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At the first snowfall of every year, Lan Xichen thinks of his mother.  She was always a fire pit in the dead of a cold night, something bright to look forward to in the usual monotony of his childhood.  Even after her death, she still warms him, even with the vaguest of memories.

This year, as he thinks on his mother, he also thinks on his father.  Their marriage, more specifically.  The endless warnings he received at the mere mention of her, or the way he could barely bring himself to look at his father in his solitude.  Where Lan Xichen’s mother was warmth in Winter, his father is cold rain on a Spring day.  The two could never go well together but – Lan Xichen and his brother are here, anyway.

Lan Xichen wonders if he is fated for a similar marriage.  He sincerely hopes he isn’t.  His perfect partner would be a bit like himself, really.  Or, to be more realistic, would at least share the same interests.  Music, the martial arts, poetry… So long as they are willing to learn, or could enlighten him with their own perspectives and interests, he would be very happy with that.

Though maybe that is too much to expect.  Lan Xichen thinks he could make due if they don’t share his interests, so long as they share his opinions on the most important things.  Care for the family, especially younger siblings.  Appreciation for the natural beauty of the world.  Fondness for humor that others would call terrible.  If he could laugh with them, that would be best.

In terms of physicality… he would want someone strong.  Strong enough to match him, if not totally overpower him.  Someone who could be a great opponent when they train together.  If they could be taller than him, that would be a great plus.  Ever since his growth spurt, he has realized how disappointing it is to be taller than everyone else around him.  His partner could also ride horses with him and explore – allow themselves to get lost in the wild, a secret dream he’s always had.  He also wouldn’t mind if they could hunt.  They could ensure the best furs were available in the winter and feed themselves in spite of the Lan diet.  He is the sect heir, he should be able to allow them that much leniency.

As Lan Xichen watches the first snowfall of the year, he wonders about his perfect partner.  And as they shape themself in his mind, he finds them with perfect detail.  Tall and muscular, with tanned skin and a smattering of freckles down his face and neck.  His hair is dark brown and kept in a ponytail.  He is handsome, though others might not see it.  He clothes himself in dark green and gold robes.  He is an old friend.  He is Nie Mingjue.

The realization flusters him, enough to throw him back into his neatly made bed.  He hides himself in the sheets, restraining the scream of delight and apprehension in his throat.  His face burns terribly and his cheeks hurt from the closed-mouth smile he can’t control.  Even though he knows this could be a mistake, his chest is bursting with the joy of realizing that his perfect partner is also his closest friend.  He wants Nie Mingjue to be his husband.  He must be in love with Nie Mingjue.

