’s so funny!” Changbin cackled, pulling Jisung even closer until he was practically laying against the front of the boy’s chest.

“Changbin, you’re not helping,” Chan scolded, before he was sighing once more, clicking his tongue as he tried to think about what he could do to help this situation. “You can either sleep on this couch tonight, or I can call Seungmin over to pick you up,” Chan offered, and at the sound of the other boy’s name (another name Jisung had never heard before,) Minho seemed to freeze, fear shifting behind his gaze as he slowly shook his head and pulled away from Chan.

“I’ll sleep here,” Minho mumbled, Chan smiling as he nodded and moved to sit back on the couch.

“Good choice. Now go upstairs and take a shower,” Chan ordered, and Minho was nodding almost as quickly as he was sprinting away, leaving the three behind in his intoxicated state that Chan seemed to know how to deal with expertly. But- there was something that left Jisung curious.

“Is this Seungmin person… scary?” Jisung suddenly asked, and both Chan and Changbin were gazing at him, Changbin seemingly eager to continue holding onto him even though Minho had already left the room. Honestly though, he didn’t mind it one bit.

“Well… I wouldn’t say scary,” Changbin started as he glanced at Chan, the other nodding as he seemed to agree with his words. “Maybe more like- he is more aggressive with his affection,” Changbin slowly said, as if he didn’t seem to completely understand his own choice of words.

“Despite what you just saw, Minho is probably the hardest working out of all of us. He gets roped into a lot of unfortunate situations due to his job, and he takes it upon himself to pay the full rent for the place he shares with Seungmin, while Seungmin is in school. Seungmin just worries for Minho a lot, and sometimes it comes out as frustration instead, which then becomes a constant stream of nagging,” Chan explained, a soft chuckle leaving his lips at the thought of his friend. “Like a constantly worried mother.”

“Sometimes it’s too much, and Minho knows how much Seungmin hates it when Minho comes back drunk. There’s been times when he will lose his wallet or phone before he returns home, and more often than not he won’t tell anyone when he is going to these mandatory work parties either. Minho is stubborn, and Seungmin just cares a lot about him,” Changbin explained further, but the thought wasn’t that different from him and Jeongin. If he knew the other was being forced into situations like that, and he wasn’t asking Jisung for help, he’d be upset too. He’d worry until he finally exploded these frustrations onto the other.

“They both sound nice… just like you two,” Jisung whispered, an odd smile on his lips as he gazed back at the movie. The other two turned to him with fond smiles of their own, before Jisung blinked, remembering another thing as his smile fell and his eyebrows furrowed. “Do I really look like a squirrel?” Jisung asked, and Changbin quickly reached to cover his mouth once more as he snorted, Chan gulping as he did his best to push the smile away that threatened to break out on his lips.

“Well- I mean-” Chan started to stutter, Jisung pouting as he reached up with his own hands to start squishing his cheeks.

“Seriously?” Jisung asked, and Changbin laughed louder, turning to roughly pet Jisung on the head while gazing at him with eyes sparkling with joy, crinkled at the corner and making Jisung’s stomach twist at the sight.

“He just meant you’re cute like one,” Changbin offered, but the sentiment fell flat as Jisung pouted harder, cuddling closer to Changbin as he mumbled something under his breath.

“Well, he looked like a rabbit, so…” Jisung mumbled, but apparently the other two could hear the words themselves as they started to laugh in unison, Changbin wiping away tears from his eyes as Chan gazed down at Jisung in adoration.

“You should meet him when he’s not like this. I think Minho would really like you,” Chan said, and while the words were surprising, he wasn’t opposed to them. Chan and Changbin were a delight to be around, and since they were friends with Minho, then maybe they’d get along naturally too. Plus, the boy was handsome. Were all of Chan’s friends strikingly handsome? Jisung had standards, and while he didn’t necessarily need someone to be good looking for him to like them- he couldn’t deny the way they made his heart beat faster every time he gazed at them.

“I… I think I’d like that. I mean, I already met you two and it went well,” Jisung chuckled, and Changbin nodded, rubbing Jisung’s shoulder once more as he smiled down at the boy in his arms.

“Bring Jeongin with you too, that way Chan can meet him as well,” Changbin said, and at the reminder of the other boy Jisung felt his chest constrict, a guilty sensation washing over him when he realized he was here, having fun, while Jeongin was at his mother’s house suffering because of him. He remembered what Jeongin had just said, but it didn’t matter. When he wanted him so desperately by his side, it was impossible to think about himself for even a moment.

“I will,” Jisung said, and he surprised the two by suddenly standing up, pulling himself out of Changbin’s arms as he stretched and offered the two a small smile. “But, I think it’s time for me to go to bed,” Jisung said, deciding to not tell the two that he felt too guilty to actually remain by their sides any longer.

“Oh- I’ll walk you back,” Chan offered, and he was standing up before Jisung shook his head, a tight smile on his lips that he knew the other could easily look past. He would think about it tomorrow. For now, all he deserved was to be alone.

“I’ll be fine. Thanks for everything,” Jisung offered, but just as he turned to move, Chan was jumping up and reaching out for him, grabbing his arms before pressing his chest against his back. He could feel warmth rippling down his body, and a hand slid forward before stuffing something into his pants pocket, Jisung’s breath catching in his throat as he felt the conflicting emotions puttering around in his heart. He needed to leave, but Chan was… he was just so warm.

“Be safe. I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow,” Chan offered, and Jisung nodded, hiding his expression as he pulled away, opened the door, and left the apartment. The moment Jisung was safe, and alone in his Uncle’s apartment, he reached into his pocket to see what the other had stuffed into it. Written on a small piece of paper was Chan’s name, and his number. Jisung went to bed with dry eyes and a lingering warmth pressed up against his back that night.

Chapter Text

The steady beeping noises in the background were going to drive Jisung insane as he stood behind the small desk, the place too crowded and fast-paced for Jisung to even consider a small thought for himself. Which in a way made things easier, Jisung could do his job without having to worry about what was going on outside the store, where Jeongin was still at his mother’s place, and there was still so much to sort through at his Uncles. Realistically Jisung knew this time should be spent trying to find a new place to live with Jeongin, but in order for them to survive they needed money, a small sigh escaping his lips as he clicked lazily around the computer in front of him, pretending to be busy both on camera and around the customers. Jisung worked in a small grocery store, his position “customer service clerk,” where he would stand behind a desk all day and wait for annoyed customers to ask him a range of questions, most of which he knew the answers to. He had been working at this store for three years now, but the pay was abysmal, something he never really cared about until only recently when he realized how much money truly mattered to a person. He needed to make enough to at least afford rent. Working here, even if he convinced them to give him more hours, would not suffice.

It was another prolonged end, something Jisung knew he needed to step in and change, but his mind was bogged down by everything he needed to accomplish in such a short amount of time. Eventually his thoughts would shift to his Uncle, which would then only remind him of Chan, and like a complete circle he would be thinking about the boys he had met, including Jeongin, a warmth settling deep into his stomach as a small sigh escaped his lips. He hadn’t meant to run out on them the night before, but his mind had been wired, jolting him from his seat with the need to run away, to suffer because he was making Jeongin suffer. Yet as soon as he was alone, he regretted everything, staring at the number the other boy had given him, a number that he was frightened to enter into his phone. He really didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure what choice was the safe one to make, he wasn’t sure if depending on these people would make them reliable, or Jisung unable to move forward without them by his side. He was vulnerable right now, every part of his mind shaken, his hands cold, his body yearning for any kind of touch and comfort- something he knew the others could provide. But what if it wasn’t always there? What if they left him like everyone else had? Jisung didn’t want to suffer anymore, and so he wasn’t sure when, if ever, he should resign and give in.

For the past year, he felt like he only had Jeongin. His father was there, but not completely, his mind shattered as his body soon followed, until he was heaving for air at the slightest movement, skin pale and swollen. He looked like a different person, and while Jisung knew it was his father, the thought scared him. Now the man was somewhere else, and neither had even taken a moment to message the other. Maybe his father was ashamed. Maybe he never wanted to see Jisung again. Maybe Jisung felt the same. But in the end, and from the beginning, Jisung had Jeongin, always there by his side, always doing his best to protect him in the ways Jisung would need at those moments. How would Jeongin feel if suddenly there were more people by Jisung’s side, the small spot that Jeongin had filled the entire space up for all his life? He knew the boy had already spoken about it, but Jisung was unsure if the words were truth, or lies on Jisung’s behalf. It was a conclusion that Jisung would need to make eventually, depending on the actions of Jeongin, but he wanted to trust that the boy would always decide what was best for Jisung. If these boys that had suddenly entered his life were good for him, Jeongin would realize this. Maybe he already had.

“Excuse me?” a voice called out, and Jisung blinked as the sounds of a crowded grocery store entered his scope once more, pulling him from the thoughts he had been so sure wouldn’t reach him here. But he ignored it as he gazed up to see the person who had called out to him, forcing a smile on his face like the good customer service representative he was. It was a boy, with auburn fluffy hair, and a cute smile on his face, similar to the expression Jeongin would make whenever he watched Jisung laugh at one of his jokes. Everything about the boy screamed softness, and Jisung felt something flutter in his stomach, doing his best to ignore it as he walked over to the person to aid them. “The lines were long, and I was just wondering if you were able to check me out here?” the boy asked, Jisung nodding as it was an easy enough request. It was more common than not for people to skip the lines and go to Jisung instead.

“What are you making?” Jisung asked as the boy started to place his things on the desk counter, a small hand scanner already equipped in Jisung’s hand as he scanned the barcode on each item, flipping them over, and setting them back down. The boy didn’t have much, but he was conversing simply because it would be rude not to, the other in front of him smiling as he gazed down at the items fondly.

“Hangover soup. I have a roommate who is in desperate need of it,” the boy laughed, and his voice was similar to Chan’s, with a hidden texture that made Jisung melt at the sound, his entire body relaxing and disarming just from a person’s voice. The words reminded Jisung of the other boy he had met last night, a new friend of Chan’s named Minho who was gorgeous in his own right. He seemed a bit prickly, like the type to joke around with but to never take offense to it. Even though he had called Jisung a squirrel.

“I’ve never had it, but I’ve also never really had a need to try it. There’s really only one reason you would need it,” Jisung chuckled, and the other boy hummed, still smiling as he gazed up from his items and towards Jisung, the boy pushing a few buttons on his register as he felt the pair of eyes on him.

“It’s really easy to make. I’ve made it a bunch of times now for my friend, it’s almost tradition,” the boy explained, Jisung glancing at him as their eyes connected. Jisung’s stomach twisted, and the boy’s smile grew softer, a hand reaching up to swipe a small piece of hair out of his face that had fallen. “Still, I’d rather not have to make it. It’d be better for both of us if my friend just stopped drinking,” the boy added, Jisung nodding as he once again thought about Minho and his unfortunate situation. Company politics were always difficult to refuse and ignore.

“You’re a good friend,” Jisung simply said, and the other beamed at the words, leaning closer across the counter as Jisung totaled the items, and the boy handed him a few bills, the transaction almost finished as Jisung’s gaze quickly shifted to glance at the clock. His shift was almost over.

Unfortunately the boy left once his things were packed away, leaving Jisung with another soft smile before heading out to make the soup for his friend. But the interaction left him light headed for the rest of his shift, passing by quickly as he clocked out and changed into a more casual set of clothes, putting his things into his locker before locking it up. Jisung placed a small gym string draw bag over his shoulder, now mostly empty from the clothes he had changed into, before he was heading down the stairs, walking across the front end of the grocery store, before leaving the building. He was wearing dark gray pants and a navy blue sweatshirt, but it wasn’t enough to combat the cold that seemed to grow worse each day, the boy shivering as he broke out into a small sprint to reach his car to avoid at least the wind outside. As soon as Jisung fell into his seat and shut the door, he pulled out his phone, sending a quick message to Jeongin that he was on his way to pick him up, before turning on the engine and waiting for his car to heat up as he started driving. There was so much to do today, and yet he had already spent half of it working a meaningless job that would get him nowhere.

Jeongin looked even more exhausted than the day before, obvious bags under his eyes as he offered Jisung a small smile while hopping into his car. He wanted to ask, and he should have asked, but all he could manage was a fake smile as the two offered each other their words of greeting, before falling silent. His friend fell asleep the moment Jisung was driving on the road again, and he felt something sinking in his chest, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as he started to drive around to find places for him and Jeongin to move into. He allowed the boy to sleep, and he did everything he could to stay quiet so he didn’t wake the other, unsure what was going on in his temporary household to make him as exhausted as he seemed. Jisung had an idea. But that idea went unspoken, billowing in Jisung’s mind like a cloud of smoke, the boy swallowing down his urge to ask and bring up the past once more. Instead he pretended to be content enough with the other sleeping by his side, leaning against the car window as small snores slipped between his lips. It was as if Jisung’s presence allowed the other to finally relax, just enough for the boy to slip into sleep.

In a few hours the two had found nothing, Jisung resigning to give up for the day as soon as the sun started to set. Jeongin had woken up a few times, scolding Jisung for allowing him to sleep through their mutual search, but ultimately he was never able to keep his eyes open much long after, falling asleep once more as Jisung sat in silence. Now he was bringing the boy back to his Uncles, parking in his usual spot as a deep sigh escaped his lips. It felt hopeless. He had told Jeongin to give him a week, but there wasn’t anywhere cheap where they could stay, nor did either of them make enough money to afford a place either. It was a constant loop of inspiration and deflating, and Jisung wanted to scream, to kick and throw his fists until it collided with something, an equal force that would push him to stop. To just find his center, a spot where he didn’t have to keep looping, to keep worrying about his friend because the boy just looked so torn and exhausted . Jisung bit his lip as he willed the tears back from his eyes, and he heard Jeongin shuffling in the seat next to him, a small yawn sounding out as the other stretched.

“Oh, we’re here?” Jeongin asked, sitting up in his seat before he was gazing out the window and towards the apartments behind them. Jeongin smiled as he turned towards Jisung, and Jisung did his best to hide his panic, letting go of his steering wheel and yawning himself as he turned towards the other and offered him a smile as well.

“I feel like I need a nap now,” Jisung chuckled, but Jeongin only eyed him wearily as a small hum left his lips, the boy moving to undo his seatbelt as he kept his gaze on Jisung.

“You can take one while I start on-” Jeongin was about to say, but Jisung shook his head, undoing his own seatbelt before he was opening up his car door to step out.

“No- no, I’ll be okay,” Jisung hurriedly said, the smile on his lips now aching to fall as he upheld it. “Let’s just get inside first and decide what we need to do. We should also make a plan for tomorrow,” Jisung explained, something brittle in his voice as he ignored the way he sounded, how vulnerable his emotions were to Jeongin’s ears. He knew the other could tell that something was wrong, but he also knew that he didn’t have the strength to admit it out loud. He just wanted to find some warmth, maybe a moment where he just didn’t need to think so much. Like… the night before.

“Jisung!” a voice suddenly called out, Jisung’s head spinning as he was trapped between the reality of his pain, and the relief he felt coursing down his body like a breath of fresh air, the familiar voice tinted with joy as Jisung glanced at Jeongin before turning around to see who had called out to him. Chan was standing in his doorway, a dimpled smile on his lips as he waved to the boy standing outside his car, Jisung’s cheeks turning pink as he waved back. “How about another movie tonight? And some takeout?” Chan offered, the reply already sitting heavily on the tip of his tongue as he felt eager to reveal it. But he felt the gaze of his friend on him, and he balled his hands into tight fists as he glanced back at Jeongin, the concerned look on his face now curious as he gazed back. A moment passed, and Jisung jumped when Jeongin started to step out of the car, turning to face the boy in the doorway who now held a surprised expression from the sight of another besides Jisung.

“We’d love to,” Jeongin called back, rounding the car and grabbing Jisung’s fisted hand with a small tug. Jisung let a small gasp fall from his lips as his friend started to drag him forward, the surprise leaving Chan’s face as an eager expression replaced it instead. He could see a gaze drop quickly to Jeongin’s hand that held onto his own, but it was left forgotten as soon as the two were stumbling up to the door, Chan stepping aside with a fond look in his eyes as he held the door open for the two to enter. It was warm, and Jisung felt a small thrill pulling at his limbs, all reluctancy gone now that Jeongin was here with him.

“You must be Jeongin,” Chan said as soon as he shut the door, the warmth swirling around them as the sound of music could be heard from the living room, a slow paced rhythmic rap style that Jisung had never listened to before. But it matched the vibe of the apartment, and the people inside of it, the space more crowded than Jisung had seen it. It wasn’t just Chan and Changbin, the other sitting in the same seat that Jisung had seen the boy in yesterday, but there were two slightly newer faces as well, Minho with a frown on his lips as he seemed to grimace at the sight of Jisung. Minho was leaning against the kitchen counter as another boy stepped out from the living room, remote in hand as the smile on his lips slowly twisted into shock, Jisung’s own eyes widening as he let a small gasp fall into the heavy atmosphere of the room.

“Oh!” both the new boy and Jisung exclaimed at the same time, and Jisung blushed, Jeongin holding onto his hand less tightly than he had before, thumb caressing the back of his hand as Jisung felt something flutter in his chest.

“It’s you! From the store!” the boy called out, and the surprise shifted once more, a small airy laugh spilling from his lips and entering the space around them. Jisung nodded as he offered the other a smile, and the boy moved to stand next to Minho, who was now much more guarded and quiet than the night before.

“I hope the soup helped,” Jisung offered Minho, and the boy frowned harder, crossing his arms across his chest before giving Jisung a stiff nod. The boy beside him frowned at the dismissive reaction, suddenly stomping on Minho’s foot as the other’s eyes widened, a small hiss of pain leaving his lips as he turned to glare at the boy beside him instead.

“What was that for?!” Minho exclaimed, standing up a little taller as the other boy raised a challenging eyebrow at him.

“You’re being rude. And I heard you were a complete ass to Jisung last night as well,” the boy said, and the sudden use of his name was shocking, but not entirely, sure that Chan must have mentioned him to his friends in the same way he had with Changbin.

“You kept calling him a squirrel,” Changbin added, raising his finger like it was a matter-of-fact, and Minho grimaced again, deflating as the boy next to him shook his head before glaring at the other.

“You called him a squirrel! If you feel bad, just say sorry,” the boy said, and Jisung heard Jeongin chuckle next to him as he glanced at the boy, his friend mouthing the word “squirrel” silently to Jisung as he blushed harder.

“And that- is Seungmin,” Chan introduced, motioning to the one who was scolding Minho while the other continued to deflate from the words. Seungmin looked genuinely upset, but when he took a moment to glance at Jisung the corner of his lips lifted into a grin, a silent notion that the boy knew what he was doing. As if he had done it so many times before.

“I don’t feel sorry. He does look like a squirrel,” Minho mumbled, now sulking as he seemed to hide himself in his arms, away from Seungmin’s narrowed gaze.

“He kind of does, doesn’t he?” Jeongin chimed in, and Jisung felt betrayed, pulling his hand out of Jeongin’s own as the boy only chuckled before snatching it back just as quickly. “But if Jisung looks like a squirrel… then you look like a bunny!” Jeongin cheered, and Minho’s expression turned into one of horror as Jeongin was swinging Jisung’s hand back and forth, still laughing and blissfully unaware of how upset he had made the other. Or he did, and he simply just didn’t care.

“A-A bunny?” Minho repeated, the words hollow as the horror on his face shifted into his tone, and Changbin leaned back in his seat, a small hum leaving his lips as he gazed towards Minho before nodding.

“Yup. Jisung said the same thing last night, right?” Changbin asked, and suddenly all eyes were on him, his head spinning as his mouth felt dry, but his chest was so warm, shifting into his palm, before into his cheeks, his blush very much noticeable as the room fell silent. Jisung parted his lips to speak, and a small squeak came out, his hand squeezing Jeongin’s own as the boy’s smile softened as he gazed at his friend.

“A… a bit? Not in like, a bad way or anything- just maybe, in the cute way? Like you’re cute?” Jisung said, his words panic stricken as the silence only continued to cave in on them after. Jisung was about to allow his panic to turn from verbal to physical, but Minho suddenly stood straighter, a frown still on his lips, but his cheeks oddly… red. Rosy.

“Well… I guess that’s not that bad. But I prefer sexy or cool,” Minho mumbled, his expression cracking as the frown threatened to shift into a smile, Jisung releasing the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding in his panic.

“Right, isn’t Minho so cute ?” Seungmin cooed, reaching up and poking the boy in the cheek as Minho growled, hitting Seungmin’s hand away as he continued to blush, contently.

“I mean- I guess you’re a little… cute too …” Minho mumbled, the words almost too quiet to be heard, Jisung’s blush rising to the tips of his ears as Minho followed the pattern. They looked the same, bashful as they gazed away from each other, lips wobbling as they didn’t understand how to handle this newfound fondness for one another. One thing was sure- Chan had been right. Minho didn’t seem to mind Jisung.

“Wow Minho, I never realized you were so brazen,” Changbin lulled, a small whistle leaving his lips as he smirked at the boy. But as soon as he turned to smirk at Jisung instead, it fell, replaced with a blush of his own that occurred every time his gaze met with Jisung’s own. And now they were just three blushing fools, unsure what it meant, but allowing it nonetheless.

“Jisung is cute,” Jeongin cooed, letting go of Jisung’s hand as he instead wrapped his arms around Jisung from behind, pinning his arms to his side as Jisung half heartedly scoffed at his friend. “It’s about time others started to recognize this.”

“I’d have to agree,” Chan pitched in, a soft smile on his lips as his dimples popped along with it. Jisung wished he could raise his hands and hide his face in shame. But Jeongin was holding him in place like he was a captive, forced to stay still and listen to compliments that had his heart racing. It wasn’t something he had ever been privy to before, but he figured even if this was something Jisung had gone through in his past, he would still handle it this way each time.

“Guys- please…” Jisung mumbled, the words sounding like a whimper as everyone smiled towards the boy, Minho clearing his throat as he forced his own bashfulness down, and Seungmin stepped forward, hands resting on his hips and a grin on his face.

“Well, it’s nice to officially meet you Jisung. I’m Seungmin, the others told me about you, and I was a bit jealous when I learned they got to have a movie night with you and I wasn’t invited. So tonight will make up for it,” Seungmin said with a soft chuckle, and Jisung felt himself deflate, relaxing in Jeongin’s arms as the hold turned into an embrace, allowing his weight to fall onto Jeongin as the other cuddled him in his arms. Seungmin was definitely different from the others, maybe a bit cockier, but he was still just as kind. Minho seemed similar to a cat, even though he looked like a bunny. Closer to the term “ tsundere” that Jisung had heard used on people a few times before.

“And Jeongin is here this time too,” Chan added, giving his friend a small nod as he could tell Jeongin was beaming behind him. Jeongin had always been so much better around people than Jisung had, it was a miracle he managed to say anything when he felt like he had been put in the middle of a group as big as this. But there were still two more he hadn’t met yet, right?

“I’m his protector, I have to make sure he’s safe around new people,” Jeongin explained, the words earning a blush from the boy once more as he turned in his hold, hiding his face in Jeongin’s chest as the boy chuckled from the reaction. He felt a hand in his hair, and he knew Jeongin was petting him, the motion so soft and comforting he couldn’t help but wrap his own arms around Jeongin’s waist and hold onto him tighter. He knew the others were watching, but there was a small hint in his mind that told him the others didn’t mind. He remembered Changbin’s fond expression when he first saw them clinging to each other, and he hoped the look expanded to everyone in the group.

“His protector?” Chan asked, and Jeongin hummed, rocking Jisung back and forth as the boy in his arms let out a small comforted sigh.

“Since we were little. I’m going to make sure that in the end, Jisung is alright. It’s my priority. But- that doesn’t mean I have to be the only one looking out for him,” Jeongin said, and he eyed the others in the room as something tense settled between them, sharing an expression that Jisung easily missed. Chan nodded, and he reached forward as Jeongin pulled his hand away, allowing the other to pet the boy in his arms as Jisung smiled to himself from the sensations. Everything just felt so warm, like he had no reason to be frightened or worried. Like this was the exact place he was meant to be. This was where he was always meant to end up. In Jeongin’s arms, in Chan’s apartment- alongside everyone else.

“We’ll keep him safe. All of us,” Chan whispered, and the agreement was universal, even as Changbin was biting his lip, and Minho was blushing once more while Seungmin grinned from ear to ear. They all came to the same conclusion, and while Jisung was still too new to his emotions to realize how they related to the others, at least Jeongin was clear on their answer. Jisung meant something to all of them.

Chapter Text

The small ticking noise should have been the first sign that something was wrong. And when the ticking noise grew louder, followed by the sound of something sputtering, Jisung should have stopped his car and opened up the hood to see if something had happened. Yet his mind was still bogged with the depression of everything going on around him, so he continued to drive down the road leading from the apartments to the highway, intending to head to work before he repeated the entirety of the day prior with Jeongin. What snapped Jisung out of his daze was the sudden smoke billowing from under the hood of his car, his eyes widening as he kept his foot pressed on the gas, until the car finally broke completely, the transmission busted as the car naturally came to a slow stop on its own. Jisung was stranded in the middle of the woods, sitting in his car that he had managed to pull to the side of the road during its last few moments, his hands gripping the steering wheel, and his gaze on the thick white smoke that was rising from both sides of the hood. Jisung didn’t know the first thing about how to fix a car.

Stranded as he was, Jisung took in a deep breath before what remained of a clear mind shattered, turning the key in the ignition and pulling it out, before he was opening up his car door and hopping out to see if he could “solve” the problem. He could smell something sweet and something burning the moment he took in a breath of the semi-fresh air around him, his nose wrinkling as he kept his car door open and walked over to the front of his car, popping the hood as he could feel how warm it was against his fingertips. Still, he managed to unhook it before lifting it higher, and a small curse passed through his lips when the smoke doubled, rising into the air like a signal for anyone nearby to know he was trapped. Still, he wasn’t sure what the problem could be. The car had never broken down this badly before, and the few things that needed to be fixed had been done by his father. In fact even Jeongin’s old boxy car managed better than this one, but neither had been serious enough to call for outside help. He wasn’t even sure who to call. Today was Jeongin’s first day back at his work, and Jisung willed himself to not interrupt the boy, knowing this was just another problem he’d need to face on his own. This was probably his fault too.

Jisung wasn’t sure what to do at this point, the pressure in his head folding over as he felt the need to cry, not from sorrow, but pure frustration digging into his scalp and pulsing in his muscles. Nothing could go right for him. But instead he did his best to stay numb as he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to his boss, letting them know he wouldn’t be able to make it in for the day. He could have tried, but he was too exhausted mentally to even consider the option. Then he was moving to sit on the side of the road in the dirt mixed with dead grass, holding his phone in his hands like a heavy presence, listening to the silence around him as the smoke from his car slowly started to clear. He could hear something rustling in the forest surrounding him, small critters out to find a bite to eat, but he frowned as he stared blankly at the road in front of him, wondering what he could do, if he should even attempt to do anything. There really weren't any suitable choices to make. But there was one, a heavy weight in his pocket that he managed to keep with him, unable to use it in the way it had been intended yet. He still had Chan’s number, written on a small piece of paper that he hadn’t set in his phone just yet.

Jisung slipped his hand into his pocket as he pulled out the crumpled piece of paper, unfolding it slowly as he took in Chan’s handwriting, and the set of numbers that he knew he could find solace in. But he didn’t want to accept that there was a chance to find such solace, especially in a person he had just met. Chan wasn’t an unreliable person, Jisung could tell that easily, but it was the idea that nobody besides Jeongin in his life had been someone he could rely on. To call the number given to him would be admitting that Jisung needed help, that Jeongin wasn’t enough, that Jisung wasn’t enough. That he wasn’t as strong as he thought he was, because he still needed to rely on someone else to push him through. He knew it was unreasonable, and he knew any healthy minded person would use a time like this to count on someone else, that they could easily accept another into their life without thinking through all the possible outcomes and the pain that could potentially follow. Jisung really liked Chan. He liked him so much, in the same way he liked Jeongin, that he knew that if Chan disappointed him it would be more heartbreaking than losing his home. He wanted to rely on Chan, but he didn’t want to be abandoned, as it was always a possibility. 

Not that he had much of a choice at this moment. He never seemed to have much of a choice when it came to anything, the number in his hand had been left under the assumption that Jisung could use it when he felt ready to, but now he was forced into a situation where he had to. Everything was his fault, but he never had the chance to make it turn out the way he wanted, fate was more strong headed than he was. So his hand was trembling as he typed in the number on his phone, as he felt an aching dread pulling through his chest because this wasn’t something he wanted to do, this wasn’t a moment he wanted to ask for help- even though he needed it. He wasn’t ready to face Chan with those kinds of demands, no matter how kind and sweet the other boy was. Jisung wasn’t confident in himself, and he didn’t want Chan to see that, or hear it in his voice as shaky words were spoken over the phone. He liked Chan, and he liked being near him, but not at this moment. When he was ready to face the boy again, with a smile he knew would reach his eyes, then he would call on him. But Jisung hated that he was the one who had to make that forced decision, that there was nothing else that could save him, something he hadn’t called out and begged for. Until there was.

The sound of tires rolling across the road slowly startled Jisung as he glanced up suddenly, his eyes catching onto a deep green before an open window, an arm resting on the outside and a boy with a sharp grin on his lips. It was a lucky moment that Jisung hadn’t been the one to ask for, and so it felt so much better when the moment surprised him, relief replacing the dread, hand shuffling to stuff Chan’s number back into his pocket, something he would save for another time when he was feeling better. But here was Changbin, stopping by his broken down olive car in his own green pickup truck, wearing the same kind of shirt as Jisung always saw him in, and leaning out the window as he saw the dilemma Jisung faced first hand. Jisung felt himself turn bashful at the sight, his own person sitting pathetically on the side of the road in the dirt like a damsel in distress, but Changbin only seemed to soften at the sight, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he glanced at the car next to him. The car was no longer smoking, but the hot engine was blowing off steam into the air, Changbin raising an eyebrow at the sight of the boy’s popped hood while he was sure he would be able to easily understand what was going on. And he seemed to do just that as he clicked his tongue, patting the side of his green pickup truck as their gazes met once more, and Changbin couldn’t hold back his own blush.

“Hop in, stranger,” Changbin joked, a small chuckle spilling from his lips after as Jisung let out a small sigh, nodding his head before quickly picking himself up from the dirt. “You’re in luck. I’m actually heading to the garage I told you about, that our friend owns, so he can probably call you a tow and bring your own car back to his place to fix up. What happened, anyway?” Changbin asked, Jisung dusting the dirt off his jeans as he stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket, moving to shut the driver side door of his car, along with the hood before locking it. Jisung rounded the pickup truck before opening up the passenger door, and he used the small step bar outside to hike himself up, sitting down on the old dusty seat inside right next to Changbin. The car was definitely old, but it smelled so much like Changbin that Jisung felt his cheek tighten from a newfound giddiness.

“Honestly I’m not sure. One minute it was working, and the next it decided to start smoking,” Jisung mumbled, cuddling into the passenger seat as he placed his palms down on the cushions next to him. There wasn’t anything dividing the two of them, and Jisung realized he could scoot right into Changbin if he wanted to. Which he did. Want to, that was.

“Felix can figure it out for you,” Changbin assured, and it was another name that Jisung hadn’t heard before, but he was confident now that anyone part of this friend group was a good person. Just another face to admire, and a personality to get sucked into. Jisung had only met Minho and Seungmin officially for the first time the night before, and he already liked them just as much as Chan and Changbin.

“So, is Felix a mechanic?” Jisung decided to ask, leaning back in his seat as Changbin let out a deep hum, turning back onto the road before driving away from Jisung’s broken-down car. Changbin’s truck wasn’t the smoothest ride, but it felt fun to bounce up and down in his seat, Changbin driving the car expertly as if he was used to riding rough things. The thought immediately made Jisung blush.

“Yeah, he learned from his dad, and his dad learned from his dad, so on and so forth. But he inherited the garage about three years ago and has slowly started to make a name for himself. His skills are reliable, and while I may be biased, I’d say he is the best mechanic in this town,” Changbin explained, his lips lifting into a small grin as he kept his eyes on the road. “I always go to him to fix up my babies.”

“Babies?” Felix asked, eyebrows furrowing as he gazed at Changbin from the side, and the boy nodded, clutching the steering wheel tighter as Jisung could see the excitement blooming behind his eyes.

“Yup, my babies. You’ll see,” Changbin teased, pressing harder on the gas as the truck started to kick up to a faster speed. Jisung was bouncing around in his seat, but he was smiling as if he didn’t just have a mental breakdown on the side of the road, now wondering about what Changbin’s “babies” could possibly be. He did mention that he had another car, Jisung knew that much.

Changbin turned down a new road that Jisung had never driven down before, the asphalt turning into dirt, as if it was simply a trail in the middle of the woods to hike on. But there were clear tire mark indents, as if the road was used several times a day, the trees of the forest around them parting to make way for transportation. Somehow it was even crazier to sit still in Changbin’s car on the dirt road, and Jisung grabbed the seat as he could feel his butt lifting and falling against the seat, his hair flopping into his face, and a large, excited smile on his lips. Changbin drove even faster, and Jisung couldn’t help but laugh as he gazed out the window, the trees whipping by as he imagined how good it would feel once Spring hit to open up the windows and feel the breeze against his heated cheeks. Everything in the moment just felt so freeing, so amazing, Changbin grinning from ear to ear as he leaned forward in his seat a little. He was glad Changbin had found him. He was glad that he had taken the day off from work, and had taken this moment to forget his struggles and enjoy everything he was facing currently. The sound of the engine, the smell of oil mixed with Changbin’s cologne- it left Jisung breathless.

“There it is,” Changbin said, pressing on the break as he still sped down the road and closer to the garage that Jisung could now see, a small building attached to a workspace for cars, one already hoisted on a lift while a dozen cars sat outside surrounding the building itself. The building was built onto the dirt, and Jisung could see a pair of legs sticking out from under the lifted vehicle being worked on, the person wearing steel toed boots, and a blue jumpsuit, hands working on the underbelly of the car as they ignored the sound of Changbin’s loud engine driving closer to them. Perhaps they already knew who the car belonged to.

Changbin rolled alongside the building, moving to the back as Jisung noticed an empty spot in the dirt when Changbin decided to park his car, dirty flying up like smoke around them, and the boy turning off the engine before gazing at Jisung with the same grin on his face from before. Jisung could feel himself smiling too, their eyes meeting, and a blush finding its way onto Changbin’s face, but he didn’t look away this time, instead he reached forward, ruffling his hand through Jisung’s soft light brown hair for only a moment before pulling away. Jisung was surprised at the action, but he wasn’t put off, the blush now returning to Jisung’s cheeks as Changbin turned and opened his car door, slipping out, shutting it harshly before walking around his car. Jisung could see he was headed to him next, before he was opening up the passenger door and offering Jisung his palm, the boy still awkwardly short next to the truck even though Jisung could see the way his shirt tightened around his biceps even from the subtle movement. Jisung took the hand shyly into his own, and he let Changbin help him out of the car, stumbling when he touched the ground as Changbin placed his hand on his lower back, stabilizing his balance before offering him a fond smile.

“You can lean on me, if you’d like,” Changbin suddenly offered, and Jisung could feel something erupting in his stomach from the words, finding its way to his throat as he choked on his own. But as silent as he was, he still gave the boy a small nod, moving closer to Changbin as the boy led him with his hand on his back, before he was practically giving him half an embrace. Jisung was tucked neatly into his arm, and Changbin shut the door to his car before walking Jisung forward, his hand resting on the small of his back the entire time as Jisung was painfully aware of how the touch was burning into him.

The two walked around the building, Jisung noticing a small door on the side with a sign that read “open” in big, dirty blue letters, the rest of the building dirty as well from what Jisung assumed was caused by the amount of dirt surrounding them. But Changbin seemed to know exactly where he was going as he led Jisung to the front, to the place where Jisung had seen the hoisted car when they drove in, a pair of boots entering his vision as he noticed the other from before was still working underneath the car. Changbin smiled to himself as they rounded the corner, and Jisung took a moment to gaze around the inside of the garage, noticing that it had room to lift two more cars if need be, tools scattered around different benches and cabinets, and a singular large couch against the back wall, occupied by another body who was dressed much more cleanly than the one under the car. Jisung couldn’t see their face as they were laying down with a magazine hovering over them, flipping through the pages slowly as they ignored the newcomers, but Jisung noticed how they were dressed in a pair of light blue skinny jeans, with ankle boots and a tan sweater on top. They looked cozy, and Jisung envied them in the moment as he could feel his heart racing with uncertainty, gazing at Changbin before back at the person who was still underneath the car.

“Felix?” Changbin called out, and the two heard a small grunt from under the car, the owner of the voice not moving to greet the two, and the one on the couch ignoring them as well. At least the one under the car let them know that they were listening. “I brought a friend, I think Chan might have mentioned him? But his car broke down, so he’s going to need some help,” Changbin explained, and Jisung jumped when he heard the sound of metal falling on top of cement, the person under the car finally shuffling out as Jisung could see just how dirty their jumpsuit was.

“What kind of-” the person was about to say, and Jisung practically felt his jaw fall to the floor when he heard the voice, deep and rumbling the earth beneath them as a face appeared second, small and pretty and full of freckles. A pair of light honey colored eyes fell on Jisung, and the boy stopped short, his own eyes widening as Jisung felt the need to gush about how polar everything about this boy was. The deep voice, and his pretty face- somehow they matched almost too perfectly. “He’s your friend?” the boy, presumably Felix from what Changbin had called out, asked, eyeing Jisung up and down with a small glint in his eyes. The other took a step forward, a wrench in his hand and his lips slotted into a thin line, but Jisung could smell oil on the boy, a few black smudges on his face as Jisung wondered how his blond hair, more warm toned than Chan’s, could still look so perfect amongst the mess.

“This is Jisung,” Changbin introduced, his hand rubbing up and down Jisung’s back as he felt shivers rippling along his spine. Jisung offered the new boy a smile, and Felix’s eyes flashed over to Changbin, a small sigh escaping his lips as he turned before walking away. Jisung felt starstruck as Felix put his wrench down, wiping his dirty hands on his jumpsuit before turning and leaning against the workbench, crossing his arms, and landing his gaze on Jisung once more.

“So you’re Jisung,” Felix stated, and Jisung blinked, eyebrows furrowing as he could still practically feel the earth beneath him shaking from the rumble in Felix’s voice. He had never seen such a small body produce such a thunderous tone before.

“Y-Yeah? I’m Jisung…” Jisung mumbled, clearing his throat right after as he started to feel uncomfortable. Felix seemed standoffish, but not in the same way Minho had. If you knew what to say, Minho would be putty in your hands. Felix seemed harder to catch off guard than the other boy.

“His car broke down, a few miles from the apartment. I saw him stranded on the side of the road on my way here actually,” Changbin explained, but Felix kept his gaze on Jisung, biting his inner cheek as he gave the words a short nod. Changbin chuckled at the reaction, as if he was used to Felix acting this way towards people, but Jisung didn’t know Felix. And currently, he wasn’t sure if his mental state could handle a person like Felix either.

“What happened?” Felix asked, and Jisung opened his lips to speak, only letting out a few words before being interrupted.

“Smoke started to rise from the hood-”

“Probably your radiator then. A broken radiator restricts airflow to your engine, and in turn that air starts to get hot before turning into smoke. Did you smell anything?” Felix asked, still eyeing Jisung carefully as the boy made to speak once more, his words coming out quieter as he felt suddenly nervous in front of the boy.

“M-Maybe? It smelled kind of sweet-”

“Definitely the radiator. Not the easiest fix, but if it’s done carefully enough I can get it done quickly. But first, we’ll need to get it towed here…” Felix said, the last words falling off as he continued to gaze at Jisung with a curious expression. Jisung stayed silent as he was afraid of being cut off again, and suddenly Changbin led him forward by the hand on his back, Felix glancing at Changbin before back at Jisung.

“Why don’t you take Jisung along with you on the tow? That way you’ll be able to find where it’s parked easier,” Changbin explained, a grin on his lips as Felix continued to eye the boy. And Jisung felt his lips tuck into a thin line as he wasn’t sure how he should feel about the statement, the two stopping in front of where Felix was leaning against the workbench with his arms crossed.

“We could do that,” Felix said, the statement surprising Jisung even more as his eyes widened slightly. “Hyunjin!” Felix suddenly yelled, and Jisung heard something fall on the ground across the room as all three turned to see the boy laying on the couch sheepishly trying to push himself up, long hair falling onto his shoulders, and a gorgeous smile on his lips. The boy, Hyunjin, sat up as he smoothed down the front of his sweater, before standing and walking towards the three, his movements smooth and his hips swaying, similar in a way to how Jeongin walked when he was trying to tease him. “You watch the shop while I head out with Jisung,” Felix ordered, gazing at the new boy next to him as Hyunjin seemed to frown at the words.

“Jisung?” Hyunjin mumbled, before he was turning to see the boy that Changbin was holding onto gently, his lips lifting into a smirk as a small chuckle spilled from between them. “Oh that Jisung ,” Hyunjin lulled, before he was reaching up, tucking a small strand of dirty blond hair behind his ears as he continued to smile sickly sweet at the boy. “Sure. But you’ll have to pay me,” Hyunjin cooed, and Felix sighed as he pushed himself up, walking a few steps away and grabbing a hat that was hanging off the wall, shuffling it onto his blond hair as Jisung noticed how well it matched the jump suit.

“I’m already fixing your car for free. Watch the shop while I’m gone,” Felix muttered, glaring at the long haired boy for only a moment as Hyunjin giggled. But instead Hyunjin shrugged as he turned back to Jisung, still smiling as if he was used to Felix’s more stern than average attitude.

“When you get back, let’s talk,” Hyunjin simply said, and Jisung didn’t know how to respond, even as he felt the hand on his back suddenly wrapping around his waist and holding him closer, tighter.

“When he gets back, I’m bringing him to see my babies,” Changbin said instead, and Hyunjin pouted before sticking out his tongue, Felix rolling his eyes at the two as he stepped forward, surprising everyone as he reached for Jisung’s hand, snatching it into his own and suddenly pulling Jisung out of Changbin’s embrace.

“No, when he gets back we are going to work out the details on his car. Now, let's go,” Felix grumbled, dragging Jisung along as he could only stare at the back of the boy’s head, noticing the strands of blond hair that poked out cutely underneath his hat. He also noticed how strangely strong Felix was. And just how warm his palm felt against his own. Jisung decided he didn’t mind Felix as much as he thought he would.

Chapter Text

Jisung had never been in a tow truck before, but he found himself gazing at Felix as he watched the boy easily step up and slip inside, a fluid motion that deserved praise in itself. Because when Jisung walked over to the passenger side of the large truck, at least twice the size of Changbin’s pickup truck, he found himself struggling, kicking at the bar beneath his feet, his teeth grinding together as he used all his strength to pull him up to where the seat actually was. Yet the more he struggled, the harder it seemed to lift himself just enough, the boy giving up after a few tries with an exhausted huff, his forehead meeting with the cushion of his seat while he took the moment to catch his breath. Felix was sitting in the driver seat, blinking slowly and acting nonchalant as he watched Jisung and his struggle, nothing in his face giving it away if he was annoyed or concerned. Everything fell flat, even when Jisung was lifting his head to give the other a sheepish smile, gulping as he grabbed the seat and attempted to lift himself once more, only to be stopped short when Felix leaned towards him with an outstretched hand, offering it to Jisung with a frown on his face, an empty expression, and a silent request.

Jisung bit his lip as he reluctantly grabbed for Felix’s hand, but the moment he was latching on Felix was tugging, using his own strength and Jisung’s combined as he kicked off the bar, Jisung finally managing to drag himself up onto the seat with a small huff. Somehow the cushion was more firm than the seats in Changbin’s own truck, his butt doing a few scoots so he could situate himself better as Felix let go of his hand, watching him silently from the side as he reached to hold onto the steering wheel. It was awkward, but not unwanted, Jisung still biting his lip before he found the perfect spot to look, taking the next moment to glance at Felix sitting next to him and meeting his gaze. Once again Jisung was shocked by how pretty the boy was, even though he was covered in grime and half his face was hidden by a ball cap, yet he could still see his honey brown eyes, a few freckles, blond messy hair beneath the cap, and a pair of pink lips settled into a frown. Felix suddenly gazed away before starting the engine to the truck, and Jisung felt something in his stomach twist as he forced himself to gaze away as well, looking out the front window as he noticed how far the forest in front of them expanded. It was similar to the view outside the apartments.

“So, you’re staying in the place across from us,” Felix suddenly spoke into the silence, and the words came out as a statement rather than a question, making the situation even more awkward as Jisung wasn’t sure how to respond to it. But Felix stayed silent even after, backing the truck out of the garage property and driving onto the dirt road Changbin and him had taken to get there. Everything felt more tense than the freeing car ride he had with Changbin, but he wasn’t going to oppose the help that this boy was offering him either. “Chan said your Uncle passed away,” Felix added, another statement, and all Jisung could do was feel the blood rushing to his head as he suddenly felt dizzy, fists gripping his pants in an attempt to ground himself, even though he had already been thrusted into the mindset of memories he wanted to forget. His Uncle was dead, Jisung knew this. He just wasn’t sure how to handle the misfortune yet. Everything muddled together into pain, and he knew he needed to find clarity on what was actually the cause and extent of that pain. But he didn’t have the energy to consider it all just yet.

“Were you close?” Felix asked, and this time it was a question, something Jisung could grasp and pull apart slowly enough to find and answer within himself. But he was silent as he took the next moments to think through his answer, until he realized he was taking too long, a blush forming on his face even as Felix stayed silent and waited. Still frowning, still offering nothing but an unbothered expression as Jisung wasn’t sure what to assume when it came to the pretty boy. All he did was drive, and wait patiently.

“Uh, well- no.. not exactly-”

“You can still be sad for someone even if you didn’t know them well,” Felix cut in, still staring ahead of him at the dirt road as his frown seemed to sour more. Jisung bit his tongue as he nodded, wondering why this time he didn’t exactly feel upset that Felix had cut him off. It was as if Felix wasn’t truly meaning to do it to make him frustrated. “Then on top of that, you’re the one clearing out his place. Sounds shitty enough as it is,” Felix grumbled, a small huff leaving his lips as if he was… worrying for Jisung.

