Chapter Text
Chapter Eleven
------------------------------------------------------------------
Awkward.
Dean could describe this no other way.
Their group leader, Rachel, was running late, so everyone was sorted into table groups and forced to wait. Castiel was sitting across from Dean at one of the tables in the room. They hadn’t spoken at all.
It wasn’t that Dean didn’t want to! He tried multiple times to start a conversation, but he always fizzled out before actually… speaking. What would he even say?
‘Oh, hey Cas. I know you saw me and Anna making out in that storage closet but don’t take that the wrong way. I’m actually heads over heels for you! Crazy right?’
There’s really no way for Dean to bring up the whole Anna thing without making it sound like he has a crush on Cas, which he does, but that’s besides the point.
A crush on Cas… it was weird to even think about. Now that he’d said it aloud, there was nowhere left to run.
Dean looks over at a table a short distance away and sees Ash staring at him intently, mouthing words and motioning at Castiel. He could practically hear Ash internally screaming at him to say something- anything.
Another voice creeps into his internal monologue. Suck it up Winchester, be a man!
Dean’s pretty sure his dad wouldn’t be encouraging this particular activity, but the words force him to take action nonetheless. They always do.
Finally, he takes a deep breath and glances towards Cas.
He practically jumps out of his skin when he sees Castiel staring right back at him, his blue eyes locked on Dean’s.
Before Dean can even get a word out, Castiel looks back down at his hands, tightly folded in his lap.
He’s so screwed.
The weirdest part about all of this is that Castiel hasn’t tried to talk to him either- not even once. No ‘hello Dean’ or some weird crap about his emotional aura or whatever Castiel said he could sense. So… what’s bothering him?
His concern for Cas outweighs his awkwardness.
“Hey, you okay Cas? You’ve been… quiet. Well, you’re always a little quiet. You’re uh, quieter than usual?” Fuck, what a trainwreck. He’d never been happier that the people around them were talking at an obnoxiously loud volume and paying absolutely no attention to the pair.
The Angel glances up at him, a closed off expression on his face, before looking back down. “I’m fine, Dean.”
His answer took Dean aback. “Uh… you sure about that? You seem a little off. Is something wrong?”
This time, Cas shifts in his seat, sitting up and making eye contact, “I assure you, Dean, I’m perfectly fine. Even if there was something… wrong, I wouldn’t let it hinder the mission.”
He blinks, comprehending the Angel’s words. “Cas, I’m not asking because of the mission, I’m asking because you’re my friend and I’m worried. I… care about you. A lot.”
For a split second, Cas stares at Dean like he’s something to be adored. Then he tenses; Cas takes a deep breath and puts on a steady face. “Dean, I am fine. You can stop asking.”
This shuts him up. Maybe Dean lets his emotion leak into his facial expression, because Cas’ wall breaks. A concerned frown replaces his tense gaze almost immediately.
“I’m sorry, Dean. I was just… I was getting too close…”
“Getting too close to what?”
“I needed to take a step back,” Castiel carefully dodges Dean’s question. “I thought maybe if I was more focused on the mission and less on… other things, everything would go smoother.”
Dean doesn’t ask for him to elaborate and takes the weird answer. Cas is an Angel, he probably has all kinds of weird angelic secrets and stuff that Dean doesn’t understand. Plus, he’s not the best at social interaction, so who knows what he was getting at.
“Sorry for asking so many times. I was just kinda freaked out, ya know? You flew out so quickly and I was...” He trails off.
A corner of Castiel’s mouth quirks downwards, “You were what?”
There’s a pause. “I was scared, dude! I thought you… left.”
Realization sparks in Castiel’s eyes before a sort of sadness clouds them. “I’m sorry for scaring you, Dean. I won’t leave- not until you tell me to.”
Dean takes a few shaky breaths before faking a smile for his friend, “I guess I’m just not used to people... sticking around. Thanks.”
Cas frowns, his eyebrows lower, “I see… you’re scared of abandonment.”
“I-” Dean’s flabbergasted, “I am not scared of abandonment! I was just worried about you!”
Castiel smiles with his eyes, his mouth turning upwards, like he’s pleased. Dean looks away, a bit red in the face.
He’s so cute.
The offhanded thought makes Dean tense up. It was so unfiltered that it caught him off guard- he doesn’t know what to think.
When he looks back at Cas, the Angel seems to have sensed a change of atmosphere. Castiel’s staring at the table, seemingly concentrating on a scratch in the wood between them.
Dean glances around, desperately searching for something to keep the conversation going. If he wasn’t such an idiot, he wouldn’t have ruined the banter they had going on for the first time in forever.
As he looks around, he notices something. He can see Charlie’s red hair, poking up from a few tables away, but there’s a noticeable lack of the other redhead.
He almost laughs, at least all of this wasn’t for nothing. Her plan fucking worked.
“Anna’s gone.”
Dean spoke out of reflex and internally winced seconds after it came out of his mouth. Why why why did he shift the conversation back to Anna of all people.
He slowly looks back at Cas and sees him staring back, slightly hesitant.
Castiel sighs inwardly, “I’m sorry. I know you two were…”
“No, no we weren’t anything! We were just friends!”