He decides he has to act on this so he can make it a reality.

~~~

Much to his dismay, Lan Xichen cannot visit the Unclean Realm on a whim.  There must be a proper announcement of his intention and enough time for the Qinghe Nie to prepare for his visit.  There also has to be a good reason.  Maybe it will be easier for him once he’s sect leader, but, for now, he has to wait until there is some form of invitation.

But Lan Xichen really, really does not want to wait.  He wants to tell Nie Mingjue everything.  He’d even break a rule and shout inside Cloud Recesses if it meant Nie Mingjue could know how he feels.  He knows he could try writing a letter, but that is so terribly hollow.  He has to see Nie Mingjue’s face when he tells him!

Lan Xichen decides to write down all possible excuses he could use to go to the Unclean Realm.  Just as he writes ‘set a fire somewhere and use it as a distraction’, a letter arrives for him.  It’s from Nie Huaisang.  He’s asking to have Lan Wangji come over to spend time with him for a few days.  Which is, to put it shortly, very odd, since the two boys don’t like each other at all.  So, either Nie Huaisang is trying to have a proper relationship with Lan Wangji or Nie Huaisang is a mind reader.  Lan Xichen is betting on the latter.

Whatever the case, Lan Xichen finally has a good excuse.  He is given permission to fly out with Wangji the following morning.  They arrive in the afternoon, a little worn but otherwise in good spirits.  To Lan Xichen’s surprise, though, Nie Mingjue doesn’t greet them.  Nie Huaisang is there in his stead, tailed by about a dozen disciples older than him.

“Lan Wangji, Xichen-ge, welcome to the Unclean Realm!” Nie Huaisang greets, like it isn’t weird at all for him to be doing his brother’s job.  “I trust you had a pleasant flight?”

“Yes, Huaisang, thank you,” Lan Xichen replies, although his eyes keep scanning for any sign of Nie Mingjue.  “How have you been?”

“Ah, busy, busy.  I caught a few new birds and have been training them.”

“You should be working on your cultivation,” Lan Wangji reprimands.

Nie Huaisang gives him a strained smile.  “Yes, yes, I have been doing that, Lan Wangji!  Da-ge makes sure I attend all my training sessions.”

They all know that’s a lie, but they leave it be.  Nie Huaisang leads them to their rooms, talking endlessly about his birds.  Lan Xichen keeps up the pleasantries, best he can, but as soon as they have settled their luggage, he decides he can’t wait any longer and asks after Nie Mingjue.

“I thought you would never ask!” Nie Huaisang suddenly exclaims, frustration and relief evident on his face.  “Xichen-ge, da-ge won’t rest!  I called you all the way over here because you’re my last hope!  If you can’t convince him to stop working, nobody will!”

Nie Huaisang begins to wail, but Lan Wangji interrupts him with, “Then why invite me?”

“Ah, da-ge is checking all the mail lately.  He’s paranoid about the Wen again.  If I directly asked Xichen-ge to come here to help, he probably would’ve torn my letter up.”

Lan Wangji looks thoroughly unimpressed and annoyed.  Lan Xichen pats his shoulder to reassure him.  “Don’t worry, Wangji, the Unclean Realm has plenty of spots for meditation and reading.  You’ll find it’s not all that different from the Cloud Recesses.”

“I can take you to my aviary!  It’s very calming to meditate there,” Nie Huaisang offers.

“I don’t like your birds,” Lan Wangji rebukes.

Lan Xichen opts to escape now.  He quickly walks his way to where he knows he will find Nie Mingjue.  He is holed up in his office, surrounded by stacks and stacks of scrolls and books.

“I told you not to bother me!” Nie Mingjue snaps.  His voice conveys his exhaustion, but still he doesn’t bother to look up from whatever scroll he currently has his nose buried in.

“Mingjue,” Lan Xichen softly greets, fighting the urge to hide behind a pillar.  He thought seeing Nie Mingjue would be easy since they are such long-time friends.  But as he looks at Nie Mingjue, even tired and ragged like he is now, Lan Xichen can only see the future he envisioned for them – hopefully married and very, very happy.

Nie Mingjue’s shoulders droop, almost dramatically, at the sight of his oldest friend.  “Xichen, what are you doing here?”

“Your brother devised a devious plan so he could indirectly invite me to help you,” Xichen answers.  From Nie Mingjue’s immediate eyeroll, Lan Xichen knows he’s not even remotely surprised.  “So, here I am, ready and willing to help you.”  And ask for your hand in marriage, his mind unhelpfully adds.  “Tell me what I can do,” he says as he walks over to the other man’s desk.

“Declare war against the Qishan Wen and let me take care of the rest,” Nie Mingjue decides.

