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Kel was knocking at the door again.
It was familiar, in a way, that relentless banging against the door forcing him to wake up before midday. He’d always ignored it, going back to bed and curling up in a comfortable dream – except now things were different. Now he had his mum to wake him up, to help him get dressed, to brush his hair out of his face and kiss his forehead every morning, to treat him like a baby and protect him from anything and everything. It was strange, how everything had changed since the hospital, but at least Kel was the same. Kel was always the same.
“Sunny?” His mum called up the stairs. “I think it’s Kel!”
He didn’t need her to tell him. Who else would be running up to his front door at the crack of dawn, wasting the sunrise by waiting outside a door that never opened? The knocking continued, each one bouncing around the inside of his head as he slowly made his way downstairs.
“Honey?” His mum looked up from a basket of washing, dropping it to hold his hand as he gingerly made it down the last couple steps.
“Morning sweetie.” She kissed him on the forehead, guiding him by the hand to the living room. “Did you sleep okay? Aww, good honey, I’m glad. And you’ve changed your bandages, clever boy.” She lightly stroked his cheek beneath the eyepatch, tucking his hair behind his ear.
His mum had taken time off work to be with him after everything that had happened, but he thought it was probably more for her than it was for him. She’d had to sit down after everything came out, shakily leaning back in one of the hospital chairs as he repeated the truth for the second time. She wouldn’t stop crying, her face wet and red, but she’d still wrapped him up in her arms and let him tuck his head into the crook of her neck.
He'd forgotten how much he missed his mum. He relaxed a little, just enjoying the feeling of her thumb brushing the back of his hand as the knocking continued.
“It’s Kel,” she repeated, “and he doesn’t know when to quit, does he?” She smiled, patting Sunny on the arm. “I’m joking, honey – I’m sure he just wants to check on you. That’s kind of him. Did you want to talk to him, or should I tell him you’ve just got up?”
Honestly, he’d been awake for a while. He was spending a lot less time in his room now and it felt weird. He still needed time alone to recharge and recuperate, especially after talking with people since it was so stressful, so sitting alone in the dark was a nice way to do that. Especially since whatever had once been living there with him was now gone.
“I’ll… I’ll talk to him.” He murmured. Talking was hard but conversations with Kel usually went the same way, so they weren’t too draining, and if it went wrong or if he couldn’t handle it his mum was there. He probably should have been embarrassed by how much of a baby he was being, letting his mum fuss over him so much and relying on her to help him, but he didn’t have the energy to be. The attention felt good, and with the truth having come out it finally felt genuine.
She smiled honestly at him, letting go of his hand. “Alright sweetie. I’ll be in the garden putting the laundry out to let you two have some space. I’m just outside if you need me.” She gave him a light kiss on the forehead, not having to reach up that high, before grabbing the washing from the hallway. “I love you, honey.” She smiled, patting him on the head again before disappearing behind the sliding glass doors.
Sunny sighed, turning to the front door. It was still knocking, surprise surprise. Stepping towards it, he reached out for the doorknob but stopped to look through the peephole to check who it was. He narrowed his eyes, peering through, and… nothing. Good. Since Kel had grown so tall he blocked out the light to the little window, stopping it from being usable. It was definitely Kel outside.
Reaching forwards he slowly opened the door, squinting a little as the sun shone into the doorway.
“Heya Sunny!” Kel beamed, appearing as Sunny’s eye adjusted to the brightness. “How are you? You been okay? I know it’s early, but I was wondering how you were.” He paused for an answer, but Sunny’s brain hadn’t quite caught up to his energy level yet. “Oh sorry, I’m super awake right now haha, I was going to go to the park to go practice but thought I’d come see you first. Sorry if I woke you up.”
“No, you didn’t.” Sunny murmured, rubbing his eye and looking up at Kel.