“It’s okay, Dean. I’m not condemning you for wanting a, uh, romantic companion.”
Fuck. “It wasn’t like that!” Dean lowers his voice and looks around before speaking, “She just wanted to pull an Andy Gallagher.”
Castiel does that thing where he squints and tilts his head. “Andy Gallagher? Ash’s ex-boyfriend?”
Dean nods, “Yeah, exactly. Joseph’s probably so desperate for results that he’ll send anyone home if they can convince him they’re even slightly ‘cured’. It worked for him and, apparently, Anna too.”
He nods slowly, registering Dean’s words, “I see. You two weren’t actually… together. You were helping her escape.”
Relief floods through Dean, “Yeah, yeah. But don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Of course not. I’m... glad... you weren’t a couple.”
His words make Dean mentally reboot. “What?”
Castiel looks away, once again concentrating on something else in the distance. “If you were, you’d be more upset by her leave. Like Ash.”
“O-oh. Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
They make eye contact again, and Cas lowers his eyebrows slightly, “Will you miss her?”
“I mean, yeah. I won’t miss her constant flirting, but she’s our friend. I’m glad she got out.”
“You didn’t like her advances?”
Dean smiles a bit, “Nah, she’s nice but… not my type.”
He looks confused. “I don’t understand. She possessed many personality traits and physical attributes that are commonly found to be attractive.”
“I… don’t know. I guess I just wasn’t into her.” It was similar to the excuse Dean gave Anna back in the supply closet and it gave him a sick feeling in his stomach.
“Do humans often kiss those they aren’t exclusively interested in?”
Dean snaps out of his train of thought and fumbles with his words, “Uh, they can. Sometimes.”
Cas just nods solemnly, like he was given a secret of human interaction.
Suddenly, Charlie squeezes in between Cas and the stranger sitting next to him. She apologizes briefly before turning to the two, a big smile on her face. “Have you two made up?”
They stare at her for a moment before she elaborates, “You guys were just sitting there, not talking. I wasn’t about to join that awkwardness fest, especially when you guys are usually joined at the hip!”
Dean thinks he might be blushing. “We weren’t fighting! There was just a… misunderstanding!”
Castiel nods, looking between Charlie and Dean. “Charlie, don’t you have an assigned table group?”
She just rolls her eyes, “Please. Rules only apply to those scared of punishment.”
Just then, Rachel walks in. “Sorry about that wait, everyone! Let’s get started! Move your chairs to the center of the room and form a circle.”
------------------------------------------------------------------
Castiel and Dean decide to spend the next hour in the library. Ash looks like he wants to make some stupid joke, but is too put out from the exercises to do it. Instead, he makes small talk while walking them down the hall.
“We have an hour to contact our families, are you sure you wanna spend it in the library?”
Dean nods, “Yeah, I’m sure. Are you gonna call Ellen and Jo?”
“Yeah. And then maybe get high.”
Charlie hits him in the shoulder with a half-hearted smirk, “Is that your solution to everything?”
“Nah, just the depressing stuff. Then again, all cats are grey in the dark.” His voice quiets at the end, staying here for so long has clearly affected him worse than he lets on.
When they get to the library, Ash and Charlie leave them alone, walking further down the hallway. Cas and Dean enter the library, but just as the door is almost closed, they hear voices outside. It’s Joseph.
Dean immediately holds a finger to his lips and motions for Castiel to crouch down beside the barely opened door; he doesn’t seem to understand, but does what he’s asked anyway.
As Joseph walks by, Dean can hear his conversation. “-he’s been put in critical condition. From what I’ve heard, he’s spouting complete nonsense and is covered in burns.”
The second voice sounds like… June from the front desk; Dean had only met her once, but he remembers enough to recognize her flat drawl. “Jesus. When did this happen?”
“Right before the group exercises- I got some counselors to contain the incident so none of the kids would see it and freak out. Deirdre, Collin… Rachel too.”
Rachel? So that’s why she was so late… As the pair walk away, Dean catches one last piece of information. “I can’t believe there was another attack… he wasn’t even in the woods.”
Cold focus and determination creep into Dean’s head as he stands, slowly shutting the door. “The monster struck again. Dead plants, an animal attack, combusted birds, and now burns on a victim. What the hell is this thing?”
Castiel frowns, “He said the attack didn’t take place in the forest. It must be hungry; the new precautions around the fence are probably hindering its hunting.”
“It happened an hour ago, so the attacks have taken place both day and night. The lunar cycle doesn’t seem to be relevant either… It’s nothing I’ve seen before, nothing I’ve even heard of before. What about you?”
Cas looks a little caught off guard. “Angels don’t usually take to these sorts of things. All I can gauge is that whatever is messing with the dimensional frequencies around here doesn’t seem to be related...”
Suddenly, Dean feels like shit. “Ah crap, I’m sorry Cas. I forgot about the uh… dimensional fiend you’re dealing with. Can I help in any way?” Castiel gives him a kind smile that’s almost pitiful.
“I’ll be alright, but thank you. This monster we’re dealing with is more… pressing, anyway. I’m more than happy to help you with it.”