Lan Xichen sighs and doesn’t resist the urge to slide his hands over the back of Nie Mingjue’s neck.  “My father would not approve.  What I can do is give you a massage.”

He swears he feels Nie Mingjue’s skin warm, but it’s such an inconsequential change to his usual body temperature that Lan Xichen isn’t sure if it’s his imagination.  What isn’t uncertain, though, is the nod he is given to proceed.  Without hesitation, he brings his hands to Nie Mingjue’s shoulders, squeezes, and instantly garners a sigh of relief.

“You need to teach Huaisang how to do this,” Nie Mingjue requests as his head droops and he finally puts his writing brush to rest.  “You always know exactly what to do.”

A hum of contentment spreads through Lan Xichen’s chest as he massages Nie Mingjue’s shoulders just the way he likes.  “I learned through trial and error.  I’m sure Huaisang has figured out tricks of his own.”

“Brat just complains until I request the acupuncturist instead.”

“That’s not a bad trick, to be honest.”

Nie Mingjue groans in frustration, but there’s no heat to it.  “You know I hate those needles.”

“You always feel better afterwards, right?”

“…Yes, but I still don’t like all the quiet and needles.”

Lan Xichen barely restrains a laugh.  His Nie Mingjue is so brave, could fight a thousand terrors and then challenge the Baihu itself, but absolutely detests a needle.  Ever since he was a child, he would have to be restrained or thoroughly persuaded before he let anyone inject anything.  Lan Xichen personally does not envy how Nie Huaisang must have had to learn exactly how to manipulate his brother into doing what’s good for him.  Still, though, Lan Xichen can only find this personal failing as one of the sweetest possible attributes in the man he loves.

Speaking of, though –

“I have something important to tell you,” Lan Xichen says when Nie Mingjue has fully relaxed in his hands, slumped against his chair and head lolling to the side.

“Go ahead,” Nie Mingjue replies, one callused hand briefly catching Lan Xichen’s and giving it a squeeze.

“Well…” Lan Xichen takes a deep breath.  He prepared a speech for this moment, but it all leaves his mind in an instant.  He has only his courage and his heart on his side as he says, “I have been thinking about my future partner.  Father will begin to expect marriage for me soon, so I have been giving it much thought.”  Great, he’s repeating himself.  “A-and as I was thinking, I realized my perfect partner is someone who is already very close to me.”  Nie Mingjue tenses, Lan Xichen squeezes just as hard.  “It’s… It’s you, Mingjue.  I would very much like to court you.”

Nie Mingjue springs from his chair.  Lan Xichen’s hands lamely fall from his shoulders.  “Xichen, do you realize what you’re saying?” he asks, his voice almost perfectly even and difficult to interpret.  But Lan Xichen has known him for so long, so he hears the fear laced in his tone.  It isn’t outright rejection, but it is a near thing.

“I will back off if that’s what you prefer, Mingjue.  But I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you.”  Lan Xichen carefully steps around his friend, coming to his side and studying his profile.  Nie Mingjue looks surprisingly lost.  “I don’t expect you to return my feelings.  So long as we can remain friends like this, then I can be happy like this.”

“That’s not what I mean, Xichen.”  Nie Mingjue tightens his hands into fists, relaxes them, then balls his hands again.  “We’re not a good match.”

Lan Xichen bows his head.  “Please, if you cannot accept my feelings, then say as much and I will go.”

“Xichen, no…” Nie Mingjue’s hand grabs Lan Xichen's shoulder, gentle but firm. “It’s not that I do not want… I can’t respond how you want me to.  But- my heart…”

Lan Xichen is familiar with this particular indication of fluster in Nie Mingjue.  He trips over his words and fumbles with his hands because he has something to say, but cannot find the way to say it.  He has always had trouble saying the most important things.

“Is it a rejection, but not because you do not want me?” Lan Xichen supplies, hopeful.  Nie Mingjue nods.  The cold in his rapidly beating heart immediately fades.  “I will wait for an explanation from you, then.  But I don’t think I have what it takes to stop myself from still pursuing you.”

Nie Mingjue laughs, a little weak, and drops his hand from Lan Xichen’s face.  “You still don’t know how to back away, do you?”

“I have been told it is a good trait to have,” Lan Xichen says with a smile.  “I will be here for three more days, as per Huaisang’s request.  Call me when you are ready.”  With that said, he bows and hurries out before his legs can give out from excitement.