"I uh - I thought we could hang out! You know, since we haven't in a while and.." he trailed off, patting his hands on the sides of his thighs. He was always moving – no matter where they were, no matter what was happening he just couldn’t stay still, drumming his fingers on something or tapping his feet to keep himself entertained. Or distracted, probably. He beat out a quiet pattern on his legs, speaking again. “Well… I missed you! It still feels like ages since I’ve properly seen you, and now that you’re not moving out for a while now I thought we could maybe hang out again, like old times!” He gave Sunny a big lopsided grin, the same smile he’d had since he was a kid. “We don’t have to go outside - we can stay here if you want. I just wanted to see you!”
He wanted to come in? Sure. Why not.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Kel repeated, “great!”
Sunny stepped aside to let him in as Kel kicked off his shoes and stepped into the living room. He suddenly felt a little nervous; the house looked different from the last time Kel had seen it. The sofa and table were back, along with the TV, but there were still boxes strewn around the room with glaring empty spots where things were meant to be. It felt very mismatched and unfinished, like it was stuck in limbo between two places, which Sunny guessed it was in a way. It wasn’t like Kel’s house, homely and lived in, noisy compared to the relative silence of Sunny’s impermanent home.
“Woah, things look better with the furniture back – it was weird how empty it was before.” He chuckled to himself, taking in the room. “It’s nice your stuff’s back, even if you’re still leaving.”
Sunny nodded. His mum has still sold the house after all, but the new owners were kind enough to understand their “personal situation”. Would they have understood if they knew the details? He pushed away those thoughts, gesturing to the sofa where Kel flopped down into the cushions before sliding over to let Sunny sit beside him.
“So, uh…” Kel began, looking around the room, “how’ve you been?”
“…Alright.” Sunny said plainly. He never knew how to answer that question.
“Good!” Kel smiled, happy with Sunny’s answer. “And your uh,” he gestured to Sunny’s face, his words trailing off.
“My eye?”
“Yeah – how is it?”
“The doctor says it’s healing.”
Kel nodded in agreement. He looked like he wanted to say something, but curled his lips in instead. “Do you mind talking about it? I mean it doesn’t upset you, does it, ‘cause if it does-”
“It’s fine.”
“Yeah?” Kel didn’t seem convinced.
Sunny relaxed his shoulders a little, realising they were tensed. “Yes.”
“Okay,” Kel visibly relaxed too. Sunny didn’t want him walking on eggshells around him - he was the only person who hadn’t so far. "So can you uh… see? I mean of course you can see, but what’s it like? Do you trip over? Hero was saying that you’d probably find it hard since no you don’t have any depth perce… percept…. perce-” Kel frowned to himself, “seeing how far away stuff is.”
Sunny paused, searching for the right words. Honestly, he had found it pretty hard – if getting up and down the stairs was difficult before, it was somehow even harder now with the steps seeming to drag on forever and appear right in front of him. The bandages were dry and rough against his cheek, scratching his skin, but it wasn’t too bad. He’d made it through though, and walking around wasn’t as hard as it was last week which his mum said meant he was making progress.
He settled on saying, “I’m getting used to it.”
Kel smiled. “That’s good! Does it hurt?”
“… Not really.” It did hurt, but not too badly - not enough to need sympathy.
“Good,” Kel repeated, “as long as you’re alright.” He rubbed his hands on his thighs, looking around the room before resting back on Sunny’s eyepatch. “Hey, you look cool though! Like a…. a pirate or something!” Kel grinned, his eyes crinkling at the sides. "You'd make a great pirate, Sunny. Hey – do you remember when I lost my tooth and decided I was gonna be a pirate?"
How could he forget? Kel was later to lose his teeth compared to the other kids, so he couldn't stop talking about it when one finally came loose, poking at it all day until Aubrey finally hit him over the head for being so gross. When it fell out he'd tried to sell it to the guy at Hobbeez (unfortunately he politely declined) but after playing by the water fountain with Sunny he'd decided he was a pirate in the making, swashbucking with any kid at school that would accept.