“How did you know I’m there to clean it out?” Jisung asked, loosening his hold on his jeans as Felix gave him a subtle side glance, his frown twisting into something unreadable that Jisung couldn’t discern.

“Chan told us. Said there was a ‘really cute boy next door,’” Felix lulled, tapping his finger on the steering wheel as his frown shifted into a thin line. He hadn’t seen Felix smile yet, but for some reason he felt that this was as close to a smile as he would get from the boy. “I guess he was right.”

Jisung instantly felt his cheeks flush as Felix continued to drive, silence billowing between them as he could feel his entire body tingling with embarrassment from head to toe. He really didn’t mind being considered cute, his Aunt had called him cute a few times over the years, and Jeongin said it once in a while to get a rise out of Jisung. But hearing it out loud again from a new pair of lips, one he knew had no reason to lie to him, and one he knew was serious with every word he said- it stirred something manic inside of him. And he couldn’t help but physically show the stirring on his skin, his cheeks, neck, and ears blushed, his lips pursed together, and his hands gripping his pants tightly once more as he wasn’t sure what to think of the situation. Was Felix… flirting with him? In fact every boy seemed to do something that only left Jisung confused, but he wasn’t sure what he could accept or enjoy as far as getting closer to them meant. Even Jeongin seemed to play along to their whims. Seven boys, and while he was still getting to learn some of them better than others, they all left an impression on him. One he wasn’t sure was morally correct. But maybe that wasn’t for him to decide, nor something that needed to be decided just yet.

“So, where do you live? You know, when you’re not clearing out all of your Uncle’s shit,” Felix asked, continuing the conversation with a subject Jisung hadn’t actually broached with anyone besides Jeongin yet. He realized nobody had asked him at all, as if it was forgotten that Jisung didn’t actually live there . He was just helping out his family. 

“I-” Jisung opened his lips to speak, but he didn’t have an answer to the boy’s question. And he didn’t want to break down his entire situation onto a stranger, his heart aching as he felt the swell of panic dawn on him once more. What should he say? Should he just admit he is homeless, or should he pretend he had a place to stay? A family to return to. Jisung fell silent for a moment, letting out a small sigh as he forced a smile to his lips and spoke once more. “I live with my parents,” Jisung softly said, his will screaming at him to shut up, but his mind a driving force, keeping the tears at bay as he decided they didn’t need to know about his situation. He didn’t want to give them a reason to pity him.

“I moved out from my parent’s about two years ago when Chan found a few empty apartments for us to rent. That was when my father handed down the garage to me, so I was able to afford rent,” Felix explained, driving the conversation along once more as his thin lipped smile fell back into a frown, finger still tapping on the steering wheel while he drove. When they reached the end of the dirt road Jisung directed him what direction to take, and they pulled onto the main road, a few miles from where Jisung had left his broken car. “You work?” Felix asked, Jisung choking on his spirit as he could feel it slowly withering away. He just wanted to curl into a ball and cry, but he knew it wasn’t Felix’s fault. He didn’t know anything about Jisung.

“At a grocery store,” Jisung simply mumbled, disregarding the part where he needed to find a new job as soon as possible to support him and Jeongin. Felix didn’t reply right away, and a thick silence fell over the two, Jisung’s expression twisting as he tried his best to not give his sorrow away, gazing out the passenger side window and away from Felix. He could feel a pair of eyes on him a moment later, Jisung gently bouncing in his seat from the rough ride of the tow truck.

“Things will get better,” Felix suddenly said, and Jisung blinked, quickly turning his head and gazing at the boy who was now staring out the front window while driving.

“W-What?” Jisung stuttered, and he heard Jeongin’s voice in the back of his mind, telling him how things always would get better at some point. It was just a matter of surviving until then.

“You look sad. I don’t know what’s going on, and you don’t have to tell me. But it’ll get better,” Felix grumbled, Jisung’s lips parting in awe as he continued to stare at the other in disbelief. Felix had seen right through him. “Is that your car?” Felix asked next, and it took a few moments for Jisung to realize what the boy had asked before he was snapping his jaw shut, turning to gaze out the window as he saw the olive green car his mother had bought him a few years back. He hoped Felix could fix it, he wasn’t ready to part with it yet.

“Yeah,” Jisung whispered, sitting back in his seat comfortably as the two allowed silence to fall over them once more. Felix drove the tow over to Jisung’s car as he set it into place on the side of the road, not wasting another moment as he opened up the driver side door before jumping down. Jisung blinked as he wondered if he should get down himself, but he knew the answer when Felix turned suddenly, gazing back at Jisung expectantly as he reached up to fix his hat, his honey brown eyes shining a little brighter as Jisung felt compelled to follow them. Getting down from the tow was easier than getting into it, Jisung’s shoes hitting the dirt with a small thud, kicking up a dust cloud before he was leaving the door open and walking over to where Felix was expectantly waiting for him.

“Used to have a guy who ran the tow for my father, but he found another job the moment I took over. I know I’m not exactly friendly, but it put me in a bind when I needed to be out picking up cars and fixing them at the same time. I managed though,” Felix explained, Jisung following the other as he started to walk towards Jisung’s car, Jisung unlocking his car as Felix popped the hood open to gaze inside. The boy frowned, but he said nothing as only a few moments later he shut it, glancing at Jisung for a quick moment before walking back towards his tow. “The tow is pretty easy to handle,” Felix explained, unhooking something from the side as Jisung heard a few clicks, a long chain now in Felix’s hand with a small hook on the end. Felix walked it over to Jisung’s car, and Jisung curiously watched, biting his lip and standing to the side as he wasn’t sure if he should help or not. He wouldn’t know the first thing in helping even if he tried.

“Do you like… working with cars?” Jisung asked when the silence spilled over for too long, but Felix didn’t spare him a glance this time as he continued to work, now crouched down next to Jisung’s car as he started to hook the chain onto something underneath it.

“Being a mechanic is alright. I think there is a difference between doing something you like, and something you’re good at. Being good at it is the part that makes you money,” Felix grumbled, a small huff leaving his lips as he suddenly stood up, dusting his palms onto the jump suit before glancing at Jisung. “I liked learning how to fix them with my dad. I’m still deciding if I like fixing them on my own,” Felix added, walking past Jisung, keeping himself busy and doing his job all the same. Jisung admired the boy for his diligence. He hadn’t expected Felix to be as talkative as he was, and he had expected his words to continue on roughly, but Felix had a layer of kindness hidden under his messy jumpsuit and dark blue hat. “What about you?” Felix asked, and Jisung blinked, following the other like a lost puppy as he kept a close eye on every step Felix performed.

“Me?” Jisung mumbled, watching as Felix hit a button on the side of the tow truck, glancing at the chain intensely as suddenly it started to twist and tighten.

“Do you like your job?” Felix asked, risking a second to glance at Jisung before back on the chain. Jisung liked the way Felix watched him silently from time to time, it made him feel… safe.

“In all honesty… no. I mean, I don’t think I mind it, and I know I’m good at what I do. But it feels a bit pointless to keep working there,” Jisung explained, feeling how easily the words were now spilling from his lips, as if the other was disarming him in the way only Jeongin knew how.

“Pointless how?” Felix asked, a small grunt leaving his lips as he grabbed onto something and pulled, Jisung’s car now sliding slowly onto the tow from the chain that was latched onto it.

“I don’t have a future there. I’m working part time, but what I need is some place that can pay me decently and give me the hours I need to survive in this world. I didn’t go to college- I never needed to leave my safety net until now. I feel like I’ve planned my life out all wrong,” Jisung continued to explain, Felix’s lips locked tight as he stayed silent for a moment, watching the car rise onto the tow truck with a careful gaze. Jisung almost thought the boy hadn’t heard him, but the moment the car was situated and the chain stopped pulling it upwards, Felix pushed a small button and turned towards Jisung, a frown on his face as he crossed his arms across his chest.

“Bullshit. People always make it seem that you need to figure out your shit before you become an adult, but you aren’t really sure what you’re supposed to figure out until you become an adult. And even then, it’s all trials and errors for a while. Even if it takes you a few more years, I wouldn’t blame you. So stop blaming yourself for something you were set up to fail in the first place. You fall down, and you fucking get up and try again,” Felix harshly said, but the meaning behind the words was far less harsh than the tone the boy chose to use, as if he was frustrated that Jisung was suffering, and believed it was his own fault. But Felix was right, Jisung knew that. He had just never really considered it in the way Felix was saying to him before. “There’s jobs everywhere. Doesn’t matter if you went to college or not, if you’re good at something, you will make money,” Felix added, reaching up and tilting his hat down before he was gazing at Jisung’s car, his frown deep, but hinting at his own concern.

“I-I know you’re right,” Jisung mumbled, gulping as Felix side glanced at him, the two standing still on the side of the road even though they had finished hauling his car onto the tow. The two could drive back now, and forget this ever happened. But both knew this wasn’t a moment they could just shatter and throw away.

“I am right,” Felix confidently scoffed, and Jisung closed his eyes as he heard the sound of heavy boots scuffing the ground, before stopping right in front of him, something rough but gentle pinching his jaw before angling his head up. Jisung’s eyelids fluttered open, and a small silent gasp fell through his parted lips, Felix so close to him now that he could count his freckles like stars, and he could see just how deep the boy’s frustration went for Jisung behind his gaze. The air was thick with uncertainty, but Felix held onto Jisung’s jaw with his calloused fingers, smelling like oil and vanilla at the same time, breaking down Jisung’s defenses as Felix gave him a hardened glare. “You don’t need to tell me what’s going on for my advice to reach you. But if you need money, and if you need help- just start asking. Chan, Changbin, me- we’re at your disposal. Maybe these words seem too soon or sudden, but just consider this another trial that we are all facing,” Felix said, and Jisung felt himself choke down a dry sob as he could feel his body trembling, Felix letting go of his chin even as he stayed as close as he was, gazing deeply into Jisung’s eyes.

“I-I can’t-” Jisung started to say, but Felix raised an eyebrow, folding his arms across his chest once more as his glare seemed to simmer into something else, something strangely playful.

“Why not? I’m offering you my help. That doesn’t happen very often,” Felix lulled, Jisung gulping as he parted his lips to speak once more. But he couldn’t find his voice, and Felix was intimidating in a way that Jisung could only describe as confusing.

“Felix-”

“Jisung. I have a job for you, if you need it. Think about it,” Felix simply said, and suddenly he was turning around, opening up the driver side door to the tow before jumping in easily, in a way that made Jisung stand frozen in awe. Had Felix just… offered him a job ? 

He couldn’t even give himself a moment to think about the offer, storing it into the back of his mind for later when he was alone, allowed to cry about everything he had lied about, and everything that Felix had given him. Because he didn’t only offer him a job, but advice, reassurance, words that Jisung had been waiting to hear, but was too scared to listen for. Even as he somehow managed to get back into his seat inside the tow on his own this time, he was silent, staring out the window as Felix started to drive, now much slower since he was carrying extra weight behind them. But even going slower, Jisung felt as if the ride was quicker, the garage in sight as he released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, seeing Changbin standing out front with a grin on his face and a wave of his hands, while the other boy was nowhere to be seen. Felix kept the tow out front as he allowed the engine to stay on, and Jisung slid out from his seat before practically running over to Changbin, his heart heavy, and his mind yearning for another familiar face that hadn’t just offered a solution to part of his problems, as if it was just that simple. It seemed like Changbin could see something was wrong, because for the first time he opened up his arms as Jisung walked speedily towards him, and Jisung didn’t even think about what he was doing as he fell into them, Changbin easily embracing him as warmth spread through his body, head to toe.

“Did Felix say something scary? Did he do something mean to you?” Changbin asked with a small chuckle, and Jisung shook his head, feeling as his cheek rubbed against Changbin’s chest, his entire body engulfing Jisung’s smaller frame from just how big it was. Not that Jisung minded, he liked how secure Changbin’s hugs felt, like in the same way Jeongin’s own felt grounding.

“I didn’t do anything,” Felix snapped as he walked by, but he looked less on edge than before, walking back into his garage and hanging his hat on the hook he had taken it off of before leaving, his eyes glancing around before a small sigh spilled from his lips. “Where did Hyunjin go?” Felix asked in exasperation, and Jisung peeked at the boy while still being hugged by Changbin, Changbin grinning as he allowed his fingers to play with the soft hairs resting on Jisung’s nape.

“He left. Said he had something more important to do,” Changbin shrugged, and Felix groaned, closing his eyes and letting out a heavy sigh, jaw tight and hands clenched into fists by his side. “I was nice enough to stay and take over for him,” Changbin proudly said, and Felix scoffed as he opened his eyes and glared at Changbin, his gaze quickly switching to Jisung in his arms as he swore he saw Felix soften the moment their eyes met.

“That counts for nothing. Would have been the same if no one was here watching over things,” Felix grumbled, rolling his eyes and loosening his body before he was walking back over to the tow to get to work. Jisung watched the boy leave before raising his gaze up to Changbin, and he noticed the other looking down at him, a blush slowly forming on his cheeks even as he still managed to hold a grin on his lips.

“He doesn’t mean it. He just likes to say a lot of mean words to sound tough,” Changbin chuckled, the sound making Jisung’s heart flutter as he could help but smile in return.

“He’s a lot more talkative than I thought he would be,” Jisung mumbled, and Changbin chuckled again, a hand smoothing up and down Jisung’s spine as he felt himself only relaxing further in the larger boy’s hold.

“He’s like that. Shy with newcomers, but won’t shut up when you start to get close. He’s also the first to tell you what his opinion is on anything . Unfortunately, he’s usually right too,” Changbin explained, and Jisung understood this well already. Everything that Felix had said, felt right. “It’ll probably take him a few to get your car on the lift, so how about I show you my babies while we wait?” Changbin offered, and Jisung’s grin was soon matching Changbin’s own as he nodded, feeling as the embrace around him was replaced by a hand holding onto his own, and leading him away from where Felix was at work. Jisung already felt he had so much to be thankful for, but this was only just the beginning.

Chapter Text

Changbin drove Jisung back to his Uncle’s apartment the moment Felix had told him he would start working on his car as soon as possible. But this didn’t stop Changbin from showing his so-called “babies” to Jisung, and the boy had led Jisung to a small corner of the plot, a tarp set up in the trees and looming over a few shapes and figures also covered in blue tarps of their own. Changbin had held onto Jisung’s hand until he moved to pull the tarps off the shapes, and with wide eyes Jisung finally realized what Changbin’s “babies” were, three motorcycles lined up side by side, each as polished and shiny as the rest. Jisung had taken a shaky step forward as he admired the three beauties, and while he had to admit he had never driven or rode on one before, he felt a certain thrill simply by gazing at them, and knowing just who they belonged to. Changbin had stood to the side blushing as he watched Jisung’s reaction to his prized possessions, before explaining how when he wasn’t driving his truck, he’d be driving one of these motorcycles instead. When he offered to take Jisung out on a ride on one of them at some point, Jisung could only nod enthusiastically, finally gazing up at Changbin as his smile reached his eyes. He felt the motorcycles fit Changbin’s personality perfectly.

The drive back had been filled with nonsense conversations, small sputters of speaking to fill the silence between them, even while Changbin nonchalantly held Jisung’s hand while he drove. It reminded him of the time he spent with Jeongin over the years. For something to happen so naturally without having to consider the consequences, yet with Changbin, or even the others he was suddenly growing closer to, he knew he couldn’t treat it the same as Jeongin. They had years to come to that kind of conclusion. It wasn’t right to jump into something like this, even though Changbin’s larger hand in his own felt right, a warmth settling over his body as he smiled to himself while watching the scenery shift around them. And when Changbin dropped Jisung off at the apartments, finally letting go of his hand, Jisung felt empty inside, his smile falling, and his heart yearning for him to call out to the other and beg him to come back. The silence that they tried so hard to keep at bay returned, and Jisung was eventually alone once more, walking slowly up to the front door of his Uncle’s apartment, unlocking it before stepping inside to see the cold signs of prior life inside.

As much as Jisung knew his Aunt was counting on him to get stuff done on the apartment quickly, Jisung hadn’t really touched much as it was. He had spent some time on the kitchen, and he had slept in the spare room, but he kept the door to his Uncle’s room closed, and he didn’t even had the courage to enter the living room yet, the empty feeling inside of him hollowing out his soul as everything felt too quiet, painful to his ears as he held his breath and walked forward. It was easier at night when it was too dark to see anything. But now Jisung could see all the trash lying around, all the small signs that his Uncle had lived here at one point, and realistically had died here. Jisung wasn’t close to his Uncle. Jisung wasn’t used to death, even though this wasn’t the first time he had encountered it before either. Yet even knowing how he handled grief, something inside made him feel guilty, because perhaps he wasn’t feeling enough. Here he was in his Uncle’s apartment, and he was ashamed that he couldn’t even mourn his Uncle’s death. They weren’t close. He barely knew the man. But if this was true, then why did Felix say he looked so sad?

The truth could be found in his mother, the house that had been taken from them, or all of the things left behind. He was there to mourn all of it. But his Aunt hadn’t even tried to stop by his Uncle’s place, and as far as he knew there wasn’t any talk about a funeral or any kind of service for the man. In fact, Jisung realized that maybe he wasn’t the only one who felt a disconnect from his Uncle, perhaps the man’s siblings did as well as nobody had called or even offered to help. The only connection that Jisung had found had been within the neighbors across the street, and specifically Chan, a soft but sad expression wiping across his face like a stain when Jisung told the boy that his Uncle had died. Who was his Uncle? Who was the man that Jisung spent weekends at a time visiting when he was younger, and why did he feel so guilty about his death only now? Was he regretting not spending more time with the other? Or was he just so exhausted with loss that there wasn’t enough space left in his heart to mourn another? He was grieving, over his mother, and over his house. But when he was here all he could feel was empty. Perhaps that emptiness made him a bad person.

It didn’t matter. His Uncle was already dead. There was nothing he could do to make up for the lost time, yet he still felt guilty learning about his Uncle now through his own things and hidden secrets, through the moments that he had spent with another like they were fond memories to share. He was learning about a person who didn’t exist. Hands reaching up, fingers curling into his hair, and Jisung held himself for a few moments as he let the pain swell up inside of him, a dry sob leaving his lips as he willed his tears to remain unshed. There wasn’t a reason to cry, and even though Felix had told him he could be sad even if he didn’t know a person, he couldn’t allow himself to be. Just like if he were to die first, he was sure his Aunt wouldn’t cry for him. They weren’t close, they were only still existing, a precondition of family without the extended bonds between them. Where was his father? His father was so sick- and his Uncle had been sick. His mother had been sick. Jisung felt sick. A hand falling from his hair as he pushed his palm over his lips, retching behind his hand as he ran over to the sink that Chan and Jeongin had done their best to clean out for him.

Jisung felt like a weak person, giving into the horrors of his mind as they swelled in his stomach, rising in his throat and heaving from parted lips, the tears finally falling down his cheeks as he realized just how scared he was. He was scared of dying, but he was more scared of how little people he might have once he was gone to mourn him. Perhaps he didn’t matter. Perhaps seeing his Uncle this way was the clear signs of how he saw himself, because Jisung felt so alone no matter who was by his side, no matter the warmth they gave him. At the end of the day, those people would leave along with their warmth, a nagging hymn repeating over and over until he was truly alone like it had been foretold. Right now he was alone, crying and throwing up into the sink, the sickening sorrow breaking him down as the moments ticked on and his thoughts became more vile. This wasn’t the way it was meant to be. Jisung always thought that in the end, he’d find himself at home, besides his mother and father and Jeongin. Never alone.

A knock on the door and Jisung gasped, grabbing the first towel he could find as he wiped his lips and ran the water through the sink, rinsing out his mouth, and turning on the tap as he watched his own putrid thoughts slide down the drain. He scrambled to find something to get rid of the smell, a small packet of out of date gum resting in a random draw, Jisung throwing the piece in his mouth as he tossed the towel and turned off the sink, rushing to the door as he felt an ache swirling through his stomach. His muscles were sore from exertion, hands shaking and his face pale as he reached for the door handle, before he was twisting it, forcing a smile to his lips as he saw the concerned face behind it. Jeongin had come on his own, like he knew the boy would, still wearing his work uniform with an apron tied snuggly around it, a small beret pinned to his hair as his expression contradicted the cute appearance, the same uniform the bakery he worked at always made him wear. He wanted to see the boy smile. He wanted to tell him that everything was alright- that eventually in time it would start to feel alright. But despite his appearance, the expression on his face looked so concerned and distraught, breaking down Jisung’s barriers one at a time, second by second, until his grip on the doorknob tightened, and he felt the tears falling from his eyes once more, Jeongin staring at the boy in shock before instantly moving into action. Jisung wanted to be strong for Jeongin. He didn’t want the boy to see him cry anymore.

The door slammed behind them as Jeongin pulled Jisung into a tight embrace, wrapping his arms across his abdomen, resting on his spine, before pushing him forward, Jisung backing up into the counter space as he could feel the edge digging into the small of his back. But he didn’t care as he brought up his own arms, draping them around Jeongin’s neck before pulling the boy closer, clawing at his hair resting delicately against his nape, Jeongin smelling like chocolate and bread mixed together as Jisung only sobbed harder, feeling the instant warmth and relief that always followed when Jeongin was by his side. Jeongin was gazing down at him, searching his expression as all Jisung could do was gaze back with teary eyes, leaning against the counter as the angle forced him to bend backwards, fingers tugging at Jeongin’s hair as the other didn’t seem to mind. Jisung wanted the boy closer, but Jeongin was frozen solid as he observed the boy in his arms, their chests pressed together and their breath fanning across each others face, Jisung closing his eyes as he let his head drop towards Jeongin’s shoulder, his own light brown hair tickling Jeongin’s chin as he heard the boy release a heavy sigh above him.

“Jeongin-” Jisung whimpered, feeling as the arms behind his back shifted, and the boy was holding him closer, cradling him in his arms as he moved to lower his head onto Jisung as well. Jeongin pressed closer, their legs intertwining, a thigh mingling between his own, a hand moving to clutch his shoulder while the other continued to rest on his back. “I don’t know what happened-” Jisung choked, the words muffled by the embrace, even though he knew Jeongin would be able to understand him clearly. They were in tune.

“It doesn't matter, I’m here now. I’ll protect you, I promise,” Jeongin mumbled, but Jisung could feel the boy trembling in his arms, as if he was so frightened by seeing Jisung in this state. Jeongin had seen Jisung cry so many times before, but that didn’t mean it didn’t break his heart every time he witnessed it.

“I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go home- I want-” Jisung struggled to say, but he really wasn’t sure what he wanted. If he left here, did that mean he was supposed to leave everything else he had recently gained behind? If he didn’t stay, does that mean he’d lose the six other boy’s in his life that he had just met? But the walls around him were so cold, shaking, every sign signaling that he shouldn’t be here. 

“Jisung…” Jeongin sadly muttered, still holding onto his friend as the two did their best to expel any space between them. They were connected, intertwined, suffocating in their emotions that they tried their best to convey to the other. Jisung was in pain, and Jeongin was desperate to save him. “So much has happened- it’s okay for you to feel this way. You don’t have to pretend that you’re alright, or that you enjoy living in this apartment. You’re allowed to scream and cry, to tell me when you’re upset. That’s what I’m here for. You don’t even need a reason, I won’t ask for one and I’ll hold you through it all,” Jeongin mumbled, turning his head as lips were meeting his cheek, the soft sensation quelling the hallowed sensations rippling through his body. Jeongin was warm. All Jisung needed in his life was warmth. “I wish I could stay with you…” Jeongin whispered, and it was something they both were wishing for, and had been since they lost the house. But Jeongin had his own purposes and his own actions, and Jisung was simply there to cheer him on, and protect him. Just like he knew Jeongin would for him.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” Jisung mumbled, gulping as he slowly brought his hands back down, pressing on Jeongin’s shoulders lightly before his friend was pulling away. He let Jeongin decide when to pull away as there wasn’t any force behind his palms, but seeing the crushed expression behind Jeongin’s gaze was worse than feeling him shake in his arms. This had been his fault, his own outward sorrow had led the other to be frightened for his sake. “I just was- I was overwhelmed. I really don’t want to be here,” Jisung mumbled, sniffling as he could still feel the tears pooling from his eyes, silently spilling down his cheeks as Jeongin’s gaze traced their path.

“I know,” Jeongin softly said, a moment of silence shifting between them as Jisung’s hands clenched the boy’s shirt between his fingers, the presence of Jeongin’s thigh between his legs heavy as the other held him back. Jisung let his head fall as he gazed between them, blinking, a blush rising to his face as he let out another small sniffle. He had been panicking before, but now that Jeongin was here, things seemed to get better. Slowly. But they were.

“I’m going to try my best,” Jisung said, gazing up at Jeongin as he forced a smile to his lips. “I’m going to do everything I can to make this work for us.”

“I know you will. Because it’s what you’ve always done,” Jeongin replied, giving Jisung a small encouraging nod as he tried to match Jisung’s smile, even though his own showed more cracks of sorrow. Jisung let out a small sigh as he closed his eyes, before his hands were pulling the other closer instead of away, and Jeongin was quick to catch the boy in his arms, hooking his chin on Jisung’s shoulder as heat swelled between them. He could feel Jeongin’s chest rising and falling against his own, and he allowed his eyes to slowly close, to be swept away in the moment as he did his best to dry his tears and hide his sadness. “My mom said something to me today,” Jeongin whispered, and Jisung let out a small hum to let the boy know he was listening, the smile still resting on his lips as he started to rock Jeongin back and forth in his arms. “She told me that even after everything that happened- she was glad I had a friend like you,” Jeongin said, biting his lip as Jisung felt his heart skip a beat, eyes growing wet once more, but this time not from the panic latching inside his eyes.

“I feel the same. You’ve always been there for me, I could never explain how much I love you because of it all,” Jisung whispered, gulping down his silent sob as he continued to rock Jeongin back and forth.

“Jisung-” Jeongin mumbled, and Jisung loved the way his name sounded on the boy’s lips, the way he lifted his head and his soft raven black hair tickled his cheek. He loved the way Jeongin always surprised him with something new to take his breath away, he loved the way he smelled, talked, felt against his own skin. And he loved the way Jeongin was giving him another surprise, words cut short but actions speaking louder, the pair of lips he had gazed at for so many years, had felt against his cheeks and his hand, now pressing into his own lips. A single, chaste kiss.

It was always so natural between them. They never discussed anything because they knew how perfectly their hearts slotted together from their own lingering gazes and bated breaths. They could feel the connection only deepening over time, but neither shied away from it, they only let it grow naturally to this point, until this was the only possible next step to take. And they were ready for it. Jeongin’s lips were soft as petals, pressing into his own but not invading his space, a small pressure that brought Jisung back to his senses and grounded his understanding. He didn’t kiss back, but Jeongin wasn’t asking him to. Yet he couldn’t deny the way his stomach twisted, how light headed he felt when those lips touched his own, a small desire building up in his chest and pushing on his vocal cords, begging him to ask for more. To push for more. Yet he was already frozen still as Jeongin’s warmth thawed him out slowly, the thigh between his legs pushing in farther, Jisung’s arms wrapping around the boy’s neck once more as Jeongin pulled away and gazed into his eyes. It was perfect. He always knew this would happen for them, and it wasn’t rushed, but perfect. Natural. Jisung couldn’t help but smile.

“If you keep looking at me like that, I’ll have to kiss you again,” Jeongin chuckled, and Jisung didn’t realize how his lips had parted in awe after, the blush rising on his face once more as he attempted to pull back from the boy. But Jeongin caught him, wrapping his arms around his back as he pulled Jisung off the counter and back onto his own two feet, pressing his lips into the boy’s cheek as if he was attempting to ground him once more. Jisung gazed past his friend with wide eyes as he gazed blankly across the apartment, Jeongin sighing in his ear as the boy pressed his cheek against Jisung’s own before nuzzling into him. “Poor Jisungie, look how spaced out you are after only one kiss,” Jeongin said, still nuzzling and cooing at the boy as Jisung closed his lips, the blush rising towards the tips of his ears as he attempted to push the boy off of him once more. This time he was successful, and Jeongin stumbled back as he laughed, Jisung raising his palm to cover over his mouth as he glanced away shyly from the other. He really didn’t mind the kiss, in fact he knew he liked it . Enough to want to feel it again. But he didn’t like how prideful Jeongin was after the fact, as if the other boy himself wasn’t blushing ear to ear at his own actions.

“T-That was nothing,” Jisung scoffed, the venom misplaced as his words sounded much more innocent than he intended. Jeongin smiled at his friend as he tried to calm down his laughter, and Jisung slowly dropped his hand, biting his lip as he instantly watched Jeongin’s gaze fall onto the plush pair. “You just caught me off guard, that’s all,” Jisung mumbled, and Jeongin hummed, kicking at the ground bashfully as he managed to gaze up at his friend between his eyelashes, a sultry look that Jisung was only now much more aware of. In fact, he felt like he was watching Jeongin’s every move, getting himself ready to accept more as it naturally found its way to him.

“So, you’re saying that as long as I tell you, I can kiss you whenever I want?” Jeongin purred, and Jisung didn’t think he could blush any harder, his hands reaching up to hold onto his own cheeks as if it was enough to hide his embarrassment.

“T-That-”

“What about hmm… Chan? What if he wanted to kiss you?” Jeongin asked, a predatory look in his eyes that left Jisung standing shocked once more. Chan? Why had Jeongin brought up Chan? And why couldn’t he find it in himself to deny the other as quickly as he should?

“What?” Jisung choked out, but Jeongin was simply watching him, a small smirk on his lips as he silently waited patiently for Jisung to answer his question. “Why would Chan want to kiss me ?” Jisung asked, exaggerating, but the question seemed to disappoint Jeongin as he frowned, a small sigh spilling from his lips as he started to deflate. Jisung wasn’t sure how he had shifted from piercing panic to- whatever this was. But still, it was better than the sorrow and fear he felt moments earlier.

“Why wouldn’t he?” Jeongin chuckled, the other finally moving as he sat down on one of the chairs at the small dining table in the center of the kitchen, still cluttered with his Uncle’s things that they were working to sort through. “Let me ask this a different way- wouldn’t you like to kiss him?” Jeongin sneakily asked, and Jisung gasped, the question running over in his mind as he came up with an answer much quicker than he should have.

“ Yeah , but I don’t think-”

“And if Chan felt the same way?”

Jisung blinked, not sure if he understood where Jeongin was going with this. Wasn’t he the one who just kissed Jisung? Why wasn’t he more possessive and selfish like any other person would be? “I guess I’d… let him kiss me. But-”

“That’d be kind of hot to watch,” Jeongin chuckled, and Jisung flushed, everything flattening in his stomach as he felt the need to grab the boy and shove his lips into Jeongin’s own, to tell him to shut up and focus on them for only a moment.

“Jeongin!”

“Jisung. It’s okay,” Jeongin said, his amusement softening until Jisung couldn’t stand it anymore, a small groan leaving his lips as he walked over to the other and suddenly sat down on his lap. Jeongin’s hands were on his hips in only an instant, helping to keep him balanced as Jeongin smiled and gazed up at the pouting boy now clinging to him. “Whatever you choose, I’ll go along with it. I already told you this,” Jeongin softly said, but Jisung didn’t want to think about it just yet, the boy shaking his head as he leaned into Jeongin, placing his hands on his shoulders as he frowned down at the other.

“There’s too much going on right now. I can’t- this is too much. I just want to let things happen when it’s their time. I can’t rush into anything, no matter how much I want it, or how much I like it. Jeongin, we just kissed . Everything between us is bound to change, and to think about others when right now I only want you on my mind- I can’t do that. I’m not sure what will happen, and I can’t say that the next time you come to visit me I won’t be on the ground sobbing and overwhelmed again. But if I’m taking everything one step at a time, then you’re my first step. And maybe then… Chan can be my next one,” Jisung mumbled, licking his lips and glancing away from the other boy. Jeongin was silent, but his sparkling eyes was the telltale sign that the other was listening, and perhaps understanding. Just one step at a time.

“Okay. We’ll do it your way,” Jeongin whispered, and Jisung blinked as he turned to gaze back at Jeongin before suddenly glancing down at his lips. He could feel the pull aching inside of him, the need to resume what they had ended so soon after it had only begun. But before he could get lost in the passion blooming between them, there was still something left he had to do for the day.

“Jeongin- let’s get to work,” Jisung grinned, and Jeongin laughed as he nodded, suddenly pulling Jisung closer and placing his cheek on the boy’s stomach while he held onto him. Warmth was spilling between them once more, and Jisung felt his desires swell as he brought his hand up, gently carding his fingers tenderly through Jeongin’s raven black locks, lulling the boy as he knew this moment between them wasn’t finished. Jeongin was the first person he had ever learned to love outside his family, and he was now his first step into something more. There would be more steps, and more people to love- Jisung was sure of this. But for now, he’d enjoy his time with Jeongin, in the same natural way he had during the many years the two had known each other already.

Chapter Text

Jisung hated it, but the time came eventually when Jeongin was opening up the front door with a sad smile on his lips, giving his (friend?) a small wave before exiting the house. He stood by the door as he watched the boy go, walking over to his car while the cold air from outside seeped slowly into the apartment, a frown on his own face as he couldn’t find it in himself to accept that Jeongin was leaving once more. Today something had changed between them, but neither had really taken the time to discover what it was and what it meant. Instead Jisung had forced himself to pretend that things were still okay, and they cleared up more of his Uncle’s kitchen, the room finally looking more like something someone would find when they were just moving into an empty space. The cabinets and fridge cleared of clutter, while Jeongin took it upon himself to clean the messes off the countertops. They worked hard until it was time for Jeongin to leave, and they ignored the desires and questions lingering in their minds, pulling them apart as Jeongin left for the day. He wished he had kissed the boy goodbye. He wished that they could spend their time in the way they wanted, laying together while watching horror movies, and lazily kissing in a tight embrace. But just by being here, Jisung was constantly reminded of what had happened, and what he needed to do.

The car drove away as Jisung watched Jeongin drive up the parking lot before turning onto the street and disappearing. But he stood with the door open, gazing at where he had just seen Jeongin last, the chill kissing his cheeks as his skin turned brittle and blushed, feeling the urge to run after the boy even when he was bound to his spot. He was bound by Jeongin’s own desires to salvage his relationship with his mom. Yet his hand was on the doorknob as he was too scared to turn around and see the empty apartment again, to face his numbed feelings that he felt too guilty to handle. Every time he gazed into the apartment, all he could see was his Uncle. The man he barely knew. Jisung gulped, his grip on the doorknob tightening as he wasn’t sure if he should run away, or return to the work on his own. But he didn’t want to be alone. Gaze casted on the ground now as he felt his eyes dry out from the frigid dry cold, his body shaking from frozen skin. Jisung was only in a t-shirt, and he could feel the cold ripping him apart slowly, everything breaking him down further at once as he wished he could just scream, because he didn’t want to be so sad anymore. He wanted to move past this, and get over it. But that wasn’t something possible for him, it was still too soon.

“Jisung?” a voice called out, and Jisung felt his breath catch in his throat, the wind flushing and whipping harder as his bangs were caught up in it, shifting on his forehead as he dared to glance up at where the voice came from. And he gazed across the apartments to see Chan standing directly across from him in the same manner, holding open his own apartment door with a look of surprise on his face. Jisung faulted, eyes lidding, his small huff of breath creating a cloud of smoke in the air. There was his relief, calling out to him. “Are you okay?” Chan asked, and Jisung wanted to admit what was wrong to the other, he wanted to nod his head and run into the boy’s arms before it was too late. But all he could manage was a small smile, his eyes lowering to the steps below Chan as he shook his head. He hated that he had to lie.

A few moments passed, and Jisung stood in silence, wondering if the other had left him the moment he received his answer. It was so cold, but the earth was still, not even offering up snow as all Jisung could do was stand and wait to bury himself in the cold. Yet even in the sudden silence Jisung was picking up on the sound of footsteps, shoes crunching against gravel, before something so warm was hesitantly touching his cheeks, angling his head to gaze up to see who was joining him in his sorrow. There stood Chan. Hair as white and dazzling as snow, dimples hidden but dark brown eyes shining with a warmth that followed his palms. Jisung bit his lip as he held back the words that threatened to spill from his lips the moment he felt the touch, but Chan didn’t seem to mind, instead he was lifting a second hand, cupping his other cheek as the warmth surged through him like a quick fire. It felt so good to be held by Chan, in the same way it felt so good to kiss Jeongin earlier. Natural. A step he had yet to consider, but wouldn’t shy away from as he let out a shaky breath, nuzzling into the hands holding onto him as he closed his eyes and let go of his door handle next to him. Standing in the cold with Chan’s warmth blanketing him.

“Can you please… stay?” Jisung asked him, too scared to open his eyes and see Chan’s true reaction. But the boy didn’t pull away, and instead he heard a soft chuckle spilling into the silence, Jisung’s eyes fluttering open to see the bright sight of dimples.

“Sure. I’ll stay with you,” Chan simply agreed, and Jisung felt everything that he had been scared of break away, because now he no longer needed to face it on his own. Now Chan was here, in the same way he had shown up before when Jisung had been overwhelmed, agreeing to stay with him in his own frightened panic. Jisung blushed, unsure of whether it was due to the cold or the assumptions lingering in his mind, but he couldn’t help but smile too as he nodded, a pressure lifting from his chest as he suddenly felt the need to go inside. Jisung took a step back, and Chan let his hands fall as he followed the boy into the apartment, Jisung finally shutting the door as he trapped them inside the warmth that he had punished himself from.

“We cleaned a lot today,” Jisung mumbled, playing with his fingers nervously in front of himself, gazing at Chan’s chest as he was too nervous to be alone with him while gazing into his eyes. “Jeongin and I,” Jisung added, and he heard the other let out a small hum as he moved to take off the thick black coat he had been wearing, setting it onto the back of one of the dining table chairs that Jeongin had been lazing around in earlier. Jisung eyed the movement, but when Chan was suddenly walking away Jisung couldn’t help but gaze up at the other, noticing how broad his shoulders were as he could see small bundles of muscle hinting underneath his shirt. 

“I can see, it looks great so far. Have you only cleaned the kitchen?” Chan asked, walking around the table and gazing at all the cleared and cleaned spaces, Jisung biting his lip as he nodded and let his hands rest by his side.

“I want to clean his room… but I’m feeling nervous,” Jisung admitted, Chan stopping short as he gazed at the bashful boy standing rigid in the middle of the room. Chan paused as he observed Jisung, before Jisung was sighing, glancing up at the other instead as Chan gave the boy a small smile.

“You’d like me there with you,” Chan stated, and Jisung held his breath, even as he could feel the blush brushing lightly against his cheeks, like pink paint on a paintbrush. He did want Chan there. He didn’t want the boy to leave at all, but he mostly didn’t want to enter a room that he barely felt any sympathy for. What was inside of him was like a heavy ball pitted in his stomach, the urge to feel upset but unable to detect it. Chan had looked pained when he heard his Uncle had died. Chan knew the man personally. And therefore, Chan deserved to enter that room.

“Please…” Jisung mumbled, without stating his reason and hoping Chan would understand all the same. Yet even if the other didn’t understand, he didn’t show it, accepting Jisung’s words for what they were and walking towards him slowly with a smile on his face. Delicate, boyish, dimples flaring as Jisung felt the need to press his fingers into the indents and engrave the feeling into his mind.

“Alright,” Chan simply said, and he was in front of Jisung once more as he lifted his hand, ruffling his fingers through Jisung’s soft light brown locks while they bounced against his head. Jisung glanced up at the other with parted lips and slightly widened eyes, but Chan was giving him his full attention, hand settling down until it sat still on the top of his head. “But- you need to do something for me too,” Chan suddenly said, a grin appearing on his lips as Jisung furrowed his eyebrows, reaching up to pull Chan’s hand off his head as the other took the opportunity to catch his palm into his own, intertwining their fingers and holding them by his side. As if it came naturally. As if they had done this before. And only then did Jisung realize that he had held Chan’s hand before, yet then he was oblivious to his own whims.

“As long as it’s not math… then I should be fine,” Jisung muttered in confusion, and the words seemed to strike something in Chan as the boy suddenly was laughing loudly, tilting his head back and dimples deepening on his face. Jisung glanced at the boy’s hair as he watched the way it fell back, curls shaking and shimmering in the light above them on the ceiling. Even in a place as dreary as this, Chan looked beautiful.

“Why-why would I make you do math Jisung?” Chan chuckled, and Jisung shrugged, now blushing once more from the pretty sight in front of him. “No- it’s just a small request-” Chan continued, his chuckles calming down as he let out a heavy sigh, still smiling as he gazed down at Jisung with crinkled eyes filled with admiration. “Do you work tomorrow?”

“I-I do,” Jisung stumbled, licking his lips as he was sure Chan gazed at the motion. “Why?” Jisung asked, because honestly if there was something Chan wanted from him, he was eager to give it to the boy. In the way Jisung wanted to protect Jeongin and would do anything the boy asked of him, he wanted to seem strong to Chan. In order to be strong, he needed Chan’s help. So in favor, he wanted to do anything he could.

“Let me drive you in,” Chan simply said, the words lowering into a deep whisper, enticing the intimacy between them as Jisung realized how close they were standing. Soft palms and twitching fingers, everything touching while Jisung silently hoped that he could touch the boy even more .

“Drive…?” Jisung mumbled, lost in the moment as his mind stayed solely on Chan, and how beautiful he looked standing this close. Even miles away Chan would be beautiful. How did he see Jisung in his eyes?

“I’d like to drive you to work, if you don’t mind. Felix called me earlier and told me about your car,” Chan explained, his lips slipping into a sheepish grin as Jisung paused while gazing at the other. Felix had called Chan? And now Chan wanted to help him even more than he already was? What did he do to deserve that?

“I- You can’t,” Jisung mumbled, gulping as he felt Chan clench his hand tighter at the discarding words. “You’ve done so much already, and I just- I haven’t done anything for you. You shouldn’t keep offering like that,” Jisung added, biting his lip as he felt like running away. But Chan was holding onto him, listening to his words and digesting them, his sheepish grin reluctantly shifting into a somber smile that held more words than what fell from his mouth after. 

“I don’t think there is a limit to kindness, Jisung. But to add to that, I don’t think a person has the right to tell another what they can or cannot do. Just like how you have a right to say no, if you didn’t want my help or kindness,” Chan explained, and Jisung knew he fucked up- he knew he shouldn’t be telling Chan what to do, especially when Jisung had already accepted his abundant kindness before. What was stopping him from doing so now? Perhaps he was simply more aware of the kindness, of Chan and the place he burrowed into his heart. “I don’t want to sound harsh, I just- I really like you Jisung, and I want to help you in any way I can. Bringing you to work feels just one way I could do that. Plus, it’d be nice to see you when I first wake up,” Chan chuckled, the seriousness in his tone shedding off for a more familiar and gentle flare. Chan truly was a good person.

“I look terrible in the morning,” Jisung grumbled, and Chan laughed a little lighter, playing with Jisung’s fingers absentmindedly as the touch left an odd longing feeling inside of him.

“I bet you look cute. Which might be impossible, because I don’t think anything could be cuter than you are now,” Chan added, and Jisung felt the immediate rush of his blush from his cheeks to his ears, a small scoff leaving his lips as he dropped his head to gaze at the floor.

“I-I’m not cute. Jeongin’s cute-”

“Sure, he’s cute. But you’re even cuter, at least in my eyes,” Chan easily said, and Jisung wondered how these words could just roll so casually from the boy’s lips, Jisung shaking his head and pursing his own lips before he said something stupid. “Let’s go upstairs,” Jisung quickly said, yet as soon as he tugged onto Chan’s hand, Chan was pulling him back, a grin on his lips once more as he cooed at the boy.

“Jisung~ what’ll it be?” Chan lulled, and Jisung bit his lips, glancing back at the other with his arm outstretched, ready to drag the boy along with him. He already knew his answer, Chan didn’t even have to ask.

“Yeah, okay. You can bring me into work tomorrow,” Jisung mumbled, pouting even though he knew he wasn’t upset. Yet Chan seemed to brighten up impossibly more as he finally received Jisung’s answer, this time moving forward himself as he tugged on Jisung’s hand and led him up the stairs. Jisung gasped as he gazed up and at Chan’s backside, noticing a few points of focus in particular that had him blushing, the boy clearing his throat and settling his gaze on Chan’s shoulders as the other pulled him along with each upwards step.

Perhaps it wasn’t the right time, but Jisung started thinking about Jeongin’s kiss. The tiny peck on his lips that left him wanting to double over in ecstatic adoration, and the way right after Jeongin was bringing up Chan, speaking that name from those same lips he had just kissed. He knew there was something between them. An awkward triangle where Jisung still sat in the middle between the two, yet he wanted to believe that things weren’t as complicated as they felt. Jisung admitted to his friend, who had just kissed him, that he didn’t mind the idea of kissing Chan also. But who was to say that sentiment simply ended there? When Jisung thought about it, kissing some of the other boy’s didn’t sound so bad, and the ones he didn’t know so well yet he was sure would be added soon enough. The idea was insane, and Jisung felt guilty for even considering himself someone worthy of so much attention. Was he even worthy of Jeongin? Jisung felt so broken, and in the same way he felt like he was just dragging Jeongin in barefoot across the broken shards of his despair, until the other felt guilty enough to express some kind of love onto the boy who was so desperate. It wasn’t a pity kiss, Jisung knew that. But whether that kiss was meant for him, and his lips were now sealed and not to be shared- Jisung wasn’t sure. All he knew was that when Jeongin had mentioned Chan right after, he wished the boy was there to give him a small peck as well.

Chan led Jisung past the spare room where he had been sleeping, the door cracked open enough that it showed clothes scattered across the floor, and the blanket falling off the bed. Jisung’s eyes widened at the sight, but he realized that Chan hadn’t noticed it, a small relief thrumming through him as his palm started to sweat. Instead Chan only stopped when he was at the door to his Uncle’s room, a room that had been shut since the first night Jisung had spent there, his body feeling jittery as he felt nervous to see what was behind it once more. It was uncomfortable. The man had died and yet they were going through his personal things, his entire life packed away within the walls of an apartment. He would learn more about the man this way than he ever felt the need to ask about, a lump in his throat as Chan was already grabbing the door handle and twisting. What lay beyond were secrets Jisung never cared to learn. But now that his Uncle was dead… he would learn them whether or not the man wanted him to. He felt like he was betraying his family member, yet there was no one there to shame him for it other than himself.