~~~

Lan Xichen knows the rules of courting very well, so of course he prepared gifts before arriving in Qinghe.  On the morning of his second day in Qinghe, he brings one out and hides it in his sleeve.

“Do you think it will go well today?” Lan Xichen asks his brother as they approach the private wing, where the Nie brothers personal rooms are.  Nobody in the Unclean Realm wakes as early as the Lan, with the exception of the guards and servants, so Lan Xichen intends to surprise Nie Mingjue with his presence.

“Nie Huasiang will force me into the aviary again,” Lan Wangji predicts, a scowl laced into his voice.

“Did you not enjoy seeing all the birds he keeps?”

“I like the birds.  I do not like all the noise.”

Lan Xichen keeps his laugh to his chest and says, “Wangji, he’s trying to find common ground with you.  Perhaps invite him for a hike today.”

Lan Wangji gives him a look, one that reads ‘Do you really think Nie Huaisang would ever willingly agree to go hiking?’

“If you intend to take in the scenery, then yes, he’ll go.  You will have to carry his art supplies, however.”

Lan Wangji frowns, but he doesn’t refuse.  Lan Xichen considers that a small success.

They arrive at Nie Mingjue’s quarters first.  The doors to his bedroom are open, meaning he is awake and already finished getting ready for the day.  Lan Xichen is, to say the least, very surprised.

“Did Sect Leader Nie not sleep well?” he asks a nearby servant.

The young lady responds, “He has been waking at sunrise to train on his own.”

Lan Xichen knows Nie Mingjue never goes to bed before everyone in the Unclean Realm is fast asleep, so he hurries away to the training grounds.  How dare his friend risk his health like this, barely resting just so he can have some more time to train?

“Nie Mingjue!” Lan Xichen declares as soon as he sees the man in question.  “You need to sleep!”

“You sound like my nanny,” Nie Mingjue immediately complains.  He doesn’t stop swinging Baxia at an invisible enemy.  Just looking at all the sweat pooled in Nie Mingjue’s clothes, Lan Xichen can tell he has already been at this for hours.

“If I must be your nanny, then I will,” Lan Xichen quips.  “Come now, Mingjue, Huaisang told us how exhausted you have been.  Allow yourself some rest.”

Nie Mingjue sheaths Baxia but makes no other signs of leaving the training grounds.  “That brat rests enough for the both of us.  I have a sect to run, Xichen, you don’t understand.”

That comment stings, just a little.  Memories of a grief-stricken, rageful Nie Mingjue in the wake of his father’s death are still fresh in Lan Xichen’s mind.  He knows his friend took on this responsibility much too soon.  In addition, he was saddled with Nie Huasiang when he was much too young to be without parents.  Nie Mingjue has carried the world in his hands for the past few years and Lan Xichen regrets every day that he can’t take a share of the burden.

Still, though, he says, “I can understand that you are burning the candle at both ends.  Come now, a few more hours of rest for you.  Your attendants can guide me through some of the paperwork.”  He grabs Nie Mingjue by the arm and begins to drag him back to his rooms.  Nie Mingjue, thankfully, relents.

“I’ll only sleep if you can make sure Huaisang trains today.”

Lan Wangji grunts.  Lan Xichen looks over and sees on his brother the steel determination of someone who is still mad about being forced into an aviary and would like revenge.  “Don’t worry, A-Jue, Wangji has this handled,” Lan Xichen confirms.

~~~

Paperwork is, unsurprisingly, very droll.  Nie Mingjue’s attendants are smart enough to not hand Lan Xichen anything particularly important or secret, so he is kept to double-checking the treasury reports, reading transcripts of Qinghe civilians seeking the Nie’s personal intervention on some problem or another (a surprising amount are for marital disputes), and other sorts of busy work that really should not be put in a sect leader’s lap.

Lan Xichen thinks to ask why Nie Mingjue does not delegate these tasks, but he is already certain of the answer.  Nie Mingjue is young and inexperienced.  Doubtlessly, many have previously tried to undermine his authority or manipulate him for their own gain.  No sect, not even the Gusu Lan, is safe from such tricksters.  Lan Xichen decides that, with the time he will be in Qinghe, he will personally vet some disciples for delegation’s sake.

Lan Xichen is nose-deep in records of textile consumption when Nie Mingjue finally joins him.  Lan Xichen has never been so relieved to see the man.

“Do you think Huaisang could help me chose some officials for you?” he asks in way of greeting.

“Absolutely not, he’s a terrible judge of character,” Nie Mingjue grumbles as he shoos Lan Xichen out of his seat.

“Then I’m afraid I will busy the rest of today.  I have a lot of work ahead of me.”

Nie Mingjue cocks his brow, a familiar frown on his face that says ‘You’re going to do something I don’t like, aren’t you?’  Lan Xichen can’t help the smile that grows on his lips.

“Before I go, I have a small gift for you.”  From his sleeve, Lan Xichen out a box that is just slightly larger than his palm.  The box is fairly simple, made with bleached and lacquered wood, but it’s what’s inside that makes it so special.  As Nie Mingjue opens the box, his eyes unmistakably light up.  Inside is a set of four inksticks, all decorated with scenes of birds in nature.

“I know this is a gift better suited for Huaisang, but I believe you deserve something nice, too.  You can use them for special occasions.”

Nie Mingjue splutters, his hands twitching and flying through the air as he tries, desperately, to find his words.  Lan Xichen laughs behind his sleeve and leaves – he really does have a lot of work ahead for him.