Sunny nodded down to the ground. “You were a great pirate.”
“I know!” Kel laughed, leaning back on the sofa. “You know, Hero used to pretend to be a sea monster when we went to bed – we’d wait until my parents had gone back downstairs and he’d crawl over and pretend to be a big tentacle coming to get me. Of course I defeated him instantly though,” he winked dramatically at Sunny, “Captain Kel of the seven seas never loses a fight!”
Sunny laughed through his nose, surprising himself as a smile crept onto his lips.
“What? You don’t believe me?” Kel furrowed his brow incredulously. His expression seemed concerned, but there was always a layer of humour to whatever Kel did – he never got offended by little things like that.
“I believe you.” Sunny reassured him, the smile remaining. “That was fun, back then. Did you ever get the money for the tooth?”
“No!” Kel sighed, throwing himself back on the sofa and dramatically sticking his arms out. “The tooth fairy must have tricked me or something – she never came! And I was so desperate for another pet rock after Hector buried my last one.”
Sunny laughed lightly again. He wouldn’t admit it, but Hero had told him that the tooth fairy may or may not have skipped their house after Kel broke one too many plates when washing the dishes. He’d insisted that it was the “sea monsters down the plug hole” at the time, but Kel’s parents must have seen through it.
“I’ve still got the tooth though, if I ever get into a scrape and need something to save myself with.” Kel grinned. “Like now people keep gold rings and stuff.” He laughed to himself, sinking into the sofa.
After a natural silence fell over their conversation, Kel absentmindedly played with his fingers and stared around the room. It was probably weird for him, being back in Sunny’s house after everything that’d happened. He could be hiding it if he was upset, but he never really seemed to get hurt over things for long – he’d always bounce right back, smiling and laughing like always. The older kids would call him stupid for forgiving and forgetting so quickly, but Hero always assured him that he wasn’t. “Kind and compassionate” were the words he’d used for him- God, how long ago was that now? It felt like decades.
Either way, Sunny didn’t seem to mind talking to him as much as he thought he would have. He’d expected having someone back at the house to make him feel terrible, but now that everything was out and he and Basil had told the truth his fears had begun to subside. Only a little – they were still there, a flicker of a shadow in the corner of his room when he was alone in bed, the feeling of someone behind him when he went to brush his teeth, but it wasn’t too bad. And that… felt good.
It still hung in the air when he talked to people, awkward glances and unreadable expressions sent his way, but it wasn’t as bad as he’d expected it to be. Especially with Kel – he didn’t hold grudges, he didn’t get bitter or angry, he just seemed to want things to go back to the way they were before as much as Sunny did. Kel couldn’t hate anyone, he said so himself, and Sunny felt a bit stupid for thinking he would hate him.
“I…um..” Sunny began, breaking the silence. Kel’s eyes fell on him, his head tilted a little, but his gaze wasn’t threatening. It was… comforting. Sunny inhaled, finding his words. “I missed you. I missed-“ he made a light gesture with his hands- “this.”
Kel listened, letting Sunny breathe.
“I was worried that when everything came out, when we told you, um…” He trailed off, avoiding eye contact as his voice got smaller and smaller. He tried again. “I was scared. I was scared that you wouldn’t want to be friends any more, or sit and do any of this anymore.” He let out a breath, closing his eyes. It was only Kel, but it still felt like an enormous task just to speak sometimes.
After a moment of silence, Kel murmured, “Why would I hate you?”
Sunny pressed his lips together, confusion written on his face. He had every reason to hate him, more reasons than anyone in the world – why wouldn’t he hate him? He’d ruined everything, he’d ruined their friendship, he’d ruined the photobook, he’d… ruined Mari.
He looked down to the ground, his limbs heavy as pressed his tongue to his teeth but no words came out. He tried to think of what to say, how to say it, but then he realised how quiet it was. Kel was still, just sitting and watching him, no drumming or patting or poking or… anything. Blinking quickly, he hesitantly turned to glance at him.