“I’ve only been in this room once,” Chan explained, opening up the door as Jisung realized that the curtains to the window were drawn up, in the same way his Uncle must have left them. And from this angle he could see across the apartments towards Chan’s own, the light on inside as he wondered if maybe Changbin was home, or that Chan had just decided to keep them on even while he was away. Or, maybe he hadn’t meant to be gone for so long. “In our apartment, Changbin sleeps in the smaller room and I sleep in this one. Changbin insisted that it needed to be that way,” Chan chuckled, turning to see Jisung as he finally noticed the reluctant horror staining his face, Chan’s smile falling as his dimples disappeared. Yet Jisung wasn’t looking at him, instead he was gazing around the room, noticing just how out of place he was inside of it. He saw more dirty clothes that weren't his own, pill bottles with different kinds of medicine on the nightstand next to the bed. “What’s wrong?” Chan asked, and he moved so he was standing in front of Jisung fully, taking both of his hands into his own as he used his thumbs to caress the back of Jisung’s own. Jisung gazed down at the gentle touch with trembling, parted lips, his mouth running dry as he wished he could start screaming and begging the earth to steal him away.

“My Uncle… did anyone ever come to visit him?” Jisung heard himself ask, a question he had been too scared to ask. He knew the answer to it already.

“I- don’t know. I wasn’t home too often, but when I was it was just your Uncle here,” Chan softly explained, but Jisung appreciated his honesty, a sad chuckle leaving his lips as he nodded his head. His Uncle had been secluded, and all alone, and still Jisung just felt so afraid of him. He felt afraid that he would learn who this person was, and regret that he didn’t know him when he was alive.

“I feel like a terrible person,” Jisung muttered, a sigh escaping his lips as he gently pulled his hands out of Chan’s own, folding into himself as he didn’t have a proper outlet to release his sorrow and guilt. “I shouldn’t be here,” Jisung added, but Chan shook his head, keeping his hands by his own side as he continued to gaze at the boy in front of him. Jisung gulped, keeping his head hung low, and Chan was patient with him, not moving himself as he was too nervous to break the boy in front of him further. Jisung had finally managed to enter his Uncle’s room, and he already wanted to run away so badly. The only thing saving him in this moment, was Chan.

“It’s hard to decide what the right thing to do is when the person you’d ask isn’t here to tell you. I can’t really say for certain if either of us should be here, or if your Uncle would rather have someone else here to clean things up. But from what I know… I don’t think he’d mind,” Chan slowly said, and within his words Jisung caught a glimpse at something he hadn’t heard from the other boy before. As if Chan knew something more than Jisung did.

“That makes no sense…” Jisung mumbled, but the hostility was stripped from his voice, and to Chan he just sounded weak, the other letting out a small hum of understanding as he continued to gaze at the boy in front of him.

“I think there’s a lot you don’t know about your Uncle, but even more than you could imagine. Like this,” Chan said, and Jisung blinked as he watched the boy start to turn and walk further into his Uncle’s room, moving to the dresser across from the bed, before pushing himself between the dresser and the wall. Chan fumbled with something on the side of the dresser, and Jisung watched the boy silently but curious as to what it could be, still glad that he wasn’t alone in this room when it felt so foreign to him. Chan worked with a purpose, as if he knew this was something he would need to find all along. And when he stood back up and walked over to Jisung, there was something thin in his hands, a piece of paper flapping with his small movements until he was reaching forward and handing it to Jisung himself. His Uncle must have taped this piece of paper onto the side of his dresser. “I think this will help answer some of your concerns,” Chan softly said, and Jisung blinked as he took the paper into his own hands, feeling how the years had turned it flimsy and delicate, but he held it with care as he slowly, but hesitantly, brought it up to his face to gaze at.

There was a drawing on the piece of paper. Obviously done by a child, where the top half of the paper was blue to show where the sky was supposed to be, and long figures standing up from the bottom, starting in brown and ending in green. Trees. A full forest. Little fuzzy critters scurrying across the ground and leaves too big to be true scattered across the forest floor. Jisung held the paper tighter as he recognized the forest, and he felt something swell inside of him as he felt something familiar tapping at his brain, urging him to remember and realize what Chan was trying to show him. He gazed into the middle of the forest to see a stick figure, accompanied by another larger in size as they held each other's hands. Until his gaze fell to the bottom of the paper where he felt his breath catch in his throat, and he saw the small letters scribbled across messy drawn leaves, reading one at a time until he could make out a name. His own name.

“W-What-” Jisung stuttered, and Chan smiled at the boy as he gazed down at the drawing in his hands with a newfound fond expression.

“I guess this was something you drew when you were staying with your Uncle. He showed it to me once, and told me about how he used to have his nephew stop by to watch over while his parents were away. He enjoyed it when you came over,” Chan explained, his voice so tender and delicate as if he knew how broken Jisung was feeling in this moment. “I just think… your Uncle wouldn’t mind it if you were the one here looking through his things,” Chan added, and Jisung blinked, the paper shaking in his hands, the pressure building up in his eyes before he could see the wet spots forming on the forest floor of the drawing.

“I don’t even remember drawing this,” Jisung softly sobbed, Chan instantly moving as he came forward and wrapped his arm around Jisung’s shoulder, hiding the boy’s head in his chest as he felt more secure than before to cry. He wasn’t mourning- he wasn’t there yet. But he felt something new forming inside of him, adding to the ball of pressured presence, and for now he felt a bit differently about this place, and his Uncle. Maybe even… curious. “Thank you,” Jisung softly cried, and he meant it. Chan was just so kind, and now he had helped him out more than he realized.

“I just want you to be happy,” Chan mumbled, and Jisung nodded as he felt the paper slip from his fingertips and onto the floor, before he was reaching around Chan and holding the boy in a tight embrace of his own. Happiness was around the horizon, but Jisung just didn’t know when he would finally reach it. Perhaps with Chan, Jeongin- all the others, he’d find it soon enough.

Chapter Text

Chan’s car was nice, a few years younger than Jisung’s car, with plush leather seats, a small frame, and one of those car fresheners that hang from the rear view mirror. Jisung felt the urge to poke it, but he kept his hands to himself, sitting comfortably in his seat in silence as he stared out the front window, watching the world pass by them. Chan was an excellent driver- better than Jisung considered himself to be. The moment the other had knocked on his door this morning, Jisung was grabbing the doorknob and pulling it open, an immediate blush on his cheeks as he saw the handsome boy in front of him. Chan looked different in the morning, and he could tell the other hadn’t been awake for long yet, curls unruly, cheeks swollen, eyes lidded, but his smile was tender and fond, the corners of his eyes creasing as he held himself tighter in the coat he was wearing. Jisung could see the smoke puffing from each breath that escaped their lips, and he could feel the chill instantly wrapping around his core and threatening to chill him to the bones. But Chan looked so warm, and when he held out his hand like a silent request, Jisung couldn’t help but blush harder as he accepted it into his own, allowing the other boy to lead him to his small sleek black car.

Not only had Chan opened the door for him, but as soon as he slid inside against the leather seats, Chan was reaching for his seatbelt, leaning over his body and grabbing the strap while pulling it over. Jisung felt himself hollow into the seat, but he didn’t mind the way Chan’s arm brushed against his chest, how he could feel the heat radiating off the boy, and his breath kissing his cheek. Chan had been so close, and Jisung couldn’t help but smile to himself as the other clicked the belt into place, smoothing out the small twists in the length before pulling away and offering Jisung another smile, his dimples greeting Jisung as well as he felt himself swoon. He was starting to come to terms with his attraction. Jeongin had partially been the one to blame for him to realize this. But he didn’t want to shy away from his feelings, but he still wasn’t sure if the other found him even the least bit attractive himself. He never really thought about who to like, and what was right and what was wrong. He just allowed things to occur naturally, and like Jeongin, liking Chan felt natural. He wanted to pull the other’s arm and bring him closer before he could leave, perhaps offer him a small kiss of gratitude, but all he managed was a smile in return, Chan letting out a small chuckle under his breath before shutting the door and moving to the driver’s seat.

They had been driving for about ten minutes, and the trip itself was farther than Jisung normally preferred to drive. From the apartment to his current job it was about forty minutes, so Jisung still had a while to go before he and Chan would part. The silence was thick, but for once Jisung didn’t feel awkward, maybe a little tired, a small yawn passing through his lips as Chan heard the noise and glanced at him from the side. But the silence continued as Jisung started to doze off, lidded eyes gazing out the window, taking comfort from the fact of who was next to him. They had barely spoken at all, yet Chan looked happy, in fact the adoration had only grown on his face as Jisung let his head bump into the window, his eyes now shut as small puffs of heavy breath left his lips in his sleep. He missed the way Chan slowed down to take a longer glance at Jisung, and he missed the way those eyes fell on his lips- biting his own as a small blush rounded the dimples on his face. He missed all the signs he needed to look for, but perhaps it wasn’t their time just yet, Chan turning back to watch the road as Jisung slept more peacefully next to Chan in his car, than he had the past few days.

“Jisung~” a voice lulled, and when Jisung dared to open his eyes he was in the parking lot of his work, blinking slowly to come to terms how he had wasted his time with Chan by sleeping. Yet he didn’t feel upset, because when he slowly turned to Chan the other looked more relieved than anything, a smile still on his lips that felt permanent when he was around Jisung. Jisung slowly sat up in his seat, placing his hands in his lap as he let out a small yawn once more, and Chan chuckled, unbuckling himself from his own seat before once again reaching over to relieve Jisung from his own. He felt dazed, and still drowsy, sure that his hair was sticking up funny and that the puffiness of his face that he tried to control earlier had returned, but- he didn’t mind. He really didn’t mind how he looked in front of Chan. It just felt that comfortable now to be next to him. And it was all due to the way the boy had spoken to him the night before.

“...I really don’t want to go to work,” Jisung pouted, raising his fist to rub at his eyes, glancing towards Chan to see the boy smiling softly at him as he turned in his seat to face him fully. Chan reached forward as he gently touched Jisung’s wrist, pulling it away from his eyes before intertwining his fingers with Jisung’s own and holding his hand between them. Jisung could feel the boy gently caressing the back of his hand with his thumb, and Jisung felt himself softly measurably, his heart beating quicker in his chest as he felt an odd excitement about now being so close, and alone, with Chan.

“It’d be nice to stay here with you. But I’ve got to head into work myself,” Chan softly explained, and Jisung nodded, seeing the way that Chan was already fully dressed for the day and had already assumed he had plans for something after. Jisung was curious where Chan worked, but Chan let out a pondering hum, his lips lifting into a grin as he lifted Jisung’s hand and brought it to his lips. “I guess that means we will just have to meet up later tonight,” Chan cheekily said, and Jisung blushed as the other kissed the back of his hand, hot lips lingering, until Jisung could feel the boy’s exhale breath on his skin as he moved away, still caressing the now sensitive skin as Jisung bit his lip. He wanted to say something, he wanted to address these tender moments between them- but he also wanted to figure out for sure if this was something he wanted. Jeongin and him had kissed, he couldn’t forget that.

“Your place, or mine?” Jisung asked, and Chan blinked, apparently not thinking that Jisung would be as forward now as he was. But there was a shift between them, one Jisung had noticed when he had been able to clear out his Uncle’s bedroom with Chan by his side, less reluctant, and filled with warmth.

“Let’s meet at mine- I’ll make us dinner,” Chan offered, and Jisung nodded, smiling to himself as he glanced away shyly upon gazing into Chan’s brown eyes. “Of course, the others might be there too,” Chan added, and Jisung expected this, nodding even as Chan chuckled, leaning closer to the boy from his seat as Jisung could feel the clock ticking beyond them. He needed to head into work, but he didn’t want to leave Chan.

“I don’t mind being with the others too,” Jisung mumbled, biting his lip once more as he wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt so bashful in front of Chan. He wanted to seem confident, even if he was still just as awkward as before. But now his awkwardness was replaced by his shy exterior, and brazen words.

“Good. They like you, so I wanted to find time for all of us to hang out too. And you can bring Jeongin whenever you want as well,” Chan said, as if he was the leader of their little makeshift clan, Jisung holding back the excited giggle he felt bubbling in his soul. He really, really liked Chan. “I hope we can all become close,” Chan added, and Jisung nodded, knowing this was something he wanted too. He didn’t know some of the other’s as well as he knew Chan, Changbin, and even Felix, but he knew he would have the opportunities to do so soon enough. Even if that wasn’t, and shouldn’t be, his top priority for the time being. He still needed to find a place to live, a place to work, and his father- “You’re going to be late if you let me hold onto you any longer. Not that I mind,” Chan chuckled, and Jisung flushed a bright red as he pulled his hand out of Chan’s own, blinking as a twisted smile fell onto his lips. Maybe he could always take just a small break to think about Chan and the others as well.

“H-Have a nice day,” Jisung mumbled, turning in his seat before grabbing the door handle, regretting that he would need to leave Chan as soon as he was. But that didn’t matter. He’d see him again soon enough when night came.

“Jisung-” Chan called out, and as soon as Jisung was standing outside the door he turned to gaze back at Chan, their eyes meeting, and Jisung feeling the warmth filling his soul even from how could it was outside. “Don’t work too hard,” Chan said as he grinned, and his dimples bloomed like flowers, the sight stealing Jisung’s breath away as he felt his own lips turn into a genuine smile as he nodded. He knew the words were simple, yet the intimacy in the way Chan said them made Jisung’s heart skip a beat. He couldn’t deny just how happy he was from those few short words.

Chan drove off after Jisung shut his door, running inside and into the actual warmth, even though it wasn’t as pleasant as Chan’s own. And he clocked in before returning to his small service desk, shuffling papers and keeping himself busy with small tasks he found to do when customers didn’t need help with anything. His thoughts were bouncing between Chan and Jeongin, similar feelings of adoration between them, yet things felt slightly different with Chan because he hadn’t known him for years before acting on these feelings like he had with Jeongin. He knew what he felt for Jeongin he couldn’t give up- and he wouldn’t. He liked the boy too much to deny himself of his infatuation. Yet he couldn’t give up on Chan either, even though it was young love, or even love at first sight. Was it wrong to like two people at once? But then if he even considered Changbin then… it felt the same too. Chan had just been more forward so far. It didn’t matter how many people Jisung liked, he just wasn’t sure what was moral, and what was allowed. He hated the idea that he’d hurt someone's feelings in the end from his indecisiveness.

As quickly as he arrived to work, it ended, Jisung already clocking out for the day as the events prior felt nonexistent in his mind. There was no Chan to pick him up this time, and he figured he could wait for Jeongin to get out of work before asking for him to bring him back as well. But the store was stuffy, Jisung hated being there and hated knowing he was stuck there before he made a final decision on his career. Felix’s offer felt too good to be true, so much so that he hadn’t even really considered it yet. Jisung wrapped his arms around his body as he stepped outside into the cold, noticing the sun in the sky as it was covered by clouds, sunlight still bleeding through as he watched the clouds mockingly drift past him, so free and careless. Part of the reason he hadn’t thought about Felix’s offer was because he didn’t believe he had those skills in him to be an actual help. Yet he had seen the other do his job, and Felix seemed to determine that something in Jisung was the right fit for his shop. What that was… Jisung didn’t know. Perhaps he would be okay working with Felix. But would it be enough? Everything that he depended on in his life so far had come crumbling down, so who’s to say this wouldn’t as well? And it’d only leave him broke, and without Felix as his friend. It was risky to consider, but worth considering in the end.

Jisung stuffed his hands into his sweatshirt pocket hanging off the front as he leaned against the wall of his grocery store, letting out puffs of smoke from each breath as he listened to the cars driving to and from the parking lot in front of him. One sounded louder than the rest, the engine revving as Jisung gazed at the cement beneath him, before the sound came closer and closer, suddenly stopping right in front of where Jisung was before the engine started to let out a steady rumbling purr instead. Jisung lifted his head curiously to see what was wrong, yet when his eyes met the car they widened, a dark blue sports car settled in the drop off lane in front of him, tinted windows and thick tires. Jisung gazed at the car in amazement as the window started to roll down, and soon there was someone leaning across their seat and gazing up at Jisung through the open window, a smirk on their lips as their blond hair fell elegantly past their shoulders and onto their gray sweater. Jisung remembered the face as the one Felix had talked to in his shop, Hyunjin slipping into his mind as he could only remember how abrupt and gorgeous the boy was on first appearances. But he didn’t expect to see him here, even if this car did seem to suit him. And what was stranger, was that he seemed to be looking for Jisung.

“If you’re waiting, hop in,” Hyunjin called out, and Jisung blinked, gazing at the boy in confusion as his car continued to rumble. Jisung didn’t not trust Hyunjin, he was friends with the others after all. It was because he was confused how the other knew he would be here, and would need a ride. “Don’t look so scared- Chan asked me to pick you up after work. But… he didn’t say we needed to go back home right away,” Hyunjin smirked, and at the mention of Chan things made more sense, Jisung biting his lip as he nodded towards the words. He pushed himself off the wall as he took a step towards the car, and Hyunjin reached across as he opened up the passenger door from the inside, Jisung sliding in cautiously as he was scared any wrong move would ruin the car. He felt he had seen this car before though, perhaps it was the one Felix had been working on at his garage a day ago. “You pick where we should go,” Hyunjin said the moment Jisung sat down, and he was already kicking the car into drive, driving out of the parking lot much quicker than a person should be. Jisung didn’t really know many places or things for them to do at this time, but he had a go-to idea that could work.

“There’s a bakery just a few blocks away… we can get coffee and something to eat,” Jisung said, his voice soft and full of reluctance, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind as he grinned, pressing his foot on the peddle as the car only drove faster. Normally Jisung would be scared, but at the moment he felt a bit thrilled.

“Sounds perfect . I’ve been wanting a moment alone for us,” Hyunjin lulled, and Jisung gulped, squirming in his seat as Hyunjin held onto the steering wheel tightly while he drove. The scenery flew past them, and Jisung whispered directions to the other, Hyunjin taking a wrong turn at one point that added an extra minute to their travels. Eventually they reached the bakery, and Hyunjin zoomed into the parking area before stopping harshly in an open spot, Jisung jumping in his seat as his seatbelt locked up to protect him. Hyunjin was a maniac on the road. “This place is so~ cute! I’m jealous I’ve never been here before,” Hyunjin said as he opened up his door to step out, and Jisung followed suit quickly, opening up his own as he turned to gaze at the other. He noticed the way Hyunjin’s hair bristled in the wind, a beautiful smile gracing his lips as he offered it to Jisung. Hyunjin was simply gorgeous.

“Well, to be honest- my friend works here. I didn’t have any other ideas, so I thought of him and yeah… here we are,” Jisung chuckled nervously, and Hyunjin nodded towards the words, stepping around his car and reaching Jisung before suddenly wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Hyunjin smelled like cinnamon, and Jisung instantly blushed as he felt the heat from the other enter his body.

“Well, it was a great idea,” Hyunjin cheerfully said, and Jisung was under the impression that nothing could make this boy upset, the other humming a song under his breath as he started to walk Jisung forward. The bakery was small, and the walls around it were filled with panes of glass, easy for people passing to gaze in, and those inside to gaze out. Jisung had only been here a few times before, but he knew Jeongin was working currently, and if Hyunjin didn’t mind then he didn’t either. Plus, he knew Jeongin would find some comfort in seeing Jisung interacting with someone new. “You smell so good by the way. Like… jasmine,” Hyunjin thoughtfully said, and Jisung blinked before gazing up at the other to see Hyunjin already grinning down at him, their faces so close he could feel his already burning with a blush. But Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind, and he offered Jisung a wink before turning away and leading them to the front door, opening it up as a small bell echoed across the front end floor of the bakery.

Jisung’s eyes found Jeongin right away, even though he was still looking at Hyunjin a moment after they entered, Jeongin standing behind the counter in his apron and beret as he swept up crumbs from the floor. But the bell made him look up as well as their eyes met across the room, and Jisung watched as Jeongin’s grew wider before sparkling with glee, the other moving to put the broom down before rushing to stand behind the counter to be the one to take their order. Jisung noticed Jeongin eye the arm around his shoulder, but his expression never faltered, still smiling as he beckoned Jisung over, placing his palms on the counter top and leaning forward. Jisung felt something settle in his chest at the familiar sight, and he thought about their first kiss once more, his own smile brightening up on his face as his eyes crinkled with delight. He was truly happy to see Jeongin.

“Jisung!” Jeongin yelled while waving, and Hyunjin glanced at the boy at the counter with a curious eyebrow raised, Jisung waving shyly back as he felt like he was stuck between who he should give his attention to. “You came to visit me,” Jeongin stated with a small chuckle, and Jisung bit his lip, still smiling as he motioned to the boy hanging off his shoulder.

“This is Hyunjin, he’s another friend of Chan’s. I said we should come here while we have some time before we need to head back,” Jisung explained, and Jeongin nodded, still smiling just as brightly as he leaned forward across the counter once more.

“That sounds like a great idea! Are we cleaning out more of your Uncle’s today? Or are we going to look at more apartments-”

“-Oh! Um, C-Chan wants us to all do something at his place tonight,” Jisung nervously interrupted. He knew it wasn’t his friend’s fault, Jeongin didn’t know that Jisung hadn’t told them about everything going on. But he wasn’t ready to discuss that yet, an awkward chuckle leaving his lips as he quickly glanced at Hyunjin next to him. But the other was still smiling, gazing up at the menu as he gave the two a moment for themselves.

“Right. Sure,” Jeongin said, and apparently he understood why Jisung had caught him off, his smile falling as something sad took over his expression. “Well, I’ll give you guys a discount today,” Jeongin added as he forced the full smile back to his lips, and Jisung nodded in appreciation, the boy picking out something to eat and drink before Hyunjin followed suit. Jeongin told them to take a seat while waiting and Jisung thanked his friend, turning to Hyunjin and offering him a smaller smile than before.

Hyunjin picked their seat for them, a small corner table settled against cushioned booth seats, Hyunjin sitting on one side before Jisung joined him on the next. He placed his hands on his lap as he sat back in his seat, and Hyunjin seemed to get comfortable too, reaching up with a rubber band as he tied half of his hair up to get it out of his face, Jisung watching the motion as he noticed just how slender his wrists were, and how pale his skin was. Hyunjin turned to him as he caught Jisung staring before grinning, and Jisung in turn noticed a small mole under his eye, accentuating his beauty that Jisung slightly envied. He never really cared about his looks, or another's, but Hyunjin was just too beautiful to ignore. Hyunjin finished up his hair as he let his hands fall back towards the seats, before he was lifting up one leg and settling it over the other at the knee, placing his hand on his thigh as he started to tap it with his finger. It was silent between them, and Jisung didn’t know what to say- he didn’t really know Hyunjin. All he knew was that he seemed nice, was super pretty, and was friends with Chan and the others.

“Chan talks about you so often these days,” Hyunjin suddenly said, and Jisung blinked, glancing at the other as he could still see the grin plastered across his face, eyes narrowing as they threatened to close from the force of the smile. “I’ve been so curious ,” Hyunjin added, still tapping his thigh as he gave Jisung all his attention.

“I-I like Chan. He’s nice and… well, the others are all nice too-” Jisung started to stutter, and Hyunjin hummed, his grin lessening as something soft took over his features instead.

“Right? Makes me wonder how I became friends with them,” Hyunjin chuckled, and Jisung furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, a small hum leaving Hyunjin’s lips as he finally glanced away and towards the table in front of them. “Felix likes to refer to me as ‘that brat.’”

“Oh,” Jisung simply said, and he felt his face cracking as he smiled, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he thought about it. It made sense.

“I think just by being with them I’ve become a little nicer. I’ve known Felix longer than the others, but we all treat each other pretty much the same. You though- you’re special already,” Hyunjin explained, a hand moving up to play with the ends of his blond locks, Jisung eyeing the movement as he wondered how soft the hair would feel against his own fingers. “Like I said, Chan doesn’t stop talking about you. It was just him at first, but then Changbin joined in, and sometimes I even hear a grumble or two about you from Felix already. I heard you met Seungmin and Minho, but you’re never around long enough for me to see you. Even with them, I hear the time you spend with the others’ is never long enough on their end,” Hyunjin explained with a chuckle, and Jisung’s lips parted in surprise at the words, the boy moving to speak as suddenly Jeongin appeared with their items.

“Jisung, are you heading back with me after, or Hyunjin?” Jeongin asked, and Hyunjin unhooked his leg over the other as he moved to stand and help Jeongin place their things on the table, Jisung eyeing the movement as he still felt a bit shocked in the moment.

“I’d like to bring him, if that’s alright,” Hyunjin asked, and Jeongin nodded easily, still smiling as he glanced up at Hyunjin this time and smirked.

“Sure. Just be gentle- he cries easily,” Jeongin whispered before winking, and Jisung blushed as Hyunjin grinned and nodded, Jeongin giggling to himself before turning and leaving the two once more.

“As I was saying-” Hyunjin said, sliding Jisung’s drink closer to the boy before reaching for his own and taking a sip, “you’re not around often. You have work, you take time to clean out your Uncle’s apartment, and now your car has broken down. What else takes up your time? And also, isn’t it a little strange how we’ve never seen you around here before your Uncle died?” Hyunjin asked, but he didn’t hear anything accusatory in his words. He sounded genuinely curious, and maybe even concerned. He didn’t know how much Chan had told Hyunjin about him and his Uncle, but he could assume it wasn’t a lot by the sound of it.

“We weren’t close,” Jisung said, grabbing his own drink and taking a sip as well. “My Aunt asked me for a favor, so I’m the one in charge of clearing it out,” Jisung continued, and Hyunjin let out a small hum, his puffy lips wrapped around the straw in his mouth as he took a sip. Jisung gulped at the slightly seductive sight, glancing away quickly to hide the blush on his cheeks.

“So you’re the only one in charge of that kind of task? Jeez, that’s annoying,” Hyunjin scoffed, yet he was still smiling, setting his drink aside before moving to grab the small pastry he chose instead. “I don’t know you well enough yet, but still if I ever meet your Aunt we are going to have some words,” Hyunjin added, chewing on a small piece of pastry as Jisung couldn’t help but giggle at the words. It felt nice to have another person on his side.

“I’m not really close to anyone in my family. Jeongin and I are close though, and he’s about all the family I’ve ever needed,” Jisung explained, taking another sip from his drink as he watched Hyunjin eat his food.

“Family is what you choose to make it. I don’t care if you’re related or not, or the whole thing is a mess- as long as you consider them family, then they are. Chan and the others, they’re my family,” Hyunjin said, and Jisung smiled to himself at the words, liking Hyunjin’s point of view on the concept of family and what could be considered as one. “Is that why you and Jeongin are suddenly looking for apartments to move into?” Hyunjin asked, and Jisung paused, blinking, his face flushing as he didn’t realize that Hyunjin really had heard them speaking earlier. He wasn’t ready for this conversation, not yet. He still had some time left before he could allow the full panic to seep through.

“Ah… well… I don’t know anything about that yet,” Jisung vaguely said, and Hyunjin glanced at him from the side, a moment of silence falling between them as Hyunjin continued to stuff tiny bites of pastry between his lips. Jisung didn’t know what to do, so he opted for staring at the table, holding his cup between two hands as he took small sips of his own, counting down the seconds as the tension folded over them.

“Alright,” Hyunjin suddenly said, Jisung glancing at the boy as the grin was back on his beautiful face. “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen,” Hyunjin chuckled, and he finished up his pastry quickly, grabbing his drink before sitting back in his seat before pulling out his phone. Hyunjin checked the time, and a small hum left his lips, pushing it back into his pocket before turning to gaze at Jisung with a gorgeous grin. “Let’s get going in a few minutes, Chan’s already texted me fifty times asking where we are,” Hyunjin chuckled, and Jisung felt himself brighten at the sound of the other boy’s name. He wanted to spend time with the others- and even more time with Hyunjin. He could tell the boy wasn’t a bad person, and he was glad to spend this moment with him after work, even if he still didn’t know much about him. But, time would solve that issue. Jisung never relied on time, but for once he would.

Chapter Text

“Normally we all meet at Chan’s on the weekends, but since Chan let us know earlier that you were going to be here, I think even Minho called out of work to hang tonight. I think everyone wants to see you again,” Hyunjin chuckled, pulling into the parking lot of the apartment buildings, turning quickly as Jisung felt himself slide in his seat while the seat belt locked up again. “Seungmin mentioned bringing some snacks as well,” Hyunjin added, and Jisung smiled to himself, wondering why he seemed to be so important to these boys. He remembered the small conversation he had with Seungmin at his store, and he realized he still didn’t know the boy very well at all. He knew a bit about Minho, his drinking habits and his cold exterior versus his warm heart, yet he felt the need to get closer to them, to know them in the same way they knew each other.

“Maybe I should have brought something too…” Jisung mumbled, and Hyunjin hummed as he parked the car, stopping short as Jisung fell forward in his seat. Hyunjin unclipped his seat belt before turning towards Jisung, a gorgeous smile on his lips as Jisung was already releasing himself from his seat belt as well.

“If you had brought anything, then we’d just fight over it. Let’s keep it to us just fighting over you, alright?” Hyunjin lulled, and Jisung blushed as he bit his lip, turning to reach for the door handle before opening up the door. The sun was setting, and the weather was turning chillier, Jisung expecting snow soon like the weather channel had mentioned earlier. Hyunjin followed suit as he left through the drivers side, rounding the car and gazing down at Jisung, the other just slightly taller than him. For most part everyone was similar in height, with the difference only being a few centimeters, even if Changbin appeared to be the shortest. He definitely wasn’t lacking in other areas though.

Hyunjin didn’t hold onto Jisung this time as he started to walk towards Chan’s apartment, Jisung walking behind him as he kept his gaze on the ground. He liked Hyunjin, and he liked how confident the boy spoke and acted, his lips twisting into a tight smile as he placed his chilled hands into his sweatshirt pocket. Yet now that he had met everyone in the friend group, Jisung couldn’t help but feel unreasonably nervous that one of them wouldn’t like him. As if he was stealing them away, and maybe someone would come to resent him with jealousy. Jisung never really had any other friends than Jeongin in his life, though he could tell what he was feeling didn’t necessarily mean friendship, in fact it could mean a few other things as well. But, what if he wasn’t the only one feeling that way towards the others? Or, what if it was all in Jisung’s head, and the group was just trying their best to be polite to a downcast looking boy? There was always the chance they didn’t actually like them, as strange as that would be after how they had treated him and spoke to him. Yet Jisung felt vulnerable, everything that he loved in life had left him, had been stolen from him. There was a single thought, a small spark in the back of his mind. He felt like his mom would like these boy’s too, in the same way she liked Jeongin for all those years before her passing. Yet now she wasn’t here to share her judgment, and it was up to Jisung to figure it out on his own.

Hyunjin didn’t knock on the door when the two stepped up to it, instead he grabbed the doorknob and twisted, letting himself right in before turning to Jisung with a smirk on his lips. Jisung could immediately hear the same low-sounding hip hop he had heard a few nights ago when he stopped over with Jeongin, as well as subtle soothing conversations piling on top of each other in the background. It was a calming atmosphere, one Jisung had half expected to be crazier than it was. Yet when Jisung finally stepped into the apartment he first took notice of the food laid out on top of Chan’s kitchen table, as well as drinks and cups for them. There wasn’t any alcohol which Jisung appreciated, he didn’t feel like getting drunk when he was already as depressed as he was. But the food looked good, different platters, some more basic than the others, before he was gazing past to see two boys standing against the kitchen counters, staring towards both him and Hyunjin who had just entered. Or mostly Jisung. Minho was standing next to Chan, a frown on his face even as he couldn’t hold the curious glint in his eyes, and Chan’s entire face softened as soon as his eyes landed on Jisung, the boy setting down the drink in his hand as he pushed off the counter top and started to close the space between Jisung and him.

“I was looking forward to seeing you again the whole day,” Chan chuckled as he stood in front of Jisung, and he surprised him by reaching up and cupping his cheek, his thumb fondly swiping across the soft skin before he sighed and pulled away moments after. Jisung could feel himself blush from both the words and touch, but Hyunjin was moving in next, wrapping his arm around Jisung’s shoulder as he pulled him into his side. Hyunjin was so warm, just like Chan.

“I almost stole him. He looked so cute but cold after work, I wanted to wrap him up like a burrito and put him in front of the heater at my own apartment,” Hyunjin chuckled, and Chan raised an eyebrow at the words, glancing back at Jisung as he noticed the way the tip of his nose was red from the cold.

“You seem to always be cold. Even your fingertips…” Chan mumbled, and he reached forward as he was suddenly touching Jisung’s hands, his own finger’s tapping against Jisung’s own as he could feel the chill surrounding them. It was a small touch, yet it felt oddly sensual, enough to make Jisung blush even more.

“I never do well in Winter. I get sick often too, when it starts to get even colder,” Jisung explained, but his words were light and soft, his fingers twitching to hold onto Chan’s, even as the other pulled away.

“Well, maybe if you stopped wearing only a hoodie, you’d be warmer…” Minho grumbled from across the room, a small scoff leaving his lips after as he crossed his arms and glanced away. Jisung gazed at the boy behind Chan as a smile rose on his lips, and Chan let out a small hum, nodding his head as he glanced back at Minho before back at the boy in front of him.

“Minho’s right- you need a better jacket. If you don’t have one, I’m sure Felix could lend you one of his. He doesn’t really wear them himself, but he always runs hot,” Chan chuckled, and Jisung wanted to explain the reason why he didn’t have one wasn’t because he chose not to. It’s because he had forgotten them all at the house, and now they were gone forever. He didn’t have the money to buy another just yet.

“I have some name brand ones that are from last season you could also wear,” Hyunjin happily chirped in, and Jisung bit his lip, trying to hide his smile as he realized that Hyunjin must enjoy spending his money on the finer things in life.

“I also have some extra, or whatever…” Minho grumbled, and while the boy still wasn’t looking at him, he could see the blush on his cheeks, Jisung letting out a small chuckle as he nodded his head towards the others.

“If you guys are really offering, then I’ll accept. It’s starting to get too cold out for me,” Jisung explained, feeling as Chan reached for his hand once more before intertwining their fingers and holding him close. Jisung gazed down at their combined hands, and Chan smiled at the boy, his thumb caressing Jisung’s knuckles as Jisung realized just how close the two were when their gazes met. Jisung’s breath caught in his throat at the handsome sight of the other, and Chan smiled wide enough that his dimples were blooming, something settling in Jisung’s stomach as he felt the need to close the space and feel Chan’s warmth entirely.

“You can have one of Felix’s then, just to make things easier. Of course, you could also use one of mine too if you preferred,” Chan explained, and Jisung gave the boy a small nod, biting his lip as his blush spread to his ears. Yet as a thick silence laid over them, the sound of footsteps snapped Jisung out of his trance while gazing into Chan’s eyes, another boy stepping towards them with a frown on his own very pretty face.

“So you’re just offering my shit up?” Felix flatly said, and Chan blinked before he was turning away from Jisung, glancing at the freckled boy next to them who had his arms crossed across his chest. He wasn’t wearing the jumpsuit Jisung had seen him in before, but now he had on a t-shirt and black skinny jeans, the frown on his face twitching as he glanced between Chan and Jisung. Jisung didn’t realize how much he could miss a person (besides Jeongin) until he was in front of them once again, and he felt his body thrum with happiness at the sight of Felix, his lips lifting into a smile that seemed to surprise the other when he glanced at him once more. “What?”

“I just felt- well, it’s nice to see you again,” Jisung softly explained, and Felix gazed at him for a few moments before slowly nodding, his arms unhooking from across his chest as a deep sigh spilled from his lips.

“Right. Go ahead and take one of my jackets,” Felix sighed in defeat, and while Jisung was curious what had changed, Felix didn’t seem to actually mind, from before and to now. Chan chuckled as he let go of Jisung’s hand, and Felix stayed silent as he continued to frown, Hyunjin letting out a small hum next to him as he gazed past the others and towards the entrance of the living room.

“Where’s Changbin and Seungmin?” Hyunjin asked, only for Felix to point behind him, his steady gaze moving from Jisung towards Hyunjin instead as he frowned harder.

“Fighting over music. Like usual,” Felix grumbled, and Hyunjin parted his lips as he nodded, as if he knew exactly what Felix was talking about. But Jisung felt curious, and he was eager to head further into the apartment, the boy taking a step forward as the others instantly let go of him and parted just enough to give him space, his face blushing as he smiled kindly at them all before walking past. Hyunjin turned towards the food as Felix joined him, but Chan followed Jisung as Minho watched the other leave, only joining them seconds after to pretend he was following. Sure enough when they entered the living room, Seungmin and Changbin were sitting on the couch as they gazed towards the tv, the remote in Seungmin’s hand as Changbin held a large pout on his lips. Yet at the signs of new arrivals the two gazed up, and Changbin’s pout twisted upside down into a smile, the boy instantly patting the seat between him and Seungmin as Jisung remembered the time he spent there before watching a movie between him and Chan.

“Good to see you again,” Seungmin softly greeted, and Jisung let out a chuckle as he moved to sit where Changbin motioned him to, the seat tight as he instantly felt his shoulders press against the other twos’. Suddenly a hand was on his thigh, and Jisung blinked as Changbin motioned to the television, a song mix playing that Seungmin was definitely in charge of controlling.

“Do you like this type of music? Seungmin chose the playlist, but we can change it to something you like instead,” Changbin insisted, and Jisung never had listened to this kind of music before, but he didn’t mind it. In fact he felt it fit the scene of everyone crammed in this small apartment well.

“This is nice. I like it,” Jisung simply said, and Changbin nodded, apparently now content with the music as Seungmin rolled his eyes at the boy before setting the remote down.

“Strange, Changbin definitely hated this a second ago,” Seungmin teased, and Changbin turned to glare at the other, his gaze softening when he noticed Jisung staring at him as well, and his cheeks shifting to pink as he cleared his throat and placed a smile on his lips.

“If Jisung says he likes it, then I like it too,” Changbin proudly said, and someone snorted from the corner of the room, Jisung turning to see Minho keeping distance between them, even as he held a newfound confident smirk on his lips.

“That’s shallow,” Minho lulled, and Jisung did think that Changbin was being too nice, but the words made Jisung chuckle, something lacking behind the tone as if the other wasn’t trying to be mean about it.

“Right? And if Jisung told you to jump off a cliff into the ocean, would you do it?” Seungmin asked, and Jisung gasped, whipping his head towards the other as he tried to defend himself quickly.

“Wait, I would never-”

“Hell yeah! I love diving!” Changbin cheered, and Jisung blinked before he was laughing louder, surprised by the other’s excitement as he brought his hand up to hide the smile on his lips. The sound pulsed throughout the room, and Changbin was smiling brightly, patting Jisung’s thigh as everyone gazed at the boy, breathless, just from the cute sound of his laughter.

“Don’t listen to him, his brain is as small as his height,” Seungmin teased as he rolled his eyes, and Jisung’s chuckles started to simmer as Changbin didn’t seem to mind the playful insult, bringing up his arm instead as he suddenly flexed his bicep for the onlookers in the room.

“I’m definitely making up for it in other ways,” Changbin lulled, and Jisung let out an audible choke as he saw the muscles popping from so close up, Minho letting out a small scoff as Seungmin pointed to the unexpecting quiet boy who was standing in the room with them.

“Yeah, but so does Chan. Start slacking and he’ll catch up in no time,” Seungmin said, and Chan didn’t say anything as he simply softly smiled at the boys on the couch, but Jisung felt his face grow hotter at the thought of how much muscle was hidden beneath their clothes. Even Jeongin had hidden muscles, and it was enough to drive Jisung crazy whenever the two went swimming or changed in front of each other.

“Jisung, do you work out?” Changbin suddenly asked him, and Jisung glanced down at himself as he frowned, his hands suddenly moving to cover over his stomach before gazing up at the blushing boy next to him. He wondered how Changbin could act so confident, but bashful at the same time.

“I’ve tried- it’s impossible,” Jisung mumbled with a small pout, and Minho finally was pushing off the wall, walking towards them with his arms crossed and a smirk on his lips.

“You like small enough that I could bend you in half,” Minho scoffed, yet the words seemed to hit him only a moment after, and Jisung watched the fever run across his face, the other turning and showing his back to the group as he seemed to hide his own embarrassment.

“Minho, are you having dirty thoughts?” Seungmin cooed, and Minho scoffed again, yet his voice sounded thin, and Jisung could definitely see the blush now settling on the tips of his ears.

“Jeongin likes to call me ‘petite,’” Jisung decided to include, and Chan let out a small chuckle from across from them as his eyes were suddenly gazing up and down his small frame, Jisung’s skin on fire as he bit his lip and smiled to himself.

“Don’t worry too much about that. Felix is tiny too, but can totally snap your neck if you even look at him wrong,” Seungmin explained, and this seemed to be Felix’s cue to reenter the room along with Hyunjin, a large plate of food in his hand as he came strolling in with a frown on his face. If he had heard Seungmin, then the other simply ignored it, walking towards Jisung instead as he handed him a small toothpick with a piece of strawberry on it. Felix was quiet as he gazed at Jisung expectantly, and Jisung hesitantly reached forward, taking the piece of fruit before popping it into his mouth. The strawberry tasted much better than he expected, and he let out a small hum to show he was pleased, giving Felix a small thumbs up as the boy’s lips seemed to twitch as if he wanted to smile.

“Say that again and I’ll break your neck,” Felix said even as he gazed fondly towards Jisung, Seungmin’s lips falling into a thin line as he reached up to cover his hands over his neck. “If you want anything else, let me know,” Felix added before he was walking away, and Jisung assumed the boy was offering to get him food, an arm suddenly wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him close into a broad body, Jisung letting out a small gasp as he found himself half lying on Changbin now.

“Jisung, is your friend coming?” Chan decided to ask after Felix walked away, finding a place next to Minho as the other still held an embarrassed look on his face.

“Oh, he just needed to finish up at work before coming over. He should be here any minute,” Jisung explained, and suddenly the door to the apartment opened, and in strolled Jeongin, a smirk on his lips as he walked right into the living room before finding Jisung cuddling up to Changbin’s chest. Jeongin’s expression grew excited the moment he saw his friend, and Jisung couldn’t help but smile as well, sitting up from Changbin and reaching out a hand towards Jeongin, the other running straight past the others as he intertwined his fingers with Jisung’s before helping him off the couch. Without a word the two were hugging, a hand nestled in his hair and on his back, as Jisung clung to the boy’s shoulders, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the intimacy that he had felt the night before.

“You made my day by visiting me at work earlier, and now you’re doing it again,” Jeongin mumbled, and Jisung chuckled even as he felt confused by the words, taking in a deep breath as he smelled the scent of clean linen and freshly baked bread on the other, Jeongin now leaning back as he offered Jisung a grin.

“What do you mean?” Jisung asked, but he was still holding onto the other, feeling Jeongin’s hand as it played with the ends of his hair, a thoughtful hum leaving his lips as Jisung felt lulled by his presence, wishing he could cuddle with the boy and bask in his attention.

“You were smiling. But- it wasn’t like normal, you were really smiling,” Jeongin grinned, and Jisung realized that Jeongin was right. He wasn’t faking his smile- he genuinely felt happy in their presence. “I’m glad you’re here right now, having fun,” Jeongin added, and as extra measure he suddenly leaned forward, pressing his lips into Jisung’s own for their second kiss, this one a bit longer than the chaste one that Jisung considered their first.

For only a moment did Jisung forget where he was, who was watching him and where he stood in the middle of it all. All he could focus on was the feeling of Jeongin’s lips against his own, so warm and comforting as if he was truly embracing him, his eyes fluttering shut as their lips moved in tangent. One moment, before another left him breathless, and Jisung let out the smallest mewl at the sensations, his hands lowering as he gripped the front of Jeongin’s shirt, keeping him close as he breathed into the boy in front of him. Sparks beyond his eyes, toes tingling to curl, and a smile on his lips as everything came together so naturally, as they always did. Jeongin was kissing him. It wasn’t a question anymore of what their kiss meant, and what Jeongin meant to him- the boy meant everything to him, in the same way he did to Jeongin. Friends since childhood, and now lovers at heart, and Jisung could feel his chest pumping with adoration for the other as he clung to him, fingers in his hair, soft, pink lips pressed against his own. Jisung was in love. Perhaps he had been for so long, yet that love didn’t stop at Jeongin, perhaps it was expanding, and now there was others around him-

Jisung gasped as he suddenly remembered there really were others around him, the grip he used to keep Jeongin close now gently pushing him away, panting as he took in a few deep breaths and let his eyelids flutter open to see the wide eyes gazing at him from every direction. He had an audience. And only Jeongin looked pleased with the moment as he gazed at the boy in front of him with a dazed expression, and a grin on his lips, a small chuckle spilling from them after as Jisung let go of the other completely before blushing. He had done something wrong. He was now not only confusing himself, but he was confusing the others, perhaps they didn’t even know he was gay, perhaps they didn’t like it. Or perhaps they did like Jisung and now they felt so betrayed by him, everything pooling into the thick mud of guilt in his stomach as he gulped, gazing at the floor as his best friend continued to chuckle at their precarious situation. Was he wrong for loving Jeongin? No, what was wrong was that he wasn’t only considering Jeongin, but everyone else in the room for the same situation. He imagined replacing Jeongin with each of them, and he imagined how sweet their kisses would be, and how breathless he would become. It was all wrong.

“I hoped you all enjoyed the demonstration,” Jeongin suddenly said, and Jisung blinked as he gazed up at his friend, a furious blush on his face as only silence followed his words. But soon Chan was braving the moment, stepping forward and placing a hand on Jisung’s shoulder, the touch making him flinch, but soon curl closer to the boy. As if his body was rejoicing that the man wasn’t revolted by his nature.

“... Demonstration?” Chan asked, his voice warm but serious, as if this wasn’t a situation he wanted to take lightly. Jisung couldn’t blame him, he was confused in his own way what Jeongin had meant by his words. Yet Chan’s body was steady, and Jisung felt himself melting under the touch, his lips tingling with need once more as he did his best to shut his temptations down.