~~~

The next day, Lan Xichen is expecting a shipment, and it arrives just in time.  The Lan disciple carrying the cargo looks a little haggard, but in return Lan Xichen can turn a blind eye to him treating himself to Qinghe wine and meat.  What’s more important is that Lan Xichen can surprise Nie Mingjue again.

He decides to wait on gifting it, however.  It is best suited for the night, when it will be of most use.

Lan Wangji is none too pleased, though.

“If I must spend another day with Nie Huaisang, I cannot guarantee he will remain intact.”

Ah, his brother is feeling dramatic today.  “Perhaps he can show you some plays or other entertainment around Qinghe.”

Lan Wangji looks baleful but, again, it is not a no.

“Or, perhaps, you could spend some time alone today.  Huaisang doesn’t require a companion.”

Lan Wangji quickly squints and relaxes his eyes.  Ah, he’s angry at the suggestion.  Lan Xichen hums; when did his brother get so cute?

After breakfast and after seeing Lan Wangji off with Nie Huasiang, Lan Xichen spends most of his day interviewing and organizing a group of workers for Nie Mingjue’s more clerical tasks.  He finishes a list of suggestions by mid-afternoon.  He hasn’t seen Nie Mingjue all day.  He finds himself rather lonely.

Convincing Nie Mingjue to let him help with his current pile of work is, thankfully, an easy task.  Again he pours over the most mundane of subjects, only this time with the constant backdrop of Nie Mingjue working.  His friend cannot be quiet, nor can he sit still for very long.  There are grunts of frustration and the tapping of his foot, whispers as he reads aloud and popping as he cracks his knuckles for the umpteenth time.  To most, it is a very annoying habit of his.  To Lan Xichen, it has always been amusing.

Finally, dinner approaches and the sun slips under the horizon.  Nie Huaisang and Lan Wangji have returned from their escapades in Qinghe, both looking very worn out but not unhappy.  The Nie brothers exchange pleasantries, questions about the other’s day, and small stories and complaints.  Their voices are hushed, perhaps in an attempt to respect the Lan ban on talking during meals, but more likely because they are mutually exhausted and can only muster up so many words to say ‘I love you, I hope your day was good’.

After dinner, Nie Mingjue makes to leave to work some more, but Lan Xichen stops him at the door.

“You need to rest, Mingjue-ge.  You will be no use to your sect if you are bleary-eyed,” Lan Xichen reprimands.  He hears Nie Huaisang snort in the background.

“Don’t try to stop me, Xichen.  Nobody has succeeded yet,” Nie Mingjue sasses in return.

Lan Xichen takes that as a challenge and stoops down.  Putting Nie Mingjue over his shoulder is no easy feat, but he is lighter than Lan Xichen expected.

“Your Lan strength is absolutely ridiculous,” Nie Mingjue complains as he struggles, fruitlessly, in Lan Xichen’s hold.