Kel was just watching him, eyes wide and curious as always, but his eyebrows furrowed and… Sunny couldn’t put his finger on it. His mouth was tight and straight, his hands pressed between his thighs. It was weird, seeing him so still and attentive.
“Are you okay?” Sunny asked, trying to brush off what they’d been talking about.
Kel frowned further, leaning forwards slightly. “Why would I hate you?” He repeated, meeting Sunny’s gaze.
“Well, I mean…” Sunny didn’t want to talk about it. Why would he ask him? There were thousands of reasons to hate him, thousands of reasons he should hate him after everything, and it was stupid that he was even asking since-
“I don’t hate you.” Kel said plainly. He paused, seeming to be equally as confused as Sunny. “Why else would I knock at your door all the time?” He waited for Sunny to reply, but he didn’t. “I missed you! It’s been weird without you, with everything changing and everyone being different. Especially with Aubrey and Basil – I had to try and sort that out all by myself!”
That stung Sunny. He knew Kel must have been lonely, but why not make new friends? Friends that liked basketball and going on adventures and playing at the beach instead of holding onto someone who couldn’t even leave their house.
“I uh… I just mean I missed you Sunny. A lot. And, um…” He bit his lip. “I don’t know what to say. I’m not good at this.”
That was a lie. Kel was great at talking to people.
“I just mean I know it’s hard for everyone right now, and I don’t know what the right thing to say is because it probably doesn’t exist. I just wanted to say I missed you, and I’m glad you told the truth, and everything kind of makes sense now.” He was thinking out loud, visibly struggling to find the right words. “I wanted to say I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when everything went wrong, and… yeah. I’m not gonna say I forgive you-”
Sunny hummed. That was okay. He could learn to cope with that – forgiveness wasn’t necessary for them to still be friends, just mutual respect could be enough, right?
“I uh… I can’t say that ‘cause I don’t think you did anything wrong.”
…
What?
“We were kids – we were all kids! I don’t – I don’t think I can blame you for something that happened that long ago. And she was your sister, I don’t think… I don’t think I get to decide who’s fault it is, you know? I wasn’t there when you guys did what you did. I mean it obviously wasn’t the right thing to do – but look that’s not the point, you were like twelve and how were you meant to how to react?”
…
“…Why are you looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong? I was talking with Hero about what to say and I don’t wanna upset you, I’m sorry if I have, I just want us to all be friends again and-”
Sunny bit his cheek, tears welling up as he turned his head to hide them. Kel was still talking, but it wasn’t registering anymore. Kel forgave him? He wanted the same thing as him – he just wanted everything to go back to normal.
“…Sunny?”
Sunny slowly turned his head back to face him, pushing away the tightness in the corners of his eyes. Kel looked worried, his hands centimetres away from Sunny’s arm but too nervous to touch him. He… he looked honest. Like he really meant what he was saying. He wasn’t just saying the stuff you’re told to when something terrible happens, no “sorry for your loss” or “I wish you the best”. He was telling the truth, to the real Sunny. Not the one that hid inside for four years. He was telling it to the one that used to be his friend.
“Kel?” Sunny said as calmly as possible.
“Yeah?”
“Have you had breakfast yet?” His voice betrayed him, wavering slightly.
“…I had a granola bar before I left.” He was waiting on Sunny’s every word. “Umm, I’m sorry, did I-“
“Do you want to stay? For breakfast.” Sunny interrupted, avoiding his eyes. “My mum won’t mind.”
Kel beamed, the fear leaving him instantly as he leant forwards and finally pressed against the shorter boy. “Please! That sounds so good! I’d love to.” He nodded as he spoke.
“Okay.” Sunny said quietly. He just breathed for a moment, regaining his composure and relaxing against Kel’s warm arm.
“I… I missed you too, Kel.”
Kel smiled at Sunny, meeting eyes with him. He opened his mouth to say something, but Sunny had pulled him into a hug before he had a chance.