“Well- now you know how Jisung likes it. He’s cute, right?” Jeongin chuckled, and Jisung blushed once more at the words, wishing he could lightly punch his friend before running away. Yet he also felt compelled to stay, because he knew Jeongin was up to something. And even if it was sly, Jeongin always made every situation turned out the best for Jisung in the end. He did everything for Jisung’s sake.

“Why should that matter to us? Aren’t you two dating?” Felix was the next one to ask, a stern expression on his face as he sized Jeongin up. Not everyone looked the same, but everyone also looked as if they were processing the situation in their own way, gazing at Jisung, while Felix and Chan gazed at Jeongin.

“Hmm… I’m not sure. We haven’t discussed it yet, and I want it to be Jisung’s choice. But I think I already know part of that choice- and it doesn’t just involve me. So therefore, you all matter as well,” Jeongin lulled, his grin growing larger as he reached up and used his fingers to push back his raven black hair from his face.

“Jeongin…” Jisung mumbled, and the other glanced at him before softening, a fond expression flitting across his face before he was gazing at the others once more.

“Jisung has a big heart. I’m not enough to fill it, but that’s not something I’ve ever cared about. I’ll do anything as long as Jisung is happy,” Jeongin explained, and even if he words were cryptic, the others seemed to understand in a way Jisung couldn’t. In a way that only someone looking in from the outside could see. “I’m his protector,” Jeongin proudly said, and Jisung could feel his cheek tighten as he let out a small chuckle, raising his head as he felt Chan fondly squeeze his shoulder a bit tighter at the sound.

“What are you protecting me from, exactly? Rejection? I haven’t even figured out yet what I want to do,” Jisung said, but it was partially a lie. Jisung knew what he wanted, and Jeongin appeared to as well.

“I guess. But, I’m also protecting you from yourself. Don’t let go of something you want because you think you’ll lose it in the end. I told you, things will always get better. Maybe now is the time for that,” Jeongin softly said, as if he had the introspective illusion on what Jisung had been considering this whole time. He had been scared to outwardly express his desires, because he thought that in the end he’d lose them. He just didn’t want to get hurt anymore.

“I’m not sure what’s going on, but- we aren’t going anywhere. You don’t need to run away, because neither will we,” Chan suddenly spoke up, and Jisung felt himself tense at the words, biting his lips that were still puffy and tingling from Jeongin’s kiss. He was so scared to believe them, because he had believed in the people in his life, only for him to end up in misery. “Jisung,” Chan softly said, and Jisung dared himself to look up at the other, tears in his eyes, lips wobbling, Chan’s fond smile of sadness lowering closer to him as he felt a warm breath caress his face. “Please don’t run away,” Chan mumbled, and once again Jisung could feel his eye’s fluttering shut, and lips against his own- a kiss from Chan.

He didn’t- couldn’t understand how it had gotten to this point. But all he knew was that for right now, he didn’t need to. Unspoken words escaping between the people surrounding him, until there was a mutual understanding, and lips against his own as Jeongin stood to the side grinning towards the second pair. Chan’s kiss was different from Jeongin’s, tender and warm, like a snow angel wrapping their wings around his body to keep him safe. Chan’s hand raising before cupping his cheek, Jisung gasping as he felt a tongue tease his lips. He could feel Chan’s nose pressing against his own, and he was encased in a blissful warmth, one he always felt the moment Chan was by his side, as if he didn’t need to shed his coat off his body to provide Jisung blooming warmth, a small sigh passing between them as Jisung smiled once more. Maybe this was what Jeongin had meant. Maybe this was the reason he said Jisung’s heart was too big for one person. Because Chan’s kiss felt as perfect to him as Jeongin’s own, and it left him aching to try more, to adapt himself into a circle of warmth where in any direction he looked, there would be someone to dry his tears. With all the things Jisung had lost in his life, he felt like this wasn’t something he could lose. Chan was steady, sturdy, safe. Jisung could feel his heart opening up to him, slowly.

“You all know what this means,” Jeongin said while the two kissed, and everyone gazed at the scene before them, interest glistening in their eyes as some nodded, and some stood rigid. “Jisung has a big heart. Let’s treat him well,” Jeongin added, a silent agreement between them that had now changed from what it was before. Before, they acted as if they were the walls and shields to protect him from the outer world filled with evil. And now, they were something else. Something enticing, thrilling, and intriguing. It started with Jeongin’s kiss, but now there was Chan following in his steps, and this only pathed the way for more to come. And Jisung could feel it too.

Chapter Text

There was a difference between the boy who had entered this apartment not long ago, and the one standing in the middle of Chan’s bathroom now, gazing into the mirror before him as he saw the bright red blush on his cheeks. There was a hint of red across his lips, a subtle twitch as he could feel himself holding back his smile, earned by the enchanting moment he had between two of his favorite boys. Jeongin’s kiss was grounding, everything that Jisung had loved since he was a child, the memories flooding back in like a clear path beneath his feet. And Chan’s was like a shield, a blanket wrapped around his body that gave him the warmth he needed to dare walk down that path that Jeongin provided, the two working in tangent to benefit the other. Jisung was thrilled. To be able to kiss both boys was a blessing, even as the moment caught up to him quickly after, his lips parting from Chan’s own as he stared at the boy wide-eyed, before he was apologizing to the room, running away and upstairs as he decided to hide out in Chan’s bathroom as he tried to think everything through. It felt natural, just like these things usually felt to Jisung, but he was worried something was wrong. That the others may think less of him now that he had gone between Jeongin and Chan, a needy person unable to choose one for their heart to settle on in the end. Jisung didn’t even want to begin thinking of the fleeting thoughts that his heart was also bouncing between the others, and not just Chan and Jeongin.

A small knock on the door made Jisung jump, watching his eyes grow wider in the mirror as he brought his palms to his face to hide his cheeks. Yet Jisung knew there was no way he could hide the flurry of emotions rushing across his face and expressions, a deep sigh spilling from his lips as he gulped and slowly brought his hands back to his sides. He waited for moments in the lingering silence, before he was turning to the door he decided to hide behind, grabbing the doorknob, and slowly twisting as he dared to close his eyes. But the moment it was open he could feel a larger palm touching his hand on the doorknob, the person stepping in and joining the space with Jisung as he helped close the door behind him, Jisung’s eyes finally fluttering open as he took in a quick breath once seeing who it was. The space was lessened by the new presence, and Jisung felt his back fall against the wall behind him, the boy turning, a serious expression drawn across his face that challenged the usual blushing grin that Jisung could admit he adored. Everything felt so sudden, but no one was holding back. Not even this boy who appeared bashful in front of Jisung most of the time, now he was taking a step forward, reaching up his hand and pushing his short black hair out of his face, eyes gazing into Jisung’s own as he felt himself shrink in front of the other.

“This is all… probably a lot for you, right?” Changbin suddenly said, and Jisung blinked as he glanced away, considering what he could, or even should tell the boy. It was a lot. Jeongin had seen deeply inside of him and what he truly desired, and spelled it out to everyone in the room. How could he deny himself of it all now? “We heard what your friend said, but I also want to hear what you have to say about it too. I’m probably as confused as you are about everything,” Changbin added, and the boy let out a chuckle, the sound dry compared to the usual fondness that he held within his words. Jisung felt himself push closer to the wall behind him, another sigh leaving his lips as he titled his head back and brought his gaze back over towards Changbin. Hair flaring against the wall, cheeks still stained with roses.

“It is confusing…” Jisung mumbled, and Changbin hummed, fingers twitching by his side as he held back from reaching towards Jisung and swaying his opinions. “I just- what am I supposed to do?” Jisung asked, his eyes shifting until he was pleading towards the other, and Changbin couldn’t help but take a step forward, lessening the space between them as Jisung could smell something close to musk and spices on the other boy.

“What do you mean? With yourself, or with- with us?” Changbin asked, yet the words were lost in Jisung’s mind a moment later, gazing at the boy as Changbin patiently waited for his reply. It was so much easier to explain his true desires when Jeongin did them for him, yet now he was facing Changbin head on, asking for answers and revelations. But what could Jisung offer? He wanted to give the other honesty, but he wasn’t even sure what was the truth, and half baked lies of their own just yet.

“Everything,” Jisung breathlessly said, biting his lip a moment after as he gazed away. “Everything’s changed,” Jisung added, cryptic as it was meant to be, because Jisung didn’t want the others to know it all just yet. “And yet everything Jeongin said is true,” Jisung whispered, and it was then that Changbin broke, reaching forward and cupping Jisung’s cheek, aiding to lift his head back up to face him as his eyebrows were furrowed in concern, and Jisung’s heart was beating so quickly in his chest.

“Jisung- what do you want me to do?” Changbin asked, waiting for Jisung’s response as he felt the emotions flooding through him, knocking him to his feet as his lips wobbled in sorrow. Changbin was standing in front of him, offering him the honesty that he himself couldn’t bring to show the others. Bare and open, a warmth that Jisung had been yearning for so long for. His mother had died, and he had lost his sun. Yet when he was around this group, including Jeongin, he didn’t need the sun anymore to feel warm.

“Tell me how you feel,” Jisung whispered, closing his eyes once more as he was too nervous to see Changbin’s reaction right after. Yet silence folded over, and Changbin was leaning forward, pressing his forehead into Jisung’s own, a small gasp passing through Jisung’s lips as it blew gently across Changbin’s cheeks and nose. The palm nestled against his cheek was scolding, but Jisung couldn’t help yearn to feel the burn, to nuzzle closer into the boy as he raised his hands and gripped the front of his shirt, taking in another deep breath of the scent that was lathered across Changbin’s toned body. Chest now pressing against his own like a lingering pressure, a rhythm of matching heart beats and dizzy minds. He wanted to know how Changbin felt about him, even if their relationship was too immature to guess the future.

“This is something I want,” Changbin mumbled, and Jisung let out a small mewl when he felt Changbin leaning even closer to him, lips caressing his cheek as Changbin spoke against him, letting him not only hear the words, but feel them like a mark across his skin. “We’ve all thought about it, but it wasn’t even something I had to consider. I saw you, and I wanted to be with you. But I’ve never felt jealous or possessive enough to have you all to myself. And I realized this when I saw Chan gazing at you secretly when you were looking away, and when Jeongin was holding you in his arms like his most cherished person. I thought that was something I wanted too, but not something I wanted to take away from you. It’s your choice, Jisung. And if you choose it all, then I’d like to be a part of that,” Changbin softly said, leaving a small kiss on his cheek after like a seal to keep the words trapped in his mind, spinning as he joined them while trying to discern what they meant. And all the while Changbin was kissing his cheek, slowly moving down, lingering kisses, so gentle and soothing that Jisung could feel his toes curling with giddiness. 

“I want it-” Jisung sighed, moving to wrap his arms around Changbin’s neck as he pulled him closer, the wall supporting their weight as Changbin continued to pepper Jisung’s cheek with lazy kisses. “I want you. But not only you- but everything still feels too soon,” Jisung mumbled, before he was daring himself to turn his head and meet Changbin’s lips with his own, Changbin igniting a new spark inside of him as the other responded quickly to the kiss. Changbin followed Jisung as he moved his head back, until he was kissing him roughly, contrasting the cute administrations he was performing only moments before. Jisung moaned, small and charming, and he could feel Changbin grin against him as he used his tongue to lick the boy’s bottom lip, exciting a flame within his lower stomach that he had never quite felt before.

“All you need to do is ask, and we’ll give it to you. It feels soon, because it is soon. But that doesn’t mean this can’t be right. For any of us. I know the other’s will find their own way to confess, but I’m here now, telling you that I like you. And I want this to happen for us, in the way you are hoping for,” Changbin added, a grounding confession, something that Jisung needed to hear more than anything. Because he trusted Jeongin, yet to hear it from another made his new reality stronger, one where he could start to consider and accept. Lips pressing into his own as he felt like was melting, strong arms holding him as one was wrapping around his back, pulling him closer as he became putty in the man’s arms. The hand on his cheek was used to angle Jisung’s head the perfect way to feel Changbin’s lips against his own, and with each inhale he could smell the scent Changbin had on, drowning him in his senses as he couldn’t help but let out another small moan in return. The sound was enticing, earning another lick to his bottom lip as suddenly Changbin was pulling him off the wall, turning him and wrapping his arms under Jisung’s thighs as he easily lifted him into the air, place him down onto the sink counter before moving to stand between Jisung’s parted legs.

“Changbin-” Jisung softly mumbled, and Changbin was holding onto him once more, hand returning to his cheek, and the other resting against his hip, Changbin standing tall as he pushed his lips into Jisung’s as they resumed their kiss. And Jisung couldn’t help but twist his finger’s into Changbin’s black hair as he cupped the back of his head, his other hand resting on the boy’s shoulder as he leaned into the kiss as well. The sounds of their lips meeting danced across the small space of the room, heavy breaths and heated actions. Jisung had never dated before- he never knew what it was like to love someone until he came to the conclusion long ago that he loved Jeongin. Yet these moments were new to him, and he decided to allow them to carry on naturally, that with time he would learn, and he’d learn it from the people he loved. He couldn’t tell if he was a good kisser or not, he could only rely on the fact that Changbin wanted to kiss him, and was continuing to do so fervently. Perhaps the kiss didn’t matter, because what did matter was who the boy was kissing. Perhaps all that mattered was that Changbin was sharing this moment with Jisung.

Changbin’s breath was so hot, and Jisung could feel himself growing more eager as he teasing tugged on Changbin’s hair, the other biting his bottom lip as Jisung could only gasp in reaction to the subtle ache. Jisung’s lips parted, and he felt Changbin move to deepen the kiss, though it was still shallow, allowing him space to breathe and push away if he so chose to. Maybe Changbin was still nervous that this wasn’t something Jisung wanted. Yet he didn’t have the words to convince the boy otherwise, he still felt stuck in his mind as the kiss was slowly drawing him out, his sounds, heavy breaths and slight movements, Jisung tasting Changbin on his tongue as he could only describe the taste as “sweet.” He didn’t know how long they had spent in the bathroom enjoying the sensations one brought the other, lips on lips and the dizzying display that Changbin was providing him, but Jisung could feel himself slowly slipping, tumbling into a world unknown as his body started to relax further, falling into Changbin as the other kissed him slower, and slower, lazy actions as sweet as honey. Jisung let out a small hum of appreciation, and Changbin pulled back as he grinned up at the drowsy boy, light brown bangs falling into his face, and lidded eyes glazed over with infatuation. 

“So pretty…” Changbin mumbled, his hand sliding down Jisung’s cheek so gently as he thumbed at the boy’s bottom lip, puffy and sore from Changbin’s sensual deeds. Jisung could feel himself smile as he allowed Changbin to touch him, his own hand slipping out of Changbin’s hair as he wrapped his arms around the boy’s neck and held on lazily. Changbin’s gaze fell on his lips as he watched the way the red slowly matched Jisung’s blush, before he was looking up and into Jisung’s lidded eyes, his other hand moving from Jisung’s hip as he instead used his fingers to gently stroke his hair out of his face. “I’ve never confessed before, but- I feel like that went well,” Changbin chuckled, and Jisung felt giddy, his heart steadily beating in his chest as he gazed back at the boy in return.

“I’d say you did well,” Jisung said, gulping as he pulled back and brought his hands into the air in front of Changbin’s face, the other looking on curiously as Jisung spread his fingers and grinned at the other. “10/10, best kiss I’ve had yet,” Jisung playfully said, and Changbin choked, pulling away from the other completely as he placed a palm over his lips, a blush roaring across his face as he took a step back from the boy sitting on the sink.

“Oh my god, stop,” Changbin groaned, and Jisung laughed loudly at the boy’s embarrassment, his hands falling as he grabbed the edge of the sink, realizing now just how much better he felt about the whole situation than before. “I’ve never had someone rate my kiss before,” Changbin added, and Jisung hummed, tilting his head to the side as he playfully kicked his legs in front of himself.

“So you’re saying you’ve kissed a lot of people then?” Jisung sneakily asked, and Changbin paused, biting his bottom lip as the blush seemed to grow on his face. At least Jisung wasn’t the only one blushing.

“I’ve… kissed enough people. Just consider it practice so I could give the best yet, as you said,” Changbin lulled, the embarrassment still on his face as he tried to smooth it away through his words. Jisung chuckled as he let out a teasing tisk, before Changbin was moving forward once more, grabbing the sink next to Jisung and caging him in, the boy suddenly smirking now as he leaned in and gazed up at Jisung. “Should we practice more to make it even better?” Changbin cooed, and Jisung gasped as he felt the fire roaring across his cheeks and into the tips of his ears, his lips trembling as he bit down onto the bottom one before glancing away. Jisung wanted to say of course , but instead he acted coy, blinking back at the boy before giving him a small, shy smile.

“I could always go practice with the others, and show you what I’ve learned,” Jisung instead lulled, Changbin letting out a small hum as he pushed himself upwards, surprising Jisung with a quick kiss to his lips before the boy was leaning back and smirking once more.

“Ouch. Let’s settle on this- if you ever do find yourself kissing one of the others, at least invite me to watch,” Changbin said, letting go of the sink as he crossed his arms across his chest, muscles bulging as Jisung reminded himself to not outwardly drool at the sight.

“Maybe. If I feel like it,” Jisung teased, the boy sliding off the sink as his feet hit the floor, and Changbin was chuckling, wrapping his arms around Jisung and pulling him in for a warm embrace, Jisung hiding his face in Changbin’s neck as he reached around and gripped the back of his shirt. His head was still spinning, and his desires were not gone completely, but he felt a lot better about himself, and his selfish pining. If Changbin could accept it, and even Chan and Jeongin, then what’s to say the others wouldn’t as well? Maybe he should just let it go naturally- the way he always had.

“Are you ready to head back and see the others?” Changbin suddenly asked, and Jisung felt more than ready now, his heart skipping a beat, his head nodding as his hair nuzzled against Changbin’s neck. The notion was sweet, and Changbin smiled down at the boy as he held him firmly, Jisung being the one to pull away when he was finally ready to face his fears. Yet he did allow Changbin to be the one to open the door for him, leading the way with a larger hand in his own, tugging him along as he could feel the fears inside of him threatening to return. However, each time Jisung thought about Changbin’s confession, and the kiss to seal the deal, he realized he had a lot less to worry about when it came to the boys, than other things currently plaguing his life.

The vibe downstairs didn’t seem all that different from what it was before, the same kind of music still playing, and light conversations being bounced back and forth between different people. Jisung hid behind Changbin’s broad shoulders as he noticed Jeongin chatting away with Seungmin, while Chan was doing some dishes, and Felix and Hyunjin were having a conversation of their own. Minho was nowhere to be seen, and as Changbin led the two forward Jisung managed to slip away and into the living room undetected (or so he thought,) before he saw Minho sitting on the couch, one leg crossed over the other as he leaned back and played a game on his phone. Jisung noticed the frown on his face, yet he didn’t seem to be interested in what he was doing, Jisung gulping as he wondered if he would be disturbing the boy if he decided to sit beside him. With the others in the kitchen Jisung felt this was a good time to get to know the boy who called him a squirrel, yet he wasn’t sure how to connect with Minho and his off-putting personality. He knew the boy didn’t mean it, and honestly Jisung thought it was cute, but he definitely needed to learn more about him before he could consider himself comfortable around Minho.

“Why are you just standing there?” Minho suddenly grumbled, and Jisung balked at the boy as Minho let out a sigh, his phone falling into his lap as he glanced up at Jisung with a lazy frown on his lips. Minho didn’t say anything else, but Jisung could feel his face heating up once more from being caught staring, his heart now hammering in his chest as he wondered what he should say to the other. Minho was handsome, with pointed features that reminded him of Jeongin, but slightly more smoothed out and charming. Yet his frown made Jisung nervous, because he couldn’t tell if he had done something wrong already without even speaking yet.

“I-I’m just-” Jisung stuttered to say, but his throat closed up and he let out a small squeak, biting his bottom lip as Minho continued to gaze at him. And the other was letting out another sigh, rolling his eyes and pointing to the seat next to him.

“Just sit already,” Minho huffed, and Jisung nodded as he was immediately zooming forward, sitting down harshly as he sat as stiff as possible. He could feel Minho now gazing at him from the side, phone in his lap with his attention stuck on Jisung, and Jisung felt himself squirm as he dared himself to turn towards the other, forcing his lips into a small smile as Minho glanced at them before back into his eyes.

“I heard y-you work in an office?” Jisung blurted out, trying to find something to talk about to settle the awkward tension wrapped around his body. Minho didn’t answer right away, instead his gaze was back on Jisung’s lips, a small hum leaving his own as he leaned back and used his palm to hold up the side of his head while his elbow dug into the armrest on his side of the couch. Eyes still on Jisung’s lips.

“Yeah. I work for a publishing firm,” Minho simply said, Jisung licking his lips from the heated attention he could feel against them. He could still taste a hint of Changbin on them too.

“Really? So you help people publish books?” Jisung asked, and Minho let out another sigh as he gazed back up into Jisung’s eyes, his own oddly lidded with a newfound disinterested look.

“What else does a publishing firm do then?” Minho scoffed, and Jisung laughed, feeling his gut twist as he placed his hands in his lap. “Seungmin said he met you while you were working at a grocery store. And I know Chan brought you to work there today, and Hyunjin was the one to pick you up,” Minho stated, and Jisung didn’t know what to do other than nod, because the boy hadn’t asked him a question. He was just telling him what he knew.

“Right,” Jisung mumbled, and silence bloomed between them once more, moments ticking on as nothing happened until Minho was letting out a deep sigh, rolling his eyes before turning his head away completely from Jisung and speaking into the empty room.

“I know where that is, because I know where Seungmin likes to shop. I work close to there too,” Minho said, and Jisung blinked, unsure what the other was meaning as Minho waited a few more seconds, growing frustrated during them as he was suddenly whipping his head back towards Jisung with a surprising glare in his eyes.

“What?” Jisung quickly asked, and Minho gulped, bringing his hand up and ruffling his fingers roughly through his hair, Jisung only now noticing the slight blush to his cheeks that definitely wasn’t there before.

“I can bring you in too! I’m closer than Chan is to your store, so while Felix is fixing your car, let me bring you instead!” Minho huffed out in frustration, before he stopped short, and blushed a bright red, turning his head away from Jisung as he placed his palm over his lips to shut himself up. Yet Jisung could see the vibrant blush on the tips of his ears as well, and he was reminded that Minho wasn’t actually that difficult to talk to. Minho just had a different way of showing his affection than other people, but that didn’t make him a bad person. In fact, Jisung found it endearing, especially that the other silently cared enough about him to offer to bring him to work.

“Sure! I’d love that,” Jisung happily chirped, because this way even if Minho was too busy for them to get to know each other outside of work, at least they’d spend their mornings together for the time being on the 40 minute drive to their own works. Jisung would just have to make sure he didn’t fall asleep during them.

“Whatever…” Minho mumbled, yet Jisung could see the way his lips lifted into a smile from the side, and he could feel his heart pounding faster in his chest, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he relaxed into the spot on the couch he was sitting in. The two sat in silence, but comfortable. And while Jisung had promised himself to let things occur naturally, he didn’t blame himself either when he thought about leaning into the other, and cuddling against him while listening to the steady rhythm of Minho’s own heart beating in his chest.

Chapter Text

Minho’s car was a small compact vehicle, lilac in color with a few bumper stickers on the back. Jisung had half expected the boy to be driving around in a company car, but when he rolled up to Jisung’s store after his shift, a frown on his face and his hand honking the horn, Jisung felt surprised, a small chuckle spilling from his lips as the sight of the cute tiny car. The seats were hard, and the car bounced as he drove over small bumps in the road (less than Jeongin’s own car though,) and yet Jisung felt content as he sat still in the seat, listening to the radio that Minho had put on to help salvage the silence. Minho hadn’t spoken much, instead he drove with a single hand on the steering wheel, the other resting against the driver side door as he held his chin in his hand, gazing at the road with a contemplative expression that seemed to be built into his facial features. He wanted to ask what the boy was thinking, but instead he kept to himself as well, staring out the window next to him as he watched the barren trees roll past them, Minho driving at a decent pace, almost the most responsible driver he had met so far, next to Chan’s own driving.

Chan had been the one to bring him to work in the morning, a secret on his lips as he smiled the entire way and stole glances at Jisung in the seat next to him. And Jisung could feel his body thrumming, remembering their kiss and how it had bloomed parts of the truth within him, the boy still too shy to proceed and deepen the relationship as they withheld another kiss from the day so far. Natural as it was, Jisung really did want to kiss the boy. He could imagine defying nature as he crawled into the other’s lap, feeling the steering wheel dig into his back as he leaned forward, cupping the boy’s face, and pressing his lips into Chan’s own. He could imagine how his hips would squirm, how his lips would turn bright red along with his cheeks right before work. And it would leave a tantalizing notion of what was to come once he had done his duties for the day. How they would pick up where they left off. Instead he kept those thoughts to himself, biting his lip, hiding his grin, Chan glancing at him from the side as he wondered if the boy was having those same thoughts too. It was only natural for them to want to expand on their attraction for one another. Changbin had been quite good at that himself.

He couldn’t expect everyone to be as forward with their desires as Changbin was, which meant that Jisung didn’t know how long he would need to wait until he saw progress. Three kisses, from three different boys. Yet he had a feeling that the numbers would continue to grow, Jisung turning as he gazed at Minho next to him, staring out into space as his own thoughts muddled in his mind. Even the boy’s side profile was as handsome as the rest of him, and Jisung could imagine himself tracing the features with the tips of his fingers, cuddling with the boy as they spent their silence in each other's arms. Minho didn’t need to speak if he didn’t want to. But it was too soon to allow the silence to speak on their behalf, and so Jisung was left curious, and self conscious, a small sigh spilling from his lips as he turned and looked away. He wondered how Seungmin was able to handle this silence, and how the two had gotten so close after the years, when Seungmin himself seemed to be quite an extroverted person. Perhaps the two complimented each other. Would Jisung be able to compliment them both as well?

“What?” Minho suddenly asked, even though he was still staring at the road, frowning, eyebrows furrowed in frustration that Jisung must have been the cause of. He could only assume the boy was commenting on his sigh, Jisung instantly blushing the moment he realized he had been caught.

“N-Nothing,” Jisung mumbled, gulping as he gazed towards his lap, his hands folding as he played with his fingers nervously. Minho stayed quiet as a few more moments rolled past them, until he was tisking, rolling his eyes as he glanced towards Jisung with a glare.

“Do you hate being with me or something?” Minho harshly accused, and Jisung gasped as he realized his words were being taken the wrong way, the boy turning to gaze at Minho with wide eyes as he shook his head quickly. Minho turned to gaze back at the road, but his hand on the wheel was clenching hard enough that Jisung could see the veins popping along the back and between his fingers.

“No! Why would you think that?” Jisung quickly asked, and it was Minho’s turn to sigh, the other still maintaining a respectable speed even though he was seemingly frustrated.

“You always seem nervous or- scared, around me. Like I’m going to jump and attack you,” Minho grumbled, yet his hand loosened on the steering wheel, and Jisung felt even more confused than before, his head spinning as he blinked in bewilderment at the boy next to him. “You’re only stiff around me.”

“That’s definitely not true, you should have seen me when I first met Chan and Changbin. They threw me on the couch between them, and I’ve never sat so still in my life!” Jisung exclaimed, his lips lifting into a fond smile as he recalled the memory for the other.

“You just met Seungmin, you’re not like that with him,” Minho accused, and Jisung titled his head in confusion, gazing at the boy as he could see his frown drooping- similar to a pout. The boy was pouting . 

“Seungmin is- well, I’m not sure why that is. I was scared of Felix at first, and I thought Hyunjin was going to eat me alive. Seungmin feels more like a third party, I don’t know him well enough yet,” Jisung continued to explain, going out of his way to compare the others to Minho. Yet Minho didn’t seem convinced as he scoffed, and still Jisung found some part of him cute as he smiled wider, relaxing in his seat as he remembered just how hard it was for Minho to tell him he wanted to be one of his rides to or from work. Minho was the type to be easily misunderstood, yet his heart was big, and somehow Jisung had squirmed his way inside of it.

“So… you haven’t spoken to Seungmin a lot?” Minho asked, and Jisung laughed as he shook his head, the smile burning on his face from how much he enjoyed Minho’s coyness. “And, would you say you’ve talked to me more than him so far?” Minho asked next, and Jisung hummed, nodding, Minho’s face flickering between a few different emotions before he suddenly looked proud, lips twitching into what resembled a smile for him, as he continued to gaze out the front window while driving.

“I do want to get to know both of you better, though,” Jisung explained, and Minho nodded, the blush relighting on his face as he gulped.

“Yeah. Sure,” Minho said, his voice tight but telling. Because Jisung knew how much Minho would like to get to know Jisung more as well. “Just start with me first. Not that I really like, care or anything,” Minho said, rolling his eyes as his lips fell into a frown once more.

“How come? I heard you let Seungmin dote on you,” Jisung said, and Minho was back into glaring, turning and shredding the heat from his cheeks as they reached the tips of his ears.

“What?! Who said that?!” Minho screamed, before he was clearing his throat, his frown wobbling as embarrassment flashed across his face. “I mean, I live with him, and he cooks well, so really I’m just using him to my advantage,” Minho mumbled, his entire face red as Jisung felt the need to compare him to a cherry tomato.

“So he takes care of you, and you like it,” Jisung stated, but Minho was groaning, eyes back on the road as his jaw hardened and annoyance spread thin across his face.

“Fine. He takes care of me,” Minho spat out, huffing as he slouched forward in his seat. “But don’t like him too much,” Minho added, and Jisung blinked, confused. “And don’t let him like you a lot.”

“Why?” Jisung asked, and he realized just how close they were to the apartments suddenly as Minho pulled into the parking lot, finding a spot before parking and shutting off the car. Jisung was still staring at the boy as Minho sighed, unbuckling, and turning in his seat as he finally faced Jisung fully. 

“That’ll just make me like you even more ,” Minho stated, his face still blushed, but a sincere and serious expression flitting across his eyes. “Seungmin has great judgment on people. I’ve always looked up to him because of it, so if there is someone he likes, or someone who likes him- then they must be really special,” Minho lulled, before he was rolling his eyes, huffing, and turning to open his door before stepping out. “Then again, I guess it’s too late,” Minho mumbled, but Jisung heard the words as he rushed to get out of the car next, slamming the door harder than he meant to as he ran to catch up to Minho. Minho was already walking towards his apartment as Jisung reached out, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back suddenly, the force making Jisung trip on his feet as Minho gasped and reached out for him next, wrapping his arms around the boy as both tumbled to the ground. The fall was lighter than Jisung expected it to be, but he realized quickly this was the case only because Minho managed to break it by using his own body as a shield.

“Shit-” Jisung yelped, his hands finding Minho’s rosy cheeks as he pulled his head up to face him, Jisung sitting on the boy’s thighs sideways as Minho sat on the hard, and cold cement beneath them. “Are you okay?” Jisung quickly asked, his gaze flittering across Minho’s face, yet the boy seemed to be in a daze, hands behind his body as he held himself up, lips parted, and eyes wide as he gazed up at Jisung in awe. “I didn’t mean to do this, I-I just wanted to know what you meant by-”

“I’m fine,” Minho said as he snapped his jaw shut tight, the blush spreading to his ears once more as he let out a small curse. Jisung blinked as he still held the boy in his palms, but Minho didn’t make a move to push the boy off of him either, his lips slipping into a thin line as he pulled his gaze away from Jisung and looked awkwardly off to the side instead. “Don’t you have something you should be doing or whatever? Why are you still sitting on me?” Minho mumbled, his words almost silent as the blush deepened, his face entirely crimson, and Jisung couldn’t help but start blushing himself, realizing only now just how close he was to the boy. His fantasy about Chan this morning was now shifting into something similar with Minho, because he currently was on the boy’s lap, cradling his face, eyes gazing at his handsome features as they dipped to the pink pair of lips the boy adorned.

“I-I’m not sure…” Jisung half acknowledged, feeling a pull inside of him, telling him to close the space, to do what he had already done so perfectly with the others. Minho looked so kissable.

“Jisung…” Minho mumbled, his eyelids lowering, his gaze slowly inching back to the boy on his lap. And Jisung could feel his stomach twist when their gazes met, and he realized just how badly he wanted to kiss the other, even though they were outside, on the cement, and Minho was probably sore from the fall. Yet Minho was sitting up, bringing his hands forward as he tentatively placed one on Jisung’s hip, the touch burning him alive as he silently gazed down at the other in desire. His cold exterior was so much different than his inner warmth, and Jisung could see it all, wishing that the two could learn to burn together, as Minho finally opened up enough to share some of that warmth with Jisung as well. It could happen. He could make it happen, start it with a simple kiss.

“What… are you two doing?” another voice suddenly called out, and Minho was gasping as he finally was using his hands to push Jisung off of him, the boy’s face turning red with embarrassment and anger as he scurried to push himself off the ground. Jisung blinked as he could feel the cold cement underneath his butt, and he gazed at Minho before looking past him to see the owner of the new voice, Seungmin standing by the doorway to their apartment, a smirk on his lips, and a glint in his eyes as he leaned against the doorframe. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you two looked like you were going to kiss,” Seungmin chuckled, and Minho glared, glancing at Jisung on the ground for only a moment in concern, before he was turning, stomping towards the boy before finally reaching him.

“Shut the fuck up Seungmin!” Minho yelled, before he was pushing the boy out of the way and disappearing into the apartment, leaving Jisung alone on the ground as he stared at Seungmin in disbelief. It was true, he was sure if the moment had lasted any longer he would have kissed the boy. But he didn’t expect him to run away so quickly in embarrassment once they were caught.

“He’s going to hate himself for the rest of the day now,” Seungmin chuckled as he stepped out of the doorframe, walking towards where Jisung was on the ground before offering his hand. Jisung blinked as Seungmin smiled down at the boy, before he was raising his own and accepting it, Seungmin easily lifting Jisung off the ground before settling him onto steady feet.

“W-Why?” Jisung asked as he reached down to dust himself off, Seungmin gazing at the boy as he stood close to him, a fond smile on his lips as he caught Jisung’s own gaze the moment the boy moved to look up.

“He acts like a jerk, but really he’s just too embarrassed to show any kind of emotion. The louder he is, the more he cares. So he probably hates the fact that he left you on the ground while he ran away, and I’m definitely going to hear him cry about it later,” Seungmin said, laughing, raising his hand as he pushed his soft bangs out his face. “You can be upset with him, but just don’t be too mean, alright? He’s a good person deep, deep, deep… I mean really deep down,” Seungmin added, glancing to the side as he grinned, laughing as if he was the funniest person in the world. Jisung didn’t really get it, but he liked that Seungmin seemed to be such a soft-hearted person. 

“No, it’s alright. I’m not upset at all,” Jisung explained, smiling as he gazed at the humorous boy in front of him. “You can tell him that too. I don’t want him to be pouting all night because of me.”

“Oh, so you noticed! Mr. Pouty Pants strikes again!” Seungmin joked, and it was Jisung’s turn to laugh, a small giggle spilling from his lips as he raised his hand to hide his smile behind his palm. “I'll do the best I can to comfort him. I’ll tell you a secret- Minho loves funny cat videos. I’ll just get a few of those ready, and we should be fine,” Seungmin explained, and Jisung smiled, picturing the handsome boy in his head, playing with his phone as he smiled over a few cute cat videos.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jisung said, and Seungmin nodded as he chuckled, silence blooming between the two as Jisung felt a small chill shift through the air. He had forgotten how cold it had gotten.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you for something,” Seungmin suddenly said, stuffing his hand into his pocket as he pulled out his phone, a smile on his lips as he handed it to Jisung with a soft expression lighting up his face. “Let me have your number- I feel like even with seven eyes and ears on you, something could happen. Doesn’t matter what, if you feel lonely- call me. Or anyone. Just know you have the option of support when you need it,” Seungmin explained, and Jisung felt his chest clench with adoration as he gently took the phone into his hand, entering his contact with a blush across his face. Seungmin was funny, but he was also incredibly sweet. Jisung almost felt like he was being spoiled.

“Then… you can do the same. If you’re lonely too, you can also call me,” Jisung mumbled as he handed the phone back, yet Seungmin caught his hand in his own, pulling his phone out before intertwining his fingers with Jisung’s. Seungmin’s hand was warm, and the smile that brightened his face made Jisung swoon, unable to gaze away as he stared at the boy with wide eyes of blissful nature.

“I definitely will. It’s a promise,” Seungmin softly said, and Jisung nodded, smiling to himself as Seungmin pulled his hand out enough for their pinky fingers to connect. A physical promise now settled between them, and Jisung felt… happy. He had someone else he could depend on now, and even if the thought was scary, Seungmin had promised. So he decided that he’d believe him. “You should head inside, where it’s warmer,” Seungmin added, and Jisung bit his lip as he pulled his hand away, letting it fall back to his side as Seungmin stuffed his phone into his pocket, still smiling at the boy as he watched Jisung’s reaction closely.

“I should… Jeongin will be here soon, and we are planning to get more done with my Uncle’s place today. I feel like our progress is so slow,” Jisung explained, but while to Seungmin this meant the apartment, to Jisung this meant everything . Everything they had agreed on to be done in a single week was motionless. All Jisung had actually done was build relationships, not a new home, or career, or even salvage the last remaining one he still had. His father was out there, somewhere. He was going to call him soon, he was just… nervous of what he’d hear on the other end.

“Some things aren’t meant to be rushed. And more hands can be overwhelming, so I’d say just let things happen naturally,” Seungmin offered as a bit of advice, and Jisung chuckled to himself, knowing better than anyone else what letting things occur naturally meant to him. “If you do need help, we’re all here. But, don’t give up. It’s still too early to give up,” Seungmin added, placing his hand on Jisung’s shoulder as he gave the boy a confident smile. “Things always get better,” Seungmin whispered, the same as Jeongin had always told him.. He was actually starting to believe that he might be right.

“Sure. I won’t give up,” Jisung chuckled, and Seungmin nodded as he hesitantly pulled his hand away, squeezing it into a fist as he let it fall by his side. He wondered if the boy had more to say, but instead he took a step back, giving Jisung a small wave as he knew their small conversation was coming to an end.

“Remember our promise!” Seungmin called out, before he was laughing and turning, heading back to his Uncle’s apartment as Jisung watched him walk inside. And when the door closed, Jisung felt something in him break, broken pieces shifting inside his heart as he turned and walked back over to his own apartment, opening up the door, and stepping inside. He was lonely. Perhaps he was already breaking their promise.

He had to wait for Jeongin to get out of work and make his way here before he started any more progress on his Uncle’s apartment, his eyes gazing across the empty kitchen and its lack of food. Jisung wasn’t eating well, but there really wasn’t anyone there to make sure he was other than himself. Instead he made his way upstairs, changing out of his work clothes, taking a quick shower, washing away his regrets of the day as he put on a pair of comfy sweatpants and a thin long sleeve shirt, placing his hand on his stomach as he could feel the weight that he had lost just from the depression tearing him up inside. Yet things were slowly starting to change, and Jisung wasn’t so blind that he couldn’t see that. Seungmin was right- there were seven pairs of eyes and ears observing him on their own accord, surrounding him in a safe bubble where he could feel free enough to be himself, to show his sorrow, to smile, and to laugh. Even if they didn’t know all the reasons behind them. Yet they weren’t asking, or prying, taking it slow, naturally , Jisung grinning to himself as he walked out of the bathroom and into his Uncle’s bedroom, fluffing a hand through his hair as he plopped down on the man’s bed before reaching for the item he had left on top of it.

It was the drawing that Chan had shown him, stuck to the side and hidden to most gazing eyes, but obvious to the person who lived amongst these walls. Jisung held it delicately in his hands as he gazed down at the child-like drawing, along with his name, a picture of the forest behind the apartments during the summertime when the trees were full of leaves, and the sky was a vast ocean of blue. Jisung’s memories were vague enough that he knew when he was a child he used to play in that forest, never going far, but exploring as he found different insects, trees, and stones to play with. Yet in the picture he wasn’t alone, there was another figure standing next to him, a bit taller in height. Jisung could tell who it was supposed to be. Because even if his memories were lacking, he knew the only person who could possibly join him out in those woods were his Uncle, and perhaps all those memories Jisung did have truly did include his Uncle as well. Which made him curious. Curious of the man he didn’t know, curious of the life he lived, and why he kept a small picture around to cherish after all this time. Maybe there the memories he couldn’t recall all surrounded his Uncle in one way or another.

Jisung heard the door open and shut as he held the paper in his hand, his eyes gazing out the bedroom door as he slowly pushed himself off the bed, into the hallway, and towards the stairs. Gazing down he could see the boy who he had been waiting for, Jeongin glancing across the room until the floorboard beneath Jisung’s feet creaked, and Jeongin was gazing up at him, a smile on his lips as Jisung felt something fond flush through him. Jisung made his way down the stairs, drawing in hand, before he could see Jeongin even better, the smile, his shining eyes, and- a bruise on his cheek. And all Jisung could do in the moment was drop the drawing as he reached out for the boy, tears in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Jeongin’s body, trembling in his arms because it was all his fault. This was all his fault.

“This isn’t your fault- I messed up, that’s all,” Jeongin said, sadly chuckling as he held Jisung back, so much warmth bouncing between them as Jisung could feel the happiness and relief flowing out of his body as if it had been violently forced out.

It was his fault. He couldn’t believe he was letting this happen again .

Chapter Text

Somehow Jeongin had calmed Jisung down enough so they could go to his bed upstairs, Jeongin sitting on the bed and making space between his legs for Jisung to sit. And Jisung had cried as the boy was petting up and down his arms so gently, caressing his skin and tussling his light brown locks, every touch hesitant yet soothing all the same. Jisung could feel his panic slowly lessening inside of him, until he was leaning back against the boy, closing his eyes, his lips wobbling as Jeongin hummed in his ear, slowly wrapping an arm around his waist as he pulled him in even closer. Everything in the moment was done for Jisung’s sake, yet he could feel the warmth against him, and he could sense the notion that something was so wrong , that Jeongin was in pain and yet he was comforting Jisung. Of course this would happen, this is what they knew would happen the moment Jeongin was put back in that home. Yet Jeongin wanted to establish a better relationship with his mother, and to do so Jeongin needed to live beside him for only a single week. Then he would join Jisung again. Well the week was almost up. And while they accomplished nothing, Jeongin was falling victim to the despair he had left long ago.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Jeongin softly whispered, and Jisung shook his head because it wasn’t okay, Jeongin was hurt, and he had led him to that pain. It was all his fault. “Like I said, it was my fault. He was standing in the doorway to my room, so I tried to push past him and- well, I knew I shouldn’t have done that. So he got angry,” Jeongin said, simply, as if everything about it was simple and normal . It wasn’t normal, normality shouldn’t be getting hit for something so simple. “I said I would lay low and out of his way, but I stuck my neck out and this is the result of doing what I knew I shouldn’t. I took care of it right away though, ice and all,” Jeongin said as he let out a sad chuckle, and Jisung pouted even more, snuggling into the boy behind him, feeling the tips of fingers caressing his cheek, before moving to gently push back his bang from his face.

“He’s such an asshole. And what about your mom?” Jisung mumbled, cursing out the boy outwardly and silently in his mind. Jeongin shrugged, leaning forward as he pressed his nose into Jisung’s hair, smelling the fresh scent as he held Jisung even tighter against him. As if he was really scared to let go.

“I didn’t let her see. I just yelled for her as I headed out the door, and then I went to work and let them fuss over me. It’s not a big deal, I’ve had worse,” Jeongin slowly said, Jisung feeling his heart clench at the words because he knew just how true they were. He had always been the one to bear witness to what “worse” looked like, while he gave his mother the excuse that he just had some tough bullies at school. His mom hadn’t looked too far into it, but only because Jeongin lied and said that he got in a few good punches on his own as well, and his mother didn’t want him to get expelled. He wasn’t a coward for telling his mother lies- Jisung never thought of it like that. Instead he was fully conscious of the decisions he was making, and he couldn’t break his mothers heart by telling her what the truth really was. He didn’t want to be the one to tear his family apart.

“If you just-”

“You know I can’t. I’ve never even wanted to, and I can’t make her choose between him or me, because I’m the one who left. She’s not over that, not completely. It’s so hard just to talk to have half a conversation with her, because she shuts down so quickly and pushes me away. Like she’s scared I’ll vanish again. And at least even if that happens, then she has him in her life,” Jeongin shakily said, his words carrying truth, even if Jisung felt like defying them. He truly hated how their lives had turned out. But now Jisung had something to look forward to, while Jeongin was suffering and- he felt so guilty.

“Just stay here then. If you can’t fully fix things with her then just give up because I-I… I can’t go through seeing you like this again. I hate it,” Jisung said, tears in his eyes once more as they could be heard in his voice. Jeongin sighed as he curled forward over Jisung’s body, pressing his cheek into his shoulder and lips into his neck, holding onto the boy so tightly as if he was his one and only life line. Jisung called himself Jeongin’s best friend, and yet he felt so useless.

“I really can’t,” Jeongin mumbled, leaving a chaste kiss on Jisung’s neck as he felt the tears finally spilling down his cheeks, tracing the despair inside of him as it led a path to his heart. “If I do, then it’ll really be over. She’ll never forgive me,” Jeongin added, but Jisung shook his head because how was his mother worth so much when he was battling against abuse? He needed to run away, he needed to forget his mother, to be with Jisung, to learn to love life by his side. “You only have one mom in this life, Jisung. I’m not letting her go that easily, this one bruise isn’t enough to stop me.”

“It should. It should remind you of everything you had to endure, and it should make you so scared to go through it again that you come back to me- that you fucking run while you still can. I-I can’t keep seeing you like this Jeongin,” Jisung softly cried, and he could feel the hand caressing his chin, before it was putting pressure on him, turning his head as Jeongin raised his own and their gazes met. Jisung hiccuped, and Jeongin’s face softened as he gazed into Jisung’s eyes, before he was leaning forward and kissing his nose, lingering as he could feel the boy behind him trembling.