Dean finds himself giving a genuine smile back, “Thanks Cas. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The rest of the hour is spent theorizing to no avail. The topic of ghosts is brought up and shut down just as quickly. The idea of a tulpa is considered, but there aren’t any urban legends that match the description. It’s a little disheartening, but they manage to keep morale somewhat elevated.
The day continues, but Dean feels like he’s stuck in a bubble of monster hunting. Factors of the case and lore mix in with his thoughts until he ends up spacing out and forgetting what he’s doing.
Ash notices and makes a joke. Charlie notices and asks if he’s alright. Castiel holds his hand under the table.
When it’s finally time to hit the sack, Dean feels like it’d be a miracle to get more than an hour of shut eye. Castiel subtly asks if he’d like help, but Dean politely declines. It’d be more productive to stay up and theorize anyway. What good has sleep ever done?
Sometime around two am, he realizes his dad and Sammy probably saw some sort of news report about the most recent victim. He probably thinks Dean’s a worse screw up than he already thought.
Sometime around three, he feels himself finally succumbing to mental exhaustion.
He’s running in a forest, dodging low hanging branches and tripping over roots. It reminds him of the forest outside Cherry Valley, but he’s alone and it’s darker than he remembers. It’s freezing cold.
He’s screaming for someone. A scream rattles off in the distance- it’s Sammy.
Dean runs faster and faster; he abandons trying to avoid the foliage, and instead, lets it hit him. He feels branches cut his face and snag on his clothes. He hears more screaming.
“Dean! Dean, help me!”
His brother’s cries sound far away and right in his face all at once. “Sammy! Hold on, I’m coming!” He yells himself hoarse, but somehow he knows Sam can’t hear him.
The screams are coming from behind him, to the left of him, no, straight ahead. They’re coming from all around him; they get louder and louder until Dean has to cover his ears. He stumbles backwards against a tree, squeezing one eye shut and still trying to look around.
It’s darker now. And colder. He can see his breath in front of him, evaporating into the air. He can’t save his brother. He can’t find him, he can’t even see him. Sammy’s going to die and it’s all his fault. He wasn’t good enough. He’s useless.
The screaming gets louder and louder until suddenly, it goes completely silent.
“Sammy!”
Dean sits up in bed, panting like he’s just run a marathon. He’s sweating, but his skin feels cold. “It was just a nightmare.” He mumbles to himself and covers his face with his hands; he can feel himself shaking.
Jesus. His heart feels like it’s racing a mile a minute and the surge of adrenaline isn’t helping.
“Dean? Are you okay?” He almost jumps out of his skin at the sound of Cas’ gravelly voice from the other bed.
“Y-yeah, just a bad nightmare. I’ll survive.” There’s silence. Silence suddenly feels so suffocating.
“Do you… want a hug?”
Dean would laugh if he wasn’t so rattled. As soon as he winds down, the idea of a hug wouldn’t be half bad. As Sam’s gotten older, Dean’s realized he’s become less touchy-feely. Since his younger brother is pretty much his only reliable source of positive physical contact, the subject’s been broached less and less.
Dean hadn’t thought about it in a while; hugging isn’t exactly the manliest shit out there.
He doesn’t answer Cas’ question, and instead swings his legs over the side of his bed, hoping that the Angel understands his reaction.
He does.
Castiel stands and makes his way to Dean, smiling softly before wrapping him in his arms. Dean feels like he could cry. He buries his face in Cas’ neck and lets him rub his back. “It’ll be okay, Dean.”
When Dean doesn’t say anything for a while, Cas loosens a bit. “What was the nightmare about?”
Dean opens his eyes, not realizing he’s closed them. “It was about Sam. I’m just… worried about him.”
Neither of them say anything for a while. Dean manages to lose himself in the warmth that Castiel provides and almost doesn’t hear it when he speaks again.
“Do you want to sleep with me?”
Dean coughs, choking on air. “What?” He’s half expecting to have just heard the Angel wrong.
“You just had a bad nightmare and physical comfort seems to help you calm down and relax. You can sleep in my bed with me, if you’d like.”
Dean’s throat feels dry. The part of his brain that would be screaming at him to abandon ship is outweighed by his extreme drowsiness and touch starved nature.
If his dad saw him now, he’d probably disown him, but God does it seem appealing. It’s not even a sexy thing, he just… wants someone to be there. Someone he trusts so wholly that he can afford to be off-guard for one night.
“Okay.”
His voice is so quiet, he barely hears it himself. Cas hears him though, and that’s what matters. He slowly peels himself away from Dean and takes his hands, leading him to the adjacent bed.
Castiel climbs in and lightly tugs Dean after him; he moves with Cas like he’s made out of putty. Cas pulls the sheets and blanket over the both of them and half hug/half holds Dean. The thought that they’re basically cuddling crosses his mind, but he shoves the thought away.
Dean clings to him like a baby koala, gripping at his shoulder and pressing his head against Cas’ chest. It feels like he’s in an immutable cocoon of warmth and comfort and Dean wouldn’t give this up for anything.
Cas runs a hand through his hair. Dean’s asleep in less than half an hour.