Lan Xichen doesn’t respond until they reach Nie Mingjue’s quarters.  He deposits the young sect leader and holds him by the arm.  “It’s time for your second gift.”

Nie Mingjue’s eyes bug out and his lips twist in the way they always do when he’s flustered.

Lan Xichen steps inside Nie Mingjue’s room and retrieves a package in wrapping paper.  Nie Mingjue carefully opens his present and looks at Lan Xichen in confusion at the reveal.

“I had the seamstresses make this for you.  I had to rush them, but they did a truly wonderful job.”

Nie Mingjue removes the robe from its paper storage.  The robe is, of course, too long and too big for him, but Lan Xichen is certain the Nie seamstresses will know Nie Mingjue’s measurements much better than any Lan.  Thankfully, though, Nie Mingjue doesn’t seem bothered by the size.  Rather, his eyes focus on the pattern crossing the steel gray robe.  Black and white lines dance in diamond shapes over the fabric, accentuated by blue dots in the middle of each diamond.  The wrists and neck are marked by solid black lines, giving the robe a more solid, stronger appearance.

“Do you like it?” Lan Xichen asks, hesitant.

“I-I… it’s great.”  Nie Mingjue smiles, just a little, and walks into his room.  Without any indication that he should stay in place, Lan Xichen follows him in.  Nie Mingjue deposits the robe on his bed and says, “But why do you keep gifting me things that Huaisang would appreciate more?”

“…You are remarkably difficult to think of gifts for,” Lan Xichen admits with a blush.  “You are pragmatic to a fault, A-Jue, so I had to think pragmatically.  Ink because you are always in short supply, a new robe because you grow through yours too quickly.”

Nie Mingjue activates a nearby talisman and soon the room is warm with candlelight.  In the resulting duel of shadow and the embrace of orange glow, Nie Mingjue looks heavenly, every sharp feature accentuated and his brown eyes brought to softness.  His smile grows to a satisfied smirk and the air in Lan Xichen’s chest steals itself away.  He really is too handsome for his own good.

“Thank you, Xichen.  You really understand me best.”  Nie Mingjue approaches him, closing the space between them until there is barely any at all.  He doesn’t touch Lan Xichen, but with this proximity, Lan Xichen feels himself enveloped by Nie Mingjue’s mere presence, steady and heady and warm.

Lan Xichen wants to kiss him.  Wants to be kissed by him.  Lan Xichen wants and covets until his loose Lan robes are too tight on his frame and his hair decorations dig into his skull.  He keeps himself still only by the grace of thousands of hours of training.

“You know why I have to say no to you, right?” Nie Mingjue asks.

Lan Xichen’s heart cracks, but it does not break.  “Is that truly how you feel?”

Nie Mingjue looks away.  “No,” he answers shortly.

“Then I will not accept your words.  You must tell me the whole truth or I cannot stop courting you.”

“A-Huan, you are being childish.”

“This is too important!” Lan Xichen declares as he forces eye contact with Nie Mingjue.  “This is a matter of my heart.  If I must bear myself whole for you, then you must do the same for me.  You aren’t somebody my parents chose for me or a passing fancy, you are my first friend and I want to be beside you.  I want to trust you with everything, even if you don’t love me in return.  Please, A-Jue, just tell me how you truly feel.”

Nie Mingjue’s mouth draws into a straight line.  He doesn’t answer.