“I understand really- I know how much you care for me,” Jeongin whispered, kissing his nose again before his cheek, Jisung’s lips parting for a small sob to fall through as Jeongin nuzzled against him, tasting the boy’s tears on his tongue even though he didn’t seem to mind. “But you need to trust me. I know what I’m facing by doing this, and I know when too much is truly too much. I’ll be smarter, I promise,” Jeongin said, his words desperate as Jisung cried a little harder because he did trust Jeongin. And he knew that nothing he could say would make the boy choose a different path to take in this moment.

“If anything happens-” Jisung started to say, but suddenly lips were against his own, and he was pushing into them, kissing the boy back as he could taste his own tears between them. Jeongin wrapped both arms around Jisung’s chest and torso, and Jisung turned in Jeongin’s lap, reaching up his hand and touching Jeongin’s cheek, holding him still as their kiss broke the tension. It was desperate, but it was the comfort Jisung needed to survive this moment. He could feel the warmth beneath his skin, and the softness moving against his lips, and he could only be glad that Jongin was here with him now, in this moment, that he had chosen to spend this time with Jisung instead of running away. He was safe here, Jisung would make sure of it.

“If anything happens I’ll run right to you,” Jeongin chuckled, and Jisung gulped as he nodded, gazing into Jeongin’s eyes again as his friend squinted with fondness.

“You better…” Jisung grumbled, and Jeongin laughed as he leaned forward once more, kissing Jisung for a second time as he could feel himself melting into Jeongin’s embrace. Holding onto one another, sharing their warmth, forgetting about the sadness that was driven into their minds the moment they departed. But like this all they had to do was worry about one another. Jisung felt so glad to have Jeongin in his life, because the boy made it so much better. But he wanted to be the same for Jeongin, to be the remaining piece to his puzzle until together they could create the loveliest picture. Jisung dreamed of the day the two could finally, officially, be happy.

“What have you planned for the two of us today?” Jeongin cheekily asked, pressing his nose into Jisung’s cheek as the boy squirmed under the touch, a small giggle spilling from his lips as he could already feel the sadness slowly fading. It was still there, but numb because Jeongin had asked for him to trust him. And Jisung would do everything he could to show the boy he did wholeheartedly. “I feel like there are three choices,” Jeongin said, and Jisung hummed, pulling himself out of Jeongin’s arms before he turned his body completely, sitting crossed legged between Jeongin’s own legs on the bed as he faced the boy in front of him.

“Which are…?” Jisung asked, and Jeongin smiled as he raised his hand, carding his fingers through Jisung’s soft hair as he pet the boy in front of him. Jeongin’s eyes lingered on his lips for only a moment, before his hand was sliding down, thumb grazing the corner of his lips as he could feel a slight tingle from the touch.

“One, we continue to search for apartments. Two, we continue to clean out this one. Three, we leave all responsibilities behind and hang out with the others next door,” Jeongin chuckled, and Jisung hummed as he definitely enjoyed the third idea the most, yet he was shaking his head and sighing, holding his hand up as he showed the boy two fingers instead.

“Option two. We already know there aren’t any apartments near here in our price range, and I check every morning to see if something new is suddenly listed. So there’s not much we can do about that right now, but we will figure it out. And while I really wouldn’t mind seeing the others, I feel like I’ve been neglecting the entire reason why I was allowed to stay here in the first place. Plus, what if they’re busy? Let’s stick with option two, and the two of us can get some work done here today,” Jisung decided with a nod, and Jeongin stared at the boy as he smiled, fingers sliding against the back of his neck, pulling Jisung forward, and eyes on his lips once more.

“I definitely don’t mind being here alone with you. Are you sure this is what you want us to do?” Jeongin purred, and Jisung gasped as his lips slipped into a thin line, Jeongin cooing at the bashful sight as he leaned forward and gave the boy a simple, lingering kiss.

“Y-Yup. Pretty sure…” Jisung mumbled, and Jeongin chuckled as he let go of the boy’s neck, pulling back as he ruffled Jisung’s hair before moving to slide out of his spot on the bed. Jisung was left a bit dazed as Jeongin stood up, stretching his arms, Jisung turning and noticing the bruise staining his beautiful cheek once more as he felt his heart throb with pain. It must have hurt so badly when it happened.

“Where should we start?” Jeongin asked as his hands fell to his side, and Jisung bit his lip as he turned in his seat, still feeling the warmth across his bed, a sign that Jeongin had been right beside him only moments ago. He’d like nothing more than to ask the other to cuddle him once more, to close their eyes and sleep away the day, but time was ticking, and Jisung’s could hear the constant reminded in his ears even while asleep.

“My Uncle’s room. Actually-” Jisung said, hopping off the bed as he grabbed Jeongin’s hand and led him towards the room, pausing as he remembered where he had left the drawing last. “Wait here,” Jisung said, before he was rushing down the stairs and picking it off the floor, gazing down at the poorly marked colors before climbing up to join Jeongin once more. When he reentered the room Jeongin was already a few steps in, gazing around the mess with an unexplainable impressed expression on his face. “Look at this,” Jisung said, offering the picture to Jeongin, and the boy turned as he reached out his hand, taking the drawing into his own as he gazed down at it in confusion. A few moments ticked by until he was looking up, raising an eyebrow, and handing the picture right back.

“That’s your name at the bottom,” Jeongin stated, and Jisung hummed as he gazed down at it, the two odd stick figures, and the child-like scribble similar to his name.

“I guess I drew this when I was younger. But when Chan came over last time, we worked a bit on this room and he pulled off this picture from that dresser to show me. I guess my Uncle had shown it to him before,” Jisung explained as he motioned to the dark brown dresser lined up to the corner of the wall, and Jeongin blinked before he was stepping over the mess of clothes and trashbags on the floor to stand in front of it, turning and twisting his head, checking to see if there was anything else taped to the sides.

“Your Uncle showed your drawing to Chan?” Jeongin asked, and Jisung nodded as he gazed down at the picture once more, biting his lip as he felt an odd sensation drift across his mind. He felt as if he could remember drawing something , but not exactly what he was seeing.

“They were close. Close enough that he let Chan enter his room and check out his things, including this drawing,” Jisung explained, Jeongin letting out another hum as he reached forward and grabbed the dresser handle on the front of it. The boy pulled, and the drawer at the top slid open, Jeongin gazing inside of it with a confused expression on his face.

“That’s weird… Why would he keep some kid’s drawing around?” Jeongin muttered, pushing the drawer back in before trying the next one down, Jisung shrugging as he moved to set the picture on the bed before taking a step closer to Jeongin.

“It wasn’t ‘some kid,’ it was me. Maybe I gave it to him. Chan said he seemed to be pretty lonely living here by himself,” Jisung explained, but Jeongin didn’t react as he was already aiming for the third dresser drawer, the last one at the bottom, Jeongin bending over as he grabbed the handle and pulled. Jisung gazed at Jeongin’s back as he could physically see the boy pause, before he was leaning down further and picking something up, hidden by his body as Jisung could feel the tension in the room shift.

“Or maybe he just really likes his nephew,” Jeongin said, and Jisung blinked as the boy turned around, holding something new in his hands as Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Did you and your Uncle get along well?” Jeongin asked, and Jisung shrugged as Jeongin hummed, holding out the small photo in his hand with a clearly captured picture on it.

“I can’t really remember. It was so long ago…” Jisung mumbled, reaching forward and taking the picture into his own hand as he gazed down at it. It was taken with a camera, obviously printed out for safe keepings afterwards, a photo of a younger Jisung bathing in the tub as he grinned at the lens. Most of his body was hidden by his Uncle, the other man turning to face the camera as well as he held it high above them, smiling with adoration that made Jisung’s stomach twist in guilt. The man looked happy. Not only him, but Jisung as well, a few toys floating around in the water, and his Uncle much more youthful looking than he remembered him to be. This was his Uncle. This was the man who had spent his last few days suffering alone in this apartment, and this was the apartment that had brought the two such joy at an earlier point in their lives. And Jisung couldn’t remember a single moment of it.

“Jisung?” the other boy asked, and Jisung felt as if he was snapped out of his head, blinking a blurry gaze as he slowly glanced up at Jeongin in front of him. Perhaps he had been staring at the photo for longer than he thought. “What’s wrong?” Jeongin asked, because he always knew when Jisung was upset. He could tell, just from the slight change in his breathing.

“I feel like there’s something I should remember,” Jisung whispered, gulping as he let the photo fall to the side, even as he still held onto it. Why did his Uncle seem so happy? Why couldn’t Jisung remember that smile?

“Well, maybe there’s a reason you forgot. Or maybe it wasn’t important,” Jeongin suggested, reaching forward as he rubbed his hand down Jisung’s arms, before reaching for the photo and stealing it back, Jisung’s fingers growing numb as Jeongin pulled it up to gaze at once more.

“The last time I saw my Uncle, he looked so much older than that. As if he was already turning frail. Maybe he had been sick for a long time,” Jisung mumbled, a sigh spilling from his lips as he turned and sat down on the bed, feeling it bounce under his weight as he let his hands fall to his sides. What they had found wasn’t that odd. It was only a drawing and a photograph. And yet in this apartment that only held personal items, clothes, and a sci-fi collection, there were now two things linking Jisung to this place, to his Uncle. Jisung was a part of the few things his Uncle owned. “I just- I can’t remember him. I can’t remember being that happy with him,” Jisung softly said as he gazed towards Jeongin, until the boy was turning towards Jisung as he leaned against the dresser, gazing down at the photo while his lips twisted in thought.

“You said Chan knew him though, right?” Jeongin questioned, and Jisung nodded, biting his lip as he felt his gut tighten with guilt. “Maybe there’s more he knows. Or maybe there’s more hidden in this apartment,” Jeongin offered, pushing up as he suddenly placed the photo on the bed besides the drawing. Jisung glanced at the sight next to him as he frowned, before he was turning and looking around the room, at the spaces he had yet to delve into yet. Could there be more? And if so, was Jisung really ready to face the reality behind his Uncle and their connection?

Jisung stood up from the bed as he walked over to his Uncle’s closet, pushing the clothes still on the hangers to the side as he made space to see what was collected on the floor. And he bent down as he reached for the first thing he could make out, a large tote covered with a teal lid, Jisung snapping the small handles on the side as he moved to remove the lid off the top. He placed the lid on the floor next to the tote, gazing at what was filled within, his eyes widening as he could make out many different movies organized in four rows, and then stacked on top of each other, Jisung reaching in as he pulled the first one out to see the name “Alien Invasion” on the cover. After pulling out a few more Jisung could see a common theme, and Jeongin moved to stand behind him, unable to make out what the boy was gazing at as Jisung saw all the different sci-fi movies his Uncle owned. A few movies in he pulled out one more that was called, “Otherworlders,” with a name sharpied on the top right corner, Jisung letting out a small gasp as he turned and showed his friend the dvd.

“This one belongs to Chan!” Jisung exclaimed, and Jeongin hummed as he bent down and took the movie out of his hands, his nose scrunching at the name of the movie as Jisung knew it wasn’t his usual preference of choice. Yet Jeongin flipped it around as he read the back, and Jisung looked through a few more movies to find another one of Chan’s, a smile now on his face as he thought of the lovely boy next door.

“This doesn’t really help us right now though…” Jeongin mumbled, and Jeongin shrugged as smiled at the movie in hand, Jeongin handing back the one in his own as Jisung was now holding onto both.

“No, but at least we can give these back to him. I’m a bit interested,” Jisung said, and Jeongin chuckled as he moved to sit on the side of the bed, watching Jisung as the boy sat on the floor and gazed fondly at the movies he was holding. “I guess he and my Uncle really did watch these kinds of things together. I wonder why my Uncle still has them though,” Jisung pondered, moving to stand on his feet as he set the movies aside, placing them on the bed next to the drawing and photograph as he started to make a small pile of collectables. “Maybe he’ll watch them with me.”

“I’m sure he’d enjoy that. Watching his favorite things with his new favorite person,” Jeongin lulled, and Jisung blushed as he scoffed at the boy, still smiling to himself as he dreamed of the fond moment between the two.

“I’ll let Chan look through these movies. If there are any he wants to have, I’ll let him keep them. The rest I’ll donate,” Jisung explained, and Jeongin nodded as he smiled at the boy, reaching his hand forward as Jisung blushed harder before taking it into his own. A small gasp left his lips when Jeongin tugged him forward, before he was falling, chest pressing into Jeongin’s own, and his hands settling on the boy’s shoulders to keep himself up.

“I feel like you’re some kind of mystery boy now,” Jeongin grinned, hands settling on Jisung’s hips as he arched just slightly from the sensitive touch. Jeongin’s eyes gazed into his own, before they were on his lips once more, Jisung licking them as he could feel the small tingle from the boy’s gaze alone.

“N-Not really… I just feel like there’s something I’m forgetting, that’s all…” Jisung mumbled, and Jeongin chuckled as he pulled Jisung closer by his hips, their faces so close as Jisung gazed down at the boy he was leaning on top of. “It could just be my imagination.”

“Imagination or not, if there is something I’m sure we will find it. In the meantime, it wouldn’t hurt to imagine a few other things as well… maybe you, and I…” Jeongin lulled, and Jisung rolled his eyes even as he blushed, his body tensing from the sudden temptations now in front of him. Sure, he could definitely imagine a few things happening between him and Jeongin at this moment.

“Let’s save our imaginations for after we finish cleaning,” Jisung chuckled, and Jeongin pouted even as he managed to lean up and steal a kiss from the other, Jisung swooning as he could feel his heart racing in his chest. Oh, how he wished they could forget everything and take the time for pleasant moments like this with the other. Yet, there was work to do.

“Yes Sir,” Jeongin practically purred, and Jisung laughed as he pushed himself away from the other, Jeongin soon joining in the laughter as Jisung blushed and shook his head. Jeongin was right. If there really was something to be discovered in the apartment, eventually they’d find it. Because while the dead can’t spill secrets from their own lips, they can’t hide them away very well either.

Chapter Text

Even though the apartment was starting to lack the necessities and aspects that could discern if a person actually lived there or not, Jisung had a few things to tide him over until they found a place. The kitchen was barren, but a few boxes of cereal did the trick, along with a half gallon of milk, Jisung sitting at the dining table as he ate his small first meal of the day. He chose Lucky Charms for this morning, pushing around his spoon as he separated the marshmallows from the actual cereal itself so he could save the best for last. Jeongin often made fun of him for his eating habits, like how he would separate fruit loops by color, or make a sandwich just to pull it apart while eating it. Jeongin had called him cute, and the comment made him blush, hiding his face in his meal before stuffing his cheeks like a squirrel. The thought made him think of Minho the first night he met him, the boy drunk as he stumbled into the room, pointing out Jisung’s squirrel-like features. The moment was a fond one, but he realized that Minho’s alcohol induced personality was much, much different than who he was in person when sober. Jisung didn’t really have a say yet on which one was cuter, but he did like Minho regardless.

While eating his cereal Jisung gazed out the window, seeing the other apartment building directly across, and the few cars lined up along the edge of the parking lot. Chan’s car was gone- the boy most likely off to work. In a few hours it would be the afternoon already, and Jisung had the day off once more, with nothing in mind to do, staring into space while eating his cereal quietly. He liked spending those few moments before work with Chan as the boy drove him in, and he liked the attention he received from the others to make sure he arrived home safely as well. They didn’t have a reason to be so kind to him, and yet they hadn’t asked for anything in return, as if it was expected for them to do so. He didn’t expect it, but he also didn’t know how to exactly thank them for their efforts either. He wasn’t in the right headspace to worry about so much at once. Maybe they knew this, maybe they hadn’t considered it at all, but knowing without asking him to do anything, just eyes and ears keeping a watch out for him as he mucked through his life of misery in the moment. The others did make it better. His smile was already genuine when he offered it to them.

Yet he was bored, already full on his carb-induced meal, a small sigh spilling from his lips as he dropped his spoon and continued to stare out the window. Changbin’s truck was gone too, but he could see the rest were still home, perhaps sleeping or getting ready for their day. A day that Jisung hadn’t planned out. Time was running short, and yet he still took it for granted, unable to determine what their next steps should be, what their plan would turn into. There were new variables, six boys next door who stumbled upon Jisung at his worst, and he knew needed to decide how to survive while keeping them in his life. He wanted to feel happy. He wanted to protect Jeongin, he wanted to find a new home, he wanted to finally find the courage to call his dad and see if he was alright. Because Jisung just knew that he wasn’t. He was sick, and he had been for a long time. That kind of sickness just didn’t go away, but how could Jisung afford to forgive and forget, to survive, and help his father in the process? He knew he should, he didn’t hate the man, but- he was frozen. Time was ticking and Jisung couldn’t move without a simple push from another helping hand.

A door across the street opened, and Jisung blinked as he could feel the pressure of reality slowly sinking back onto his shoulders, weighing him down as he watched one boy leave, before another followed. Felix was already wearing his navy blue jumpsuit, a matching ball cap on top of his fluffy blond hair, and Hyunjin was chasing after him, lips moving as Jisung couldn’t read what the boy was saying. But he could tell he was a bit frustrated, and Felix was ignoring him with a frown, stopping over by his own car that Jisung was just seeing for the first time, a 1978 Ford Mustang in perfect condition, painted black, with a single red streak down the middle of the hood. Jisung had never really been a car person, but he could tell the car was past its age even though it looked beautiful, kept up with love by Felix’s skilled hands. The other walked towards it before grabbing the door, and Hyunjin placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, whining, Felix turning around and frowning harder as he shook his head before opening up the door and stepping inside. Hyunjin pouted as he sighed, and Felix was quick to start the car, back up, and leave the parking lot as he headed to the garage to do his work for the day, leaving Hyunjin alone as Jisung felt an immediate ache in his chest at the sight of the lonesome boy.

The other stood there for a few moments, unmoving from his spot, before he kicked the ground and slowly turned to glance towards his Uncle’s apartment, gazing at the door, before moving past and into the window that Jisung had pulled the curtain up for. Even at a distance their eyes met, and Jisung felt his stomach clench as he saw Hyunjin’s pout slowly grow into a charming smile, the boy now moving on two feet as he practically skipped over to his Uncle’s apartment, knocking on the door as Jisung almost fell out of his seat. He hadn’t expected anyone to come by today, he didn’t really expect much because he knew Jeongin would be busy even after work with his mom. What he did expect, was to spend the entire day by his lonesome. Yet Hyunjin was there, knocking on his door, calling out his name in a sing-song manner as Jisung was throwing himself out of his chair as he ran over to the door as quickly as possible. It took him a moment to remember what way to twist to unlock the door, and he stumbled as he practically threw the door open, eyes wide, cheeks blushed, hair a mess as he hadn’t gotten ready for the day at all, Hyunjin’s eyes landing on all of those features and more as he grinned at the cute looking boy now standing in the doorway.

“I caught you staring,” Hyunjin lulled, and Jisung gulped as he let his hand slide off the door handle, fumbling in front of the door as the other boy stood taller in front of him. Hyunjin’s hair was half tied up today, touching his shoulders, blond and straight, and everything else about him was so perfect and gorgeous, as if he had not just woken up from a heavy sleep. Maybe his beauty was effortless.

“I-I wasn’t staring, you just walked into the place where my eyes were pointed towards…” Jisung mumbled, a far-fetched excuse as it was, but Hyunjin chuckled as he smiled elegantly, a hand on his hip, and the other draped by his side as Jisung could see a small dainty bracelet on his slim wrist.

“Sure. Let’s just call it that. But even if you weren’t staring on purpose, you definitely witnessed some stuff you probably weren’t expecting,” Hyunjin explained, catching the boy off guard as he blushed at being caught so quickly. He hadn’t meant to watch their small interaction, but the moment he saw them from across the apartment he couldn’t look away. Maybe he really was hoping to see their faces, and that was the reason he had been staring out the window for so long.

“You… looked upset,” Jisung mumbled as he glanced away from the other, and Hyunjin hummed in agreement even as he continued to smile, moving his wrist just slightly as the bracelet jingled from the movement.

“I was. But I’m used to it, Felix takes his job seriously and I know that’s one of his boundaries when it comes to our friendship. He’s not always like this, but I guess he has something more important he wants to tend to at work…” Hyunjin said, his words fizzling off as a knowing glint shifted behind his gaze, Jisung missing it before he was looking at the other once more. He had already forgotten his car was still with Felix. “He’s hard-headed, but if the moment needed it then he would drop everything for us. Today he just didn’t feel the need to. Usually he likes an advance on things, so when I dropped the tickets to the exhibit today, he wasn’t prepared to go,” Hyunjin continued, Jisung’s eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he could feel the cold shifting from outside and into the apartment. It was more mild today, or maybe he just felt warm knowing who was standing in front of him.

“Exhibit?” Jisung asked, and Hyunjin nodded excitedly, biting his lip as he grabbed his phone from his pocket, before pulling up a picture of a flier and showing it to Jisung.

“Yup! Every few months I partner with a gallery to put some of my paintings on display. Normally I just sell them, but when I do things like this it gathers more attention and interest before I sell them. I do like showing them off to my friends as well, but Felix won’t be making it this time,” Hyunjin chuckled, and Jisung could feel his heart race at this new knowledge offered to him, his lips parting in awe as he stared at the flier. He could see different names listed, along with a “Hwang Hyunjin,” the name as pretty as the person who owned it, Jisung feeling his cheeks tighten as he couldn’t help but smile for the other.

“That’s so amazing… one of these days I would love to see some of you works too,” Jisung excitedly said as he glanced back up at Hyunjin, and the other smiled back with his gorgeous smile, slipping his phone back into his pocket, before suddenly reaching forward, fingers brushing against Jisung’s blushed cheeks as he could feel the chill now nipping at his skin. Jisung froze as he felt Hyunjin touching him, until the other was tucking some of Jisung’s soft light brown hair behind his ear, gaze watching his own movements before drifting back towards Jisung’s eyes. The moment was filled with fondness, his breath hitched, his own fingers twitching and aching to touch the boy back. He wanted to be even closer to Hyunjin.

“You’re so cute…” Hyunjim mumbled, Jisung feeling the blush brighten to the tips of his ears as Hyunjin smiled wider, adoration filling his gaze as he offered the sentiments fully to Jisung. “The exhibit is today, and now I have this extra ticket. You’re welcome to come- in fact, I want you to come. If you can, that is,” Hyunjin whispered, the words delicate and intimate, as if Hyunjin’s confidence was suddenly swayed by a few words. Did he think Jisung wouldn’t want to go? Jisung would have dropped everything to spend his day gazing at Hyunjin’s paintings.

“Of course!” Jisung shouted, puckering his lips in embarrassment quickly after as he saw relief wash across Hyunjins face, a palm cupping his cheek, and a warmth spreading throughout his body. A moment of silence fell between them, and Jisung could feel his stomach twisting as he couldn’t help but giggle, Hyunjin raising an eyebrow at the cute sound as Jisung gazed into Hyunjin’s eyes. “I’d really like to go- are you sure you want to use your extra ticket on me?” Jisung asked, and Hyunjin nodded, chuckling as he pulled his hand slowly away, the chill returning to Jisung quicker than he hoped for.

“If I had known you when I got the tickets, I’d have gotten one for you without a second thought. Really, please go. It’d mean so much to me if you were there,” Hyunjin said, Jisung blushing as he instantly nodded in agreement. He didn’t have anything planned for the day, and it was like his silent prayers were answered by Hyunjin’s request, his heart fluttering in his chest as he almost outwardly cheered into the space around him. “Just a heads up though- Seungmin and Minho will also be going. You can ride with whoever you feel the most comfortable with,” Hyunjin said as smiled at the boy, raising his hand one might time as he gently swiped his thumb against Jisung’s cheek as a final touch. “Go inside and get ready before you get sick. I’m great at painting- shit at nursing people back to health, and I’d rather not waste our time together by lending you to Seungmin. He’s like our resident doctor, even though he’s in school to become a nurse currently,” Hyunjin explained, and another new bit of information, Jisung beaming as he could already feel himself growing closer to this group of boys. It felt… nice.

“I’ll wear something warm then,” Jisung said, though he wasn’t sure what he could wear to be considered warm. He didn’t really own much at the moment to promise something like that.

“Actually, wash up and come over as you are. We’ll definitely find something cute and warm for you to wear between our apartments,” Hyunjin chuckled, eyeing Jisung up and down as he seemed to discern his body type. Jisung blushed, even as he nodded, easily accepting the offer to wear another's clothes. The idea made him feel giddy.

Hyunjin left with a small wave and a gorgeous smile on his lips, Jisung smiling to himself as he turned and ran back into the apartment after shutting the door, rushing up the stairs to shower and wash up for the day. He barely dried his hair as he let the wet locks clump to the sides of his face, brushing his teeth as he wiped the toothpaste from his lips, before he was grabbing his hoodie and rushing out the apartment and across the way, stopping by the one Felix and Hyunjin stayed at as he knocked on the door, feet dancing in excitement, heart beating heavy in his chest. Yet to his surprise, the door to the apartment next to theirs opened as Hyunjin poked his head out from where Seungmin and Minho lived, waving him over as Jisung eagerly listened, before he was being guided inside to the warmth, another similar looking apartment but with its own flair pertaining to who lived there. It was messier than Jisung expected, books and papers scattered across the dining table, and little sticky notes sticking to the front of the fridge with old notes and recipes across the front. And Jisung could see more books piled along the stairs, the house warm and smelling of cinnamon, a single candle on a shelf above the stove lit as Jisung could feel his toes curl from just how comforting the place felt.

“Seungmin’s getting ready, and Minho’s upstairs looking for clothes for you to wear. He’s the shortest of us three, so probably the closest in size to you even though he’s just a bit taller,” Hyunjin explained, the boy walking over to the countertop before grabbing onto a light blue mug, before he was turning and thrusting it towards Jisung suddenly. “Drink this while you wait,” Hyunjin softly ordered with a teasing smirk, and Jisung blinked as he gazed down, feeling the warm beverage in his palms as he took the mug into his own hands, blushing as he saw that the other had offered him hot chocolate. With tiny marshmallows floating on top.

“Oh,” Jisung simply said, gulping, feeling the urge to gush about just how much he loved it . But he stayed quiet as he kept his adoration to himself, biting his cheek as he brought the mug to his lips, taking a sip, and feeling his stomach flutter with warmth and happiness. Hyunjin watched him carefully before his expression turned fond, and the two stood in silence, without tension, Jisung simply sipping on the delicious warm beverage as they waited for the other two to join them.

“Hyunjin, why did you make me do this again?” a voice called down the stairs, before Minho was popping his head around the corner with a frown on his lips, a few shirts in hand as the boy started to make his way down the stairs while grumbling.

“So Jisungie can have something nice to wear. Do you not want to see him all dressed up and cute in your clothes?” Hyunjin softly scoffed, taking a shirt off the top of the pile and holding it up the moment Minho was next to him. Hyunjin grimaced at the sight, before he was throwing the shirt to the side and picking up the next, Minho pouting and rolling his eyes even though Jisung noticed a pink blush on his cheeks.

“Shut up. I don’t care that it’s my clothes, I just suck at picking stuff out for other people,” Minho pouted, before he was glancing past Hyunjin and gazing towards Jisung, the blush growing even brighter as Jisung hid behind the mug of hot chocolate against his lips. Yet he was smiling, and Minho was biting his lip, groaning, suddenly throwing everything he had onto the table before crossing his arms and glaring at the other. “Just pick something! I really don’t want to spend anymore time than I have to at your thing today,” Minho scoffed, and it was Hyunjin’s turn to roll his eyes, another pair of footsteps making their way down the stairs as Jisung could smell the scent of cologne now masking the cinnamon in the room.

“Jisung, you should have seen how much Minho blushed when he heard you were coming. He rushed to get ready first, and even spent extra time picking out clothes for you,” Seungmin said as he joined the room, cooing as he reached up and ruffled Minho’s hair while the boy gasped and glared at him. “If you told Minho this was a date, then I think he’d faint,” Seungmin chuckled, Minho batting the boy’s hand away as the blush was now reaching the tips of his ears.

“Is this… a date?” Jisung suddenly asked, and Minho seemed to melt as his entire face turned red, Seungmin pausing as he turned towards Jisung and offered the boy a soft smile.

“I’d like to think of it as one. But that’s also your choice,” Seungmin said, Hyunjin finally picking out a shirt as he rushed back over to Jisung, placing it in front of the boy’s torso before nodding to himself in agreement.

“This is perfect. You’re going to look so cute,” Hyunjin gushed, and Jisung bit his lip as he took his final sip from his hot chocolate, Seungmin walking past him and efficiently stealing back the cup before placing it in the sink. “But if this is a date, then consider it like a trial one, because I have something planned for the first official one. Everyone included,” Hyunjin said as he winked, and Jisung nodded, smiling, blushing along with Minho as he heard the boy next to him scoff.

“Like hanging out with you would be any fun…” Minho muttered towards Hyunjin, before he was glancing towards Jisung, blinking, a small sigh passing through his lips as he crossed his arms and held his head high. “B-But I don’t really mind if you thought this was a date… or whatever,” Minho mumbled, glancing away from Jisung as he wasn’t sure if the other could turn any more red than he already was.

“There’s the Minho we know and love,” Seungmin chuckled, suddenly surprising Jisung as he stood behind him and wrapped his arms around Jisung’s waist, pulling him into his chest before resting his chin on the boy’s shoulder. “Let’s have fun today. If you think considering this to be a date will be more stressful for you, then it doesn’t have to be. It’ll be whatever you want it to be,” Seungmin softly whispered, hugging Jisung even closer as he could feel the warmth draped across his back and settling into his chest, easing him the pressures of what he felt like he wanted, and what he felt like he deserved. If the others thought it was okay, then it must be okay.

“It’s a date. I want this to be a date,” Jisung decided, smiling to himself as he brought up his hands and placed them on top of Seungmin’s own, the boy humming against him as the sound vibrated against his body.

“Chan’s going to be so jealous,” Hyunjin chuckled, still holding the shirt in his hands as Jisung hadn’t taken a moment to actually see what it looked like yet.

“Changbin might cry,” Seungmin said, nuzzling into Jisung’s shoulder as he blushed from the soft sensation.

“Felix might swear,” Minho grumbled, arms still folded against his chest as he pouted and gazed away from the others.

“Jeongin will definitely want pictures,” Jisung said as he chuckled, and Hyunjin turned to him as he smiled himself, raising his hand and ruffling it through the boy’s hair as Jisung preened at the gentle touch.

“We’ll take plenty for him. And when we have our first, official date, he will be there with us all too. I can’t wait to become friends with him,” Hyunjin cooed, and Jisung felt just so happy in the moment- and for Jeongin too. There was something about knowing he had people to depend on, but if Jeongin could also depend on those people, then Jisung felt as if all his dreams would finally come true.

“He’ll like that,” Jisung softly said, smiling to himself as Seungmin rocked the two of them back and forth on his heels, Minho taking a short moment to glance at the boy from the side before sighing.

“Aren’t you going to try on the clothes?” Minho grumbled, and Jisung perked up even more at the idea, nodding to the other as Minho’s lips twisted into the ghost of a smile.

“Join me upstairs in Seungmin’s room, good sir,” Hyunjin offered as he held out his hand politely, and Jisung giggled as Seungmin let go of the boy, allowing him to step forward and take Hyunjin’s hand into his own. The moment the two were touching, Hyunjin was leading him towards the stairs, the other heading up first as he pulled Jisung along with him, until they were in the smaller room of the two, the room unexpectedly neat with a twin sized bed, and a desk in the corner with a desk light sitting on top. Hyunjin placed the clothes he had chosen on Seungmin’s bed before moving towards the door, grabbing the handle, and turning to look at Jisung with a wide smile on your face. “Take your time, the exhibit is the kind of thing that you show up to when you can, so we don’t need to be there when the doors open. Besides, the less people, the more time I get to spend with you,” Hyunjin said with a wink, and Jisung bit his lip as he nodded, the other slowly shutting the door before leaving Jisung alone in Seungmin’s room.

“Alright Jisung… it’s your first date. Nothing to be nervous about…” Jisung mumbled to himself as he turned to look at the clothes on Seungmin’s bed, yet the thought that they belonged to Minho made him blush once more, before he was groaning, covering his face with his hands and slumping down onto the bed that was surprisingly soft. It really wasn’t anything to worry about, it was only a date. Only. Jisung had never been on a date before. And for his first date he was spending it with three other very tempting boys, and he was sure by the end of it he would crumble into a puddle of red cheeks and smiles. It was his first date, sure, but Jisung was more than excited to spend this time with the others. He’d have as much fun as he could today, and maybe he’d grow closer to the others during it.

Chapter Text

In a way, the moment Jisung walked down the stairs in Minho’s clothes, he felt like he was in a fairytale story, three boys waiting at the bottom harboring different reactions towards his cute appearance. Hyunjin looked proud, of course, as he had been the one to pick out the outfit for Jisung to wear, a passive smirk on his face as he eyed the boy up and down. Seungmin couldn’t help but smile ear to ear in excitement, the first to reach out his hand and offer it to Jisung as he accepted it easily, feeling the warmth against his palm as Seungmin helped him down the final step. And Minho. Well, Minho got one look at Jisung before his entire face appeared to explode with red, his eyes widening and his lips parting, the boy frantically looking away as he seemed to fumble with his own hands by his side. Hyunjin had poked and prodded at the other to tease him, asking him what he thought about Jisung’s appearance and such, yet Minho eventually grew too frustrated, leaving the questions unanswered as he was grabbing his keys and running out the door, leaving the three others behind while Jisung stood between the two.

In all fairness, Jisung did look cute. He was wearing Minho’s clothes, but Hyunjin had been the one to choose which ones to wear, dressing Jisung up like a doll and in a way he had never really explored before. Normally Jisung just threw on whatever was comfiest, a hoodie and jeans, barely doing anything to outline his petite figure beneath it all. Not that Jisung cared how he really looked anyways, every type of body was beautiful, but Jisung’s just always happened to be on the smaller side. So when he finally put on the white button up, followed by the light blue sweater cardigan over the shirt, he could feel his stomach twist, glancing down at his own body with a blush because this was something that Minho wore too. His blue skinny jeans were already fine to pair with the top, but the next item that made Jisung’s face rush even harsher with a blush was the small blue beret-like hat that Hyunjin had paired with it, Jisung securing it on top of his head as he realized just how well it complimented the outfit as a whole. He was wearing a pair of white sneakers, and the shirt he was wearing was just slightly too big on him, the boy tucking it into his waist line and attempting to roll up the sleeves before they covered his hands entirely. The outfit gave him a soft appearance, one he couldn’t deny did make him feel cute. Jisung normally never felt cute. But this… wasn’t that bad.

Each boy had adapted a different kind of style for this date, but each was also suitable for the gallery event they were about to attend. Minho kept it simple, a white button down tucked into a black pair of slacks with brown oxford shoes. His hair was brushed back and out of his face, which made his features even more pointed than usual, the handsome features now painted in red as the boy waited outside by his car. Seungmin had on a gray beanie, straight auburn hair sticking out underneath with his bangs laying across his forehead, in contrast to when he normally had them swept to the side. He was wearing a dark gray sweater with a baggy checkered patterned un-buttoned sweater on top, with matching gray jeans and simple black and white converse. He almost had a college vibe to him. Lastly Hyunjin looked gorgeous, wearing something different than before as he must have changed in the time Jisung was changing himself. Hyunjin was wearing a semi-formal black suit, underneath the black suit jacket he wore a tan and blue shirt, wearing black oxfords, and his hair still half tied up as his face was lightly painted with makeup. Rosy lips, and smoky eyes, Hyunjin looked tempting, still smirking as he placed his hands in his suit jacket pockets while eyeing the boy in front of him.

Each boy looked amazing, and Jisung could feel his mind begging him to gush out his own thoughts and let them know how he truly saw them in this moment. Yet he stayed quiet as he held Seungmin’s hand, feeling the eyes gazing down at him, the weight of the hat on his head, and his heart beating steadily in his chest. Seungmin’s thumb gently caressed the back of his hand, and he slowly brought his gaze up as the other chuckled fondly, a warmth settling in Jisung’s stomach as he couldn’t help but smile in reply to the sound. It really felt like a date. He felt like he was being pampered and treated so kindly, as if he truly was the center of their affections, as if he had earned this kind of life and was allowed to be by their side. He couldn’t have imagined that his day would turn out this way, yet suddenly he felt like he was breathing in the purist air, pushing out all his worries, and aiding him to realize that maybe- this was meant to be. That he was on their mind, as they were on his. This wasn’t just a passing fascination, they really wanted to spend time with him, and they truly wanted him to be happy. Jisung could say now that he felt entirely too happy that he wasn’t sure how to handle it all.

“You look amazing,” Seungmin said, still caressing the back of Jisung’s hand, and he could feel himself falling into the soft cradle of Seungmin’s voice, lulling him as he couldn’t help but blush and smile.

“He’s right, those clothes really suit you. It’s almost dangerous how well they suit you,” Hyunjin chuckled, Seungmin nodding in agreement as both boys continued to stare. Jisung held his breath as he could feel his entire body tingling with different sensations, many he hadn’t experienced before, and some he had felt only recently. Licking his lips, shifting his feet, glancing up at the two as he met their gazes and he blushed crimson. “Minho runs away when he gets overwhelmed, so he is definitely thinking the same as us. He must be elated to see you wearing his clothes,” Hyunjin added with a chuckle, and Jisung thought about the boy who had run outside. In the cold. Jisung bit his lip as he glanced towards the door, realizing that he wanted to see Minho again, and he wanted to see the boy comfortable in the warmth as well.

“You… said I could ride with whoever I wanted,” Jisung mumbled, his throat tight as he managed to say a few words amongst the sensations rippling in his body. He felt anxious, but not in the worst way. Hyunjin nodded at the words, hands in his pockets as he continued to smirk at the boy, as if he understood where Jisung was going with his own words. “I’ll go with Minho,” Jisung said, and the two agreed quickly, Seungmin already laughing as his thumb paused on the back of Jisung’s hand.

“You’re going to kill him, but I’m kind of dying to see his reaction,” Seungmin laughed, pulling Jisung closer suddenly as he could feel the warmth radiating off of Seungmin’s body. “Then on the way back, will you ride with Hyunjin and I?” Seungmin softly asked, and Jisung melted as he nodded slightly, blushing as everything felt so overwhelming but comforting at the same time. Being here, being besides these boys- it just felt so right . Like there wasn’t any other place Jisung could be. Not anymore.

“We should get going. When we get there, there’s a few people I’ll need to talk to, but other than that you have my full attention,” Hyunjin said with a wink, and Jisung gulped as he nodded, Seungmin already leading him to the door as Hyunjin opened it up for them. The cold was instant, and Jisung blinked as he could feel it threatening to take over Seungmin’s warmth, his anxiety growing as the chill seeped into the apartment. Yet it was as if they could read Jisung’s mind, and suddenly Hyunjin was placing a black puffy winter jacket over Jisung’s shoulders, the warmth settling once more, and Hyunjin humming as Jisung instantly reached to pull the jacket closer. “I grabbed one of Felix’s coats for you, since you two agreed that you could use it,” Hyunjin explained, and Jisung felt grateful as he turned enough to smile at the boy, Hyunjin pausing for a moment at the sight before he was softening, gazing at Jisung in such adoration as if Jisung was so precious to him. Everything seemed to just click together in this moment. Jisung liked them, and they all liked him.

Seungmin led Jisung out of the apartment, his body no longer threatened by the cold, and Jisung gazed across the parking lot to see Minho leaning against his car, a frown on his face and a blush highlighting the tips of his ears. Jisung couldn’t be sure if it was his left over reaction or the cold, but he didn’t hide the way he rushed to the boy’s side, leaving Seungmin’s hold as he smiled at the other, Minho glancing at him before his entire face turned red once more. The boy huffed as he turned to move into his driver seat, and Jisung stood where he was as he realized the other had already started his car to warm it up, Hyunjin stepping past Jisung and knocking on Minho’s window as the other slowly moved to roll it down. 

“Drive carefully, since you’re going to be bringing along some precious cargo with you,” Hyunjin lulled, and Minho scoffed, even as he glanced in his side mirror to see Jisung still smiling at him, the other sighing before he was rolling up his window once more. Hyunjin laughed at the complacent reaction, before he was turning and leading Jisung over to the passenger seat, opening the door to Minho’s car and gracefully helping Jisung to sit down, placing his hand on the hood of the car to make sure he wouldn’t bump his head. Jisung helped himself with the seatbelt, before he was turning to gaze at Hyunjin, the other smirking as Minho frowned and tapped silently on his steering wheel. “Be safe, cutie. We’ll see you at the gallery,” Hyunjin cooed, and Jisung blushed as he held onto his seatbelt, grinning towards Hyunjin as the other was chuckling, before moving to shut the passenger door. Soon Minho and Jisung were alone, the two silent as Minho put on directions to the place before he was pulling out of the parking lot, not waiting for the other two to follow him.

The silence was thick as Minho continued to tap on his steering wheel, sighing from time to time as he kept his gaze on the road. Yet his neck looked strained, his knuckles tense, Jisung blinking as he stole glances at the other before gazing out the window himself. He definitely felt more than warm enough now, dressed in a winter coat and sitting in a warm cozy car, Minho driving just as well as he had the day before, yet this time felt more tense than the last. Hands on his lap, heart thumping in his chest, and he could feel the other’s presence so close to him, leaning in his seat as he drove with one hand, eyes pointed, side profile so sleek and handsome. Jisung could smell the boy’s cologne in the air, vanilla mixed with spices, his head spinning with so many thoughts as one felt heavier than all the rest. Because now that they were alone once more, Jisung could remember the day before, when the two had fallen down, when Jisung was sitting on Minho’s lap, when the two were so close to kissing -

“Fuck-” Minho grumbled, a deep sigh leaving his lips as he frowned, shaking his head before finally looking towards Jisung. “You look great! There, I said it! Now stop staring at me,” Minho sneered, his cheeks blushed once more as Jisung could feel the tension snap in half, his lips slitting into a thin line as he couldn’t help but crack a small laugh between them. Minho blushed even more at the sound, before he was sighing again, deflating in his seat as his lips wobbled in embarrassment.

“I wasn’t waiting for you to say anything,” Jisung giggled, and Minho gulped, glancing at Jisung from the side once more before gazing out the front window.

“Could have fooled me… you were staring like you were expecting something…” Minho mumbled, huffing, his grip loosening on the steering wheel as he seemed to relax.

“I was staring because you looked so handsome,” Jisung simply said, unable to hold back his own blush at the cheesy words that left his lips. Still, he was telling the truth. Minho’s handsome features were impossible to deny.

“W-What?” Minho stuttered, eyes widening once more as he seemed to go slack, biting his lip as Jisung couldn’t help but adore this cute side of the boy as well. “I-It doesn’t matter! I don’t even care anymore, it’s just- shit- m-my clothes look alright on you, I guess…” Minho grumbled, turning the car onto the main road as he picked up speed. Jisung felt his stomach twist at the words, because as much as Minho liked seeing the boy in his clothes, Jisung liked wearing them.

“I was surprised how well they fit,” Jisung mumbled, the tension slowly growing once more as Minho straightened up in his seat, regaining his confidence as he glanced at the boy next to him again. Jisung looked small in the seat, holding himself, as if he was nervous to be next to the other boy. 

“Well, they look fine. You look… c-cute… like Hyunjin said you would. Hyunjin usually loves spouting bullshit, like ‘trust the process,’ but this time he was right,” Minho scoffed, driving behind another car at a much slower pace than Hyunjin would be going.

“Are there times he’s not right?” Jisung asked, feeling himself start to relax as well as he leaned back in his seat, and allowed his arms to fold against his sides.

“When he’s cooking. There’s no process just… destruction. That’s why Seungmin usually makes extra and brings some over to Hyunjin when he can, because usually Felix works late and he prefers pre-made salads from the store. I think Seungmin actually buys him some when he goes shopping for the rest of us,” Minho pondered, his normal pushy attitude now dispelled since he was talking about his friends. Jisung didn’t mind in the slightest, he loved hearing about them. Minho seemed to like talking about Seungmin as well.

“What about you?” Jisung curiously asked, and Minho frowned, scoffing as he shook his head before deciding to pass the car in front of him.

“I’m not shit like Hyunjin, but I’m not that great either. If Seungmin has a big exam or is too tired from school, I’ll take over. I mean- he shouldn’t have to do so much, he’s still just a student. But even if you tell him that, it wouldn’t stop him,” Minho explained, his lips twisting into some odd kind of smile. “Maybe taking care of us is his outlet. He tries to hide it, but Seungmin can get really stressed out from school. I think… you being here might help too,” Minho mumbled, a few moments going by before he was huffing and rolling his eyes. “Whatever, it doesn’t really matter.”

“If I can help, then I want to try. I feel like there’s nothing special about me, at least not enough to deserve what I’ve been given by you all so far. So I’ll work hard to earn it,” Jisung said, smiling to himself as he could feel the walls slowly building themselves up around his heart. He was so tired of fighting to earn happiness, but if he stopped, then it would be his end.

“... That’s not what we want,” Minho suddenly mumbled, his face relaxing as the blush cleared from his cheeks. “You don’t have to do anything. We just want you to be yourself, and do only what you want to do. You don’t need to step up or go the extra mile, we never asked for that from you. And still, here we are,” Minho added, a sigh spilling from his lips before he was frowning. “We can already tell that you like us, you don’t need to prove it. And you don’t need to put in the effort for us to like you back, because… well- we already do. It’s too late for that,” Minho said as he gulped, glancing at Jisung from the side as the blush returned to the tips of his ears once more. “Don’t push yourself.”

“I-” Jisung wasn’t really sure what to say. He had spent his whole life fighting to keep the things he loved with him, and even after every expense, he lost them. What if he lost these boys too? “I’ll try,” Jisung decided to simply say, because he wouldn’t promise the impossible. Maybe someday it would be possible, but not for Jisung as he was now. Everything was still too soon.

The conversation fizzled out as the two drove in silence, before they were reaching the art gallery, Jisung noticing Hyunjin’s car parked out front as he must have passed by them while driving, even though he had started after them. Minho parked right next to them before turning the car off, still holding onto the steering wheel as they sat motionless, silent, eager to break this odd tension between them that they had accidentally created. Jisung was still happy, nothing could ruin what he had already received from the day. Yet the sensations running around in his head were brutal, demanding but with such a gentle caress, and it was confusing him. He wasn’t sure if he could continue to be only happy, or if he was supposed to feel another way as well. Perhaps it was the lingering depression of every moment of his life combined, and knowing he didn’t truly deserve this happiness, even if he loved it. Even if he wanted to finally just let go of his sorrows, let go of his past, and accept that happiness was something he was allowed without an expected payment. Minho, the others, they weren’t expecting much from him. They weren’t expecting him to be happy, or sad, giving, or taking- they just expected that from now on, Jisung would be by their sides. It was the only expectation he could fulfill for them.

“Jisung-” Minho suddenly said, and Jisung could feel his lips quiver as he looked over at the other, feeling as warm palms suddenly were covering his cheeks, holding him still, and soft pillowy lips pressing against his own, every thought coming to a complete stop as his mind was focused on only one thing. Minho’s kiss. “Just don’t worry. Whatever you’re thinking, you don’t need to worry about it today,” Minho mumbled, his face growing red once more even as he continued to lightly pepper Jisung’s lips with soft kissed, lingering, Jisung nuzzle into the palms as he leaned in even closer to the other. He didn’t have anything to say. He couldn’t even if he wanted to, because his lips were already busy being caressed by another's, settling his heart as Minho dared to do something so unlike himself. Perhaps he was opening up to Jisung. Perhaps this was the spur of the moment, and soon enough Minho would go back to the sputtering blushing boy he was before. But for now he was holding onto Jisung, grounding him, kissing him as Jisung finally was responding himself as he kissed Minho back, closing his eyes, and relying on the sensations to carry him forward.

A knock on the window, and Minho was throwing himself off of Jisung, covering his lips and hiding his blush as he stared wide-eyed at the boy standing outside the door. And Jisung blinked as his mind felt fuzzy, the boy opening up Jisung’s door before reaching in to unbuckle his seat belt, gently holding onto Jisung’s arm as he was led out of the car, leaving behind a shocked Minho who was now alone. Jisung blinked as he turned to see Seungmin standing next to him, a knowing grin on his face as his eyes quickly glanced down at Jisung’s lips, before Jisung was blushing, biting his bottom lip as he heard the boy in front of him chuckle at his reaction. Minho was scrambling out of the car, but he kept his back turned to the others as he crossed his arms and pouted, glaring at the ground beneath them as Jisung could feel the rush of fondness bubbling up inside his chest once more, suddenly releasing a small giggle as Seungmin softened at the sound.

“That was fun to watch,” Seungmin lulled, and the two heard Minho scoff as he was suddenly turning and grabbing onto Hyunjin, tugging him along into the building as Hyunjin whined about leaving Jisung alone with Seungmin, and how apparently it wasn’t fair. “I never knew Minho was so daring- at least when he’s sober,” Seungmin added as he shrugged, and Jisung felt the hand slide into his own, squeezing his hand, Jisung blushing as he smiled and watched the two walk away.

“I didn’t mind it,” Jisung mumbled, because he knew now that he liked any advances from the others. And even if Minho hadn’t entirely meant for it to happen between them that way, he knew in the moment it was his way of easing Jisung from the suffering of his own mind. He’d have to repay the boy later with a kiss of his own. “Is this the gallery?” Jisung asked as he glanced at the building, and it was smaller than he imagined, made with brick and a slanted roof, but there were exhibit posters around the front of the building, and large golden letters writing out the name of the gallery itself.

“This is Hyunjin’s favorite one. Even if Hyunjin likes to show off normally, he prefers smaller crowds for his art,” Seungmin explained, leading Jisung slowly forward towards the building, the air fogging in front of them the moment either of them spoke. It was cold, but Jisung didn’t feel it in quite the same way as he normally did. “His acquaintance owns this one, and they have an agreement between them when it comes to exhibits Hyunjin is involved in. Less tickets- select guests. Those kinds of things,”  Seungmin explained, holding onto Jisung’s hands tightly as he led the boy inside. Jisung was still thankful it was warmer inside the building, Minho and Hyunjin standing a bit away as Seungmin handed over their tickets, Jisung taking off the coat he was wearing slowly as he glanced around the main entrance of the gallery. It was small, like the center of a few tunnels that all branched off to different rooms and different exhibits. There were only a few paintings in the entrance room, and it was dimly lit, a sensual aesthetic undertone as Jisung stepped in further, Minho eyeing Jisung’s outfit once more as he blushed, and Hyunjin moving forward as he took the coat from Jisung’s hands, handing it over to Seungmin who seemed to know where to stash it.

“I really hope you enjoy this,” Hyunjin said as he grinned, reaching his hand up as he gently tucked a small strand of hair behind Jisung’s ear.

“Of course I will. It’s your art, after all. I’ll like it simply because I like the person who made it,” Jisung softly said, smiling, blushing, Hyunjin’s eyes widening for a moment, as if he didn’t expect Jisung to say such a thing. And yet Jisung was the unexpecting one next as Hyunjin sighed and leaned forward, kissing Jisung on the cheek as he felt his body thrum with fondness.

“Let me show you then,” Hyunjin mumbled, before he was holding Jisung’s hand and leading him down a hall, towards where his own paintings were hung, their date commencing as Minho and Seungmin followed behind. And Jisung just felt so happy.

Chapter Text

“Hwang! So good to see you here!” a voice called out, and Jisung turned to see a larger man walking towards Hyunjin with a calculated smile on his lips, holding out his hand as Hyunjin eyed it before accepting. The two shook hands, and Jisung blinked as he felt a small amount of confusion swirling inside of him, a new palm suddenly settling on his back as he turned to see Seungmin standing next to him with a smile of his own.

“He’s one of Hyunjin’s benefactors. Recently he’s been to every exhibit too to collect Hyunjin’s paintings,” Seungmin whispered as he explained the situation, Jisung nodding as he turned to gaze back at the newcomer once more.

“Are you here to see the exhibit?” Hyunjin asked as he faked his own perfect, gorgeous smile, and the man hummed, rubbing his palms together in front of him with an excited expression on his face.

“Of course! I would never miss a chance to see you and your work,” the man chuckled, suddenly turning towards Jisung, Seungmin, and Minho, a curious glint in his eyes as Hyunjin already could assume what the other was silently pondering.

“Friends of mine,” Hyunjin explained easily, and the man hummed again, Seungmin’s hand rubbing up and down Jisung’s backside soothing him as he felt comfortable even in front of the stranger.

“Well, your friends have good taste in companionship. Hopefully their taste in art is just as divine,” the man chuckled, and Hyunjin turned towards Seungmin as he gave him a small nod, Seungmin’s hand adding pressure onto Jisung’s back as he suddenly was made to take a step forward.

“I’ll stay here with Mr. Kyung for a moment, you all can explore the gallery in the meantime,” Hyunjin explained, and while Jisung didn’t want to leave Hyunjin behind, he could also understand that part of this exhibit was about business, and not just their date. Hyunjin had warned him of that too. Jisung would push past his anxieties, but to calm his own mind he decided he’d wait to see Hyunjin’s paintings until the boy joined up with them once more.

Seungmin led Jisung forward as the three could hear Hyunjin’s conversation fading behind them, Minho lagging behind as he kept a watchful eye on Jisung, observing his mannerisms and the outfit he wore. The hand on his back was warm, and he could feel his cheeks tingling with a blush as Seungmin started to speak, talking about the gallery and the different areas as if he had been to it many times before. Perhaps he always went to every one of Hyunjin’s exhibits, Jisung would do the same if he could in the future. He noticed the way the hallways grew brighter the further they walked, until they were reaching the first room and noticed the sculptures lined along the walls and settled in the middle of the floor inside showcases, small plaques in front of each to explain the art and artist themselves. Jisung didn’t know any of the names personally, but he didn’t mind the art itself, organic in nature, bodies, figures, inanimate objects. He felt like he had entered another world that he had never delved into before.

“My mother used to collect sculptures. She had an eye for the strange looking ones,” Seungmin explained, a fond chuckle leaving his lips as he remembered his childhood and family. Jisung’s mother liked to collect little statues and dolls of elephants, always one hidden on every shelf, and between every piece of furniture.

“She must have loved you then. You know, since she liked the ‘strange looking ones,’” Minho scoffed, and Seungmin turned to glare at the boy as Jisung let out a small giggle, Seungmin sighing as he rolled his eyes and continued to smile.

“If you think I’m strange, then you should see yourself,” Seungmin lulled, but Minho only huffed as Jisung could feel the eyes staring into his back, Jisung’s lips slipping into a thin line as he stopped by a small sculpture of a bird to examine the features engraved into the clay.

“Well- J-Jisung said I was handsome, so…” Minho grumbled, cheeks blushed pink, and Jisung felt his stomach twist at the words, avoiding Seungmin’s obvious curious gaze as the boy turned and smirked down at him.

“Oh really? Jisung said you were handsome?” Seungmin lulled, and Jisung flinched when he felt the hand on his back slowly move to curl around his waist, the boy suddenly pulling him closer as his lips caressed the shell of his ear. “And what about me?” Seungmin practically purred, his hot breath blanketing Jisung’s cheek, and his heart pumping so fast, a shaky breath leaving his lips as he continued to stare at the bird sculpture with a blush on his cheeks.

“Y-You’re-” Jisung stuttered, Seungmin teasing him with a small curious hum, his hand sliding up his waist so slowly as he felt suddenly so sensitive in the moment. He could feel Minho watching them, where Seungmin’s hand was and how Jisung was practically arching from the touch, lips wobbling and his body thrumming with heat. Desire. “- also… handsome,” Jisung mumbled, biting his lip right after as he heard the other deeply chuckle into his ear.

“And what exactly do you find so handsome about us?” Seungmin asked, and Jisung gulped, hands fumbling in front of his body as Minho took a step forward, stepping in front of the sculpture Jisung had been staring at as he boxed the boy in between the two. There was nowhere else for Jisung to look other than at one of the two.

“Or were you lying?” Minho suddenly asked, and Jisung gasped as his head shot up quickly, eyes gazing into Minho’s own as the boy only lasted a few moments before blushing as he gazed at the cute boy between them.

“No! I just- I… don’t want to say…” Jisung mumbled, holding his breath because he knew just how many things he could say in this moment, and what he thought was the most handsome part of each of them. Yet, he felt self conscious, and he wasn’t sure if this setting was intimate enough for him to delve into the deepest crevices of his heart and mind just yet. He wanted to tell them, and he would. Just… he couldn’t right now.

“Then how about I tell you what I find so cute about you instead?” Seungmin said, and Jisung blinked as he felt himself flush, the hand on his waist still holding him close as Seungmin gazed down at him with a smile. Jisung couldn’t help but nod towards the suggestion, and the other chuckled as Minho crossed his arms and gazed away, still standing close even though he was no longer looking towards Jisung himself. “I think the cutest part about you is how shy you get when we try to compliment you. Or how red your cheeks turn too,” Seungmin chuckled, Jisung scoffing softly at the words even as he felt his lips threaten to smile and give his true feelings away. “Then there’s your eyes- they always seem to glow, even in the dark. So big and round, full of excitement I feel happy knowing we are the cause of. Your puffy cheeks, your pretty lips, and your cute hands that look good so holding onto our own- I could go on forever,” Seungmin cooed, and Jisung could feel his toes curling with affection towards the words, wondering when things had changed in a way that they could be this open with each other. That they were finally allowing themselves to feel this way about Jisung, and Jisung about them. Seungmin seemed to accept it quicker than Jisung himself had.

“Your voice…” Minho suddenly grumbled, huffing as he turned and glanced at Jisung once more with a blush on his face, and a slight glare in his eyes. “I like your voice,” Minho added, but he seemed to get embarrassed easily as he was already looking away once more, Seungmin humming in agreement as Jisung could feel his head spinning with a delighted fog from all the sudden compliments.

“See? There’s so much to like about you,” Seungmin said, smiling, his hand slowly turning Jisung until the boy was facing him, and Seungmin’s arms were wrapping around his shoulders. “I can’t wait to discover more about you too,” Seungmin whispered, and Jisung hid his face in Seungmin’s chest as he blushed deeply, smiling to himself because he felt the same as the others. He wanted to learn more about them too.

“Seungmin, you’re going to suffocate him,” Minho grumbled, and in an instant Seungmin was pulling away, placing his hands on Jisung’s shoulders as he smiled down at the boy.

“Don’t worry, I know CPR,” Seungmin proudly said, and Jisung blinked before he was chuckling, Seungmin laughing along with him as he slowly ran his hands down Jisung’s arms, before letting go of the boy. “At least, I know I’m great at mouth to mouth,” Seungmin added with a wink, and Jisung gasped as Minho quietly cursed the other boy out, Seungmin seemingly proud of himself and his words as he grinned and turned to gaze at the sculptures around the room. Jisung had almost forgotten they were at an exhibit.

Jisung could feel the knots forming in his stomach, not from anything terrible, but from the simple exhilaration he received just from spending time with the others. He wasn’t at his Uncle’s apartment dwelling over what he needed to do next, he wasn’t biting away at his lip as he thought about Jeongin and his situation at home, and he wasn’t wondering where his father was, lying around in some less than comfortable motel room while being as sick as he was. He knew that all these thoughts were valid, and he knew that there would be times that even the blanketing comfort of the others wouldn’t be able to stop him from thinking of them. But for now, he didn’t need to. Right now he was on a date , and he wasn’t necessarily sure what a date consisted of, because he hadn’t been on one before. Even so, it felt wonderful. The attention, the soft caresses, the simple security provided because they had all agreed this was a date, which meant their feelings were more than just friends. Jeongin had taken him out a few times, but they had never put a label to it before. And perhaps things like this didn’t need that kind of label, but for a person like Jisung who had so many uncertainties in his life, the label made him feel secure of their newfound relationship. Maybe in the future labels wouldn’t be as necessary.

“Are you having… fun?” Minho suddenly asked from next to him, and Jisung glanced at the boy, his lips tilting into a smile at the other’s question. Minho cared a lot about him, and he always took into consideration how he was feeling in the moment. All the others did. Yet he knew how hard it was for Minho to calm himself down from his own anxieties, and Jisung felt cherished, the knots in his stomach twisting once more as Seungmin was still walking around the room and gazing at the different sculptures.

“I am,” Jisung responded, interlacing his hands in front of himself as he rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet. Minho glanced to the side as his frown slipped into a thin line, before Jisung noticed the tips of his ears turning red, the other suddenly holding out his hand for Jisung as he cleared his throat.

“Let me show you my favorite room,” Minho mumbled, and Jisung blinked at the suggestion, Seungmin catching their interaction from the corner of his eyes as he smiled at the two. Jisung hummed as he nodded his head, easily accepting Minho’s hand into his own as the boy blushed harder, turning without another word as he led Jisung out of the sculpture room, and into another.

To enter the next room, the group had to reenter the main one before taking a new hallway down, the three walking side by side as Minho held onto one of Jisung’s hands, while Seungmin sneakily took the other into his own as well. Jisung stood between them as he felt a bit small, but protected from any outside variables in the moment, the three entering the new room as Jisung realized this one had paintings on the walls, instead of sculptures. He could see that the paintings were all similar in their styles, Jisung’s eyes widening as he took in the burst of color that spread across the room, as if it was one big brush stroke from one painting to the next. Lines and formations, rainbows, and Minho led Jisung to the corner as they gazed at a painting of swirling tunnels, shapes broken and placed back together in a way they hadn’t been originally. Yet, it was purposeful. Most of the paintings were done in a similar manner, but when Jisung took his eyes off the paintings and gazed towards Minho instead, he decided that the most colorful expressions in the room were the people he was with.

“I can never make sense of these,” Seungmin sighed, turning his head as he gazed around the walls, and while Jisung couldn’t understand much of what they meant either, he simply liked them because he knew Minho himself enjoyed them.

“What type of art is this?” Jisung vaguely asked, and Minho stayed quiet for a moment as Jisung noticed his lips twitch into a ghost of a smile, his hand squeezing Jisung’s own in a newfound excitement as Jisung felt bubbles rumbling in his stomach from the sensation.

“Abstract art. You remember I work at a publishing firm, right?” Minho asked, and Jisung nodded because he had stored the information away for later- he wanted to learn everything there was to know about the others. “I stare at white pages filled with black ink all day. So it’s nice to see so much color here,” Minho mumbled, Seungmin caressing the back of Jisung’s hand with his thumb as he turned to glance at the other as well.

“Minho actually does like his job, but things like this tend to be part of his escape. Same with video games, from time to time,” Seungmin explained with a chuckle, and Jisung stored away this new information too, his eyes gleaming with fondness as he squeezed both of the others’ hands.

“Jeongin likes video games too,” Jisung said, and Seungmin blinked as the two both turned to gaze down at him, Jisung smiling in the middle as Minho frowned from the words.

“You talk about Jeongin a lot,” Minho grumbled, and Jisung froze at the words, his heart beating quicker in his chest as he felt the anxiety inching forward quickly.

“He meant you talk about Jeongin more than you talk about yourself. We want to learn more about you, as well,” Seungmin quickly reassured, and Jisung sighed, calming down quickly as he bit his lip before gazing at the painting in front of him once more.

“There really isn’t much to learn about me…” Jisung mumbled, but Seungmin shrugged, grinning down at the boy as Jisung turned to catch his gaze.

“Any fun fact is as good as any,” Seungmin said, and Minho rolled his eyes at the words, even as Jisung could feel himself smiling from Seungmin’s reassurance. Seungmin was like a ray of sunshine, one that always brightened his mood.

“Alright, well- when I was in the third grade I had lice, so my mom shaved off my hair to make things easier. The best part was, the day before that was crazy hat day at school, and my classmates and I were trading hats every few minutes, so everyone started showing signs quickly after themselves. Soon it got so bad that they had us stay home for two days, so I basically gave everyone a two day vacation from school,” Jisung grinned, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory as Seungmin stared down at Jisung in horror, Minho snorting himself as Jisung realized Seungmin wasn’t ready for a story of that caliber.

“That sounds awful ,” Seungmin grimaced, and Jisung rolled his eyes, thinking about how shortly after his classmates had been praising him while their parents seemed to think a bit differently about his actions.

“Jeongin thought it was the funniest thing ever. He spent those two days with me too, and we practically forgot the whole reason why we weren’t at school, and how it was all my fault,” Jisung chuckled, lips lifting into a fond smile as he thought of the better memories in his life.

“I feel like you’re missing the point of it though,” Seungmin added, and Minho was the one to speak next, a snort leaving his lips as he gazed down at Jisung with contempt.

“Kids do stupid shit all the time. At least it turned out well,” Minho mumbled, and Jisung had to agree, it did turn out well. That had been his first sleepover with Jeongin over.

“I was very good at doing stupid shit as a kid,” Jisung proudly said, biting his lip harder as he thought of all the exciting memories of his youth. “There was even a time when I ran through a glass door,” Jisung added, and Seungmin seemed to grow dizzy with worry, Minho’s somewhat smile returning as Jisung remembered the moment clearly. “Jeongin was chasing me, and I thought my best bet was to run outside and hide. But- I missed the door handle and went through it instead.”

“I’m going to faint… that sounds so dangerous,” Seungmin said, clearly worrying about Jisung and his well being. Perhaps that was the nurse in him.

“It was! Took 43 stitches to put me back together,” Jisung laughed loudly, and Minho huffed in amusement as suddenly the three could hear a pair of footsteps walking closer to them, the three turning at the same time as they each saw the gorgeous boy making his way towards them.

“What’s so funny?” Hyunjin asked as he grinned, and Seungmin shook his head as he sighed, letting go of Jisung’s hand as he gazed down worriedly at the boy instead,

“Jisung thinks it’s funny to put himself in danger,” Seungmin reluctantly said, but Hyunjin beamed at the words, finally reaching them as he brought up his hand instantly and gave Jisung a small pet on his cheek with his knuckles, Jisung smiling up at the boy as he could feel the knots twisting once more.

“Sure, usually it’s funny. But if someone as cute as you got hurt, I think I’d be pretty upset,” Hyunjin explained, but Jisung shrugged as Hyunjin placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder, Minho standing to the side of them silently as he still held onto Jisung’s hand.

“Then I won’t let it happen again, since I don’t want to make you upset. I’ll just be really, really careful instead,” Jisung said, not exactly comforting the others, as Hyunjin’s lips twisted at the words, and Seungmin let out a deep sigh.

“Jisung, I think you’re missing the point-”

“If you get hurt, you’ll be put into time out,” Hyunjin interrupted Seungmin, and Jisung blinked, confusion etched across his face as he furrowed his eyebrows while gazing at the other.

“Time out…? What does that mean?” Jisung asked, and Hyunjin grinned at the question, his hand slipping from Jisung’s shoulder as suddenly he was cupping his chin, angling his head up higher as Hyunjin’s thumb gently put pressure on Jisung’s bottom lip teasingly.

“That just means you’ll have to spend a lot of time really close with one of us,” Hyunjin purred, and Jisung felt his face heat up with a blush, sputtering over his own response as he glanced at the other two gazing at him with heated eyes as well.

“C-Close?” Jisung stuttered, and Hyunjin hummed, pushing down on his lip as he pulled it back, before letting it bounce back.

“ Really close… ” Hyunjin lulled, and Jisung felt his breath hitch as he realized that maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea.

“You’re putting weird thoughts in his head,” Minho grumbled as he let go of Jisung’s hand before crossing his arms, and Hyunjin smirked as he gazed at Jisung’s lips for a few more seconds before pulling away, releasing Jisung completely as he still couldn’t help but continue to blush from the moment that had just passed.

“Then let’s focus on something else,” Seungmin offered, and Jisung gulped as he nodded, Hyunjin still smirking as Jisung dared to gaze up into his eyes, a bashful appearance now drawn across his face as Hyunjin seemed to soften at the sight.

“Can we go see your paintings now?” Jisung asked, and Hyunjin seemed surprised at the suggestion, even though moments later he was beaming, grabbing onto Jisung’s hand before instantly dragging him out of the room and into the main area once more.

“The investor who came in already put a few bids on some of my paintings,” Hyunjin explained as they already started down a new hallway, the light growing brighter as they walked into a new room. And unlike the abstract art, this art was a mix of color as well as darkness, sullen and gleaming with joy, expressing everything there was to feel beneath paint itself. Jisung’s eyes fell on a single painting, and he could just tell who it belonged to. Because the art spoke of a name, as gorgeous as the one who had painted it, oil paint smeared across a canvas as Jisung could see roses stemming from a vase, the point of perfection in such a simple idea. Yet Hyunjin’s painting didn’t make it seem as simple as it was, he made it seem so much more, so much life and desire, so much passion swirling along with the colors that it stole Jisung’s breath away. This was who Hyunjin was, and this was the person Jisung felt so much adoration for.

“I-” Jisung started to say, but he was breathless, and he continued to feel so as he saw the plaques in front of the paintings, and the name written on each of them. A unison of one gorgeous, talented boy. “These are amazing.”

“Yeah, I feel like you get better with each collection you put on show,” Seungmin agreed, gazing around the room as Jisung’s eyes were wide with wonder, his heart thumping in his chest because Hyunjin created these. Jisung turned to see another painting of a lonely figure walking on a sidewalk, the colors null as Jisung felt the loneliness shifting through him.

“They’re fine,” Minho grumbled, but even Minho seemed excited to see Hyunjin’s art, Hyunjin squeezing Jisung’s hand as he gazed down at the boy in adoration next to him.

“I’ll paint something for you sometime. Something that you can keep,” Hyunjin offered, and just the idea sent his heart soring, his lips lifting into a joyful smile as he offered all the warmth in his chest to the boy next to him. Hyunjin faltered at the look, because at that moment, Jisung looked happier than ever before.

“Yes!” Jisung cheered, and Seungmin chuckled at the excited boy as Hyunjin couldn’t take his eyes off of him, Jisung’s cheeks red, lifted like two rosy buds beneath his eyes. Yet the moment shifted when they heard someone clear their throat behind them, and Jisung blinked as he turned around with Hyunjin to see who it was, his breath catching once more as he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“I guess I’m not too late,” Felix stiffly said, his face falling flat, but his freckles illuminated along with the curious glint in his eyes. Jisung hadn’t known what to expect today, but it certainly wasn’t Felix showing up, and neither was it seeing the boy in a full suit either. He was even wearing a tie.

“You… came,” Hyunjin said in astonishment, and Felix nodded, glancing at Jisung before quirking his lips at the boy.

“You dressed him up. Cute,” Felix commented, and Jisung was blushing once more, watching as Felix walked by before gazing at the paintings, Minho giving the boy a side glance before rolling his eyes.

“You’re ruining our date,” Minho scoffed, but Felix didn’t seem too affected as he stayed still, staring at the paintings for a few moments before adding a comment of his own.

“Date?” Felix curiously asked, but he didn’t seem to be looking for an answer as Minho opened his lips to speak, the other cutting him off just as quickly as he turned around and gazed at Jisung once more. “Then this date just went from three to four,” Felix said, and Minho huffed as Seungmin chuckled, Jisung gulping as he could feel the knots growing in his stomach. Jisung hadn’t expected to gain another for their date, but he was happy Felix had shown up. He was happy for himself, and even more he was happy for Hyunjin, who had wanted to show his art to his friend since the very beginning.

Chapter Text

By the time they left the gallery the sun was already setting, the five now risking the cold as Jisung was led to Felix’s car this time around, pushing the date forward as Jisung was unsure what would come next. But apparently the others had found time to discuss this matter as they were looking over the rest of the gallery, Hyunjin holding Jisung’s hand as he explained all the art and art styles to him, Jisung nodding in wonder to each one as he felt he saw a new side of Hyunjin as well. Above all, Hyunjin’s art had been his favorite to view, and specifically the painting he had seen that showed the few roses in a vase. It happened to be the first one he set his gaze on, and it left a lasting impression, one that Jisung hoped he could see on his own walls someday when the artist made him a painting of his own. But for now he enjoyed seeing the collections as they were, and he enjoyed spending time with each boy, the smile plastered on his face as the moments flowed forward into other touching scenes. Just like a collection of paintings.

Yet the new moment featured Jisung in Felix’s car, his mustang that Jisung had been enamored by just earlier, the other opening up the door for him before he was sliding into the passenger seat with a blush on his face. He still couldn’t get over the suit Felix was wearing, his hair pushed back and out of his face as Jisung could now see all his freckles and their full effects. He was so pretty. Light brown eyes gazing into his own as they seemed to hold a stern kind of passion behind them, beyond words themselves as Felix didn’t seem to say much during the moments in the gallery they had all spent together. But he had been there, watching Jisung, gazing at him before any painting they came upon, as if he believed Jisung outshined them all. While Jisung couldn’t quite accept that, he didn’t mind the attention. In fact, he felt a bit obsessed over it, wishing to catch their gazes, to feel their hands on his skin, in his hair, cupping his cheek, his body tingling from each simple gaze and touch as if they meant so much more. And he really did hope they meant more. He was sure now that they did.

“What are we doing next?” Jisung asked the moment Felix slid into the driver seat, clicking his seat belt shut before sitting still in his own seat. Felix turned on the engine as Jisung listened to it pur, before he was blasting the heat, settling himself safely so he could drive the other to their next destination. He noticed a small strand of Felix’s hair falling loose, but he kept his hands to himself, instead eyeing it for only a moment before he was smiling fondly. Soon enough he wouldn’t be so nervous to reach out to the others, in the same way they did with him.

“Going to eat,” Felix simply said, and he was pulling out of the parking lot as the other two cars in their small possy followed, Minho right behind Felix, and Hyunjin behind Minho (though Jisung figured it wouldn’t be that way for long). Sure enough Hyunjin was already zooming past them with a small wave when they got onto the main road, and Felix huffed, gripping the steering wheel tighter as Jisung could tell the boy was a very comfortable driver. “We didn’t know what you liked,” Felix added, and Jisung hummed, placing his hand on his thigh as he started to tap it while pondering.

“I like most things,” Jisung decided to say, and Felix nodded stiffly at the words, glancing at Jisung from the side as if he secretly couldn’t take his eyes off the boy for too long himself.

“Define ‘most things,’” Felix asked, and Jisung chuckled, sitting back in his seat as he let out a small sigh before smiling.

“Anything but tomatoes,” Jisung explained, Felix nodded once more as he gave him another glance.

“No tomatoes then,” Felix confirmed, and Jisung turned to gaze at Felix, tracing the freckles along the side of his face as he watched them dance along his cheek and towards his ear. “You’re staring,” Felix suddenly said, and Jisung hummed as he acknowledged the words, no longer afraid to be caught staring when he knew the others did the same in their own ways.

“I just like your freckles. They look so pretty, I wish I had some too,” Jisung softly said, and he noticed the way Felix’s lip twitched at the words, a few moments of silence passing by as Jisung continued to stare at the boy next to him. 

“I think you’re fine the way you are,” Felix decided to say, glancing at Jisung for a quick moment before staring towards the road once again. “I haven’t always liked my freckles. What you see as ‘pretty,’ others have seen as a weakness. Like I was too soft to get underneath a car and get a little messy with dirt and oil. I proved them wrong, obviously,” Felix explained, lips lined into a straight line as Jisung listened to his words. “My father believed in me, but his clients never did. That’s why they all left when I took over, those bastards. Hell, I can be pretty and amazing at fixing cars, why does it have to be one or the other?” Felix scoffed, but he didn’t seem upset or frustrated, just speaking his mind as Jisung was glad the other felt comfortable enough in front of him to do so.

“So it’s alright if I think you’re pretty?” Jisung asked, and Felix nodded, turning the wheel as they drove onto a new road, a place close to the town he used to live in, and close to his own work.

“Yeah. I think you’re pretty. And I also think you’re kind, and that you have a lot going on right now. I also think you’re tough,” Felix added, and Jisung blushed instantly from the words, gulping as he glanced away and attempted to hide his bashfulness from the other.

“W-Well, I don’t know about tough… or pretty, but thank you,” Jisung stuttered, watching as Felix pulled into a new parking lot right outside an Italian restaurant.

“You’re definitely pretty. I’d rather stare at you than any car, and that’s really saying something,” Felix said, without a hint of shyness in his tone. “I can tell you’re going through some things right now, we all can. You’re tough because even though your life might not be all that great, you keep on smiling. And your smile is beautiful,” Felix added, turning off the car and leaving Jisung speechless in the moment. He already knew that Felix could see through his words and expressions, and he knew his smile wasn’t enough to mask his problems. But it didn’t need to be. Jisung was fighting the vices in his life on his own, and the others were just waiting for him to ask for their help. Until then, they’d remain by his side and wait for his smile.

“Felix… about that job-” Jisung was about to say, but suddenly someone was throwing open his passenger door, grinning down at him as Jisung felt blinded by the gorgeous face that suddenly appeared.

“It’s pasta time!” Hyunjin cheered, and Jisung felt shocked, even as his features softened and he was chuckling, moving to unlock his seat belt before pushing himself out of his seat. He could wait until another time to talk to Felix about the job he had offered.

“Hyunjin is a pasta fiend ,” Seungmin exaggerated, Minho crossing his arms but nodding from the side as he stayed quiet. “We actually usually come here after his exhibits.”

“I didn’t eat before so I could stuff my face here,” Hyunjin revealed, yet the words had Jisung pouting, Hyunjin’s face falling as he noticed the boy’s sudden distress.

“That’s not good… you should have eaten something,” Jisung pouted, and Felix was by his side agreeing with him, his face flat but telling of his annoyance.

“I’ve definitely said that a few times before. Fine, don’t listen to me, but at least listen to Jisung,” Felix sighed, motioning to the pouting boy next to him as Hyunjin’s gaze bounced between the two.

“I-I… stop giving me that look,” Hyunjin whined, before he was rushing towards Jisung, grabbing his cheeks and leaning in as he suddenly gave the boy a small kiss on his forehead. “It’s too cute,” Hyunjin muttered, and Jisung blushed as he realized the expression had the opposite reaction he meant to have, the boy clearing his throat as Hyunjin let go of him before smiling. “Still, what’s done is done. So today I’ll eat my three plates of pasta, and then next time I’ll only have two,” Hyunjin decided, and Seungmin fondly rolled his eyes as Minho scoffed, Felix’s face falling flat as Jisung couldn’t help but chuckle towards the words.

“Whatever. It’s cold, can we go inside now?” Minho mumbled, and Jisung couldn’t agree more as he wrapped his arms around him, Hyunjin noticing as he started to usher the whole group inside. Jisung was wearing Felix’s coat, and if the other noticed, he had yet to actually say anything about it.

The group made their way into the Italian restaurant as Felix decided to speak to the host, finding a seat for five in the middle of the floor as she led them to it. Jisung wasn’t very well versed in Italian food, but he knew he could look forward to some suggestions from Hyunjin himself, Jisung sitting between Felix and Hyunjin as Minho sat next to Felix, and Seungmin next to Hyunjin, completing the circle as Jisung imagined just how full the table would be with Chan, Changbin, and Jeongin too. In fact he couldn’t wait for their official first date when it would be all eight of them, Jisung buzzing in his seat as the menu was placed in front of him, the air smelling of garlic, and light instrumental music playing in the background. It was warm and cozy, and Jisung could hear his stomach gurgle from just how hungry he suddenly felt, the boy moving his hand to rest on it as he used the other to open up the menu and find something to eat. His eyes immediately landed on the ravioli in a cheese sauce, and he could feel himself practically drooling at the thought, Hyunjin turning to him as he followed his gaze to see what item he was looking at.

“The ravioli, right? That ones so good, and they use so much sauce,” Hyunjin whispered as he leaned into Jisung, lips hovering over his ear as he shivered from Hyunjin’s hot breath against him. But he really liked the sound of that dish now, and so he nodded excitedly, Hyunjin chuckling as he mumbled how he would probably start off with the same thing.

“Hyunjin’s probably tried everything on this menu,” Seungmin explained, and Hyunjin proudly nodded, shutting his own menu as his final choices were in place.

“He drags us here so often, I feel like I’ve also tried everything on this menu,” Felix sighed, sitting back in his seat as Jisung glanced up to see his own menu folded. Jisung did the same, and soon Minho and Seungmin were following, their closed menus a sign that they were now done picking their choices on what they wanted to eat. The waiter returned with a pitcher of water and some garlic bread before taking their orders, Hyunjin choosing the same as Jisung before warning the waiter he would want more later, and the others picked similar dishes, Felix picking chicken parmesan, Seungmin choosing tortellini, and Minho deciding on a caesar salad. Their meals came with a small side salad, and Jisung chose a simple garden salad without tomatoes, and a vinaigrette as his dressing.

“So Jisung, how was our first unofficial date?” Seungmin asked as he leaned forward, the menus now gone from in front of them as the boy folded his hands and rested his chin on them. Jisung thought back on the art gallery and how much he enjoyed it, but his favorite part above all was just spending time with them. It didn’t matter what they were doing, as long as they were together.

“Unofficial?” Felix asked, and Seungmin motioned to Hyunjin who pouted, the other grabbing a piece of bread before stuffing it into his mouth and staying quiet.

“Hyunjin wants our first date to be when all of us are together. With Chan, Changbin, and Jisung’s friend Jeongin too,” Seungmin explained, Felix nodded in understanding after as Jisung started to think of his friend once more. He’d have to text him all the details of this date later tonight.

“I’ve really enjoyed it. I like being with you all, and I can see myself wanting to keep doing these kinds of things too. I also like getting to know everyone slowly,” Jisung explained, Seungmin chuckling as he seemed to feel the same as Jisung. He could feel a hand sneaking under the table before fingers were intertwining with his own, and he glanced to the side to see Hyunjin smiling at him, holding onto his hand gently as they both rested on Jisung’s lap. “Your art was really beautiful, too,” Jisung added, and Hyunjin looked slightly proud of himself as Felix silently nodded in agreement to the words, the group sitting contently as they enjoyed their time together. It could be assumed that a single person's attention divided between so many would be a difficult thing to accomplish, but for them that wasn’t the case. For them, it just seemed to work.

This was a date to remember. Their relationship is what worked for them, their relationship was simple- natural. Everything was always so natural for Jisung. So naturally, as easy as it was for things to go right, they could also suddenly take a twist and go wrong.

“Jisung?” a familiar voice called out, and in the same moments he felt his heart race for one reason, he felt it race for another, the boy gazing up to see who had called out to him, and just who was beside them as well. Jisung recalled the fact that Jeongin was having dinner with his mother tonight, but it was a coincidence that they had both chosen the same place to eat with their respective parties. Jeongin offered him a smile that made Jisung simply melt at the sight, yet the moment he dragged his eyes over to the boy’s mother, he could only see hatred. Perhaps she still hadn’t gotten over the fact that Jeongin had run away to live with him instead. Not only that, she was entirely unaware of the cause for that to happen.

“Oh, hi,” Jisung softly said, a weakness building beneath his words because the woman’s gaze was so vile and angry, reawakening all Jisung’s problems at once that he had forgotten about during the time of their unofficial date. It was a nice surprise to see Jeongin- there was never a moment Jisung wouldn’t enjoy the sight of the boy, but his mother was another story. When Jisung had nowhere else to go, she refused to be one of the people to help him.

“Jisung… are you alright? You don’t look so good,” Seungmin suddenly mumbled from across their table, but he was quick to deny those words, a shaky chuckle leaving his lips as he shook his head.

“Did something happen?” Jeongin asked, worry plastered across his face, the boy stepping towards the table as his mother continued to glare at where Jisung was sitting. What could he say? Could he point out all the wrongs now and do his best to fix them in the moment? Was Jeongin aware of his own mother’s anger? Jeongin stood still, gazing down at Jisung as he could feel his panic swirling in his stomach, ready to burst at even one more small touch of pressure.

“T-Today was fun,” Jisung pushed himself to say, ignoring the woman behind his friend as Jeongin kept a careful eye on him as well. Hyunjin was wordlessly squeezing his hand to comfort him, though he didn’t know the reason as to why Jisung needed comfort in the moment. “We went to Hyunjin’s art exhibit… everything was perfect,” Jisung explained, yet his words hinted at the crisis at hand. Jeongin’s mother didn’t even need to say a word for him to feel so pitted and down. All this time people had spent building him up, only for her to break him down with a single gaze. He figured the woman would never forgive him, but he also figured he would never have a reason to see her again. And honestly, he didn’t know her well enough for him to be so affected by her opinion. So what was the true reason for his panic? Maybe… maybe it was because he was angry too. The bruise was still on Jeongin’s cheek, and this woman had no clue about the truth. She missed all the signs and chances she had been given.

“That does sound like fun… I wish I could have seen Hyunjin’s art too,” Jeongin softly chuckled, sending the other boy a wink as tension slowly died down. But Jisung’s pit was full of anger, and the mark on the other boy’s cheek was like a stain to perfection, one another had the gall to spill on him. How could he forget that things were still not fine? How could he allow himself this time, when Jeongin was hurting, when his father was sick, when he had to find a place to live and a new job to provide? When he had accomplished this, these boys might choose to leave him someday. Everything was perfect in the moment, but it never expanded past that. Their future felt doomed, but maybe it had been from the start. “My mom and I were just about to have dinner, so I’ll talk to you later. But also-” Jeongin said before he was suddenly leaning in even closer, lips touching the shell of Jisung’s ear as he could feel the pressure lessen in his stomach, “- you look so cute. I’m jealous, but someone this cute needs to be shared,” Jeongin added, his words small enough for only Jisung to hear. But perhaps the others could tell the tone of the words by the blush now firing up on his cheeks.

“I guess he likes what he sees,” Hyunjin joked, Jeongin’s mother too far to hear those words, and all eyes were on him once more, the center of attention, the star in the room. And Jisung felt angry, but he could feel the simmer cooling ever so slightly. These boys were like his shield against his own trauma and damage, surrounding him and allowing him a simple moment to breathe.

“Tell your mom I said hello- she doesn’t look so happy right now,” Jisung offered as he turned to the other, gaze falling on the bruise, before raising into his eyes. Jeongin seemed to understand instantly what was going on in Jisung’s brain.

“This is why I like you so much,” Jeongin said with a grin, and Jisung could feel his cheeks tighten with his blush, glancing to the side as he felt Hyunjin squeeze his hand tighter. “And if my mom wasn’t here- I’d be kissing you right now,” Jeongin added, Jisung letting out a small gasp as he heard Felix let out a small chuckle next to him.

“I can definitely kiss him for you later,” Felix said, and while the words were shocking, Felix wasn’t the type to lie so obviously. Which meant Jisung could expect something for later.

“Well… you might not be as good as me, but something is better than nothing,” Jeongin shrugged as he smirked at the freckled boy, and Jisung glanced at the two as Jeongin slowly rose back up, speaking loud enough once again so his mother could also listen in. “See you later,” Jeongin said with a small wave, before he gave Jisung a small wink and walked back over to his mother, the woman offering Jisung one more glare before turning herself and leaving further into the room. Jisung felt the tension immediately crumble inside of him, and while he already felt better than he had a moment ago, the worry had found its place and was burrowed deep inside. Their date wasn’t ruined, but Jisung couldn’t allow it to be perfect like he had so ignorantly believed it could be before.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look like that before,” Minho spoke up the moment the other two were out of sight, and Jisung sighed, reluctantly nodding as he gazed at the table in front of him.

“There’s just some things going on that I wish went differently. But I guess that’s how my life has been for the past year,” Jisung mumbled, reaching forward as he grabbed the water in front of him, taking a sip as he felt all eyes on him. They had never been oblivious to his suffering, yet they just never assumed to know the cause. As open as he wanted them to be, he was still hiding most of himself from them.

“A lot can always happen in a year,” Seungmin said with a small nod, and Jisung knew this better than anyone. So much had happened to him in a year. And his thoughts circled until he inevitably thought about his mother, and her smile, and the way she grew excited whenever they found a new place to eat at. She loved trying new foods, but more than that she loved trying them with her family. Maybe he felt jealous of Jeongin, but at the same time he felt relieved that Jeongin still lived in a world where he could allow things like that. Jisung’s time had already ended, and now he was walking a different path, even if it felt parallel to Jeongin. “But time doesn’t end in just a single year. Because there are plenty of years to heal after that.”

“Right. I know that,” Jisung sighed, taking another sip before leaning back in his chair and gazing at the boy in front of him. “I’m just waiting for this year to end,” Jisung added, and it was perplexing because while no one knew the details, he felt they could understand him. Well enough that they could even share his pain. “But, I guess it wasn’t all bad either,” Jisung mumbled, a smile flittering on his face as he gazed around the table to catch each pair of eyes on him.

“No, there’s been a few great things about this year,” Hyunjin agreed, the group nodding along as Jisung felt his stomach twist with fondness and warmth. “Now that we’ve met, I don’t think I could handle waiting any longer to be with you.”

“Or maybe we met at the right time. A good ending to a bad year leaves less of a sour taste in your mouth,” Seungmin offered, and Jisung laughed at the words, finding Seungmin’s optimism charming, and disarming. He was right. While the year wasn’t over, now that he had these chances to laugh and smile, everything seemed a touch less dreary and heartbreaking than it felt before. He was just glad he didn’t need to feel so alone anymore.

“I like that, a good ending to a bad year,” Jisung repeated, and it wasn’t the end, Jisung was painfully aware that this year hadn’t concluded just yet. But what he thought was impossible before now felt plausible, and he was less nervous to ride out the end than he was before. Now it was like he was riding along with Changbin on one of his motorcycles, laughing, cheering, clutching onto the things that brought him joy because he didn’t want to leave space for the sadness anymore.

“We’ll just have to make sure that next year will be a great year,” Felix said, crossing his arms, lips lifting into a hint of a smile. It seemed minimal, but to Jisung he couldn’t believe he had found people who would go to such lengths for him.

“The best year yet…” Minho grumbled, blushing, gazing off to the side as Jisung could tell that the other whole-heartedly meant those words.

Maybe if Jisung worked hard enough, he could leave everything behind in this year and step into the new one a happier person than he had been in the previous. There was still much to consider in the little time remaining, and there was still so much to work past. His mother’s death, his father’s illness, Jeongin’s situation, a place to live, a place to work, the secret behind his Uncle, and- how to develop this new relationship he had entered with seven other fantastic people. The weight on his shoulder was too heavy to carry, but the others were a perfect mix- some to help lift the weight while others embraced him and others set him on the right path. Seven angels reaching out their hands, palms wide open to save him. He could feel himself yearning to latch on and leave everything behind, but taking the easy route would never resolve the trauma lingering in the shadows of his footsteps. He’d hold their hands, but he wouldn’t take those steps forward. He’d only look beyond the year when he no longer lived with shadows, and instead basked in the glowing light of happiness he could see waiting for him at the start of the next year.

Chapter Text

“T-This is-” Jisung attempted to say, but the boy next to him hushed him as he gently helped Jisung put one of Felix’s jackets on, warmth instantly spreading through his body as he sighed at the sensation. He wasn’t exactly opposed to this kind of attentive care, but he definitely wasn’t used to being sandwiched between bodies, one helping him to put the coat on, while the other stood close, brooding with crossed arms and a grin on his lips. Jisung could recall a time in his life where he wouldn’t even let anyone touch him in this kind of way, but maybe losing so much made him feel softer than he was before. Or maybe he was learning it was okay to let go and receive once in a while.

“It’s cold out,” Chan simply said as he smiled fondly at the boy in front of him, and Jisung couldn’t help the blush that bloomed on his face as Changbin nodded from behind his friend, gaze caressing the features of his face, as well as Chan’s attentive hands that helped him slowly zip up the jacker. It was true that it was cold out, the cold seemed to worsen by the day, but while Jisung was unsettled by it before, now he felt like it was just bearable enough. At least made bearable by the people who helped him through it all.

“It’s cold every day. It’s winter…” Jisung grumbled, even though he couldn’t hide the obvious blush acting against the tone of his voice, and Chan chuckled as he used his grip on Felix’s jacket to pull him closer, until lips were pressing into his own, a seed of warmth that would eventually bloom into a flower across his face.

“Then that just means I have a reason to see you at least once every day,” Chan easily countered, before he was letting go of his jacket and smoothing his hands down the front of Jisung’s chest, Jisung glancing down at the action as he continued to feel a pleasant buzz against his lips. Changbin moved closer as he handed Chan his keys, before he was gently moving past him and surprising Jisung with a kiss of his own, Jisung blinking at the action before feeling the buzzing double. He wasn’t sure when these two had become so comfortable with him, but he didn’t mind that kind of attention either. In fact since the date he had with the others, he learned to crave it. Now that he finally had some alone time with Chan and Changbin, he realized the craving was mutual between all seven, which made resisting it even harder.