Lan Xichen excuses himself and returns to his guest quarters.  He wants to cry, but he won’t.  He still has much to work to do.

~~~

Lan Xichen wastes no time the next morning.  With the knowledge that today is his last day in Qinghe, he hurries to Nie Mingjue’s rooms, keeping the memory of candlelight and heartache in the back of his mind.  Neither the guards nor the servants stop him as he invites himself into the sect leader’s bedroom.  Nie Mingjue is settled at his vanity, dressed only to his middle robe with his long, black hair a river down his back, undisturbed by any styling.  Perfect timing.

Lan Xichen produces his third gift without any fanfare.  It is a container of hair gel, made in Lanling and exceedingly popular in Gusu and Caiyi.  It is wonderful at taming curls and humidity as well as keeping the scalp healthy.  Lan Xichen doesn’t pretend to understand anything about hair traditions in the Qinghe Nie, but he does know how important it is to both Nie brothers.

Nie Mingjue takes the container of hair gel and stares up at Lan Xichen.  There is vulnerability in his eyes, something so delicate in the way he holds his gift.  This is neither the time nor place to deal in romantic overtures, however, so Lan Xichen simply murmurs to him to meet him later by the river.

Although the Qinghe Nie maintain a wide swath of land trade routes, they are situated near a tributary of the Huang He, where they also keep a few river ports.  There are many fond memories shared between Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen at the loading docks – when they taught Nie Huaisang how to swim; when they watched fireworks with the river running behind them; when Lan Xichen wanted to learn how to fish; these and so many more.  It is the perfect place for one last gift.

Nie Mingjue arrives by mid-morning.  He likely would have come much sooner, but Lan Xichen is under no pretense that his friend is a free man.  Nie Mingjue is dressed in some of his finest robes, the dark and light greens contrasting nicely and supported by various gold accessories.  He has decided to forego his usual braids in favor of a ponytail atop his head, but Lan Xichen has a sneaking suspicion that he still used the gel.

Nie Mingjue looks lost, though.  He wanders by the loading docks, turning his head this way and that as he searches for his friend.  Lan Xichen allows himself a small smile from his hiding spot.  Never let it be said that he cannot be vindictive.

Luckily for Nie Mingjue, however, Lan Xichen is also very merciful.  He waits until Nie Mingjue’s back is turned to leave his hiding spot and approach his friend.  “A-Jue!” he calls, keeping his voice light and sweet.

Nie Mingjue turns around.  His eyes immediately land upon the pink flower in Lan Xichen’s hand.

“This has no significance or use,” Lan Xichen admits.  “I only thought it was pretty.”

Nie Mingjue does not take the flower, but his eyes remain trained upon it.  “So you can be frivolous, too.”

“Don’t tell my uncle,” Lan Xichen teases.

Nie Mingjue chuckles a little.  “I won’t.  But I do have to ask… you know I love you, don’t you?”

Lan Xichen stills.  “I had hoped, but I was not certain.”

“So you really are just stubborn, huh…” Nie Mingjue smiles ruefully and takes the flower.  He tucks the stem behind his ear, leaving the blossom to sit with his hair, wildly out of place in his overall outfit.  “When you told me, I was elated.  But, Xichen, I’m already Nie-zongzhu.  I have to focus on marriages and children for my sect.  Don’t you already know that?”

Lan Xichen swallows dryly.  He did know, he just… “Your father married two women and all three were happy.  I thought surely you could—”

“I’m not my father.”  There is distress in Nie Mingjue’s voice as he says, “I wish I could, but my heart has only ever belonged to you, Xichen.  That won’t ever change.  But I cannot imagine laying with another when I am allowed to have only you.  And – it’s risky.  You’re a sect heir.  Your family will not let you go so easily.”

Lan Xichen knows all this, knew it from the very start.  But can he be blamed for hoping?  “If you love me, A-Jue, just say so.  Say only that and I will accept everything that comes our way.”

“Xichen, you have to understand—”

“Why do you live in absolutes, A-Jue?”  Lan Xichen wipes away the tears welling in his eyes.  “You don’t know the future.  Your heart could change, you could come to terms with loving me and bedding another.  And – and we don’t have to marry!  I will have my responsibilities, you will have yours, but we can still be together!”  He grabs Nie Mingjue’s hand and pulls him away from the docks, away from the crowd of people, away until they find a secluded spot between the flower shop and the fishery.  “If you love me, then say only that, and we can figure out the rest.”

Nie Mingjue kisses him.  His lips are rough, unpracticed, but they still send stars through Lan Xichen’s body.  They wrap their arms around each other and hold, determined to have this time, this spot, all to themselves.  Lan Xichen knows this is not a yes, but it is also not a no.  He knows they will have to talk so much more but, for now, this is enough.