“When it finally snows, I’ll make sure to shovel a path between our apartments. That way you can come over and we can all cuddle,” Changbin assured, and while Jisung normally hated the cold months, he found them reliable in this sense. Any excuse to get close to the others was a decent one. Winter had given him a few already.

“We should go sledding,” Jisung offered, licking his lips as he stepped past the two to grab the apartment keys. “Jeongin and I used to go often when we were kids. Sometimes you got hurt, but that’s part of the fun too,” Jisung explained, and Changbin hummed as Chan’s lips slipped into a thin line, the three easily making their way out of the apartment and towards where Chan had parked his car. Jisung expected to sit in the back seat, but Changbin was quicker as he led him to the passenger side door, opening it up for him before helping him inside. Chan started the car before Changbin shut Jisung’s door and moved into the backseat, the car slightly warmer from the lack of wind, but not enough to stop Jisung from shivering even while wearing Felix’s winter coat.

“Let’s do the version where you don’t get hurt,” Chan offered, and Jisung playfully rolled his eyes, even as he nuzzled back into the seat and puffed the collar of the coat around his chin for extra warmth. Changbin sat forward as he reached to ruffle Jisung’s hair with his hand, light brown locks now out of place as Jisung didn’t seem to care too much from the results of the boy’s caress.

“Little Jisung was a rebel,” Jisung shrugged as Chan chuckled, the boy now pulling the car out of the driveway before starting their short journey to their destination.

“What kind of Jisung are you now?” Changbin asked, his hand falling onto Jisung’s shoulder as he gave it a gentle squeeze.

“The kind who’s looking to get back into his roots,” Jisung lulled, smiling to himself as he realized just how much he loved this casual banter between them. “I feel like I’ve diverged from my true self lately, so it’s time to bring back some of that chaos. Jeongin can definitely help with that though,” Jisung explained, and Changbin hummed, his thumb rubbing against Jisung’s neck as he felt a small spark of warmth shift through him.

“I can help with that too. In many ways,” Changbin grinned, and Chan was the next one to roll his eyes, gripping the steering wheel tighter even as he chuckled.

“That sounds like a threat to my sanity. I can deal with chaos- I mean, I’ve lived with Changbin for a long time now. But getting hurt? Nope. Not on my watch,” Chan tutted, Jisung squirming in his seat as Changbin continued to gently caress the side of his neck. Chan glanced at them from the side, and Jisung offered the boy a sweet smile, forcing the boy’s breath to catch in his throat before he gulped and continued to speak. “...I do like the idea of sledding,” Chan added, and Changbin agreed, Jisung feeling his chest clench as he thought of the fun all of them could have together doing such a thing. “But I’m not allowing anyone to get hurt.”

“That’s part of the fun…” Jisung mumbled, and Chan shook his head, turning down a new road as Changbin pulled his hand away from Jisung’s neck.

“Sure, but then that’s the end of it. You won’t be able to have any more fun because you expended it while getting hurt,” Chan easily argued, and well- he had a point.

“Fine. I’ll be careful,” Jisung sighed, even as Chan smiled widely at the boy’s resolve. “I feel like I’ve already had this talk with someone before…” Jisung mumbled out loud, pondering the moment over previous ones. But he was right, he had had this same talk before. Except that time it had been between him, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho during their date.

“It’s a good talk to have,” Chan argued, and Jisung sighed because he knew that the other was right. He knew how fun the danger in his antics could feel, but how miserable he might be after getting hurt. So, he’d let these boys protect him while they felt it was necessary. Doting and caring, a bundle of generosity Jisung had never had the pleasure of feeling until now. And he loved it.

“I know Felix works incredibly fast, but I expected Jisung’s own car to take a bit longer to fix,” Changbin nonchalantly said as he sat back in his own set, crossing his arms once more as Jisung peeked into the rearview mirror to see the veins bulge from the tight muscles.

“And I wouldn’t be lying if I said I was hoping it’d take a bit longer. I’m going to miss sharing rides with you,” Chan said towards Jisung, the boy blushing as he cleared his throat to speak next. Felix had called over to Chan to tell Jisung that his car had been fixed, and while Chan offered to bring him to the garage, Changbin overheard and wanted to join along with them. Not that Jisung minded, the more the merrier in his mind at this point. Now his day was spent with two faces he had seen less of lately, his dwelling anxieties now cured by their voices alone. He knew he missed them, he knew that was where his anxieties stemmed from. But he didn’t want to seem too eager, and he didn’t want to come across as needy, even though he had a feeling no one would blame him or be upset if he acted as such. Maybe even a few were hopeful he would.

“We can still share rides,” Jisung said, glancing at the boy in the driver seat next to him, blond curls bouncing on the top of his head as he felt his chest tighten from Chan’s cute boyish charm. Chan smiled at the words, but it wasn’t large enough to see his dimples pop- that was the kind of smile he looked forward to the most. “Now I can be the one to drive you. And I am an excellent driver,” Jisung proudly said, Changbin snorting in the backseat as Chan raised a curious eyebrow at Jisung’s attitude. Jisung pouted as he turned back to playfully glare at Changbin, only for the other to blush when their eyes suddenly met, the other not prepared to face Jisung fully and his cuteness all at once. “You don’t believe me?” Jisung asked the boy, and Changbin’s lips slipped into a thin line as he slowly shook his head, blinking away before blushing harder in a bashful state.

“I-I do-” Changbin started to say, but Chan was quick to cut him off, Jisung turning to face the front once more before glancing at Chan next to him.

“He was thinking about something dirty,” Chan explained, his own lips quirked into a smirk as Jisung blinked from the words. Dirty? Dirty?

“Like- like sex?” Jisung stuttered, and Chan chuckled as he nodded, Jisung slowly gazing down towards his lap as he felt the blush slowly rising up his neck, across his cheeks, and towards the tips of his ears. “Oh.”

“Don’t worry about it. He wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable, we don’t want anything like that to happen at all,” Chan explained, but it was Jisung’s turn to shake his head, quickly, stealing moments of glances towards Chan as he felt his face melt from the blaze across it.

“I’m not worried , I-I really don’t mind-” Jisung quickly muttered, holding his breath right after as he waited to hear the others’ replies. Except a stilled silence followed instead, Jisung forced to take in a deep breath as a sigh left his lips after. “Those kinds of things don’t bother me,” Jisung added, but still all he received was silence, the blush still just as hot as before as he was sure Changbin could see it across the back of his neck, as Chan could see it on his cheeks. His reaction was entirely too obvious.

“So… what you’re saying is you don’t mind those kinds of jokes?” Chan slowly started to clarify, and Jisung paused, before nodding, even though he could feel his stomach twisting in the moment. Chan wasn’t entirely correct with his clarification. But Jisung wasn’t going to be the one to explain that to him.

“But what about when it comes to us?” Changbin asked, Chan glancing at the other boy through the rearview mirror as Changbin continued to gaze across the back of Jisung’s blushed neck, exposed from the way he was leaning just slightly forward. “It’s been hard already… it’s so soon, and we really don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but- you’re so cute it’s hard to resist Jisung,” Changbin groaned, a deep sigh leaving his lips after as Chan gulped in the front seat. Jisung felt speechless, he never expected to be involved in this kind of conversation today.

“What Changbin is trying to say-”

“I-I know!” Jisung yelled, closing his eyes as he placed his hands on his lap, gripping his jeans tightly between his fingers as he could feel his body trembling with embarrassment.

“You know?” Chan curiously asked, and Jisung nodded, biting his lip, tugging on his pants even harder as Changbin leaned forward in the back seat once more, the space closing between them as he was sure he could feel the ghost of their gazes caressing his skin as well.

“I know because- well I- shit…” Jisung deflated, letting go of his pants as he reached up to hide his face in his palms instead. The other two stayed silent as they stared curiously at the boy, but Jisung couldn’t see their grins to his adorable reaction either. “I’ve felt the same…” Jisung mumbled, his words barely audible, but there all the same. And he could feel the moment crumble into dust between them, wide eyes and parted lips, hair raising on their arms and the back of their necks, and shocked completely from the unexpected words.

“Jisung-”

“I know we were going to have this kind of talk sooner or later but- I’ll make it easier and say it now. I-I am okay if we don’t stop at just… kissing…” Jisung blurted out, the fire roaring across his face as he couldn’t believe he had just said that . HIM. HAN JISUNG.

“Jisung!” Chan yelled, Jisung blinking as he slid his hands from his face before turning towards the other, the boy smiling, dimples popping, his face stricken with affection as the sight only made Jisung’s heart beat faster in adoration. “First, you’re going to make Changbin explode if you continue any more,” Chan chuckled, and Jisung took a quick moment to glance back at Changbin, noticing just hot bright red his own blush was, like paint splattered across his face and cheeks. “Second, you don’t need to worry. It’s true, eventually we were going to have this talk anyway, and for the sake of the others and maybe the anxiety of the moment we are going to have this talk again, but- you don’t need to feel so nervous. Even if you told us to never touch you ever again, we would listen. You come first, always,” Chan softly said, and Jisung could feel his racing heart slowing, the tension in his body loosening as he huffed and leaned back against his seat.

“There’s a joke somewhere in that-” Changbin started to say, but Chan shot the boy a quick glare, Changbin pursing his lips as Jisung could feel the smile crack along the edges of his lips to give way of how he truly felt.

“I just felt like I wouldn’t be able to say it any other time. Sometimes with me, it’s better to painfully push it all out at once in a verbal vomit than wait until the ‘right moment.’ Those moments rarely happen with me,” Jisung explained, an uneasy chuckle leaving his lips as he sighed only a moment after. “I don’t like waiting,” Jisung added in a soft mumble, before he was glancing at Chan from the side, the other letting out a deep hum as he seemed to consider Jisung’s words, before he was turning into Felix’s garage, slowly pulling up as their moment was already dwindling towards the end.

“You never have to wait. You’re free to speak your mind at any moment, but when I say that this will be a talk for another time, it’s for the sake of the group as a whole rather than one person. I’m happy you’re so open with us, and I’m ecstatic you feel comfortable enough to desire those things with us. But I know that this isn’t something we should skip by, this is something I want us to take seriously. I want everyone to hear those words from your lips, and I want to know how everyone else feels as well. And until we find ourselves facing that kind of moment, then I don’t mind waiting either,” Chan softly said, putting the car in park before turning to face Jisung with an equally soft smile on his lips. But Jisung… he wasn’t sure how much longer he could wait. He could tell Chan was being as kind as possible towards him and their situation, but Jisung felt so broken inside. He was waiting to fall into the arms of another, to allow them to find those broken pieces and put them back together for him, in an intimate way he could only ask with this group of boys. Chan seemed to know this, but at the same time he didn’t seem to understand how urgent Jisung felt about it as well.

“I… have a request then,” Jisung decided to say, biting his lip right after as he could already feel the bashfulness sitting heavy in his stomach. He felt out of his comfort zone, but he knew that nobody had pushed himself to this point but his own person, and his own feelings. Chan didn’t seem to mind though, the boy still smiling as Changbin stayed silent, listening intently in the back seat of Chan’s car. “I’d like to have that kind of talk with everyone, soon,” Jisung mumbled, glancing at his lap once more as he held his breath. A simple enough request, yet it screamed just how willing and urgent Jisung felt. Like he was exposing himself with wide-open arms, showing off all his inner desires, carnal and malicious, but enticing. These desires were new for him, but he knew well enough that he didn’t need to push them away, or hide from them. While he was keeping himself safe, and while Chan was doing everything he could to keep him safe as well, he would let them know that they didn’t need to wait much longer. Jisung was ready for more, for the next step, no matter how soon it might feel. Everyone moved at a different pace, and none was more correct than the other.

“Of course,” Chan easily agreed, reaching over and taking Jisung’s hand into his own as he caressed the back of his hand with his thumb. “I’ll create an opportunity for all of us to speak together, soon,” Chan added, and Jisung let out a soft sigh as he nodded, feeling the relief pool in his chest because he knew Chan would keep him safe. Jisung’s words held power, perhaps more than he knew. But that didn’t mean they were enough to compel Chan away from what he knew was right, for all of them. A relationship this large took patience, and understanding. Which meant that a decision that needed everyone's consent, required a conversation where everyone was present. And Jisung… he understood this well enough. He wouldn’t want it any other way. Some conversations were just more urgent than others. And Jisung felt that every time one of them kissed him and he felt the yearning and desire building once more, was a very urgent matter.

“I’m definitely down to have that conversation soon too,” Changbin suddenly pitched in as he unbuckled from his seat, moving to open the car door and step out before the other two. Jisung blushed at the words, but he enjoyed the lighthearted tone that Changbin carried, the other grinning as he was already by Jisung’s door and opening it up to help him out.

“Jisung if he tries anything, kick him,” Chan rebutted, but the immediate chuckle gave away his true intentions, even as Changbin scoffed while Jisung slid out of his seat and gazed towards Felix’s garage. There was more waiting here for him than just a car, but he hadn’t made that decision yet either. It was one thing to work for someone, and it was another to be in a relationship with someone, but to be in both at the same time? Jisung would be walking a thin line of uncertainties for a while before he felt comfortable enough.

But even those thoughts weren’t enough to stop the smile from rising on his lips as he saw Felix round the corner of his garage, wearing the familiar blue jumpsuit and a frown on his lips. Felix’s gaze fell on Jisung only a moment after, and it was as if he was zoned in immediately, dropping everything in his hands as he walked out of the garage and closed the distance between the building and where Jisung was standing. The smell of oil was more pleasant than he remembered, straight blond hair tousled by the cold chilled wind surrounding them, honey eyes pointed, observant, and freckles connecting the dots of everything that felt so perfect in this moment together. Nobody else had a gaze more intense than Felix’s. With every boy came a different kind of quirk, and with one look alone Jisung could feel himself shiver, sparks shifted down his back and into his toes as they curled, as he had his own sights set on such a pretty face. Even the boy’s frown was lesser than it appeared, and was due to Felix’s sole soft spot reserved for Jisung. A spot he was delighted to be in.

“I fixed a few other things while I was under there,” Felix’s voice rumbled, getting right to the point as Jisung could only smile and nod. Felix landed right in front of Jisung before stealing his hand into his own, leading the boy back over to the garage just as quickly, Chan and Changbin sharing a curious look before they were following along as well. “Did you know your break line was leaking? And your muffler was coming loose,” Felix explained, and Jisung blinked as he was led quickly back over to the garage, the door open, revealing his olive green car in its “fixed” form, Jisung feeling as his heart started to pound harder just from the sight. He really liked driving in with the others, but he loved the freedom behind his car, and he was glad to have it back.

“T-Thank you,” Jisung muttered, Felix releasing his hand the moment they were close enough as Jisung stepped towards his car to inspect it. Everything looked pretty much the same, and he would have to test Felix’s skills by taking it for a drive, but- for some reason he could just tell that this car was already better than his old one. Maybe it was just intuition, but Jisung wholly believed it. “How much do you want-”

“Nothing. I did it for free,” Felix quickly interrupted, and Jisung felt his breath catch in his throat at the words, because in his life, nothing was ever free . “Don’t give me that look. If I say it’s for free, it’s free. I did it because I wanted to, so stop trying to over evaluate this shit,” Felix scoffed, but his gaze lingered on Jisung, and his lips were twitching at the sight of the boy and his beloved car, Jisung hearing the words ring in his ears over and over, even as it was hard to believe them.

“Something…” Jisung bargained, placing his hand on the hood of the car as he turned towards the other, eye locking, and tension thickening instantly in the air. “Let me do something for you,” Jisung added, and those same intense eyes instantly lowered onto his lips, catching on the sight, Jisung feeling a small heat blanket over them as he felt himself blush from the implications.

“Fine. Suit yourself,” Felix mumbled, before he was on top of Jisung in an instant, a hand pushing onto his chest, and another cupping his chin, Jisung gasping as he fell back against the hood of his car before holding himself up with his palms behind him. The angle was perfect, lips against his own, a dominant hold on his soul, and Jisung instantly melted at the taste of Felix on his tongue, and the smell of motor oil in the air, the warmth of safety and comfort washing over his body as he easily slipped into motion to kiss the boy back. It was slow, slower than the rough handling suggested, but it felt too good to deny when Jisung was gasping once more, and feeling a tongue against his own, tasting him, reveling in the fact that his taste was something Felix could now enjoy to the fullest in his life. Chan and Changbin stood to the side as they gazed on, an audience towards their whims, but that didn’t seem to deter Felix as the boy pulled away, spit trailing between their lips, Jisung panting as Felix instead angled the boy’s head to the side to pepper his neck with small, chaste kisses as well.

“I… can’t tell who is actually paying who here…” Changbin muttered, Jisung’s lips parted and trembling, eyes closed as he could feel quick bursts of pleasure rolling down his spine from each tiny kiss to his neck. Felix was a tease, but not enough that Jisung had enough time to allow himself to be distracted by anything else around them. His mind was solely on Felix for the moment, and his lips, and his scent, and his hot breath panning against his neck. A small moan unknowingly spilled from Jisung’s lips, and the other was drawn back to them just as quickly, catching the sound, muffling the next, Jisung’s body squirming even as he did his best to hold himself up against his car. Felix seemed to realize this though as he used an arm to slide across Jisung’s back, picking him up from his strenuous hold, supporting him, Jisung sighing against Felix’s lips as he instead used his own hands to cup Felix’s cheeks while they continued to kiss. A slower motion than ever before, but Jisung could feel himself falling further into temptations for this boy, the hand on his back like the base of a fire, and the one on his chin a firm stance as to who the other desired the most. And Felix desired Jisung.

“Obviously, I’m being paid,” Felix muttered as he pulled off Jisung's lips, kissing his cheeks instead, before the button of his nose, Jisung’s mind spinning with heat and lust, his chest rising and falling as he panted and continued to hold onto Felix.

“You must be pretty stingy then. Look how much you took from him,” Changbin lulled, finally moving towards the two as he reached up to gently caress Jisung’s light brown hair, the gentle sensations pulling Jisung back to reality finally as he allowed his eyes to flutter open, and to see Felix gazing at him.

“I think it was a fair price,” Felix mumbled, even as the corner of his lips twitched, even as he leaned in once more to leave a lingering kiss on Jisung’s cheek. Jisung could feel himself smile from the sensation, and Felix held onto him even as the moment between them ended, and reality took hold once more. If Felix thought this was a fair price, then Jisung was curious to see how the boy would react once he told him he was very willing to pay even more. One step at a time. And for Jisung, the next step was trying out his car that Felix had fixed. “Time for a test drive?” Felix asked, and Jisung nodded as Changbin chuckled next to them, and Chan was the one opening up the driver side door, Jisung’s heart pounding in his chest from just how attentive these boys were for him. He couldn’t wait to help their relationship along to the next level- an intimate one.

Chapter Text

Jisung had to admit just how glad he was to have his own car back, warmth spreading across the seats and into his body as he felt the steady thrum of the engine beneath him. It was driving much smoother than it had the days before it was stuck on the side of the road, and Jisung knew this was a testament to Felix and his skills as a mechanic. The radio was muted as he drove in silence, and yet he didn’t feel lonely due to the boy who was sitting right next to him, the other checking something on his phone as he kept it stationed closer to his lap. Jisung had work today, and yet he had taken it upon himself to offer Chan a drive into his own work, after all the times Chan had helped him out previously. Chan made sure Jisung was truly comfortable waking up a bit earlier in order to do so, explaining that his job was slightly farther than what Jisung might have assumed. Yet he didn’t mind. In fact, he knew the reason the beginnings of his days were now so much better were all due to the fact that he could see such loving faces so early in the morning. So even if the drive for Chan was longer than was necessary, it was all the same to him. And this way, he could spend even more time with Chan before work.

The weather was slightly colder than usual, and while Jisung hadn’t checked the forecast before he left his Uncle’s apartment for the day, he had still brought along Felix’s coat with him, the thick cotton warming him up instantly in more ways than one. And even so the moment he stepped outside Chan had been upon him, a charming smile on his face as he made sure the coat was zipped up all the way, before gently shifting his fingers through Jisung’s light brown hair in a small caress. Jisung was starting to realize just how long his hair was getting, and he knew it would be time to cut it soon. Yet he felt it would be a waste to cut it right when it was just getting colder out, and so he allowed it to tickle the back of his neck, and warm the sides of his ears, Chan gazing so fondly at him as he watched the way his fingers disappeared between each long lock. They had stood in silence for a few moments, before Jisung was yawning and Chan was chuckling at the cute sight, the boy leading him over to his car before opening up his door and helping him inside. Even now Jisung had to admit just how tired he was, but the need to keep Chan safe while he was driving helped him persevere through it.

“You were right,” Chan said as he glanced up from his phone, and even though Jisung was gazing ahead at the road in front of them, he knew that Chan was smiling. “You are an excellent driver,” Chan chuckled, and Jisung huffed a small smile as well, the boy turning down a new road as he felt the sun fall into his eyes. Jisung lifted his hand as he moved down the visor above him, and Chan moved to do the same, even though both had something just as bright sitting by their sides.

“I learned from my mom,” Jisung said, and he felt the usual pang of despair that occurred anytime he brought up his mother. And yet for the first time in such a long time, Jisung felt like he would be okay to say just a little bit more. “I started with my father, but he got a bit angry whenever he took me out on the road. So then my mother took over and it felt like driving was a breeze. She encouraged me every step of the way, which wasn’t… any different than how she always treated me. With anything,” Jisung mumbled, his lips lifting into a small saddened smile as he clutched the steering wheel just tighter. Even if he could talk about her, that didn’t mean it still wasn’t painful to do. The ache was just slightly different than it normally was. 

“She sounds like an amazing person,” Chan softly said, and Jisung hummed, the boy turning as the sun left his gaze. This time Chan was lifting his own visor, before reaching over to help Jisung with his. “I learned how to drive from an instructor. My mom put me in those classes though,” Chan said, a small chuckle leaving his lips right after as Jisung finally chanced a single glance at the boy. His dimples were popping, and Jisung felt his chest clench fondly at the sight. “She said she couldn’t be the one to teach me, because she didn’t want me to turn out like her. At that point in my life, we had already been through a few different cars due to the accidents she kept getting into,” Chan added as Jisung drove past his own place of work. The roads were dusted white from the salt that had been layered over them prematurely in order to get ready for the winter season, and the air was dry from the cold, Jisung feeling a small tingle in his throat as he let out a small cough before loosening his grip on the steering wheel.

“I think my mom was also scared that I would turn out like her,” Jisung mumbled. His mom had been sick for so long, that there were times when she would limit Jisung’s own activities in case he fell ill. Eventually towards the end she was always scared for him, but as scared as she was, she did her best by letting him live his life the way he wanted. Getting hurt, staying out past dark, eating as much junk food as Jeongin and him could stuff into their stomachs- that was her way of showing how much she loved him. And Jisung had loved her with his entire being as well.

But now his father was sick too. And Jisung wasn’t even by his side.

“I think that’s something that people who are parents fear the most. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, but no one wants their children to go through those mistakes as well, and suffer just like they did. My mother always pushed me to be a better person, in every way, because she wanted to see me succeed in life. And now that I’ve reached that point, I can see just how much she has relaxed since then. Our relationship might have been strained when I was younger, but I can’t say it’s the same way now. In fact, I’m thankful for everything she’s done, even if it meant losing some of those happier moments in life. It’s fine, because we’re finally starting to create those now,” Chan explained, yet Jisung could hear something sad in his own voice, as if even despite the words he said, he was still hanging onto lingering regrets. Jisung had so many regrets too. But unlike Chan, there was nothing he could do to fix them. “I… have a question,” Chan suddenly said, and Jisung blinked, the two growing closer to Chan’s place of work as the sun rose higher in the sky.

“Do I… have to answer it? Even if I let you ask it?” Jisung mumbled, feeling the fear as it thrummed through him like lightning. He wanted Chan to feel free to say whatever he wanted around Jisung, but he was also still too broken to comply and answer anything with ease. He was healing, he could feel it, but there was still so much time left before he finally reached the person he wanted to be.

“Of course not. Jisung, you never have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Chan sighed, and Jisung nodded, the boy gulping as he started to feel more anxious than before.

“Okay. You can ask whatever you want then,” Jisung softly said, and Chan held his breath for a few moments, seemingly just as nervous as if he wasn’t sure if it would really be alright to ask. Jisung didn’t know what was on the boy’s mind to make him feel this hesitant, but if he had to guess, then it was probably something that the other had come to notice, but never spoke about for Jisung’s sake.

“Why… hasn’t anyone else come to help clean up your Uncle’s apartment?” Chan hesitantly asked, and Jisung blinked, his stomach twisting at the words, at a question he had been silently asking himself all this time. No one else had stopped by. And a part of him wondered just how lonely his Uncle had been, and just how long it had really been since a single person had stopped by to see him. Not even his own father had ever reached out to his brother. And he hadn’t even reached out to Jisung who he knew was in his brother’s house, and was cleaning up his things. “Why are you there all alone? Why do you always sleep there, if you have to drive this far just for work? Jisung, there’s just so much I’ve been-”

“I don’t know,” Jisung said, his heart hammering in his chest as he felt the anxieties stored within him sprouting to life before wrapping around his neck and tightening. “I don’t know. I don’t know why no one else has showed up, and I don’t know why I never showed up before now. And… I don’t know how else to answer anything else you’re asking,” Jisung said, the boy forcing a painful smile to his lips as he finally pulled into the parking lot of Chan’s work. It was a studio. And it was only this morning that Jisung had learned that Chan worked as an actual producer in the music industry.

“That’s okay,” Chan sighed, although he could hear that the boy wasn’t upset with him at all. If anything, he was more upset towards himself for selfishly loading these questions onto Jisung right at the start of his day. He wondered just how burdened Chan felt, to ask these things so bluntly in the first place. “Jisung,” Chan softly said, and Jisung put the car into park as he sat still in his seat, his hands falling into his lap, and his pained gaze staring down at the steering wheel in front of him. And while it only hurt more when Chan was reaching over, gently taking one of Jisung’s hands into his own before holding onto him securely, Jisung silently wished that the other would never let go. That the pain was made bearable, because of the one who was helping him through it. “Jisung, look at me,” Chan urged, yet his voice was so delicate, as if he was scared that speaking anymore would shatter the boy in front of him so completely. Jisung didn’t understand why at some times he felt overjoyed, and at others it was as if he was tossed into a thin pit of darkness with no chance of escaping. He couldn’t get a hold of himself long enough to understand, but what he could do was listen to Chan’s words, and push himself to be present for the other boy. 

And so he did as Chan said. He lifted his head, and he gazed into Chan’s eyes, the sun peering into the car window right behind him, before brightening Chan’s entire face. As if his mom was with them too, and she wanted Jisung to see all that Chan was. And he could see the way Chan softened at the sight, his gaze dancing across the features of Jisung’s face, while their heartbeats synced together in unison for the moment.

“How can you be so beautiful?” Chan mumbled, the boy reaching his other hand up as he delicately pushed Jisung’s bangs out of his face. “I don’t know what you’re going through, but that doesn’t mean I need to know to adore you. If this is what you need right now from me, if you need me to simply just love the person who I see in front of me without asking anything else from you, then I will. I’ll do it, because you’re worth it, Jisung,” Chan whispered, and Jisung felt the emotions swell inside of him as he felt the tears border his eyelashes, every little sensation pointed towards Chan and this moment between them. He felt himself succumb to his tears before he could stop them, the boy closing his eyes as the wetness pooled down his cheeks. And yet Chan was there for him as well, his thumb reaching out to catch the boy’s tears before gently wiping them away. Chan was silent as Jisung cried, but he was attentive, as if his actions and words were all done in order to help heal at least one more wound against Jisung’s heart.

“I-I want to tell you so much,” Jisung softly cried, even though he knew he could only offer words without the full truths for the moment. But Chan wasn’t even asking for that. “I’m just so scared and I’m not sure what to do about any of it,” Jisung mumbled, the boy lifting up his own sleeve as he attempted to dry the few tears that Chan hadn’t been able to catch. He could feel the hand in his own squeezing him tighter, and the fingers caressing his face painting the lovely picture into memory. Because as Chan continued to catch his tears, he also was tracing the bridge of his nose with the pad of his finger, before brushing through his eyebrows, tickling his eyelashes, before tracing his jawline. And he could feel every little touch as if it was against his own aching heart. Jisung softly sobbed as Chan held him, and throughout it all, Chan never stopped embracing Jisung in his own way once.

“Jisung, from now on, I’m going to love you so much more,” Chan softly said, and Jisung finally opened his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering, and his large teary eyes landing on Chan as he could see him smiling right at him. Not a dimple smile, but a disarming one full of fondness and adoration. “And even when you feel like it’s the right time to tell me any little part of yourself, I’m going to love you through those moments as well. Because my love was built off of who you are, and not what you went through, or who you used to be. Will you let me do that?” Chan softly asked, the boy leaning forward as Jisung gazed into his eyes. “Will you let me love you as much as I want to?” Chan asked, and Jisung blinked, the blush rising to his cheeks as he saw the way Chan moved closer, until he was impossibly close. Chan’s gaze dipped, yet he continued to smile. And the only space that was left between them, was placed right between their lips.

“Yes…” Jisung mumbled, the boy gulping as he couldn’t help but hold his breath in tandem. Jisung gazed down at Chan’s lips as well, before speaking once more. “You can love me as much as you want…” Jisung said, his voice breathless and drawn. Chan chuckled at the words, and even though Chan was the one asking to love Jisung, Jisung couldn’t help but yearn for that love as well. So he was the one who finally closed the distance between them. Jisung pressed forward, and their lips united.

It was tender, and it tasted of salty tears, a lingering hesitation between them because both needed a second more to be entirely sure that the other was opening themselves up fully towards their love. Yet once that moment of hesitation passed, Jisung could feel the hand coursing through his hair, before a large palm was settled on the back of his head, holding him so dearly as lips pressed against his own. And Jisung grew more confident in his movements as his lips moved in tandem with Chan’s own, until the boy was hurriedly reaching to undo his seatbelt, the boy practically climbing out of his seat before moving to settle himself on Chan’s lap. It didn’t matter what time of day it was, it didn’t matter what time Jisung had to be at work for, or who could see them at this moment, because all that mattered to Jisung was Chan for right now. And he was growing desperate to chase the love Chan had offered so willingly, his own hands cupping the boy’s cheek, holding him so close as he pressed his lips against Chan in a flurry. He could feel Chan smiling against him, and his heart soared. A hand settled on his hip, while the other cupped the back of his head, and Chan leaned back in his seat as Jisung hovered over him, the boy pressing himself even closer until their chests and hips melted together.

“Jisung-” Chan chuckled, yet Jisung couldn’t stop himself, the boy kissing the other as passionately as he could as Chan’s hand slowly moved up from his hip, before sliding against the small of his back. Jisung arched from the touch, and he felt Chan’s tongue lick against his bottom lip, the sensation making him shiver as he used his entire weight to lean against Chan and his seat. “You’re- you’re driving me crazy,” Chan groaned against him, and Jisung couldn’t help but deepen the kiss himself, their tongues swirling as small pants of hot breath fanned between them. The hand on the small of his back pulled him even closer, and the one on the back of his head was lowering until the boy was cupping his nape instead, the sounds of their lips filling the silence with something slightly obscene. Jisung could feel a heat swirling through his body as he let out a small moan, and Chan grew even more impatient, his kisses turning rough and desperate, as if he wanted to have Jisung all to himself.

Yet perhaps fate was on their side, as the moment Jisung felt his hips grind against the other body, the shift in weight was disengaging the lock on the back of Chan’s seat, and Jisung gasped as the seat fell backwards at the same time as the two fell with it. Chan landed with a thud as Jisung immediately was toppled down onto him, their lips mashing together, and their teeth crashing against one another, the two left stunned right after the moment as Jisung laid silently on top of the other. Yet it was Chan who broke the silence as the boy pulled away before laughing loudly, his stomach clenching as even Jisung could feel the full sensation of the boy’s glee underneath him. Jisung smiled a bit shyly himself, before he was placing his palms on Chan’s shoulders, and pushing himself to sit up against the boy. The position was a bit surprising, as Jisung was still straddling Chan’s hips while the other was laying down, but all he could feel was the remaining tingle against his lips, and the heavy beating of fondness in his heart for the sight of the laughing boy underneath him. Eventually Jisung was chuckling himself, and Chan was reaching up to swipe a few tears from his eyes, the boy finally pushing himself to sit up as well, even as both of his hands moved to settle on either side of Jisung’s waist.

“Is this the universe telling me that my love was almost too much?” Chan chuckled, and Jisung bit his lips, smiling down at the boy as Chan could only gaze up at Jisung in admiration. “Well, that’s too bad. I think I’m addicted more than ever,” Chan lulled, and Jisung blushed, the boy glancing away as he suddenly realized where they were, and how they were sitting. Any one could see them like this, and while Jisung didn’t exactly care, they were in broad daylight, right outside of the place Chan worked.

“T-This is a bit…” Jisung tried to say, yet Chan seemed to catch onto his worries just as quickly, the boy letting out a small hum as he moved to fully sit up before pulling the back of the carseat back up as well to support him from behind. Once Chan was stable, Jisung was moving from his lap, the boy placing himself down onto his original driver's seat once more as the blush never left his cheeks.

“You know, I don’t think I want to part from you now,” Chan sighed, the boy still grinning as Jisung glanced over to see one of his dimples popping from his cheek. And Chan was reaching forward one more time, tucking a small strand of hair behind Jisung’s ear, before he was gently swiping the boy’s bottom lip with his thumb. Chan’s own lips were slightly puffy and red, and the sight made Jisung’s stomach swirl with the desire to continue right where they had left off. “I think I might have to call out sick today. My heart’s burning with a fever for you, after all,” Chan sighed, and Jisung blushed even harder from the cheesy words, his lips cracking into a small smile as he chuckled from Chan’s joke.

“Is it contagious? Because I think I might be going through the same thing right now. I might have to call out too,” Jisung lulled, and Chan grinned at the words, the boy suddenly leaning across the seats before placing a small, chaste kiss against Jisung’s lips. “Should we stay home since we are sick then?” Jisung asked, yet Chan hummed as he turned his head to gaze out the window, the other considering their situation and where they currently were. It didn’t make any sense to drive this far out just to go back home, but Jisung would do it if that was what Chan wanted. Especially if it meant spending the day at home with Chan.

“You know, some fresh air might do us well. There might not be any cure for this illness, so we should just do what we can for now,” Chan sneakily said, and Jisung lifted his hand to hide his lips as he laughed once more, his heart beating heavily in his chest with excitement for the other. He realized Chan was always with him wherever he needed someone the most. And he was just so thankful to have this boy in his life. “But, I was thinking that we might as well ask someone to help nurse us back to health too,” Chan added after a small moment, and Jisung furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, the boy chuckling at the sight as he reached forward and poked his finger right in the center between them. Jisung softened at the touch, and Chan smiled fondly towards the boy. “I think Seungmin doesn’t have any classes today. And if we are all going to have a free day, then we should use it to hang out together,” Chan explained, and Jisung realized what the other had meant, his heart skipping in his chest at the idea of hanging out with Seungmin too. He felt like he knew Seungmin the least out of everyone, but at the same time, the connection was there. The only thing he was nervous about, was just how much he’d be pampered if both Seungmin and Chan were with him together. “You should be the one to ask him. I think he’d come running if you were the one to ask,” Chan said after a short moment, and Jisung smiled as he nodded, the boy pulling out his phone from his pocket as he finally opened up Seungmin’s contact for the first time since the other had given it to him.

“Alright. Let’s see what you have planned for us,” Jisung chuckled, sending off one quick text to Seungmin, and then another to his boss.

Jisung knew that his time at his current job was probably coming to an end soon. But when one door closed, another always opened. With the help of these new people in his life, Jisung knew he’d be able to step through that new door fearlessly when the time was right.

Chapter Text

“Just so you know, I love bad boys,” a voice sounded from behind him, and Jisung felt himself slide down further in his seat as his lips twisted in embarrassment towards the other’s teasing comment. Seungmin was hanging off the back of his seat with a grin on his lips, the other gazing right around it as he could perhaps even see the expression on Jisung’s face. Yet it wasn’t anything new, since the other had been teasing him the moment the boy had gotten into the car. Seungmin had driven to meet up with them in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant, the other more than ecstatic about joining them on their day off. But when he learned that it was in fact not actually their day off, and that they were playing hooky from work, the other had been relentless with his teasing towards Jisung. Calling him a “bad boy” was just another cute term used to reference him skipping work. “Although even if you were naughty, I think I’d still see you as an angel,” Seungmin lulled, and Jisung groaned as he clutched the steering wheel tighter, the boy dead set on gazing towards the road without giving Seungmin any extra attention than he currently deserved. He didn’t regret inviting the other along, but he still wasn’t used to handling all of his… charming humor.

“I think this was his plan all along,” Chan suddenly sighed, the other glancing towards Jisung with a grin as his twisted lips slipped into a thin line of embarrassment. “He toyed with me in his car, and made me late for work. I couldn’t go into work after that, and in the end he stole me for himself,” Chan added, another dreadfully deep sigh escaping his lips as if he wasn’t the one who pitched the idea for them to both skip work. Jisung wanted to close his eyes and run away, but unfortunately he couldn’t do that for now. At least, not while he was still driving. “Oh, turn left here,” Chan said after a short pause, and this time it was Jisung’s turn to sigh, the boy silent after some time of their communal teasing. Chan was giving him directions towards a destination he didn’t know, but he was more worried about their banter, than where they were currently headed. Partly because he knew Chan would never bring him somewhere that wasn’t safe, and partly because he felt he’d keel over from a heart attack even before they got there.

“I didn’t know such a cute tiny person could come up with such grandly deviant schemes. Honestly, I think I’m a little turned on right now,” Seungmin lulled, and Jisung groaned louder this time, his knuckles turning white against the steering wheel as Seungmin chuckled at the sound. “But even though I’m tempted to let you get away with it completely, I think I’ll keep it in my pants for now,” Seungmin said after a short pause, before the other was glancing at Jisung one more time before letting go of Jisung’s seat before moving to sit back in his own.

“I’m never going anywhere with you two again,” Jisung mumbled, and Chan smiled softly towards the boy, the other suddenly reaching his hand forward before placing it on top of Jisung’s thigh. The sensation immediately brought a small wane of warmth to him, and Jisung blushed as he recalled their previous moments together, and just how keen Jisung had felt to devour the other whole. He wasn’t sure where those specific desires stemmed from, but he knew Chan wasn’t complaining about his behavior either.

“Then we might just have to kidnap you in the future,” Chan decided, and Jisung chanced a glance towards him, his stomach twisting at the sight of the boy’s dimples popping against his cheeks. It was a sight Jisung was sure he would never get used to. Nor was it one he wanted to get used to. “Take a right here.”

“You know what I might be even more excited about than spending time with you today?” Seungmin asked, and Jisung glanced into his rearview mirror, his gaze meeting the smirking boy’s as his heart raced at the sight.

“I don’t think anything else could be better than this,” Chan pitched in, but Seungmin only tisked, the boy shaking his finger in front of him before lifting one leg to place over the other. Jisung couldn’t help but smile at the sight, the boy biting his cheek to stop himself before the others could hear any laughter from him.

“Oh, there is something,” Seungmin lulled, his gaze meeting Jisung’s once more, before fanning over to Chan as well. Seungmin grinned wider, and Jisung felt giddy at the sight. “And it’ll be later when I’m bragging about every little moment I spent with Jisung, to Minho,” Seungmin said, and Jisung couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer as a small chuckle left his lips, his grip on the steering wheel finally loosening as Chan squeezed the boy’s thigh fondly at the sound of his laughter.

“I think you’d only be punishing Jisung if you did that,” Chan commented, the boy turning back in his seat as Seungmin raised a curious eyebrow at the other.

“How so? I think it’d be hilarious,” Seungmin chuckled, but Chan hummed as he glanced towards Jisung from the side, his lips curling into a knowing smile as Jisung missed the look entirely.

“Because then Minho would go searching for Jisung, and Jisung would be forced to listen to Minho complain while he drags Jisung around somewhere else too,” Chan explained, and Seungmin shrugged, the two now gazing at Jisung as the other continued to silently drive while gazing ahead.

“Then that can be his punishment for being a bad boy today.”

The three continued the ride with light banter for a while longer, Jisung sitting in silence as he listened to the two talk, while also following Chan’s directions along the way. The sun managed to poke out through a few clouds as Jisung could see just how high it was even though it still was technically the morning, which meant an earlier sunset for them later in the evening. The sun seemed to set at the times Jisung needed it the most in his life these days. But there was a grounding comfort floating in the air, the car warm, and the voices that surrounded him soft and calming. Jisung felt himself get lost in the road as he thought about a few things at once, like what else he needed to do to clean the apartment, or how Jeongin was doing, since he hadn’t been able to contact the boy once today. He knew the other was at work, since Jeongin had sent him a quick message, but Jisung hadn’t found the chance to reply himself yet. And he thought about everything that had happened, and how the days had finally ticked down to a full week. Jisung had promised Jeongin that he would only need to wait a week. Now he wasn’t even sure what was going to happen to them.

But Jisung managed to force the panic from consuming him in the same way it had earlier, and instead he just continued to drive, gazing into the distance as the road ran beneath him. Every once in a while Chan would gently squeeze his thigh once more as if it was a way to bring Jisung back to the present, but it was as if they also knew that the boy just needed a small moment to catch his breath. And even though the air was warm and thick, it was far more refreshing than the chill that Jisung had unknowingly succumbed to before. The boy droned on as he listened to Chan’s directions, until the scenery around them began to change, one small hint at a time. Between the houses, the trees and bushes, the roads, and the cars that they drove past, Jisung could feel his heart hammering in his chest as there was no denying he knew exactly the place Chan was planning to bring them. Yet he didn’t allow the full throttle of his excitement to show through until he was parking his car, the boy being the first to step out into the large lot that surrounded them, without waiting for another as he usually did. Jisung could feel the cold wind as it washed against his already blushed cheeks, and he could smell the salt that was clinging to the air around them.

Chan had brought them to the beach.

“The beach, Chan? You realize it’s like freezing out, right?” Seungmin mumbled as he was the next to step out of the car, the other instantly making his way to Jisung before making sure the other’s jacket was zipped all the way up. Jisung could instantly feel the chill nipping at his face, but the excitement boiling inside of him was just enough to help him forget about it.

“Sure. But the beach is just as beautiful in the winter, as it is in the summer,” Chan sighed, a smile glowing on his own lips as the boy stuffed his hands into his coat pockets, before closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath of the sea breeze. “This brings back memories,” Chan mumbled, before he was opening his eyes once more and turning to gaze at Jisung fondly.

“Memories?” Jisung curiously asked, and he stood still where he was as he watched Chan move closer to him, the boy teasingly bumping shoulders with the boy as Jisung smiled softly at the other.

“Changbin and I actually met Felix here. Before he started working at the shop, he spent his summers here working as a lifeguard and surfing during his off hours. That’s actually the reason we met, since Changbin doesn’t know how to swim at all and still he insisted on going out too deep in the ocean. Next thing I knew he disappeared under water, I started to scream, and this jacked blond haired kid came rushing out on a board to save him,” Chan chuckled, the other suddenly reaching up as he gently settled his hand on top of Jisung’s head before petting his hair. Jisung couldn’t help but blush at the thought of seeing Felix on a surfboard. Yet it also made him think about what Felix had said before, too. That work didn’t need to be something you loved if you were good at it. Maybe a part of Felix loved surfing, but the other part of him was too good at mechanics to deny his career of it. He wanted to talk more about it with the other, when they had the chance.

“I’d love to see Felix surfing,” Jisung grinned, and Seungmin hummed as he nodded, the other boy taking Jisung’s other side as he gazed towards the sand dunes in front of them. They could hear the ocean waves crashing along the shore from just beyond the dunes, but they were too far away to see them just yet.

“He doesn’t really surf anymore, since he’s always stuck in the garage. But I think if you asked him, that would be the perfect excuse he could use to give himself a break,” Seungmin softly said, and Jisung nodded, knowing that if he was still with this group when the weather was warm once more, then he would ask. “But I’m still curious why you choose the beach of all things when it’s this cold out,” Seungmin grumbled a moment later, and Jisung was the first to start walking forward, Chan’s hand sliding off from the top of his head as the two followed in tandem. Jisung was slightly upset that he couldn’t hold anyone's hand, but it really was too cold to even pull his own hands free outside of his coat pockets without his fingers freezing.

“I just thought Jisung would like to see it,” Chan shrugged, a smile still on his face as he continued to steal glances at Jisung from the side. The boy’s eyes were shining from the sun above them, the clouds parting further as the sand sparkled like diamonds. “There’s no deep meaning behind it. Just a simple moment for us to enjoy, and remember,” Chan added, and Jisung felt his heart swell at the words, because he realized that not everything needed to have a meaning. Not everything needed to be so tough in his life. And not every struggle was meant to be followed by several more. There were moments he could cherish, or even let go, because that was simply just the will of the wind. Like a passing breath of fresh air, when nothing else mattered in the moment but the feelings that followed. Perhaps this was one of the moments. One that didn’t hold any significant meaning, other than something he was just meant to enjoy at his own pace. And maybe that was something Jisung needed right now, and Chan could see that too. A quick breath of salty air.

The dunes rolled down onto a sandy beach, and from beyond the shore was the vast ocean spread out before them, the wind colder and harsher up close, but not enough to ruin it for them. Even the sand felt cold as their shoes dipped under it, but Jisung could feel the rolling tide drawing him forward as if he was already lost within it, his shoes landing on wet sand as he stood right before the sizzling waves. Jisung gazed out at the ocean, and what he saw in return didn’t surprise him. A serene picture, one he had seen several times before. Yet the picture changed with every perspective added into it, and while he had seen it so many times before, this was his first time seeing it with Seungmin and Chan by his side. And familial sand and waves spiraled into lovely colors and bright twinkles, and Jisung could feel his cheeks blushing from the sights and the sounds and the company that surrounded him. Jisung smiled to himself as he gazed at the ocean, and yet his eyes were drawn elsewhere no sooner than the other two were turning to gaze towards him as well. Jisung shivered even as he grinned at the two, and Seungmin sighed fondly as Chan moved to stand by Jisung’s side, the other reaching out his arm, before wrapping it around Jisung’s shoulders and pulling him gently into his side in a small embrace.

“Jisung,” Seungmin suddenly called out, the other still grinning as he struggled to walk across the sand, even as he persevered and made his way over to Jisung’s other side. And Jisung blinked as he saw the way Seungmin was holding out his hand, the tips of his fingers pink from the biting chill, even as something smooth was settled directly into the palm of his hand. “I looked for the perfect shell for you to take back with you,” Seungmin grinned, and Jisung felt his chest clench with fondness, the boy taking a shaky hand out of his own pocket as he moved to gently take the shell from Seungmin’s hand. It wasn’t exactly perfect as the boy had said, as the shell had a small crack right along the front ridges of it, but Jisung realized that wasn’t the point the boy was making. It was perfect, because out of all the shells on this beach, this was the one that Seungmin chose for Jisung. Jisung gazed down at the shell that looked larger in his palm than it had in Seungmin’s, the salty air pressing past them as it was caught by the tough winds. And Jisung had a thought. One he had never considered before.

After losing so much, there was still even more he could gain in this life. Just like a shell that was gifted to him directly from the sands of the beach, every little thing had their moment, and mattered in his life. He may not have all his clothes, or toys or memorable items, but he didn’t want to live regretting it. Because the longer he spent chasing after them, the more he would miss what was directly in front of him. Like this perfect shell. Or these two boys.

Jisung clutched the shell tightly in his hand, before he was gazing up at Seungmin, his eyes shining as he realized that even though this beach was beautiful, nothing was more enchanting than the ones right before him. And as his heart swelled with the need to convey this message, Jisung could feel his body moving on its own, the other gently walking out of Chan’s light embrace, before he was raising his arms and wrapping them around the back Seungmin’s neck, and raising himself just slightly onto the tips of his toes. Yet he continued to hold onto the shell within his palm, even as he closed his eyes and pressed his lips into Seungmin’s. A small kiss, yet full of meaning. He knew there would be days when he would spiral and slip into the person he no longer meant to be, but at the same time there would be days when he would be better. When he would be happier, and cherished. When all it took was a single gaze towards a perfect shell to earn a lingering smile on his lips.

“Chan-” Seungmin said, the boy suddenly reaching down before wrapping his arms around Jisung’s waist before pulling the boy into him, their chests slotting together as Jisung was still standing on the tips of his toes, “- start collecting every shell you see.”

“No- this shell is enough,” Jisung chuckled, and Seungmin gazed down at the boy while holding onto him so tightly, the warmth waning between them as Seungmin gently began to rock them back and forth.

“The way you reacted just made me assume you really liked shells,” Seungmin chuckled, and Jisung rolled his eyes, the boy moving to place his feet flat on the ground even as Seungmin was following him down, before kissing him once more on the lips. Jisung felt his eyes flutter shut as the kiss lasted a few seconds longer, Chan standing to the side as he held a fond smile of his own on his lips. Jisung couldn’t help but laugh as he started to pull away, but Seungmin chased after him, still straining to kiss him even as Jisung threw his head back for his loud laughter to echo out of him. Instead Seungmin’s lips kissed Jisung’s chin, before moving to his cheek, and the tip of his nose.

“No, it’s not the shells I really like,” Jisung giggled, the boy moving closer once more before hugging Seungmin in a tight embrace. Seungmin seemed shocked by the boy’s touchy behavior, but he welcomed it wholeheartedly, the other holding him in tandem as Jisung rested his head on the boy’s shoulder. “What I really like is you,” Jisung mumbled, and Seungmin took in a quick breath from the words, Jisung nuzzling closer as he felt his heart flip along with the waves. “And the others,” Jisung added after a beat, and Seungmin hummed, holding Jisung even tighter as the boy moved to hide his own face in Jisung’s neck.

“Fuck, I’ve really fallen for you, haven’t I?” Seungmin mumbled, and Jisung chuckled as Chan stepped forward, the boy moving to pet his hair once more before gazing out at the ocean.

“We all have. It’s almost like fate brought you to us. Maybe this was our destiny,” Chan lulled, and while it was a far stretch, Jisung couldn’t find it in himself to deny the boy’s cheesy words. Because he wanted them to be true. And he wanted this moment, and all the other moments he would spend with the others, to last them an eternity. “I’ve never been the type of person to accept anything for what it was. Even when it came to my own relationships. I always figured deeper bonds and connections took time, and that wasn’t something I should rush, or even allow to rush. But- maybe you’re the exception. Because a part of me feels like the bond between us was something that had been within us the entire time, without us even knowing. So when the time came for us to finally meet, it was easy. It wasn’t rushed, but it wasn’t unfamiliar either. It just felt… complete,” Chan said, Seungmin humming softly in Jisung’s ear as if to say he agreed with the boy. And while Jisung knew he wasn’t in the position to depend on forever, he hoped that what Chan said was right. They were meant to be together. They were meant to last forever. And no matter what happened to Jisung from this moment on, their bond wouldn’t change along with it.

“Jeongin wants me to be happy,” Jisung softly said, the boy pulling his head off of Seungmin’s shoulder as he spoke out to the both of them. “Jeongin and I have been together since we were little kids, but everything between us only changed after I met you guys. So I think I believe what you are saying. That this was something that was meant to be. And even Jeongin sensed that this moment was coming, and so we waited. Now that we are all together, I just want us to stay like this, always,” Jisung mumbled, and Chan chuckled as Jisung tilted his head to see the other, the boy suddenly leaning down and offering Jisung a small kiss as well, even as Seungmin continued to embrace him.

“Nothing has to change between us,” Chan said, and Seungmin nodded, still rocking the boy back and forth as he grinned down at him.

“If this is what you want, then I’d go out of my way to make sure it happens. Just like I’d scavenge this entire beach for shells if that was what you asked from me,” Seungmin lulled, and Jisung fondly rolled his eyes, even as he felt his heart swimming in warmth. “The others feel the same, too. We’ve discussed a lot between us, because before you, came our friendship. We talked about what we were mutually all willing to sacrifice, and how we felt about you. And it just came down to one simple answer,” Seungmin continued, Jisung’s eyes shining as he gazed up at the boy holding him in his arms.

“The answer is you. Everything about you, the love that we could feel instantly inside of us that stemmed towards you, and the feeling that we wouldn’t need to sacrifice a single thing because you were the one we were all looking towards. You make this possible for us. You’re the one we want. We’d do anything for you. And we want to create a future where we can all love you, together. We shouldn’t have to give anything up, especially when you never even asked that from us in the first place. And since we don’t mind sharing a single space in your heart, then we want to be there for you. For as long as you’d allow us to be,” Chan softly said, and Jisung let out a shaky breath, the boy nodding as Seungmin slowly let go of Jisung. Until he was standing on his own in the sand, gazing out towards the ocean, and the waves, while feeling the cold, salty air on his skin.

“Not everything will be perfect with me,” Jisung said, because he knew just how troubled he still was. And if these boy’s wanted to be with him, then that also meant they would need to be willing to accept every little part of his troubles as well. They didn’t need to be the one to solve them, but he would hope they could at least comfort him through them. “And I think it would hurt me more than anything to see you guys jealous, or even fighting over me. I’d feel like I had ruined something that was already perfect before I appeared,” Jisung mumbled, the boy nuzzling closer into his jacket as his gaze fell to the sand surrounding his shoes. “But, despite this, and with the idea that we could get through it- I want to be with you all, too,” Jisung whispered, his heart flooding his ears as he could feel the gazes on him. “If this is our fate, then I think that I can be happy. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let any of you go once it’s official,” Jisung mumbled, a small sigh leaving his lips before a smile lifted on his face. “But I know it’ll be worth it. Every moment of it.”

“It will be,” Chan said, the boy moving to stand in front of Jisung before gently cupping his cheeks and easing the other to gaze into his eyes. “We will make sure you will have nothing to regret.”

“Instead we will make sure you always have something to look forward to,” Seungmin chuckled, the other gently placing his hand on the nape of Jisung’s neck, even as he could feel the chill of the boy’s fingers against his skin. “You know, since you’ll always have seven different boys to spend time with,” Seungmin lulled, and Jisung chuckled. Seven different boys. It was definitely unconventional, but Jisung couldn’t see it any differently for them.

“And I’ll let them know too. That this was something I chose,” Jisung said, the boy gazing up at Seungmin, before towards Chan with a smile on his lips, and the ocean reflected in his eyes. “I’ll let them know that I’ve chosen you all as my forever.”

Chapter Text

“We haven’t done this in forever,” Jeongin said as he sat at the table, the boy sitting back in the chair as the front legs were lifted off the floor. Jisung hummed as he sat up in his own chair, one leg folded under the other on top of the seat, and a slice of pizza hanging out of his mouth. When they used to live together at the house before it was foreclosed, Jeongin and Jisung had a pizza night at least once a week. They’d stuff their faces with pizza and cuddle together while watching movies in Jisung’s room. Now it was a bit different, since they weren’t in his room, and they weren’t watching any movies since the only tv was in the living room (the room Jisung still refused to enter,) but at least they were able to enjoy the cheesy goodness that always warmed their hearts.

“I missed this,” Jisung mumbled around his own slice, his fingers greasy, and his lips lined with sauce. Jeongin chuckled as he lifted a slice above his own lips into the air, before slowly lowering it down to take a bite of. Jisung licked his lips, yet at the same time Jeongin was glancing over at him, a small smirk settled on his face as he sat his chair forward on the ground, before leaning slightly across the table.

“We should have invited some of the others over. Pizza is something that is meant to be shared,” Jeongin said, and perhaps he was expecting a certain reaction, yet when Jisung only hummed in a small drone, Jeongin’s expression fell just the slightest. Instead Jeongin was frowning a moment later, the boy placing his slice of pizza back into the box before giving Jisung his full attention. “What’s wrong- you always blush whenever I bring up the others. Did something happen over the past two days?” Jeongin cautiously asked, and Jisung shook his head as he ate the last of his own slice, the boy licking his fingers before gazing up at his friend. He knew they would need to have this conversation eventually, he just hadn’t planned out in his head beforehand how it would actually be done. Because he knew his friend would be happy for him. So happy that there was the slightest chance Jeongin wouldn’t reveal how he felt about the entire situation. Still, Jisung trusted the boy. Jeongin was his protector. But that didn’t mean he would lie in order to protect him.

“Nothing’s wrong, and nothing happened. Well, I mean, something happened, but not anything bad, it’s just-” Jisung started to say, but he could feel his mind swirling, the boy clenching his jaw as he didn’t realize just how difficult it would be to put feelings into words. At the beach, everything had just been so breezy and free and wonderful- Jisung didn’t even have to think about the lasting outcomes in the moment. But this was Jeongin- his best friend since they were kids. They knew everything about each other, and Jisung loved Jeongin with his entire being. Yet now that love was to be shared, and Jisung for some reason felt slightly guilty about taking parts of it away from him.

“Jisung,” Jeongin softly said, before the boy was suddenly standing from his seat and walking over towards where Jisung was sitting. And the expression on his face told Jisung that all his worries weren’t needed. It was his usual Jeongin. His sweet, caring best friend, who had always wanted to give Jisung the world, bundled up in his warm arms. Jisung felt himself deflate as Jeongin moved in front of where Jisung was sitting, before the other was pushing himself up and sitting on the table directly in front of him. Jisung gazed up at his friend, and Jeongin gazed down at him, a kind smile drawn across his lips, and a sultry glint in his eyes. “Take your time. If you say that nothing bad happened, then anything else is a good thing,” Jeongin softly assured, and Jeongin was right. This was a good thing. The way Jisung had felt the day before when he realized his feelings had made him so excited that he had barely been able to catch a moment of sleep. Now Jeongin was in front of him, and Jisung wanted to tell his friend all about his own excitement. And he knew that Jeongin wouldn’t be anything else than happy in turn for him. Jisung took one more deep breath before smiling himself, and he placed his hands in his lap, the blush finally resolving on his cheeks as Jeongin leaned back and grinned at the sight.

“I went to the beach yesterday with Seungmin and Chan,” Jisung started, and Jeongin nodded, the boy grabbing the edge of the table as he kicked his feet back and forth underneath it. Jisung could feel his heart racing, and he felt slightly ashamed by his previous hesitation about telling Jeongin. The boy just meant so much to him, and he was selfish to think that only his feelings in this moment mattered. He didn’t want Jeongin to be upset. Even though deep down, he knew Jeongin would be the person cheering the loudest for him in the end, before swooping him into his arms first.

“Is that where that came from?” Jeongin said, the other still grinning as he motioned his head towards what was placed on the center of the table. After their small outing, Jisung had taken the shell Seungmin had given him home and placed it on the center of the table so he could always see it, and remember the moment they shared. Jisung blushed as he nodded, and Jeongin tilted his head, the boy secretly finding Jisung cute as the other kept talking.

“Seungmin gave that to me,” Jisung mumbled, the boy blushing once more as he cleared his throat and gazed up at Jeongin through his eyelashes. “A-And we kissed-”

“How was it?” Jeongin instantly asked, and Jisung chuckled, the boy nodding as his smile spread farther across his face.

“Great… Chan’s was too-”

“I can’t believe I missed that,” Jeongin groaned, the boy throwing his head back as Jisung laughed a bit louder at his friend’s reaction. “It’s insanely attractive watching you make out with someone. I think it’s the way you start to fall apart in their arms, and your small gasps and moans and-” Jeongin started to lull, until the boy peaked over at Jisung, the other’s face painted a dark red as Jeongin snapped his mouth shut before grinning. “Sorry. Continue,” Jeongin squeaked, and Jisung gulped, his hands fumbling in his lap as he could feel the embarrassment swooning through him. He never knew that Jeongin had been watching him that closely . It was like he was assessing Jisung’s every reaction, and for some reason the idea made him… feel slightly weak. In the way where he would crumble and succumb to anything Jeongin wanted from him.

“A-Anyways, after that we started to talk,” Jisung mumbled, his skin still buzzing with embarrassment, and a hint of arousal. The room felt much warmer than it had before, and the heat was already low since Jisung felt guilty about enjoying any aspect of living here. It didn’t feel fair for him to enjoy this space that his Uncle lived in, when the other wasn’t even alive to offer or share it with him. “And I realized some things,” Jisung softly said, the boy slowly relaxing in his seat as he could feel Jeongin’s contemplative gaze on him. Jisung slowly raised his head, until he was gazing into Jeongin’s eyes, the boy still smiling, and still inviting Jisung to share every little thought on his mind within his fond gaze. It was the gaze Jeongin had always looked towards Jisung with. And it made him wonder just what Jeongin saw within him when he looked the boy’s way. “I… realized what I was feeling when it came to everybody,” Jisung mumbled, a moment of silence escaping into the air as the two took a few seconds to simply gaze at each other in tandem. Jeongin’s eyes sharpened, yet his smile only grew sweeter as those few seconds ran on.

“What feeling?” Jeongin softly asked, his voice barely above a whisper as it was enough to send a small shiver down Jisung’s spine. Jisung felt his lips wobble before his hands were clasped together in his lap, the boy fidgeting just briefly as he felt hesitant once more to tell his friend the truth. But not because he was afraid like before, but because the word alone would send him into a flurry of heartache and blushing cheeks. Jisung held his breath, but he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. Even if Jeongin knew what Jisung was about to say, it was still Jisung’s responsibility to say it himself.

“I… like them. I like all of you. And I really don’t want to waste anymore time trying to figure out the dynamic between us, I just want to fall in love and be loved without any kind of hindrance. Seungmin and Chan felt the same way, and I’m going to tell everyone as well, when I get the chance to see them. But… I wanted to tell you first,” Jisung mumbled, and Jeongin’s smile fell as he gazed at Jisung in awe. “You’re special, Jeongin. You’ve been my family for so long, and now… it just feels like everything between us is finally settling into place,” Jisung softly said, and suddenly Jeongin was sliding off the table before standing in front of Jisung, the boy reaching forward and grabbing onto his shoulders as he closed the remaining space between them. Jisung gasped in surprise at the sudden kiss, but it felt desperate against his lips as Jisung closed his eyes, his own hands reaching up as he gripped the front of Jeongin’s sweatshirt lightly. Jeongin kissed Jisung hard, until they were both breathless, Jisung gently pushing on the boy’s chest as he silently pleaded for the other to stop for only a moment so Jisung could catch his breath. Yet Jeongin only deepened the kiss, and Jisung felt his stomach twist as he tasted the other on his tongue, the boy licking inside of him as Jisung gasped around it as he took in a quick breath.

As rough as Jeongin was, Jisung found himself melting under the boy, his skin instantly blushing as he could feel his body buzz with the thrill of their lips dancing together. Until he was tugging on the front of Jeongin’s shirt instead, silently begging the boy to stay with him for as long as possible, so that they would never need to be apart again. Jisung moaned as their lips united, and he could feel Jeongin’s hand moving up from his shoulder before gently rubbing his ear lobe, until a few moments later it was carding through his hair and lightly gripping his locks on the back of his head. The chair screeched as it slid against the floor from Jeongin’s full weight, until Jisung was attempting to clumsily stand from it, their lips never separating for even a moment as Jeongin walked Jisung backwards into the wall. Jisung felt the wall press up against him as he leaned back, and Jeongin’s other hand fell to his hip as he pushed Jisung up against it, still kissing the boy heavily as they panted against one another. It wasn’t until Jisung moaned once more that Jeongin was pulling away, his lips instead tracing the line of Jisung’s jaw, before a tongue was tasting the side of his neck. Jisung’s head fell back as he gasped, and his eyes fluttered open, the bright light above them surprising him as he was pulled back into the moment.

“J-Jeongin-” Jisung panted, his chest rising and falling heavily as he attempted to catch his breath. Yet Jeongin seemed determined, lips sucking on Jisung’s neck as he felt a small spark of pleasure coursing through him. A thigh slid between his own as Jeongin moved even closer, and Jisung could feel his body start to tremble from the rush of it all, the heat slowly building within him, before lowering down into his core. Jisung blushed when he felt it surface, and he was sure Jeongin could feel it as well against his thigh, the boy pushing against the other once more as the pleasure only grew by the second. He wanted more- he wanted to go further. But this wasn’t just about him. It was about all of them. And Jisung knew it wouldn’t be right to take that first step, without talking it through with everyone first. “Jeongin-” Jisung attempted again, and this time he pushed against the other boy slightly harder as Jeongin instantly pulled away, a dazed look shrouded in his gaze as he glanced at Jisung in confusion. Jisung blushed at the sight, before he was turning his head and loosening his grip against the other.

“Jisung? What’s wrong, did I-” Jeongin started to say, and Jisung could hear the worry dripping from his voice, the boy’s eyes widening instantly as he shook his head before turning to face his friend once more.

“No! No, I-I liked it! I just…” Jisung started to say, but he paused before taking in a deep breath, the boy fixing a small smile to his lips before he was leaning forward and kissing Jeongin once more. And he was slow and sweet as he could feel Jeongin reacting instantly, following Jisung’s lead this time as his heart raced in his chest. Jisung sighed against the boy as Jeongin held him closer, until they were both coming down from their head highs, Jeongin now the first to pull back, before kissing his friend on the cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongin sighed, and Jisung shook his head, the other kissing Jeongin on the cheek as well before letting out a small chuckle.

“It’s alright. I liked it, a lot,” Jisung assured, pulling the other closer until their foreheads were bumping together, and their dreamy gazes were cast on one another. Jisung grinned, and Jeongin started to gently card his fingers through Jisung’s hair while lifting Jisung’s shirt just enough to rub soothing circles with his thumb against Jisung’s hip. “But let’s just wait a little longer. I still need to talk to everyone else,” Jisung explained, and Jeongin pouted, even as he nodded along to Jisung’s request. He could understand where the other might be coming from- Jeongin and Jisung had been waiting so long already to press beyond the boundaries of their lifelong friendship. And while it had always been natural, that didn’t mean that they could just leave everything else behind and focus on themselves. Jisung had a heart full of new people to love in his life, and Jeongin knew what it meant to share that space. He knew that from now on, Jisung would be sharing the love that he had given solely to Jeongin before, to many others now. But even just a small part was enough for Jeongin. Jisung was worth it.

“You know I’m happy for you, right?” Jeongin softly asked, and Jisung nodded, a shaky breath leaving his lips before he was turning his head just enough to kiss Jeongin on the cheek once more. “And you know that I’ve always wanted to give you the world,” Jeongin continued, and Jisung laughed as he nodded once more, his chest clenching in fondness as Jeongin leaned forward to leave a chaste kiss against his lips. “So from now on, I’m going to work hard to make all of us your entire world. And I’ll make sure that it’s so perfect that you never have to worry, or cry, or ever feel scared about anything ever again. We all will, I just know it,” Jeongin mumbled, and Jisung could feel his heart swelling, his hand releasing the front of Jeongin’s sweatshirt before shakily reaching up to cup the boy’s cheeks instead, and hold him close. “Now you’ll have seven protectors, and not just one.”

“No, you’ll always be my protector,” Jisung softly said, because despite everything, Jisung knew he would never have been able to live after everything that happened, if Jeongin hadn’t been by his side. And Jeongin meant more than all the stars in the sky to him. He meant something that the others would still never be able to reach, because they had never seen him the day after his mother had died. But even so, they mattered just as much as well. But Jeongin, he was Jisung’s protector. And Jisung didn’t need anymore, because from now on Jisung wouldn’t need to be protected. He was going to learn to live and thrive for the sake of the people he loved.

“Was it the pizza we ate, or is there another reason we’re acting so cheesy tonight?” Jeongin suddenly said, and Jisung paused before he laughed louder than he had before, his face brightening along with his smile as Jeongin finally took a step back from the boy to witness it all. “Jisung, did you know you’re literally the cutest person in the world?” Jeongin added as he grinned, and Jisung couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he continued to laugh, the boy pushing himself off of the wall before walking back over to the pizza to shut the top of the box. Instead he took the remaining few slices and put them in the fridge that was still barren, the boy intending on finishing them tomorrow- after he finally stopped by his work to tell them he was quitting.

“I don’t know about that, I think I have some pretty stiff competition with you living in this world too,” Jisung lulled, and Jeongin chuckled as he seemed to follow Jisung around the kitchen, even as Jisung moved to throw their paper plates away, before quickly wiping down the table of any remaining crumbs. He wanted to keep the kitchen as clean as possible, especially after all the work they had gone through to make it that way.

“No, you’re definitely the cutest,” Jeongin mumbled, and Jisung smiled as he felt the other come up from behind him, before arms were wrapping around his stomach, and a body was curling against his back side. Jisung stood up straighter as he gazed back to glance at Jeongin, and the other was grinning, the boy quickly surprising Jisung with a kiss on the lips, before nuzzling into his neck and rocking the boy back and forth in his arms. “So adorable.”

“Jeongin,” Jisung groaned, his stomach aching with butterflies as he felt Jeongin leave another small kiss on the side of his neck. He had a feeling why he knew the boy was suddenly growing clingy, but he couldn’t say he hated the attention either.

“I don’t want to leave,” Jeongin pouted, and Jisung sighed, his smile slowly falling as he knew it was inevitable for them. Jeongin had asked for a few more days with his mom, and Jisung had told him to take all the time he needed. But even so, that didn’t make them parting for the day any easier, especially since it had been two days since they had last seen each other. “I should just stay,” Jeongin mumbled, before he was letting out a deep sigh, the boy no longer rocking Jisung back and forth even as he continued to hug him from behind. “But… I can’t.”

“I know,” Jisung softly said, and he twirled himself in Jeongin’s arms until he was facing the boy, his own arms reaching out as he wrapped them around Jeongin, and held him in tandem. “I know she still gets nervous when you stay out… she thinks you’re going to run away again,” Jisung mumbled, and Jeongin sighed before nodding, the two gazing at each other from so close, while sharing one warmth between their bodies.

“I just need to earn a little bit of her trust back. Then I’ll discuss things with her, and I’ll be able to come back to you. She knows I’m old enough now, I just think she’s still shocked from the first time I left, but- she’s getting there. She’s been talking to me a lot more, and smiling and making my favorite dishes for dinner. She even asked about you, and I think she felt sorry for how she treated you before. I just need a few more days,” Jeongin assured, and Jisung was truly happy for Jeongin to see his relationship reforming with his own mother. He knew how much it had hurt Jeongin when he had thought he had lost her from his life. And maybe before he had been jealous, but those same lingering feelings felt like they had been lost at sea two days ago. Jisung smiled, before giving the other a small nod of understanding.

“Then go to her. I’ll still see you tomorrow,” Jisung mumbled, and Jeongin sighed, the boy smiling himself before kissing Jisung on the lips. “We have more cleaning to do- we can’t just keep sitting around and waiting.”

“Right, tomorrow we will get down and dirty then,” Jeongin said with a wink, and Jisung chuckled, the two hugging for a few moments more before Jeongin was hesitantly letting the other go. Instead silence bloomed between them, and Jisung felt his chest clench as he watched Jeongin walk over to the door, before opening it up and gazing back at Jisung. “Jisung, I’m really glad to know you have so many people you can trust and love in your life now. So if something happens, I want you to run to them, and then I want you to call me,” Jeongin mumbled, and Jisung nodded, the boy offering his friend one more smile before Jeongin was letting out a deep sigh, and stepping out of the apartment. The door closed behind him as the walls seemed to hollow out around him, and Jisung gazed at the empty spot where his friend had just been standing while feeling a deeply aching yearning in his heart. He had seven boys to love and depend on now, and yet he still found himself all alone.

But before Jisung could realize just how much it hurt to be alone, he could hear his phone ringing, the boy’s lips twisting as he glanced down at his pocket, before pulling his phone out. The name “Minho” appeared on the front screen, and Jisung held his breath as he swiped the phone to answer it, before placing it directly against his ear.

“Hello?” Jisung asked, yet his voice sounded breathy, and hesitant.

“Oh, yes! Hello! Are you Jisung?” another voice on the other side asked, and Jisung frowned when he realized the person wasn’t Minho, even though they were calling from the other’s phone.

“Yeah, I’m Jisung. Is Minho there- y-you’re calling from his phone, right?” Jisung cautiously asked, and Jisung held his breath as he heard something scream in the background, before a group of laughter could be heard as it followed it.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m calling you. I’m a coworker of Minho, we work at the same publishing company together, and our small firm went out to have a few drinks and dinner after work. Normally one of us can bring him home, but tonight we all have other places we need to be after this, and right now Minho is too… inebriated to drive. He’s been looking at his phone all night, and you’re contact in it, so I decided to give you a call to see if there was any way you could pick him up?” the person on the other end suddenly asked, and Jisung felt his eyes widen in surprise as he hadn’t expected to be asked something like this. Yet he couldn’t stop himself from rushing to find his keys, his mind already made as he knew he needed to leave as soon as possible to help Minho out. Before something worse might end up happening to him.

“Right- yeah, I’ll pick him up, just give me the address,” Jisung quickly urged, and Jisung was already stepping out of his apartment and locking the door behind him as the other person told him the address. The call ended as Jisung was getting into his car, before he suddenly paused, the other’s lips twisting as he jumped out and ran back into the apartment to grab something to bring with him. And as Jisung was finally driving away to pick Minho up, along with a blanket and a bottle of water, all Jisung could think about was how glad he was that he had been the one asked to help the other boy out. Jisung smiled to himself as he pulled out of the lot of the apartment complex, his lights shining through the darkness, and his heart hammering in his chest as he drove off to help one of the people he loved.

Chapter Text

The headlights of Jisung’s car shone across the cement road beneath him, following his course, before guiding him to the last open spot of the parking lot he had been led to by the map on his phone. And Jisung put his car into park as he sat still for a few moments, his lights still on as they shined against the wall right in front of him, and the vines that hung down from it due to the bushes beyond. It was already late at night- at least to the point where Jisung would either be in bed, or getting ready to sleep. Yet after he received the call, he couldn’t think to do anything other than be the one to make sure Minho was getting home safe. He was surprised to see so many cars here, as late as it was, and in the distance he could hear laughter echoing into the night, the boy taking in a deep breath as he attempted to ground himself before stepping out of the car. Jisung had never really spent any of his time at places like these before, but he knew from what Chan and Changbin had told him, the only reason Minho was here was to keep up good business relations between him and the people he worked with. It was cold outside, most likely below freezing, and there wasn’t a single star poking out from between the clouds.

The door clicked as Jisung grabbed the handle before he was stepping out, the chill in the air shocking his lungs as he took in a quick breath before bundling himself tighter into Felix’s jacket that he was still borrowing. He could see his breath as it clouded the air in front of him, and his gaze fell on the lights that surrounded the front door of the establishment, a few people already sitting outside as they chatted and smoked cigarettes. Jisung tugged on his jacket as he held his hands in his pockets, although they slowly scrunched up into balled fists, and he made his way forward, his gaze falling to his shoes as he watched every step he took. He could feel his heart thumping along with his steps, he could feel the cold air caressing the hair just above the nape of his neck, and he could feel his mind muddle as all he wanted to do was find Minho and bring him home. Eyes were on him now, probably from the people smoking outside, yet he ignored them as he held his breath before walking past the entrance, his eyes finally lifting as he felt the warm, stale air hit his face.

The establishment was similar to a restaurant, although the ones inside seemed to mainly be using it for the bar that was placed around the back end of it. There were tables lining the floor with piles of food tossed around them, and people sitting at each as they laughed and drank together, the thick scent of alcohol numbing Jisung’s senses as his gaze lingered around the room. No one came to greet him as he stepped through the door, but perhaps it was the usual time when people started to arrive as the designated drivers for those already inside. Jisung pressed his hands further into his pockets as he lifted his head up from the collar of his jacket that he had been hiding behind, and his gaze swept the room, the boy looking for only one person in particular that he was sure to be a slight hassle when he finally found him. But Jisung didn’t really mind, not in the same way he felt out of place by being here. The lights were low, yet the banter was just under loud, and Jisung felt his heart race pick up as soon as he found the one person he was looking for. And he was asleep at one of the more crowded tables.

Jisung sighed, his steps bouncing across the floor as he made his way towards Minho’s slumbering silhouette, and yet the ones surrounding him were quick to notice his presence as a few looked up at him curiously. He felt his cheeks tinge with red from the attention, but his steps eventually led him to right behind the sleeping boy, Jisung gazing down at the other as he felt his lips curl into a soft smile, before he was reaching his hand forward to gently grasp the boy’s shoulder in order to shake him awake. One shake earned a small groan that pulled a chuckle from Jisung’s lips, and another helped to ease the other’s eyes open as he laid dormant while gazing at nothing in particular, Jisung slowly leaning closer as he let his head fall before blocking Minho’s view with his own face. Minho blinked, the other clearly dazed and unsure of what was going on, yet as Jisung smiled Minho seemed to pull himself together just enough to understand, a large gasp spilling from his lips as he instantly turned before grabbing onto the front of Jisung’s jacket, and pulling him into his own body. Jisung yelped as he fell forward, his hands hitting the edge of the table to stop himself, and Minho’s face smacking into his upper chest before long arms were wrapping around his waist, and hugging him close.

“I take it you’re Jisung then?” a voice suddenly said, and Jisung blinked in mild shock as he slowly gazed up to see another person standing from their seat, their arm extended, and offering their hand for Jisung to shake. “We spoke on the phone earlier.”

“O-Oh, right… yes, I’m Jisung,” Jisung mumbled, the boy balancing his weight onto one hand as he lifted his own to shake the stranger’s. Minho grumbled at the slight movement, and his embrace became tighter as Jisung struggled to breathe. Even then, he didn’t attempt to help the other off of him.

“Do you need help getting him to the car- or maybe off of you first?” the other asked, a slight chuckle leaving their lips as Jisung frowned at the words. The other was a boy, maybe slightly older than him, but with mature features that some might find charming. Instead Jisung just felt weary as he reached his hand down once it was free, the boy gently patting Minho on the back before shaking his head.

“No, I think I’ll be fine,” Jisung mumbled, yet he kept a cautious gaze on the other as he slowly glanced down at Minho, the other looking as if he was ready to fall asleep once more while clinging to Jisung. Jisung couldn’t help but smile at the cute display, and he managed to pick himself up enough to stand straight, his hand lifting to play with Minho’s light brown hair as he gazed down at the other fondly. “Minho, let’s go home-”

“You two must be close,” the boy suddenly continued, and Jisung felt something pinch in his stomach as his smile fell once more, the boy becoming more uneasy with the other by the second as he took a few more moments before gazing up. The others weren’t paying attention to them either, instead Jisung was stuck, and until he could get Minho to stand up, he wouldn’t be able to leave. “Minho is usually an asshole to everyone, so it’s just weird seeing him like this,” the other added, and Jisung’s chest clenched painfully at the words, his face paling as he glanced up to see the other boy smirking.

“What?” Jisung mumbled, the boy clearly taken aback by what he had just heard. “How could you say that? Minho isn’t an a-asshole,” Jisung stumbled, his other hand sliding protectively around Minho’s shoulder as he held the boy closer to his chest. Jisung could hear the warning bells chiming around him, but all he could do was wait, and defend Minho in any way he could. He could tell now that this other person probably didn’t have any good intentions, and that he probably had a some kind of problem with Minho to begin with. And Jisung knew Minho enough to know that sometimes his words came across as sharp- but his actions were always louder than his words, and any decent person could see just how kind Minho was underneath his rough exterior.

“Sorry, I forgot that you’re actually Minho’s friend. So I’m sure he is kind to you,” the other said while feigning remorse for what he had just said, Jisung’s eyes lowering into a small glare as the other seemed to pick up on it as well. “I mean, you can’t really blame me for thinking that way though. He has a reply for everything, you can’t even talk to him without him insulting you,” the man scoffed before smiling, and Jisung could feel the panic rising in his throat, the need to scream and prove the man wrong taking him hold as he did his best to just stay quiet, and ignore what the other was trying to do. He could tell the boy was trying to mess with him to get a reaction, but Jisung wanted to be the bigger person and simply ignore him. “I mean, I’m not even sure how a bastard like that has a friend as cute as-”

“Fuck,” a new voice suddenly growled, and Jisung blinked as he slowly gazed down to see Minho gazing up at him, his own eyes slinked into a glare as he gently pushed Jisung back just enough so he could turn to face the other boy himself. And he was definitely still drunk by the way his movements seemed to stumble in an unbalanced manor, and yet even as he glared at the other, he managed to keep one arm wrapped around Jisung’s waist before pulling him close to his side. Jisung blushed, the boy slightly relieved that Minho was awake, and slightly enamored by how Minho was actually embracing him with ease. “What fucking bullshit are you spewing now?” Minho mumbled, the other boy frozen solid across the table as he seemed shocked, even as he continued to smile with wide eyes. “Cute? Him?” Minho asked before yanking on Jisung, and he stumbled as he fell into the other, Minho practically supporting his entire weight as Jisung blushed harder by the change in demeanor. 

“... Yeah, he’s pretty cute,” the boy said after a short pause, yet he wasn’t looking towards Jisung anymore, instead he seemed more amused with Minho as if he didn’t expect this sort of reaction from him. Jisung felt like they were playing into the palm of the boy’s hand, and he just wanted to leave as soon as possible. “You don’t think so? Even in this lighting I can see the cute blush on his-”

“Stunning,” Minho sharply said, and the other seemed to pause once more, his smile cracking as Minho glared daggers at him. “He’s stunning- literally the sexiest and the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met before,” Minho growled, and Jisung wanted to run away and hide, the boy lifting his hand to cover his face as he felt his lips twist in embarrassment. “You’re stupid if you think he’s as simple as ‘cute,’” Minho scoffed, and Jisung let a small groan slip from his lips as he peeked out from between his fingers to see the reaction of the boy right across from him. And every bit of cockiness had been washed away as the boy was frowning now, a few others also now gazing towards them as they seemed to sense the tension in the air.

“Honestly I think I was being gracious by going as far as calling him cute,” the boy snapped, and Jisung felt his heart sink as he felt Minho immediately jump up from his seat, his hand reaching out to grab the boy as Jisung gasped before reaching out himself to stop him. And Jisung was quicker in his sober state, his hand grabbing onto Minho’s wrist, before tugging the boy towards him and forcing him to face him completely. Minho’s face was red with rage, and Jisung felt his heart skip a beat at the sight, a small sigh spilling from his lips as he forced a smile to his face in order to help Minho calm down.

“I won’t let him get away with-”

“Minho, let’s go home. I… want to go home,” Jisung whispered, his hand trembling even as he held onto Minho as tightly as he could. Minho gazed at Jisung through his daze, before a part of him seemed to recognize the sadness drawn across Jisung’s expression, a deep sigh falling from his own lips before he was nodding and stumbling to leave his seat. Jisung felt relieved that they were finally leaving, yet as Minho shifted his hand to instead hold onto Jisung’s own, the boy turned back to glare at the other boy one more time.

“You’re lucky you called Jisung here. He’s the reason you don’t have a broken nose right now,” Minho grumbled, and Jisung gulped as he pulled on Minho’s hand, the other glaring towards the boy for a few more moments before turning away from him completely. And Jisung could feel Minho stumbling to keep up with Jisung’s pace behind him as they made their way out of the establishment, a few more pairs of eyes falling on them as Jisung bit his lip, before lowering his head in order to hide his face. The warm stale air broke through for the chill to return to their hearts, and the two were silent as they made their way to Jisung’s car, the boy unlocking it before helping Minho over to the passenger seat. Even now he could tell just how drunk Minho actually was as it took a few attempts to settle him in comfortably, yet he could feel Minho’s intense gaze watching him the entire time, even as he reached across the boy to grab his seatbelt, before buckling him in. When Jisung shut his door, he took in a deep breath, the boy attempting to calm himself down enough for the ride home, before walking around his car, opening up the door, and sitting in the driver's seat.

Jisung didn’t start the car right away, instead he sat silently in his seat, gazing at the steering wheel in front of him while he could feel Minho still staring at him from the side. He could smell alcohol on the other, but in all honesty, there was not one single thing about Minho in this moment that bothered him. What hurt the most was the boy who had called Minho names, and made assumptions while not even taking even a second to see the sweet boy underneath it all. And while Jisung wanted to sit there and defend Minho to the ends of the earth, instead he had receded into himself and attempted to run. Not only that, Minho then acted the way he should have when he had even first heard the insult. Jisung wasn’t mad at Minho, but he was too upset with himself to end the benign thoughts that seemed to plague his mind. A sigh spilled from Jisung’s lips, but he decided he could sit in his lonesome and worry about all of it later. He needed to bring Minho home safely- that was the entire reason why he had even driven this far out in the middle of the night in the first place.

“Jisung,” Minho mumbled, yet Jisung started the car as his thoughts drifted in and out of his mind, the boy pressing on the brake as he started to back out of the spot. The car was already warm after a few moments, and Jisung started the trip back home, his grip on the steering wheel tight as he kept a mostly unblinking gaze at the road beneath them. “Jisung,” Minho attempted again, and Jisung felt himself leaning forward, the boy grabbing the steering wheel even tighter as he felt more and more ashamed as the seconds rolled on. He should have said something, he should have gotten just as upset as Minho had when- “Jisungie~” Minho lulled, and Jisung blinked as the cute nickname pulled him back from the dead space he had floated to, the boy quickly glancing at Minho from the side, before sitting back and loosening his grip on the wheel.

“Did you have a good time?” Jisung decided to ask, although he didn’t really know what the point of it was. Of course he didn’t want Minho to suffer, yet he figured that the boy hadn’t really enjoyed it as much as he pretended to.

“Jiiiii-sunggggg,” Minho suddenly sang out, and Jisung felt his face flush as his lips twisted in embarrassment, his body easing further as Minho’s hazy gaze hadn’t left him for a second.

“Why do you keep saying my name?” Jisung chuckled, the road rushing under them smoothly as Jisung turned onto the highway. There weren’t many cars around in sight, and Jisung felt like the long, straight road belonged to only him and Minho.

“Because it’s my favorite,” Minho mumbled, a cute smile layered on his lips as he closed his eyes before chuckling. “My favorite everything.”

“How can a name be your favorite everything?” Jisung laughed, his cheeks pulsing from just how much he was smiling due to the boy. His previous concerns seemed silly when the more important thing was already sitting next to him. And he knew he probably shouldn’t have worried about everything as much as he had.

“Not the name, Jisung is my favorite everything,” Minho lulled, and Jisung blushed, a small sigh spilling from his lips as he wondered if the other even knew what he was saying. Of course these drunken confessions were only said because of alcohol, but he had a feeling that the other wasn’t lying either. Maybe he was saying it now, because it was more difficult to admit it with ease when he was his usual self. Either way, Jisung found himself loving both. “I called him a squirrel when we first met,” Minho chuckled, and Jisung joined in the laughter, his chest clenching in fondness as he slowed down just a bit so he could spend even more time with the other.

“Did you? I bet he was confused,” Jisung played along, and Minho hummed, the boy nuzzling closely into the seat as he practically sat sideways in it after staring at Jisung for so long.

“The most adorable squirrel in the entire world…” Minho mumbled, the other slowly drifting off as Jisung knew it’d probably be best to sleep off all that he had drank. “But he was even more adorable when he wasn’t a squirrel,” Minho suddenly added, his eyes fluttering open as Jisung blushed from the words.

“So what was he then, if he wasn’t a squirrel?” Jisung decided to ask, and Minho hummed, the boy’s eyelids fluttering as he seemed to consider Jisung’s question. The sky was still too cloudy to see any stars, yet the world around them felt serene through the barren trees, and the cold air that followed them.

“He’s like a… blessing,” Minho softly said, before the other was closing his eyes once more and smiling brightly. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Minho added, and Jisung gulped, his body squirming against his seat as he couldn’t believe just how much Minho was revealing to him. “You want to know something?” Minho suddenly asked, and Jisung hummed to let the boy know he was listening, the warmth waning through them as Minho sighed before opening his eyes to gaze at Jisung through the darkness. “I don’t like drinking like this,” Minho mumbled, and Jisung felt his heart drop in his chest, the other letting out a sad chuckle as he was suddenly reaching across the seats, and tucking a small strand of hair behind Jisung’s ear. “I don’t like it, but I think this is the first time I was ever thankful for it,” Minho continued, before knuckles were caressing his cheek, and Jisung wondered just how much of his blush could be hidden within the darkness. “I know the other’s worry- but I don’t want them to see me like this. But… I think I’d still feel safe if it was Jisung.”

“... Well, you can call Jisung anytime you need his help, you know? He’s the kind of person who would even go out in the middle of a storm to make sure you get home safely,” Jisung said, his voice slightly croaking as he held the steering wheel tightly once more. “You can always trust him,” Jisung whispered, and Minho hummed, his hand falling from Jisung’s face as he slowly turned to face the front before gazing out the window.

“I know. He’s a great person,” Minho mumbled, his words slurring as Jisung wondered if the other would fall asleep even before they arrived home. “I just want to make him happy, but I can see just how sad he is, deep down… we all can,” Minho continued, his words slow, yet rhythmic as they matched the steady beating of Jisung’s heart. Jisung felt his lips fall into a small pout, but he didn’t want to slide into darkness. He didn’t want every moment to feel so sad anymore. “I wish he would ask for our help more often,” Minho mumbled, and Jisung sighed, his heart aching as he felt the pain lingering deep in his soul.

“That’s not the kind of person he is,” Jisung stiffly said, although he knew that he only had himself to blame for making them feel this way. “He’d rather drown on his own, than drag anyone down with him. A-And sometimes it just feels easier to survive with the new, than live with the old… you can’t blame him for wanting to take the easiest path by just forgetting what used to be. He can be happy too, with what he just has now.”

“That’s so sad,” Minho mumbled, the boy’s lips wobbling as Jisung glanced to the side just in time to see a single tear fall through Minho’s fluttering eyelashes. “Why does he feel the need to sacrifice so much? Why does he insist on hurting on his own?” Minho asked, and Jisung took in a deep breath, his face relaxing in almost an eerie manner as he gazed at the road before him.

“He won’t be able to survive if he sees anyone else hurt, because of him.”

A long moment of silence ran through the car, and Jisung just assumed that Minho had finally fallen asleep. Yet after a few long seconds, Minho was moving once more, the other sitting up, before turning towards Jisung and gazing at him.

“I think those are just lies because he’s scared of getting hurt even more than he already has been.”

Jisung took in a quick breath at those words. And Minho gazed at him, a heavy tension passing between them as he wondered if the other really knew who he was talking to at this moment.

“I’m not going to push him to reveal his past, but I just want him to know that we won’t run away from it either,” Minho mumbled, a small sigh falling from his lips as he seemed to nuzzle into the seat while leaning against the side. “I want Jisung to be happy,” Minho added after a moment, and Jisung turned on his blinker as he took their exit, the two already close to home as Jisung placed a smile on his lips. Minho was right. He was just making up excuses. But for now, those excuses were what was holding him together. When his life solidified around him, and a new form of walls were built around his heart, then he would tell the others everything.

“Thank you, Minho,” Jisung mumbled, the boy listening to Minho’s soft snores as the other had finally gone to sleep next to him. He wondered if the other would even remember this tomorrow, but in a way he hoped the boy didn’t. Because he wanted to show Minho just how strong he could be for himself and for them, because of his efforts alone.

When Jisung arrived at the apartment complex, one quick call was all it took for Seungmin to rush out from their apartment, before meeting Jisung outside to help Minho back in his their shared apartment. And Seungmin smiled as soon as he saw Jisung before pulling him into a tight hug, Jisung’s heart skipping as he nuzzled closely into Seungmin, and stole as much comfort from the other as he could, before they were forced to separate from the cold surrounding them. Seungmin thanked Jisung, before teasing Minho as he helped pick the other up from Jisung’s car. Yet Seungmin didn’t bring Minho inside until he saw Jisung enter his own apartment, and the moment he did, he shut the door, before leaning against it while sliding slowly to the ground.

Jisung had decided to love these boys with everything he had. And Jisung knew that he wanted to trust them completely as well. He wanted to fill their hearts with his past, but only when he knew it wouldn’t be so much that it would still hurt either of them. So first, Jisung needed to get better. He needed to accept his past, and even though it was still healthy to hurt because of it, he needed to learn to live in a way where it didn’t limit him from finding happiness any longer. So once he was healed, and could shine as brightly as he wanted them to see him as, then he would tell them everything.